Longing, the fear of being cast off
Original Marathi from the Tukaram Gatha · About Sant Tukaram
मराठी मूळ
एवढा संकोच तरि कां व्यालासी । आह्मी कोणांपाशीं तोंड वासूं ॥1॥
कोण मज पुसे सिणलें भागलें । जरी मोकलिलें तुह्मीं देवा ॥ध्रु.॥
कवणाची वाट पाहों कोणीकडे । कोण मज ओढे जीवलग ॥2॥
कोण जाणे माझे जीवींचें सांकडें । उगवील कोडें संकटाचें॥3॥
तुका ह्मणे तुह्मी देखिली नििंश्चती । काय माझे चित्तीं पांडुरंगा ॥4॥
Tukaram Gatha (Marathi Wikisource)
English Translation
If there is such hesitation, why did You take me on at all? Before whom shall we show our face? Who asks after me when I am weary and worn, if You have abandoned me, O God? Whose path shall I watch? Who will draw me close as a true beloved? Who knows the anguish in my chitta? Who will solve this knotted crisis? Says Tuka, You have seen my resolve; You know what is in my chitta, O Panduranga.
We ask forgiveness for any inaccuracies in rendering Tukaram ji’s original Marathi.
In Plain Words
If you were going to hold back this much, why did you take me on at all? Before whom shall I open my mouth? Who will ask after me when I am weary and worn, if you have let me go, O God? Whose road shall I watch, and which way? Who will pull me close as one who is truly mine? Who knows the knot of pain in my heart? Who will untangle this riddle of trouble? Tuka says: you have seen how set my resolve is; you know what is in my heart, O Panduranga.
What it means
Tukaram presses God with the unanswerable question a child asks an absent parent: if you meant to neglect me, why did you ever claim me? He runs through everyone who might care for him and finds no one, because once God has taken him there is no second refuge to fall back on. The string of questions is not rhetoric for its own sake; it names the real terror of the devotee, that being chosen by God and then ignored leaves you with nowhere to go. He ends by throwing it back on God's own knowledge: you have seen my steadfastness and you read my heart, so the silence cannot be from ignorance.
Longing and Separation
Cries from the dark night of the soul: remonstrances, complaints, and desperate yearning.
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