Avoidance of the Spiritual Ego - 22nd June 2016

Hmm. The mind is still there.

Yes, but the mind which has taught these words, which has found the sensations in the body, the same boundary of the body—all of these, sorry, all of these, are they appearing in one space or are there separate spaces where all of these are experienced?

This one space.

This space. What are the boundaries of this one?

It's like all the sensations and the mind are experienced in this space. This space is endless. And the body doesn't... like there's still an outline, but there's no allocation to me being in this body. And it's like your voice is in this space, which is everything. But still, as still in training, there's still this sensation that this sensation is the biggest reason for the building.

No, but it's a sensation. It's like a driving force pulling the attention back to the mind and what it's saying.

So there's an awareness of the attention, and the attention is going to the mind and its chatter, and then that's correlating the feeling which is supposedly inside this body, which makes me feel allocated here and your voice there.

Then no, it's not true. Soon this is exactly what we are saying: this primal urge to refer back to the mind. We can get that also if we try to fight with our attention; it seems to get very difficult. So let's go to the mind. Let's say whatever it wants. Let that just come in. And what's your truest position? Aware of attention. You've given up this... is it? Don't let the mind twist it. What is most including? You know of this field, or does this space know of you?

I can't say that I'm anything but this space.

Look, this is very good. So you say that, and the screen... this is that which I am, that 'I Am' in which all appears and disappears. But is the knowingness of this—you know that we are not wobbling into consequences—is the awareness of this, is that also to be found in this space?

It is. It is. The mind is so strong saying 'You can't speak these words' and 'I need to make the experience of what's happening.' But to put it into words, there's so much judgment going on about 'You can't say this.' It exposes everything that the mind assumes. 'Everyone's going to think you're just making it up. Everyone's going to think you're just saying you've read what we've had with you, think you've got to say.' Mind is saying all of this.

Thank you. If everyone thinks that, so what? Yes. You don't even care what our own thoughts are, how do you make it one of those towards them? Some conditioning there around this touched everyone and everything of you except... funny now, just shrunk back into this class.

No, no. The person who is still the watching of all of this, that has not changed. That can be another mind trick where the mind says, 'See, you are back to the person again.' Did you go back to the person who is a veteran? Back being is just Being. There is one space of all phenomenal experiencing. All of this was great, and you know this. So whether it's like news, politics, change is only within Being itself. It has no currents within Being. The Being itself, it didn't expand or contract. The knowing of a different rating change—can you look at yourself within this space?

Yeah. Sorry, it's just that it's like it's so true what I'm experiencing, but the moment I try to put it into words, there's this contraction into 'Don't say that, I can't say that, it's not for you to say.' And then it's like this pull back into personal identity. And it's like it is the conditioning of trying not to be a spiritual ego. And it's so beautiful, and then the mind comes in, it's just contraction. And like, laughing now because it's funny that this is happening, this play, but it's also... I'm going to be pulled back into this.

And this is why it is important that you don't believe a thought, because even in all of this, nothing happened to awareness. To me, that is unchanged, isn't it? So therefore, the whole point of Satsang is what? Just to bring an end to this conditioning which consciousness is physically moving itself to do so. Because you have nourished this tribute for long, or not seen as something special, or try to be humble or something like this. It's like a remote control which is this button, pushes it. What do you think will happen with you if you say something out of them?

I said, well, I think it's probably because when I hear someone proclaiming to have seen the truth, it's just... it tastes like a bad taste. Not all the time, but when it's not genuine, there's this taste of just like really trying to prove. Why are you truly trying to prove? Just be quiet and alone. Right now, you want to live up to that same expectation that you set, Father.

Yeah. Doesn't know how knowing it... it's like it's annoying when people... Not taking even that is a good button to be pressed. Yeah. What is it that annoys? Somebody comes and proclaims that they're free, or they're awareness, or the world is... is it more to what they say? It could be true. The chance of it not being true—is it that that is less true ever than what is otherwise reported, which is that one's a person and still getting there? Does the truth become less true? The recognition is there on... because it can be the center mind me on to attack. Is it like that?

Is it? I think what it is, is it's like spiritual ego. So just to witness in others as well, it's just like...

This is very good that you're able to expose this, because I know it will come across a bit harsh, but it is distasteful to what? So what happens is there, we can spot the color red and the color blue, but if the color red is distasteful, then I must have some idea. Yeah. And it could only ever... I could only ever be distasteful to me to do this. Go to you later. Yes. Excuse, soften the view of it. Then we explore what is finding an expression. Even if it is fear that is coming in, why is it not being treated as another part of the play? Why defining so much this stage? You are these buttons just going to be carrying on it anymore. More comes out. The only option is to just not identify. But then things are built up there. There's no 'I'm identified' before you can snap the fingers like so.

It's not so bad actually, because we've taken a lot of time and belief and effort to create all this, to carve all these proofs. And it can seem like old counting to millions of kisses, but the uprooting should happen next time. That says it is very important to get rid of the misconception that the recognition of the truth is the end of the so-called spiritual journey. So because of you, all of you, we have come to this recognition. Then now in a minute when you check, it's like to you, 'I am this awareness,' and yet there is still power in these ideas. Because to awareness, nothing is distasteful. To Being also, it is not distasteful. And it is great grace that these things get exposed. Then you can look at them, check on them, and throw them away.

The point is not to interpret this in any way except the way it is meant to. The only purpose of my pointing this out is to see you okay with this one, that one. But many times what happens with that, you start integrating it and you say, 'Oh, this is true,' then I don't know what else is new. We add on more conditioning. Then it becomes consciousness taking off and we go... this is the third precinct clicks. Oh, this reduces so much.

It's just such a huge thank you for just pointing that absolute realization. Even then, there's the... don't say that, you don't admit that you thought this, do division. Oh, sorry. How does it find one actually? Usually let me find something being projected outwards in another because I have own self-doubt. I don't fear of being fake. If you don't have that fear at all—of being arrogant or fake or whatever—can you find that you will not be able to judge another? Trying to say is just thank you, because to know there was such spiritual belief conditioning around once you've had that realization, then that's it. I mean, I don't know why no one told me this. It was just a belief that was so sure.

It actually is very prevalent in many spiritual paths that the recognition of who we are is the end game. But when we check, we see that as humans, recognition can be there, but I want him that always it comes to the end of conditioning. Just because a moment of like... sight. Before, I could come and express these past moves and trigger points that were still lurking inside. The fear of like, 'Oh no, I've got it wrong, I've got to sit here and you know, only bite in, otherwise I'm doing something wrong.' And there was this fear to expose that there is still conditioning. And what happens is we get very attached to a recognition and then you want to defend it. Yeah. Then what happens is that you don't want to share what's happening what you are generally. You want to share what's happening because I hope you don't start talking my recognition. You should prefer exposing the truth that road with a fear that we... this, which is so clear, this should not be doubted on. With even that fear, it is the spiritual ego trying to hang on to that recognition.

But I have to say from here that for me, actually, that moment of recognition is not a big deal. I feel that any of you, if we sit in inquiry together, would be able to give this. It's very, very natural. This surgery for me is multiple because what happens in this surgery is not done, then something gets stronger and stronger attached to a moment of recognition and wants to then create a framework of thoughts around this itself. But you yourself are spotting that is what? Specialist and judgment which can be used to create this of the spiritual concept. So that's why it's very important to remain in Satsang maybe for quite some time after any moments of recognition.

So it's a fallacy that 'Okay, I had a weakness fear, now that my eyes... where am I following that?' There is no common template how long it... you can see that even the sense of which should be worn out to get over to come in. But the best for the spiritual ego is... leaves you find yourself proved in any interaction. If you find yourself and give on your particular perspective or point of view, then know that you're hanging onto a conceptual framework of spirituality. Because God does not need all the concepts to be expressed only in a particular way. Awareness is completely unconcerned by any of these.

So this is really very important. These moments are believed in, these moments of recognition of who we are are very fertile ground for your flowering and allowing this body-mind to just become an instrument. So it also can be a very fertile time for the mind to try and create some strong spiritual position. So I would even say that even more important than coming to the Satsang before awakening experiences is to continue to come for some time after. And you see that I hardly ever give any value to awakening experiences with no sense of validation which comes from here. Just then why? I recognize... but I know that because that validation and that ratification can then become another fertile ground for the ego. What to do? Don't believe your next thought. The mind also wants to come up with a master plan for the end of the spiritual ego. It is my friend, just this. Like you recognize both videos of this... the all-seeming urge to refer back to our homes, the fear of talking on the individuality—that is what Satsang is for. Once you see that all these thoughts are allowed to come and go, then we can deport them. Awareness, nothing happened. Identification, belief... the five times of bringing it in. Nothing.