Acceptance of This Body - 17th June 2016

Something that's been happening throughout, it will be an identification with the body. The way this is, it's like this once-in-transcendence is huge. Identification that looks so... I can only feel like I... so for this identity, what is the nightmare scenario? I feel like it's only been played out. I just... this is gonna sound terrible, but even though it wasn't believed at the time, looking back at pictures, like this physical form used to be very pretty and attractive. And it was in an industry where it was all to do with looks and, um, yeah, extreme self-hatred ends up going on at the same time. So such a paradox. But um, then after like being there, there's this complete like dissociation of the body, covering all the mirrors and like completely just letting myself go. And I claimed that I didn't care about being attractive, like, 'Okay.' But now obviously there's this like compassion and accepting the body, but still has this thing about like... cause even your new gain of weight, supposedly, I don't come from something sizing nice, but it's not. It's just, I don't know how to describe it, Father. It's just, um, I leave it, I really do, but I just feel like it happened. It's just such a strong...

I am very happy that you say that there is more acceptance of the body, but not acceptance that I am the body. And we see more and more that I cannot be this body, then there can be also an acceptance of this one. So where you... like I take the example of the car. If I am not the car, which is a beautiful instrument, why not maintain it? It is body association, the idea that I am the body, which leads to ideas that if I am free now, then I should not have to maintain this body, or this body uses, you know, some... it is saying 'I'm not the body' if there's still some smell of feeling that I'm doing so. As you are now recognizing so clearly that I cannot be this body, and this body uses this aimless instrument sitting around not doing anything. So in the sense that if the sense is coming to see the continuity with the body and to say, 'Okay, I better go for a walk,' nothing wrong with that. But it doesn't lead through the identification as if I am the body. It more feels like this gift that has been presented to me seems to be getting out of shape, so maybe it's good if it runs about for a bit. So there's no lightness about it. There is no sense of guilt saying, 'Oh, I haven't gone for many days, so let me just...' like that. 'Oh, I have to wash my car today.' It was a bit easy to wash it all like that, you see? More not like, 'Oh, you blah.' It's good. So you will keep going as you are, the recognition of who you are. Then also in the sense of neutrality, what needs to happen to care for or not care for this body will happen on its own. The minute we start activating the one who's trying to figure out how to take care of this body, then we are again activating the person.

I think it comes out as... is it this fear of judgment from others which is so ridiculous? But it's coming up and it's so funny cause I can see it happen. So sorry, I didn't see... no, it's okay. I feel like I'm not judgmental about other people's bodies, very... in fact, I love natural, actual bodies. And just as my whole life was just bombarded with like, you know, any height means a little old, a real... let me know. I was sleek where I was. But acceptance in the reality of this form, but yet and still not this form, identifies this character and feel like it's just... I'm saying regular day, this is... is it actually like an amazing transcendence of my game of it? Leave for you to accept this body, but it feels really in the thick of it.

Because it is most likely that you will find a time where all this conditioning was being gobbled up, either from the environment that we were in or what our own mind was going on. So where it came from, they must have... sometimes you can say that some of it is so-called past life conditioning also. But mostly what I find is that even in this lifetime, if we look back, we will find that this was eaten up. See, they... like a Tiramisu or something, just eating of this conditioning about looking a certain way, projecting things, talking certainly, dressing yourself certainly. So all of this must have been covered up with something. So why now, when it appears on the conveyor belt, it comes with all that again? Into something like this appears, something triggers it, and so then it... like this. But just what to do about it? Just nothing. Just the same way to allow her to come and move, and you will find that as you're not engaging in it, it is... it's not my problem. Meaning that a simple way to do it is to see it's for this problem. The difficult way, or seemingly recurrent way to do it, is to bring it... 'I' created 'want to mean' or 'sealed in this form.' Find the one who doesn't want to be seen as ugly. And either dropping this trash conditioning... and that which is old conditioning cannot survive forever without this additional nutritional fresh conditioning. So what is the thought that still can get you? That's exposed. That is the first step.

So far, what you told us... how many... who started? Come right now, it wasn't me. It's provided triggers and I like... is there? So then there's information attached at home because it's not the right opportunity for the mind to play this card. Yeah, it's in satsang here. It's here at this moment where for this tool and you could... you keep waiting for it. It's just a guerrilla warfare. Sometimes the mind is like that and it knows that it is losing the battle, one-on-one confrontational battle, then just goes and hides. Guerrilla warfare. This waits for the right opportunity to come and then starts choking up.