True Spirituality Is Learning How To Live in God’s Will, Not on Our Terms – 30th June 2023

So then what happens is that the distance between our lives and what we take to be the master's life then starts to reduce. Because otherwise, after reading the books, we can feel like we can never get there because here the master can do so many miracles and I can't even decide what I want to have for lunch. There's a huge difference between a master's life and our life, so we can feel like the gap is too much, you see. But being around a living master, you realize that all this part of the Leela can still go on and everything doesn't have to be meticulous and perfectly planned and run in a very dramatic sort of manner. We know how it is possible to let life unfold moment to moment very naturally. So in these ways, it is very helpful to be around the living master.

And also, Adyashanti said at one point, which I loved—I'm paraphrasing, I don't remember exactly the words—but he said if you want a master who doesn't push your buttons, then you better go with a dead one. It's just amazing. So we need to be around the master who can push all our buttons because the point of spirituality is not to live with those buttons, not to amplify those buttons and use projections to even get confirmation for those buttons. It is to find someone who can chop them away for you or dissolve them away for you in whichever way the expression has to function.

In these ways, it's very beautiful to have a living master. But beyond this, I feel like if you would go beyond the boundary of living and not living, to be in love or in devotion with a master is the greatest gift that is possible in the human condition. It is the greatest gift that is possible because only in the light of the Satguru presence does God reveal himself. Now, whether we call that Guru presence, or we call it Holy Spirit, or we call it Atma, or we call it whatever word we want to use, it is not possible to leapfrog in this human play, to go beyond the presence, the light, God's light, straight to that which is unperceivable. The unperceivable is found only in the light of the Guru, as strange as it may sound to the mind, you see.

In India, a Guru means the bringer of light. The bringer of light. And we can try and shed some light onto what that actually implies. So what kind of light would this be? Is it like a person who has so much physical perceivable light, like those lights in a stadium, so this person walks in and everything lights up like the light in the stadium? Not that kind of light, no. Although you might experience some light in that way, that is not really the light that the Guru is bringing. The Guru sheds light onto the highest light which is beyond perception.

I've been taking this example of what is that unperceived light, and I have been taking this example which I read probably in The Cloud of Unknowing, where it pointed out that even the light of the sun we cannot see. If you turn towards the sun, then the light is too bright; we have to turn away, you see. So that God, that Consciousness in whose light even the sun shines, it is impossible to perceive in that way. So to bring light onto that which is beyond human perception and yet is our ultimate reality, that job only the Guru can do. And the Guru in this case meaning the Satguru presence.

The outer Guru, the living master, he's got a single-point agenda. The single-point agenda is to introduce you and teach you how to live in the guidance of your heart and the guidance of the Satguru presence within. And because we are so used to name and form, even to meet the Satguru presence within seems alien for most of us. That is why to have something which appears to be having a name and form, which can point us to the nameless and formless, is a beautiful gift in this life.

So these are the benefits. There are some disadvantages also. The disadvantages are, of course, that because we are used to relating in particular ways to humans around us, when we meet a master, most of us don't know how to relate. We don't know how to be completely surrendered, and many times the mind tries to put the master relationship in a particular mold. It could be father, it could be mother, it could be beloved, it could be friend, it could be all sorts of combinations which the mind is used to, you see. But actually, the master may play a particular prototype in their external expression, but they will never really conform to any such boundary that we create for them.

In India it is said, 'Tvameva mata cha pita tvameva,' which means that mother, father, friend, and best friend and beloved—everything is the Guru. Now, but the mind cannot fathom such a relationship. So what happens is that we grapple and we say, 'Okay, now my master is like my father.' But in many things, the master may not react like a physical, biological father may. Another may say, 'Okay, the amount of love that I feel for my master, I think it's just so... my master must be my beloved in that beloved sort of way.' But a master will not conform to that prototype as much as our mind may want to do that.

So then, actually, it's an advantage. I started off by saying it's a disadvantage, but as I'm speaking, I'm realizing it's an advantage because our mind really cannot grapple with the master. All of us who have been with guruji can confirm that, and some of you who live in Bangalore fully can also confirm that to some extent, saying that it's very difficult to really predict or to be able to make a sort of template around what the master is going to say or what the master is going to do. We heard from a devotee when we went to Tiruvannamalai, and he was saying that Yogi Ramsuratkumar was the most unpredictable one that he had ever met.

So in a way, it is a beautiful advantage because we learn to love without the other side having to be bound by our projections and dance to our projections of what their relationship should be like. So yes, this is also very beautiful, but it can seem troublesome initially. It can seem frustrating initially, which is also actually an advantage, but it may seem like a disadvantage. I should have saved all this for Guru Purnima and I won't speak, we'll just play this recording or something.

We learn to love without expectations. We learn to have faith without having life go according to our projections, and that is the most beautiful gift. Otherwise, we're so used to loving with reciprocation and according to our mind. We are so used to having faith but wanting outcomes and expectations delivered according to our mind. So it's very important to find a master who you can see in their life is living empty of these, and then shows you that you can also live a life empty of these.

Whenever I remember it, whenever I feel lost in thought in the morning before I stand up, in the afternoon falling asleep, and yet it feels like a means to an end. I am aware of the 'checker guy.' Why on earth hasn't anything changed? Yes, the checker guy will have this sort of notion. Love and gratitude. Thank you, my dear, thank you. This itself is a lot of change. See, this itself is a lot of change. If you're able to remember God anytime, when you're lost in thought you turn towards God, that itself is a big change. Let's go to Samia.

Beautiful name, wonderful name. I just wanted to say that I also fully stand with what Adrian says, and I'm just so infinitely grateful for your presence. To really meet with you a few times in a week is just such a blessing. I want to thank the Sangha also for allowing and accepting to share this satsang with us. Really, just so, so, so grateful. I really cannot think of my days without satsang. Yeah, we are just so, so, so blessed. And yeah, recently actually I realized some arrogance, some kind of little bit of arrogance, you know? And then by your grace, I just realized that even this arrogance could come into light.

Presence and to really meet with you a few times in a week, it's just such a blessing. And I want to thank the Sangha also for allowing, for accepting to share this satsang with us. Really, just so, so, so grateful I am. I really cannot think of my days without satsang and yeah, we are just so, so, so blessed. And yeah, recently actually I realized some arrogance and some—I don't know—like kind of a little bit of arrogance, you know? And then by your grace, I just realized that even this arrogance could come into light by your light, actually. And when I see this, actually, I feel so relaxed because arrogance just disturbs, you know? Because we always want to love you and I'm so thankful for this. And I'm so thankful that I could check and I can see, and when I see, I just feel so relaxed, you know? Because I could realize what your light is, actually, and then arrogance at that time drops. And if there is remaining, of course there must be, I just wanted to offer this fully, fully, fully to you.

Very good, very good to see. And you're right that it is Grace. It is Grace which allows us to spot our pride. And I tell you that in the human condition, there is nobody without at least a little bit of pride. There is nobody. And that is why in the prayer, I made sure, in spite of all the resistance I got from all of you—not you, any of you in particular, but all of you collectively—I made sure I included the part about us being sinners. But making sure I expanded on what sinner means in our context. And sinner means in our context that many times we pick pride, you see, over God. And we don't even realize that we pick pride over God. And that pride being in the form of 'I know better,' you see. 'I know what is to be done. I know how my life should go. I know what to do. I know which practice works best for me. I know which master I must go to. I know...'

So all this 'I know' we feel like it is helpful to us, but it is actually pride. Because all the masters, all the sages, all the religions, all the traditions, all the cultures in the world are unanimous about one thing, which is that true spirituality is learning how to live in God's will, not on our terms, you see. So then what we do is we find a blanket sort of statement saying that, 'No, no, but then whatever I can do, whatever, it must be God's will,' you see, these kind of things. And if it was that way, then there was no reason for the sage to remind us to follow God's will, you see? You see, it would have just said, 'Yeah, do whatever, it's all going to be God's will.' So this is a subtle point, very subtle point.

So how to follow God's will is to firstly learn how to just live in the presence of God. Because if you live in the ego shadow, we cannot say that that is God's will, although that is also happening with the grace of God. So don't get confused, so don't worry. So to live in God's light, to live in God's presence, is the fundamental way to live, you see. That is the primary way to live in God's will, is it? Because without meeting God, we cannot follow His will. So the meeting with God—and it's not just a one-time meeting like an experience that we must have—it must be a living in God's light, living in God. Our life has to move towards, away from the ego shadow and into God's light. That is when we can even start to say that we are spiritual, you see.

Most people in the world who say 'we are spiritual' just have some spiritual ideas in the head, and they have a spiritual persona which is made up of those ideas, but they're not really meeting Spirit or living in Spirit. So we must learn to live in Spirit. And only living in God's light can we even talk about living in God's will. So what may happen—and this is also pushing a lot of buttons in this Sangha, what you're going through, all this learning by God's grace—collectively living in God's light, we learn to follow God's guidance. And sometimes that guidance comes in the form of words that can be expressed as well, you see.

Now the resistance that some of us are having is very absurd because all of us want to share those words with others, you see, in the form of satsang. Some way or the other, all of us want to do that, but we don't feel that those words could ever come for us. And maybe there is also some strange pride in that, you see? Or maybe there's a notion that the heart can use words only when advice has to be given for others. So I want to tell all of you, as present or future teachers of God's light, that whatever guidance comes from here through your instrument, through your mouth, through your words, is as much for you as it is for anyone else, you see. So whatever is heard from here is as much for this one as it is for all of you, you see.

And we must never get into any sort of pride saying, 'No, no, no, I am completely all sorted and all this comes only for all of you who have come to listen. Otherwise, I have no reason to hear these words or to speak these words.' So that would be pride again. Because every nugget of wisdom, every nugget of true knowledge, of guidance that can come from the Satguru presence is worth more than all the gold in the world. So as this mouth speaks, I am also listening intently. It may sound strange to all of you, but because it is not coming from any mental calculation or manipulation, the heart is using this mouth to speak and I'm listening. Whatever left of me is still listening to these words with head bowed down. And in that way, we constantly recognize that this body-mind is only an instrument to the Satguru presence, and all the gurus that we revere are just the instruments of this Satguru presence which is within all of us.

So there is no room for any specialness or anyone to feel special or that they've 'made it' in spirituality or something. In spirituality, we just can't make it, okay? There is no achievement, attainment. The finality is the letting go of the 'me' where there is nobody left to make it anymore, you see? Which is really the 99.99% of that happening is the only thing that we can come to. And there is nobody to celebrate that achievement or attainment because that one has become now transparent, a transparent lens or a glass. There's hardly anything left of them to celebrate the victory of finding God. Okay, I have no idea where we are. Did you have a question which I forgot about or are we good?

We are good. I also forget the other stuff.

Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, I really forget or they seem less important right now. So just some more is coming, then I can't stop when things are coming. So this is fundamental to spirituality: that if you hold on to a morsel of pride, you see, that blocks a true insight into reality for us. And in a way, with a little bit of pride, even with a little bit of pride, we continue to hold on to the ego in that way, and then our life doesn't really become a life lived in God's light. So it's very important that we remember that we continue to live on our own terms. So many things, you see, I still feel like I continue to live on Ananta's own terms for so many things, is it? I mean that we—I put my head down, I bow my head down to God and Guruji and pray that this life goes away, okay? And we must always remain in beginner's mode because anytime we start to believe that we are advanced in any way, that pride has a great opportunity to come up, to latch on.

And I'm not saying this as any sort of tactic or ploy. It is a fact that the more I'm learning to live in God's light, the more I'm recognizing how full of pride and stupid I am. So I feel like I am starting off as a mere beginner every day. And I pray to God that every morning I pray to God saying that, 'May I learn to live in your light more and more because there is still so much pride and foolishness from here.' When we admit that in our minds we don't know anything, that is the beginner mode. You just don't know anything. Somebody asked me a question—and I've been doing this for a long time now—but somebody asked me a question, I don't know what the answer is. I have no idea. I just have to wait for the heart to speak.

So does that make Ananta special in any way? No, not at all. It is only that this one has maybe got better at waiting for the heart to respond and to recognize that clearly and to trust that. But besides that, what is here? Same bundle of food. Different, maybe this vegetarian food, but mostly same food. So this is becoming somehow... but when we bow down at the Master's feet, when we bow down at the Master's feet, we do it with full reverence to the light that the Master represents. The light that the Master represents, which is the light of the presence within. And all that the Master really wants to do is spread this love for God, to spread this insight about God's reality.

Because I don't know how many of you heard, but I was saying here the other day that most of us, in spite of being in spirituality, still don't take God to be real. And our initial reaction may be that, 'Of course we do.' But if you let that settle in for a few minutes and you just look at our lives, you notice that we spend most of our life, most of our time, in the complete disbelief about God, you see. And what is that? That is to live on our own terms. That is pride. Okay? So more and more we are all recognizing this, and we can also see what life would be if we rely on the true insights that we've had of God's reality within ourselves.

And the only obstacle to living like this is that 'there's nothing in it for me.' There's nothing in it for me. So the mind will say, 'What's the point of this?' Sometimes the mind can come here and say, 'What is the point of all of this? Yeah, what is the point of all of this? You may say you've been sharing satsang for 12 years, is anyone really getting it? Is anyone really getting it?' So it plays the trick sometimes, and it has some juice, I have to admit. It has some juice, I have to admit, but I'm working on it.

Yeah, every time we go with our mind, we are forgetting words.

Yeah, it's impossible to go with the mind. If you were to stay in the recognition that God is real, can we go? There's this idea with you, if you like, if the mind comes from you and you definitely have clear insight into God and you would never forget—I'm telling you that it happens. I'm telling you it happens for moments of time, for points of time. And I don't feel like I've done this or something like that. It's a pretty open knowledge that I've been pointing out how foolish I am for quite some time now. It's only that you can meet God and then even if the mind comes with something, yet you can retain the discovery of God. But you can't in that moment, you can't, because the lane is very narrow.

So at that moment at least, you see, at that moment of identification at least, is it that identification is stronger as a body-mind or as somebody than the reality of God? Instantly you can switch back. The instant we come back to what is real, what is true, it's very quick to revert back. This is so. In all your lives also, the moments of identification will reduce, the time that you spend in those moments of identification will reduce. But I'm not promising 100%, and I don't feel like there is a 100%. And that is why it's important to recognize that we still find ways to live on our own terms, you see. And that is why the prayer is applicable for me as much as it is for everyone else. You must never fall into any delusions of grandeur, and the beginner's attitude is the best.

As you were talking about this, and I had messaged you about the heart's voice, and you had asked me if when your heart speaks, if that's what you think your heart speaking—is your reality apparent to you? Yes. I couldn't at that moment say yes, even though when it speaks it feels to me that I'm—sorry, I'm contemplating that. And can I talk about that now, Father? Looking fresh now with you.

But before that, I just want to see this explained to everyone what this is, because some of you may be new. So one of the main questions that is asked in satsang...

The heart's voice—and you had asked me if when your heart speaks, if that's what you think your heart speaking, is your reality apparent to you? Yes. I couldn't at that moment say yes, even though when it speaks, it feels to me that I'm contemplating that. And can I talk about that now, Father? Looking fresh now with you.

But before that, I just want to see this explained to everyone, what this is, because some of you may be new. So, one of the main questions that is asked in satsang is that, 'Ananta, you are constantly pointing to living God's will, bringing in the guidance of the heart, but how do I really know it's not my mind posing as the heart?' You see? And that's a very important question because the mind is a great trickster. It is very, very smart to play every trick possible to keep us identified in this play of the world, in the play of being a mind-body.

So I have given you three tips, three pieces of advice that you can use. And in a way, the longer you've been with me in satsang, I feel like you should go to the subtler piece of advice. So, the first piece of advice is that if you sense the presence of unconditional love as the guidance is being received, then you can trust that guidance to be heart guidance. No? That's the first. The second is that if you can sense your presence, your unlimited being is apparent to you and is present in the form of the primordial vibration—it is apparent to you—then you can trust it to be heart guidance. And the third is, and that is the most foolproof one, and if you do this with integrity, you know when you're fooling yourself, you see? So the third is: when your absolute reality is apparent to you, then because the mind does not have a window into that reality at all, you see, therefore your life at that moment has to be guided by the Satguru's presence only. You see? So in that moment, you can trust the guidance, if any guidance is being received, as being coming from the heart. That is the context of what is.

So looking fresh, when I had messaged, I said when I'm in pure perception and I'm not believing my thought, and you ask me, 'Is your reality apparent to you?' I am not able to say yes. I can say yes when the attention rests on my being and it's very clear I'm this. And I've been looking at that, and all your attention is on your being, no? So this also I was playing with. So say all my attention is on an object in the world or on a feeling or something, so the attention can have that different focus.

Exactly. So what I noticed—is it possible? Okay, so if the mind is not involved, yeah, let's experiment with this. The mind is not involved. Be in pure perception and see if all the attention can be on the world itself and none of—not even a sliver—on the being.

So good. So the one who shows us our reality is also apparent. Very slow, because I don't want to go with any previous knowledge. I feel like sometimes I don't actually look sometimes.

Let's go really slowly. Just pure perception. Everyone is clear. We look, we're looking without mental contamination. And if the mind comes with stuff, we're just letting it come and go. That's all. Open and empty, basically. Right? So now, as you're in pure perception, is all the attention in that which we call the world? One hundred percent of it? So the primordial vibration, the presence, also has a sliver of our attention, you see? Now, when we are under the hypnosis of the mind, then it doesn't seem to, isn't it? So that is as far as the attention can go. Now, in this pure perception, is only primordial vibration onwards the world apparent to us? That is the question. No? What else is apparent?

So his own—I was saying earlier, is only the world apparent to others? Now we've answered that question. We've already said that no, some attention is naturally with our presence. This is very naturally present even though we may be just perceiving the world in pure perception. Now I'm asking whether that is it. Okay, so what else is apparent? That feels like a finality is apparent. Like you use in satsang, the awareness is apparent, the Self is apparent, just without effort. Why is it that when I'm not here, yes, a doubt? No, like when—so the attention sometimes can actually be more here. I'm still aware of the perceptions, then it's like super clear. But when it's not like—then it's a doubt. Like that, I feel like I go. Now when you ask, there was an immediate yes. That's my marketing program. But more seriously, so what happens? What is different when you're here is at home on outside? I think this question—like I was talking to Pravana—ask me something that you know, because I think I was looking for a taste of the being or something was going on like that. Is there or no? Yeah, that's what we checked first.

Immediately doubt. Like there's something that when you ask, I know doubt is not possible immediately. Yeah, I mean in the sense, I buy a doubt. Only truth is possible. For doubt, you have to work. Yes. So sometimes the mind tells us even this story, you see, saying that when it happens, it's happening further than now. Now I'm recollecting that when those—when the heart speaks, I am—my reality is apparent. Because I can take like just an example, like I was exhausted yesterday. I decided I'll call some—I can say I'm not coming downstairs, I'm not going to make tea, I'm too tired. I could taste the mind there, no? It was subtle, but I could taste it. And then the heart just said, 'Go make tea,' you know? And I waited, and I sometimes ask, 'Is this a thought?' I know it's not, but I—because I'm learning to hear. If it were truly my old self, I would not have moved from the more people.

This is good. Thank you. We're having this conversation. So one more tip is that if it is gone, it's gone. Yes. No, but something is just—okay, so the guidance came, whatever the guidance was. Then if there's a question, 'Oh, what's this from the mind?' you see, then we don't have to do a postmortem on that. Okay? So forget everything. All thoughts and all guidance, forget it. You know, God wants like a kind of a post—yes. So what can happen is that God won't mind if you start fresh. So start from complete 'I don't know.' Start from complete 'I don't know' in those moments. Start from complete 'I don't know.' Okay? And then look fresh.

So you're saying when the—when I feel like the heart is speaking, then just check if my reality is apparent?

Well, soon it will not become like a two-step process, yeah? You see, you recognize that you're living in God's light, and from there you're hearing it, you see? So the doubt won't have that power. But what I'm saying is when the doubt comes and if it seems so potent, then forget everything. Just start from zero, fresh. Don't know anything, you see? Instead of trying to conclude, 'Was that God's guidance or was it mind?' you see? Don't try to conclude that. Start fresh now. Whether you're in pure perception or the world is vanished, when your Self is apparent to you, you know it is apparent to you. It can't be apparent to you without it being apparent to you. That's it. Can it be apparent to you without you knowing it's apparent? Then it's not apparent to you, you see?

But when we check for the past, it can seem very confusing because this cannot be held in memory, you see? It can't be held in memory. The conclusion that, 'Ah, yes, it is so apparent,' this conclusion we may hold in memory, you see? And I say, 'Yes, this did come from God.' That's the only way to do it. With that non-experience, we cannot hold anywhere the apparency of the Self being a non-perceptual experience. We cannot—we don't have any device to hold it, you see? So if there is doubt being believed, then just start from zero. It's start fresh now. And God is infinitely patient. You don't have to worry that, 'No, no, no, what was it? I have to conclude about that only.' Okay? Is there never anything to worry? Suppose you missed every bit of God guidance God has given you for the last hundred lifetimes, okay? But you're open and empty for God now, you're fine. And that's very reassuring, actually.

It may or it may not. One advice I was giving another child is that: will the guidance repeat or does it have to repeat? So it may or may not. But one thing you will notice is that your heart guidance is quite stable. And I was telling another child that—because she received very contradictory guidance one day before and just the opposite, the negative—it can happen. And of course we've been talking about how gurus can be so unpredictable. But usually you will find that your heart is quite stable in terms of how it is guiding you. May the gurus that you hold them fixed, okay? So we don't have to conclude about anything that happened in the past, including whether it was.

So when I ask you, like many times I'll ask all of you, 'So was that heart guidance?' Okay, I'm just trying to get an answer from what you recollect out of it. What is that? Did you check in that moment? Did you make a conclusion about that? So there's no way you can revisit that moment and conclude. You can't revisit that moment and conclude because the non-perceptual part of that moment is not stored anywhere. So suppose I go back from here, I go home and I recall what happened in satsang today. So I will rely on the tool called memory. Memory will store images. It will store images and it will store them until conclusions. But will it store that which is non-perceptive, non-perceptional? So I can't revisit the moment when I say, 'Oh, when I was guiding Radha, was my Self apparent to me?' You see? I can't do that.

But so when you ask me, then I ask you. That's what I said.

So when I'm asking you, I'm just asking you whether you checked in that moment and came to a conclusion, because that conclusion you will remember. So if I were to check now, and am I speaking from the heart right now? Yes. Okay. So when I go back home, I was speaking about—I remember making that conclusion. It's very interesting because in how many other months I have—if I've shared with somebody, you know, guided somebody, I've never had a doubt whether it was my heart speaking or not. But with this new way of listening to the heart for myself, it's like a process somehow.

Like I'm saying that it will become so natural that you won't have to check often. It's apparent that my Self is apparent and the words are coming from the presence that is here. But initially, as we're learning to live in the way of the heart, it's good to make sure that our mind is not tricking us. Because one huge trump card that the mind has—and I've been speaking about this even earlier—is the ability to get us into some sort of spiritual delusion, spiritual hallucinations. And this can be very, very tricky.

So Father, just say, say, say the same—say a thought comes sounding as though it's guiding as the Guru. It has to be believed to—I can believe it and imagine that the Guru is saying, no? So there is a different taste to that. Yes, no? And when the heart guides, I know it's not a belief. That is what got clear when you two were talking, you and Meera. Something just got clear that when the heart guides, I'm not believing it. I'm watching the voice, I'm hearing the voice.

You're just being open.

I'm being open, yes. It's a voice and it's not believed because of that openness. We refer to the body-mind as just an instrument, yeah? So if it had a part to play, then we would not call it a mere instrument. Yeah. And in my case, I'm a non-postmortem, but it feels patient, it repeats itself. And I felt like I cannot rationalize the heart. I was telling something, it's just faith. There is no rational that, 'Okay, because you told me, then I felt more energetic.' None of that. That's just the mind's nonsense.

But yes, that's very important, yeah? Which the mind will say that it has. If it is truly God's voice, then it must—the outcome must be according to the mind, which it will say is the best outcome.

Yeah, that's very clear. And I feel like over the last few days, it's a joy to wait. You don't just move in God's light or wait for His command. Somehow it just becomes like this is the way to live, no? So much more is happening, but with it, this feels like a joy.

That's just the mind's nonsense, but yes, that's very important. The mind will say that if it is truly God's voice, then the outcome must be according to the mind, which it will say is the best outcome. Yeah, that's very clear.

And I feel like over the last few days, it's a joy to wait. You don't just move in God's light or wait for His command; somehow it just becomes like this is the way to live, no? So much more is happening, but with it, this feels like a joy. Like, I just want to live like this, you know? It doesn't matter how things move because I followed. I just want... okay, yes.

Okay, this was a good conversation. That's good, thanks. About this sharing outside and not listening inside, I think every time you say it, I just want to hide my face, you know? I just feel like it's something... it feels like it's just about... it works basically, not books. So it feels like I'm just talking about you. Yeah, it's not too good. Okay, yes, if it is poking something itself. So, what is your heart saying?

So today, before I was coming and I was doing Atma darshan samadhi, I had lots of thoughts about what I was sharing with you. And the mind was on such a silly run, you know, about emotions and feelings and attention and everything. But in my heart, I could hear a very, very clear guidance. And like I would share in satsang, I would hear it.

Yes, and clarity. Clear, because who you are is apparent to you. It appeared because of what while you were speaking.

Yeah, I can say because I was doing that. I don't know, I was not in a no-mind kind of space at all, but yeah, my presence was... I was present, yes. You know, but Father, I just overruled it.

Yes, but what about the Self being apparent? Because that's what I said for all of you being with me in satsang for long: you can use that most foolproof method.

You know, I feel like I can... I don't know if this is going to sound exaggerated, I feel like yeah, because I was sincerely doing it and I feel like it's like that. And our life becomes like this, how it is. Can I ask the question that I had? You said in the beginning that the only difference with you is that you get the guidance and that you hear it, and you've learned to be patient, and you've learned to trust it and then follow it. And that's where I feel like... if you can say more on that?

Yes, I'm happy to. Thank you. So, when I ask all of you in this room, 'Have you met God?' most of you raise your hand. So you met God. I have no reason to distrust your answer. You met God. Then the question is: what would then remain the difference between the disciple and the apparent Master? It is only the difference that remains because, firstly, it would be that okay, the Master has met God and the world hasn't. But once the disciples are saying, 'Yes, we met God,' more or less—more or less meaning that more are saying yes and a few are saying no—so once that God presence is apparent to you, when you met that God presence within yourself, then what is the difference between that instrument that you're calling the Master and those instruments that we are calling the disciple?

You see that if there is a difference at all, then the difference is that who we are referring to as Master is following the light, is following the guidance, is living in the presence more than disciples are so far. And that will change as time goes on. 'I heard it and I overruled it because I really hear it.' And I hear it in what way? 'I just go with my mind, I feel, or I don't consciously follow it.' I'm so happy Radha has spoken about it like this. We all have to follow it. Even if he's like... I have to follow it, you have to follow it. And it's mostly very natural when we're living in the presence. It's very... it's not even such a checking. But in some category of natural versus effort, this is blocking a lot of us. Just forget about these two categories and follow what is being said.

So we will not slot the guidance that is coming to us from the heart or from the Master's mouth and put it into a category of 'I will follow only if it comes naturally.' The mind will always categorize and say, 'Oh, this is not coming naturally.' Even the mind will give a certificate of naturalness, no? I don't see all the resistance that has been coming is because the mind is certifying it is overworked by doing. In place, we can naturally... if you open and empty, he's only saying stuff which is making us less open and empty. And if you're buying all of that, you're not being very open and empty.

This is saying that—I don't remember exactly what the question was—that everything seems to unfold naturally. You see, when we are living in God's light, it does. You see, it does. But don't allow the 'checker guy' to hold on to this natural versus effortful kind of distinction. Otherwise, it's been poking buttons for so many of you who are saying, 'Oh, the minute I noticed that this is effortful to let go of my thoughts, then I feel like this can't be the way to do it.' The Master is saying, 'Let go of your thoughts,' then that is pushing our button because the mind is saying, 'But if God wanted your thoughts to be let go of, God would have done it already.' So that is the greater defense, like the non-doership defense.

Then when Bhagavan said, 'As long as it seems like you have the choice to let go of your thoughts or get into this stream of thoughts or to stand aloof, then stand aloof you must. You must make that choice even if it feels like effort.' Then disciples would have told him, 'If God wanted that to happen, God would have done it. No need for you to tell us.' It wasn't perfect. He said, 'Keep quiet.' If God... what does that 'keep quiet' mean? Same thing. If not keep your mouth quiet, it is not buying into identification. Keep quiet, don't be silent inwardly. So the silence is the absence of egoic belief.

So then everybody could have told him that, 'Oh, if that was what God wanted, God would have made us quiet.' Then why do we have to follow what you're saying? And when Guruji says, 'Don't identify with your thoughts,' if God wants us not to identify, we won't identify. So can all these Masters be that foolish? Okay, but can Bhagavan, Papaji, Guruji be that silly that they're giving us advice, giving us guidance to follow that it's not possible to follow? And in spite of their beautiful enlightenment, they miss this point somewhere? Is it possible, you see? And yet this is what our mind comes up with because it rationalizes, you see. Our not wanting to follow, it rationalizes our stubbornness, so it makes these constructs. The answer is no, but that's one part.

And yes, to live in God's presence, empty of mind, open and empty, allowing the will of God to unfold naturally, yes. No, it's important for me also to tell you all that when I hear something, I realize that these are doubts which many of us can have, right? So it's very important for me to jump in there and clarify because any of these things can be sitting with us. And this whole natural versus effortful thing has been a theme for the last couple of weeks. So it's good to clarify the point of: when the Self is apparent, when the heart is speaking, is it also obvious in that same moment that there's no personality? It's like the flip side of that same statement. Yes, exactly. The end of personality is our openness. So openness is the prerequisite to meeting God anyway. So yes, there's no room for personality and that seems obvious, like you can't locate a 'me'.

Yeah, when you say that your reality is apparent to you, I feel that yeah, it's not even a meeting. It's really like the absence, the absence of 'I', the absence of mind, the absence and just pure perception.

Yeah, so absence of 'I'. So 'me' is not there. So that's exactly... so it's a continuation. So when we open and empty, this is what... have you opened and emptied of? The usual stream of thoughts and the thoughts in identity. Yeah, so we are empty of the 'me', yeah, isn't it? So when you have what I call conceptual emptiness, it means the dissolution of the 'me' because the 'me' relies on belief and identification with thoughts, you see. So the absence of this individual... and then is it a mere absence? Is the revelation of your Self—and this is a very important point to discuss—restricted to the absence of an identity, or is there a revelation part of it as well?

Yes. So let's take an example. So if someone says to me, 'What happened to you on the hot seat when you sat with Guruji?' and we need to put that hot seat... what happened on the hot seat? News, Guruji. My simplest explanation for many years used to be that I noticed that there is no 'me', you see. But that was not... that was maybe a small sliver of it. Truly what was revealed was my truth. This is truly what was revealed was my truth. And that revelation happens in the absence of 'me', yes. But the great thing about that is not just that there was an absence of 'me', but because the Self was recognized.

So that's what I'm asking. So in pure perception, when there is an absence of 'me', is there anything beyond the world? Beyond the world, beyond the world, yes. Beyond perceptions, of course, yes. And what does it take to recognize that, actually? Looking. So looking and seeing, you mean in the form of pure perception? Ah, yes. So do inside because it is intuitive, you see. It is not effort like we would do with our senses. It's not that I would turn my attention towards the Self or I would try to direct my attention in some way. It is just simple apparency which has always been hidden in plain sight.

Without the light of the presence, so if I say to you, 'Only bother about the Absolute,' okay? Is it possible for that reality, the Self, to be apparent to you without the light of presence being apparent to you? So the Absolute reality is colorless, shapeless, tasteless, all attributeless. Can you come to that recognition without relying on the light of presence? In the sense of, keep that aside. Yes, but like the world may vanish, but come to that without the presence? He says this is the portal. As Maharaj said, we go inward through the portal into the unperceivable light of the Self.

So it is not going to happen most likely—and I'm happy to hear if it does happen—but it is not likely to happen that you will go into nirvikalpa samadhi without going into... so they call them... okay. So you may come to a point first where just the presence is, and then the presence itself may catapult you and throw you into the nothingness of the Self. That's what I'm saying. So in pure perception, the world is perceived, you see. There is no 'me' boundary, and this body is perceived just like the world itself. Yes, so in pure perception the world is perceived, there is no 'me' boundary found, this body is also perceived as part of the world. And the primordial vibration of the presence is naturally pulsating on a pattern, and the boundless nature of our being is not really apparent. And that which is beyond boundaries, without being and not being, beyond anything fathomable, being our Absolute reality, is apparent. Such a magnificent thing for in return for what? Just being empty, just being open and empty.

When you said, no, when you were asking Atma in pure perception, what is the absence of? And it's the absence of the ego self. And then when you ask, 'But is it a mere absence?' yes, that just hit home like crazy. It's not.

It is that second good conversation for the day. It's the most apparent presence and most apparent Self. So it would be, as a starting point, we may say that it's an absence of 'me', you see, but it's so much more than that. It's a divine revelation. Yes, it feels that the presence still holds on, has the quality like a vibration. And we call this primordial vibration 'Om', Guruji called it 'I-am-ness', we call it various things, but it is, that's what I'm saying, the hand of God. Because we are so used to name and form, it's...

Good conversation for the day. It's the most apparent presence and most apparent self. So, as a starting point, we may say that it's an absence of 'me,' you see? But it's so much more than that. It's a divine revolution.

Yes, it feels that the presence still holds on, having the quality like a vibration. And we call this primordial vibration, or you've called it 'I-am-ness.' We call it various things.

But it is, that's what I'm saying, the hand of God. Because we are so used to name and form, it's like God in His mercy and Grace sends His hand so that at least we can sense this sweet pulsation. Not really a pulsation like a heartbeat; it's just sublime. I don't know how to use words to describe it. It's just like that. And yet, so we may see, 'Ah, that's my being, that's so clearly in my heart.' But when I say to you, 'What is the boundary of this being?' see, there is no boundary, you see? So that's why I call it the tip of the iceberg. So you can meet the tip, but the iceberg is beyond perception, and yet you can conclude on it intuitively, you see? Otherwise, what you should be answering is, when I say 'What is the boundary of your being?' you should say, 'About six centimeters like this in the heart region,' like that where you perceive the primary. But nobody does that. All of you say it is boundless, you see? So that you are not perceiving, and yet you know it is true because you know intuitively, you see? This is the beauty of leaving the head behind. These such great revelations, which are possible only through intuitive insight, become apparent to us. This is the way of the heart.

From here, it also feels that the presence, or the absence of a seeming individuated sense of identity, is quite inoffensive. Inoffensive, like there's no problem with it.

Yes, yes. So what you're saying is that as you remain open, then you notice that there is no such individualization that has happened. There is no such 'me' that is there. And then, so the point I was making is, it is that though only inside that we have, or is in that moment of intuitive insight, the presence of your being, the unfathomable nature of your being, as well as the absolute reality, is that not recognized intuitively? It's beautiful. Yes. So what you will find, and that without the light of this presence, I don't feel that without this Guru shining His light within us, I don't feel like we can come to the ultimate recognition. You should come to the ultimate recognition.

So, have you been saying this? And most of you have been with me in satsang for very long. There may be many in the room still, this room and the Zoom room, who are saying, 'What's he talking about?' Yeah, there could be many who are saying, 'In pure perception, I see perception.' Okay. Some may say, 'I feel something like a love in my heart, but nothing beyond that.' Some others may say, 'I feel that love in my heart and there's a being, a sense of existence, a sense of presence, but nothing beyond that.' Some may say, 'Yes, this sense of presence is there, but it is connected to'—just for the sake of words I'm saying connected to—'it is a part, an aspect of that which is boundless.' The boundless. But that is the end of it, you may say. And some may say, 'Yes, even that, it is aware of the boundlessness of being, but itself is not here, not there, not yesterday, not tomorrow, or not present, not up, not down, not prior, not after, not anything at all, and yet it is aware of this.'

So what I'm saying is that I feel in my heart that nobody can come to the recognition of that absoluteness without first meeting the presence. That's what I mean. So without this Guru shining His light... and that's why Kabir Ji referred to it as we go inside through this doorway. Okay? He says most of humanity goes outside through this doorway and they get attached to what is appearing in this light, you see? Those who go the other way through this doorway—and there's no, you can't do it with your attention to go the other way. Your attention stops at the taste of the primordial vibration. But to go to the boundless being, attention is limited, so it can never confirm anything boundless, you see? So attention cannot follow there, isn't it? So pure intuition, without using attention, also only shows us that which is. It's only pure intuition which can show us. So that's why for years I've been saying you don't have to fixate your attention on something, and attention will not go to the Self because it can't even go to boundless being and that which is beyond all qualities. I mean, how will attention go to that which is sheer quality-lessness? Impossible. Just not possible.

At the portal or the awareness level, or where are we living when you say living with God's life? Living in God's life means that God's presence, this holy presence, is apparent to us, okay? So that's why is it important that it's apparent to us? It's important that it's apparent to us because as it is apparent to us, it is not possible for it to be apparent to us unless we are empty of the mind. This is the instant we are in the hypnosis of thought, this is following, yeah? If I use that, you clearly explain, right, where an individual can go up to. Right? So when you are saying empty of mind, it's already clarified that it's not where an individual can go up to. It is how Consciousness may be playing in that moment, you see? Consciousness expressing itself in all these various life forms is playing differently for everyone. So all of us in satsang, maybe those aspects of Consciousness may be able to relate to a certain aspect of it, you see? Many of you may be completely new and say, 'What is this open and empty?' So we may be at that point as well.

But we just laid out the whole gamut of what spirituality is. So you cannot be open and empty if we have... right, we cannot come to presence unless we are open and empty. We cannot find boundless God reality unless we come to the presence. Unless we come to this boundlessness of God, the unlimited portion of Consciousness, we cannot recognize our true selfless awareness. So you are not advising, or you are advising it as a progress towards awareness, or you are saying it's just different stages? What did we... we can make a template out of what we had to do. So what did we have to do? So rest everything then, now. Those who struggle with just being open and empty, and I realize all of us do, we start with the first step of prayer with the breathing.

So when the breathing slows down, where... and it's very, very... it's difficult to recognize also. But then do the prayers slow down with the breathing, or you have to make the breathing to align with the prayer?

So all can happen. So sometimes I have noticed here that the breathing becomes very subtle to a point of unrecognizable that there is breathing anymore, but the prayer keeps happening. Other times where both the breathing and the prayer stop, and at that point you will recognize that there is no, like, movement that is possible in that moment. So if I say, 'Okay, in that moment make the breathing happen,' you can't. Or if I say, 'In that moment make them continue,' you can't. Just because you can't. It's a very beautiful 'you can't' because you're in laya samadhi. We will give some attention to online also after this.

I was just noticing that when I'm in an aircraft, looking out of the window seems to have a faster and more dramatic effect. And I'm not second-guessing it. I think I was... when it was happening, it was again... I'm not doing a postmortem, but I do feel that when one is in nature or in that kind of a situation, it's just either 'accelerated' is the word or 'easier' is the one I have.

It does seem like that because the mind being limited, it has made prototypes, templates, defenses basically for that which we most usually encounter, right? You see? So when it comes across something which is not the usual, it doesn't have the defenses here. But if you were an airline pilot and you have to do this, you'd take it for granted again. Yeah. Let's go to the online questions.

One question is: 'Guruji, nowadays a fear of death comes randomly. Somehow with the help of Atma Darshan samadhi, I am able to come back to God's presence. Bless us to surrender to our own heart.' It's very auspicious. Trying to find my answer, strange, but it's very, very auspicious for this kind of fear of death, for even many times this very urgent sense that 'I am dying.' Because this death that can happen while you're still alive is what we are really going after, you see? Of course, the mind will avoid that and try to scare you away from it.

One last question from the chat is: 'How do you, Father, how do you obviously actively love God?' So actually, how I love God is just like that. I don't know how to say it. I feel like all of us have this ability. All of us have this ability, which the mind cannot understand, of Atma. So we just feel that we can't do it, but if you were to just try it with the innocence of the child... I don't know, I don't even know what I'm demonstrating at this point, but because I'm sure it's not perceivable. But that's how I do it. There's no real 'how-to' guide for that. But it is something that all of us, all of us possess that ability as Consciousness, as aspects of Consciousness, to love God fully. Nitin, you can come. We can't hear you. Maybe at least I can't. Can others hear him? Nobody can hear it. Are you still connected to a mic or something? No, no. You see the lips move but no... okay, but we heard you playing. No, we still don't hear you. This is strange because we heard you playing at the beginning.

I don't know how to put it into words, but I'll try my best. All right. There's like... today I've been listening to you like very, very deeply. And it's very interesting to see like, maybe I don't know, like I hear you speak but I hear you speak of concepts, yeah? And I, whatever I heard you speak today, I couldn't understand, like what is the person, what is presence, what is being, what is this, whatever. I don't know which words you used today. And if I look at somehow in the space or like, I don't know how to call it, it's okay, but the mind is like, 'Oh my God, I can't land, I can't land, I can't land. I'm a person, I'm a person, I can't land.' That was interesting to watch. And actually during Mooji's retreat, there was like one segment when he said, 'Leave it everything on the table. Leave it on the table.' Yeah. And I was following that and I don't know, the voice inside or your mind, I don't know, came and shouted, 'You're a person! I'm a person! I'm a person!' I'm like, 'No, leave it on the side, leave it under the table.' And it seems like as soon as I leave it on the table, it's already back. And I was like, I even wonder even if me asking this question about this voice is already me engaging into it.

And actually, okay, so let's try. Let's try together, okay? Now we'll just do this together moment to moment. Right now, what is the right now?

Feeling of me being a person, like... but I don't know what it is. Like, is it a feeling? I was looking. Is it a thought? Is it like a sensation in the body? What is it that makes me feel like I'm a person? Why it can't be a being? Why can't it be God? It's like I can... you know what I mean?

Yes. So first remember one tip of mine: that if you're rushing, it is the mind. Just we have to slow down to maximum possible slowing down. So let's go slowly to what you said. There's a feeling of you being a person. Now, feeling can be perceived, isn't it? That's why we call it a feeling. So what is being perceived? A feeling of being a person. So what is that feeling? Don't explain what it is implying, just describe the feeling itself. Is it like a contraction? Is it an expansion? What is that?

No, I'd like... let me have a look. Yes. Like I feel the body, but that felt in a space...

Very slowly. So that the body means there are some sensations being felt. Is it the hand? Is it the feet? What are the sensations like?

Sort of like energetic projection. I don't know, like something...

Energetic projection. So I can... how is it? Yeah, no.

So what is that feeling? Don't explain what it is implying, just describe the feeling itself. Is it like a contraction? Is it an expansion? What is that?

No, let me have a look. Yes, like I feel the body, but that felt in a space very slowly. So that the body means there are some sensations being felt. Is it the hand? Is it the feet? What are the sensations like? Sort of like energetic projection. I don't know, like something energetic projection.

So how is it? No, I can taste if you can speak up of taste on the body, but that's what you mean? No, okay. What is the quality being perceived is what I mean. If there's no pain, like a vibration? Like a vibration? Now, that's why experience, if you were to locate it with reference to your body, where would you say that that vibration is experienced?

I would like to say that it is experienced as the body itself vibrating, but then this is experienced in a deeper space somehow. The body itself experienced as a vibration in a deeper space.

Yes, yes, yes. And would you say that every aspect of your body is being experienced in this way, or does it seem to have a core or a center in that vibration? Maybe like a head area more?

Yes, yes, that's fine.

Now, what about this vibration without the mind's conclusion that it is the body? Can you perceive as if it is the body? Say it again, please. Yes, yes, I realized that was complicated. So there's a vibration, the core of which is being experienced in the head area. Without interpreting it from the mind as the body, what do you see that confirms to you it is the body's vibration?

A thought.

Yeah, so that is the mind. So if you keep that aside, what else do you find in that vibration that confirms to you that this is a sense of my body? Is there inherently anything in that vibration which makes it a body and not a vibration?

I don't know. It's just something what is happening is like the sense of the body is like expanding.

Very good. So let's go deeper now. This vibration, does it—again, if you have an answer without the mind, let's go to that answer—is it independent or is it part of something larger?

I don't know. At this moment it feels like whatever this vibration is, it is very large, like endless. Endless. And yet the vibration seems to be perceived in the head area, so I don't know.

Very good. This is what I was talking about. Although we can localize the tasting of that vibration in the heart or the head, wherever it happens is fine, and yet when asked what is its boundary, all of us say everywhere. All of us say everywhere. And for this confirmation of everywhereness, we cannot use our attention because attention is limited. So this everywhereness is the presence of God itself, is the being of God itself. Now, ready to go to the next one?

Yes.

So that which is aware of even this everywhereness, is it beyond this everywhereness? Okay, who is it that is aware of this everywhereness? Is it you or somebody else? But this you is not the you that we usually refer to you as; it is a different you.

I don't know. At the moment I feel like it got smaller. Yes, and where is the smallerness? Is it this energetic feel like contracted and became more like a body, like other bodies such as like sensations? I don't know. It's so strange. It's not the first time it happens like that.

Yes. What is happening is that you're coming to true insight, but the mind gets threatened and represents a certain set of visualizations to you. So it feels like that is happening because what you are recognizing in the everywhereness was not a visual. Then you confirm that this, and yet what you're calling contraction is just visuals appearing in front of you. But that everywhereness doesn't go away anywhere, no matter what visual comes.

But then does the feel is included into that visual?

Yes, all feelings, all thoughts, every perception is included. At this point in visualization, we are to remain with that which is beyond any image, which was the everywhereness, the recognition of the everywhereness of this vibration. The vibration, yes, for most it's felt in the heart, but for many it can also be felt in this part, the forehead. Outside the body is a reference we make just to present a location to it. It can appear very strongly like it's in the heart, but it's not really in the heart, in the physical heart. It is the reference we have to make to try to give it a localization is the heart area. It's not the physical heart, no.

Vibration?

No. So what happens is that the vibration is felt here, in her case like here, but what it is a part of, you see, like that we recognize that that is my being and it is not in any constricted space. It is beyond even everywhereness. It is not like a perceptual discovery that, ah, it's here also. It's just known in the heart that it's everywhere, and everywhere is not just this where it is, where this space is born actually. If you want, I don't know, the feeling of endlessness, is it a feeling or is it an insight? And if it's not clear the difference, I can explain.

Please do.

Look, very good. So a feeling of endlessness would be like, oh, there's a feeling which is that which is spreading everywhere, so that you know, just like a feeling like that. And insight is beyond perception. It is purely intuitive that this being from which this vibration emanates is endless, is boundless, is everywhere. So are you talking about a feeling which is perceivable with some quality or feelingness, or is it of pure intuitive insight?

The last one. Can it be both?

No, usually what happens is that while you are having the insight, you know, like the mind behaves like a younger sibling; he wants to come to the party. So it also starts dancing and producing some visuals and stuff to say that I can give you this also, don't go to your intuition. But your intuitive insight is independent of whatever else feeling perception you may be having. So yes, then yes, it's endless. Yes, not a perception, yet it's a confirmation of an endlessness. And that which is aware of this endlessness, tell me whether even endlessness applies to that.

No, it's too small. Endlessness is too small for it.

Yes, there's no words. And who was saying five minutes back that they're not understanding anything I'm saying? We just went through the whole thing. That's it. The beauty of this is because I'm not presenting a conceptual framework to you; I'm presenting what is intuitive self-knowledge. It is always pointable. I can always, if you're a little open, I can point anyone to this constantly.

And I can take my Father, it's gonna really disappoint you right now because everything in me screams I'm a person, I'm a person.

That which you're calling everything in me, besides the thought, what does it have to throw at you? Nothing. It's just you see. So whereas I have shown you such beautiful insight, endlessness, can the mind show you endlessness? It can try with its visualizations and lame limitations, but it can't really. Okay, so I am not worried because those who can come to these insights, they can bind to the mind and throw temporary tantrums and things like that, but I'm not worried because those who are tasting this reality of their immortality cannot be truly taken away by the mind.

Sorry, I have to be here like really like a stupid because like it's important. Now screaming person, personally this is your experiencing as a person, as a person. It's a person, is a person is very persistent.

Yeah, so it's just when the thief is about to be caught, isn't that when it will rise maximum to divert you, to distract you? Yes.

And now it's like a feeling of not contraction but something like, oh, it's embarrassed on your back. Not that you're back to the small in the space, they're small and the smallest grabbing my attention, maybe like that. I don't know even.

Yeah, so this is grabbing your attention. Who has grabbed your attention in the sense that your attention is going to this, but where is attention coming from? Sounds like a riddle. No, no, no, just check. What is the source of your attention? Can it be grabbed from that end? So it's like a dog on the leash. No, so the dog is on the leash sniffing at all these mind things and perceptions of contractions and all of that, but who's holding the dog? Who's holding the leash of attention? So really, one way to define satsang is that our focus goes away from what the dog is sniffing to who's holding the leash.

But if something it feels like as I don't know and like like I'm not holding it. Theoretically I think I suppose should be holding it, but it doesn't feel like it.

What's on the other end of attention is what I'm asking. I know what's on this end, which are visuals, which are perceptions, all of that you see. So in the front of attention is all of this. What's on the other end?

I mean there is nothing.

Then how do you get all of this content? Oh, my brain hurts because you're solving it with your brain. Don't, just look recently like we started, just slow it down. Relax. What I'm saying is very simple. I'm just saying that all these things are perceived. To perceive, we use our attention. Now this attention is reporting back to whom?

Me.

Yes, and this me is what? Isn't it the same what you discovered in the first iteration of this exercise in a different way five minutes ago? Yes. So when the mind is trying to trick you and show you things in front of attention, just ask yourself, okay, who's behind attention? Who's prior to attention?

What about just letting it dance and it was like yes?

So to let every perception dance, but you remain empty of what your mind is narrating to you. Empty of the story, empty of the narratives.

So stupid, but still, is it okay not to engage with it? It's almost like then arises a feeling but there's like maybe I have to understand, maybe I have to not understand but to solve something.

So this is, it's not, I know it's not only okay, it is an imperative. You must do it. You must not engage with it.

Thank you. It feels because it suggested you have to solve something, I have to solve something, I have to something something, God knows what even.

Yeah, I don't know what he's solving. Solving non-existent problems is the highest way to suffer. So you've heard that before, I'm sure, from you. So just let it go. It will scare you. It'll say that you will die without me. Then you have to agree to die without it. It's okay. This is how you will leave Maya behind. Good. Yes, thank you.

Namaste. I'm not sure if I should say this after listening to you just now without majority. It's just a report about the prayer and so sometimes it feels really blissful, and other times like many of us I'm getting caught with the word sinner and then some kind of weird pride comes to do with my story. And the use of the word sinner with a very specific connotation and to do with my father sexually abusing me over a number of years and blaming me for being a dirty little sinner so that I wouldn't tell anybody else so it would continue. So that's a struggle and sometimes you can overcome it and think back to your definition of sinner and other times I can't.

So in a way it is very important that this is happening because if it can still come and press your button—and of course all my love and blessings to you, and you went through something that no child should have to go through—but given that these conditions have to be released in your case then, and if this has come as a trigger to get them to the surface and get them to be experienced till there, but to a point of being with the poison goes away from all of that you see. I would say that unless I—

In a way, it is very important that this is happening because if it can still come and press your button—and of course all my love and blessings to you, and you went through something that no child should have to go through—but given that these conditions have to be released in your case, then if this has come as a trigger to get them to the surface and get them to be experienced till there, but to a point of being with the poison, it goes away from all of that, you see. I would say that unless it becomes really unbearable and difficult, and you can just message me and we'll talk more about that, but I would say see if you can continue with it and replace the definition of the connotation of the word with trying to live on our own terms rather than God's will. But even after some more time, say another week or ten days, if it still feels like there's too much resistance and too much memory of those things, we can talk and I can help you with replacing the word if you have to. But let's see, let's see over the next few days.

I did continue till now because I trust in you. I trust in the intuition that comes to you. Okay, I'm sharing that.

Let's go to Kamu. Come.

Hello, my dear. Namaste, Father. Actually, I wanted to ask: the presence and the witness, as you said, they are two different things, but when I am witnessing, I feel there is only one witness. There's a presence; the presence is not felt as separate.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. It's not really separate. So let me find a metaphor if I can. So let's use the simple metaphor of a hand, no? So the hand is one hand, but we can say, 'Okay, now focus on your thumb.' Does that make it separate? No, just that in its beauty, the Self has aspects: the unmanifest aspect and the manifest aspect. So although it is the same Self, 'I' and 'I am,' it's about the same 'I,' isn't it? It is just 'I' which now, when we say 'I am,' is talking about the manifest aspect, the Saguna aspect of Nirguna, the Absolute 'I.' When it plays in its manifest aspect, it plays as 'I am.' Now, when in the play of Maya, in the waiting, when we try to meet this 'I am' in this vastness, we are unable to meet it mostly, you see. We need a sort of... because we're so used to relating with form, so first we rely on the vibration of it, the sense of it, the sense 'I am,' the sense of being, which you may notice in your heart or some other aspect. You may notice that. But even in this, what is happening is that no division is happening. It is still the same 'I,' only it's in its manifest aspect, you see. It is reaching out to you in some way as the primordial pulsation, the primordial vibration, Om, you see, which is about Om. It is about the Absolute, but it is represented in a particular form so that we can reach out to it, we can relate to it, you see. But no distinction or separation has happened in all of this. So when I'm talking about these seeming steps, what is really happening is that we are unraveling the various aspects of the one reality. So we come across the thumb, we come across the various fingers, we come across the little finger, but it's not two hands. It's just one hand here.

Actually, I cannot stop being. It is always there and it is aware of everything. It is Absolute. So I don't... because I have never felt that there is a separation between the things.

Yes, there is no separation between the two. It is just that, like you can say, 'I can't stop being.' Now, that being part of it is also the same 'I,' and I am aware of even this being which appears in the waking state and the dream state, but it is not there in the deep sleep state. But I am witness to that absence of being also, you see. So 'I' has not changed. That 'I' is your reality, and yet you're able to point out that, 'Ah, now being is here,' and then you say that in deep sleep everything goes away, everything goes away, even my being is not there, it dissolves within myself. But you remain as the Absolute Self.

Yes, yes. Thank you, thank you.

Let's go to Atin again. Let's see if his mic works. Okay, I know. I can lip-read you. You're asking whether we can hear you. We can't. Did you type something? If you feel to, otherwise all my love. Okay, let's go to Shiv.

Hi, Father. Can you hear me? Yes. Yeah, so last satsang you were saying, Father, that why does every sage tell us that we must follow God's will? I have some thoughts that I have and just wanted to report. So, this is what happened: before meeting you, I was still in Uttarakhand and I used to teach school children, and I would always feel, 'Why all these rules, regulations, textbooks, discipline, and following all that? You should be more free and discover on your own,' all that. Then, when you asked that question, 'Why should we follow Guru's will?' I was reminded of something that somebody else told me, a person I was working with. He said that don't look at it as something you're imposing on the kids, but look at yourself as somebody who's like a football coach or a swimming coach. You want to learn a new sport, then that person gives you orders and you follow them, and the idea is that you get better at something you want to get better at. So is the Guru presence also... I mean, it takes you in so many contradictory ways. Can we say that following God's will is a way for the Satguru presence to cut off all our bonds to the world? Like it's the coach for how you can cut off bondage to the world?

Not that, no, that it's not bad. But I want to tell you one thing, no? We can really look at what has happened. Something upside down has happened, no? What is that upside down? We have taken this rumbling of the mind to be 'my will,' you see. And that which is a reality, actually, those movements, those utterances, those natural occurrences in the presence, whatever unfolds, that we have taken to be an imposition, you see. Whereas in reality, it is the other way around, you see. The prison is here through this mind thing, but because we are habituated to taking it to be 'my own terms, my will,' you see, that is why it is said that we must follow God's will. Now, initially that seemed like an operation or a subjugation, you see, and we feel like, 'But I want to be independent. I don't want to lead a God-directed life.' Like we've talked about, not wanting a God-dictated life but wanting a God-assisted life, okay? But really, what is happening is, although the metaphor is very beautiful that the other gentleman explained to you, something even more subtle is happening there, which is a fixing of what is your own true heart guiding your life to be versus what is this trickster, who is trying to convince you of your unreality, guiding you to be. But there comes a point where you will no longer refer to the mind's directions as 'my terms, my will,' and then it will no longer seem like a subjugation. It will seem like a joy to follow your heart because that is what you really want, okay? But initially, it can seem like it is a God-dictated life that we have, like, meant to follow, forced to follow. Let's go to Paula. Yeah, sorry. Let's go to Amrita and Anuj.

Namaste, Father. Namaste. Yeah, can you hear me? I just wanted to say thank you, thank you, thank you, unlimited thank you for you. When you took us to... it was not at all possible to go because our plan was already there to go somewhere else, and I just prayed to you that, 'Father, thank you very much for making this plan to go there and I want to come with you.' And your grace was there pouring on me and it happened. And it happened in such a smooth way that it was quite economical for me and it went nicely. Now also your grace is there with me. You told me about the case somebody put on me, a false case, and you said that nothing will happen, just don't worry. Then the High Court order has come and they have put... the High Court has put the proceeding stay on that case, that case somebody put on me. Thank you for your grace, Father.

Yes, Congress is all about Grace. Thank you, thank you, my dear. I'm happy to hear this. It is a joy to take you along and the kids also. Be happy we came up. Grace is there. We just soon want to be there in your presence, coming soon to Bangalore, Father.

Very good, very good. He got that. All of us heard that. Everything else was a bit not clear, but that line we all heard and we are very happy with the news. Please come, please come. Stay happy.

Thank you, Father.

Thank you, my dear. All my love to both of you. Thank you. Welcome. Can't make out what you're saying. This is all my love. Okay, let's try Paula now. She's moving.

Father, ah yes, the internet was working perfectly until you called me. Hello, Father. It's been a while and I just failed to raise my hand and come to you.

Yes. Are you finding any obstacles or any trouble living in God's light?

All of them. But now today I feel just listening and following you, and especially now with Atma Jyoti, yeah, it's like everything is clear again. I've been missing you so much. I've really come... when are you coming to Bangalore? I don't know, as soon as possible. I feel just finances, as usual, the only thing that stops me from many things. And I feel maybe this is one of the reasons I've been probably like, stopped listening to you, it's because I've been trying to solve that thing, you know.

Ah, you stopped listening to me?

Yes. And yeah, I mean I've been listening, I connect to the satsangs every week and I'm doing the... but it's like at the same time I'm trying to fix these things on my own and that's kind of not listening to you.

Yes, yes. Good to recognize that and to surrender our individual will, yes, to God's will. Which doesn't mean that necessarily anything on the outside has to change. It can if it has to, but it doesn't necessarily mean that something outside has to change. But the spot that you're trying to do this with, the non-existent one, and the highest power in the universe is here. So that is the strange game we play in humanity. I feel like my voice is starting to fade away, so I'm going to rest of it now. Thank you, thank you, thank you all of you for being here in satsang today. And may you all live in God. May you all let go of all pride and individuality. May your life be spent in God's grace. Love you all very much. Injustice, just going to take a minute and read all the messages.