A Concept Hides Fulfillment of Direct Experience - 8th August 2016

But I just want to go deeper, Father, because I was actually thinking that I should finish it off, this part. Is it still looking very subtle and keeping the length of a half-asleep whatever in performance? I know you're doing this and I'm looking. Absolutely, I don't know if I'm... I don't know if I'm looking from... from my body or it's like from the place that I have to look with all. And it's like, he's not looking from eyes or something like that. It's... this is not very clear. I know it could be something like last time what I was taking. If there is something like that, let us clear that.

Yes, yeah, it's very good. One thing: the mind, the way that we define the mind, we cannot look from the mind, you see? There are many other types of teachings which say that the mind is looking and these kind of things, but the only way that we can look from the mind in the way that we define the mind only means that the looking is happening and the mind is coming in and saying, 'Okay, this is right, this is wrong,' or 'What's in it for me? What's in it for me?' You see? That is the only way in which we can use the term 'looking from the mind.' But actually the mind, which is itself a bundle of energies—thought energy and similar energies like that—itself does not have the ability to look, you see? So don't worry about that. The looking is happening, which means that the phenomenal perceiving is happening. Sight is happening, inner sight or outer sight, and there is an awareness of even this sight. There is awareness of this looking, you see? So you are aware that the looking is happening. And we are not so worried about the quality of the looking or the quality of the attention or the phenomenal perceiving, but the point is to see that there is an awareness of this. Yeah, you see? There is an awareness even of this, and this awareness remains untouched. And the recognition is that I am this awareness prior to even sight. See, this is what we are recognizing now. This cannot leave us. This awareness is what we are, therefore it cannot leave us. As hard as we might try to be unaware, we cannot be. Attention might leave us in that which we call sleep state. This world might leave us, this body might leave us, everything might leave us, even the sense 'I am' ultimately is coming and going, and yet that which is aware even of this sense is not coming and going. So this is what you are recognizing yourself to be.

Now coming to your point, which is that the mind says, 'Yes, this is it. I have recognized myself to be this awareness,' you see? So this is its version of the replica. Now what happens is that something wants to hold on to this. 'Yes, I really saw it.' If someone comes and says, 'No, no, what you're seeing is your sounding vehicle,' then either you want to run away from that person or attack that person, say that, 'Oh no, no,' because something wants to guard. You're not guarding awareness, are we? We are guarding that 'I saw it' or 'I have seen the real awareness,' which has nothing to do with the real awareness. The concept 'I have seen it' or the badge of true seeing has nothing to do with awareness, you see? So somebody wants to take that badge away from you, then you want to defend that badge and say, 'No, no, I really deserve it.' Not even for the world, but for your own self. Not even self, but this identity of the one who has now seen the truth, you see? Because what you expose actually is a fear that what if it turned out that I haven't really seen the truth? So you said that if someone came and told me, like if I told you that you haven't really seen it, then you said that would cause an immense amount of doubt and suffering, you see? So don't guard any seeing. Just see for yourself now. That's why I've given you a tool like: Who is aware of awareness? Then you find that it cannot be taken away. This awareness, this ability to check instead of to try and defend something from the past, is very... Now if Krishna himself came and told you that you are just fooling yourself, you're not really seeing it, then check: Who is aware even of this appearance of Krishna? The appearance of the fear or guilt or resentment? The appearance of this presence 'I am'? All of this, who is aware of it? You see? Then you say that, 'Oh Krishna, you're just playing.'

Are you aware of this? Are you libretto police? Krishna just came, but oh honestly, nothing was inside. What is it about my... not totally, but you know what I rest from this hood. It doesn't matter what thought...

Yes, I mean even if that thought comes to you in this moment, if I check up who's aware of that, that's it, you know? I don't have to know all the other information. Yes, yeah, yeah, okay. So that's like the key thing. But you know what I want to say to everyone, not just you? I do want to say that that answer is very useful in this way because as we look at that answer, we will see that the spiritual ego will not be formed. Because the spiritual ego is nothing but a defense of our past insights. You see? It is nothing but a defense of our past insights. And you find that something is defending that. Know where that is; the spiritual ego. You can defend... they can call the Advaita police, Krishna. So just... it's very helpful to everyone in the Sangha to know this, that we find ourselves in the defense of some past insight. Because the sage is not defending his past insight, you see? He's saying, 'Let's look together now.' So somebody says, 'Oh, you haven't really seen, you are just fooling yourself,' then a sage would say, 'Okay, let's look together and see what we can find together now. I am completely open to being wrong.' Then we look together. This keeps the freshness alive. If it is relying on some label of master or some label of devotee or Sangha member or something like that, know that there is a possibility for the mind to come in over there and try to defend this. How does it matter what was seen in the past? It only matters what is our living experience now. So I feel it's a very useful question and answer. Very useful question and answer because all of us can contemplate on this for a bit and see: Are we really in defense of our progress, in defense of our seeing? What is it that wants to defend what happened yesterday? If the seeing was true, then the seeing is here now. And in this freshness, then the ego doesn't know how to operate.

That... yes, that I can... I can see what you're saying. I can clearly see that because it's only about the fresh... only seeing. That's it. Doesn't matter what the rest of this, you know, that year, that cat, is it up? I also know this one thing: like whenever I have to see, you know, check myself or something like that, there is resistance. People like, you know, not the... let them know. I just... I just... all week it's always seen, so I don't want to see.

Ah, this is very good. You brought it up. Very good you brought it up because most start feeling like they stop coming to Satsang, you see? Because, 'Okay, what are we going to do? Inquiry? Awareness? Yeah, exactly.' And also you don't miss it, don't know what is different. First of all, isn't it? You know, well, it's none of your intellect. The topmost is a talk. You need more capital. What were you in fight about? What is there? Grandfather, honesty is the spot for me. Okay.

And I want to talk a little check because it was going on, this thing was going on from past couple of days. And today I came to a point on weekend that I have to do this kind of thing, surgery. It's elective surgery. I wait for it, the block, and to cut them open and see what is there. That's why I really want to speak to you from the weekend in itself. And this is one thing. I had one more thing to ask, but I forgot.

Okay, this one has everything also. This one is important to smell all this and to expose it is very, very important, you see? Because what is happening is that there is a recognition that happened, and I have said over and over again that the recognition is very helpful to be rid of all conditioning, but is not necessarily just sufficient to be rid of past conditioning. So what happens is the same trickster mind then says, 'Now you've seen it. I see that I am aware of awareness. Now there is nothing further to go from there,' you see? So now why do you need to do the inquiry? You saw it. You saw one aspect, you saw it. The inference is that therefore you don't need the inquiry anymore, you see? Now what happens is it becomes settled into this 'I saw it' and therefore 'I don't need to do inquiry anymore.' So if someone convinces you, 'But did you really see it?' then that one is your worst enemy because it was such a strong moment of recognition. Either that, or something says, 'Yes, yes, truly I saw it.' But why is it an attack if someone comes and says that you didn't really see it? All you have to do is check right there and then. But the mind will come and say, 'But you actually saw it, now there is no need to keep inquiring.' Sometimes...

But this is very subtle, Father. There's fear of not knowing, you like...

Exactly. So this is one of the primal tricks of the ego and it will slowly, slowly build this wall of defense. Oh, hi, okay. If it has its way, then it builds a wall of defense so high that in a while, if it is continued like that, then as impossible as it might seem, you might find that you don't want to hear even my words. You don't want to even hear Guru Ji's words. It can come to this level. It says that the defense of the seeing which was in the past becomes so strong that identity has become so strongly attached to that, that even if those we call master come and say, 'Let's look together,' hey, 'What do I need to look now? No, no, no. What are you trying to prove? That I haven't seen it?' No, all I'm saying is let's look together. So it's very, very important that you brought these things up in Satsang because it becomes like that. Now you've come to the top of the mountain, you've really arrived. Because... and what it says is subtly, what it's telling you is that seeing is our inquiry's effort. Inquiry was so painful and finally I saw it and I got so much relief, so it wants to hold on to the concept of what was seen. And then there, 'I don't want to really take the effort anymore. I know what is there.' So when... so just, just know, all of you, just know that if something is bringing you back to the past seeing and saying, 'But you saw it, now you saw it, what's the point of doing it fresh?' A sage will never say 'don't inquire.' A sage will never say 'let's not look now because I have seen it.' A sage will always be up for the inquiry. And as you are inquiring, they are also inquiring. See, this is authentic because it comes from the place of rest being right now. Because if I were just vomiting out old stuff which was seen, you know, earlier, then it would be quite boring. It would be quite lifeless. It would be a lecture, it would be a seminar, it would not be Satsang. The point of Satsang is to come to the company of the truth. The company of the truth, of the presence of the truth, must be fresh. Look now. Don't hold on to some replica, hold a peak of what happened ten years ago. It must be now. So you'll never find someone who is authentically sharing from their place of seeing saying that, 'Okay, I am relying on that seeing now. Now you come to that point which I was at ten years ago' or something like that. They say, 'Let's look together. What do we find here?'