Being Only in Service to God - 22nd September 2023

If you ask yourself, 'Who am I?' if you get an answer, then that answer must be looked at. Number one has told us that we must ask the question, 'Who witnesses this thought?' to this realization which is purely intuitive. Purely intuitive means happens in the light of the Satguru's presence. It is the Holy Spirit, the Atma, that is the holder of this intuition. It is the owner of this intuition of self-knowledge. So to remain in the presence in this way and to recognize that my reality is beyond even presence and even being, whose presence we are privileged to taste, the reality of who I am is beyond all of these things.

So this is insight, and we have at least a thousand satsangs where we've spoken about insight and all the questions have been asked to bring you to insight. Of course, those who come to true intuitive insight are truly blessed. There's no question about that. It is really important, the most important, to come to God and the truth of who we are. There is nothing that can be more important than that. But I want to make a moderation to, or modulation to, the famous Zen saying: 'Before enlightenment, chopping wood, fetching water; after enlightenment, chopping wood, fetching water.' And I would like to say that before enlightenment, love and servitude, and after enlightenment, love and servitude.

And I'm going to attempt to speak about why this is important, although the words are not that easy to explain this. When you come to pure insight, there is no meaning. There is no individual meaning, at least for a few moments. Then you will notice that just like Bhagavan called it the burnt ashes of the rope, the rope used to be the concept of our separate individuality. Now it is burnt because of the insight that we've had. Now this thing—Bhagavan will forgive me if I'm taking the metaphor too far—but the thing is that this rope may be burnt, but it is not dead. And I've really noticed this from all my spiritual life, that the rope may get burnt as a result of our awakening experiences, but we can never call that burnt rope dead.

Because if that remnants of that individuality starts to grasp onto the intuitive insight and make it conceptual and build an individuality again based on that—so if it says, 'I am that, the only one, the Lord and Master of this universe'—it is true. But if the separate, limited 'me' gets attached to, let's call it Advaitic knowledge, then it starts to take itself to be a glorified individuality, like a glorified achiever, one with God, and all kinds of silliness which in spirituality—including of course here, I'm not saying that this expression of satsang with Ananta has been empty of foolishness and stupidity, so I'm sure it's completely full even today of these things. So when I'm saying all of spirituality, I mean all of it. I don't mean all except here.

So how to make sure? And of course we would hope, all of us would hope, that there should be no burnt rope left. Okay, it would be so much easier if this 'me' just completely went away. Then it would be so much easier. And that's what I saw, isn't it? There is no 'me'. And for a while we must, like Guruji says, cocoon ourselves in that insight and remain just truly in that without any concern of rope and rope; any of that can be kept aside. But when you start to see him, this happens to everyone, that something here is getting attached to 'me having insight,' 'me being spiritually awakened,' 'me getting to enlightenment,' or even 'me loving God.' Anything that has to which glorifies 'me,' that one, although non-existent, must be brought in deep love and servitude.

Of course, because if that one is allowed to run rampant, then it ends up contaminating the most beautiful awakening, the most beautiful anxiety. So we cannot wish away, and I have not heard any report of any sage—unless it was purely a glorified sort of Facebook post or something like that—but if you read the books from history and the lives of sages, every sage said that the love of God and the servitude to God is at least as important as the insight that they've had about their oneness with God. You'll struggle to find a sage who says, 'I am now one with God, so he should serve me; I should not serve him.' That is maybe a rare thing, but Guruji says all of us must always keep our head bowed down.

Also, it is some of the children in Sangha I have been reading, and his life in body is so beautifully love and servitude to God. Because if you get a hold, catch a hold of pride, then that pride will reinvent the new 'me' which is now a spiritual persona. And that feels like it's fine to have that because it's full of insight, you know? No, it isn't. No, it isn't. It's still blocking God's love. It's still blocking God's light. You're living still as if you are a 'me,' an individual who is now a claimant to some authority because of God's grace of an awakening.

So this servitude, this love, is very, very important. And servitude is a broad term I'm using to signify a deep faith in God, the deep humility about ourselves, great obedience to being available and following God's will at all costs, and also a prayerful attitude, a prayerful way of being. And all of these, you don't have to get intimidated when you hear them. All of them are the legs of one table. You pull at one leg. So if you're prayerful, you are going to be humble, you are going to be obedient, you are going to be faithful. So it's all interconnected. But this servitude is very important. And we've discussed this many times, that most world religions put following God's will—'Let thy will be done'—you know that 'as it is in heaven' is central to all religion.

The devotion of Hanuman is central to Indian Hindu spirituality, and there is no other icon that is as prevalent in India today than Hanuman Ji is. So what does that signify? It is not the warrior mode of Hanuman; it's just when he was called by the Lord to get into that moment. So we must not mistake what truly Hanuman stands for. He stands for an utter devotion and servitude to his master, Lord Ram. So this devotion and servitude is central. To follow his will is the only way to let go of the will of ignorance. To be a Muslim only means the one who follows God's will; the word itself translates into that. So we've heard these guidance from everywhere.

So servitude is really important, and love. Now love is very beautiful because it's God's love. Nobody can really say, 'I created love for God. I created love for God.' And yet you can actively love God. It's not a solvable puzzle with, like again, intuitive. This is really like: does God give us that love or can I actively love as well? Both and neither and whatever option. But the point I'm trying to make is that it is completely within our power to love God. See, and it doesn't have to be the word 'God,' although it's a very beautiful word. But this love for the being whose presence is here, and intuitively we can recognize that that being is the only being there is.

So some who resist loving God say, 'Can I not love nature? Can I not love some other aspect?' But all of that comes from the only intelligence, the only being there is. And that question's being in its duty and its grace has also given itself the name and the presence 'I am.' And that presence is here. It is the same one, the same timeless one, the one in which the universe takes birth and all this play of time and space and generations and generations seem to play out in this dream. This 'I am' is the projector, the screen, the enjoyer of this play, and the beauty of loving.

Every aspect, but all of that comes from the only intelligence, the only being there is. And that presence, being in its duty and its grace, has also given itself the name and the presence 'I am.' And that presence is here. It is the same one, the same timeless one, the one in which the universe takes birth and all this play of time and space and generations and generations seem to play out in this dream. This 'I am' is the projector, the screen, the enjoyer of this play. And the beauty of loving God is that you can't help that love from being reflected, as hard as you may try. You say, 'I'm going to only love God. You see, all these people are all Maya; they don't exist. They are dream characters, let them go away.' But you can't help it; if you love God, that is bound to reflect even in this play of Maya.

Now the beauty of love is that being in love anchors you. It anchors you; you don't fall for the temptations and fears of the Maya because you're so deeply in love. So traditionally in India, we've called servitude mixed with love as bhakti. And bhakti is not just love, because you can love someone but you don't want to serve them. You see, you may love your partner a lot, but you don't want to serve them; you don't want to have a partner-dictated life. So you may be—and I'm trying to encourage all of you to become bhaktas, to have a God-dictated one—but you don't want to necessarily, although you may feel a lot of love for someone, you don't want to let them rule over your life and your world. So bhakti is that. And in the same way, you may be very obedient at work and follow everything your manager tells you to do, but you don't necessarily love them. I don't think you necessarily have to love them. So bhakti is a combination of that servitude and love. And I only put them in two separate baskets for explanation so that we don't neglect this side of it.

As the one said, the life of the true gyani is like a bird, one wing being gyana and the other wing being bhakti. I'm not trying to make feelings now out of that; I'm just defining bhakti a little more, especially for those in the West. So before self-realization or insight or awakening, love and servitude; after insight, awakening, and then there's no end to that insight. It only seems as if the insight came to us; it was actually always there, but we were never empty. We were always caught up in the little 'me.' So when we drop the 'me,' when we let go of our self-filled and self-concern in love and servitude, then we make—that's why I'm saying 'before'—because in love and servitude we make the fertile ground for the darshan of the holy presence and the insight of the Absolute.

But it is not something that you can say, 'Oh, all that was my sadhana, now it is done. We now, just you know, like the Maha Guru of the world, I have realized that Absolute reality.' The mind tempts you to do that. It tempts you to do that; it says that you are so special now. So at this time where the baby is being delivered, it's really important to continue to love and continue to have the inner intention of being only in service to God. And as you carry the intention of following God's will, you will see that He is always available. He's always here.

I just wanted to mention something that has been a theme and has been happening. Okay. And I noticed from playing these big epic computer games that no matter how much I accomplish within them, they don't affect what we would call the real world. And from that, I've also noticed that no matter what happens in the real world, it doesn't change who I am, what I am. Yeah. And I keep having moments of just losing interest in what I'm doing and not really seeing a point.

What are you risking?

I don't know.

Let me share a little bit more on that. So we often speak about faith, and how faith is important. And these days I've been saying so much that it's about 'me for God' rather than 'God for me.' And faith is the only way to live in that way where the equation is corrected. The 'God for me' equation means that God must make himself available to make me happy, to make me peaceful, to make me enlightened, to make me whatever goal we may have because I am somehow entitled to that; I have the right to that. But faith tells us that unless we are died to ourselves, completely empty of ourselves, then we cannot—like I said, everything is possible, but it's very rare for us to live in God's light and God's presence.

Now, to become empty for God means that we must risk everything for Him, because there is no faith without risk. So what is it that we are risking? What are we living purely in faith with? Are we, or have we computed every aspect of our life and God is just an aspect that we feel like is a support system? Are you risking your life for God?

Maybe. Maybe even more, right? It feels like more and more life is less important than just sitting in yourself. Just... I don't know if I'm risking something. I don't...

What would you not give up? Let's put it that way. If God said, 'Don't talk to Amba after this,' that may be okay actually for you. But what would you not do for God?

I don't know if there is anything. You do everything for God. I don't know anything that's more important.

Yeah. What if God said that you can live in my presence, but in some strange way you will never experience any joy or peace ever again?

Yes, but yeah, I don't feel like I have any control really over what happens, so like...

Yeah, but suppose you did. Suppose you did. It's all right, we don't really have control, you're right. But suppose you did, and God was sitting at the opposite end of a negotiation table with you and you say, 'God, you are the most important thing for me now.' So God says—it's just an analogy or metaphor that you're using—so then God said, 'Okay, I be with you. You love me so much, I will be with you, but you will never experience joy or peace again.'

And they're not simple questions, and I'm so happy you're not just being purely 'rah-rah' and saying, 'Yes, yes, whatever.' I'm very happy that you are hearing them and you're just meeting them, because these are not easy questions and we must not fool around with them. So I'm happy you are truly meeting them, because a question like this helps us clarify whether it is truly 'me for God' or 'God for me.' It is not meant to create any unworthiness or guilt; it is just meant to expose any blind spots in our faith.

Is it so? I've been grappling with the Abraham story for now three, four months or maybe longer, so I don't want to repeat it here, but I don't know if you are aware of it. You can look at her books or beautiful contemplation on faith. And what I feel to say is that there is a peace to God that is beyond, it's untouched by the experiences in the world. And suppose it wasn't there? Suppose there was no peace, none of the goodies? One of the things I'm trying to do with the Sangha is really ask them whether they want God or do they just want His goodies? Do we want God without the perks? If God somehow, in some strange fiction, lost all His power but He was still God, so do you still want Him at the cost of all peace, joy, any happiness?

Can I say something? Yeah, the pioneer speaking. What's going there is like, you ask these questions, you know, and we answer and like they're very genuine, and I know they're very genuine. And I would understand and probably everyone in the Sangha is like, 'I'll give up everything,' you know, because they feel like that. But what I've seen in myself is that, yeah, I would answer like that, but then maybe some time it appears that I say, 'Well, something is holding on to something,' you know? And it's like, 'Okay, I haven't actually given up this.' And really we don't know how to answer that question because you don't know until you see in yourself. So like, somehow it's like that, and you don't see, and then maybe in that moment, only in the moment when you see that there's been grasping or something, then maybe you can answer that question. And probably it will be the same answer, but then and then it's only then when you can give up. So we don't really know how to answer like...

Yes, yes, we don't know. It's true that we don't know till we meet it in this way and it reveals itself. And yet there's a certain beauty of truly with a heart asking this question because God, you know, has a way of revealing to us whatever we are deeply contemplating. You know, it comes. Haven't you noticed that if you've been contemplating a certain thing, then like something reveals itself in super quick time? So this great potency in just asking ourselves that: Is my spirituality an armchair, comfortable spirituality, you see, or is there a fiery, risky something that is there that can, you know, really energize it? Because otherwise we can get very involved in, 'Oh, this, then okay, now this is what happened with me, and then this is what happened with me, and then now this is what's happening with me,' you see? So we lose really that this entire play is about God. Okay? It's really about God.

We're not even in the timeline of God's—this dream that we call this universe—we're not even like bit characters. We call them extras in India. What are we? Yes. So suppose you watch the whole movie and you miss the fact that it was about a central protagonist who's God and not the 'me,' then that will be a wasted ticket, isn't it? So is God's light apparent to you? Is this presence with you now?

Yes.

Do you feel like life would be life, or as I've been calling it, a zombie life, without this discovery of God's presence and God's light here? I just feel like—sorry if it grosses anyone out—but I just feel like the slab of meat living this life is actually as good as dead if it is without God. While you're contemplating this, I have some memory of the boy, the man that was here before I found the presence of this being. A man that is not a life that I would wish on anyone. Oppressed by desire, oppressed by wanting to win, to become somebody. I was really stupid, I have to say. Still am, but I was exceptionally stupid when I was younger. And it is, you know, like a very quiet arrogance. Nobody would look at me or nobody would say, 'Oh, whatever.' Hopefully they would say, 'What an arrogant boy or man.' But I had this crazy life in my head.

Like when we first landed in Bangalore, my father had got a job here and we landed here. And we landed at Bangalore airport, the plane door opened, I looked at the city and said, 'One day I'm going to be a king of the city.' Yeah, this kind of nonsense used to go. This is the worst, absurd, stupid, idiotic nonsense. And to just... so and I was actually believing all of this as a 20-something, 21-year-old or 22-year-old, just buying into all these notions of ambition and desire and achievement and all of these things. And I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I'm using... what is true? What is really alive in our life? All this mental garbage? So that one was as good as dead as so-called alive. I have to say, I don't call that life at all now. I'm going to just... grace that rescued this one from that zombie life.

So make that central. Don't make it about you anymore. Just make that God's presence is here. At best, what can we be? How can we be of service? He will tell us. He will tell us, you see. Are we really listening, or are we determining in our head how my life should be now that God is here? Okay, all of these things we may still be computing somewhere where we don't need to. You know, how to follow God's will? The question, isn't it? Like we've spoken so much about servitude and faith and humility, but how to follow His will? It's actually very simple. When we are empty and living in the presence, most of the so-called decision-making that we had to do is not needed anymore. We just find that the presence moves, you see.

Designing in our head how my life should be now that God is here, okay, all of these things we may still be computing somewhere where we don't need to. You know, how to follow God's will? The question, isn't it? Like we've spoken so much about servitude and faith and humility, but how to follow His will? It's actually very simple. When we are empty and living in the presence, most of the so-called decision-making that we had to do is not needed anymore. We just find that the presence moves, you see. Like if you were to talk to that boy that I just mentioned, and he was told that you have to talk to hundreds of people sharing any topic, you see, for two, three hours, three times a week or something like that, he would just prepare and make notes and figure things out and do all of that. But living in God's light, I don't have to decide how it is going to flow. Just the presence uses this mouth; it speaks. It is moving these hands. There is no idea here about what is going to be said next or what is going to come up next, but there's a deep faith, this deep trust in that. So that is the simplest way of following God's will when we are just empty.

The second is that we receive some prompts, but we don't know how that came to us. Is it like very often this has happened with you all when it is about coming to satsang or not? Many times you have decided, 'No, no, today I'm too busy, I have this other stuff,' and something just, you know, prompts you from within saying, 'Come.' It nudges you like that where you don't even know how it happened, but you just feel like you knew you had to be here, you knew you had to go there. So that is intuitive knowledge of God's word. And then as you get used to living empty, then all of us will also hear His voice, you see. It may not be a voice-voice, but you may hear it in various different ways. And when we start to hear His voice, the projects or what He wants you to do, He makes things very simple. It's very clear, but they may not always be easy. And they will not always be easy in terms of our understanding of what is. He would be so... to make ourselves available in that way is very important. It's very beautiful.

Like this particular project has been brewing here by God's grace that actually first I started seeing it when I was walking back one day from the hospital. My father was in the Intensive Care Unit, the ICU, and he left his body a few days after that. But as I was walking down from the hospital—Manipal Hospital next door—so as I was walking down, I was just getting these images, you know, like images of walking on the streets and just talking about God and talking to people and just asking them if they met God. And they just started getting this kind of sense, and it felt very at home actually, because the expression here usually has been very like city boy and comfortable AC environment and you know, this kind of thing. But something's been prompting me from inside, and then as this comes, as all of us know, when the prompting starts to come, then many things come in the world also just reinforcing that. Yeah, so you hear somebody, you get guided in that way. So we can be nudged in this particular way.

And I feel like we can never be deterministic about these things, but usually God's way is to nudge, nudge, nudge, nudge, nudge, nudge very patiently for a long time till eventually, if you don't move, then it comes to push. But before suffering and before pushing, I feel like there have always been plenty of nudges. Even here, when I look back at my life, I can definitely confirm that there were many, many. So the important... sorry if I'm just rambling on about this, but because I feel like it's important to just clarify the whole thing or whatever insights that I have come to.

So how do we determine whether it is not just our mind tricking us? That's a very important question. How do we determine that really this is God's will and how do I know that is not just the mind which is tricking us? And I've tackled this question over the last... it became also in various ways, but I feel like I used to say, and maybe I'll start from that direction, that if who you truly are is apparent to you and you're receiving guidance, then you can trust that guidance to be coming from God because who you are is apparent to you. When you're being intuitive, it is not apparent otherwise. So if you're not diluted in that moment, identified in that moment, and it is clear that you are this pure awareness, and in that intuitive insight—which is usually accompanied by just sheer silence, and yet it doesn't have to be that way because the sharing of satsang happens like that, this word can come—so that I feel is pretty much foolproof because I don't feel like we have the capacity to juggle our intuition and our mind together, you see. I feel like you're too limited to be able to do that. So if you're just truly with integrity checking whether this is true, that I'm not taking myself to be the false one and my reality is completely apparent to me and I'm receiving some guidance or some words are coming, then that can be trusted pretty much.

Now many have reported to me saying, 'But we are not there. We can't... we don't have self-recognition. We can't use that, and I want to be guided by God so I can come to self-recognition. You are saying that you must recognize yourself and treat that guidance as God, so that's too confusing for us.' So then I say, 'Okay, so is your being palpable? Is the sense of presence palpable?' And if that is palpable, then also that guidance can be trusted. Someone said, 'No, no, but even that is too difficult.' So I said, 'Okay, can you find some presence of some unconditional love in your heart? Is there some love in your heart, some unconditional love in your heart? And if you're being guided and that love is present, you can trust that.'

This is... I've also been giving some good news saying that if your intention is truly in your heart to follow God's will, even if you're being tricked by the mind, God's grace will bring you out of it. There's nothing you have to worry like that, 'I got tricked.' So what really matters is what is our inner attitude, what is our atmosphere within. And if it is also with you to God, then there is no such thing as a mistake. So we don't have to worry so much about that. But having said that, you can use these pointers to really engage. So if God is most important, as we say, then are we living moment to moment in God's river? That is the question that we have to really contemplate and ask ourselves.

Spirituality... yeah, His presence is there, I'm all fine, but I'm going to still live on my own terms and, you know, decide I don't want to go too far with this stuff and, you know, what if God asks for something uncomfortable? And now you're seeing all the connections. So God's presence is here, then it is not possible really to say that we are living in God's presence and not be available in servitude to that presence. Then we're just using it as a safety net or a comfort mechanism. Yeah, so are we living in our own ideas or terms of what life should be, or are we really making this life available for God to use? So this is the faith I'm talking about. This is the risk. Why is it risky? Because you don't know how He's going to guide you next. Mm-hmm. Yeah, there it is. There is a fear of what could it be that I am guided to do.

Okay, so that is when you receive like specific guidance. What about living empty with nothing in your head, waiting for Him to move you? Yes, it's when the mind comes in without fear. It says, 'But what if? What about...?' If that mind is not commenting like that, then there's... so can we do an experiment? Okay, since Amber is here—I don't know how long she's here for, but if she is going to be here another day, and I know she's one of the most honest people ever on my episode—see, she can keep a watch on you and you have to just be empty for God and allow only God to move you. Can we risk one day to start with?

Initially even this can feel like a risk. Just to live empty can feel like a risk because, 'Will He really make me quit my job? Will He say leave your family? Will He say leave your city and move to Bangladesh or something?' You don't really know. Now we're not even waiting for saying, we're just finding ourselves booking together, you know, a one-way ticket to Bangladesh, to Dhaka or something like that. It can feel like a risk, you see. And what is denial? Denial is just to pretend it never happened, right? Like you didn't tell me, no, there was no movement. So mind will come in and attack you with all its might as you start to get used to living like that, you see. You're saying, 'No, nothing happened. You're just making things up.' Now you're saying God is again moving through you, going to the booking site. 'Stop it, nothing's happening.' When we start reaching the boundaries of our faith, that's very important because nobody, even the greatest sage—and if I can say this on behalf of Bhagavan—even Bhagavan would not say that I have 100% faith. Everybody must find a way to meet the boundaries of their faith because the minute you say, 'No, no, I'll do anything, I'll do anything for God,' you see, we've not really contemplated this question.

I really contemplate this because I read God again a few months back and He is very authoritative when He says, 'No risk, no faith.' And first when I read it, I was like, 'Really?' And then as I've been really contemplating, it's true. It's completely true. And something that I found... so it's just one thing coming up strongly to say, which is that so then we move away from like a sort of demand sort of life to a moment-to-moment fiery life full of God and risk and, you know, just like... so I'm excited about just imagining that for you. I'm getting excited.

Now you can see you're saying something just... when I'm present there's no need for hope or trust because they're about a future, you know. And what's the difference between hope and faith?

Okay, hope is desiring a certain outcome. Faith is trusting whatever outcome unfolds. Yes, but is then faith just a strong belief? And if faith was just a strong belief, then how does that compute with 'don't believe your thoughts and be empty of your mind'? Is there a faith which is therefore beyond belief? Feeling moved?

Like, maybe I make it a little simpler. So what is the difference between having faith that God is here versus just having a belief that God is here? One atheist—no, he's the poster boy for all atheists in the world, his name is Richard Dawkins—so he said... no, that's not... getting the name wrong and saying that about somebody else. So he said that faith is just an irrational belief. How would we... what would you say?

When you say it, it seems to me like a knowing. Yeah, it's not how I would traditionally classify faith, but when you say it, faith that God is here is to me knowing.

Yes. So to trust our intuitive insight more than the rationalizations of the mind is faith for me, you see. Because yes, it doesn't have to be irrational, and that way the atheist may be right, but the fact is that it's not irrational because there's a deeper knowledge which guides faith. And based on faith we say things like, 'The world is ephemeral but God is reality. The world comes and goes but God always remains.' Based on faith, which means that is it just blind faith in the sense of blind intellectual concepts that you learned from books or teachers? No, it is from inside. We can't explain that, like how do you know He's always here? He is beyond time. How do you know, you see? So somebody may ask me that, 'You keep saying this, all this stuff, but how do you know? Were you there to see that He was there 2,000 years ago, to see that He was there 5,000 years ago?' So yes, you have to say that intellectually and logically I don't know, but in my heart, in my faith, I don't know, but it is not just a rational belief that I have picked up. It is something...

It is from inside. We can't explain that. Like, how do you know He's always here? He is beyond time. How do you know, you see? So somebody may ask me that, 'You keep saying all this stuff, but how do you know? Were you there to see that He was there 2,000 years ago? To see that He was there 5,000 years ago?' So yes, you have to say that intellectually and logically, I don't know. But in my heart, in my faith, I don't know—but it is not just a rational belief that I have picked up. It is something that is so clear in my heart that it is true.

So this is the beauty of faith: that it may not be rational to the world, but it is a deep knowing, a heart knowing, intuitive knowing. But one of the expressions or movements of this faith I have noticed is that it always is pushing against your boundaries. So if you're finding that that is not happening, then just contemplate whether you're really devoting every moment, moment by moment, in service to God.

Thank you for the questions and giving me the opportunity to share. All this has been growing in my heart, and thank you for allowing that to happen. So, who's visiting who? Not athletically speaking, we live very closely tonight, which is awesome. So we just decided to do the entire thing together. He's in my house. We always live close to each other. Is it? Yeah, okay. Yeah, we see each other. Love you, love you. Thank you. Do I mean to say anything else? Maybe I just hear everyone.

Ah, today all of you were going to share, isn't it? I forgot. God didn't prompt me at the start of satsang. So it just came like, okay, but let's hear the questions quickly and we can see if you have time. Let's go to Chanda. Pranam.

Pranam, Father. Thank you. He's put on medicine for two weeks, and he feels we can wait for two weeks before doing any testing. By your grace, I think she's okay. I'm so, so grateful to you, Father. She has mild pneumonia is what he's saying.

Yeah, she keeps me posted with her beautiful voice messages, which I love to hear. Tell her that if she's not in satsang. So I'm very happy that she seems to be in very good spirits and living so strongly in God's faith. Very happy about her. I am more concerned and moving than her, so I can understand that from a child's perspective, it's not easy to see a parent go through these things. So all my love, blessings, hugs, everything, everything is with you.

Thank you, Father. May I make a report? Yes? So I was praying last night, Father, and it came here that God asked, 'Everything was a projection?' It came here, and moment to moment, 'You don't step in the same river twice.' That line of yours had come to me, and it was seen clearly that everything from here is a projection moment to moment. God being God, each moment is different. Each moment could be anything of the phenomenon. Everything is a projection moment to moment. Then I asked the question, 'Then how about this person called Chanda?' And there is no such person. Maybe there is no person like that.

Exactly. Very beautiful. And the only precautionary advice is that don't give this to your mind at all. Stay with this in your heart and let it deepen and deepen so deeply that you build a permanent house in your heart. Because if you give this to your mind, then it will make a position out of there being no Chanda. But you know, then that is going to be the new avatar of Chanda proclaiming there is no Chanda. We don't want that to happen. Stay like these insights are coming from your heart. You stay at this positionlessly, headlessly. Everything is from your heart. Everything is taken care of there. Everything becomes alive, comes into the screen of Consciousness from there. That is the resource of this universe and every universe. So as you hold on to it with all your might, yet to be so far by your grace. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Namaste. Hi, Father. Can you hear me?

Yes, yes, yes. Can I hear me? I don't know. I was asking if you can hear my response to you, and you said, 'Hi, Father.' Did you hear what I said?

Yes. When you were talking about God using you as a tool or being a servant to God, that God's always pushing the boundary and that it doesn't always feel good or comfortable. And I really felt that recently, that it's not how I perceived it would be, and it wasn't peaceful and it wasn't joyous. But the only choice I had was to choose God. And in that choice and in that choosing, despite the discomfort and it being nothing like how I wanted it to be, that was following. That was the best way that I could follow, was to say that this is coming, this is the most painful experience of my life, but I still choose God. I still choose God. And sometimes you don't know if you're going to choose God in those moments until it comes to life. You don't know. You know the stories of Abraham, and you don't know until it happens. And sometimes it's surprising, you know? You're like, 'I didn't know I would choose God in this most painful moment.' And I'm very grateful. Thank you.

There's definitely a sort of maturity, and not that it wasn't there before, but even more deeply in your report to hear. Thank you.

Thank you, Father. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like there's so much to say about also not really so much to say. Nothing is how I perceived it would be.

Yeah, yeah. Thank God, though. I can't believe it, because if it had been everything I wanted it to be, I know that I would fall asleep. Yeah. Wow, thank you.

Very welcome. Hello, Father. All right, I encountered this in that moment.

Just pause here. This is very good. So in that moment where you're collecting yourself or whatever, then where would you go to get them out to speak? The first answer that comes is 'nowhere.' No, that came. Where did that answer come?

I went to a memory when I started to speak. When I started to speak to you, I went to a memory.

So start again. Let's pause. Let's pretend as if he's starting again now. Hi, Father. Hello. Relaxed. See, again, just relax. The first rule: first relax. Because otherwise, it's all going to go in the wrong place. Okay? So unless you relax, you cannot be open and empty. Unless you relax, we can't really have a communion. We may have communication, but if you're going to be like that, it's not going to be anything fruitful.

Yes. It's there is an energetic sensation of losing myself in you.

Just make sure that you don't let the mind interfere. Otherwise, it will start giving you positions and reports about what is happening in all of that. It's empty.

There is a subtle form of resistance that comes, and it came during this satsang, which is like sleep-like. And I have to expose that or leave it.

That's why we have recording. I enjoy you going to sleep because at least in sleep you cannot trouble yourself. Deep sleep state, nobody. And children look like angels when they're sleeping. You just only after they wake up, they don't look so angelic anymore.

I'm afraid of going to sleep because would it happen naturally? You know, in satsang you should just put on something, go to sleep. That's many people do that. This is they just hear my voice for two minutes and it's so boring they just go to sleep. It also happens when I contemplate or when I meditate. So I can't speak now. Okay, thank you.

Okay. Thank you. Can hear me, right? Okay. Um, now I cannot hear you, but okay. I mean, I can hear you, but not so well.

Okay, thank you. I'm good, Father. Just burning or whatever is happening recently. Yeah, burning. It's just so much here. Like, yeah, as I told you, like immense, I don't know, love or something support I've got all year. Yeah, I feel all good. I mean, yeah, just it's missing and I feel like it's started to get fruit like after I sent a message to you. Like this life is present, it can just become so, so, so palpable. And yeah, just thank God for this. And yes, still, I mean, I don't want to even report this right now, just fully give it to you and just stay in this presence and in this attraction and love and just merging this. And yes, this is a burning. Thank you for this. I mean, if this is a burning, I don't know what it is, but yeah, in a way, yes. Thank you, and I love you so much for your being, Father. Let's go to this.

Can you hear me?

Yes, my dear. We're just trying to make my audio a little better, but it's one full he's going. But yeah, I want to say this satsang, I got kind of irritated. This is the first time I got irritated in satsang, maybe at the first time, but like this when you gave the example of God asking if I've got saying, 'I will be with you, but you won't have peace or love, yes, or joy.' I felt, 'No, that's not possible because God is peace, is joy.' And all right, I wouldn't choose this. How can I choose? What He is like, or humans should determine what God should be like? I don't know. How can God be other than God? I don't know. Maybe. And yeah, what is God? Yeah, I've heard that I got kind of irritated. I felt like it's also getting into some like tight mode of moralistic because I tend to do that where you're speaking it like always speaking of God and you, and God and you, and serving God and you. But yeah, sometimes in the beginning, beginning about things.

Well, actually, I'm very happy to hear you. My intention somewhere is to irritate and to provoke a little bit to make us out of something. So I'm happy that some irritation is there.

Yeah, yeah. I'm also open to fear that maybe where there are some the boundaries of my faith, as you said. But on the other hand, I don't feel I should get moralistic or something about anything like this. This would be only the mind again, like you should or you have any.

This moralistic thing is a beautiful conversation, and next time when you have a better mic, just remind me. I want to talk more about this. But morality is a human replacement for human convenience that allows us not to follow God's will moment to moment. Because we sort of extrapolate, we project, 'Okay, God would have wanted it to be like this.' So we codified a set of things and said, 'Okay, this is called ethics.' But the thing with morality is that nobody's ever been able to agree on it. People are still arguing about what is ethics and what is gestures because in humanity we have lost the ability to follow God's will—not lost the ability, but given up the intention to follow God's will moment to moment. So we just made a set of codified principles saying that this is what God would have wanted now, so this is the right way to live. So then we don't have to turn to God because we already know the right way to do. But if God is already there with you and He can guide you moment to moment and live your life moment to moment, then why do you need morality?

But I need to spend more time to have a short conversation on this one because many will misunderstand what I'm saying. So I'm going to, if I talk about this one day, I'll take a good one hour, explain slowly so that people don't get the wrong idea and it doesn't become a greater excuse for bad behavior. Okay? So if the audio is not so good, but thank you for taking my invitation for the provocation and irritation. It's very good. I'm happy to see you later.

I feel like it will win some fuel to the contribution. I, in fact, like leaving the satsang one moment, but I've had, 'No, it's not, I don't want to do this also.' Like, I better bring us up.

Yeah, the perfect, perfect situation for the Master where the disciple is getting irritated but they can't leave. Thanks. Like that's all of technology has given up on us. Cool. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today. And I'll tell you, you want to come up at my mom?

Yes, Father. Hello, hello, my dear. Good to see you. It's been a long time. Yes, I'm so happy. Are you happy? Congratulations on your son's wedding. Yes, it was so beautiful. I wanted to speak, but you wanted to close the satsang, so am—

It is a difficult situation for the master where the disciple is getting to work irritated, but they can't leave. Thanks. Like that's all of technology has given up on us. Cool. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today. And I'll tell you, you want to come up, Atma Ma? Yes.

Father, hello, hello, my dear. Good to see you. It's been a long time. Yes, I'm so happy. Are you happy? Congratulations on your son's wedding. Yes, it was so beautiful. I wanted to speak but you wanted to close the satsang, so am I audible to you?

You are audible to me. Let's have a look on this. So yeah, on the same note of being, let's say, triggered, you're doing a good job in those past weeks and I want to thank you for this. Yep. Did you get a sense of what I was saying? Because if you reread your message to me, you will get a sense of what I was saying.

Totally. You know, I'm very aware that lukewarmness, we would say that lukewarmness, and um, yeah, it was a beautiful opportunity to check in again and to reconnect. And the fire has been reignited. And at some point when you were talking to Mahesh, I think, and saying, you know, why not be empty and just let God move you moment to moment, I just wanted to just unmute, you know, and not be on the waiting list because the fire is so strong. And just to let you know, Father, if there is an opportunity to come, I would just take the first plane, you know. And I've applied to Sahaja, I'm checking the mailbox every day. And you know, I know that the personal life is running super well, as you know, and it's the best opportunity to fall asleep. I don't want that. I don't know how many lifetimes I've lived in this state and condition, but this life, Father, is for truth. And it's not an emotion. Now you're tough. This is very good. By the name you gave me, Father, I don't want to be like a famous singer. I don't give a—I'm sorry—but I just want to be, I just want to be one with God no matter what. No matter what, I'm here. I'm here for truth today because it's happening.

Very happy. So much. You see how in this holy fire I am in your surrender to Light within. We'll see. It's beautiful.