Every Moment Is That Choice: Between God’s Presence and My Will - 22nd December 2023

Okay, can we start with that? Let's start with that and then we'll continue from there. So already it is Grace that in a human condition, if one can say that in the presence of satsang, in the presence of the Satguru, they experience God's presence. Now the thing is that while we experience God's presence, and if it is—if God is the God—then would we really be concerned about what happens later? I don't feel like it is possible to be concerned about what happens later if you recognize that this God that we are meeting is the God. Because if Jesus, Ram, Krishna came in their bodily form to you right now, you wouldn't say, 'But what about two hours later?' You would say, 'Thank you, You're here now. How beautiful is that!'

So somewhere our mind has converted God's presence into like a human thing, like an objective thing, and it has made it like a task that, 'Okay, it's here when I'm in satsang, but when I leave satsang then this happens, then this happens.' And because we can only have this conversation or any conversation while we are in satsang, that must mean that you're saying that God's presence is here now. And if you saw that this God is really the One, then what can even have the attention or space for what is to happen later? So is it really God? I'm not questioning that it's His presence, but I'm questioning whether you're filtering this insight through something which sort of normalizes it. Because if somebody had told us a few years back that we'll come directly to an experience of God's presence truly, then we may have even said, 'But even one moment of that will be enough for my life.' It is more than enough for one lifetime. If God had decided like this, that every human will get only one moment of His presence, even that would be a worthy life, a worthwhile life.

So what may happen is that there's a trick to keep you away from the presence itself which says, 'But what about later?' Can you speculate about 'what about later' while continuing to just remain in the presence? Stay in the presence and then worry about later. Let's see. Let me see if it's possible for everyone. One second. Okay, you can.

Now the fear is coming.

Yes. So when the fear comes, do you meet it as fear while you continue to remain in the presence? Does it have a name, fear? No, need the presence. I just felt the presence, but there is also pressure.

Yes, that's so. All pressure, all sensations are only sensations, isn't it? Perceptions. Can they force you to leave the presence behind and go to the mind? It's an old pattern to go with. Now, right now, don't go to the mind. Return. Return to the presence. So now from here, without going to the mind, notice whatever sensations of pressure you are experiencing and without speculating, without going to the mind, see if the sensations themselves can force you to leave the presence.

No.

And if you had zero interest in your life story, in any story, that you are not trying to resolve any condition or something that you take to be part of your life, then the mind's temptations to give meaning to sensation would lose its power over you. So every moment we must start as if we've just been born. We have no past. And when the mind presents rumors about the past, just take it to be the past of a dream. The dream has just begun. The mind presents a story and memory presents images. Let them all come and go. Only be interested in Him. Only be interested in the Truth. Don't worry about anything in your life.

Then with full commitment, sometimes even then the mind will succeed. It will tempt us with something. Then we recognize that we have gone with the mind, then we must just as quickly as we can return to the presence, to His presence. If God is God, then for what do we leave Him? First we must be making a conclusion that this is not God. And when the mind offers us an alternative, then we, consciously or without realizing, we make that conclusion that God is not God, or God is not important enough, something else needs my identification, something else needs my identity, my belief. So let me make it simpler. God is here. Or you can work on resolving your old patterns. What do you want to do?

I want... yes, now that is clear. Moment to moment, then whatever the mind can tempt you with will have no power over you because every moment is that choice. It is between God's presence and my will. God's presence and my will. God's presence and my self-importance, my self-concern. I started to ask when I spoke the last time with you, you said how to believe God during the day, and I ask this again and sit in silence. But when I'm outside in my work, I can see that it's not so easy to stay in the heart.

Yes. So when we are outside, when some work needs our attention, then what are the tools that we have available to us so that we may remain in God's presence? Because like you said, it is not always easy when there is so much distraction around us. Then what can we do?

Is to stay in the heart and not to go with the thoughts which come.

Yes. So we can just remain anchored in presence. We can remain anchored in unconditional love whose source is the presence. We can remain anchored in the prayer that we may be doing as part of the Atma Darshan samadhi. We may be anchored in self-inquiry, that every few minutes we may ask ourselves 'Who am I?' to return to the insight in the heart and therefore to return to being open and empty. So whatever tool we can use, we must use. We must not let the mind trick us and say, 'No, no, I want only the most direct way because I'm the most super accomplished seer of God or I've had an awakening experience.' We must not let any pride get in our way in that moment. Whatever we know in our heart what will help us to return to the presence, we must use that.

So you help me to overcome pride and arrogance and be humble.

Yes, but don't focus so much on that part. Focus on the solution that I'm giving you, which is that independent of whatever may have happened, as much pride as we may have, our intention, our inner feeling must be to remain with God come what may. And use whatever lifeboat God sends our way to get on that lifeboat and come to His presence. We must not label ourselves and say, 'No, no, but my path is only this, I don't really believe in that.' All this nonsense just gets in the way. If there is a lifeboat, whether the lifeboat is your next breath—take a deep breath in and just return to the presence. If the next moment brings you the name of Ram, then use that. Be honest with yourself. And if you find that it is difficult to even chant the name of God for a day, then we must not fool ourselves and say, 'No, no, actually my preference is for open and empty so that is easier for me.' That is just not possible like that. If we can't chant the name of God for a day, then how can we be open and empty for a day? It is just not possible. Then the mind is just fooling us.

Because when you remember Him unceasingly, when we are not stopping in our remembrance of Him, then all the mind tricks get exposed. So use every tool that you have come across in satsang to return to His presence. You can use the full prayer of the Atma Darshan samadhi, you can use the mantra at the end, you can use any arrow prayer you want. Use the inquiry. Ask yourself when you're caught up and you notice that you're caught up, ask yourself, 'Who are you?' Return to the emptiness, return to the openness. Then you will notice that wherever you are, you are in satsang. You don't have to wait for the outer satsang to appear for you to be in satsang, because satsang is only satsang if His presence is here. And even within the outer satsang, if inner satsang doesn't happen, then it's not satsang. But if inner satsang happens and you are in the most crowded market of the world, then you are still in satsang. So make sure that your inner satsang is always on. Let that satsang be never stopping. Thank you very much.

And zero self-will and zero self-importance. Don't exchange God's presence for any idea about 'me' and 'me is like this' and 'I am like that.' Leave all of that. That's His to take care of. That's why He's God.

It just comes so strongly in this time.

It won't seem strong unless you're interested in the narrative, unless you're interested in that story that it is offering. Because all it has are thoughts, and a thought is just a thought. A thought will not become a bazooka and hit you. A thought will only be a thought. It seems strong; some seem not so strong because we're not that interested in them. Some seem very strong because we want to know where that story goes, what happens to that one with all those conditions, what happened to that one who got into spirituality, did she find freedom, did she get enlightened, was she able to remain in the presence? Even that it uses. So none of that is important. What is important is God. And it is such a strange Maya, such a strange condition in our human condition that we have to be reminded of that, that on one hand God is...

Because we're not that interested in that. Some seem very strong because we want to know where that story goes. What happens to that one with all those conditions? What happened to that one who got into spirituality? Did she find freedom? Did she get enlightened? Was she able to remain in the presence? Even that, you see. So none of that is important. What is important is God. And it is such a strange Maya, such a strange condition in our human condition, that we have to be reminded of that—that on one hand God is here, but God can be left to resolve some condition which belongs to a non-existent one. That is the power of Maya. It is truly powerless, but it seems so important. So if you follow and you just let go, whether it is strong, whether it is weak, you just let go, let go, let go. Leave it, leave it, leave it. Stay with God. You will not regret that.

You must not become the lawyer. For the mind will offer us a story and we become its lawyer and say, 'I can't help it, it's so strong.' Really look at really how meek it is, how weak it is. It's just a thought. It's nothing. It's a tiny piece of energy. It just crosses your being. It's nothing, not even a cloud. God is strong. Your presence is strong. It is unchanging. All these are just slivers of moving energy. They don't mean anything in your reality. Good. Thank you. Thank you. Merry Christmas. How are you doing? Yes.

Morning. Hello, Father. Thank you. Hello. Thank you. Thank you that you called me. Thank you. Somehow, after the conversation with Clarissa, I don't have much to say. Um, I feel like the presence right now after you spoke is apparent. It's obvious to me that I'm here, but I still felt to raise my hand somehow.

That's fine. And this I-amness, is it limited? Does it have a boundary?

That doesn't seem so. Doesn't seem so. But I cannot see any boundary. I cannot see any boundary.

Yes. So how do we go from 'I cannot see any boundary' to 'I know there is no boundary'? So one is to be able to conclude, even intellectually or perceptually. We may look at this vibration in the most subtle form of perception ever, and we may try to look with our attention at that presence, but we only scratch the surface of His presence with our attention, and that's His helping hand to us. But how can we know the boundlessness of His reality? So we must then switch to the instrument of the heart. And many times we hear these questions in satsang, isn't it? 'I cannot answer: was I born? I cannot answer: can I die?' How is it possible that I can answer these things? Well, you can answer, but only from the right place.

So already in the sense of experience, you're experiencing the subtlest vibration, which itself is great grace, which is the subtlest phenomenal experience that you can have, which is the tip of the iceberg. His presence is the tip of the iceberg of His being. So you can notice this beingness, this presence, but what is it coming from? What is it connected to? What is its source? That we can only know intuitively, where we know that it has no boundary. We don't need a perception to confirm that. And this is important to see: that everything that is true, especially the Self—the Self is purely intuitively recognized. And what I mean by the Self is the Nirguna Brahman, the non-phenomenal truth, the Absolute reality.

If we try to use the same instrument which cannot conclude whether presence has a boundary, if you try to use the same instrument for the Self, then there is no chance. Because this discovery is purely in the light of the Satguru, purely intuitive, see? So stay there where you know that you are aware. This awareness cannot be perceived, it cannot be known conceptually, but it can be known intuitively. And over there, you know the answers to all these questions. Now, what decides to appear on the surface of this world, what decides to appear in your outer expression, that we cannot predict. That is all His will and His grace. But nothing is left unknown when you are in the presence of God.

So also remember, I've been saying that you have—I feel all of you have true insights in your heart. But what happens is that because of fear or self-image or something, we like to filter through our mind and get an intellectual consent before we express or before we conclude. And if that is the case, then a spiritual practice like the invitation—we would just, if we were doing it that way, we would just be quiet throughout all of it. Because what can we really answer when the questions are all about coming to intuitive discoveries, if you were just to answer intellectually or through the filter of intellect? So don't filter anything. Trust your heart. Even if it makes you look really foolish outside, it's still worth it, okay? So don't worry, don't be concerned. Just allow your heart to flow and don't limit it in the intellectual boundaries of the human intellect.

Yeah, no limitation somehow. Yeah, it's like the—as you say—the insight of, to be honest, like of the awareness, that's apparent. But somehow it just trips me up. It's like if the God presence is apparent, and you say it's impossible because if the Self is apparent, it can be only in the light of the presence. So yeah, but yeah, this is the somehow—to be honest, this sometimes trips me up.

Very important. It's very important to talk about, very important to contemplate, to see for ourselves, you see. Now we may say that when I ask, 'Are you aware now?' it is so obvious that I'm aware. It is so obvious that I'm aware. Now, where is it obvious? In your head? No. In your perception? No. There where it is obvious, that is your presence. Where is it obvious? In the light of presence. We may say it is obvious in the light of presence, but actually intuition is just an aspect of this being, an aspect of this presence itself.

So right now, while the world is showing us all the imagery, where is your awareness obvious to you? Is it in your senses? No, it's not in the senses. Is it just a thought and attention and belief? No. Can even attention go to it? Can you keep your attention on awareness? No. Very good. Because if attention was to go to it, then the mind is picking us by convincing us that a dark, empty space is awareness. And when attention goes to this dark, empty space, then that must be awareness. It sounds like that, where there is nothing, where there is no attribute. But even dark is an attribute. Empty is an attribute, ultimately. So even empty of empty, even darker than dark, even lighter than light. So where is that known?

Somehow it's apparent to me that I'm the one who's seeing everything. Yes, it's apparent. And that apparency, we are concluding it's not in our senses, it's not just thinking. So in the same way, where do you know that you love? That love is here, that you love someone? Where do you know?

In the heart, somehow.

Yeah. So that heart, what is that? Is that not the presence?

I don't know right now. The sense of presence which was apparent a few minutes back—different from this heart, to be honest. I am with this very often. When you say like, 'I know I love you, I love Guru and my family and all the sangha,' yeah, somehow I just—no, no, no, I just somehow know it.

Yes, yes, yes. So okay, this love is known by whom?

By me.

Yes. Is that 'me' different from the I Am presence?

No. Am I just forcing that answer a little bit? Maybe somehow. Yeah, somehow a little. I wish I could say it clearly.

Yeah, we could contemplate this question. We won't leave this because these are beautiful contemplations. So maybe the simplest way to look at it is: where does this love arise from? What is the source of this love? Now you already defined the boundary of what we can understand. You said, 'I know I love you, I love Guruji, I love my family. I know that, but I don't know how.' So that there where you know, but you don't know—leave that aside. That is your mind, intellect. Just like it doesn't know whether you were born, whether you can die, it doesn't know the presence, it doesn't know the Self. So that limited one, leave it aside and just remain thoughtlessly with this intention to find out the source of love. This is to contemplate. So the question has been given in satsang, so you take the question. Even if it seems like, 'I take it in my mind: what is the source of this love?' and then we leave all thoughts behind. You notice that the question is still alive.

Yeah, and I contemplate even without it, it can be alive. Just, yeah, exactly.

Much so. That way then you're learning to remain with your intuition. And in this way, you can ask any question which is purely intuitive, like 'Who am I?' So in this way then our contemplation deepens, our insight deepens. Although it is always known in the heart, but in this play of being human, it is good to be contemplative like this and live in the heart to allow these petals to flower, for our intuitive insights to deepen.

And we cannot see the love, no? Like sometimes there are, of course, emotions sometimes. But when we speak about this, like for example right now, there is like emptiness or there is no trace of emotions. Sometimes it's—and if I can be honest, I'm sometimes a little bit troubled by that. Because before I felt so much love for you also, like emotional, and sometimes it doesn't come. And then I start questioning if I'm still loving you so much or like Guruji. I'm also happy to—sometimes it doesn't come like that. It's actually one of the ways which maybe catches me, that 'Okay, you don't love and untouch it so much.' And because I wouldn't want that at all.

Yes, absolutely. So there is no feeling of love which can last forever, see? Everything comes and goes. All feelings come and go. So don't worry about whether that feeling is there at the moment or not. Yet you know. That's why I take that example, and probably it's easier for parents to conclude that. But even if you leave the gurus aside, then you say, 'Do you love your parents?' You say yes. Even when the feeling may be the opposite, actually. They may be bothering you about work or something, so you may be very agitated with them. Or somebody says, 'Do you love your parents?' and you're not saying that from thinking that 'I have to because I am a son,' you see. You're not saying that because you're perceiving a feeling of love, but somewhere you know that you love them. There is where all truth is known. All the good things are known only there. So you must build your house there and just take occasional adventures—forced adventures—in the mind, not the other way around. You live in the heart and know everything only from there. And when the mind tempts you, which tempts everyone from time to time, let those be momentary. Let those be rare.

Would you stay in the presence? Come with me. As you say, like, I was sitting with it so much before, like no thought. I just loved it so much. No thought can force our belief like—

Yes, yes. And then what happened? You said before you were—

Somehow I—yeah, I was very much sitting with it before because it was like an atomic statement, I would say, somehow. And it's still true, see. I see what you're saying. Yeah, you contemplate before it is apparent to you. Yes, sometimes I still bring it, just for confirmation and I don't know, fun, to see that really—bring the worst things and like, it cannot force to believe.

Very—that's a very beautiful contemplation. And even this answer can come only intuitively from the heart, isn't it? Because there is no capacity in the mind to delve into these kind of questions.

Could we say staying in the presence is being open and empty? Like—

Yes. Yeah, the only way to stay in the presence is if open. I will say that to be open and empty is to invite the presence. Whether presence is apparent or not is up to His grace. But if you're not open and empty, then we're not even inviting Him. We're taking the chair and giving it to the 'me'. When we say presence, do we mean the phenomenal bit of—

There is no capacity in the mind to delve into these kind of questions. So could we say staying in the present is being open and empty?

Yes, the only way to stay in the presence is if open. I will say that to be open and empty is to invite the presence. Whether presence is apparent or not is up to His grace. But if you're not open and empty, then we're not even inviting Him; we're taking the chair and giving it to the 'me'.

When we say presence, do we mean the phenomenal bit of the being or we mean like the primary vibration? When we say the presence?

Yes, the presence being the primordial vibration. So it's on the basis of that do we say that I am present, I am here. And then when we find that, then we end up referring to our intuition rather than our senses, you see. So it's like bait. It's like bait in a way, no? Where at least the most subtle sense of that vibration all of us have, you see. Even actually I shouldn't say all of us have, because all of us have, but if you're caught up in our mind, then it seems only theoretical. The presence of the primordial vibration only seems conceptual if you don't remain empty enough. So to remain empty is very, very important using whatever tool that we can. So to remain like that, and then the primordial reveals itself. And as we stay in that revelation, intuitively we start to recognize the greatest secrets of the universe: the reality of the Self, the presence, the being of God, and the presence of that being which I call I am.

And the being we cannot see, no? It's like the only thing we can like somehow phenomenally recognize is yes, this primordial vibration itself is on the cusp. We cannot say whether it is fully phenomenal or fully non-phenomenal. This presence that you notice, is it phenomenal? Then you would be able to tell its color, its shape, its size. We cannot tell that. So this is the most useful bait, you see, that God's grace has given us because this opens up our eyes, so to speak—our intuitive eyes—where otherwise we would be just so caught up in taking phenomena to be there, then we would be stuck like that. But when we come to this presence, we cannot explain it away because it's not phenomenal. And yet you may say, 'But I feel it, I perceive it at least a little bit. I don't know what it is, but there's a sense I have of it.' You see, the sense of presence, we say we have a sense of it. So it's almost sensory, but it is not. Yeah, and that draws us in, you see? That draws us in.

Because if this was not there, then it would be very difficult to really even start this adventure of going towards the non-phenomenal, because it would seem like everything is concrete and truly only seeing is believing. But here when you come to this, what is it? What is it? Is it solid? No. Is it completely not present? No, it is present. What is it? We can't explain it in our mind and we can't solve it in our intellect. And then that way it draws us in. Because in that exploration of who this is, whose presence is this, who is sitting here in our heart, we call that I am. We call that I am, that undefinable one. So that Atma, that presence, is God's gift, God's grace, an aspect of God itself, just like the finger of God is part of God.

In His—I love this, I mean there's no explanation for any of this—but if I was to pick an explanation, I love the explanation that in His grace and mercy He realized that if He was to only remain non-phenomenal, then in terms of truly purely intuitive insight, then most of humanity would not have a chance of coming to Him. He needed this Atma, this Holy Spirit, this beingness, where because we cannot really explain it in our intellect and yet we cannot deny it, we open to that from which even this arises. These are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful things. And we can't even say subtle because they're just beyond the scope of the mind. So it's beyond subtle. It just needs you to be heartfelt in the heart to recognize the truth of these can only be known in the heart. And that is why love also is a very useful instrument because whether most are interested in God or not, they cannot deny the presence of love and unconditional love for someone in their life. So that itself we cannot explain away. So these are useful, useful gifts from Him for us to come to Him.

Is it the presence like, basically it's apparent to me that I'm right now awake? There's like a difference between dreaming and waking state, like something is here which is not there during dream state, like a wakefulness or aliveness. Is this the same as the presence?

Well, I have to say that in my experience the wakefulness or aliveness is there in the dream also. So I don't know how we'll compare notes on that one. It seems a bit tricky to see; we'll have to meet in a dream to do that. So tell me one thing, maybe one way to look at this is: is it not possible that this could be happening in a dream right now and you could wake up the next moment?

Yeah, completely. But there is something in the dream which never appears in the dream, at least for me, like maybe consciousness or something. Like the dream is never so—I don't know.

In this dream, are you saying that the I amness is not there? You tell your name to people, you say 'I am this' and 'I am that one' in the dream?

Oh no, yeah, in yeah, of course. Like everything is kind of the same, can be the same in the dream.

So is it possible for you in the waking state to say 'I am' without 'I am' being there? Like, given the basis for the false identity is the true presence, isn't it?

Yes, absolutely. If the sense I am itself was not there, then where would we place the label Ananta or Muni or man? There is no holding place for that.

Yeah, so maybe we relook that conclusion that the presence of being determines the difference between the waking state and the dream state. It determines the difference between the waking/dream state and the sleep state, but not between dreams or waking. I don't feel that; it is not my experience that it is different in that way. There is no way that I can conclude right now that we are not having this conversation in the dream state. But that's a good contemplation, very good. So stay in your heart. For all knowing, all knowledge, you have to come from there. What does your heart say? Is this a waking state or a dream?

I must say waking state. And but intuitively I know it's like it's not different from a dream, something like that.

So same thing, the heart and intuition is the same. So if you were to ask me, I can tell you that from my heart I feel like there is no such distinction. It is all projections of Consciousness within Consciousness. And because in the human condition we want to understand, we label these things as dream and waking, but it's just Consciousness playing with itself, playing on its own screen and its own light. Yeah, so don't trouble yourself with any of these questions. In a sense, don't trouble yourself in the head with any of these questions. In your heart, whatever insights arise, you cannot try with your heart.

I've been also with that. Yeah, you've been saying it and also like it's a fun contemplation, like staying in the insight, that deep awareness. And there is nothing we can do to help it, maybe being open and empty is the only thing we can. Yeah, not believing the thoughts, we can help it somehow. Be free from ignorance is our part of the job.

And for the truth and insights to reveal themselves is all His grace. Thank you. And then when we see that all of that is His grace, we also see that to be free from ignorance was also His grace. But for the moment it will seem like it is our job and we must do it wholeheartedly.

Also if I can empty of completely identification to be free. And if I can also confirm, like as you say, it really usually takes effort to believe in the mind. It's amazing, like it's effortful to believe in it. There are some occasions when mind attacks come and then it's a different story somehow, but usually like yeah, as you say, it's effortful at this point mostly. Thank you, thank you so much.

Thank you, thank you. Good, thank you. Okay, let's go to Jitendra's house. Namaste. Take your time, take your time, there's no rush. I can't hear you so well at all actually. The rest of you can hear him? No, we don't hear you.

Can you hear me now? Yes, yes, very clearly. Very good. It's—I'm able to experience the mind is just empty and I mean there's nothing to say really.

Then it was a bit choppy, so could you repeat your whole report? Father initially—

Whenever I'm in satsang, initially there's a lot of fear and stress sometimes that comes up, but eventually it's just empty. But when the body sometimes falls into illness, yes, that's when the ignorance, so to speak, for not being aware of the presence, that's when it sits in.

Yes, okay. So that's very good. If identification with the body, if identification with the false 'me' only happens when the body is sick, then already you're saying something very beautiful, which means that you're saying that when the body is not sick, you're just naturally in His presence, His grace all the time. Is it like that?

Father, it is not like that. It is when there is—I'm in the middle of a lot of work. When I work from my intuition, when I work intuitively, I experience—I mean it's still empty. However, when the sense of doership comes, that's when the stress builds up. And I've been coming to satsang for a few weeks now and I've been using the satsang to, you know, dissolve the stress. But I'm not able to exactly get to when the sense of doership comes in.

Yes, yes, my dear. Okay, okay. So firstly, if you come to satsang to dissolve the stress, then there is already doership in that. So it is like trying to use non-doership as a doer to get rid of doership. So that tactic won't work. So what is more important is that make your life fully about God and to come to the discovery of God and to learn how to live in His presence throughout is why you must come to satsang. Because if there is personal intention hiding at the back of even coming to satsang, then that personal intention will not go away. It'll be persistent and doership is an aspect of that personality, part of the personal construct. So if I was to ask you, can you commit your entire life to serving God and God alone?

Yes.

Very good, very good. So whatever you do from now on must be just for Him. Make whatever 'me' is there for God and don't try to use God for 'me' in any way. Whatever He does to your life is none of your business now. Everything is for Him and for Him alone. Then your life becomes a true life of devotion. Your life becomes a true life of service. Otherwise our self-concern may override our devotion without us even realizing it or recognizing it. So allow Him to move you, allow Him to guide you. His presence is here for you. How do we know what His presence should do? We do not know. So if we conclude that now that I am in His presence my stress should reduce, then that is imposing our will upon Him, isn't it? So we must not impose even that expectation. We must be completely in that mode saying, 'Whatever state You keep me in, I'm happy with that state.' Did we lose him? Looks like—give it a minute. Okay, looks like there's some internet trouble or not at all liking what I'm saying, one of the two options. Okay, let's go to Edward first then we'll come back.

Hello Ananta.

Hello my dear, it's been a while. I'm not the day—sorry, remembering you. I don't remember the context but we were talking about you the other day. Maybe I was talking to somebody from Lithuania. Very good, I'm so happy to see you.

Yes, I'm not able always to be online but I'm al—

Looks like there's some internet trouble or it's not at all liking what I'm saying. One of the two options is okay. Let's go to Edward first, then we'll come back.

Hello, Ananta. Hello, my dear. It's been a while. I don't remember the context, but we were talking about you the other day. Maybe I was talking to somebody from Lithuania. Very good. I'm so happy to see you. Yes, I'm not able always to be online, but I'm always watching recordings. And yeah, I just wanted to come fresh like this. As you were talking right now, actually, about serving God, I've been contemplating on this as well. It seems I always come to this conclusion—well, not conclusion, but you know, I need to fill up myself. I need to be happy to share happiness in a way, you know. So maybe selfish, I don't know, but it seems like even to serve God, I feel if I'm not in the presence myself, you know, I'm not able to do it. That's why it always leads to whenever I identify with some small issues, some nonsense really stuff has been lately like this a little bit, just worrying about small things, then I just want to retrieve, you know, just to see from the clear space that it's not true what I'm experiencing. And it always happens, but I would like to see more this serving God part as well because I don't want to, in a way, miss something, although I don't fully see any contradiction so far.

Let's make it even more direct and say: what are the two options? We can serve God or we can serve whom?

I never thought in really one or the other really ever before. Now when it has been introduced, obviously I would come to God in this way. And I was never thinking before, 'let's serve myself first and then others,' but more be in the presence and then everything automatically happens what needs to happen. And it was always true experientially, you know. And it is also a bit less now when I'm, let's say, attending less live satsang and being in the presence; it happens less, to be honest. I feel like at some point, I feel like there is a practice I have to attend a little bit. Interestingly, I thought at some point, 'okay, this is it and I need less and less to attend,' but then at some point I feel like I do need to attend. I do need to attend.

Yes. So on the first part of what you said, you're completely right that whatever flows from the presence—so when I say allow God to move you, this is what I mean—that how will He move us? When we remain just in the presence, then whatever happens, it doesn't become static. It doesn't become vegetative, like you say. Movement still happens, but you're not serving an individual idea of 'me.' You're just empty, and from the presence all this movement comes. So this is the first way to be in service to God, and this is the most important way that all of us must learn: to be empty like this and to allow ourselves without judgment, without 'what's in it for me?' Like you said beautifully, there was no trouble in any of that; it must unfold in that way.

So the only thing why it is important to reiterate that, to keep coming to satsang in some sense, is to not allow the subtle tricks of the mind to get you and to say, 'Yes, yes, this is actually it. While I'm empty, I'm doing this.' But actually, it could be sometimes that the mind tricks us into following the will of the non-existent one, which is its whole drama—to try to get us to do that. If you are just naturally being empty all the time and allowing everything to flow from there, then that's very good. But we have to be fully true to ourselves and not allow even the mind to make this conclusion for us. We must be intuitive even in that recognition: is my life truly being lived open and empty?

It's not 24 hours a day, but...

So take out eight hours. Let's take out eight for sleep, then that leaves sixteen. So what is your sense? Like out of sixteen, what is it?

I would say it's in levels on levels. It's not day and night switches. It's more I can be really present and, you know, in between there is a lot of... sometimes it's really deep, so there's like some insights come and stuff. And sometimes just feeling that every step that I take is being taken in the right direction in a way.

So what would you say in terms of—don't be in the intellect about it or don't be too quantitative if you don't want to—but what is your sense? Do you feel like most of the day you are open and empty and a little bit the mind gets you, or how? What is it like?

It's been getting me quite a bit more, a bit more definitely recently.

Mhm. So what helps you to return to that open and empty? Is it the inquiry? Is it just the reminder to be open and empty as a pointer? What works with you most often? Not always, but most often.

Yeah, meditations. I try to sit before bed and early mornings now. And I listen to your recordings, which is not... when I listen to them I'm usually driving or maybe even working, so maybe it's not the best way, but at least it doesn't allow me to completely go back.

But it seems like one tip that I've been saying very often is that don't leave your bed till you come to the presence, God's presence. Are you able to follow that?

If I wake up positive, then I tend to leave it, you know. But every time when it's painful, then I tend to go with that. But it's interesting when I'm happy about something, something worldly, you know, then I tend to... I'm just too happy today. But I notice that.

Yeah, so this we must try and follow no matter what. I was expecting you to say, 'When I'm happy I'm able to follow and I do it, but when I'm like irritated or frustrated then I leave all this.' I don't want to, but I'm happy you say that at least you leave the bed happy either way. So if you're irritated, you come to God or the presence and then you leave; otherwise you're leaving happy. But even then, I would say just my guidance is just start with that because that gives you like an anchor for the day. It gives you a stronger anchor when you start your day like that. Even then the mind will get you during the day, and that's why regular reminders are helpful, either in terms of the prayer or the inquiry or whatever gets us back to presence. That is helpful throughout the day, but at least to begin the day not without His presence is a very, very beautiful start to our day.

Yes. I feel when I'm really desperate, I even tried this just repeating Jesus' name, just really to hold on to something. And for example, you know, when I come back home and in the evening I like to watch something, so I would rather watch The Chosen, you know. So that helps also, tricking myself, but in a good way I guess.

It's very good. What was the other show you mentioned? No, yeah, just the show Chosen. And you said one more?

No, I started to watch another one where a girl goes to hell, but I haven't finished I think even the first season.

The Good Place. The Good Place. That's more philosophical and it's sweet, it's nice. But Chosen is very, very nice. I'm very happy you're doing that. Now maybe all that we need is to start your day like that and throughout the day some sort of a reminder to come back. And the name of Jesus, of course, is very beautiful to help you come back. Do that. Yes, just keep deepening in this. It sounds good. What you're saying sounds good to me.

I just feel like I'm working also towards some things where I could spend more time in being in presence with you live. Because recently I just identified with certain things where I never felt I saw any juice in it, and now I seem to somehow identify when I never thought I would be interested in that, you know. Feeling that it's important, I need... it's like maybe, I don't know, energies from other people I say, or something, combined consciousness. I don't know, but it's interesting when I come back.

It's all good, and it's not necessarily something to disregard or something like that. I'm just saying that consciousness is met intuitively. If something becomes conceptual or we have a lot of ideas about something, then it can take us away from that remaining in the heart and meeting the universality of consciousness, which in a way the term you used tries to convey. But the universality of it cannot really be understood conceptually at all; it has to be met in the heart, in the intuitive light. So it's okay. It doesn't sound too bad or anything like that. Just remain intuitive about all of these things and Grace will make it clear. Grace will make your pathway clear. But come, I'm happy if you're here.

I'm thinking always. I'm planning, slowly planning, putting things around and trying to make it happen.

Let us know if you need anything. Let us know. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, let's go back to Chandrahas if we can.

Sorry, Father.

No problem. So let's go back. What were we discussing? You were mentioning that from this moment on, if I'm ready to live my life completely for God, then all self and self-interest, whatever happens to this life, should be left to Him.

Very good, very good, very good. You know what happens otherwise is that spirituality becomes a tactic that we use to try and make the life of the 'me' better. So then there are two modes even of listening to satsang. If I say be open and empty, then one mode of being open and empty is like, 'I'm being open and empty, open and empty,' like that, you see. So what's happening to me? Am I really open and empty? Is it helping my stress? Is it helping my life? You see, we get in that position which we don't recognize because we take that to be natural. But really open and empty is empty.

It's difficult to put in words, but you can tell the difference—that we're not trying to be empty, we're not trying to do something. We're really empty of self-will, empty of self-concern, empty of self-importance. Then what happens when we are empty like that? The mind says, 'But you won't move. Life will stop. You'll leave all your responsibilities. You can't function.' But that's not true, because even right now all these words are appearing, you see, from this mouth. I'm hearing them appear, but there's no sense that I'm doing anything or I'm speaking them. So from that emptiness, all that is required to move can move. Then our life truly becomes in His hand.

Kabir Ji said—which means that in its final statement to the devotee who said, 'How can we be free from this delusion if you're saying thinking doesn't work, smartness doesn't work, even sitting in meditation doesn't work? Nothing works. So Master, please tell us what will work.' He said, 'Follow His command.' And that is my teaching. So what does it mean to follow His command, to follow His will? If you're full of self-will and self-concern, then we are not an empty vessel for His will anyway. So to empty ourselves is to allow Him to move. Oftentimes I also pray saying, 'Father, You move me. You move me.'

Then what may happen is that—usually it will happen in this order—as we get used to remaining empty and allowing Him to move us, whatever we take ourselves to be, then we may start receiving some guidance or instructions in our heart as well. But the perfume of that intuitive guidance is very different from the mind's oppression, the mind's slavery. So when we start hearing the Atma's voice within, then we can follow that as His command, as God's will. But first we must learn to become empty and not impose our own will onto life. And the only way to do that is if you, with integrity, committed to make this life only for Him. Otherwise, it somewhere remains just a tactic or a technique to make my life better, but there is no such...

In our heart as well, but the perfume of that intuition, that guidance, is very different from the mind's oppression, the mind's slavery. So when we start hearing the Atma's voice within, then we can follow that as His command, as God's will. But first we must learn to become empty and not impose our own will onto life. And the only way to do that is if you, with integrity, committed to make this life only for Him. Otherwise, it will somewhere remain just a tactic or a technique to make my life better. But there is no such 'me' in reality. All that self-concern—leave all that to Him. Say, 'Whatever state You keep me in, I'm happy, but let this life be Yours alone.'

Good idea. Thank you, Father.

So welcome. So, okay, let's go to Radhe Shyam Ji. Namaste.

Namaste, Father. Namaste. Namaste. Thank you, Father.

Very welcome. All my love, all my blessings. All my love. Bless you, bless you. Let's go to Kunal.

Hello, Father.

Hello, my dear. Hello.

Uh, I just thought it was—it's been a while, so I just wanted to say hi, make sure you didn't forget about me. So, uh, yeah, I know it's a good thing. I have to remind myself to make sure you don't. So, uh, but let's make a deal: I won't forget about you if you forget about yourself. Deal?

Yes, deal. Yeah, deal. Good.

Yeah. Well, now that I made that deal with you, I can't tell you what I wanted to tell you. So...

Okay, tell. We'll start the deal in two minutes. You can—okay, we can delay it a bit.

Well, I just wanted to tell you thank you so much. I've been—I've noticed the Atma Darshan has been helping me. Uh, sometimes more than the contemplation, I use the Allah prayer or Krishna prayer, uh, however my mood is feeling. And, uh, sometimes I'll think I'm really spiritual after it, but I get on the highway, someone honks at me, and I forget all my spirituality again. But, uh, other than that, uh, I'm just trying my best, Father. And, uh, you're a very beautiful man and I'm—I'm very happy to talk with you. Sometimes your presence is, uh, felt even through the computer screen. So, uh, but yeah, that's—that's pretty much it from me. And thank you.

Oh, very good. Very, very good. And if you want to get over the honking thing, you can just come to India and drive. Oh, okay. All right. Here, it's not meant—I know how it is over there, and somebody honks at you, it's almost like an insult or something. Here, there are different types of honking. You can honk saying, 'Can you please move?' There's different honking for, you know, 'Get out of the way, fool.' You know, there's different—there's different texture to this which, in India, we've got the nuance sorted, and most of it is not meant to be at all an insult or meant to be something bad. So, but you can get over that thing by quickly coming to India and driving on the streets here. You will be completely desensitized from that. But, um, more seriously, I'm very happy to see that, um, you've been following and, uh, your presence is definitely more heartfelt and beautiful. So keep going like this. Keep deepening in His grace. And may, by His grace, all that is here be also there for you. May His light, may His love, may His presence become your constant companions. All my love, all my blessings.

Hello. Hi, Father. Hi, Father. Every week I promise myself this week I—I won't come, but here I am again. Recently I'm just coming so much to you. So, um, just thank you. Thanks to God. Just today's satsang, just—I was just fully one with this, just fully present. So I'm just so incredibly grateful for that. And yeah, just thank—thank you and thanks to God for bringing me here. Yeah. And you ask someone that, 'How is it like your day? You are always in presence, and how much do you go to your mind?' And when you ask, I just realize that, like, yeah. I—I have one question, Father. Not just a question, but something I want to bring because, um, you said something: 'What's—what's in the way for you to experience this presence?' And yes, even though it's just so palpable today in satsang, what I'm just so much struggling recently is the outer noises. Um, like, not just outer noises, but what I realize is that—I see Kunal right now, not you, Father. Let me find you. So what I was saying, like recently, um, whenever I started to merge and coming to this presence, wherever I am, you know, so much activity started to come up. People started to come up, noise. When I'm home, my mother immediately starts houseworking, even if I warn her, and it just drives me crazy. Like, I didn't have any space and, like, I'm just going crazy. And today I could drop because during satsang I just go out and I—I said, 'Just stop it,' you know? And they stopped. And—and I see with that, like, it has really some kind of importance. Like, so I don't know, I just wanted to bring this to—to you. And why I'm saying that, like, my window is open and I can still hear the sound of cars, rain, everything, and it doesn't disturb me. But somehow some noises just drive me so crazy. And yeah, and I don't know, I just need some outer quietness to—like, it's kind of prayer because recently I cannot find it. And yeah.

Nice. So I can tell you that where I live, and I've lived for many, many years, is actually a very noisy place. It's the—it's a main road and there's so much traffic and sounds, all of that. And I don't know if you were hearing the other day in satsang where I was saying that: What is the difference between the sound of an ambulance and a beautiful bird making sounds? Where does that distinction come from? Is it inherent, or can it be that, empty of our judgment, whatever God's grace gives to us, it is received as His offering with His love? And that makes the most hellish life—the hellish-seeming life—seem like the most blessed one. It's possible like that because His presence makes even that which is most obnoxious, most difficult in this world—even His presence makes all of that also pleasing. So like you're following today, keep following like this and remain with Him. And you will see that my words are true: that those who are true devotees of His light, of His love, don't need anything to change on the outside because nothing really can take them away from the Beloved in the heart. And I know that your love for Him is very deep, but, um, somewhere the outer life and all of these things can try to present obstacles on your path. But you remain strong in your love, loving deeper and deeper as much as you can with all your heart every day, every moment. And you see that all these outer circumstances will start to become less and less in their intensity. You may not even hear them because there's so much in your heart.

I—I give so much reaction, Father. Like, I hear one sound but then I'm just gone. Yeah. And as I said, not every sound. Some are like my mother is doing—started doing housework, etc. Some are just incredibly sticky, feel sticky. So yeah. And you know, Father, what happened today? Today I was outside and walking with a dog and, uh, I had to listen to Guruji's, um, like daily Sahaja Express thing. Normally I just sit, but today I had to listen while I was walking. And I was just so amazed that, like, my eyes were open, I was walking, but it's just full—just completely silent. It was quite some time that I didn't experience while I was active. So there, it just reminded to me that, oh my gosh, it's just possible, you know? It doesn't require anything. And the other dogs started to, like, even—was argue, but I—I was able to even cut this and I was like, 'Oh my God.' I—I even did something, but I didn't—like, after such—after some time, it was beautiful reminding for me, like, we can really be outside of all these things, like, while we are so-called active. So, so I don't know. Yeah. Thank you. All I can say is just thank you and, uh, yeah. I shall, and we all shall, remain in this place while we are so-called active, while these bodies are doing their thing, you know? We shall remain always here. This is the thing, Father. This is just the beauty of beauty.

Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you, Father. And thank you for being so patient with me. Very welcome, always. Very good, very good. Thank you, thank you. Okay, let's go to...

Hello. Hi. I need help. Just one second, my daughter here. One second. Okay. Okay. I just feel so much resistance these days and, um, I'm trying everything, you know? I'm praying, I'm repenting, and I'm just failing so much. And there's no love, and it feels like I'm using every anchor and nothing's working. And yes.

And what would 'working' look like? What would that mean?

Like—like, uh, not feeling, uh, like mental and psychological, um, suffering.

So to work would mean that you are free from psychological suffering from the mind. Yeah. Okay. What if the only job was to stay with Him? Are we—are we succeeding in that?

Definitely not.

Okay. So what stops us in this moment? In this moment right now, is His presence not here? Yeah. He's here or no?

He's here.

So what can make you leave His presence, His life, His love?

It's just the stories.

Yes, but can the stories by themselves make you leave?

No, not at all.

So can the stories be that strong? Can they come more than one thought at a time? No. And can they have any power if all you wanted was to be with Him, to be with God? No. Starting now, if your life were just spent every moment in His presence, would that not be enough? Yeah, it's more than enough because because it is Him. He is the one. Is there a 'but' which is still powerful?

Kind of, yes.

But what about—and is that 'what about' not about 'me'? It is. All the 'but'—all the 'but' comes from, 'Yes, God is here, but what about me?' Which one? It's not about the 'me' who remains that I'm talking about, because the 'me' who remains is the one that remains when we spot that there is nobody. The one that we actively take to be ourself must be erased. Who are inside the position? What remains is a pale shadow, the ashes of the ego. It must be kept in servitude to God. But if you expect to go with 'what about me' and to not suffer, then that is not possible.

Yeah. Can I just say one thing? Yeah. The 'but'—yes, it's—um, it feels more real when there's sens—when there's like such a physical storm that accompanies the story.

Well, the mind uses that, of course, as circumstantial evidence to prove that because there is physical sensation, that makes it more true. I don't know, Father. Yes, but, um, why don't you move to your heart? And then allow your heart to see this shift houses. Yeah. You cannot be with the mind, the oppressor itself, and expect to make that nice and beautiful. We must shift houses where God's presence is palpable. Just stay there. You don't have to return to the intellect to even make a report. Stay in your heart. What is the heart reporting? Because that is definitely worth hearing. Deepen so much in His love that we only—we only yearn to hear what the heart is saying. Having said that, you said, 'Can I just say one thing?' So that one thing you can see, whatever it was, I already said it. You said—uh, I said the sensation that comes with it, and you said that the mind will use any evidence to prove its reality. Look at—yeah, if you look at that objectively, for God, what is the sensation? Is it really God? Like, is our presence really God's presence? If you all saw that really it is Him, then it would not need king from me every alternate day. So somewhere, like a spell of disbelief is cast, like the hypnosis is cast by the mind which tells you, 'Yes, maybe, I don't know, He's here, but still...' But all these things are not possible because, like I keep saying, if Ram, Krishna, Jesus—they came, one of them came in front of you right now, would you say, 'Yes, but what about this sensation?' No. Like you—so some—we—we normal—we regularize this unregularized presence in our heart. It is the most—not abnormal, but most non-understandable thing. There is a presence within yourself, and that presence—somebody who you give credibility to is saying that one is God's presence. How are you not obsessed with that exploration? We must all just be obsessed with that. Someone who I trust, hopefully, has told me that that presence in my heart, that presence within myself, is God. Is the one that came as Ram, as Krishna, as Jesus. The one that is referred to as Allah. That one—is it really Him? Then where is the space for...

There is a presence within yourself, and that presence—somebody who you give credibility to is saying that one is God's presence. How are you not obsessed with that exploration? We must all just be obsessed with that. Someone who I trust, hopefully, has told me that that presence in my heart, that presence within myself, is God. It is the one that came as Ram, as Krishna, as Jesus; the one that is referred to as Allah. That one—is it really Him? Then where is the space for anything else? Is there time for anything else? So somewhere we must be believing it is not Him. Yeah, we must explore. We must explore and deepen. Why is this foolish one sitting every day and saying it is God? Well, you feel like it's just some sensation or could be just biochemical. So, either then don't let—if you love me, then don't let me die stupid and explain to me how I got it all wrong.

Father, it's not regularizing it. Like, in those moments of just pure emptiness and innocence, there's such a beauty and a deepening, you know? But it's staying there. Like, how to not stay without regularizing it? Do you see that?

It's a tradeoff, you see. So the tradeoff must be making something else seem more important—something in the object world to seem more important. We have to first regularize Him, normalize Him. The most unnormal, the immensity of which we can only grasp in our heart, that one we let go of when we make the tradeoff in our minds. And it is not possible, no matter what we say, it is not possible without us making the tradeoff. Consciousness and an aspect of Consciousness cannot be forced by the mind to accept its rantings over the presence of God. And it is also not possible in this worldly life, in the life in Maya, to make it such that we remain in the presence, in the wasted presence of His life, while we continue to go in the narratives of the mind. It is by design obscured, and that's how Maya works. It hides reality and presents an alternate view of reality. And it is always a tradeoff which we make. Yeah.

So just know that for all of you, everything that your mind is saying is not true. And even the most absurd-seeming thing that your heart is saying—truly, if you're truly being intuitive, then your heart will tell you secrets which your mind can't even imagine. And to have faith in what your heart is saying is the sign of a true devotee. So keep at it, even when—especially when—times are tough, because the mind doesn't have endless ammunition. It plays its good shots and then it waits for the next opportune time. But you can easily overcome it by remaining in the truth, in the true light.

Or if you are convinced about something, then you must be able to come and tell me that, 'You are mistaken about this, old man. You completely messed up. When sensations plus thought come together, they are bigger than the presence or more important than God.' You must be able to say that. 'I'm not making the tradeoff blindly. You mistaken me; this is important. And when these things are there, then these are more important than God's presence. It can wait. It's okay if He waits.' You see? 'I've got a lot of time in my life. We can wait.' Can we say that? Any of us cannot say that. But day after day, we keep wasting in the same way. And we must not mistake God's love and patience because He has made Himself available through Grace. Because most of our brothers and sisters in the world look at what is being said in satsang as if it is the strangest thing. We have the opportunity now. And I'm not saying this for you; most of my children every day, we have this opportunity. Every day I am wasting—and not wasting—I am wasting, wasting.

So it's good to see that and to deepen in our resolve, in our inner commitment to only serve Him, only be with Him. Are we really asking ourselves, 'How can I serve You now?' instead of 'How are You serving me now?' But the thing is that once we recognize, then we must retreat, you see. We must not build a new home in that idea of guilt or 'I'm not doing it right' or because that can also seem comfortable. Actually, at the moment, just feel like, 'Oh, this is how I'm doing it. I'm doing it so wrong. I don't deserve Him.' All that stuff? No. Just come back. If time is lost, we resist even that. We don't want to come back, rather make conclusions about how we're not doing it right instead of seeing and coming back home like a child. You must return instantly. You recognize that you entered the wrong house, no? As a child, and you recognize that this one was not your mother, this one is—so you just run out and come to your house, no? You don't have to say, 'Okay, I always do this. I come to the wrong place. When will that be fixed?' You leave all that. Come home. You recognize the wrong place or no? For sure? Okay, then come home right now. No time to waste. You come and you can laugh. It's okay at home.

It just becomes like a stubbornness, no?

Yeah, but when will I stop doing this? Maybe it's not then. Soon the mind will convince you you're not cut out for this and you know, all this kind of stuff. Just leave it. Come home now. No time. Because otherwise we are talking about wasting and we are continuing to waste. 'Yeah, wasting. I'm such a waster. I keep wasting.' Come home! That's how you stop wasting. Yeah, that's funny. Simple as that. You see, it's as simple as that. The mind says, 'No, no, it can't be like that. It can't be that simple.' You see? 'You were moping for three days or three weeks or whatever. How can we just drop it like that?' You can. That's how you stop wasting. Just now, drop it. He's here.

Yeah. Thank you, Father. Thank you. You stay your true home.

Okay. I love you. Love you too. And thank you. Thank you for the painting that you used as your photo. Very nice. Very nice.

Oh, I'm so glad you like it. I feel really drawn to images of Jesus with a sheep and it just reminds me to be just sheep-like and follow Him and be innocent like that. And so I just—every time I see one, I just immediately—it's just such a beautiful anchor.

Yes. Just get for... okay for... and this finish. Let's go quickly. I find my energy running off now, but let's take the last couple of questions.

Hello. Hi. Namaste, Father. Namaste. Namaste.

What is the signs? And did you see? I know, no, no. There was some this emoji, you know, that—did the rest of you see or I've had too long of satsang? I didn't—I didn't—just do that action again. It started based on your action on the screen. It started showing the emojis, no?

Oh, I have no idea about the settings. Have I done something wrong? It's all good. I'm pretty clueless with this. Yeah, don't worry. I think I'm very clueless with everything, Father. That's—if you have just blessed us all, I think, with so much. It's like a fortress around us. I can only thank God. I mean, He sent Mira, He sent you. You sent your angel Mira to us too. Very good. Very everything is taken care of, Father. Everything, everything. I want to start complaining sometimes and then I just look at myself. I don't know. It just—I think this affliction to me, this 'me'—I'm not saying it goes, but it's so brazenly looked at. It's looked at in a very brazen way, like, you know, this affliction of the mind-made 'me.' Yeah, very brazenly. And I can just look at it and I think everything—all the guidance, the pull of God is so much stronger. It cannot survive it. It is so strong, the pull of God.

And a lot of thoughts can be seen and laughed at, but some of them are so insidious. We really, really take time. And everything that you give us from time to time, like Mira—I was really resisting her telling me to do the three malas. I was really resisting. And then I'm—it's only the third or fourth day that I've done it. I was really resisting. And I think I was talking to her in the last chat. I'm so glad. Sorry, can you hear me?

Yeah. I'm saying that always follow what your teacher is guiding you. The mind—if the mind is resisting, means that there's some juice to it. If the mind welcomes everything that the guide guides you to, then there must be something wrong.

I said yes to her. Yes, I said yes to her because I'll follow whatever she says, whatever you say. But I know my mind was playing up and a lot of insidious thoughts like, you know, 'I'm good where I am,' like, 'I'm okay,' you know, 'What is the need?' But it's—I think every framework...

Can we try an experiment? Now, this space where you're very articulate, you know, you're very articulate in this space and all the right words are there. Just leave that space. Come to a place where you're fully ineloquent and your expressions become like the utterances of a baby. I would love to make sense of those. So allow your heart to move you. Don't think. Just let it go. Don't have to present yourself in any way. Not that you are consciously trying to present yourself in some way; that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that allow this layer to fall off. Become an ineloquent baby. Could you? You see, you take your time with this. It's very good.

That's the whole project, actually: to return to an innocence which we recognize we have. In the process of growing up, we learned all this language and words and things like that, and it seems like our persona gets used to those words and those constructs. Then coming to satsang, we must just come to the safest place where we can return to how we were as children, where we don't have any of these learned constructs, where we are just so innocent and fresh and alive that, you know, our heart can speak and we're not scared. We're not scared of how it will be received and what people will think of us, because all of us are actually in the same boat, in the very same boat. And we are all trying to get home to His light, His love together. So just don't worry. Don't worry. Be all that. The more things which you say which sound ineloquent and gibberish, those are music to my ears.

The heart doesn't have—what you're finding in your heart doesn't have the words. The mouth doesn't have the words to convey what your heart is finding. So allow it to be over there. Allow yourself to live there. Even when you feel like you want to report something, just remain over there. Let that speak, even if it has nothing to do with what you wanted to say. Let it be. Trust that. Yes, that you're in a fully safe space and don't worry about anything at all. Just how you are with yourself, no? How do you talk with yourself when you're alone by yourself? How are you with yourself? Just like that. Because then we can get to the heart of it very, very simply and easily. But if we meet through the layers of communication, if we try and deconstruct things, then it seems much more convoluted and difficult. If we both meet like innocent children in God's light, it's very simple. Do you feel like you can? Are you recognizing what I'm saying?

Yes, yes, Father. Yes.

It is because inadvertently all of us have created masks, you see. We've created masks and usually those masks are constructed with words and language, you see. That we feel and we somewhere we ourselves forget what's behind those masks. So just let go, let go, let go, let go. Don't understand anything. It's not about understanding. Don't understand anything. Don't make progress. Just leave it and just allow the childlike, innocent heart—allow that full control of your life, independent of what the world thinks and even what you think about yourself. You see, all molds that we are forced to become—life forces us to fall into these molds, you see. We have life experiences where we feel like, 'I have to be like that, I have to be like this.' So coming to satsang is to drop all the molds. Just return to super simplicity, a real innocence. Then like a child, you can just be free and yes.

Yes, Father. Yeah. I had a doctor visit yesterday. I'm just telling you something. It's Ram. I had a doctor visit yesterday and pretty—the meeting went really funny. Why? Because to everything, to everything she's asking me, I—like, she was noticing, you know, just trying to figure out my progress. To everything she's asking me, I...

I have to be like this. So, coming to satsang is to drop all the molds, just return to super simplicity, a real innocence. Then, like a child, you can just be free. And yes, yes.

Father, yeah, I had a doctor visit yesterday. I'm just telling you something. I had a doctor visit yesterday and the meeting went really funny. Why? Because to everything she's asking me, she was noticing, you know, just trying to figure out my progress. To everything she's asking me, I said, 'Yeah, I'm fine. It's okay. I'm fine.' I'm not going into the detail, but she asked me, 'Then what is the problem that you're talking about?' I said, 'No.' So she asked, 'Do you mean you're becoming better?' 'Yeah.' 'You mean you're okay? You're better this way and that way?' And I said, 'No, no, I'm not saying the problem is gone, but I'm okay. I'm okay.' So she really... it is so... I laughed at myself then. I laughed at myself because it was not making sense to me what I was trying to communicate to her. It just didn't make sense to me too.

She couldn't understand because most of the people she must be meeting probably identify so deeply with the body. So she couldn't understand when the patient is saying that the bodily problem continues but 'I'm okay.' You see?

She could probably make that distinction, you know. I could not make that distinction, Father. I'm honestly telling you, I could not make that distinction because I remember my last time, you know, complaining to God. And while I was talking to her, it sounded funny to me. I did not do it very knowingly, so it was a real laugh. And she laughed at me and we were laughing together. I said, 'It's all okay, but I'm so very...'

Yes, it can happen like that. The world will often get confused by our expression, but also I've seen that mostly the heart provides whatever is needed in that moment. So it'll be fine. Although many people may take us to be strange after this, but mostly we get by. We get by.

Thank you, Father. Thank you so much.

Yes, okay. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today. Satguru Sri Mooji Baba ki Jai.