Contemplate: Who is in my Heart Altar? Who lives in my Heart? - 13th September 2024

And if you spent it on something which is selfish, which is egotistical, which is about the 'me,' even though it may sound spiritual, it is a wasted opportunity from a spiritual point of view. Are you getting what I'm saying? So in that moment, whether we are praying, whether we are inquiring, whether we are doing some other sadhana, if you're singing devotionally or hearing something devotional, if you're even spiritual reading truly with the intention of deepening in our relationship with God, deepening in His presence, that is when we are truly meeting the meaning of this life itself. This life is to love Him and every moment is to be with Him, because only there is true insight, only there is true love, only there is true peace and harmony. And everything which is outside of there is a zombie world. Those who are seeming to be alive are engaging with that which is seeming to be alive but missing the very source of life which is within themselves.

And to repeat what Swami Ram said, that God is the only thing, quote-unquote, we can attain just by turning towards Him. And actually, if I was to just dare to say semantically, that we don't even know how to turn. See, we only have to turn away from the 'me' and that is to turn towards Him. So if you turn away from pride, if you turn away from grasping, if you turn away from 'what about me?' A lot of us in spirituality are afflicted by a spiritual 'what about me?' which is not really spirituality at all, because spirit is the presence of God. So only when it is about the presence of God is it spirituality.

So this spiritual 'what about me?' then relying on past experiences—that 'I found God 20 years ago,' 'I found God last week'—all of that is just with the emphasis on 'I' rather than God. Doesn't matter if you found that Krishna is sitting on your couch at home and you're roaming around in the wilderness, are you stupider than the one who hasn't found Krishna or wiser? So many times this is what our spiritual pride does to us; it convinces us of a narrative which actually may sound spiritual but takes us away from God. So every moment we have to be a beginner in full humility and make ourself available to God with the simplicity of father, mother, brother, friend, beloved, lover, spouse, partner, child—whatever the construct of our relationship with God may seem like. Say that, and say that 'I am yours' and mean it. 'I am yours alone and everything is for you.'

Recently when you started talking about how in every moment you ask who it's for and you offer yourself to God and allow whatever has to happen to unfold from there, like if it so happens that I'm not praying, then I get a bit paranoid in the sense like I've noticed before how it can be a trick and I might just go off on some I don't know what. But at the same time, there's also this thing that this is just my story about my path, my prayer, and it's all me. And it seems better to actually offer yourself up and it's only truly God's, it's really offered to God when it's like that.

Yes, very good, very good. Let's talk about this some more. This is very good. So all of us are in spirituality because of a spiritual promise. The spiritual promise can come in the form of the recognition of the absolute reality of myself; that can be one of the promises. The second spiritual promise can be that I can spend an eternity in God's presence versus in this separation. And the third—and maybe the third and the first are very similar—that I merge into God, I unite fully into Him, that there is no 'me' left. These are the main spiritual promises, isn't it?

Now in all of these conditions, in the first condition we see that such a 'me' doesn't actually exist; it is just a Maya idea. In the second, we let go of this 'me' as much as we can so that we can deepen in our relationship with Him, so that relationship then perpetuates into an eternity. You see? Because what have you noticed about being with Him? That He doesn't leave. When you're with Him, He doesn't leave. It is we that leave, 'I' that leave, you see? So if there's going to be a break in that perpetuity into eternity, it is going to come from our side, and it has come from our side. And the third is the fully merging into Him where all sense of 'me' is gone. And we'll talk more about that, but the deepening ever-closeness in that relationship can lead to the third one happening where I can't find the 'me' anymore.

So with integrity in this moment, if you say that 'I am yours' or if you say 'Who am I?' it actually leads to the same thing. What's important is the sincerity, the integrity of that process. Are we truly asking who we are? Are we truly offering oursel to God saying 'I am yours, I'm not interested in any outcome for myself, I'm not interested in my state'? Whichever way You have kept me, I am happy with that. Whichever state God keeps us in, to be happy with that is very important because that mollifies the constantly complaining mind and we are allowed to rest in peace in His presence by accepting that whatever He is doing for us, it is His life to lead anyway.

So whether you offer yourself fully or you inquire into your true nature, it leads to the same deepening of this heart relationship, deepening of the possibility to unite with God. So what I would say is discard both: the attempt to help the 'me'—except if the attempt is just to deepen in God—and discard the worry about this 'me,' which I'm supposing paranoia is just an exaggerated way of looking at this worry. So that is another way to just allow this moment to belong to the 'me' rather than to belong to God, is it?

Thing is that related to this, it's relying on my judgment rather than the teacher's. Yes, like some, I don't know how to say that.

And really the teacher is not interested in judging. The teacher is only saying: You have this moment, what are you doing with it? You have this moment, what are you doing with it? At this moment, what are you doing with it? There's really no time to even say, 'Okay, you had that moment, what are you doing with it?' because in that, this moment is going. But the correction, if any, comes because we feel constantly spending our moments in that way, then to use a few moments to correct that may be worthwhile. You see what I mean?

So to remain, first change the compartment. Yes, change the compartment where you are operating from. Move from this compartment to this compartment because here it's only going to seem impossible, difficult, trouble, 'I don't know how to do it.' Here we can never know how to do it because here we cannot ever formulate a plan to recognize the unperceivable. Here it's only about perception: 'What can I get? What can I get?' Then God will also become a 'getting,' but this getting is not that.

Just my intent more than... like for instance, Mooji has guided me so many times in so many ways about just pray, pray, pray, pray, pray. Now that versus my judgment that my intent now is to...

Yes, so keep working on changing your intent to deepen in God's life and keep following the advice of the teachers who are guiding you to pray, to remain with God. It's one of the two. It's not like that.

Like now I can set aside even the instruction that I have to pray and just... it's my intent that matters and...

Yes, the other is it doesn't matter whatever you're doing, just keep praying. So do either, okay? Don't do anything else.

So Father, last time when you said that you asked us to make a list of things that take you away from God, pull you away from God, and I've noted down all the things. I see it very clearly. Even the last two days, you know, I tried to constantly come back to a scripture or prayer or, you know, even Father Thomas Keating, his guidance also has been very, very powerful. But yet, you know, there's still juice. Like there's tendency to do the things that pull me away from God. It still feels like a temptation, you know? Like it's almost like an itch that I have to scratch immediately. And when I do it, I know that it just feels like, you know, just doesn't feel good at all. But yet, just noticing it is not enough, no Father?

Just it is the first step. So at least it is helpful to not be in denial of it. Because many times we can spend our whole life in denial and in the thinking that—not that you're doing that, I know you have this idea that whatever I say like this is meant for you, I'm not saying—but many times it can be this way that we believe that we are leading a very spiritual life but actually God has been absent from our life. So Spirit has been absent from our life. So to notice that is the first step, to step away from hiding, from denial, and to say that this is the topic. When it comes to money, relationships, or health of the body, or even coming to some intellectual idea of meaning, you see these things, they grab me and...

Whatever I say like this is meant for you. I'm not saying, but many times it can be this way that we believe that we are leading a very spiritual life, but actually God has been absent from our life. So Spirit has been absent from our life. To notice that is the first step—to step away from hiding, from denial, and to say that this is the topic. When it comes to money, relationships, or health of the body, or even coming to some intellectual idea of meaning, you see, these things, they grab me. And to know for ourselves that when it comes to, for example, relationship, that seems to have a lot of attraction, gravitation pull, so then it helps us to be vigilant towards that. So notice that more and more. And it is going to be difficult; it is not going to be easy. So we all have to keep at it.

So we may feel like initially we fail five times out of ten at remaining with God and going to separation. Then that number may become six, or staying with God may become six, it may become seven, it may become eight. So as long as we are deepening and we not become complacent, all that's all we can do. There is nobody who can say ten on ten. I for sure cannot say ten on ten. So the idea of perfection, just replace it with the idea of a deepening. Because how Father said, you know, that like even if I'm fully motivated to not—even all of that is just nothing in front of—I can't will it to go away. Or even if I have the best intention for me to not get caught in it, you can't wish it to go away. Let's put it that way.

Will is a bigger topic. Will is a bigger topic because all of this somewhere is a sacrifice of our what we think is our will to God's will, which is actually our true will. So at one level we can will it to go away because our true will is God's will. But it is because my individuality, my egotistical will seems to be paramount, we don't see God's will as my will. And mostly we don't have the patience to wait for His will to become clear. Because many times in spirituality, we are okay if my will sounds spiritual enough, like it sounds like it could be His will, then we can rush into that. But that is not enough. Our individual wanting, individual grasping has to be replaced by patience and allow Him to move us, to allow Him to guide us.

Maya is very powerful, but it is not powerful enough to keep us away from God if you really wanted to. If you really wanted to be with Him, it is not that powerful that it can keep us away. So in that moment, who leaves? God leaves or we leave? We succumb to that temptation. But as we try to strengthen this aspect of our and as we deepen in our love for God, it becomes—well, mostly, we can never say generally—but mostly easier to stay with Him and not give in to the mind's calling, the mind's notation. In that moment, we must forget that Ram, Krishna, Jesus, Allah lives in our heart. It's very—it's impossible to say, 'Yes, He lives here, but anyway I will focus on the me instead or focus on the mind instead.' So it is this forgetting which is the effect of Maya.

And the more you deepen in your love for God, in your relationship with God, the more His presence will be a certainty which you will find it more and more difficult to forget. And like I said, the only two modes for one who has been to Satsang: one is to notice the presence and be with it, and the second is to know because your teacher told you that God lives there and to remain inward. So you're sitting in Satsang, the mind says, 'What about pizza?' You are able to let it go because you've made this time available to God, to Satsang. It's a rare temptation where you feel like, okay, when it comes you make some excuse and say, 'I'm not well, I have to go home' or something like that. But those are rare because you've already committed your time to this. In the same way, our life has to be committed time for God. And for a while it will seem like a big sacrifice, but it actually isn't. It is the only way to lead a life which is worth it. So we are sacrificing our life actually without realizing it, but for a while to sacrifice the false will seem like a true sacrifice.

Father, even when, say, I gave into whatever temptation, even at that moment while I'm going through that experience, even then it is not pleasant because I immediately—no, because there's something that I'm trying to figure out with my mind and it's on a loop that goes nowhere. And immediately when I let go and I come, you know, to my heart, it's a different paradigm. But sometimes the time that I spent in figuring out and wanting to know, it just—Maya looks very exciting but is actually thol. Your heart looks like thol when you stuck in Maya is actually very exciting.

Doesn't seem that way now. Suppose that you say, 'I have zero spiritual experience and I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even know that there is a God.' But somehow I listen to what you're saying and I stay inward. After remaining inward for a few hours, for a few minutes even, are you better than before or worse? You're always better by turning towards God. And by grasping at the world, no matter how pleasurable that momentary experience may have seemed, are you better than before or worse? And that if you're not able to see it, it is very important to keep remaining inwards and your heart compass will develop. There a sense of deepening connection or a disconnection will tell you whether you're truly alive or pretending to be alive.

So when I call it a zombie life, I really mean it as a zombie life. It's like that which gives us life has been cut off from us. So just like a bundle of Prana and flesh and blood roaming around. Prana mixed with mind, mixed with body, just walking. No actual life. And one day the Giver of the actual light of life will take the Prana also away. For everyone, when this Prana is taken away, all our smartness, all our material wealth, all our worldly accomplishments, all that will come to zero. So focus on spiritual wealth more than anything else. How much have you constructed the—our temple, the holy altar has been presented to you. This is a gift from God. To remain with it is to construct the holy temple in your heart.

Who is that sage? The cobbler sage, no? How do you pronounce—how do you say Pusala? That's how you say Pusala. So Pusala. So Sage Pusala. One time the king of the land wanted to build a huge temple for Shiva. Spend like a great part of his wealth, his treasury, and build this great temple for Shiva. And a lot of the construction had happened. And one night Shiva came to this king in the dream. The Lord came and the Lord said, 'No, the temple to me where I will stay has already been built. The most magnificent temple is already been built.' And the king woke up in a panic and said, 'I'm spending so much of my treasury and with so much love and devotion I'm building this temple. Who has built this temple?'

So Shiva had told him in the dream that there's this man called Pusala, go meet him there, he has built the true temple. So this king tries to find this man. It turns out he's a beggar. He's like a beggar or a cobbler, something like that. Nothing comparative in worldly standards to the king. But the king has to meet this man. So he goes to Sage Pusala and says, 'Shiva has told me that His temple is already been built by you. How have you built this temple? I don't see anything around. Where is it? Where is it?' So the Sage Pusala told him that, 'I built His temple at the only place where it can be built, which is in my heart.' All the other temples are reminders of our heart temple, are representatives of our heart temple, are tools, devices to bring us to our heart temple. So we are privileged and blessed that this being that I call 'I am,' my Atma, is His presence. That is a privilege. But to spend this entirety of this life focused outwardly and forgetting about this presence of God would be a wasted life.

Father, I've been noticing that whenever we speak about death, that this body is going to die, and I see that the mind comes like a fog and I'm not able to meet this. Yes, it doesn't allow me to meet it. And even at the graveyard when we had gone, just I can see it creating this huge fog and not—yeah, please help me to see like that.

What Guruji at Art of Living said, if you remember, that he said we live as if we are never going to die and die as if we never lived. So this living as if we are never going to die is very pervasive. This egotistical entity believes that the ego is timeless. It doesn't allow us to contemplate death. And that is why in most cultures it's even taboo to talk about death. 'No, no, don't talk about it.' But it's very important. It's like saying we are on a train but let's not talk about where this train is going. So this train is going to the graveyard or to the cremation ground. That's where this train is going. Where is our train going? That is important.

Where do you think this body is going to end up? I know it's going to end up in the ground, but it doesn't allow me to meet it, Father. It doesn't.

And in that not allowing, we remove a very beautiful tool that we have at our disposal to see the finiteness of this life. And until we see the finiteness of this life, we will not be attracted to the eternity of being with God. So as you spend more and more time in His presence, this will become more and more a fact that you start to notice that this body is going towards a certain death. And as you contemplate the fact that this body is going towards a certain death, you will find yourself going closer to God. So it's all right if it's like a thing, let's not work on it specifically, just stay with God. It will become clearer and clearer because the mind can also use it the other way. This beautiful contemplation on death, which is like the Kathopanishad, can also become like Shiva was saying in some way a paranoia about it. Then we just obsessed with 'me, me, me, but me, I'm going to die.' That's not the intention. It's a fact, but you can avoid death by being with God.

It's almost like I can see the pride not wanting to meet—like it's not allowing to meet this, like it's not going to happen.

What is the message of this pride? At best it could be, 'I have a lot of time.' Even pride is not stupid enough to say that I won't die, unless it's Ravana. Maybe it was a Ravana-type pride which said, 'I am immortal.' It just kind of pushes it away. It doesn't—the type which tries to gain immortality as a human body and as eternal spirit. So I'm saying that this body is going to die. What is the pride saying?

I just can't meet it, Father. I don't know what to say. It's not like it's saying something.

So when you hear it, it goes like music, 'la la la'? Yeah, it just goes about it when it happens. No, it just—they just ignore the topic. Many topics like this, it's not just there. All of you have some topics like that. I see you when you wake up and when you go to sleep in Satsang. There are some topics which come, here is like, 'This is not for me.' Yeah, something, you know? And then the other topic comes and you're like that, and the other half goes to sleep. So it can happen. You can't resonate with everything you hear in Satsang.

It's not feeling good, Father.

At least that is being heard somewhere. Otherwise, out of the fifty topics in Satsang, like most of them we are asleep to. There are a few that really—and those few are enough actually. Everybody's trying to be very awake at Satsang. I'll pass the mic to...

My question is about like family. I find it very easy to remember to be within the heart and like away from the thoughts and all of that stuff with most people, like friends. But when family is going through intense suffering, I—it's just—it just sucks me in. If I am suffering, it's okay, I can detach from that, yeah, or not detach, but you know, like—but when family is going through things, it's just an immediate whirlpool that I get sucked into. And then it's not even—I guess deep down it is a 'me' story, but in that moment it feels like it's them. And it's like this helpless feeling where I'm unable to see the last point.

Of that stuff with most people like friends, but when family is going through intense suffering, it just sucks me in. If I am suffering, it's okay, I can detach from that, or not detach, but you know. But when family is going through things, it's just an immediate whirlpool that I get sucked into. And then it's not even—I guess deep down it is a 'me' story, but in that moment it feels like it's them. And it's like this helpless feeling where I'm unable to see... the last part again, I couldn't hear.

It's like you feel like it's them, and then?

Yeah, and I feel helpless. And it's like nothing I can do can keep me away from getting sucked into that thought storm and the suffering of family. So I don't know how to...

Yes. And I feel like everyone will have one or two topics in their life which are like that, where they feel like they can be with God in their heart for everything, but when something comes like that—and for many it is family—where it comes like that, then you just feel like you're something. So what can we do? All the other times, just stay as much as you can with God, and then that will seep in into that time as well, you see? And notice as much as you can. Try to not give into the gravitation as much as you can, but really it is to allow your heart to seep in into that aspect of your life as well. And many of these things, because they're so deeply connected with our emotional center, with our identity, all of these things, then sometimes some of these things can take long. But if you fight it too violently, then it'll just maybe energize itself more and more. So you just have to be kind to yourself. Just allow it to seep in as much. And you already start—you must have already started to notice when something is unfolding in front of you and initially you're a bit, 'I'm okay, I'm good,' but within five minutes you're in like that. So that time span will grow more and more and more.

Yeah, it feels less like my ego and more of like intense empathy, which I don't know if that's even possible. It's not compassion, but it's empathy, and it's too much of it. I don't know.

It's all right. Whatever label we use for it is not so important. It is just allow your heart to empathize. So stay with your heart, and if from there, without leaving your heart center, if you feel like that kind of movement is happening, then it's fine too. So it's not about the outer activity, but where we are coming from. So just don't let it make you Mindy and troubled here. Allow it to unfold from here, and as it is unfolding from here, then that is true kindness, that is true love, that is true empathy too. So let's contemplate for a few minutes: Who is it that lives in my heart? Who is in the altar of my heart? And all of you know how to contemplate. You can use your prayer with your breath to center yourself. Pray for the Atma's guidance, for the Holy Spirit's guidance, to guide you to this contemplation, through this contemplation. Stay with this question in your heart, not mentally, and allow your heart to get inspired by the sages, by the Atma, by God's presence. And no pushing is needed, just a stillness. And if you find yourself getting distracted by the mind, again use your prayer, use your breath to return. So sincerely keep in your heart this question: Who is in my heart altar? Who lives in my heart?

Whenever you feel ready, if there are some reflections you would like to write, you can write them down. If in our contemplations we receive what feels like some divine inspiration, then we must not neglect that. Beautiful thing I heard from St. Teresa of Avila, that whenever she felt like something is a divine inspiration, she would do it. And even if your mind is tricking you, but your intention is to follow God, God will take care of you. You can trust that. The mic, is it on? No, it's okay.

My question is about—I think it's a basic question. I think it's a question about, you know, I keep coming to India and I keep sitting with enlightened people and I keep waiting for it to happen for me. And I know what's keeping me from that is fear. And so my question is what to do with that fear? Like how to beat that, how to just relax into it and just—that's it. I feel like that's the obstruction for me, that's the block.

So when looking at the whole question together, you say that I keep coming to India and I keep sitting with a lot of enlightened people and hoping that it will happen for me, and I know what blocks me is this fear, that obstructs me is this fear. When you're sitting with them, or is this fear always there? Only when you're sitting with the enlightened people, as you call them, or?

No, I think it's there all the time in the background, and I think that it is that that pulls me out back into the world. So I'm not spending time with...

What is the number one fear you have? Is there something which is repetitive?

I think it's a fear of just not being able to navigate the world anymore. Not being able to—like I've seen people that have just lost, you know, and they're walking around the mountain with vomit on them and drooling and, you know, who will look after me? You know, part of me is willing to let go and part of me is terrified.

Those people that you saw, maybe in Tiruvannamalai, who are like that—and we saw a couple as well—who is looking after them?

I mean, they have people that follow them and think they're divine beings, or are they crazy? I don't know. But somehow they're taken care of because every time—I guess sometimes they're not. Sometimes it doesn't appear that way that they're being...

They're still there when you go next time. They're still alive. They're still walking. Who takes care of them?

Well, I'd have to say the same one that animates them, you know, that brings the vomit up onto the clothes and... but so what? I don't want that.

Yeah, so you're saying that it's not a fear of who will take care of me, but a fear that I may become like that. Is it?

Definitely, yeah.

Are you willing to say that if it is God's will, I will stay in whatever way He wants me to?

Oh, that's a big question. Or at least I will try. That's a scary question.

Scary, yes.

So I would like to say yes to that wholeheartedly. Yes. Well, I don't know whether I can say yes to that wholeheartedly. There is still some trepidation, maybe some trembling, no?

And I feel that like that is natural. And if it was 100%, then I could say that I have full faith, but it's not 100%. So I feel like I'm still working on my faith. And I feel like most of us in the human condition—maybe except some of those enlightened people that you are speaking about—are in this project where they're deepening in their faith. Okay? So keep that question central and just see every day that today, am I willing more to follow His will no matter what than I was yesterday? And if that is the case, then I'm all right. That's it.

That's what I needed to hear.

It's an ever-deepening project, at least from what I've seen in my life. Is there anyone who can say like Abraham that I will do whatever? I'm sure Abraham had a lot of trepidation as well. But if that is the benchmark of faith, or Shabri from the Ramayan who spent many, many years, most of her life waiting for Ram to come—every day she would gather food for Him and spent her whole life doing that. Or Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son at the altar because that is how God commanded him. So if those are the benchmarks of faith, I can honestly say that I'm not there yet. And if God was to command me in that way, I would be scared. And to see that 'but I'm deeper in it today than I was yesterday' is all that we can do. Thank you. Also on this topic of anxiety, Guru Nanak Ji and Jesus both said something very similar. So Nanak Ji said that all these fish are swimming in the water, they are not worried about where their next meal is going to come from, and yet God manages to feed them every day. They are not worried. And Jesus said the same thing, that all these birds, they are not worried about where tomorrow's food is going to come from, they just fly today and God feeds them. Does not God, the giver of our life, our Father, love us as much as He loves the birds and fishes, that He will take care of us? The question is whether His taking care meets our version of being taken care of. That's why usually the gap is, and that is the gap of faith, and that is the faith that we're working on every day to deepen in. I don't know actually, although I made the joke earlier, I don't know whether there is such a thing as 100% faith. I feel like it's ever-deepening. Every time we turn to God, it is an act of faith, isn't it? Because although we may have some phenomenal byproducts of being with God, God will always be beyond perception. So when we have a deep, heartfelt recognition of His presence, our mind will always say, 'But what is there? Nothing is there. There is no God. It's all about this world.' So then that trusting your heart more than your head is always an exercise in faith. And the more we exercise it, the stronger it gets. But can we come to 100%? I don't believe we can. But can we do better than yesterday? I feel we can always do better than yesterday. How to do better than yesterday? Just by staying with Him. He teaches us. So when our life comes into the discipleship of the Atma—and we spoke about this probably many years back, the discipleship of the Holy Spirit—that is when our life is constantly deepening in faith and love and humility. I remember Regina had a prayer one time in the beginning and she said, 'Holy Spirit, can you please awaken me without scaring the hell out of me? As fast as you can without scaring me to death and scaring me back.' Beautiful. And getting the hell out of us would be good, but literally the hell goes. But I know what you mean. That's a good prayer.

Father, yes. Did I forget to switch on the translation? No, it's Friday today. Can I ask you a question? Yes. Okay. You just said that when we were contemplating, you said if divine inspiration comes, then we must follow that. And yeah, I have been not following, and it has come, and I'm not following. And I guess I had this idea because of the past that whenever God's will comes very clearly, I just follow because there is an alignment. It's not like God's will and my will; it's just one thing. And it's been like that in the past, maybe not every...

Make sure I'm hearing this right. What you're saying is that in the past, when it is clear that something is God's will, there has always been alignment with your will. Is that what you say?

Not always. No, not always. But a lot of the time. No, not always. Sometimes I can see it and I see that I move in a different direction. But I guess I had a feeling that if it did come for something like this, for big movements like this, it would be aligned. It wouldn't be like... and when it did come and when I was in silence, it was perfectly one thing and it was very true and easy and not conflicted.

Very beautiful. Very good. So let me elaborate a little bit on that. I know you have another question, but this part is very important. When we are more or less merged with Him in His presence, then there is no distinction, or very little distinction, between His guidance and my wants. So it seems like what He wants is what I want. But remembering to follow His will is very important because when we are stuck in Maya, when we are stuck in 'me, me, me,' then we are only open to following my will. And we have a lot of spiritual-sounding things which are still things that we want, which then take the place—they act as replacements of His will in our mind, saying that 'but I'm being spiritual.' But that is not true. So to remember that if I'm not open, I'm rushing, I'm not waiting for Him to move me or to guide...

Remembering to follow His will is very important because when we are stuck in Maya, when we are stuck in 'me, me, me,' then we are only open to following my will. We have a lot of spiritual-sounding things which are still things that we want, which then take the place—they act as replacements of His will in our mind, saying that 'But I'm being spiritual.' But that is not true. So to remember that if I'm not open, I'm rushing, I'm not waiting for Him to move me or to guide me, then I'm stuck in Maya. So I must return, especially when I don't want to, to following His will, even if it seems like it is a big sacrifice to switch away from what I want to being open to what He wants. So don't wait for just alignment. Alignment means beautiful, that you are in His presence. But remember that when we are caught up in the 'me,' then we just do what we want and we will not wait to be guided by God or led by God or led by Spirit, Atma. So we must notice these things and return to our heart and only follow His will, or at least follow as much as possible.

Okay. I have a feeling that it's tricky because most of the time I am not one with Him as I was when I received this. And that is what makes it difficult. So it is difficult. Yeah, so I feel very challenged to either, okay, do it anyway even if you don't want to, or just be aligned. And that's not—it's not an easy thing to be completely with God all the time. But what He's asking me to do, it will take all of, you know, it will take my days to weeks and following months or whatever it will take to do all of this. And so do I act even though I'm not feeling that inspiration all the time? Or do I—I don't know—do I just go back to prayer over and over again until I do, and then act from there? Because that would feel like a big effort then. I don't know. I guess, yeah, I feel a little stuck.

Yes. One thing that I've noticed about the Atma's guidance is that the Atma is supremely patient, supremely patient. And its guidance, although it is very alive and can modulate itself, but there are things which it guides you to but we don't follow. That can happen for years and still it may inspire us again one day. Does that mean that we can just put it off for years and leave it at that? That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that the perspective of time that we have is very different from how Spirit operates, how the Atma operates. So what you can do is, if you're feeling unsure, just return back to God's presence, to the Atma, and to say, 'I don't feel like I have the strength to do this' or 'I don't have the courage to do this. Is this really what you want of me, God?' And we may know actually that it is really what He wants of us, and yet if we don't feel enough power within us or courage within us to take that call, we can keep remaining in His presence.

Many times what we can do is—like there are children who, if the father says, 'Can you just go to the shop and get me this today?' (These days we have delivery, but suppose...) 'Can you just go and get me this?' That child will not meet the father again for the rest of the day because when the father meets him, he will remind you, 'Okay, did you get me that thing?' You see? Many of us are like that. We will refuse to meet God because we are scared of being reminded of what He has asked of us. But we must not do that. We must bring even our weakness to Him. Or even if you feel like, 'But that just doesn't make any sense, how can I do that?' you must bring even that to Him and say, 'Help me because I don't see it this way.' As long as you're bringing things to Him, as long as you're deepening in that relationship, we are not going off track. But that hiding, that avoidance, that is where we just fall completely in Maya.

That's why remember two simple things: no rushing and no hiding. No rushing and no hiding, because both of these are symptomatic of the 'me, me, me' tendency. If you can be open with the holy presence of God, with your teacher in the world, and you don't rush into things, you will do much, much better in this deepening your relationship with God. So whatever our weaknesses are, can it be that God doesn't know about it? Like we are—He has inspired us to do something and we are feeling scared actually, or we are just not so interested in that or whatever the reason is. Do you feel like by not turning towards Him, He doesn't know? He's like unaware? You shut the phone, you kept the phone lying down, so now He's not aware of what is happening with us? That can't be. He still knows. So better we just talk it out with Him. Yeah, that's exactly why I said the same way—it's exactly what we do or we did with our parents.

You're here going somewhere, going to America. Oh, this is your trip. Oh, so it's a long, long... so don't get into the same trap of avoiding meeting your true Father in your heart because you're scared of what you're being guided to do.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm not—I'm not scared of meeting the same guidance again, but I do see that there is resistance in doing that. And also I feel like when action does come, it should come from inspiration in that moment. And that—and that it's too much to ask from God or myself or—I don't know how to express it—but it's too much to ask to have that inspiration all the time. Because it came in that moment and it was very clear, but it's not clear all the time. And it's prevailing, this feeling that I don't know if that's what I want. I don't know if that's what I want.

Yes. Yes, I want to tell all of you that this project is very difficult. Yes, so I see somewhere in all of us, we just feel like it's not that easy. I know. I'm not saying at all that it is easy. Somewhere there's a mistaken idea of spirituality being easy which we need to really work out of our system. It is not easy. When there are times of ease where it just flows, that is a great blessing. It is beautiful then; those times do come. But if you keep waiting for that ease to come always, then you see, to follow God's will is the biggest project given to us by the sages. And some sages—and I've repeated that often—I have said that that is the main thing: to follow His will. They would not have emphasized it so much and so often if they felt like it is easy. Once someone hears the instruction, they'll just be able to do that? Because we are very attached to our will, our way. And to sacrifice that—what we want moment to moment—will seem difficult.

You see, we don't even come to satsang when we don't want. We come to satsang, we go to places which remind us of God, when we want. So the project is to be able to let go of that. One practice: that moment to moment, ask yourself, 'Now what do I want?' Try to let it go. Replace that with 'What does God want?'

Father, yeah, see what you're saying right now—replace 'What do I want?' with 'What does God want?' I don't know how to put this into words, but it goes back to what you were saying: it's not easy. Like, to do that moment to moment, it just—it seems like such a—I don't want to say impossible, but I'm saying it. No, that's not what I feel, but it's almost, almost there. It can seem like that. It can seem like that. It's yeah, like everything needs to be—like everything needs to be stopped for this. And then how—okay, I'm just going to say whatever is coming now, I know it probably won't make any sense—yeah, like how do I do that? Because then life will—life will stop or something like that. I can't continue all the time. You cannot, all the time, go back and consult, 'What do you want? Not what I want,' because it takes a while to know that. And then, so what do I do?

Yeah, correct. So sometimes I have seen with a dog that he loves chasing his tail. So he'll just go, he'll keep chasing his tail. He's probably thinking that he's going somewhere in that process. So most of our activity, most of the things—or not most actually, all—do you feel like something could happen if it was not God's will? No. So when we follow 'my will,' we are just chasing our own tail till we get the point and then we make some forward movement, some deepening in the process. So the illusion of something happening or progress happening, or 'at least I'm doing something,' that is going to hell. It is very different from actually the inspired movement which in one moment can change the texture of our entire life.

Can you say that again?

Yes. One moment of inspired movement can change the texture of our entire life, versus we may try and try and try to do things by our own effort and strength and will, but it is all chasing the tail. And those efforts are never for God anyway, although they seem to be. So if the only project of our life, which is to spend this life in God's presence, has been forgotten, then can we say, 'But if I keep waiting for God, what is going to happen to my life?' But without being with God, what is going to happen to our life anyway? Do we know the difference between haste and speed? Yeah. Rushing and speed. Is rushing equal to speed? No.

No. And I do feel this—this rushing of the mind going like, 'Okay, there is this dual mind, of course, you know, that says come on, you know what you need to do.' And it's kind of rushing and then there's this pressure, and I don't want to act from that.

Yes. So the mind is all about displacement. But if you want really to traverse distance, a deepening in our heart, it is about the heart itself, about God. Do we know the difference between displacement and distance? All my physics is coming to some use today. Displacement can be like this, like this, like this, like this, like this—this is displacement. All this you can measure and say displacement. Distance, because you return to the same point of starting, is travel to zero. So unless you had some actual movement—and actual movement in this case is a deepening in the heart—till then it's only displacement and no distance. So the mind is all about displacement: 'Do something, do something, do something, do something, do something.' And true distance is only divinely inspired. Yeah. True deepening, true progress is only divinely inspired.

Could there be some belief or fears that I have that I'm not seeing that are preventing me from acting?

Well, you exposed them just now. You did mention that you fear what is going to happen to your life if you keep waiting for God to guide you, because that can take some time. What is so important that we are able to accomplish in that time that we don't want to wait for Him to guide?

I didn't understand the question.

What is so important? You said that 'I don't know if I can live like that because to be guided by God takes some time, and in the meanwhile, what is going to happen to my life?' So in that time, what is so important that has happened in our life that we didn't want to miss out on?

No, it doesn't make any sense. It's like suddenly it doesn't make any sense, Father, because the desire continues to be the same. It's the same heart's desire, but somehow I'm allowing this...

Sense is overrated because God's will won't make sense, and what we are doing to ourselves doesn't make any sense. So 'sense,' we should just forget about it. It's not going to happen either way. God's will, if you follow, then one day looking at it as a long game, then it may make sense. But our minds fluttering about, which it calls work, it never is—it's all nonsense, you see. Because the wall that you're climbing has to make sense if something has to make sense. So what is the wall that the mind is making you climb? What wall is that? That can be the next contemplation. You're climbing—everybody's climbing a wall. The mind is making us climb a particular wall. What wall is that? Does getting to the top of that wall make sense? This question doesn't make sense. Where are we going? It's simply like that. Where are we going if you follow the mind?

The wall that you're climbing has to make sense, if something has to make sense. So, what is the wall that the mind is making you climb? What is the wall that is smoking? Yeah, that can be the next contemplation. You're climbing; everybody's climbing a wall. The mind is making us climb a particular wall. What wall is that? Does getting to the top of that wall make sense? This question doesn't make sense. Where are we going? Is it simply like that? Where are we going? If you follow the mind, where are we going?

But I realize now that—yeah, yeah. But have I forced you into submission now? It's just—no, no, it's—no, he's just going to keep saying nonsense still till I say okay. It's just, yeah, I guess I needed to expose a lot. And yeah, there's a fear that the action will take me away from God. I know I'm saying a lot of nonsense, but I need to say it. I'm sorry.

It's fine, it's fine. Just be free from all of this. Just say it and just let it go.

Yeah, okay. Feeling heavy right now. Just, yeah, I'm afraid that acting will take me away from just spending more time with God.

Yeah, just be like a three-year-old. Don't be a grownup. So, if a tantrum is coming, through it. If laughter is coming, love. Just leave all this heaviness, grownup stuff. Yeah, the way a sensible three-year-old would. Thank you. Yeah, you exercised it. But remember that this brand of spirituality is not easy. It is not going to make your life stress-free. It is not going to make you all blissed out. Many times, it will seem like: What are you even doing? It will seem like you are not cut out for this. And I'm happy if it is feeling like that. When it is feeling too comfortable, then I'm a bit concerned. Of course, those times will come with this armchair, lip-service, comfortable spiritual. So, either it has become all about God's will, in which case then it can be comfortable, or we've settled into a 'spiritual me' whose ideas we think are all spiritual and we are going in the right way, but we are actually still operating from our mind.

So, sincerely ask yourself: What is it that I want? Empty yourself of that. Then you will become a vessel for the Holy Spirit, for the Atma. So, whether we look at the construct of the heart temple or becoming vessels of Atma, it is the same thing.

I was asking myself as when he was saying that: For what? For what? For what joy are we putting up with all the bad stuff, if it is quote-unquote bad stuff? And you came to this point where you said that it's to become a vessel of the Atma. And somewhere, I still—something is in it for me. I don't know what. Even if I were to take that answer just at face value and apply it to myself, I would still—there is something I like out of it.

Being a vessel of the Atma? You like out of that? Yeah, it sounds like something I'm getting out of, something selfish. I mean, it's all—that little bit will always be there. That's why I said to all of you that my lifetime project is to share satsang, removing all pretense, removing all pride from this expression, and try to be a transparent vessel, to truly be a disciple of the Atma and to bring all my children into the same discipleship.

That as a principle, is that what makes it worth it? It's what my heart longs for more than anything. When we fall deeply in love, many times it's not worthwhile quantifiably; just that we are deeply in love with God. I can only meet it as a principle that I'm in love with God. That principle I give up everything for. But actually, but who—how you know? Only because my feeling is that you could not be in every satsang if it was just conceptual. And you yourself said that, which I'm going to hold you to forever, which is that: What is that which you feel immaterially, which you get joy in, which is not possible if you were a material entity? That brings you to such joy.

But it's not the joy of—not always like the joy of eating an ice cream or joy of some worldly pleasure. There's a deeper—you can't even place a finger to it. But most important, you boarded the wrong compartment of your train. Switch bogies. You will be fine. Switch out from this first class to third class. It seems like in my—what I want seems top-notch, actually the opposite. If it is good, it has to be from God. The very definition of good is from God. I don't know about the origin of the word, but in my books, good means from God. So, how can we determine good for ourselves in our mind without God? Okay, let's read the Ramacharitmanas. It's been too long.