I Know I Exist - 29th August 2018
Saar (Essence)
Ananta guides the seeker to look past conceptual labels like depression and existence, pointing instead toward the wordless, intuitive insight of what is real and unchanging in this very moment.
What is real must be here now because it is the unchanging; it does not come and go.
Do you give permission to this tiny energy construct called the mind to define you?
The concept is only used to communicate the knowing that is before any concepts.
intimate
Transcript
This transcript is auto-generated and may contain errors.
Although my whole life I've been battling with depression, and the past few years it has been more pronounced. I don't find meaning to my life and don't know why I'm here. Since almost three years now, I have stopped working, let go of all my friends, and am immersing more and more on spirituality. The deeper I go, the more lost I feel. The longing to find truth and peace in my heart is so strong, but I still keep getting enriched in the circle of old habits, patterns, and conditioning. I feel so helpless and deep down I know it is not real intellectually, but somehow I am still involved personally in the mind dramas. I feel like freedom is for everybody except me. My mind keeps telling me that 'you will not get it.' How do I get out of this illusion? I beg you, Father, please help me. Please lift this veil and guide me to the truth. Please lift this veil and guide me to the truth. Please help me see that it is not real experientially.
What is real must be here now, because it is the unchanging. It does not come and go. That is the very fundamental of Advaita, isn't it? If you say that we are sharing the essence of Advaita Vedanta, I am saying this inquiry is about what is real, and what is real cannot be an appearance. An appearance is that which comes and goes. Before the real, it does not come and go. Therefore, if we are able to recognize what is—we are able to recognize and not infer, not conclude based on conception, but to just have it live like an intuitive insight now in this very moment—right now, what is here? Is there something even like depression? Are these sensations, whatever the sensations might be—that which we call the body or that which we call the world, that which we call the mind—do they define you? From your seeing, I'm asking this question of your seeing, not your inferring: What do you give permission to to define you? What do you give permission to to define you?
Do you give permission to this tiny energy construct called the mind, which is just blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah? Can this one define you? Can some sense of contraction or expansion define you? Can some visual that you might label memory define you? There is all of this happening. Can a state define you? This waking state is here in which all these activities happen. It seems like there is a character here who seems to be depressed, you see. But can that which can be defined define who are you? Those boundaries, do they serve? What do you truly, truly know, if anything at all?
So, one answer—and you've heard this answer in Satsang—is: 'I know I exist. I know I exist.'
So, this knowingness, the knowing of existence, what is it about? Does it rely on any emotion? Does it rely on any concept? Does the knowing of existence rely on the thought, the concept that 'I exist,' or would it be independent of whether the concept is there or not? This is beautiful. 'I know I exist.' So, are we now saying that I have the concept 'I exist,' or are we talking about a different knowingness? And besides knowing that there is existence or 'I exist,' what else is known in this field? And even we can go as far as to ask: Is this translation all true? 'I know I exist'—to be valid to what that knowingness knows? I wonder if it makes sense what I'm saying. Is it because it is coming through the filter of language to say 'I know I exist'?
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Now, when you refer back to what is it that is truly known, and when you compare it with just the statement 'I know I exist,' does it really encapsulate what you truly know? The concept is only used to communicate the knowing that is before any concepts. So, as long as we don't become attached to any concept, that keeps us open and fresh. Like when the question is asked, 'What do you really know?' we're not so good to go with past intrusions, but it involves a fresh looking: 'What do I really know?' And if the same answer comes or not, that is fine. The answer in itself is not important because the answer is thin. The answer is thin, isn't it, compared to the reality of what it is testing?
Right, what is 'I exist'? What does 'I exist' mean? What is 'exist'? And we can use synonyms like 'being,' we use all the synonyms, but these are just labels. What is it? What is it? If you can say 'is,' but is this 'is' capturable in the term 'is'? So, as long as it doesn't become about the terms, then in a sense we can call that spirituality. The minute it starts becoming about the terms of spirituality, then it can become more like studying certain philosophies. And do we really know what 'exists' is? We use another term. Let it be experiential. Once you get caught up in this pool of concepts, then it's concept after concept. So, you can go from 'exists' to 'am,' what is 'am' to 'being,' what is 'being' to 'exists.' See? See? What did we really know? And all of these four different terms—does any of these terms truly encapsulate? That's why he's absolutely right. This is useful for communication. This is just a pointer, just a pointer.