Relationships, Responsibility and Non Doership - 18h July 2016

So this knowledge for our close ones, for our loved ones, actually should serve as an umbrella and not as a sword. It should help them; it should bring more love and light into our lives. So this understanding I did not have till two things happened. One is that... talking about this, which was... he said that you could be saying the truth, every word coming out of your mouth could be true, but you could still be a jerk, you see. And they were saying earlier about a 'true'—a true well—that you could be speaking the truth, you see, but if the words don't carry the fragrance of love, if they don't carry the fragrance of kindness, then we are still being jerks. Using the 'spiritual jerk' is the worst form of jerk, I feel, and I've been there for many years so I can recognize it. Yeah. So first... I don't know what came first, but I remember reading this from Adyashanti. And second was when I went to Ramesh. And Ramesh said... I said, 'Yes, this is so nice, I come here, I listen to you and it's so good, but what about my wife, my family? She's just not interested in the question Who am I?' So he said something which I really... it just took home in my heart. He said, 'You wait for her to come to you, because the more you push her into it, the more she will want to push it away,' see.

So from that day, I don't feel I really asked her this question 'Who am I?' except when she is here in Satsang, which itself is rare. I don't feel that I ever asked her 'Who are you?' So I know that grace is taking care of it. And when she is done with the play, when she is open to this urge of self-recognition, she will. And in any way, what I've seen is that the way her expression is playing is much more devotional. Her love for Guruji is unmatched, you see. So that is enough. Why do I need to force my ways on her? Also something happened just a year ago actually, which was also an eye-opener for me, where she said that... we were just... she started talking, I started talking, we got into—as all married couples do—very quickly we got into a scrap about something. She said, 'If I was someone who had come to your Satsang, you would not be reacting like this.' And I looked at that. And she said this before, but for the first time it actually took home, you see. Because we've known each other 22 years, we had more time together than not with each other in our lives, you see. So it has become a habit to relate to each other as partners.

So I saw... only about a year ago, I saw that what she's saying is absolutely true. Why am I not able to look at her fresh? Why is it that I carry conditioning about this relationship? So this was very eye-opening here. And I feel—and maybe we should check with her actually, she should have been taking my testimony—but ever since this recognition came, the feeling here is to see her in that moment as if it is fresh, really. And I view that greatly in our phenomenal play of the relationship also. You find much more space, much more love is here. So a little bit, of course, there is always some something or the other going on, that is the masala for marriage, but there's a lot more space, a lot more love and peace in our marriage now when we come to this recognition. So these two-three things have helped in terms of the marriage. Though good advice is not to try to meditate too much, you see. You will find it funny coming from me.

If you try to equate it... the way it is fine, Father. The only thing is, you know, talking about the spirituality and, you know, finding the true nature is one thing, but at least before that, even if the person does not exist, it has to be a good responsible person. If I am here in the world, I am supposed to be a good, you know, a responsible person undertaking all my responsibilities, even if I have this false belief and then the transcendence comes. I am not even a good person and then to say that, you know, no, no, as a person I don't exist, I don't care about it... look, that is all in the realm of the, you know, Maya or Leela. I can see you can have any kind of a belief in this, but the thing is when all is one and that is experienced also, it is not that, you know, it is a concept for me. It is saying that if I am not a person, then nobody is a person. It is all one energy, one grace which is speaking. It should be... it is just a thought that, you know, I am a person, otherwise it is the same power. So then it is realized also, whatever the role I am playing, I should be playing very... no, the thing is then another thought comes. The thought comes is, 'Look, you have to ignore this thought that you should be playing the right kind of a role.' Which one to believe? Which one to believe? In my path, it might consider... this will always come. 'No, no, no, you see, you should be a good person, you should be responsible, you should be this, this, this, this, this.' Why is he saying, you know, it is so convenient now to get trapped into this? If at all it is a trap in the play, I have to constantly claim... I have to actually, you know, it is very painful that, you know, others they get hurt and they get suffered. But I have a sentence because this is a simple concept. This is a simple concept. But then another thought comes that if you are and others are same, then you cannot make them suffer. No, you cannot make them suffer. It is realized and they're also God and they're playing out. But still, to realize that they are God and they're playing out, then it doesn't make any sense.

Okay, so just right here. Yes, exactly. This is what I'm saying, that this one... you know, even a wife will agree, the best husband to have is a surrendered husband. So I will give you a guarantee that as you are surrendered at the feet of Guruji, you will also transform into a very loving husband, very spacious husband to have. You don't take on the project yourself. That's all I'm saying.

Right, Father. Thank you so much.

Thank you, my dear.