What is the worst way to be in a relationship?
The worst way to be in a relationship is with the mind, which creates pressure and expectations; the solution is to become open and empty, letting go of conceptual categories.
What is the worst way to be in a relationship?
With the mind?
Yes, and the way to be with the mind in the relationship is to be [moves forward to emphasize ‘be’] in the relationship, no? When you’re being [moves forward to emphasize ‘being’] in the relationship, there’s already too much pressure in the relationship. What is the best way to be in the relationship? Just open. Because relationship is what we call this movement of perceptions [gestures a movement with both arms], which actually it’s impossible that the term relationship is just a sort of term that we’ve invented in the human condition to explain things. But actually, so when we inwardly take ourselves to be in a relationship, it is too constricted. And Being doesn’t want to be constricted in that way. And that way every relationship starts to feel a bit personal. The way to fix that – and I’m not giving relationship advice either way – I’m just saying that the way to fix that is to inwardly just open up. And then outwardly if the relationship has to continue it continues, if it doesn’t have to continue it doesn’t continue, because it’s just a conceptual category anyway. Not that I have anything against relationships or anything like that. I’m just saying that once you decide “I am in a relationship”, then you have an idea about what the relationship should be. Where do you get these ideas from? Where do you get these ideas from? From the world, from parents, from movies, from everything - we get these notions of what the relationship means, whereas before that, it was just fine. Everybody is free to be however they are. But once you put things in the construct of a conceptual relationship, then that is burdened with expectations: “Oh, how can you talk like this, how can you not talk like this? Please give me more attention, please be by yourself for a bit.” Either way, there is trouble. So, inwardly just become open and empty. Open and empty. Let go of all conceptual relationships inwardly. Because that can give you, the mind, a lot of fodder for trouble, a lot of fodder for trouble. So, become open.
Key Teachings
- Being in a relationship with the mind creates unnecessary pressure and constriction
- Once you define yourself as 'in a relationship,' you create expectations and burdens that cause trouble
- The solution is to become open and empty, letting go of conceptual relationships inwardly
From: You Don’t Have To Determine the Nature of Anything - 22nd February 2021