Humility - 31st July 2025

This power of compounding is so much on these small things. That's why people like Tulsidas Ji, Shabri—small, small things for God. Pick up a—put flowers. Anybody can do those things. So extraordinary lives, but made up of—not like if you keep the glamorous stuff out, you know, like the miracles out and all of that. Look at Ma Shabri's life. She did very small things, no? Who cannot pick berries? Who cannot put flowers? Who cannot wait expectantly for God? Yeah. So day after day after day after day after day, imagine the kind of spiritual strength that got built up in those decades of deepening, but doing small, small things. Not jumping over any ocean, not doing any of the Hanuman Ji level miracles, but she was as great a devotee as Hanuman Ji, I would say. I'm nobody to say, but I would not say that—like, I would not say that Hanuman Ji would say that I'm a higher bhava compared to others.

So these lives are great embodiment for us to be able to follow because in this moment, what will we pick? If we are at home, if we are in our workplace, will you pick gossip? Will this like anger? Will we pick complete garbage to consume in our minds, or will we pick things which are inspirational? Will we pray? Will we—and then that hundred, these of these small choices every day, that itself brings us to a godly path. But we just need to start small. Keep at it. Like remember, one of Maya's greatest tricks is to say that you're worthless, you can't do it, or you failed at it, so why try again? Then it's just winning, no? When you say surrender, we're surrendering, but to the wrong one. Surrender it to the enemy rather than to the friend.

Father, heart of humility. Humility of heart. Sorry, I guess something was wrong. Um, it says—no, I forgot everything. I was telling you in the morning, it says to recognize that you will always be frail and meek. Um, in the right way, this recognition brings you to humility rather than despair. And it's so powerful because despair will be like to feel like I can do something, but to let them know I have to do but I will continue to be is so beautiful.

Like if you have—if you're in constant despair, then somewhere we have to examine our pride also, because where did we slot ourselves? Yeah, that we come into despair for every small thing. We must really think somewhere that we are some great superheroes or something like that. Yeah. Otherwise, if you know itself that I'm weak and foolish, then when you fall for weak and foolish things, then you learn to rely on God's—like we rely on God's strength alone. Then you can't—but God helps me every day, that is humility.

I wanted to ask you one question actually. Even after reading—I mean, I've just become—I'm not like I finished any chapters or anything, but one thing that came was there was this sense of, like, you know how sometimes we feel unworthy and humility? Because he says these twelve cardinal sins—I mean, he adds some more, five of them after—and he adds, you know, poverty, weakness, ignorance, theft, which is so powerful, that to attribute our doings with this body and mind. And then you have the last one, I forgot, but cruelty, right? Like all of that. So I was like looking at it.

One—just sorry, we'll pause for a moment. The point about theft is this thing is very beautiful. Um, in a different context also, he says, what is pride? Pride is thieving from God. That which God did, we take credit for. So we are stealing it from God instead of praising Him and giving Him the credit.

And it's worse than the worldly. He said that to take credit.

Professional thief is better than this.

Yeah. Exactly. To make yourself godly in your eyes and in the eyes of others is a great—

That's why I enjoy Pudaraji and Ram Sadhaji so much, along with the Orthodox and the Catholic sages also, because they will constantly say that, "Sabse neeche main." But they see it also, no?

Father, see it. That's what people are contemplating that day. It will come more and more, like I'm seeing more and more that you're—that see, like, I know you won't believe me, but I have to tell you. He says like that.

Tulsi Ji said. Tulsi Ji said in the beginning of the Manas, he said so. And all these sages—Misa, every paragraph she says, "I'm the most foolish one." So could sages like that be lying? No. Is it like a made-up humility? "Actually I'm not, but let me see, you know, this thing." So they couldn't be carrying the sin of lying so much. It's just that because they see His greatness so much, and we see our actions which can be manipulative so easily just to get our way, even about what you want to eat for lunch, for example. We can find a way to manipulate. We can find a way to lie. We can find a way to twist things. So compared to His greatness, when we start noticing the subtleties of our just wanting our will, then because these people's eyes have opened so much, they can see microscopically their moment-to-moment life. That's why they're able to spark and see.

This comes more with prayer, you know. More—find more time you spend with Him.

What is prayer? It is just to be face to face with, as much as you can.

Father, it is a lot of pride, no? Because when I have seen some things within me, I'm just not liking it. So it just—I think there's a lot of, like, distasteful and on an everyday basis, like feeling so distasteful about every, like, small, small, like you said, food could be food, could be people, could be any temptation rather. And I feel so—

That's why spirituality, I feel, is much more nuanced than worldly forms of self-help. Because in most worldly forms of self-help, you'll say, "No, this is feeling of unworthiness, so you must not think of your—do some positive affirmations and say you are, you know, you are so good and all that." Go to be able to notice where you need to change while not getting into despair, because God's strength is higher than your failings. Yes, is a beautiful thing. But what is the way in which we could explain these things to worldly people? You would say, "No, no, but the teacher is making the disciple feel unworthy about themselves." When met in the mind, it's met in a different way. Met in the heart, it's different.

Exactly. Because the lens itself is so different when we operate on intuitive knowledge versus worldly understanding of human life.

So, so that beautiful recognition of mental feelings versus the beautiful faith in the power of God to guide us in spite of our foolishness, to help us in spite of our foolishness, is humility. But the problem is that we don't—like in the modern age, we feel like the first part is not important: to see where we need to change, where we still block the light in our own being, where we still holding on to—it's not, you know, we become very—spirituality never—like, you will hardly find a modern sage saying, except from there, from a lineage like that, that "I am a foolish beggar." It would be a very rare thing to say in the modern world of spirituality, whereas it was the prerequisite in the older traditional spirituality.

The thing with humility is that the mind loves to pull you into a despair because the mind loves to hear everything which is self-judgmental but ignore everything that it heard about God. Like, "But for now I am so bad." But you can't take it piecemeal; both have to be taken together. Yes, I have been very foolish all of my life, but God's grace is greater than my foolishness. So I learned to rely on Him as a little child, always very important.

I think that's the difference between the question that I wanted to—thank you for. So that sense of innocentness where we can rely on the parent. Like, what makes a child rely on their parent and recognize that, "I can't cross the street, man"? So is that unworthiness?

It's just natural. You're a child, you can't cross the street. You can't—we can't handle life because life has got a million variables. We can't handle more than two or three at one time, you know. So just a simple recognition of that is humility. But pride is like, "I can do it. I can do it." You can't even take the next breath. We don't know the mechanics that go into it. We can't even—we think we think so many great things, but we don't even know how to think, how thought happens. We don't—like we used to say, we don't know how to move a finger, but we think we can move the world, change the world. So is an innocent child in unworthiness when he reaches out to hold the parent's hand? It is an acceptance of the true facts that they need help. That acceptance is humility.

So far, like, like younger they—like when we growing up, they would always say artisans used to be around and they used to feel like, um, they come from wealth but they still very humble. They're very happy to misbehave. But I'm just wondering now, like, that is like being a nice person is not being humble. It's not, is not for all.

Because there's a "I'm better than you, but still I'm being nice."

Being nice. Yeah.

So this is that we all the children of God and we all the same.

Resistance is unity. So far, like when we were growing up, they would always say artisans used to be around and they used to feel like they come from wealth but they're still very humble. They're very happy to misbehave. But I'm just wondering now, like, that is like being a nice person is not being humble. It's not for all because there's an 'I'm better than you but still I'm being nice.' Being nice, yeah.

So this is that we are all the children of God and we are all the same.

What was the example? No, I just like we would always stay around artisans and so they would always be from a low economic background and we were wealthy to them. So they would always say that you know these kids are so well behaved and they're very humble, but you would say no, they would say, but it was just like there's just a pretense about that.

It's also some signaling that can happen in the sense that everybody knows if you encourage or praise a certain type of behavior, that grows. So it's also a way to say, encourage that humility. So if Tulsi Ji felt like he has a long way to go and he's really foolish and full of pride and you know all the errors and sins, then we must be much better than him. So if they are spotting and they are speaking the truth about themselves, then what will happen is that—why don't we, most of us, we don't see that? We don't live like that because we haven't got into the day-to-day really trying to make sure. Because what is a sin? The act without love. And if we feel like that's how we are living, or act like we are naturally acting full of love and all that, we obviously are not yet observing ourselves—how much self-interest is still there in our action. But once we start seeing it, then we will also recognize that we have a long way to go.

Why are you saying that if you don't get into this daily struggle?

Exactly. If you don't get into struggle at all, then it'll seem simple, no? If I don't have to cross the river, then for me crossing the river is easy. So the main point is that if the purpose of our life is not to live in God's light and presence, which needs a clean heart temple... if that is not our purpose and it is something else, which obviously then is the wrong purpose, but if that is the purpose, then all these things will come to light anyway. If you realize that I can spend my life with a clean Antahkarana in God's light living in His presence, versus I'm spending it mostly in my head full of all this darkness, then we'll not realize. Then it'll just be conceptually; then it's just a battle of concepts—what is your concept versus my concept—because you never really got down to trying to live in that way where we can be worthy of being temples of God. So I love the term 'holy vessels of spirit.' So if our life gives us the opportunity to be holy vessels of Atma and we say, 'No, no, actually I just want something else,' then our spiritual life really hasn't begun.

Vessel of Atma, vessel of spirit is like Atma.

If you can't live like an instrument of Atma, like the cup that holds the Atma, then we are just not holding anything worthwhile. So only those who are trying to live as true vessels or instruments of God will realize the struggle in it. And the struggle means that they realize what makes their cup unclean for the true Amrit to flow there.

Just before coming to after I came there, there was a thought I got which was fully lack of love and I'm seeing that I'm not able to hear you. Like there's a para... humility, all just words, you know. Exactly. It's not hitting. Like one act is taking so much of me.

Exactly. Exactly. That's how it is. That's exactly what you're talking about.

I look at your eyes but I have like a glossy look. You say glassy look or something. It's like that, you know, and I could trace it back to that one act of lack of love. Not outwardly, in my head.

Exactly. Exactly. That's exactly what we have been talking about today.

It's so like words are so dry. For me, they're not fertile.

Exactly. Because if our compass is set correctly, our bearings are set correctly, and that I only want to be a vessel of God and without that I'm a zombie, I'm dead, then words which help in that process sound very helpful and useful and you want to grasp for dear life, you want to grasp. But if you're feeling like right now, though it sounds... if being a vessel of the Atma or living in God's presence, whichever way you want to put it, seems conceptual for the moment, then these words... like you want to study computer engineering but somebody is telling you about humanities, it'll sound like that. So what is it that we want that determines our openness to Satsang also? Like if we forget what our main point of life is, do we really feel like life without Atma's presence, Atma's light, is a lie? Because if you really felt it, then you would not pick it, at least. You may be lured into it, but we would not pick it that easily.

Father, I do see this many times, that even a breath wasted on anything but God is a waste. But I don't live so many moments like that.

Same. That's what I was saying before they walked in. I was saying I've not spent a full day like that. Not a single full day has gone fully in God's... and full day is a big exaggeration anyway. Hour, maybe yes. Couple of hours, four hours, I don't know. Full day, I'm pretty sure I haven't spent. It's also good, you see, like this then we are humble, you know? We don't grow into spiritual pride to have the walls. Because it's very easy to... whatever. If we spend a full day like that, then you would not hold any resentment in that day towards anyone. You'd not hold a grievance towards anyone. You would not complain. We will not have any of these things. So the outer world has that use. It shows us or gives us the fodder to really check our state.

I think again that book, you said if you compare yourself with sinners you will always be in pride, you know, like you think you're better than someone. But the true comparison ought to be with God only. That so beautifully, you only can compare yourself to God and you will always be a sinner and then you only have love for your brothers and sisters. That book is just killing, Father, every line.

Yeah. The greatness of these sages also was that truly they compared themselves with sinners also and said, 'I'm the worst.'

And when I read those books, I was studying something. Our words are so loose, we speak so much, and their words, every line you can just live on it for days. So beautiful. And we just keep talking about...

That's why that 'how to read' part by Edith Stein we were talking about last time, that when you read a book, don't make everything, 'Yeah, this happens, so this happens, I'm also like that.' You see, so when I first read the term like 'have some distance,' I felt like that's very un-Advaita of you to say that. Like I started conversing with the authors. When I read the books and it said 'keep a distance with the author,' I was like, 'How are you saying that? That doesn't make sense.' Then she gave the answer also, because otherwise we have such a strong framing about ourselves we'll not learn anything new. We'll just say, 'Yeah, yeah,' we'll just take confirmation bias. All these things are so strong that we will not read. Then to read a book is such a gift. Imagine you can read a book by Tulsi Ji, by these sages, because they truly tried to put their life into it and to help us. But you read it like those are some casual words, you know? It then turns what are possible encounters with sages into this very near conceptual knowledge. So sometimes you see, after so many years of spirituality, I feel like I'm still learning the building blocks of what is spirituality. Because the depth, the possible depth is so much. To meet God, never someone can actually say that they're not... no one can ever say 'I'm not becoming.' So where to get pride from? If you truly see these things, then from where should we get pride? And say, 'How to do that?' Imagine what God must be feeling with all this nonsense in our heads, like seriously. Just have to pray for His Kripa.

He laughs or cries or what?

I think what we need is justice, but actually what we need is mercy. We are quite something. Humans are quite something, all of us quite something. And how we can forget, how we can just forget, that's the...

And it also said, the book said, like these saints never—I'm rephrasing it—never accused and they will never ever feel like they are above anything. So they know that they have the entire capacity to do evil just like any worst sinner has. And so they would always bow down and keep themselves humble because they don't know what's coming next moment, like sin.

To know that the entire capacity to heal exists inside me is quite simple and that brings love to the others. And because the mind exaggerates the term evil and sin to make it unapproachable, because we feel like only serial killers must be sinners or the people who are really bad. And if we just understand that any act which is not an act of love is a sin, then we really start to zero in on the main crux of the matter. In A Course in Miracles, sin is a lack of love.

If there are thousand acts in a day, I can think that I have sinned in that if I take that to be true.

Exactly. We have to take it. The avoidance of that truth keeps us unrepentant. And therefore the opening of the gates of repentance doesn't happen and we never achieve humility because we feel like, 'But it could be a bit of an exaggeration.' The sages exaggerate, or you know, Helen Schucman was channeling Jesus but she must have exaggerated a bit in that writing or that thing. So we have our rationalization for defending ourselves. But why not take it to be fully true? It's coming from a very high source. The other problem is that this kind of an enthusiasm, which is helpful, but it's many times short-lived, no? So when we come to Satsang hall, there's a kind of this thing, then that, but it doesn't become like a life dependency. If it becomes like oxygen—I don't know how to make it like that—but if for all of us it became like oxygen that we have to live in a loving way only, and not depending on how much enthusiasm is there for Satsang to do... either for that also we have to pray more for that because we can't really generate that. Chicken and egg bit.

I mean, maybe because even for a moment, I don't know if he ever forgot God, but even for a moment if they did, they would consider themselves like the worst. They would seriously repent that moment. Like they say, you know, these Rasik saints, they can't bear the separation even for a moment, you know? They would weep and weep and that kind of a love. It's a talk of God, you start crying, you know? Like that, I have wept a lot in college, in school, for girlfriend, all that. Have I wept so much for God? I don't know. Because like they say, if you don't have the Vyakulta, then you ask, and then if you don't have it, then cry that you know, I don't want to... whatever. Like you just keep getting to that prayer somehow.

He said, very close to the end of his life—and he led a stellar life compared to me at least—but he said that his main thing is that, to notice that forgetfulness of God even at that kind of spiritual maturity, and then the prayer being that 'May I never forget You' is very amazing. Because it is in the forgetting of Him that we get into the lack of love, get into all selfishness, pride. Pride is a... we can never know for ourselves. It's very, very tough. It's very beautiful and open to the doors of repentance.

He led a stellar life compared to me, at least. But he said that his main thing is to notice that forgetfulness of God, even at that kind of spiritual maturity. And then the prayer being 'May I never forget You' is very amazing because it is in the forgetting of Him that we get into the lack of love, get into all selfishness, pride. Pride is a thing we can never know for ourselves. It's very, very tough. It's very beautiful and open to the doors of repentance. It's very beautiful, that prayer. To just do that prayer is so... look at the modern world, it's like, who wants to sit in repentance? You know, a healthy way to live. It can be very uncomfortable, but it's very beautiful when it's reflectant. It's very important. Absence of repentance means that we feel there's nothing that we have to repent for.

Grateful for these signs, Father. It's insanely beautiful, actually. Every time you read, you feel like this also exists and so much more must be there. No, we don't even know. It's like God's just bringing everything as and when He uses to see it like that. And I would like a few more lifetimes, actually, just to dive in deeper. But I don't want those lifetimes if I'm going to come and forget Him again. But I don't mind a lifetime which comes where I just am able to dive into all the books that I want to read and the stories of the sages. If He's not going to give me a life in heaven where all of them are there and I can meet them in person, at least give me a life where I can just immerse myself in their stories and their truth, in their sayings and their teachings, in their lives. So that's next to heaven for me because how to finish reading? You started reading Way of Perfection. Ma says that if you really want to pray, then you need three things. What are they? Attachment... detachment from all worldly things and love each other, neighbor, love for neighbor. So these things... then I read that and said, 'What? I'm trying to pray and all that, but I don't have any humility.' So who can teach me about humility? Look for books on humility. So I found this. Then I'll read something in the humility book which will tell me I don't even have this. It's a recursive process.

They're all also connected. And like this comes to that, brings to faking love also brings love. Like if you're at that place where you can't even... you just fake it and make it like that. In the sense that rather than giving an external expression to our anger, if we start with at least having restraint over our tongue, that itself is a great first step to controlling the anger within. One of the sages said that. Beautiful way to say.

I try. The anger comes up. Yes. And again, you'll have trouble in the modern world, it's like, 'You're repressing.'

Yeah, you're not repressing. You're killing the tendency, the condition. But it only works if God is central. If you're trying to just do that, then you're repressing. But if God is not central to your life, then all of this will become convoluted. But if God is central, then what you do is, rather than expressing it outside, you take it to God and say, 'Help me. I'm dealing with this strong anger and only You can heal me,' because only He can heal us. You see, expressed anger feels good, but then it becomes habitual. Yeah, it feels good in the moment because you feel like you're warm at it, you got it out of your system. Yeah, next time what will happen? Again, the buildup will happen and then we'll have to express more to feel that good the next time. More, more. So there's no end to that. Then we'll end up leading angry lives, like some people we see, they're just mostly leading an angry life.

Guruji was telling us about somebody in Sahaja. He just noticed this conversation. It was early in the morning. This man was angry. The other said, 'You wake up like this? You wake up this angry?' It becomes a conditioned way to live, a conditioned defense to steal. So without the Atma, which is God's presence, to help us, this life is very, very tricky to deal with. But the good news is we don't have to deal without God. Like, who has told us to do it? Just like that child saying, 'I will cross the road but I will not hold my parent's hand.' That is pride. Like, who has told the child to go? Nobody has told any of us. Like all the initial kids who left Satsang, I don't know what all they said, but the main thing that they told me was that, 'We felt like we learned enough from you, now we have to do the rest on our own.' Yeah, but who has told you to do it? Nobody. The Atma inside has told you to do it? God has come and told you to do it? Who has told this? Pride. No, come. So tricky, human condition.

Do we think that we are better than the others in this room? That's the first step. Many times that's the thing all of us do. The mind would not continue to make us the hero of our story unless the hero was better than everyone else. Even in the taking ourselves to be worse than everyone else is that trick, that 'I'm the anti-hero type,' Shah Rukh Khan or something famous, anti-hero maybe. So that is not the true humility. So God is our... when we listen to all of this, we realize that God is our only refuge. Can't make it on our own. What do you want to do with your lives?

Serve God. Serve God.

Now, what is required for us to serve God? We have to be with Him to serve Him. And there's no better compass in that than the heart compass. There's no better compass. But the mind tries to become the compass, and pride is just pride of knowing. Cannot have pride without knowing. Not heart knowledge, but 'I know.' And that's what, as future teachers, I want to tell you all. If that grabs you, you know, that one sitting around you, 'What do you know? I know.' I've fallen into that millions of times in the thirteen years of sharing and even before that. And I used to think I'm very spiritual, and today also, right, sounds. But we do that with everybody around us. I do that with everybody. I don't know when was the last time I had a conversation where I was truly open. I can't. Like even now, I feel like, 'Yeah, I'll know, he'll say what are you saying, then I'll have the right response to it, so I'll have a better answer.' I just... I'm so confident of my nonsense. I was going to use a stronger word, but that's a bit of vigilance. That's pretty much it.

No, that's not what I'm saying. Not that, like, fully open without any preconceived boxes. I've preached it for a long time. Have I lived it? I don't know. Why is it so hard? Like, why is it that we just have to slow down and slow more, like everything? You have to breathe. You have to slow down. You have to be empty. You have to... that's a fact. When was I innocent? Like, I wasn't as a child. That may be a better way to put it. Anyone else wants to share about this? So that maybe a different way to express may help the conversation also. Like, do you all feel like you're very open? Do you feel like you're mostly... no, now you will see because I'm framing it like that. I'm just saying, do you feel like you had a very open conversation in the last week with someone where you were fully open? These frameworks and judgments and wanting defenses, wanting to be right, wanting... like, especially in the teacher mode, just wanting to show that I'm right, you know, 'I know the answer, I know what this is about.' It preempts a true meeting. It preempts a true... if I'm not able to follow.

Like just now, okay, I came from work. I got a message from somebody I had to deliver work to. He already was misbehaving. In that message only, I felt attacked. There was like... and I had to reply. I tried to reply, but still, I replied feeling attacked. Exactly. You know, like I wasn't like open to being attacked also. They don't even know how to do it.

Yeah, it's a very beautiful Satsang we can have on that, just on the feeling of being attacked. Like Jesus was sold by one of his best friends for a few ounces of silver, to be attacked in the most horrific way, and he still forgave everyone. Ram Ji's mother, who he loved more than Kaushalya, told him to live in the most horrendous circumstances, surrounded by wild animals like young children. They were prince and princess, Sita Ji and Lakshman. His own mother told... they all attacked. But how they took it is very different from how we take it. How did it... just have to keep at it on our spiritual journey. Keep praying, keep recognizing, keep praying, keep offering it to God, or keep becoming more and more humble. It's all... only His grace can do it, actually. But the more time we spend with Him, the more time we spend with Him, the better our chances are. The rest is up to Him. I feel it's a great place. Even in this, like in this moment, I'm clear that this is the only, only, only worthy way of knowing. That even I can see this, that makes me fall, get up, fall, get up. If He had not given this, it would have been so much crazier. If I'm two-way, if I have to go this way or that way, that is... but this can also change. We can never say this reality can...

Especially one of the most difficult bridges to cross is to become a teacher. Especially a spiritual teacher means full-on, not an invitation, but a sixteen-lane highway to pride. Everyone falling at your feet and latching on to your words, and all of that can seem very attractive in the way you... can't stop them from doing it also. Like, stop them because it's required to deepen your faith to... so the teacher has to have a lot of introspection constantly happening so you don't get into this God complex. The disciples are doing their job. It's not their fault. They are meant to offer their full heart to the teacher, their full life to the teacher. And actually, the disciples are doing their job. The teacher has to be very vigilant and not to take attributes of godliness to be our own, as if they were self-created or self-endowed. That is pride.

It must be so hard. Like, I just see, like, nothing, I'm just like a normal person, but my mind is attracted to praise. No, which is one thing that we should... I don't know how you do it. Like, with being a teacher, you're praised all the time. And those who attack you are deluded, and everybody around you is telling you they are deluded, therefore they have this thing. So there's no way to escape that circle because it's reinforcing, it's constant reinforcing pride. I mean, ninety percent of the time, even if all of you notice, you will not come out and say, you notice something that, uh, this was prideful. We can't do that because it's bogging for the mind, I feel that. But hopefully your heart will guide you if this foolish man goes completely off track one day and keep me anchored in the truth somewhere.

Very hard, Father, when I encounter this, that I, you know, say something's coming, like we have to say something to react or respond, or some temptation that I feel that edge. And I'm hearing the highest words, I'm praying also, but the need to fulfill that is stronger. And I'm not able to escape that at that moment, just... and the next moment it'll break me if I meet it. Like, I'll apologize, but I'll not be happy at all. I'll not be happy at all. But I will still go ahead and like, it takes over. Just takes like something takes over.

So if you were to do an honest evaluation, if I was to do an honest evaluation, I would say that in every conversation, ninety-five percent at least, I feel like I must be right. If there are opposing views, correct? What is your number?

Ninety-nine percent all the time. Like maybe a hundred percent here and there if I trust you or whatever, but yeah, apart from that, ninety-nine percent.

That's statistically not possible. That's what we have to remind ourselves. It's like the driver thing. If you feel that... ninety percent of the drivers feel like they're better than at least fifty percent of the others, which is a statistical impossibility. So could we be falling for that in our lives? Yeah. Yeah. I feel with the kids, with so many people, I just meet them like that. I don't even notice, I feel sometimes. Yeah.

And there, if I trust you or whatever, but yeah, apart from that, 99%... That's statistically not possible. That's what we have to remind ourselves. It's like the driver thing. 90% of the drivers feel like they're better than at least 50% of the others, which is a statistical impossibility. So could we be falling for that in our lives?

Yeah. Yeah. I feel with the kids, with so many people, I just meet them like that. I don't even notice, I feel sometimes. I'm noticing this like with Kabir and I. If we were to have a conversation as parent, I'm right. It's a given. I'll prove it then. I'm very rare—I'm not saying zero—but how many times have I accepted their feedback or criticism as if there could be some truth in me? Very little. Maybe 5%, 10%. Like all three of them told me yesterday that on LinkedIn, where you said 'retired,' that was fine, but why did you put 'servant of God'? That is not for LinkedIn. I can't accept that I'm wrong. I just can't do it, although three of them are telling me that I'm wrong. So I can escape to Satsang where I can get like feedback and say, 'But it's right. It's fine. It's true.' No, you know, I'll get that positive reinforcement. I feel good about myself, but that will take me away from the introspection.

You see, but then how many introspections do I come out feeling that I was wrong? Very few. Especially if you said it or you've done something, to come to that is not easy. Things like they told me, 'Okay, when you're meeting all these big-shot people from Havas and all, Mama's impression is important and all of that, so can you at least trim your beard a little?' So I did that, no? But under some duress. I won't say I did it fully authentically feeling they are right and I'm wrong, but at least some openness there about that. But in most things, right, I just feel like right, right. How can it... it can't, it can't statistically be, unless all of us, especially like as a teacher of God, consider ourselves to be superhuman or something. Then all these people are still lost. Tulsidas Ji must have been a big loser. We have to meet all these things. And I'm at 50 now. If I don't meet all of these things, I don't know how.

So I read somebody called Annie Duke a few years back. I was reading for investment, investing and all I was learning. So she said that if you think you have the truth, you're probably wrong. Yeah, the truth... like your position is the true position, then you're probably wrong. The truth usually lies in the middle of two competing positions. And I said, 'That sounds beautiful. It sounds Buddhist.' We're talking about Buddhism, but do I live like that? Like right now, if you tell me, like Raj wants to tell me I'm wrong in some way, I'm not willing to accept it. This itself is proof.

No. It only means you are ready to engage in a healthy conversation. You're moving texting too soon, I think.

Okay, I'll not say I'm at least apply it for one moment. It bothers me sometimes.

I can see by the movies sometimes it bothers me also. Like when, you know, I love saints, so when she's like, 'I am the most foolish and wretched one like me,' she'll say it. It bothers me. I see where you're coming from and I kind of know the mechanics of the statistics.

Yeah. So, if I'm a driver, our brains are tuned to identify the error. So, I only notice the error people. Then I can say, 'Okay, they are all...' It's very natural. It's biological.

Yes. Like the opposite of Murphy's law.

Yes.

That's also very natural because we won't notice the time where we go first. But we'll recall the time where we got stuck in a line. So, always it happened. No, Father, this pride that comes after being a good student, like the identity, you know, always, always... like for me that's been like the most apparent. Earlier, the noticing of the pride also wasn't there, to be honest. But I mean, Grace works its way, of course, right? And when you do something which is in alignment of what you've said and you've lived that for a consistent amount of period, right? But then the pride... it makes it so worthless in a way, right, Father? Like when that pride comes after doing something. Like you said, the confirmation bias that whatever you're saying, yeah, there is always like a meter that runs, right? Like, 'Oh, I've done this, I've done that, I've done that.' And then you realize that you're falling again back to the track. I mean, how do you even come out of it without even feeling that even if you surrender, Father, you know, eventually, 'Oh, there you go, you surrendered. Oh, there you go, you didn't say a word, you resolved it, you surrendered it to God.' How do you even begin to disperse it and begin to... Father, I'm being like really at this thing. Even these indicators, like I have a cat at home, right? If I don't feel love towards it, I feel like, 'Oh, I'm going away from God.' So literally it's like a biomarker, like a marker for me that, you know, oh, if I'm not treating it well, if I'm not feeding it on time, or if I'm being like very harsh on it. Like sometimes they act very erratic, you know? That's when you realize. Oh, you know, with humans you can make out because they react, but the pets, I mean, although I don't hit it or anything, but you see it. You see that you're not being loving towards that little being. And when you are, then you're like, 'Oh, okay, now you know.' So it's a double-edged sword in some ways, no, Father? I mean, following your words has been the one focus of my life and then, you know, when it happens, then you become like so proud of even knowing it, Father.

That's why I'm saying, at least in my case—and may God bless you all so much that you far exceed this one—but in my case, I can say that I don't feel like I can report a single full day where I've lived up to my words. Yeah, that's hit me. Just really take note of that. At least to the level to say, 'Okay, why is he saying like that then? Is he being disingenuous? Is he being overtly humble?' One option is that. Or am I noticing things which I never was able to notice, like you're noticing now? Maybe there's even more to notice. If I'm able to conclude that I have lived the life of Satsang consistently, then am I setting the bar too low for myself in terms of what that living that life would actually mean? In the sense that if you're able to conclude for ourselves that for a few years I've been able to live a true life, that's a very big statement. That's a very big statement. So as your parent, I would be a bit cautious about that. I would wish that upon all of you, of course, and full blessings for that. But I would really encourage introspection and see that in a day, have I consistently been loving without grievances, without resentment, without anything which is mental, all spirit? Have I lived in God's will consistently?

I feel it's more and more zooming in.

More and more like... and that will keep happening.

Yeah. But this question itself is good because most people who get into pride would never question themselves at all. It's so beautiful when you meet it in the heart; it is so messy and nature at the same... there's no resolution in the mind. The mind just gets scared of this time of Satsang. Nobody wants a true mirror. With you, I want you to tell the truth. But when taking it to you, I feel that I have to be ready for my pride to be chopped because it gets very, very uncomfortable. How even though I feel like what I feel the highest, but still, so hard to see it constantly.

The teacher has to be extra sensitive to that in the sense that we must always be from the heart. Otherwise, what can happen is that if we go with prejudged... everyone will have some preconceived, prejudged notion based on interaction and things like that. Then, in lack of patience, if we don't come from the Atma and we come from a preconceived idea, then that can be very detrimental to the idea to help the disciple to look at their areas, blind spots, and pride and things like that. But many times we can create drama in the exploration itself. So we just have to be heartfelt constantly. And it's true for me that I've realized that if I share with patience and love rather than trying to be very dramatic and choppy, I feel like... although dramatic and choppy keeps everyone entertained, but in terms of actually making lasting change... because the narrative is always that the chop is needed to make that change, and many times it is true, but it's a... I've noticed a replacement for patience. Because that change may happen. I may say something in a very choppy way and we may immediately notice that about ourselves and that may happen, but then fear of bringing up a question, fear of being berated by a parent, you know, by authority, all that can also grow in that process. So it's not that straightforward.

You feel so? In my contemplations, I'm going away from that kind of thing. Yeah, it's not... I was really reporting from my...

No, no, I know you're not blaming at all from this thing, but I'm just saying that for myself and all of you as future teachers of God, you need to notice that there's one approach which is like a Zen stick type approach, which is very popular. Students mistake it with... what is that called? When you hear the success stories, right? Like India is the land of, Bangalore is the home of unicorns and, you know, like business success and all that, because you hear only the... what is it? There's something... because we hear only of the ones who truly got... survivorship. Survivorship bias is one. Then there's something which is... and where the stories of success are the ones which we hear, but the 99 failures we don't hear about. So we feel like everybody should start a startup, for example. So yes, survivorship. Yes, I feel like there's another one also.

But so what I was saying is in the Zen stories we hear, we hear about the ones who had moments of awakening because of the Zen stick or slap or this one slap and this one slap. But I'm really wondering about the thousands who must be there who didn't get awakened and probably lived in more fear or trauma and things like that. So I will do it. Looking back at it, has my heart ever guided me to be choppy towards another? I can't really say. It's very difficult to look back and confirm whether it was from the heart or from some pride. I like to believe most of Satsang sharing has come from the heart, but it could just be a belief. I'm not really certain.

So the idea was how to make it a fully safe space because of what she's saying. There's natural fear to expose in front of any group. There's a fear to expose in front of your teacher. There's an idea that he will think lower of me. This is always there. So dealing with all of that and yet to enable true communication, if not communion, to happen, that has to be... it is the teacher's prerogative to do most of it. Like 90% of it has to come from the teacher. Like with some children—and I hope Dutka won't mind me saying—but in her case, for example, even if she says something very true, very good, and very helpful, like most times she will apologize for it. At least with me, I don't know with roommates and former housemates and all. But she... I don't know whether it's parental conditioning, something. And then also has a strong streak on that, that he will put himself... at least with me. I don't know how it is with Shana and everyone else, but even if it's very... and apparently I've taken it in a good way also, I'm laughing about it or happy, still she feels like, 'Oh, did I do something wrong and should I interrupt?' Or rather, I used to have that earlier, now not as much. So all this the teacher has to notice, try and make it more and more comfortable for children to express. Most of us have a child-parent... doesn't matter how the child lives, most of us have this child-parent conditioning in different ways.

And everyone else, but even if it's very... and apparently I've taken it in a good way also, I'm laughing about it or happy, still she feels like, 'Oh, did I do something wrong?' and 'Should I interrupt?' or rather I used to have that earlier, now not as much. So all this the teacher has to notice, try and make it more and more comfortable for children to express. Most of us have a child-parent... doesn't matter how the child lives. Most of us have this child-parent conditioning in different ways. I think, yeah, very strange conditioning. Like, I have a strange conditioning that if I drop a glass, then I just feel like somebody's going to shout at me because my parents used to shout at me. Although we used to have steel in our house at that time, but I remember my dad coming home from work and if I would drop a glass by mistake with water and I made that noise, he would... reality, and not that he meant it like in such a strong way, but children just pick up these impressions. So this parenting-child thing is very strong.

Very strong fear of getting disapproval from her parents. If somebody meets my parents, they just think they are so good, and they are good people. I don't know what it is. So I know where it comes from. My father looked a bit upset. You want to say anything?

No, no. I was just sharing it. That sometimes, like, no matter what you... I feel like I've experienced that a little bit growing up that, like, even if 88% was 96, 97 was more abroad, you know? When I got like 96, I used to live 88, so I didn't speak English for two weeks, right? And when I got 80% because others were telling them that their children are so innocent. It's really hard to be a parent, Father.

Yeah. Yeah. No, no, I know you're not saying... I'm just saying it's insane because they are always mutually well-meaning. But you must have created blunders. Blunders. Just please make noise. If I think, 'Is it the parental conditioning have so strong?' the real work won't start. But what is it? Is all the real world one step towards three steps? Doesn't matter. Doesn't have to be Nirvikalpa Samadhi always. Even I feel like, too, it's very easy to just try and focus on like spiritual experiences rather than work on humility, pride, and all these things. Although they help each other, but in my case, I would gravitate towards contemplation, reading. What if somebody told me I was proud or I had to change this? I won't like that. I would escape that. So both aspects are important. Our staying with God helps our virtues; our virtues help us stay with God. Every step is important.

In fact, I was saying... some excerpt came on spiritual advisor from satsang and it was like, some high Advaita. I was saying that I tortured all you kids with this stuff first instead of talking about love, faith, humility, patience, gratitude, all of these things. I don't know how, but God's curriculum is strange and unique. It's very beautiful. Strips us of everything we moved. And God's grace has been so, so much upon us from the beginning. We have not had any... by His grace and His grace alone, have not had a slip, like a big slip in any controversial type of thing, whether to do with any sort of relationships or money or any of that. He's kept me safe. That is the biggest blessing, that Maya's temptations have not... I mean, of course we had a lot of... equipped and a lot of, lot of temptations have happened in that way, but nothing which is like, which I would then really not be able to forgive myself for.

So I feel like, by His grace, I've not been inappropriate with anyone in the satsang. So all of those things, all the basic stuff which is needed for a safe space of sharing God's light, the sanctity of that, by His grace alone has been maintained for the past so many years. And by His grace, may it be so for the future as well. Because when those kind of things where you have to hide things, when you have to... not want that at all. So He's been very kind to us. And I had all the potential to falter in so many ways, but His guidance, His grace has always blessed us with at least a safe, safe environment for children to come. That itself, the very basics, are rare in today's world. The amount of exploitation which is happening... just His... I don't know how He kept us safe. Just kept so immersed in His love that I didn't feel like I needed to get it in some other sort of convoluted way.

And how He just, wherever I'm stuck since the beginning of this journey, He just sends the right book, the right teacher, the right quote, the right something. He does that for all of us. To see it so clearly that I would just feel like I want to contemplate this particular thing and just the perfect material comes. I feel Kabir Ji is the best example of that. But right from the beginning, no, I went to buy an astrology book but He led me somehow to buy that Autobiography of a Yogi, which I don't value so much now, but at that time changed my life. His grace is so upon us that I was not worthy of it. Still I'm not, but I don't know how. That's why all these sages are right that He only knows how to do Kripa. Yes. I don't know how to... when we are questioning the script, like I was questioning Kripa when Kabir Ji was in that state, I realized that it's beyond question, beyond... okay, we can stop. And Guruji's... Guruji is okay. Is it near me? Of course. Of course.

What did you eat? I eat breakfast. Lunch? No. What's... Don't eat sugar. I will give you a chicken. At least before my doctor's appointment at 5:00, I should be a good boy. She just scanned me for blood sugar levels with her eyes.