I Was Always This Awareness - 18th Nov. 2014

Okay. Actually, it doesn't even matter what like what the mind says or anything, but I just want to say it here anyway because I don't know why even.

Yes, yes, it's very good. But also when we do it, when we look at it, we can see that it is rubbish, you see? Whatever story it tries to tell you is only rubbish. It cannot stand up to any inquiry. So anything that the mind is saying cannot stand up to this clear looking, which is now become the normal inquiry. So the mind is trying to tempt you with the idea of an enlightened person. Okay? Tempting idea, which could be tempting for many in spiritual circles: 'I want to become an enlightened person.' And then he says, 'Yes, yes, you're an enlightened person now.' It is not possible. Person and enlightened are two opposites together. Enlightenment is the realization that I can never be a person. And all thoughts are referring to you only as a person. Yeah? No thought says, 'Oh Consciousness,' or 'Oh pure witnessing, you have now understood.' It's always saying you as a person have understood something. It is not true. We give the story of a free person it tries to sell you, but as long as there's a person, it means that there is ego. There is no such thing as a free ego. Ego itself means bonded and separate. Okay? And the mind is confronted with emptiness, you see? When there is emptiness, then it tries all the tricks because the mind fears emptiness. It knows that the ego will dissolve very quickly in emptiness. Being empty of all concepts is the scariest notion for the mind. Then it tries to sell you all possible stories, everything. But you are way beyond any of this, my dear. Very good. Thank you.

You're welcome.

That's why this is the Sangha of being, you see? You see, the Sangha of being and not a Sangha of people. I was telling Mata yesterday as well that yesterday also I had a bit of a cold, but during certain time it just goes away, you see? And even if it were not to go away, it is such a joy to see all of your faces. This is the best cure for any illness, better than any medicine. Cornelia said, 'My microphone is broken, so I can go out so somebody else wants to ask questions.' And said, 'Okay, so I go out here.' No, not really. You didn't have to go out, as I noticed that she did. But unless someone has a burning question, we don't need to leave our place in the hangout. You can continue. But if someone has a burning question, they can post it in the chat or in the question and answers, and you can ask someone to leave. Who's with Jyotica? Is it Bhakti? The mic is covering. Very happy, very happy to see you. Let me put... yes, this angle is better. Om says, 'No question so far, Father. I know you know everyone has decided that they will give me an easy time today because the body is not so well.' I actually don't feel tired answering any question when it comes from a space of openness. There's no tiredness which is felt. Only when there is some strong resistance or spiritual ego where it seems to come from, then I find that the body loses a lot of its energies. But with all of you, there is no danger of that. I know that Nick wanted to share something as well, so if Nick is hearing, maybe he can put his mic on and share with us.

Hello, hello. Can you hear me? Yes, it's good now. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you, Ananta. Actually, I refrain a little bit because we have, apart from a pretty bad connection, we've got some stormy weather here. There's also a construction going on. I think if you can hear the banging, so I don't think it'll be...

Yes, I forgot this because I thought, how is the construction happening at 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning? But this is the latest.

Exactly, exactly. So if I may take this opportunity on another occasion, I think it would be better for all.

Yeah, very happy to do that. Thank you. Thank you very much, beloveds. I love it. So yesterday there was this quote which is talking about, 'What is the comedian going to say next? What is the comedian going to say next?' It was very funny because my photo was there, so somebody missed the 'Ananta' at the end, missing that it was my quote. It would seem like, 'What is this comedian going to say next?' We have this comedian sitting in our heads, you see? The only trouble is when we forget to laugh. When we forget to laugh at what it is saying, then we open ourselves to suffering. Just remember that it is a comedian. So what is the comedian saying next? Every day we give it a new name. Yesterday we were saying it's the interpreter; today we are saying it's a comedian. We call it all kinds of names as well. The simple pointing is to just don't believe your next thought. All of satsang could just be this, me repeating this sentence over and over again: don't believe your next thought. And then she says, 'Can I share something?' Yes, of course, my dear. Yes, you can put the drops. We will wait. That's okay.

Namaste, Father. You have to bear with me because it's 4:30 a.m. here, so I'm still waking up. It's good, it's good. I wanted to share something from... there was something that happened yesterday, and it has to do with not believing your next thought, and I wanted to share it with you. Yes. I, for the first time in a long time, went in to see an eye doctor yesterday because I got back on health insurance. It's a short-term plan, but um, it was really, really cheap. So you just have to pay a lot up front, and then it was really cheap, so I was able to afford it. And so I went in to see the eye doctor, and I'm sitting there and I was so, so happy and I was waiting. And then they called me up and they said, 'I'm so sorry, but we just got a call from your insurance that they don't cover this because it's pre-existing.' And all of a sudden, all of this fear and panic rose, and just all the old... all the thoughts, because those are my two biggest buttons: our finances and health. And she said... I could just feel the tears coming, and it was really just all this... the mind was creating all this panic. And she said, 'You still want to be seen?' And I knew I needed to be seen, and so I just said... I just in that moment just prayed, 'Just give me guidance right now because I don't know what to do.' And I said, 'Yes, I'll still be seen.' And then I just went and sat down in the lobby, and I could hear the mind saying, 'Oh, you know, you're going to cancel the health insurance now because they don't cover it anyway, but you already paid so much money.' And just... it was creating all these problems. And I just heard, 'Don't believe your next thought.' And it was so simple, Father. I just... just that simple pointing, and it just didn't matter. And if it took... it was... it felt like such a blessing actually that those two buttons got pushed and I got to experience that. And I just let go, and it just didn't matter. It was just totally fine. It was just totally fine.

Very good. See how simple is that? And what could be called a perfect storm by some, because she said this pushed both the buttons. I have two buttons: finance and health. Very common buttons, these two buttons, finance and health, and both got pushed together. But in the simple pointing, 'Don't believe your next thought,' it was all...

Yes, nothing. It was all just nothing. And I can't even... it's just... it just felt... and then the eye doctor ended up giving me a really big sliding scale discount, so that was... but that doesn't... it didn't matter. It was just... thank you so much. Thank you. I just wanted to say thank you.

Very beautiful. You see, because this is what I say, that all of this, if it applies only to satsang time, then it is of no value. It is of very little value if it is only something that we speak of during satsang time. The real rubber hits the road when we engage with the others who are outside the Sangha, or other beings come into our life, other appearances come. Is this knowledge still there, or do we say to ourselves, do we believe the thought that 'This is the real world, this is not satsang, and I must operate from personhood'? That is not true. All will just flow on its own. Since in these situations especially, the mind tries to convince you that you were the doer. It tries to convince you to feel guilty: 'Oh, you spent so much money on insurance and now insurance is of no use.' You know, it tries to make you full of guilt, full of regret. But it all operates on the presumption that you are the doer, that you did something or you did not do something. And then we say, 'Can you show me this doer? Can you show me this one that you are talking to?' And this one I cannot find. The mind cannot find the one who took the insurance. This one was also Consciousness itself, the one Doer. So powerful. Thank you. Thank you so much. This is very good. So in this simple pointing, 'Don't believe your next thought,' all the insights which might seem abstract, you see... they seem abstract initially when we talk about Consciousness or awareness or doership. All these concepts seem very confusing in the beginning. But as we just let go of our thoughts—don't believe, don't believe, don't believe—then in a few days, in a few sessions, you come and talk about Consciousness and awareness and doership so easily because we're not hypnotized by the mind anymore. All of this is so clear. But the other approach which some try to take is to get their minds to understand. And as long as we're trying to get our minds to understand, then it becomes a long struggle.

Doership—all these concepts seem very confusing in the city. But as we just let go of our thoughts, don't believe, don't believe, don't believe, then in a few days, in a few sessions, you come and talk about Consciousness and awareness and doership so easily because we're not hypnotized by the mind anymore. All of this is so clear. But the other approach which some try to take is to get their minds to understand. And as long as we're trying to get our minds to understand, then it becomes a long struggle. When you hear the other stories, you hear, 'I've been on the path for 20 years, I've been on the path for 30 years,' or 'For my whole life I've been on the path and I'm so frustrated. I'm thinking of giving up.' All sorts of things. We hear these testimonies very often: 'I've had enough of spirituality.' You know, for spirituality, this only happens because we've been trying to convince our mind to change. We're trying to convince our minds to become free, to get liberation to the mind. This is not possible.

It becomes frustrating because, see simply, that I cannot be this mind. This mind is just a bundle of energy called thoughts. This energy, I see it. When I see it, it seems like it appears; then I don't see it, it doesn't exist. So thought relies on me; I don't rely on thoughts. As simple as that. The root of all the confusion is the belief in thought. That's why I say that you are relentless. In this session, we are relentlessly attacking the belief in thought. I love hearing these reports because this is just, you know, when you're faced with these kind of appearances, then the knowledge doesn't leave us. It just comes. Okay, all this seems to be so strong, so strong. Then it's so clear. The pointing comes: don't believe your next thought. And immediately all of this—it's just this. It had no power. It had no power. This is what I call the end of suffering, you see? It's as simple as this. The same thing would be so much suffering, so much suffering without this pointing. But now with this simple pointing, it is the end of suffering. Very good.

Then Om said, 'Father, it seems like mind never needs to come to a meaningful conclusion. You can just cut the juice right then and there. Almost is like a mind bypass.' Yes, exactly. Satsang is the attempt to bypass the mind because the mind cannot fathom what we speak about. Mind can never know what awareness is. A mind bypass here in this air. It seems like mind never needs to come to a meaningful conclusion. You can say meaningful conclusion or, like I said in one of the satsangs, you can say the glorious end of the story, you see? So the mind keeps waiting and it tells you that, 'No, no, don't give up the story just yet. We're almost there. We have done it so long together. We have walked and come to the glorious end of the story right now.' What will you say right now? What do you say? That you just came to satsang and nothing happened? There were no fireworks? Is this really what you want at the end of your story? This great spiritual story that you started writing, you know, expecting some halo? For it to end with a halo around your head? And we really want it to end. It's just this internet, this computer in front of you, and no fireworks, no explosion. Are you sure this is a good enough story for you? This is what it has to tell you. It cannot be this simple. This is the story of the mind.

And then doubt can come. Then you can start to attack, start to attack the teacher also, you see? 'Does he really know? Does he really know what he's saying? He seems like a nice guy, but is he really as good as Ramana would have been?' No, these kind of doubts can come. Okay, then you say, then sometimes the mind can come with this thing: 'Yes, yes, now you understood. All that is needed now is to get darshan of Arunachala or just sit at the banks of the river.' So just this is good, let's keep this pending just till the point I get to the banks of the Ganga. All these tricks the mind can do just to be free. How? Somebody asks you, your grandkids ask you, 'Okay, grandkids ask you, so how did you start? How did you start satsang? How did you become free? You know, how did you realize that you're not a person?' 'I was sitting in front of a computer and there was this man called Ananta who was talking and actually nothing happened.' But not a good enough story, you know? You have to say, 'Okay, I came all the way to India and in India I saw, I saw Shiva. When I looked at the mountain, I saw that it was Shiva itself. And in this vision of Shiva, then everything was clear.' This is the story that a mind will love.

Yes, yes. So I just have to say that my mind likes to play that story, the exact story that you're saying, you know? But I don't believe it. But it says, you know, you have to go to Arunachala and when you go to Arunachala, it'll be over. Then it's like the center of like the heart and I'll just make them so many things. That's very funny. Thank you.

You know, all come to Arunachala already. The complete realization of what you are, it is not a prerequisite. But the mind can be very tricky, very tricky. It will tell you these glorious stories, but not one instant we need to postpone. All of these are just postponement tactics. Yeah, I don't feel that Arunachala is not here now. I don't feel that the Mother Ganga is not here now. Om gives these words: 'What is the perfect time for self-realization? Now.' Is it possible? Completely. You are already there. You are only the Self. Self-realization only means you stop pretending. Stop pretending to be this mere idea. All the beliefs, all the concepts that you have given to this mere idea of personhood, they can be dropped now. Now it's over. Let's finish it now. Then when you come to Arunachala, Arunachala will rejoice in your presence as well.

And Om said, 'The peace that seems to come when mind finds a satisfactory end is already here now.' Yes. The mind actually doesn't find a satisfactory end; it only pretends from time to time. Nick says, 'From ancient days a philosopher has been defined as a man who is blank in a house that is completely dark searching for a black cat which is not there.' Yes, so we can say that this is true for the seeker identity. The seeker identity is exactly like this. For us here in satsang, it's never about the future. It is not even about the next breath. Together I see no obstacle to your complete realization this very instant. The question is: what do you see? What do you believe? How many lifetimes will we spend on doubt?

If Arunachala is not here, then show me where. If he does not speak these words, then show me one who can. I know that Ananta cannot. It must be the same Satguru that speaks through this mouth. 'Thank you for your grace and love. I love you.' Thank you, my dear. Very good. He's very happy to read your note as well. And on reading your note, actually this word came to me from the Japji Sahib. This is the question. Yesterday was about doership. It is completely clear. The wonder of all action is this Consciousness, is this Omkar. In this presence 'I am', is this God, is this being. So it would be complete arrogance to presume that a person can do anything at all because now it is completely clear that there is only one Doer.

What are you going to believe next? I see all of your shining faces and it is clear that everything is absolutely clear. And then this question comes: what are they going to believe next? Ah, yes. My words, let them be the last to go. Many times it happens, you say, 'Okay, Ananta says don't believe anything, anything. So first let me not believe him.' That is okay. First don't believe everything else. Do it. Then at the end, drop even what you hear in satsang. You see, as Maharaj and Bhagavan used to say, it is the thorn. It is used to remove the other thorn and then this can also be thrown away. So even my words—no tattoos to be made from them. But don't be so quick to drop them. First drop all other concepts and beliefs, then you can drop the words which you hear in satsang. So for a while it can seem like we believe this mind for many, many lifetimes, so it can take a little bit of belief in the teacher's words for that influence to go away, that old influence of the mind to get wiped clean. But no master will actually say that you must hang on to my words. So, so, so beautiful.

Jesse says, 'Hello Father, it seems that what used to challenge me and what used to seem as a problem only now remind me of how free I am.' Very good. Who would have ever thought it was this way where you could see this is it? This is so good. Too happy to hear this report. The things that used to bother so much, they used to seem so strong. Now they come. Now it's not that they stop. It's not that they stop; they continue. They come, but they have no power. And in this, the realization becomes clearer that I'm over all this. You cannot believe this. That is why now even all of these events are grace. So they are grace when they pushed our button and made us open. They are grace when they made us suffer and they made us open. Otherwise, it's not possible to come to this kind of direct satsang. I have not met anyone who has come to satsang who has not had suffering which made them open. Might be a very rare one with something like that, but it was pure grace that suffering came and made you open. And now also it is pure grace that the event comes and we can't even call it suffering anymore to see that I have transcended this now. Not as an arrogant proclamation, but just a little simple thing. The same thing, but it doesn't touch me.

Amala says, 'The very best words I have ever heard a master speak is to keep quiet.' With this group, because yesterday we saw in the introduction to satsang that all satsangs will start with a period of silence. And I read that and said, 'You've never done that.' I don't find two words in satsang—your words as a questioner also—to disturb this idea. Nothing can bother this silence. This quietness doesn't go anywhere. It's difficult. I mean, this is... and it's your pure grace to see that there is no one here who can suffer or be free. There is no one here who can either suffer or become something, become free also. So much love. I am very good.

John says, 'I am full of this emptiness. Don't know how else to say it.' Full of emptiness. Who can say words like this? 'Full of emptiness. Don't know how else to say it. Bursting with joy, peace, and love.' Such a joy to see the grace of this. So much love. Thank you, Father. You are the joy and you are the rejoicer. Very good. Om said, 'You have a beautiful Sangha, just like a Sangha should be.' And that was his blessing, actually. I am always at the feet of this beautiful Sangha. It is my service to all of you. Thank you. And look at all the prefixes and I look at the words that you speak and I wonder how any darkness will survive your light. Actually, I don't feel that any darkness has a chance in the light of this beautiful Sangha. He says, 'At the feet of this beautiful Sangha.' Tears flow with gratitude. Who's going to sing the song today? You might love Jesse. Very good. Jesse is unmuting herself to start singing now along with Bhakti, isn't it? Together, Father? Yes, my dear. Yes.