God at All Costs, God for God's Sake, Truth at All Costs, Truth for Truth's Sake – 25 November 2022

Now, the thing about connection with God is that there is not space for two here. There's only space for God here. When there is only space for God, then you connect with God. If there's a me trying to connect, not gonna happen. So, I'm sorry, my body is a bit tired today, so I noticed the words are a bit strained in coming out. The volume may not be that high, but those who are sincerely listening, are you getting a sense of what the project is, in a sense of what we are trying to do in satsang?

So this is important. So first, clarification about what all of this is, is important. Otherwise, many times we continue to be in a self-serving mode, trying to come to the intuitive insight or to the way of faith and then constantly checking, 'How is this helping me?' which is not the intention at all. So all those who are in this to meet the truth, and independent of what other benefits I may get in my life, will have a very straightforward time in satsang. Those who try to hold on to some selfishness, personal desire, you see, many times it will seem like you're getting squeezed. And if that happens, then welcome that squeezing also because, as I've been saying, only the false can be burnt. So this burning happening, and you want the truth, then let the false be burnt.

So, presuming that all of you that are still here then are in this project together with me, we have decided that our life will be full of God. It will be full of Truth, independent of whatever may happen to us personally. That's the first degree. Independent of what thoughts, emotions, life circumstances, bodily circumstances we are in, we are in this for the truth and we are in this for God. If there's any doubt about this, you can come up. Or if you're completely clear that you don't want this, you just wanted something personally, there's always the exit option in Zoom. So, but unless we get clarification that this is what we are collectively embarking on, then all of us will keep walking in different directions and all of us will end up confusing each other. That's the extent of what is going to happen.

So this is very important. If I can say, if you can say in your heart, even though you may wobble and doubt a bit, it's okay, but predominantly in your heart you're done with the person, you want God. You're done with the lies, you want the truth. Even if that means that that which we are most averse to facing in the world, a phenomena that shows up, at all costs are we in this? At all costs. Spirituality is to live in this deep connection with God and therefore oneness with God. The trickiest sacrifice—I won't say most difficult, but the trickiest sacrifice—is the sacrifice of our individual will.

And the question really is quite straightforward: What do you want? What is it that you want? And you can ask this question at any point. Even, what do you want? And you have to come to a point where you don't want what you want. Okay? Come to a point where you don't want what you want. And I will tell you how. The first 'how' is, if you are able to identify what you want, then the mind will tell you you must do the opposite of this, but that's not what I'm saying at all.

So suppose that what you want is to be noticed by Ananta and the Sangha, okay? Or noticed that, 'Oh, you're doing so well,' or noticed that you're so upset, or noticed whatever it is. So shine that in your life. And for many of you, just to say 'let it go' is good enough. But for many of you, you will find it difficult to let it go unless some replacement is given to you. 'I don't want that now, I want this.' So find out in your heart what God wants. Find out in your heart what God wants. And this instruction is for life. This instruction is for life. I'll tell you how to follow it throughout our life.

So only two options now. If you let go of your mental idea about what you want, your individual will, and you came to a point where you want to follow God's journey, there are only two options. One is that to find out, or it's apparent to you, what God's will is. Or the second option is that there is silence, isn't it? If you're not following me, tell me. The first option is that I went to God and God said something easy. Second option is I went to God and usually, initially, this will be the more predominant option where you find that you went to God but it's not coming. Let me see. I don't know how Ananta says all his words come from the heart because when I go to the heart there's only silence.

So this silence is very beautiful. It's very auspicious because in the silence, notice and tell me if it is true: God's light is palpable. Just in the turning away from our heads, the light of our presence, the light of a Satguru presence, the light of our heart is palpable. So in the light of God's will, in the light of God's light, whatever unfolds is also in God's name. And if there is some guidance which becomes apparent and can be conceptualized, that will be made available to you as well. So the exchange for your individual will with God's will is the true surrender. And it is not momentary, because many times in satsang it can become popular to surrender. 'Oh, I surrender to you, Father. I surrender to people. I surrender to everyone.' And then within two minutes, hop, stop, back in the way of the head. So to live in the way of the heart is to live in God's will, come what may.

One child says, 'Of course,' and I appreciate the support. One says, 'Yes, Father, but I am also scared.' Yes, yes, it can be scary. And that's why, what is our deal? Our deal is at whatever cost, at whatever cost. And that deal will not make the fear go away, but it will keep you strong. The fear impact is very important. And those who are not experiencing any fear at all either are fully open and empty, or are not understanding the magnitude of my instruction, or maybe even using Advaita or some spiritual concept to not meet what I'm saying fully. Because what I am telling you takes away any idea of stability from your lives. What I am telling you takes away all idea of safety from your life, stability from your life.

Because to change your operating system, you need to cut out all the roots that the old operating system had. You can't have any of that software running to provide you safety. You have to completely switch over, because nobody can predict what God is going to ask of you in the next instance. Think. And nobody can predict what God is going to ask of you in the next instance. And do you love God and do you trust God that much that you can follow in spite of that, in spite of even the fear? 'Absolutely right,' one child says, 'and yet this feels like the ultimate stability.' That's absolutely right. But for a while, you can see unstable. You're actually coming to the truest foundation, that which you can always rely on.

Do you have something like that right now? We don't have, in the human condition, we don't have something that we can always rely on—our friends, our relatives, our loved ones, the world, our countries, or anything, communities, nothing. So we are switching over to an ultimate stability, but I don't want to emphasize that too much because that can become too much of a reassurance. Right now, I want you to experience the fear and the discomfort instead of balming it or reassuring. So what is the deal we are making? The second deal of the day. Our first deal is God at all costs, yes? Second deal is you will be open to hear God's guidance, Satguru's guidance in the heart, and we will follow, and we will say yes, no matter what it is, no matter what it is.

And if there is something that the mind uses as a message to say, 'What if God asks you for this? This you cannot do,' then you have to shine our light on that question and say, 'What is the blind spot here? Why is there a lack of trust, or what is this lack of trust that I have in the Supreme Intelligence that I would not follow if it was about this?' And this can bring a lot of fear because this can be about material comfort, it can be about our relationships, it can be about our idea of God and freedom. So this following God's will at all costs is what I am calling to be your faith today. Notice, it's coming out in the opposite way as the previous audience shared. The audience here, I first looked at the way of insight and then the way of faith, but today let's...

There is a supreme intelligence that I would not follow if it was about this and this. This can bring a lot of fear because this can be about material comfort, it can be about our relationships, it can be about our idea of God and freedom. So, this following God's will at all costs is what I am calling to be your faith today. Notice, it's coming out in the opposite way as the previous audience shared. The audience here, I first looked at the view of insight and then the way of faith, but today let's approach it from the other direction. It is a version in a very unpredictable state, because nobody can predict what God's will means. How many feel you will retreat from right here? That's too tough. Anybody close to beating the retreat? Okay, you're close to running. Are you close to running?

Yes. Okay, so what is the message? What are you scared of? There are so many things that I can't let go. And something that I didn't know it was like that. For me, it was so clear for so long that it was only truth and all these voices of only spirituality and all that. And I don't know if that was fast, that was not true really.

This is very good. This seeing ourselves in the mirror is very important. And I'm saying that you cannot even want the truth, because if I say, 'What do you want?' and you say 'The truth,' I say, 'Throw it away. What does God want now? What does God want?' And if we say, 'But I'm scared to throw it away because God may not want truth,' then that points us, that shines our light on the lack of trust in that only being, the only intelligence there is. Yet in our expression as this aspect of Consciousness, we are exhibiting a lack of trust in that.

So anyway, God has not asked you yet to throw away your attachments to all these things that you mentioned, but you're already in the light of the possibility. Something starts to shake, isn't it? In the light of the possibility, because it could be the next moment where God says, 'After this, we're done with this.' What was the last thing you said? Because in the next moment we may lose that; you may be guided to lose that attachment, is it? And you already know in your heart that you have to follow. So till we don't learn to follow—and that's why I've been saying this, it has become one of my favorite things to say—to say that before we can become one with Ram, we must become Hanuman.

For those of you who are not familiar with this, Hanuman was the most obedient disciple, also became a follower, and he would jump over oceans and lift mountains at the word of Lord Rama. So I want to make it absolutely certain to everyone that it is not possible to have Oneness with God till there is a complete surrender, complete following, a complete submission to God. And this, in fact, is the convenient spirituality that I have been ranting against in the last couple of months, because I noticed a very comfortable, complacent, arrogant spirituality without realizing it. And that has so much separation from God, but we have all the concepts and we have all the insights and experiences, but our life is in no way connected to God when it becomes this true mental spirituality.

So I've been squeezing this aspect of it, and we'll come to the view of insight very soon. This bird has two wings: one is the way of faith and one is the way of insight. But the way of faith is really squeezing everyone's buttons a bit, and that's why I'm happy to squeeze more. That means that that is where our ego is hiding; that's where our individuality is hiding. So what are you scared of?

Keep believing in, like, being obedient to my mind. He's just waiting for the plane after a long time.

I said, 'What are you scared of?' You said that you're scared that you will keep believing your mind, or the symptom is that you'll keep believing your mind. That you keep living being obedient to your mind. So it is being obedient to your heart, and you start believing your mind now. What is it that you leave the heart for? What is that desire or want? Because the mind cannot attract you unless you want something.

So many things, Father. Oh, so many things. Let me see. So many things. In the human condition, it's not possible to want so many things, is it? So many things and avoidance to look. I know there's a lot of concern about, like, having financial security, survival, and all that. Yeah, I know that.

Very good, very good. Don't hide from that. Now, if I said to you, 'Leave everything and come here,' would you? Here? To Bangalore? Here, yes. Leave everything and just move to a cave in Timbuktu. Either 'yes' or 'no' is perfectly fine as an answer, but to answer is important. I think 'yes' or 'no' is completely fine. It is so beautiful, you see. And if it is 'no,' you know where it is. Shine your light. So if you're willing to follow me on the outside, if I were to try to give you an instruction and you say, 'Yes, I will do it,' you see, then are you saying that if it was to come from your heart, which is my true presence—because this instrument is not the Guru—if it is to come from the Satguru presence in your heart, you are saying that you feel you would not follow, or what?

I feel like I haven't been doing it lately.

So that is good to see. That is good. And the only remedy is to start now. But I want to be careful and explain this remedy. The only remedy is to start now, but the offer also expires now. So you cannot leave it till tomorrow to start. So notice that you have not been doing it. Good. To do more about it and to think more about it is not good. The only response to that noticing is to immediately come in the surrender to God. Immediately. Otherwise, the mind will use it to punch and say, 'Yes, he has been so bad, I don't know why it doesn't stop.' So then let's continue to play out that way.

The way of the heart is that when you notice, you stop and you retreat into the heart. Who is waiting for you in the heart, you know? This is the Satguru presence, God's light, God's word, Holy Spirit, Atma, the Wise One. So whatever reverential name you want to use for it is absolutely fine. But the highest intelligence, the highest light, the true presence of God is available to us. And if this is the true insight, then where can we be but following that? This is the only end to selfishness. This is the only true foundation: to allow yourself to take this leap of faith.

Now, what is the worst-case scenario? The worst-case scenario is that you went sincerely to the heart and the heart just tricked you, because it's not God who's sitting in the heart, it's actually the ego or something tricked you. Now, that getting deluded is a fear that your mind will constantly use, and it will constantly doubt using this. So I want to reassure you today that if you went with sincerity to your heart and you're being guided after that, it's none of your business. You did what you could. You've done your part; the rest is God's problem. That's the first thing.

The second thing is: what if God asks me for something which I just cannot do? That is also useful to spot, because at least it takes us out of our notion of being so spiritually evolved and surrendered and all of those things. So to just deliver that same example, if God said to you, 'Give up everything and go live in this cave in Timbuktu,' and you say 'No, no,' if you find yourself hesitating in doubt, then that is your inquiry. Then that is your inquiry, and shine your light with full sincerity on this. Let's see. There is a difference between my lips, what my mouth says, and what I actually follow. Please help me with this. There's a difference, because in my mouth I have said a million times, 'I surrender to God fully, I surrender to Guru fully,' but when the time came, I'm not able to do it. Not with any guilt, not with any unworthiness, but just looking: what stops you? What is in my will?

Now, let that burning happen, because that which can burn is not your reality. The mind can also convince you that God will not ask you anyway, he's too much of a nice guy, much too kind to ask you to throw away your life. Don't be in that pretense at all. God is the highest intelligence and does not care about our attachments. He is the highest intelligence and this is the highest love, and because it is the highest love, it does not care about our false attachments. Remember that anything can be asked of you. Then don't expect what is being asked to make sense. 'Start painting the next Mona Lisa.' 'Okay, I have never painted anything in my life.' See? So don't expect things to make sense in the way of the heart. You can either pick your sense machine or you can pick the heart. Anything, anything can show up, and we must be open in our surrender to follow. Don't expect it to make sense. And you notice how obsessed we are to sense-making in these instructions? Like, how obsessed we are to sense-making. But even God's will has to make sense to our limited mind before we follow.

But I just don't know what God wants me to do.

All right. Oh, right. No, we tried to know, and for how long have we? What is the review? I'm really asking as a doctor, you see. Why is the medicine not working? So tell me if you've taken the right dosage. You've taken the right dosage every day and then you don't feel guided? Is it like that? Or you've not taken the dosage and you don't feel guided?

This is the second one.

Okay, so let's look at what it means to be guided. And I realize the mind can be going 'whoo' as I'm sharing, so I'm happy to repeat this many times. What is it? What does it mean to be guided? How do you know that you're being guided? How do you know that God is guiding you?

Yes. So if God's light is apparent, our presence is anything, very good, then what unfolds naturally is happening in the will of God.

Okay, so that is one. And the second is that it is heard or understood or the message is received in some way, whichever way God wants to tell us. Tell me which one you're not able to do.

I feel that lately it's the first one, the clarity and the my being.

Yes, yes. Thank you. So that brings us to the second part. How do I know that I'm truly being intuitive? How do I know that this is God's light? This is the doubt, this is the devil. So I have said that we are at such a beautiful advantage because we can say collectively as a Sangha, by Guruji's grace, that when my being is apparent to me, or when my Self is apparent to me, when I'm in the apparency of self-knowledge, then I can only be intuitive because there is no way that your mind or perception can make the Self apparent to you. So if the Self is apparent to you—and there's no reason why it shouldn't be for you—then how can you doubt that this is God's light?

But that's what I'm saying, Father. I don't feel that my Self is apparent lately. It's very...

Yes, so what is the tool you have for that? You asked me, but the specific tool is: are you aware now? Can you stop the 'I'? Or 'Who am I?' or 'Open and empty' or 'Headless' or, you know, hundreds of them. Now your mind will say, 'But it is not working.' But I want to see it not working. Show me how it cannot work. Yeah. So one thing, in case you're not doing it, but now even if it feels over and over and over, is it over and over and over and over? The sacrifice of your individual will will seem to be over and over and over till one day it's over. So I'm not... that's why I'm saying that it's so simple. What I'm saying is so, so simple, but initially it may not seem that way because the last thing you said, I didn't hear. What always seems so easy? Why? Because we still want. We still want. As long as we want, it won't seem easy. So what do you want? And now zero in on something. What is the one thing that you would not give up?

I don't... I just don't want to... I want to not want.

Yes, okay. Let me help you. If God said, 'Give me all your relationships, give me this body and let it be in whatever state I put it'?

I'm not so sure, because I'm afraid of pain and all that.

You don't want pain, even if God wants it. This is very good. This is beautiful because it's no longer hiding behind broad terms. Okay, there are so many examples in history. The greatest sages have had to undergo...

What is the one thing that you would not give us? I don't... I just don't want to. I want to not want. Yes, okay.

So let me, okay, let me help you. If God said, 'Give me all your relationships, give me this body and let it be in whatever state I put it,' what would you say?

I'm not so sure, because I'm afraid of pain on that. You don't want pain, even if God wants. This is very good. This is beautiful because it's no longer hiding behind broad terms. Okay, there are so many examples in history, yeah, the greatest sages have had to undergo so much pain. But if God means it on me, I will run. Put that into your own, right? It's not a bad thing. That's why I said yes and more; both are good as long as it's not hiding. So this is very good progress. At least you're noticing and you say, 'I don't want him.' So beautiful. Keep your light on this, okay? So this is very good. Relationships, yourself, body... you said. What about meaning or freedom or enlightenment or truth? If God said, 'No more truth for you in this life,' no?

Interesting one. But don't forget about the pain thing; we'll come back. But this one I really want to deconstruct because I really want to deconstruct what is truth. Is there a highest than God's will? Is there a higher tool than God's will? So if God means that you don't get the truth that you think you want, is it because we have an image? You have an image of truth. We have an idea of awareness or consciousness or something like that. This... so if God said, 'No more satsang to you, no more truth for you, it is my will,' your heart said clearly, 'All living in God's presence.' I mean, truly living with integrity in God's life, you don't find you want even truth if you sacrifice your individual will. Once truth according to your idea of what it is... this here in the other side, how could I want help? But do you feel like you have the better way to heaven than God does? To use the same terminology, then, if you say that empty of truth I am in hell and God should help me when you go to stay in heaven. So if God says to me, 'No, give up on the truth,' you trust God to know that it is God itself which makes it heaven and hell, or the presence of God makes it heaven and the seeming absence of God makes it hell. Is there any other hell or heaven?

Which is not being able to live life on my terms.

Okay. If I have to live life on God's terms or on any terms which are not mine, what is the version of bondage? Actually, the version of bondage is actually freedom. The mind's version of freedom is actually heaven. Because we thought that freedom will mean that I can live on my terms, but those terms are from point and those terms are: how do I make, try to make a comfortable living in hell? If you can hear this, you can get this, but it saves you so much trouble. What is the 'my way' done so good for us so far that we are so attached to it? I have no idea why. Why could we be so attached to... oh yeah, let me give you a metaphor so that it becomes easier.

So suppose you were full of crime, full of trouble, yeah? And everywhere you left the house, you see, you could just get into trouble with attachments, relationships, money, body, teachers, everything. Everything is just... then because your father loves you so much, your father builds this palace for you with the playground where everything is here. Nothing can ever hurt you. All you have to do is follow your father's instruction: 'Don't leave from this gate, don't go over there, but you can play as much as you want.' Yeah? Now if you insist on leaving the house again in the area of strife, and then when strife happens, then okay, even if it does happen, what is the best fruit available to you? Run back home as soon as you can. Not 'I will try and make this type,' 'I will try to reform the Maya, make it better,' or 'I feel like I can do a bit of both,' you see? Because I like the nightlife in the city, right? Like go for the party, you know? It becomes too much, all my friends are losing it and they're starting to vomit, I will just run back home. We cannot do that. What we cannot do because nobody is able to juggle that. So you cannot juggle the 'me' along with God. You cannot juggle the ways of the mind along with the ways of the heart.

There is no shortage, there is no lack of anything for you in the heart. It just doesn't go according to the mind's map or the mind's plan. That's it. Why would that God, light of which millions and trillions of these universes have come into existence and created within him, why would that God deny anything to the children? So if Ram said to Hanuman, 'Just go get me that mountain,' and but Hanuman said, 'No, no Lord, I have a better mountain. I'll get you a better one. There's no better medicine than sanjivani on that other one, I know,' you see? Because I read in some magazine somewhere, yeah? What is the outcome of that? So a life for following God in the heart is the life of complete freedom. I know how to the mind it sounds opposite, yeah? The mind's version of freedom is do whatever the mind wants to do and it still has that bliss and God's love and presence. That's what the mind's version of freedom is. They should just be able to do whatever, but unending bliss, unending love, unending peace. To follow lies and to live in truth is not possible. To follow the lie, to follow ego and live with God is not possible. To follow individual will and stay claim to God's gifts is not possible.

His life can no longer be yours. That is deal number one. At all cost, me, this life can no longer be yours. Up for it? Yes. What are you scared of? Because we make that promise, you make that promise many times, you just mean it. I said that's why I say that I've done that promise many times. Yes, but are you focusing with full sincerity with no time limit? Therefore forever, your life is mine or not?

I don't feel it, Father.

Yes, so that is your inquiry then. So that is your inquiry and this is exactly what I mean by the fire of true spirituality where all this comes out in the open and can be looked at instead of lying hidden somewhere behind the nice words of spirituality. If I pose the question to you another way, if I say to you in this house which is your life, in this space only for one: either the Satguru presence lives or the ego can live. So sweet these are being taken away from you. It's just like, okay, thank you. You see the absurdity is this: to only be talking about the highest being of the only being in the universe, not even like a small grain of sand because it doesn't exist. That is the exchange. And that exchange something... okay then, now that is heaven, that is hell.

Okay, it was not an equal exchange. It's not a fair exchange at all, but it's 100% in terms of how much you're getting in return for nothing in which it is unfair. I mean, it's fully literally in return for the non-existent, right? I want to just want you can get God. What better deal is there in this universe? I say to you only one can walk on this lane: me or God. Can there be reluctance? Me or God? What is even the deal? And yet in the human condition, it seems like the most difficult choice. And this is for children who have had clear insights about the presence, clear insight that God lives in them in their heart. It's a difficult choice. So we can never judge the world and our brothers and sisters in the world because they do not have the advantage that we do. They don't have intuitive insight available like dialogue... huh? Some of them believe that we have to practice for thousands of lifetimes before they can get one moment of God's presence. We have the advantage, but then because we have the advantage, we also don't get the excuses.

We come to the presence of God. What do we value? It may seem like a very simple progression. We come to the presence of God. What do we value in that moment then? 'Oh, I am so cool, I came to the presence.' How do you value the presence if it is still 'I am the hero of the story, I am the protagonist of the story'? Then all spiritual experiences are pointless. And this is the fear of complete surrender where the 'me' that we are holding on to, they're scared what is going to happen to that because in following God's will, that will completely be demolished. Now how will you be spiritual in God's way? Very good. We did the first course correction which is that at least spirituality... it will come to materialism in the moment, but key spirituality has to be done God's way now. Okay, we've seen that it has become God's way. How to do it God's way and keeping up the 'me'? Does God decide or you decide? Let's go slowly over this one. Let's go smoothly over this one.

If I propose to you that actually what happened is that you relied on knowledge about what has to be done... if I rely on knowledge, yes, that you relied on knowledge and I asked you see, instead of just listening to God, what would you say? No, okay. What do you have to do to follow what dream? To stay with the insight of what my being moment to moment, to remain open to allow God's life to be palpable. Because it isn't allowing actually; in the hypnosis of thought, it's not palpable. So it is an allowing. So to allow God's light without the world and therefore their parents, give self-knowledge to be clear is to follow words. And if some guidance comes which is in the form of conceptualizable guidance, and to follow that amazingly. To lose your mind is to rely on God. Take it. Okay, take it. Take my mind. You have to give it, yeah? I can't take it. Okay, okay. I can just guide you. I cannot force Consciousness in any way. You claim that Consciousness playing as that one, that Consciousness has to switch out. Switch out from the head to the heart. The alarm clock can only buzz, can only ring. You are the one who has to wake out of this dream.

I think I'll take one question which is related to this. There is a strong conditioning you say that God cannot do any harm, that he is full of mercy in here. Yes, yes. This God cannot do you any harm, but where do you know what harm is? That he's full of mercy, of course God is good, full of love. But when a parent is telling the child to do their homework, are they full of mercy and love? Yes, in reality, but no according to the child in that moment. So our condition... it cannot be a conditional surrender based on our idea of mercy and love. It may seem like a rate of medicine, sorry, it may seem like a rate of medicine. And this is the dying to oneself. So everything that you would put in a category of 'too much' or 'not merciful' or 'not loving,' be open to all of them because it's not a half-hearted deal. Do not make a deal with your heart with half a heart: 'Okay, I'm fine with this deal as long as it's this way.'

And there's so many examples of things. A young man, newly married, has come back to his kingdom and he is the oldest son. But his father, instead of making him... looking after him, tells him to go for 14 years in the jungle. And he follows because his father told him. Is it fair? Is it merciful? Is it loving? Our minds should never understand that as... but it is only because of this that the greatest evil in the world at that time was eradicated in the form of Ravana, which is nothing but a representation of the ego. It was eradicated because Ram's father sent him to the jungle and then all those events happened. Now is that a loving father? 'You go to the jungle, just you, your wife, and your younger brother, and those who want to help you. Nothing to take care of you. You may get eaten by lions.' Nothing. What kind of emotional father is that? And yet because Ram followed his heart, he listened to his father. But really the more important thing is because we cannot fathom the ways of God, there is no way for us to judge the goodness and darkness of anything. All we can then do is trust fully and unknowingly, like without making sense. And that's what I meant when I said don't expect it to make sense. Because if it made sense, where is the surrender in that? If God says, 'Okay, now do this and I'll tell you why,' then you're already convinced in your head. What is the surrender? What is the role of faith in that? It is happening, it's yes, surrender because...

Is because we cannot fathom the ways of God. There is no way for us to judge the goodness and darkness of anything. All we can then do is trust fully and unknowingly, like without making sense. And that's what I meant when I said, 'Don't expect it to make sense.' Because if it made sense, where is the surrender in that? If God says, 'Okay, now do this and I'll tell you why,' then you're already convinced in your head. What is the surrender? What is the role of faith in that? It's happening. It's yes, surrender because of love is the best. But if you're wondering because someone you trust has told you to, then do that. If you don't wait—what I'm saying is it is the best to surrender out of love, but don't wait for that. It can happen, yes, but don't wait for that.

One says, 'I cannot surrender. This is good, actually. I like this feeling of autonomy. This is good because of this.' So you can identify the blind spot. Okay, I like this feeling of autonomy. Now, who is this autonomy from? Investigate that. But is it also the feeling of autonomy that I can choose to surrender, or is it all in the mind? Just surrender. Don't understand. Don't understand. Ask yourself, 'What do you want?' I don't want that. Let go of that. Rest in your heart till it is apparent, or remain in the heart that is already unfolding according to God's will. No other tricks. No other mental understanding related to peace from the deputies. And the smartest strategy in your highest understanding is not one step in this journey. It's worthless. It's pointless. What do you think you know? It's nothing to do with anything I'm saying. Your autonomy is your invitation card to hell. What do you think your autonomy is? Because you don't know who's calling you. The autonomy for the ego is the invitation to suffering. To live in faith and surrender to God—but I'm so glad we are having this conversation.

Few years back, it actually came to me that most of us want a God-assisted life and not a God-dictated one. And I'm still seeing the extent of that. So autonomy means—and yet we are spiritual—means that 'I want my way, my theory, and I want God to help me with that because I am the greater intelligence who knows what is better for me. But I leave the outcome to Him because I'm so magnanimous.' And also, 'I created the outcome is Your will, but what should happen is my decision.' So the one that determined the outcome cannot determine what should happen? Whose decision must that be? What's the problem when living in the heart? It's all boiling down to that, basically. What's the problem in living in the heart for the worst-case scenario for your life?

Yes, what is actually—that's a very good answer. She says, 'Not to know.' Do not know. This can seem very scary, but if you examine your knowledge, you realize that it provides you no safety at all. All you know, you've known and known and known for so many years. What's going to happen now? What's going to happen now? No idea. No idea. Face this truth that you have no idea. This is the fear of the unknown. This is the fear of death. This—you could die any moment, then all your knowledge will not help, all your worldly knowledge.

The one says there is a fear of being totally alone and to get lost. So remember that this fear of being totally alone, of getting lost, is not of becoming totally alone and getting lost; it is to notice that you are alone and lost. Is it denial of what already is in the way of the mind? Because in the way of the mind, you're completely lost already. You don't know anything. You don't have anything. And go ahead—all you have is a fantasy. All you have is a fantasy story. What do you actually have? Face this. It is good for you to face it by your invitation rather than life forcing it from you over and over again.

So if you are completely lost and alone, which you are today in the head, where do you find your feet from that? The only refuge is with God, is in the heart, is in your reality as one with God. But you cannot jump very conveniently to 'one with God' and skip over the burning of the ego. And the burning of the ego is the burning of individual will. Yeah, you cannot just conceptualize it away and say, 'No, yes, I see there is no doer. I see.' These are nonsense words. You cannot talk your way out of this. And this is what gurus were trying to tell us. All our smartness will not help us. It may make us a spiritual encyclopedia—the best spiritual encyclopedia in the universe—but not free. It's just a bundle of concepts instead.

So if you keep going in that direction, you will become a little spirituality—you will become an encyclopedia philosopher of spirituality, but not a true practitioner. You will not enter Oneness with God. You will only meet it in words and you will keep repeating the words conceptually till the end of your life. If it is purely conceptual and you're just becoming smarter, but that smartness will not take you. Every trick in the book, every tactic you have up your sleeve is not going to help you. It's a seeking attention. You may get attention from seven billion constantly; you may be the object of their attention. It's not going to help you when death comes. If you see which is physical pleasure most out of this, your senses will give up soon. I mean, whatever you want in the way of your mind, it's just trying to console yourself that this hell is retreat to your heart. That is where you find fruits, solace, comfort, refuge, love, peace, a true light. God bless them.

How can we be seemingly spiritual, satsang-ish, so many of us, and be in complete avoidance of God? Isn't that a joke? Now, your insistence on living it from the mind—we have no excuses for that because you realize the one that it is representing doesn't exist. You realize the truth of yourselves. You have recognized yourself as awareness, but to not live from the heart, to not live from this life, to not live from the highest that you are discovering is unbearable to you. And that is why this voice in front of you is provoking you so much. Just so either we look at it—who am I? You had no excuse. You have seen, you have recognized that you are awareness. And some of you are new; we can go through that together. But most of you at this point have been listening so long, it's simply apparent that you are not an individual entity. You are not in time and space.

This is what I didn't do, and that is why I'm chopping away at the stubborn need to hold on to the way of the mind instead of allowing yourself to drown in the way of the heart. And you know what I'm finding? I'm finding that all your spiritual insights your mind is using to defend. So like this, we can play both ways. Emphasize on the devotional field and complete self-submission as a need to insight, and we can emphasize sometimes to intuitive insight as the way to, you know, surrender the path from both sides. If you continue to do this properly, there's no escape because here it is. You cannot say, 'Oh, my temperament is like this, I would prefer it like that.' There's no space for that nonsense. If I've not made you uncomfortable, I'm not doing a good job. If there's no fire burning, I need to find more fuel. What I'm seeing on the screen seems to be burning all right. Too uncomfortable? Thank you. Only one is the assurance I have to do so that we don't put out the fire. The only reassurance is: remember what can burn. Remember what can burn. That's what you're here for. I really just feel like taking a bazooka through this life.

Spiritualities has to be pulled out. I don't know. And you're discovering the punch of this because most of you have beautiful insights, but now as the true extent of surrender is being made apparent to you, you're seeing that there's no place. Some of you are squirming. That squirming is very important because you're realizing that you can hide and you can pose in front of everyone except your own heart. Safety words about surrendering, and 'I like being for God and for truth' and all of that, but you cannot hide from your own heart as you've been thrown in the unpredictable fire of God's love. It makes no sense to you. The throat of your ego is being squeezed. And all that I've said in all God's ever, maybe in twelve years, is that it's not about you. Get over yourselves. That's fundamentally it. Yes, get over yourselves.

Thank you so much. And I want to express my thanks and gratitude to be here in satsang and to have this opportunity to be weekly. So happy to really discover you. Thank you so much. My question is how to be—how to be in life satsang and to remain present as presence in your heart when you have a question or something to share? Yeah, I'm putting this question and I know there is many they have the same question, especially during the retreat with Mooji. Yes, and I feel very much in my heart this goal to take this opportunity fully to wake up on that foot and to keep just quiet to allow myself to this. I cannot know what will happen in future, but the experience, the last experiences in the retreats, which is in 2022 in this year retreat, when I'm not on the Zoom session and I don't—or I'm on the Zoom but I don't have a question, I'm present with what is given. But when I have something to say and I'm putting my hands, so some kind of preparation to the question or to put it in the words, so it can create kind of disturbance or not to be present with, and so to miss many of things. And I feel it's something it's natural, but I felt to ask you that, especially this is the first time I will talk to Mooji, maybe if he called me. Of course, I never met him, never even been in Sahaja. And it is, of course, it will be different here. Here we are somehow—there's a lot of people, quite big number, and he is more, you know, this is a great love and great looking to see him or to talk to him. Something starts to feel like—of course here also there is a great love, but I don't know, I just putting it as I feel. So thank you. It's become somehow obvious that remain in your heart, remain as the Self, but it is the tendency, you know, it's just the habit of the mind because it's still taking, trying to find any chance to fall out.

Very nice. Let's use this as an opportunity to look at what exactly what we've been saying to do. So can you identify from your report, what is it that you want now?

What do I want out of my question? Yeah, what is the main thing? Is it that how do I make sure I use the opportunity well and yet come up and be able to ask the right questions? Although the question needs some preparation because it's a big stage in a way and you'll get to talk to Guruji in that way. Then how do I make sure that I'm not missing what he's saying while I prepare for the question that is coming up? No? And especially there is kind of not responsibility, but I have to be true to my words. Yes, not going to references from the memory or something fast. So I need to be present not just to not miss, because maybe I can see the records, but also to be present with him and to be open and empty to allow the—to be quiet to allow this discovery or its awakening.

Yes. So the knowledge that you need to be open, you need to be present, you need to allow—that knowledge will get in the way of your presence, allowing, and openness. Can you meet here? Yes, something rings well in the heart. So you notice that. So this is what I meant by 'What do we want?' So our most humble and highest outcomes, even the spiritual ones—isn't it the best thing? 'I want to be as open as possible, as truthful as possible, as present as possible, as accepting as possible of Guruji's greatness.' So, but when these become terms of understanding and of knowledge, then they themselves play the reverse trick. So they become a desire which gets in the way of the natural openness which already is. So how to attend the retreat, how to listen and ask questions, how to participate fully is like your two-year-old—sorry, it likes to—if you're a two-year-old child who...

The greatest thing I want to be is as open as possible, as truthful as possible, as present as possible, as accepting as possible of Guruji's grace. But when these become terms of understanding and of knowledge, then they themselves play the reverse trick. So they become a desire which gets in the way of the natural openness which already is. So how to attend the retreat, how to listen and ask questions, how to participate fully is like your two-year-old—sorry, it likes to—if you're a two-year-old child who doesn't know all of this, just attend like a two-year-old child who is just allowing God's play to play out as it is meant to. Remember that the most humble, most spiritual, even the words of Satsang which we make positions into for ourselves—because this is a very subtle thing I'm telling you—that even these can become the slight speck of dust in our eye that prevents the meeting with the Master.

So it's a beautiful conundrum. I don't want the slightest speck, but my not wanting is the slightest thing in this. I don't want the slightest speck, but it is my not wanting the slightest speck which is the speck. Utter positionlessness, utter emptiness. Still wanting to—still yes, although it may have been auspicious at some point, not really, but suppose it was auspicious at some point, but now it has served its purpose. Not even, not even empty. Where even nothing was not, He was there. Sorry, I didn't hear well. So I was saying that we translated it from a line, and the Sangha can help me with the original line, but we translated from the line and the translation of this song was: 'Where even nothing was not, He is there.' So this is the key I have for you to attend Satsangs, to attend life translations.

So this is called 'Kun Faya Kun.' You know, I don't know what that means, but one of the words is—one of the lines is 'Kun Faya Kun.' Where even nothing was not. How do we come to that? Utter emptiness, utter positionlessness, motionlessness, effortless. All of a sudden, today has been about that. Our session has been about the view of it which allows us to remain headless.

It seems like the understanding at a certain point is helpful, and then at a certain point you have to surrender it, otherwise it will stand itself in the way.

Yes. Don't even wait till you are surrendered. That is open and empty. That is timelessness. If you give yourself time to do it, it will become something in time. It has to be met through this right now, before now. That utter simplicity, that utter motionlessness which is available before the birth of time—that is where your reality is. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, sorry. Um, yeah. May this retreat be for all of us for openness and for Atma Gyan. And I may also ask you for your prayers and your blessings for my family. Um, yeah, I'm not living with them, but I can feel the tightness and the suffering coming out of the identification with the personality, situations, and its impact on the body. So, for full openness and healing for these mind situations and bodily sicknesses. And I'm asking this for all of the Sangha.

May God be close to them. Let's give it some space. But let's talk by way of explanation. I spent most of the day in the hospital with my father, and when I visit the hospital, somehow this body starts feeling very tired. So I hope you'll forgive me if I'm not taking more questions because you'll find that most of the questions are answered. Also, the recording that we have from Wednesday—it's like most of what I said over the last 12 years is encapsulated quite well. So we would like to point everyone in that direction.

Yeah, and so what's been happening is the broadcast has only been on Fridays, but Monday and Wednesday I meet the Sangha locally in Bangalore. And inevitably we have some requests for people to be able to join them because something's happening or there's a need to be in Satsang or something. So we've been getting some to join on WhatsApp calling and things like this. We just felt like it's easier if you just put it on Zoom and allow it to be a thing like this, except that there may not be video. We'll see. We'll see how that goes. And maybe we don't have so much opportunity to ask questions, but you're welcome, all of you are welcome to join those directly to hear and get a sense of how we are moving while living here in Bangalore, you know.

It would be easier to come to you than to stay home and surrender in daily life, because as a mother and partner there, I meet many 'I' thoughts of however I want things and people to be. That is still hard to surrender.

Start joining, let's see, on Monday and Wednesday as well. Because you're always welcome to come back. Maybe in your life situation at the moment it's not possible, but there is always—this is your home to all of you.