Are You Living In the Light of God? – 26th October 2022, Diwali

Oh, surprise! Is the project to fit everything reality into a reasonable understanding? Because that is not possible. The thing is that you want to make God reasonable. I feel like I'm saying that have it in our intellect some conclusions which are based on some perceptual knowledge that is going to make the discovery of God reasonable. Never going to be reasonable. So what is the project? I'm saying for the moment, the reality is not small enough to fit into reason. Okay? Whatever you can say—valuable reality, truthful love, self, being—how do you know that? How do you know that you can't fit into the discovery? So it is that and some that the discovery, the discovery of another way of looking, the discovery found when you switched out of the microscope to the telescope. Then your discovery changed. Now if you insist that I must see the star through the microscope, you want to find some microscopic evidence of the existence of stars, how will you do it? What do you know without your perception and your head? Is it nothing or is it what I'm pointing to? Without perceptions in your head, what do you know that is reality?

So okay, suppose that you say to me, 'How do you know that this flower is the real flower?' So this, we have to be looking at the same thing to even discuss it. And I'll be looking at a rose and you're looking at a chrysanthemum or something, and then you think, 'Is that the real flower?' When I say, 'But look at the rose,' but then you say, 'But how do you know it is here?' I say, 'First look, so that we can come to the same insight.' At least first let's come on the same page and then we can discuss the nature of it. And if then there is a difference in words, there's bound to be, because everyone will express this in a different way. Is the discovery that the Masters have made, you see, is it like a notional proposition? Is it a conceptual proposal I'm making to you? Okay, it's not conceptual then. They, okay, now on the basis of my insight, am I asking you to believe something? I am saying that I'm showing you what I have found. After that, you decide. So all the questions are so that, all the questions that I am asking are so that you can come to the same looking. But if you insist—not that you insisted generally—if you insist on following the old way, then how will you come to the new way of looking? Do you want the new way to conform to our traditional way of looking, which it cannot do? That is the struggle. I'm saying you cannot understand it and you cannot perceive it. What else do you have? And have you not relied on this for other things already? This question: am I aware now? Yeah, there's no independent of perception and conception. Yes. What am I aware of? Like, how can I ask that question? I am asking whether you are aware, not aware of.

Are you aware? No, trying to stop being aware. Can you? But there's always perception or conception that I am aware of. Yes, what you are aware of. No, you are not dancing off, you are not sitting or if you're aware of. So the 'of' part, let's forget about for a moment. What is this 'aware'? It's like saying, 'I am sitting on a couch' or 'I'm sitting on a chair' or 'I'm sitting on a carpet' or 'I'm sitting on the floor.' I'm sitting on, and then I don't care what you're sitting on. What is sitting? In the same way, when you say 'aware of,' it could be aware of sight, aware of sound, aware of taste. Such, all this is the realm of changing. What is that 'aware'? And what do the means to recognize this awareness? So are you scared of it? Maybe. Are you scared of it that you have to take a safety net along? Just say, 'I need a perception or I need a concept to hold on to this, otherwise it is jumping up for bungee height without a bungee rope.' What is the difficulty in the contemplation on awareness itself without the 'of'? Nothing that you can hold on to then. Are you scared of that? Are you scared that you lose yourself instead of find myself? It should not be that in the endeavor to find myself, I end up losing myself and make it all worse. Is that the problem?

I mean, there are things on my nose.

But that is the risk you have to take. If you think Shiva enters the door of awareness, needs awareness, and Shiva doesn't come back, it's very much possible. And that's the risk you have to take. So you have to bet the entirety of the fall to come to the truth. You cannot leave a little bit there saying, 'Entire room here.' Enter into the door of the unspeakable, the unthinkable, and then the rope will keep me safe. It is that rope which holds you back because you want to understand it before you can see. It's like you're saying to the, you've gone on this, what is it called, the para-jumping, parachuting, whatever, and there were you there, skydiving, right? So are you sure the rope is safe? Are you sure that the parachute will come up? How much you love the truth and why do you love the truth as much to leave all the guarantees behind? Don't be scared to lose yourself. That you will lose is not the true you anymore. What's this, what's the value of the self that you can lose? Where you can go tomorrow? Better now. Do you want to meet this only reasonably, or is it possible for you to leave yourself without reason? Have you seen the video of me sitting in front of Guruji on the hot seat? What happened? I know. Ask me what happened. I'm asking you what happened. Is there a reasonable explanation for you? No. Was I happy? Was there laughing or crying?

This is not capturable in our reasoning. Don't expect the discovery of God to happen through intellect. But seriously, you wouldn't have had to tell yourself not to go to the mind. You just want a better thing. It's not so much first we know what I'm saying. Why do you want to know since then? What is their attempt? Is there attempt to create a unique way that the Master came to that insight and then forgot, like did not ever figure out how to point to it? But he didn't have to worry about following my—oh no, you see. So what is the exact project? Is it painful to become like Shiva and follow? Maybe that's it. Maybe the ego doesn't like anything. Now he's saying whatever he's saying, but you figure out, figure this out on yourself. After meeting Guruji, he didn't have to worry about whether to follow the mind or not. So don't follow what he's saying if you think. How about your own path?

Like I said, that when Alexander was young, he wanted his father to die fast because the father was already conquering. He was like, 'If my father keeps living like this, he'll conquer all the world. So what is going to be there for me to conquer?' So it's already conquered. You don't have to fight your own new territory, new ground. Fun. What is the resistance to following the discovery more than what you're telling me? Somewhere I've done this, what he's telling me to do, but I want the discovery, that sort of thing. I have done what he said. So are you aware now? It's very precise question. So and if you don't make like remixes, no? That okay, this was the original, but the original like was born in the 70s, I'm gonna make my own version of this. Yes, but isn't that an influence from being aware of something? But that is not the question. Are you aware?

Is it about finding God or finding your unique way to find God? Are you just scared of following the question as it is? And it's part of this human play. I feel like all of the Masters I went to were pointing me to this for a long time. I was just like, 'No, I will set the curriculum and I will go to them for them particular chapter.' His life squeezes your throat so much now. I need the medicine now. So where are we stuck now? Are you aware now? The question don't want to ask or can't see the answer. Trying to do the worst thing like, but I'm just asking you, are you enough? Are you okay? You don't know if you're aware? Is it, 'Yes, I am, but so what?' Even if it's that, we can look at it. But what is it really? 'Yes, I am aware, but so what?' So what is usually the concluding message. But what about me? What happened to me? What benefit did I—can't find the answer to whether you're aware? Somewhere I don't get that confidence to say yes. It's a vague sort of yeah.

So are you aware? It's very irritating because you know the answer. You just know it. But your mind is not validating it. Your perceptions are not validating it. And therefore, if you're trying to filter it through your head, am I really? Who's aware of the perception of this hand? You. One that you can be seen. The non-word basis. Do you conclude it is you? Baseless? No. Baseless, non-intellectual, no computation needed and no perception had. Completely unreasonable. You're aware of the perception of this hand. Is there, is that a Shiva you spot there? Who's aware? It's not a Shiva also. It is maybe the Shiva, but not this Shiva. So what's the problem? You found yourself still. Yeah, if it's not a perception or a concept, it's so good. Get used to the temperature of this water. That's the best place to live. You know how to struggle in spirituality like this. Wait, why is this me? It's not personal. Like this is how most spiritual seekers go through this. What is it? The insight is being made clear. The questions are very difficult to avoid and yet, and we keep coming back because in our heart we know this is true somewhere. And yet we want confirmation from the head, say, 'This is definitely yes, A plus.' That is how we struggle. The unperceivable will never be perceived. All perceptions that may come as a byproduct to this, which you may be waiting for, saying, 'Oh, now if this happened, if there was an explosion of bliss...' If there was an explosion of bliss, that was it. Okay. But explosion of bliss will go away. Anything that comes will go away. And then the mind will use that to tell you that you have your cases but you lost. Can it be doubted that it is you that is aware of the perception of this hand? Cannot be doubted because the discovery is not in the head at all. So it's like you found something in your house but in the—

You may be waiting, saying, 'Oh, now if this happened, if there was an explosion of bliss...' If there was an explosion of bliss, that was it, okay. But an explosion of bliss will go away. Anything that comes will go away, and then the mind will use that to tell you that you had it, but you lost it. Can it be doubted that it is you that is aware of the perception of this hand? It cannot be doubted because the discovery is not in the head at all. So, it's like you found something in your house, but in the playground, those kids are shouting, saying, 'No, no, that's not the true thing you found. What do you know? You're playing there.' Now, if you start listening to the kids when you discovered something in your own room, what's going to happen? Those kids are saying, 'No, no, it's not for you. You have not done enough. You are not devoted enough.' You see? 'Look at that yogi; he is sitting in the Himalayas for 2,000 years and still not found it. But you? How can you find it?' That kid shouting in that playground has no idea about what you're discovering.

How will you show this awareness to your head? It comes and you comment on it. How will you take it to this instrument? Can you do it? You can't do it. It only deals in measurable things. The mind only deals in Maya; it thinks it is measurable. How will you take it to that Self? Then the problem is, 'I am finding what he's saying, then he found the same, I found the same. How come he is different from me?' And I'm still letting the mind confuse me. That is not fair. You have to give it as much time, at least, as you give a pizza. Are you finding something which is independent of your ability to think and to perceive? To this awareness, this confirmation: 'It is I that is aware.' With which mechanism are you finding it?

I'm introducing you to a new room in your house. To a new room in your house, which is more powerful than the closet of Narnia. I don't know if you've studied your other rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland. You open this rabbit hole and there's no coming back. Really, yeah. And then you say, 'But no, no, but it has to be through my bedroom only. It had to show up in the... I'm looking at the property plans and the architect's maps and it's not there.' I'm showing you maybe really somewhere, just that I'm scared. What's going to happen if I step in? Can you promise me that I will not lose my house if I step into this room?

So, although externally your life may still look the same—chopping wood and carrying water—internally, it is like the power source has changed. It was on a small battery; now you're connected to the main power supply. Will it electrocute the hell out of you? Yes, it will definitely. Do you want it to be familiar? It won't be familiar. Do you want it to be unfamiliar? There's no guarantee of that. It's nothing that you can keep in advance and plan. Before I sat on the hot seat, nobody said, 'Okay, you just have to visualize what is going to happen to you.' Not the body—what you are going to find. Could I visualize? I may have had some ideas about it. Maybe I can have an out-of-body experience, or maybe I can see the whole universe, or maybe I can see all my lifetimes in one shot. I could have all these ideas about it, but what I found is none of that and more.

If you could do it your way, you would have already. Sorry if it comes as bad news. If you could do it your way, you would have already. This submission is painful. Somewhere the submission feels painful, and that is why we struggle like a fish out of water for a bit. When we submit, we are only submitting that which nobody has any value for. What are you going to submit? You're going to submit your ego, your pride, your will. Nobody has any use for that. So, who do you want to take it from you? It is for your own good. Give me your ego. Does he want to live with your ego? No, of course not. You can't live with your ego. Well, the Master will want to live with you. It's a gift that you can give yourself.

How will you accept the unreasonable? How will you accept the unreasonable? As long as I have faith in the force, because you trust me. And what is the expectation? That you are accepting what you are discovering about yourself to be true. It's not an expectation that I'm giving you a set of concepts to believe. You are discovering that you are that which is aware of all perceptions, but in itself cannot be perceived. Finding one now, what is the fight? Where the mind should confirm it, it won't. The mind should not fight it; it will.

Okay. Actually, there is a very strong resistance to let go, which is coming like a strong ego—the ability to control everything. Yeah, like from its point of view, letting go means failure.

Exactly, exactly. You have to feel happy. Take my invitation and feel. Otherwise, life is going to do it anyway. You hate that? No, the mind hates that. But I am willing to risk your hate to show you true love. I'm willing to risk your hate to show you true love. If I cannot give you the gift that my Master gave me, then no other gift I have. How does your mind say, 'This is not that gift'? Then you're here for that. But like the runaway bride, like, 'Here it comes. Can I really commit to this? This is my life.' Ego will come. It's not good. You can do it as your hobby. So, what do you come for? You coming to be free from suffering is not possible until you give up on the false. To give up on the false, you have to jump into the truth. You cannot have one foot in the false and one foot in the truth and then say, 'Oh, please make me comfortable and give me the confidence that I can jump in fully.' It's going to feel like two different, extremely different temperatures, and you just at some point have to stand on the edge of the plane and say, 'I'm here for this community.'

The flight takes off three times a week. You can board the plane anytime, but one day you have to board and jump. Don't keep the safety rope around you, tying me to the 'me', tying me to the mind. Don't wait for the mind's confirmation that it's safe to jump. Lose control. Accept that you have no control here.

It's a very valid point. The fear is a complete loss of control, the loss of the self. The most scary part of that is that all that I have built up, all the control that I have, all my attachments—all handed over to this unperceivable light. So, what is it? We trust this strange man?

Yes. Have you seen? We can have more resistance to this than skydiving. Okay, you're willing to jump off a plane and the body will be destroyed, with the reassurance of a trained pilot because he has some certificate saying he's jumped 755 times. Here, the 'me' is more difficult to give up than the body. You have to be willing to die trying. Willing to die trying. One day we have to die anyway; die a little bit today. So, although the householder environment and all of that may give you the idea that this is some sort of a comfortable armchair spirituality, it is actually the opposite of that. You may want to maintain a safe distance, a balance. 'What did I learn today?' But the magnetism in your heart for this will grow and grow and grow, expand so much that you will not be able to endure it.

The mind wants to create a process. It wants to understand, grasp what you're getting, what is required, yes, what I should do when I let it do what it wants.

You say that the mind wants to do this, you see? So, it's like saying the children in the playground want to play football, not cricket. Let them play. You are here. I don't need your mind to work with me. So, what is required? That you don't bother with your mind. Your mind will try to make sense out of what is being said. It will say, 'Okay, now this, then this. This is what he's saying.' It will try to understand what is going on, you see? Let the mind do that. Don't interfere with it. Don't bother with it. Don't fall for its conclusions. You stay with me.

So then, what is surrender this way? Because your mind has all your plans, you know. So, to not bother with what your mind is then narrating and saying in the narrative, 'It's better if you did this and didn't do that,' and all of that. This is the loss of control that he's saying.

Surrender is to hand over control from the false narrative of the mind. What is so valuable that you want to hold? What will happen? What do we have that is not going anywhere? This much is clear: that you cannot swim in both rivers at the same time. This is clear. Because you have noticed now that in the instant of the hypnosis from the mind, all of this sounds like focus-focus nonsense. And the minute, in the instant of true insight, all of the mind's narratives seem like bogus. Both are completely two different ways to live. You cannot take half that river, half this river, and say, 'I will remain the perfect river for myself.' To jump in is the fear, and dive in. Looking at the light from a distance, just a little bit, is what I want. 'Is my life better? I don't want to become one with the sun.' A little bit looks like your heart is being pulled too much. You just want to watch from a distance. You cannot do it. The true direction of God is not possible without merging with God. If there are two, then you may at best catch a glimpse, but it cannot be called a true meeting. What is the value that you are saving, or what would you not give up for God? Not that God is saying 'give up,' but the mind plays that way.

What if I just want to fast forward? What is the worry? What is the fear? What is that process you don't want to go through? Fast forward to what?

Let's forget about the truth, I guess. It's about wanting to be in the same state. I don't know.

Yeah, right. Fast forward to the 'be here' and Ananta is announcing it's successful, like that. Fast forward to... there's a notion of struggling or the 40 days and nights. What is this about? Is the mind itself saying, 'Why can't I just be done with this in one shot?'

It's like cool of these, okay, suddenly like cheese in the next high kind of thing. Like more, more. Like now these many days it's been like so many things, weird stuff, but they're good. Next, what's next?

Yeah, I promise you that good thing of that unperceivable reality is more than any drug you can have reactions to. But if you want it further, you want it, you must want it for its truth value, not for its byproducts. You are discovering that time and space is nothing to you. This universe is just a fluttering object in front of you, and the mind is saying, 'Better experience.' What? Okay, first follow the smell. Some part of you already knows it is true and it loves that. Follow that. Where is that? Where is this known to be true? Where is this sounding attractive? Follow that. Okay, forget about where it's true, but where is it sounding attractive? Like the notion of the eternal through no human means. Does it sound fun or good or attractive or mutable? Eternal. Very timeless. God is timeless. Your Self is timeless. You cannot meet it in the head or through perception, and yet somewhere it sounds attractive. Where is that somewhere? When I tell you you have eternal life, it sounds true. Follow this scent of time. Where is that? That is what I call the heart, you see? Because somewhere you have eternal life. To the head, it's not the same. 'Okay, then in 10 million years, how much wealth can I have and how many relationships can I have?' It's not that. Something other than that is attracted to this. What is that? It's not an emotion; it's not rationality. Follow the scent of that. See what else you love there. That is the house. That is the new room.

Sachin will frustrate you like sunset. Can we... this is maybe 500 thoughts on what? What likes it that it comes back 500 times? Let's find that. We know what is resisting, but what is loving it? At your back, behind the time, keep it enough. That you were not born and you will not die—is it a completely alien notion? If it is a completely alien notion, you will not come back and hear it again. You will not even put on a TV channel again if you feel it's completely nonsensical. Why would you take the trouble to keep coming back here? So somewhere it's already appealing to you. Somewhere which I call the...

It comes back 500 times. Let's find that. We know what is resisting, but what is loving it? At your back, behind the time, keep it enough. That you were not born and you will not die—is it a completely alien notion? If it is a completely alien notion, you will not come back and hear it again. You will not even put on a TV channel again if you feel it is completely nonsensical. Why would you take the trouble to keep coming back here? So, somewhere it is already appealing to you. Somewhere, which I call the heart, you know this to be true. Where do I know that I am neither born nor can I die? You know this somewhere else, not in your head, and you are definitely not perceiving it. If I say to you that love is primal to your being, love is primal, your head doesn't want that. It also wants to settle life with this much money, this much relationship, this much of this thing. But somewhere you know this love. There is that.

And you can even question, like when you say that 'I come to satsang to be free from suffering,' that may be your mind supposedly. But I am telling you that there is a deeper calling in your heart which is independent of what happens to you. Where can you verify that? So many of you may report that, 'Okay, now I walk into satsang hall and something happened.' Like, this is where he sat next to me and something happened. Where? Is it only a question of perception? Or he walks into the satsang hall and sees a tidal wave? Huh? You don't have to feel a particular feeling, and yet you may come to intuitive recognition. If you want all there is, there's only one thing that you cannot keep, which is the false me. Either my way, my cleverness, my strategy, my plan... spirituality which is actually nothing but a comfortable hell.

You have to be willing to risk it all, even if it's a fearful bet. It's a fearful bet. Your hands are freezing. 'I offer you my head, Father.' Still, it's just dipping one toe here and there. It's so relaxing, it's that kind of spirituality. This is not a visit to a health station. It's getting you to face all your irrational feelings, even if they're asking for you. Let's be honest, most of us have planned our life very badly, huh? Very well. But suppose that you had even planned it meticulously, like every moment of your experience: 'I wake up, first thing I see is this painting I have in front of me, second thing I see some help comes with breakfast in bed, third thing I see...' you know, whatever, whatever. Man, I am saying that this is worth it even if your plans have been that meticulous, that you've been able to control your experience, your perceptions every single moment of your life. This is not true for any of us. Even then, the experience of your timeless reality is greater than that. Even a moment of it is. You know this is true. Where you know this to be true, live there, right here, anyways. Do what you want, like it's freedom. I can only invite and provoke, not control and push. Please, I'm not being rude, like, 'Oh beloved, follow my words, otherwise...'

God has actually found instantly, and yet I am very comfortable saying that God will not be found in our attempt to keep ourselves comfortable. How? Step out. Dive in. Peace of your... I'm not saying... I'm saying bet it all. Leave it to God. Bet it all. You may get ten times more, even if it is a fearful bet. Make it. So, choose. It shows up in our life or doesn't show up in this life; it's just like a dream. It's up to Her anyway. It is without your bet or not, but your betting, that act of faith, has value to me. It cannot even be fearful because there's nothing there. There are nothing. Sometimes our insights are valuable for us to become courageous. Sometimes we have to be courageous for us. It will not be that you have it like that, that 'Okay, now I am going to put my head... just I'm going to come to the edge of the universe and just stick my head out there to the universe and see what is there, but the rest of my body will be still there.' You know? So if I don't like it... and that is what we are asking for. The mind will be screaming, 'Don't, don't do it!' or 'Just stick a bit that you can afford to lose, just stick that a little stinky finger out, see if it's not like a burning hell or something there.' Like, it's come to me. Can't do it like that. Boom! You have come to the edge of the universe. You have already peered beyond it.

While you live there, it can happen. You all right with your eyes? Okay, I am looking a bit strange. What happened here? True insight. You want to be that ocean in which these universes come and go also, and you want to keep yourself safe in this universe also. That thing that you want to keep you safe in this universe is just a thought. No substance. It has no proof. It has no truth. It has no validity. It is just because the comfortable hell is familiar. 'If I lose this and get into a worse hell...' Okay, that's why you put all these people on the walls. They did what you're doing, and they are not reporting that it was a worse hell. How much reassurance do you want? You said nobody has come to the Self and regretted it. You know, 'What if I come to the discovery of the Self and become stupid and all these things that I built up with great difficulty, I don't want them anymore?' So, lack of trust everywhere in our own Self. What we take to be ourselves, our mind can push out. But have you not experienced enough already to prove to you that the one that is sharing these words has taken the leap? He's asking you today. It's very good to at least come face to face with it. Come face to face with it and then no tears. What does the mind have, really?

I grew up, I spent a couple of years in a Middle Eastern country called Bahrain. Over there we used to get all these American TV shows. So one of them was that Road Runner, and this Road Runner would not say anything except that 'Beep beep' in all communications. So the ego, in all its fancy emotions and all its fifteen really architected narratives, all of these circuits are only saying, 'Me, me.' What? 'Me.' All this is fine, but 'Me.' So, are we not done with that? Some of you may be sitting here wondering, like, 'What is the risk he's talking about?' Actually, it's so simple to see what I have to give up. May that innocence also help you.

Mostly you'll be feeling this fear. It may feel like a fear of death. Like when I started the spiritual journey, or the spiritual journey started here, through meditation I would be trying to come to some peace and then go about the rest of my life. Never did I feel like I'll sit in front of this man one day where I feel like I'm dying or I have to give up on everything that I hold dear in life. I never ever did that. I imagined that one day I'll be sharing with people that you have to be willing to give up everything that you value to come to that which is truly valuable. Twice a day trying to make life better, that's outside. Then what we'll do is deeper and deeper and deeper. Everyone knows enough practice now to do that. Not even twice a day, once a day. Everybody's learned at least some practices. We have all you want is a peaceful life. It's fine, because your heart is already way ahead of you. How many know each other? You got practices: Art of Living, Buddhism, dancing, mental meditation, you know. So even any one of them done badly is enough for a reasonably peaceful day. All you have to do is do it once a day. God brings you here to this strange man to say, 'Take a bet. Take a bet away from your mind.' That's why you read stuff like Ashtavakra and Yoga Vasistha. You want this kind of satsang on YouTube.

Your mind cannot fathom what your heart wants. I am just saying follow your heart fully and don't be scared of your mind's propositions of loss. It is only keeping the false me in that, trying to please. Surrender is not part of the narrative of the mind. Surrender is to surrender the narrative. But many times, like you are saying, 'How I surrender? I surrender because you have no moves left anyway.' It's good enough.

I want something at any cost. I felt it is about truth, about God. And maybe before 23 I would have felt it differently, but once I got married, I got my business, I got all of that, most of it didn't seem nice, exciting, more valuable, better, except for this hour of the night. But the truth, I would have done it. And I feel like, in fact, that innocence was very sweet also. I don't know if it's still here, but if told me, 'Oh, that mountain is very good,' we were asked, so we can't really validate that. I feel like in my heart, so this I wanted with that philosophy. What else can be wanted with that kind of fire? At any cost, I just want everything later.

At the cost of losing a limb? Without any cause? That's just the mind's fantastical notions of 'at any cost.' What can you want at any cost? That's what I mean by about your life. Just before that, thousands of us were gathering in Rishikesh to meet Guruji. It's just after that, two years lockdown, busy steps. So many of my old uncles and aunts in UK passed away. The numbers are so under-reported to be a minor radiation in that gene of that virus. Is much more dangerous. What guarantee for anything? And then what happened? In lockdown, more traffic? Nothing. I used to step out on this balcony. Bird... it seemed like the world was flourishing without humanity's interference. And we feel like we are running this world. We've heard so much, so many flowers blooming, everything was flowers. So it's not that the world can't do without us. No, no, not possible. Unfortunately, the provocation of the great saint Kabir for this has become like more an invitation for kids to do homework, so that it has lost its potency. Not talking about homework or make money anymore. Do your job. Death is coming. Death is coming. Where is the time for homework? Can be the other one.

But in the world, what has happened? All the way around. This is something that when you are done, you know, old, you can't do anything else, basically then find God. First do your responsibilities when your family... nobody knows how to do in your life. It is going around every day. We wake up, we pay time, movement. Somebody knows how to be responsible? How to take care of anything? You don't like always saying we don't know how to move a finger. Just because delusion is shared and popular doesn't make it true. To all of you at least, because God is available to you moment now, you do not have the excuse the regular people in the world may have. 'Come on, where can I find God?' You don't have that excuse, none of you. God is available now. What you love more than that love would want? And usually it is not like God or in your mind. It's not like God or... you see, God plus... you realize the absurdity of that notion. God plus? God plus my being? God plus my idea? God plus my aim? Valued perceptions and experience? Not room enough for both.

Apply, experiment, come to conclusion. Do that. You can do that. But as the chef of this meal, I would say it's all made for you. You are my children. It's for you. You can eat it without any guilt. Please, have to maybe follow some pride. And I just wrote him a note and he's calling me. He's not even my master. His people called me from Delhi. I was not even coming to Lucknow. Somebody called me when that meeting was very important, that squeezing was very... because we don't see our airplane, we don't see our time. I, I, me. What makes you believe that you can cook this better than I have cooked for you? What makes you believe that you can carve your path better than I have made for you?

I mean the path of the discovery, yeah.

You mean the path through the discovery or the discovery itself?

The path, because we are only fighting over the path. We're not... if you're fighting, but you're only googling about the path. What the discovery is like, yeah.

So what is it about? Is it that you feel like you can build a better path? Or natural discovery? You want to build a nice three-bedroom apartment?

I have cooked for you. What makes you believe that you can carve your path better than I have made for you? I mean the path of the discovery. Yeah, you mean the path through the discovery or the discovery itself?

The path, because we are only fighting over the path. We're not... if you're fighting, but you're only Googling about the path, what the discovery is like.

Yeah, so what is it about? Is it that you feel like you can build a better path? So, natural discovery. You want to build a nice three-bedroom apartment; you can do it better than I have built for you? Just this same thing. This, I purposely told Guruji: as long as you have arrogance in you, I find it, and we don't spot it because it is just like a blind spot. My idea, I like this, I don't like it. You know, the annual vacation? I think, 'Oh well, I came to a hotel this year and these plates are not so clean.' Not that kind of victory. Once a year you come to satsang, you can show such, feel peaceful and nice. Monkey Camden, yeah? What stops you? I'm not here to bring balance to your life. I'm here to throw you out.

My problem is that the discovery is that when you say universes come and go already, so I feel the discovery fails in comparison to the description.

Ah, but it's the other way around. It should... yeah, let's explore this one. We were talking about this. So, as that my life is not in time and speed. Not, 'Oh, I am deathless, I am birthless.' Return, start with these. Now, this is not illegal to anybody. I could go to somebody on the street and say these words. I don't experience it, but something... so because the fall of the heart is never that hidden from anybody. Very, very relevant. So, somebody, you hear this and it appeals to you. Thank you. You're talking about the motion of the infinity. Philosophers for centuries have explored this infinity, but to the mind, it's a completely silly notion—timelessness of infinity. But in all, humans are attracted to it somewhere. So where is it there in the eternity? Seems true. Where within you are you not in opposition to these? I start with not in opposition.

Your head may hit it. Help me, you help me hate the idea of having a Guru. 'I want to believe in myself. I can read the books, I can practice, I can find God. It's my direct relationship with God. Why do I need this one?' Me either. And still, you're here. In fact, your heads do hate me, and I've read enough reports for 11 years to confirm them. And even the love from your head is just ephemeral. It comes and then tomorrow is like, 'I hate you.' Don't value that. But your heart, somewhere in your heart, you love me. What is that? Okay, so if you came to a place where you heard from completely absurd nonsense, you would not keep coming back there. If it did not ring true in any aspect of your being, you would not be back here. No, it's nobody's first at something. The first thing I may say, okay, you were pulled in by a friend. So where this rings true, that you have to be here? There, all the truth that I'm pointing to is already available.

And where you can doubt, you can never find. One is the river of doubt, arrogance, and pride, and 'my way.' I will cook my perfect spirituality for myself—a little bit of this, a little bit of that. And the other is the river of the heart where your truth is known, where the world is known now. Oh, poor man with no world experience, like hashtag crayons plus his body paint in eight places. I said you are the boundless ocean in which the arcs of the universes come and go. So where is that that he is discovering? That the sages like Vasishtha and all that never left the country presumably, and they are talking about how all this universe is nothing but a dream and there are billions and trillions of universes like this. Yeah, I've done that. We got so many things like what people are still talking about, like string theory and vibrational frequencies of everything and the primordial vibration. All of that. Where do we know their friends and relatives for them? What nonsense are you talking about?

So don't jump at the ability to describe your insight that quickly because let the insight settle. You don't have to write the Gita tomorrow. You don't have to become the next Rishi tomorrow. There's time for that, you see. At least don't throw the baby out with the bathwater because you cannot describe it the same way doesn't mean the discovery is not pristine. And why do the sages use these descriptions? Because they know you cannot meet it in the head. You cannot come to this discovery in the head. You cannot discover that you are the boundless ocean in your head. Can you do it? You cannot discover who you are but one said, 'Who am I?' Okay. Cannot discover that your birthless and deathless in your head. You may have fanciful ideas which get thrown away in one... partner uses one angry word and all the greatest knowledge is outside. Just one second. What is the deep something deeper than just a conceptual noise?

If you keep dancing to the mind's notions of 'so what, so on,' and you are beyond time and space, you always... okay then, so on. Awareness, it is time and space. You are not in this universe. With which mouth can you say 'so what'? Not talking about this is fine. The counteracting to the mind shows you your intellect's lack of capacity to fathom God. That does not mean that God cannot be fathomed. You see that your existence is limitless. You don't perceive it, but you see them. Existence limitless. Your mind will still come and say 'so on.' It is not in the viewing of the same flower that it is making the conclusion about the same flower. So I am commenting on the rose. It is looking at a storybook about a rose describing a rose, thinks over it, 'It is red, what's the big deal?' And right, see, I have crayons. So first we have to come on the same page, talk about the same insight.

What's your duty to the Master? What do you surrender? And here you are. No, excuse me, like I have no use for your lunch money and your offerings and all of this. I have no use for any of that. I want you fully. Or nothing. I want to meet this timid field that 'I am faithful till it's comfortable.' Humanity starts to get a little bit... it's to bye-bye. Faith is to go beyond reason. But if you're convinced, 'I will have my comfortable until the spirituality as long as the temperature of this room is right and here and start to get a bit hot, I can always put him.' He's welcome to come, but nothing's gonna happen clearly. You're not open. As fearful as... let me see, please. You're not open to chopping off your own head if I hand you a knife. Then you have not truly met.

If you say, 'A little bit, give me only that part which allows me to have a peaceful life,' I can't do it. I don't have a way to do that. 'I want to live with the fault, but it should be a peaceful false.' I don't have the tools to help you with that. You want to make God a product of your thinking products. You understand me? Try. You want to have the complete framework of spiritual understanding. All right. One day you have to board this aircraft and when the pilot is saying 'jump,' unconcerned, unbothered with 'what about me?' One day with your past and your future. One moment until you die. A rope to yourself will come. Safety net till you're trying to balance your life.

That integrity is also at least that much to yourselves. If it feels too much, it's fine. Face that. I was sharing the story, instead, where my father says to two sons, 'I want this done.' One says 'yes' and doesn't do it. The other says 'no, I can't.' So among the two sons, one said 'yes, I will' and never did. Well, this is 'no, I can't.' Who's the true person? So itself. But don't make that your constant final abode. Provisionally, this integrity is good. It's not the usual way we look at memory. It is like a memory in the sense that it is like there's a deep reminder of all of this available with us already. That's why these books are even applicable. Yes. Who would ever read someone like a fantasy? Who would read Yoga Vasishtha? It's like a... so marvelous cinematic universe or something between many hundreds of years ago. It's relatable, it's recognizable. Who would even inquire, 'Who am I?'

So it's very good that we move away from this sort of make-believe Rara-type spirituality. 'Yes, Father, yes, yes, I am only in this for truth.' And then push comes, 'I was only here to get some spiritual advice, not to chop my head.' And if that is there, it's very good. So if, like other, you can confront it head-on and say, 'There is a resistance, there is a thing I find myself unable to say yes,' that is very good. Than being in some sort of very, very sort of spiritual thing saying, 'But it's never going to come to that, so I might as well say yes.' Yes, it is going to come to that. It has come here. It has come to that. You cannot now hold on to your safety nets. It's now that much. You cannot walk around with your fire extinguisher. If you come, be ready to be decimated. What of yourself do you want to keep? What of yourself do you want? What do you love so much about yourself?

Talking about surrender and all these devotion and faith, to be honest, can't do it. What else? Just promises. These promises, these promises of a guarantee. It's hell, but it's at least it's a familiar handle before. You don't know where the up is, up and down. What are you not willing to give up for the truth? Habit, conditioning, my way. I feel that something of my own, something original, but it should come with any... from some books. Your thought is original to you, that's where does it come from? So example, okay, so if this is there, get to know you, then don't leave it an example. What do I mean by originality? Because the thought popped up in this head, it makes it original? What did we do to produce it? What is the recipe of a thought? What is the raw materials?

So the intellect also either zero or 100 views. It just halfway, then it makes these half conclusions. 'Something of mine if I can have in my discovery of the truth, something has to be original.' What do you mean by original from Consciousness? There's something I'm afraid of losing, that's one thing I'm going to say. What if... yeah, but do you have... I mean, do you have it that you could lose it? Exactly. This is the thing we tried. We have nothing that means a special... she had really nothing that makes you special. But we have friends, just a thought. Integrity. Something original because I saw it. You must relax the question. I said what stops you from following what I'm saying? This is rubbish thought. Thanks. The dish is cooked. What makes you refuse to eat? They are only useful to me if I have cooked it or at least I did a part of the cooking process.

Sometimes you're not open. Then still sometimes this thought that comes soon, 'I haven't experienced it again.' When your Self is apparent to you, it cannot come from the wrong place. That is the field says even when God's presence is apparent to you, it cannot come from the wrong place. Am I right now? Although it's not like that. You're aware. You are not under the hypnosis of the mind right now. Right now. Right now. It is possible to live like this without the hypnosis of the air. But in the hypnosis, sometimes this may come, say, 'Okay, no, no, no.' But there are no words possible at all when I am aware. I cannot use this mouth. Has to be used only with thoughts, not inclusion, this kind of stuff. Okay then. And God's presence is palpable. You cannot be minding now. From here, tell me whether you had a true insight or not. Why? Having never have to refer to past. All right. How little should I love you that I don't always show you God? How little should I love you that I have value your false narratives? I join you in the illusion. God and me, can't do it. Thank you. Can't do it. God and I mean can't live in the same house. Including two sisters-in-law fight, then you wouldn't see nothing.

God's presence is palpable. You cannot be minding now. From here, tell me whether you had a true insight or not. Why? Having never have to refer to past, all right. How little should I love you that I don't always show you God? How little should I love you that I value your false narratives? I join you in the illusion. God and me can't do it. You can't do it. God and I, 'me', can't live in the same house. Including two sisters-in-law fight, then you wouldn't see nothing else.

I want your life to become that. If this is your second satsang, at least then you want God. Come two seconds here and not totally want God now. How much you're gonna struggle with them? How many chances you're gonna give to try and make this tiny room, invisible room for the moon? Yes, just in case all this God talk is full BS. Excuse me, you must have a hedge somewhere. And that is the most diluted one. And one day you discover that what do you have then? He's taken everything from you. Your plans, your future. You would become the next Bill Gates or something, but I'm telling you, up all of it. No, I have some safety. Decide for you. Cannot decide for you, no.

Keep playing this game, really. I say God, you say me. God, me. When will we stop? I say you're the Timeless One. You say, 'But my mind says...' You don't just see it because the mind you hear, the mind says, because you value what the mind says. Even under the garb of exposing many times, 'I just want to expose.' No, you're valuing it. You're not wanting to burn it. You're wanting to tell me your perspective. I want to just offer this up to you, Father. This is amazing. If you want to be understood, what does your mind hate me for? I don't understand you. I don't understand you. I don't understand your nonsense and I don't value it. That's why it hates me. I know, yeah. Provisionally speaking on a relative basis, it feels like this. Oh, I hate you. Don't make smart hiding places for the false to use big words to hide. There is not enough time to play this game and relatives and balance. Maybe there is enough time. Maybe there is. I don't feel like this is the place. All in or nothing. Yes. That your whole kitty on a pair of deuces. See what happens.

I just thought I'd ask you about them. It's not using the mind, even this originality stuff. And so I've been trying to, I want to be able to get the way you use philosophy to negate anything, just about anything. About how you've been talking about how any thought came on, next question. At times I try to use the mind to do something similar. Yeah, okay. There also I want some functionality there.

Okay. If you are able to negate, or if you are not able to negate, but if you end up taking the wrong 'you' to be real or true, if that be a life well spent, comes up to that many times. That's why I value higher. Okay, we want to be responsible. What is the highest responsibility we have to ourselves? To live an entire life of falsehood? How to find the truth? And then if that itself is in question, then which other objectives or projects are sensible? It doesn't mean much, but you're not suffering also. Everything can be for fun once the truth about who you are has happened. Don't let the mind divert you with emotions, places. First prayer, and if not, tell me why it shouldn't be. What would make a life full of falsehood worthwhile?

Observations. And I look at you, I see myself, true Self, and there's no difference. There is. And when I talk to my friend, I see my ego and it feels like, you know, sort of like my presence reflects whatever is important for me.

He's all deeply rooted in yourself that your outside reflects you. Otherwise you cannot share this. You can't be. I cannot come to satsang and say, 'Okay, I'm going to reflect.' I come so deeply, deeply rooted in your heart, and those who come in your company are forced to at least, if not meet it, at least reflect on it. It's possible. It's possible. That's why I'm sure.

Thank you for your beautiful sister. Thank you. I think my observation is that the presence does all the work. Me, I think, you know, accepting that I could see the presence is everywhere, but I can only see and see that his presence itself. Presence, clearly see presence. If the body is also seen to be in the presence of utilities, so, so well. It's not, I mean, I think yeah, Shiv was asking about, 'Okay, what's your original insight?' We just have to absorb that, like beyond the words. You kind of have to try it out almost, you know. There's only one thing, so there's only one you see everywhere and you can see it. How can they be true? And the only one you can see that when you see your body, your body is in it. Yeah, okay. What do you scare to lose? I know it's unrelated to what you said.

I'm ready to jump. I feel a lot of guidance from, it's almost like, you know, the path is being laid out. It's impossible to miss. I found sometimes with these questions that he asked...

Have that secret somewhere because otherwise it can just seem like a blind spot. Like when it comes up, it can seem like such a true, justifiable position that we don't put it under the level of grievances. It's more like, 'But I'm right about this,' you see. But then because it's heated somewhere, grievances, this is what they look like, you know. Really spot it. See. This allows you to discard them and not allow, not build a home for them under self-righteousness. What do you need to be right about? The headline goes around.

How his expression seems to reflect those around him. And I told him, so deeply rooted in your heart that they have to reflect on your being rather than the other way around. Because you will live what your highest insights are, what your truest insight, that is going to show up in your life constantly, whether you like it or not. And then if you try to suppress that and say, 'No, no, I'll just try to be believe when I'm in the world,' happen like that. Those who have found God will also, that instrument will also be used as an instrument to share God. How would you deny the highest gift that you have received from everybody that you meet? Okay, I got, but nobody else is worthy of this? Or would you at least venture it or not? You send some resonance. I never, I never see a force books for those people do this. Who are you? Let them go about their life, it's fine. But if you decide that I am not going to share my eyes, that's okay.

Allow your hips be so easily taken. The first step is already done. You'll notice it. You have noticed. Second is to put the notice. We'll see it bubbling. And some friend of your video, I know how friends are, especially then quickly you can feel like you're in that moment. But first episode, then you notice it. So you're noticing and with the blessing in your heart that may all come to the same discovery that you are coming to. Would you wish a life empty of this on even your worst enemy? First time you would want everyone to at least have a glimpse of something. So why hide your own light? And how is that light if it has no strength? Light is best to go in many ways. They're just a force of habit can be used to relating in that way and maybe somewhere we are scared of judgment anymore.

So some of the things I'm sharing with somewhere now, I'm also sharing on family groups and I didn't do that for 10 years. But I feel like, but that's such an unfair restriction on the light that is here. What is the worst case? They'll say, 'Okay, he's become full Babaji, he's become, he's lost it, he's become crazy, he's mad.' He's just gentleman. Actually, openly nobody has said that yet. And even if they do, it's fine. What is like, maybe if you are calculating then the odds of somebody is really opening up to this, maybe you. But what if it's not worth it? Is it not worth it to experience that judgment? You face the judgment fully without shining your light? Okay, because you've shown your light and then maybe through God grace somebody is okay for them. It stops us. It is half fear of judgment from them. Okay, you're not sending it to them because it will spoil this Diwali and spoil this peace. So it's more that you won't understand, therefore he'll judge me and then I don't want to face that title. I'm not saying image, I'm only saying that what stops you? What's up? I have not yet, like I said, I'm not sure. And I realized that there is so much need for this in the world.

He looked different when he first came and very little. Oh yeah. Like Guruji kill me in January 2009, but I'm still continuing to die this beautiful day is deeper and deeper. And this death is nothing but eternal life. The grace of beautiful life is beyond time to work and continue to die like this thing. But it's only the way I rewarded it, like presenters. But this is why I always wanted to do as well.

Well, you know, we both are true. So I'm not so much in opposition to it because death is binary. Killed me and yet every day when we remove ourselves from the constraint to make sense. So I don't want to understand any of you because my intellect is too small compared to the gift I want to give you. And what will they do is one man understanding your narrative? You have friends and therapists and things like that for that. You don't need a Satguru. And same, I'm not expecting you to understand. I'm expecting you to meet me beyond your reason. Who can walk with me as I walk in this unreasonable grounds? Maybe even unfair, may sound completely contrary to our notions of fairness. It is not. 'I still have to live in this world.' No, you don't know the mind phantom. No fairness about whom? A non-existent one. 'I can't just give up on my family.' And I'm not saying you do when you come back at all. If I'm the most unfair, worst quote-unquote person you ever meet, but I show you the truth, we wait well. And this boy is not that bad anyways. I can see mostly as objectively as possible.

10, 20, 30, 40 years and so come together is that at the end of it, all of you understood a lot about and I, all of us, what you left some books behind. You know, books are there. You have left the lives behind because you lived a life here. People may not understand, but when we meet it, we feel elevated. They feel higher calling is available to them. This off. They shall not ask anything after the first. I've scared you too much. Questions are gone.

Yes. Certain circumstances, it feels like a strong point. Are you living in the light of God? There are times I feel like I get caught. Are you living in the light of God? Oh, disclaimer, high girl. When you said that, like I'm not good, I'm strong.

Hiding in the gap of unworthiness. Using arrogance and unworthiness, the same thing. We make something special out of us either way. Is also a kind of specialness. The mind makes these propositions. It proposes our uniqueness in some way or the other. It is not for us. It may be like possible because either I've already got it or I am not worthy of it. Both ways can build a different. It's thankfully God grace, at least you don't have, 'God, I've been to satsang Father 11 years, so I got it like six years back,' with a bad defense. So in that way you can still meet me fully like this. But it still please start the game which is and don't let any diffidence get in the way. God never half with you and God is not judging him. Oh yesterday. Are you living in the light of God? Is God's presence palpable to you? Are you aware of even land? Is there a doubt? It seems worthy and blocks you from living like this. That is what I meant. What is the holistic? So unworthiness is a popular notion. Even worthiness, either way, two sides. I got this is talk.

Don't let any diffidence get in the way. God never half-measures with you and God is not judging you. Are you living in the light of God? Is God's presence palpable to you? Are you aware of even that? Is there a doubt that seems worthy and blocks you from living like this? That is what I meant. Unworthiness is a popular notion. Even worthiness, either way, two sides. This one is talking; he's talking for everybody else. That way, and that one is maybe a little more difficult to shake off. Yes, I know what to say. It was a spiritual ego. There's never any reason to not let this in. Never any reason to not let this in anymore. Whatever your mental defenses may be, or the premise of them, the proposition of them, you can take it independent of how your body is. If you notice yourself just stopping, not that I do, what is neutral? I mean, it couldn't hurt you. So notice if there's resistance either way.

Questioning God's light, the glory in me—not possible. A lot of variations of this you can have. You can believe in your heart that you're a fraud, like imposter syndrome. You go in front of others like this, but actually, 'Father would only know how full of anger and lust and all these things I am, he will never talk to me again.' But he has these nonsense ideas about themselves. It's not true. So whatever gets in the way of you inhaling this fully, if you make a frame of reference about what this is, then you will try to hear everything I am saying only through that framework. In a way, it is like, 'Now I have understood, and that is now my overriding notion too.' That is all-encompassing, and inevitably the master will tell you something which you cannot encompass in that, and then you just feel like, you see? I love that so much.

Because suppose your all-encompassing notion was something very broad, even like 'Everything is God's will.' You will hear something in satsang one day that will say, 'No, you decide. Now you can do it.' Then you start... this is really... you believe everything is God's will, but you also trust your master, you see, hopefully. So then you're asking me to decide? Value those contradictions because they're opening you up. If you notice that you may have your overriding notion without knowing it, without spotting it like a blind spot, that overriding notion you will try to use as God. The ego tries to play the game of being God; it will use these notions. If you're not soft, soft and light, light about everything you think, hold on. So notice your response to contradiction. And sometimes I notice also the framing of the words that come from here in the light of your own overriding notion. It's not needed, you see. It may seem like, 'Okay, I'm really getting this because this is...' but then eventually you will get tired of trying to fit everything in that. It will start to leak, you know.

No notion is big enough to capture God. That's what we're trying to do. So keep your spirituality soft, soft and light, light, with full fire in your heart, with full softness in your head. The minute you start like, 'Go left with my smarts,' when I go left, I can also take my hand. Everything is possible in consciousness. And they try to force him, and then it starts to give way after some point. And of course, welcome back. Giving way, you bring yourself to a not-knowing. Very, very valuable, because conceptual emptiness is what all of this is about. So many times, if you said something, even if it's so pristinely nice sounding, when this one says something which is so lame, very beautiful, and I just had this... I don't want you getting attached. No, you're getting attached to any concept as if you found a way to find mastery over God through this concept that you have. The intellect can never be that. Small, subtle resistance, pride, and unworthiness, of course, most of you can spot. But things like this sometimes... ah, yeah, yeah.

About betting your whole life on something, and you just spend the same three hours here. Yeah, I understand. And we need to spot that. Spot how much do you value that concept which is your overriding concept. Leave no stone unturned, okay? And spot this kind of thing. It's also a defense mechanism. Only Master's Grace, and there's no Grace. Ouch. If you notice an overriding notion, best to investigate and throw it away. Don't get attached to any side of a conceptual equation. Like when I was talking to one of my children, 'But this is more natural.' I said, 'But what's better about natural?' 'But it's natural.' 'What's better about that?' Not that I don't like that, but sometimes you can just get too attached to a notion, right?

Once, I'm new here, I know they said I won't see trees in Bangalore. If I can live here, I don't see trees. He said, 'I have never taken you to the terrace.' So I took him. To play, 'I have to live in nature.' You enjoy it, you would have to live. I don't have to. In God, you know, certainly we can have these ideas about what life should be, and then at the same time you say, 'Oh, I'm free and in service to God' or something. None of that. So this happens, yeah, about life circumstances, about life events and circumstances. 'I have to like it, it has to continue to be like this.' It's called desire. 'It should never be like that.' It's called aversion. Project is free to project. You go to sleep tonight and you say, 'I only want to have a dream of this.' It's like that. Our expectations about how my day should be, who should say what, what things should happen—what do we get out of it? Does it enhance our joy? Resistance of more. Because if you experience a perception of joy from a perception objectively, like a sweet candy or something, we will still maybe taste it more. No benefit.

Although when I say 'Bet your life,' it may seem very dramatic, but anyway. But sometimes we don't; we hedge in the smallest of things. We allow it to hide in the smallest of things. 'I have a preference for nature.' What's wrong with that? If with God you live in a concrete jungle, because these little preferences are not little; they are layers which prevent you from seeing. So he said, 'What is surrender?' I'm showing you. No, because then it's like, 'Yeah, but like, you wouldn't...' You can think that, but like, really, you know how you say what you can actually do if you were a little bit... it's okay. Lightly, tough, tough is all I'm saying.

So he talked to them in the first week. They're like, 'Yes, so good, away from the noise, the pollution, the traffic, it's beautiful.' After two weeks, 'Oh, what is leaking on the roof and nobody's coming to serve, security is so bad.' Because you know, after three weeks it's just like, 'Oh, I'm spending half my time here and half in the city to balance.' After it's like two years, 'No, no, we sold that, it was too difficult to maintain.' You can't escape a head problem. We're trying to fix, you know. Are you living in God's light? No matter what is the size of your house and the shape of it, whether it's made of cow dung or the best building materials in the world. Some amazing cow dung is the best; that's a different conversation.

Somebody watching from the outside, let me see. I see them; they mostly feel that it looks like they're living like 90% God, 10% selfishness or something. But you yourself, you can never see, because the instant of God is the end of time. What future? What are you talking about? Where are you coming from? What does this mean? All you have to do is find that which is higher than the highest and lower than the lowest at the same time. Oh yeah. And how much we sort of struggled with that question then. Now clearly, smaller than the smallest and higher than the highest simultaneously. This is in your house. Are you living in the light of God? You said yes, okay. Is God's presence clear? Is it confirmable? No wrong answer. Your being is not confirmable? That's... there's no difference in God's presence. That is the fundamental of Brahman and Jiva, which is a presumed individualized consciousness. They are not two, but you have to check that for yourself. What would make it one? If your being somehow turned out to be boundless, then there cannot be two boundless.

So what is your sense intuitively? What is the boundary of your being? Yeah, but also no, but also there's no boundary. But can there be two boundless? How are they? You can check in your... are there two boundless beings? Conceptually it's not possible. So whose presence is this then? The boundless one. Yes, the boundless one we call God is Atma in His highest. So the ego's rule number one is, in the design of God's play itself, to convince God that it is limited, that 'I am this person.' And therefore it turns spirituality on its head also. And many have reported to me that they have not been able to kill their ego. 'I've been able to kill their egos, still that is still there.' I say, 'What are you talking about? What is still there?' They say, 'I am.' If that is God's presence, you can't kill it. See how the mind came in? Imagine living like that seeker who has decided that to get rid of God's presence is to kill the ego. What a master story. 'I am still there.' The master said you have to go. No answer that you have to go to be free. 'I am also, I am something has to do this.' This is the light of God itself.

Was it born? Can it die? Can't really answer, but it's worth looking. Because if you can't really answer that, then you can't really answer any of the questions, because where this is known, there everything is known. Everything else is just conceptual judgment. I'm going to ask you: Were you born? Were you born? This question can only be answered... of course you can answer it mentally, but only truly the answer... didn't you think some of you may come from a religious or spiritual background in the head, so you may say, 'No, no, never-ending' conceptually. But I have never had the experience of anything besides this body existing, but I can't confirm that I was not, either way. What about intuitively? What can you say? So there, where you know self-knowledge, everything worth knowing is known. It cannot be, 'Okay, now I went to my intuition and it showed me who I am; next time when I go, it will also show me what I asked for then.' Everything that is possible to be known is known in an instant. The entirety of time is known, the entirety of time, but it's only possible to do in a moment.

So when you discover your Timeless nature, even that play which is happening within time becomes freely known to you. The role of love, the role of God, the role of creation, the role of devotion—all these are impossible to fathom in our heads. Even something like integrity. Integrity in the head, what is it? Nonsense. How to be full of integrity in the head? Only speak the truth. Where do we know the truth? So everything started to crumble in our head. But in your heart you know it, you know love, you know devotion, you don't see it, you know trust. But you cannot go to the heart from your head just to check on the temperature there. No exit strategy. No plan for escape. It's a different way to live. Is that starting to kiss them?

Are you ready? Am I ready? Um, deep down I know that I'm ready, but yeah, when the preface before the question and after that it was long, right? Somehow it was... I was shaken. And just, the only word that's gonna come out is the unworthiness. This came up. Not worthy for this also. How does worthiness stop you from jumping?

Just to check on the temperature there. Thank you. No exit strategy, no plan for escape. It's a different way to live. Is that starting to kiss them?

Are you ready? Am I ready? Deep down I know that I'm ready, but when the preface before the question and after that, it was long, right? Somehow I was shaken. And just the only word that's going to come out is the unworthiness. This came up—not worthy for this also.

How does worthiness stop you from jumping? I mean, I'm not ready, so what would happen? Master is saying jump, no? So either Master is stupid—he doesn't realize how unworthy you are—because if an unworthy one jumps, it's okay. If the unworthy one jumps, he lands straight in hell? No.

The question is, I'm ready to jump, but am I really saying it or just for the sake of saying it?

First thing, you know that much is enough. That much today: I'm really saying it, I'm ready. It's meant to provoke some of this because this is moving away from that armchair spirituality which I was ranting against. Shaking? Thank you. That's very natural. When a question of the ultimate is out, it's very much expected. You came to satsang to jump, no? Whatever other idea we may have had about satsang would have gone in the first five minutes. You managed to keep a piece of yourself. Such kind of anxiety is very, very normal, very, very known. Faith is the only antidote. Before you dive into fear, every time the mind pushes the anxiety button, dive deeper in your heart, in God's presence. Then it will stop pushing the button. You will dive deeper into God.

It wants you to become a person. It wants you to become worldly and say, 'Oh, this and that, this is what's happening to me.' God, God, tell me that. Just as the mind pushes the button, go God, let's go. Be crazy, known for that. So he pushes your button at times to make you worry, 'I'm concerned about me, me, what about me?' Don't be enamored at all by what is happening to 'me.' Confirm your love for God. Then you will checkmate the mind. The working mind has just a few of these types. Don't be so concerned about the painful nature of the body. Confirm the presence.

Always ask if you're feeling like something. Why do they share? Never hide under any, like, 'Shri Krishna's will' or 'at least for this time,' because this is what I enjoy. 'I don't feel God's light, what are you talking about?' Because I'm not just here to tell you. If I haven't shown you, I haven't done anything. Remember, it is my job to show you, and if I haven't shown you, I haven't done anything. You can demand that of me, just like I'm demanding you let go of your ideas of life. Demand the insight from me. Never let it go, because the mind will play with you like, 'Everybody else is getting it, you must be the last one in class,' and this kind of thing. The unworthiness idea, the doubting mind, is the same for everyone. It's here for everyone. I ask you: are you aware now? And I promise you, go to any mind, it will say, 'No, no, you're just faking it. How can I confirm Ananta is pointing to this which I am trying to see?' The mind goes, 'Do not do it wrong.' And it's my job to show you.