A Full Spiritual Life - 22nd November 2023

Father, can I just ask for your little bit more insights into dream state versus waking state? So just to amplify the question a little bit, intuitively one can feel like the entire dream belonged to me. So I have dreamt lots of forms, lots of inanimate objects. It doesn't feel challenging to admit that the entire panorama was my Consciousness and my universe was within—the entire dream universe was within me, identified with me. It doesn't feel challenging, you know. Does that carry forwards to the waking state where I can also say that it's not just the thoughts that come to this body and all, but all bodies, all objects, you know, like everything perceivable belongs to this dreamer?

Completely, completely. And also you'll notice that the mind sets up a lot of traps for us. So in the dream state, for example, are we hearing anybody else's thoughts? No. The people still appear in the dream, but it seems just like this. See, it seems just like this: that I am this, I'm the body, I'm the dream character in that dream, and thoughts are perceived about that, emotions which seem to belong to this body are perceived, you see? And yet you're right that intuitively, either within the dream itself or after waking up, you have the sense that all of that happened within my being, within my Consciousness. Now if you were to just become reliant on this mode of knowledge, the intuitive mode of knowledge, even in the waking state, then intuitively you will say, 'Yes, all of this is happening within my being, within my Consciousness.' And it is only from there that the sages have said it. The sages didn't have access to quantum mechanics or all of this advanced physics in those days; they only came to this insight intuitively.

So intuitively all of us get this sense. Even a sage who was illiterate education-wise, like Nisargadatta Maharaj, has spoken so much about this. Where is he speaking from? Speaking from what his intuition is telling him. So yes, there is actually no distinction. It's only convenient for us to label that which was perceived earlier that way as dream and this is waking, and maybe later it'll be convenient to label this as dream and that is waking. So we only need to rely on our intuition to truly get a sense of that. One is to get like a confirmation of that from a credible source; coming to satsang you feel like, 'Yes, okay, now this I can confirm.' And it feels very nice as a conceptual understanding also—'All of this is a dream, this life is but a dream,' you see? Very nice even here. But truly to meet it in the heart is when it can blow your mind. Truly to meet it in the heart that there is nothing outside of my being, outside of the one Consciousness, then the temptations, lamentations, proposals of the mind seem too tiny for us, seem too small for us to rely on.

So that is the most important switchover that needs to happen in going from a worldly life to a spiritual life. What is the most important switchover? What is the basis? How do we know things? How do we know things? How do you know anything?

Knowledge, yes. But what is the mode of knowledge? To know things is knowledge. What is the mode of that knowledge, you see? So perception is one mode of knowledge. Then perception—what do you mean? Direct mean intuitive or perception intuitively? Okay, we'll come to that.

So when we look at it, mostly we are saying, 'Okay, how many fingers? Five.' See? So you perceived a shape which is not itself inherently five, and then you use the mental mechanic to confirm that it is five. So you use both perception and the concept or the intellect to confirm that this is five fingers. There is some part of knowledge which we only know conceptually, which is, for example, around there is Mars, there is an ever-expanding universe. We only know conceptually because we've seen some Discovery Channel or NASA or something like that, or read some books or something like that. So that is, we rely on conceptual knowledge for that. Then there are some things which we just perceive and don't need to translate. So I don't need to—I perceive the straw, I don't need to say, 'This is a straw.' I need to put it in the juice to drink from it, all of that. This is the perception; the intelligence is inherent.

Now there is a greater knowledge than both of these which as humans we hardly rely on. So the first step in spirituality for most—not necessarily, but for most—has to be first a humility to accept that everything we think we know is not valid, and then deepening to a humility that actually nothing I think I know is valid. Because you cannot drink from the well and the river at the same time. We are very limited. So if we're drinking from the well of the head, then we cannot drink from the river of the heart. And as long as we are compelled towards... and why I said humility is because many times it is pride which makes us think that I know something here, and that blocks our true insight from the heart.

So what do you know? Suppose we were to say that the next two hours we spend only in the heart, how will that be? We will not know things conceptually, at least. All our judgments, interpretations, knowledge which conveys to us that we know what is happening will only come intuitively. So anytime something becomes clear in the heart, that is what we call an insight. So if you have an insight from the heart, you can convey that, and to convey that is satsang. What is the Master's job? Just to convey the insight which is appearing in the heart, which is clear in the heart. So what is clear to you intuitively and not mentally?

Okay, so let me probe you. Let's go to the question that was asked: Is this a waking state or a dream state? In your heart, what is the waking state? What is the waking state? What can happen to us sometimes, we may feel that from the heart what comes is that which comes instantly, see? Without thinking, answer just came. But that many times comes instinctively. So just slow down. In fact, do the reverse—just fully slow down. The good thing about the heart is it's not in a rush, and you can keep checking over and over again because it's so sweet to check in the heart. The heart is never in a rush. It will never say, you see, even the external form, the Master, 'How many times are you going to ask this question?' The heart will never say that. So at least here so far it has not happened that my heart is like, 'Asked and answered.' It has not said that. It may happen, we don't know. But that's why it's such a safe space, it's such a trusting space that we can go to it. So let's fully dive into this question like this and say: What do I know, whether this is waking state or is this a dream? Almost like a dream. Diving more and more, what is almost like a dream, Father?

Are you going to ask this question? The heart will never say that. So at least here, so far, it has not happened that my heart is like, "Asked and answered." It did not say that. It may happen, we don't know, but that's why it's such a safe space. It's such a trusting space that we can go to it. So let's fully dive into this question like this and say: What do I know? Whether this is waking state or is this a dream? Almost like a dream.

More and more, what is almost like a dream, Father? This, I'm sorry Father, this was something I was contemplating even yesterday. It feels like just an imagination. Yeah, this whatever you're going through, it says it cannot be true.

So in satsang, when we say contemplation, it is exactly this process that we defined just now, you see. So if you're contemplating like this, which means head empty and just waiting, just lightly carrying the question somewhere and then allowing it to sprout. Many times the answer that comes can seem completely absurd. Many times in the sharing of satsang, some words have come from this mouth and I'm hearing them saying, "I don't know what I'm saying." Later when I hear them or contemplate them, I feel like this is very nice, this is very helpful. So that is the beauty of the guidance from the heart. And the beauty of this is that, firstly, true self-knowledge is available only here. True self-knowledge is available only here. But whatever guidance is needed even in our so-called day-to-day life is also truly available only here. No tantrum.

So this is the beautiful thing: that there is the inner Guru who can guide us towards the highest Self and also guide us moment to moment once we get used to having given up the pride of knowing something in humility. Pure humility, when we are in its temple, and all guidance is also available to us in this way. So all questions about the nature of reality, the nature of knowledge itself, as well as how to live and what to do, is available only here. Here means in your heart. Here means intuitively. So what is true, how can it be known, and how should I live? These answers are only available in this mode of knowledge which, strangely enough, all of us had forgotten. And it seems like the entirety of the human condition has forgotten it.

I think so. As you are directing us to go back into the heart, from the heart there's no change in the states. So heart is the one that knows. The heart knew all the things that appeared. Maybe afterwards mind says, "Okay, my position is as the person, so for me I'm in this state or that state." But this one who's saying that wasn't there in the other, you know, what we call that virtual state, because this one wasn't there. So for the one who knows, there's no change in state.

Now, one important tip I want to give all of you is that the beauty of the heart is that inside, from the heart, everything is ready-made. Everything is ready-made. We don't have to cook it any further. What I mean is, because sometimes it can happen that we have an insight about something in our heart, but we use our mind as an interpreter of the heart insight and we bring that towards or bring that to action. So then what will happen is that although you're sharing, although your satsang will be rooted in heart insight, you see, it'll somewhat get contaminated by pride and specialness. It is somewhere because it is going through the lens of the proud one; it is going through the lens of the one which is all about "me, me, me."

So we must not fear looking stupid or not being sure, because the mind will always doubt the surety of what is coming from your heart. So it'll always play this fear that, "Can you confirm this? Do you really know this?" So if a question is asked, "Were you born? Was there birth for you?" Heart: "Yes?" Huh? From the heart is coming, "Yes." Okay. So that's the next point: that we must never put the heart utterances under the intellect's judgment of right or wrong or good or bad. What is important is to remember that what the heart is telling us is the most helpful for us at that moment. Is it? Because you will realize later the categories of true and false, right and wrong, good and bad, yesterday and tomorrow, birth and death—all of these don't actually apply in reality anywhere to anything.

So if you go to the heart feeling like, "Oh, now I have a siddhi, I have a superpower. If I just go to my heart, I can say what my third cousin is doing in Haridwar by just going to my heart. Please tell me." And we may have this insight that he's playing with his children or something like that, and then we call him and say, "I know what you were doing. You were playing with your children. My heart told me." He's like, "No, no, I was busy at work." So then it can feel like, "Oh, I'm just all over the place. My heart is lying to me," or "I'm just not going to my heart." All this trouble can come. So it is not for that. It is not to make you special. It is not to give you any superpowers. It is just what is needed to be heard at that moment so we can deepen in God's presence, we can deepen in the truth.

Otherwise, what you would do is put on your trading terminal every day in the morning, stay in your heart and say, "Okay, good stock?" Then no. No, then no Master would ever have to ask for donations or anything like that. Heart is telling stock market billionaires or something? It doesn't work that way. And still you have to trust it. You have to remain like that and allow that to unfold and trust that what is provided is what is the highest Grace for you. So it is not a guarantee of being right or wrong in a worldly sense.

What you are referring to as heart, is it the Consciousness, awareness, or just an aspect of presence? I am presence? What exactly?

So awareness to Consciousness then clears as presence. So this that I'm referring to is the presence. That is the presence itself which is needed. It is the light in which we can even confirm Consciousness and the reality, the absolute reality of awareness. Because if you try to do it conceptually, you can only do it as a notion. "Are you awareness?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because I read in a book," or "Because you said in the last satsang." You see, it's like that. You confirm conceptually. But to check on whether you are awareness right now, you cannot do it firstly with head full. So head is to be empty and then, in the light of presence, it shows you—in a way shows us, actually shows itself—its own source. Where does it come from? Otherwise, the source of presence cannot be found. In fact, even presence cannot be found in the head.

Like you asked, but are we doing the deal of staying in the heart? Yeah? Okay. So this is coming from the heart. You asked, my heart reader seems to be a bit off. When you asked, "Can you stop being?" I felt the entirety of me. So then when I ask, "Can you stop being?" you recognize the boundlessness of you. Is that what you mean?

Yeah, I recognized me. I cannot say about boundaries because I really did not recognize the perception, shape, size or something. I just recognized me, but in its kind of entirety.

Exactly. Intuitively. So how did you recognize it? You said yourself, not perceptually. And you were not just thinking it, isn't it? So how did you recognize it?

How? In the sense, maybe like as you say, it could be said as intuitive. But I don't know, just the question triggers kind of it, it brings me to that recognition.

Yes, but at least we can say that we can answer the "how not." Yes? How did I not get it? I didn't get it as a perception and I didn't get it just as a concept. There was a—allow me to use the words—there was a deeper insight, a deeper self-knowledge which confirmed a being which is boundless. Now, within the boundless being, there is also tasted a sense which is "I am." The whole boundless being is "I am" in that way, and yet there's the subtlest tasting of the sense "I am."

So how that may work is that when you hear this question for the very first time, "Can you stop being?" you may not be able to say, "Yes, boundless being is here." We are just able to say that there is something, I can't turn it off, you see. Just here. Like, where is it? Here. Somebody will say here, somebody will say here, something they will say around. So that is the Atma. That is the presence of the Satguru, the presence, the Holy Spirit in a way. I've been calling that the hand of God because a purely non-phenomenal God seems too far out, too far-fetched for us to fathom. You see? A purely phenomenal experience would come and go, then it would just become like a vision or something like that. You see? We could never call that true. But that which is both phenomenal and non-phenomenal, that is this Atma, our beingness.

Like, can you say that it's completely unperceived? Stay with this question. It's a beautiful contemplation. Can you say that it is completely unperceived? You want me to repeat? The sense of our presence, I've often said, is on the cusp of phenomenal and non-phenomenal, you see. So it's like a way of saying it is both phenomenal and non-phenomenal. But when you dive in yourself and when I ask you, "Can you stop being?" is it like awareness, a completely non-phenomenal recognition? Is it like when you say, "I am aware"? Awareness is a completely non-phenomenal recognition. That's why the mind tricks you with a dark empty space or something like that. You have to ask: Who is witnessing even that?

So the recognition, the discovery that I am that awareness, is called the Absolute because it is completely non-phenomenal and beyond. Completely non-phenomenal. There is no other. We can't go any further because you've already exhausted all phenomena, isn't it? You can have progression only within phenomena. You can become subtler, subtler, subtler, subtler, subtler, subtler. You come to a point where you come to this pure awareness, you see. And we need to just use the word "pure" to tell you that it is completely non-phenomenal. There is no quality there, there is no gradation there, there are no attributes there. It's a purely intuitive insight, 100% only intuition. Like, if your perception is playing a part, then your mind is fooling you. So don't go for that. Ask yourself: What witness is that? What is aware of that?

But when I ask you about your being, "Can you stop being?" you cannot say it is a completely non-phenomenal insight because there's a qualitative taste of your being. "I am. I am here." Some go into a frenzy, some go into a dizzy meeting this. They may say, "I have found the Lord, I have found God, I have found Ram." So what is that? It is the most subtle, more sublime taste which is both phenomenal—because you can say it's here, it's here, it's here. For awareness, we can never say it's here. It doesn't land anywhere. But for being, it's here, it's here. But where? I can't see it because it's not that phenomenal. It's also non-phenomenal. So that is God's helping hand, you see. The tip of the iceberg saying, "Come this way."

See, because you can taste it. You can taste it, but it's the subtlest taste. It's like the taste of water—and not water in a new place where you live—because it's a tasteless taste. So maybe this is a good metaphor. Does water have a taste? No. Pure water? Yeah, it's just... but you can't say yes or no, you see. Otherwise, when you are not drinking, and suppose it didn't have any weight or something like that—I'm stretching the metaphor—but you would not be able to confirm that there's water on your tongue if it was completely tasteless. So it has a taste? No, it doesn't have. But is it completely tasteless? No, not really. That's the same way for our being, for the presence.

Now, this presence which seems like the deepest mystery in this universe, that there is a holy presence within ourselves, there is an Atma within yourself. That's why sages for centuries have strived to come to this Atma, to Atma Darshan or Atma Gyan. That's why we call this the Atma Gyan Kendra, because that is the fulfillment of human life: to come to the discovery of this presence within ourselves. And why it is most important is because it is the...

No, not really. That's the same way for our being, for the presence. Now, this presence, which seems like the deepest mystery in this universe—that there is a holy presence within ourselves, there is an Atma within yourself—that's why for centuries, sages have strived to come to this Atma, to Atma Darshan or Atma Gyan. That's why we call this the Atma Gyan Krama, because that is the fulfillment of human life: to come to the discovery of this presence within ourselves. And why it is most important is because it is the only doorway to God. It is the only doorway to truth, the only doorway to Absolute reality.

So, we will need this presence, this being, which is like the subtlest primordial vibration. It is called primordial vibration, the substratum of all of this, and yet it can't be grasped. Because if it was to become graspable, if it was graspable, you would make a shape out of it and that would be it. There's a shape; this is the shape. But it's shapeless. So, it is both phenomenal and non-phenomenal. So if I say to you, 'How is it tasted?' you may say, 'As a subtle vibration of presence in my heart region.' Some of you may have different reports. But then to the same one, if I was to ask, 'What is its boundary?' you will say it has no boundary. But then you just said it's in your heart region. You said, 'Yes, it's true, it is here,' but you also said it has no boundary. So you yourself, in these ways, maybe without realizing, convey the dual nature of the qualitative tasting of being, which is both phenomenal and noumenal.

Once you come to this, then the rest is easy. The rest of insight is easy. Love and servitude are also easier, but sometimes it leads to pride also; we'll come to that later. What is needed for this is for us to be empty of ourselves. And the way to be full of ourself is to keep our head full, to be in knowledge. It's like this: 'It's not like this, this is my conclusion, this is what life is like, this is what my partner is like, this is what my work is like.' Even the tiniest determination can become like the specks of dust which in your eye can block you from really seeing the moon. So it is very important to keep your space clean, empty of knowledge—false knowledge.

And Bhagavan has confirmed this very clearly. He has said the attainment of the Self will not be something new that you will find; it is when you drop ignorance, when you drop Avidya, then that which becomes apparent is the Self. So all conceptual Vidya is Avidya. So what happens is that after coming to satsang, we usually do a cleanup job. Clean, clean, clean. And there are some strands which remain, which are pointers from the Guru itself: 'Are you aware now? Can you stop being open and empty? Don't believe your next thought.' Something that resonates with us—those remain as the concept strands which we rely on, because complete emptiness at one shot is very rare. So you usually need like a Roomba or something to clean up every day. It does the cleanup; you just let it run for some time. 'Am I aware now? Who am I?' It is the cleaning. And then you come to a non-phenomenal recognition, or the recognition of that presence.

So, that's how the words of satsang also will get dropped eventually. And ultimately, they are also complete nonsense. There is no such thing really as the gospel truth, because that which is said is to point us to the holiness of the Atma, the spirit. So provisionally, it is the gospel truth; you must rely on that. But ultimately, it must also be discarded. But allow your Master to tell you, 'You've got to let go of all knowledge.' I'll start with satsang. Fall into that. This discovery of Atma is so profound. The discovery is so profound, yes. However, it doesn't seem enough, right? Oh, that's not the end. Otherwise, the discovery should have been the end, which is very evident as of now is not the end.

And the one who remains, in spite of the insight, it's better for that one to conclude that 'This is not the end for me' than for that one to conclude 'It is the end for me.' Okay, let me repeat. So what you're saying is that you came to a recognition of the presence within myself; through that, I recognized the boundless being, and even the source of that boundless being is an ineffable, unspeakable awareness which is my ultimate reality. I see that that is my Self; there is nobody else. And then usually we ask, 'Now what am I supposed to do with me?' So then usually we ask, 'Now what am I supposed to do?' Which one is that? That is the one that I've been saying—the 'me' who remains. Is it like Kang the Conqueror, 'He Who Remains'? This is the 'me' who remains. I see that joke didn't go anywhere. No Marvel fans at all? But okay.

So this 'me' that remains, if that one says, 'I have got it, this is the end,' then that is the Ravana. It's not showing itself as Ravana yet, but it will, you see. So that's why I said I would prefer for this 'me' that remains to conclude that it is not done, than for it to conclude that it is done. Would we all prefer it that we came to insight—'Who am I?'—and there is no 'me' who remains? Of course we may prefer it, but it is the same 'me' who remains who is saying he would prefer it, you see, or she would prefer it. So this, hopefully, a strand like 'me' which has been now made empty of all its former glory and power—see, it's just a tiny sliver of what it was—must be kept in servitude of God. So being in presence—so just let me complete that, it's coming strongly.

So this 'me,' as long as we still take ourselves to be something, even if that something we label as awareness conceptually, then our job is to follow God's will. And servitude will be taken care of in that intention, because we will not be able to come to God's will unless we are faithful, humble, obedient, grateful, and prayerful. So just that direction—that our life must not be lived on our own terms now, must be lived in God's will—will lead to a flowering of all of these beautiful qualities which are the opposite of pride, wanting, desire, wanting to be one-upness, you see, wanting to win, wanting to be first. All of these are what are glorified in the human condition, but actually very, very bad for our sacredness, for the sacredness of our inner temple. These are terrible things. Selfishness especially is so. The wanting to be first is what selfishness is. But then the world says that is glorified: 'You must win, you must be first,' you see. So inwardly you must be really head bowed down, happy for the happiness of our brothers and sisters, instead of saying 'me, me, me' and 'me first' and 'me only.'

So the one that will never have a complete end, that one must now dedicate its entire life in the service of God and in the active love of God. That's why I've been talking about love and servitude. Both of these elements are for that tiny speck which still remains, you see. But the thing is that if insight is not attractive to us—like we don't like to contemplate, we don't rely on knowledge from our heart—then that then becomes the building block. These become the building blocks to come to true insight. And the other way around: insight becomes the building block to come to true servitude and to true love. That's why Bhagavan called it the two wings, the two wings of the bird of spirituality or a spiritual life.

But I can see that the ego, after realizing the beingness or the Atma, it's like, 'Okay, now I have to go to the next stage of awareness or consciousness.' So it still wants to do something more.

And the thing is, after that, with doing, it is not possible. You cannot do your way to awareness. Like, what will you do? After asking me 'Who am I?' you've come to the presence. Now what moves do you have left? Because that is the edge of your attention also. This is very, very subtle. Beyond your discovery of your beingness, can you push your attention any further? You may feel like it goes to some dark place, but that is not further than beingness; that's just a perception within beingness itself. It's a beautiful contemplation also, this: that you come to the edge of your attention, and your attention was your most primal instrument. You cannot send your hand inside, you see. You can't send any other—what? Your attention you can send. So it's a most fundamental instrument, see. But even it has its boundary at beingness. In fact, even the entirety of Consciousness cannot have—the boundlessness of Consciousness, attention cannot go. It is too limited. So it has to stop at presence itself.

After that is purely intuitive stuff, and you can't try intuitive. Like, you can't try more and more, 'Let me be more intuitive.' You can't do that. So the effort can be taken only in the mind; the effort can be taken only in the body, you see. It cannot be taken with intuition. You cannot say, 'Be very intuitive.' Really, you can't do it. There's no mechanism there that you control. It is the dropping of the false modes of knowledge which bring you to the true mode of knowledge. Then once you're in the true mode of knowledge, you can't do it better, harder, or more deeply. All these things don't apply over there. In fact, what happens is intuitively, in an instant of being intuitive, you know everything that could ever be known. And I'm saying this purely intuitively. You see, everything that can ever be known is known in that instant. Your mind does not agree with that because these things have not yet appeared on the surface in the form of spoken concepts or some sort of thinking, conceptual understanding.

So is there a way to conceptually verify this? There isn't. But everything about everything ever, in the reality of God as well as in every play of an appearance of this dream called the universe, all is known instantly. And then according to the grace of God, if something has to come to the surface—that's why through His grace, then centuries ago, sages were able to write the Vedas, the scriptures, and they called it Shruti. It was heard. Heard where? Intuitively. Not heard like in Akash, so everybody would have heard it. Not heard like that. So, intuitively. But they didn't probably have another word to describe it, because when your intuition speaks, you hear the guidance. You hear it, but it is not like a radio playing in the room or something.

So in this way, it came to me that I was talking to somebody very young. So I said, 'If I was to explain it to them, how would I see it? How would I explain it to them?' So it came to me to say that we must keep our head empty. They have said very often: head empty, heart full of love, and the body bowed down in the temple in our heart. And if our eyes have to be somewhere, then they have to be turned inwards—not physically, some yogis do that, but that's not needed. What is needed is just turn inward. Don't value this as much as you value that. So: head empty, eyes inward, heart full of love, and body bowed down in prostration to the Lord. That is the full spiritual life.

What is the way that most of our brothers and sisters are living? Head full of garbage, body not bowed down, full of pride, eyes only desiring outside, and heart being clouded by specialness, competitiveness, hatred, anger, resentment. It is the opposite of all of that. What will help all of us is that when we come to satsang, we must hear it as literally as possible. See, as literally as possible. As if, say, we are stuck on the road somewhere, we are getting late, and somebody's giving us the directions. Is it so? When somebody's giving us the direction saying, 'Go straight, take a left,' we are not saying, 'No, no, but I think, I feel like I read in a book, you see, I confirmed I had this experience three years ago.' You see, all of that should be kept aside. It should be heard very literally, and we must not make poetry out of it. You must not make metaphors out of it in the sense when you're hearing it, you're just like, 'Ah, so beautiful, so beautiful, so nice.' That's also a mind trick. 'So nice, so beautiful'—all that, yes, but are you following? That is more important: to follow this.

Father, Father, these days I feel your presence is so difficult, Father. So difficult.

Yeah, my presence is difficult? What do you mean?

Years ago, you see, all of that should be kept aside. It should be heard very literally and we must not make poetry out of it. You must not make metaphors out of it in the sense when you're hearing it, you're just like, 'Ah, so beautiful, so nice.' That's also a mind trick, you see. 'So nice, so beautiful'—all that, yes. But are you following? That is more important: to follow this.

Father, these days I feel your presence is so difficult, Father. So difficult.

Yeah, my presence is difficult? What do you mean? I mean to say, when you're saying 'me,' you obviously don't mean Ananta. You mean the presence within yourself?

Yes, Father. It's like satsang has become so difficult for the mind. It's like a Checkmate, you know? It's... I don't know. Something inside is resisting.

Yeah. So when the mind is checkmating, are you the player who's winning or are you the player who's losing?

Losing, Father. You're on the mind's side, no? I mean to say that that losing is too much, you know? It's the ego which is losing. It's like, really...

Yes, but it's like the elevator scene I showed you. Yeah, they throw the tantrum, but does it really have any power? No. It can just throw... like a petulant child is just making itself blue with a tantrum but can't really do anything.

But it is quite painful.

Is it painful? Painful where? Is it just jumping in the head too much like that? Is it telling you the story of being painful, or can you show me the pain? Sometimes we don't know what position to take when we are headless. Then we don't know what position to take, so it feels a bit wobbly. 'What's happening to me?' because we constantly relied on the mind to tell us what's happening to me. So now the mind says, 'What? This is quite painful. It's not easy.' Yeah, that's happening to me. Is your heart saying it is painful? Some fall into the other trap. 'What's happening to me?' The mind may say, 'Oh, this is so blissful, so joyful.' Then for a few days they are just like... then I had a fight with my girlfriend. So neither position, if it's coming from the mind, is important. What is your heart saying? If your heart said to me it is painful, then I would really want to investigate because longing is painful, joyful, loveful—everything at the same time. It's very difficult to sieve out and say it is like this or it is like that. You see, it's like there are no words for that. So don't allow your mind to pluck out a position from that and say, 'This is my condition.' It's indescribable, your condition, and cannot be helped by any doctor.

This is the wobbliness I'm talking about because everybody in the world has a report on how they are. Maybe that's why the most common question is, 'How are you? Hi, how are you?' But that question never troubled anyone. Everyone seems to know how they are. But after coming to satsang, how are you? First your mind will say... which you even if you keep that aside and you're not being like 'Advaita smart' or something, you just... how are you? It's like a deep contemplation. This question: 'How are you? How am I?' I don't know. It's like a full self-inquiry. Because when it's fresh, we are so used to being able to say, 'This is what's happening to me' or all these things we are able to describe to our friends. Then our friends will come and tell us, our partners will tell us, 'What's happening to you?' Like, 'I don't know.' 'Means you're depressed. Something is wrong if you don't know what's happening to you.' That seems like a big sign of some depression or something like that. But you don't know because you took yourself to be... can't find it really anymore. It is just a set of beliefs and identification, like taking yourself to be a cat which was never there. So which one will you make the report about? It doesn't mean you become all strange about it. Some people come and ask you, 'How are you?' which I can't find. Say, 'Fine.' Don't... unless the food was really bad at the restaurant when the manager comes and asks you, 'Hope everything was all right, Madam or Sir?' Say, 'Yes, yes, it's all good.' Unless something really bothered you. 'How are you?' Are you talking about awareness which has no attribute? Are you talking about my being? It is unfathomable, boundless presence. Are you talking about this body? It is going to die. What are you asking?

So in response to the one-two of the mind, the sages have the one-two punch of Jnana and Bhakti—of true self-knowledge, of servitude, and of deep love, unconditional love. Right?

I got stuck in a conversation, just a casual conversation where two people were debating about purpose. So somebody asked me, 'What do you think? Life has purpose?' But I was stunned. Like, you've been comedically saying like, 'Okay, whose purpose?' I didn't say that out loud. The times I have come here where you've spoken about purpose, I did see one video of Guruji, and his response was the same, like, 'Whose purpose? And why should there be a purpose?' Can you share your perspective on that?

Whatever I've been saying, that the only purpose really of our life, if you were to describe it or define it in some way, is to live in God's light. To really come to God's presence and then remain in that light. Right?

So it does feel like that after spending time here for, you know, almost a couple of years. So can I just elaborate on that a bit?

Because what we recognize is that the absolute reality—of course its purpose will never be captured in any words or never be definable. It doesn't mean that it is meaningless; it's just the meaning is too vast for us to ever fathom. So intuitively, we don't have the sense that there's a great meaninglessness in reality or a purposelessness in reality. We just recognize that it is inexpressible. It's not conceptualized in words. And that is why, then, to try and conceptualize in some way, the sages have given us various things about the purpose of this existence itself, which is: it's a Leela, it's a play, it's an evolution so that we can love. All various options have been given. But truly, when we go to our intuition, we find that it cannot be explained or described. The philosophers mostly got stuck and concluded that there's a vast meaninglessness to all of this, which I don't agree with because my heart doesn't tell me that it is meaningless. It tells me that the meaning of life is beyond human understanding and we have to learn to accept that. So that is the first part of it.

Then to see that in the reality of me, the conversation about purpose is really not possible in words. So then the one that must be wondering or asking about purpose has to be the 'me' who remains. You see, the 'me'—I'm loving that term, the 'me.' So this 'me' now may still ask the questions, 'And what am I doing here?' So then I feel like the best answer from my heart is to say that you are here to live with God, in God. So that's why rather than just saying that there is nobody to have a purpose, I prefer to say that whatever you consider yourself to be, your purpose is to come to God and live in His light.

And so what I'm hearing is if purpose emerges on its own, it'll just happen and it'll be natural, rather than sitting and contemplating. And then by purpose, you mean direction in a way?

Yeah, yeah. And then similarly on meaning, thinking or overthinking it is going to be a pointless exercise, right? Definitely. And we can learn from the others. There are people who thought about it for centuries. Okay?

It's been coming up to say that I've been following God's will. I don't... it doesn't feel like pride, but I just don't want to delude myself. I just feel like... please. So Father, I'm very happy that you actually introduced the devotional element here because the thing with the insight is like it can just go on and on without any end, actually, right? And it almost feels that there's no grounding, actually. But when earlier I had resistance to the devotional approach, now I'm finding that it's the best thing, actually, Father, because now I've got the grounding now. And with the insight, I could never find that. And now I can see that it's there and it's just the circuit just completed, actually. So I'm very happy. Thank you so much.

Yes. As a combination of self-knowledge and devotion, the mind has no place to survive. So either what can happen is that our mind tries to make constructs out of the insight, you see? And once it makes those constructs out of the insight, then when we start applying them in the wrong place—because the mind will only apply it in a localized way to a 'me'—then that is the serious misuse of Advaita knowledge. And that is why in the earlier days, this knowledge was not shared openly. It was kept in secret and then the Master would determine that the disciple is right to receive it in the right spirit and not become egotistical about it; then it was shared. But I feel that in the modern world, it's okay. Both are given equal importance because they are equally important. Then we can avoid some of the pitfalls of just directly jumping into self-knowledge.

And Father, it releases a lot of the burden that we were having, actually, when we were going with the insight path, actually, right? So it just relieves your...

I must also say that it is not only the pure Jnana yogis who become proud. It is very possible in Bhakti also that we can become proud. As I see some things on YouTube and all of that, and the people get very proud of their Bhakti—that 'we do like this, we chant so much, we meditate so much, we remember God all the time,' you see? And like the others who are just sitting and contemplating 'Who am I?', 'What are they doing? They think they're one with God? Such blasphemy!' they've never heard, you see? So they're so judgmental and proud also. It is possible on either path.

So that's very good to try not to find a place to settle in this way. And how much all of you have also resisted the servitude part collectively? 'But who's here to serve? But who? I am one with God, how can God serve God?' You see all the things? Now I feel like the dust is settling in some, into the sense that both wings are important and both wings are true. Because the mind wants to make categories, say, 'My reality is that, my higher position is that, and my lower position is servant.' No. Maybe your higher position is serving and the lower position is the Self. How is that? Yeah, new wheel. The mind loves to, the intellect loves to categorize because we also say 'highest,' 'absolute'—all of these words. That is your lower position. Your higher position is servant of God. In Bhakti, it is the reverse.

In the world, they just... a report, Father. I was talking to this gentleman, Ben Wright from Denver. He ran seven marathons in seven days on seven continents. So he started in Antarctica, ran 46 or whatever kilometers, got on the plane, then Europe, then America, then South, and so on and so forth. So seven days, seven marathons. And he said on day four, the fourth day of running the marathon, there was no longer any runner. There was only running. I see. And he said, I found... his word was, 'I found emptiness.' And then he said after day four, he could just keep running. Yes. And I spoke to him at length and I sense this huge amount of humility. And he said, 'I won't even say this normally in an interview because people don't know what I'm talking about when I say there is no runner.' That was really fascinating.

Yeah, it does happen. Here also, I'm not... that's such a beautiful report. Nowhere comparing, yeah, but initially, because his body started this whole thing so late, initially for the first couple of kilometers, the knee, something is being felt, something ankle is paining, something is happening, you see? Like four or five kilometers, it's like just there's nobody running. It's just happening. The body is moving that way. There's no... very, very beautiful. That last year, T20 World Cup, that Virat Kohli, they gave that sort of the century. Yeah, so for that he was... yeah, yeah, yeah. So he was talking about that. There also he's saying like...

Initially, because his body started this whole thing so late, for the first couple of kilometers, the knee—something is being felt. Something ankle is paining, something is happening, you see. Like four or five kilometers, it's like just... there's nobody running. It's just happening. The body is moving that way. There's no... very, very beautiful. That last year T20 World Cup, that century they gave... so for that, he was talking about that there also. He's saying like there is no thought. He's saying, 'I know that I didn't do it like that.' He said, 'I could have never done it.' Now I have to watch this Diwali special something. He's spoken about being in the zone. When they say being in the zone, it is being empty of thoughts. It's just allowing it to move.

Good. So one thing that is a little lot of fire in some of the satsang members, and all of you may not have heard that, is that last week I recognized that we built like a comfortable position around even servitude. Like being a servant of God. It sounds glorious, almost. If you're going to be a servant of God, then what other, what higher glory can that be? So the mind has sort of reconciled that. And so now I'm asking all of you, saying: Why would you not be a servant of anyone in the world, any brother or sister? I have to keep finding something to trouble you with because everybody likes... so I was finding like there's no real bite coming in. 'You must become a servant of God.' 'Yes, yes.' When I'm finding there's no nothing being burned somewhere, then I start looking for things. So we can be a true servant of God only when we accept servitude from any brother or sister.

Who would you not serve? So if you are doing something that I'm comfortable with, then I can serve you. Comfortable on what basis? Like physical tiredness? Not physical, I mean more in the mind only. I mean, you're doing something which I don't agree with, then...

But we just said that the mind doesn't know anything. You have some conditioning. So if it goes against that, then yeah, okay, so then you have to let go of them. The whole game is to let go of conditioning. Some of my kids have said that before this contemplation, it seemed like I misunderstood the whole project. Only come to inside, become like a gani, start sharing satsang, have hundreds of people falling at your feet—it's a good life. It can sound like that. But the true job is servitude. And the attitude of servitude is not the pride of saying, 'I'm just like... I serve God.' It has to be for all of our brothers and sisters. Yeah. And this is a project which is the constant work in progress, you see.

So I'll be very suspicious of anyone who says... then not suspicious, I would recommend you become suspicious of where that is coming from. Like even when we spoke about faith, first we talked about the Abrahamic conundrum, and some of you kids said, 'Yeah, if God told me anything...' and then we found things which were much smaller than that, that we found that even if God told us that, we would not follow that. So all these contemplations, actually, the mind... one of the tricks of the mind is for it to say yes. One of the ways to avoid is to say yes. In this case, we say yes too quickly. I really want to dive into that and find something else to burn then.

In a beautiful way, Grace also keeps providing us the challenges that we can meet. We can transcend a bit, transcend a bit, transcend a bit. So usually it works in that nudge-nudge fashion. So it's a beautiful contemplation of faith. What is the boundary of your faith? Because you can say that, 'Oh Father, my life is for you.' All of that, all of us say, and it's very beautiful. But really to just keep it in our fire to say, 'This is my boundary. This is where I draw the line,' and keep offering up that to the holy presence within yourself and to say, 'Please deepen my faith, God, so that I come into a true servitude of God.' And yes, and it's constantly... and I'm not sitting on any pedestal as far as this is concerned and saying, you see, there is no boundary to my faith. Every day I discover my foolishness and my boundaries and my stupidity and where I want to live completely on my terms and not turn to God. So I'm completely like a brother in this process.

But the exploration is very, very good. And the deeper you go into it—like my feeling is, because that's what's happening here—the deeper I'm going into it, the deeper I'm realizing how stupid I am. Stupid in the sense of maybe very decent intellectually, but stupid in the sense of: what are those things where I quickly turn to my own terms rather than turning to God and allowing Him to move me, allowing Him to guide me? Every day I can easily point out at least one or two things where it is rushed into it, just like didn't wait for God to move. Then we switch over from the model of 'God for me' and how my life is being helped and how things are better because God is here for me or the Guru is here to help me and all of that, and we switch over to 'me for God' or servitude to God. Then we start looking at our lives objectively. We see all those cases where our attitude is only to serve the 'me' and not to serve God.

So to bring this into our vision is to remove the blind spot. The blind spot of the modern spirituality being that God is meant to bring us peace, God is meant to make us happy, and the relationship is His service to us rather than actually for us to be the bhaktas of God. So at least now the blind spots are being removed. So once the blind spots are being brought into you, you have to cling, like you said, strongly to the Satguru presence, to the heart presence to guide you. Because if you bring that to the mind, the mind will say... it will make it all kinds of strange things. You have to remain clinging strongly to your heart guidance and to follow from there.

But it's good that we're all learning to spot our selfishness, how we've been living so much in service to the ego, and even God was made subservient to the ego. So a metaphor is coming that actually, in the human condition, all of us are very thirsty. We have a deep thirst and there's a deeply authentic thirst. And the mind just keeps offering this air, you see, in very fancy glasses as a solution to this thirst. But only when we come to God is our thirst quenched. The Leela keeps offering things, keeps offering various things which seem to provide so much joy, so much pleasure, but actually they are just part of the Leela. None of it lasts and leaves us even more thirsty than before. The only way to quench this thirst is to come to God's light. That is the only time we come to a true resting, a true peace, a true contentment. It's just not possible through grasping in the world, through fulfillment in our senses. It is just not possible.

And our senses are never fulfilled; they only get tired, isn't it? It's not like we're fulfilled, it's just we're tired. So it's not like you can truly satiate yourself in worldly ways. You can just tire yourself and then the tiredness goes and then you're all ready to the game again. It's never-ending that way. True rest, truly to come to contentment, to come to peace, to come to the absence of suffering, the absence of grasping, is only when we find our home in our heart, in God's light. So with all our might, we have to focus all our energy on this because we're meeting now. We're meeting now. We don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. We don't know what kind of trajectory our life was going to take and Grace plucked us out and got us together as the Sangha. So find the opportunity to meet God and to be of service to Him.

But the mind will try to keep pulling you back into that trajectory. It has a gravitation about it. So you must... for a while it will feel like a fire. It will feel like you have to let go of things which seem meaningful for you, but there's no meaning without God. Bet yourself fully. Take the biggest risk of your life on God, not on the world. Don't hedge your bets. Don't keep something in your pocket. Don't keep anything hidden. Fly. Many times when we expose it in God's light, it seems like it burns. We came to satsang only expecting peace, but some of the contemplations, some of the pointings bring something in front to burn. But only the false can burn. Only our identity can burn.

As your teacher, I feel like if you're too comfortable, I'm doing something wrong. And if you're too uncomfortable, I'm doing something wrong. You have to be at the right temperature. I have to keep you at the right level of discomfort and comfort. I want your happiness to be a byproduct of your freedom, not your freedom so that you can be happy. Okay, shall we sing some bhajan? Oh yes, song is called Roots Down Deep. This should be better.

May all beings find their true joy. Lead me from untruth to the truth. Lead me from darkness into your light. Take me from death into your eternal life. Roots down deep, spread your wings out wide. Trust in life, seek and you will rise. This is called the heart's mystery. When you let go of fear, truth will appear here, so simple and clear. When you let go of fear, truth will appear, simple and clear. There's a feeling inside so deep and so wide, so open and free. When love is revealed, all beings are freed so naturally. Let your light shine the way, forever to stay in this sun of friends. Let your heart be a guide to lead you inside to a love that never ends. When love overflows, you can only let go and be swept out to sea. And this journey will end where it started, my friend, in your heart's mystery. Thank you.

Great spirit, eternal light, calm our soul, warm the night. When all seems lost, you make it right. Great spirit, eternal light. There are no gods, there's only one God. There are no gods, there's only one God. Hallelujah. Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare. What else can we do? Oh, we can do... either way you like that. Are we just putting it on him or he really likes it? Did you sing? You didn't sing. Okay, thank you.