Our Love for God Is God’s Gift to Us - 6th October 2023

Okay, okay. What are you expecting me to ask? I'm sure everyone expects me to ask one question first.

I don't know. I want just to be clear. I mean, I don't feel anymore to be inside satsang. I'm here because...

Just predict. Just predict what you feel I'm going to ask.

You're going to say to me, "Leave it, don't believe it." But also I could ask, "Who is this I?" mostly.

So, don't do that that often because most of the satsang children, they just feel like no point bringing this up to Father because Father will just say, "Who is asking? Who is this I?" So now I find some different ways to get there to the same point, you see?

Yes, I see. But is it possible that the "I" says, "I don't want this, I want the happiness, spirituality is become too difficult, I just wanted peace"—all of these lamentations, the one that has all of these complaints, is it possible at all that that one is not really you, not really your reality?

Yes, it's possible that is totally the ego, the image. Yeah, and I feel this is also an attack because I see more deeply that I am not this one. It's like now, it's like the space that the ego was taking is more and more when the ego have no much space so...

Okay. And it's going to really—the "I" that witnesses all of this, which one is that? Is not the ego?

Okay, so that is not the ego. Yeah, I know from the mind.

Okay, just check then. Don't tell me from the mind. Just check: who is witnessing all of these thoughts and all these perceptions in front of you? Who is that?

Yes, it's I am. I'm aware of all these things. And also I feel that I have questions like I don't know what it means to give it to the mind, and I feel like I've been giving to the mind all the teachings.

Go really slowly because I'm quite slow, as you know. So you say, "I am aware." So the one that is aware is making the rest of the report? No. What is the one that is aware? What is that one's report?

I don't know, Father. Life.

Okay, okay. Let's not completely let go of the question. Let's try to really find the one who has the other report. Let's try to really find, like we found so fast, you say, "I am aware." And this "I am aware" is the same as saying "I am awareness," isn't it? Or do you mean it that there is some awareness somewhere and I have a part of it which makes me also aware? Or are you already concluding and confirming intuitively that you are awareness itself?

I feel like I don't know. I feel like I am the body and right now I am the ego, and also I am aware at the same time.

Okay, so there are two possibilities. The identity is with the mind. There are two possibilities: one is that you're awareness, and the second is that you're the ego. Yes? Yeah. Okay. Now, how to pick the right one? How to pick the right one? Because you don't want to waste your whole life picking the wrong one, isn't it?

No, Father.

Suppose you spend this entire lifetime picking the option that you are a caterpillar where actually you were the giraffe. So you don't want to spend the whole life living a caterpillar life and actually you're a giraffe. So how to pick? One is that you are awareness, and the second is that you're the ego. Ego means I'm a limited entity, I'm a bundle of flesh and these thoughts. So the body-mind instrument, as it is called, is the ego. To take yourself to be that is the egoic identity. Now, how do we pick which is the right one? Because this choice is very important.

I don't want to pick this because it's not loving. It's how to pick the right one, how not picking the first one.

Okay, I can give you—let me give you another option, okay? If you don't pick anything at all, neither this nor that, then who are you?

No, see...

Okay, let's not answer so quickly from the mind. Don't pick awareness, don't pick body-mind identity. Now just check: who are you? Just naturally, who are you? Remember not to pick.

But I don't have also to pick. I am nothing.

This naturally, who are you? Don't have to pick. Who is here now?

So it's obvious, isn't it, to all of us that the ego identity actually doesn't exist? Doesn't exist. And whether the mind likes it or not, we cannot be anything truly other than the Self, which is the pure witnessing, the pure awareness. And in this insight, all the false identity, or almost all the false identity that we picked up, it vanishes. So suppose that this satsang hall was a magical room like Narnia or something—some of you read The Chronicles of Narnia—so you enter the cupboard and you enter a magical world. But what's magical about this is that suppose you entered through the door and that which you took yourself to be, the body-mind, it just vanished. Just vanished. You enter, just vanished. You see? So this is the power of inquiry. This is the power of insight. You come to it and you just vanish. And the story would be very beautiful if it just stopped there for all of us, isn't it? And all of us, or at least most of us, have had this insight, isn't it? We had this insight, we had even the—I'm going to call it an experience for a moment—even the experiencing that I am not only the Self is—we come to that. And I dare say that for most of us, we've come to that many times. So then what happens? If it is a vanishing room, if it is the room you come, you enter and you vanish, then how is it that we seem to reinvent ourselves and vanish again, and reinvent ourselves and vanish again? And it seems like a never-ending cycle almost. And maybe to use the beautiful metaphor of the drop falling into the water, reducing every time but bouncing back up, you see, is a beautiful one to take. Now the thing is that that is the ideal situation where the drop is falling into the water, it bounces on the surface level. Most of you have seen this video: how does a single drop, how does it fall into the water? It falls, then it bounces back, but it's smaller than the original drop. Then it falls again, then it bounces back, but it's smaller than before. Then it's smaller than before. So like that, you see. But that is the ideal situation. Now the thing is that if this drop that bounces back takes on the identity of the water itself, that is called the spiritual ego. So then the trajectory, the trajectory which is beautiful like this—beautiful, smaller, smaller, smaller, closer, closer, closer, closer—and it is infinite, it never fully dissolves, it just becomes smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller forever like that. Now in most cases it is beautiful like that if it was to remain like that. But when it takes on—when it takes a dip in the water, it recognizes that "I am this water itself," and when it bounces back taking itself to be the body-mind again but with the idea that "I am special now because I am water," isn't it? Then it becomes like a Superman drop. Then it starts to fly, then it thinks it's special, it takes on all this importance and "How do I start teaching?" and "You know, where is my—where are my followers?" and all of this is just one variant of that. But the drop now starts to believe that because it had the experience of being water, it is now special compared to other drops, it is now somebody compared to other drops. Now the drop, now this drop itself, the spiritually proud drop will say, "I am water, I don't need anything, but I'm just the water." Is it not true? And every Master will say, "Yes, yes, it is true, but you see, like Guruji says, the fragrance right now is of a drop and not of the water." Okay? So how to prevent this drop, how to keep—make sure that the trajectory of this drop is getting smaller and smaller and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer, smaller and smaller, the ego is depleting more and more, more and more and more?

But Father, smaller and smaller is good, or is the spiritual ego?

Yeah, you're right actually, that the tracking of "I'm getting smaller, I'm doing better, I'm progressing," all of that can...

Guruji, you say the fragrance right now is of a drop and not of the water. Okay, so how to prevent this drop? How to make sure that the trajectory of this drop is getting smaller and smaller and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer? Smaller and smaller—the ego is depleting more and more, more and more and more. But Father, smaller and smaller is good, or is the spiritual ego...?

Yeah, you're right actually, that the tracking of 'I'm getting smaller, I'm doing better, I'm progressing'—all of that can also be spiritual ego. You're absolutely right. But we are looking at not the tracking or the checker; we are looking at authenticity. How do I fully merge into the reality of the Self, into the presence of God? So the actual project remains the same, isn't it? So the drop that is falling must fully merge into the water. So only with that authenticity does this ego germ—the ego germ reduces in its power.

So a lot of the resistance which is coming to the servitude part or the Bhakti part is not for the love part, but for the obedience part, for the humility part, you see? Because the drop itself is saying, 'But I am the water. Don't tell me to be obedient to God. I am God. I have seen I am God,' you see? No, but you are still bouncing around, you see? The one that is protesting is the one that is still bouncing around, is it? Yes. And the thing is that the size of the drop—just stretching the metaphor, of course, too far—but the size of the drop as a normal regular human ego, the idea that 'I'm a person and relationship is important to me and money is important to me and the health of the body is important to me and the search for meaning is important to me'—all of these ideas of the regular human ego are tiny compared to the idea of the ego that 'I am the Self.'

Yes, Father, this idea I have since maybe I was a child.

Maybe I repeat this point again because it's a bit subtle. So the regular human—the construct of the regular human ego is the construct of regular human conditioning, which is attachment to relationships, to body, to money, to conceptual understanding, or meaning-making. But the conceptual framework of the spiritual ego is full of that which sounds like true knowledge but has been applied in the wrong way, is it? And this one is much more dangerous in its flavor because it doesn't really dive towards the water; it tries to fly high and become God in a different way, you see? It wants to play as if it is God and to show everyone that it is God. So it really comes to the highest aspiration of the ego in that sense, to try and play God itself.

So it is strange that a spiritual insight itself can either bring us to sheer nothingness, you see—a spiritual insight can bring us to a sheer nothingness—or it can serve to give the ego what it always wanted the most, which is to play God. Are you all getting this point?

I understand experientially what you say because I see that I can say 'I am the awareness,' you know? And this spiritual ego I feel that I have, yes, because I can perceive these kind of thoughts also trying to make meaning of the teachings in life or something. And also trying to defend itself from the sly attacks.

Exactly, exactly. So what to do so that our spiritual insight never becomes the egoic aspiration of the highest attainment that the ego wants? One is, of course, we continue to inquire to remain in the insight, and that itself is very beautiful. But what does the spiritual ego say once you're caught up in it? Do you feel like inquiring? No. You say, 'No, no, I am done with it. I'm done with sadhana. I am the Guru now. I don't need to inquire because I have seen I am the awareness,' you see? So that which was intuitively your insight, that which was intuitively known—that I am awareness—has now become just some conceptual knowledge, is it?

And have you seen over all the time that I've shared Satsang, all the children who've had the insight, you see, most of them, I would say, go through this infection period? You see, where if you ask them the next day, 'So who are you?' 'I know, Father, I am awareness,' which is a way different quality from 'I am aware.' So that which was heart knowledge, once it becomes head knowledge, becomes all contaminated. And then they are also feeling attacked because, 'Why is Father asking me now? It should be clear to him. It should be clear to him that I know myself.' So all this kind of—I've seen all these players of the...

I see that. I think, 'Father has to know who I am really. He has to see me, see me who I am truly. He has to.' And that has been the cause of many children leaving the Satsang also.

Father, this is what I feel now, like, 'I have got it, I have got it, I have got it.' But Father does not say or does not confirm it, or doesn't treat me as special, or doesn't confirm my enlightenment. 'He doesn't want me to grow.' All this nonsense it plays out, you see? Where all I really want is for all of you to grow authentically in God's light. And I have never taken even the sharing of God or the sharing of His presence to be something only designated for special ones who are picked or something like that. I always try to create a platform where everybody can openly share. But what can happen...?

Yes, Father, what I'm feeling is like, I don't like—you don't want that I'm in Satsang, or this is what I'm thinking. Yeah, trying to demonstrate to myself to be clear if this is true or not.

So all these then conspiracy theories start. All the conspiracy theories start that actually now what is happening is that Father himself is not wanting to confirm my realization or something like that because Father is like wanting to stop me from growing or some nonsense like that.

No, I think it like, I have no chair. I lost my chairs while Father said that I am a lost case or something. Or I don't know, maybe he wants that I go away to find God everywhere else. I don't know.

Like, how did you hear, where did you hear Father saying any of this?

No, it's the mind. Okay, it's the mind. That's why I feel so confused because I know—the mind is so confusing stuff and I don't—I cannot say that something is really true. So I have to investigate if it's true or not.

Okay, so let me try and help even more. So let's return. At the possibility of really making the metaphor useless, let's try to stretch it a little more now. At what point are we? We recognize that I am this water. All that is, is that water. So I am this reality, this water. And we recognize that there is also still a drop which is jumping around, yeah? Isn't it? We cannot be in denial of either because our insight shows us that we are the water, you see, and our love shows us that we are the drop.

So how to make sure that the remnants of this drop don't catch the infection of spiritual ego? And we don't have to invent a new technique. We don't have to invent a new way to prevent this drop from taking itself to be a super-drop, all-powerful. The path has already been made clear by the sages, by the Masters: that this 'me' that still remains must be brought into love and servitude. Love and servitude is Bhakti. Insight that the water is—insight is Atma Gyan. So this one that is jumping around looking for solutions and narratives and conclusions about everything—about ourself, about the teaching, about the Master, about God, about everyone—it wants to judge, you see? So how to keep that one in check? You have to keep it in check by making it a servant of God, making it in service to the holiness, the holy presence of God. And that is the only tried and tested, time-tested mechanism to make sure that the trajectory of the drop continues to go closer and closer to the water, to dissolution, as close to dissolution as possible.

Yes, but I have some doubts also about this because...

Okay, wait, wait, wait. So then the simple question is not 'What is happening to me?' but the question now is, 'Then how am I being in service to God now?'

Yes, how are you? This is something that is very confusing to me because I don't know anymore if—even if I eat, if it's in service to me or in service to God. This kind of stupidness comes from the mind and I don't know if I'm doing my work, if I'm in service to God or not. I don't know what I have to do to be in service to God. It's like...

Okay, yes, yes, let's pause. It's good. I enjoy speaking with you because when you speak like that, it is just like you're giving voice to the mind, you know? It's just like there's no filter. So I love that because all the mind's protestations, they just come across to everyone very clearly. So that is also helpful because all of us can spot this. It is exactly like this. The mind's complaining is exactly like that. But most of us don't bring it so unfiltered to the mouth, and that's why it's nice to talk to someone who can just honestly just bring it like that. Not that you continue like this provisionally for the moment; it is fine like this. So it's a very precise Satsang then. I say, 'What is the mind going to say now?' She openly says, 'This is what the mind is saying.' So it's very helpful for everyone to spot within themselves that this is okay.

So from what I got from all of that was that the question is, 'How do I know whether I'm in service to God at the moment?' Is it? So I was speaking to another child the other day and she had the same question. And of course, the answer really is that your heart will guide you. Your heart will tell you. But let's suppose for a moment that the heart stopped guiding us for some reason. The heart did not move us, you see, and the heart did not even guide us—which is not possible, the heart doesn't take a holiday, okay? So it's not possible. But suppose for a moment it feels like it is not happening, there is no heart movement and there is no heart guidance. Then what should we do? Do we still not know how to serve God? We know. We have been taught. All of us as children have been taught kindness, compassion, love.

Yes, Father, this I try to do it. Or I mean, like, try to consider it, consider all these—love, kindness. Try to include everyone. Or I mean, I think the best action that includes everyone, and then I act, no? Or something, or just simply it comes like this, like a possibility that I wasn't knowing that was existing. So this I try, yes.

And that is then more than enough. Because when you are walking in the street, you see somebody with a frown on their face, can you give them a smile? Yeah. In fact, you give them a smile and then they smile, at least for a moment then they forget their worries. That is to serve God. The smallest thing where we know—actually all of us know, even children know what their heart compass is showing them.

Yes, Father. I don't know if sometimes I groan and maybe I hurt anyone.

Yeah, suppose all of that is true. Suppose all of that is true. The option that we have now is to start now, isn't it? To start and start to mend things with our brothers and sisters now. To spread the love of God now. To bring—can we turn someone who is open towards God's light and presence within themselves? That is a simple conversation that can change somebody's life.

Yes, Father, I feel that as much as possible I am in this way. I am in this way.

Like what happens is that we don't want to do it like a brother or a sister. We want to do it as somebody special. 'I must become a teacher first. They must accept me as my teacher, then I will tell them there is God,' you see? We want to make it all about... I don't see this. Yes, yes, I'm not saying in your case. I'm just saying that usually the spiritual ego will want all the perks and position and pride before it can just offer wholeheartedly what it has. Instead, we must wholeheartedly offer ourselves and our insights and our love and our presence to all.

You know, what is happening is I try to do with all my heart, no? But sometimes I feel that there is resistance in another person or something, or maybe they get hurt, and so I doubt if I'm right, I'm doing the right thing, I'm in service.

In your case, I'm just saying that usually the spiritual ego will want all the perks and position and pride before it can just offer wholeheartedly what it has. Instead, we must wholeheartedly offer ourselves and our insights and our love and our presence to all.

The thing is, what is happening is I try to do it with all my heart, no? But sometimes I feel that there is resistance in another person or something, or maybe they get hurt, and so I doubt if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm in service to God or not. Um, yes. Also, sometimes if I see that I want to be better or something, I just stop because I don't want to go that way, because it's not that way. I don't want to hurt anyone. So I prefer to lose than to win. I don't know if this is another position or something, and just keep yourself...

Okay. So like I was saying in the beginning, our intuitive guidance, our Satguru presence, doesn't ever go on holiday. So it's always available to us. And if you follow its guidance truly with integrity, then it happens many times that before somebody turns away from their egotistical way of life to God, something has to hurt them. You see, it can seem very strong, but most people who come to Satsang have been hurt somewhere, and that's what has made them open to a different way of life. Otherwise, the question doesn't come.

So if your conversation has been truly with love and compassion, kindness, and your truly your only intention is to share God and not make yourself a know-it-all or somebody who's better than the other one, then in the process, if provisionally some hurt comes, some feeling of being attacked comes, then that is to be expected as part of this sharing of God. Because what you're attacking is a way of life. You see, we are all living in the human condition; we are living in the egotistical way of life. And if somebody comes and tells us, 'No, no, that is wrong, we must follow God's will instead,' they will feel attacked, you see? So we must not shy away from that fact, but we must make sure that we are not coming from any specialness or pride.

Yes, Father, this I see. When you can be just smiling in the street and someone gets hurt or something smiling at them, it's very... yes, because you are so happy to be God and for the people, and sometimes it is strange to see someone so happy. You have to be something straight, you know? And sometimes I remember one woman that I crossed in the street, that she got like hurt, like, 'Are you joking now with me?' or something. 'Are you laughing at me?'

Yes, yeah. Some risk we have to take. It's okay. We must not expect that we smile at someone and they... they really may be having a really terrible day. Something may be really wrong according to them in their life, and they are entitled to not smile back at you or to be upset at you. It's okay. That much risk we have to take in the process.

We cannot... I mean, this kind of thing happened, I experienced this kind of thing. And also, I try to let them understand that I do not want that, that is not my intention at all. And this changes also the view because it's also cultural.

Cultural. I remember that when we visited America, we were in Indiana first. And in Indiana, everybody greets each other and says... they don't even say just 'Have a nice day,' they say, 'Have a nice rest of your day.' You know, they take that additional effort to greet each other and things like that. But when you go from there to another place, maybe let's say New York or something, and you just greet someone and they're like, 'Grrr,' you know? So we don't know what kind of reaction will come, you know? It's fine. Of course, most people are nice everywhere, but there are cultural differences and things like that as well. So we cannot be so attached to the outcome of what happened and the meaning that if it didn't turn out good according to my mind, then I must not have been coming from my heart or something like that. We must not.

Yes, this kind of doubt comes after. Maybe in the moment there is nothing happening, but after, in the mind, this kind of thing comes, like if something hurt, maybe it's your fault, you are not serving God, or you are doing not right, you know? This kind...

Yes, you have to live in the heart moment to moment. You cannot just dip into the heart and say, 'Okay, what should I do now?' and then do that, and then go to the mind to assess, 'How did that work out? Well, that worked well, I'll keep going to my heart.' You can't live like that.

Yeah, this is happening when I'm in the ego, because I see that I cannot see clear, so I try to find a solution. But when I'm empty, just everything happens by itself. No, it's not like I have to create it.

It is not possible to live in servitude to God and still keep all the focus on 'me, me, me,' you see? On the 'me, me, me.'

Yes, this is something that when I have to work, I'm in the mind trying to see if it's okay for God. Now, now, now...

Okay, now enough. Now enough of the mind listening. Let's go to what your heart is saying. What is your truth saying?

Nothing. Yeah, I don't know why I don't just leave all the stuff of my work and...

Yes, but I said no more mind listening. It's been a very beautiful conversation and contemplation. I feel like most of what I've been trying to communicate is there. So just remain in that presence, remain in the contemplation that we've been having, and don't let your mind come and push you around so easily. It just comes and pushes you and you just are getting shaken. God is in your heart. Rely on that supreme strength and don't worry about the 'me,' otherwise you'll always be shaken. That is the only tactic that the mind has which can shake you: concern about the non-existent 'me.'

Because I don't have to listen to this 'me' for anything at all. Nothing at all. So I can just not listen.

Yes, not listening to anything. I mean, not to anything, but we've had this conversation before. Have we not had this conversation before? 'Do I need to listen to the mind for anything at all?' And I have said, 'No, you don't.' I'm sure we've had this conversation before. And also that every conversation that is had here is a conversation with you. So just throw it out. Okay, very good, very good. Thank you.

Very thank you, Father. Thank you.

Okay, let's go to Anu. Thank you.

Anant, welcome. I just came up... I just hear myself double now, just one second please. I just have to put the volume up. I have struggle with this volume problem nowadays. I have a sip of water. So I just came up to... it's like suddenly I'm transported to a Hawaiian beach and I have very good for you, how to share with you on Zoom in Hawaii, relaxed and peaceful. Actually, the life shows me nowadays how much I am about the 'me' instead of about God. Show me about the 'me,' about the attachment, about myself. And I surprised myself as well. For so long I've been in Satsangs and still this attachment towards my birds and my belongings and stuff is still very, very hard. And I got so disappointed about myself, this failure of myself. And also, Anant, I just... I honestly, I don't really feel the love for God, and this also disappoints me. Probably I don't even know you disappoint, God disappoint, everybody.

Yeah, and also you, and that disappointed me. Excuse me, sorry, I just didn't hear now.

I was just saying that it sounds a bit funny to say that 'I don't feel any love for God and that really disappointed me.'

Oh, I see. Yeah, actually, I don't know who is having this disappointment. But you are talking about this drop, and I just want to be reduced. You said it's never dissolved, what I'm a bit shocked about, because I thought sometimes it's just getting... yes, yes, this one, no, this one. That's a bit shocked actually. It's not shocked, it's a bit upset, you know? It's a bit upset that why will I not fully dissolve? This one has to be in love and servitude to God.

Yeah, Anant, I came here just in front of you now to meet you in the heart, because whenever I meet you, I know this drop is smaller. And I don't know what to ask because I already had all the questions and you give me everything, and still I am here on... I don't know. I just give it in your hand to do something. Disconnected, connected, yes, yes, yes, yes, disconnected.

So are you saying that you don't want to take the effort of being in servitude, so I should do something for that one? It's like it's too much work: obedience, humility, faith, prayerfulness, gratitude. So much easier just to be open and empty, you know? It's all fine, you see. But the one that wants it, says that it just wants to be simply one with God, is the one that doesn't want to simply be one with God. Somebody is really allergic in here, on very much.

Yes.

So that is very... it's very good to see. It's very good to see that because that is where you identify. If in the drop you... that is the drop now. That selfish one has to be informed of the fact that it is nobody and God is the true master of this universe, and that one's job is just to follow God's will like a humble servant.

But is not that decision... I already done this decision and still this drop is here. I mean, what to do to put this decision inside the heart and make it real? Are you saying that besides insight, love, servitude, you want something else to do? Actually, only one thing I want: to be nothing. This is the only thing I want.

Okay. What stops you from being nothing?

Being something.

Okay, yeah. So how right now, is there nothing or something?

Right now I am something, Anant.

Right now? Yes, show me where. I am the back... take your time, take your time. But I said, remember, I said right now. Yeah. So are you recognizing that to be something you need time? And what do you need the time for? To think. You may say whatever, but it's time you're taking to think.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that... it's actually something else. I'm experiencing some pain, but we just... what am I thinking?

If you don't use that time to think, you're nothing.

Okay, but I cannot constantly not giving that time to think because, you know, it's...

Yes, because you will not constantly remain in the insight, you see, which is pure. Therefore, then this elephant with the trunk which is disrupting all the fruits and vegetables in the market has to be given a stick to hold in the trunk so it doesn't disrupt everything. And that is the anchor of love, you see? That is the anchor of love. And as you love deeper and deeper, servitude becomes natural for us. Or as you serve deeper and deeper, love becomes natural for you, you see?

Now, when we try to keep this ego in check in obedience to the will of God, then it protests. It says, 'No, no, I would rather be in insight,' because the sage has said this and the masters have said this, conveniently ignoring the fact that the sage said that both are important: Jnana and Bhakti. Okay, so let's... tell me again, tell me again, what is it that you want?

I don't know. I want to be finished. I don't want to struggle with this 'me' anymore. And I also, yes, I would like to feel the love for God, and I would like to feel the love from God. And sometimes it's just... no, it's not okay.

So, okay, I will give you a multiple-choice option. You want to finish the 'me'?

Yes, yes.

You want to finish with insight, love, or servitude?

I want to finish all. I don't mind love either and servitude. I don't want... I, no...

Pick one.

If I finished, I finished. I mean, yeah...

Through which? Through which sword? There are three swords lying in front of me: insight, love, and servitude. How do you want your head dropped off?

Insight.

Insight you want? No, so I will have to use servitude with you. Are you getting it? The one who naturally says, 'No, no, just insight is fine, I want to chill and just be open and empty,' you see? 'All the servitude stuff sounds too much. It's too much to become humble, to listen to God moment to moment, to follow His guidance, to wait for Him because He's mostly silent. I don't have that kind of patience, you see? I would rather just ask "Who am I?" and see I'm awareness and celebrate the fact that I'm just awareness.' For a long time, I thought it is really enough just to be open and empty, and then you came with this kind of...

No, just inside is fine. I want to chill and just be open and empty, you see. All the servitude stuff sounds too much. It is too much to become humble, to listen to God moment to moment, to follow His guidance, to wait for Him because He's mostly silent. I don't have that kind of patience, you see. I would rather just ask 'Who am I?' and see I'm awareness and celebrate the fact that I'm just awareness. For a long time, I thought it is really enough just to be open and empty, and then you came with this kind of 'that is not enough.' But it is enough, is it? But the thing is that in open and empty, you recognize that you are the water.

Are you telling me that you remained open and empty throughout when you thought it is enough? Were you open and empty throughout? No, you see. So is it that I'm suddenly cruel now and I have given all my children this instruction: remain open and empty and you know you are free, and suddenly now I'm feeling like let me make it a little more difficult just to trouble you? Could it be like that?

Yes, I just want to trouble all of you. Oh ye with little faith, what to do? At least she's honest.

So, for how many years have I shared open and empty? Yeah, I know you're getting a sense of where we're going. So what is happening is that because that becomes a very comfortable, easy form of self-serving spirituality, they just feel like 'let me remain empty.' But the 'me' that is remaining empty is not empty, you see. It is used as a tactic to feel good about ourselves. So how to come to... have you ever heard of a sage who lived open and empty but was not in servitude to God? No. Do they like to trouble themselves needlessly? No. So what is wrong with me? What is wrong with you? Yeah.

Yes, the one that hopes that the insight that you have through inquiry and through open and empty would make you into free or finished with all of this, or whatever conclusion it wants—that one has to, or something has to make that one's head completely bowed down to God. Because that one becomes proud, entitled, worthy. What entitles us to have finality in God's presence? What makes us so special, you see? 'I just want to finish it all.' Tell me why you deserve it.

I don't deserve with an 'I.' I think everybody going in this way somehow has to be finished. I don't know why I deserve, but I just cannot live like this anymore with myself, with this egoic, selfish 'I.' I don't deserve it, but I just hope... this is why I said I give it in your hand because I cannot. This is not because just I am lazy, or maybe yes as well in a way, but I just don't know the way.

Yes, my child, yes. But the thing is that you say, 'I give it in your hand with full faith.' Yes? What if I said to you that together we will walk on this path for one hundred more lifetimes? That would be really shocking.

One second, my dear, one second. I'll just come back. Okay, just unmute again. So, do you really mean to shock you with that one hundred thing? So, how many lifetimes is okay?

I wish this one would be the last one.

Okay, so what is... is that the boundary of your faith? That 'I will give it all to you under the guarantee, just make sure it happens in this lifetime.' To be honest?

Yes.

So that is what you need to contemplate. That is very little faith. It's more like a business deal. I don't mean to hurt you in any way, but the fact is that when we say to someone that 'I give everything to you so that you finish me, but just make sure it happens before I die,' then is it really a surrender or is it just a bargain? Because there is no better bargain available.

This is the bargain. I know, I know.

Yes. So then if somebody came and said, 'I can do it for you today itself; Ananta will take this whole lifetime,' then who will you go to? So this business mind has to be brought to love and servitude. How do we light the fire in your heart for love of God, for the love of Master? That whatever is there, will you recognize that you are in service to that instead of having your own ideas of outcomes and what you want and looking for solutions for 'me'? Instead of looking for ways in which you can serve God. How you want to spend this life serving me or serving God?

I want to spend that, of course.

Why? Because it'll help finish you off? To carefully look at these things.

But Ananta, I don't want to be not honest. Somehow, something... we don't want to take longer this old stuff anymore.

Yes. So that... what is that in you? What is that in you? This one is a sufferer who took too much heaviness. Can you suffer without pride? I can suffer anyhow. Try to suffer with no pride. Pride means 'I know something, I am somebody.' You see, all these things are pride. No, that God is here, but 'I know something, I have a plan, I know when I should be finished.' You see? So if God says three and a half lives, you say, 'No, no, no, I know what is better for me because it has to be this life.' What gives us the capacity to know?

Three and a half sounds better than one hundred.

Yes, but one sounds better than three and a half. But how does this one who is saying 'I want it like this,' how does it really know what is better for you? It doesn't know anything. Yes, but you're still dancing to that one's tunes. If that one says, 'Oh, Ananta Ji will take one hundred lifetimes, but this other Master will take one lifetime,' but tomorrow there'll be a third Master who will take three days, another Master will come with a five-day intensive, you see, then who will you go with? Honestly.

They are really coming. There is a lot of Master with a lot of methods and contradictory ideas about... I trust you, Ananta. I trust you.

And who would you go with in this situation? I mean, who knows better for you? That is faith. That is the one that you truly have faith in. Then you make a determination that that one knows best for my life. That is who you have faith in. So then whether it is one hundred lifetimes or this life or this instant, who knows better? You or Ananta? You're forced to give that response, is it? Take your time. Take your time, contemplate this. We don't have to rush to conclusion.

But compulsion to determine what should happen for me is pride. Because how do we know what should happen to ourselves? We don't know. We don't know. But that is like... right, 'I don't know.' When we take on the position that 'I know that I am done with this, it should happen for me now, I'm tired of this, please finish me off,' it is to know a lot of things, no? Yeah, it is not to be empty. So when we know a lot of things, you see, and we know this not intuitively but we know them in the mind, that is called pride. And pride hates servitude.

God really doesn't talk, doesn't give instructions, doesn't show me anything. It's just only the silence. What is... this is the only thing what I could go into and rest in and surrender in it. But...

Are you saying God is not able to guide you because He doesn't have the capability? No. It's about something about this tool, this body, this one who cannot have... No, God told you that? God told you that this tool is not capable of receiving help from me? God told you?

No, I... no.

Who told you? So there is not a third solution. There isn't a third solution. No, but who told you that you cannot receive guidance from God?

Yeah, I don't really have guidance from God.

How long have you waited? Years? You waited for years patiently without relying on any other means? You waited for God to guide you?

I didn't focus that much, like one hundred percent on...

No. So how much have you focused one hundred percent before you make the conclusion that God doesn't guide me or doesn't want to guide me or doesn't want to run my life? How much of ourself have we given for how long? Yes.

Oh yes. How can I bow my head down fully, fully to God?

I've shared, my child. If you look at one of the previous satsangs, just last week, I've broken it all down and given very precise instructions on this. And someone can send that to you and you can listen to that also. Every element of it, as far as I feel it could be helpful for you to follow, I've broken down with specific questions. Do we live as if God is our reality, or do we live as if God is a conceptual idea? And if God is reality and that is available to us as a helping hand in the form of our presence, then are we living moment to moment as if God is here? That is the first question about faith.

So I have provided all these tools for us to use. But even this question is helpful. You say, 'God does not help me or guide me.' Tell me, is God here now?

God is always here, no? Not through here. Okay.

Meet Him and tell Him.

Yeah, there is too much thought now at the moment in my head and so...

Because there is all this is happening on the surface, your presence is not there?

Yes, it is. Yes, it is there. Yes.

Okay, now stay with that presence and allow it to move the body, move the world, whatever it has to move. Don't rely on your mind at all for who is moving that mouth, who is making that laughter happen. The mind is the same one that beats your heart, can run your life without your mind's interference. That is to follow the will of God. Okay, I have one more question for you and for all of you. How many thousand lifetimes are we willing to wait for God to speak to us, for Him to guide us?

I was telling another child the other day that suppose you went to a beach, huh? And there you met a grain of sand. The grain of sand says to you, 'I waited for you for so many years. I've lived on this beach for twenty-five years. I waited for you. You haven't come. How dare you not come? I waited for you.' What will you tell that grain of sand? What could have made that grain of sand worthy of your presence?

So what has happened is that we ourselves love to call this the direct path. You call it the direct path. Somewhere that becomes like an entitlement for us. 'But I've been on the direct path, I should immediately... why hasn't He come yet? I'm already twenty-five years old,' or whatever. 'How dare He not come?' You see? So we don't say the words like that, but our tone becomes this way. There is nothing that entitles us to Him. It is only His grace, His mercy. We must learn to accept that fact. To accept that fact is to keep our head bowed down. Thank you so much. Maybe welcome, but stay with this. Let's not repeat the cycle of, you know, picking up the mind, then dropping it by the end of the conversation, then picking it up and then dropping it by the end of the conversation. Love, love. Good.

So many hands. Go to iPhone. iPhone is... I can't hear you so well.

I'm not able to speak. Take your time. Very... I raised my hand a couple of times and then quickly put it off. Caught you, caught you at the right time this time.

I just raised my hand, Father, right now and I said, 'He'll forget about seeing me because I've just raised it now.' Usually what happens is that if you've not spoken much like this, then I call on those because sometimes they may not get a chance. So I'm happy. I'm happy that I think God's heard every bit for what my soul craved, and I have no sense left in me. Whatever little is left of any kind of sensibility or entitlement, every time and I look at it, Father, and I just think to myself, I've not really been worth Ma being in my life or you being... I don't know. I've done nothing, and God's grace at home, Ma has held. I think she knows every cell in my body even if I don't say it. She can just catch hold of me very, very... she can catch hold of me.

Yeah, Masters have that irritating habit. And a lot of times I'm like, 'I don't want to talk to her, she is not understanding.' And I hear you, Father, then you know, when I'm not able to get through, then I keep hearing you, keep hearing you, and then I realize these are the words that Mira is saying to me. And there is something that within me which I... which is still resisting because I feel I have... I've gotten it, and why is she not understanding that I've gotten to some place? And I find it such a ridiculous thing. It is so... there's no place, nothing, nothing to be gained.

Talk to her, she is not understanding. And I hear you, Father. Then, you know, when I'm not able to get through, then I keep hearing you, keep hearing you, and then I realize these are the words that Mira is saying to me. And there is something within me which I—which is still resisting because I feel I have gotten it. And why is she not understanding that I've gotten to some place? And I find it such a ridiculous thing. It is so... there's no place, nothing, nothing to be gained. And who has understood that? Who has understood that there is nothing to be gained?

So when I see myself, when I meet myself, when I see myself in all myness, yes... so, that which sees is which one? Go slowly with this; contemplation is good. That which sees even ignorance, or it sees it perceives the sound of this voice—which is aware of this perception? What can we say about that 'I'?

I can't describe it in words, which I'm so fond of otherwise. I am not able to.

Why is that? What is the reason words cannot summit?

Yes, but why? Why not? What is the attempt? And it feels to be encapsulated in words. What happens?

Like, just when you're about to conclude something about the reality of 'I', what happens? What are you finding?

When I try to conclude it or write about it, it becomes very mental. It's not it. It's not it.

Yes, but who watches all of this? Who is watching all of this? And if it is not to be found, or we can't find it, why do we call it 'I'? That would be very absurd to do. Let's take something we can't find and let's call it the most important thing in our life: 'I'. So what's going on?

I don't know what's going on, but I know it's me. It's me.

On what basis do we know? How do we know? Okay, so let me approach this a different way. We can know through a few different ways, isn't it? We can know because we perceive. How many fingers are you perceiving? Huh? Five, isn't it? So you're perceiving them, so you can conclude that there are five fingers. So it's a matter of perception, then. And in the world, people say seeing is believing, so we value that mode of knowledge, isn't it? The other is that we have an idea that we feel is there from a credible source. So although our experience perceptually is that the world is flat, we have concluded that the world is spherical, or the Earth is spherical, because we've heard it from a credible source. That is the other way in which we have knowledge. Now, the knowledge of this 'I'—that I am witnessing the sound of the voice of this man—is it through perception? Through concept? How do we know?

No, it is not through perception or knowledge or conceptual knowledge.

Then is it just imaginary?

No, no, it cannot be imaginary. It cannot.

So then how is it? What kind of knowledge is this?

I don't know. It's coming. You say that it's known.

Yes, but the fingers are known, the shape of the Earth is also known, you see. So all is known, but how is it known? How is the Self known? How is this witnessing eye known? So therefore, is there a third way beyond perception and concept?

I just know it, Father. It's known to itself. It's just known.

Okay. Anything else which is just known like that? Take your time over this because it's a trick question, I'm warning you. So, anything else which is just known like that? Because I know the impulse is to say no, no, but just check. So let's for the moment call this 'just knowing' intuitive insight. It sounds much better like that. Intuitively, through the Satguru presence, we recognize the Self. Anything else we know just like that?

I heard this from you and I know it also: the love, the unconditional love.

Love. Okay, love. So you know that answer. What else? Is it just awareness and love? Sorry, I didn't get that. Is it just awareness and love? What else? Intuitively I know who I am like this, and what else? So is intuition limited to self-knowledge as awareness and the presence of unconditional love, and that's where it stops? Does it have a boundary, limitation? So this is a very beautiful contemplation. Does perception have a boundary limitation?

Yes.

What is the boundary of perception? Whatever is visible in... and if you were to quantify it even further, the boundary of our perception is the extent to which our attention can go on something, isn't it? So the boundary of our attention is the boundary of our perception. Yes or no?

Yes. Yes.

So, and we can see that it is limited. Attention is limited because if you try to imagine a tree and to focus on something in front of you at the same time, what happens? You're not focusing on something in front of you at the same time. So what happens is that it becomes blurry if you try to do both. So we live our life in this way anyway, that we try to think, you see: 'What's in it for me? How can I understand this? What can I get from this?' All of this, and we are trying to perceive the world and deal in it, and that's why our lives are so lifeless and tepid, you see, tepid. Because we are half here and half perceiving the world. But if you move to pure perception, then attention is enough to perceive the world, whatever we need to perceive in the world, and to not confuse ourselves to be a limited entity or individual or person. We are just awareness manifesting as beingness, and within beingness the perceived world appears to us. All this knowledge is intuitively apparent to us then. So, to return to the main point, you notice that phenomenal perception is limited. Is it limited by the boundary of our attention? Is our conceptual knowledge limited or unlimited?

Definitely limited.

Definitely limited. And mostly garbage, I mean, isn't it? And 'mostly' is a charitable thing to say in that case. So, you said something that your intuition is unlimited, isn't it? Whereas now we are concluding that perception is limited and conceptual knowledge is limited. So therefore, even logically speaking, we can just rely on our intuition for everything because if it is unlimited, it knows independent of perception and conceptualization, is it? So then why don't we live just intuitively? Why do we rely on our minds? Why do we conclude on the basis of perception? And the Sages have made it easier for us to live in that way by calling this one the Satguru presence, the Atma within, the Holy Spirit, all the—the Ram of God within ourselves. So if they have told us that this is the aspect of God within ourself, then would that not be all-knowing? Why would we then rely on the false modes of knowledge? But do we have faith that what the Masters have told us is true? Are we willing to bet our life on it?

Doubt part... no, go ahead, go ahead. I really can't have the courage to have any kind of doubt left, you know, because I've seen it again and again. I may have not believed...

Yes, my child, but what you need courage for is... see, the doubt is an antidote to the courage that is needed, or a deterrent to the courage that is needed, you see. The doubt will say, 'I'm not asking for much, I'm just saying hedge your bets a little bit. Keep your one foot, one toenail in the world also. Balance, you see, just balance it out. I'm not saying give up on God, I'm just saying you just make sure that you don't waste your whole life on something which ultimately is untrue. And suppose it is untrue, then have a little bit saved up somewhere so that you can fall back on it,' you see. So it tries to hold us back in that way. But if you truly lived as if God's presence lives within yourself, what would your life be like? You see? And the 'as if' is not to be presumed conceptually; it is to be lived moment to moment in the presence of that light, you see. So what stops you from doing that?

I can see no attachment, very deep attachment to my self, but I see a lot of factors playing out. I'm talking about this first, an individual, from time to time they come up.

Yes, let's contemplate this deeply and come up with a simple answer. What stops you from living in God's light moment to moment? Contemplate means observe it for yourself right now. I'll wait for you.

Complete faith, Father.

Yes. So is there a doubt that the presence within you is God's?

No.

Is there a doubt that He wants to guide us, He wants to love us?

No.

Or do we have ideas about our own life which we are scared God may have a different plan, so we don't want to give up on those? What are you not willing to do even if you are guided by God? That determines the boundary of our faith, is it? So resist the temptation to make conclusions about yourself, either unworthy or worthy, and just remain empty to be available to serve God moment to moment, so that His presence can run your life. And I'm telling you that it can.

Yes, Father. How will you remain empty? Remain empty of what?

Empty of any of the narrative of the mind, you see. So self-concern, self-will, self-judgment—all of these things, you have to keep them aside to clear the space for God to run your life. See, you're scared of something. What is it that you're scared of? I don't know that you are not willing to bear for God moment to moment.

Father, but a little bit bodily I struggled a lot, and last night was really intense. And I was looking, really, really looking, looking at whatever sensation, body pain.

So if God's presence was not an antidote to pain, you would have God but you would still experience pain for the rest of your life and maybe many lifetimes—would you still be okay with that? Can I tell you the truth?

Yes, please. You must, you must not lie.

I don't want to sound like I know and I can, but this is the only thing which holds you in the sense... it really it, Father. This is the only thing which is the God, the strength that comes. Where can it come from? Are you saying yes or no? I'm getting confused. You can bear a life of pain if that is God's will, or you can't?

Last night I was looking at the same thing. I said...

What is your answer now? Right now, what is your answer?

I'm okay. You accept it grudgingly. I'm not... I don't like what you're doing, but I'm okay. Which is fair, which is fair. No, I'm... and I'm very too with this what you said, like, you know, no matter what. It's not... I may have this grudgingly complain also to God about this, 'Why?' you know, a little bit of that. But that's all I can't say anything.

So, sorry, laughing at a little bit of 'why?' because what entitles us to ask God 'why?' you know? The very fact that we feel that we love Him... I mean, I felt that within myself, that I love You so much, and I didn't realize that I am looking for again a bargain. That 'I love You, I love You so much, and this is a favor that I'm doing for You, and You are still not looking after me.' Correct? And where does that love come from? 'I love God so much'—where do... what is the source of that love? You produced it? Do we have... does anyone have the recipe for love? We don't have. No. So our love for God is God's gift to us. Because what a life it would be if we did not love God! And how do you know that it is your love for God and not God's love for you that you are experiencing? Okay? So when we love God, it is like an invocation for God to love us. It's an invitation for God to love us. When we make ourselves open to love God, it is to invite the presence of His love to be felt here. So if there's a favor in this, it's definitely in the other direction to what the mind makes it out to be. He has graced us with the privilege of love. You must realize that as a body-mind that we take ourselves to be, we are nothing in the trillions of universes that have come and gone. Each universe having trillions of stars like the sun, and each sun having so many planets around it, and we are seven billion of us in one of the tiniest planets on our galaxy. Seven billion! And we have still the capacity to take ourselves to be something in front of Him. That is the most absurd. The ego is the most absurd thing God has created, actually. The ability to take on pride and to start to deal with God like that, you see? 'I have loved You, so this I demand in return.' It is not even the grain of sand and person on the beach example; I need to find a better metaphor for this. We are nothing. We are nobody at all. So to come to insight is to come to a real recognition of that.

And we have still the capacity to take ourselves to be something in front of him. That is the most absurd. The ego is the most absurd thing God has created, actually—the ability to take on pride and to start to deal with God like that. You see, 'I have loved you, so this I demand in return.' It is not even the grain of sand and person on the beach example; I need to find a better metaphor for this. We are nothing. We are nobody at all. So to come to insight is to come to a real recognition of that nothingness. Nothingness—that there is only the Self, and within that Self, being Consciousness takes birth. But the one mosquito that still keeps buzzing around, you see, in spite of inside, that one must be kept in check. And it must never start to feel like it is at par with God, making deals with him. There is nothing further from that. Yes, there is nothing further from the truth than that notion. And the sooner the mosquito realizes it's just a mosquito, the better for us.

We hate it. Our ego hates that, you see. It hates its servitude. Mosquito, remnant of a drop... the drop at least sounds a bit poetic. And you are jumping like that, you see. What if I said you're just the remnant of the leg of an ant? The rest of the ant has been chewed up by the lizard or something like that. Then that doesn't sound that nice, no? But the drop sounds very poetic. 'Drop is falling in the water,' you see. Actually, it is the same metaphor. So don't get caught up in the mental framing that we are something very poetic or this. We are nobody. We are nothing. A tiny, tiny drop, whereas he is the Creator and light of a trillion oceans, boundless oceans.

So to remain empty is to not pick up anything, any pride. Do not allow the mind to tempt us with any notions. Just to devote ourselves fully in that moment to God, to his presence. And what a gift it is that we can say that his presence is here. You are not entitled to this, truly not entitled.

Father, it's a blessing. It's a very, very, very big blessing.

Very good. Then can we give up our life for that blessing? You see, that is when the words on our lips become an authentic spirituality—to be able to offer it to him saying, 'Whatever there is is yours.' But is there power, is there fragrance in those words? Do they come from a place of authenticity, that if God asked me for anything, I can give it to him? Contemplate these things.

And Father, please bless us all with this courage.

Father, yes. Thank you so much. Very welcome, very welcome. Bless you. What did I say today? So many hands are up. Okay, who haven't I heard from in a while? Let's go to... can I ask her this? I always ask.

That's okay, Father. That's okay. Just, I know you answered all the questions, but somehow this drop still wants to complain about not dissolving and about... it seems that something in here always chooses the wrong side and lets this ego even to grow more and more. I don't know, I don't have questions, but maybe the same ego feels tired with this. But there is no strength, no power of will to choose the right things. Something I know what is right.

Yes. We don't have to offer ourselves up with strength, with power. In fact, to offer ourselves up knowing that we are weak. I'll tell you something very, I feel is very sweet. So when I first heard of Yogi Ram Surat Kumar Ji, I loved his expression. He was radical. He was just out there. He was just full of love for God. I loved that whole thing. The one thing I didn't really understand or enjoy that much, though somewhere I admired it in my heart deeply, is he used to call himself 'this beggar, this beggar.' And somewhere my understanding didn't really resonate with that whole notion. But as something is deepening here in the love for God, I'm realizing that really, what remains of me is such a foolish beggar servant.

So I'm not going to God as if I'm somebody worthy of God, as if I'm entitled to him, as if I have the power to choose God even. I'm going to God with head bowed down as a beggar servant. As long as we go to him, that is enough. That is enough. You don't have to meet any standard. And in fact, the remnant of this 'me' obviously is not worthy in any way. Just a remnant of a non-existent idea, you see, which is still like an infection floating around in Consciousness somewhere. And some of you may be finding it funny that how is it that so much of our time is going on that tiny fragment of nothingness in Consciousness? It is because I've seen the danger of this. And I've seen that how it has the ability, like one of those mythical characters in mythology, to just replicate itself. It's like the one whose head is chopped off but produces... you know, like in Marvel movies they have Hydra. It's like one head is chopped off and ten more come. It's just like that.

So when we keep this infection pestering... and I've seen it happen in our history to so many who had such authentic, beautiful insight but fall prey to this spiritual ego, the spiritual pride, the achiever mindset. So when you say to me that, 'I don't even know how to make the right choice, I don't even have the strength to do that,' because it is coming from a place of authenticity in your heart, I'm loving your words. Because I don't feel like I do either. There are so many times I feel like I'm still singing to my own beat, dancing to my own tunes. Do I wait for God's nudge and guidance in every moment of my life? I don't. And although authentically I can say that that is deepening, the sensitivity to that aspect which still doesn't is also getting amplified, you see. And that is possibly happening to all of you as well.

Through his grace, we are deepening in his light and love and presence, but we recognize the infection now. We don't want it anymore, is it? And we realize that that one has to continue to be kept humble in service to God. Otherwise, that one will cause the same trouble again, much more maybe. Imagine... and all of us have met this kind of Advaita person, you see. Have you all not met this kind of Advaita person who there's no window to talk to them at all? Because the minute you start talking to them, they have some mahavakya from the Advaita scriptures coming and say, 'Do your inquiry.' They say, 'I'm not the doer. Who is that who inquires?' 'Are you living in service to God?' 'I am him.' But the fragrance is not 'I am him.' The fragrance is 'I am special.' So these are very, very subtle things. And that is why even in the satsang, we are learning this deepening of the way of the heart.

And a lot of doubt can come. The mind will come and say, 'It was so much simpler earlier. Now what is this new stuff, servitude?' It can be. But I can smell there's so much of alive spirituality in my children now there, and not just sort of very armchair spirituality. 'Yeah, I am that.' So yes, to recognize our unworthiness or nothingness or our weaknesses compared to the pure perfection that is God's light is very auspicious. And we must always keep that in sight to prevent us from becoming proud. For years I used to say that I want to make teachers of God. For years I've said I want to make teachers of God. But actually, no. I want to make servants of God. Only those who are true servants of God can become true messengers of God. So the question for you also then is the same, saying: what is the boundary of your servitude to God?

The beep is also... I think then when I question myself, if I am honest, there are many things which I wouldn't do. Sorry for that. So many things. Just, you know, this ego rises up and I don't want to look stupid in front of others and many, many...

This is beautiful because we don't have to... the mind sometimes will tell us like a huge project, you see. 'Would you give up your life? Would you do this? Would you do that?' You see. But sometimes the simplicity of a project like, 'Am I willing to look stupid? Am I willing to sing uninhibited in an auto-rickshaw?' One of my children had this thing. She felt guided from God to sing and she was singing. She was sitting in... I don't know if you know this auto-rickshaw in India, it's a small transportation. So then she got conscious that, 'What will the driver think? You know, will he just ask me to get off?' And if her singing can be that she can make... okay, I'm not going to expose the name, but it came out. So if she can be scared of what her singing will sound like to the auto-rickshaw driver, then what about the rest of us?

So yeah, so these small, small projects. These are the small projects. Then we see the distinction between our lip service which says, 'My life is for God and I've surrendered to the Guru fully,' and then when we really notice when push comes to shove, I'm scared of even looking stupid to somebody who I'll never meet again. See? So there's a big difference, isn't it? In our mind, we become very heroic in our surrender, but when it comes to actual rubber hitting the road, then is when it really hits the road, you see. And those are the moments which give us true fuel for contemplation, true fuel for humility. So I love the simplicity in the exposing that, 'I'm just right now, I'm even scared to look stupid.' So let's start with that. Let's start with that. It's very good.

I'm more concerned about those ones who are saying that, 'There is nothing in me. In the Self, there's no fear in me. I can do anything for God. It's all... he just has to say the word and I'm there.' That kind of bravado, that kind of seeming no risk is what I am zeroing in on more and more. But those children who are able to identify the boundary that they made for God to use their lives—self-consciousness, stupidity—I'm less concerned about all of you. I'm more concerned about those kids who are saying, 'But I am the Self.' But I will fight tooth and nail for all of you to lead a full spiritual life, truly in service to God and with full of insight and love and devotion.

It obviously would have been much simpler if we had just one sort of philosophy, like Master Bankei had one main philosophy which is to remain in the Unborn, you see, like that. And I feel like open and empty is good enough to solve most of our day-to-day suffering type issues, you see. But is that truly a complete... well, yes and no. Yes for the water, no for the drop. Keep going like this. Keep identifying for yourself these areas of fear where, if all the sages have guided us to live in the will of God, what makes us in denial of it? What happens?

So let's take this example. Suppose we are really scared of looking stupid and God says, 'Go to that place, that auditorium close to your house, and make a presentation about Advaita' or something. So what will happen? Mostly the mind will say, 'No, God wouldn't actually want you to do that,' is it? So we not face the thing head-on. He'll just deny that it ever happened. 'God knows me well, why will he give me a project like that?' So our mind will just come in there and make it all strange and unclear. But in our heart, we know what our weaknesses are, what vasanas we still have, what are we hiding. But we cannot hide anything from God. So to bring everything up in servitude to him is much better than to be in denial of it.

I heard the story of an investor in the stock market. So he started, he did very well, and then he started to make losses. So what he did is he didn't update his own spreadsheet to show the losses. So he just acted like nothing has happened. That's our ability to deny. So a lot of the resistance in the satsang today is a healthy resistance where a lot of these things are coming to the surface and we are trying to frame it into, 'You see, but I can just be the Self.' But you aren't. And how much more time will you take? 'I can just remain open and empty.' But you're not. And the evidence of that is this one who is complaining. If you're truly open and empty, then you wouldn't need this in your emptiness, and then your heart would guide you. This is the trickiest, the subtlest egoic remnant which relies on the spiritual.

The resistance where a lot of these things are coming to the surface and we are trying to frame it into, you see, 'But I can just be the Self.' But you aren't, you see? And how much more time will you take? 'I can just remain open and empty.' But you're not. And the evidence of that is this one who is complaining that 'I can just...' If you were truly open and empty, then you would meet this in your emptiness, and then your heart would guide you. So this is the trickiest, the subtlest egoic remnant which relies on the spirituality itself to keep itself alive, to know better. Yeah, thank you. Thank you much. Okay, let's do that thing where we will allow participants to unmute themselves. Okay, come whoever wants to come. Come, don't come.

Hello, Father.

Okay, my dear. Let's start. Very good.

I don't know if I had any... can you hear me?

Yes, yes.

Okay. Oh, should I raise my hand again? No, it's fine. I only felt called to raise the hand. I didn't have a question, so then I was trying to come up with a question, but I still felt to raise the hand. Yes. Where did the photos go? Oh, they're still there. Some photos still there. Okay, okay. Yeah, maybe because there's more sun now. It's springtime now. I can feel... thank you, Father, for deepening this love, just renewing our faith every time.

Very good, very good. Yes, and this faith is the crux of it. Do we take the reality of God to be real? Although the insight about God's reality is intuitive, that is faith. Do we give reality to that which is intuitive knowledge rather than worldly knowledge, perceptual knowledge, or concepts? Is He here now? Is He here now? I'm asking everyone. How would we be like if Krishna walked into the room and sat on that couch? Would we all be seated like this? So then, is this Krishna in your heart not Krishna that can come and sit on the couch? Which is greater? Faith is to take your intuitive insight to be greater than waiting for a spiritual experience. That needs faith.

Rationality is to take conceptual emotions with the pros and cons, judge, make judgments on those. But those who have tasted true faith realize that faith is so much greater than rationality. Our rationality tells us, 'Be sensible. Don't hand over everything to God. Keep something for yourselves.' But faith wants us to deliver our head on a platter to Him. It wants us to bet our existence on Him. Are we serving Him? Are we rejoicing in Him? Or are we doubting Him? Are we treating His existence like conceptual knowledge? 'Oh, we are in a galaxy called... what is it called? Milky Way? Alpha Centauri? What is it called?' What difference does it make? Most of us live, even those who say we believe in God, live like that. Where is the celebration? If God is here, where is the joy? Where is the love? Where is the service?

So with the simplicity of faith, all of this comes because you take His reality to be more than this. And that is what the fundamental of Vedanta compels us to do. Don't take the perceived to be real. That which comes and goes is not real. So it is compelling us to be faithful because if you don't take perceptions to be real, what else do we have? You see, even in the Vedanta, how many meet Vedanta 101? They just deny it. No, they just say, 'Okay, then what else is there? What kind of life should I live? What kind of things should I do?' You see, just in avoidance of the fundamental thing where it's saying that that which you perceive is not real. Then how many even ask, 'Then what is?' Because that's not rational, it's faithful. And we are too scared to leave our rationality.

So you mentioned faith, and all of this rambling on faith is coming because if you just even had faith, our life would change. We have a conceptual faith. We have very limited faith. But it's a rare one who lives truly betting their life on the faith that God is here. Is God here? Keep asking this question. Before you can determine other things about your life, ask: 'Is God here?' And go see. Okay, see, I'll keep going. Go ahead.

No, no, no. Okay, I was just going to say that I liked the other day someone asked on the chat... I don't know if it was on the chat, but someone asked... no, it was in the room. Is it true that if you call Him, He will come? And you said yes. But will you take that as an answer and not take anything else that your mind has as a suggestion? Exactly. And everything is in that yes.

Exactly. So just to recap that conversation for everyone, Sanjukta said, 'If I call Him, will He come?' And I said, 'Yes, He will come if you take that alone to be true.' The minute you say, 'Oh, but is it true? Is this really Him? Does it work like that? Can it be this way?' then it's neither faith in Guru nor God. 'If I call Him, will I see that He is here?' is another way to put the same question. Do we realize the immensity of what is being said? That God is here. The immensity of the Self within which God appears is your own Self, Nirguna Brahman. But you are full of the false one, and that takes up all your space. This is the dining table with only one chair. If you sit on it, there's no room for anyone else. Who's sitting on your chair? That needs faith to give it to its rightful owner.

Father, I only pray for full devotion to God so it becomes a moment-to-moment spirituality and not just when you inspire us directly, but that You live in our hearts always. Bless us. And you said it's so difficult, what you're saying now, but it's not. The way we are living now is more difficult. To be oppressed by the mind is much more difficult than to lead a God-directed, dictated life. So that which is our saving, we take that to be an oppression. So it's not difficult to love. The source of everything is the most natural thing. To be in servitude to the holiest of holiest, what better privilege can we have? If somebody said to you, 'You are now the prime servant of the greatest master in this world,' will you not jump at that chance? Jump at that chance. But we have the opportunity to serve that which the masters are in service to. Don't you?

Yes, yes. I must say it is incredible how the resistance is seen and stays, because it's so obvious that there is nothing else to do than what you suggest. And yet it is a childish resistance. Yes, just like 'I prefer my piece of bread with my jam.' It is so amazingly ridiculous and yet seen as just this childish resistance. Yeah, it's incredible.

I love that metaphor. I love that metaphor because that's very close to what is being shared. It's just a childish resistance. 'I just want my bread this way with this marmalade. I don't want...' I see it, it's like this.

Yes, yes, yes. Good one. Yeah, I don't know how to say it. It is amazing how we can face the same evidence that there's nothing before and beyond Him, and yet we hold our small piece of bread because we know it, because it is the jam we have always had. And yes, it's just amazing. I can't say more. I'm just so... so incredible.

Very so happy to hear you. Very good, very good. Very good to notice this resistance and to see the absurdity of it and the tininess of it compared to the infinity of God is very important because it's just a childish tantrum, the resistance. It is true that there are positions that the ego loves. It loves being the king of the world. It loves being the Self. It loves being the highest, the Absolute. Any glorious things it loves. But the minute it comes to being a foolish beggar, there's not a natural affinity in the mind to like that, unless it is now convinced that the foolish beggar is the highest one. Once it is convinced that the foolish beggar is the highest one, it says, 'I want to be the foolish beggar.' But nobody wants to just accept that we are foolish.

So we were discussing this, no? Atma was saying that isn't there a danger in even the sinner or foolish beggar becoming a position that the ego can start to take pride in? Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Because and that is the danger in any position. If it becomes the new highest aspiration, then that can become the prideful position. But if it is authentic integrity that we make ourselves worthy of scorn... the beginning of The Screwtape Letters, which is a beautiful book, then I would really recommend it for everyone because for years I've been wanting to write just tips on how to spot the mind. So I feel like it's already been written by C.S. Lewis. So it's just a series of tips on how to spot the mind's work, the ego's work. So it starts with the statement, or the preface starts with the statement, that the ego hates being scorned at or laughed at. So the position of a laughable foolish beggar is not naturally attractive to it unless over a period of time we ourselves make it attractive. So by then I'll change to something else. The name of the book is The Screwtape Letters. The Screwtape Letters. Pretend for a while. Great. Maybe the worst piece of acting ever. No, no, it... yeah, that's what... so it'd be like, 'I'm a beggar.' Imagine the ego trying to, you know, 'I'm such a good beggar. I'm the best beggar,' or worst, whatever it thinks it may help.

Well, that's also something subtle because it may make a strong position about it. The way to the highest is through like this, through taking a position like this. It's all very tricky stuff. That's why masters have to become really sensitive. You all want to come? Okay, can I hear Punam first? I have not heard her before. How did we speak last? We... Namaste.

Namaste. Actually, I just wanted to expose something, though it is not coming from a true place. Still, I want it because I could see that the bargaining mind also in exposing, like why I am trying to expose this. Like ego and pride is seen in bigger and bigger, even in tiniest things which actually I know have not been done by me. It just came from grace only. Still, I wanted to claim and I wanted to take that credit. Yes, I did it. And though in my heart was continuously speaking, 'You know, it has come from grace. You have not done anything,' but still I took it and I claimed it very beautifully. And then because in the past, like I had the glimpses of the truth and everything, I knew that how beautiful it is. And right now I'm not able to experience it again. Then this came in my mind: because I am arrogant, I am pride, so it will not reveal it to me. Then I just thought, 'Okay, now I am ready to expose it.' Though I knew it was like a business mind: 'Okay, fine, I'm revealing, so now give it to me.' It was like that. Still, I'm telling, but it is not coming from a true place. I know this. It's just there is no genuine like exposing. Do you even notice that even my exposing is not really full of sincerity and genuine?

It is good. It touches my heart somewhere that, you know, it's coming to me that Guruji, my Father, his Father, when he met his Father, Papaji, what was the pointing that Papaji gave to Guruji? Does anyone remember? So Guruji had written this very, very articulate, very nice letter, and it was beautiful, of course. And I find it beautiful anyway. But Papaji said something which really upset him for a moment, isn't it? 'As long as you have arrogance in you, there's nothing in you.' So yeah, and then Guruji said that then his mind started attacking, saying, 'You are not even my teacher. Your students forced me to come here and you're telling me I'm arrogant.' All that. Then vomiting had to happen, and then he just walked, walked, walked in a huff, and then something dropped because that got caught. The pride in us got caught. So once it's caught and comes into our field of view, then it doesn't remain as a blind spot. It doesn't remain as a truth with us, as a belief. So it's very important to notice the pride in us and our spirituality. For those of us in spirituality, our spirituality has become our main area of pride. And you're right that when we are proud, then we don't leave space for God. We sit on the table ourselves and we take the Advaitic notion of 'my reality being all there is.' You know, we apply that to an individual, which is not what the sages wanted it to be. You see just the opposite, in fact. So your right...

It remains as a truth with us as a belief, so it's very important to notice the pride in us and our spirituality. For those of us in spirituality, our spirituality has become our main area of pride. And you're right that when we are proud, then we don't leave space for God. We sit on the table ourselves and we take the Advaitic notion of my reality being all there is, you know? We apply that to an individual, which is not what the Advaita wanted it to be, you see? Just the opposite, in fact. So, you're right to expose the one that becomes proud inside, although that one had nothing to do with the insight—nothing to do with the insight. So, very good, very good.

This pride has come with Masters and God also. Yes, I'm fighting with them also. How can you not listen to me? Because I'm sincere, so you have to. This pride can fight with everyone, with God also, not just Masters. It'll fight with God; it'll throw anger fits and tantrums with God also.

But if you look at the difference in scale between God and this body, it's nothing, nothing at all. We can't even see a zillion times lesser or something; it's just nothing. It's a sheer nothingness. It's coming to say something strong, and I'll just say it's like it's better to have been born as a plant or something rather than have a life in which we turn to God with anger. And the point, of course, is not to make any of you feel you're unworthy, but just to put a stop to this foolishness, no?

Father, unworthiness is also like a part of pride, I'm seeing. Because either I become a victim or the other side, pride—yeah, I am superior. I'm very well spotted, very good. I'm just swinging in these two. I'm not able to like drop any position, but yes, it's good.

Allow this to burn. Allow this to burn out of you. And Grace is very merciful. It's very beautiful, very good. The report touches my heart. Thank you, thank you very much. I'm loving the simplicity towards which we are all moving, and we are starting to spot these things which seem very tiny in the overall scheme of things but become the bottlenecks, the blind spots. Thank you. Okay, let's go to Adrian.

Thank you, thank you, Father. I see the potential in me for something to feel special. And now in satsang, I feel it's quite okay, but when I'm on my own sometimes, I notice this. For example, it was very beautiful, the satsang from last Wednesday, this Wednesday, when you said that God knows every heartbeat that we've ever had and every breath. And it really touched me to realize the immensity of God and His all-pervasiveness. And I don't know if it's so alive right now, but in that Wednesday after satsang, I did some things in my apartment and somehow this strong mind attack came, a mind storm, which was also mixed with a lot of insight. And also, I felt that Grace somehow picked me up and it was like I started seeing things in my environment, like in synchronicity or something. It kind of scared me and amazed me at the same time. And I felt like my body was the whole—I don't know if the whole universe—but I could identify myself with this body so much and it was quite weird in a way, but also beautiful. And I realize how important humility is. Thank you for reminding us and telling us, guiding us for this.

Yes, yes. You will have—I feel to say all of you will have—these experiences where you realize the immensity and presence of God even in this waking world. That even Maya is just a construct of God's presence itself. You will see God everywhere, everywhere being made up of a substance called God, and you will not be able to find yourself in any separate way if you stay true to the way of the heart. Full, full blessing is there. Full blessing is there. And many of you are starting to get these glimpses, and you are absolutely right that that is when humility is most important. Because if you start to take it specially... so may you retain this insight in a way that you become more and more in service to Him. But may you experience the presence of God everywhere, inside, outside, whatever categories our intellect can make. Full blessings.

Thank you, thank you. And maybe I can also share something which was quite important for many years. This restlessness in the body, like the inability to stay still, to keep my body still. And this restlessness, somehow I found a way to manage it by swaying my body or rocking my body. And I felt that it was quite meditative and quite kept me in the middle between going with my restlessness and desires and the opposite, which would be like self-mortification or something, like suppressing everything. And I feel it's getting less and less, this restlessness, but it also caused some issues in my life. And this—I don't know what to call it—like a tendency. Usually, it has been good for me to live on my own. And yeah, this restlessness is also from the mind, no? It's like somehow an inability to be where I am.

Yes, full, full love, full blessings. And just trust God's grace. And remember another thing I said the other day, which was that God is not just able to fix our future, but He can also fix our past.

Yes, yes. And fix our past in such a way that there's so many things that get healed in this life that we don't even remember, or they don't remain in our memory. Because that would be too strange in the human condition to realize that even the past can change. So just trust God with everything. I remember in one satsang some years ago, I heard you say—because you said, I think, actually I don't know if exactly like this—but you said something like you will become so open that you won't know what is past and what is future, which is past and which is future.

Yes, yes. I have to say that I know the labels, but can we really determine which one is past and which one is future? I can't.

You also sometimes said that also these concepts of up and down, left and right, are also some kind of labels.

Exactly. It's quite strange in the human condition to realize something like that. Yes, we have to make a very limited reference point about ourselves once we give credence to the notions of up and down and yesterday and tomorrow.

Thank you. And please, I pray that I choose humility and not feeling, I don't know, special or separate. Because I can see what you say, that it can cause a lot of problems. You know, like this remaining drop that takes itself to be special. Also, it has helped me very much to pray. To pray not only for myself but for the world and for everyone that I know or not know. To pray, to pray. And somehow I also feel that it has an effect. I don't know if it's true or not.

It is very auspicious to pray. Very auspicious. True prayer is to have true faith where we are no longer taking God to be just an idea and a prayer to be a mechanism for wish fulfillment, but we are taking the reality of His presence to be here and therefore a communication and leading to a communion with His presence is possible. If He is really here, what stops us from relying on Him for everything and to bow down to Him and pray to Him instead of wasting time in fruitless worrying? Very happy to hear your report.

Sometimes prayer—sometimes I feel like God already knows what He has to do, you know? And sometimes it's not needed for me to pray, or sometimes I pray that only if it's Your will. But if we truly took that to be reality, then we would never worry.

Yeah, yeah. I notice even now these days I have some quite difficult practical issues and I just—we try to problem-solve ourselves. We try to resolve things, and most of them are just imaginary, non-existent problems. So that is why, with integrity, instead of taking control and charge and driving things ourselves and saying, 'How can I fix this and what can I do?', if you go like a little child to God and say, 'I have to honestly tell You that I am concerned about this, so please can You help me? Can You take care of this, please?', it is very, very much better than to make ourselves into somebody. Thank you, thank you. Okay, let's go to Sam.

Hello, Father. Thank you so much. Your conversation with Adrian was really touching for me and it just made me clear also. I didn't know what to bring to you, but first of all, I just want to thank you, to thank God, yes, just from the bottom of my heart. Because I'm just reaping the fruit of all the prayers that I prayed for years and years, and finally just all bear the fruit. And for this, I'm just all a big, big, big thank you and gratitude. I don't know if I feel to bring more than this right now, but just the gratitude. And what you said to Adrian just now, like God has a power to change the past, I also heard this from you from years back and it really touched me a lot. And yeah, I'm just asking whatever needs to change here because still there are things like—I still carry something in my body, not in my mind anymore, not in my experience, but maybe there are also, but I don't even need to know them. Maybe I just want to give them to God; He knows what to do. You know, Father, to go to Rai's place, I was just going there so frequently and it's such a powerful place. As soon as I went there, just too much burning. And I was resisting to go because of that reason, actually. And for some time I didn't go and I was not allowed to go somehow, but I just came back and yeah, all the prayers that I made there just bear the fruits. And I just want to thank Him. Thank you, just thank you to God and all the godly beings, everyone. Just thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for being with me always. I love you so much. Love you too.

Love you so much, thank you. Can I request the rest who have their hands up that we continue this later? I feel like we've had three satsangs or something also. So, I don't know if all of you know, but 16th October to 26th October I will be traveling to meet my son in America. So, we won't—most likely we won't have satsang during those days. I hope none of you were planning to be in Bangalore during that time. I love you all so very much and I bless you from the depth of my heart with all His love, all His light, all His grace. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today. Satguru Sri Mooji Baba Ki Jai. Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.