Longing, I am not that kind of beggar
Original Marathi from the Tukaram Gatha · About Sant Tukaram
मराठी मूळ
चुकलिया आह्मां करितसां दंड । हाकासी कां खंड पांडुरंगा ॥1॥
चाळविलीं एकें रििद्धसिद्धीवरी । तैसा मी भिकारी नव्हें देवा ॥ध्रु.॥
कां मी येथें गुंतों मांडूनि पसारा । मागुता दातारा दंभासाटीं ॥2॥
केलें म्यां जतन आपुलें वचन । ठायींचें धरून होतों पोटीं ॥3॥
तुका ह्मणे ताळा घातला आडाखीं । ठावें होतें सेकीं आडविसी ॥4॥
Tukaram Gatha (Marathi Wikisource)
English Translation
When I err, You punish me; then why do You cut off my cry for help, O Panduranga? Some You have pacified with supernatural powers; I am not that kind of beggar, O God. Why should I stay here, setting up a show, only to play the hypocrite again, O generous one? I have guarded my own word and held fast to what was promised from the start. Says Tuka, the reckoning was fixed in advance; I knew You would block me at the end.
We ask forgiveness for any inaccuracies in rendering Tukaram ji’s original Marathi.
In Plain Words
When I do wrong, You punish me. Then why do You cut off my cry for help, O Panduranga? Some You have quieted with powers and miracles. I am not that kind of beggar, O God. Why would I stay here, setting up a show, only to play the hypocrite again, generous one? I have kept my word. I have held in my heart what I promised from the start. Tuka says: the reckoning was set in advance. I knew that in the end You would block my way.
What it means
Tukaram protests that God metes out punishment for his faults yet falls silent when he cries for help. He refuses the consolation prize: others have been pacified with miraculous powers and supernatural gifts, but he is not the kind of beggar who can be bought off that way. He has no wish to keep up an empty show that would only make a hypocrite of him. His claim is that he has kept his vow and held his promise in his heart from the beginning. The ending is rueful: the reckoning was fixed from the start, and he half-knew God would block him at the last; his longing is for honest dealing, not display.
Longing and Separation
Cries from the dark night of the soul: remonstrances, complaints, and desperate yearning.
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