Find the One That This 'I' Represents - 13th March 2018
Saar (Essence)
Ananta guides seekers to recognize their unchanging, original self that persists beyond the waking and sleep states. He emphasizes that suffering arises only through the pretense of a limited identity and the belief in mental distinctions.
The troublemaker is the mind starting to make distinctions where there are none.
You are as much a pretense as if you were to pretend to be King Arthur right now.
Nothing which is false has survived this moment; in this moment, you are a newborn baby.
intimate
Transcript
This transcript is auto-generated and may contain errors.
Welcome to satsang. To Guru Sri Mooji Baba, pranam. In the deep sleep state, how many problems did you have? Let's assume that everybody slept last night, even if it was for a bit. If it was five minutes in that, you see, all the problems were gone. In fact, everything was gone. Everything was gone. You might even feel that even 'I' was gone. But you—the ultimate you, the absolute you, which is the unchanging—must have been there. You will see that everything was gone, so although everything was gone, there was something which is not a thing. That is your original Self, uncontaminated 'I', your reality. It is unchanging, and that is very important to see. That means that even when the waking state came, you, that unchanging Self, remained the same. Otherwise, we will not call it unchanging; you will call it the changing.
That awareness that knew that everything is gone now is aware, but something is here. What is that something? What wakes up? Then 'I' wake up. What does it mean? You were there to see the contrast between sleep and waking state, and yet something... this is what we call the dynamic aspect. So 'I' now claim is 'I am'. Since 'I am' normally speaks, so when we do just 'I', no... and when you wake up, it is the sense 'I am'. What trouble is there that very instant before the first thought is born? It is not there. Then what's going to happen? This play of appearances starts to dance. There is a room that could give other people the sensation of the body, visual perception, emotion, sensation. Still no trouble. Actually, the troublemaker is just getting started. The troublemaker exists, wants to get started. Mr. Mind starts to say... what does it actually do? It starts by making distinctions. Appearances are just appearances, but in the appearances, it starts to say there is a 'you', no, there is 'me' and there is 'outside of me'.
The appearance itself is not forcing any distinction, you see. It is not creating a concept of 'me'. Appearances... this body is as much part of the appearance as every other appearance. The appearance is being perceived, and yet this distinction, this duality, this separation has not yet come. So when Brahman says that the trouble is 'I am something'—that you consider yourself to be individualized or limited as something—that is the source of trouble. What does that actually mean? But actually, if there was no distinction being made between anything at all, can you feel your problem? Without the distinction, there has to be a 'me' and 'another'. There has to be a 'me' who suffers. And sometimes we leave these terms to draw... make suffering. We will go to God's name, then it feels like a very generic abstract. So if you keep the sensation of pain aside, what do we actually mean by suffering? We want to look at the times that support seemingly, and can you point out what is that? I can start you off. An appearance, but something that you had some concepts about, and you felt like it should not be the way it should have been. Or put it simply: somebody did something you didn't like. So then there is resentment, varying degrees. But for all of this to happen, this resentment to come, these dreams to come, there must have been a 'me' and there must have been 'another'. We did make that distinction.
So now, could you have a grievance now? Could you do the same? And notice that I am not talking about a sensational quality called anger that can arise on its own, but like everything that arises, it can also pass. But you cannot make resentment out of anger or the grievance out of anger unless you make a meaning or you make the pretense. So for me, what about the layer of suffering? I want to be explosive, but I mean... so elite specialist resisting anything, resisting emotions. So if you look at all of these, what you find at the center of them? Identity. An identity. But you find this identity... do you find somebody who's actually there? Do you find the 'me' activity that is entitled to hold... we use to define the self-righteous one? You can find the special one, the guilty one. It's like if you were pretending to be King Arthur or something. This morning you woke up, that's it. It may be a good idea to pretend to be King Arthur, and you believe a lot of things about the Knights of the Round Table and then appear in all of this story. 'Now I'm the King of England.' Are you really? Yeah, we are good that this capacity to pretend is there. All of us can pretend that we are that. It might seem unbelievable initially. If you really practice, you can pick up the pretense of any character.
So what is being revealed to you in satsang is the pretense of that which you have believed to be your character. That which has a name, which is form, that which has a body form, which is supposedly your one. But this one is as much a pretense as if you were to pretend to be King Arthur right now. And those who are open to this discovery, open to this discovery, then it's very simple to verify. It is not the verification of this which is tough; it is the fear of losing this identity that both will have become by... loses the fear of dissolution of this identity which can seem to be more resistant, stronger resistance. Right now, you cannot find the one that wants anything at all. You cannot even find the one that wanted to come to satsang, the one that wants freedom. You can look at the body. This one wanted to get freedom? This one didn't. So then who did?
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Now okay, this ocean, look at the sea. All the examples, metaphors that we use are just to show you that that which you consider yourself to be, or have considered yourself to be, is not your full. And you don't have to figure this out. You don't have to solve it like an equation. You will not come to the truth of your reality, for me, A squared plus B squared, because those little intellectually inclined... if I can put intangible and something intangible together, that will lead me to the supreme. This is not it. It is much simpler than that. If you will not go with any concept about yourself, do not label any experience for just a moment. What are you here and now? No answer is needed, just looking. Where is the one that has that name?
When you say 'I', find the one that this 'I' represents. Are you representing this one set of perceptions? Who is the 'I' representing? Let me invite you to a truth, isn't it? But all of you have to follow along. Children, including too much... what this 'I' is. Nothing so far. Do you read just one set of perceptions, this body, as 'I'? Now become a little more inclusive. Every body that you see, include that. Only one label, 'I', for all things or all bodies. Now as 'I', all other objects that you perceive also in the same 'I'. Every object, every body, everything that you could see, include in 'I'. Now include all through the space in which these objects are appearing. This space is also just perceived by you. Include this one.
That very existence now, that very existence 'I am', which includes this field and all the objects with you. Between this 'I', won't make any distinction, nor interpretation. Now this is very beautiful. Look. Is there something that is aware of all of this, including existence? This awareness is empty of all qualities. It's empty of all concepts of space and time. Ignore this one and 'I'. And the mean... ladies, youthfulness, loving, all these come away from me.
As you have already seen, the movement of appearances does not stop. The supreme intelligence which is within your heart, your breath's function, is the light which gives power to all of these phenomena. Users the million forces of gravity, light, sound—they continue. This life belongs to this supreme intelligence. This Being is experiencing itself in all of these manifest appearances. We are now the movement of this body and of all bodies. This life can you swing in the breeze? No competition. This is your formless existence. In the content of any position that you could see and feel, intuition and not lose. Thank you for that. Many other voices, you know, there is no 'me', 'my', 'tomorrow', 'past' in the future. And all of this is naturally present in this moment. What is true is here. God is here. We can think that God is just this body, just like the ocean pretending that it has veiled itself in a coconut. You are there from which all things come. You are not dependent on anything.
Next, not-doership. Is that also not true? I said earlier that doership and non-doership, we can simply forget about both monsters. But what was the one that we applied these concepts to? We said 'I have to do'. You apply that to the body, that 'I individually or personally, this body-mind organism is the doer'. Then when 'I am not a doer', who is that applied to? The same body-mind organism, but still retain the identity. I come to this switching position, but the 'I' has been able to see the pretend one. 'I am the doer' or 'I am not the doer'. To take a more Advaita position: 'I am not the doer'. And yet it is full of duality, it is pollution. Who is still considering yourself to be something separate? This body-mind. So as the doer or not the doer, it is not applicable because you are not this limited entity. As you find the greater truth about yourself, which is that you are the Self of which even this consciousness is the dynamic aspect, which is the aspect, then you might one day come to say, 'But I am the one doer'. That aspect is a little over the first to see that both doership and non-doership, they are not applicable because this person itself is mythical.
So going back to the example we were using: you believe yourself to be King Arthur. But now you come to ask, or you come to Advaita: 'Wait a second, I am here, but you are not the doer'. Yes, King Arthur is not the doer. The sword moves, the greater force is moving it. It is true. But you might still consider yourself to be this limited one. So when King Arthur loses the battle, you will not like the greater power. Get into this victim mindset: 'Oh Lord, you are the one who... why you do this to me?' Extreme receives some desire about yourself. You might still feel the powerless victim at the hands of a greater force. So great, forget it. Like what you want, that if I work a lot, if you will see that both doership and non-doership, both monsters... because the doing itself is a thought. I said what that which is the source of all things, or they there for you to accept or announce? None of this.
What I'm saying is completely apparent to you as you empty of any notion about yourself. What makes the wheel turn? Notions go away. What value is gone? All notions go away. Actually, in this moment, all is gone. What of what you have, you lost? That existence is here. Still exists. As long as existence is here, clear for levels of entities. These words are being spoken. There is no individual speaking. There is no actual Ananta sitting here speaking these words. Inside the movements to be the player of this world is perceived. The speaking of these words is happening just like the hearing of these words. But as awareness, everything is happening or nothing is happening. There is also no doer. There is no... when we stay as awareness, everything is happening or nothing is happening. There is also no true doership. It's not exactly that fancy. They don't recover distinction, and you remain as the Self. Then you see there's one way to say it is that everything is happening and I'm not. The other way to say it, for the reality of you, that which is aware, you will not... your existence, nothing has ever happened either. So there, everything is happening in the light of your existence, or you are that which is aware even of this existence, but nothing has ever happened. In either case, there is no space or room for the concept of individual doership. And the best news is that you don't even have to try and stay as awareness, because this can have another connotation to that: 'I have to keep my attention on awareness'. In fact...
The reality of you, that which is aware, you will not lose your existence. Nothing has ever happened. Either everything is happening in the light of your existence, or you are that which is aware even of this existence, but nothing has ever happened in either case. There is no space or room for the concept of an individual person. And the best news is that you don't even have to try and stay as awareness, because this can have another connotation: that 'I have to keep my attention on awareness.' In fact, you cannot leave awareness. It is like saying, 'I'm going to try and stay on Earth.' But you live on Earth whether you want it or not. So, this instruction to remain as awareness, or stay as awareness, or abide in awareness—what they actually mean is: don't pick up a pretense about yourself. Don't believe something about yourself which is not true.
You see, otherwise, to stay in awareness would sound like an instruction which is just like, 'Just make sure you don't die.' The instruction would even seem absurd in that way. But I know that as a spiritual seeker, these kinds of instructions used to cause a lot of frustration. Here is the same awareness for those for whom it is not natural to keep attention pulled in this way. And I feel that with most of us, this kind of searching could feel like, 'Oh, my job was to keep attention on awareness, but now I looked at that cup of coffee.' No! Freedom is not that at all. Attention is there; attention can move about. Wherever it lands, it cannot leave yourself. It cannot leave awareness.
Yes, I see. It's like a dog on a leash. If I do everything, also, I think you could stay connected to this. So, it's pressing me, following me in such a bad way, which I suspect the force will be in control, attached.
As long as you are picking up the pretense of the forms, it is there. Even if you pick up the pretense of the forms, it is all gone now, you see? So, there is no room to pick up guilt about, 'Oh, I picked up the pretense of the forms.' So what? Nothing is needed because nothing which is false has survived this moment. This is the best news: that if this is already true from today, it is nothing that is false that has survived this moment. In this moment, you are like a newborn baby, devoid of all concepts, in your well-being, shining as the greatest Being, the One Being in the light of which this entire universe is appearing and disappearing. You are that. And yet, you judge yourself. If you pick up any concepts about it, this person, in this very Being, will pretend as if it is a limited person. In spite of all the pretense, it has always been the Supreme Lord. If you want to meet the Supreme, if you want to meet Krishna, Jesus, first meet yourself without any judgment, because you are so intimate that the concept of meeting is no longer valid. Then tell me whether you found God or not.
Now, let's look at the last question for today: 'I want freedom, freedom from attachment from my mind. If I let my attention have freedom, then what will bring me closer to myself?' You identified the problem directly: freedom from the mind. We can tell you, you have freedom from the mind now, in this moment. You read what the mind is going to say about this. Now, if you just let go of what the mind has to say about this, can you all see? But you might say that the mind is too powerful. 'Oh, what do I do?' And for this, that is why you need to go into inquiry like this. You might have this question: 'So, if this mind is too powerful, then neither am I free right now.' I see this, but in the next moment, a big emotion or thought about myself which is from the mind comes. I know this is the trouble. So, what can I do about this?
Now, in something like this, there are two main pieces of advice for the same problem, depending on your temperament. You can pick either or both. When the thought comes and says, 'I'm not free,' and what is it in you that feels it, you use that thought as fuel for your self-inquiry. See, the mind is saying, 'I am not free yet.' Who is this 'I' that is not free? Inquire into this question and rely on your insight. 'I am the one that witnesses this thought. I am the one that is aware of even this perception.' You will see that there is nobody here who is not free. And in that recognition, this thought, when it comes next time, will have less power. But if it still seems sticky, you can inquire into it until this thought becomes laughable. Inquire into the nature of this 'I' who is free or not free until the thought which has been able to push our buttons now becomes laughable. This is one way: through self-inquiry.
The second is that if you have a more devotional temperament, then when the thought comes saying, 'I am not free,' you say, 'But this is also my Master's problem. Let him deal with it. What do I have to do with this?' This is the letting go of surrender. The thing is for you to manage all things that are for this person. This one statement like 'Guru Kripa Kevalam,' which is 'the grace of the Master is enough,' then no notion can stick to the 'I am.' It remains 'I am' without attaching to 'I am something.' If the mind is offered, then whatever construction you choose to follow, you will come to this point where everything from the mind, or most signals from the mind, will be allowed to just come and go. The belief is divested from these thoughts. You will find that they are not so compelling to your attention.
I know some will say self-inquiry or surrender appeals to them. Otherwise, you're going to get a moment later back in the struggle. Now, which is more attention? Truly, spiritual practices are there which are about trying to control attention. Well, in this life, there are not too many. I have not met too many who succeeded, and in that, it is like naughty monkeys. So, when you say, 'Let me not bring my attention to a banana,' you see more bananas. Which works? Because you don't believe you're a banana. Based on your heart, based on what gives you the most peace, walk on that path. If you see that you have never left the destination, you have always been this, so follow that which gives you the most peace because it is the truth. Thank you all so much for joining today. Om Shanti Shanti Shanti. Mooji Baba Ki Jai.