Fearless Abandonment in God - 30th January 2026

So we have to be a little careful, all of these things, what we conclude. Like what was the Kurt Cobain quote?

It's better to burn out than to fade away.

That was in a suicide note.

So that may not be the thing to emulate. I'm with you. We'll walk through this together. We'll see. Let's not rush into this one.

I was just sharing something, you know. I like when you get—I guess it's normal that there are days when one is very deeply in the presence and then there are days that somehow one is some steps removed and distant. And um, I noticed one thing that, you know, on the days when I am tuned in, I can sit the whole day doing nothing and it doesn't feel like nothing. It feels like the most amazing day I've had, like so blessed. And if any call or anything comes, it seems to find a solution in the easiest way because I'm so—I don't know how, but the work gets done in half an hour and the day is this wonderful event, really. And then the day that it's a little—I mean, when I'm far, I feel the first emotion that I've noticed that I pick up on even before I realize that I'm not quite there, it's a sense of, 'What am I going to do today?'

Ah, yes.

Like, and you know, like, 'I must do something.' And do in the sense of not pray or inquire. No, no. Like get something. I mean, you know, the world.

Yes, I know this.

And so, and now I've become very careful because on those days, like previously, I would start a new venture or lay the foundation of something like super exciting and then I find that then, because on this path very soon it seems like, 'Oh my god, what is that?' I started like, for heaven's sakes. And then I filter myself or join a book club or something and then I'll say, 'I really don't want to go to that.' So I'm like finding that on those days, what would be the right way to deal with these kind of feelings? Because you know, if you go out and you start putting out all these steps to get going, you can't just leave them half because all of them involve someone else.

So don't involve anyone else for now. Sorry, it just came like that to say because I can relate to this. I can relate to this because I was going to say that the path is not just narrow, it's also a roller coaster. No? So you have these days which we feel so much in God's love and light, you see, and there are these days when we feel so distant from that. So we have to ride out that roller coaster. Now you have to check if this correlation is true. You see, because sometimes the mind also makes false correlation. That the correlation is true that only when I'm distant from him do I get into this wanting to do and wanting to this thing—that may not be true. Sometimes he provides the energy for us to exert something in this world and make it unfold. And I feel like this life as a householder life is very representative of that because I had two young children and a wife and all of these things to manage in my life. And by his grace, he always provided the right amount of energy needed, the right inspiration, you see. And with that inspiration and energy, something in this Maya thing got played out and the family responsibility, so far by God's grace, we've not had to struggle on that front. So be vigilant towards whether it is from God's inspiration, God's light, because he is the one who provides the life force for us to even move. Now in my case—and that may not be the same as your case—but in my case, that comes in spurts. You see, it comes in spurts, but we must not look at the spurts as a bad thing. We can look at them symphonically, like sometimes the silence is needed, sometimes something is growing and then you see. But if the mind takes on that idea and says, 'You know, let's do something out of this,' then we start to—then okay, who else, what, what, like that. Then it becomes, you see. So allow the very one who gave the inspiration, who gave the initial energy, also to move that, you see. So the other day, like I've been working on some things, and the other day it just came when I was talking to one that, 'Do you want to work on this together?' You see, I had no plan of doing that, but just I knew it was coming from the right place, so I just went ahead with that. So unless you're sure that it's coming from there, then you must not involve others because then if our energy goes away... In my case also, I'm talking so much about my—so keep quiet soon—but Aminder, who I knew because he worked with my father's company, he was looking for a job. So then I had something available because all this work was happening, but I told him that my main thing in life is spirituality. I may just go to Tiruvannamalai and not come back tomorrow. So don't count on this, the fact that I'm involving you, but know that it could be something that you may have to do by yourself if you want to, or we can just leave it. So if you're looking for something which is that unpredictable and you won't feel like it's a betrayal, then please look at this. Because by then I'd seen my flow, how it happened, and in spite of that, we worked on that together for eight years. But it was, I feel, by God's grace, it was fair to tell him in advance that this could be how it moves. So, so just slowly, slowly, heartfelt, you see. Then what happens is you notice that one move from the heart can be—we say, no? So it is 100 hammer blows of a goldsmith, then one hammer blow of an ironsmith is more than those 100 blows of the goldsmith. So the mind just plans and tactics and strategies, all of that, but the heart comes in one shot, it can do all of that. So we must not also blame ourselves if no energy is coming and we were so excited about something a few days back. Then we just have to patiently wait and be with God and see if he provides more of that. So we have to offer that whole thing to God himself. And I have to say that 51 years almost, he has always taken care. In this life, he's always taken care, always. There have been some scary moments which shook my faith, but I returned to that faith and he took care. So two things: don't always presume that if the work energy is coming, it must be coming from distance from God. It could be. But I'm saying that let's not just presume that. It could be from the higher place as well. And secondly, that every step we take then must be from that because the mind would like to do a takeover job of that idea and make its own way out of it. Then we must not let that happen. You see, the beauty of coming to Atma Darshan, coming to Atma Gyan, you see, or even to be on the path, is that it provides worldly as well as inwardly inspiration. We are not lost in the world if you are with the Atma. The spirit also guides us outwardly and inwardly. When we feel that, 'Oh, now it's time for me to take over,' that is when the trouble starts. And that temptation is there. That temptation comes from, 'Okay, now, now what?' Now everybody will ask you, 'But you did that, you started that. What's happening with that?' You see, all this pressure comes and we must not take that on. See, God only started it. God only will move it forward. I'm just the instrument. And that's sometimes scary because we don't want to look like—in the world's eyes, this is escapism and foolishness. So we don't want to look like we're doing that. And somewhere our own mind pushes us and says, 'See, now you're just being an escapist,' or things like this. And on the other hand, it also oppresses us by saying, 'See, you're leaving God and doing all this.' It only causes the duality, no? And then that duality causes all the suffering. So we must—if God is with us, then we have nothing to worry how he uses this instrument in the outer world, in its inner life, it all belongs to him alone. Thank you. It's helpful like that, otherwise it can be very confusing. It is a roller coaster. It is there. No sage has said that my journey to God was so linear, started and this is easy. God gave some nice pointers that in terms of what the guise or the disguise of spiritual Maya looks like. One example of that came as even Ravana dressed up as a sadhu, as a sage, to kidnap Ma Sita. So, but that's I feel very worth diving into that whole story.

Thank you. It's helpful like that; otherwise, it can be very confusing. It is a roller coaster. It is there. No sage has said that my journey to God was so linear—started and this is easy. God gave some nice pointers that in terms of what the guise or the disguise of spiritual Maya looks like. What was that in?

Well, one example of that came as even Ravan dressed up as a sadhu, as a sage, to kidnap Sita Ji. So, but that's I feel very worth diving into that whole story.

You see, because there are many opportunities to be spiritual in the world. You see, but when the attachment is to the world, then it's not really spirituality. So the test is: does this really have to do with spirit? If it doesn't have to do with spirit, how is it spirituality? So then if you really look, you will find that how much talk of spirituality is there in the world and how much real spirituality is in the world—those two things may be very different, isn't it?

When you notice the attachment—I'm just repeating—then what should we do? We should offer it to God. Surrender it to God. Say that, 'I notice that Maya is tempting me with this attachment. Please heal me from this. Take this from me. Please take care of this, God.' Or we inquire into who wants that. Is there such a one? There are these—sorry, this may be a bit of a digression—but there are these potent questions, real questions, but outside the scope of the mind-intellect's capacity. Those questions are really valuable.

Now, some questions like this—'Who am I?', 'Why am I here?'—these kind of questions are naturally potent that anybody can ask them. But I love the way the Zen masters did it. You see, they provided questions which became potent because they came from the master. Otherwise, who wants to know the sound of one hand clapping? Anybody wants to know about that? He very clearly said, 'Why did Bodhidharma go to the East?' Anybody wants to know that answer? No. But once your teacher gives it to you, then he provides the potency. So he says you must solve this problem. 'How will the goose escape the bottle?' Who cares? You see, but once it comes from the master, then you feel like, you see, now you will be free once you answer this question, and that's all you're meant to focus on.

And if you have trust in the master, if you're devoted to the master, then he provides a potency to these questions, you see. And then we dwell on them and we find the answer. But we don't find the answer in the mind-intellect. So the mind resists with all kinds of things. 'Yeah, we've done this, all kind of things.' 'But there is no answer, there is no go, there is no was, nothing has ever happened.' All these answers will come and the teacher just keeps saying, 'Not finding the right answer.' So very important, these questions can be very helpful. But there's some natural questions also like, 'What is love?', 'What is goodness?', 'What is kindness?' All these kind of questions take us right to the source of the matter, or we just remember God, take the name of God with as much of ourselves on offer as possible in that moment. So the medicine is there. Which one are we taking is the question. Medicine thing.

Yeah, I was suddenly thinking that, you know, I think the reason when you delay taking the medicine, honestly, is that you're not really feeling so ill. It's only when you're really tired, really searching, really wanting, and it's beyond any conversation or debate that the medicine gets taken.

Yes. How come? That's worth exploring. Like if we have a small cut on our finger, we'll put the band-aid. You see, but this medicine of God, or God's name, or turning to God, Atma—why does it have to become, why does Maya have to become so searingly hot for us to turn towards God? Maybe so that's worth exploring, that it must be both a push and pull. Like if I turn inwards, then what am I letting go of? You see, if it was no risk, like putting a band-aid, then no problem, we would take it.

So what do we feel like we would be giving up? And this is very primal. It's very primal. Like some of you saw, a child doesn't give up things in his mouth that easily even though somewhere he must be knowing that if we are telling him, we must have his best interest in heart. You see, but he doesn't give it up that easily. We don't give up this world that easily. We want to make it in this world. Even if spirituality is the way to do it, we don't turn away from it and towards God that easily. That's why the spiritual disguises work better. 'Come be spiritual. You'll become very productive. Become spiritual so that you will not have stress. So you can just work all that you want. Make all the money, get the perfect relationship, have a healthy body.' All of these things, you see, what does any of that have to do with spirit? Nothing.

So he said the other day, the automotive engineer is only doing food reviews, then how is he an automotive engineer? You see, if in the guise of spirituality we are only getting stuck in Maya more and more, or taking up offers to grow in Maya more and more, not guided by spirit, not led by God, then how is that spirituality? Father, it's always—is it working?

Yeah. Always in my mind, just I want to be the best, the whatever the field is, whatever the field is, whatever the best spiritual, best person, most beautiful, most everything. What is this? And I know everything better than everyone else. This is always here and judging everything.

Yeah. So that is the mind. That is the one that offers us pride always. It is not the spirit. It is not the Atma that offers us pride. So once you see that, what do you feel like? Like if you feel the courage to expose, what do you feel you are the best at? Like the most best at, bestest at?

Actually, when you ask like this, nothing. I don't know. Like that. I'm not good at particularly anything, but the mind always proposes like—yes, do you feel that? I've asked all of them and you've heard me ask. Let's see. Most everything, everything so sweet. Also the opposite, also most prideful it says, also everything. It says that also.

Yes. Do you feel like you're more humble than 50% of this room?

It's no way to know this. Huh? What do you feel? I don't feel anything. I'm ashamed now.

No, no, don't. Not possible. We're just talking about things that the mind offers us. All of us feel some way we are better than everyone else. No, all of us feel like everyone is the main protagonist of their story. Yes. Absolutely. Now, if they did not feel like they are the best, then why would they waste their whole story on this one? You see, if there was a better one in their lives, they would make the story about them. No.

So the path of devotion is that path where we find that God is here and in every way He is better than us. So then He becomes the main protagonist of our story, and then because we are praying, because we are inquiring, we have the insight that His magnificence is so much and what we take ourselves to be is not comparable at all. You see, then our pride starts to get washed away, washed away, washed away.

You see, now if somebody was really proud, they would not be able to make that report which you made. Okay, now don't become proud about that, but really it is not possible. If somebody's really proud, they are sitting happy in their pride; they're not feeling at all that something is wrong. You see, so when humility is coming into our heart, we start to notice our pride more and more. This is—I'm very happy that you're noticing that. That means that we start to notice.

And the job of prayer is to humble us also. It is to bless our heart. It is to guide us. It is to make us free from fear, but it also leaves us humble. We were saying in satsang the other day that nobody comes out of a true prayer feeling like they are the king of the world. Okay? They come with—they go hopefully go into prayer, but definitely come out of prayer also with head bowed down because if even one moment of prayer was genuine, then we see His magnificence or we get a taste in our heart of His magnificence, and then that leaves no room for us to feel like we are something special.

And is this moment to moment, Father? Yes, because one moment mind can come and then I can surrender. Is it like always moment to moment?

It's always moment to moment. It's always this whole game of Maya and Atma. This whole game of mind and Atma is played moment to moment. So mind or heart loves. So just turn toward the heart's love moment to moment. Then we sometimes—like when we first came into spirituality, at least in my case, I first noticed how noisy my mind is when I first came into spirituality. I didn't realize it before that, you see. So what happened? Did my mind suddenly become noisy because I came into spirituality? No. It felt like that. You see, but it was just that we are noticing it more.

Now, what is happening is because you're falling in love with God, you're noticing all these things which will be thrown out. You see, they'll all be thrown out. So, you're noticing all of these things. The best way to look at them is that they are leaving. They are not coming.

They are leaving some years. They didn't leave. Still living.

How many years did they take to come? So, and we don't know, maybe lifetimes. This is maybe lifetimes. So sometimes it takes years, and that it takes years, that's what I was trying to tell Shiv also, that sometimes it's also His mercy that it takes years because we are not strong enough for it to be like that. You see, if it all came up in front of us to be ejected out in one shot, you see, the mind could itself—it's not that the mind has lost its intention to keep us trapped. So when all of this comes at one shot, then the mind will say that, 'What's happening to you? This is too much. I can't take it anymore. Stop the spiritual business.' You see?

So sometimes it's also mercy that it leaves us slowly over years. Could we take it if it was leaving all—like my pride is here, my grasping is here, my selfishness is here, everything is here—if it all came at one shot, could we even deal with that? So in His utmost kindness and mercy, He also allows us to deepen into it, you know, beautiful slow cooking sometimes. So we must not, like, to recognize that we are slow learners is also in some way to recognize His mercy on us. Okay? It can seem contradictory. It can seem contradictory that, 'Oh, but I learn so slowly,' on some like big enlightenment experience or something like that where everything is taken away.

You see, but we know many cases when an awakening experience happens and the mind just takes it on and makes us feel completely crazy. We don't want that. So we must trust His grace to decide what is the pace that we can actually manage. He is not going to let you suffer for one moment more than what is needed for you to grow. You see, it's like any parent will not say, 'Oh, let that child suffer a little more. It's fun.' So He loves us much more than that. So we must just trust that whatever He decides is the right pace is happening to us. Just one second.

Nope. That measurement and Maya in terms of how seductive the process is, Father. Um, I cycle a lot. Used to cycle a lot early in the morning at around 5:00 on the outturning road, and I used to do it surely for the joy of, a) the early morning, b) exercise, c) just the feeling of the wind in the hair and very just a nice experience to start the morning with. Then a friend of mine told me, 'Hey, there's this beautiful app, Strava.' Yeah. 'You download it and it will show you the route and all that.' So that was innocent enough. I was curious. Okay, this is how many kilometers. Then after day three or four it says, 'Oh, you are number three on this route.' Yeah. 'You are third highest in terms of speed on third.' Yeah. So then I said, 'Oh, maybe I can pedal fast.' Yeah. In two, three months I was just obsessed with the stats.

Then a friend of mine told me, 'Hey, there's this beautiful app, Strava.' Yeah, you download it and it will show you the route and all that. So that was innocent enough. I was curious. Okay, this is how many kilometers. Then after day three or four it says, 'Oh, you are number three on this route.' Uh, you are third highest in terms of speed on third. Yeah. So then I said, 'Oh, maybe I can pedal fast.' In two, three months I was just obsessed with the stats. Oh, I had forgotten the wind on the face, the joy of being on the bike. Deleted the app, and...

So this measurement is just so, so, so seductive and everything out in the digital world is trying to get you. See, now the thing is that if nobody was interested in the app, you see, then the engagement would not happen on the app if it was not like somewhere in our egoic design to keep track of, you know, this whole number one thing. Like she's saying, to get to number one and three feels good, no? Because three is like a little more and I could get to one, you see. So then that is—I don't know whether it's actually three or the app design says to everyone, 'You're third on this route.' You may be the only user, I don't know if you can see the others, but it won't be past them to say to everyone, 'You're third on this' because they must have found the right number to say so that that increases the usage. Almost maybe Strava is an ethical company, but they know that these are the buttons that can be pushed.

And then like, as you say, like after a deep prayer, it's not possible to not be feeling that. It is probably because the magnificence of the Divine you are touched by that actually is like the loss of the separate self for whatever brief may be. Because as long as there is me, there is that, as you say, that the person's the center of anybody's universe is themselves. If you have a self and you are a person, whatever you may do, you are the center of your universe, right? And so you may decide—we'll talk more about that, but please—so you can say that then Sonali, now she should be humble. Suppose I say you should be humble now, you're not very humble, you think you're so brainy. So you better now cultivate some quality. So but this we all try, we fail. I mean, we do everything, we do some of course.

What?

It's a very important question, it's very, very good. So we somehow the sages have always told us about these virtues of humility, devotion, kindness, compassion. And as you rightly said, when we try to do it, it becomes very convoluted. You see, so the way to do it is to recognize that these are the side effects of God's presence. So they're very beautiful in that way because the mind has a beautiful way of also fooling us to the extent of our prayer, to the extent of our insight, you see. But if we find ourselves being just very rude to people around us, you see, then we start to really notice and to say, 'Am I really living in God's presence really?' But otherwise for us with our limited mind, intellect, how do we know that kindness is better? How do we know that truth is better than lies? You see, we don't know. Somehow it seems to be universal. But it's not somehow. It is because that one sitting in our heart decides the main texture of this life anyway.

Even if you don't turn to it, even a child will feel guilty. 'I spoke a lie today in school.' So where does that come from? So in the same way, humility grows as a side effect of God's presence. But to notice it, to notice pride in ourselves, should then become not a way of living in a guilty way but a way of offering it to God. We get shown as to what can be offered to God, what can be inquired into. You see, so then that helps. So another way of saying this is that all of this grows in God's strength and not in our strength. If you're trying to do any of this in our strength, it's only going to become strange and convoluted. So that's why I said the godless spirituality doesn't work. It just doesn't work. Like we may say, we just believe in human values as a spiritual movement. You see, very good intention, I'm not doubting that. You see, but if they sincerely try to grow in human values, they will find that it is by being with God that that growth happens. You see, otherwise pride just keeps getting a hold of it. 'Oh, now I've given my life to human values. Now this is what I'm doing, trying to spread human value.' Like that, that 'me' can keep growing like you said.

You see, so the god-full spirituality is when all of this is offered to God and only He does that. So then our pride does not grow. Now you said that as long as there's a 'me' it will be the center of the narrative. You see, now only one beautiful exception to that, which is the life of a bhakta. You see, it is the life of a bhakta, and every jnani is a bhakta because there is no jnani who is fully empty of the 'me'. You see, because at least that tiny matra worth of ego still remains, and the only safe refuge for that ego that still remains is at God's feet. And that's why many jnanis, many bhaktas also, but many jnanis get into trouble because then that little 'me' which still—pesky thing—still hangs around, that starts to take the position of godliness. Yes. You see, so the only safe refuge for that one is at God's feet as the servitude of God. In the servitude of God, these are very—this path, spiritual path, is full of landmines. Maya puts obstacles everywhere, like every route turns back to Maya. You see, the road is narrow, roller coaster, and every attractive route, no, say 'Take this highway, it'll take you faster, take this,' you see, it all turns back to mind. So we just have to keep our eyes on God so much, you see, so much, not to get diverted.

Because this light is—I'm not saying that if you take that turn to Maya, which we all do every day, you see, then there's no coming back. There is also coming back. God is merciful, so He sends us inspiration, He sends us remembrance in His heart. One of the Swamis, maybe Ramdas, said that when it seems like suddenly out of nowhere we remember Him, maybe Kabir Ji said, suddenly out of nowhere we remember Him, just look at it like He is remembering you. See, so your beloved is remembering you. You turn towards Him. Take the position of...

Yes. And take the mic. So that little bit may take the position of godliness. And so is the antidote to that—if I understand you correctly—is the antidote to that to take the position of the one at God's feet?

Yes. That is the only refuge, the only safe position is to take yourself to be truly the humble beggar servant of God. It's a little bit like playing the game in a way. In a way. In a way. Like even this, like if I can build a movie around the humble beggar servant of God, starring the humble beggar servant of God. You can imagine a movie like that. So it's the—what is the word for bhava? It is the sense, it is the feeling in our heart which I'm talking about. You see, if it becomes like too strong a position, then we can feel like, 'I am just a humble beggar servant of God. I am just...' We hardly talk about God, just talk about what a humble beggar servant of God we are, then again trouble. So there's trouble everywhere. That is why it is said the lane is narrow. God, God, God, God, God, God, God. So if you stay in God's presence, then this narrow lane seems wide enough.

The narrow lane seems wide enough. See, once we start looking at its texture, like we start evaluating it, it seems like very narrow. It can happen like, okay, so if you were like sharing satsang few years back, 'You are That, I am That, I am That, I am just That which is the birthing place of consciousness itself, That I am.' You now say it a hundred times from your heart. The hundred and first time the question comes and you just rush to your mind and say, 'But I am That.' You see, you're no longer referring to reality. You've taken it on to yourself, reverting back to the memory of the answer that worked. It can be as simple as that which makes a groove, like a condition which makes me start to believe that I am That.

But then again I ask you something I asked before. How can one with so much light be caught in that?

Caught in that? It's um, look at most scriptural stories, histories in Indian spirituality. We are full of the greatest sages becoming caught in pride. Look at most biblical stories, they are about pride. So you feel God is trying to tell us something. So the feeling here is to just keep pointing out this tendency. So because I have a lot of tendency to go towards pride, so just keep reminding myself firstly and to try and strike a blow at Maya in this way that maybe it helps, maybe it helps someone somewhere.

Have you, because of this, because of observing this more deeply, started to pray more, started to actively pray more?

I don't know what led to what. I don't know what led to what. I just like the double helix of the DNA. Yeah. So I don't know which one led to the other one, but primarily I do see that both the capacity for pride here and the propensity to go towards pride, as well as the temptations of pride which I've fallen for so many times in my life. You know the danger, this itself, the danger is this itself, like 'I'm looking at my pride, I am noticing my breath.' So the only refuge is God. God.

I think I told you this before too, but I've noticed in the moments of communion or recognition is where the highest potential for planting a flag is.

Yeah. This is beautiful. Okay. I wanted to say this for Sonali also earlier, that the moments of insight help to clean up our avidya conditions, our grooves as we've been calling them. So in the cleaning up of those grooves, mostly the mind will not just sit by as a silent spectator. It'll provide a new groove of itself as well. So that is where the trouble can come. Spiritual pride is the most oppressive and yet most attractive form of pride because what is on offer? Godliness. The ego becoming godlike and being worshipped is such a tempting form of pride.

Every ego's dream.

Every ego's dream. Yes. Everybody wants to rule the world. You see, what is the—like you may have the biggest amount of money in your bank, you may have the healthiest body, the most beautiful relationship, you see, but none of these things get you to be worshipped. At least not in the most obvious way. They do, but not at least not in the most obvious way. But when you are on a spiritual pedestal, then our brothers and sisters want to worship us. See, now when the teacher starts to take that personally, then that becomes a life where he becomes a servant of the role that he started to play. You see, so instead of a servant of God...

There's always salvation for everyone, right? Grace is always available.

Always, always.

And we don't know.

Yes, grace is always available. But if I already take myself to be godly, then do I need to turn to grace? Do I need to turn to God or spirit in my heart? I am That. So how does that one get saved? Like God sent this inspiration in our heart. We may just wake up one day, we're feeling love for God. Many ways. I don't know how many times He saved me. How many times He saved me? How does He do it? He finds ways, you see, but the slightest turn, slightest turn is what He wants us to make because He will not force a turning.

An opening?

Opening. Yes. A sliver of opening so the light can enter. Our pride makes us very closed. Do prideful people—like we know in our family so many prideful people—do they want to hear a lot of feedback at all? 'Don't tell me, I know. Don't tell me, I know better.' Do we really? Nobody knows Him. Huh? All of us. We just see. We just see for ourselves.

The slightest turn is what He wants us to make because He will not force a turning. An opening, yes, a sliver of opening so the light can enter. Our pride makes us very closed. Do prideful people, like we know in our family, so many prideful people, do they want to hear a lot of feedback at all? 'Don't tell me, I know. Don't tell me, I know better.' Do we really? Nobody knows Him. All of us, we just see for ourselves. So what is the lesson in this for us? The lesson in this for us is not to sit and say, 'The lesson in this is...' That's why I felt like somebody gave me a huge treasure when I heard this orthodox sage say, 'Do you want to know if you're prideful? You cannot know because pride is so hidden, you see, so camouflaged. But one way to know, by God's grace, is to see whether you get angry and irritated.' When I heard that, I was like, it's so obvious and yet he's shown a light on something which is so hidden.

So to put simply, one of you posted—Mira posted today—that another orthodox said, 'Don't get fooled by your fasting and prayer. See how you treat people.' Same thing.

In reference to that quote, like you said, if you're truly praying, then it's actually a virtuous circle. But if you become proud about your fasting and praying, then the reverse happens—that your virtue will not flower so much.

Ah, no. What? Yes, both ways. No, in the sense that the mind creates illusions, delusions about our spirituality. You see, so basically he's saying that you may be falling into pride and delusion about your spirituality. The indication of that is to see.

Now the tricky part is that the times when I've been full of pride, I've never felt like I've treated people badly. The times where I've been full of pride, I never felt I was treating people badly. I felt like I'm doing the right thing. So this irritation and anger is the key because you can't know whether you're treating them well.

In a way, but it could happen now. It could happen in response to any question in Satsang right now that I may get irritated and have justification for that by saying something like, 'Well, his child-like understanding... how many times do they have to be told?' Something, something, whatever makes me right. And then it feels like, no, that pride rule doesn't apply here because in this case, I know I'm right. It's good for them. Is it actually good? You see, they needed to hear that, which may be true because everything is arbitrated through God. Every experience comes through God's will to us, so everything that comes to us in a way is good. You see, so that is fine, but then I am not claiming credit for that. He took my garbage and made it beautiful.

Like the need to justify isn't there if it's truly coming from the heart.

No excuses. You see, and the more heartfelt we become, the more we are able to accept our foolishness. We are able to accept our foolishness.

So Father, this could be really ridiculous, but the way Maya plays or the mind plays, I sometimes judge my godliness by the presence of Maya. For example, you say, 'Oh, if Maya is strong, it means I should be closer to God.' If it's trying too hard today, it tried too hard, so I'm somewhere inside closer to God in that way. And the other way also, right? If the day is good and nothing is happening, health is good, life is good, then it feels like Maya is not trying, so I must be far. Because this can also be like, 'I'm so close to God that Maya can't try.' It could be taken either way. There's no linearity in this.

Try, just try to quantify, judge. So what is the better way to check? Am I in God's presence? Am I in God's presence? Don't try to determine whether you are in Maya's presence or not. If you are trying to determine that, it means you are. So just see if God is here. If God being here seems real to you authentically in your heart—not that, 'Huh, it's real'—only you know He's here, you see. So if you're in faith, then you're not in Maya, you see. But all these things are subtle and there is no single one-line solution I can offer to you. You see, if there was, it would be just published as a poster somewhere and Satsang would be over. Because Kabir Ji said—I haven't said this for a few Satsangs—he said that Maya is the Mahathagini, the greatest con artist.

Sometimes I see that when we start to see the greatness of God, you see that you're so foolish to try to be the best. I'm saying this because I have that big thing in me, like 'I'm the best.' And it's so foolish, and it's so freeing to see from that place that God is so great. It's so freeing that you just are okay being foolish. Like you are truly okay, not a fake okay. You are truly foolish. You know that there is no... I don't know why I'm saying this, but I'm seeing sometimes that when you truly see that you're foolish, then you don't have to keep that position of 'I'm good, I'm great, I'm whatever.' No, it's stupid to actually think that I'm something great or good or whatever.

Beautiful prayer. Surdas said—I'm not hearing the tune—so beautiful. So what is he saying? Such a beautiful prayer. One of the greatest sages. Yeah. That's why I'm saying that so much beauty they had. So he's saying that, 'I have this foolishness. I have this lack of virtue, this lack of love. You, please, in Your mercy, don't pay attention to them. Don't pay attention to them. Don't take them to heart. You are merciful.' You see, what a beautiful, what a sweet prayer. And Surdas is one of the greatest Bhaktas.

And to notice that is not like how the mind notices. Like how in our mind we notice a weakness, then we go into despair or depression. It's not like that. It's like a very freeing place and a true place to see our...

Yes. Yeah. That's a very important point also because hearing words like this in Satsang can make us feel very much in despair, in depression. That is not it. You see, that is what is the Christian saying? The Christians say that if you fall into despair, then the devil wins twice. See, first it makes you like that, and then it says there's no hope for you, you're hopeless. You see, so to notice and then to remember that God is merciful, you see, that gives us God-confidence. That gives us a fearless abandonment in God. Which means that he knows that God is that merciful that He will not take his lack of virtue into account.

I can't have virtue, Father. Like truly, I can't have virtue. I can never be...

All that is good is from Him.

Yeah. So that's what I'm seeing. It's just foolish to try to prove to another, like when I'm defending myself or whatever. It's just foolish of me to do that because I can't be good. I can't have anything good or I can't have done anything good that I'm trying to defend. I am not the creator of any good.

Yeah. He has filled me with goodness because He has filled me with His light. That God-confidence we must have. But we must not take creatorship or ownership over it. It's all in His mercy.

Yeah. A greater foolishness sometimes I see is like, what am I trying to bargain? You know, like keeping my stupid positions and He's offering His whole Self. That's the bargain. And it can seem very true when we are in Maya. So the fight we are fighting for ourselves... and so the words of the Bhajan were that there is nothing mine in me. Whatever is here, nothing is mine in me. All that is here is Yours. All that is here is You. Nothing here belongs to me. All that is here belongs only to You. And He blesses us with holy tears.

Before, when you were talking about anger and irritation, you said that something might come up to cloud the light saying something like, 'Oh, he needed to hear this because of whatever, whatever.' Right. But then you said something else. I wonder if you could clarify. You were saying that could also come from God.

Yeah. Beautiful. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for this question. One of the most beautiful books that I've ever read is in the Bible. It's called the Book of Job. I've spoken about this. So when Satan in the book wants to trouble Job, he has to take God's permission. You know the story. So he says, 'I will prove to you that he is not a true devotee.' So then God says, 'Okay, I allow you to do this, but don't touch this.' Then He says, 'I allow you to do this, but don't touch that.' So now, what may be an expression of pride from here? You see, like when I start Satsang today, I felt, 'I'm not worthy to speak anything about You, God.' But that is not their fault, the ones who've come to hear me. It is not their fault that I am so unworthy. So please, in Your mercy, for their sake, provide the words that may be helpful to them.

So God will only give us that which is good for our growth. So it's so beautiful that it may come from the mind, something may come from another's—so-called another's—mind, another's pride, another's foolishness, but how it is met by us is completely arbitrated by God, converted as grace by God, to put it simplistically. And it is met by us in that will of God. So everything that comes to us is only in the will of God. And still, in that, He allows us the freedom to turn to Him or not. You see, these are things which the mind cannot understand. These are the ways of love. These are the ways of the heart.

So in the example that you were giving before, pride begins when I try to determine what the other one was supposed to hear. Like in that instance of anger, you were giving an example of anger being expressed and then this expression, 'Well, he needed to hear this for whatever, whatever.' So the pride there is in 'I know what they needed to hear,' right?

Yes. And it can also be post-facto rationalization. In that moment, you're so full of ourselves, we're not even bothered about whether it's good for you. You sent me something the other day. We may rationalize it later. We may say whatever. But in that moment, that one was not concerned about that one's best interest. And yet, could that one have benefited from it by God's grace? Yes. And we must pray that that is the case. I know it has broad implications, but that's God's mercy. And things are not so straightforward. Like, all of us are living in our own world anyway, so I may go like that, like that, but in your world, you may be receiving this. I love you, Georgie. You know, I'm so not happy you're going today. It's not as straight a line as we think it is. But just to make it simplistic, we say yes, this one may come from pride, but if it is received by you, it can be received in God's will as grace. Because He would not allow it unless it was grace. He does not allow you to be the recipient of something unless it is grace. Yes.

Okay. Now, should I complicate it more? You also notice that there's another force at play. When one is angry, what do we feel? Resistance. But you also feel anger. If you're sitting in a restaurant—maybe I told somebody this story in the book—that somebody in a restaurant around him was very angry and then he started to feel that anger was coming in for no reason. He couldn't find why that anger was coming. So then it's contagious also. You see many dynamics at play. We just have to hang on so tightly to God's feet.

Could it be also like they needed to hear that, but I'm still prideful when I...

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But pride is also contagious. It's true. Yeah. No, it's fine. Completely fine.

In a restaurant around him, someone was very angry, and then he started to feel that anger was coming in for no reason. He couldn't find why that anger is coming. So then it's contagious also. You see many dynamics at play. We just have to hang on so tightly to God's feet.

Could it be also like they needed to hear that, but I'm still prideful when I—

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But pride is also contagious. How is he? It's true. Yeah. No, it's fine. Completely fine. See what the difference for this is. Take this and put this in the room. They're allowed. You keep it in the other room where he must be having a room. The hospital otherwise, only the ICU. Okay. Just keep this in the room, in his room in your house. Just keep it there when you go. Georgie was saying someone—you was saying something? The Kalias and the name. Some momentum is there. I don't need to break it.

No. Yeah. Um, so anger may appear in all of us and irritation. Anger. Hello. Can you hear me?

Yeah. No. Oh, okay.

Anger, irritation can appear in all of us. And we can even let it play. But if we come to recognize that even if it's later rather than sooner, like you feel less abandonment in God even if it's later than we wish—

Yes.

Then it's okay. No?

Yes. If you're saying that anger, irritation may arise in us and we may not even realize it at that point. Are you saying arise in us or arise for us?

Arise here.

Yeah. Arise, and we can either not realize it or realize it and go with it anyway.

Yes. Yes. Sometimes we do that in the righteousness.

Yeah. Like, "I know Father said don't get angry, but I cannot not get angry right now because in this case I am right." Yeah, that's like underlying there. Yeah, that "I am right" then overrides it. It overrides the words of the sages, the words of what we know to be true in our heart—the idea that "I am right." Yeah, it can even feel like an energy that we cannot stop. But when we realize and then we continue, mostly it is backed up with the idea of righteousness. Like, I don't feel anyone can hold it up for too long unless they keep reinforcing the "but I am right, but I am right." You see, if you notice even the slightest scope that you could be wrong, I feel that you will not be able to keep up the anger, the irritation.

Now the thing is, there is nothing that we can encapsulate in a concept which we can say that "this I am definitely right" because concepts are too tiny, too small to encapsulate the truth. You see, it may sound very true, but when we do the simple experiment of seeing what this is, we are not able to encapsulate one moment of time. Like, what is this? Capture this rightfully, truthfully in a concept. So we paint these very broad, very broad primitive strokes. This is satsang with Ananta that Ananta is sharing with those who have come. We try with these, no? But does that really give us the essence of what this is? The word satsang does not give us the essence of satsang because it's to come to the company of the truth. The words "company of the truth" cannot give us a taste of that. Just like the word love cannot express love to one who has not experienced it. So when we take these primitive caveman notions to be reality, then we fall into all these traps. When we treat them at best as pointers to a deeper knowledge in the heart, then they could be all right. And they just maybe pointing at best, at best.

Father, yes. May I share something about this thing about being right? Because it came now to me to ask you: if I am not right, doesn't it automatically mean that the other is right? No? Or that when we see something—for example, I see something in the world that some people are doing that I feel it's not so good for the world—but if I try not to be attached to my thing that "this I am right," it doesn't actually automatically mean that the others are right. No?

So just one moment. So let's take the same example. This is satsang with Ananta. So we say that this does not encapsulate anything really solid or tangible. Just like the word love cannot encapsulate what love is. So then in the linear logic we may say, if this is not right, then its opposite must be right. So then we may say this is not satsang with Ananta; that's also not right. So we are breaking the bounds of this linear logic and going to a deeper place of insight which is the light of the Atma. The guidance of the Atma itself is much more nuanced than the primitiveness of right and wrong, good and bad. All of these things—remember, what is the tree from which Adam ate?

The tree of knowledge of right, of good and bad.

Good and bad, right and wrong, better and worse. All of this. What was the original state of Adam?

In the Garden of Eden.

Yes, how was he living there?

I don't really exactly know, but—

Okay, it's not a test. I'm just saying that I'm only saying because you said that you like orthodox Christianity as well. So, but it's all right. So he was made in pure innocence. He lived in pure innocence. They lived, Adam and Eve lived, in pure innocence till the snake said, "Why you rely on God to tell you right and wrong, good and bad? Why you so innocent? You can know this for yourself." You see? So there they had been guided by God that you can eat from every tree in the garden, just don't eat from the tree of knowledge. Now this sounds very, very strange. Like, knowledge is good. No? Why should we not eat from the tree of knowledge? So actually the tree of small 'k' knowledge, you see, this tree of these primitive right and wrong, better, worse—"I will determine for myself instead of being a servant of God, listening to God's will, living in Nanak's statement," which means our job is to live in His hokum, His order, His will. Everything else will be taken care of by that.

So they were living in God's will and then they picked to go with their own knowledge, their own judgment, their own idea. You see? And that's what led to all this trouble. So whichever way you take this story, we have to give credit to how beautifully it is written and how the whole metaphor of our human existence has been pointed to so directly. So whether you take it as history or even metaphorically—in my faith I love to take everything historically, like I don't like to say no, no, no, just a metaphor, it's okay, so that's a separate satsang—but even if you take it metaphorically, it's very beautiful. Very beautiful. It's too much reliance on our intellect. Too much reliance on my intellect.

From the intellect or—thank you, Father. Thank you.

Thank you. Did we finish? You can say more if you want.

No, it's okay. It's helpful what you said and also this thing about if something is not true doesn't mean that the opposite is—

Remember the fifth.

Yes, yes. Very. Thank you, Father.

Welcome. I go to Yanik first. I haven't heard from him for a while. Let's go there. Okay, I have to press—

Hello. Hello, Ananta.

Hello, my love.

Uh, I didn't talk to you for a long time. And I want to say, I want to take this moment just to say thank you very much because, like, I don't know what's been going on with me lately but it's a crazy, crazy journey. But I want to say that I'm very grateful that you spoke about this perfectionism. Yeah. This topic was very like spot on, like a big fish in my heart. And not only for satsang but for personal life also. Like withdrawing from life, like often waiting for some—like today in the satsang I was imagining God forgive, but I was imagining a card stall arguing with his spouse, you know? Is it possible? Like, could he be arguing with his spouse? Because I had such an image of these perfectionistic teachers also.

So yes, he could. Could be. But when he sits in this chair, he will be a marriage without arguing? At least not that I am aware. Yes. So I really have a lot—like I feel I've been stuck a little bit inside some spiritual stupidness. I don't know.

Very, very good. I am happy to hear your report because that's why I want to present myself—excuse the word—but I want to present myself naked to all of you. You see, I don't want to present any pretense. I want to share all my ignorance, all my pride, everything, so that none of us have this idea of like a perfect embodiment of God or something like that. You see, it's only God is completely free from Maya. Mayit is only God, and all of us are just on the journey of a deeper love for Him, on a journey of a deeper learning from the Holy Spirit in our hearts. So I'm very happy if this perception is getting broken, at least about this one, that there's no perfect—

About hopefully about every teacher, like about every teacher because—

I would say yes, I would say—

I sometimes have this, I have these small battles in my mind sometimes, little bit narratives. Like today I wrote to the Polish teacher, I wrote a second time in a long, long—maybe in two years since I've been following you more. But I wrote a little bit painful but gratitude also to her because she's now in India at the moment. She, for some reason, she's in India. Like for holiday. And I wrote to her that I am thankful for everything that I have learned by being in the past with her in the sense, and I am not—because I'm not angry at her or something like that. Maybe last days I just wish to be natural, natural, like not—well, but I have these narratives, these narratives mostly now about prideful ones. Like yesterday I was listening to invitation and I was hearing these voices like, "Oh, but you've been doing meditation for so long" and some stuff like this sort of acknowledging in my mind, I don't know. And sometimes I make these mistakes when I meet people, I introduce myself, I speak about what I've been doing, like "I've been doing this, I've been interested in meditation," and it creates subtle, some subtle nonsense.

All of us do this. All of us do this. Somebody asks us what do we do, we do this. It's—don't beat yourself up over it. That's the whole idea of what we are saying, that once we lose the idea of perfection and we only hold on to a deepening, ever-deepening, infinite deepening in God's love, then we don't have to beat ourself up with some perfect idea of how to do this journey. It's all right. We will fall sometimes. We will see.

I also, last one thing I want to say because I remember now, like I've always had this tendency to withdraw, even withdraw gratitude, withdraw love sometimes, to like hold back on it. Even I've received so much grace from you and I felt your prayers sometimes and like lifting me up from dirt, from total like lifting me up. And I thank you so much for that, Ji, and really for—I still have a long—I need to be little bit playful but also careful little bit.

Yes, that's a good way to put it. All of us have to. I'm with you. We walking together on this. Thank you. Thank you very much. And I love you so much. Thank you.

I love you so much too. Thank you, my love. Thank you.

Thank you. Okay, let's go to Sam first and then—

Hi, Father. Thank you. Welcome. My hope is that the report will match the face. Um, I cannot find any report. I mean, I cannot find—yeah, many things come to ask Father, but when I come in front of you it feels like they are just excuses to come in front of you. Hello. Yeah, I think that's it. Yeah. But I just want to say that I'm just so, I'm so grateful for you, Father. Like, I don't know, like you are not an answer, you are not person, but something which really increases my faith and I'm so grateful. Um, yeah, Father, maybe it's good to share. Yeah, because recently, yeah, I'm just so grateful for what you are. Yeah.

Many things come to ask, Father, but when I come in front of you, it feels like they are just excuses to come in front of you. Yeah, I think that's it. But I just want to say that I'm just so grateful for you, Father. Like, I don't know, you are not an answer, you are not a person, but something which really increases my faith, and I'm so grateful. Um, yeah, Father, maybe it's good to share. Because recently, yeah, I'm just so grateful for what you are. I don't know what to say more. I feel like I'm recovering from what was happening here, and this is why just to come in front of you, it's just something wonderful, just to feel you again, to remember this. Thank you.

Love you, love you. I'm grateful for you. Okay, let's go to... oh, sorry, I need to put my specs on.

Hello, Father. How are you?

Hello, my dear. Good to see you.

Hi. How are you? I'm good, my dear. Um, I just, you know, it's been a while, but I kind of want to piggyback off of what the sister was saying. Just so grateful for you. You know, I come here—I haven't been in a while—but I came here today with so many questions to ask you. Like, I thought I knew what I was going to ask you, and then just seeing you, it just, you know, kills something inside of me. But not violently. Like, it just kind of puts it to bed, kind of lovingly and peacefully. And um, it's, you know, I need to work on so many stuff. I always realize that when I come here. I think I know it all because I've grown my beard out a little bit.

I see.

Yeah. But I'm trying, I'm trying to copy you, but I don't think that's how it works. You have to work on the soul level, too. But um, yeah, I just, I'm really happy to see you and don't know what I would do without you.

The secret is it's 99% in the beard. Okay?

Oh, okay. I'll have to grow it a little longer then. But it's, yeah, just you make me so happy and grateful for satsang and you. So, thank you.

Thank you. I'm grateful to you too, my dear. Thank you. You can go to... it's gone. It's okay.

Like somehow, some professor I knew, she wanted me to comment on some book she compiled. There's an essay in it where there's an African ethics professor in America and his thing is about human rights and the relevance of that of African Igbo mysticism, something like that. And what you talked about, how a godless social movement is bound to fail. But there were many phrases he's accused of African eco...

Yeah, I won't go that far in the sense that a godly spirituality is bound to fail. Social movements just, when we carry good intention, when you carry love for our brothers and sisters and we want to make a positive difference in their lives, they may succeed also.

Like my thing was my intellect. Like I've heard so much from you. And even there, there are phrases he's used of the one source from which everything comes. Many things like that, and then Wisdompedia is there. And I just thought if I keep chanting and I write what I write, and sometimes I think just it might bring him to satsang or even your Heart Temple moment you talked about. Maybe this just came my way to somehow... and I just, you know, that's okay. I just chant, or if I could bring it just... I mean, it's still my intellect, that's why.

No, no, no, it's very good. So according to the mind, to just write from our heart and just from prayer, to pray on it and to let it emerge from there, is like... it's just... should I just see? No, that is the higher way anyway. It's very good.

I'm excited to see what will happen if he comes to satsang. Just ask for your blessings. Is Ram Ji doing his one-day visit? Yes. Are you going today?

This is the only time only. It's all there. You're welcome. Even for one visit, you're welcome.

Well, you know what occurred to me, beloved Father, today is, um, I feel that perhaps every time I am going deeper in satsang, Maya's pulling me away. And if I just look in the recent past, I was deepening and I left for Hyderabad, panicking over my body. And then I came back and again deepening, and again some excuse to go for panic healing. Again I'm deepening and again I'm worrying about an infected tooth and again saying, 'Oh, you know what, maybe I need to go to Delhi.' I mean, I may be wrong, but the intent was to stay here at your feet, and something is just pulling me away.

It may appear like that on the surface, but who can really say? We can't really say. But after Delhi, I'm not letting you go anywhere.

Yes. Will you warn me, Father? Please pray for me. The rest stay at your feet. And it just doesn't come like that. No. Here I feel that it just doesn't come like that. I feel somewhat like it'll be a forced love.

You never say no. I know that you never say no.

But then do I need to really panic about this body so much?

No. Thank you. So if you can just mention that when you feel I'm being pulled away. Thank you. I feel it would be very arrogant of me to say, 'No, you must stay with me.' No, but it must come to your right. If it comes, yes. My heart usually doesn't say things like that. It used to. And the arrow marks on the tree, what is that? You know, this one, something very stupid, but yourself... no, that has left a scar here, this quote of mine. That is your dharma. I remind you, me with my own quote. What a weird thing for a teacher. Good. Then we see some bhajan, one or two.

I can't remember. These are the first few. One turns towards me, I rid them of their vasanas of millions of lifetimes, of their sins, the instant they turn to me. So this is it, very much. Very much. Okay. We will talk about it later sometime. Recently, he was talking about what is the natural tendency. He's saying the tendency is to always go downwards, lower. If you go with the flow, we end up going downwards. So then this thought came to me in the morning: if you can't go against these things, how will you go beyond the nature and all these things? So again, I am saying I'm very much blessed you introduced Bhai in our lives. Thank you so much. So I listen to all her... whatever she sang like this. Your music is awesome. Whatever you sing now, it reverberates in my being. For example, the initial Mooji satsang singing, 2015, 2017, 2020, you used to sing very nicely and they made some albums also. Thank you so much.

We learn this again. This one too beautiful. He's given us so much of that, Father. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Victory, victory, Vitthal. Hari, Vitthal. Hari, Hari, Vitthal. Panduranga, Hari, Vitthal. Victory, victory, victory. Jai Hari Bol. Jai Jai Ram, Sita Ram.