Fall into the Heart - 7th January 2026

So the way to unite the inner and the outer is in our spreading lightly, in our softness. So then your spiritual pointers will become explosive for you. So if you hear that God's presence, the Atma itself, is here living in your heart, how is that pointer to be met? Or when we see that the process of prayer is only to lead us to the true prayer which is happening by the Atma itself in our heart, how is this to be met? We can meet by imagining, visualizing, conceptualizing. But that is not a satisfactory meeting. If you hear in satsang today, 'Oh, Atma is within me' and you just keep repeating it to everybody, 'Atma is within me,' with no real sense of it, then it is not spiritual knowledge. We must allow spiritual knowledge, the pointers, to do the work and lead us in a very holy process. So they cannot be squeezed. I don't know if anyone's getting sense. Okay. Can't squeeze the truth out of them.

What do I mean by squeezing? Like, 'I heard this in satsang. God prays in my heart. Now I really want to understand it. I really want to get it.' Or that Atma is possible for me, Atma Darshan is possible. Like a child, it just—so this doesn't work in that process. And I can say this because from direct experience, I was that pet child. So when the masters have told us that it's grace, you see, they were not trying to say, 'Oh, you leave satsang, you don't listen to any spirituality, don't do your sadhana.' They were not saying that because you could say that that's also to take that too tightly. 'It's all going to be grace, okay, then I can just chill. Close this door.' So you just close the door.

Let's take a simple example, possibly the simplest example. I will come to satsang when I want to, or I can come to satsang only when it is grace. If you take either of them too tightly, you're falling into a trap. There's the truth. See, so in this way then anything can become a—where is the truth? Can you come to satsang whenever you want? No, not really. Can you come to satsang only when grace is upon you and like literally pushes you to come? Sounds more spiritual and true but not really, because if Maya had her way, then you will never feel that. Just sit. So do we need to be able to determine these things so much conceptually? Towards what end? Just to feel like my life has some structure. My narrative is logical. It is making sense. But what if the sense-making mechanism itself that we have was too limited to fathom God and His presence in the form of the Atma? And maybe the sense-making mechanism that we have is too tiny to make sense of our life in the world as well.

So then so far what I've said to the mind can sound very hopeless. You see, then what should I do if I can't understand anything, you see. So then the sages have provided us the good news that there is a higher knowledge. There is a deeper knowledge. It's called Atma Gyan. And Atma Gyan is not restricted only to knowledge of the Atma. It is inclusive of everything in the world as well. Not everything in the way that we want it, in the sense that once I come to Atma then I should be able to predict, you see, what tomorrow will be like and these kind of things. So remember that that's the whole point: that what is inherently known and what comes into the surface at the surface level of knowledge in the form of thoughts and sensory perception is two different things.

And that is why you find that most who start touching spiritual insight become very quiet for some time. Most—again, this also we can't say tightly—it's natural for that to happen because what are you going to say? So if you met me in 2009 and said, 'Tell me something,' you just said, 'I don't know what. I can't even process the question.' So for that which is inside to translate into any form of expression which is helpful in the form of pointers usually happens over a period of time. And that also is a movement of grace. We can say like, so not to rush with our spirituality and not to rush in the world and not to rush to what exactly. So don't jump to conclusions. The mind won't be happy with that. Let it not be happy. You be happy. Is it the same thing?

How many of you live as if it is? How many of us live as if it is two different things? Most of humanity, the mind's unhappiness is my unhappiness. The dissatisfaction of the intellect is my dissatisfaction. But as you start to make God your constant companion, sometimes you start to notice this one just on its own trip somewhere, but you're not joining. Started to get this sense sometime that it's going on its own some merry escapade, but you are not joining. And it's not happy. It's constantly trying to tempt you into the shape of the traveler, but you are not moving, you see. And these things may sound like, 'Oh, the mind is trying to go to Timbuktu and it's trying to take me there.' No, that's not what I'm saying. In this moment, it may try to get you to judge a brother. Why this can't be either in the room or out of the room somewhere. So, you've already left, you see. So at least for that moment, hopefully I can bring you back.

But this constant play of shape-shifting which it tries—and it happened so often that you come fullheartedly into satsang, and not just satsang but otherwise also—but you come fullheartedly into satsang, first minute something happens, you see, and then it's a write-off. 'Oh, satsang, what did you hear?' 'I don't know, I was just getting angry.' So, in this way it tries to constantly take us off from that peaceful non-determinism of relying on God's light in our heart to a stressful determinism of our narrative constantly. And the subtlest way probably to do that is not proposing that 'I'm going to make a shape out of you' but 'I'm going to give shape to your knowledge.' Okay, this is a very subtle point. Let's go slowly.

One of the biggest baits that the mind has to offer us is the form of a shaped knowledge. Is getting sense that you're really now getting a grip on this? You're getting a grasp on this? For me, if you've got a grasp on something, then I have to come up with a new pointer because you think you've grasped it. Now I need to provide something fresh to you which you feel can bring you back into that wonder, into that empty, into that awe. And somewhere maybe our attempt is the reverse. We're trying to—you see, 'Did I understand? Did I get it?' like that. And you may be feeling that you're building your spiritual wealth through that process. For me, you're restricting your spiritual wealth through that process because I haven't understood anything in spirituality so far, you see, including this.

So can we really—and is that helpful for our growth to be able to say that I have concluded? It seems to be helpful for our pride. But can we really, hand on our heart, say that this concept fully encapsulates some understanding that I have? Even the highest, even the lowest, neither of them. So with most things we just have to take them lightly or laugh. And as I'm saying this, are you feeling a certain ease? Because initially it can be troublesome, whereas like, 'What am I supposed to do then in satsang?' But once you start to get the point that is to unwind, it is to let go, it is to relax, it is to fall into the heart, not force your way into the heart. Nobody can force their way into the heart. You see, only fall into the heart. We can fall into Atma Gyan. We cannot force our way to Atma. It's like you cannot force someone to love you. They can only fall in love. I didn't even know that falling was going to be connected like that.

What am I supposed to do then in satsang? But once you start to get the point, that is to unwind, it is to let go, it is to relax, it is to fall into the heart, not force your way into the heart. Nobody can force their way into the heart. You see, only fall into the heart. We can fall into Atma Gyan. We cannot force our way to Atma. It's like you cannot force someone to love you. They can only fall in love. I didn't even know that falling was going to be connected like that. So you just have to allow it to unfold like this. I did not realize when the words started coming like that that falling will get connected with falling in love like that. So how does it happen? Through the intelligence from a deeper place. So I didn't have to force my way to what is happening—is it logical, is it making sense, are we getting somewhere? So if you allow God, we let go and let God, as they say, then we start to recognize the non-deliberative, the non-deliberate sort of music that our life becomes. So our life has to become like God playing music.

Is it God playing jazz, not playing some classical symphony? You see the difference? Of course, classical symphonies can be by the masters. They can be played in an almost spontaneous way. Jazz gives you that constant improvisation, constant—where does it come from? If you talk to any musician like that who operates freely, you say it just comes. Just comes. So the way to peace is to not hold too tightly in our worldly lives. And the way to God is to not hold too tightly in our spiritual life. And again, I'm making that distinction only provisionally. It's not a real distinction. So how long can you just live lightly without taking any shape and not allowing any knowledge to become solidified also? Including the knowledge that 'this is my problem.' You know, 'my problem is this.' Okay. So I would say, are you sure? Because I've met many of these like 'my problem is this' and once that is gone, then 'my problem is something else.' You see, so that's a shape-shifter which we can't really get. So don't determine so strongly about anything taking your day from you or your week or your month and for some of us, years.

If you don't take any shapes in your head, or at least you don't take them too seriously or too tightly, then how far is God? I remember one time many years back, it's coming to memory, that Joti was here and we did the 'fresh fresh.' You remember that? It is empty, fresh, just any thought, just leave it. You stay with me, you stay with the emptiness. And she said that is the best satsang I had. You see, I don't know if she remembers, but she said to me—it stuck with me somewhere in my pride, maybe. So, you know, she said that's the best satsang I have. And what was needed? All I was saying is, okay, just stay with just empty. We can live like this. So nothing, no new knowledge was formed, no new concept was given, nothing like that. And yet what was the burden that was let go of? The burden of trying to make sense of things, make knowledge out of things.

If something is offered, that offer is like a finger. You can hold the finger and go to the wholeness of it, but the finger is not the entirety of it. Because the Master said that 'I'm just the finger pointing to the moon,' but if you start thinking the finger is the moon, then there's a problem. The words of satsang are like that. So the words of satsang and the embodied form of the teacher are both like that finger pointing to the moon, not the moon itself. So neither the disciple nor the teacher should fall into that rank, then anything except a pointer here—and a pointer also if you're lucky.

One of your old quotes, and I loved it so much. You said, 'I am the marks you drew on the tree when you left for the forest.' When you went into the forest, those marks lead you back.

So beautiful. That's tough, right? I am—just say that my expression is different now. Like I would find it a bit strange to say I am the marks you left behind when you got lost in the body. Even that is too much like carox that marks you. Hello birthday boy. Please come. So keeping the 'I am' stuff aside, the appearance of an outer video is that mark, is that one who's pointing you to that place that you left behind and you got lost in the world's Maya and the world's delusion.

What is the way to follow a pointer? We've heard for decades that what you're given in satsang are pointers. Someone should ask—I'm sure I wanted to at some point—how are we meant to follow this pointer? Can you give me a pointer about that? Because these very pointers can cause a lot of trouble if followed the wrong way. You see, and they can lead to beautiful pathways to God if followed the right way. So how is one to follow a pointer? You've heard, no, all of us have, you've been given pointers in satsang and all of you have accepted that you've been given pointers. So how are we following them? Why not follow? That's one path.

So okay, let's take this. Let's say that the pointer was 'just leave it.' Just leave it. So how to follow it? So it cannot be followed by like conceptual hanging on to 'just leave it, just leave it, now I have to just leave it, just leave it.' Like 'who am I, who am I?' Some people think that you have to chant the 'who am I' and the answer will come. So it cannot be followed in that way. So then if we don't leave 'just leave it,' you see, then we've not left it. You see, so the way to follow it, you see, is how to say—ignored. Why? It's a letting go. It's an allowing. You see, so if something has come from the light of spirit, then spirit itself has to reveal the rest of it to us. But we have to make space for that revelation. You see? So we cannot then treat it like, 'Oh, when it's grace then only then,' or 'I have to do it, I have to find out what he meant by let go.' You see? So neither of those we can really apply. So it has to be more getting into a stillness, a silence to allow it to reveal what it has to reveal.

She said it's easier to follow a pointer coming from this form rather than hearing it from the mind.

There is something in that. And the same—there is something in that only to the extent of the fact that when you get used to hearing it in your heart, you see that that one pointer from the heart will be worth much more than so many ramblings from the mind, even spiritual rambling. You see, so if in this way this is a replica of that, then it's good. But it's also to be said that I may say some things for many years, but till you come to that heart realization of it yourself, then you may say, 'Oh, this is what he's been talking about.' So it also works in that way. But what I'm saying is the primacy of intuitive insight, God-led, God-provided insight from the heart. It's primary, it's potent, it's full of love, and that love makes the resistance fade. You don't want to hear it from the oppressor in your head because it's not full of love.

So the pointer has to be followed in a sense of very light holding, in a very broad spaciousness. This is light. So once you get used to this inner posture, then your spiritual life will start to flower a lot more. So the heart posture is always a little relaxed. It's a little more light. And the head posture is 'What's he saying? What's it like?' That's not the environment for it to flower. So treat the pointer like a seed. Now you can't force the seed to sprout. You just have to keep giving it the right environment, the right nourishment. Cannot push your way into it.

So anything that we talk about—the magnificence of God, talking about their Leelas—is talking about the life of God. It has to be done with that lightness. God has not made you sit and say, 'Okay, now you be the arbiter of my story and you determine, oh, this was good, this was bad, this was right, he did this well, he did this badly.' That is not our role in hearing the Leelas of God. In fact, that way He's not made us the arbiter of anything at all. We've been told that we must leave justice to Him. And if you just learned how to follow that pointer in the same way by allowing it to unfold, then you will find that so much of the struggle is gone.

In our heads there's a Supreme Court judge. But my daughter, if I tell her anything, she'll just be like, 'Who asked?' So that's the approach we must take with this judge in our head, like 'Who asked?' Just decide, no, what is better, what is right, who is the one? And we doing this, start with that one. Yes. Don't start with the good side. Yes. All notions are to be left. Maybe we can judge and say better?

No. What oppresses you more? Let's get rid of that first. So if you're constantly in a state of unworthiness by thinking others are so good and better, then maybe get rid of that. But if you're constantly in this mode of 'Oh, I am better, I am this, this one is so wrong about this, this one is wrong about that,' then maybe get rid of that. What oppresses us more?

I was wondering today how a pointer becomes knowledge or transformation. It's such—nobody knows how it happens. Where does it really happen? You know, I mean, one day you just find that it's happened. Does winter become spiritual? Really, because I was just—when you were talking about this empty thing, I remember once a long ago sitting in satsang and that word 'be empty,' just the concept of it was just not happening. You know, I mean, I tried and tried and—

Oh, you tried. So difficult.

It just was not working.

Be empty. Yeah, it has to either work in that moment or—but if it catches you in that 'Oh, he said be empty, I have to be empty, how do I do it?' then that loop is very difficult to break. So it has to catch the mind off guard. You see, like 'Be empty now.' No, you see? But if you allow your mind to get into a loop about being empty, then it's very difficult. Everybody can see like a hole in a cloth, and like that, it just wouldn't work.

That's what doesn't work. Exactly. Because I was just in it until when you started doing like, 'Okay, drop,' then I said—you said how the resistance went away and then I realized that that was what was being asked of. But what was going on to—

The minute you can conceptualize it—I know we're just communicating, but I'm just saying that just to caution everyone, it's not like to make it a word of being empty.

No. Yeah. But you know what I was saying was that how that understanding, how it happened of itself. You don't know why it happened in that way and not—

The favorite explanation of the sages is that it is Atma. It is from the spirit. The spirit shows us. But we don't have to take that too tightly, too strongly. See, both those put together is perfect. Repetition of the same thing and constant changing guidance work well together. You see, if you stay, then yeah. And in a way, it is all of us in this together. It's not that—so when I start sharing something, I don't wait to become a master in that to start sharing something. It's my own exploration which I start sharing collectively and I'm trying to grow in that process as well.

So as we've grown, as we've shared different textures so many times, we've changed. It's part of my own growth and everybody's own growth as well. So we cannot hold concepts about having to be right, especially on a pedestal, because the minute you get put on a pedestal, there's this pressure that now you're on a pedestal, you better be right. That's an impossible thing to achieve, at least for someone like me. But really then it's a stifling of deeper insight and exploration. If I had to like measure everything on right and wrong, it seems so impossible how to point to God while saying everything right.

Body's own growth as well. So we cannot hold concepts about having to be right, especially on a pedestal, because the minute you get put on a pedestal, there's this pressure that now you're on a pedestal, you better be right.

That's an impossible thing to achieve, at least for someone like me. But really then it's a stifling of deeper insight and exploration that if I had to measure everything on right and wrong, and it seems so impossible how to point to God while saying everything right. I was actually thinking today, strangely enough—or maybe not at all strangely—that this is a funny thing that we have as a concept, that God lives in my heart, because I was thinking that it's really, I mean, where is He not, you know?

Exactly.

So, and that that itself is a concept. But and then if you look at so every concept as... I think the journey we have in gatherings like satsang is probably then not to go and not to have concepts and collect points, but to me it seems like it's probably what keeps the... sort of fans the fire of staying on the path. Because I feel it's very helpful, satsang, for this purpose. Not that because I'm going to get through new points that I will, you know, which will change my—

Correct.

But it keeps me in that spot. And that's about the role because in a way that these pointers are... I mean, as you're saying, this wants to be a seed collector, or maybe some do, but at least so if we start to get a sense that in satsang we're just here to get the seed—something is not even get the seed, something is seed-less—and then that is allowed to sprout in the holy fire of satsang as well as in our contemplative time, in the time that we leave ourselves unoppressed by the mind even for a few moments. Then that sprouting happens into, we can say flowers or we can say one big flower. We can't really say what is spiritual transformation happens in this sort of photosynthesis of satsang. So we get the material for it, but it has to be, it has to unfold in our heart.

Yeah. And then in the initial few days of sharing satsang, I used to feel like, no, I have to explain to this how will this, how this is. There's been many hours just trying to explain and explain, you know? Then life in a way shows you, you continue to grow in your maturity. Like ten years later, I won't like the expression that I have right now because hopefully, by God's grace, I would have grown if there is ten more years. So in the same way, we just have to allow Him to do the work and for us to carry that to be well-intentioned and loving approach. It also like, if I really think like what also another the transformative energy as we say that when we sit together. There is this beautiful... we plug into it and when it is received in... yeah. And also I think it has a huge role in one's posture, as you said, heart posture, because that stays. I think at least in my case, it helped me a lot to have head bowed down and I can't really explain that. I just stopped something that... because you know today the pointers are all over. I mean, even AI is giving the pointers. The pointers are on your... I mean, there's nothing but pointers in the world. And if we were left to them with our notebooks and pencils and collecting all the pings, we would miss the point. So yeah, it's—

Happened in my case was I used to be a big collector of poems, and in a way I still am, okay. But so what God's... in God's grace used to happen was that I would read and collect and read and collect and hear and collect, but then something would come which would make me pause. I would just hear something or read something and I'll be—

You see, so God had to do it this way, that He provided that spiritual momentum in some of them to do even that pausing for me.

Yeah.

So what to do? This silly child who doesn't know how to do this. Then God finds a way to teach him. But I feel like this may be happening to most of us and without even realizing, just like connect and then it's a different place.

I have a bit of that library. Yeah, especially with the words of the sages, I just feel like this one, all of them.

And also I think as long as the intellect and mind are alive, it's nice that it's also very nice that they're channeled here then. And somewhere we have to, you know, get our teeth into something. So this is like really nice to get into a trying to understand metaphysics or whatever. Much more prefer to once you know you're on the path, you're on the path, but I think—

Get into these metaphysics and things, then everything starts looking like a metaphysical problem, even the most mundane thing. So it's a beautiful exploration. First hear the philosophical question. There's not much to distinguish them from the spiritual question.

Yeah.

Why is there something rather than nothing? You can't solve it here. And what is that ship of Theseus? Mhm. It's all about... a lot of it is that exploration. But and a lot of like philosophers that I love, like very, very spiritual actually, very, very spiritual. But some of them are actively not spiritual, like 'let's not get God into it,' and for me that is to close the door to insight. Yeah.

All exploratory disciplines. And it is all exploratory discipline that we... and that most disciplines are exploratory in some... So if you read Dostoevsky, you can say he's not spiritual. Maybe not in the same texture of love, peace, and joy. The deep spiritual exploration has happened there, or any of them. Even Camus, even the ones who actively denied God, the exposition is very deep because you can get the fragrance of intuitive... Is there a filter on the video for a reason? Is there a filter? This video blurry background. Am I the right internet background effect? Is it we enable that? Sure. Okay. We'll have a look at this after this. Nice. Yeah.

It's like, it's like when you put a background on but it's just like a kind of fuzziness and it just... it's glitchy. It's very glitchy.

Well, thankfully at least it's not 'touch up my appearance.' So, that is off. Portrait lighting was on. Adjust for low light was on. How is it now?

It looks good. Yeah, it's better. Yeah. The cup, like when you drink something from the cup, it sort of changes color. It glitches in and out. Sorry.

Which one is better?

That looks good. Oh, can I ask a question? I don't know what... like I was listening and something kind of brought up something. I can't remember what it was, but basically I always kind of get this annoying feeling about not so much trying to get it mentally, but just trying to not suffer, and then feeling like that's trying to get it, right? It's like you don't want to be experiencing this, so you're trying to get it. And that brings up like this... it's grief really. It brings up like a grief and anger because like why would you not want to not suffer? And I don't know, and a guilt. I don't know, it just brings up a lot. Yeah. And on a similar note, like I know in the past a similar feeling has come up because... well the story is because it's just so uncomfortable to be like this and there's a lot of like desire to not be like this. Yeah, I'm not quite sure what I'm saying. It's basically like an anger and frustration or something mixed in, you know, of like I'm not supposed to not want suffering or something, you know, and then it feels—

Higher way to suffer.

Sorry?

Like a meta-suffering. That's the suffering about wanting to suffer or not suffer. Suffering about like feeling it's bad to not want to suffer, you know, like to really want to get it so you're not suffering anymore. Like that's not the right reason to be here sort of thing.

Oh, that can be thrown out. The only reason I am and I got into spirituality is because I didn't want to suffer.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what my mind is doing with it but that that's kind of—

A lot of us... very few of us have that natural inclination to find out the highest truth and that's why they come into spirituality or start off with such a deep devotion to God that they get into spirituality. Many of us, if not most, got in because we were just tired of suffering. We just felt like there has to be a better way to live.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what exactly I'm saying but I know when this thing comes up like, 'Oh this is not the right reason,' you know, 'this is not the right reason to be in satsang because you're not going to get it for you to stop suffering,' you know, for the me to stop suffering.

It is the way to that, at least I have found, to come to the end of suffering.

Yeah, it's a very good reason.

But it feels like, you know, it's like the me is not ever going to get non-suffering, you know? I don't know what my mind's doing with it, but it's playing games there. Like I need a better reason. I thought, you know, like a more holier reason. Grace where grace will come kind of reason because it's not going to happen for you, you know.

Whatever reason brings us to God, whatever reason brings us to satsang is a good enough reason. We don't have to worry about that.

Yeah. Okay. So I just drop it.

Because it'll become a lot more convoluted if you go in that direction of 'will this me get it or not get it' and then who's then if that me is dropped then who remains. So we don't want to get into a fight with the shape-shifter at all. You're here and that's what's important. It doesn't matter so much what got you here.

Yeah. I'm very happy you're back after so many years. You know, actually I wanted to tell you basically what happened was it just became really painful to be like being told the same over and over and over and then you know and just feeling... yeah, mainly grief is the main thing that comes up here. Like this is just so painful to be, to feel it, to feel like the truth of what you're saying for so long and to be, I don't know, you know, just feeling completely un-relating to it and still like 'Father help, Father help.' You know, it just became... yeah, it just became painful and I had... aside from that, like it's never left. Satsang has never left. I've been, you know, just not in satsang. I've been watching and it's always been there. But yeah, it just became just heavy. It just became heavy to be feeling like that. But I'm really happy to be back, too. I miss you Father so much.

Oh, I miss you too. I was just telling them the other day that I'm so happy Shivani is back after so many years.

Yeah. And one thing I wanted to say is that after seven years the audio is still bad.

The audio is still bad. Is it?

It's still bad. Nothing has changed. Online audio. Online audio. I realized, I realized the problem is in the source, not the audio.

Fair enough. When she first came, she said, 'I don't know what I'm doing here because I can't understand your accent at all.' I said, 'Same, same.'

Got used to the accent, but the audio was still bad and it's always going to be bad. Just came to that realization. I feel like occasionally I'm like I'm sending something over. That's it. I'm done with this. I'm sending Father something.

I've tried. Trust me, you're not the first. We have those big systems. I know Chaitanya also tried, someone has tried over the years. It just doesn't want to get fixed. The technology will improve eventually. Maybe it's some God's right sense of it is to say that God is applying this filter so that those who want good audio in satsang don't then bother coming.

Maybe. Yeah. Well, you don't need it really. Honestly, you don't need it. But yeah, occasionally your mind's like, 'Oh no, that was vitally important. What did he say?'

The main point.

That was it. And I missed it.

The main one.

Yeah. I didn't hear that far. Okay, I'll see again. Listen carefully.

Okay. The main thing you have to get in satsang... Never mind. Never mind. You would get the joke by now, I'm sure.

Who want good audio in satsang, don't then bother coming, maybe. Yeah. Well, you don't need it really. Honestly, you don't need it. But yeah, occasionally your mind's like, 'Oh no, that was vitally important. What did he say?'

The main point.

That was it. And I missed it.

The main one.

Yeah. I didn't hear that far. Okay, I'll say again. Listen carefully. The main thing you have to get in satsang... Never mind. Never mind. You would get the joke by now, I'm sure. I don't know if you faked saying something then or the audio went again. I don't know about she has raged me. This is nothing. They're all saying, 'Why are you troubling her?' I just don't want you to leave again. So they... No, I'm not going anywhere far. I don't think anyway. I don't know if the audio doesn't get better. Maybe.

It's all going to get better after so many years. Yeah. No, I'm missing all the good jokes. I'm missing all the good jokes. Starting to get a bit upset. Didn't you fly down?

Hey, come down to Bangalore. It's been too long.

I know. I know. I'm so broke, Father. That's the problem. And it doesn't seem to want to change. Just like the audio that never changes. I just... yeah. Just money never seems to flow.

You're so broke and yet your audio is better than mine. See, how does that work?

I think that's Australia versus India. Maybe like the power thing with the power going off and stuff.

The power going off. Okay, let's... we'll talk about the broke thing, but you can come otherwise.

I don't have a passport right now.

What happened to your passport?

It just ran out and I couldn't afford to pay for it. He said it takes so long to get a passport. No, I don't know. I just didn't need it. I haven't used it since I left, like since last time. So, yeah. The only issue, Father, is Milo. Bringing Milo over there. Yeah. I'm not sure where I would go. He's pretty full on, like, you know, keeping him safe is pretty full on. So, yeah, just like no road sense. You have to hold on to him 24/7. So yeah, and then getting like someone to look after him is another thing because there it's a higher level of parenting and safety and... Yeah. But I would love to. I would love to. Yeah. Maybe I'll just bring everyone with me.

As long as you're not coming to satsang because you're suffering, all is good. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I just want to answer that and I won't get in trouble. You're obviously not used to my sense of humor anymore.

No. Yeah. Well, yes or no. I'm... yeah, it's coming back to me. Big white beard now.

Yeah, the white beard and the long hair.

That's true. I was looking at... oh, because you and Mooji are still with my screen thing on my computer. I was looking at that tonight when I came on. I was like, that's so different. It looks so different. This is true.

Yeah. Anyway, I love you, Father. I'm really, really glad to be back. Yeah, most of the things that you don't hear are because I'm mumbling or I haven't said them at all. If that helps or make it...

It kind of frustrates me a lot, but it's okay. Yeah, because... yeah, it's like I don't know. I don't know why. It just frustrates me a lot.

That's it. Because you feel like you're missing something and then like the conversation doesn't flow. I see. I don't know. Everyone else stopped complaining about it a few years back. They just got used to it, I think.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's all right. I'm not going to talk about it anymore. That's it. 'Is what is' are her words. I've learned how to be calmer. I've learned how to be calmer. Yeah. At least, see, you got the background fixed at least after so many years.

Yeah, I'm happy. I'm happy I'm back to fix things. That's it.

No, it was just like there was a whole bunch of stuff going on. When you'd move your arm, it would like... yeah. Just doing weird things and it was starting to give me like an epileptic seizure type thing. Like I got to say something. I was trying to be patient. I was like, 'No, I got to say something.' I feel like I'm winging, Father. I feel like I'm winging like hell right now.

Yeah. Just trying to say you missed me. That's... hey, you're just trying to say that you missed me.

I did. I did, Father.

And that you'll get used to my accent soon again.

Oh, the accent's fine. And the sense of humor, I think I've lost. Yeah. Love you, Father.

The sign of Maya is that our determinations about what is happening to us... okay, like if we say today I'm not so happy because, you know, my partner had a fight with me versus what is really happening is so different. You see? So suppose we even take God out of it for a moment. Do you realize that that which you call yourself, the body, is moving at the speed of light? Where is it moving to? To the next moment at the speed of light. And if you are moving in some other dimension at whatever speed you're moving in, that speed would reduce the speed of how fast you're going into the next moment. Yeah, I'm not making this up. Is you also finding the accent difficult? See, see talking too far. I'm trying to make sure I don't mess it up. So, what I'm saying is that we are that which we call the body; myself is moving at the speed of light into the next moment and if you move in some other dimension with a particular speed, that speed is reduced from the speed of light so we move into the next moment that much slower. Yeah. See, you age slower. So if you were able to run at the speed of light, you'd be immortal in the body. Yeah. You see, because you're not aging. You're not going forward in time. You see, already at a worldly level, what happened to that fight with the partner? It's nothing. Every instant is like that. You see, now if you get God into it, you see God is being. In that being, there's a set of perceptions appearing in the light. In those trillions of perceptions, there is one set of perceptions which we call the body. We call the 'me'. Among trillions of perceptions, you see in that light of God all this play is playing out. He is the director, he's the producer, he is the light, he is the screen, he is everything. And forgetting of this, you see that God is being and this whole universe is just an appearance in the light of that being. You see, and to be able to zero in on some tiny nonsense that we think is the most important thing in our life, you see this is so, so difficult. Then if you get the Nirvana into the picture, that I am that unchanging reality, the pure witnessing of all of this play and nothing can touch me in this world. It's impossible for the attributeless one to be hurt by anything at all. That is what I am. But what I take myself to be is so far from that. And that's why I want to bring our spirituality to a point where all of these things which we know conceptually, we start to live literally in faith. You see, the only place in which they will be met is the true place of the heart, in faith from the heart. Otherwise, like we were talking about earlier, we've just collected a set of concepts which we call spirituality and they are being used like blood pressure medicine just to keep our lives from seeming completely out of control. Just like if you don't take the blood pressure medicine, then it'll be too high. It'll become unmanageable. So we are not to use satsang only like that. Of course it can provide relief from suffering and pain. Momentary relief also is relief. But really, how quick are we to drop what is our highest insight and to go towards our lowest insight? How quick are we to do that? So this year the constant emphasis, I feel—I can't really predict—is going to be to bring the wonder back into spirituality, to bring the sense of awe. Like what are we saying? He's saying when I ask myself who I am, I recognize that I am that. All of us see that. Most of us see that. Then how do we come back so simply into this misidentification so quickly? The tiniest trigger. Somebody just looks at you wrong and you go from Nirguna Brahman into the non-existent tiny me like a little child wanting to fight. You see? You see? So, let's live in our highest mode of knowledge, constantly reverting to the lowest mode of knowledge. Why? Because that is where what we are looking for comes to fruition. So all the tips that are being offered, the attempt is so that we don't get caught up in the smallness. 'He's like this only. She's like that.' All of that is rubbish. We don't have the capacity to conclude any of this either about the world of Maya or about God. You see, so let's leave the smallness. Let's leave though... what was our deal? The top three topics of last year will be dropped. Dropped? Who dropped? That one deal got dropped. That's all the pointer got dropped. But that's how Maya works. It's a tremendous forgetfulness. Like what are we forgetting? The word for Maya is not that attractive. It is the devil, illusion.

Yes, many times I speak to it as if it's a force field that pulls us in and spoken about in Indian spirituality a lot like that, but when Kabir Ji talks about it, he's talking about Maya like the devil, the greatest con artist.

So, but you would say the forces of darkness or something like that maybe in the West, or ignorance. It's used in a very similar way. It's used in a very similar way. As long as we recognize that there is like a force which is pulling us out of love for God, turning away from God and using everything at its disposal. You see, everything at its disposal. But Ananda gave us a good trick. She told us that Maya is where the 'me' comes. You see, so we can say that the world appears, the world of Maya appears, but it has no poison till the 'me' comes. You see, so it can be met innocently, but the minute it's met through the lens of 'me', separation, 'I am somebody something', then all the trouble starts. Bhagavan said that a different way. He said till there is 'I am', no trouble. After the 'I am' gets attached to something, then all the trouble starts. Same thing. Yeah. Yeah. So he says that just the birth of the 'I am' itself is the start of trouble because I was sitting peacefully in Atma, why this whole Saguna had to come? That's another way of looking at it. But since it comes and we wake up every morning and the waking state comes, it's helpful to remember that as long as I stay with God and don't pick up the 'me', this world of trouble cannot trouble me.

Like at any moment only there's either me or God, there is no other option. So if I'm with God then there is no...

So it seems narrow. Why? Because the mind has so much variety to offer. You see, there's pride, there's resentment, there's anger, there's frustration, there's so much like relationships, special relationships, attraction, love. There's so many different things, you see. And the road to God seems varietyless. Seems just... what are we meant to do? Empty. Pray. Inquire. Doesn't sound like fun. So to stay on that lane. No, I will not turn towards attraction. I will not turn towards aversion. I will not turn towards resenting. I will not turn towards pride. So many diversions on offer on the narrow road. You see, just to keep on it. No. And vigilance. No. Mind will say, 'See what he did.' See nothing. Just stay on the road. Stay, stay. Remember in those moments where there's potential for great fear, you see, to stay on the narrow road, it comes only because the sages have spent and they devoted their entire lifetime to practicing that. How to not go with the force of Maya, how not to go with the lawyer of Maya as I call it. You see, because it makes some very compelling arguments every day. I see all of you kids every day and every day it has made some argument to you. And that day then belongs to... that day is about 'this happened'. Today is about that. See, even the days where nothing happened, in the mind something happened.

They devoted their entire lifetime to practicing that: how to not go with the force of Maya, how not to go with the 'lawyer of Maya' as I call it. You see, because it makes some very compelling arguments every day. I see all of you kids every day and every day it has made some argument to you. And that day then belongs to that; the day is about 'this happened.' Today is about that. See, even the days where nothing happened, in the mind something happened. 'Oh, today I'm very upset about something that happened five years back.' Just thinking about that useless thing because look at the perspective. You see, perspective—we said we are moving at the speed of light into the next moment on what is this like this ever-expanding universe of which the Earth is just a tiny, tiny grain of sand. On top of that, this tiny, tiny body is thinking that it is the center of the universe.

Guruji used to say like that. These days satsang is reminding me of those satsangs where we were saying that, you know, in this world we have to deal with these three dimensions of space and fourth dimension of time. There are other universes where you have to deal with much more complication. So, just a framing like we can't give much value to what we can frame in our intellect. It just sets a narrative for us as spiritual seekers to be able to focus that this is going off the lane, this is going on the lane. But all of these—well, it is a very experiential, like what are they now, 5D movies? So we are trying to create an immersive environment within this immersive environment, say 16 dimensions. But we couldn't think this is kingdoms. What is that Tesseract thing? So we've left the wonder behind is the point I'm trying to make. And there's wonder everywhere in the world and that which is beyond the world. Why have we left the wonder behind in the mundane? Just the mundane and seeing stuff because of pride, because of ego, because my narrative is most important. So I have become a servant to my ego, to nothing. Because I've become a servant to my ego, then how to live in wonder?

I don't know if you've seen a recent demo of the Apple Vision. Have you?

Vision? Yeah, Vision.

No, I haven't. I just saw one last month and put on the headset. And the situation I was put into was as if it's my birthday and there's a woman who supposedly maybe my wife. There are two children. A cake is being cut. They're all talking to me.

Oh, wow.

Calling me Tom or whatever. And you know, I just kept watching it like it was so engaging, but after three or four minutes I had to keep telling myself, 'I'm the rain, I'm not...'

Look at that, look at that.

So it was so powerful and then I took the headset off. Then I was dazed for like four or five minutes like, 'Who am I?' You know? My sense of self—it was so fragile. The main guy could be erased in three minutes if the perception was so strong.

Yeah, it was... I saw it in Singapore. It's like a half-hour demo. It's for free. So if you go... yeah. But to your point, I mean, I thought that experiment was so cool that anybody who has any doubt that their self is completely just a bunch of memories that are coming up in consciousness—it can be so easily erased. So if you spend a day in that, you won't know who your past self was. You won't. Like that one where we wake up for two seconds where you don't know anything. You're in fear. Then I want to hold on to something. I don't know. It's very difficult for me at least to be so conclusive about those few moments of waking up.

Spoken out of sleep. Yes. It's okay because you still have jet lag.

No, no, it happens like when I travel and I get jet lag and I get woken out of sleep.

Okay.

We used to have this experiment a few... I've even imagined a caterpillar, anything like that. But most often we used to have this experiment that just close your eyes, imagine you're sitting at the banks of the Ganga. We're not doing the whole thing, I'm a bit tired, but... and then you're an old woman who is sitting on the ghat on the banks and allow all these thoughts of the old woman and what she has to do, where she is coming from. Allow them all to come and start believing them as they come. So imagine the scene sensorially and start identifying with: 'Do I have money to eat today? Where am I going to get food from? How am I going to keep myself warm?' Just in a few minutes of this and a few thoughts, you start to identify. You really want to know what happened to that and was she all right and was she safe. So our identity is very flimsy that we hate. We hate because the character was not relatable. You see, the relatability means I could not put myself in their shoes. Therefore that fire was not there when we are engaging that. You love enjoying those movies after some time—oh, those movies where it seems that you're not so relating and the story is playing out. You start enjoying them because, yeah, you learn that that is a much cleaner way to watch a movie.

Sometime that research at the university of... exactly with that title. To deliver a collapse of the sense of self. Um, so we might have a few headsets here sometime.

We've been talking about it for many years. Like I used to talk about it very often, but technology did not keep up with my talk. So now it's coming to that point. Examples... yeah, I tried it also once. Um, so I said this was just like we've been talking about in satsang. Then it was very rare to have that. So then I tried it, I saw it's exactly the same what he's saying and now it must be much more immersive. Yeah. I'm coming. Oh, yes. Hello.

Very little. Now, can you hear me? Well, thank you. Welcome. Sorry Father. Recently I feel like I cannot join satsang. Like, I cannot listen at all. I'm here, like I always join Zoom, but I cannot listen. I cannot join the way that you are. It's like I... yeah, I cannot... I don't know what's going on but it's like that and I want to bring something to you but I even lose my sense that if it is about satsang. Like, I lost all the things in my mind but I came, so please help me.

What is the last line?

The last line, I said please you help me a bit.

So I didn't hear him bad actually, echoing. Say it again, Father. Echoing, I'm getting the echo back. Oh, you... how it is now?

It's fine. Yeah, that's fine. It's fine. I'm sorry. I'm a good choice. Maybe I can mute myself while you are speaking.

So, let's try. I heard some strange noises come when I spoke last time, but now it's fine. Okay. Or is it? So, what I'm saying is that I didn't hear anything too bad. You're not able to hear in satsang today but you don't know what's bothering you and your mind is mostly empty. You said it's all right.

Yeah, there's nothing bad. I don't know. I just feel like I cannot connect to you as I did before. I don't know anything, Father, just recently. I don't know anything. All is fine but I don't know anything anymore.

So just avoid this framing also. Avoid this framing also, then you're fine.

I am, but I don't say anything else. Okay. Um, Father, may I bring something to you that I just want to bring? Um, I think this was one of the things, the first thing that I actually brought to you. I told you that the first time that we ever met, like seven or eight years ago, I told you that I have an inferiority complex, something like that. And you told me, you said, 'Only this? Then you need to look more deeper into this.' But of course, like, I don't know how to do that anyway. Um, I see recently it's just coming so much and I cannot handle it. And I feel like there is something that I just need to bring and offer because like last year I worked with a psychotherapist and so many things have been dissolved, like so many things. I'm so happy you guided me into that path and I'm so happy. But this thing... I will bring it to you, but this thing, even the psychotherapist... 'Oh, is it still here?' And yeah, it's still here. And I don't know what is that, but I feel like I need to bring this to you and sorry, it will be so raw, but I just need to put this out. So it's about like tattoo, you know, it's just so worldly things. Tattoo, Father, like the caste system in India. Yeah, similar like...

Oh, like a caste system.

And what you are, all this thing. I'm sorry, it's just so worldly, but this became recently how I feel life, like this thing. Look into my eyes. So I feel like I need to bring this to you because I don't feel so much comfortable, you know. Um, okay, it's like my family is uneducated. Okay, I love them. But I always feel pressure about the world, about this. Like the first thing they ask is what your parents do and all these things. And I feel like inwardly I can't handle this. Like, I don't know what is that, Father. And yeah, I just wanted to bring this to you because also when you are growing up, it's just related with so much shame. You need to... I grew up in like a very rich environment, all this stuff, and it just downloaded a lot. And yeah, recently it's just so much here with me and I... yeah, like my eyes looking through this and I feel like I just need to bring this to you. I don't know what, but yeah, just this. I found myself, Father, I also left university and I'm happy with myself. Okay, it's just about like the pressure that I feel from people and like... I don't know how to... like this thing, I cannot handle this. Yeah, recently I also see that maybe I just need to do something, you know, I need to grow up in this way and I try to do because I'm lazy and I don't feel to do because the point that it came from, it's not pure. It's about like being something and it's not for me and I cannot do this. So whatever needs to be seen or needs to be left here, I just want to leave this and I want to be comfortable also like with my background, Father. It's very important, you know. Like, yeah, just that. Thank you.

It's very difficult to deal with such an environment where everybody seems to look at us through a certain lens because of background or education. Or in India, there's a lot of things about religion and caste and class and all of these things. So it's not easy at all. It's not easy at all. So I can understand.

I just want to find a place within myself that this thing does not bother me anymore, Father. That's it. I cannot change this world; it is like this, okay. It's about their expectation, but I need to find something within where it doesn't touch me anymore. And when even when they see that strength, I think it's fine. So I just need to find that within me because I see in also many spiritual environments, it's also like this, Father. Not with you, not with Guruji, but where I am, still people work like this, Father. Even in very spiritual environments. So maybe that's why it's exposed so much within me, this thing, you know. Like still, what you do, what you put outwardly and you know... how I am now. I always try to find a work, all this thing, but they are just so related and I'm just so tired about all this psychological, whatever they are, this stuff. So I just wanted to hand over this at your feet. Yeah, God, that's it.

I don't feel that any environment that uses these worldly things to make differences between brothers and sisters—I don't feel like they are spiritual environments anyways. It is just how the world is in most places and even all places of worship—not all, but many places of worship—are now infected by this kind of line of thinking. And in India, as much as everywhere else, if not more.

No, Father, um, I don't want to compare but also this is something which also like I cannot put so much... like with you, with Guruji, I'm not bothered about these things at all, you know. It doesn't come even in our consciousness. We are just so relaxed about these things with you. But um, in my country, in the spiritual gatherings and I...

Even all places of worship, not all but many places of worship are now infected by this kind of line of thinking. And in India, as much as everywhere else, if not more.

No, Father, I don't want to compare, but also this is something which also like I cannot put so much like with you, with Guruji, I'm not bothered about these things at all, you know. It doesn't come even in our consciousness; we are just so relaxed about these things with you. But in my country, in the spiritual gatherings—and I'm not saying that spiritual gatherings like in Western, like really there are Sufi and all this stuff—but maybe this is cultural difference. But also that spiritual father always tell their children like just go to university, do your master and all these things, PhD. They are just so about these things. So it also like kind of like create—I don't want to say division—but something within me, you know, because they also give so much importance to how you live outwardly. But with you, I so much put focus on that. So yeah, this also creates this within your expose, so yeah. But I cannot...

How much have you studied and did you go to university and what's your degree and what's your monthly income? And we didn't ask you all these questions before letting you into Zoom. Somebody's not doing their job. Just messing with you.

Yeah, they are still weighing and killing people like this, Father. So I'm nothing about these things, but at the same time, you know, Father, they see me something. Even in that environment, they just looking at me like this—not now, but before—they were like just so impressed, you know. And I know that it's the Guruji's light because everyone in Guruji's satsang have this light. So they are just so impressive and that's why they were asking like, 'What are you doing? What is your job?' because they wait in this kind of thing like you must be doing something great to carry such a light. But no, I'm doing nothing. So yeah, I just want to share.

You can pass some of that here also.

How you can give them back for allowing me to share this. Thank you. Love you.