Start Every Moment as a Beginner - 26th June 2024

So it takes a sensitivity to access your heart, and it takes brute force to go with the mind. So you can notice for yourself right now: are you soft in your heart? What can contaminate your sensitivity in the heart? Your pride, of course; we talk about it every day. Then your wanting to be right, your holding grievances, your anger, hatred, fear—all of these will get in the way, you see? Your heart wants to bloom, it wants to flower, and it is important that you let it flower because in the flowering of this, the intuitive insights also flower. It is the home of true knowledge, self-recognition. Atma Gyan comes from Atma; worldly gyan comes from the mind.

True love comes from the Atma. The true way of life, the true will of God that takes care of our problem of decision making and choice making, all comes from there. So we must stay here, remain empty in the mind, let all the thoughts come and go, and the fullness of your heart will start revealing itself to you. His presence, His light will start revealing itself to you. And why does it seem tough? Because the compelling nature of the gravitational force of the mind's thoughts, the motion of the 'me', that keeps pulling you back. So just to remain empty of that is very beautiful. To start with the fresh, fresh exercise we've done for many years: just empty.

And if in our heart, if you really look and we are truthful with ourselves, we know whether we are making everything about the me or we are making it about God. What is this about? And many of us may feel that it is Maya that is happening to me. It is happening to me, I'm being pulled away from God, almost with the sense that I can't help it. But you can, every moment. Every moment, what is your sense right now? What is your intention right now? You have to really slow it down because the mind likes to rush you. Maya goes, 'Don't look here, there, just come with me fast, fast, fast, fast! You're right, you're right, you are right!'

It is not contemplative, it is not slow, it is not really observant, attentive; just rushing into trouble after trouble. And in all of that, we miss God's presence, His place, which is right here. That is why it is important what the sages have said: antarmukhi sada sukhi. Those who have turned inwards are always content, always happy. What is this turning inwards? It is to make everything about that which is in your heart, about God's light, God's presence. Turning outwards is grasping at things, and turning outwards is a constant denial of God. The 'me' is a denial of God.

If the sun is shining, then what light of the star can we see? So the presence of the sun—and to focus on the little minute light of the 'me', which is not actually light, but just to go with the metaphor—is a denial of the true light in our life. And it is this which is the cause of all trouble. Use your prayer, use your inquiry, use all the tools that have been given to you so that you remain focused on what is truly important. All that is in the world is passing. So now the project is clear, the tools are clear. Project is clear and the tools are clear. You just have to do it and feel, and do it and feel, and do it and feel.

And that acceptance, that looking, makes us humble, makes us faithful. Because even in this following and falling down, and following and falling down, we are much better off than we were earlier, catering to the me when we thought we are flying high on this egoic pride. We were actually digging our way to hell. In this crawling, it seems like at times, and feeling even to crawl, we are actually finding our way to the true place in our heart. So there's room for full humility, but there's no room for despair. Despair is what? Despair is the sad version of pride. Can you despair without pride? What is the voice of despair, despondency? 'Oh, I still haven't got it. I've tried and tried, I should have got it by now. It's never going to happen for me.'

In the pride that it should have happened, 'I'm deserving, I'm worthy of this,' it doesn't allow us to just feel, be on the path quietly and humbly. It still wants to bring the focus back on the me. There's no room for despair. There is room for observing; there is room for observing where we trip up. It's a bit confusing because sometimes the great sages say, 'But I'm the worst of the lot.' That can also sound like despair, but it's not. It's a very joyful acceptance of our foolishness. But when we are despairing about that, when we are caught up in ourselves about that, then we are not actually feeling like we are the worst, yeah? Because it's still seeming like it's an attack by ourselves on ourselves.

Anything that stops you from being with Ram is Ravana. And Ravana has what? Ravana has all the tricks, all the Maya. Literally, he'll say, 'What about this? What about that? What about him? What about her?' And in all of this, all of these tricks, we will lose our chance to be with Ram, to be with the light of the Atma within, which is literally the meaning of the word Ram. So don't give it up for anything at all. What stops you from being with the truth is the false, you see?

Now your mind will offer up a lot of 'Yes, but... yes, but... yes, but...' What is the 'but'? 'What about this? What about my work? What about my family? What about...' I've not said anything about either of them. 'What about my relationships?' What about it? We have not talked about any of that. That is just part of the outer appearance of this world. And in the light of Consciousness and God's light, all of it will play out. It's literally like saying—although you may not see it that way—it's literally like saying, 'What about the sun? If I stay with God, then will the sun rise or set?' Do we see it like that? Nobody says that. If I say, 'Okay, drop it all,' nobody says, 'Will the sun rise or will it set?'

But it's just like that, because the movement of this body is part of the same functioning which is making the sun rise and set. The same Consciousness is projecting these images on the screen. So our job is to be inwardly focused on God. What happens in the outer realm is none of our business. So work can happen, family can be fine or not; either way, that has nothing to do with anything. But if you are going to carry some intention, if you're going to take the pose of doing something, then it must be from following God's will. Otherwise, just remain empty to all of it.

And the 'Yes, but... yes, yes, yes, but...' is 'Yes, but me. Yes, but what about me?' Whether we accept it or not, that is the only thing that stops us. What stops you from being with God all the time? Tell me what stops you. Usually these days I'm just being very irritating to everyone because many when you write to me with your problems, I'm just like, 'But where is the time for this? Where are you finding the time to trouble yourself with this?' Because your job, if you are part of this project, is unceasing prayer, nirantar japa. Then unceasing means no breaks. Or, 'Let me take some breaks and trouble myself with some ideas about somebody and something.'

And that doesn't mean you shouldn't tell me, because I want to know. Otherwise, I just feel like everyone is so much being with God all the time. And many times we have these contradictions: 'I'm praying all the time, I'm praying all the time, but I just had a terrible day yesterday.' How? Where was the time to even evaluate the day? Isn't that a moment wasted away from God? So it is a constant project. It is not something you turn on and off. It is literally a new way of life, a new way of existing in a constant prayer, in a constant inquiry, but basically a constant focus on God, not on the me.

What to do when it is difficult? You know the answer. Just give up—saying it as a joke. Things are too tough, when it's difficult to stay with God, you just give up? You can't give up. You have to use everything that you have, everything that you have. Yeah, this Maya, like the boxer in the opposing corner, will come and say, 'What, will you fight? Give up, leave it. You can't do this. This is only for the special ones, the sages. You're nobody. How will you do this? How will you find God and stay with God? Who do you think you are?' Yeah, that is the only time I'd ask you to ask that question. So when times are tough, know that God knows that times are tough. God knows that times are tough. But even when times are tough, if we turn toward...

Leave everything that you have. This Maya, like the boxer in the opposing corner, will come and say, 'What will you fight? You give up. Leave it. You can't do this. This is only for the special ones, the Sages. You're nobody. How will you do this? How will you find God and stay with God? Who do you think you are?' That is the only time I'll ask you to ask that question. So when times are tough, know that God knows that times are tough. God knows that times are tough. But even in times that are tough, if we turn towards Him instead of turning away, then He knows that as well—that it was very difficult for my son, for my daughter, to turn towards me in this time, and yet he did or she did.

I've taken that example, isn't it, of our biological children? So if my son calls and he's on holiday, he's partying with his friends, and he says, 'Hi Pa, just called to say I love you,' something like that—you like it, it's nice. But if he calls and says, 'Dad, I'm in the middle of a crazy day, there are fires everywhere, everyone is helter-skelter, and still I remembered you and I wanted to spend a moment with you,' that really touches your heart. Good. So if a worldly biological father can know these things, can appreciate this, what about the All-Intelligent One, the All-Knowing One? If you dropped it, you dropped it. Start fresh now. Pick up the resolve afresh and remain with the truth.

Guruji, I mean, the point is that you know that if you turn to God in your very chaotic work, you will really feel stabilized. You know that. But even after that, you don't want to turn at that time. Today morning also, I was going through Ramacharitmanas. I went through whatever we did last time, and I left the book there thinking that during my work, I can turn and read through a few pages. It was there just beside my table itself. I did think that, 'Let's read,' but I couldn't do it. I still remember that very, very fresh.

Yeah, with all of us. It happens with all of us. There's a book that I'm trying to finish called 'The Watchful Mind.' So every day as my work is starting, I just keep it with me and I feel like when I'll get a few minutes, I'll just pick up and go through a chapter. It doesn't happen. It's not finished. It happens with all of us. But just to say your prayer is good. You see, you feel that what you feel like needs more effort to pick up and read because that can seem to break the flow of your work. Or just while everything outside is going on, just to keep remembering Him and praying to Him—are you able to do that? If you're able to do that, it's fine. It will deepen into the turning.

So when we are learning how to surf—I don't know how to surf, but I'm presuming it's like this—where you go over the small waves first. You learn to balance on the thing. Then as you learn, then your skills develop, you deepen in that. You see, you're constructing the temple. Like I said, the deeper, the higher the temple that you construct, the easier it will be to turn. So keep at the project. Don't get disheartened saying, 'I should be able to do this by now, I should be able to do that by now.' So even if what you're saying is true, that at least verbally, even mechanically, it seems you're trying to stay with the prayer for most of the time or all the time, that's very good. So then tomorrow is easier, tomorrow is deeper.

Yeah, but when you zag or zig back, then does that zag go deeper or does it become less? Is it like a dying trend line or what is the shape of the wave? I notice here, like sometimes I told you that ebb and flow happens where sometimes you're able to pray a little bit, and it seems so difficult. Other times where it feels like, 'Wow, what a day!' you know, 'What a day!' like that. So sometimes after you have that 'Wow, what a day,' and the next day is all, you know, like that. It can happen.

So that zigzag can happen. We learn to get back on the board. So we keep following, we keep surfing the high waves. Sometimes we fall at the smallest obstacles. But that's why it is literally... there are so many metaphors of this being a war. Like Mahabharat, Ramayan, all the spiritual sagas, all the spiritual history depicts this inner battle as a war. Nobody says it's a cakewalk. Has anybody said you just start and you just start praying and then tomorrow you'll pray deeper, then you see it'll become effortless, it'll become a Japa, then it'll become heart prayer, then you'll just be in Samadhi just like week after week? Nobody has reported that.

Even God in His Avatar as in the human forms, in the incarnations, went through a lot of it. Like if you read the Yoga Vasistha, you see that Ram also went through a lot of struggle. Jesus was also tempted and prayed a lot. So once you are in this human condition, then the attraction of Maya is really strong. But at least I'm happy that you're getting a sense of the project deeply, because otherwise most are trying to include their spirituality in the Maya itself. Our spirituality has become about our 'me.' That is the trickiest part in Satsang because that trump card is always with the mind. Anything good happens, quote-unquote 'good' happens to you, the mind wants to make it about you, make credit, make pride.

So how will God give us more and more if you keep falling for pride? If you're collecting spiritual insights and experiences like the trophies on a medal case? That's why one important thing is: it doesn't matter what happened yesterday. Today you are a beginner. Today you're a beginner. Every day I'm a beginner. I'm just starting. I don't know anything. Nothing has happened. No Atma Gyan, no enlightenment, no freedom, nothing. I'm a beginner. And that makes us open to learn as well. You can see how easy it is to get caught up in stagnancy, complacency. It is very possible for this boy to have got stuck in 2009 and then died stupid. I mean, he probably still will die stupid, but hopefully a little less stupid than that.

It sounds very different from what we think we know about freedom and enlightenment. So just if you don't hear anything at all, just hear this tip from me: when you've done your due diligence and you've found a scripture or a book or a Sage's writing, then when you pick it up, then you forget everything you know first. Just read it fresh as if you're just a beginner who's learning the basics. Otherwise, you're just sitting and confirming what you think you know. Then it's just like, 'Oh yeah, yeah, even he said that. Even he said like that only. I was thinking this only.' And you missed everything, any chance of learning anything new. You just get stuck in confirming our pride.

So when you read a scripture, when you read a religious text, read with the beginner's mind and see if we can do that in Satsang. In Satsang, you end up paying more attention to that which you think you already know, isn't it? You notice like that? All of you have your favorite topics, yeah? So it's like listening, listening, but when your favorite topic comes, it's like that, then it's going right? So it should actually be the reverse. Because if it's your favorite topic, you already researched, you already know a lot, you have insights, you see? But what you need to look at is what you don't feel you know. It can sound very strange.

Because how many times do we report that, 'You know, I was looking at this or I saw this thing and I concluded to myself like this, like this, and even in Satsang Guruji says like that, he said the same thing.' Okay, now name five other things that he said. 'No, that I don't remember.' You see? Because then you just got to know what you already knew. Are you spotting these things? So these small, small things are pride. And where have our former conclusions led us? We used to talk about this often: that today's conclusions are tomorrow's confusion. So what is the right approach? More innocence, more simplicity, less pride of knowledge.

And have you noticed that this pride of knowledge is around most suffering, if not all of it? What do you suffer from? 'How can this happen to me? This is not supposed to happen to me. I am beyond all this. How can God do this to me?' So we think we know what should have happened, and He knows less about what is right for us and we know better. Then we suffer. So can we treat, can we take everything as His grace without wanting to know why? Because 'why, why, why' will make you suffer. It will make you cry, cry, cry. So change the 'why' question to the question: Who am I? Who am I serving right now? Who is this about? Is it about God or me?

Guruji, what is this about the business mentality you have mentioned? I have a sense of it, but could you speak a bit more about it?

Yes. What happens is that our constructs make a shape. Then when we are introduced to something new, we want to shift everything into that shape. You want to grab everything and put it into that shape because to grow that, to expand, seems very uncomfortable. And especially the opposites can seem very uncomfortable. So one beautiful thing I will tell you is that unless there is some conceptual dissonance in what you think you understand, you cannot be free. Which means that if you don't know how to accept truth value for that which seems conceptually opposite, then we will not go beyond the intellect because we'll try to mold and shape everything according to our intellect.

And in spirituality, if you haven't noticed that everything contradicts itself, then you haven't been paying attention. So everything contradicts itself. But to have faith and have acceptance of that conceptual contradiction, you see? So that much Zen is in every spiritual path. So whether you call it like a conceptual dissonance, a cognitive dissonance... so sometimes the teacher will say, 'Completely give up, just give up everything.' Next day he'll say, 'Never give up, we must always fight, always fight.' To our mind, it's very confusing. So what is he actually saying? But somewhere you can get a sense of that. You can get a sense of intuitive insight which is more broad. It is not constrained by these boundaries.

So there comes a point where truth value comes from what rings true in your heart, you see? And many times that which can seem conceptually at odds will ring true in our heart. Let's take an example. So suppose that you got up this morning and it was a Saturday or Sunday, you don't have to go to work, for example. So somebody told you that, 'I've read this book recently, you should also read it.' So you get onto your Amazon, you buy it on Kindle or whatever, and the book is there. Then you're reading the book and you're just reading it from a frame of reference of what you read yesterday.

So suppose what you read yesterday was about staying in the now or surrendering to God. So this book is completely fresh, from a different stream, and you're reading it from the sense of, 'Okay, now how does this help me stay in the now? How does it help me surrendering to God?' because that is your new truth, your new frame of reference. But this book may be offering a completely different way to look at the pathway to God, you see? But then what will happen is either you won't read it, you will refuse to go further because you will say, 'It's not interesting me right now,' or you will say, 'Yeah, yeah, actually he is talking about this or she is talking about this, but yeah, this is same-same what I read yesterday, it's actually same.'

Because these positions look more comfortable rather than saying, 'Okay, now I don't know what he's saying or she is saying, the author is saying, but I have the opportunity in reading a 200-page book to get a sense of someone who has really done this expedition in their whole lives.' They spent maybe 20, 30, 40 years, you see? And through just reading these 200 pages, I can get a sense of what are their key insights, what did they come to, what did they realize, what are their weaknesses, what are the things which they found? Such a beautiful opportunity to walk somebody's hand that we don't have to book a flight to meet or they...

What the author is saying, but I have the opportunity in reading a 200-page book to get a sense of someone who has really done this expedition in their whole lives. They spent maybe 20, 30, 40 years, you see, and through just reading these 200 pages, I can get a sense of what are their key insights, what did they come to, what did they realize, what are their weaknesses, what are the things which they found. Such a beautiful opportunity to walk somebody's hand that we don't have to book a flight to meet, or they may have left the body also. So just don't apply your frame of reference and say, 'Ah, now this also, now this also I understood, I understood.' It's like that. Like, you should spend the first one or two hours, if it's a deep book, just not getting a sense that I'm understanding. Just like something is starting to develop, but I can't really say which way it is going, what it is taking me to. And that is how you'll be able to approach really beautiful ones like Kierkegaard. If you approach Kierkegaard from a sense of already knowing something, then there's no chance. And that's why most people don't endeavor to read the great philosophers, because their communication, their way of expression, everything is so far removed, so unique in their own construct. They've built their own language, you see. So Kierkegaard took a few attempts to get into.

As I used to come to satsang also, I used to say something is happening, I don't know what. The words are not there, but something is starting to take shape. And you just have to allow yourself to not be able to say, 'I understood this, I understood that.' You just allow it to grow on you. And why this is very important—okay, thankfully I'm mentioning this—the main point is that this is how the teaching of the Atma happens. The Atma doesn't reveal the truth to you saying, 'This is it.' It doesn't come like that. Just something, something... that's why so many times you'll feel like you're learning something, you're understanding something, but you don't have the words to express it. Somebody says, 'What's happening to you?' You can't really say. It's much broader than language. You see, this journey of transformation from head to heart is much broader than just putting it in words. It's not like just changing one dictionary in the head to a new dictionary. It's a complete reworking of our system inside.

So patience, faith, courage, being okay with not understanding, being completely fine with not knowing the next move. How will you be patient with learning to hear from the Atma within if you're not patient with spiritual text? In five minutes we get bored, we get irritated, we want to understand, or we force-fit our understanding on it and say, 'Yes, yes, yes, this is that only, this is that.' Then you will not grow. I take the Psalms, for example, many books in the Bible. Because it is so... like the Old Testament is really old, literally it's the Old Testament, and the New Testament is also about 2,000 years old. But even if it was not old, it is a spiritual text. Like the Psalms, if you try to read, you'll be like, 'What is this stuff? What is he talking about? Cut off the heads of my enemies' and all of these things. 'What is he saying? Where is the kindness, compassion? Where is this Jesus-like?' And most of the Psalms are prophesying Jesus in some way, but if you read them, it can seem like, 'But these are very different, they're very violent, they're very unkind,' you see.

But really, if you start looking at them deeply, they are talking about the inner journey and these attacks that come, these mind attacks and these things. So the prophets and the sages in their beauty have expressed it in these ways. But there are places in which it can be meant, but if you just give up on them and say, 'No, no, no, I don't like this,' and in that quick to say, quick to discard, we think we know a lot. And all of this I'm saying because I've done these things. I've done a lot of this stuff. 'Oh, I like this more, I like this less.' You don't really know, especially if it is spiritual and it has been advised in satsang, you've been told by your teacher to follow, then don't be quick to think that we know better.

How is the communication that is happening with the Atma within? Is it constant or is it broken? It's constant, no? I mean, ideally speaking, it's constant. But if you ask any sage, 'What is your Atma saying right now?' many times they'll say, 'I don't have words. I can't express what it's saying.' Does it mean that the communion, the communication has stopped? No, it hasn't. But it is happening at a level deeper than words. So you must also start getting used to that. Our mind pushes us for quick answers. 'What's going to happen? Tell me now. Will everything be okay? I want to know. Will it go my way? I want to know.' But the Atma doesn't oblige us that way. I mean, sometimes it may, but it wants to make sure that we don't become... one beautiful example I read in a book, they said that suppose you are a soldier. You just joined the army. You're a soldier in the army and you're fighting for the king. In one battle you did really well. So is the king going to say, 'Now you're the co-ruler along with me, you can come and rule this kingdom along with me' after one battle? Or even if he says, 'Okay, now you're the head of my army or the general,' why does the king usually not do that, or the leader of the country usually not do that? Because although that child, that soldier, may be talented, they may be the best warrior, but if they get it too quickly, too early, then they become proud and all the good work will go to waste.

And we must trust that God knows. Always trust that God knows. Otherwise, everybody says, 'Okay, first satsang finished, I should be enlightened, I should know everything, I should just go back.' You see, everything doesn't happen like that because the ways of the Atma are deep and it's not just conceptual. And you see that every moment you spend with the Holy Spirit inside you, the Atma inside you, you're growing so much. Things that you never even contemplated, somebody asks you and something comes from your mouth and you don't know how that happened, how you understood these things. It's a very different way from the usual classroom system. How can you learn something just by being in God's presence? You are growing, you're flowering like flowers in the presence of the sun. What did the bud understand to become a flower? Just in the presence of the sun, it starts to bloom. So stay with the Atma within, stay in the presence of the spirit. And you know the best news? That the Atma is the most loving teacher. Because you feel if you spend time with the Atma within, not only are you growing, you're learning, you're maturing so deeply, but also you feel so much love, you feel so much joy, peace. So there is no downside. There is no downside except you have to let go of ego.

How do I reset my expectation? Because when I think logically, it was very, very easy that I know it would stabilize me, and it was so simple to do, but I couldn't do it. So I need to reset myself of this expectation. How do I do that?

You don't have to reset the expectation necessarily. You can also see that you can note moment to moment, you can observe yourself being caught in Maya. In that time, you can see the force field. So keep that expectation and see that Maya is not something that you can just take lightly. Because it seems simple enough—everybody gets a few minutes in the middle of work—it seems simple enough, 'I can just pick up the book, it'll remind me of God's presence, I can stabilize myself back in His light.' So simple, and all of us can say so simple. But I'm telling you from my experience also, the same thing happened. And that is the power of the Maya tricks. This is the nature of it. That's why satsang is so important. When we are in this, we want to read the Ramacharitmanas, we want to do all of this, we want to hear spiritual things. The minute your company changes, you see, then you don't feel it. The power of the company that we keep, whether outwardly or the thoughts we are immersing ourselves in, can just flip us so easily. This is literally the force field. So God breeds more God, God's light breeds more light, and the delusion of Maya leads to more attachment to Maya. This is the constant thing.

So what was happening is that when I started sharing satsang, I used to share once in two weeks, every Saturday, every fortnight Saturday. And then everyone... we used to have some beautiful sessions, and I don't know, but I feel they were beautiful sessions. But what I would feel is that in the two weeks, it was almost like we were starting from square one. So I would feel like the same questions are being asked, we're not covering new ground, we're not going deeper. We said, 'Okay, we meet every week.' And that every week became, at one point, it was every day. That became too difficult for this body. So now we come to that three, because twice a week you get the opportunity to be in the satsang, the company of those who are seeking God or being with God, and that stabilizes this at least for some time. Because a week's break sometimes can become too much if we're immersing ourselves in all the worldly things. It's tough, no? So you start your day with prayer and then being in God's presence. So you have the intention, the feeling that throughout the day I will keep reading a bit of this book. But the minute this other stuff, worldly stuff, starts, then that has its own magnetism, its own power, and you're not able to switch. So what you have to do is keep that intention, but also make sure that all this outer work can keep happening, but independent of that, inwardly try and be with God as much as you can.

You already look at like two years ago, all these notions to you would have seemed completely absurd, right? What are you doing? So that's how it works, slowly, slowly grow into it. Somebody had told me at 35 that I'll become a Baba Ji, no chance. And even for many years I shared satsang in superhero t-shirts and you know, all kinds of fun stuff just to feel like, 'No, no, I'm not, I can just be myself.' You know, I don't have to... and we don't have to change our clothes. But in the natural flow, things change and we can never predict, you see. So in 15 years, in 15 years, it will be...

It's feeling like a huge problem now, Father, with this... because I started doing the Shiva prayer and that felt so strong. Then I moved to Kali, then I changed the prayer, you change to Kali. And that was also strong. And then I started doing the Jesus, and then Ram. I changed to Shiva, Father, just... no, it's to be very honest, you know, like I feel like I want to go really deeper with this one prayer, but...

All laughing because all of us have done these. I told you, not in this cycle, but the cycle... I mean, not since we started praying like this, but in my spirituality, I was always shuffling, shifting between which mantra, what to do. And Ram felt very deep, so I did Ram. Then I did that, and then when it started to really deepen, then I would say, 'But why are you chanting Ram every time you hear Shiva? See what happens to you.' So you know, you're a Shivite actually. So then I started saying... then what happens is if you're chanting something else and that is deep, then if you just say some 'Om Namah Shivaya,' wow, one 'Namah Shivaya' and you just left all of Maya behind. So then the offer comes on the mind, it says, 'Imagine just chanting this constantly.' So then it became 'Om Namah Shivaya.' For a few weeks it was like that. Then it became 'Om Namah Shivaya' and it became like you have to force it. Then the mind comes and says, 'You know you made a mistake, you know you've always been a Ram bhakta. How did you switch that? So go back to Ram now.' See, then when you used to chant 'Om' so pristine, it was so amazing. Try, try... then you do, wow.

Say some 'Om Namah Shivaya.' You just left all of Maya behind. So then the offer comes on the mind; it says, 'Imagine just chanting this constantly.' So then it became 'Om.' So for a few weeks, it was like that. Then it became 'Om Namah Shivaya' and it became like you have to force it. Then the mind comes and says, 'You know you made a mistake. You know you've always been a Ram bhakta. How did you switch that? So go back to Ram now.' See? Then when you used to chant 'Om,' it was so pristine, it was so amazing. 'Try, try.' Then you do. 'Wow, this is something else only. How did I leave this? That was Maya, I left.' So then we don't settle. And I never settled before it happened here. If somebody said, 'What was your mantra in life?'—I mean spiritual mantra—I could say, if you force me and say, 'Okay, what do you chant the most?' maybe, maybe... I can't really say. And this report will also change from time to time. So this is what it is at the moment. So we continue.

But the good news is that in spite of all the shifting—it is completely different from what all the teachers say, or what everyone says—but the fact is that in spite of this, God is blessing and has blessed this foolish boy so much. So God knows. Whether you say Ram, Shiva, Krishna, God knows it's for Him. It's not ever going to happen that you send the address with the address wrong, so it didn't go to God because you said Shiva. It is meant to be. It can't happen. No, we all feel conflicted about this. How many mantras? In Ramacharitmanas, it was about 'Nam, Nam, Nam.' And it was beyond Saguna, beyond Nirguna, beyond everything is Ram. That which follows just the name of Ram is the Nirguna and the Saguna. Exactly, it has to be. That whole section is there.

And I was like, 'I'm more to Krishna.' Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Krishna. Then you read Tulsidas Ji, they say like that. If you read somebody else, the Bhagavatam, they say that one chant of 'Hare Krishna' is worth some 500,000 chants of others. Then you feel like, 'Oh, I picked up the wrong one.' So in all of this, I feel like at least what I realized here is that God knows, you see? Whether you say God, you say Ram, you say Krishna, you say Jesus, you say Allah, you say Devi Ma, you say whatever, He knows it is going to Him.

There's some advantage we can give to ourselves; that's the second point of it, which is the momentum that repetition of one mantra gives. That natural momentum allows it to become ajapa. So after experimenting like this for about a year or so, we can just settle on what our heart is guiding us. Try not to switch too much after this, because don't ever feel like something got wasted. Nothing for God is ever wasted. So it is not wasted; it is your seva, it is definitely gone to God. But now to help yourself—to help yourself go deeper in it and for it to become just natural—just settle on the one you felt like, at the moment, is the most heartfelt. See, we can turn this off for a bit, another mic.

But I also just like how you just described, no, that the mind has so many suggestions about whom to pray to. And it just feels like when I'm praying to Shiva, Shiva feels like I'm Shiva's child and things like that, you know? And I've always... okay, okay, a child that we don't know about, Father. But whenever I used to go through stuff earlier, I would always pray to Jesus and Shiva. And so the mind suggests that, 'Okay, pray to Shiva and Jesus because it's the Jesus prayer that Father is also saying.' So pray to Jesus and then pray to Shiva because those are the ones that feel most like you felt most resonant with. Because when I was watching the entire Ramayan, then I was just chanting 'Ram.' And then when I went to a Kali Ma temple, then Kali felt so alive and then I started chanting 'Kali.' And Shiva always felt so powerful, you see. So it's like right now, I...

What are you able to stay with the longest? In the sense that, in one sitting, that may be one way to look at it. How now, in all equal, just close your eyes for two minutes and just pray to God deeply in your heart. And after that two minutes, whatever comes from Him, just stick with that. Now, at least for six months, you don't change, no matter what anything feels like. Because you have to cross those barriers. It has to feel difficult at times. Sometimes it feels like you just don't want to do it, but you have to stick with it. Because if you don't go through those obstacles and resistances, then it won't really deepen. Before it becomes ajapa, it has to become very difficult somewhere. The mind has to surrender to it and say, 'This one is not leaving it.'

Father, does it matter which God we choose? It seems frivolous to ask this way, but I want to check. I'm just praying to Jesus and sometimes to Ram and to Kumar Ji because of Bhagavan Yogi Ramsuratkumar and my love for him.

So I answered so that it's not... it doesn't matter to God. God knows. He knows wordlessly, with words. When we are turned towards Him, He knows every moment much better than we can ever know. But to help ourselves allow it to deepen, it's good that you've tried out and then just settle on something which can just become a prayer of your heart. Where I don't want anyone to start imagining these things, okay? Because I noticed that once something is said, then everyone jumps to imagine. But it should just be that when you're sitting by yourself, your heart temple is resonating with the sound of your prayer without any effort from your side, you see. So it'll take on various steps.

Initially, it will seem like you're in the world and you're chanting. You're in the world when you're saying 'Ram, Ram, Ram.' Then it seems like you've given it to your mind and your mind has accepted it. So the mind starts going, mind starts going. Initially with effort, then it seems like effortlessly, effortlessly just... then it will seem like... so it's like you're walking on the paths to your heart. Then what will happen is that you will feel that you are facing God within yourself. In your heart, you're facing this holy, unperceivable, uncreated light and you are chanting, but in your heart. So it seems like something that you are doing, but you're doing it in a different place than earlier.

And then there comes a point where you just have to visit that place and it's like in the space of that holy temple, the words of your prayer are just being heard by you. You're immersing yourself in that. And then it may become completely wordless. And you don't have to worry about any of this as a progression. If you're a beginner, or even if you're not a beginner—you've been in spirituality fifty years—but if your intention is that, 'I want to not be involved in this world and attached to Maya, and I want to be with God,' that is in my eyes as high as the wordless prayer of quiet, wordless Samadhi state that you may experience. In my eyes, there's no difference.

In my eyes, actually, what you do in the struggle may be higher. That all this is not happening—no Samadhi, no honey, no reverberance in your heart—none of it is happening. Not even the mind is agreeing; it is actually fighting. And still, in all of that, you said 'God,' you said 'Ram, Ram.' That for me is very valuable. So we will never feel that we have to rush into it or we have to get to these points. And they're all beautiful, and the deeper it is, the more beautiful it'll seem. But our work is to meet things where we are right now and not get into any sort of fantasy-making and idea-making, because who are we fooling? Just ourselves. So the mind also loves the idea of progress. We have to be really careful. Just remember the audience of one. Let's go to Divya.

Yeah, it's just so much like thank you in my heart, you know. And it just had to come out just because like this... like so much gratitude in my heart for you speaking. And it feels like for a very long time, like I just yearned to like hear what you speak about. And I just pray that those who have this, that they should meet your spirit, you know? That they should hear your spirit even if not physically, but they should taste this like wordless which you're expressing. And thank you so much for like the... like you're able to like the so subtle like tricks of... like way you say Maya, of this realm. Like something even in like spirituality and even when you're coming to know God and there's like so many like sort of deceptions and illusions. And it's very similar to when I was reading St. Teresa's Interior Castle; she hints at this. And I really see like spirit, she's trying to like convey something that is not... there's no words for it, yeah.

And I also see that when I listen to you, and it's the same like this, like subtle tricks. Because I see that it's also happening here sometimes as well. And the prayer is really... has really helped a lot because it's like this twist of... because it's very possible to like make even, you know, like the prayer about like the 'me.' The sense of like the 'me-ness' is like the deeper you go, like the subtler something tries to draw the 'me' out of like my being as something or like my soul. I know what it is like and this thing. And this is why it's not enough to just have like the insight in you. There's always a continuous growth and of growing the spirit. And it's just... it's like I don't know what to explain this. Your words just like reflect something that is wordless in me. And because it's this like... it's so like... how even when you're praying, like something wants to keep turning your face towards the 'me' and not towards God. Like there's a force that does that, like even it's so subtle.

And I know that there's so many... I feel it in my heart that there are so many beings who they have seen this, but somehow they just need somebody to... and that's my prayer. And I've seen that with this prayer as well, you can reach... it reaches other beings as well, even beings which you don't necessarily know about them, yeah. But the prayer, because it's one, there's a oneness about it. And I'm just so grateful for the prayer. I don't know, I just feel like you've given me like all the tools that... and you continue giving me like the tools of remaining in God, you know. Just thank you so much.

So, so welcome. I'm so happy to see you. Same. And Divya, when how he said it, you really clearly like make it known, like these blind spots. So you're so clear about the way that you allow us to come to that seeing, to see that there's this when we're making it about the 'me.' And I just want to say, for some of you maybe new, that I'm so clear and I'm guiding... I can be quite precise in the process of growing and maturing themselves. They're finding the light of Atma guiding them in this way, using this instrument to speak. All guidance, all credit goes to the one who is this instrument and guiding all of us together. It's as much to... nobody should feel like they're talking about a person who knows something. How Atma wants to guide us for the moment. And all reverence, all love, all gratitude is accepted on behalf of that presence which is moving this body in Satsang.

And there's a little bit of resistance at the beginning, Father, like just some like 'me, me, me' happening. And then you said to start every moment as a beginner and to know that everything's God's grace and to not understand why. And it was just such a simple reset in that way. And to like even... because you can't... like it really just takes care of everything when you say start as a beginner and don't know anything. It really just wipes out anything that could kind of get in the way and become about 'me.'

I wish I could speak better and clearer every day. That this instrument is such an inadequate instrument to express what is being shown in my heart. So this we have to get used to, all those who are learning to live in God's light. Like such a primitive, blunt instrument, yeah. It's almost like feels late, you know? Like the words seem late. Like, I don't know, you should have a computer graphic or something from animation with these two force fields, and one the one force field we have our head and inside the other force field...

I should speak better and clearer every day, but this instrument is such an inadequate instrument to express what is being shown in my heart. So this we have to get used to, all those who are learning to live in God's life. It is like such a primitive, blunt instrument. Yeah, it almost feels late, you know? Like the words seem late. Like, I don't know, you should have a computer graphic or something from animation with these two force fields. And in one force field we have our head, and inside the other force field we have heart. The interplay of both of them is life. I'm sure someone can make that, not me though; I'm not very good. And as I was saying it, it wasn't sounding as cool. I see the inadequacy of words. Yeah, thank you. Love you.

Thank you, Father. When I wrote that question, when I started, it seemed like a mind question. But as I was writing it, I don't know, in my heart it felt that there is much more into it. And I think you answered the rest. And I would have to relisten to that. So I felt it's a satsang highlight, to be honest, because it just guides us so beautifully into the whole different stages of the prayer, I guess, and where it can take us. That part is okay. Yeah. And but I guess when you said three minutes, because I also thought if there is something that I need to help with. You know, when I was in the ashram for the first time, just before COVID started, I was there just for two weeks. And I was chanting Nama with my mala in the morning and in the evening. And I was walking on the street sometimes, and I could notice something in me was chanting even if I was walking, and I wasn't mentally singing or anything like that. I was just noticing. And with Jesus, even if I've been a Christian, I've been baptized in his light, I never felt a connection. I just started to look after him after I met Guruji. And even if I go weekly to Christ Church and pray, maybe I'm starting to feel more like Guruji's grace in Christ Church rather than Jesus. So, sorry, does it come with labels?

Grace is coming with labels? Kind of. It's the same. Like, all these holy ones, they have their allocated amount of grace which they can send, and then from which compartment are you getting the grace? You know?

You know, someone, a sister, asked you about, 'Oh, I pray to Shiva, I pray to Ram, I pray to Kali.' I felt it strong. And then also I know my mind also put hierarchies, like Mooji said like self-inquiry is much stronger or more powerful than Ram Nam. And then Guruji said at some point in time, like, if you don't like self-inquiry, you go back to chanting. So he spoke about Zen spirituality and I actually challenged, you know, the Nama chanting so badly that I was in a Shiva temple once. And I think I questioned the teaching in my head, and actually Mooji and Baba, they both came out of those pictures as light into me in compassion, I guess, to... we are all waiting for the conclusion. They offered to feel my stupidity. What did they say? You should chant? Oh, sorry, what is the answer to what you can chant? I think I can chant anything. It's more if you can pray for me to maybe strengthen my Jesus connection, I would appreciate that one.

Yes, of course, I'll pray for you also. In spirituality, the number one ingredient along with humility is faith. It means that one simple way of looking at faith is that I cannot know rationally, I cannot know conceptually. And that applies to everything in spirituality: what is the best path, what is the best mantra, where should I walk, what should I read, should I follow this Guru or that Guru, what should I do, whose satsang should I go to, what should I listen to, am I a Christian or a Hindu or a Muslim? Everything. We can never know really. Yeah. So just enjoy the feeling of being completely foolish in the head, completely reliant on God to guide us every moment. And it may sound strange to say enjoy that, but it is very enjoyable. Because if you ask me what is the best mantra, is it Om Namah Shivaya, is it what this one said? I, as a man who sits here every evening, I have no idea.

I'm not asking for that, I just...

No, no, I know you're not. I'm just saying. I'm saying that I have no real conclusions to offer. And self-inquiry versus japa prayer, we've talked about it very often in the last few weeks, so we've looked at that. Now, why I'm asking all of this is because as it was mentioned, then those who listen may also have these questions. So it's good to use the opportunity to just clarify some of this. So whatever we do for God, whatever we do for truth, God knows. And we don't have to worry about what is better or worse, because the better or worse of it will come from grace. It will only come from God anyway, so we don't have to worry. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for satsang, for having us in your heart.

Let's go. Good morning. Thank you, Father. Thank you. I don't have anything much to say. I just haven't come up for quite some time, maybe it's not so long, but just, yeah, just thank you. Yeah, just to come.

All my love, all my blessing.

Can I have one question please? Is it like when you are speaking about the mind and the force field, like lately, for example, if I'm not doing the self-inquiry or praying, like mostly, not always, but the mind is like constantly running. And I'm doing the best I can just to let it go, and it can be about anything. Mostly it's about the situation and spirituality. Is it just like to let it come and let it come and go?

Yes. Yeah, yeah. It's the same question I have. It is that.