Be a Beginner Every Day - 24th January 2025

But really, the escape from Maya is only there because only there are we in the discipleship of the Atma, of the spirit itself. And if we consider our life to be a spiritual life, then the very essence of a spiritual life is a life which is guided in the presence of the spirit. And that is why my emphasis on this question, because many children may get into an idea that they're leading a spiritual life without actually—with Maya tricking them into spiritual outer signs, but actually distracting them from coming into the presence of spirit itself.

So whether we consider ourselves a Bhakta, a Jnani, a sadhaka, a sadhu, a contemplative, a mystic, whatever the label may be, fundamentally it is about the presence of God in the form of spirit. And just like we cannot serve two masters at the same time, we cannot serve Maya or our attachments or our identity—the 'me'—and God in His gracious form as Atma, as presence. We cannot serve at the same time.

So if God was physically present in a place that you knew very intimately, how much time with Him would you physically spend in His realm, in His place? Now you have been told of a secret place which is beyond the visible world, but you have been given the tools to visit that place. The question remains the same: I can be with God, am I picking Maya instead?

So the question of the precise amount of time I spend in that contemplative, empty, nididhyasana state may be very difficult to track. So first we can see how much of the seeming time that we have available in this world are we giving to God, even if it feels like it is a sacrifice. So how much of our time are we sacrificing for God? As absurd as that question is, it is important to ask. And we start to notice that the very determinant of a true spirituality is how much time has been given to God. So the idea, of course, is not to judge or to make a report card or to give grades. The idea is just to inspire all of us to deepen in our love and light for God. And we can always deepen. There is nobody in the world who can say there is nowhere for me to deepen in His love, in His presence.

It just feels what it more comes to me when I go to it.

Yes, yes. Like, I mean, in a sense, I have a lot of time if you... I have a lot of time. I see, I see. I didn't necessarily get the connection between the first and the second. The first part from what I heard was, 'It more comes to me when I go to it,' or her or him, whichever way you want to refer to God. That is like saying that God doesn't want to force us to turn towards Him. I have never said to any of you that you must force your friends, you must force your relatives to come to Satsang, because then that would be a forced love. It would be not an open space for them to meet what is on offer. In the same way, God does not force us to turn towards Him. We have to approach Him in the spirit of love, openness, peace, faith, humility. And as we do that, we may find that His presence becomes more and more apparent to us.

That's true. So because I used to sit a lot, and like, real a lot, not even I don't know how many hours, but at some point it became so obvious and so like... but somehow I stopped sitting that much.

That's fine, as long as if you're active in the world, but you know that it's just like a periscope is out of the surface of the ocean, but actually you remain submerged.

It reminds somehow of itself, or somehow it just... or some thought happening and then just like a moment of like... it's not like full in it. Somehow you cannot go full in it.

So let me ask the question in a reverse way then, which is that how much time in a day would you spend identified as a person, as a 'me'?

But in what way? Like, what do you mean?

That you take yourself to be a body-mind. I mean, arguing with someone or how? No, just that you are picking up an identity and operating from there, or believing a thought about yourself and operating from there. Or are you just, although active and not taking out specific time and sitting, but actually not getting identified and moving in the world, not believing much in thoughts?

Yeah, exactly like this way.

Yeah. So how much time do you spend in the hypnosis of thought? Doesn't count when you are on your phone, for example.

It counts. So when that time, there's no pass for phone. I mean, yeah, like watching something or...

Yes, but you get a sense that you can be in pure perception. You're watching this movie, this is also a movie, you see, but unidentified and empty. Or from a place of, 'Oh no, this is the outcome that I want in this movie, this is what should happen, I like this, I don't like this'?

So it happens, yeah, this from time to time. Yeah, like what something like... yeah, but just don't know, maybe not for long.

So I would suggest that why don't you try a week where you try some focused time again, like you used to do in the past, and tell me if your day then gets altered in some way. What does it mean altered? In the sense that change—you feel yourself more deeply centered through the rest of your day. So suppose you said that you will do your inquiry or you will remain empty, like an active empty practice leading to—if it is God's grace—leading to that emptiness, true emptiness in the holy place. And then see that if that one hour a day made an impact to the rest of the waking state time. Let's try this.

I just want also just... I see somehow how it's important to be humble and yeah, and that's so...

And yeah, very important. Very important to take yourself to be a beginner constantly. Because if I had to refer to past insight to make a claim of what is then, then that would be just pride. Then that would just be a false spirituality. What is true has to be true now. And to approach the truth is not possible with even a sliver of pride. So unless we become totally humble and naked and innocent right now, it is not possible to approach the truth. And without approaching the truth alive right now, we are speaking from past insight, which is worse than not having insight at all. Past insight we must not value at all, except for an inner inspiration to take us there, but it should not become something that I did or I have done or a hill that I have climbed already, you see? It must be always fresh and alive with the innocence of a child. So humility, that is humility.

So if Krishna is sitting on that side of the house and we say, 'No, it's all right, I met Krishna yesterday,' what would you say to that one? You would say, 'No, that's unimportant. He's here now.' And to visit His room, we need to leave the past behind. And to leave the past behind, our pride doesn't allow us because we think that we've achieved something already. Not—I'm not saying you are doing that, I'm saying generally speaking in spirituality this can become a trap. That is why it is important to just be a beginner every day, mother.

I was just realizing this today, very recently. Very recently I was just realizing that this I heard long time back in taking—speaking about feminine approaching, I mean, feminine mystery is saying Divine is a feminine mystery kind of. So he was not talking about men and women. So just right now I was realizing, which was very similar to what you were saying right now immediately, that unless I'm willing to settle with the fact that my mind needs to approach truth each moment in a feminine way, in a receptive way, I'll keep on trying to trap truth, you know, try to dominate it and keep on... I mean, keep on getting fooled each day by my mind. I must accept this fact that my mindset, my approach, is to be feminine or receptive.

Very, very... that's a very good insight. And of course, if somebody missed that, he's not talking about the gender. He's just talking about a traditional construct of openness, of innocence, receptivity being called the feminine, versus the hard, strong, position-making type construct as masculinity. So yes, if that is the construct, we all need to become very, very feminine in our approach.

That can... that is the only thing which I can do continuously: waiting, being receptive. Every insight is just another way of pulling myself...

Any yes, an insight which is converted into an interpretation, yes, is a... try and increase this a bit. Sorry, I was maybe speaking too low.

No, no, it's my... okay, now I think it's prepared to check, check. Yeah, sorry.

No, it's okay, it's my mic. So how much time, now that the mic is with you, how much of your day is for God alone?

Very less. Too less. Two hours. Too less, too less. It's too less.

So let's slowly, slowly change. Yes, hello.

Question came: is it possible to be unconsciously in the presence of God?

Everything is possible by His grace, but that is a gift from Him. Spirituality is about sacrificing, about offering ourself up to God. And a big sacrifice seems to be the time in our life. If we give our time in our life to worldly things, then we are getting involved in Maya. But if we make that sacrifice, seeming sacrifice, and we give it to God and our intention is only to be with God in that moment, then that moment was us being spiritual, us making an act of love towards God, moving towards God in an active way. And many times it may happen that without this active way, God just pulls us in, you see? But that is His gift, His love for us. And to allow ourselves to be loved by God is also a very beautiful way.

In our life, if we give importance to worldly things, then we are getting involved in Maya. But if we make that sacrifice—seeming sacrifice—and we give it to God, and our intention is only to be with God in that moment, then that moment was us being spiritual, us making an act of love towards God, moving towards God in an active way. And many times it may happen that without this active way, God just pulls us in, you see? But that is His gift, His love for us. And to allow ourselves to be loved by God is also a very beautiful way. But the simple check is whether we have determined that this period of time is for God and God alone, not as a byproduct.

We were having this conversation the other day. One child said, 'But what if I'm walking? If I'm walking and I'm praying at the same time, then why can't we count that time?' So I said, 'Be true to yourself and say what is really the primary intent of that time.' And if you say it is for prayer, if it is to be with God, then yes. But if it is that 'I'm walking anyway, so this will be nice and it's good to do,' it's not that you must not—we must continue to do that—but that is not in my framework for my children. It is not to be counted against the two to four hours every day, which is only with the primary intention of being with Him. And if you're true to yourself and you say that 'I can be with Him more if my feet are moving like that,' then it can be counted that the walking is incidental but the prayer or the inquiry is primary.

I'm asking because sometimes when, let's say, I'm staying in this presence, and then after some time I still notice presence even if I continue doing certain things. And sometimes I might be completely giving my attention to a certain thing, and I'm just... this is what I'm trying to find out. Do I need to stay consciously in that presence? What is your intention of that moment?

Intention or attention?

Intention. Intention without intention probably is just to, let's say, cooking, concentrating on carrots, you know things. So intention to cook.

Yeah. So two hours where intention is God alone. Okay? Consciously, like really noticing that, yes, you've taken out that fifteen minutes, half an hour, one hour, but adding up to at least two hours in a day, your intention is to be with God or to give this time only to God. And if you made that intention and you've given that time only to God, then if the mind distracts you, if the mind tries to pull you into narratives and stories and all of that, and you keep trying to come back to God, then all of that is still counted. The time is still counted as your sadhana, as your practice. But if your mind distracts you and you say, 'Okay, I'll go with the distraction, I will watch a movie instead, I saw some very good review of that movie,' then that is not obviously counted.

And two hours is nothing in a day. It seems like a lot initially, but if you say eight hours of sleep, sixteen hours of waking, eight hours of work, you see, then that still leaves eight hours. So we can give one-fourth of that remaining to purely focus on God, if not half. It doesn't have to be continuously. Each has their own rhythm, has their own capacity.

I noticed today I was observing myself and there was like a kind of a checker: 'Am I in presence of God or not?' A bit like I started to notice then also this checker. But this checker would come quite often and then thinking, 'Oh, I'm just wasting my time maybe a little bit like this,' though supposed to be a bit in the presence. Where does that two to four hours come from?

It comes from my life. Because if I don't spend that two to four hours with the only intention being God, then I know that Maya will get me a lot more during the rest of the day as well. So again, I'm not speaking from a place where I'm saying that I don't need to do anything, you see? 'I don't need to do this, I'm beyond it.' It's not true at all. So that is where it comes from. And I would not recommend it if I was not trying to do it for myself. Then you will see that it percolates the rest of your life more naturally. So the nirantar japa or the unceasing prayer is only possible if we have focused prayer for at least... if I let me say, if I have focused prayer at least for this much time. And each of you can check for yourself. But if any of you has a number which is less than that, then tell me. I would like to talk to you, maybe in a good way to learn from you. But initially I may be a bit suspicious. But if you can say that 'I'm constantly in remembrance of God, I'm constantly even in a vocal prayer and I don't need to do any focused prayer,' then you have to teach me some tricks as to how to do it.

I agree. It's just, I mean, maybe it's irrelevant, but maybe mind shifts sometimes thinking about, 'Oh, but how some sages were able to be...' they're claiming to be all day.

Yeah, but the sages also said that we need vigilance till the dying breath. So what is that vigilance? Because Maya can get us anytime. So we have to be vigilant. And anyway, I'm not at that peak. A very good tip, I feel, is to, before you open your eyes to the world—you already wake up, no?—so what I started to do is before anything in the world, before even the world considers me awake, just spend as much time as you can with God. If you can honestly do that while continuing to be lying down, then that's fine. But if you need to sit up, then that's fine too. If you're not falling asleep while lying down, but your intention is to be with God, that's fine.

Let's go to the... just come. We give some time to get a sense of what's happening. You got the question: how much time in a day are you spending in the holy place of God's presence? What is the tool that you're using, or what are the tools that you're using? And the rest we can talk about as you start.

The weekdays it is one hour, but in weekends it is two hours. And my practice is the chanting only. But I noticed like you started explaining the process of contemplation, it is only happening... what is really happening is only Shravana. Yeah, the rest of that is missing. And sometimes, some days are there when it is very peaceful and fully immersed in chanting, and many days when you do it daily, right, the mind wanders. And can that be also counted as...?

Yes. I'll share a little bit on this. So the Manana part or the meditation part in the lecture, repetition is also a way of Manana. So as you're repeating your chanting—so you're repeating Ram or you're repeating whatever Mantra or whatever chanting that you're doing—as you repeat it, what happens is it takes hold of you, you see? The idea is to take hold of every aspect of our being. So if you just say Ram once, of course it could be that you say Ram full-heartedly and it may take you to that quiet place. But in the repetition of it, and because these words are spiritually charged, spiritually activated, and you're remembering a very high name—in my books one of the highest names of God—then it will start giving you a spiritual juice. Squeeze what you heard, squeeze that to give you spiritual fuel, and that spiritual fuel then takes you inwards to a quiet place.

Repetition is one way to do it. The way of what is called Manana or meditation is one way to do it. You would say, 'Ram is the most merciful,' for example. It could just be this phrase; it could be much longer as well. But if it is 'Ram is the kindest,' then from that you see that Ram was so kind with Shabri, who was giving him half-eaten berries that she was eating and tasting. What love, what kindness, what a beautiful inspiration He showed us as He was alive. The idea is not to come up with some great words, just innocently immerse ourselves in His light, in His love. And then what will happen is that from that single phrase—in this case not through repetition but by dwelling on it, you see—so it's like a herb that you're grinding and you're getting a more palatable set of herbs from that.

And then what happens is that you realize that to meet the extent of Lord Ram's kindness, it is not possible without His grace, without His mercy. So either through very innocent words we make a prayer to Him, or our whole posture becomes prayerful and we open, we become very helpless and open to receiving from Him because we cannot meet His greatness. So we may make a prayer locally and say, 'Lord Ram Ji, I want to meet this great mercy that You had in Your life. How kind You were. Please bless me with how to be even a little bit like that because I cannot do it without Your grace. Please show me how I can imbibe Your sweetness. I want to learn from You, God.' You see?

So this we're calling sharanam. It's an insertion. But what will happen, even if you don't call it sharanam, is that you come to a point where your contemplation, your Manana, leads you to a helpless place, leads you to a place of infancy. So if you're contemplating Lord Ram's kindness, there comes a point where you feel like everything that I'm saying is too little compared to Him. So we become soft in our heart, we become open in our heart. Then we remain in that infant, innocent position in prayer to Him. And if it is His grace, then He leads us into Nididhyasana or what they call contemplation, where this state is where we are being taught by the Atma within, by His very presence. And we learn things which we may not be able to necessarily speak immediately. We come to the presence of Spirit itself, and it is Spirit itself which shows us the truth, which gives us this unconditional love and reassurance that we are on the right path.

So if you're doing the chanting, then how does it end? Many live there in the end by going down, going down to the statue in the ashram. You do at home also?

I do. And I have to say, especially many times on weekends, so we have to go somewhere or something, it is on the back of my mind that, 'Okay, now it's getting finished now.' That is also there.

So see if you can add, after the chanting is over, see if you can start by adding ten minutes, fifteen minutes where you're just sitting in silence. Because that spiritual fuel you have to digest, and only in that process of digestion may you also experience Samadhi or union. So that after the active part of the sadhana is over, then you must hand over yourself to God, because only He can then give you the fruit of your sadhana.

I think that is missing many days.

So you can add that. You can add that. Start adding it slowly, slowly. Initially it may feel like you're not able to sit quietly for five minutes, ten minutes, but it'll grow.

But I feel truth is there, but if we get out immediately and go somewhere, you can still feel it but...

But you've not eaten it. It dissipates. Exactly. That is exactly it. You have to eat the food when the mother is serving it to you; you can't store it in a bag for later. And see, the importance of that is so much that whatever may be the worldly compulsion, it is not as important as just being with God in that innocent way. See, something already... if you chanted for an hour, something in you doesn't want to move. Something in you wants to just be. But there's something in you also which wants to rush very fast, which is the mind. But in the deeper place, you don't want to move from there. So you have to follow that in faith.

So the cooking and the eating has to happen. What happens when you sit quietly in God's presence? All our dirt is washed away. All our mind tendencies, things which maybe deep conditions, vasanas, start to get washed over. Also we grow in our faith, we grow in our humility, we grow in our repentance. A lot of time in the quiet time after prayer, I realize my foolishness. I realize things which the mind was just hiding from me. So we are shown a mirror in this quiet time as well, and we allow ourselves to surrender these things quietly. So this cleanup happens, which is very beautiful. A growth in our virtues happens. Then we are prepared for the class, and the teaching is about true knowledge and about love. So we gained entry into the class.

In our faith we grow, in our humility we grow, in our repentance. A lot of time in the quiet time after prayer, I realize my foolishness. I realize things which the mind was just hiding from me. So we are shown a mirror in this quiet time as well, and we allow ourselves to surrender these things quietly. So this cleanup happens, which is very beautiful. A growth of our virtues happens. Then we are prepared for the class, and the teaching is about true knowledge and about love. So we gained entry into the classroom of the Atma through our active practice; now we must hand over ourselves to the true teacher so he can show us his way. For Atma Darshan, I wouldn't say it's only possible, but it's mostly possible in that. The Divine Union, the merging with the Divine, is mostly possible in that.

Okay, adding a little. One hour can be after listening. I am already making it one hour. Only one hour can be fifteen; one hour can be quiet sitting also after the chanting. That would be beautiful. That would be beautiful if you can do 50/50. And what you can do is, if in the quiet time you're getting distracted, then use the Mantra. For any of us, it may not be easy just at a stretch to be empty, but we can use whatever. If you were doing the ADS or the inquiry or whatever japa Mantra, if you are contemplating, we could use the key phrases which really felt like they had spiritual juice to return to that emptiness. So if you're chanting Yogi Ramsuratkumar, then after the whole process is over, then just sit in your heart temple. And if the mind is too strong, then just use his name and return. Just like that, many times you will start just being in samadhi where the world will seem to disappear anyway. So don't make these expectations. That is the doorway, you see. Simple, simple.

Somebody said—I don't know where I learned this from—but they said that mostly our relationship with God is a monologue. We are telling him things, we are even saying his name, but we are only talking. We're not waiting for his response. We've called him and called him for one hour, we've called him, and he is just waiting to maybe tell us something or be with us. Okay, I'm done now. How it is? Many days, many days it is. Some of you have to keep checking for yourself what works. So what you could say is that maybe in the way you're doing it, it may not be possible like this, but you may find that you're able to dive in deeply for short spurts. So you do the active japa or inquiry for short spurts and then be quiet. So it could be five minutes ADS and then five minutes quiet, five minutes ADS, five minutes quiet, or five minutes inquiry, five minutes quiet. You have to see for yourself what is working for you. But the idea is to spend as much time as you can with him because you love it. Spirituality is nothing if it is not a love story between you and her or him. Now what kind of love story would it be if you're the only one talking? Of course, God is not petty; he knows our intention. That is important. But as now you're being reminded of this fact, then we must apply. My doctor said that I must stretch every few minutes. No, your turn.

Like Father, I do most my time is like lying down. I have done my sadhana earlier also because I used to sit and there was a question I used to get from my husband, like when I get the vibration, the body moves the other side. So what I started doing, I used to lie down and I used to hardly sleep till today. Like, you know, I like to be in lying down, like in the morning also before I come out from the bed. So like I can say that two and a half hours, three hours. Otherwise, I cannot get to sleep also. If I don't do the sadhana, I cannot sleep. And but the daytime I just connect whenever like there is a free time, there is nothing, I just just want to connect with that. That's what continues for a long time. And now, now I find it's more easy from sometimes. Like, you know, it's easy to connect in the daytime like with a busy schedule also. I feel whenever I get my time, it means it just gives me a lot of strength. But sometimes at night I start in the burning in my whole body, like from the mouth, my bones and everything, that my breath is very difficult for me.

Is this after your sadhana or?

Yes, after my sadhana. It's like the nerves are firing or it's just fire. My feet is like I can feel like it is so hot, hot, hot. And from the like from the throat also, suddenly like at the middle of the night, like some steam is coming out. That breath, like a breathing is so hot. So then I find it very difficult.

It's good, it's good. What is the mantra you are using?

So I try to do Soham, but like it just switches off to the—like earlier I used to do the Shreem. It just comes up automatic. I tried, but it just comes up because earlier, like almost twenty-three years I have done. So it's like I try to switch but this comes in between. It comes, it's effortless. But like when I'm talking, I feel like my mouth is full of the heat and like earlier, like I never used to be. But now I look for that. Like when evening comes, I look forward for the evening.

The heat is very good. It's good.

I was—I get scared at midnight because it is almost, especially with the Soham mantra, it is bound to create. And this portion, it starts vibrating a lot, Father.

And it's good.

But I get like, you know, it's what happening. Like, you know, somewhere you recognize internally that it's auspicious. That's when it happens. But that heat becoming too much nowadays. It was not—it was there earlier, but from last we can say one, one and a half year, Father.

Yeah, and if you feel like it is too much, just take a break. You can stop over there. Stop your practice there. Then more and more you'll be able to—you will never get from Divine Mother something that you can't really handle. But because our systems are not used to it yet, so we get—you'll get used to it more.

That like, you know, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. That is really like—it happens very often, Father.

Just pray to the Divine Mother and thank her for everything.

Listen to the—whenever evening I listen to the bhajans and everything I do, but it gives me very happy that it's the outside, but within it is more beautiful. I feel it is.

But only—there is no more beautiful place in the universe than your heart temple. We can create the most stunning temple in the world, but this invisible temple is the most, most...

Yes, everything, everything is found over there. And that happiness comes, Father. It's like no need to depend on anything. When you depend, I feel like it is more hurtful, but when you don't depend on anything, it's just giving me a lot of—like, you know, just walk in that field. Always thankful to Father. Like it's connecting all, like we can say, not one and feel like connecting cannot be. But like I cannot sit daytime for a like a proper sitting. I can't do it except lying down.

But you feel like you're mostly there after two and a half hours, three hours of...

Yes, Father. During the day also you feel mostly that you're connected. But like when I'm too much get involved in something, then I start getting very irritated, Father.

Irritated, yeah. Okay, stop getting irritated.

No, like I don't want it. I get too much like, you know, it's too much I spoke, like I feel like...

Yeah, so now next time when you notice it, say, 'I won't do this next time.' Like that we learn. Yes, even I'm working on my irritation and it's getting better. I feel little, little it's getting better. So after Mother told us and my Father told us not to get angry, I've decided not to get angry. But I noticed that the anger, the root of the anger, starts with this irritation. Yes, so we have to work on that irritation. And now every time I get irritated, I point to myself: 'See, you got irritated. This was the trigger. You did not surrender it to God. You started taking it on to yourself.' So I notice these things and then irritation is starting to reduce a little. We should do that. It may be a long-time process, but it's very important to not justify it, to not make rationalization and say, 'Oh, but it just happens,' you see. So just notice that that is like anger only, irritation, you see. So we must slowly keep offering it to God. We must learn to forgive immediately. If we forgive immediately, then we can't get easily angry. Yeah, I'm also learning.

Imagine, can't imagine. I've got in also, I've got in the past, Father. We chant, why do—why does this heat generate? Why do you get Prasad after darshan? Don't know what—what is burning up inside.

So we should not stop. Well, it tells you in the heart when. Sometimes we can start becoming proud about even these things, no? Like, 'Oh, but see, now Father said it's Prasad, so let me get more Prasad.' Like this, it could become a question of our pride, then it may be counterproductive. So we have to be heartfelt about it. If it feels like burning, then we stop at that point. We learn to be very heart-guided about these things because this heat will also burn our pride. All of these things will be burnt in this. But also our pride will be burnt in this. But if it becomes—then our pride is then about that, then that will need to be burned more strongly. So just be heartfelt about it. You're not trying to burn your full system, just allowing it to do the auspicious work. So but your heart will tell you when to stop. We have an internal regulator for all of this, except when we become mental about our sadhana, then we can go either this way or that way. Yes.

So I am doing like two to four hours.

Two to four hours, yeah. Ready? I don't have one to—I try I think what feels like it may work. That's what is your toolkit.

Yeah, okay. Um, first I try just to sit quiet. Yeah, and if I can't, then I yeah, take something. But this is first. And if prayer, the most natural is to say just God, God, just. And this comes during the day often. Sometimes other prayers, but like I don't—I rarely do ADS sometimes during the day, but not as a—like sometimes different, like today it comes just Holy Father and like and it's a mix. Like also I don't do now with the breathing. Before I used to do with the breathing, but now I—yeah, I just concentrate more on a prayer than on a breathing. And then it slows down and then it's—it's not good for a longer time. Like and then I feel I mix like with contemplation. If I see like Holy Father and know it takes a bit of gap, like comes back or like sometimes with my own words. And if—if nothing else works, I just—I just offer myself. I just offer it to him.

No, no, the last part again.

I am trying to offer to him myself also. I said, 'This is your son, your will be done.' I cannot do this also. If I cannot do any of this, I try reading because I feel like it's—it's easier. But now, but nowadays, and it's for like for a few last months, it's really difficult for me and like even I—it's my mind is much more active. I see before it used to be like some years it was quite pretty quiet. And I feel with prayer, maybe this one I was trying to like pray all the time and like try to fill up everything with God. But now everything came and it's like I don't know, it's a lot of minds and I'm not used to it and I'm like feeling very bad about it because it's interrupting all the time and carries me away. And it's for a few months and it's like I feel like I put time for this cooking, but it's—I'm not even cooking properly. I'm just like trying to cook, like just trying.

But it takes you away and then you try to come back, isn't it?

Sometimes, but yeah, it's a small part. It's usually like there are exceptions and there are moments it's that I feel like it's close, like God is close. And in a prayer it's more like it's small, like maybe small gaps, but sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's just like trying, trying, trying. And I feel often that I—I cannot do this even first step, like first step like to let go of your thoughts, and I cannot. I'm just stuck there, just there. And feels like and also one thing I was trying to change during this time because I—I can do things like just the willpower, but it feels wrong. Like I feel this prayer, it's really wrong like this, just like to—and I don't know, I'm trying to find another way but how to be softer. If you use your will, if it seems...

I feel often that I cannot do this, even the first step. Like the first step to let go of your thoughts, and I cannot. I'm just stuck there. And also one thing I was trying to change during this time, because I can do things just with willpower, but it feels wrong. I feel this prayer is really wrong, like this. I don't know, I'm trying to find another way, but how to be softer? If you use your will, it seems like we are using our will, which actually there is no actual thing like that, but that is the whole thing that we are trying to transcend. But an act of will towards returning to God is an act of love. But that's the thing; trying to return to God feels different than to repeat ideas, just like repeating.

So when you say, 'It feels uncomfortable to use my will,' to do what? To keep on the tool? To keep on like, 'I'll do this one'?

Yes, but because the tool—what is the intention of using it? The intention is to go back to God, but I don't know. This is why I tried different things. If your intention is to be with God and it seems like you have to use your will to use the tool, then does it bring you back to God or no? It could be different. Sometimes it does, sometimes it's different. Because at some point I was trying to pray all the time, and some days it was most of the day, but it felt at some point like I'm just repeating. It's like if I would say for the person, I'm just saying the same and the same sentence all the time and it's not right. I don't know. I was trying to find something more authentic, to just try to be honest and more innocent.

A few things I want to tell you. First is that if in those four hours you have no other intent than to be with God, but the mind distracts you, it is still beautiful. You don't have to beat up yourself in any way. It will try to distract you; it'll try to sell you many narratives, many things. But if you have taken out those four hours and truly your intention is nothing but God, you don't have to worry about anything. It is teaching you. Do you find that the process of prayer, the process of spirituality itself, is teaching you the next step in spirituality or prayer?

Maybe, I don't know. Maybe. But I feel afraid. I feel like I may just slip away slowly.

Okay, first I want you to tell me that you have understood that if any day you have spent four hours with just the intention to be with God, it is a good deal. You understood that? Can you repeat?

Very, very good.

So first know it is a good day. It is not bad. Now, little things in terms of the mind pulling you away and how to deal with that: you're being guided. You're being guided. And don't allow the mind to convince you not to return to the tool. The tool is our anchor; the tool is our lifeline in that time. So if it convinces you, 'No, no, but that's not right, you're going your own way'—no. If you're following the tool, then you're following your Master's way. And if you slip away in the sense that there are days where you're not spending any time with God or intending to spend any time with God, then you come and report in Satsang again.

And with this activity of mine, which is much more even than Satsang—it was never for me difficult to follow or even that text reading, and now it's just like all like...

Okay, it's not bad that it's coming in full force. It's not bad that we let it come and it will be released in this way. The mind is not an endless supply. God's love is endless.

Also I had this bit of struggle when you say, 'Just remember God.' And if I have this reality check, and also about this one-sided relationship which is just me trying to talk, and how to remember? Then I'm having all the doubts. Like, how can I remember? If someone tells me, 'Remember my sister,' I've never met her, I don't know her. You have a sister? I was doubting how. And this is why I felt like coming back more to something simpler. I was trying to follow Nisargadatta Maharaj saying that just be honest and sincere.

And you're doing well, okay?

Because I feel I'm doing very bad. When I heard your question first, I felt like I'm just...

I know your tendency is to feel that you're doing badly. That's why I'm telling you that you're doing well. If that four hours is happening, even three hours is happening, no complaints. You're doing well. Even if it's happening very badly, if it's three hours, you're still doing well. Yes. And know that God knows. You know that God knows? Then a lot of the struggle goes away. He knows.

And also for me, I feel nature also helps. Sometimes I just have moments, like yesterday I was just looking at peacock feathers and it's like, whatever, amazing.

Very good. Very good. Peacock feathers in any case are a sign of Krishna. But nature, like to go sit in a nice place for five minutes and then sit for an hour, whatever—you have to use it. Good. Thank you.

Is it okay if we are not having any technique or anything, simply just the intention of being with God? Just intention and being receptive of Grace?

Yeah, it is okay. But you have to be true to yourself. Is there any 'meeting time' happening? Which means, is there a time where you feel—I don't have the words for it—but you feel immersed in a place which you can't really recognize? That is what I call the heart temple where we know that here we can be with Him. So as long as you can spend some time just being empty intentionally. As a result of being empty, you see, let's look at it this way: we can be empty right now, like that. So we started, apparently we started the process of being empty. But was it just a conceptual emptiness that happened, or did something else happen? That something else, He does. 'You made me empty.' He does. So whatever brings us to a point where He does unto us is useful to us. For me, if somebody told me, 'Take this name, He will be here,' or 'Jump fifteen times like that, then He'll be here,' or 'Walk down this room doing this, then okay, I'll do whatever gets me in touch with Him in this holy way.' There is no award for doing it without practice or with practice. There is no award. He is the only award. The rest can be mixed up with our pride. And so we become so deeply in love. You fall deeply in love, then whether you can get in touch with your beloved on the phone call or through a letter or through whichever SMS or whatever is the way, you're okay with that. You are so much in love. This is a love story. Whichever way your beloved will have you, it is not our business to say, 'I will do it like that exactly.' See, that's what He does. You'll have to stay here only, no? This keeps going. What happened? I don't know. You invited Him. You invited. This is magic. All thanks must always go to God. We are just mere instruments of His Grace, His love. Okay. Let me look at some reports from online. Let's go to Devi. Hello.

Hello. Thank you. Pass the mic to me first. I just want to say thank you so much for keep reminding us all the time. It's really super helpful. And yeah, I feel I still have a lot to work on my practice. I'm not so consistent, and although my intention is to do it, sometimes some days are more consistent, some days less. And sometimes it feels hard, really hard to sit. A lot of restlessness and it feels difficult and I just want to give up. But I see it's growing, like the strength and the consistency and everything is growing. And yeah, sometimes I feel bad of how slow I'm growing, but it's better than nothing. Yes, as long as you're growing. And also, yeah, sometimes it's really painful to see how much still there is inside. But yeah, I'm just doing my best and I'm still learning even this, to sit. I'm still trying to understand the pointings and it's not always so clear, you know? But I'm seeing more through the tricks of the mind who always say like, 'Oh, it's impossible' or 'It's too difficult.' So I just sit with it and I sit like you say; even if you sit and you don't do it perfectly, you just sit for two hours and then that's your job. And yeah, I just do my best. Thank you so much.

Oh, welcome. I'm very happy to hear this report. You say, 'Slowly I'm growing.' I don't feel like any one of us has ever made a report truly which says, 'I'm growing so fast.' It's very good. You're always growing slowly. That is the way of this life. And you say that you're trying your best; that's all we can ask for.

Well, it seems my best. Sometimes I'm thinking maybe I'm complaining too much, you know? Like there are these tendencies of feeling like, 'Oh, it's too hard.' Maybe I'm not putting enough effort. But slowly I also see these things, like I need to outgrow them, but it's not happening overnight. So I'm very grateful that I'm still trying at least. And yeah, very, very—I'm very happy. Very happy. Thank you for all your encouragements. And I pray that I be more consistent and to really... and also one thing I wanted to say, like I feel for me it's really, really helpful, I found over the time, to do like physical exercise. For example, half an hour running in the morning. It helps to sit; I can sit after that much easier. And yeah, I can include that in my four hours maybe?

Is your intention to be with God primarily during that time, or is it to run?

To be honest, my intention—because I don't enjoy it—but it makes so much space inside me. I just feel different when I come back. I feel more space, more optimism, more lightness, less tension, you know? So I don't know. I really have to put effort to do it because otherwise it feels hard.

But okay, then you can count it. You can count it. Because the minute you say that, 'I don't really enjoy it, but I'm doing it because I can be closer to God,' that's good. That's good. It doesn't mean that whatever we do for God we must not enjoy. I'm just saying that it's definitely not something that we are exaggerating if you're doing it so that we can have a more beautiful sadhana, a more beautiful day in God's presence. Very good. Very good. Yes. I'm going to tell you all a secret which I shouldn't, isn't it? You all somewhere you know that it's not about the time, isn't it? Somewhere you know it's really not about the time. Maybe it's too early that I'm telling you this, so nobody should make an excuse out of this that I'm saying. For me, it is just that you grow consistently in your love for God, your being in His presence, which will bring such a transformation to your life that you will be unrecognizable from the time that you started this journey. So really, but these are important guidelines, although I said that. So don't say, 'He said it's really not about the time, and the way I'm meditating in ten minutes, I'm meditating as good as four hours.' Don't get into those traps. So keep that time consistent. But at the end of the day, really it's not—I'm not going to say in the last five years, 'Did you spend four hours a day or not?' It is your intention. And I know the Maya tricks us, and its number one tool is to trick us with time. It'll say 'tomorrow,' it'll say 'later,' it'll say 'enough, enough,' you see? It'll trick us and soon we'll be at the end of our lives. That is why I'm being strong about this time thing and I will continue to be. But because you made your report so sweetly, it came to my heart to just share this with all of you.

No, I see. I see what you're saying because some days, like, genuinely I don't...

Whether or not it is your intention, I know that Maya tricks us, and its number one tool is to trick us with time. It'll say tomorrow, it'll say later, it'll say enough, enough, you see. It'll trick us and soon we'll be at the end of our lives. That is why I'm being strong about this time thing and I will continue to be. But because you made your report so sweetly, it came to my heart to just share this with all of you.

No, I see what you're saying because some days, like, genuinely I don't find enough time to sit, but then I can feel okay, at least I did my best. So I had to do some other things for the job or whatever, but when I have time to not waste it, that I feel is important.

Yeah. Maya's job is to snatch every moment away from us in this alternative to God, which makes it seem like this is a worthy alternative to God. And the Atma, the Holy Spirit, the Satguru Presence within is pulling us back into the most worthwhile use of our time, which is to be God. So it's very important. Otherwise, I've seen over the years that our mind can make lots of narratives and stories, but the biggest counter to those stories is: how much time are we really giving to God?

Yeah, very well. Very happy. Yeah, I can do better.

But all of us can. All of us. Thank you so much. Thank you. Okay, let's go to Sam. I want to smile somewhere, but she's trying to restrain her smile. Don't smile. No smiling. I can't hear you.

You can hear now? I would love to smile, that's why I came.

Well, you're doing it. You were doing it, and this is all right as well. It's fine.

I think I cannot go into story. It doesn't future, but it doesn't mean that I'm not suffering presently. I don't feel good, Father.

That's all right. That's all right. In the times that our feelings are not so good, it is very... it's not just feeling.

Not just feeling. This feeling, okay, so can we say that suffering is when we are finding it difficult to love God? No, not love God. Even love God feels just so active now. Not even loving God, but being with God, maybe with God. Yeah, I don't feel like I have even energy to love God now, but just to be.

Will you try? Will you try this for me? I know it seems very difficult and it seems like there is no energy, but sometimes like a very bitter medicine, we just have to bow down to Him. Bow down to God and to just be with Him. Just allow yourself to be with Him. Allow Him to love you. Can we do that just for a moment? Nothing else but allowing Him to love you.

I don't feel like my... I don't know if this is an excuse, but my outer conditions don't allow this and I'm just so, so tired from this.

So let me just hold my hand. Hold my hand and just for a few seconds allow Him to love you. Yes, all I need is a yes. No, we'll wait till the yes comes.

It's not love, Father. I see my own life. It's not love. It doesn't seem like love, especially for someone who just dedicated her life completely for this. You're talking about two or four hours, but my whole day for this. But this is the result. And what I can do more?

So all that... I hear you. But for a few seconds, just allow Him to come to you and be with you and love you.

I don't believe.

Yeah, so that 'don't' will become 'do'. That 'no' will become 'yes'. What the 'don't believe' will become 'do believe'. The 'no' to God will become 'Yes' to God, and in that moment you will see some magic.

I'm too closed, Father.

Take your time. Take your time. And I told you, my outer conditions... I hold myself as well. Don't worry. No matter what conditioning one may have, the turning to God with a 'yes' within, allowing, does something beautiful in our heart. And remember one thing, no matter what, don't smile. I know. Now some other trick I'll have to find, some other trick.

I'm tired, Father. And I'm tired, I can understand. I can understand that. And I'm even tired, I'm tired, yes. I can... but I can't do more.

But you have to. Huh? You said, 'But I have to.' I said, 'I can't do more.' Can't. Can't do more. Can't. Can you do one 'Yes' to God?

No. It's already that 'no' is weakening. I can spot 'yes'. But Father, I said please, I don't want my trust to be broken when I say yes. I'm waiting for Him.

Yes, yes. So we just now, yes and wait. Yes and allow. Tell me from your heart, is He there? From your heart, tell me now. This question, your heart is saying what is the question? You said, 'Is He there?'

Yes, yes He is. But I'm too closed. I'm also here.

Okay, stay with your heart here. Stay, stay, stay.

I'm sorry, just my head is just so full. It's not even full, even energetically for some days, as if like nothing flows. Not a mindy state, but just like every channel is as if like closed.

His presence can heal everything. His presence can heal everything.

I'm complaining about my life situations a lot, Father. Like, why He doesn't do anything?

What do you feel? What could be the possible answer? Wait and see. Yes, wait and see. Wait and see. He wants you to wait and see. Why does... this is a very good question, isn't it? All of us somewhere want our life to be different. Why doesn't He make it different? Option one: He doesn't love us. Is that true? He doesn't care. We want our life to be different. You're like, 'I don't care.' What does your heart say?

I forget. I don't get the question.

He's not helping you because He doesn't love you. Is that... could it be possible? On this, understanding of love is very different. His and yours.

Okay. What is yours? What is your understanding? I know what I want to hear. Um, when what I want, yes.

If we just, all of us just got this one point, we would not have grievances with God. I love the way she said, 'Understanding of love is different.' My idea of love is that if He does what I want, that is love. Now, if He does what I want in spite of the fact that He knows the bigger picture and I actually don't, I actually don't know anything, would love be still to do what I want?

Then why I still want? Then maybe just finish me with this one thing because I'm suffering from this. I shall be content, I shall be happy. I have no idea about what things should be, but I accept because for years and years I'm continuously on this, Father, and I'm just so tired. And I blame the situations for this, and maybe they are fact, I don't know.

So let's look at it also like this. So why, if He can change what I want and don't want, why do I still want what He is not giving me?

He can change what you want and don't want? Yeah. Then why doesn't He change it? I forget. I forget what did you say and your question.

So I said that your complaint then was that, 'Why do I still want this then?' And I'm saying that He could change your want very easily. He could replace this want with another, or He could replace it with nothing. So why isn't He doing it? He doesn't love you? No, He loves you and still you continue to have this. What do you feel? What could be the reason, in spite of that He can change that and He's not?

I don't know.

No, very good. I asked one mother, she had come with her son. So I asked, 'What would make your son suffer more than he needs to?' I cannot hear you well again, there's some echo coming also. Let me see if I can repeat. I asked this mother who had come with her son, I said that what situation, what reason could you ever have to make your son suffer more than he needs to? What do you think she said? She said that, 'I never make him suffer even one little bit more than he needed to grow, he needed to deepen,' you see. So this loving divinity, our mother, our father, that is God... do you feel like if a human parent can't do it, do you feel like our Godly parent could do it? And remember the rules: God loves us, He has all the power, He has all the time for us. He's not too busy to change our life, and time and space are all in service to Him.

Father, yeah, it may seem little stupid, but when especially when I hear from you like 'God loves us,' yeah, I'm little surprised. Like, is there really God and who loves us? It's like little shock, like really? Because when you say it, it seems like there is... not even seems like, it's like you make us recognize that there is God and He loves us. But it's not my experience or truth. But if there is, because you said so, then I would love to feel it also.

Yes, okay. This is good. This is good. To have faith in your teacher is to have faith in what his insight is. And I promise you, my child, and all of you, that there is God and He loves us more than any human parent ever could. This is something that I can promise you with all my heart.

Well, because I also did not experience any human loves me. I don't have any benchmark.

Okay, so more than you can ever imagine about anything at all.

I can't even imagine. That's how I feel.

You got what I'm saying. And if all of us were just to remember this and to have faith in this, our life would be transformed. Not in the outer necessarily, because that definition being different could be true still, but inwardly our life will be transformed.

Why not outer?

Why? Because like you said, our definitions of love may be different. We may want in the outer at the cost of the inner. God wants the inner, maybe sometimes at the cost, the seeming cost, of the outer. Because one is Maya and the other is reality. Suppose you got everything you wanted in life, would you grow spiritually?

But this was my prayer. He can give me, and I also pray that I shall still love Him.

Okay, you write a letter to Him tonight. I will write a letter to Him. Yeah, okay. You write a letter to Him, and if you have an altar or if you have any place where you feel is holy, just keep that letter with Him, okay? So that you can refer back to the contract later. I hope to come to you.

Yes, I hope so too.

Okay, very okay. I'm getting many time warnings, so let's go to the Hanuman Chalisa.