Remain in the Temple of Your Heart, Come What May - 15th November 2023

There is never a good reason not to return to God. There is never a good reason not to turn to God. There is never a good reason not to live in His presence, in His light, no matter how much the mind tempts you. The reasoning is never good enough. Remember always that the problems are in the mind and not in the world. And remember also that the problems of the mind cannot be really resolved in the mind; they must be transcended by your returning to your heart. That is satsang. That is the company of the truth, the company of God Himself. This part is clear?

So now one of two things can happen. You get involved in a thought pattern; you didn't notice it, it just happened too fast, whatever the excuse is, we got into that place. What to do then? Simply return. No guilt, no conclusion of unworthiness, nothing like that. Just notice and return. This return, you don't have to add anything to your story. Nothing is worth the narrative. Forget about it. Return. And the second is more and more you will realize that it seems that you have more time before you get caught up in thoughts. That which seemed to be so immediate earlier now auditions for you. It auditions in front of you, and the choice of giving a truth value or not—zero or one—you see that it is apparent to you.

Most of you have come to this point where it is not that a thought came that you caught up, it's too late, and then you're feeling bad that you bought into those thoughts. Even then, just return. Nothing, don't worry. But most of you are able to notice this play, this auditioning happening in front of you through your attention. And no matter how compelling the audition may be, don't identify. Don't give it your belief. It is never worth it. It's never worth it because through the stream of one thought, through the bait of one thought... the fisherman offers a bait to the fish. That harmless-looking worm may be on the line, on the fishing line. The fish feels like it is going to get something, its hunger will be satisfied, so it grasps at the worm, not realizing that it is giving up on itself completely. It is caught.

So we don't know, like the Narada and Krishna story, where one thought can just lead us. The mind will tempt you and say, 'Risk it. It's okay. I can always come back. I can always come to Father. What's the danger?' But you notice that even some of you who took a break from satsang, who were resisting satsang for a prolonged period of time—initially you did not have the intention to do that. It was just one thought: 'I'm just going to take a bit of a break. I just need to work on myself,' or some idea like that. And many years can go like that. And some may never come back in this life to any form of satsang. It's not that to come here is so important, but to truly come to the company of the truth in whatever form it takes.

So this is the lay of the land, you see. There's a tempter and there's the temple. Now our life seems to be caught up between both of them. The more you spend time in His presence in the temple, you realize that that one who seems to oscillate really doesn't exist. And whatever is left of 'me' is safe as long as it is in His presence. So that is the human play, the human condition.

You say return. Sometimes I don't want to return, for I want—yes, I want to play.

Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. That once you get caught in the bait... you see, once Narada bought the idea that 'My life would be so great if I spent it with this woman,' you see, he bought into the idea and then attachment after attachment started building up. It's like the building blocks, you see. And then before you know it, the whole pool of conditioning, the whole kosha of vasanas seems so compelling that we feel that we cannot leave. It's like a Chakravyuh. How do you leave it? It can seem like that.

So utilize the opportunity when you are empty—and every satsang, hopefully, you get that opportunity when you empty—to stay there. You see, to realize that the thought may seem very harmless. You see, it may seem something very harmless like in 'The Screwtape Letters.' There's this whole conversation, I'm paraphrasing, where Screwtape is telling Wormwood that he's giving him his example of how one of his patients was actually coming to a deep discovery. You see, he was contemplating or reading something and he was coming to a deep discovery and then he was going to go deeper. But Screwtape just sent him a thought saying, 'Maybe it's good to just have some lunch at this point, and then after lunch, you see, we can pick this up again. We are doing very well, doing really well.' And then that one was lost forever after that. It can be as simple as that.

So everything in the outside world can continue to happen from this place where you are facing inward. You never have to worry about what's happening in the outside world when you are facing inward. But the minute you give importance to even the most trivial or harmless-seeming ideas which are full of identity, then it may be that we spend this whole life caught up in that identity. And after a while, it will seem like the prodigal son—that this is what you wanted. You wanted to be independent, you wanted to do things by yourself, or whatever the conditioning may be, until life through grace makes us suffer and then we remember returning to God's house.

So both the getting caught up and the not wanting to return is a result of thought, isn't it? Can it happen without that? So suppose you are caught up in an idea, then how to want to not return? How long does the hypnosis of a thought last? Not very long. Just like, 'This is not right, what's happening to me.' You know, something. 'This is not right, what's happening.' I'm trying to believe that to see how long it lasts—just a few moments. It can't really, unless it replenishes itself, feeds more and more. And you notice the mind, that the instant you grab onto an idea, then it is full on. 'Just like this, also like this, also like this.' Before you know it, the full framework is in place. You have understood everything, which is garbage, but you have understood, no?

So it's just like at the seed is one thought, and the minute you buy into it, the whole framework of understanding of that topic seems to be available. 'Ah, like this. Ah, like that. Ah, like that. That day like that, this day... ah, okay, okay.' So all this, like you're Sherlock or something, all this evidence comes in front of you and you start... you've got the whole... you cracked the whole thing. But sorry to break it to you, it's all rubbish. It's all rubbish because you don't exist in that way and nobody else does either. You see, it is just a play, a Leela at best. So the spectrum from entirely non-existent to God's play, that is the entire spectrum of possibility in every whatever type of spirituality you look at. So in that whole spectrum, none of that conceptual understanding which you think you know has any place or reality.

But it's not so easy, no, Father? What was the... it's not so easy. Easiest said than done.

You see, 'easiest said than done' is one of the probably—I don't know if it's there in 'The Screwtape Letters'—it's probably one of the trump cards. And I used to hear that so often because as you keep belaboring the point of not believing your next thought, very often I would just hear, 'But easy for you to say' or 'easier said than done.' No, it's easier done than said. You just have to try.

So then one thought is believed, and I believe it, yeah. And then everything else is believed, like the barrage comes even later.

Okay, so not just that subject, even other subjects start. It's like... and then I'm buying all of them. And for a minute even that may seem like a relief. You see, initially when we are buying into thoughts, that sense of understanding and righteousness feels like a relief, you see, because you're not yet used to being completely empty. So it can seem like a bit of a struggle to remain empty. So instead of that, the mind says, 'Come on, just be normal. Believe your thoughts. Don't try to be free or enlightened or something like that.' Okay? It can be very compelling, especially when we are in the middle and it seems like the Mahabharat is going on and it seems like you are Arjun. And then sometimes you just give up and say, 'No, I will just give into my attachments. We'll see.' But if you know the extent of the trap in which you can get trapped as a result of that, you would not just say, 'We'll see. Let me be attached for now.' That is why it is said that you may not.

Thoughts don't try to be free or enlightened or something like that, okay? It can be very compelling, especially when we are in the middle and it seems like the Mahabharat is going on and it seems like you are Arjun. And then sometimes you just give up and say, 'No, I will just give into my attachments. We'll see.' But if you know the extent of the trap in which you can get trapped as a result of that, you would not just say 'We'll see; let me be attached for now.' That is why it is said that you may not get the opportunity again and again. In fact, he said you will not get the opportunity again and again. We don't know after how long we have the chance to be with God. Do we know? We don't know. Maybe we've been wandering for millions of years and millions of universes finding this, but the mind still has a trump card. So don't give up the chance, even if you have to give up on everything else. Inwardly, you don't have to renounce anything outwardly, but on one hand is God. What is the counterbalance of that which makes it worthwhile? What can we put on the other end of the scale after which we can say, 'Ah, yes, yes, the me'?

But what about like just 'me'? That is not very attractive. But 'me' like Yama offering to Nachiketa—'me' with all the pleasures in the world, all the money of the world, all the best things that life has to offer. You see, the mind tries to put that in the counterbalance and says like this. And remember that beautiful bhajan where sometimes in the counterbalance it puts devotion, love for God, anything that makes a position about 'me.' It'll put over there, and if your conditioning is now spiritual, that will seem attractive. It will not seem like it's opposed, you see? And you will want to fill yourself up with spiritual ideas and concepts and positions, which is opposed to the reality of the innocence of servitude and love. You may build a new persona around that. So be careful of what the mind offers because they can be tempting because they appeal to your present conditioning. 'This is what you really like. This is what I'm really about. I've always been about this.' Yes, and what have you created then? A new position. A new position. And that may be a 'finder' position, not even a 'seeker.' 'Maybe this is who I am.' No, it isn't. Everything that you can define about yourself is a restriction and keeps you away from His presence.

Okay, what is difficult about what I'm saying is the returning part. And I can't return like you're saying, Father. I can't return. I'm unable to return like quickly return. Sometimes I can't do that.

Okay, what happens? Break it down for me. You were caught up in a notion, you see? Suppose the notion is that 'I want to move to Kashmir,' some idea. Okay, I want to move to Kashmir. Now you notice it's an idea. What stops you from returning?

Before returning, I'm in the pool, Father.

So you didn't just buy the idea 'I want to move to Kashmir.' You said, 'I love the weather, the people are so nice, I'll learn Kashmiri, the food is very sweet. You know, I've always loved the cold. In my past life, I was an Eskimo,' whatever, whatever you bought. Okay, then? So you bought the whole pool. Then how does it attack this moment?

I want to indulge in it.

This is the thing, because it has convinced you of something more valuable on the counterbalance. And that is why three times a week I convince you that there is nothing more important than God's presence, being in God's presence. Because it is working all the time convincing you of, 'Oh, this world work, oh, this relationship, oh, this something, oh, this body, oh, this money,' or whatever. It is convincing you of the value of the other thing. So when you come to satsang, it is the teacher's job to convince you of the value of the only living Being there is. So this is the Mahabharat for the moment. There's a voice which tells you all that the mind is telling you is unreal, it is unimportant; only God's reality, God's presence is real and important. There's another voice which is working constantly in your head saying, 'No, no, but this, but that, like this, like that, like this.' So you can see that you're in the middle of two voices, or no? Now you have the power to pick, or no? Because the mind itself will convince you, saying, 'You have no power, you're mine.'

I have the power to pick, Father, but there are some favorites which come which I believe without, like, there's no distance. Like some hot topics are—

Yeah, so those are conditions. 'So I have the power to pick, but on some conditions' is basically what you're saying. 'As long as this is not touched, this is not attacked, this is exactly how I want it to be, then I can be with God.' Yes? Are they not conditions? So we say that this contract is conditional upon you keeping this situation like this, you keep that like that, and then I can see. But if that's popped, something happens to that, then all bets are off, you see? This contract is terminated. I'm out. Now, what condition could be worth it, especially given that we don't know when this opportunity will come again? Would Kabir Ji lie to us? He said—would he just like, 'Okay, let me just do some few tactics. Actually, it comes every day, every lifetime it will come, but I'll just lie to them'? But we hear these things with some skepticism, you see? We hear them through some like disbelief, through some lack of faith, just like, 'Hmm, but something...'

There's no 'but' in that, Father. I feel like I have a lot of time.

You feel that or you think that?

I believe it.

That you can believe only a thought, isn't it?

But I know it's true. Like, I believe that I have lots of time.

Yeah, but you can believe only your thought, or not? See, so first we must not say 'I feel,' then you mean 'I believe' or 'I think.' So are your thoughts telling you the truth? Okay, how do you know you have a lot of time?

I think I'm too young and I have a lot of time.

Yes, but do you know that this is not a dream? Maybe you are the oldest person in the world having a dream where you are being given a chance to meet God. It's possible. You cannot say conclusively that it is not true. Maybe the dream just started and it'll just end and you'll wake up and say, 'I had the strangest dream. I was sitting with this strange man who was saying there's a temple of God in your heart. Can you believe how absurd it was? What a silly idea. Thank God it's over, I can lead a normal life.' It can seem like that. So on what basis can we conclude that we have a lot of time? Even if we give reality to this world, what does the youth of the body have to do with it? Anything can happen at any time. The whole world may be over. There may be nuclear war, there may be a fire, there may be an earthquake, there may be anything. The idea is not to scare you, but maybe it is to just shake us out of our complacence because we can just think, 'I'm so young, I have so much time.'

But Narada was immortal. He's a god, immortal god. He has all the time in the world, you see? Was it worth it for him to go into that suffering and all of that state? He was terrified at the end of it. He was like, 'Why did you leave me?' And if you said to me that, 'But my life is better without God's presence,' then I could have said, 'Yeah, now this is compelling: a better life versus a much worse, joyless, loveless life, just like a barren desert being with God.' But even that is not true. The only joy, love, peace, bliss we get in our life is when we are in His presence. The only rest we get in our life—forget all of those things, just rest. The human condition tires us out so fast. When are we able to rest and sleep? When we are empty of ourself and we are with Him in His absolute reality, or in waking when we are in His temple. Have you seen the faces of those who never met God, who live constantly in the 'me'? The faces look like 'me'—not rested, tired, stressed out, worried, always living in this battle zone, trying to camouflage it with material benefits, with drinking, with drugs, with trying to just camouflage the hellishness of a human existence without God's presence.

Behind all of these things, instead of that, basically we have to give up our pride. That is the main thing, isn't it? We basically have to give up our pride. Pride means things that we think we know, that we are right about, isn't it? Basically we have to give up on that. Admit that you are a fool. And even that we cannot really conclude. Be empty of all notions. That is to give up on pride. We cannot suffer, we cannot make a hell out of this human condition without pride. Do you talk to most people in the world and say, 'Are you proud?' They say, 'No, I'm a very simple, humble man or woman,' because they don't realize the ignorance which is keeping up there, Maya, the conceptual framework of the world, you see? But at least we don't have an excuse; we realize it.

But so there are few moments when I go into the mind, Father, and it is clearly a hell. Yeah, but I want to be there, Father. What kind of—

Is it a thought that you want to be there?

No, I indulge in it. Like, I believe a thought, but I still want to play there. Even when I come out, I realize, 'Oh, I was in hell,' because it feels, it smells so different from the other times.

Yes, yes. So maturity, spiritual maturity, is when we recognize the symptoms of oppression, mental slavery, quicker and quicker and we leave it. So in a way, it is learned through experience. Every time we say, 'Ah, this is good, I'm going to make this work,' you see? Like that, we become like that. Then hopefully by grace we get slapped by life and our suffering becomes amplified and we look for ways to return to God. So we must learn from those experiences so that 'I want to' is not something that you are hostage to. It's not that that desire comes in the mind and in itself it is powerful. You can examine the things which seem so compelling in your inquiry, or you must surrender them through God. Inquire: 'Who wants to? Who am I?' You have to take one step. Then the mind is attracting you to do one counter-move. It could even be you're feeling very helpless; anything. Go to YouTube and put on a bhajan, do something. Then you start getting used to not leaving. But don't let it bully you. Don't let it oppress you like that because it's beautiful—it offers the desire, then it says, 'Oh, but you can't help it because you really want it.' Then you're stuck. But you're never stuck. You may seem stuck.

It's got a bag of tricks. Like there was a time in satsang I was sharing and I used to feel that 90% of what I'm saying is being heard as some other words, you see? Because all the reports I would get is, 'Oh, yesterday when you said like this...' I never said like that! 'But you keep saying like that.' I never said that. So that's why I kept saying that I'm saying ABC, you're hearing XYZ. So it has a lot of tricks because we are used to hearing in that way. We hear something, then we translate according to what we think we've understood. In that process of translation itself, we mangled it up. So for a long time—I don't know if you were here then—but I used to keep saying, 'Don't translate my words. Don't interpret them. They are good enough; just take them as they are.' But I feel a lot of that may still be happening, that something is being shared very direct and clear, but our mind plays the trickster game and says, 'Ah, this is what he's saying. Understood. What he's saying is like this,' and we go with that instead of what is actually being said. So that is why I take it quite literally unless I tell you it's a metaphor, and just follow. If it was not possible for you to do, do you feel that I would have spent 12 years of my life now sharing that with everyone? Sharing something with everyone and then at the end, 'Actually, I've been saying all this, it's not possible.' Any of you want to beat me up?

Father, going to your earlier metaphor of the fish going for the bait, is there any desire that arises that—I don't know how to phrase it—but is a healthy desire or is not coming from a bad place?

Yeah, yeah. Everything that comes from the heart. But it's deceptive in the sense that... Okay, I went to the country of Bhutan many years ago, first time, fell in love with the—

One and then at the end, actually, I've been saying all this—not possible. Any of you want to beat me up?

Father, going to your earlier metaphor of the fish going for the bait, is there any desire that arises that—I don't know how to phrase it—but is a healthy desire or is not coming from a bad place? Yeah, everything that comes from the heart, but it's deceptive in the sense that, okay, I went to the country of Bhutan many years ago. First time, fell in love with the place. I was just excited like a little kid. I said, 'I have to do something here so that I can come back here again and again.' But at the surface, I can still—yeah, this was desire to be in this beautiful place, and it's a bait. Now, what ended up happening is I moved a large part of my company there because I fell in love with that place. I wanted to be there. Three hundred employees are there now. That's created a lot of joy there for those people, which I can see. Fifty children are being taken care of in a daycare center, yada yada. And there's been a lot of suffering also after creating that company there. There was a time where I might have had to do layoffs. I was miserable at that time. I was like, 'Oh my God, what did I do in my desire to...' So what I'm trying to say is any desire, even if it felt like it's coming from a really beautiful place when it happened, eventually leads to some tamasha. That, I think, is very clear to me at least now. Because that happens, I would still go and create that company in Bhutan even though I went through all that drama. So what I'm getting confused about is, just because that desire—which we know in every instance will always create something because this is Maya, like you say, and nothing's always going to go smooth—am I to interpret that every time such a thing happens, then I should just say, 'Hey, you know what? It's always going to lead to something complicated. It's always going to be that bait and there's going to be that hook, so don't even try.' That's what I'm hearing, and I know you're not saying that, but that's my confusion.

So, a few things. Firstly, we must completely cut out the 'where it came from' based on the outcome of what happened. So that is very important for all of us, especially those who have not heard me talk about this before, that really we cannot judge something based on the outcome. In the Yoga Vasistha, it is said that the crow flew, it landed on the branch of the coconut tree, the coconut fell. You see, it is the mind's nature to put two and two together and say because the crow landed on the branch, that's why the coconut fell. But there is no way that we can prove that. No way we can say that that caused that to happen. So in a way, we can only say, truly say, that the only cause of everything, like in a dream, is Consciousness itself. The Consciousness in which all this play happens. And the play of action and outcome and thinking and action and outcome—all of that stuff—the cause of all of that is Consciousness. And Consciousness is not living in a serial way, in a serial order, that this has to happen, then this has to happen, then this has to happen. So that is the first thing.

The second thing is that the only arbiter then, you see—because if we lived without judging things based on outcome... You see, like the Greeks used to say at one point, pre-Socrates, 'What is the truth?' And they explored this, you see. So the truth of a particular situation is whoever won the debate is the truth. That was one conclusion they came to. So they were a debating society, right? So they would just debate everything, and whoever's debate was more compelling, they used to say, 'Okay, that is the truth.' So the other way was to do exactly what I said initially, was to say how to tell whether something was good or bad based on how it turned out. I want to cut out all of that and just tell you that the only way to determine what is right or good is where it came from. Just where it came from.

So if it came from your heart that 'I must set up an office in Bhutan,' then very good. No other good could have been better. How to tell whether it came from the heart? I've given you the three tools. One is there is a presence of unconditional love as this guidance is coming. That is the most gross and therefore the most confusing, because many times the mind itself will offer it to us and say, 'In my heart it is coming strongly, and see, I'm feeling so much love also,' you see? Like so, it can do that. It can sell that very strongly, you see. It came with so much love. So the more gross it is, the more the mind can play around with it, you see. But if the other two seem too far-fetched, then at least we can rely on the fact that there is some unconditional love as the guidance was coming. It seemed enveloped in this holiness, in this presence of unconditional love. And that itself is so different from the texture of the mind, isn't it? You just pay attention to your thoughts. What is the texture of them? Authoritative, scared, you see, all of these things. So to even come to like a guidance which is just so loving and not rushing and peaceful—it's not pushing, it is just so beautiful—that itself is a beautiful way to live.

But okay, so that is the first way. Then what is the second way where we can tell it is coming from the Presence itself? That means the presence of Atma, the presence of the Holy Spirit, of the Satguru presence is apparent to us. And as it is apparent to us, this guidance seems to get clearer, not fade away. Okay? So it's very important not to rush with this. You feel like, 'Yes, yes, it came from the heart,' you see. Now what's the point checking again and again? No, no. If you stay in your heart, if it is heart guidance, it will get clearer. If it seems to fade away, then forget about it. So always take your time. Go to the Presence. And by the way, the mind hates all of this because it wants to rush you into it. So if it is not clear, then take a day, take a week, take a month, take a year. Don't move till it's fully clear. That is the second.

And the third, and most foolproof because it is the most subtle—beyond subtle, actually—but you have to do it with integrity: that as the guidance is apparent, is clear, your true Self, the Nirguna Self that you are, this pure awareness, is apparent to you. That means you're not clouded in your mind. Because the instant you get clouded by your mind, this apparency is the first to go. If you're getting caught up in your mind, this apparency of what you really are is the first to go. So for all of you who've been with me for some time in Satsang, I would say use the third criteria, which is: is your Self apparent to you? Then the guidance rolled out. Now, most of you will say that when my Self is apparent to me, it is all silent, it is all quiet. Then just wait in that quietude. Don't rush anything at all. There will come a time where God will speak and your reality will be apparent. And then we don't go with that heart guidance, then we are living on our mind's terms. Then we are just falling into the main trap. The main trap in the human condition is this. This is the main crux of it: to follow God's will or to live on my terms. And that 'my terms' is the mind's terms.

Can I... so like you were also saying today, the mind is capable of creating—I forget the exact words—but, 'Oh, I'm good at this, so I should do this and do this and do that.' So like for me, what's happening right now is I'm trying to create another company based on my current skills and what's interesting me and how I see it benefiting other people. But there's a lot of 'me' in that whole activity in the sense that I go through, 'Am I really skilled at this? Okay, should I do this or that?' Like, 'No, no, no, my childhood was like this, he's good at this, he's not really good at that, so I shouldn't make...' So a lot of that activity or narration is going on. And so I'm now close to creating that new company, but if I run it past the filter of what you just said, seems like that's not the way to go. But when I introspect, it's just all coming naturally. But then what I'm hearing is, well, the mind can make it seem natural. So I just...

Good, good. Okay, one reassurance I have for you is that never is it too late. Never is it too late. So if you feel that as you are empty, God is moving you like this, but just make sure that this one is not using that as a tactic. You're empty, it's just moving like that. So just you have to smell very closely. And what is important is that it is your intention to follow God's will. That is the main thing. Like I was saying last time, as long as that is overriding, then everything else will be fine according to His 'fine,' not according to what we may mean by fine. You start now the mentality: allow Him to move you or allow Him to guide you and apply my filter starting now. Starting now. So keep God's presence apparent, keep the reality of yourself apparent, and just live there. Live like this with momentary aberrations, and those moments will reduce, and the amount of time that goes in those quote-unquote moments will reduce, you see. But don't judge yourself on those things; that naturally will happen. So you start now. It doesn't matter.

Okay, one more tip for everyone is that we can never really make a conclusion about where something in the past came from. So we don't have to ever worry about that and say, 'When I decided that, where did it come from?' We can never decide because the memory doesn't store—does it store the apparency of the Self? So can it ever conclude that at that time when you were being guided this way, the Self was apparent to you? It can never conclude about the past because to memory, the Self is non-existent, it's some dark empty space which is not the Self. So never—we can never use this about the past. But the good thing is—and I can't answer really any questions about this—is that if you go to God now, for God, time is not like... God is not in time. Now and then, only the future is available to Him, is it? For God, past, present, future is all now. So if you surrender to now, He may change whatever—past, present, future, whatever.

Feels like I'm following that way that you just spoke about, but I also know that as I'm creating this company, problems are going to arise. Massive problems are going to arise even in that so-called noble pursuit, and I'm just going to have to deal with them staying with God. So where the confusion is, is that like the fish example going to the bait—and I'm not trying to belabor that—just like any action that I take, any will that I exercise, is bound to create challenges. Whether I suffer that, whether I'm living in God or not, is that...

So let's look at this. So firstly, again, that whether problem arises or just pure bliss arises is outcome. So we are not to be concerned about that when we are following God's will. What happens when we are living in God's light and will, then like there are events, right? And events, and they are dealt with. But whether they categorize as problems—maybe conversationally, right? You may converse and tell someone, 'Oh, this problem I'm having, can you help me with that?' you see. So we're not going to become all Advaitic about it and say, they're calling somebody for help and saying there's a particular event happening, 'It is not a problem.' You can be natural and say, 'Okay, I'm having this problem, can you help?' you see. But really what it seems like to us is that something, some events are unfolding. Unless something really attacks our attachments which we still have—children maybe, or something that we may still be attached to—it will not really seem like a problem. It will just seem like on the screen it's playing out. And that is why that statement works, what the Guru said that I heard, which is: facing inwards, then you don't really suffer.

Big story, Father. Big story is okay. Father, the inside part and the love part was very clear to me. Was very clear. But somehow, when you spoke about servitude and you told... I started implementing whatever you said, which was just me...

What were you implementing? Just to make sure.

It doesn't really seem like a problem, it just seems like it is playing out on the screen. And that is why that statement works, what the Guru said that I heard, which is: facing inwards, then you don't really suffer.

Big story, Father, big story. It's okay. Father, the inside part and the love part was very clear to me, was very clear. But somehow, when you spoke about servitude and you told us, I started implementing whatever you said.

Which was? What were you implementing? Just to make sure, because that ABC XYZ problem can...

Father, I'll share my experience. So what I said, to put it simply, is to moment-to-moment be moved by God or to be guided by Him.

Exactly.

That's exactly what I also wanted to share, Father. That this is what I realized when I was executing whatever you said: that at every moment we have a choice, you know? We have a choice whether to be with Him, serve Him, or to serve this evil voice or whatever is inside us. And I felt this very strongly, Father, because I felt all my life I've been listening only to this voice in my head. And when I really implemented the servitude, I really had that strong intention like you said, 'Okay, I have to follow His will.' And when I had that determination, when I had that intention, then it really—I don't know what happened, Father—it's like I could clearly see there's a voice inside me which is not me. This is not me at all. And this is, you know, it's like a fraudster, like a complete evil voice inside me.

Trickster. Trickster.

Yeah, I could clearly see that separation, Father. And I tried hard every moment that I have to serve Him, not this voice. How—what a pity—I've been serving this voice all my life. Why have I not served Him? And slowly I'm realizing that it's a phantom energy, Father. It's not true. It's just trying to trick us each time.

Exactly. Very... that's it. So don't follow this voice, as compelling as it might seem. And in the moments where we do end up getting identified, then just return. Return to the refuge of your heart. And the serving—this is exactly as literally as I want us all to take it. Not metaphorically, not philosophically, not poetically. It is instructions for life. How to live moment-to-moment a true life, a life in God.

And what happened was, Father, when I was serving, I was thinking I was serving Him, there's a lot of manipulation from the mind. And how I recognized it, Father, is that it wanted outcome. Clearly, it wanted results again and again. It wanted results. Then I thought, 'Who is this? What am I serving? Am I serving this?' That's when I really found that this is one of the good tips.

So one tip is that the mind's voice will always be in a rush. It'll rush, rush, rush. Even when it pretends to be—like after hearing this, it'll pretend to be all calm, but it can't do it because the texture is only like that. You're tasting the difference in texture. You'll get less and less fooled as you are able to smell the difference now. And as much as the ego might try to fake it—some of you also had the mind itself trying to sound like me, saying, 'My dear child, do this' like that—don't fall for these tricks. Don't fall for these tricks. So first is that it's in a rush. Second is that it wants results. 'What did you do? What happened? Why didn't you like that?' That kind of thing. So these are some of the ways in which you can smell the trickster. The trickster is quite tricky. It'll try to make you scared also. Look, all of you, look for the elevator scene in a movie called Revolver. Look for the elevator scene. Most of you I have shown anyway, some of you maybe new. So look for the elevator scene in the movie called Revolver. So it tries to use everything. 'I'm your best friend. What will you do without me? You have no life without me.' You see, all these messages will come. And it's amazing, that's a pop culture movie, you know? It's a Guy Ritchie movie which was his biggest flop from what I heard, but that exact same message of the egoic voice versus... should we play it? How many of you have seen it? Not seen? Very few have seen. I'm not able to share my screen, so all of you can also just mute and look for the scene. But can you imagine me watching this movie? I was just like, 'What's happening?' I couldn't believe it.

It is uncanny, Father. My own version of that was playing out during this time earlier. I think you could probably see it in my face. It tries, it picks on those times where it feels it's most in danger and then tries to either distract you or make you scared of something or feed you some doubt. All its tricks. Father, from the last couple of days I have this kind of doubt: is having this subtle vibration God's presence, or am I just being fooled by myself by producing some sensations and then thinking, 'Oh, you are in God's presence now'?

What is the sensation? Tell me more about it. Just like something... even now, what is it conveying? Not in words, but share more. Let's see. This is very good, you know, because I've said sometimes that my worst-case scenario, biggest fear, is that I've come to the end of this life and my children actually came to it but they just nodded because everybody else was nodding. So it's very good if you just come up and you say, 'But is this it? I'm not sure.' So okay, tell me more. What is it? What is the sensation? Where is it?

It feels here, just there. It is not conveying anything, just there.

Yes. Now when you try to not be, does this sensation come into focus naturally? You try to not be. Yeah, just don't be. Don't exist. Don't even understand the instruction, just try to not be. Have you stopped being? What shows you that or tells you that? Forget about the sensation, forget everything. Let's start fresh. Don't be. And you say, 'I can't not be, I'm still here.' What confirms that?

I don't know what confirms it, but how to say...

It's okay, even if you're wrong, just say. The experiment is simple. Try to not be. You say that 'I can't not be.' So my question is, what doesn't go? All the perceptions may go. Sight may go—you can even imagine these things. Sight is gone, sound is gone, smell has gone, touch has gone, taste is gone. Are you still here? Independent of these, you're still here. How do you know? What confirms that? How do you know you're not asleep, that you're awake? Besides perceptions, space is also gone. Space is gone, everything, everything is gone. You've woken up in a limbo where there is not even space, there is no time, but you've woken up. What is that? What is that 'you' that is here? How do you know you're not asleep? Is it just because the world is there? Even if it is not there, you know. So what is that? How do you know that you're still awake, you're here independent of the world?

Just know, like, yeah.

This that you 'just know,' is it the same as when you try to not be, then it becomes apparent, becomes palpable? Is it the same?

Same.

So is this a sensation? The sensation that you are talking about now?

No, it wasn't.

So leave that sensation. Stay with this. This is God's presence. It's been very subtle. It's like almost non-phenomenal. No, but not just like... if there are 360 degrees, this is one degree away from non-phenomenal. Just about phenomenon, but you can't really grasp it and your mind can't really grasp it. Is it? So we have to empty ourselves and then a question like that—'Can I stop being?' or 'Am I awake?'—and you don't have to rush it, but you have to commit to being empty like that. That is to set the table for it to become more and more apparent. And don't get frustrated because I got really frustrated with this, you know the story. For three years I tried to find the being, reading I Am That, of course before that also, but really in a focused way because Maharaj kept saying, 'Stay with the sense I am. Stay with the sense I am.' What is this sense 'I am'? What is this being? And I got very frustrated. I got into an auto-rickshaw one day and it just became so obvious. And I can't fathom how it was not obvious earlier, but I remember it was not obvious. That's why I say that don't ever get caught up in whether it's always there or it comes. Our job is to remain empty and available for it. Then you may say it came in that day in the auto, or it became apparent that it was always there. Those are just mental conclusions, it doesn't matter. So you noticed in a very subtle way that that which doesn't go away when you try to stop being, and that which makes it apparent that you're awake and not asleep, that is there. And that is qualitatively distinct from just the pure awareness itself. Now, qualitatively distinct means—although actually it's not different, you see. So it is the same in sleep state because you know sleep state and then you wake up, and then because you knew sleep state you can say, 'I woke up,' you see? Otherwise, if sleep state was not known at all, then it would just feel like waking state and then like a time traveler, suddenly it's morning. But it's not like that. You say, 'I woke up.' So there is something which notices the difference between the absence of even being and the presence of being arising. 'I was not there, then I woke up.' So you are aware of both these states: deep sleep and waking. Now, what woke up? What is here now that is not asleep, that is awake? That is the presence. That is the Atma. And you see that it is in the light of this that all light is perceived, all the world is perceived. If this light was not there, nothing else can be perceived. Have you ever perceived the world when you were not awake? And whether you call it dream state or waking doesn't make a difference. So this presence is God's presence. It is the only presence you'll ever know. So we have to live in that, in that temple. This temple, of course, is a word we're using, a concept that we're using, but in the sacredness, in the holiness of this presence. Even in this little where for an instant you may recognize it, you see? Doesn't it feel so different from being in the head? Just in that one instant. So just imagine being here, living like that.

So it does not have to do anything with the sensations or whatever you feel?

Yes. The sensation may be at best like if there's a sensation of or a perception of unconditional love, which is very subtle perception again. In terms of perceptions, it is very subtle. It's like somebody says, 'What is the color of it, shape of it?' We can't see any of these things, and yet it is more gross than being. Even this unconditional love arises from being. You have to be awake to face this unconditional love. This unconditional love that I'm talking about, not the highest which is Brahman itself, but don't confuse. I'm just talking about the tasting of the unconditional which is also shapeless, but even this arises from that. So if that or something like that appears as a sensation to you, you can ask, 'What is the source of this? Where is it coming from?' You can follow that. You can follow that. Like some may sense unconditional love, some may start seeming like they're being guided by their heart in some way. So they can follow that and say, 'Where is this coming from?' As long as we open, it is my feeling and my blessing that the clues will become evident. If we really dedicate our life to this, then He will not leave you without providing the helping hand.

Feels like I misunderstood all this time the presence as the sensation.

Very good to have... that's why I'm saying it's very good to have these conversations, because this misunderstanding can go on for a long time. Even she one day had a conversation like this, we clarified a few things and she was possibly imagining something. So it's very important to have these conversations because without that the mind can just... it's winning. It's just like, 'Oh, that is like pure awareness.' It will create a dark empty space. 'See, that is it. Here's your awareness.' That's why it's very important to bring them up and then I can tell you who is witnessing even the dark space. In fact, it may seem like boundless emptiness.

For a long time, even she, one day had a conversation like this. He clarified a few things, and he was possibly imagining something. So it's very important to have these conversations because without that, the mind can just—it's winning. It's just like, 'Oh, that is like for awareness.' It will create a dark, empty space. See, that is it. Here's your awareness. That's why it's very important to bring them up, and then I can tell you who is witnessing even the dark space. In fact, it may seem like boundless emptiness. Who is witnessing that? You see, it is empty even of space. So it is not like this, like this. It is empty even of space. It doesn't even have the G of space, of time, of any of that. That is why it's so far beyond the mind, the awareness. And then from that timeless, spaceless, shapeless reality emerges this being, the wakefulness, the aliveness.

Maybe I can see these contemplations in you, and it may not happen naturally, but one day it may happen. That one day, just when you wake up, before even opening your eyes or observing any other sensation, just see what woke up. What changed? So these will become more natural for us to notice. Before even Prana comes—some of you run some pray—and also you may have a sense of the sensations of what Prana feels like, like in your face you can feel it, in your hands, your fingertips you can feel. But before even you can notice the most primal of life energy, you have to be awake. There is a wakefulness that notices even there, that perceives even that. So the most—that's the one-degree phenomena, one degree away from the non-phenomenal. That's why it's called the primordial, the primordial vibration. And that can be heard like—the sensation must be like that. Father says in the heart some happen can. It's natural to take it that way. It's not like that. What's alive? What's awake? What's being right now?

I want all of you to be able to confirm these things with me because if you remain shy and you just feel like, 'No, no, no, it's too embarrassing now to say that I haven't found a being after nodding for so long,' better now than later. Because you don't want to, for pride of not looking embarrassed or silly or something like that, you don't want to be in a misunderstanding for the rest of your life, just taking something else to be it. The mind will create a lot of obstacles. It will create a lot of visualization, a lot of false red herrings it will create just to convince you of that. And it doesn't matter how long you've been in satsang, how much you've confirmed the presence of being in the past. It doesn't matter. If you come to me fresh, I will not say, 'Ha, now you're coming? What have you been doing this long?'

Let's not feel sheepish about this because I know the mind trickster. It can trick us in these very subtle ways just for some silly pride, that 'How can I tell Father this now after so many years, after so many satsangs? Can I really admit to him that I'm not really sure whether this is presence?' No mind or no thought means you are in God's presence. In no mind, you keep the chair empty for God's presence. Without that, you fill the chair with 'me.' The dinner guest is already sitting, which is 'me,' then no chance for God. Does that mean you are in God's presence? So that is you creating the space for His presence to become palpable. It is true that you are in God's presence, but what we're looking for is like an anchor. We are looking for an anchor in life which we can say, 'Ah.' So although we may understand that we are in God's presence because our teacher has told us, and it is true also, but you need something which connects you to the non-phenomenal reality but is not non-phenomenal. Because the non-phenomenal is difficult to us, to most of us. It may seem impossible to grasp. But if it was fully phenomenal also, then it will become like a phone. It'll become like a tissue box or a photo. You see, it may become like an idol which we can let go of our ego to, we may surrender our ego to, but that idol is effective if it leads us to the presence in our heart, to God's presence in our heart. Otherwise, it just becomes an object which is not a constant.

So let me put it this way: that as you empty in the unborn, not believing your thoughts, you are in God's presence. But for a while, it will seem like before it becomes palpable and tangible, you need to allow yourself to live in that emptiness, to allow yourself to breathe in that emptiness so that it becomes more and more apparent. It's just like a holy light is there, see, but don't take it to be light-light, but a holy light is there, but it seems to be obscured, you see, very, very, very dim. But the more we keep the room empty and there's a tiny light there, then you may have a sense of it being there, but we can't yet place it. But the more we keep it empty, the more apparent it becomes. Then more and more it will become more and more obvious, more and more obvious, more and more clear. Then you see that it is the source of this universe itself. It is quite a change from not being able to find it to 'it is everything.'

And this adventure, this journey, as difficult as it may seem, as far-fetched as it may seem, is the most worthwhile or the only worthwhile adventure in our life: to make God's presence from just a concept to a reality, to the only reality in which everything else only appears and disappears. That is why when the Vedantin told us, 'Treat this world as if it is unreal, treat this world as if it is unreal,' it allowed us to remain empty of attachments here. The mind can offer you only things about this, like 'It's unreal, forget it, you're not valuing it,' so you empty. But it's not like we cannot—at the end of it, when we come to God, we cannot say anything about real or unreal because those were just intellectual constructs. You may say that your reality is independent of the world, that the presence is untouched by the world, but there is no such categorization of real versus unreal to put the world in. And you can't really even fundamentally say whether it is you or not you; even that categorization, it dissolves. We are going too far. This is the project, so to speak. The first element of the project is the most important: to come to God's presence in a tangible way, in a palpable way. And this project is never finished; it only gets deeper and deeper and sweeter and sweeter. Initially very frustrating, but as you settle more and more...

I misunderstood that palpable vibrations is bad, and then you can feel like has some some other—like the physical heart also has some sensation, the emotional heart also has some sensation.

See, the thing is we are grappling with so many layers of our existence, and each of those layers is interconnected in some way. So we may confuse—there are many opportunities of confusion there. There's times when you have strong sensation from within trying to tell you something. Is that how to interpret that? Yeah, you trust your heart and what it is saying. Like sometimes your feelings also seem to be prodding you, like flight or fight, these kind of very basic primal feelings. Yeah, and usually it's next to impossible to fight those very primal sort of feelings. But as you live more and more in your heart, even those may seem to get lighter and lighter. But the thing is not to judge ourselves based on these things, to just say that, 'Why live in God's presence?' Because He's God. What better use of our life is there? Not so that I can be like this or I can be like that. That is the opposite of the emptiness that is needed. And you can't fake emptiness, you see that? You can't fake an emptiness, and 'I'm going to be empty so that one day I can become free,' as if God will be tricked. So, 'I'm empty, empty'—it's very unnatural really. So the light is—so I said the metal detector is there, that you carry the little 'me.' Even the pose of being empty, even the pose of being open and empty is very unnatural. Like the pose of living in the moment: 'I only live in the moment.' That's not living in the moment. In the moment when you try to do, then it can't be done. It has to just be something deeper than that which can try and not try.

So although we may say that the insight is the easiest part of the three-legged table, sometimes it's also the most difficult part, is to come to true emptiness. It is—you have to run out. You have to just run out of all the moves. Our life has to make us run out of moves. Mind will make everything into a tactic. 'Oh, I want to have a better life, so I'm just being open and empty.' But you're not empty of that intention to have a better life. That also has to go. Is it seeming impossible as I'm saying? You say it's not true. You can contemplate as to which instruments are incapable of doing and discard those instruments: intellect, mind, the ability to judge or conclude. Beside that, and you may seem very like helpless and naked for some time. Then what? You know, then what? It can be frustrating. It's like the one in the elevator, the mind in the elevator can be like that. But you realize the deeper power. Your heart is constantly calling you. Heart voice is constantly calling you. Imagine the patience of God. He's just waiting there saying, 'Come, come.' Not like us, like, 'So long I've been calling you, you didn't come!'

To be open and empty is the same as to be in pure perception. That's what makes it pure. If it was colored by judgment or interpretation, then it's not pure.

Father, is there any scripture that is very close to like how you're teaching us? And I'm asking mostly out of curiosity and wonderment that, yeah, like how come I've not come across—or maybe I wasn't ready either way. But yeah, no, no, just the part of what interaction happened here. And for me also, first time when I came here, it was very similar to what happened just now. And you know, honestly, that blew my mind the first time I came. And even after that, I've gone and read scriptures and they make more sense now. They sound more beautiful, I can connect with them, but they still don't do the first principles thing that you do. That's—I'm just curious. It's not like...

I would say in terms of directly pointing to the reality as pure awareness and the presence of being, anything else—all of them in some way. But I'm—those are the modern ones I know. Yeah, I'm talking about some like—but not maybe the expression is a bit different. Yeah, all point. It's relatable and very lofty, but it doesn't do first principles. I have not seen it like the experiment of 'Can you stop being?' Open, empty—they're just proclaiming exactly. It's proclamations. It's like when you get there, then from there you are able to report the—yeah. So it just makes you feel like an idiot basically every time, that like, it sounds nice but I'm not getting it. And idiot also would be helpful actually. But what happened many times is like when at the Art of Living, we used to have Ashtavakra Gita sessions, very beautiful, in our house. And we used to live on the seventh floor then, and you know, Vidika used to come. That's how I met her first, that she used to come for those sessions, Suchitra. So I used to hear them and they just sound so beautiful, like very poetic, conceptually beautiful, and available only to the rare ones, you know? Just like, 'Oh, but those ones who must be finding this will be able to say like this.' But there was really—it was not felt like there's a chance for us to come to that. That's why, as I shared the Ashtavakra two, three times, I used to keep saying that there will come a point where this will not seem that lofty and poetic and all of that will just seem like normal stuff that you're able to say for yourself. So maybe also it was recognized that if you just put it in a book without a master taking you through it, it could become egotistic. Much trouble can come. That's why many sages refuse to have their words written down. Even Socrates didn't want his words recorded; he would just share orally because...

Two or three times I used to keep saying that there will come a point where this will not seem that lofty and poetic, and all of that will just seem like normal stuff that you're able to say for yourself. So maybe also it was recognized that if you just put it in a book without a master taking you through it, it could become egotistic. Much trouble can come. That's why many sages refuse to have their words written down. Even Socrates didn't want his words recorded; he would just share orally because you have some semblance of getting a sense of what the receiver is receiving. But if it's just in words... so I don't know, after this body is gone, somebody picks up 'Consciousness Speaking with Consciousness' and they will completely misread it. No, I'm not there to clarify and I'm not there to... so maybe it was meant to be just interaction.

That's what he was also saying, that is there something which is like an instruction manual in a way? Now that you've been pointed in the right direction with the right bearings, I feel like all of them can be instruction manuals. You wake up in the morning and you have that before you engage with the world, before you get out of your bed. Yeah, come to God's presence and stay there. So when I know that experiment you're saying to him, that you know you are before even anything else makes the world show up. But I know I tried it, but every time I wake up, I find that I'm waking up from a dream. I mean, I'm dreaming something and then I wake up. So okay, so there's no like no world or nothing, you know what I mean? Am I doing it wrong?

What I'm saying is that okay, there were two ends to that conversation. One is the notice the contrast, so that is not there, so leave that. More important is that before you get out of your bed, feel God's presence being. That's simple.

Like now, like today you said that, how do you know you're awake? That was so powerful because you don't have the same sensation when you're asleep and when you're awake. You know you're awake and you know you're alive, even if not the body sensation or the world or the noise of traffic or the noise of anything else. Even the hum of nothingness, you see there like a... even if there's no noise, there's like a... I don't know if the ears do it or what happens, but there's like an empty song.

So not even that. There's a more primal, more primordial presence that actually... I was going to first ask you a question. Like sometimes you feel there's a blank. Sometimes when you're trying, you feel like this is a blank. Ask yourself: who perceives this blank? Yeah, but when you ask me how do I know I'm awake, then that blank is not there. It's a completely different texture of discovery. Like, what is the most fundamental evidence of our wakefulness before perceptions? Who is perceiving the perception? That's in the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad. So in that, he provided the question 'Who am I?' also. I feel like that is the earliest source I found of the inquiry, because most before Bhagavan have not even spoken about inquiry, which is such a direct way to inside. So I was very happy to read that.

Can we find that? That Satguru... no relation? Exactly, not that way. Just because that really touched me, I can never forget it. It says that in your waking scene, what do you see by? You see by light. But did it really work without coming to satsang? But then when it says, okay, in the night when you're sleeping, you see the dream. You say 'I saw,' but by which light did you see that dream? By then you switched off the light. No question. I mean, who sees that light? At least here, before coming to satsang with Guruji, here after going to something, it became a living tradition. I mean, a more living... there was a gap.

So many of them are also like tools for teachers to use. Especially if you try reading the Brahma Sutras yourself, especially without commentary, no chance. Just aphorisms for teachers. But remember the main point: Who am I? Is there anything which is not there in that? Actually, even the one that I love, the version with Swami Venkatesananda, it's called the concise one. And this one, because the big one is like... I have not really gone through it, but I feel like that maybe too little. Because I feel like that one was the right amount of just... because you need that hammer blow over and over, which questions the nature of reality hundreds of times for it to settle. If you just say it one or two times, then it doesn't really... so it has to have that effect on you where you're reading a story and you're just like that. It has to... yeah, it just knocks you out of it. It's like watching Inception or something.

Yeah, some of the movies have that. There's a show called 'The Myth of Sisyphus.' Really, a movie... this scientist, whatever, engineer meets... out of I don't know.

So what is it? No connection with... no, it's so basically it's a statement, especially the way Camus used it, is to make a statement of the human condition where we get up, we start our work, and we just stop at night, and next morning again we're back to the same rigmarole without ever questioning. Like most of us don't question: What is this? What is my purpose? What am I doing here? Who am I? There's a point where tyranny becomes comfortable. You just feel like, okay, there's a sense that there must be something more to this, but at least this is known and all the world is doing it. So I don't want to rebel or I don't want to swing to a different beat because what if I fail? All these kind of fears will come. So we live... most of our brothers and sisters live in that tyranny of the so-called 9 to 5. It's actually a 9 to 9 or a 9 to 7 at least. And then try to take breaks to make things better and things like that. Yeah, get on the rigmarole of trying to understand. To be like a tree or a plant would be so nice. The human mind hates that. It grows fully dependent, surrendered. The roots grow; they don't know when it's going to hit water. You see how much water is going to come in the ground, then it's going to all dry up. Don't know any of that. And his light... beautifully, beautifully alive sense. Alive like... loves trees, sense the liveness of the trees. All right, we had quite a broad-ranging... we can close for today.

Bhagavan said don't neglect your family. Does this life have no meaning at all? My fear is that I will cause pain to those I love. I have to leave that to God too.

Exactly. So Bhagavan himself left his family when he was very young and came from Madurai. Was it from Madurai? So Buddha also. After some time, of course, his mother came and stayed with him, at least, if not other family members. But yes, we have to trust God's grace for that. Follow God's will. But there's no rule which says you have to neglect your family to be spiritual. Nothing like that.

Okay, Father. When you say renounce inwardly, not externally, could you please share a bit more? I'm not sure I renounce inwardly properly, but rather externally, and then maybe inward may come.

No, no. Renounce inwardly first, which means don't get attached. Don't grasp onto anything at all. All the satsang is about that. All satsang is about open and empty, remaining in the unborn, no mind, and don't identify. Don't believe your next thought. Keep quiet. All of these things that the Masters have said are about the inner renunciation. To live open, unattached inwardly, even if outwardly you're like King Janaka with a lot of wealth and responsibilities, or you're like a sage like Kabir who hardly had anything that you could call his own. The outer is up to God. Inwardly we must be empty moment to moment. Love you all so much. Thank you. Pranam.