Remain in God’s Company and Don’t Rush - 15th July 2024

And I was delving deeper and deeper and deeper into it. Some of the things you say also sound like philosophy, but it doesn't come from the mind. Hopefully—I'm sure many times it does—but that's something I get tempted by. I wasted a lot of... I don't see it as a waste also, that's a bigger problem.

It's rewarding. It can seem like, for the moment, it gives you a tangible construct of what you are finding intuitively. So what happens is you're finding it, but you're sitting with the presence, you're sitting in Atma's light, and after a while, there's a subtle pressure from the mind—if not sometimes not subtle, but usually a subtle pressure from the mind: 'So what did you get?' You see? So then, when the philosophizing happens in that way and you feel like you got a construct which you can then express, then it feels like it was a worthwhile exercise because then, 'Now I understand that this is how it is,' see? So don't fall into that trap and allow it to just unfold from your heart. So much that is unfolding for you, and your mouth may even express it at times, and you may wonder where it came from: 'When did I learn this? When did I see it that way?' Allow that. As you deepen in the trust of the teacher, the Satguru presence in our heart, then you'll allow it to use this instrument, this body-mind, fully as well, and you won't need to grasp that understanding to really get a conceptual sense of what your growth has been, what you have understood now.

Yes. Like that part what you said, the insight is there and it gives it a structure to express. But by heart knowledge, you mean that the presence itself speaks? Only that is heart knowledge?

No, no. Like we said last time, most of what we are learning we are not able to capture in words. Most of what I'm learning in the discipleship of the Atma, I'm not able to express in words. And yet in satsang, I sometimes find I'm just sitting and some fresh words come, and I'm also hearing them, you see? Because they're coming from the heart and they're fragrant with the heart's presence, then I'm hearing them fresh and I say, 'Okay, now this has not been expressed in this way before.' That happens with me.

But sometimes I go like, 'Wow, where did that come from?' I didn't even think about it. But it's not the presence... I still have that idea that it's the mind only. I mean, that I enjoy it and it's very... but even that you're saying is an idea. I had this idea that if it's heart insight... so now is it an idea?

It's an idea.

Okay, so that's also from the mind.

It is, yeah. So this is what—meta-mind, the minding about the mind. The thing is, until the presence speaks, I shouldn't pursue anything. Because on one hand, you can see that it produces insight and says, 'Okay, this is how it is.' Some very high-sounding insight it can conceptualize, and then it can give you a new insight which is that, 'Oh, even this is mind, conceptual knowledge.' But both are mind. We can discard them. And we can discard them only as we learn to deepen in our faith. Otherwise, it can feel like, 'But then what is happening? What am I really learning? How am I really growing?' But if you have true faith in God's presence within you, then you don't worry about that. You don't really want to learn. If Krishna has picked you up in His lap, then what do you want to learn? And yet you learn.

I learn one thing. Can you talk about that heart insight? Because that's the construct I had in my mind: until the presence speaks, everything is mind, everything else is mine only. What the heart... how would you express? Yes, I agree with that, it's mind and not to be delved into. Yes, it's just what the heart says which is important. By heart, you mean the presence?

Yes, it comes from it. It is distinctly different from... yeah, thank you. Otherwise, we can get into a trap to go to the mind again and again to try and see about what is useful here and what is not useful here. And who will help you in that process? And if the mind itself will help you in that process, which way do you think it'll lead you? More reliance on the false, more reliance on selfishness, more reliance on egotism.

And sometimes it just makes it like... it is how it is now. The mind's murmuring will be like, 'What are you questioning this? This is reality. My life is like this.' It makes those conclusions, but they're just not true. If you investigate them and you stay empty, then you start to see that it's just not true. But what happens is that in that mind phase, they're not willing to look elsewhere or be patient or just wait empty, because we want to conclude something fast. Even in this conclusion that, 'Oh, it is all the mind,' there is a rush to conclude something fast because something is giving you some psychological pain, or some like a need to understand is also psychological pain. So we just have to learn to just like... wandering joy, that somewhere wandering... I know, very subtle things. So keep exploring them: the nature of just remaining in your heart versus wandering in the mind. See what kind of changes you see in yourself.

I think that I found that one of the benefits of being in the reality that you kind of point us to is being able to see everyone or the people around us with a greater sense of compassion and acceptance and less judgment. But I think I'm finding it really difficult right now to see a lot of most people through that lens, and I'm finding it hard to have that like immediate love and... it's feeling like it feels forced a lot of the time, even like with my immediate family. And so I'm kind of just like... and maybe this is me asking for like a hack on how to find that space quickly or point myself to that acceptance faster.

Yeah, yeah. Is that a hack? Then can we hack our way through? I don't know if there is a cheat that you can use, but it may sound like a very obvious thing to say, but come to satsang. Immerse yourself in the satsang's energy field. I don't know if you notice it like that, but I feel that coming here you'll notice that it's easier to love unconditionally, hopefully at least. And then that becomes a habit. That just becomes a habit because we've been talking a lot about, in a way, the company that we keep. And the company that we keep is not just the people outside, but it includes that. Okay, but if you keep the company of satsang, if you keep the company of the pointers in satsang, if you keep the company of love in our heart...

Sometimes it feels like hard work even here.

If there was a heart, it would not feel hard over here. So it does feel hard here sometimes because it can seem like 'my I' is so real at that time, and this person is really irritating, and you can't find that pure acceptance and love for them in that moment. But just even the ability to notice that—that we see that 'I'm not loving and that takes me away from my true home'—then that noticing that, which would have been so normal a few years ago to just be judgmental and say they are like this and they are like that, but just to notice that here it's something here which blocks my life, which blocks my love, and to bring the focus back to looking at that condition, looking at what blocks the love in my heart, is a great change and a great maturity. So we just have to keep at it. And if some hack comes during satsang, I'll point it out. But in my experience at least—and I'm just a know-nothing—it's not easy all the time. It's not... I don't feel it is designed to become super easy. It keeps us humble in that way also. Only God can do it. Only God can do it fully, unconditionally, all the time. It's okay.

So remain in God's light, God's company, and don't rush. And don't worry about what others are thinking about you, even if they have a judgment about you.

If something has come during satsang, I point it out. But in my experience at least—and I'm just a knower—it's not easy all the time. It's not designed to become super easy; it keeps us humble in that way also. Only God can do it. Only God can do it fully, unconditionally, all the time. Sound is okay? Thank you.

So, remain in God's light, God's company, and don't rush. And don't worry about what others are thinking about you. Even if they have a judgment about you saying that you're not being loving enough, it's all right. You're working on it for yourself. You don't have to get into any guilt about that. The mind loves quick resolution—quick, quick, quick, everything's quick. The heart is usually... because we are learning, we are beginners, so we have to learn to get guided from the heart slowly, slowly, slowly.

For most of our brothers and sisters, they will not know or accept that there is another voice which is available to them. They will just think that it's all in the mind. But you, we are lucky that we are blessed by His grace, that we are aware of this, we are learning to trust this. And if you have this grace, this mercy upon us, but then not to use it and then just presume that what my mind is saying is right, that itself is the trick of Maya. When you have even the slightest inkling that you're being feverish, just ask yourself this question: Why can't I wait? If something is God's gift to you, then by your waiting, will it go away? Do you have to rush to grab it? But in our rushing and grabbing, then what are we taking ourselves to be? Just this bundle of flesh.

Everything is allowed to unfold in the world, in the outer realm, from God's light. Everything can unfold from His light. But when we overrule the silence of the heart with 'my way,' that is when we start to invite trouble in the world. It's a completely impractical way to live. The world's philosophy is that if opportunity knocks, you must grab it. Satsang's philosophy is that if the opportunity is from God, it will wait.

A lot of children over the past couple of weeks have fallen into this trap of rushing, rushing, and not being able to see how it is rushing, how it is quickly running to mind's conclusions, taking that idea that 'how could this ever be wrong?' The only arbiter of if something is right or wrong, if something is good or bad for you, is whether it is coming from the Atma within, from God's light, or it is your mind's feverishness. What good can we do for ourselves? What light can we create for ourselves? What truth can we find for ourselves in which God's light cannot do it? Everything that is good has to come from God's light; it is His gift to us.

Maybe all the good that we can do is to be present to His presence. And if you're present to His presence, then that snake is eating its own tail—the snake of egotism. Who are you present in your life to? Are you present to God? It is, of course, His presence; I have not forgotten that as I say these things. It is His presence alone, but you have to be present to His presence, and then that unity can happen.

Can one ever say that we are deeply in love with God if you don't follow His will? Even in the world, we cannot say that, isn't it? That's why all these romantic songs say that if the beloved said that the day is night, then we will say it is night and feel that that is true. So if you deeply love God, then why not just wait for His guidance, for Him to move us, whatever we take that 'us' to be?

So how to tell whether we are rushing or truly going in God's will? If it is not clear in your heart that this is good, coming from God and for God's light, then just know that you are rushing. It's not that difficult. I'm telling you, this may not seem like... there is hardly any satsang that I hear about this rushing problem. But even if you just find the inner stillness which refuses the mind's temptations to rush, you will save yourself a lot of trouble in life, really.

Like if I had a desire and I can see it so clearly, you know that ring to me? That's a sound like when you're rushing, it sounds like a flash. Then if I see the desire and I can surrender it, because I really can't know whether it's from God or... I mean, it's a desire, I know it's not necessarily from God, that's for sure. If I find that, if I give it because I really don't have the power, I want to just let it go, something just settles down. And if it's meant to be, it unfolds in its own direction, and otherwise, you just don't want it anymore. Somehow I'm just discovering this way because sometimes I feel not so able to say no, you know?

So the simple way to put this is: don't, firstly, don't take it. But if you've taken it, then give it to God quickly.

Hi, Ananta. Hello. Hi. On this subject of merging this distance between living in everyday life with God and from God's will... I just feel to open up with you until whatever hold of arrogance or pride or this 'I know something' is sufficiently seen through. And you're speaking about following God's will. I could see, because I've been listening over the last years when you started to speak more on this, that I actually became more and more interested. And not only from this satsang, but it just became very central to follow God's will at any cost. I felt it's much more important that this is actually happening than the particular shapes that the choice takes. Like, it's not about this or that; it's about this inward looking: what does God want?

Because if I look at some things and I ask myself, it's often just a silence there. And there's a sense which is more quiet that feels 'yes' about this. But then when it's not so clear, I realize it's not really about making that clear. The direction is... because it still then is too much about something separate, like it goes into a narrow space. And also with these recognitions here that became more and more easy to see—everything is awareness ultimately—then the inquiry turns from trying to see what is God's will to merging whatever that thing is. Let's say it's a 'what should I...' whatever that particular subject is, it gets in through to be just God, actually. There's not even about a will, and it just empties in just God somehow. Yeah. And that feels much more clear. And the only certainty that remains after this kind of looking to see what's God's will, it then empties out into this 'only God,' and then that feels resolved somehow. Of course, some things come back. This knowledge that God alone is here, I see that's my main orientation. To see it alive in every moment. To see His presence alive in every moment.

Yes, yes. It's better put this way. That is a beautiful way to be also. If your intention, whether you say it is to see His presence here truly alive in every moment, or whether you say that 'I just want to be with His presence'—whether we call His presence just presence or Atma or Holy Spirit or Satguru presence—those words don't make a difference. But if our intention just becomes this, whatever intention we still carry, if it just becomes this, then the beauty of this is that we don't have to decide the curriculum. We don't have to decide what we also need to learn. It just becomes that we show up in His classroom, in His temple, whichever way you want to look at it, and then the teacher does not need our advice on what we need to learn next, is it?

Having said that, it is beautiful to use a question which is only truly answered intuitively as a way to not fall into any mental conceptual traps. But there comes a point in your life where you just know that if you just see that His presence is alive right now within yourself, then He decides the theme of what we need to learn. And we've discussed this a few times in satsang, that every week as the week progresses, I notice that there's a particular theme to the week, and I did nothing to decide that theme, what we're going to talk about. So He knows very well what we need to learn.

And this is also... and this is not something just for you, it is just coming as a reminder for me to tell everyone that if we begin to trust Him to provide the curriculum also, then our spirituality becomes broad. Otherwise, what can happen is that all of our minds have a particular spiritual conditioning. So one only wants to talk about our true nature as awareness itself; one only wants to talk about God's will; one only wants to talk about this. Because then what we do is, because we pick our contemplations ourselves in that way, then we get conditioned in that way to become spiritual in that kind of persona—to become a spiritual persona which only enjoys these kind of things.

But if you become more and more empty, then as we deepen and we want to follow His curriculum, then often we find that we are coming to insights which we never really looked at, we were not even interested in. Like somebody who never contemplated the nature of love can suddenly find just wanting to express for God the love for God. Somebody who only wanted to talk about love for God is talking about the reality and the nature of reality, the pure awareness and the birth of Consciousness and what the nature of Consciousness is. You might find yourself speaking or finding or understanding these things deeply. So it's very important. Both are important. One is to take the contemplations which can only be answered or understood in the heart; it's not bad, it's very good to use them. But also to just unburden ourselves, just go to God's temple empty, to the spirit's classroom empty of preconceived ideas of what we need to achieve or what we need to find. And in that way, then our spirituality deepens and becomes multifaceted, can become, you see, can become well-rounded. So both aspects are beautiful.

Thank you for that. And with this orientation towards God's will—and I hope it doesn't sound... but anyway, I'm going to say it just because sometimes it feels like that—but I'm more easy now with being unwilling to leave even one second. And of course, a lot of time is spent not in the best way, but in my heart, I'm not willing to live one second out of God's will. But at the same time, I find less problem with anything—like a relationship, normal life, work, world, whatever. This strong thing about God or the world, it just doesn't speak so much to my heart somehow. That was the most painful thing, to actually feel that there's anything which is not God, and that was the essential something that needed to be resolved. And now there's a bit of arrogance left and like preference towards seeing more on this. But yeah, sometimes when we... Satan can take a bit of a polarity, and I know it just comes from love. But this polarity between life and God, and then a lot of self-doubt can just turn on itself on this subject. And it keeps a certain separation between being still conflicted about normal things of life, which is actually...

This is very important that you share this, very, very important that you share this. You see, the world... what is the difference between the appearance of all of this and the term that we use, which is Maya? What is the difference between the two things? The appearance of these sensations of light and sound, of this color and all of this appearing in front of us, versus what we call Maya. What is the difference?

Labeling.

Labeling. But this labeling is very, very good. But I feel like the simplest explanation of this was given by Ananta. She said, 'Maya is Ma-aya,' which means 'I came.' The 'me' came, you see?

What is the difference between the appearance of all of this and the term that we use, which is Maya? What is the difference between the two things: the appearance of these sensations of light and sound, of this color and all of this appearing in front of us, versus what we call Maya? What is the difference?

Labeling. Labeling. But this labeling is very, very good. I feel like the simplest explanation of this was given by an—she said Maya is 'Ma-aya,' which means 'I came,' the 'me' came. Is it so? In the appearance of this world, in the appearance of the waking state, in the appearance of the dream state, whichever—whatever we take the world to be—there is not organically this 'me' that arrives. And so the world doesn't become Maya unless we take on the position of 'me.' You see? So the polarity is between the false notion of Maya and of living in God's presence, but there is no polarity between the appearance. Otherwise, then pure perception would never be suggested in satsang; it would just be a hiding away from the perception of the world. You see, pure perception is the same as open and empty in a way because we are not labeling, like he said. And without labeling, without interpreting, there is no 'me' coming.

So the struggle between the two polarities of God's presence and Maya is not a struggle between the physical appearance of the world or the perceptual appearance of the world and God's presence. It is the struggle between the temptation to become proud, to take yourself to be someone, to take yourself to be special, and therefore using that appearance of the body-mind object in this realm of objects as the center of that taking to be, as the center of that ego, the center of that pride. You see, that is the only role that the physical world plays. But you could actually be lying down in bed and not perceiving anything really of this body, but still be taking yourself to be something special or something great, even using that, saying that, 'Oh, I'm in such a great samadhi state, I must be a great Yogi' or some idea like that. So that is already Maya without needing any perception to come in front of you.

So the two force fields, the struggle of the human condition, which is undeniable—and I'm happy to have deeper conversations with everyone who feels like there is no such polarity there—the struggle is only between the propensity to take this 'me' to be a reality and the longing, the calling which is calling us from deep within our heart to merge in God's presence, to merge in God's life. So there is no problem in this life because how will you escape that? Even if you go and live in a cave, you see, how will you get rid of the cave and finding food around the cave and finding water sources around the cave? This life cannot be just disregarded in this way.

And it's also love. It's also out of love, this whole world and the apparent me who is the view of God in this world. Like after you spoke with Karuna Mayi and you asked her how much does she live in presence, I was deeply looking also: why this manifestation? Why anything? And deeply it got answered that it's love. It's out of love. All of this is out of love. So that had to be seen first, and then from that, a more open question: okay, so how come I'm not living fully in connection with this? But only after seeing that all of this is made of love, that inquiry has more power, I feel, at least in myself, to see, okay, so how am I failing or how am I continuing something lesser than this love? And then the answer comes: it's through these desires of the 'me' or taking something to be separate, following something of the 'me,' of a separate 'me' being pulled into any of this.

Very good to see that everything that God brings to light, also He brings from love. It is not possible any other way. It is very, very important, very good to see that and use that both to deepen in this insight of what you're finding and use that to fall more and more deeply in love with Him. Yeah. So if everything is made up of that love, then don't block yourself in any way from falling deeply, deeply in love with Him. Your heart is already tugging you in that direction, so just let go of your defenses and His presence will never betray your love. So don't—you're doing very well, you're going very well. You had a very good insight about this; now deepen in that love itself as well. Fall deeply in love with Him, that who has made all of this in love, who has made us whatever we take ourselves to be in love. Let us fall so much in love with Him.

And it sounds strange many times when I say things like this because many times the question comes, 'But how can I fall in love? It has to happen.' But I'm introducing you to a very deep innate ability that we have, which is to actively love God unconditionally. You'll find that lever, you'll find that switch within yourselves. Also, love, of course, deepening will happen; it is a happening. But you will also be able to actively love God and fall in love deeper and deeper with God. As you remain more and more in your heart, you get access to a new toolkit, a new way of life which is beyond identification and grasping and concluding and being right or wrong. All of these things, as you keep them aside.

And it's not too far-fetched because it is possible in this human condition. Like we just got a new baby in the house or a pet—it's a bit, I don't find it natural to say a pet actually, so new baby, but I want to explain that we've not had a new human baby—and I noticed that I can just block him out if I want, but I can also actively love him if I want. So if you can do that even with things of the world or appearances in the world, then definitely we can deepen in our love for God. And the simple thing is that: how do I love Him more? By remembering Him more, by keeping Him in my focus more. Who is this moment about? How am I serving Him now? How am I loving Him now? And in these simple ways, you find yourself deepening in love for God.

So if our question changes—and at one point I wanted to remind myself of this question all the time, so then on the wallpaper on my phone, Ma created a poster for me, she said, 'How am I serving God now?' to remind myself of that because otherwise the propensity to go toward serving myself can still be there. So in wanting to serve Him, follow God's will, and wanting to be in servitude to Him is also a deepening of our love for Him. Because the relationship of a God-directed life instead of a God-assisted one, which can seem like a complete 180-degree turn from what we originally wanted—we wanted God's help in our objectives, now we want to serve His objectives—but this relationship is not one of oppression. It is not one of oppression. We want to serve His objectives because He is that and we love Him with all our heart. So the service to God then becomes Bhakti. Because when service and love come together, then that is called Bhakti. You see? So we must never carry this idea that to follow God's will is some strange sort of oppressive way to live. It is the most loving way to live because, like you said, everything is made by Him in love, by love it is made up of love, in a way to say. So the source of all that is love. We have in our heart the capacity to deepen in our love for Him by remembering Him, by serving Him, or just being present to Him.

So take your insight, which is very beautiful, and just fall in love without defenses.

And it becomes more—I'm clarifying—it becomes more joyful and easy to give any kind of concern about whatever it would be—relationship, job, whatever it is, even spirituality or Master-disciple—to offer that to Him. It's more important than sorting out the direction, and then it makes sense. It's not about the destination; it's about God in that. Yeah. And sometimes there's a certain resonance or like you want something, let's say, let's put it in that way, and trying to not want that thing, it just creates a conflict. But if you make it about God in that, then that can either dissolve or it can continue in this that I want. But then because it can also be a self-doubt, like that whatever I want, then it's personal so I should not go for that, but I don't feel that is the case. But if you feel differently, I'm happy to hear because it doesn't need to be always what I don't want, then it just becomes a very strange life.

Absolutely no, absolutely agree with you because many times we just presume—and this is how we started the conversation also—about how the mind creates two different shapes sometimes. Yes. And one shape can seem more spiritual and one shape can seem more worldly, and then we just presume that if there's a desire to go in that way, we just presume that if you go spiritual then that has to be the opposite of that and we can't get that. You see? It is not like that. It could be either way. It could be completely different from what we fathomed as those two shapes. So yes, you're absolutely right about that. You're absolutely right about that.

But one thing I want to also advise you, because I have this tendency and many of my children, even in Bangalore, on Zoom also actually, so many of satsang members have this propensity also, which is to—when there's an insight in the heart, you see, then allow it to just unfold from there. Just allow it to unfold from there, just organically, just naturally. What happens many times—and I see this with myself, I see it with a lot of teachers also who are sharing—that a heart insight comes which is beautiful, but then to express, we go to our intellect. Then we say, 'Okay, what did I understand of all this?' Then we use words to maybe understand ourselves or to express what we are finding to others; then we go to our intellect as a tool to find the right words to put that across.

So see if you find this tendency, then just observe it a bit and allow yourself to remain defenseless, open, vulnerable, and to let God, let your heart, let the Atma within provide the words also if it has to. Even if they sound foolish, don't worry about that. Because many times we give it to our intellect because we have a concern about sounding correct or false or true or wrong. Nobody can really say anything about anything being right or wrong. You know, we've been in this long enough to really say that. If you want to force a point of view this way, then we can use our intellect and force it, point it this way. If you want to force it this way, we can point it this way also.

So don't worry so much about whether you are coming to the right conclusions or not; just worry about remaining in the right place or not. Stay there. Let the insights unfold, and if your mouth is expressing them foolishly, let it be foolish. How does it matter? All of us are foolish. Biggest fool here. So how does it really matter? So just then you will find that you're not leaving—even for spiritual-seeming reasons—you're not leaving that holy place inside. So don't get into the trap of expressing in the right way. Express in the wrong way, it's okay. We'll all deal with it. Okay? Thank you.

So I take that. Thank you. And again, it's not something that I'm not working on for myself as well. This tendency, it's going. I have to apologize in advance that it's going to take a bit of time to probably—I don't know—to decondition this way of speaking.

Good. Yeah, all of us are working on it. And there are so many things in my life which I know are probably projects for this entire life. You see? It's okay. As long as I'm noticing my foolishness more and more, I'm okay with being a lifetime project. I have no rush. And maybe it's worth to say...

On for myself as well, this tendency... it's going. I have to apologize in advance that it's going to take a bit of time to probably—I don't know—to decondition this way of speaking.

Good. Yeah, all of us are working on it. And there are so many things in my life which I know are probably projects for this entire life, you see? It's okay. As long as I'm noticing my foolishness more and more, I'm okay with being a lifetime project. I have no rush.

And maybe it's worth to say a little thing to just get it out of the way. Because I said something in the previous conversation we had about Guruji being my master, and I don't have any conflict about that. And Karayi, she called me after and we spoke a little bit. And I could feel—but you know, I don't think you mind if I say—you, Father, and anybody else is... I feel like it's my wise friend, and I call Guru the master. I don't know if you have any... I know you don't mind.

That deeply, deeply offended me. You cannot join. It's over. It's over. Yeah.

But I wanted to, in my heart, to say how I feel about this. I really feel God is speaking through you, and that is my master. You are my master, and everybody is my master. Whoever—even a cat—if God is coming through, that's my master. And I bow my head to all of you.

And yeah, that's exactly the right approach. And very much, that is what I'm learning as well. That His light, His guidance, can come to us from anywhere, from any mouth—and not even a mouth, from any... in any way. So all who are even trying or carry the intention to live in God's light, I'm learning from all of you. And many times I come to Satsang and I get inspired by all of you in that way. The Sangha is my Guru as well. Each of you are my Guru as well.

So He is so beyond any words that I can use. And His love and His insight and His sure taking care of us is so deep that truly, truly, only the presence of God Himself is the Atma within, who is our teacher, who is our true Satguru. While we continue to have deep reverence for those who have dedicated and spent their entire life in service to that Satguru presence, they are our gurus in the world. And full, full reverence to all those who have lived this life, which is a life full of the struggle that I talk about. So they deserve our full love and reverence.

But anyone, anyone in His presence right now is my Guru. He's my Guru because I can learn from them, I can be inspired by them. And often I have told all of you that if you look at everyone who's sharing, the only thing I can say is that I cannot deny that I'm deeply, deeply in love with God. And if that qualifies me to tell any of you something, then that is my only qualification. Otherwise, I don't really see a reason to come to this foolish man. I don't see any good reason to come to this one. But the love I feel in my heart, I cannot deny.

And I'm not at all concerned about who gives me the label Guru, and who gives the label Ananta, who doesn't even like me. It's okay. As long as in one moment in their life, due to this foolish one, they can turn towards God in some way—either a contemplative way, in some way of servitude or love—I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that.

In fact, the other day I was just feeling like saying to everyone: Why do you call me Father? Just call me brother. You can all call me brother. Why do we need to stand up when this man comes into the room? I don't see anything worth standing up for. I would not stand up for me, you see? And I don't. And may God just use this instrument more and more. And I know that that fullness of His using this instrument is how much I am willing to surrender it to Him, you see? So my surrender is what I need to grow, what I need to improve for Him to fully make use of this one, this instrument.

So if Guru means not a work in progress anymore, then definitely I don't qualify. Because any aspect of spirituality, I feel like I'm just a beginner. And every day I'm realizing more and more that if God loves us this much, then my love for Him is just so, so tiny. And that so tiny, I make a claim about and I say I'm so deeply in love with Him. So it's all full of contradictions everywhere, and confusion also in me.

I had this contradiction between really feeling Guruji—like having no doubt, and it still feels like there's no doubt about him being my master—and not my... in this way, but just... and at the same time, something doesn't want any exclusivity to it. It feels a very small thing to go into this, like, 'Oh, but only he can speak the truth,' or like any kind of ting of exclusivity. Something doesn't feel like... feels distasteful. I don't know if it's ego or what, but I... yeah, I couldn't digest that. I don't know.

Yes, I see where you're coming from. And it's tricky. It's tricky, you know? Because on one hand, that exclusivity, as you called it, is very helpful to keep our tendency to do spiritual shopping and then to confuse ourselves more and more. It keeps that in check. So that is the benefit of it. The downside of it is that we confuse... you see, we confuse the fact that any embodiment, any appearance in front of us—especially please don't confuse it about this man—can be a replacement for His presence in our heart.

So this one is just a provisional device, a provisional tool, which is just being used hopefully by that holy presence in the heart to lead you to that holy presence in your heart. And any device that does that is worth listening to, you see? So both those things are there. As with everything in life, it's a double-edged sword. But I like it because you have been in Satsang long enough, you can discern and you can tell whether it is just a tendency to shop around or a deepening where you're loving His fragrance coming from anywhere that it may be coming from.

Whatever closed fist is inside about any subject, including like anything, I just offer that into your light, into the God's light. Yes, whatever all this that continues... yeah, it's offered. It's a full-time, full-life commitment, whatever it takes.

Well, there's a question about what is the extent to which Maya can play God? What is the extent to which Maya can play God? Yes. So, something from this recent time. There was a very spontaneous prayer made one day, and after that things started unfolding on its own, literally without any effort, without any asking. And a lot of what we call in the world of perception is divine signs. Now the thing is, we know that Maya's realm is also limited to the world of perception and the attitudes of the mind. It cannot touch the presence. But the signs are in the world of perception.

But the heart is absolutely peaceful and calm. On any normal day, if there was no desire or need associated with this kind of a situation, I would naturally feel this is just God's Leela which is playing out. But when there is a need, a worldly need also associated, and all the Leela that is seen is somewhere also fulfilling that worldly need, and the heart is just calm—it's not saying yes, no, nothing, but it's moving with what's happening—in that kind of a situation, how do we discern if this is like a play of Maya or is it God's Leela? It's in God's play. That's the key question.

That's the key question. So let's take that as a live example, huh? So your will at the moment is to get an answer to this question, no? So what is God's will? And that can be very troublesome because in a way, you said it very sweetly, but there's a slight complaint over there: 'But He's not saying anything, actually. So I'm not receiving guidance from Him,' you see? 'But I have to take a call.' So what you do is you drop your will now and speak from God's will. And if there are no words, then don't speak. Then it becomes a live example. This is how you do it. Yes, this is how to do it.

And even if words don't come, then at least you will notice a change in the internal climate, if nothing else. Because something that frame can frame things very well, but pulls us to like an intellectual understanding. Then when we let go even of that and return to like a childlike sense, something somewhere feels relieved, although the intellect may feel like it just got chopped or something. But that is not really the intention. It is true because these things really can't be explained in a way; they have to be shown, you know? You just now stay, stay, stay. Don't...

So what I was telling S. also, that your feeling in the heart—not a feeling-feeling, your intuiting in the heart—now don't give it to your intellect to express. Stay there. Express from there. You don't have to frame it in any logical construct. Even if 'blah blah blue blue' comes out, it's okay. That's how you learn to trust His way more and more. Don't be scared to look foolish. Foolish ones love foolish ones. It's a different planet. You can live on Earth and talk about Mars. We can actually visit. How is it now?

Some kind of heaviness with the question, thank you.

Yeah. So that heaviness, use that as an invitation to love God more. That is an invitation to deepen in your love for God, in your service of God, to make everything about Him more and more. Sometimes I experience it like a contraction, a tightness—that's what I call it—like I feel distant and restless from His light. So then I just... whatever tools, whatever... like a fish out of water, we have to return.

So this heart problem can never be fixed in the head. You can't do a liver transplant for your kidney. In the same way, if I get you the best liver, your kidney will not become all right. Yeah. And while this heaviness is there, then don't take yourself away from just serving, deepening, loving. Allow yourself to come to Him, and then from there you see all questions, all answers, everything straightforward, is it? So then from here, decision-making looks very different. Choice-making looks very different. Volition, agency, my will, His will looks very different.

Sit in the heart and just send the periscope out to look at the world. You don't leave, you see? And with this, if you start to ingrain this, invite this, then one mind trump card—to intellectualize the truths into a secondhand understanding, your own secondhand understanding—will be chopped off. And so what if you don't have a ready reckoner of what you understood? What happens? Somebody says, 'What have you learned in Satsang?' 'I don't know.' Now that you ask, you don't have to be a good brand ambassador for Ananta at all. I'm not expecting a study in marketing. Just stay with God. Just stay with God.

'What do you go and listen to this man for? What have you learned?' And your heart is silent. Like you were complaining, 'I don't know.' That's completely fine. Completely. Is it what the heart is saying, 'I don't know'?

Heart didn't say 'I don't know.' Yeah.

Because in the pressure of that expectation of response, then you feel like you have to say something. So 'I don't know' is good enough. If you just stare at them, that's okay too. That's okay. How much are you willing to risk is the question. You're getting a sense, all getting a sense of what I'm saying? The world forces us into masks—masks of like grown-up and understanding and you know, you know. And like this seems to be a theme in something today also, which is then we get into this sort of, 'This is what I understood, this is...' Then we lose that innocence then, in the guise of spirituality.

Simple, simple. Can anyone be a servant of God, a true servant of God, but speaks on their own? Can you be? Speaking is the main instrument into action in today's world. Maybe at some time in the past it used to be hands and things like that, but these days most of our activity is words, words. So servitude must come in words—that every word belongs to Him. Even if that transition takes time, it's okay. It's a worthwhile time span. And then our perspective will change from 'How do I juggle between Him and my mind?' to 'How am I serving Him? How am I...'

A true servant of God who speaks on their own—can you be? Speaking is the main instrument into action in today's world. Maybe at some time in the past it used to be hands and things like that, but these days most of our activity is words, words. So servitude must come in words, that every word belongs to Him. Even if that transition takes time, it's okay. It's a worthwhile time span. And then our perspective will change from 'How do I juggle between Him and my mind?' to 'How am I serving Him? How are my words drenched in His love, His light, His presence?' These things are very important, especially for those who are sharing His light, sharing His name.

Like if you visit these multi-story hotels, you go, you step into the elevator, you see there's no floor thirteen. No? Most of them, you notice next time. So make your head that floor. Let it not be there. There is no button to go there.

A question in a similar vein, more of an observation, Father. It seems to be a loss in ability to have a conversation that is head-to-head. My past life was head-to-head. Then in this intermediate life, it's been trying to do heart-to-heart if it's available, but also trying to do heart-to-head, and I'm meeting with repeated failure. It just doesn't work. So now the tendency is to just, like you said, say 'I don't know' or just shut up. That's the observation. And I think what I'm hearing you say today is it's perfectly okay. It really feels good with that course. That 'I don't know' many times is better than the—like someone was talking about earlier—the mind actually offers us two shapes. Now that we are in spirituality, it gives us a worldly shape, like this was the before, and then it also creates the after shape: 'Now that you're spiritual, this is what you should be.' But both we can let go of and allow our heart to speak. And if the heart is silent, 'I don't know' is perfect.

For one comment that you made, maybe jokingly but I think it was also serious, you said you can be silent or you can say 'I don't know,' but the other person may not like it. You said it depends on what you're willing to risk. I lived that life and I know exactly what you're saying, and I did not want to risk. But after having risked everything, it seems foolish not to take that risk because there's no solution there anyway. Because I'm going to lie, exactly, or I'm going to speak from my head, so I'm doomed anyway. And it's this temporary feel-good of not taking the risk that is very... also as we're noticing more and more—and tell me if you're noticing this also—that mostly people don't have a problem with our silence. Mostly people have a problem if they feel like we are not listening. And if we live in our heart, we are naturally listening more. So if you notice that, people either have a problem with what we're saying or if we're not listening. Our silence is a rare problem. Sometimes of course it's there, like 'Why are you so silent?' but it's not usually... it doesn't become a big trouble. Big trouble is with what you said and if you're not listening.

Although again, just observationally, like I had a business meeting where I met somebody for the first time and it was very head-to-head. Nothing bad about it, head is not bad in this case. That's where they are starting, and I can't expect them to come with the heart in a very comfortable way. And then slowly over time it can become part of... yeah. So sometimes conversations can remain at a head-to-head level, so to speak, and there's no problem with that. And they can end in the head-to-head. And maybe I'm missing words now, maybe it's not necessary. It was very tactical, everything worked out okay, boom boom, it's done and everybody leaves the room. That also seems to be okay. I think the confusion starts when one person is trying to go heart and one is in head.

But you'll struggle with the head-to-head. You'll struggle, yeah, because it will start to seem very alien territory. And then again, that is about risk. That is about risk. I was going to ask, if you're not used to going to this floor and you feel like in some situation like you have to, it is never truly the case actually. Then you feel very, very depleting in some way. It can create this sort of heart tightness and heart heaviness.

You know, I'm beginning to feel that all the practices like prayer or just not rushing, even coming to satsang, it seems like the mind also deepens in a way. It's improving the mind also.

Yeah, I don't disagree with you actually. So maybe many of you will be surprised with that answer, but I don't disagree with you. But don't count on it. I feel like the nature of the mind does change. It's a very slow, like a dinosaur to change. It does change, but you change before it. Let it take its time, you know what I'm saying? In the sense, your eyes are so... your heart is already guiding you. So allow your mind to take its time for all this to seep in if it has to.

Shouldn't it become weaker? I guess that's the thing I want to ask, to distinguish between when the mind is trapping you into a pretend meekness or whether it's truly becoming meeker.

No, that is what you have to be careful about. Just God, then He will work on your mind also. Just allow Him to heal everything.

So just to share more about that, I noticed that the mind here is a little different in complexion to how it was earlier. But the minute I make a conclusion like that, it gives me the next opportunity it gets, it gives me the most stupid, violent thing. So it's okay, God is taking care of it. It is changing, but I don't know how much it'll change before it's time to go.

Father, it's been beautiful to learn from you how sometimes, whether it's me or anybody else shows up in satsang with so much of head, and then I can see your expression, like with this direct feedback that I'm getting. I can see from your eyes that, 'Okay, I'm in my head,' and I can see you kind of deactivating that. And sometimes when maybe I show up with too much head, I can see that there's silence or a gentle smile, and that is also deactivating. And that through just being here repeatedly, through osmosis or whatever, is a natural thing that is emerging when dealing with situations where I'm now encountering too much head. So yeah, it's beautiful.

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, so it's all osmosis actually. The way the body changes, the way the mind slowly, slowly changes all our being is through osmosis of us being in our heart. It is going to change. Otherwise, when you say something like that, I'm just wondering, like, I wouldn't know how to do that. You know, how to smile or how to express something, how to, when to be silent. Like, I really don't know any of these things. But it's just an outpouring of me just sitting inward-facing, just not pulling from there. Because if you were to ask this one how to do any of that, I don't really... I feel like that which helps truly of this is that because He dips me in so much love that it is bound to be felt somewhere. And once we feel love, then we are open to looking at ourselves deeply. We feel like we can look at ourselves and our pride, our ego, all of that more deeply. So that love, I feel, helps, and it can only come from Him. Okay, let's go to Karam.

Hello, Father. I took your pointing to my brother earlier to speak only from the heart, and it's actually one of my inner desires for a very long time, but I didn't have the courage to express it. I noted maybe I don't make the most of this opportunity to be in satsang sometimes, most times, and it can be a bit painful. I noted that by seeing some mirrors, I guess, and that reflected this in me. And I turned it into a prayer to God, I guess, to bless us to make the most of the opportunity of being here and most of this moment of being with you. And maybe just... I don't know, our only desire before Him, you know? And like Papa Ji says, may the desire melt in this desire for God. It comes, and I don't know if it comes from the heart or from the mind, you know? But yeah, maybe it's something that I need your advice to see clearly.

Because when I called someone, I said to him, 'I called you to chop you, and while chopping you, I chop myself.' Because you know my confusion about gurus, whether it's Guru Ji or Ananta or Mooji or Yogi Ramsuratkumar. And so I had this discussion and I'm happy he brought it up, and I think it ended like, 'Yeah, may everyone be my Guru.' But I don't know where this chopping tendency comes from.

So you called to chop, and you got chopped yourself? Oh, sorry. So what I heard is that you called to chop him about this Guru topic and then you...

I said to him, 'I call to chop you and chop myself at the same time.' I see, I see. Chop both of us, I guess, because we both reach the same conclusion. And you know, after I had that human desire with the house and the pup, a couple of hours later I was away and Karen sends me this picture. Just next to our door there is a big yard where sheep are coming to eat grass and there is a shepherd dog with a pup. And they come, it's very sweet, you know? It was such a sweet metaphor. It's just only now, you know, and I had the house and the pup and I couldn't see it.

Very good, very good. Yes, that's a very good way of looking at prayer, that it cannot be that our loving Father has not already given us everything. So when we pray, then it is all prayers, in a way, then are prayers for us to have better vision, better eyesight. Is this desire like to chop, or I don't know, is it like that? That the chop can only come from this idea that 'I have a greater truth to offer you.' Is it like that?

I don't feel I offer anything. I don't feel I offer the truth. It's more like it's painful sometimes. The other one feels like it's playful. Maybe yeah, it's playful. Because another example came to my head now. These dogs, they are really loving. I don't know, I meet them and it's only space, you know? It's only love when you pet them. You said in a satsang that you went to the office and you met this Labrador and it was such a pleasure to look in his eyes because it was like emptiness meeting emptiness. Yeah, I don't know about this side, but from that side, yes. And someone moved next door to us and the dog is wearing a bell and their sleep was disturbed. And they wrote this one-page feedback message and how frustrated they were. And it's like, 'Hey, what if Ramana comes with a bell at your door, you know? And that dog, what are you going to do?' because it's all loving, that dog, you know? And we take this... but you apply all this to yourself also or no?

This is why I said I see mirrors in there, because when I say these things, I realize it's also for me.

As long as you see that. It's me, I'm missing the opportunity to see that in every piece of advice that I offer, I need to hear it more than them actually. In this one also, there's some things that in India growing up you hear your entire life, and I'm sure in all cultures we have these things, but the immensity, the depth of these words, somehow some of them are being heard only now. Like when Kabir Ji said that when he went looking for those who are sinners, who are bad, he looked and he found that there's nobody who he could say is a sinner. But when he looked at himself, he realized that he is the worst of the lot.

So I'm seeing that it is so true about this one here that as I point out things, when I investigate this one life, I see that these conditions, these tendencies are here as well. So I'm seeing that more and more as I get older. So the chopping that comes from here usually chops my own head before it even reaches the other one. What is happening? I welcome your chop, Father, and your fire.

Yes, but you know, I'm scared.

Sinner, but when he looked at himself, he realized that he is the worst of the lot. So I'm seeing that it is so true about this one here that as I point out things, when I investigate this one life, I see that these conditions, these tendencies are here as well. So I'm seeing that more and more as I get older. So the chopping that comes from here usually chops my own head before it even reaches the other one. What is happening? I welcome your fire, Father, but you know, I'm scared to create that because I'm going to be burning in it myself.

What can I say to any of you that I don't have? What can I say to any of you that I don't have? What condition can I say to any of you that I don't have? I don't find anything like that.

Maybe you have something more than us. Yes, that is true. And I also said you have more; you have clarity as opposed to... but there's no topic I can talk about where I can say that I have transcended it. So I'm giving it as a job to you.

Look, I'm not worried about you transcending, Father. I'm worried about me. You seem to be doing well, you know.

Even this condition I have, even this condition I'm going to expose also, that there have been some resistances maybe last week and even today for the first part of the satsang. And I invite you lightfully, and I offer up any sense of life. And I'm very... it is Guru Purnima next Sunday, is it? Yeah. And I set this intention, you know, this week to work harder on my sadhana, so please keep on helping me. And Gima said that you're such an example of humility and she was looking for your blessing to follow in this way, and it resonated with me when she wrote because I felt the same.

Yes, I am an example in humility. Thank you, and big love and big hug to... no, it's not letting me down. It's in fact, most of that has been about this choice-making: how to move from the heart, how to resist the temptation to conceptualize even after being in the heart, to make it into tangible-sounding knowledge. Choice-making while remaining in His presence. You know, our entire life is a practical training session about this. Our entire life is about staying in God's love and light, resisting the pull of Maya, the egoic desire to be special, towards pride. Yes, we all have to keep at it. We all have to keep at it. Let's go to Samia.

Hello. Hello. I just want to meet with you in the most fruitful way. Can you hear me well?

You want to meet in the most fruitful way, is it? Fruitful way. I actually... the last time, many times we are truthful like this because what is truthful? Truthfulness, is it not God Himself? Because God is the only truth. True beauty, true insight, real truth is when we are God. For many times in the human condition, people may say, 'But I'm being... I'm telling the truth, I'm telling the truth.' But what we usually mean when we say that is that I'm sharing my perspective of what I think to be true. So my perspective may be that the elephant's tail is a rope, or my perspective maybe that the elephant's leg is a pillar, or his trunk is a pipe. But for us, only the rope or the pillar or the pipe seems true, and we share that, you see? And we wonder why the other is not agreeing with our truth, because everybody's lens is different. And if you just understood that, there would be no way to have conflicts in this world. But even deeper than that, when we say, 'I'm going to be truthful,' then we've taken a big responsibility of saying that I'm going to share what is coming from God's light, from God's presence. I'm sharing the truth, Sat-Sambhish truths. So whatever we share from His light is when we can truly say that we are going to be truthful or we are being truthful. Many times we use it as a license to just blatantly share our perspective because we have no doubt that it is the truth. But the one who is holding the elephant's tail has no doubt that it is true. So what is God saying to us in our heart? Let's express that. So our life becomes truthful in this way. Our life becomes in this way, huh? Is that how you are seeing it?

Okay. So, I'm sorry, Father, for some days I don't feel so much to speak.

Yeah, it's very good because many things we don't have the words for. There's so much I want to share with all of you, but God has not yet given me the words. That's fine too. It has to come in His time. So we must not force the words ever. We must never try to put the words out when it's not feeling so clear that it is heart to mouth. And then what happens is when it's not flowing from heart to mouth, then the head wants to come in and say, 'Oh, this is what I think.' So then those times, better not to say. It's better not to say. Yes, stay with God and the words will come, the light will come, everything will come. Praying for you. I'm sending you all my blessings. Thank you. Bless you, bless you. There is no spiritual life without this struggle. It is through the struggle that we learn to stay with God. Just remember that He knows. He knows everything. He knows every moment, every breath, every intention, every action.

That's the best conversation I had. No, I don't even... I'm half joking about it.

I'm happy to hear this, Father. Thank you. Bless you, bless you. You don't have to speak in words at all. It's good. Let's... before we start reading the... hello, hello, hello. Good.

So, will just speak to you, Father. Same, same. I'm missing your yoga walks.

Well, I think we are... you're not working at satsang, are you? This is true, this is true. Okay, I have babysitting duty at that time now.

Um, you just said about struggling as a way to be, um, to recognize God. I'm going through struggling at the moment and some confusion. Actually, it's not... I don't know what it is about. It's just noise. And also that in this struggling that is happening, I'm involving other people. I'm making other people suffer, so the struggle is more felt. Yeah. So probably in exposing this, some light will come. I'll be able to see more clearly. There is not... I cannot see a subject why this struggling is happening. It's just probably a mix of things. Yeah. But I can see that I cannot... obviously it's a way of speaking, but I can see that I'm not in God as much as I could be. Yeah. So probably one of the things that make me struggle the most is this that I just mentioned, that I'm making other people suffer. So if you can give some guidance on that? I mean, how to express to the loved ones that this struggle is not related to them, or it's not that maybe if I'm not behaving in the way they are expecting me to behave, it's not because of them, but more because of... I think you get the... yes. Thank you, Father. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you for sharing that openly and to recognize the impact that we have on those around us. Actually, in the Ramacharitmanas, Tulsidas Ji has been talking about this, or he's going to speak about this, where we spread that which we immerse ourselves in. The spreading of it is going to happen organically, naturally. So if we are noticing for ourselves that we are not being with God as much as we could, that is the very nature of suffering. That is the very nature of a hellish existence. And then with that, it is naturally going to spread to our brothers and sisters in this world as well. So we must take whatever little steps we can take, whatever strength we feel that we have, because God will provide the rest. But we have to apply ourselves as much as we can to be in His light. And that is why the simple exercise of starting the day with God's presence may sound very simplistic, but can transform really the quality of our life, as long as we don't feel like it's a task in the morning and I finish and then I move on to my mind-ego. If our intention is to carry that presence with us throughout our lives, throughout our day, then we will not suffer as much and we will not spread that suffering. That is why I was sharing last time that I was very touched by this phrase that I heard from some Orthodox fathers. They said that we can become precious vessels of the Holy Spirit. And I just heard that, 'vessels of the Holy Spirit,' and I said that I cannot find a better phrase that encompasses the purpose of our life than to become a vessel of the Atma, the vessel of the spirit. So this struggle... may God bless you to deepen more and more in His life and may the struggle become lighter and lighter. But you have to put yourself fully on the line. You have to put yourself fully at risk, fully live in faith. And your intention should be never to leave His feet in your heart, His presence, His light in your heart. Your intention should be to only live there. And I know you have that intention, but just be determined not to leave Him as much as you can. And when you find that you went with Maya, then just as soon as you notice, just return back. That is... I know it will sound like the usual answer I give, but that is the only way not to spread suffering in the world. Now, many times it will also happen that as we are trying to be with Him like this and we are struggling in this way, then the loved ones around us may feel that we are closing ourselves off from them, and that may seem to cause struggle to them. But we have to communicate as much as we possibly can that the quietening or the seeming defenses that seem to be there are not really defenses against them, but they are because of the inner struggle that we are going through between transcending this mind, transcending this Maya, and that that is making you introverted in that way. It is not a sign of your love or lack of love. So God will give you the words, the strength to express all of this, and then the outcome of that has to be left to Him. But it is natural for those around us to feel like we are cutting ourselves off from them, which is not true. We are just undergoing this inner turmoil between head and heart. But as you stay with God, as you say that 'I am trying as much as I can, as much as I can,' and your testimony changes from 'I could be doing a lot more' to 'I'm really, really trying,' then you will see that His presence actually takes care of everyone around us as well.

Father, thank you. Thank you so much. I can see this tendency also. I think it's been here whatever, but now it's just not going to hide anymore. I see this tendency of, like in conflict, just like running away or wanting to finish up, to finish a relationship, finish, finish. Yeah. It feels like my ego's got this grip that if I cannot... let me see how I express this. If... it feels like... now I say 'it feels like' and I see, I hear your voice saying, 'Well, if it feels like, it's not true.' But what I want to say is that if I cannot deal with myself at the moment, how can I deal with others? Yeah. Like, I know that I'm a bit... I'm repeating myself maybe. So this tendency of probably finishing something that Maya is compelling me to finish it. So I see this tendency, yeah. So I want to expose that I see this one.

Yes, actually, if it is coming from a tendency—and this tendency is there with all of us—that we want to avoid pain, we want to avoid this kind of suffering, psychological, emotional suffering. And it is there in the human condition that we want to run. But if you can spot it and just remain with your heart, then it will guide you. But if your heart is silent about it, then I would say that till it comes from the heart, we must not run. We must not run because these situations that squeeze our ego, that are so difficult for us to deal with, actually can become great gifts in our life to transcend this ego. So the tendency in the human condition is to run because it is a pain avoidance; we want to avoid that pain. But if we are not hearing clearly in our heart, till that point, we must not run. We must wait. We must be patient and courageous and allow Grace to transform the situation.

It comes from the heart. We must not run. You must not run because these situations that squeeze our ego, that are so difficult for us to deal with, actually can become great gifts in our life to transcend this ego. So the tendency in the human condition is to run because it is a pain avoidance; we want to avoid that pain. But if we are not hearing clearly in our heart till that point, we must not run. We must wait. We must be patient and courageous and allow Grace to transform the situation instead of running from it. Because otherwise, like you said, it becomes a lifelong thing that we keep repeating until we face it. We come to a point where we find the courage, we find the patience to go through it and allow Him to unfold His way. Leave all right and wrong, leave all justice to Him. Till then, we will not grow out of this condition. It's very, very tough medicine because in the world, in our lives, it can seem very unnatural to not run from pain. But in some situations, it is very good medicine. So till it is fully clear in your heart that God is guiding you to run from a situation, we must stay and face it, even if it feels like you have to bear the pain of it. Because you are otherwise just postponing the pain; it just keeps repeating. Those situations which we don't deal with only end up repeating themselves.

Thank you, Father. God has a chapter for us to learn. We cannot say, 'No, no, let me skip that chapter, go to the next one, then maybe He'll forget about it.' He does not forget about His curriculum, you see. It keeps coming back to us. It keeps coming back to us. So we have to be humble and accept that He's trying to show us something, teach us something, as painful as it may be at times, and just learn what we have to learn. Thank you so much, Father.

Very welcome. Very welcome.

Before, you said, 'Why don't we call you brother instead of Father and why stand up in front of you?' You are always there for us; that's what a father does. There is so much love in you, Father. I love you so much. Right now, because of conditioning, I can say that this love that I'm feeling, this unconditional love that I'm feeling for you, is the love for a father and probably not for a brother yet. That's why probably I call you Father. You're just a light in our path, in our lives. I love you so much, Father. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you, my dearest one. Thank you. I'm so grateful to God, to His Grace, that in whatever small way this one is turning a few towards His light with His love. May I always remember the great privilege that it is to play this role, and may I never take it for granted or become complacent about it. May I never forget the responsibility that the word Father carries, and may His light and love give me the strength to walk on this path with all of you holding your hand. Yes, you want to see? Yeah, you just want to come up for... yeah.

I don't know what I'm struggling with, but I am. I really can't say what it is.

Yeah, let's explore together a little bit and see where that leads us in His light, in His... I'm just going to say, like, as soon as you start asking questions, I feel very scared, like a threatening, threatened feeling. Because there's maybe a conditioning about feeling, yeah, about not truly having met what I'm saying, but yeah, not knowing how to answer those questions. I've been noticing this lately, Father, like a feeling that I don't somewhere recognize the mind stuck in that, or it feels very real.

Feels real. So if the mind was to tell you that you never—let's take a far-out example—you have never turned towards God, you cannot buy that, isn't it? Now, we clarified in earlier conversation that that's all that's needed, you see? That's all that's needed. When I talk about His presence, His light, His love, our part is only that we have turned towards Him. Don't worry, we'll work through it together. Our part is only that we turn towards Him. What happens as a response to that...

Can you say more about turning towards Him? Because all of this has created a mess inside, like too many...

Where you have kept the 'me' aside for even a moment and be empty of the 'me' with focus on God. And having known you from a decade now, I know that it is not possible, even if the mind tells you this, that you have never turned towards God. It's just not possible. It's not possible even for the mind; it is too far-fetched. So this turning to God is all that our responsibility is. Whether we do it in the form of devotion, prayer, singing, inquiry, remaining empty—whatever has the focus on God is our turning towards Him.

So in that remaining inwardly turned, is it... can we struggle?

Yeah, in the sense that the gravitation of the mind still pulls us out, and that is the struggle. But when we switch off—yes, yes, of course you should always—can't concentrate. So in His light, in His presence, the mind keeps sending us temptations, sending us invitations to take everything personally or take something personally.

I'm just saying I'm still feeling fear. The fear is not getting in the way as you speak like this. It feels very fearful, like I'm not meeting what he's saying, I'm not getting... like something...

Just feel what is. Let the fear come, but don't buy into any of the messages, you see? So without the messages, you will see that the sensation is just very... it's difficult, Father, because the sensation feels like power. Like, I know it's a... but it's... does the sensation feel overpowering? Let me see that sensation. Not right now, but many times it is. But when the sensation is mixed with the idea of its strength, then it can seem overpowering and then it can get us into this sort of panic zone. But without that, a sensation itself—because without the message being believed, you're meeting it as pure space, and no pure space has ever been hurt by anything that has appeared in it, isn't it? So this is a mind tactic for you not to look in this way at all, because saying, 'Okay, now you go there, you'll start getting scared, this will happen to you.' Then what is the option? We can't spend our entire life turned away from God because the mind is proposing that we'll get scared or we'll get something. So that is not at all possible. So whether we focus on God with our japa, whether we focus on God with our inquiry, that moment of focus on Him is turning inward. That inward turning is all that is required of us. Doesn't matter.

So when the japa is on, but the body-mind is in a... the body-mind is really feeling like full-on attack, like a... I don't know, is that still turning towards God?

Of course. It's even more. The more difficult the seeming circumstances and we still turn, the more that is worth. It's very difficult. I'm not saying the way the body-mind feels sometimes is very, very challenging, Father. When I'm chanting, like, you can see... very challenging. And yet, that's why we have the stories of all the sages to inspire us, that they had the strongest diseases. Like Maharaj and Bhagavan had very strong pain in the body, and yet they were able to turn, able to remain. And of course, we are not anywhere close to that level, none of us are. And yet, that story of inspiration is to say, 'Okay, they were able to constantly remain with God even through so much deep pain of cancer and all of these things. Can we be like that for a moment? Can we be like that for this moment?' We can. I don't know. So it's all about this moment. And the more resistance there is to it, He knows. He knows that you still found a way to turn. That's a good example: if my son called me in the middle of a light day, nothing much is going on, he said, 'Oh, I'm missing you, love you,' it's okay, it's very, very sweet. But if he said that, 'I'm full on, full, full, full, but I remembered you for a moment and I called to say I love you,' that has a great quality of touching a parent's heart. And God's heart is so much more loving than ours can ever be. So to transcend that adversity for a moment and to remember Him is very beautiful. That's all He wants from you.

The mind has used what you hear in satsang about His light, His presence, being with Him, as a sort of spiritual pressure on you to question your spirituality, to say, 'Have you had any of this?' And that's happening to many. That's what I'm noticing. When you speak of loving God, I just feel so irritated because it's like, 'Why are you talking of this?' you know? Why? And who can it be that gets irritated with the talk of loving God? Who can it be? The one that is opposed to that, is designed to oppose Him. And the one who has this sort of achiever nature, you know, that if someone is talking about something, I should also have that. And that itself is the strategy to block that, is it?

What to do? Because the nature of our conditioning in the world is very different from our condition in spirituality. In that same sense of wanting to be an achiever, a winner can get us things in the world, but that same sense will get in the way of our spirituality. So what to do is that in the struggle, find one moment to be with God. One moment to be with God. Because everything is about that one moment. It's a battle. The battle for your heart is fought in the space of time. Can I say, like, can I just expand what I meant by that? The battle is really for your heart, whether it belongs to God or it belongs to ego, pride, selfishness. But it's played in time. The sense of every moment spent, where you spend it, changes the battlefield. Yes, it's the same like the eye catching him, right? These are all the questions that are coming from there. It's a struggle, Father.

It is a struggle. That I'm not doubting at all. It is a struggle. But do you feel like God is unaware of our struggle? He can't be unaware. So if He knows, then He knows. Like sometimes for a child, the curriculum seems very difficult and a struggle, but a true teacher always knows. Will He give us something that we can't really handle? It can feel like a lot. It can feel like it is a lot. And there is no one who has gone through this without these times where it just felt like, 'Can I really do this? Can I really do it?' Only God Himself probably doesn't go through this, but all of us have to go through that. That's why the words of King David, you know, 'How long? How long?' Just those two: 'How long?' And also Mira's story about separation from Krishna; she kept lamenting, 'How long? When will You call me?' It's like He gives these tastes for a short while, and then there is just surgery over surgery. You see, the last one, a taste for just surgery over surgery. I feel like you get surgery, like a surgery, surgery, surgery, surgery. It's painful medicine.

When I first heard Maharaj saying that we have to go through our death to be free, I probably took it very conceptually. I probably just took it like the death of the 'I' thought. But many times it just feels like a little death, and it's very scary to meet. And yet, as your teacher, as your Father, to also be strong. Otherwise, as a father you say, 'Okay, you take a break for a while, you just leave all this, become worldly for a while.' I can't do that because I know the curriculum is God's. I know it is God's Grace. Even this. I do sometimes believe the thought that I can't do this anymore, but I know that's not an option. Because we learned to ask the question, 'Okay, what is Plan B?' There is no Plan B. Death? Just take yourself to be a body, then die? That can't be Plan B. To live in our own will, to not live in the truth of the inside that we found? That can't be a viable option.

Father, I feel like the biggest challenge I'm facing right now is trying to do it myself. I feel I'm still trying to do this in my way.

But why? Why are you trying to do it yourself? I don't know why. I just forget, in the sense that this is just not going to happen unless He holds our hand in every step. Yeah, so that's...

Yourself to be a body, then die—that can't be Plan B. To live in our own will, to not live in the truth of the inside that we found, that can't be a viable option. Father, I feel like the biggest challenge I'm facing right now is trying to do it myself. I feel I'm still trying to do this in my way. But why? I don't know why. I just forget, in the sense that this is just not going to happen unless He holds our hand in every step.

Yeah, so that's what we've been talking about—creating our own curriculum today also. You just can't do it. You have to become so helpless in front of Him in a way that everything—what we have to learn, what we have to contemplate, what we have to deepen in, how to love—all of these questions are purely intuitive in their understanding. That's why it's a very good question, actually. This whole question of 'How to love? How can I love God?' actually, it's a very beautiful question. But the mind hates it because it doesn't have like an answer. It has no tools to provide an answer. It has no articulation which makes sense. It absolutely hates it; it has no devices to propose to you. But that is a beautiful question. Then you can only find the answer in the heart. You will find it. In fact, I should not even say you will find it; I should say in your heart you know it, you see? You just don't have the articulation for it.

When your mind bullies you and says, 'How? You don't have an answer,' then you feel like you don't know. And nobody can answer 'how.' You go to any great sage and say, 'This foolish Father of mine keeps saying love God. Can you tell me how?' He will not be able to give you an answer. There is no 'how' to that we can conceptualize, that we can articulate, that we can understand. Who can spend a moment with God without loving Him? To let go of Maya for one moment and to be with God needs a lot of love for God.

So Father, can I say something? I was just so... like, I chant a lot. I don't know if that is loving God, though. I don't know why I'm chanting also, really. I'm saying, I'm just saying as raw as I'm seeing it.

So I'm telling you, it's loving God. I'm telling you it's loving God. Nobody gives up on this rang Maya and says, 'I'm going to stay in God's name' without loving God, because it's compelling, this play of light and sound. There's so many, according to the mind, there are so many other fruitful things you could be doing. You could be making something of your life. You're sitting and chanting God's name, not even getting anywhere according to the mind. That has to come from love. You have let go of the notion of balance. Balance, yes, balance—it's the most compelling notion in the world. 'Do this also, do this also, do this also.' You have let go of that notion and you're chanting God's name, not perfectly—none of us is doing it perfectly—but still you're doing that without any idea of being worldly and spiritual at the same time. Can that come without love for God? Can it come to transcend even this idea that God is no longer just spirituality, no longer my hobby, but it is my life? Can that come without love for God?

This is the mind's nature: to doubt our love for God. But what is getting squeezed is also important to get squeezed, because 'I need to win, I need to accomplish, I need to whatever' also has to get squeezed in the process. And that's what the struggle is about. What is the mind's perfect idea of spirituality for you? Being in His presence very easily. This being present very easily, wake up in the morning... anyone you interact with during the day... it doesn't happen unless we just completely deluded ourselves into some sort of narcissistic spirituality. It doesn't happen.

Because even Vishnu's own chariot, his own... what is it called? Garuda... didn't recognize Him as Ram. And in fact, when he freed Ram Ji from the Nagapash, he said, 'How can this be my Lord when a tiny weapon like that made him unconscious?' Doubt comes for everyone. Even when we are reading the Ramacharitmanas, it is said like that. Sati Ma said like that: 'How can He, the creator of all the universes, be crying for Sita Ji being taken away? Then get so angry, want to kill Ravan? How can He be that one?' Who has not doubted? Doubt will come. The mind's nature is to doubt. Keep doubting. And anyone who says that they're completely over it, they're just most likely faking.

So I say the struggle is... if you're not feeling the struggle, then I want to have a deeper conversation with you. If you're struggling, you're facing the pull of Maya and yet you want to be anchored in God's love. Many who just submit to Maya and say, 'It's too far-fetched,' then what is the struggle? You just go with Maya, then the struggle is gone. The struggle is gone, but the suffering will amplify. And we try to look for worldly solutions to this spiritual calling; that won't work.

What does the mind want out now? Yeah, if the mind has its way, what would be perfect for it? Just very easily being God. Actually, what it wants is for you to leave the project altogether because it's not easy. 'And how long are you going to struggle with this? You already spent 20 years.' It says like, when the struggle is happening, it looks at all the other people who are not in spirituality. 'Take my family, see how happy they are. See how they're just enjoying the cricket, India won, all this. Everyone's happy, the whole country celebrates. Here we are struggling. I can't believe in God, not what all this.' Isn't it? It can seem like a compelling argument. 'What do you really know about God like that? Does He really love you like this? Is He really living in your heart? Will you ever find Him? Father keeps talking about some light and all that, do you really see this light?' All the 'can you' he says. 'Love God? How? How to love?' Everything. It can doubt the whole idea, the whole philosophy. 'Leave it, just leave it.' It's just one way or the other, get the child to leave it.

So the heart is in the middle of this battleground between God and the mind's temptation. But I have a feeling I know which way your heart's going to go. So I'm not... that struggle is... the struggle is very scary. Who has it not been scary for? I tell sometimes like... so I then remember, because when the struggle is happening, it feels like... and then by God's grace, I get the images of these saints, you know, doing tapas and all. Too far, like... and my mind is like, 'No, no, you are just making it up. No, this is not that. This is real, that they were real, you are failing,' you know, like some kind of...

I used to feel, even I used to feel like there are sages doing such difficult penance, you see? And what have I done to be graced by His love and His light? Nothing at all. So that's why we just have to be grateful to His mercy and compassion and love. And those who are maybe struggling with so much penance and all may feel like it's very unjust. 'Why this fool like Ananta got His light?' If you cannot question His grace, we just have to be grateful. Can I sit in that ice storm or snowstorm and do penance like that? Probably not. Probably not, most likely not. And yet He has blessed this instrument to share His light. Who is to question His will?

And I honestly, I say that I see most of you, you are much more sincere in God-loving and wanting to be with Him than I was. So how will He not answer your prayers? Just don't lose hope. And is there anyone of you who is not given millions of signs that He's with you? Millions of signs on a daily basis that He's with you. He's just... he wanted a teacher available, he wanted guidance. The right book comes, the right video comes on YouTube. Every day we get so many signs that He's taking care of. In any case, Option B is not there. So there is no option, and that is great grace. When in the human condition we feel like there is no option but God, even though we may have those moments where you feel like it's too tough, 'How will I do this?' There is no option.

It's like, it's the same thing, but for me it's two ways. That when I look at you, I'm so clear that I found you. That's like, there is no Option B, you know? I don't know about God, but like, that's what is God to me.

Don't look away. What in Maya gets you the most? Because you cannot be in hell and heaven at the same time. Is it the idea of ease in being in presence?

So can I say something? Yeah. No, actually, so I think like there's some... so when I started satsang with you, you know, I said... no, actually, what rhetorical question? Can I say something, Father? I said no, okay, let's be serious. So when I started satsang with you, coming to satsang, I feel like God's presence was very easily available here. And somewhere I feel like that's where I picked up something. And now I feel like I'm feeling like some... I don't... I'm just saying it might not be the case, you know, but He was very palpably felt most of the time for a very long period of time, maybe a year or two. Love and bliss and none of that, but this presence. And you know, it was apparent that I am Him. And then something happened, I remember, and I couldn't feel His presence. And you said, 'Can you just remain open?' And I feel like, what's happening? Because I can't feel Him anymore, you know? And since then, it's never been like that. But I'm just saying, I feel like somewhere there, there is an ego that felt... but He was so easily available then, which was His grace, now I realize. But I felt like I had something to do with it.

So that one, I'm very happy to hear this. Very happy to hear this. Because it's very good that before spiritual pride actually kicked in, yeah, it was very easy. A way we can look at it is that in God's way, things can be any way. In the worldly way, you have to struggle, struggle, struggle, then pass an exam, you see? In this way, you can pass an exam and then say, 'Okay, the struggle will come later.' It's okay. Like, because I had no spiritual background when I came. I had no... I had no nothing. And just inquiry and a real wanting to be with Him, and it was that. But after being in satsang, somewhere something got picked up, I think after coming to... yeah, Father, that I had no... all I longed for was Him. There was no spirituality in me, actually. Just saying, I'm not saying that... I know that this is also something I have to go through, you know? I know in His work everything is okay. Like, this is there for the reason. It's okay.

But isn't it good that if something was... some pride was being picked up, isn't it good that the struggle came? If Garuda was open to just watching how much inner struggle he was picking up while being mentally just feeling like he knows everything, then he wouldn't have suffered so much and caused so much strife in the world. Even that, of course, was part of grace. But so much grace that we cannot take Him for granted. So then what is our job now? Like I've been saying, that our job is to just keep looking at Him in the sanctum. And if it is very dark in there, and how much time it will take for us to meet Him palpably, that we are no... we have no device to change that. That's purely grace. But do we have to choose to keep turning in? Yes. As long as we have agency about anything, or we think we have agency about anything, we must make that choice. Tricking it, the mind will say, 'You leave this thing,' as if you have agency in that. But when it comes to staying with God, it says you have no agency in that, that only has to happen by grace, not that you... but often we get into those traps.

So these subtle, subtle topics, those who are really practitioners will relate, because this is how the mind blocks us. Then we struggle with that, then we transcend it, then some other thing comes. So I feel like this this one, this this one is this... if... sorry, but if you were clear that you just have one job and the outcome is none of your business, then would that not make things clear? Makes things clear. It's just that, like you said, the whole... the spiritual mind knows that that is the attack. Yeah, so just write this somewhere, put a poster of it, that 'My one job is...'

Others will relate because this is how the mind blocks us. Then we struggle with that, then we transcend it, then some other thing comes. So I feel like this one is this... sorry, but if you were clear that you just have one job and the outcome is none of your business, then would that not make things clear?

It makes things clear. It's just that, like you said, the whole spiritual mind—you know that that is the attack. Yeah. So just write this somewhere, put a poster of it, that my one job is to be turned towards Him in whatever way. In whatever way. Whether you feel it or not, whether you're fooling yourself or not, whether you can love Him or not, whether His light is truly that light or not—all of these doubts are none of my business. My job is to turn to Him. That's all.

I wanted to ask any question, yes, but I'm saying for everyone this is just important. So, 'turn towards Him' is... I'm just saying because my mind makes everything out of what you say. If you say 'prayer,' then it'll be like prayer means only the Ardas, you know? Like for a long time, I just imagined that. So if I'm not doing the Ardas, then it's like you're just chanting, and Father's been saying 'do the Ardas.' This is what I'm saying; this is my struggle.

Yeah, yeah. So even watching satsang is turning towards Him, no? Yeah, but yes, but we have to just be careful that the mind is not taking us for a ride in this, making it like a super convenient spirituality. Yes, in the sense that if it says, 'Do I have to do the Ardas? Haven't the sages told us that just truly calling Ram one time is enough for one lifetime? Why has Father given us this long prayer?' I don't know if I'm exaggerating, actually, but suppose it's like that. Just do this, no? It's enough, no? Like that, it can just be like, 'Why is this not enough? It should be enough.' So who's setting the roadmap? Who's setting the game plan? If your heart is guiding you in that way, then of course I'm fully bowed down to it and say if it is saying do the opposite of Ardas, do it. I mean, don't do Ardas, don't chant God's name, don't do anything—if it is coming from the heart, we have to follow that. But do you know whether it's coming from your heart? And if you told me it is coming from my heart like this, then of course. But I know how the mind will oppose this. And what it is trying to block happening with the Ardas is that it leads you into a communion where you can actually communicate with God, and maybe it is very scared of getting you to that point. So that is what the 'yes, but' is about from my side. Of course, it is good enough to just say His name, but why not the Ardas?

So when you say the Ardas, then you tell me, Father, because my mind will trap me in this for sure. So then instead of just chanting 'Krishna, Krishna,' I just do the whole Ardas all the time? Is that what is spoken about? That whatever is the maximum you can do? It gets very stressful, Father, because my mind really attacks.

What is wrong with stressful? Is the job to avoid stress? But then when you say the Ardas gets you here, it doesn't get me anywhere. It's only a struggle, always, mostly. And sometimes... is your heart saying that? Like I said, if your heart is saying it's not for you...

No, my heart is not saying. Then my heart is not saying anything, actually.

And you feel like your mind is going to give you the best path to your spirituality? It is designed to do just the opposite of that. So I bow down to anything that is coming from the Atma, because I'm just a tiny disciple of that Atma. But just make sure that you're following the Atma to give up on me. I don't mean to at all sound proud, but it'll come across like that. But to give up on the practice which your teacher has offered you, you better be very clear in your heart. And I pray that there is no attachment or pride here about Ardas, and I hope that I always clarified that I could never design a practice or anything like that. It is not possible for me to do so. It is just something which came as a gift from my heart to all of you children and to myself. And if your heart says that it's not for you, then of course I'm fully in service to that. But I'm not going to allow your mind to make that conclusion for you. That's all.

I'm just asking, Father, yes, as much as we... I even made a spreadsheet for you. That's the beauty of it and how to know, trying it. So you're like super busy, both your boys are running around, you're running after them trying to feed them food, all that. Then it may not be possible for you to say the whole thing. Then you just do Krishna, Krishna somewhere. It is difficult for all of you to follow because, like, who is this man to give any practice? There are great sages who said things which may sound different from what he's saying. So I can understand the place of trouble, conflict, when that comes. Why don't I do... I mean, where is the question of argument? If he said to do it, then do it. And then what's wrong? The whole... everything wrong with your mind is the odds are so ridiculous. If you can't buy that... hopefully, you know, mostly one doesn't buy that, but it can be at every stage. 'He's wrong, but my mind is right.' It's so difficult to completely... as yet, I don't know what the next moment brings, but as for now, it feels impressive.

No, no, but what I'm saying is that I get this struggle also because the way the Ardas is, it can be quite different from how some of the other sages have talked about prayer and chanting. So it can be a struggle to have that kind of... yeah. But if you notice that whatever... supposing I tried, okay, go to the inquiry. But if he said do it, can I do that also? They can't do that. If it said do Ram the whole day, can you really even do that? Not even one word you can do the whole day. I mean, the struggle will be there in whichever Japa. And I find that I do not allow the mind to fool me anymore. Because if you really go and try it, you'll know that it's lying over there. You know, it says, 'Okay, Ram, okay, hold your Japa.' You can't. You have a struggle even with that. And if your Master says, 'Now do it,' then just do it. At least do that. I mean, I just find that at some point... and if it gets really bad, it's like, 'Okay, are you aware of that thought or not?' I mean, that's like the last resort. If I'm aware of that thought, I can't really be that. I mean, it's really the last resort. But I'm just saying all this, sounding so big and smart, but I know that the next moment can be the worst moment and you're like in the dumps.

But I just so want to thank you for giving us that prayer and insisting that we do it, because it is your insistence which makes us do it, otherwise not.

Yes, but because it's not black and white, because I could get to a point to say that just to say Ram or just to say Krishna... I could never say that that is not enough, is it? And yet I'm saying that do this full prayer. So I can understand the contradiction in our heads. Then see it one way, you know, be clear about it. So I try to be as clear about it as possible, saying do the maximum possible. And if it is stressful, if it is stretching you, then be stressed. It's okay. Be stressed. It's okay for Him, because He knows what you're doing for Him. Can I give you a rational reason why I'm saying do the full and don't just do Ram? And can I say that I know... like, can I ever put in my mouth that I know better than those great sages? No, I don't. And yet my heart is clear about this. Otherwise, why would I share? Not that it is better; maybe it is just better for us. I don't know, to be honest. I don't.

Sometimes you see the fruit of doing it. I mean, God gives you that little gift and then you see the truth of what you said for us to do. And basically, it just exposes the mind for me so many times. It's a futility of the mind fully, or like the presence of God this way. But it's not for the me. I can't do the whole... even that one Doha of love, you know, like is so much. And once you said it doesn't matter if you fail or not. I mean, you don't have to go with that result. You know, that's such a freedom. You didn't say we have to pass. You didn't say we have to do all of that. You didn't put that stamp. That's not in our hands anyway.

Yeah, I mean, and it's written in the Gita as well. What is maximum in our hands you can do.

Thank you so much, not... I mean, for insisting we do it and not insisting we pass or come first. You know, that's the... normally it's both. Sometimes hand in hand, but this is not.

I have to honestly even make it more difficult for all of you. Because if you ask me, 'Guarantee that if for the next two years I just said Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Krishna versus the fullest prayer, can you guarantee that I will find God faster or better or deeper?' A guarantee like that I cannot give. I mean, you don't... the result is not in your hands, I mean, really. So I'm just saying that without guarantees, all I can tell you is that I believe that this is the way my heart is guiding you.

Just bless me, Father. I just listen to you, please. I really just want to listen. I want to be obedient.

Of course. So as much as we can do. If there is space to do the full prayer, let's do the full prayer. If life is very busy, then just chant the arrow prayer at the end. And even if there's no space for that, then every few minutes at least set a reminder or whatever to say His name and return to Him. So that's what's seeming so clear in my heart to guide everyone. Difficult, I know. I wish it was clearer or just simpler. But I'm a slave to what my heart tells me to say. And having struggled with chanting—and I've shared openly my struggles in the past with it—so I know how difficult it can be to just even do the Ardas. It is very difficult. It's not easy.