Spirituality Is Not an Easy Path - 8th November 2024

Father, yes, yes. I know there's nothing more important than being in God's presence, but I still keep going with the mind, belief in personhood. Yes. So, and sometimes I feel like I am hiding in the satsang. I'm not coming up. So I wanted to come up and have your blessings to leave what keeps me in person, in Maya. I want to just leave everything, and I leave it every day many times at God's feet, but I keep taking it back again and again.

That's all of us. That's all of us, you see. And that is why we just have to keep going back like this. Keep going back like this, going back like this to realize that so many times we continue to pick separation rather than union with God. We continue to pick myself, the false self, over the true Self. To recognize this is very important so that we keep coming back. And every time we keep coming back, it is an act of love for God. It is an act of faith for God. So to recognize this is very good and to not get discouraged, not to get disheartened at all. Just, we keep falling down, we keep getting up like innocent children. We're not thinking about what happened in the past because the good news is that God is here. And for us it may be impossible to be free from our past, but for him it is not impossible. So to remain with him and to keep returning to him because he is worth it, that's the best we can do.

We can notice the things that pull us out, like our irritation pulls us out, our anger pulls us out, our greed pulls us out, our wanting to win pulls us out, our wanting to be important in this world pulls us out, our need to not be insulted or humiliated in this world pulls us out. All of these things pull us out. But to just recognize and say that, not again. I will not do this again. I will not get angry again. And then if it so happens that you get pulled into anger, we make the choice to be righteous instead of loving, then to recognize it and to return to him. And then again with the conviction, that's it, never again, you see. But not to be disheartened and say, 'Oh, but I decided never again but this Maya is too strong, it keeps pulling me back, I can't do this, it's too difficult.' No, not to worry so much about that. Just this moment, he is here. Start again.

So identify for yourselves what are those things which make us close to God, to his presence, that make us present to the world and not present to him. And notice that when you go into those times, you carry this conviction of remaining with him, but just in a millisecond I lose it.

Yeah, yes. But is there a common theme that what seems to happen in that millisecond?

You see, because not everything tempts everyone. So you must be able to identify that this is when you lose your center, lose being present with him. This is the main topic. These are the main themes which need to happen in that millisecond for us to do that, you see. So identify those and just become vigilant to those. If you see that a particular relationship has the propensity to pull you into that, you see, so then pray to God and say that may it be so that I encounter this one but I don't fall into the 'me,' the mind, the ego. May I remain in your presence, may I remain in your love and light, may I not forget my reality. And then slowly, slowly we get over that particular topic. That particular theme is not that tempting anymore, but others may start showing up. So we just have to keep at it in this way. At least we are not fooling ourselves in some notional idea of what spirituality is. You're meeting this where the rubber hits the road. You're meeting a true spirituality where Maya is seen, and many times it is seen to be very strong. So we're not conceptually wishing it away; we're actually staying with God with everything that God has blessed us with.

So what do I want for all of you? I want for all of you to become saints in this life. Become saints before this foolish one. I don't know whether it'll happen for this one, but my blessing, my hope is that it happens for all of you. And to live a saintly life is to love God really deeply, more than everything else, especially more than the 'me.' To live this life of love in God, you don't need to speak very well or attract big crowds. Just in the simple, simple things of daily life, you're picking God rather than the ego. And what is a saint? A saint is one who picks God rather than ego 99 out of 100 times. And you may pick 80 out of 100 times, so that difference seems very, very difficult, and maybe somewhere it is very difficult. But if we take it this moment at a time, this moment at a time, this moment at a time, it's not that difficult.

Pride is tempting you now? Let it go this moment. That's it. Greed is tempting you in the next minute? You want to get the better deal over your brother or sister, you want to be the winner in the bargain? Let go of that temptation. Want it equally for both, at least, if not better for them than you, you see. Like that you can count your whole day. That's the way to do it. You can't decide that from now on nothing will happen. That's why I said 99, because one thing may still get you. It's all right, start fresh. Then you truly come into odds with Maya, and Maya may try everything to pull you out from that, from your love for God. But firstly, it is important to see how many of you really want that. I mean, everybody wants the title at the end, whether we admit it or not. So you see, it's not about the title, but how many of us really want to be at odds with Maya in this way? Yes or no? So just moment to moment, moment to moment, moment to moment.

What do I mean when I say I want sainthood for all of you? I don't want to be known as the father of saints, some fancy title like that. Huh? What is it? So that if somewhere we can create this obsessive love for God in this world. If five of us, 10 of us, 20 of us, 50 of us can love God so deeply, I feel like it is such a gift to humanity, to the world. And there's no better gift to give to yourselves than to lead a life deeply in love with the truth of who you are and in love with God. There is no better life to lead. But in spirituality itself, there is so much Maya that plays around because many times we meditate for ourselves, we pray for ourselves. We pray not in the sense of ourselves that way, but just to get something out of it. But it's not always just about love for God.

So turn your focus to him. Make him the center of your life. Many of us look at God as if God is the sun or the moon. Hopefully even that. Many of us may look at God as even electricity or gravitation, is it? But if you were to look at God as a living being who actually lives in our heart. He's a living being, an intelligent, alive, living being in the form of Atma living in your heart. But he's living in neglect from most of us, is it? I hope you get that. And that's why I've reduced the usage of words like consciousness and awareness, because when you use that 'ness-ness' stuff, it makes it seem like gravitation or electricity. There's a force inside you, you just have to be with that force. It's not. He is not a force. He is a living being, the only intelligence, the only aliveness, the only being. And what you take yourself to be gets its life from him, you see. So if you cut out all the fancy words and you had to do just one thing: just live as if God is always with you, because that 'as if' actually...

It's like Consciousness and awareness, because when you use that 'ness' stuff, it makes it seem like gravitation or electricity. There's a force inside you; you just have to be with that force. It's not—He is not a force. He is a living being, the only intelligence, the only aliveness, the only being. And what you take yourself to be gets its life from Him, you see? So if, okay, if you cut out all the fancy words and you had to do just one thing: just live as if God is always with you. Because that 'as if' actually, actually is not just an 'as if'; it is it. And your number one job is to be present to Him, to be available to Him, to love Him, to serve Him, to be guided by Him. That is to pray all the time. It's not in the method of prayer, but just in the faith in His existence, which is prayer. Faith in His existence now—it is prayer. Method can be anything. Just taking His name is prayer. Just sitting quiet in your heart is prayer. Method is secondary. But are we living as if He is with us here and now? That is the key.

This Atma is the presence of God. Your life comes from Him. All love, all light, all Truth, all joy—everything that is valuable comes from Him. Notice especially by yourself, nobody's watching, and then change that perspective to remembrance that He's with you. He is right there with you. So for most of our brothers and sisters, nobody will tell them so clearly, although everybody knows God is everywhere, but it's taken to be conceptual and mostly forgotten, is it? But I am telling you very clearly from direct experience that He is with you right now. That is my main job. That is my main job, see? And your job, if you call me teacher, Guru, Father, whatever you want to call me—just Ananta—but if you want to follow me, your job is to have faith in what I've told you. To have faith in what I've told you: that He is here. And the deepening in that faith is the deepening of your relationship with the true Satguru alive in your heart.

This outer instrument is just a device, you see? But to have a teacher in your life, even as in the form of an outer device, and yet to be stubborn and insistent in your lack of faith is to waste this opportunity. My job is just a road sign which is pointing to your heart, is it? Just a road sign. But if the sign is coming to your life, then to trust your teacher would mean that you follow his advice. And my advice is that: live as if He's always, always with you in your heart. And soon that 'as if' will become not an 'as if' anymore, because it's already true. Don't do it for the gifts you will get, of which there are many. Don't do it because of what the world will think of you. Don't do it to get disciples. Don't do it for anything except love for Him.

Like she was saying, Z was saying, that to remain in love with Him is not always easy. Sometimes you want to rebel against Him. We want to be right for ourselves. We want to fight with Him, get angry with Him. We want to blame Him for everything that is wrong with our life, not taking responsibility for our own lives, not thanking Him for the freedom that He's given us, instead blaming Him. Then we want to do all of that because we are reliant on what the outside is showing us. But all that doesn't get us anywhere. We have to return many times, half embarrassed or fully embarrassed, like Narad Ji in the story. And he got caught up in Maya and all that flood happened and all of that happened. He would not have returned to Krishna proudly, 'Hey, I've come back.' He said, 'Please, will you have me back?' So that is the meaning of humility.

So just to be humble and to admit that this fake, prideful 'me' cannot live a true life. It can only, only be led in surrender to God. That humility is very much needed, and that humility is the most resisted. So learn from this oldish man, and if you're younger, admit at whatever age you're in: by ourselves, by our own ego, by our own pride, we cannot live this life. It has to be run by God, lived in faith of God, in love of God, following the will of God. There's no shame in admitting that. And the more you fight against that, the longer you will take. That is pride. Those who trust in their own capacity to live this life create a false distance between themselves and God. We rely on Him for everything. We return to the innocence of children. Then we deepen our relationship with Him.

Like, it would be foolishness if I sat on this chair and I said to myself, 'I can share satsang, I can share satsang.' If it was coming from me, I would say the most atrocious, prideful, silly things. So to admit that I don't know anything, I don't know what to say next, is it? I don't know a single thing. Only He has to use me as an instrument because I'm probably even more foolish than I think I am. But He is all-powerful, He is most intelligent, and if I hand over myself, whatever I take myself to be, to Him, then it is up to Him how to use this 'me'. And that is the only place from which satsang can come.

So when must we be in satsang? If you're not in satsang, then where are we? In kusang. If you're not in satsang, we are in kusang, you see? Which means that if you're not in good company, then we are in bad company. And this company, I don't mean outside, although it could be, is it? But are we living in the good company of God's light, or are we living in the bad company of our mind's grasping, pride, needs, want, specialness? So we have to be in satsang all the time. God's company is satsang. The company of the Truth. To live in the presence of God is to live in satsang. The more you live in satsang, the more satsang will spread in your life. The more you live in kusang, the more kusang will spread in your life. A simple notion which sages across religions, across traditions, have shared with us. So from Tulsidas Ji to Hanuman Prasad Poddar to all the sages have shared this. And the simple question is that if you can be with God, then what is option two? And why is it so important?

And when you feel like you can't be with God, then you're forgetting what this one you call your teacher has told you. Then he's not really your teacher; he's just a side character in your life, see? Not that I want to be this one to be so important in your life. I'm just saying that use this road sign at least to point you in the right direction and stay in the right direction. Then burn it if you want, it's okay. That sign is not important. So do you really feel that God is with you? And if you don't, it's all right, because then you have to trust me on that. That is my whole point. Because you will not always feel like He's with you, but you can trust me always on this at least. I may be foolish in a million other ways, and I am, but in this one I promise you I'm not foolish. He is there with you in your heart. His living presence as the Atma is there with you in your heart, whether palpable or not. Whether it seems like fully dark or barren, whether it seems alive with full love and light and peace and joy, don't forget that He lives with you in your heart. It's always an act of faith. Always an act of faith. Because even if you're having the strongest of spiritual experiences, can you really say that you are not hallucinating it? You can't say, see?

So what is faith versus belief? Blind belief—we talked about this. So faith is to go with what your heart is telling you, as absurd as it may seem. Your heart is not your emotional heart; it is your spiritual heart. What do you know in your heart? Is God here? You know it. Blind belief is just, 'Oh, I have the concept that it is like this, so I just follow it because I have the concept it is like this.' It is not reinforced with your heart. In fact, your heart may be opposed to it. It's a subtle topic and we can talk about it more in the sense that let's look at it this way: so if you were to say that this murti of Ganesh Ji is drinking water, now can it be blind belief and can it be faith? It can be both. In what way is it both? If you're just taking something that is happening on the outside to become more attached to the outside, then it is blind belief and andh-vishwas. But if you took that what happened and said, 'Wow, God, Your ways are so mysterious and they're so beautiful, let me always be with You here on the inside,' then you use that event on the outside to deepen your faith.

So what takes you deeper inside is faith. What makes you attached to things on the outside is blind belief. So then if you start feeling, 'Oh, now He will get me more money if I do this. All I have to do is do this and you know He will take care of this and He will take care of that,' and you're just interested in the outside, but you're actually completely getting more and more uninterested in God. You just got a wish-fulfilling genie now who will answer your every desire. Then that is andh-vishwas, that is blind faith, not true faith, is it? There are many other differences. Blind faith is an act of convenience. True faith requires sacrifice, risk-taking. And the world is telling you that you must get attached to this, you must take a position about this, all of that. And you remain like an innocent child deeply in love with God in your heart. Everyone may call you a fool. They say you're wasting your life. 'What do you have to show for your spiritual life?' Your families may be asking you that, you see? Some of you have been in satsang for a decade and more. 'What do you have to show for it?' The families may say, our friends and family may say. But it cannot be explained. It cannot be explained. That takes risk.

You have to get over the feeling of unworthiness which the world projects on you. 'Why don't you make something out of your life instead of wasting time?' This kind of narrative, whether said or unsaid, you can feel it. So my own father, when he was there, he tried to be subtle about it. So, 'How is satsang going?' 'It's good.' 'So, but you're still working in things?' That was the main interest. That is the play of Maya. The idea is, um, what will you get out of it? I don't know. But what we'll get out of this, I know, is death. What we'll get out of just attachment to the world, I know, is death. Everything is a coming and going here. Even this—are there 10,000 satsangs after this? I don't know. Is this the last satsang? I don't know. Anything can happen. So the only refuge is to be a sharanagati at the feet of God. A refugee seeker, an asylum seeker at the feet of God is the only refuge in our life. Because in His presence, even the reality of the union with Him, of the Oneness with Him, only in His presence can we recognize. So whether at that point you say, 'I am That and I always have been That,' which is the way of the Gyan Yogi, or you say, 'I have merged into my Beloved,' which is the way of the Bhakta, it is actually the same experience, you see? The end goal of spirituality is not different depending on the path that you're on. It is the same.

Nothing will stop—Maya will stop you, will try to stop you. But the question is, can it, you see? And that is where the... so it can't by itself, but will it take at times every shred of strength you feel that you have? It will. Will you give in sometimes? I mean, my blessing is that you don't, but even this foolish man gives in many times a day. The idea is not to get disheartened and say, 'I can't do this.' Like one child told me, and those words stick with me, that 'I'm just not cut out for this.' Is it? So suppose you made that conclusion, 'Maya is too strong, I'm not cut out for this.' So then what's your plan? Once you know this truth that God lives in your heart, unfortunately for you, Plan B vanishes, you see? No other plan seems viable then.

In that by-election, I demanded a ticket for MLA from BJP and I called you to give me blessing to get the ticket. And you said, 'Anuj, I want to bless you with the highest.' The moment I heard this sentence, I immediately stopped making an effort to get the ticket. But the Maya was so strong when the ticket was announced, because I stopped making efforts for the ticket, so it was announced in someone else's name. When the name was announced, my mind was troubling me so much, so much. Maya was so strong that moment, two or three days I hardly could bear it. Then I asked Amma to just book the ticket to go to Father, I can't live here. She took some time.

Bless you with the highest. The moment I heard this sentence, I immediately stopped to make an effort to get the ticket. But the Maya was so strong when the ticket was announced because I stopped making efforts for the ticket, so it was announced in someone else's name. When the name was announced, my mind was troubling me so much. Maya was so strong that for two or three days, I hardly could bear it. Then I asked Am to just book the ticket to go to Father; I can't live here. She took some time to book the ticket, but since I am here, sometimes it arises again and again, again and again. But the sentence to be blessed with the highest is just overpowering everything. It's not letting it go over me and go over myself. So thank you, thank you, Father.

Take the ticket that I am giving you. Leave the BJP ticket, but I'll get you a ClearTrip account also. You don't have to wait for Am to book the ticket to Bangalore. Why does she always take time to book for God? There's nothing that you could have done that makes you unworthy of God. The past is not important in that way. But does that mean that we are entitled to Him? That is also not true. To that middle, it is humble and yet faithful, not despondent, not despairing. That heart, if you take to God with full faith in His mercy and His love, everything can be healed. Yeah, I can't see you at all without my specs, but I put them on. Yeah, see me?

Yes. I wanted to share that the experience here of stepping away from God is a little place in quite extreme ways. And I don't think that I have fully assured the extent to which it plays. And maybe once, it seems that every week I go back to hell for a long period of time.

You go where?

Away. Back to hell.

I see, I see. Is my microphone not clear?

It was not so clear, but if you like this, it's okay. I just turned it all the way up; maybe that's better.

This is good.

Okay. I just felt this to be a little maybe a little bit more clear about what happens because I don't think that I've ever been... and it's been going on for a very long time. It just is the play of two very broad extremes. I get free from that and then I get back into it, and it feels a little bit like being possessed by something. Even though I pray in the morning those days, and even if I beg God to help me, it does play and it continues to play pretty much every day unless I'm very distracted by something. And it plays like resistance, or just not wanting to do anything, or not wanting to hear.

And what triggers the separation from God's presence?

I don't know if there's one trigger. I think the last time it was something... I don't know if there's one trigger. The last time it was probably something that happened with my brother. I think that's what it was. I think that's what it was, yeah. I'm not sure, but it probably was just something that just comes here when he does what he does. I keep praying and I keep, whenever lack of forgiveness comes, I find to bless him and I just keep giving that to God, but it seems very strong. I don't know if it's all about that relationship with my brother or my sister; that's what happened the last month, but I'm not sure it's all about that. Maybe it starts with a little bit of, 'Oh, I don't want this or that,' and it comes small, but then it becomes bigger and bigger and I go into like addiction to Doomscrolling or news, or just become very entangled with what's happening in the world. Then it becomes bigger and bigger and bigger, and I only do what is absolutely necessary and I don't want to do anything else. It kind of plays a little bit like depression and feeling just alone. I come out every single week and then to go back in for... I wanted to share that. I'm sorry to interrupt.

No, go on.

And if you let... I'm just coming up out of one of these little spells. I also wanted to share, and I have been sharing with you, that I also feel closer to Heaven. It feels that both are deepening somehow, both of those.

Yes. Okay. So when you say that you come out of it, you mean that you come back closer to God and His presence, isn't it?

It starts with a little bit of... I don't know how it starts, but it feels like the mind or whatever it is that takes hold just kind of steps back, and then I'm... and then it gives me more space to stay with God. Because it's not that I don't try to stay with God in those moments, I can't say that, but it's hard.

Sure. Maybe there's a simple way to look at this. Are there some things in your life, if you were to immerse yourself in those, then it seems easier for you to come out of that hellish experience? Or when you're in that hellish experience, then no matter what, nothing can take you out?

I did do something yesterday. There was a lot of anxiety and I did some self-healing using the quantum technique that I learned last year, and it did go away, the anxiety. That brought quiet and it made it easier to kind of open up.

Yes. Whatever takes you away from that separation back into God's love and light is, in a way, your pathway or your lifeline, you see. I don't feel like any of us, especially me, can do this without the lifelines. God has been kind enough to create so many lifelines like devotional music, like prayer. Of course, prayer is the number one lifeline in my case at least; if I just remember Him and say His name a few times, something takes me out of that pull of Maya and starts to pull me back into His light and His presence. So prayer, devotional music, just remembering, reading... spiritual reading, as most of you know, is something I deeply love. Not because I want to fill my intellect with all kinds of rubbish; it is just that as I read the words of the sages and the incarnations, it pulls me into His presence. It becomes a deeply present experience of being with that sage, of being with those words being shared, and the presence of God can be very deeply felt in that process. So you must create a list like that for yourself. And you will find that when you're in that state, you don't want to do those things, isn't it? You don't want to put on any spiritual music or any satsang. You just want to, like you said, Doomscroll and look at news and, you know, these things seem like more important.

Okay. Those states, they like... and they tend to be prolonged, like they can go for a couple of days. It comes both things, that I just pray or that I, like you said, Doomscroll. I just don't want to have anything to do with it.

So when you are in the midst of that seeming hell, are you able to pray quite a lot or constantly even then?

Mostly in the morning, and then during the day not like sitting and praying. Mostly like it comes constant, like one moment like that and then there's a lot of like what they said, just... why?

Because you don't want to in that time? Sorry, why would you not just use your beads constantly in that time?

I feel I'm taken over by something. I feel like I'm possessed by something, I don't know. So yeah, something else that is more powerful in those moments.

So that is exactly what we call Maya. That is exactly what we call Maya. That which doesn't allow you to be with God. It seems so powerful and so true that world affairs, that what's happening on social media, all of that can seem more important than to be with God. So that must be some hallucinating power, isn't it?

Yeah. I find that if you're looking at what is the topics you scroll on social media... don't be embarrassed, maybe sometimes it is politics, not even about our own country, something that is happening in some other country, you see. So then we get so interested in that. And if you were to look at it even objectively right now and say, 'Would being with God be more important in that moment, or who won the elections in some other country be more important?' We know it is being with God. But in that moment, it seems like that. I'm just saying that for it to seem like that must be a great hallucinating force, isn't it?

Yes, exactly. So this great hallucinating force is called Maya. In other traditions, in Christianity, we may call it the devil; you may call it anything that takes us away from God's presence. So given that we don't want to be hostage to this Maya when it attacks us next time, and it makes us seem like something on social media—which we can't really do anything about—is more important than our being with God in that moment, then what is it that you can apply for yourself which can cut that circuit of hypnotism, that hallucination? I know that we don't want to in that time, that I'm aware of. But given that right now you're not in that hallucination, how do you want to help the future Georgie when she gets attacked by that hallucinating power?

I have no idea. That's why I feel to be a little bit more clear in talking to you, because in those times I feel like I need to... maybe I should go back to therapy or go back to like old medicine that I used to use or something like that. It feels very convincing at the time, and then I come out and realize, 'No, no, that's not it.'

From my perspective at least, there's nothing wrong with therapy, there's nothing wrong with anything that helps us to break out of that hypnotism of Maya and to allow us to remain more in God's light. I feel like whatever tools are helpful are fine, as long as they're not making it just about you and getting you trapped in a different sort of egoic state. It's all fine. But given all the tools that you have now from satsang for so many years, if you were to design a rescue program for Georgie when she gets caught in that hypnotist tempting, what would you design for her?

I was just thinking about getting up early in the morning and doing this healing that I told you about, and then praying for an hour and just getting up at the same time every day in the morning. That's what I was just thinking.

I've seen that in this life at least, the days in which I don't spend focused at least two hours with God, I'm very susceptible to Maya, isn't it? And that two hours maybe can be one hour, it can be 45 minutes, it can be shorter. But here at least, I find myself foolish enough that without those two hours of either spiritual reading or just quiet prayer, or just doing the beads or sitting open and empty—whatever the tool may be—unless it is focused, you see... focused means there's no other intention in that moment. The rest of the day, of course, we want to be in God's presence throughout while work is happening, while other things are happening. I feel those days where... and those days are not so many, not as many as I would like, but if in a particular day four hours of that has happened, then that is very, very good. I literally feel like I'm floating in heaven or something like that, you see. God's presence is so alive in those days. But I feel two hours is my lifeline. Under two hours, I'm sort of like grasping for oxygen, feeling that yucky connected feeling in the heart, you know, feeling that His presence could be so much deeper and yet... you see. So the thing is that if you're caught in that, then it is too late anyway, mostly. That doesn't mean we give up in those times, but the thing to apply this and make it more of a habit is now, when you're not so caught up in it and you're feeling very happy and deeply connected with God. In those days, spend four hours in focused time with God, and the rest of the times pray in His presence in spite of work, family, whatever worldly responsibilities we have. Don't leave God as much as you can. But that focused four hours—and I know that four hours can seem a lot, but I'm counting everything that you're doing with the intention just to be with God—so whether it is meditation...

Make it more of a habit. Now, then you're not so caught up in it and you're feeling very happy and deeply connected with God. In those days, spend four hours in focused time with God, and the rest of the times pray in His presence. In spite of work, family, whatever worldly responsibilities we have, don't leave God as much as you can. But that focused four hours—and I know that four hours can seem a lot, but I'm counting everything that you're doing with the intention just to be with God. So whether it is meditating, praying, remaining empty, spiritual reading, listening to devotional music, whatever we could be doing. And it's not so much actually when we look at it. So we did a calculation one time. We said that eight hours of sleep—so I'm not going to say make it six unless it is comfortable for some of you to sleep six hours—so suppose it is eight. We still have sixteen. Out of sixteen, we can do one-fourth with God. So take two hours out of social media, Facebook, Instagram, all that stuff, just entertaining yourself. All of that stuff that can come later if there is leftover time. So at least two hours is not difficult, to me. And then that two hours ends up creating additional time.

Many times I feel that—I'm just telling you about my foolish experiments, okay, nothing great in any of this—but many times at night I feel like now I'm too tired, no prayers is going to happen, I need to sleep. But many times I find that the prayer itself is very restful. So I get into this state which I can't define as sleep or prayer or whatever. So just like praying, but a very restful sort of prayer. So prayer creates the being with God, creates the opportunity to be more with Him. And the more we do it when we are alright, then we don't have to force ourselves as much when we are not as alright. So when Kabir Ji said, which means that everyone tries to turn back towards God when they are suffering, but when we are happy and peaceful, we don't do as much. But if we continue to deeply do that remembrance of God when we are happy and nothing is wrong with our life, then there is no reason for so much suffering to come.

So that's the hard part where I want to fight your Father, because it seems like this has been going on for a very long time. And it seems that every pretty much every single week, and especially lately where it comes more naturally to just give things to God on it and I have way closer to him, and last the last spell of hell was just very deep. It didn't seem like it doesn't seem to be...

Yes, my child. So for okay, so first let's set the overall context of this. So if God wanted to, He could change this like this, isn't it? Like that, He could change it like that. And yet He's not changing it. So does that mean—we had this conversation—so does that mean He doesn't love you? It's not possible that He doesn't love you. Then it must mean that He just has no time for you. You're just one little Georgie in a billion of us. Could it mean that He doesn't have time for you? Can't mean that because He is beyond time. There's no way that His will could be stopped because there was no time. That is just absurd, isn't it? So maybe then God is really not as powerful as we're making Him out to be. Could that be the case? Is it that He wants to help but, you know, His hands are tied? He can't help because He made this sort of law of Karma, now He's bound by it, that 'I made the law, now I'm stuck with it, now I have to live.' Can it be like that? That is the reason why I don't talk about Karma so much, because many times we end up feeling that Karma means that God's hands are tied, which can never be the case, you see.

So it is just not possible. He loves us deeply. He has all the time in the world. If He wanted to, anything could happen, all-powerful one that He is. So given that all of this is true, why are we still going through this back and forth?

Hellish experiences. I don't know. But when in the middle of it, I feel that I wish it wasn't like that and I wish that I had a more normal life.

Correct. So can we—most things we actually don't know. Like this, we don't know why is my life continuing like this. We don't know. But faith is to love Him and trust Him and rely on Him, especially when we don't know. Otherwise, it doesn't need faith. If it is rational, we know the reason, this is why it is happening, then it doesn't need faith. It's already intellectually computed; it already makes sense. But faith means I don't know, and yet I have to trust Him. Even this, this must be out of His love for me. And that is a very deep faith, very difficult. Spirituality is not an easy path. Don't believe anyone who tells you it's easy. The faith like this is the faith of Shabri, is the faith of Hanuman. Imagine Shabri, sixty years she waited. I'm presuming, I don't know if it was hundreds or it was lesser, but she waited. Every day, would she have not felt, 'I've been doing this, picking berries for You every day, can't You come? Why are You doing this to me? All You have to do is just show up. You can show up, isn't it?' He could have shown up whenever He wanted. But why do we look up to that faith? Because it was not rational. It is not rational for any of us to wait for Ram to come sixty years, pick berries, taste them, keep the sweetest ones for Him every day, is it?

And there are so many things, like most of the things we can never put in our head. God is too big to put in our heads. And that's just a simple way of saying that no matter how much I love Ayaan, he will never understand why we inject him with vaccination. He will never understand, isn't it? So in the same way, we are nothing compared to God. We cannot really—our struggle in the human condition is that our minds are too tiny. But God, for some reason which is known only to Him, gave this mind the ability to ask the big questions, is it? But not the ability to hold the big answers, because our answers are very brittle, they're very conceptual and they're easily shaken, especially in times of adversity. But there's a deeper force compared to rationalization, and that is the force of faith. And that is the difficult part. And don't feel that because I'm saying these big words, I'm very good at it. Maybe I'm weaker than all of you. But at least it is clear to me in this moment that that is the project: not a self-serving spirituality, but a self-sacrificing or self-surrendering spirituality.

So can we trust that He is here even in those times? Can we trust that He knows everything even in those times? And can we trust that He loves us even in those times? You see, that's the overall construct first. Then we can look at the devices to bring us back. Is it prayer? Is it inquiry? Is it just devotional singing? Is it watching some recording of satsang, favorite satsang playlist? You see, so I talked to you about, I talk to all of you about making these playlists, and the playlists keep changing because your heart keeps deepening and the flavor of what it wants to immerse itself in keeps changing. So this investment in creating these lifelines is very, very worthwhile. So is there something in the midst of this hellish-seeming time which you just see and you hear and you're pulled out at least a little bit with that?

Well, yesterday was back what I told you. I open it, it was the healing that I because it's a direct connection with God through and...

Very, very good. That's very good. But I'm—I don't know what the process is, but I'm presuming you can't just constantly do that. But is there like a favorite book, a favorite set of passages, a favorite piece of devotional music, something which just pulls you back into God? Because I know that many times I would say just constantly try and do the Atma Darshan as much as possible, but I realize that many times it just becomes a block against taking God's name. Something just blocks us very strongly. But, you know, while trying to trick the mind, it's caught you on YouTube, you're watching some video of what is happening in elections, and just suddenly put on a bhajan or something, just go too fast, go to...

I do do that. I do that and I see Maya less interested in those things when I remember the name of God. I pray in the morning. I do the full Atma Darshan in the morning.

So pray in the morning till you come to His presence or no?

Yeah, yeah. Sometimes it's very hellish and it's been an hour and it continues to, but something does—it always does something. Sometimes it's very cold and sometimes it's not apart from...

Yeah, so even if it's very disturbed, it's very distracted, we are doing our prayer half the time, we're forgetting, we're thinking of worldly things that we have to do—all of that distraction can come. But as long as we keep returning to God, it is a very useful use of our time. You see, to go through that struggle is very, very strong sadhana actually. So we must not feel that the stronger sadhana is when there is no struggle. Maybe you're having better Prasad in that sadhana, sweeter Prasad, but the stronger sadhana is when you have to go through the Tapas. It seems, 'I don't want to sit, I don't want to take God's name,' but you are going on, 'Ram, Ram.' That is the Tapas, that is the heat that you have to encounter to just—you see, all our faith is crumbling. 'Maybe this full Atma Darshan—does He really know? Is God there? Is there such a thing? Am I wasting my life? Everybody in my family is telling me I'm a waste.' You see, it can seem so strong and yet just 'Ram, Ram,' just keep at it. 'Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.' Don't want to, mind is fighting and everything, but just 'Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.' Just going on. And you see that, like you said, it does something which is unexplainable. It does something even if it is a struggle.

Yeah, that is my valuable guidance when I started hearing you or posting things from saints that to value our practice in those times. Because in those times, somehow it seems that it's not that either it's not working or it's not worth the same as other times. But you made it clear that that's not true and that I feel that's very valuable.

Exactly, exactly. So then in that hellish time when you're praying and you're trying to come back to oxygen, and if that is the stronger sadhana that you're doing, then that's fine too. I'm not saying that you will look forward to that time coming again. Nobody looks forward to those times. But you're not disheartened necessarily about them because, like you said, God always finds a way to pull you back, to bring you back. So to have faith that He knows everything that you're going through and you're still fighting to return back to Him through your prayer, through your sadhana, through your inquiry—please have faith that He knows all this. He knows all this.

Sometimes it feels good that to have faith is to not ask Him to heal me. But also yesterday, at one point after the feeling, it came to begging and then it just it stopped. The madness inside kind of just stopped after that.

Yes, it's alright. Whatever you take to Him is fine. Whatever you take. Now look at it this way: He knows already. He knows you want to be out of it. He already knows you want to be out of this. So what is the point of not taking it to Him? Is it that we don't take it to Him in prayer so He won't know that I'm actually asking to be out of this? So the innocence of a child is that just whatever it is, take it. What I said in the beginning was that if our interest in Him is only because of materialistic outcomes, that is not true spirituality. But if our interest in Him is primarily our love for Him, and there are things which try to block this—Maya tries to block our love for Him—then of course we must take it to Him. So sometimes I pray like that in the mornings, 'God, please bless me that I spend the whole day in Your presence, at Your feet. I know that Your Maya is strong and she does pull me away, but please know that my intention is truly nothing I want in Maya, I just want You and to be in Your presence.' But it still ends up tempting me at times. So please bless this day today that...

There are things which try to block this. Maya tries to block a love for Him. Then, of course, we must take it to Him. So sometimes I pray like that in the mornings: 'God, please bless me that I spend the whole day in Your presence, at Your feet. I know that Your Maya is strong and she does pull me away, but please know that my intention is truly nothing I want in Maya; I just want You and to be in Your presence. But it still ends up tempting me at times, so please bless this day today that the temptress doesn't—I don't fall for the temptation.' Just simple, innocent, heartfelt. And the beauty is that—I don't know if I ever shared like this in the broadcast—but do we feel like, 'Okay, should I really get into this right now?' Yes, we have so much help. We have so much help.

So if you say, like I was saying earlier today, that Anima used to say—and I realize that that's not the right thing to say because it's not 'used to say,' it is 'she says'—is it because those who find place at His feet find this eternal life? Now you may say that, but that eternal life is in full Union with Him, you see. So there is no 'Anima' left; it is full Union with Him. But you're presuming that time is linear for God. So that which merges into God is not unaware of the lives they have led or the life they have led. So when we pray to the sages, when we pray to the holy teachers, it is not—we can't apply our worldly ideas of time and space upon them. So all these holy teachers, all the ones, are blessing us constantly.

So if we pray to Saint Teresa of Avila, Holy Mother, that she is—I have full faith that although she is merged in Divine Union with God, God, which played the part of Saint Teresa of Avila, still takes hold of our prayers to her. So we can't imagine the amount of help that we have. We are supported in so many ways. In fact, in whichever way we ask for help, that help is available to us. It's only that our pride stops us from truly asking for help. Now, much of what I'm saying—and that's why there is some repetition in sharing it—also may not really compute or make sense. That's all right. You can reject it if you want, but just remember this: that your life is not that tiny thing that you take it to be, and the amount of help which is available to you is far beyond what you can imagine.

So just as much as possible, make a checklist for yourself. If you find yourself in those situations where you feel separate from God, say, 'I will watch this satsang. I will listen to this bhajan. I will read this book. I will read this passage. I will search for a video by this one.' And initially you may not want to, but somewhere you have to do that whole—when they say with exercise, you have to get on the mat. Just get on the mat; the rest will take care of itself. The same way with your spiritual life, especially when you don't want to turn towards God in whatever way. There are so many millions of ways, is it? So then you will see that the time will gradually seem to reduce that you're spending in separation from God.

And it is so beautiful. What were we reading the other day? That there are so many ways to love God. You can be in Dasa Bhava, so you can be in servitude to God. You can be in Vatsalya Bhava, which means you can feel like Yashoda to Krishna, like a parent of God. You can be in Madhurya Bhava, where you feel like God is your beloved so much. And then you can be in Atma Nivedana, which means you're offering up your Atma itself, your consciousness, your being itself. You say, 'This is my heart, please accept me, Lord.' Then they said the highest form of loving God is feeling the pangs of separation when you are disconnected from Him—the Param Vyakulata—which means that when you feel that disconnection in your heart, you feel like you're running out of oxygen and you have to return to His presence, to His love, you see.

So it can feel like, 'But how is this the highest? This should be the lowest, probably.' You see, this is what many of us may struggle with. But this is the highest because we can't take the pangs of separation from our beloved, you see. Then Maya loses all its power. But that will come as we deepen more and more. Love for God deepens the more we love Him. Love for God deepens the more we remember Him. So use your lifeline, use the tools. All the blessings of all the sages are with you. Just turn in whichever way. Sometimes—and all this is from my foolish experiences in life—sometimes you feel so caught up in things, you just pick up that tiny murti of Hanuman Ji and clutch it. Clutching it, holding it: 'God, help.' Whatever. Arrow prayers are very good. There's so many lifelines for us; we just have to use them.

It doesn't mean that, oh, you use them and then we start tracking how well they're working and all of that. We just use it as much as we can. We love God deeply and we trust that He knows I'm going through all of this, and He knows my love for Him, and I'm going to trust what is unfolding. I don't know why I'm being injected in this life, I'm getting this injection, but just like Aslan made us learn to trust us one day, I have to learn to trust Him, is it? And I feel the biggest thing that gets in the way is the expectation that it's not going to be hard. Just don't have that expectation. It is going to be hard on many times. It's not going to be a walk in the park. Always, have you heard of any sage who just like was born, then his life was a bed of roses, a walk in the park, and suddenly then they became enlightened? Maybe some like Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi, you don't really hear about their trouble so much. Then you say, 'Okay, it's past karma,' all of that explanation. But mostly you hear about the strife that most sages have to go through.

So if I am saying that my blessing—whatever little devotion I have to God—with all of that, if I have to bless you, it is for you to become fully, deeply, madly in love with God to the point of at least in our sainthood, even if the world doesn't recognize it. Especially if the world doesn't recognize it, then expect that there will be strife. I cannot wish any less for any of you. I'm not talking about the perks of sainthood. I'm not talking about disciples and ashrams and all that; that can come if it has to. But I'm talking about that deep surrender and love for God. A saint in God's eyes, not in the world's eyes. The world can make saints out of foolish people like me also, but truly in the audience of One, that is important.

Of course they are alive right now. What does your heart say? If you pray to whatever saint, you say Anima, what does your heart say? She hears you or not?

So that is faith. What your heart knows, to rationality, that is stupidity. Right now it's, 'I love you.' Oh, I love you too, my child. Okay, you take the rest of the question next time if you can. As it is, this body was a bit tired. I hope you'll be fine with that. Sing the Hanuman Chalisa? Did we forget to sing the Chalisa today? I forgot. Shri Guru Charan Saroj Raj...