Endless Forgiveness No Matter What - 25th December 2024

So Jesus makes a visit and He comes with twelve disciples plus some others. So there were fourteen, fifteen people who suddenly show up at Lazarus's house. So what will the lady of the house do? She is Martha. So what she started doing is running around taking care of things, all the actions, activities needed to make Lord Jesus and His disciples comfortable. And Mary didn't move. She just went and sat next to Jesus. She sat at His feet and she didn't move at all. So Martha came and she's serving and she's doing all the work, all the hard work, and she's looking at Mary. She's not even looking at Martha, okay? So all the action is happening and Martha is resenting it because she's having to do all this work. All these guests have come and she's having to do all this work. And she served a beautiful meal, but by the end, she was very upset, as you can imagine, that one lady had to do everything for all the visitors.

So then Jesus thanks her and said, 'Thank you for this lovely hospitality, lovely meal.' So then what happened? Martha, she couldn't contain herself. She said, 'Thank you so much, but it would have been better if this sister of mine had helped me at least a little bit, you see? But she didn't move an inch.' So Jesus said that, 'Yes, your action is important and I'm not rebuking you. I'm not telling you what you did was wrong. An action to serve others especially is very good. But the highest is to sit quietly with my words. To sit quietly with my words.' And then He says something explosive. He says, 'Because my words will never be taken from her.' And Martha said, 'What do you mean by taken?' So He said, 'Everything that you see in this world is going to die. Everything. All of this, all of this play.' So much like Maya. 'So all of this is going to go, but my words will never die. They have eternal life.' Basically pointing to the fact that in that holiness, in where the words are pointing, we must find our eternal life beyond the play of this world.

So He said, 'Your actions were very beautiful, they were important, but what Mary did was even better because most important is to sit in silence with my word.' And that is such a deep contemplative meaning as well. So where in us can we be like Mary? The more time we spend over there, the more our virtues like faith will grow. So to become like Mary is to become like Gaius, and to become like Gaius is to become like Mary. Both. It's a virtuous circle. So the deeper meaning of the simple story is that there is a place in our heart which God has left untouched by Maya. There is a place in your heart which is untouched by Maya, and that is where we have to sit like Mary. And all of spiritual practice, all of spiritual sadhana, is to get us to that quiet sitting, listening to the word of God. And that word is the primordial, the pure presence itself.

To sit in God's presence leaving everything aside is the very essence of spirituality. And in that, all the virtues will come. With the virtues, the ability to sit in that place will come. So to leave yourself empty and allow yourself to remain in that place. So often we say that only God Himself is Mayatit, which means free from Maya. But in His mercy, there is a possibility to meet that presence which is free from within ourselves. It is possible to meet that holiness within ourselves. So on this Christmas day, Christmas evening, let us remember this highest and yet simple-seeming—on the surface, such a simple—all this world is dying, all appearances are going. He has shown us how not to die along with the world, how to find this eternal life right now. That is the Kingdom of Heaven within ourselves.

So where we need to grow in our faith is apparent to us. The tools, the pathway to that is apparent to us. All it needs is a day-to-day, hour-to-hour, minute-to-minute application. And across religions, across traditions, across cultures, this is the main teaching. So when the sages in India say 'Antarmukhi sada sukhi,' which means inward focused we are always happy, this is what they are saying. Because what is that inward? What is that inside? And how is it that we can be somewhere on the inside and then always be free from suffering? Must be something out of the ordinary then. The ordinary being phenomena and the play of this world, the play of Maya, although it makes every attempt to seem extraordinary and compelling.

So we went to church yesterday. We had an eventful few days actually. We went to like almost like a jagran. Divine Mother—how to translate? The Divine Mother in India, there's a tradition of celebrating her, and usually the tradition is to celebrate her throughout a holy night. We sing her praises, but there was a short version of that we went to for three, four hours. It was very beautiful. So day before we were celebrating her in the most traditional Indian Hindu way, and yesterday we had the privilege of attending Mass at Christmas Eve at St. Peter's Church close by, which is also very beautiful. And so I was speaking with another child some time back, and it came to say that as long as we are able to be with God in this way for at least sometime every day, then we have nothing to worry about in our life.

Something is really troubling us, something is really oppressing us, then the mind hates that quiet sitting with God the most. It will not let us. It will oppress us, it'll distract us, it'll say this is happening, that is happening. Even ironically on holy days like today, the mind will say, 'Today you celebrate, today let's not have a serious satsang, let's just have a party.' It wants to do that. Not that tomorrow it'll say, 'No, today, today don't have a party, today...' If that was the case, maybe we could have also heard if it let up and said, 'Okay, now today is not a holy day, so today let's not party, let's not celebrate, let's just be with God quietly.' It never says that.

So my feeling always is to utilize these opportunities, these auspicious days, to deepen our love for God, deepen us remaining in His presence. Because that will count. All this world's troubles and people and conflicts—and he said what and she said what and he did what and she did what—all these are going to go soon. So let's use this time to really follow the guidance of the sages and the Lord Himself in this case, and learn how to live a life which is for God. What is that? The pastor, the bishop, the any head of the parish yesterday, he gave us some acronym. He said at Christmas it should be RRC. So he says that: Repentance, Renewal, and Celebration. It should be in that order. Because most of us, what are we doing? We are going jumping to the C part, the celebration part. But what happened to the repentance, the renewal part of it? That is often forgotten. I felt like very valuable teaching, very valuable pointing.

It reminded me of when we talk about Satchitananda and we say, 'But I'm doing all the practice, I'm doing everything, where's the Ananda?' Nobody says, 'Where's the Sat?' Nobody says, 'Where's the Chit?' 'I was promised the Ananda.' So the same impulse to look for that which is—it seems like it is ephemeral, but it is not. It is in the pointing of the sages, of the wise ones, it is beyond time. The beautiful beauty of Brahmananda. So may our life be a celebration. What other reason do we need except—don't we have reason enough that God is here? I know how to be with Him. Isn't it absurd that in spite of that we find ways to not rejoice?

So Hanuman Prasad Poddar said something very nice the other day in the recording I heard the other day, which is that God only knows how to hold, He doesn't know how to leave. And if you really get into the heart of those words, we realize that it is I who leaves Him—the 'me' more specifically who leaves Him. He never leaves us. So all the sages from everywhere pointing to the same thing: that we must learn to abide in His presence, in His light. So Lord Jesus Christ is an embodiment of that holy light which is there in your heart, embodying Himself because of His love for us, because of His mercy on us.

So Peter is having great trouble, okay? Last story. He's having great trouble forgiving Matthew. He's having big problem forgiving Matthew because Matthew snitched on him basically with the Romans, was going to get him caught, was going to cause a lot of trouble when he was the tax collector for Rome. And when Jesus gave Simon the name Peter and said, 'You are going to be the rock on which this church shall be built'—we went to St. Peter's Church yesterday, on top it was...

Because of his mercy on us. So Peter is having great trouble, okay? Last story. He's having great trouble forgiving Matthew. He's having a big problem forgiving Matthew because Matthew snitched on him, basically, with the Romans. He was going to get him caught, was going to cause a lot of trouble when he was the tax collector for Rome. And when Jesus gave Simon the name Peter and said, 'You are going to be the rock on which this church shall be built'—we went to St. Peter's Church yesterday; on top it was said, 'You are the rock on which my church,' which is all the church, basically the medium for his pointers, for his teaching, for his Spirit, was the church. So he gave Peter this kind of what seemed like an elevation in the eyes of the other disciples. It seemed like he's been elevated as the rock of the church, so he's given the name Peter.

So Matthew had big trouble with that elevation. All of them did, but Matthew specifically because Simon, now Peter, had been very, very mean to him. And so he goes talking to Jesus saying, 'Are you saying that he is better than the rest of us? And I find that so difficult to accept because he has been so mean to me, so rude, so nasty. How could you elevate him like that?' He said that. How did all of this start? Have you noticed this? Okay, have you noticed when you are quietly in prayer, you notice the things that naturally come to the surface? Those things which we have been pressing down, repressing, and they come to the surface so that we can offer them up to God. We can repent on them. We can pray to God and say, 'I see that this was my error.'

So this so-called live interaction between Matthew and Jesus was also like that. So Jesus says, 'How did it all start?' And Matthew said, 'Ah, oh, okay. I almost got him arrested. I snitched on him. I didn't help him with his taxes. I almost sent Andrew to prison because of Simon, and Eden would have been homeless.' And he realized what he had done. And then he says, 'Okay, what am I meant to do?' And of course, Lord Jesus tells him to apologize to Peter. And Peter doesn't accept the apology. He's very upset, you know, because you were just living in that resentment. Like many of us just go, we just have that resentment and we go along in our lives just like trying to hide it under the surface, but it's unresolved. So actually, all of this has to be resolved.

So he comes then to Jesus. Peter comes to Jesus and says, 'How can I forgive him even though he has wronged me seven times and caused harm, grievous harm? How can I forgive him? He has harmed me seven times.' So Jesus says, 'If it was seventy-seven also, then my guidance would have been the same.' So then Peter says, 'Okay, but each of those seven is worth at least eleven,' you know? So Jesus said, 'No, no, I don't mean it, you know. I don't mean that number seventy-seven literally. I mean that if that number was infinite as well. Endless forgiveness no matter what the provocation was.'

So this really touched me. I felt like what better message can we have on Christmas than to learn this: endless forgiveness no matter what the provocation. It's like that limb is chopped off, the resenting limb. So it's a very good contemplation for all of us. So in this way, we have to learn to forgive our brothers and sisters no matter what. Then leave justice to God. Like Mooji said, that only get angry if you are like the sage who with your anger can burn someone to their death and then have the power also to bring them back to life; then you deserve to get angry, like Durvasa. So it's all linked, isn't it? So it's very freeing and I would really encourage all of us, even though it'll be hard. I've taken this as my this year's project: to forgive no matter what the provocation, because leave justice to God. Because unless we do that, our time in that quiet place will not increase. And unless we spend time in that quiet place, we will not be able to do this. So both feed into each other. So our contemplative life is most important and it feeds in. So Mary feeds into Martha, and somewhere if the actions are worthy, auspicious, in service, in love, then it feeds back too, maybe, huh? That would be such a beautiful way to live a life that Ram Ji, Krishna Ji, Jesus Ji can be proud of.

Question, Father. To be in that quiet place and that, like you said, the resentment comes to the surface. If you have it in your heart somewhere, it comes to the surface. And so some of the work that is not done on that self, yeah, it needs to be done in order to deepen this practice, right? And sometimes it's like forgiving other people and sometimes it's forgiving oneself, of course. Because otherwise, I think that I have experience of what you just said, Father, that you know, then you hit a plateau. And it is almost necessary then to go back into those unresolved things in your life.

That's important, but also to have faith in the plateau. That's also important. So I know exactly what you mean by plateau because it will always be that way. Sometimes in our spiritual growth, we see rapid progress and then it seems to plateau, plateau, plateau, then again, and plateau, plateau. And many times the plateau seems like a downward movement, although you call it plateau. But it is important to even trust that, to know that God knows what he is feeding me. Because if he constantly kept me on this rocket-launch type spiritual progress, then I would get very proud, very complacent. I would take myself to be God very soon, yeah? So the humility would be gone. So that is important.

And like also one time said, how do you know the work that needs to happen on the inside? You see, we don't even, we can't even tell what is happening on the inside for us to be able to determine whether we are progressing or not. So we can't really gauge these things. And all the teachers have told us—St. Teresa, St. John of the Cross—they keep repeating this point, but all the Indian sages also have told us. Because what happens when we go beyond Maya for even a few moments, it's not lifeless, is it? But it's not understandable. Have you noticed this? When you go there, to the mind it is just like a limbo; there's nothing there. But as you continue to live there, it has a certain quality of fragrances, it has a certain light, it has its own very, very subtle effulgence in a way. So we get used to reading those subtle messages that happen within which the mind really can't grasp, you see? But they're reassuring.

Then it seems to the mind that nothing is happening, you see? So just, so my encouragement is just to stay there more and more and we get used to that. We are used to a very gross world, but when we go to that holy place inside us, it's a much more subtle, subtle place. And there may be many times, maybe months, maybe years, where it may seem like a plateau, like a dried up, like aridity. But we just have to trust that. And that is why, as we often at least used to say, that if our spiritual life becomes for God and not for me—God for God's sake, to love him for his sake and not for my sake—then that will become easier because it is for him. So what he wants to taste in the process is for him to decide. But if it is predominantly for me and my progress, then it can seem more oppressive when those dry states come.

But look at those dry periods as a sharpening of your inner eyes. There are things happening—not things, things, but things happening, magic happening—but we don't have the eyes to see that. So we are developing those eyes so we can look from the eyes of our heart, from our intuitive eyes, to see how things are unfolding for us. So trust that. If our intention is to be with God, that is enough. If our intention is to find out the truth about who we are, that is enough. Is it our intention in that moment? Not in the—like many can misread this and say, 'My global intention is to really find God or find who I really am, but I don't act on it.' No, that's for him to do, you see? So it is for him to do and it is for us to do. It is for both to do. He does 100% of it, we do 100% of it. This the mind cannot add.

Take mic is off. It's on. It's off. Yeah, that's it.

Father, are you saying that if I'm only doing it for God's sake, then there won't be the concern that my ship is sinking or something like this? So then fear also, there won't be concern? If there's fear, then is it okay?

The meaning that we attach to the fear. Like fear is like the sensation of fear and then there's a narration of fear. So the sensation of fear actually, we've looked at this for a few years, so the sensation of fear itself is not that oppressive actually. Many pay money to experience that sensation on roller coaster rides and horror movies to experience that sensation, given that I should experience that sensation but no harm should actually happen to me. So we are willing to pay money for that kind of thing, isn't it? People pay money for that, that 'I'm safe actually in that roller coaster, but it gives me the feeling that I'm falling,' yeah?

So in the same way, if either there is no narrative around it or the narrative is that 'Whatever is, I'm taken care of by God,' God is the narrative, or there is no narrative—either of those situations are fine. But if the narrative becomes, 'Oh, this sensation, what does it mean for me? What is going to happen to me? What is happening to me?' you see, then that is a false narrative to get stuck in. So that becomes the narrative of a personal sort of fear. And what is the—if I can worry about me, it means that either God is not here, or he doesn't love me, or he doesn't have time for me, or he can't hear what I'm saying, or what I'm going through. So it is a lack of faith somewhere. Belief in the personal narrative that I'm doing something wrong or I'm not—yes.

So God is here and I love him so deeply and he loves me so deeply, but he will not show me that what I'm meant to do, right? Something like that. When we take some power into our own hands, that is when we start to get trouble. So how do we know that something wrong is happening? I can, I can say from what I'm experiencing, I feel like it's been an extended period of days or weeks that something's been happening on the outside which is making me question that what's going on.

Okay, tell me another way of saying that. So things happening on the outside can't make you do it. No, break it down. That would be a very convenient story for Maya, like 'I can't help it, just things happening on the outside.' The idea is that 'It shouldn't be happening like this' according to the thought, according to me in my plan for myself. This was not the plan. But doesn't feel like 'should not' can come from where? From the thought and from belief in that thought which says that 'I know what should be.' The 'should not' can only be a result of 'should.' Like, what should it be? I don't know. If I said to you that exactly what you are saying 'should not' is a 'should,' then how would you know otherwise?

Then I would believe you and feel happy, good.

How to know if it should be happening to us or not? How to know? Just to trust God in his—if it is happening, it should be happening to you. If it is not happening, it should not be happening to you. Okay? Because even when we are caught up in Maya, it is not that God has let go of the reins of the world. Even Maya is his servant only. Maya is not an independent force which is running independent of—Maya is also God's servant, see? So Maya is designed in a way to play this game of attaching and then to bring us to suffering to see the false nature of it so that we return home soon. So when we are not liking what Maya is doing to us, then what should we do?

Should we do 'not liking'?

Yeah, not liking the answer I'm giving. Just trust God. Just return to God. Going to go to my true refuge. What, jokes aside, I feel like we must not feel like to struggle in Maya, to taking ourselves to be the false one, you see, is any badge of honor or something like that, and to take refuge in God is a sort of escapism or something like that. No, that's how the mind frames it, but it's not true. Because when you are in God's presence...

If we are not liking what Maya is doing to us, then what should we do? Should we do 'not liking'? Yeah, not liking. The answer I'm giving: just trust God. Just return to God. Go to my true refuge. What? Jokes aside, I feel like we must not feel like to struggle in Maya, taking ourselves to be the false one, is any badge of honor or something like that, and to take refuge in God is a sort of escapism or something like that. No, that's how the mind frames it, but it's not true. Because when you are in God's presence, it's not that you are hiding from anything; everything becomes much more alive, actually. You see, even things which we have kept repressed, they come to the surface. What is currently happening in front of us is more clearly seen. So it's a much more open-hearted meeting of everything rather than avoidance of anything at all.

But to get into a mind trap which says, 'No, no, now you can't rely on God,' then that's just a denial. No, your denial of God is the denial. Suppose one example is coming: that one child, their school is quite far and they've got some hurt in their knees. But their father has organized transport for them; everything is taken care of. But the child says, 'Oh, I won't use this transport, I will just walk on myself.' Then that will be a denial of what is rightfully asked. Faith just tells us, 'I trust your word, but once you've given the word, then I have nothing to worry about.' So we have to deepen in that faith for the Father, for our true Father, which is God, God's presence.

Okay, if at some moment—I mean, then you trust also that if you're going wrong, like in the Martha and Mary story, then God will correct you. So it's not as if you'll just continuously go on some tangent and say, 'It's God's will that I do this.' God will always correct us, as long as—even otherwise—but the correction will become very apparent and quickly seen if we are giving Him the steering wheel. As long as we say, 'No, I'm going to drive, I'm going to drive,' He's that humble that He will not snatch the steering wheel from us except in very exceptional circumstances.

Yeah, Martha and Mary story, Father, can you say more on that please? Like, somehow I'm not meeting it properly.

See, this sister was like the older sister, Martha seemed like. She was resenting Mary for not helping in what she thought is the tangible way to help, no? She felt like, 'We have to serve food; food is important. All these travelers must be hungry. We must do everything that we can.' You see? And the ones who were just sitting around, they were just listening to Jesus sharing some stories which most of them don't understand anyway. So what is the point, you know, wasting so much time? So what is it representative of? It's the nature of the mind versus the nature of the heart, where the mind just wants activity. 'Do this, then do this, now do this.' You see? 'Do this instead, don't sit quietly,' because that seems like a waste of time.

See, even on the spiritual path, some people are just running around from here, there, this, that, this place, that place, and not really digesting the food. Just cooking, collecting, but digestion—to eat the cooking is important, to digest the cooking is important. And that really needs us to be in that contemplative place, in that holy place untouched by Maya.

So Jesus was not comparing—what I'm trying to understand here is the action was not bad, yes? And He's not saying that the action—I'm just not generalizing the whole thing, like say in context to me, no? Like if there's an action that seems to be to serve someone else, is that lower than just that? That's where I feel I'm not so...

No, the action is more like coming from a place of 'this has to be done, let's do this.' You know, 'let's do this well, let us be seen to be good hosts, serving our guests well.' All of those things, along with maybe even the sense of service was there, because Martha also loved Jesus; there's no question about that. But when that action—like there's so many layers to read into it—if she just left it at that and then come and sat, that maybe also would have been fine. But because there was a resentment, because there's pride that, 'Oh, but I was doing, she was just sitting.' Isn't that what all of us face so many times from our friends and family? Then you're just like, 'But what are you doing? You're just wasting your life. You're just sitting around. Go do something, get a job, get a life, get a haircut.'

All those things seem important in the world, but I don't feel like there's any true spirituality possible without us sitting in the quiet, loving presence of Spirit, you see? So if you're asking if there was a gradation, I feel like there is. If we were to be able to pick only one out of the two, you would have to pick Mary. Because the Martha thing is that it can lead to you having a greater gratitude to be able to do that after you've served your brothers and sisters, God's children, in this way. It can lead to that as well, and it must lead to that. So to return to that holy place where intuitive insight grows, where love grows, where peace, joy, all of this grows, is the very essence, very core of spirituality.

So if somebody said to me—now hear this very carefully, okay, and don't get yourself in trouble—if somebody said to me, 'I have half an hour in the morning. I can equally say the I Am prayer loudly, or I can just actually sit quietly for half an hour in God's presence. What would you have me do?' I would say if you can do it, sit quietly in God's presence. You see? So the prayer, the I Am prayer, all spiritual practice is to give us that ability, to give us that stillness. The stillness doesn't come otherwise. But you have to be honest with yourself. It cannot become a pride thing: 'Oh, but that's a lower practice, I can't do Mala.' Mala is for beginners; even beginners start doing Mala. So we cannot get into those traps. We have to be true to ourselves. And if you feel truly that with minimal distraction—I won't say zero because I don't feel zero is possible for anyone, especially not for me—with minimal distraction, which means maybe we get distracted four or five times in half an hour, and sit like that, all of the practices are for that.

So, fear—it's mostly others' fear creeping into you, yeah, most of the time. Like if you are in intuitive insight and then, you know, the way you are with yourself, you don't have that. But that fear from the other person takes a lot more time for you to address it because you don't know whether it's your fear or their fear. And it depends on your life situation. It could be true presently for you, but it could be many times in our lives. Like suppose at one point if you have children, then many times as parents you may have some fear about them, and it's the same thing, it's like a vice versa thing of mom and son or like mom and father. And yeah, I don't know, like I've been very aggressive. I know the message is clear out there, but then it's coming from within, but it's quite loud, which somewhere I know I felt that that's not the way it's supposed to be. But if I'm telling in that way, it's like it made sense.

For example, last night I was in Coorg. So we have like two houses; one is in the farm and then one is in the town. I usually stay away from my parents when I'm there because as soon as I wake up, I want to be quiet first thing in the morning. And these people, the minute they wake up, two minutes they're like—I'm like, 'Okay, fine.' Now, in a week for like two or three days, I want to be by myself. This thing kept creeping in me, creeping in me, because my situation right now is like I have to stay with her. So suddenly it's like sometimes, say I have to come from Coorg here to see you, but Mom will be like, 'You better add something to that.' Without me, you go to Bangalore. I'm saying you better add something to that while you have the time to see both of you.

So last night what happened was, this kept kicking inside me, it's like I'm not going to be able to go and see him. So I had a couple of beers and then I was sitting at home and I'm going to sleep, and then automatically I took my bag, I came to the car. Again I asked myself, 'Is it the right thing that I am doing?' Nothing said like it's right, wrong, nothing. I sat in the car. At one point of time, Father, I don't know if I slept off or like I was in that zone of driving. I just had to force stop myself and then sit, ground myself, wash my face. And then nothing felt wrong in that scenario. But what I'm feeling right now is after I came here, Bangalore, all that kit-kit which was there around—to be by yourself in that intuitive insight and that calmness to be with God—it naturally came without even asking for it. And the minute I am here, it's even more evident. You can feel it, you can sense it, everything is there.

So here my point is, sometimes in life I don't know if the call which I have to take is right or wrong. And right now I'm jobless. Technically I was doing something, that's a different thing, but technically in the outer world I am jobless. So there is a constant pressure of like, 'You're not doing anything, you're not doing.' So that has creeped into me in my mind saying that, 'You're not worthy enough, you're not working, you're not earning, you're not earning your own money.' There's too many equations. But all this is playing, and then actually if I sit and think about it, it doesn't matter. But it's still somewhere creeping in so badly that I'm having this emotional battle with myself.

Thank you. Thank you for sharing that heartfelt, very honest testimony. So first thing I want you to promise me is no driving ever after any drinks. Yes? Promise? No, none of that situation. That is really important, no matter what your mind is telling you, no matter how much it is saying, 'No, no, I'm fine, I can handle it.' The first and last drink and drive. Second, I want to tell you is that your messages to me were extremely sweet, extremely. I was deeply touched by them. And I've been sharing satsang long enough to know that when my children write to me sometimes after a drink or two, a lot of honesty comes out. And especially with the boys, they cannot—this is not encouragement, I'm not encouraging anyone to do that, and hopefully my life is an example of that, not encouraging—but I do know that with many of my sons, they are inhibited. So after a few drinks when they send me messages, it's very heartfelt. And being a biological father also, I have some experience of that. So I'm very touched that with that sense, that is what in your heart you really feel about me. That really touches me deeply.

So we have a deal now. I don't know how much you remember of that, but for the next one or two months, I'm going to take care of you. That is the deal. So don't worry, we will talk through. I have a sense of both the perspectives in some way, and both are well-meaning and loving perspectives. We just have to find a heartfelt way to plan the next steps to see how we can progress from here. But don't worry. It does happen that a lot of things we may not have this fear for ourselves, but our parents or other loved ones may tell us things and they may embed some fear. But we also have to be careful to see to not discard everything everyone is saying, because then we will never learn. Like, the world teaches us a lot.

They are well-meaning and loving perspectives. We just have to find a heartfelt way to plan the next steps to see how we can progress from here. But don't worry, it does happen that a lot of things we may not have this fear for ourselves, but our parents or other loved ones may tell us things and they may embed some fear. But we also have to be careful to see to not discard everything everyone is saying, because then we will never learn. Like, the world teaches us a lot. And I've had times where I've been called a superachiever, child genius, or this and all of that, and I've also been called a good-for-nothing loser. So I've seen both sides of the world and how it can treat you. But the thing is, we can't shut ourselves completely off from what the world is telling us. So what are we supposed to do? We are just supposed to take what it is saying and honestly contemplate and say, 'How can I learn from this? Is there any truth in this? What can I grow from this? What is life trying to tell me?'

So we take that, but we follow what our heart is guiding us. So just like that priest example, we take everything from whoever's giving us whatever, we take it to God's feet, we bow down to God and say, 'What would you like me to return for this offering?' And then God can guide us in terms of what to do next or what to say next. And that process of doing that may be frustrating for those around us because many times many of you also ask me questions and I just say, 'I don't know.' And many times it's like, 'What do you feel?' You know, like, 'I don't know, what do you feel?' So many times it's like that. And that can be frustrating because, you know, the deadline, the seeming deadline from the mind, could be very soon. So in a, you know, often unsaid way, I hear the question back saying, 'But when will you know? It is important for you to know, like, fast.' But the heart doesn't operate on those timelines.

So as long as we've been true to God's presence, and our job is actually simple—don't worry about any job or no job, okay, you may tell me later—but your job I'm giving you is simple. You have one job, which is to be with God. If you be with God truthfully and with integrity, then everything on the outside will take care of itself. So keep that as your main job. Someone tells you, 'Why don't you have a job?' say, 'Father's given me this job.'

It's like it's been happening, but it's more other fear is like kicking in and then stopping you from the way you are. Right? I mean, like when you are in God's presence, how you are, it's like it's others' fear when it kicks in. You don't know it's your fear or their fear kicking in, and then you're lost for some time. And then, yeah, to even come back to the normalcy takes real time. The main problem is it's not an outsider; it's always who's really close to you. Of course, it's never somebody on the road or even your friend. Nobody can take you away from... but it'll either be your parents or it can be your partner or it can be your kid. That's one thing that which is hard to, you know, I don't know, like face. It is hard.

And what happens is that whatever doubt we have about ourselves comes into our parents' mouths or our partner's mouth. It is just the way it works. Because otherwise, if you felt like... if she said that there's a, you know, there's a turtle growing on your head, no chance it won't bother you. Like, she may be clearly seeing a turtle growing on your head, but you know it's not true. But because somebody... and I'm speaking from my experience on this, because I used to doubt whether I have really become like that, what the world is calling me now, you see? I had that doubt. So then when it comes from the world outside, then it really hurts more also because we ourselves somewhere are grappling with that at that point of time. So we'll work through all of that.

So just one advice I have for everyone also: I know it is a festive season, but all this drinking and all that doesn't help us. Spiritual depth doesn't help us remain in God, and it doesn't help with anything else also it promises to help with. So many things to make us fearless and, you know, I don't know if it promises all these things, but it doesn't do any of that. It just maybe keeps some things in abeyance for some time, but when it comes back, it comes in a flood and then you get overwhelmed with that also. So as much as possible, just high on God is good enough. The biggest high I've ever experienced.

So as much as possible, question is just something that emerged from what she was saying about the 'should' and what you were commenting on. So I'm struggling a little bit with, like, after going to New York few times, it's like in a way awoken something to do to help the helpless in whatever way one person can do. And everybody is doing their best in a sense, but like there's this constant loop that I could do more. And it comes in waves. And then when the waves subside, it's like... or let me put it this way: when the wave comes, I'm just sitting in quiet and finding God and saying, you know, that answer will come from there. And then it subsides, that... I don't want to call it mental oppression because I don't know if that's God's voice telling me you should know, so it's convenient for me to say it's mental oppression, but I'm trying not to say that.

But when I sit for a while, like today I had to sit for more than an hour and a half for that storm to pass. And it got triggered by seeing a blind kid yesterday. Today I see in relation to a movie that came out recently about a blind person who struggled and eventually made it in life, but then I saw a blind kid and so on and so forth. And it's like, 'Oh, you need to help. You need to be helping these blind kids also. Oh, you know, you're spending money on this and you could cut back on that too.' You know? So I know that that is a stoic thing that I don't know where I'll end up with that. And so when I sat in presence and sat in word, it went away. But then it came back again after four hours. So it's almost like something has got activated. I don't see it as a bad thing. I just thought maybe I'll ask, and I'm sure you deal with it at some level. Like, we always, all of us can do something more.

I could have not gone to Goa last four days, and I had a great time. And here I'm saying, 'Oh, I'm thinking of a blind kid, so why don't you not go to Goa?' I don't give this, you know... so I don't know. I don't know what to do right now. I'm just sitting and abiding, thinking that when the action has to come, it'll come. When Father took us to New York, it happened and things, doors opened automatically. Honestly, I didn't even have to do anything. And as long as my intention is open and honest, you know, let me not torment myself. Those are the chatter that happens. Yeah, whatever you can share, thank you.

That's a very good question also. So here also, as probably all of you can tell, that something has changed since the first time I went to New York. Here also there is that feel like a heartfelt inspiration, heartfelt pointing from God that we must help as much as we can in some way. And but so beautifully everything has unfolded since our first visit. So one thing which is reassuring for me, and hopefully for you as well, will be is that to abide in His presence, to abide in that holy place, the heart temple, all the most auspicious fruits in our outer life also come from there, see? So we must never feel that, 'Oh, but I'm just sitting, I'm just sitting.' No. So it can be divine inspiration, you can do something more, but it can also be mental oppression. So you're absolutely right that it can come from either place.

Now the mind is another way to oppress us, to say, 'See this, you're not helping this one. See, you're not helping this one.' But know that the highest fruits will only come from God's presence itself, and it doesn't need any other support from the mind to unfold in the most auspicious way, you see? And we must then make it a point to remain more and more in His presence. Sometimes we also justify that and then we leave God's presence also, and we leave the intention also to do more, you see? That's like a... like if it's God's will it'll happen, but I'm not going to stay with God. So that's... I mean, we don't see the last part, but it seems like the pressure is off, but the pressure is even more on to stay with God then. Because if those kids are going to be helped, the highest way to help them we can't really determine in our minds; even that has to come from God's inspiration within.

And in the last three, four months we've seen that how just help is coming from the most unexpected, in the most unexpected ways. And what we had initially made as a commitment to them as a promise, as a minimum promise, God has so beautifully taken care of that. And may we find more and more ways to help, but may that happen by us being in God's light more and more and not getting into this mental trap of oppression and rushing and things in that way. Because even how did this whole thing unfold? Just Arvind said, 'We've always been going there.' Usually I'm very lazy, so I don't go anywhere, but the minute I heard about this I felt like, 'Okay, when can we go? Let's go.' So it was just... the whole thing was inspired from the heart. So allow it to unfold in that way. And I also have been feeling some things about this thing, and we'll spend some time talking about it. And I feel something is taking shape, taking fruit inside my heart. So we'll discuss what everyone feels and see how to move that forward.

What was very powerful, Father, was in, I think, the second last episode of season four, Jesus is talking to a group who are very confused or and or hostile, and he says, 'God has been coming to you in all shapes and forms. You haven't been listening.' And they said, 'What are you saying? God has been coming to us?' And he says, 'I came to you as the hungry, I came to you as the blind, I came to you as this.' So that has become like very stark now. And honestly, I was not figured out a nice way to numb all that. A lot of us have done that to just deal with life, but now that's become like really raw. And maybe it's a good thing. I'm just taking another good thing there.

Yeah, it is there in Christianity. Mother is that constantly, that 'I meet Jesus in everyone that I help, everyone that I've taken care of. They have given me more than I have given them because they allow me to participate in the Passion of Christ by seeing them in this pain, by helping them through this pain. I become a participant, a loving participant in His passion.' It's such a beautiful way to look at it. So to take that pain, to be with them, with them and that pain is very, very beautiful. And also in India, you know, in our spirituality we talk about... so the same message that God comes to us in so many ways. And that is another reason for us to not get angry, for us to be always kind, compassionate, because it's all... I mean, beyond even saying that every expression is an expression of Being, but it could just be God. We can trust that, that we can have faith that God can come in this way and meet us as well.

So the only way is to just follow God's will, and the only way to follow God's will is to remain in God's presence. So if you keep using all these impulses to go deeper in love with God, deeper in His presence, more open, more empty... and whatever the opportunities... like, I don't feel like at in this kind of Kali Yuga that we are in and the kind of lives that all of us have, I don't feel like God is making things trying to make things difficult for us in the sense that whatever opportunities that He gives us for our spiritual deepening are just low-hanging fruit. He just gives them to us at arm's reach. We just have to reach out and do it. Like how this whole New York thing also unfolded. It's unfolded just like that. We didn't... actually none of us have really gone out of our way or done some really difficult or heavy work or any of that. He just... He's...

I don't feel like God is trying to make things difficult for us in the sense that whatever opportunities that he gives us for our spiritual deepening are just low-hanging fruit. He just gives them to us at arm's reach; we just have to reach out and do it. Like how this whole network thing also unfolded; it's unfolded just like that. None of us have really gone out of our way or done some really difficult or heavy work or any of that. He's made it right now; he's just saying, 'Just take baby steps. I'm guiding you.' And he's guiding—at least me, he is guiding because I'm a baby only—he is guiding me with baby steps and just to learn to follow those. Maybe one day he asks us to run, then we see what to do.

So, whatever little nudges or prods we get from our heart, the more time all of us are spending in the heart temple, the more we are getting used to the subtle movements of the compass—the inner heart compass. Very subtle movements. I was talking about this sense that you get which is beyond sensory. It's like there's a very rich universe there, but we've not yet used those tools to experience that. We've not used our intuitive abilities at all; we've relied on our senses and our thinking so much. So now we are learning to really, really deepen in the way of the heart, to use that from there. It cannot be that the Kingdom of Heaven is not richer than the kingdom of earth, isn't it? It is just that we don't yet have the full eyes to see it. We are just learning, getting used to seeing in that light.

We talk about the sanctum sanctorum of Hindu temples being usually quite dark—the traditional ones, at least. Then our eyes have to get used to what is there to be able to see the richness of it. I feel it's representative of our heart temple.

Thank you for reminding me with those three stories today: the faith of G, then Martha and Mary, right? And again, the forgiveness of Peter and the repentance of Matthew. Father, all these were recently viewed in my fourth season, right? All these three stories that are coming. And at that moment also, it felt like life-changing learnings. Today also, it felt like a life-changing learning. But life doesn't change, Father. Life doesn't change. I was not expecting that twist from it. It never changed. So how long will I keep blaming this Maya or strength? It feels like today it's all over, like I should be doing that, but a few weeks back I felt the same—it's all done—and then again and again. Every time, I keep on blaming, 'Oh, Maya is so strong.' So keep reminding. Thank you.

How long now have you been in satsang?

Two years, three years.

Three years. Very good. So, that Amit who came three years back compared to this one—is this one more loving, more insightful, more heartfelt?

More, yes Father, for sure. No doubt. So much to learn from even I. Okay, yeah, thank you.

So, I was just saying that this itself is life-changing. Because usually what happens in the world is, in three years, you get more conditioned by Maya, more deeply set in our ways, more set in our ideas of being right. As we are getting older, without satsang, our conditioning is only deepening. So if you say that in three years you're loving God much more deeply, in general you're much more kind, compassionate, patient, faithful—all of these things have happened. Life has changed.

So there is a golden rule: when we start to question our effort, then trust His grace more. When we start to question His grace, then put more effort. Repeat? I was just saying that many times we question—when we are troubled especially—then we question His grace, His presence, whether He loves us. We question all of that. So then, at that time, take the next twenty minutes and just do your prayer, do your sadhana, do your inquiry, whatever for your sadhana. And many times when we get into this mode of 'I'm so unworthy, I can't do anything, I'm useless, I will never progress,' all of that thing, then trust His faith more. Know that He can do everything. He has given the highest to the most unworthy ones, and He loves us so deeply. So trust His grace more. But don't get into any of those traps, okay Amit?

It actually got that bad that, you know, my mom told me something and she fought with me, and my mind went to that level of, you know, 'I don't want her.' That is given. 'I don't want to come to satsang. I will not come to Bangalore. I don't want to.' The reason only being her. Okay, that partnership with her is a different thing, but how fast and how hard, like, you know, just that ego comes up so strong that I don't want to go to satsang. And then after that, I was like, in between the estate I was sitting and like, 'What did I even think?' And to even come back to it, it's not easy, Father. It's like you can just get off from it and go in the wrong direction if you really want to. That's how it is.

It doesn't seem like the wrong direction. Yeah, it will not seem like the wrong direction. See, for all those in satsang, Maya will keep finding some or the other way to say no, no. And the most absurd things. Over twelve years, I've heard many reasons why children stop coming to satsang. 'When Father has given us everything that he could, now we have to do it ourselves.' But I never said that! So we can make that conclusion that, 'Okay, now whatever I had to get in satsang, I'm done. Now I have to do it.' That can be one. Second is that, 'Oh, I don't like his way now. He's changing, he's become like this.' And many times with children, it's just like, 'He's not giving me the approval. He's not seeing that I'm enlightened or free and, you know, I'm not following my mind anymore.' So these kind of things. Then it could be just like the strangest thing. And most of you, many of you, would have got these impulses: 'Run! Just do it by yourself now. Enough of you.'

So it happened. I'm happy that you make the report and yet you are here in satsang. So that is reassuring. Because not that I'm saying that there's something very special in coming here to satsang or anything like that; I'm just saying that at least to take these few hours where the focus is on God every week, you see? Because children who leave then very quickly can also say, 'Okay, now the next ten years I'm going to work on myself and make some money, make my life, and then the rest of my life I will dedicate to God and things.' But that Maya doesn't leave you like that. It's not going to say, 'Okay, now ten years over.' No. It would have created the tentacles by then to keep you trapped in. So it's very good to see these things. How many of you have had the impulse to run being in satsang? Everyone? Sometimes I feel, I feel, 'What am I doing? Run! Take a break! Just don't... enough, enough!'

But it's not like that, you know? It'll just be like, 'Okay, I'll just go attend something,' or some work things come up, and then after that, I just start getting occupied. Either it can be just like today, today, today, and soon it's one year since you came. Or it can be that, 'Oh, but he's like this, he told me like that,' or anything. It can just pick on any Monday.

Correct. And that Monday is... it's like my running. This whole of 2024, I have not run at all. Now I got stuck with what you had just said, um, that when you get a sense that you start going beyond Maya... you said that, yeah, you know, you have a sense when you start going beyond Maya. You said like that?

Yeah, like that I said? So I was beyond Maya at that point, so I don't remember what I said. Tell me more. It'll come back.

After I got... I got stuck there only, Father. Like, I heard that. Does somebody know what context? Same... what is the question? Just remind me.

Are you saying the place like we don't really know what is happening to her? Like because the tools are designed for Maya, like perception? It's a phenomena. Thinking is also for making conclusions, judgments, stories about phenomenal things. So with which tools do we know that we are progressing, really? And even Maharaj said that, 'How do you know that you're not making spiritual progress?' We don't really know. But the more we sit there, the more we remain empty of ourselves, the more we sit in love and devotion to God, the intuitive tools that we have, like our discipleship of the Atma, deepens so that we can hear His subtle messages more and more and follow that guidance more and more.

We can turn this off for a bit if you want. Put the fan on a bit, just... but I'm not able to like really grasp it or meet it, that how would I know when I'm going beyond Maya? What I was saying is that within us is a place which is untouched by Maya, and our job is to live over there, to spend as much time as possible over there. So that you have it itself tells you, no? You have this sense, like I keep saying, that place where you go and then you don't want to be disturbed by anyone. But Maya seems to want to disturb you more and more. It'll send you phone calls and messages and everything at that time more and more. But you don't want anymore. Like the best things in the world may seem to be calling us, but when we are over there, then we don't want to get disturbed by any of that.

So it's in a way comparable to what Papaji used to say about sleep. That when you have to sleep, then you could be in the arms of your beloved, but you don't want to engage in any worldly thing anymore; you just want to go to sleep. In the same way, when we touch that holy place within ourselves and something just draws us in—like you're just sitting open and empty—what can you do? Or you can chant, you can pray, you can inquire, you see? We can't say, 'Now I'm coming to the holy place.' We can't really predict that. We can't do anything to force it. So it's just like we made ourselves available to Him, and then He pulls us in. He pulls us in. You can see that happening—not see it perceptually, but you can sense that you're just sitting and then something just... and initially, of course, you may want to run because it may seem fearful to the mind. It may seem like, 'What's happening to me?' or 'This is too much too soon.' But once you get over the initial fear, that initial wobbliness, then you don't want to leave that place no matter what the world is offering you, you see that?

Yes. But like Shabri said, no, that, 'What is it? I can't tell what I'm tasting, but it's not material.' It's not a material thing that I'm tasting, and therefore I'm learning that I cannot be material if I'm enjoying the taste of this, which is not material, so much more than worldly things. Then I cannot be material.

So have you seen how the tasting of the truth and the knowledge about what the truth is is the same thing? Because these did not come as two separate things. So to be there is to know that as well. So Atma and Atma Gyan are the same thing. So how will you know? You just know, like intuitively Atma tells you, and we learn to listen to the Atma. So we know when you're sitting there, then anything in the world comes—initially at least—you don't want to be disturbed. Then the mind can play on it and say, 'Oh, but that may be important. You may just want to see that.' You know, like in The Screwtape Letters—this man, and I've only read the initial part of the book, I talk about it as if I'm an expert but I probably read only twenty pages or something—this man was really getting deep. He was reading a book and he was going really deep into the understanding of what was being shared in that spiritual book. So Screwtape sends one of his minions to say, 'Okay, now I feel like...' So the thought becomes like this: 'I feel I've made some pretty good progress. I'm going to dive in more into this, but let me have a little bit of lunch first, you know?' So in that, the intention can be, 'Okay, just lunch and back to this deepening.' But during that lunch, walking towards the lunch place, all of that, it changes everything. The atmosphere changes. You feel like, 'Okay, I'll pick it up tomorrow.' Then it becomes like going to the gym, that tomorrow never comes, you see? So that's why that battle for time is really important to see.

We made some pretty good progress. I'm going to dive in more into this, but let me have a little bit of lunch first, you know? So in that, the intention can be, 'Okay, just lunch and back to this deepening.' But after—so during that lunch, walking towards the lunch place, all of that—it changes everything. The atmosphere changes. You feel like, 'Okay, I'll pick it up tomorrow.' Then it becomes like going to the gym, that tomorrow never comes, you see? So that's why that battle for time is really important to see. The Maya will not say, 'Never, never go to God.' It will say, 'Later, later in the day, evening, tomorrow, start tomorrow.' Probably anything good, it is the same. Anything which is self-gratifying and unhealthy is now. Yeah, it's like, you know, you have to go to the gym; it'll keep pushing, pushing no matter what. And then you have to force yourself to go a couple of days, and then once you do that, then you need it. Like, you know, without that you can't be. But if there's Gulab Jamun lying in the fridge, then it must be eaten. Tomorrow, sorry. That's why that Shreya and Preya thing is very important. Shreya is short-term pain or short-term discomfort or even absence of pleasure, but long-term gain, long-term pleasure. And Preya is short-term pleasure but long-term misery. Gulab Jamun for brother.

So, um, so you were saying something like you can't know spiritual progress, but like what is happening inside? You can't know if you're in one way, but you can also know that there is a deepening, no? So that there is no like evidence of that, no?

Exactly. But you know in your heart that there is a deeper love for God. That's not a phenomenal evidence. So that's what you're saying, like the spiritual progress is looking for some phenomenal evidence like that. So let's dive deeper into that. So there are times where you can't really tell anything at a worldly level, but in your heart you're receiving some Grace, some consolations which are apparent. You can sense a gentle perfume of love, if not an overwhelming ocean of Love. At least that gentle perfume keeps us then reassured that something is happening. But there are other times where it seems absolutely barren. You just close your eyes, the mind is distracting, you're able to sit quiet also, but that just seems like a pure limbo. You feel like, 'Nothing helpful. What is the point of this?' We just feel like that, that I'm just closing my senses and there's no real—nothing really moving over there. So what to do with that? Even there, then, we don't know whether what fruits of our sadhana are being given to us. So we can't really say nothing is happening to us. We can say that, 'I can't tell if anything is happening to me, Father.'

Um, like we all have days in which we just sit for sadhana but it just seems like, man, yeah, nothing's happening. Nothing, nothing like no taste of... but I'm just seeing if I am measuring the depth because of some consolation, or I feel I love God more than I loved him before. Not because there are some consolations now and then. I love God deeper and I want to love him deeper, but not dependent on what is being tasted now and then. It's not—I'm more saying that like we have no way of judging like today's sadhana or this week.

No, no, no, no. It's not day to day. It's just—so when the day to day... I remember when I started on the spiritual path that this is so true, what the sages tell us, that initially sometimes God gives us a lot of goodies to encourage us to be on this path. But then with all the goodies is also the downside, that on the day the goodies don't come, then you feel like either you are not doing it well or you're losing the progress that you had and all those things. Because I was unguided initially, I used to draw all these conclusions that if, especially the few days after a good spiritual experience, then I would just feel like, 'Why am I not doing it properly again? I'm too distracted. I really am not focused.' But then I started noticing that even the days where I'm very distracted, there are sometimes where he just grabs us. He just says, 'Leave all that, come.' Have you noticed this? You could be like, 'Oh, what's happening in this?' Just something comes that he pulls out one ninja move and you don't know what happened. You're gone in that. So really I feel like if we are dedicating that time to God with intention just to be with him, that is good enough.

You were saying about like Screwtape, he'll send one thought about lunch or whatever. But I was looking at that switch out what's happening and, um, I'm not being able to see the transition of late. Like, that's been the experience, that it's deeply—I feel like I'm deeply in God and then I'm completely gone the next moment. So that is actually very difficult to do. I'm not being able to see it. Why I'm saying something, it's like a button gets pressed and so you're deeply in God, instant switch into concern about Maya.

Because when you're deeply there, then it has to at least send five, six messages of hypnosis. So can it be that it hypnotizes it so badly that then you can't see something is happening? Because I've been going into this to look, but don't look like oppressively. Just look lightly. Have first the sense that God is taking care of everything and we are just experimenting, looking at how it plays for our... because if already there's like a cloud of worry about it, then it'll seem more oppressive. So just in that first faith, trust, love for God, in that environment, then the mind tricks are more easily apparent. Because otherwise we are almost like half-hypnotized to begin with in the worry about what's happening, you see? So just first in the rejoicing that God is here. We are so blessed that God is here. He blessed us. He's given us satsang in our lives. He's given us spiritual experiences, depths, love for himself, all this that so many brothers and sisters don't have. So first let's come into a gratitude state. Then from that gratitude, then all the mind tricks are much more visible. You're deeply in God, then the first message, 'What about lunch?' will not be that.

So some thought must be coming which completely kind of—two, three thoughts or whatever. But then, Father, it's been feeling like then I'm gone for some time.

Okay, so you can't do anything about the time which is the write-off. If it's gone, it's gone. Only when you notice it, see? But then what the mind will try and do, as you know the punch is that, 'Oh, see all that time, how did it go? How did I get out of that?' That's more time. So that's not happening.

But what is happening is for some prolonged weeks some drama is going on and that should stop or something. But I hear you. Yeah, it is not—when you say weeks, it is playing that trick for weeks, but it's not that you're not spending time with God for weeks.

No, but I've been crying so much for weeks. So it's using that to... but I've been spending a lot of time in these weeks also with God at the same time.

Let that be the gauge of our lives. The only thing we need. And if suppose we say that, 'I'm not able to spend time with God,' then satsang is good to come and ask. It's not so if we beat ourselves up or feel guilty or feel unworthy.

I'm gauging it by how much I'm crying, not by the time I'm in prayer.

Gauging it for whom? Yeah, for the checker guy. So make it about—if it's a block, then it's a block for us preventing us from loving God as much as we can. To make it about the love for God instead of what is happening to me. And if I make it about God, then I'm not so concerned also if whether I'm doing it well or not well. If your intention is to give this moment to God, you've done your job. You feel like God doesn't know? That's why we keep saying that if we are saying 'Ram Ram' or we are saying 'Who am I?' you feel like God doesn't know? He knows. Is he saying, 'Okay, now this one is doing Ram Ram, but Who am I would have been better, 5D merits'? No. It is fundamentally it is about giving up this moment to God, which we feel like belongs to the 'me.' To offer that to God, the 'me' is secondary.

Father, can I say something? I just want to expose. So what the mind's also been using a bit here is that on top of this, it's saying that I'm disappointing Father because I'm not... something, some story is there that I'm disappointing Father because I know Father, but it's been playing. So I just feel so...

Just hear it from me this time, that there's nothing you can do to disappoint, given how far you've walked in your spiritual journey in the ten-odd years you've been with me. Just get it out of your system. Does that mean that I may not—like I will not give you corrective advice? Of course not. But that never comes from a place of, 'Oh, how are you doing so badly?'

You feel like, no Father, nothing from your side. I'm just saying the mind—the mind presents this picture, but it's never from there. And we don't have to worry that, see, spirituality is very different from other classes or other sort of things, you know, where you may feel like many times after ten years you may need to hear what you heard in the first satsang. That doesn't mean that if you're returning to the basics, it doesn't mean that, 'Oh, now I've regressed.' Because in the first satsang also it could be the most important thing, and that has to be repeated over and over.

Father, I think there's something behind this disappointment thing which is like a victim kind of or a poor... something there. There is something which is like a comfort zone there.

Maybe some conditioning, some school or parental conditioning. Don't have to solve it. It will come. When you stay with God, then all these things will float to the surface. You don't have to dig deep and find out. So when you stay in the discipleship of the Atma, the presence of the Atma, then all the avidya, all the ajnana, all the conditioning comes to the surface itself. And that's why sometimes we get this feeling that, 'I'm feeling worse than before after I started inquiry or after I started praying for some time.' It can feel like that. All these past impressions start coming that the mind uses. That some time—how much time is it going to take? Reminding you of Chosen. Jesus keeps saying 'soon.' All the disciples get so irritated that 'soon.' So one time he didn't say that dinner will come soon or something. Soon. So like, what did you just say? Who is the best to determine the timing of anything? Do you feel like sometimes he must be messing up the timing of things? Like he's so busy, there's so many billions of us and I don't know, trillions of planets, must be messing up on some timing of some things at least? Yes? No? Not possible.

Father, it feels like I'm messing up and then God, like, he shouldn't forget to make sure that I come back on...

No, not one. Maybe a better way to look at things is that we are learning to ride the bike, but he's like—and it's a chou bike, a small bike—but he's constantly behind us holding us up, you see? Sometimes we have to fall to learn to ride the bike, but he also picks us up. So don't feel like he's distant. As close as that parent is when we are learning to ride a bike, closer than that he is. That's why I've stopped using these like distant ways to talk about God as if it's a force of nature or a law or something like that, like a law of gravity or something. Good to look at him as a loving parent who's always with us. Okay, let's look at it this way: if you're sliding, if you're falling off, does he come to know about it first or you come to know about it first? So it's not that he doesn't know and he's going to say, 'Okay, now she's falling, so now I'm going to leave her because she keeps...'

So can I ask that suppose, suppose Screwtape gets the better of me then? Suppose Maya gets the better of me then?

Saying that even Maya is a servant of God himself. Even the devil is an angel who got proud. So always be in that overall reassurance that he's taking care of everything. It doesn't mean—I don't want to say that often because it just many times becomes like an excuse for us not to bring our heart to him constantly. See, again, Father, see if I keep saying he's taking care of everything, some of you may hear it in the way then, 'I can do whatever.' No. So if I'm not...

The better of me then, saying that even Maya is a servant of God himself. Even the Devil is an angel who got proud. So always be in that overall reassurance that he's taking care of everything. It doesn't mean—I don't want to say that often because it just many times becomes like an excuse for us not to bring our heart to him constantly. See again, if I keep saying he's taking care of everything, some of you may hear it in the way that 'then I can do whatever.' No. So if I'm not inquiring, I'm not doing my sadhana, I'm not praying, I'm not doing any of that, 'he's doing, he's taking care'—so it becomes like an Advaita excuse mentally. But to know that in the heart and to use that as faith, as reassurance, but to also know that I have to give my heart to him, I have to offer myself to him. He doesn't want to push his way through. This is very important. Unless you're an Indian or Italian parent, once the children are grown up, then they have to do it unless they ask for help, mostly. So God also will not force his way through because he knows ultimately everything is in his will and it's fine. But we have to learn to love. He cannot be forced to love. Imagine, would that love be satisfactory for him when it was just like a slap came and you're like, 'Oh, I love you God,' and anytime we don't say 'I love you God,' one more slap comes? You see, that is not a satisfactory love; then that is a forced love. So he wants to give us the space to naturally, organically keep turning towards him with love. And if we are going too much towards pride and too much towards stupidity, almost towards evil, then of course the slap may come, which is needed.

Yeah. Um, I had an experience while meditating that my dad's not here anymore, and it was him. But at one point I wasn't sure it was him. He basically said that 'you're never alone, I'm always with you,' which was very lovely. I wonder if that's like God, but it came in the form of my dad in some way? Like maybe, yeah, just when you said like even if you don't feel some distance, he's always there. Yeah, I wonder what you think of that.

Of course, no. Fully, fully, fully. You can trust that fully. We know somewhere that it comes from a deeper place than the usual ramblings of the mind. We can sense there's a deeper quality of love, a deeper quality of presence. And these divine inspirations, we can always take heart from. Absolutely take to heart. It is true. There will be a point where our communion, our communication with God, will not require faith? No. It is always going to need some faith, at least. It may become more and more apparent, but can there ever be a point where we can be with God, speak with God, without any faith whatsoever? No. Then it would just become another intellect or rationality. We always need that faith. The very nature of faith is to trust our heart more than our mind. And it felt like something else, something that touches you more. You notice these things, that most of the things the mind says, it says, 'Oh, see, this is true, I'm telling you the truth.' But there are some things which it wants you to forget. 'No, no, it could have been...' So that itself gives you a clue. If the mind is doubting that, then why is it doubting that? If it was a mind thing, then it would be selling that more and more. So sometimes we can check this, but more just to be heartfelt and to trust where it is coming from. Okay, let's go to Sam.

Thank you, Father. Thank you. I think I just want to connect with you and it was just so much alive in my heart yesterday. And yeah, I was writing a message, but I feel like it's good to just bring it to you. I just want to thank you, Father, for being a living Christ for me and probably for all of us, because you are teaching us to love one another and forgive each other. And this is a thing where I cannot find anywhere else but in you. And to love in another and to forgive others is just—it is for me, this is what I was waiting for in the world. But by teaching this, you have given us, and you are the one who teaches this to me. And I see this in your satsang, in each of them. Your love healed me, Father. Thank you.

Thank you for those beautiful words, very kind words. And if I can follow Lord Jesus Christ in the tiniest way... and none of you should feel like when I say forgive everyone or love everyone, I'm coming from a place of having done all of it myself. I'm still learning myself. I'm still trying to love, trying to forgive fully. I am very much a beginner along the path as well. And as insincere as those words may sound to all of you, I know how much work there is still left to be done here. But thank you for that. And if I can, in the smallest way, bring his messages to all of you, I consider that a great blessing that God has given me in my life. And I take that as a very loving compliment, a loving reassurance, a reflection of my love for you. Thank you.

Thank you, Father. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you. He is so alive in our heart, and I just want to invite him into my house. May all that seems so real, all that seems so alive in the world, just subside. And may you come to a beautiful, joyful, loving place within your heart which remains untouched through everything that life can throw at it. The holy light of Atma is there, undisturbed like a candle at God's feet. You have no concern about the body and the world and all of these sensations. May you just—I know it is difficult, and I'm not at all saying it's easy, but in God's light, in God's love, everything is possible. So may you keep turning towards him as I know you are trying to, but I join you in this and my full blessings and prayers are for this. Jai. Follow the signal of his love. It's so beautiful. You know that in India we say Krishna's flute, which plays and all of us are drawn. What does it represent? That inner calling from our heart that calls all of us within. Then I found today that Meister Eckhart also says 'the shepherd's whistle.' The same thing. It's just that same call which the shepherd, being Lord Jesus Christ, who blows his whistle and all of us are drawn within to the same place. So much similarity between Krishna, Jesus, Ram. So follow this flute of Krishna to the deepest place.

You know the story that all these gopis actually looked like they were young children, young ladies, but they were actually great sages. Great sages. And then their love for God deepened so much that God, Lord Krishna, played the flute one night and they all left all worldly concern, everything, and they were drawn towards him. You can see how it is about the inner journey as well. So when they got there, then sometimes the Lord tests you. Sometimes Maya comes with fear. Both could be the same thing actually at times. So he says, 'What are you doing here? You've left your homes, your families, your responsibilities. That's not right. You should go back.' He himself, the one who's calling! So then these ones had a tantrum with him. 'You have called us. We have left everything for you. Now whether you like it or not, we are not leaving.' That is the spirit we need to have when we approach God. That whatever, come what may, you don't leave him. 'Lord, I'm yours. God, my heart belongs to you.' He said that is the highest prayer, just to surrender ourselves moment to moment like this. 'My life belongs to you. It's yours right now. It's yours right now. And I joined onto you. I left this world of Maya that I joined my love to you. Sachi Prema. My love is now yours. My heart is now yours. Do with me as you like, but I am not going to leave you.' Can anyone of you report that we surrender in that way but he leaves us? He doesn't leave. The simple things—these saints have told us a simple thing, which is that he only knows how to hold us; he doesn't know how to leave us. What if you were to just take even this one thing to heart today and just trust that he's holding us?

Another saint, a Catholic saint, said that our job is to just behold him and to be held by him. To behold him and to be held by him, which is the same thing. To love him is to allow him to love us. A beautiful point. Many times we wonder, 'How do I love him?' Just allow him to love you. Like a child allows the mother to love the child. All the sages everywhere are telling us the same thing. So a very important message for today also is that don't let the world's stupidity divide you into religion, caste, nation—all of these things. Don't worry, be happy with your religion, be truthful, follow your teacher, whoever you consider your teachers, but never become proud and never divide based on that. So many examples in one satsang we've taken, at least 20-30 examples of exactly the same thing being said by the so-called Hindu sages and the so-called Christian sages. But as I asked one Christian father the other day, I said, 'Would you distinguish between the Atma and the Holy Spirit, or would you say they are the same?' And he said that they are the same. If they are the same, then where is the division? Then one child said, 'Was he Indian, Father?' You see, it would be very absurd for any country, any true lover of God, to say, 'What I find in my heart, the holy presence that I find, that one is the Holy Spirit, but the one that you find is not the Holy Spirit, which is the Atma, and they are different, they're distant cousins or something like that.' That would just be strange. So all this division is pointless, needless. You must take the best of what all the sages have to offer to us. Follow that with full heart, you will see.

Thank you, Father. Also I wanted to report something. Basically, Father, this falling in love with God, you know, was such a concept in my head. But recently there is this urge that—like how you were talking about cravings and not going to the gym, but once you get hooked to the gym you want to go even if there is no external incentive, you know? And these days it feels like I want to sit with God. Like, you know, there's this—I'm missing the—I don't know how you see it, but I feel there is this—if I don't meet him, it feels like—like you were saying, beyond the sensory, beyond the sensory of what it is. And even not ads, like I don't have to do ads as well. And then there's just a returning back or like going there, Father. And it's very spontaneous and it can happen anywhere, like in the middle of a meeting or at a doctor's appointment or whatever. And at night when you have it... and there was this realization when I knew that I could not speak, and as part of my conditioning I cannot speak up so much as such, right? So I took things to God and it became like a habit, like, you know, writing to him, writing to you. And that itself kind of—I don't know, Father, I'm not able to express the process, but you know what I mean. And it's like that craving is there to just sit in silence or go back to him, sit with a book and my diary open. And even the Spirituai advisor, like, you know, there is a lot of resonance there, Father. So I don't know, I know he's guiding, but I just wanted to express it to you. I'm now understanding what falling in love with God is, because I would never use that as part of my vocabulary. Like it was something else, like, you know, knowledge and seeing and devotion and stuff, but it was never love, Father, you know? And now that I've seen that there can't be devotion in its truest sense if there is no love in that way, right? And it's not even like—it's just something is pointing that it's love, and you know, it's not saying that it's conceptually that, but it is something that I've been experiencing. And the pull here is more than what I would usually like watch something like, you know, for entertainment or even at work, like, you know, like I would give my heart and soul or whatever, but the pull is like withdrawn in a way. I don't know.

You're doing very, very good. You know, what you say is very beautiful. And in the Bhakti path, there are many things which can seem upside down. So again, Hanuman Prasad Poddar Ji said that the highest form of loving God is the parama-vyakulata, which means the extreme restlessness like a fish out of water.

There is more than what I would usually like. Watch something like, you know, for entertainment or even at work, like I would give my heart and soul or whatever, but the pull is like withdrawn in a way. I don't know.

I'm doing very, very good. You know, what you say is very beautiful and in the Bhakti path, there are many things which can seem upside down. So again, Hanuman Ji said that the highest form of loving God is the Param Vyakula, which means the extreme restlessness like a fish out of water when you're not with God. And initially, you would feel like, how can the extreme restlessness be the highest form of love? It would be like Atma where you're completely surrendered to Him; those things sound like the highest love. But when you notice that it is such a beautiful love that when Maya pulls you away even for a moment, you feel like you're breathless, you know? You just feel like you have to return. So in a way, that's what you're saying about your work, what you're saying about other things. So may you keep growing in that way.

Thank you, Father.

Beautiful. Remember clearly: there shall be showers of blessings. This is the promise of love. There shall be seasons refreshing, sent from the Savior above.