Either It´s Something Personal, or It´s About Awareness - 18th January 2016

No.

So you're clear that awareness is here, but the 'I' you cannot find. Can you find an 'I' yet?

I know awareness. It is directly known, isn't it? Directly known.

Therefore, this my proposition to you is that this 'I' is awareness itself. Now you have to try and prove me wrong. Can you find a separate 'I' from this awareness? Finding any 'I' which is separate from this awareness... it's only awareness. It's only awareness. Now if there is only awareness, without picking up a concept, can you become? Without picking up a concept, how will you become? Is the body you? The body is aware of you, or you are aware of the body? Don't believe the label. Labeling means what? 'I am the body.' Can you believe that now, you know, from the place of looking? Now with this appearance of the body, do you find that really it has that much pull? The thought that 'I am the body,' as you're seeing clearly that only awareness is here and all these appearances are coming, including the body, does it have that much juice? 'I am the body'?

No.

Okay. Now what you must do is not be scared of this concept, because the fear is coming that, 'Oh, but later then I will again become body-identified or something.' Try to become body-identified. Just become the body. Don't be the awareness, just be the body. Can you do it? You can never do it. It can only seem like it happened like that, but it never truly happens. And don't say this should not come, that should not come, I should not have tendencies. All of this is good. So that is what the mind is using: that 'My tendencies are not gone yet, why I still have this, when I still have that.' Say something about your true self. You see only awareness is here. Say something about that. Nothing? Anything happening to it? Is there anything happening to awareness? No. Don't believe this guy. Whatever the mind is saying, let it come and let it go. As simple as that. Okay?

Distractions... once you have clarity about definitions, then these words will also not bother you. Like you were asking about subject and object, what's the difficulty?

All that is appearing is object, phenomenal. The subject is not phenomenal. And the subjective awareness of itself is not an objective experience. Straightforward. So all that is phenomenal, you call that object. All that you are, the non-phenomenal awareness, that is the subject. And the subject knows itself, but not objectively, not as an object. Once there is clarity about who you are, then these jargon and play of words will not bother you so much. It only bothers those who are trying to get some sort of mental understanding or try to prove themselves that 'I know this' or something like this. I don't try to remember anything. When something comes like that and we look together, and in the direct looking of the truth, then I don't feel anything which is truthful can escape you. You don't have to bother yourself with learning this and knowing something. We're not trying to make intellectuals out of you. It'll be a complete waste if after coming to satsang for so long you become an intellectual. It will be a complete waste. That if you would call something valuable, it must be only that which is here. So any term, any definition you hear, you just have to check back with what is here. And if it resonates, you can use it. If it doesn't resonate, just say 'I don't understand what you're saying.' No need to wrestle with anything. I am not giving you anything to learn also. What do you see yourself to be? You want to be awareness and a certain type of person, or the nothingness of awareness is enough for you? Then nothing can make you suffer. If your emptiness is fine by you, then what suffering can there be? Because suffering can only be phenomenal. Only phenomena attacks phenomena. Only phenomena defends against phenomena. That which is no-thing cannot be an attacked or defender. So if you are okay being nothing, if you see yourself as this no-thing, then how can you suffer? So easy. So anytime we find that there is a grievance or there's some suffering or something coming up, find out what phenomena I am attaching to or identifying with. And then when you inquire, you see that I am nothing, I am this emptiness, I am this awareness, then I cannot be hurt by this phenomena either by its coming or going. So even forget about that. Then you come and report whether the play continued, because there can be some fear of losing the play or some fear that, 'Oh, this play will continue.' Either way, we only... if the identification is not there, then that collapse is there. At that time you could go to sleep and not wake up. It's like that. Good. Nothing to say? So you shoot down the existence?

No existence?

No, I am saying that there is complete freedom for it to come or it to not come. Nothing to predict. Suppose when you go to sleep tonight, you go to sleep for a million years, and when you wake up tomorrow you feel it's just the next day. Who can see these things? As awareness, are you concerned about the planet? The false 'I', the fake 'I' which doesn't exist, never existed—that one says 'I don't want to lose myself.' I say: where are you? It doesn't exist. It's just being represented through this voice or the mind. The one that doesn't exist is being represented through a voice. All evidence that we have of this one is only this voice. Who's it representing? So, you've been using this lawyer example. So you ask a lawyer, 'Who are you representing?' 'Oh, my client couldn't be in court today because he's not validated.' 'Will he come tomorrow?' 'No, he never comes.' The one who is being represented by this voice never comes. And yet we go on believing in the existence of such a one. That's all there is to it. So can you drop it now? Whatever this voice might be saying, can you drop out? Drop this also. Drop it. Meanwhile, I will not believe my next thought. What's so difficult? You want to believe your next thought or you don't want to believe him?

I need... so drop this first. I need permanency. Who? 'I'. Which 'I'?

So you see it, then you drop it. So you see that there is no 'I' here that needs permanency, yes or no? Then forget about 'I need permanency.' Forgotten. Okay. What next? What else you want? See, it's all rubbish because we are still representing that one who doesn't exist. And the one that is here is permanent, ever-present awareness itself.

Something still feels... I still don't get it hundred percent.

Which part you don't get? That you are awareness, or you don't get that the person doesn't exist? I'm sure that is it. It is just... what else can I do besides? Either it's something personal, or it's about awareness. This conditioning... something magical that must happen, huh? You yourself say non-existent, then forget it. And if it's sticky like this, then keep contemplating: who is the 'I' that wants the experience? You want enlightenment or the enlightenment experience? Conditioning is nothing for you. Don't believe in something. Even this I'm saying, it's nothing. As awareness, conditioning is nothing. What is it for awareness? Nothing. If you keep believing in something and 'I have to fight it, I have to change it,' then it becomes something. It gets energized. You cannot be there. This is on... forget gymnastics. Okay? Those are these terms we use sometimes in satsang; we can use just for different, different expressions. You use different, different terms. When you're coming to the truth of what you are, nothing to be, nothing to be forgetting, because still personal. The person wants to be broad, the person wants to become being, the person wants to become the heart. Okay, whatever you want to become, forget about it. It's not in the becoming; it is the recognition of what is. And no one can escape this recognition. I am telling you what you are. The mind is saying 'I want to become something.' I'm saying, but you are that. 'I wanted to become that.' The minute you express it, whether it is... ready to close your eyes? Emotions are distraction actually if you believe the story about them. Just another appearance. Just don't pick it up. And if you pick it up, you drop it.