What's the Point? - 20 May 2015

I know. I also, when I say it, I'm like, because I was thinking it just before I came in and then of course in the field of satsang it just goes away, you know. And that's why we come to satsang, you know, and that's why we come and sit in front of you. And it's like mist, it just goes, it goes, you know.

You know very well that sometimes the seva itself becomes a little tiring and it seems like it's become a lot. And sometimes even to come to satsang seems like, okay, too much every day, every day. It can seem like that. But what's most important is to see whether you feel any distance from me in the heart.

Of course not.

Yes, then everything is good. Except when I'm, you know, sort of identified as, you know, as a person doing stuff which doesn't really, you know, like the words are coming out of my mouth, it's like nonsense, you know, it doesn't really happen. The stuff just gets done and I don't know, I don't know what's going on. You know, when work is happening, everything I say doesn't feel like the right thing.

So when work is going on, just work is going on. We are not even checking. But anytime you check, if you find that we are one in the heart, really feel that, then there can be no trouble. Because what the mind is trying to do is create a distance, not between two hearts, but actually a distance between your identification and your own heart. So what you have to be a little careful about is just keep checking, because the mind will say, 'No, no, I'm done, I'm taking a break, you know, I'm taking a break.' But if you check, in the checking itself, what is false will reveal itself and will be thrown out. So all of us can be a little vigilant that if the mind is coming and saying, 'No, no, I don't need to check, I just need some space now, I don't want to do anything, not even check,' if you just bring yourself to check, you will find that I am sitting right there. The perfume of the voice which is speaking from here is not Ananta actually, it's your own heart, isn't it? So the checking means you come to the presence of your own Satguru in your own heart and you will find it is the same presence, same perfume. Then it doesn't matter if you take a break from moderating, you don't want to do some of this. I know it can become tiring. Having done lots of seva through my life, I know that there are times where there's lots of energy for it and other times that there's not so much energy, but little by little it can move. So it's okay, all that can keep moving as long as you're still checking and finding that the presence is still there.

So what happens with not, it's not the same. Yes, yeah. Are you saying that if you look at it, it's not? You put your finger on it. Sorry, sorry, it's like a delay. You put your finger on it when you see it. It's like it feels like the mind's trying to create distance between my heart and, oh, I don't know what you said. You said the most beautiful thing, you know. I feel like there's like this weird battle going on, you know. Like, not that, I just feel like my mind's telling me that this stuff is just stupid, you know.

No, it's not stupid. But I just see through the mind, all of this stuff is completely stupid. And to the heart, the mind... for the presence, the mind is completely stupid, and for the mind, the presence is completely stupid. And these two will not reconcile because it's like being on two separate planets and then saying, 'No, no, this one is an alien,' and the other one is saying, 'No, this one is an alien.'

I know. You know, the thing is that in the beginning of your sadhana, you know that you're going to have resistance and that you should just push through your resistance and then it's just your mind, you know, all that stuff, right? But now the sneakiness is coming in with like, 'This is all pointless because, you know, like awareness is just awareness and like life is life, you know, and you're going to have to deal with life and you're going to have to deal with your body-mind.' And then, you know, if you have trouble, like we just all like going to awareness and everything's fine, and how silly is that? That's just completely pointless. And it's like twenty years of getting here and this is where we are, just like complete, like, you know, like no one is enlightened, you know. Not even the Christ could do it, not even the Buddha could do it. All of those horrible quotes which I find so depressing, you know. And nothing, and you know, and we must just succeed. This is how things are, you know. 'You are untouched even whatever problem you're having.' All that nonsense, I'm sorry to say, I have to just like, it's like my brain is just like, you know, right, all that nonsense. Yes, and I know what I sound like, you know.

I was saying that it's completely good that we speak like this. It's very, I very much enjoy we speak like this. I'm not going so much for this tradition that, okay, if you're speaking to the teacher then it must be, you must be in a certain way, you know. It doesn't have to be.

It's completely, and you know the thing is that I have been in enough satsang in my life to know that all you want to do with someone when they're talking like this is go, 'Yes, but just see that you're untouched by all of this.' You know, the 'you' are the one who's watching all of this happening in front of you. I am able to pull my attention out, no problem. I can do that. I can switch all of this off and go boom, no problem. Who's got a problem? Me, no problem, you know, smile, everything's fine, you know. And then three minutes later, problem. I'm just having that, like, this is all like, why are we doing this? Why, why, why, why? If no one can actually stay in awareness 24/7, if that is not achievable, this abiding, if it is not achievable, then what you're telling me is everything I'm doing, all this like, you know, being in satsang hoping that one day this thing is going to be achieved, right? And I know that of course, you know, awareness doesn't want to achieve anything and you are that which doesn't want to achieve anything. Yeah, yeah, I know I can do that loop in my head, you know. But I just feel like, yo, I just, sorry, I know I'm mumbling.

No, no, it's very good. But you know what's happening, and you know that you said that if no one can abide in awareness 24/7, no one can do it. And you already know why no one can do it.

Yeah, I know. Mostly wanting to be as awareness 24/7. Awareness is not moving from awareness. I know all of this. I'm like, the trouble sometimes is the knowing, actually. See, because when we know that, we don't see. I, you know, it's like this thing that happens where I can, I can go and see. So yeah, it's like choices, right? I can go and see, okay, I see, and then, and then I have to admit totally, absolutely. And yes, and the peace comes, right? And absolutely there's no, there's no person in awareness, there's no person trying to abide 24/7 in awareness. I understand all of that and I can feel the peace that sits with that, right? I can't constantly make that choice. So this is this thing that has to happen. You have to like, choose that instead of like what's going on with the mind, especially now like the retreat's coming. I don't know why this never happens. Usually I'm like, 'Whoa, retreat!' I'm like, 'Oh, retreat's coming.' So the thing is you, so you constantly choose, right? You choose not to listen to this. I just, I just feel like we just like for the rest of my life I'm going to choose all day long constantly.

Yes. And you know this question was coming eventually, but who is the one who is choosing? But pretend, if you pretend it's fresh, then what is the answer?

Yo, you're the, the mind having all the turmoil.

No, but who is choosing? Your mind? So the mind is saying, 'Yes, yes, this choice. I know I can go, I can stay, I can come back, I have to decide.' So who is the one who has to decide?

Yeah, okay, good question. Because it feels like, it feels like a mainstream and then like by grace it, it, you get reminded, 'Oh no, no, no, this is all, this is all in front of me,' right? So it's this beautiful grace that happens, like the, like a breath of fresh air comes and then it's like, okay, it's gone. Like I feel like, I know I don't go anywhere, but just for the sake of English we're going to, we're going to just now talk about me going into awareness and not, okay? But I understand the concept of there's no person going, right? Okay, so this grace happens and I'm in awareness and I'm in awareness and presence and everything's fine and goes on and whatever happens doesn't matter, okay. And then, okay, somehow it goes. There's one more question for me, just, will you indulge one more question for me? But I was, I was in, I was just in a, I was answering your question because I just want to hold on to what I was trying to see. It's like grace that happened. So you said to me, who is it that decides? Okay, so, so it doesn't feel to me like there's a person that decides. It feels like it just happens. Okay, so I come back to this. So now I've, I've like, I noticed, okay, it's just happening. And now, now I'm like looping straight back to spiritual seeking because it feels to me like that happens more when I'm like full-on sadhana, like meditating, like, you know, a peaceful activity, um, you know, all the, the spiritual things, the sadhana things, right? Reading the scriptures, being vegetarian, blah blah, okay. All of that seems to bring it on more. So there's no person controlling, there's no person choosing, right? It's just like happening. Okay, so then I keep looping back to this thing that I spoke to about on Monday which is, well then we should be like full-on sadhana because if that's bringing it on more, then that's the only way you can bring it on more. And I know we don't have any choice and it's all in the system, you know, I'm not choosing to even do this. I know all of that, okay.

Yeah, so you, you said something which is like, 'I know it is all happening and it happens by grace.' Then why don't we choose?

It's just like happening, okay? So then I keep looping back to this thing that I spoke to you about on Monday, which is, well, then we should be like full-on sadhana. Because if that's bringing it on more, then that's the only way you can bring it on more. And I know we don't have any choice and it's all in the system, you know? I'm not choosing to even do this. I don't know all of that, okay.

Yeah. So you said something which is like, 'I know it is all happening and it happens by grace, then why don't we choose to do more?' And then you say, 'I know that we are not choosing the sadhana also.' But let's not go there. But let's go there. Yeah, we have time. We have time. We can go everywhere, no worries. You know, we're all sitting here.

We come to satsang because we just have to, you know? We listen to you because it's like our hearts are fed from this beautiful bliss, this grace that we see. We like to meditate, whatever it is, our thing that makes us feel it, okay? And I just feel like... can I tell you what's happening?

So what is happening is that this person is being confronted, even the spiritual seeker person, you see? So it's come this far and it's saying, 'Now I'm not really enjoying this anymore. It's the same stuff and I've heard it.' You know this one? Because this one has been pushed out, you see? This one is being pushed out and it is going to have some pushback. So it's being pushed out and it says, 'I don't know, but is it really working for me now? I think I've seen through all of this. Nobody ever got enlightened anyway, so what's it about?'

You see this one? And this one is very auspicious if it comes up like this. Don't feel that it's a bad thing, because this one, for many, many, many, will believe that 'I have got it.' But if they are still speaking as this one... now for you, this one is coming and it is causing some suffering. It is pinching something, so you will not keep it with you. So it's much better than this one saying, 'Yes, I got it. You know, I am there.' But nobody gets it. This is all a sham. This is all just something. Itself will say, 'But let's not look at who I am. I know all of this. I know I'm not this person.' You know, the person itself will say, 'I know I'm not this person. I know all of this, don't tell me any of that.' So yeah, anything which says that 'I become awareness' and 'I become person' is not awareness. It's not you. It is still that same guy. So are you willing to look at this with me and ask him to leave?

Yeah, I'm yes. I'm wondering why it's here again because, you know, I thought it was gone. So it's... I'm like, yo, I can see your point. When I was talking about when I go into awareness and when I don't, I'm using sort of colloquial English to try and explain that there is no this choice. This 'stay as the Self' choice does not seem... it's going away, you know? And I think that the seeker remnant was sitting in there, was thinking that it had something to do and it had a choice. And I can see that it doesn't. I know that taking away of that choice makes me sad because then I'm just basically like a mess, really. Because it's not like permanent enough for me. I know the unhappiness sits in the person, you know? But it's not all day long. And if I can't make it all day long, then it's hopeless.

Yes, but what can't you make all day long? I'm not understanding this point. What should happen all day long?

Oh my god, I know. Don't you think I ask myself these questions? You know, like inquiry: who is saying that? What, you are in awareness all day long? Long enough to be my own satsang teacher? Yeah, yeah, so let's go. I can throw those questions at myself while I'm in this. The answer is: awareness is, yeah, all day long. There is no person who can be enlightened. There is no person who can be in awareness all day long. There is no choice. Everything is perfect. This is just your mind, like, you know, drop it. You know, I like... do you have these problems in deep sleep? Bhagavan would say to me, you know? No, no, I don't. I wake up for this. I know, I'm sorry if I'm taking up time. You know, I saw the other day when I was talking to you, somebody posted that, you know, you have so much patience. You know, I know you have a lot of patience with us.

Oh, my dear, I'm here for this. I'm here for this. I don't see it as anything like patience or anything. I'm just here for this. We can take the entire time today. I'm sure everyone is learning a lot from this interaction. There is no trouble with this at all because this is very important. You know, it happened a few weeks ago also with another friend where she just said, 'This is all just rubbish. It's just rubbish. I'm through with this guy. What is it about? You keep asking, "Am I aware now?" and you say, "Am I aware now?" Yes, of course I'm aware.' So what we could start... so like this around her, like what's happening with her. And I said, 'It's very good. I'm waiting for this to happen with all of you,' you see?

So when I see it, I'm amazed that I can have this conversation with you and the whole time I'm observing it, you know? The whole time I can feel this like beautiful peace sitting there, you know? And it's like what I am is completely unconcerned with any of this, even though I'm sitting here crying, talking to you about stuff going on in the mind which is just all like doesn't make any sense. You know, I can feel that beautiful behind everything. It doesn't seem to be helping me right now, you know, the fact that I can still feel that. So you know, I know the other day you were talking about don't use the inquiry like trying to fix something, you know? Like, 'Okay, now I'm having an uncomfortable feeling, so let me do the inquiry to fix this uncomfortable feeling.' You know, I know that. And I don't have to do the inquiry for long. I just literally just switch and everything's fine. So I'm in satsang with you now, everything's fine, okay.

And then what I was saying was that why I find this good when somebody says that it's all just... you know, it was nice, it's still nice, I feel good when I'm here, but still it's just, 'So what? So what? So what?' You see? 'What's in it for me?' This guy is still the same guy. And I know it's not you. I know it's not you. It's just throwing a tantrum by itself. It's using this... some energy is up like this. And I know you are always a witness of it. But do you know this?

How do I... okay, so I know that this... it's going. How do I get rid of this guy then?

Okay, that's another guy trying to get rid of that guy, you see? I already know that which will ask me if it is being done with integrity. It is not this guy pretending to want to get rid of this guy, you see? What is happening is that power of belief only belongs to you as consciousness, not as a person. No person can control belief, okay? And we can speak about this some more.

Yeah, maybe. Because like I was saying earlier on, do you have any control of this... this like the level of staying as the Self?

No, but you have the power as consciousness whether to pretend you're a person or not. The Self is always the Self.

Okay, I just don't feel like I have that power. I don't feel like I have that power.

Like I think you're getting to the nitty-gritty of it. Yes. So let's go for just two minutes for everyone's benefit. Let's talk about the basics for just two minutes so that everybody is with us in this conversation, you see? So when we say Self, we are talking about what you said: this untouched awareness which sees everything is moving around and it's unconcerned by any of this. See? So this is the Self. Then we talk about being consciousness, the sense I am-ness. You see, in the birth of this, then these powers also come: the powers of attention, the powers of belief. And it is the power of belief itself which is used to believe the concept that 'I am the person,' which seems to make the person somewhat tangibly real, seems true, you see? So belief must be prior to person, isn't it? Because it is the same belief which is used to create this conceptual person. If there was no power of belief that you had, then you would never believe that there is a person or you are a person, and you would never act like the ego. So being arises with being, you see that the power of attention and belief are coming.

Can I... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Father. I want to go back one point because I've heard you say it a lot, right? And I hear you say it and I always nod my head, and I'm not sure about that because I'm not sure that I'm understanding the word the way you're using it. Because I don't believe I'm a person. Yeah, I really, I really don't think I believe I'm a person. Okay, so it's like this weird sticky thing that it's more... it's coming up in like vasanas and samskaras and it's not like... I don't feel like I'm believing anything. It's like my husband comes and fights me, I fight back, or it's just things like happening. I don't know that there's a mind belief, yeah.

Yes. So if they're just... you see that it's just actions and reactions which are playing out on their own, then you will not believe this thing which says, 'But how does this help me?' You see? You must smell now and see whether there is any sense of this: 'So what is it going on with me? If nobody was ever enlightened, then why am I in this?' You see? I don't have 'Why am I in this?' I have like stuff, all of this nonsense. I have that more than I know there's no... it's like it's like I could just go back to like what I would call normal life, you know? Chase the dollar, get out of sight, son, just like, you know, move this crazy wife to the full, yes.

But again, now you say that 'I don't sense that I have belief in the person' and yet you say, 'But I could go back to this life.' No, like body, like live that, like just you do what you like, you know? Like that crazy guy, what's his name? He just... you like, yeah, what's his name? He was completely enlightened and he was just the most radically awfully behaved person, you know? Because he was like, 'Oh, stop this, you know? Awareness is untouched, so like let me just do what I want.' And then he did, and people still follow him, they still quote him, you know? Beautiful wisdom out of the mouth, appalling life. A bit like, 'Yo, well, what? It's like seven hours of satsang.' Yeah, there's that person. Do I believe I'm a person when I look? No. Am I giving belief to it? I don't think I am. I know you're gonna tell me, for you to be able to speak like that, of course you are. Of course you are.

You can't talk like that and the speaking can happen on its own. All that is important is to see whether you believe any of it or not. So when you say that 'I wish this' or 'Maybe I should'... talking to you, which one? You talking to me? The real one don't believe nothing. Which one are you thinking of as a real one? Is it awareness? Huh? No. Who believes anything? The consciousness can believe, right? Yeah, okay. The consciousness can believe. I feel like I don't have control of that. I feel like that's where my despair is sitting, like I've... you know, I want to be able to control that belief. Yeah, but of course it's not happening because otherwise there wouldn't be any trouble. So yes, there's the power of that, you have the power of belief, and then it feels to me like I don't... I feel powerless to believe or not believe. I feel like it wavers. Obviously it's wavering if I can see all this going on. So how can you say you have the power to believe? 'Power to' implies... you know, I always thought, okay, like once you see through it, it'll go. Obviously it doesn't go.

Yes. So seeing through it means what? Seeing through it is only seeing that all these thoughts are coming and going and they don't mean anything to me. That is the meaning of not giving belief, isn't it? And to check whether I have the power to believe or not, we just have to wait for the next thought to come and see whether I have this power or not. We don't need to understand it. We can experiment and see right now. I'm like, don't do that one way.

Once you see through it, it'll go. Obviously, it doesn't go, yes? So seeing through it means what? Seeing through it is only seeing that all these thoughts are coming and going and they don't mean anything to me. That is the meaning of not giving belief, isn't it? And to check whether I have the power to believe or not, we just have to wait for the next thought to come and see whether I have this power or not. We don't need to understand it; we can experiment and see right now.

I'm like, don't do that. One way it's like that one doesn't work on me. That one is like, I don't believe thoughts. I don't feel like I believe thoughts. So it's like a thought. If you do that experiment with me, normally what happens is no thoughts come. I'll sit there and look at you for twenty minutes with not a single thought coming. So I normally cannot do the experiment because none of them come, so I can't even see if I'm believing or not believing. And then I sort of like, when I have this turmoil yesterday afternoon, all of this nonsense, then I go, 'Are you believing any of these thoughts? Don't believe your next thought.' Okay, it all goes away. Yeah, okay, so yeah, I can do that, but it's... I don't know if it's helping me. I don't know that I believe. Like I say, of course I can make the choice, but the power to make the choice only comes with grace.

Yes. Remember, to not believe your next thought only comes with grace. Yes. And your consciousness...

No, I just... like, right out of my mind, I feel like I'm having the same conversation the whole time, you know?

Okay, then I need more grace. I need more moments like that. Rewind the tape twenty minutes and go again. But your own being, your own consciousness, is He who provides grace. Can grace truly come from outside you?

No, but I pray all the time and I don't give myself any grace, you know?

Yes, yes, yes. So this is the prayer being answered, isn't it? Because if you did not look at this one, if this one does not leave, then that would not be the answer to your prayer. And I know that this one is saying, 'But I'm not here, but there's no person here, there's no person here.' You see the trouble? So when you say 'me,' who are you referring to?

It depends when you catch me, you know? Yeah, yeah. And right now when you said... who was it? Oh, I just feel like it's going to be another retreat and it's going to be another week of like sitting for three hours in bliss with Mooji, and it's going to be another like, 'I'm going to stay as awareness.' No, I'm going to do it, you know? Fly to India, you know, beautiful. Like, I had the same conversation with you in Rishikesh, you know? It's... I feel like a totally hopeless case. Oh, I can even hear I'm just explaining, it's not... I'm not even talking about a person. I feel like there's just this... there's just going to like never be this peace that I see in my teachers. And then you're going to say, 'Oh, who is this one here?' And I know that the meditation will come.

I say that, but you must look at it, no? Well, it's not even you saying it; I can say to myself, you know? Yes. And then when we look, what happens?

I say... you said that I'm not even saying this as a person. Then what are you saying it as? Sometimes just like... it's like stuff moving, just moving stuff, you know? I don't even feel like there's a person holding on to it. Just like, it's like bits and pieces moving. It's moving in front of me. I know, and I... it's like, 'Don't identify, don't identify, pull back, pull back, it's just stuff.' You know, it comes, it'll go. I can Advaita it. It's like, you know, I can sit and teach it myself. I hate it because I don't feel like... I used to feel like, 'Oh, okay, you know, okay, now the peace has come, okay, you know, everything's fine.' I just... I get that constantly, that feeling of like, 'This is just nonsense, this is just absolute nonsense, this is just silly, this is never going to end, it's going to constantly be this.' It's going to be like, you know, and whatever it is, like whoever's listening, put your own thing in, you know? 'I feel guilty, I feel inadequate, I feel...' you know, and put whatever your thing is in this. And then just don't identify, just pull your identification out of that person and place it in awareness and, hey presto, everything's fine. No, no, no, it's not, because it's going to come again. It's going to come again. And I know, I know how to like put that smile on my face and say, 'Oh, thanks Father,' and you know, and I feel better and, 'Thank you so much, you know, everything's fine now because now my identification is in awareness and life is just beautiful.' I don't believe it anymore. I just... because why? Because you're not going to get rid of this stuff, you know, this world stuff, the stuff coming at you. Now I feel much better, I really do. But that's what people will come and do, and I... I just feel like I just like vomited it all out and now it's gone, you know? It's like, it's like all of a sudden my mind just gave up, like, 'Oh, okay.' Like, I know I just did a minute ago, like, you know, you did an imitation of yourself immediately. Oh my god, we sound like crazy people.

You're completely crazy. Yeah, we're all completely crazy. I'm completely crazy. I like... by normal standards I won't be considered crazy because I like talk to all these people like, 'Who... which one is talking? You know, which one? You know, is that one real? No.' You know, all of this like going on inside, you know? And I knew that coming to talk to you would sort it out somehow. It's like something just broken. I knew I had to just come and look at your beautiful smiley face.

Yes, you have to do like this sometimes where something seems just here, here, here. Just come here and just let it out, you know? All the things like, 'Everyone is just faking it, everyone adjusts, whatever, whatever.' It's like this: just get rid of it, just expose it. It's good, it's gone. And why does the mind give up? Because the mind gives up because inside, when it's inside, it's made something out of it. 'Oh, how can I come to Satsang and see these things? And yet you come to Satsang and you say these things are nothing, you do nothing.'

My thing is that I don't want to come and sit here and talk to you for like, you know, however long it's been with absolute nonsense, you know, and things that I could sort out myself, you know? So I didn't want to, you know, test everybody's patience, you know? But you know, it just felt like it had to.

Yes, it's really good. I know it'll come again. Yes, yes. I hear this very often these days, that 'I feel I should be able to do this independently. I feel I should be able to do this independently.' No, Satsang doesn't work like that. Whatever you feel, you come and you share. It's okay. The open house. And if someone's patience is being tested, very good. Is there Satsang? Very good. So don't have any such this thing. Satsang is the place where you come and be completely free. Whatever is happening is fine. Okay, good. Now we've cornered that seeker enough that it like lies down and pretends to be dead. This is very good. It's a very good day.

You say this is very good because he's down and pretends to be dead. This is very good. I'm going to steal this one. Yeah, we have an animal in the bush that it pertains to, like it just does this funny thing. So now I just let her... let that seeker just lie there and pretend to be dead, or should I stomp on him or her? No, nothing? Nothing? What do you suggest?

Nothing. Pretending to be dead means it's actually dead, you see? If it has some life, it will create some nonsense again. It will create some... 'Say something, say something, say something.' You know, when you feel that pinch, you come to Satsang and like this, you share like this. Okay? Because if I tell you, 'Don't believe your next thought,' then we might energize it again.

I'm going to be like that thing again. And also, do you think I'll get all my belief back? You know, do you not think that all the listening to the teacher's advice goes hand in hand with that seeker many times?

Yes, you're right about this. Many times what seems like advice for that point of time, if it's taken throughout, you see... so if I said, 'Don't believe the next thought,' and you make it a mantra for life, then that is also trouble, you see? It was just appropriate for that point of time. But when you actually drop belief in the person, there's no belief left anymore and you keep saying, 'Don't believe next thought,' so again this is not freedom, you see? So many times things are said just for that moment, what is useful. You give a medicine; doctor gives you medicine for just that time, isn't it? He's not saying you take it for the rest of your life. It's only for whatever is ailing you now. Just some medicine is given. Feel a sense of relief from it, then forget about the medicine also.

So is that the medicine you're giving me?

No, I was giving it to you then. But this one which I'm speaking tonight doesn't need any medicine. Yeah, this one doesn't feel sick, you see? For this one, I just want to say one thing, which is that once it starts triggering something like this, then you come and you speak. Don't wait for it to take care of it and, 'They should go, this will waste other people's time.' All of that, forget about all that. Once it starts, once it starts something, then you just come here and share. See, this is for every one of you. I know many of you will say, 'But then what does this say about me? You know, is it wasting people's time?' All this is just... forget about it.

Okay, thank you.

You're welcome, my dear. I like very much some of the things you said. They were so funny because you said, 'Oh, this is literally it is starting and three hours of just bliss with Mooji.' Just plays such rubbish. I don't... it's like complete contradiction, you see? Three hours of just bliss and I'm just... don't walk, no, just exactly like this. But then this will happen away from these kind of conversations, you see? You must not shy away, all of you must not shy away from these kind of conversations. Because if this is just allowed to be inside and it's not shared in Satsang, then this, although when you check you see there's no distance, if it is just kept inside there and not just vomited out like this, then it can create a seeming distance and it seems like, 'Okay, maybe I just take a break for some time.' It's very good that you come and you share like this.

I didn't hear the last bit. I think your sound went a bit.

Yes, I was just saying that if this does not come up like this and we don't have this interaction like this in Satsang about it, then sometimes it can seem like it's being allowed to fester and, you know, it seems to grow and it seems like, 'Oh, okay, yes, yes, I did Satsang with Ananta for two years, very beautiful, he's a great guy, but you know, at the end I just said what's the point?' It's better that you come into it. It's better if you come and see it. I don't mind anything like this, you see? But first say it in Satsang and then we see where it goes. It's very good. It's very good. Thank you for all your love and your patience.

Thank you. Thank you for your integrity, thank you for your love.

Because it takes a lot of love to come like this also. It takes a lot of love to come like this also. There must be this feeling of belongingness where you come and you say, 'Yes, this is what I'm feeling and I'm going to share it. Come with me, I don't care what anyone says or thinks.' This is very good. It's a lot of trust, a lot of life, and I really appreciate it.

You know, I really have been with many, many teachers. I've seen many teachers, I've watched thousands of hours of Satsang. I'm like... I'm like Malcolm Gladwell, he always says, you know, if you do ten thousand hours of something, then you master it, you know? I've done way more than ten thousand hours and I cannot tell you the treasure that you are. The fact that you can even have that conversation with me, you know, and like that you can like stay with that. I don't see the teachers being able to do that, you know? And like the strength that you have for that, you know, and that the openness that you have is so precious and so valuable. And I don't know sometimes if people who come to Satsang...

Ten thousand hours or something, then you master it. You know, I've done way more than ten thousand hours, and I cannot tell you the treasure that you are. The fact that you can even have that conversation with me, you know, and like that you can stay with that. I don't see the teachers being able to do that, you know. And the strength that you have for that, you know, and the openness that you have is so precious and so valuable. And I don't know sometimes if people who come to Satsang with you even know how lucky they are that they found you. I love you so much. Now you make me proud. I'm like in an honest mood today, you know. Thank you. I love you so much.

You know, one of the things that I learned in life was you must always be open. So here in Satsang, when I come, I come with a sense of openness. And just this openness—one of you might come one day and say that, you know, 'I am going to show you that what you speak is completely wrong.' And I'm completely open to having that conversation because I've been wrong many times in my life, and I learned not to stick to my wanting to be right. And once you come with that kind of openness, then nothing seems like an attack, you see? Nothing seems like an attack. So I'm not defending anything.

If you tell me that, you know, 'Ananta, you say that this Awareness is the Absolute, but I will show you something that is even prior to this. There is a nothing-nothing which is prior to Awareness. I want you to see this nothing.' And I will ask you, 'But the awareness of this nothing seems to be prior to it, isn't it?' And if you can answer that, then I'm willing to accept what you say and say, 'Yes, yes, there is nothing which you are. You are not this Awareness also.' I am completely open, not holding on to any concept. I just say it like I see it, and I'm open to seeing it differently if you can show me how to see it. I don't have any such concepts of, 'Oh, this is right because it's coming through me, it must be right, I must be right.' Nothing. And when you say like this, then I hear with openness. Maybe I'll learn something. Maybe I learn something, you see?

It's very, very auspicious like this because I've seen that even I have been with many masters in the past—seen many even otherwise who I wasn't with—but I used to... my wife and I actually had this determination at one point of time that we would go and see all the living masters. So we went and saw many, many of them, you see. Very beautiful, very nice, some of them. But with many, you found that they're so attached to being right. So attached to being right. So if you were to ask a question, it seemed like many times like this—because I always had this thing to question, you see, always this question—so you would ask a question and immediately you could say, 'Okay, somebody is questioning me.' No? This would come up, and then you're like, 'Okay, this one is not for me.' It could be so like this.

So having seen that, having been there, I realized that this openness is very important. An openness for any question. That's why I say that when the sharing started, I had this feeling that everyone can ask me anything, you know? They can ask me anything. And sometimes something might not resonate and I say, 'Okay, this is not the right place for this question because I really don't have any interest in these kind of questions.' But I should not say, 'How can you ask me this?' Not like this. 'Are you questioning my authority and what I am speaking?' This kind of rubbish must not happen. Thank you, my dear. Thank you so much.

Okay, I'm sure we missed a lot of chat. Let's see what's going on over there. Okay, I can't really catch up with this, so if someone has a question, you can please post it again. Okay, Lucy is new here, so let me see what Lucy is saying. Is she still here? Yes, Lucy is here. Lucy was saying that... Lucy said, 'Namaste, Father.' And then you say I had told her about you and she has been following you on YouTube, and when we get a chance, we would love to thank you, Father. Yes, you can come, my dear. Hey, nice to see you, Lucy. Thank you, Opener. Thank you so much. It's nice to also see Panda in a nicely lit up environment; otherwise, her video always looks like it's from a horror movie or something. No? You can't hear, my dear? Thank you, thank you, thank you so much.

Very nice. I feel sometimes many of you will watch from YouTube but you don't come to hang out, and sometimes it's nice for me also to see you guys. I'd be very happy if more and more of you come. The mic is not working? I see. It's okay. Are you reading all the messages? Everybody is sharing so much love. So much love to you. Yeah, I'll just read all the music now. My heart's full of love. Love you all, my beautiful Sangha. Adam deals, love you so much. Love you, my darling. Love you. Um, we're so lucky. We're the luckiest people in the world. So lucky, all of us.

Jai said that there was a question from Stefan, which was: 'What is the me that is realizing that it is Awareness?' It is only Consciousness which is discovering that it was never a person. And all there is ultimately is Awareness; therefore, Consciousness is also Awareness. This is the realization of Consciousness. Awareness does not need to realize anything. It is like Parvati said: the unconcerned witness of all that is going on. So the realization, like the delusion, was only for Consciousness itself.

So there are only three options, isn't it? It could be that it's a personal realization. Second is it could be a realization for Consciousness. Third is that it's for the Absolute Self, Awareness. A person does not exist; therefore, it cannot even be deluded or realized. Therefore, whose delusion and whose realization is this? The only one which is playing phenomenally like this is Consciousness; therefore, it is only Consciousness. So it is all the play of Consciousness itself.

Bhagavati, you said, 'Just want to run to South Africa and give you a biggest power.' I'm sure the same feeling is there with the entire Sangha. Stefan says, 'If there is no me, then there cannot be a me awareness.' The feeling 'this is me,' this Awareness... so when you check, 'Am I aware now?' is there a feeling of 'me' about it? No. The feeling of 'I Am' is coming later. When we say, 'Can you stop being now?' then there is this feeling that 'I Am.' So this can be the meaning. Awareness is just the simple knowing of Awareness itself, not even the sense of 'me.' No sense of separation. The sense of separation comes then—first there's a presence 'I Am,' and then the world of duality comes.

Kriya has to go. Okay, my dear. Gone already, I think. So much love to you. Hello, Father, can you hear me? Just one second. Shivani said, 'Father, can I come for 20 minutes before work?' Yes, you can come. If somebody can make space for 20 minutes for her. There's a space available, Father, right now. Oh, good. Okay, I somehow don't see it. One, two, three, four, five... Oh, yes, yes. Sorry about that. Yes, she didn't want to come up; she only just wanted to come into the hangout. Okay.

Hello, can you hear me now? Yes, very well. I like it, you've got this new computer. We see and hear you very well. Very good. I just wanted to come up again because it's after yesterday... it's just something going on. I woke up this morning and it was just everything is so amazing. There's so... this habit of fear is just always here. And I saw, I saw the belief. I saw the belief of the thoughts and I was so... and it was just nothing. Even, even the belief was nothing. And it was so... this grace is just... I love you so much.

I love you too, my dear, so much.

This Awareness is just only Awareness. It's just, you know, even, even beingness... nothing, nothing is there. And at the same time, it's just so beautiful. It's not... but this nothingness is the most... no words for that. That's everything can happen, really everything can happen. Everything. And there's so much more space now here. And even when there's identification again, and then somehow this identification happens with thought, and then it's seen, and then it's being... it goes to beingness and then it goes to Awareness. And it's, it's always flowing. And it's not always the same. It's just, it's so amazing. It's just so, so, so, so, so beautiful.

And you know, even this morning, I, I was so, um, in a way not excited, but I, I watched this belief and what reactions came in the body and really strong pain. And I was so fascinated from it. Ah! And, and I, I don't wanted to, to, to take the belief away from the thought because I want to experiment with it. To experiment what, what is really happening when you believe the thought and, and all the reactions which are coming up. And at the same time, this realization that really nothing is happening. And that is so... Father, I'm so grateful for your daily Satsangs and for every, everyone. And it's just so, so beautiful outside. I'm... thank you so much.

So beautiful you're sharing this. I like very much she said that, 'Even this I experiment with: what happens when I give belief? Can I give belief or not?' Like this. When you start contemplating, experimenting like this, then... hey, nice. You know why also I feel nice? Because there's a long time when I used to do these contemplations and something would say, 'But you're crazy, nobody in the world does this kind of stuff.' And I found that they were so useful just to see, because many, many in spirituality also don't see these basic concepts of attention, of belief, of identification. I'm very happy that we are able to just very directly look at these forces, not just blindly doing some sadhana or something. So it's always been like: so what happens when you do a sadhana? When you do a practice, what's going on? Is it that our attention is going? Is it that belief is going? So then we start to look at all of these things and we come to the root of the directness, you know, what is really going on. Very good that you experiment like this and you contemplate like this. No? Yes, did you want to say something in the hangout or you just wanted to be in the hangout?

I wanted to say something. Okay. I just wanted to say thank you to Parvati because, I don't know, it's just really... it seemed like you were channeling you. It's just really grateful. I don't know what it was, I just... I wanted to say thank you. And she just reminds me of my big sister, actually. It's just, I just love it in that way that she... your part of me is like, 'Yay!' You know, it was that... it's getting cornered. And because like, I just see her as a big, big toughy on the outside and a big softy on the inside. It was just so nice. I just wanted to say thank you. I love you, my darling. Love you.

Love you too. I'm just really happy to see it getting caught. Me too. Now that it's finished, I love you very much. It's just, I have to like, oh, come on. Thank you so much. Thank you for your patience. Love you, Shivani, my life. Thank you. Bye. I don't know what it's coming from, but just huge gratitude for that. This is the sun. Okay, thank you, my dear. Right now, no, she's used to it. She knows I'm going there. I didn't do anything to make her cry. You might grow up resenting me for making her mama cry all the time.

It's like a roller coaster. Like, but like I said to you, we just laugh. We yell at each other and we laugh. We're crying and then we're laughing and it's just all over the place, like... which it doesn't... yeah, it's just how it is. But yeah, I don't know. Parvati touched on some big sister thing. Being the youngest, you know, four sisters and they're a lot older. I just really touched, you know, because I guess, I don't know, it's just so nice to see that, you know, being confronted. Because I see it in my sister and something just wants, you know, for them to have that courage that Parvati showed and just bring it. Does that saying 'bring it to truth'? And I bring all this stuff to truth. So anyway, I just have to say it. I just wanted to say that whatever it is, it doesn't matter. I'm so, I'm so glad because you know, you know I'm one of the ones that sit there and say, 'Does it have to be all mush all the time?' I love it when this stuff comes. Sisters! Okay, now because I gotta get to work soon.

Okay, my dear. So happy you came in and you shared this. Very nice to see both of you, actually. So much love to you. Hope to see you in India.

Saying, 'Bring it to truth,' and I bring all this stuff to truth. So anyway, I just have to say it. I just wanted to say that whatever it is, it doesn't matter. I'm so glad because, you know, I'm one of the ones that sit there and say, 'Does it have to be all mush all the time?' I love it when this stuff comes, sisters. Okay, now, because I gotta get to work soon. Okay, my dear, so happy you came in and you shared this. Very nice to see both of you, actually. So much love to you. Hope to see you in India soon sometime. I'm sure my kids and you will like playing with each other as well.

Yes, yeah. How old are your kids, Father?

I think Ruby's in the middle. Yeah, so my son is going to be nine soon and my daughter is seven. All right, it's the wrong time to ask me these things. Yeah, it's okay. All right, I'm gonna mute. I'm gonna mute because I have to fly. My nine... she's born in 2006. She's nine, no? Yes, March 31st, 2006. That makes her nine.

Namaste. Thank you. I was really touched by the sharing as well. Um, thank you for watching and, um, yeah, there's something I really want to expose. I've been living in Dhaka, Bangladesh for the past two years and I came on a cultural exchange. I've been gifted to be able to exchange cultural perspectives through dance and through kinesthetic learning. And so I've been engaged with all sorts of slum schools, secondary schools, and K-12 international schools and such. And, um, I get the opportunity to see a lot of humanitarian aid projects here doing things like 'to' and 'for' populations. But, um, I don't know, I saw a scope for kinesthetic learning to engage with populations here. And, um, I don't know, it's just for me, it's not something you can really get used to, to see, you know, under-resourced and underprivileged communities that go through extraordinary conditions. And there has been like some sense of specialness of like, 'Well, why do I get the opportunity to be in a Sangha and be able to look into the nature of myself?'

And I had, you know, I went into just basic, just like any market, and I was buying something and I don't know, it's like a flush of like remorse or guilt or something came over me thinking like, 'Okay, you know, why is there some sense of financial security here to where I can kind of go do these things, but then those people or these people don't have this opportunity or something?' And there was all this like conflict within myself and all of this was seen, but still there was a sense of identifying with some sort of superior feeling or looking through just the filters of my own cultural tradition, cultural norms, and collective points of view from where I come from. So, um, it's there's something there and I just felt the need to like expose it right away.

Hey, then this reminds me also of the time where—I don't know whether you know, but some of you in the Sangha will know—that at one point I used to run these healthcare centers, healthcare centers for the underprivileged in the slums of Bangalore. And one thing that stuck with me, and I don't know whether it resonates with what you see as well—and you can tell me if it does—it is that when I went into these slums, the initial, before I went, I felt like it's going to be a very, very, very, you know, sad place and everybody was going to be miserable because they have no money. But I walked in and there was such a life about this place. The biggest slum area in Bangalore called Ejipura slums, and there's so much joy there, actually. I've met the people and they're so open and so warm and smiling all of the time. It was so beautiful, actually, you know?

So actually, for me, it was more of a strain when I came back to the so-called privileged parts of Bangalore. And when you walk into the fancy hotels and everybody is so stuffy and, you know, so constricted and so egoistic. So it seemed like for me that was... I was looking forward to going there every day because it's just so much room to breathe, so happy. So it becomes... yes, they have financial trouble, most of them work every day so that they can eat on that day, but they have such a freedom about life, you know? It's so freeing in some way. There's so much joy that I found over there. And somewhat I came to this realization that maybe it is those who have more money that need Satsang more, so caught up in our stuff and taking care of money and all of these things. Because I found a very good inherent joy. Of course, there were many things that we could fix over there; healthcare, of course, could be much, much better, education could be much, much better. But I feel there's something that we can learn from them is to be able to smile and laugh through all the adversity in all this, you know, whatever they face. Such beautiful learning when we go there.

So very quickly this, when I started, it was like, 'Yes, I am going to help them.' And when I got there, I realized that it is me who needs to be in their presence to learn this joy which is not dependent on any material thing. Very good. When I go to these places and just see the people smiling, just like in the small villages in India. My family originally comes from a very small village in a very, very violent part of the country, actually. And you go there and people are so warm and they're so loving, so happy and so much in the moment all of the time. So it's very good that you expose like this and you just see that actually there's so much for us to learn when we go into these environments. And very quickly the sense that 'I am doing something to help them' goes. Actually, they... when I look back at that point in my life, I feel I learned a lot from all of them. So if anything, they are the ones who should feel special for bringing so much to my life. Does this resonate with what you experience there as well?

Absolutely. There's like an unbounded joy when right when we arrive and they don't care what we do or anything. And any plan or itinerary that my group and I come up with, it never goes that way at all, ever. And so you have to be very spontaneous and in the moment and just kind of see what the need is and supply it accordingly. And it all unfolds and happens very naturally if you're very open to it. But if you... yeah, somehow if there's any sense of, 'Well, this is how I really wanted it to happen,' immediately you see the group suffers from this thing.

So also what we wanted to do once, at one time, we said we will make sort of a documentary about the work that we were doing over there. And then we got a documentary filmmaker who wanted to do it. So he came into the slum and said, 'You must stand outside, you know, in the slum, and then we'll interview you about why you wanted to work over here.' So we went with this whole script and planned, 'This is what we are going to say.' And we got there and the camera started rolling and there were thousands of kids. They just came here, they just wanted to be in the camera. And then they were saying things like, 'Oh, is Salman Khan... Salman Khan is the actor here... was the movie actor here?' So he said, 'If I'm going to come, is he part of this movie? What are you doing?' And the whole shoot went for a toss, you know? You realize that it's just not going to happen. But it was so much fun, so much fun. And we captured a lot of these reactions and, you know, it was very beautiful. So it teaches you, you're very right, it teaches you to be just spontaneous in the moment.

Yes, a lot of crazy things you will encounter. Like, there are still parents in the slums who will say, 'Oh, vaccination? You don't believe in things like a vaccination.' What many things which you find that are sad because in India sometimes boys are given more importance than girls are. Yeah, their parents are feeding the boys more than the girls. I'm sure it's similar in Bangladesh also. So girls suffer from more malnutrition. So when you see those things, then you feel, you know, 'What should we do?' And sometimes you realize the simplest solutions are the best. If you try to solve the entire problem, then it becomes like too much. So what we said is every girl that comes into the center, we'll give her two bananas. Just like there's something simple, something that we can help. So these kind of... it is very beautiful, very beautiful thing.

Yeah, we tried to do the same thing because there's a lot of xenophobic precepts—not racial ones, but definitely catered towards the men. And the women that dance are kind of positioned and more like a place like, 'Oh, she's a dancer,' that like exotic type or something. And so we... I mean, we don't try to like special them out, but definitely there's... they tried to lead the group. Yeah, like we give them opportunities to lead the group and to do that. So it's been very nice. And yeah, so it's just seeing it every day, it's difficult sometimes. So I just wondered where the identity was taking place, like where that was.

I feel that the big one is this one about this, like you said, the sense of specialness that can come. If this is in check, then all the other identities, they'll just be momentary. Because I've seen many, when I used to work for those in those days, I saw many which had such a sense of personal glory about it.

Yes, here too. Like the photojournalists here, they'll take pictures and they'll sensationalize everything and kind of make it seem like they are sharing the plight that exists here. And then they get a lot of glory or glorification for the images that they're capturing. But there's no sense of true communication there. They don't really know what they're saying or why they're producing the images and how it might be contributing to the revolution that they see. Not that they need to create some utopia or something like that, but that there's no sense of like, 'Why am I sharing this image and what does it say?'

Yeah, so many like this, especially if you work there for long periods of time. So then when you meet them in conferences, they'll say, 'Yes, yes, I gave up my corporate job and I was making so many million dollars and I gave it all up and what I'm doing now, you know, I'm helping the world. And look at these people, they're still after money.' Very egoistic, you see, without even realizing. As long as you're not picking up any of that, I feel... thank you so much, so much. Thank you, Sangha, for the time.

Um, so this is Bhagavati Ji's caravan. Yes, looks like a caravan of love. Yes, my mind not too good over there. Don't... I can't... looks very nice, looks very spacious. It's like very beautiful. Ah, you see, we have a booster aerial on order. Yes, it boosts the Wi-Fi signal so that it becomes better. But I'm happy I get to see you even from there. It's so beautiful. We are from all over the world in this, just this hangout. We are from Bangladesh, from Southeast Asia, Bangalore, Europe, Australia, and Portugal, right from Mooji Ji's Sahaja, actually. So many more from all over the world and YouTube as well. Yes, he says, 'A view of Sahaja from our window.' Lucy says, 'You have a beautiful smile, Father,' which I agree to. 'I sometimes get flashes of your smiling face and it's intimidating for the mind.' Yes, thank you, thank you so much. I say smiling axe man. Yes, he says, 'Retreat begins at lunchtime today. You remain in my heart, Father. One hour orientation is later in the night, isn't it?' Yes, yes. Many parts of the world: France, South Africa, California. Says, 'Father, thank you for clearing out all my cobwebs just in time for G-Mar. Love you.' How could you forget so that you could have a response like this? So where it says the entire world, you can come into the hangout and we'll look at what conversation whenever, whenever, not right now necessarily. Shivam says, 'Father, beautiful bouts of burning...'

Each time today you remain in my heart. Father, one hour orientation is later in the night, isn't it? Yes, yes. Many parts of the world—France, South Africa, California. Says, 'Father, thank you for clearing out all my cobwebs just in time for G-Mar. Love you.' How could you forget? So that you could have a response like this. So where it says the entire world, you can come into the hangout and we'll look at what conversation whenever, whenever—not right now necessarily. Shivam says, 'Father, beautiful bouts of burning happened here recently.' It seems okay now. The burning goes, then this realization remains that all that was burning was not me. Therefore, it is very good that the burning happening is it. And he's in his new office over there, not doing any work; he's listening to satsang. The new job, it's very good. Ah, look at that. It's good he has a boss who's traveling often so we can do this. Ram said he wanted to come. Of course you can come, my dear.

Last night, just if I forget to see something and you see that I'm just chatting casually, you can just unload your mic and start speaking. The thing is, I feel a little bit upright and like something wants to speak and something wants to run away. So yeah, and I can feel a strong feeling like I want to let the ego want to improve the body further. Like, I begin to do some workout and like something wants the body to feel like much better, you know? And like Papaji said today, like she said something like, 'Yeah, it's all just consciousness, so like we can do whatever we want,' you know? And like, I believe until I watch a movie and like my daisy like watching satsang and I try to be alone into contemplating, but like yesterday I feel like a kind of boring and tired and hopeless, you know? So I begin to like go outside and do some workouts and running, like kind of some stuff that the teenager they do, you know? And I feel so good and I'm going to watch a movie and just kind of relax a little bit. But I'm not sure whether is it good or not, because it seemed like something wants to hold the mic, like wants to run away somehow. I feel better, yeah.

And also yesterday when I come to my father's room and I call him out for dinner, you know, and I heard him talking on the phone about me, like talking with some relative. And he said that, you know, like, 'My son, he's still in the university and he's still good,' like that. Like he's telling a lie because he knows that I quit university, you know? Because he has a strong ego about me. Like I remember like a few years ago, like whenever we go together, he only has, you know, like the same, like, 'You see my son, and he was so good,' and many stuff like that. And now I can see he still kind of had many expectations in me. And now he tried like telling a lie to my relative because I can see that maybe he feels ashamed when like his son quit university and is sitting all day long doing nothing, you know? And so I just want to explode to you somehow because sometimes I just want to stand up and I want to like telling my father, 'Let's just drop it, you know? Just forget about it. I cannot live to his expectation anymore.' And like he said that there's nothing to be shy about being true, you know? But when I meet his brethren or the other people in my family, I always have a feeling like I'm trying to pretend to make them happy, but something inside here feels so bad, you know? So I just want to explore a little bit because I read in the Wildfire book, there is a saying like they sometimes God give you a limb so that you can stand up, you know, to fight to what eats you. And but in the presence of my family, I feel that I'm so weak. Like yesterday I just want to say to my dad, 'You know, like, Dad, you don't just to be honest with everybody and see the way that this is, you know? And don't try to fight anymore.' Because whenever I go out with my dad, you know, like he always like kept a feeling like he's talking many things about me, like, 'This is my son, he's so good and he's study good and he's having like a good body and he's very humble people.' And so just he wanted to try to make up to people can be proud, he's surprised about me. And I feel really happy about that, you know? And as Govi talked about you the other day and you answer like just we have to accept, like we have to allow the freedom to like just drop the sense that we have any right, you know? But somehow the feeling like I have a feeling that I have to stand up and just saying, 'What are you doing to me?' somehow.

I don't know that the expectations that our parents or our close ones which seem to still bother us. So what you have to work on is not getting your father to change. That can also happen, but that is secondary. See, primary is for you to see that what is it that is getting hurt when your father is saying something about you which is untrue?

It seemed like for some movement I know that he loved me and he really take care of me, but for some movement I can feel like his ego about me was so strong. I don't know how to describe, but like I had a feeling like he wants to use me to fulfill his expectation about his life. And I feel tired, but I cannot prove to him because now I quit university and I'm just sitting all day long at home. And so I cannot prove that you see the true way of life, because if I say no, normally nobody can believe me, you know?

And okay, I know you don't understand anything, but at least come and sit for some time because I feel that is what is best for them. So parents always feel that they know best. So first, don't expect that the parent will change you. First see what is here. So you say that my thoughts, they come and go, but my parents' thoughts about me, they still have some power, you see? So let your parents say whatever they want. And once you give them this space, then you will find so much freedom about this. And then if it has to be that your father is saying something and something comes up from your mouth and it's being said, it's fine. I'm not saying that you must not say anything. I'm not saying that you must become a sheep. You don't become a sheep, you don't become a lion; you stay as nothing. And if consciousness wants to play a sheep, it plays a sheep. If consciousness wants to play as a lion, it plays as a lion. But don't let it make something for you. Don't give it any meaning for you.

Provides 'my father like this' because it is important for you only because he is your father. If it was any other man, it would not matter, isn't it? So it is still the son identity which is saying, 'Why is my father like this? I must tell him to change.' And I know with my own parents, they're trying to change parents is next to impossible. Trying to change parents is not easy because they feel that they know best, see? Which is okay, that's how parents are designed. Even I feel I know best when it comes to my children, you see? And you're closer to my son's age than you are to my age, actually, so I can relate to your father also a little bit.

So what happens is that once you are through with this for yourself and it stops pushing the button, then you will see that something externally also will change. There will be more acceptance that will come from there also because you know, ultimately, more than anything else, what a parent really wants—more than anything, even success, more than success for his child—a parent really wants the child to be happy. So if in your presence they're experiencing some joy, some happiness, then all that expectation, all that will also change. All that will also change. So everything that is happening on the outside, first see it on the inside. We'll see it on the inside and you give them that freedom, give them the acceptance, and then it stops becoming a thorn for you. And in that, your presence itself has more room and it becomes something which they can also experience, see? Otherwise what happens? Otherwise what will happen is that he said something and you reply to him something and really say, 'No, like this, why are you like this?' Then he will say, 'What is the point of all of your spirituality? You're still getting angry with me for doing this kind of thing. And what is the point of hearing so much satsang?' Then it's a battle you cannot win.

Yeah, it's true, Father, because many times I might have created many thoughts about like me fighting with my family about when history, yeah. But I can see that because as long as like I am confirming in myself, you know, I can see the people around me, they start to like accept. There's some acceptance in them somehow, but still someone wants to fight.

You use this for your own inquiry. Don't try to first fix it on the outside. Let God fix it on the outside. If you feel there's a you, you fix it on the inside. You know what I mean?

This in the inside, I mean like I'm just start inquiring and yeah, see what why this belief is there. Because this belief is there that why my father has to be this way.

Can you say it? If my father—forgive them in his heart for whatever they are. In your heart, whatever action happens in the body is okay. Don't hold a grievance in your heart. Because what is happening in this simple thing, the simple grievance? First you believe that you are a son, you have believed he is a father. That means you have invited two people. That is why this is.

Yeah, I can see like some belief that this person can try and improve this life, you know? And also these days, I don't know what, I have a strong feeling then like I want to improve the body. Yeah, I want to have the best body and like feel good, like somebody look in me and feeling like that, you know? But when I look clearly, I look inside a little bit, I just feel that it's just nonsense. No, it's not true somehow, but something just keep doing and...

Okay, so let me give you my favorite example. A great example, as you know, is the car example, you see? So there's a car. The body is like your car. Now to maintain it, to keep it in good running condition, nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with wanting to, but you see many people are obsessed with their cars, you see? They want a better model, they want a better headlight, they want better this thing, they want everybody to look at the car and say, 'Wow, what a car.' So that is taking it too far. Nothing wrong in what keeping its shape in shape, keeping it proper. But if there's a sense of specialness, sense of pride about it, that you want it to provide something to you, you have a need for your body to be a certain way, then it becomes trouble, you see? And you must not, you must see that the car can never be you. Car is always just a car and no car will last forever. Even if you improve it, you keep it in the best shape, it will not go past the 120 years. You are discovering now here that which is eternal, that for whom 100 years means nothing, see? So naturally, whatever is going—exercise, you're running—it's good, it's good. It's not bad. No desire, no aversion, just it's flowing like this. It's flowing like this for you. It's very good. Nothing is wrong with that. Just don't say the car is me. As long as you're saying like this, 'Yes, my body, it is an instrument that I have,' it's okay. Thank you actually to your parents also, to your father. I'm very grateful because he has given you the space to be in satsang.

Yeah, my father, I feel he really loved me and he tried to do the best for me, you know? Like I remember when I in high school when I first discovered about his spiritual things and he really, he really, he tried to to like an understanding, to have the best understanding in me somehow, you know? Because in my country, like the parents, they they always try to control their child, but I can see the love of my of my father and he he he tried to like have the same interest in me somehow. But and I don't know, maybe just me, it's just me trying to to improve we them.

Look at the things which we are so grateful for also and so much they've done for us. Little bit it's okay. Everyone is playing out some game in their minds a little bit. If sometimes some pride comes, some...

Standing in me somehow, you know, because in my country, like the parents, they always try to control their child. But I can see the love of my father, and he tried to have the same interest in me somehow. And I don't know, maybe it's just me trying to improve. We look at the things which we are so grateful for also, and so much they've done for us. A little bit, it's okay. Everyone is playing out some game in their minds. A little bit, if sometimes some pride comes, something, that's okay. This is the nature of the mind.

So if, like I say, no, that I could say I love you a thousand times—I say I love you a thousand times—but in today's satsang, if I say, 'Man, I really hate you,' very quickly you'll forget about the thousand times that I said I love you, and you'll feel, 'Oh, he said he hates me.' And there will be more belief going to this one time rather than all the thousands, which is the nature of the mind. Like this also with our parents; so many thousands of things they did for us, but sometimes they show some pride or they just... something in them is that. Forgive that. It's okay.

Very welcome, Jerome, my dear Jerome and Sonia. Thank you so much. There is a part here that sees all the ego in others and wants to rub their face in it and not let them feel. I gladly let this part go. Very, very good. Thank you. Awareness is before all of this stuff. This is very good what you say, because this tendency can be very sticky. The mind wants to take—the ego wants to take—this perspective that 'I have understood, and look at this one, he or she is still not understood.' You see, something there feels very strong about this, something very egoistic about this. It's very good that you let this go.

Father, I have something to share as well. Yes, my dear. Um, there was a part of me that said, 'Oh well, you've already kind of shared, so don't come back.' There's a definitely ties in with what I shared earlier. There's this perennial story that's just wrapped; it just keeps going and going. And it has to do with intimacy, sexuality in relationship. And as a young boy, I always had these very innocent fantasies of like how my first experience might be like sexually, you know? Like, how would it be? Would I hold her hand first? Would I whisper to her? Where would it be? And all these type of things.

And um, there was a very traumatic experience that I experienced with just being sexual trauma, and the first experience being, you know, a forty-year-old man, you know? And so it just disrupted the very sweetness of the fantasies that I might have had, you know? And so I began to, you know, get into my father's porn collection and just constantly consuming these type of visuals and trying to understand my own sense of intimacy—with whom am I intimate with?—and these questions of what is sex and all these type of things. And I experienced that it deluded that love or sweetness or passion that I had tried to imagine.

And so, I see this come up in my relationships or with subtle senses of like womanizing, gender separating the roles and things of that nature. And so, the belief in this story I've held a long time. And recently, I made a terrible mistake to have an affair with the woman I was with, and betrayal and sabotage of the relationship and everything. So I was really afraid to expose this and to say these things because I was like, 'Okay, you can't say these type of things because then someone will look at you like a judgment.' And so there's a strong attachment to the sense that my love belongs to another and that I need to prove and try to win this person back and these type of things, you know? These thoughts are coming, and they're coming very, very strong.

It's very interesting that I'm in Bangladesh helping children, because there's a child in me that is like screaming for healing. There was a correlation there that was seen that I didn't notice before. And so, this has been my trip up, I guess you would want to say, in the lack of better words, is that to not... I feel lots of moments like guilt or remorse or a sense of self-blame, or it just keeps coming very, very strong. And I wanted to expose this thing because something wants to search to try to figure out: Who do I apologize to? And where is the capacity in me to make such choices? Where did I succumb to this type of fear? And you know, like these questions, so many.

And I wish I could take that type of pain away from the one that I really loved, you know? Because when you do something like this thing, it's difficult to see it because you're in it, or something like that. It feels this way. And so I figured, well, why not bring it to the sangha so I can burn it here? It's been troubling me very much and I don't want it anymore.

I really appreciate this sharing. Very, very hard. One thing I want to tell you, because you are still young like this: anytime anything becomes personal, it is always headed for trouble. You try to use the person for anything at all, especially when it comes to matters of love, matters of joy. The person does not know anything about any of this. At best, like you said, you can paint some fantasies about it. So, this is how it should be, and these are the setups. You see, these are the setups of failure.

First, it will say that your first kiss must be so beautiful, so beautiful. And then when it happens, you're like, 'Okay, that was it.' But imagine if there was no expectation around it; then everything is beautiful. So anytime this personal identity gets involved in anything, especially matters of love, then it is completely out of its depth. We must look at what love is. But the world is confusing, for love is either a set of experiences or just need—this need which is being called love. This is the world's idea of love, isn't it?

But what is true love? This true love, you come to this point of presence, you will discover that there's so much love here. No expectation, no need for anything, no experience also needed. It is not coming from outside. So what really happens? What really happens when we experience some sense of love when we are with another? It is just that for those moments, we forget about this sense of me. Those moments we forget about this sense of me, and when the sense of separate me is dropped, then you see there's so much love.

But the problem with it happening with another is that very quickly we want to hold on to that another because we feel that that another is getting us this experience of love. Very quickly we want to cling on to that. So we took what is pure and love and we made it a need; we made it a desperation. But you are coming to the realization of what you really are. And what you really are is truly not even concerned by love, I must say this. It's not loveless; all love is emerging from it, but it does not feel the need for anything, including love. And this is what is freedom.

When you stop looking at the world with the eyes of 'What's in it for me? What's in it for me?' then you will find in your own presence there's so much love. You're not trying to control your experiences, you're not trying to modulate them, not trying to make it better. You're trusting life to bring you exactly what it has to bring you, because I can tell you that no experience—no experience—is ultimately fulfilling.

It's like something keeps avoiding this deeper healing and wants to say, you know, 'Go back to this relationship' or something. It's like, but I know this is not true. It doesn't feel true to me, but it's just like it keeps going. It won't look at like a deeper inquiry that's arising in me. Like, I don't want to look at the childhood at all, or there's a sense that is trying to figure out why I made such a choice.

A couple of things I want to say about this also is that, one, here in this directness, in this fire of satsang, very soon you will not be able to identify the one that needs to be healed also. You will not be able to find that which needs healing.

I see this thing, yes. Okay, yeah. I can't find... that's why it's like searching to find like where to apologize or what to say or where to say 'I'm sorry,' who to forgive, what to forgive. It's like...

So you forget about all of that for some time, and the actions will continue to happen through your body. You will just watch: 'Oh, this happened, then this happened.' Okay, you see? But you will not be able to pick up a 'me' who is the seeming doer of any of this. Like my Master says, you are not the thinker of your thoughts or the doer of your actions. And this will become your own discovery, see? So then when you discover that I was never the doer and no other person was ever the experiencer, then there is nothing to forgive and nothing to be guilty about. And yet you might find very naturally the words coming up that, 'Hey, I'm sorry about this.' It's not really about what is appearing, but what you really believe yourself to be.

And you will discover this love which is just present here, just present. Has no need, no expectation, no reciprocation. None of this is like this. And then also you spoke about sex when you started, and it's very... like I keep saying that every time I hear something about sex, it's either something special or it's something shameful. It's not either, actually. It's neither anything special nor anything shameful. Just like hunger, other bodily functions, just like that it is. You need to blow your nose; you are not always, 'Why do I need to blow my nose so much? Why can't my nose be like other people's noses? Why is it like...?' Yes, if it takes, it becomes something nothing at all.

So all this conditioning of shame or specialness—some part of it you yourself did, some part society does. Not you yourself, but you the mind that said, 'Oh, it must be like this.' You know, the first experience of sex must be like this. It sets up these false expectations of some sort of heaven which is trying to create for you the story of the drama.

And then the feeling of the body is like this, like it hits really seriously. And it's like I can report it now, but when it's happening, it feels very... like the seeing is not as clear. And so, but I'm aware of it.

So it cannot be that you are in satsang, you are in grace, and then your life's events still will bring this kind of stuff to you. You'll find that automatically all these energies will start becoming calmer; they will stop appearing in your life. Just play with the truths, stay with this self-discovery. Very soon you will find that whatever needs to be chopped out from your life will automatically be getting chopped away. And whatever has happened, every moment of your past, that's what brought you to satsang now. It takes very long medicine to get us to satsang.

And once you see that, 'Okay, I am here in this self-discovery,' then you will be grateful for everything that happened, because not one moment could have been different in your life and yet you would be here. It had to be exactly like this because it has given you the right openness, the right raw material for inquiry, right experiences that you can contemplate. Victim mindset also, and say, 'Why does this happen? Why did this have to happen for me?' Like you don't... that, 'Okay, I needed this so that I can find out what I really want, what I really am.'

And then when that happened, like the dropping of the victim, then something picked up the survivor.

Yes, exactly. And that one, that one is not truly there.

I can see this one too.

Yes, exactly. You picked up survivor, then you might pick up—or maybe pick up—seeker, then we will pick up the person. All this is just identity. So we can ballpark all of this because all of you can see there is nobody before, actually.

I needed this so that I can find out what I really want, what I really am. And then when that happened, like the dropping of the victim, then something picked up the survivor.

Yes, exactly. And that one, that one is not truly there.

I can see this one too.

Yes, exactly. You picked up survivor, then you might pick up or maybe pick up seeker, then we will pick up the person. All this is just identity. So we can ballpark all of this because all of you can see there is nobody before, actually. Oh my god, the ego is always moving from one stone to another, one story to another. What a glorious ending to this story also it wants to say; that this happened, this happened to Ty's life, that this happened, then some horrible things, then this survival, then he made it out of it, then he got into satsang and now he is the free one. I don't want this one.

Very good. What the mind is trying to do, but you can say, 'I don't want any.' Just like this, all these dregs of the identity will also fade away because the ultimate question we must look at is: are we completely okay being nobody? Otherwise, one of these things will become another attachment. It doesn't mean that these things cannot be enjoyed, and the joy is always in the moment. But if it becomes an attachment, then again the good news is that life is always giving you the opportunity to transcend it. This I do it like here, now. See for yourself what you are.

In baseball, they have this term, the curveball. Some are going through some really strong stuff. I mean, even things which we feel like, okay, some terrible thing that happened in our life, that is nothing compared to what she is going through. These kind of things. And she was speaking the other day and she said, 'Is there something I could have done differently? Is there something I could have done differently?' I said, 'No, this is also part of God's play.' But if there feels like there is something, then you do it now. Even in these circumstances, you discover what you really are. Do it now. So when you hear these kind of things, then I feel like saying that don't postpone. Don't prioritize something else over this. You're in satsang now. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. Now is always the best time, and I'm there with you. If something feels it's not ready, if something feels 'I don't get it,' something that's going to take me time—all these things you can come and tell me. Then we look at it together and we see whether it really needs to take any time.

Very grateful, and thank you so much to the sangha for just all the love that's present. And I know this sense of courage or bravery is ours. It's like it's all one. And truly, it's incredible that there's a space like this that is not just air it out. So very grateful to you, Father. I'm very grateful to this sangha. Thank you.

Come on over here. She said she would like to ask a quick question and there's a half a minute time lag. Yes, my dear, you can ask. When you hear this, then you can ask. Okay, I'll say everything.

Hi, Father. I'll say everything all at once so that I can just hear you. I'm going into Mooji's Zmar, yes. And often what happens is he said he has the thing about make sure you stay as awareness and go all the way. My mute's undone just so I just want to check with you because I'm so aware that awareness is always here, aware of itself, witnessing no matter what's going on with the thoughts. The emotions can be the biggest storm, and that even everyone else is that too. I just can't question this reality; it's so true. And you're saying that's really all that I need to know and to just be that. You know, you don't even have to be it; it's here. So if anything, it's just always been your help about the latent tendencies and knowing that that's really all there is to it. This now, knowing that you're always awareness.

I guess I'm just trying to check in with you on two things. One is this thing about the feeling when I listen to Mooji that I need to somehow stabilize the awareness that's already here. And the other one is in speaking this about awareness is always here, aware of itself, witnessing huge inside and out no matter what's going on while it's taking the 'me' for a ride that isn't even real. Do I need to question this? Is there something that you see where I'm deluding myself about this fact that the awareness is unquestionable? So if that makes any sense, I'm attempting to communicate, but that's all I had to say in a lot of words. And thank you so much because I love you so much.

I love you too, my dear. Thank you so much. So when my Father says this, 'Stay as the awareness,' what does it mean? It means that just don't identify as a person. Just don't identify as a person. That's all that means. And at some level, all of us have heard this, that we have identified as a person. Stop identifying as a person. So this pointing, all the pointings are for consciousness itself so consciousness can see that it is awareness, or consciousness can delude itself as a person. So when the pointing comes in this very direct way, 'Just awareness' means what? Don't give belief, don't give any identification to the person idea. All that is being said is exactly the same as don't give your belief, don't buy anything from the salesman for the mind.

Because if you were to say, 'What does it mean to stay as the awareness?' it means not to delude yourself to be a person. That's all that it means. So there is actually no dichotomy. And if there's a feeling that there's a difference in the pointing, I would always say that in your Father, you're in my Father's retreat, you just follow his words to the tee. And once the retreat is done, then we can always talk about it. We can always feel, we can always discuss if there's some feeling of difference or dichotomy in what is being said. Just immerse yourself completely. This is a beautiful, beautiful opportunity for all of you to be there in this retreat with him. He's guiding the way. Everything will be completely taken care of. He stays the awareness; we just don't identify as a person.

Second, there was a question about whether there is a sense that—I'm not sure, but you can elaborate a little more on this—but what I heard was: is there a sense that I'm sort of deluding myself about yourself when you speak? Is there a sense of self-delusion when it sees that awareness is constantly just awareness? I don't feel that there's any such delusion. I don't feel there's any such confusion. I know that you are clear about what awareness is and you're clear that you are this awareness. At times, momentarily, when some events happen, something comes like all of us, you still have the ability to give your belief. You still have the ability to pretend to be a person, which happens, and it happens to the best of us. But I don't see that there's any spiritual ego or something like that. I don't see that. It's fun to see this lag; he might even be speaking right when I'm speaking. But I love you, and I'm going to be coming back to satsang with many of us even during the retreat. So okay now. Thank you all so very much. Jai. Okay, thank you. Thank you so much. Turn the broadcast off now. Thank you all on YouTube as well.