Moment to Moment, Thought by Thought, We Must Stay with God - 19th July 2024

You feel or you think, 'I am getting trapped'? You are, you know? How are you trapped right now? So just leave all the sensations, whatever the body is feeling. Yeah? Otherwise, what is option two? One option is to let them be, whatever sensations the body is feeling. But what is option two? Option two is just trouble: to make a narrative out of the sensations, to conclude that something is happening to me. And what does it do? It takes us away from the prayer, which it is saying you must pray. This is the trap. So just moment by moment, thought by thought, you have to stay with God. Is the mind concerned about you or about God?

Me.

Where is that 'me'? What is that 'me'? Feeling dazed out? No, don't daze out now. Where is that 'me'? Where is that 'me'? It is not here. So the concern is about the one that is not here. But yes, it feels real. That is the—yes, it feels real, but actually it doesn't even feel that real. You only think it into a seeming reality. What is the content of your experience right now? What is trapped in what? Not hearing or not—I am, but what is trapped in what? So what would your life be like without the mind?

Great, great, great.

Isn't it great? Why?

No trouble.

No trouble. But is the absence of trouble enough for greatness? No. So without the mind, we have the potential to truly live in God's light and true insight. No trouble is just a nice byproduct. The true purpose of our life, which is to be a temple of God, to be vessels of the Holy Spirit, is accomplished in that way. What is blocked? Nothing is ever truly blocked. It is not possible to block God's creation. Blocks block God's children, block God himself from himself, whichever way we want to look at it. But the narrative which offers self-concern—and then when we look, we find that this 'me' doesn't even actually exist—then blocks us from leading a life full of so much. Like, what stops you from being—and I'm not imposing a new narrative, but this is coming to say—what stops you from being a Tukaram or Jnaneshwar? God has blessed you with so many talents, but the narratives of self-concern can block your light. What if your life was fully in service to God and no concern about the non-existent one? So this question I've asked often to you in satsang and otherwise, which is that: suppose that the narrative is true, something is happening (which is not), but suppose it's true, something is happening, but you have devoted your life in service to God and use whatever seems to be in your power in service to God, and then something happens, you die, then? So could there be a better way to that? How long will the mind keep using this fear of death, or fear of something happening, or fear of panic, to block our life which could bring so many to God's path? So can the object of our concern switch from the 'me' to serving God?

Very good. I know you do so.

Otherwise, what will happen is that even our prayer, even our inquiry, will be about, 'Is it working for me? Is it helping me? Am I feeling better?' It is not its intent anyway. So let's let go of this 'what is happening to me.' What is the intent of the prayer? It is to help you remain inward-facing, to be facing your heart altar, to be in a possible communion with God in your heart, God's presence in your heart. So that should be an end in itself. But so that everything—in the sense that there is nothing without that—it can't be for me. So if the idea is that, 'Okay, now as I'm inward-facing and facing God's light, God's presence, whether it is palpable to us or not,' then what is the change that is happening to the one that is inward-facing? Then we are not inward-facing. Then it is outward-facing in the guise of being inward-facing.

Father, please slowly say. Now I'm not sure, please just—

So when you say inward-facing, there's a way to—when you're in self-concern, what are you facing? Which way are you facing? The mind. Outside. Out. What is the difference between outer-facing and inward-facing? And what are the mechanics? How do we go from outer-facing to inward-facing?

Can I just say, like, when I'm doing the prayer how that can happen? Yes. So if—so I'm doing it with my breath and um, when the attention is on the mind, then I'm just pulling it back to the prayer. That is all I can say is inward-facing. And there are times when I'm not doing the prayer, but I know I'm with God.

How do you know?

I know, Father. I'm just not going with anything. I'm just with Him. So that is inward-facing. I know it. Even if His presence is not palpable, I know I'm with Him.

Very exactly. So that is inward-facing. So the words of the prayer, the words of inquiry, the words of any spiritual path bring us away from concern about the outer world, which includes this 'me', to a place which is not in this universe, which is not in this body, which is not in this time, it is not in this space. It's a holy place which we can access. Now the mind will say, 'I'll tell you how you can better access that. This is better, this is worse, this is this.' So the point of having satsang in your life is that you don't have to worry about what the mind is. You just have to find a way to follow.

I am falling for the traps, Father. I don't know that conditioning that I have. It's just, I don't know what's going on, Father.

You don't have to—like, it is not your business to be rid of your conditioning. It is my business.

So can I say, like, um, like the last time you said—I said when I do the abhyas it's very stressful. You said, 'Why do you want it to not be?' Yeah. And I feel—I'm just going to say, okay, I don't know whether I'm speaking from my condition or what I'm speaking from. I feel like I am praying a lot. Yeah. But no, I'm just going to say, and as I'm praying, the body-mind feels—and please point out if I'm—feels very beaten up sometimes. The body-mind does.

Yeah. So you have to then pick between a servant, a lover of God, and a doctor for the body-mind. You can't play both those roles. You can't be a lover of God, you can't be a servant of God, a seeker of God, a child of God, and be one who is diagnosing the situation of the body-mind, the doctor for the body-mind. Those two hats you cannot wear because one is inward-facing and one is outer-facing. Because this body-mind is outer-facing. It is not in that holy place.

So then I just keep bringing the attention back to the prayer?

No, Father, stay with the prayer. Yeah. And with no concern about what is happening to this.

It's not easy. I'm just going to say that.

It's never easy, my child. I hope I'm not—

I'm just scared when you're saying, like, 'You're not doing it right,' like that thing.

I'm not saying. I'm saying—and you know that I'm working on this for myself as well—that it's not easy. That Maya is compelling in various ways. For one it is body-mind, for one it is relationship, for one it is money, for one it is something else. Oh, for most of us it is a combination of all of these things. For one it may be even spiritual progress, you see? So it is not easy for anyone. But it never—it's not written anywhere it's easy. In the thousands of holy scriptures, any of them says it's easy? It's not easy. Everyone says it's—so it's the most difficult battle we will fight.

I have not found it so difficult ever.

Good. So then you—you're all right if it becomes a little more difficult? Oh, you see, if it was a hundred times more difficult, then would you be out? 'I'm out, I can't play this game, I'm out.' Famous words which scarred me to some extent: 'I'm not cut out for this.' You're trying to resolve both ends of it. You can't resolve both ends. The body-mind and you have to surrender to God fully. I see that that's what's not happening. The body-mind end, if we carry that with us, then it becomes like a burden that keeps us, keeps poking us back. We are entering our heart temple, we are coming into His Atma Darshan, we're coming into the light of the Holy Spirit, but something keeps pinging you back: 'This is uncomfortable, this is scary, this is this, this is that.' See, you doubt yourself in the—doubt is a—even finding that holy place, that can also be. And that's why I have explained that whether we can tangibly say or palpably say, our job is to face the temple, face the altar. That much is clear. Because if that much is clear, that's all we need. And for most lives, most brothers and sisters in the world, that much will not be clear because it seems very absurd and strange that within myself somewhere there is an out-of-time and space, there is an out-of-this-universe. It seems like it is in my physical heart or around my physical heart where God lives, or it may seem like an intersection of this universe and God's home. God's presence is His home, and that intersection we come across with our inquiry and with our prayer. Now the mind wants to put this into a worldly construct that, 'Okay, all this is happening inside me like a body, but this is what's happening to my body and mind.' But these two are in completely two different universes. It's not in the same place at all. So if you are concerned about this universe, then that—the work in that universe can't happen. It's not even a universe; it's beyond all universes. So it is beyond any human understanding, beyond any intelligence we can apply. Are we working here or are we working there? That is the question. Where Baba or somebody said, Bulleh Shah said, what did he say? 'Uproot from here and plant there.' Uproot from here—thank you—uproot from here and plant. What is that? This 'here' and 'there'. The same thing what Jesus said: 'Where your treasure is, there your heart will be.' What you treasure is where your focus will be. So if we make this universe and its things into focus, then that holy realm which is beyond all of this will get neglected. And is it easy? Of course not, because this seems so real, especially when we buy a story from the mind, or maybe only when we buy a story from the mind. Something is happening, like a cricket commentary. Are you all getting a sense of what I'm saying? So we cannot build, do building work here and do building work there. How to do the building work? Every time you remember God or you truly want to know who you are, there we build in the holy place because we are letting go of the seeming reality of this realm. Otherwise, what is the need to question 'Who am I?' What is the need to pray to God? He's not here in this realm, apparently, it seems to us. It seems like so many other people are there, we can focus on them. And the very, very favorite escapist route, which is to say, 'He is everywhere anyway, so what do I need to focus on Him for?' Don't fall into those traps. All the great Indian sages have told us that don't worry about this world's health.

This place, because we are letting go of the seeming reality of this realm. Otherwise, what is the need to question 'Who am I?' What is the need to pray to God? He's not here in this realm, apparently. It seems to us, it seems like so many other people are there; we can focus on them. And the very, very favorite escapist route, which is to say He is everywhere anyway, so what do I need to focus on Him for? Don't fall into those traps. All the great Indian sages have told us that: don't worry about this world's health, worry about that world's wealth. Build your wealth over there; build your bank balance over there. And that wealth here doesn't only mean wealth, wealth—everything here, everything that we are concerned about. So, Ananta, Ram Ji, Buddha Ji, Jesus—everyone has told us the same thing: focus on the wealth in the other Kingdom, the Kingdom of God.

So, look at every moment, because often we have discussed how this is just the battle for your heart. It actually happens in time in the sense that, in this moment, who is your heart with? Who does it belong to? In this moment, who does it belong to? This moment, who does it belong to? And in that moment who it belongs to, there you're building your treasure. So, the treasure here, we know, is ephemeral. It's all going to go soon. And we can be stubborn about it and say, 'No, no, I will go my way,' in spite of all these holy sages who have nothing to take from us or nothing to get from lying to us. They told us all of this, but we will still go our own way, which is the mind's way.

And that moment-to-moment surrendering our heart to God, making ourselves fully available to God—whether in the form of letting go of all identity and looking truly into the nature of who we are, or in the nature of pure surrender and bowing down to God in our heart altar—both are to build the Holy Temple in our heart. So, this moment, this moment... and we say to God that every concern I have is just whether I'm serving You, whether I'm loving You, or whether I'm truly finding out who I am, because that is also in great service to Him. When you make it moment to moment, then we can manage it. If you make it, stretch it out into a day or a week or a month, it's unmanageable. But this moment, can you be with God fully? You can at least have the intention of being with God fully. That is to be with God. Whether the darshan happens or not is none of our business.

As a child, I shared the story once before, but maybe it's useful. My parents took me to Vaishno Devi in the North. We went there and, when you go inside, it's a very small cave at the end of it, or like all sanctum sanctorum, it is a very small place. And the pandits there are just pushing everyone to move forward because they can't afford the line to wait. So I went there—we walked that whole, I think it's 14 kilometers or something up the hill—and went over there. And the pandit is pushing and all of that. And I feel it is just because I had no interest; my family forced me into it. But I just missed the darshan fully. Being pushed, we were out of it, and I was like, 'Is it done? Are we out?' I only saw the crowd and all of that. And it happens to quite a few.

But do you feel like God would not have known that some child, some silly fool, came to walk 14 kilometers to, you know, with whatever little one percent openness? God knows. So, what kind of darshan we get, what kind of love we get as a reward, what kind of joy we get as a reward, or peace we get as a reward, is not our business. Our business is to turn away from our worldly concerns to that which is beyond time and space, that is inward-facing. So, as a result of our inward-facing, what should this apparent object in the non-existent world get? The question doesn't survive if they are looking. But if we carry this one like a monkey on our back, we carry this one, then we don't leave this place anyways. Like the ship is anchored and wanting to sail far away, but it's anchored into this realm.

Satsang is like a spaceship out of this universe into a different place which is beyond all time and space. But if you anchor yourself here—and many of us do, and that's why it's difficult—we anchor one foot here and say, 'Okay, I'm with you, Father, 100% I'm with you,' but when I tug, then I know that one foot is anchored here. Please. So, that anchoring is a process which we go through of more and more development of trust, development of faith, that you are willing to let go of the ideas you may have presently: what you need to be right about, where you want your life to go, how you want your body to be, what kind of experiences you want to have and don't want to have. So, all of these things will get in your way, and soon it will be time over. Next round, next round. Who knows what will happen? This one may come back even more foolish than this time, then how will we guide anyone?

So, let's use the opportunity now to get on the spaceship. Risk it. What's the worst that can happen? What's so fantastic about the lives we've created for ourselves anyway? What's so eternal about it? What will outlast death? It's all going. It's all going. Risk it. See this also, see this also. So, with that, what is common and is natural in some sense is to say that fully and only. But some concern remains about this because, like I said, nobody can say they're fully out of 'my.' Only God can say 'only.' But don't believe that you are a body who is on a spiritual quest. Not a body who is on a spiritual quest. Consciousness itself is playing this game with itself. And whatever position you have, may have, about the relationship between Jivatma and Paramatma makes no difference to me. Whether you believe that Consciousness individualizes as you or you believe that Consciousness is one, no difference to me. We still have to let go of the false one either way. As long as you don't take yourself to be the body-mind, whether you say Jivatma or Paramatma makes no difference to me.

Like somehow I felt that Bhakti is better because we do acknowledge that I'm separate. But why you want better? I want easier. I don't like all those intellectual gymnastics and yoga and you can keep on doing... and it's like one huge leap, you're a body-mind and suddenly you're awareness and that's you're done. But Bhakti Yoga seems more gradual. First find spirit, then something, then something. It's more gradual but sure. This is all...

So, all this is from intellect or...?

Yeah, it is. Yeah. But I'm allowed to do that in Bhakti. In Bhakti Yoga that's allowed, no? You can acknowledge that right now I do think I'm a body-mind and somewhere I seek union with God as though it's not already there. Something will take me there. And it's not like, 'No, I'm all.' It's so... I don't know what... it's so much potential for being tricked also.

So, in the complete surrender, we also have to surrender the intellect in Bhakti. Not sure that... surrender the mind, you mean?

Yes, surrender the mind. Surrender all narratives. All narratives.

Otherwise, can it be a full surrender?

But you get there gradually, no? Like you keep praying, praying, praying, then narratives drop bit by bit by bit.

Can you be in your heart halfway? We talked about this last time. It's a very good point. So, we said that whether Gyan or Bhakti, it's binary in the moment. In the moment it is binary, but when we zoom out and look at it as a life, then it seems like a process. Does this make sense?

No, it doesn't.

But it is like this only. We have seen it to be like this. So, I can't make it sensible for you. I can just say that this is how it appears. In the moment, you can't be surrendering your heart to God but not really. You can't be saying, 'I'm fully Yours, do with me as You please,' but not really. Actually, you can't hedge your bets. I mean, if you hedge your bets, then it's not a full prayer. In the same way when, you know, like you said, when we recognize that we are not this, then we see that we are that which is the Absolute reality. So, there's no halfway in the moment for either. Is it?

There is no... like, so I start off with two malas, then four, then this, that's a moment... that's in the aggregate that I'm talking about. Like someday the presence becomes evident. It leads up to it. It's not always evident, so it becomes more and...

Yes, very good. So, so many of you, in fact all of you, will make the claim that when I have asked you, 'Are you aware now?' you have recognized that there is an 'I' which is aware, which is out of this realm of phenomena. Then what happens? So, although in the moment it's instantaneous, but Maya still is at play. And therefore, when looked at as a life, it seems like a gradual deepening of the insight, whereas the immediate insight is aparoksha, it's immediate. There's no mechanics about it. The same way with our devotions. But if you're enjoying Bhakti, be a bhakta. It's good. But you don't have to conclude that it is better or easier.

I've sort of left the inquiry. I'm not doing it at all.

As long as you're praying, and that is allowed. 'I can take myself to be body-mind, oh there is a body...'

So, what are you offering to God as a bhakta? My time, my trying to find, my effort and time, giving up my other will.

Very good, very good. So, who is the owner of all of this other will, time? Is it body-mind? So, you cannot actually take yourself to be the body-mind alone and be a bhakta, because it's too far-fetched then. If I'm just a body-mind, you know, then I'm a bundle of flesh. I'm made up of the food that I've eaten. Then what God? What are we praying to? What are we talking about? What is that area of intersection of these universes? Where is that place in our heart where He lives? What is that interior castle? It's all made up if you are just a body-mind. Can you have an interior castle? No, you can have kidneys and liver and stomach and all of this.

What was the question? I was just saying that you said that, 'I'm happy being a bhakta because then I can just take myself to be a body-mind and offer myself to God.' You see, but God lives in an interior castle which is not made of liver, kidney, flesh, isn't it? So, you can't really take yourself to be a body-mind. And if you really took yourself to be a body-mind, come tell me one reason why you come to satsang? What is here for the body-mind? The mind maybe sometimes gets excited with some far-out concepts or something, but truly there is nothing here for the body, isn't it? And you yourself said something very beautiful, isn't it? That if I were just a material entity, then how am I finding joy in the immaterial? What is this that I'm finding joy in, peace and love in? I'm paraphrasing, of course, but you see what I'm saying. So, taking to recognize the immateriality of yourself is not to take yourself to be the body-mind.

Like you're saying, who owns time, all that... no, Father, like I don't own time, but I have a choice as a body-mind to either...

As a body-mind you do? Like whose life is this? Whose life is this? What does the body-mind care? The lump of flesh is unconcerned about where this goes or what happens. It's unconcerned about all meaning, not just spiritual meaning. The mind is, yes. But if the mind's only locus is the body, that 'I'm just taking myself to be only the body,' then we'd be just purely materialistic, purely carnal in its ways.

I think I see what you're saying. I see. But it's like the intellect seems to be a little higher than this, you know, like more discerning. But like you just taught us, that's not necessary to be there.

Very limited. It's a helpful tool if it is... if you can discern between... if it is the source of your viveka. Atma isn't the body that's doing the prayer, isn't it? The body... you tell me, is it the prayer? Mind says the word, 'I'm thinking of football,' but the body is in prayer position. I can tell the prayer, I can say the words of the prayer, that's the body. Or I can say it internally, that's the mind.

Yes, but who is praying? It is the body-mind that's praying.

Okay, so when we say it is our antahkarana, the antahkarana which is the inner instrument, then is it just the body-mind which are aspects of you? What else is there? And I've often told you that your heart loves to pray. Atma's greatest joy is to pray to its Father, to its Creator. Otherwise, Atma Gyan would not happen. Otherwise, the prayer of the heart would never happen. This is also that gradual thing I'm talking about. I'm starting off as that mind and...

Say it internally, that's the mind, yes. But who is praying? It is the body-mind that's praying. Okay, so when we say it is our an—the an which is the nose—then is it just the body-mind which are aspects of you? What else is there? And I've often told you that your heart loves to pray. Atma's greatest joy is to pray to its Father, to its Creator. Otherwise, prayer would not happen; otherwise, the prayer of the heart would never happen.

This is also that gradual thing I'm talking about. I'm starting off as that mind and body, and somewhere it deepens. And I don't know prayer of the heart, all that I've heard, but are you finding joy in the immaterial or...

Sometimes, but recently I've been... I will go with your construct as long as it doesn't get in my way. I'm fine with it as long as you keep praying. Okay, same. Nothing wrong with... sorry, there's nothing wrong with gradual. But just avoid the temptation to make a judgment about betters, because we've been in either places and tomorrow we may be in either places again. So we don't have to judge and say this is better or this is worse.

Ji. Same point from what where Shiv has mentioned. Like you had also mentioned that it's either you have to pray or be in the presence. So if I'm not in the presence and then I'm doing the prayer, then that is more from body and mind, right? Not from the presence?

Okay. As long as you pray, it doesn't matter.

Father, from last satsang you had mentioned the entity that says 'I got it' claims credit or that is the false one and we have to watch out for that. However, I noticed that, for example, starting the morning like I've mentioned before, there is something that feels a deep satisfaction that, 'Oh, this is amazing.' And maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit, but like there's a relief, there's a satisfaction, and something is noticing that. And that something has a memory of the past, whether past exists or not. In the experience, there is a sense of relative relief and it's like, 'Thank God,' like you know that at least for now that thing doesn't exist. So this noticing is happening. It's not like a 'got it' with any kind of... it doesn't feel like it's laced with pride or anything, but maybe. So that's why I just wanted to start with asking that. That relief is very natural.

It's like we felt we were in a prison. Yeah, actually the prison doesn't exist to feel that. And I guess as a consequence of that, there is a motivation to stay on the path.

Yeah, I'm calling it motivation, but I guess we're more inspired.

Yeah, we're more inspired. Yeah, yeah. Something is coming to say... um, you can pass it to her. There is a holy place where God lives and there is also this place. Now, I'm not interested in the moment to look at it in spatial terms, whether this is inside that, whether that is here, all of that, because their point of intersection is not really in time and space. The point of intersection itself within ourself takes us beyond time and space where we go into that which is also called the Interior Castle or the Heart Temple, as we've been calling it. Where is that temple? Is it just made up? Is it metaphorical or philosophical? In a sense that because it's not a physically constructed temple, so in that sense it's metaphorical. But I'm pointing to a holy place within ourself, but not within our body, where we access God's presence. That is when where we come to Atma Darshan. The Atma lives there. The Atma is that presence of God, the Holy Spirit.

So one way or the other, we will discard the false identity of being an object in this world. In what mechanics that happens, through what steps does that happen, that is not so relevant. What is more relevant is to come into the discipleship of this Atma within, because it is this Atma who is the true Satguru. So come into a discipleship of this Atma within, and there is no other form you can fill but to surrender yourself to him. And if you surrender yourself to him, you have no danger that your form got rejected or misplaced. This form reaches the right place. But remember that every moment of your life is a box on that form, a box on that form. And that turning inwards or turning outwards is all that is important or relevant.

The more you turn inwards, the more he will guide you how to turn inwards and remain inwards. The more you turn towards Maya, the more Maya will guide you as to how to remain with her. Both the guides are available to us. We can stay with the Satguru or we can stay with Maya. But we cannot dance that happy dance that our mind wants us to dance; that we cannot do. I mean, we do, but that doesn't work, and that is what leads to strife and trouble and suffering in the path of the spiritual seeker. And therefore, for all of us, the more we keep building—like on the weighing scale with two ends—if you keep building on one end of it, it will build some weight. You keep building some weight, so that will take on a natural gravity of itself.

That's why so many of your friends will tell you, 'How is it you're able to sit by yourself all day? Don't you want to come out and be with us and socialize and party and all of that?' They'll wonder. They'll say you're strange. But you say, 'I find what you get from going outside, I get much more being inside,' because your gravitation, center of gravitation, has changed to the heart. The Heart Temple is it. And otherwise, you have center of gravitation... the more you build over there, the more that will take gravitation. So am I saying that we must not go out with our friends, not meet them, not have work, not any of... no. But you don't build attachments and you see you don't get involved. Although the play of Maya can happen in front of you, you can play it without being involved. Remain in pure perception and, better still, remain in his light, in his presence.

This game is moment to moment. It's now, now, now, now. You can be in satsang and thinking of something else, or you can be somewhere else thinking of satsang. Your focus you determine. Wherever you are, the outer circumstances don't determine our focus, although the mind uses that as evidence for the reality of this realm. So therefore, it may seem easier when you're in satsang hall and more difficult when you're in a pub or something, but the push-pull between Maya and Atma is the same. Okay, so what is Maya? Like Kabir Ji told us, when 'me' the 'me' comes, that is Maya. Through what medium does the 'me' come? Does a 'me' come in the world? Is there a 'me' sitting around over here which just, what is it called, possesses you? It can seem like that, but it's not like that. There's no entity that is possessing us in that way. It is just a belief system. We build on that belief system by believing into our thoughts, and the more we believe into our thoughts, the more we take the 'me' to be real. The 'me' always then seems like an object within this vast universe of time and space, which is completely opposite to the reality of what you are. The universe is at best an object within you.

Too much. This is an example, Father. Binary, either either insight or no insight. But I've never felt that the entire universe is within me, even when I'm aware of perception. Yeah, there is a gradual something building. There is a gradual... when you see, you see. Then into your understanding, that's... I'm just quite... that everything is... doesn't matter. But when that, that urge to go and try and understand it... it cannot, doesn't.

So all of us must resist the temptation to convert heart insights into conceptual ideas. And you can come closer if you want, I know that struggling a bit to... you're okay? You can take another chair if you like, whatever you feel. So you must resist the temptation because the insight that you have is gold. The insight that you're getting as a gift from the Atma, what the Atma is teaching you, is gold. If you rush to make it into something you understand, then you'll just make it into copper or something.

Like this process, I didn't want to point it out. So the thing with with that was I couldn't help that one. That is the process.

No, like, yeah, but you don't have to. You don't have to. What makes us have to? Because we feel like we only progress if we can undertake that process. But we don't have to. And that brings so much freedom to our lives because we don't have to prove to anyone what we are finding. Even if you put it in the best word, nobody will feel like we have found anything anyway. So we cannot convince them that way. And the best part is that your heart can speak for you, and that is what you come to satsang to hear. And many times I do a horrible job of that because there is opacity here, not full transparency. Like the condition still can play a part, can become a lens. Now the attempt at least is to be just heart-to-mouth, and all of us must also learn to do that.

Yesterday when I was sharing sat, I saw this, Father. You know, I was sharing and I was feeling very raw in sharing yesterday. So I still showed up and then at some point I noticed that, like, I had always a fear that if I was to speak heart-to-mouth, I will not know what language is, I won't know what words are, you know, what words are coming out of my mouth. Like I felt it'll be too unknown. And it was not like as if it was not... when it, I saw that switch in the end in me where I was just like I was inward and words were happening. And it's not like I didn't understand them, it's not like I didn't know what I was saying, and yet I didn't know what I was saying. Like it was... and my mind was saying, 'Oh, you know, usually you want to engage your audience,' and it was not like that. And I saw that.

But that is when we go from that what we've been calling the performative spirituality. Since Marin organized one session for someone, so that's where the word came from, I think he used it first. But it's a very good word. We can easily fall into the trap of performative spirituality because when people are gathered around you, they want to see your performance, like drama, something. So it's very easy to get into that mode to please the audience, you see. And when we get into that audience-pleasing mode, then we're not really giving a chance for our heart to speak because we already made a lens out of what they want to hear. 'Am I answering their questions? Am I living up to their expectations? Will they come back?' All of this nonsense then just gets in our way.

And once that becomes a habit, then people that even start off authentically, you see... and it could easily have happened here if it wasn't for God's grace. I don't know what made that grace unfold, but could easily have happened here. Or maybe it is already happening where you get so used to, after year after year and satsang after satsang, to get into like a performance mode. So that doesn't allow any freshness to come. It just seems like you have a framework which you're just then delivering to everyone instead of just truly remembering that satsang is to come to the company of the truth, and the truth can only be shared by the Atma within. And then it's none of my business whether anyone is liking it, whether anyone is understanding it, whether anyone is getting fully bored. I just have to be as transparent as an instrument as possible. And that's a work in progress. I cannot say that, okay, cannot say that everything that is said from here is gleaned only from the Atma within.

I was listening to a podcast by an interview with Jack Hughman and he's talking about how he wanted to, you know, his first year of acting he really wanted to go to the school but he needed say like some $3,500 and he kind of threw away the letter. But then the next day he got a check because his grandmother had passed away and she left him that much money. And I'm as of now not really a believer in God doing things for you or sending messages or helping you out, but I am not a non-believer either. So I wanted to ask you about that is, does the universe or the Divine or the God, you know, send you messages, shows you the path in a fork? And a second part to that...

He needed, say, like some $3,500 and he kind of threw away the letter. But then the next day he got a check because his grandmother had passed away and she left him that much money. And I'm, as of now, not really a believer in God doing things for you or sending messages or helping you out, but I am not a non-believer either. So I wanted to ask you about that. Does the universe, or the Divine, or God, you know, send you messages, shows you the path in a fork? And a second part to the same question, because I think they are related, is manifestations. I've been hearing a lot about, you know, if you really want something and you kind of force yourself, if you manifest it, it can actually happen. Is it more psychological, or if you could shed some light on that aspect of what is manifestation? Thank you.

I'm very bad at remembering both parts of a question, but let me see. So, can the Divine send us help in this way? And when help comes in this way, how is it that we can conclude that it is the Divine that has helped us, you see? And on what basis can we say that that money came to him? Was it really auspicious for him or inauspicious for him? Can we really see? So, Maya's job is to trick us in whatever way. Divine interventions are very much a part of our existence as well, but what is from Maya and what is from Atma? We need to build that capacity within ourselves to stay in His presence to be able to discern that.

See, because the same, like if something comes suddenly while we are talking like this, you get a message saying some lottery that you don't remember you bought, but that's come through and you got this one crore rupees or something like that. So that happening, you see, on one end you can say, we can justify and say, 'Oh, you came to satsang and therefore it must be God helping you.' The other way you could also say that you came to satsang and Maya got threatened, so Maya said, 'Let's take him out of here.' So, in what way can we really say where it came from? And also then the pressure is more because often in satsang it is said that it is auspicious only if it comes from God. How is it that we can determine the auspiciousness, the goodness of anything?

The goodness of something is only whether what its source is, not what it looks like, not in the content of it. So, the more we remain in Atma Darshan, in Atma Gyan, we will be able to make these distinctions. And the distinction will not come in the content of it because nothing in the world is objectively good or objectively bad. It is to what end: is it going to make us proud and selfish and egotistic, or is it going to make us faithful, humble, and inward-facing, anukmuki? So, is it going to make us more anukmuki or bahirmuki? That is the distinction. And to find that out, we must wait for God to tell us or God to show us in some way and not rush to any conclusions too fast. Even in this story, I don't find myself able to say, you see, was it really divine intervention or was it Maya's intervention?

The second part was similar about manifestation, and the answer is also kind of similar. Because do we have the capacity? Suppose we even had the 'Great Secret' or whatever abrahamic or set or whatever we believe in. Suppose we had the capacity that I first start imagining something small like a blue feather, and then the blue feather, if it appears, then I feel like, 'Ah, I have some power.' Then I go to a bigger thing. But where do we have the potential to know what is best for us? To have that, if this came into my life—forget God, that is far-fetched—but even if it'll bring me happiness, can we even make that call? And of course, right now we may be able to say, 'If only I had this, if only I had this relationship, only I had this much money, if only this, then I'd be happy.' So I want to manifest that. But there are so many such things which we have wanted and they also happened for us, you see. Did they give us the contentment, the happiness that we really wanted? Maybe short-lived at best.

So, if we don't even have the capacity to know what is better for our life, then what are we going to manifest, you see? So there's a story about manifestation where this man really was doing all these manifestation exercises. Now, I don't know if it's a true story or somebody just made a metaphor, an analogy out of it. So he said, 'Today I'm going to manifest $2,700.' So he sat at 2,700—whatever process, I don't know how to do any of this. So then what happened is that the next day he crashed his Ferrari and it had to be sold as scrap for $2,700, you see. So we are too limited to look at the broader scheme of things.

And we have to be then, even if we had access to this, which I doubt very much, but even if there was, then it's like giving an actual car to an infant or something like that because the infant doesn't know where to go, what to drive. So all good things come only when we follow His will and we align ourselves to His light, His presence. And our job then is to just do that. And then from there you notice that so many things unfold which we have to call miracles. We don't have to; it seems natural to call them like that. And they don't have to be big things, just small reminders. I call them God saying hello, you see. And there's so many of these things that happen, but we never become proud of our ability to manifest or how to unfold life in that way because everything is seen as a gift from God instead.

So my advice to anyone who's looking at all of these things is to just change your focus to the source of where all of this comes from. Because if it was not His will, then all this would not work anyway. So why don't we become stronger in our relationship with Him or in our union with Him, you see, rather than spending a lot of time in concern about what is showing up in this ephemeral realm which is going to go tomorrow anyway? So that is my current perspective on this.

Hello. Okay, I'll just say it, Father. So like recently when some work-related stuff, I could really feel that there was this habitual way of solving a problem, you know, the conditioned way as this body-mind or the identity really would do it. And in that moment, like you said, there was this deep surrender of like, 'I write to you,' like I do that, right? So I wrote and I said, 'Even this habitual way of thinking that I can solve the problem is offered at your feet.' One. And then after some time, obviously the identity of the bhakta came in and said, 'Oh, that's so great, now you are able to surrender this moment when you're in the act.' Like nowadays even when I'm angry, sort of you feel like, 'Oh, I can observe the anger,' and you kind of regress. So even in the moment, right? So that kind of plays out.

And then I don't know, but we always talk about this individualistic choices or the spiritual path is individualistic. And something struck me was like, like you say, everything that is good is God. When we are reflecting ourselves and if we are good, it is God, and keep God as benchmark, you know, you've said that. And I just suddenly felt that the individualistic choice is also from God, Father. I mean the choice that, you know, go with your mind or not go with your mind is also God, right, Father?

Of course. So it was just an insight and then the pride was seen and I just wanted to share, I guess. The possibility to remain inward-facing or the possibility to go with our mind's narratives, the identification with the 'me,' is true for all of us. And that choice, because Consciousness is all-powerful, it always has that choice for itself even in this game that is created for itself. But what we have to be careful about is that in the choice-making, the mind plays a very tricky game. It gives you two choices which are both its choices and it says, 'This is worldly and this is spiritual,' you see? And both ways you never look at Spirit itself, you don't turn to the Atma. And not just two, but it can create a multitude of these apparent options, you see.

And therefore the only test of whether we are making the right choice is whether we were patient. Firstly, we stayed patiently with God, His presence, and we allowed it to unfold in the presence of love, in the absence of grasping. In the presence of love, in the absence of grasping. And then you know that it came from God. And I've been using this word 'rushing' very often. And anytime we are not patient like that, we are not waiting for the presence of love and the absence of grasping, but we are just going into our grasping, then that is rushing. That is to make a mental choice even if it sounds spiritual.

Out of calmness, which actually feels very weird, yeah, out of the box, like you know, you've not experienced it or you don't have it or you don't know its taste. And it's very funny that, you know, you start feeling that, 'Is it okay to be like this?' And then it plays the game in the mind, but then you know that there's something that is... you again go back to it, you feel nice, like everything is happening on its own. Like what I wanted to ask is the mind or like, you know, in the presence of... like most of the time I'm in no-mind, like my acting like you don't get tension at all. I said, 'No, this is how I am.' And when she asked me that, it was very funny for me, like how people are seeing you is different. So indirectly she was telling you a very favorite parent thing to say, which is—did you get what she was saying? 'When are you going to get serious?'

So how to know if you're truly in the presence or the mind is fooling you about your non-doership also? Just the absence of a personal agency, like it's just unfolding on its own. To see that, how long is it like that? Months. And only people can get me out of it, but yeah, I've gotten out of it for maybe like two, three minutes at the max. And it's been really worse in that point of time, and then as soon as I came back I'm like, 'Oh, something is pulling me out of it.' Okay, and that the sense is coming back, but otherwise I could snap like that before, like very easily. Yesterday I was playing...

So being in this presence, right? So I don't like going to the club, I don't know when I go and play when I'm in that mind state it's like... but sometimes it comes and plays with exactly this. He was like that, this is how it used to be, this is what it all started. Game is gone for you, you're not playing. Thank God. Thank God. No, suppose that pride came and the game also went well, then that is... you can see that to play that well, like it's flawless, but if you're playing with the mind you just can't. I feel that also in the no-mind, in the what sports people call 'the zone' many times. Also you don't win all the time, like I've not seen, isn't it? So it's not a superpower. If it was, then God knows that everybody in the zone would become very proud and yeah. You're just not worried about the outcome, you're just in the moment, you're just unfolding like that.

So it's naturally like, you're naturally like that, like we do in the fresh exercises, just remain empty in the moment. So use that when you're not playing a tournament or something like that, use that to deepen in your love for God, in your devotion to God, because this is His gift He's given you, you see. Now many times what happens is that the gift comes before the devotion—not that you're not devoted, but I'm saying that I've noticed this many times in life, that many times His gifts come before that. But we still have to make sure that we turn towards Him, we surrender to Him. Because otherwise then the gifts go away, the gifts go away and then it doesn't feel so good. It feels like, 'But I was like that,' trying to run away. It's a different thing altogether. It's like, you know, it's bringing back to your gift of what you're missing and then again it plays like... very good, very good, very good. It's fine, it's very good. The only thing I will say is that for the moment we are inferring that this is happening in the light of His presence because of the absence of doership and...

Use otherwise, then the gifts go away. The gifts go away and then, uh, then it doesn't feel so good. It feels like, 'But I was like that.' Trying to run away is a different thing altogether. It's like, you know, it's bringing back to your gift of what you're missing. And then again it plays like very good, very good, very—it's fine. Uh, it's very good. The only thing I will say is that for the moment we are inferring that this is happening in the light of His presence because of the absence of doership and the absence of effort. Like, a physical effort may be there, but there's no psychological effort, no mental pressure. Let's use that as an opportunity to not have to infer, to come face to face with His presence, to meet the Atma as the unperceivable light intuitively, so that we don't have to gauge whether it is happening in His presence inferentially, you know? Because you meet Him in your heart. So may you use this beautiful gift that He has given to you to build a deep, deep union and bond with God in your heart.

Friday, yeah, it's Friday. It's Friday, I see. But all other days we've been mostly online. Every day is a Sunday only when you're not the doer, then every day seems like a holiday. But be careful of—um, all of us have to be careful of making a conceptual position about non-doership. Because I've seen many, especially in spiritual-seeming places, who just made this like a mantra of their lives: that 'I am not the doer, but I am not the doer.' You see, that is half knowledge. Because the question to them is: who is that 'I' which is not the doer? 'I am not the doer.' So okay, now who is this 'I' which is the non-doer or not the doer? Then you say it is the fake one, the false one, the imagined one. So then you are not that one. So why you refer to yourself as 'I'—to this one as 'I'? Who is the true doer then? And what is the distance between you and that one? See? So don't fall for the trap of a conceptual non-doership or conceptual non-duality. Use that seeing that it's all unfolding—every word that is coming is just coming on its own—use that as an opportunity to see who is the true source and is there such an 'I' who could have claimed being the doer or not the doer anyway? Use that.

So sometimes that's what I meant, that the gifts come before and then it gives us an opportunity to really inquire, to really check what is happening. If I'm not the doer, then what is the source of this? Where is He? Is He hidden from us? Is He available to us in what we—yes?

In a way, Father, you know, when one is trying to prepare, um, prepare for God, so what the sadhana during the day is also to be humble, to be, um, slow, soften every moment, action, um, proposal to let go of what is coming, which is—could we possibly intending to hand over to God just about every moment? To be compassionate, be kind, to take yourself last and to continue with prayers. And then it doesn't matter if one is home or working or talking to people. That is the start.

Yeah. Can I attempt to help by making it much simpler than it sounds at the moment? So if you switch it around, which means that you say that 'I'm going to just pray all the time,' then you will notice that you can't pray all the time. No, none of us can. And when you're really looking at that, then you see: why am I not able to pray all the time? Because I'm proud about this. So when thoughts about this come, you see, then I get attracted to them. So that teaches us. Then when thoughts about something else come, so then that teaches us compassion. It teaches us: why am I not praying all the time? Because I'm judging instead of leaving justice to God. So if your attempt becomes to pray all the time, then all that which is in service to God will happen in your noticing of what blocks you from the prayer all the time.

But if you say that 'I'm going to set my house in order for the prayer first,' you see, 'So I'm going to be kind, I'm going to be humble, I'm going to be faithful, I'm going to be all of these things and then I'll be able to pray well,' you see, then that may seem like a never-ending process. So pray all the time and when you notice that you're not praying, then: why am I not praying? Because I don't have enough faith. I feel like I have to do this by myself. I'm not trusting God to take care of this for me. So all these things then get pointed out to us by the holy teacher inside us, you see, the Atma within. And we don't make a project out of 'I have to be like this, like this.' I just have to pray all the time.

Yeah, and and, um, and that somewhere feels too simplistic somewhere because we've evolved, we've read a lot, we've learned a lot. Then that can feel like, 'But this I came to know in my first spiritual book, is it? Then what is the point of reading so much and understanding so much?' But the way we understood it then is very different from the way we're understanding it now. If you try and remain in unceasing prayer, in nirantar japa, then exactly what you need to work on will be shown to you. If you go with your own decisions about what you need to work on, then that will be a very long-drawn process. So, and who will decide the curriculum anyway for this moment? What do I need to work on? If you don't let Atma decide that curriculum for us, then it can be a very long-drawn affair and many times going in a wayward direction.

So switch it around. It is, um, a more symphonic approach in the sense that you try to pray all the time, then you will see your pride. Then you will notice that, you see, then you try to pray all the time, then you will see that you're taking judgments into your own hand, you're not leaving justice to God. Then all the right messaging, everything will come. But become strong in your intention to just unceasingly pray then. Not left, right, nothing. And all the other groundwork that I've given is just to point you in that way when you get obstructed in the way. Are you being faithful? Are you being humble? Are you being—but if you're just not being any of that and you're able to pray all the time, then you don't need to do anything else, you see? Because then the judgments are just coming from the mind that you're like this and you're like that. If you are like this or like that, you cannot pray all the time. You cannot be—and what I mean by prayer is you cannot be inward-facing all the time. You cannot be standing face to face with God's presence, hearing, being available, being present to that presence. If you're able to do that, then that's all that's needed. So then that simplifies. Otherwise, the spiritual project can seem too intimidating. 'I am now like this, but when I do that, then I'm being proud, and I try to be compassionate, then people take me to be like this,' and it becomes all confusing.

So it's coming like this, maybe for the first time, something that—instead of trying to juggle all of this as preparatory work for your prayer, make prayer your work starting now. And all that preparation will happen alongside. What is a good metaphor to put this? You're not creating a storehouse, you're eating hand to mouth. You're praying, praying, praying, praying. Something is getting in your way because you're getting angry thoughts about someone, then you notice that you're taking yourself to be right, you're not humble, you're not trusting God, judgment. Then that you notice and then you pray, offer it to God, or you inquire into it. That gets cleaned up, then you keep continuing. So that way your temple is getting built brick by brick. You're not trying to build it in layers. You're getting a sense of it? That then our job is simple: am I praying? And whether you say prayer, inquiry, being open, empty, whatever, inward-facing towards God.

In the other one there's worship, I feel, can be—can be—it can get very complicated. In this, the prayer itself teaches us. Facing God teaches us how to be humble. Otherwise, how to be humble? We can't decide how to be humble. I can be a pretend humble. How to truly become humble? Only He shows us.

It's like three years ago you told me, 'Just drop the fun.' Ah, yes, basically.

But, uh, what can happen is that many times the mind is happy if something seems spiritual but is away from Spirit, huh? So we all have to be careful of that. Seeming spiritual—spiritual is Spirit. So if you're with Atma, you're spiritual. If your intent is to be with Atma, you're spiritual. Everything else is in service to that. Many times it wants us to become spiritual without Spirit. 'And let's take God out of the picture now, be spirit.' And that is very, um, very tricky. It can be very troublesome and there's no need for that kind of endeavor. No, it's just that it becomes a purely, um, mechanical exercise like we've been talking about it. So if I repeat 'Who am I?' ten thousand times, then one day I will see pure awareness. We don't seek God's assistance, we don't surrender our pride. We try to do all of this spirituality without God. The most absurd sort of thing.

Also something somewhere here, Father, one wants to appear to be kind and wants to appear to be loving and wants to appear to be compassionate. So building up the wrong entity, working in the wrong field to uproot from here and plant it there. Any of these, uh, endeavors which seem spiritual—this is what I mean—that 'I'm being nicer, I'm being kinder, I'm working on my outer expression, I'm working...' all of those things. All of that guidance can come from the Atma's curriculum. And when He teaches us, then if you're at least a little sensitive, we learn.

And the thing with planting or working in the wrong field is that at what point will we say that the harvest is good enough now for God? Because we can always be more kind, we can always be more humble, we can always tell the truth more, you can always have faith in God more. It's a never-ending journey. So if that becomes a sort of, in our mind, a prerequisite, then we will never really submit in our heart to God's presence. So to start in the other way: submit first, open-handed everything, and allow Him to. Then you come to the true gurukul, true gurukul of the Atma. Don't miss this great opportunity of this life to not be a disciple of the true Guru, the Atma within.

Yes, it's the—I find it the most difficult at work, Father, to stay within, to turn within, stay within. What should I do? Who live here, here? Also the mind towards work.

At least we have these opportunities like this. And and what is it all for anyway? I have told you one project: that our life is meant to be a holy temple of God. Our life is meant to be a holy temple of God or a vessel of the Holy Spirit, which also I love very much, that expression. So if that is our life and we—we don't really have much need, we don't live in very flashy ways, our needs are not so extravagant—then is it really worth spending time on things which are not the most relevant to us anymore? And I'm not saying give up on your work. I'm saying you keep your focus on God and allow Him to move your work the way—and you've seen over the years that He has done it. All of us have seen. So, so don't allow the mind to play these tricks on you and say, 'But that, but this.' What is it for? What use is, um, if you're a gazillionaire or something, something, the next Rothschild or something—not not even the current ones, like the famous ones of the past—then can you buy a seat in God's heaven with all the money that you have? Can your Atma become palpable to you because you offer it a zillion dollars? So the—the place where this kind of wealth is used has no place in your true life. For that, we have to keep building our spiritual wealth. And not—I don't mean that if you're not in Bangalore you can't do that. I'm just saying that knowing whatever little I know about your life circumstances, it really just sounds like some—like a mental block. Doesn't seem like there's anything really holding you back. And I'm happy to be corrected on that. So use every chance that you get, no?

Right. I need your blessing and your grace to get beyond that, please.

You've seen that when things are really in trouble, then He takes care of everything anyway. So I'm not saying that outwardly you need to give up on anything, but inwardly, because you yourself are saying that that work gets in the way, and anything that gets in the way you must—

Like some mental block, it doesn't seem like there's anything really holding you back, and I'm happy to be corrected on that. So use every chance that you get, no?

Right. I need your blessing and your grace to get beyond that, please.

You've seen that when things are really in trouble, then He takes care of everything anyway. So I'm not saying that outwardly you need to give up on anything, but inwardly, because you yourself are saying that that work gets in the way. And anything that gets in the way, you must throw it away. There's no time for any slowness on that part. There's no time to say, 'Okay, now we'll see next year, we'll see next year.' If anything gets in the way, just throw it away. Just throw it. And if your life hasn't made the space for it so it seems like it can be thrown away, then just offer it to God and say, 'This blocks me. This is getting in my way, and I know it is my mind which is playing this game, but You have to help me with that.' Truly offer it up and don't move an inch without His movement, His guidance. Because really, there's no time. Then will you wait for our work to be settled? So let the work go on. Let God do your work; you do God's work. You do God's work. Let Him do whatever He wants with your work, because the true work is what you are building inwardly. What is it for? If I may probe a bit more, what is it for? So maybe you can just pull it out completely today. Is it just by habit, or is it... what is it really for? Why should work get in the way?

It's the habit. It's the ego. It's the compulsion of the mind. It's unnecessary.

Then any other children who... they may say that, you know, 'I have a family now, I have to feed them, I have to take care,' like that. But I don't see any of that. Life has given you the space actually to do whatever you wanted. So then you must not waste that opportunity, especially because it gets in the way. If you said to me that, like Amit said, 'It's just unfolding, I can stay inward focused'—although that part I'm paraphrasing—but 'I can stay inward and outwardly all this is playing out, it's not getting in the way,' then that is fine. But now that I've said that, the mind will try to make it like, 'Okay, see, it's not getting in the way.' So you have to be careful of that. You have to be true to yourself, no? Getting in the way... it's pleasure-seeking. That's very... what will be the expiry date of that pleasure-seeking? At what age, at what point will we come to that? It has to stop now. Now. And I promise you that the pleasures in His house are beyond compare. Beyond compare. But they are patient pleasures. They're not... there's nothing that He doesn't provide a guest also.

How to tell whether this is Maya or divine intervention?

Let him... do you want to come here? He's not liking me too much today. Or today, now he likes... hello, hi, hi, hi. Okay, okay, okay, okay, baby. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Where you want to go? I feel like he's coming to love me. Apparently, I was just a stepping stone in his path. He's really just... just rub him on the back, he'll settle down a bit. Just overstimulated, like children. Slowly. He's a little hyperactive right now and he has these moments, like two minutes he'll just... he'll try to trick us, no? He'll just be like, 'Yeah, I'm good, I'm sleeping, I'm resting.' The minute he feels like you left your guard, he's... good, careful. What is he? He's an English Golden Retriever, apparently. I don't know much about these things, but I see very sweet. They say about Golden Retrievers that if a thief comes to your house, they will welcome him in and say, 'Please have a seat.' You see, he doesn't discriminate in his love. Isn't biting a bit? He's becoming big also, not that easy to control. Care, careful, sweetie. Care, careful. He thinks you're just... no. Two weeks, maybe we can give him back to Lucia. Yeah. Oh, really jumpy. He's growing. So just tell Lucy, tell Lucy it's good. And there is still playing with me, knocking. Okay, wait for it. Just ring the bell. You can wash your hands with that.

God's Temple, Father. I'm finding that it's a real place where we can live. You said it's not a physical temple and it's not a metaphor, but it feels more real than a physical temple sometimes. It feels, Father, like while praying, that the prayer, it dips into this temple. And over here, what... like dips into this temple, and sometimes it feels like it has its own life over here. And sometimes it's a bit... I'm not... it may not make sense, but it's sometimes it actually... it's all of this, that it has its own life over here. And then this temple is also the birthplace of this prayer, and it's also the landing... but it's also the... it has its own life over here. Does this make sense?

And it doesn't make any sense with... it makes sense in the heart. The head, it doesn't make any sense, but it makes completely true in the heart. Alive in the... like any remembrance of God, just say 'Ram.' Truly, does it ever go? Does it ever leave us, or does it not forever reverberate in that holy place in our heart? So does our spiritual wealth... is it accumulated in the way of worldly things? No. It is forever alive. And yet it is possible in Maya's distraction for that whole construct to get... not demolished, it never can be demolished, but to be hidden. To get hidden again, to get blocked, seemingly blocked again. A sense of disconnection again can happen. When you find yourself being worldly, then this seems distant and far out. When you are here, then the world seems distant and far out, as close as it physically may seem. Yeah, this is the truth. The world is... yeah, well, even that we may not be able to say about the world. It may not exist... like what is 'exist' or 'not exist' in the first place? When Shankara said that Maya both is real and unreal, he's saying that both these categories are unreal.

That's another thing, saying there's no time. There's no time to waste. Yeah, you keep saying there's no time to waste all the time you're saying that. Why is that not sinking in?

That is the whole game. That is the whole game. And that's why the most urgent call home is what all the sages have told us. And in spite of all the sages telling us, we are able to say, 'Oh, but tomorrow.' And unfortunately, Kabir Ji's dohas we trivialized in school; we made it about homework and things like that. But he's really saying now it's important. Like firstly, do we know... like I'm almost fifty. Do I know how much time truly, fully devoted to God I need to live for it to really count for anything? If there is a counting anywhere, it can't. But all I can say is that I have this moment to give it my all in my love for God. This moment. And whatever moments I have. There's a beautiful line from a very popular bhajan-type Christian song: 'With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God.' Such a beautiful line. With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God. I feel like if there's a mission for this life, it may be that one. Another teacher said very beautifully—they said, a Christian teacher—so he said, 'Preach the gospel, die and be forgotten.' So the way to really look at that is: share His light. Death will come. May this... may this identity be forgotten. Because we do a lot of useless things for useless legacies. So may God be remembered and may Ananta be forgotten. That is the... why can't we do our work without moha and Maya and also be in the presence of the Divine at the same time? That's only what I'm saying. We don't have to give up outwardly on anyone. Your work can continue outwardly; you stay in God's light with no attachment to the outcome. That's exactly... I went on that, I read about work because I know this thing, and she herself mentioned that the work is getting in the way, and she mentioned that to me before as well. So, but I myself work. I work. But so beautiful that 'share His light, die and be forgotten.' So the 'being in the light' part is taken care of in that 'share His light.' Unless we are living in the light, we can't share His light. Then we are only sharing our ego, which the world doesn't need anymore. So, but it really captured my attention, this whole advice, this whole guidance of being forgotten. I realize it's so important. Otherwise, we can get into the wrong stuff, that 'Ananta says like this, Ananta says like that.' No matter what this fool says, do you remember God more after coming to satsang? That is the only thing that matters. Do you want to find out more truly who you are after coming to satsang? That's all that matters.

The subject of no time, Father. I have this... I had this really close friend until five days ago, who was going to turn forty-eight. And one of my closest friends, and we would meet maybe every two months, chat maybe for five, six hours. That kind of friend. There was no mask, it is what it is. And we talked, and we were like three people; he was the third. And two months ago, he sent me a message on WhatsApp to our group of three friends, and sent a message saying, 'What makes life worth living?' And in brackets he wrote, 'I'm not suicidal, I'm asking this from a philosophical standpoint.' And the conversations we used to have were kind of like satsang brothers and sisters kind of conversation. It wasn't about Maya in that sense; it was about inward stuff, but our usual confusions, whatever we could do as friends for each other. I used to tell him about you, and he wanted to come, was going to come. And then five days ago, an artery ruptured and he just went away in a few hours. And I kept looking at that message, you know, 'What makes life worth living?' And his struggle was that he was obsessed with becoming the president of this company. Last eight years, I know he was working twelve hours a day, this, that. And obviously, I didn't give him any advice in that sense, but I could see that struggle. And then I showed up at his funeral, and it's like my closest... one of my closest friends, and I'm just looking at him and I was just blank. And now it's been five, six days, and I've got other friends who are actually quite emotionally rattled by it, and I have not been in that state of being rattled and helpless and all that. And I started feeling like, 'Oh, did you not love him?' Or the mind started bullying. Yeah, started bullying me then. Like, I was like extremely... I don't even know how to describe it. It's just like the only thing that showed up in the funeral was: he doesn't have life, and there is life here. What do you really want? Something like that came up, and there was like this deep clarity that I don't want that right now because I have work to do. And work in the sense of what you are telling us to do and why we are all here. But nothing like that kind of reminder... I know you've been saying it in satsang and you take it seriously, but yeah, that was just... like you say, no? What is the guarantee that tomorrow we are going to be here?

Yeah, because a lot of things have to come together for us to gather like this. It may seem very simple, but one small thing changing and we may not be able to. But this is a very important example. And we always have this mistaken idea that that will not happen to us or cannot happen to us, because our life mostly is lived in a great avoidance of death, of contemplating death. The one inevitable which we can all be sure of, we don't want to contemplate. Everything else we want to look at. But if you were to look at life through the lens of death, which sounds very taboo and many things, and it may even seem scary... I'm actually reading a book about this where the author is talking about Ecclesiastes and the book in the Bible that I was talking about, and how the richest, wisest king in the world is saying, 'It's all vanity, vanity of vanities. Everywhere I look is vanity.' The vanity is not talking about the way we usually say; he's saying it's all hevel, it's all vapor, it's all steam, ungraspable. Some people have mistranslated the... I shared this, they mistranslated it into 'meaningless.' It's all meaningless. And I can understand why it's looked at in that way, but basically he's saying ungraspable. You try to get happiness through pleasure, through... and imagine as a king in those times, and King Solomon at that, so with all the wisdom and all the...

Everywhere I look is vanity. The vanity is not talking about the way we usually say; he's saying it's all vapor, it's all steam, ungraspable. Some people have mistranslated this; I shared this. They mistranslated it into 'meaningless.' It's all meaningless. And I can understand why it's looked at in that way, but basically he is saying ungraspable. You try to get happiness through pleasure, and imagine as a king in those times—and King Solomon, that too. So, with all the wisdom and all the wealth, if you write that everything is just vanity, it's all vapor, it's all steam, you can't grasp at it except when you live in His light, when you're hearing Him. Such a beautiful way to put it. It's also a very beautiful way to look at prayer: just standing in front of God and hearing Him. We don't often take the time to hear. We don't even often take the time to speak with Him, actually, but hearing is even rarer than speaking. Speaking, at least we do when we have complaints and we have troubles.

But if the wisest and richest one has concluded that he has tried everything, and he goes through just like the dispassion of Ram—I did share this—just like the dispassion of Ram, exactly the same. This young prince is just like, 'What is this about? I have everything at my disposal, but it's all meaningless vapor.' So we can learn from them. We can learn from them that Ram himself had to go through that experience of seeing the trickery of Maya, the compelling nature of Maya, and then concluding that even if I have everything in this world, which he did actually, it doesn't have the satisfaction that we think it does. And the same thing in a completely different cultural context. So if you stop being in denial of this inevitable death which is coming, then that sets our radar a little more clearly in terms of what to focus on. What are we—and that's been the theme of today's satsang—what are we constructing? What is this about? What are we spending time on? And if we didn't have the time—and I know I'm sounding like some self-help guru, but that's not the intention—but actually, if we didn't have the time that we think we have, would we live differently? Would we focus on Him more? So this is a very, very good reminder.

Young man, 48. Sorry, just 48 years old. Younger, so born after me, we see here. So any of these examples, Father. The other thing that has come up in the last five days is the world has moved on. I have moved on in a sense. Even the people I saw who were very affected have moved on, and there's no new news. But to go through it in a direct way is different. And what came up was: he doesn't matter, I don't matter, nothing matters. Not in a nihilistic way, not in a nihilistic way. But like, the clarity that was seen was the only thing that matters is what is happening in here, and can I live in truth? And if I'm wasting time in untruth, that is the greatest disservice of this life that has been gifted. Exactly. And I was talking to Adi about it. It can be misconstrued—not misconstrued, but there is some confusion which I could get your guidance on. This dedication to truth and the Self can cause problems for other people because the tendency is to please and be nice, you know, in that sense, at the cost of the truth. So there is a thing called selfishness or self-centeredness, and I don't know what the word is, but it seems like it could be: am I being selfish if I'm dedicating to this inner truth and to this thing being stable and free and all of that?

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. For the first part also, it is very important what you said. Very often when we speak like this, then it's heard as if we are being existential nihilists or something like that. It sounds very much like those philosophers. But the critical difference—like, what did all of them say? They said it's meaningless, forget about it, is what one philosophy was. I'm simplifying, of course. But another said it's meaningless, but you can create your own meaning, you see. Another said it's meaningless, it's all absurd, but laugh at it, it's enjoyable. And then many plays were written in that absurdist movement as well, right? So those were the tactics that they came up with to deal with the apparent meaninglessness of it all.

But truly, what I found in my life and what the books also say is that it is not that life is meaningless. It is deeply meaningful. It is deeply meaningful, but we cannot trust our intellect to grasp its meaning. Our intellect is too small. Just like we cannot expect a plant to understand what we are saying in satsang, or a son who just came to understand what is being shared in satsang—that would be silliness. But human pride is so much. It says, 'No, no, my intellect, I can grasp God's mind and God's will and God's working in my intellect,' which we can't. And once we recognize that we can't, we come to a deeper place where everything is truly known, everything is truly understood. But again, that is not a cheat code to life, because that which can be expressed from that ocean of knowledge is just dependent on Grace, on God's will. But our life can never feel meaningless in His presence. That is the guarantee. All this existential trouble that we have, the grasping for conceptual meaning to 'What does it all mean? What is the purpose of life?'—that grasping goes away and you discover such a deep meaning, and a meaningful ever-deepening as well. The project of our life becomes fully apparent in this way. So, not at all nihilism; in fact, the opposite of that. But just to remember that here we can't get it; it has to be met here in the heart. That is the first aspect.

What is the second part? This whole kind of waking up of selfishness and satsang and selfishness. So, is there anyone who comes to satsang and their partner, wife, children, somebody has not told them, 'You're being selfish'? All of us have had, directly or indirectly, that experience. Unless both are there in satsang, then you're lucky. But most of us go through these experiences that 'You're just so selfish, you're just thinking about yourself, doing your satsang all the time.' No, it's like that. So that complaint many times the world will throw at us, you see, little realizing that if we were not this way, if we were not deepening in our heart, not deepening in our love, then they wouldn't want to be with the one that we were. I don't know, they probably don't want to be with the one that we are also, but at least the one that we were, for sure they wouldn't want to be. So that we don't realize. And of course we don't, and they will not fathom if I was to say that the grace of one in a diameter of maybe kilometers who truly devoted their life to God makes a difference to everybody's life. And not even kilometers; it's like beyond distance. But to live in the presence of one who has dedicated their life to God and the truth is itself so grateful for everyone around us. But we can't expect that to be understood. Can't expect that to be understood.

So it is a burden that we carry, but it's not selfish in any way because that 'self' of the selfish is the smallest. And coming to satsang is the most oppressive thing you are doing to the ego, you see. And it's not fun for long, anyway, for any of us. Many times it can seem like a struggle, many times it can seem difficult, many times it can seem like the ask that he's making—this man is making of all of you—seems too difficult and too much. That's why often we say it is not easy; can't expect it to be easy. So it is not selfish to crush this smallest self into bits, or try to crush it into bits every day. And yet we will face that complaint; that's unavoidable. We have to bear that cross. Hopefully there will come a time where those who are complaining today will tomorrow say thank you. Hopefully. And we can't count on it, because we may become a pathway for them to turn to God. And may all our friends and relatives and brothers and sisters, everyone, come to that point where they realize that life chasing this steam, grasping it all, you see, is not really getting anywhere. Should we look at the questions online on Monday? Or no, you can read the Ramacharitmanas a bit. That was a bit of a rhetorical question, apologize for that.