Freedom Means All States Can Come and Go but I Remain as I Am - 3th September 2019

See, the mind will say, 'Okay, maybe I put this here or over here. Maybe a shortcut into this will work better.' And I've seen mostly these are just distractions and we are not even consistent with them. We would become like this. I have seen that we may not be led through the inquiry at all, but when the question is asked, 'Who is aware of your being?' then suddenly something will come and say, 'No, no, but for me, this works better.' So these are just very well-dressed distractions. Very well. And I'm not saying that 'Who is aware of being?' is a better question than another. I am saying this for the moment as the pointing is being shared. And if it will make these distractions come out and they say, 'Okay, maybe it's this one,' because if your way was working so well, then you would not feel so lost. So don't start testing 'my way' just when it's crunch time. This much trust is needed.

The point is not to make any of you feel guilty or anything like that. It is pointing out that the mind gives these tricks so that you can be vigilant towards them and we can spot them. There's a question: 'Give up everything's wisdom. During meditation, the meditator is lost, the purpose of meditation is lost, and only I exist without the center to call it I. If this is what I really am, then why is this state not there in the waking state as I type this message, or when I'm not meditating?'

So how do you know it is the Self? Or how do you know that this state which is empty of meditator, meditation, and all other conclusions or inferences that you can make about yourself—how do you know that any of that is here right now? Where is the meditator? You see, if this is what I really am, then why is this state not there? Firstly, you are not a state. This is the second department if we speak of the second condition. If you get attached or so enamored by any experience or state, then know that that is not the case. You see, all of these go in the sleep state also. All of this goes in the sleep state also. So then what must you do? Merge into sleep already? Is that the best advice you can get in satsang? No.

You see, so it is not about coming to an experience or a closed deal, but to recognize that whatever the state might be, whatever the perceptions might be, you see, the Self remains unchanged. To discover that which is present even in the sleep state during the waking state itself is self-recognition. To discover that which is present even in the sleep state, you see, in the waking state is self-recognition. So what is that? It is here. You see, what is that which was there in that meditative state? Even if the meditative state is Samadhi, to really come for Samadhi, whatever fancy things we might be experiencing, you see, if the truth came and went with that particular state, then that is not worthwhile. If freedom meant to come to only one particular state, then that is not very free. Freedom means all states can come and go, but I remain as I am. I remain untouched.

So, and in this case, that particular meditator which was lost, it was just seen that it was never there actually. If you can produce a meditator now, then you would have done something very amazing because this one just does not exist. 'But this is what I am really, then why is this state not there in the waking state?' And now you say, 'As I type this message, oh well, I am not meditating.' Yes, in meditation you will experience various states, and those states are helpful sometimes to show you that which remains unchanged during all states. But if you make that into a new state that you have to aspire to, you see, then you're falling into the second condition which I'm talking about. You are letting an experience enamor you. You are getting attached to some perception or lack of perception, some objective presence or absence.

So your discovery of the truth will not be the discovery of a special state. You will see that that which is always there is yours. So you're not getting enamored with any concept, any inference, any reasoning, and you're not getting enamored with any perception or lack of perception. And you're not burdening the truth with any expectation. There is no expectation from this except that it is true. There is a good inquiry like 'Who is aware of my being?' It has to reveal what you are looking for. If what you're looking for is just the truth for truth's sake, unburdened with any other benefit, then we say, 'Father, how do you experience the saying of the sages: I am in everybody?'

Again, the same terms, the same claims, and these become our spiritual expectations. So do you trust me enough to forget about it? I am not saying it is not true or anything; I am just saying that it is not true the way we think it is, and we will never think the way it is. So I am saying: empty of all expectations, all burdens of the truth must remain. And you're exposing an expectation: 'Oh, the sages are saying that I am in everybody, I see myself as all.' So what you are really saying is that until I see that, until then I can't say that I'm free. And what are we doing then? We are burdening this simple insight with expectation. We may not realize it. If this were created, if you try to see yourself in everybody, you cannot live. At best, you will come up with some very fancy inferences and words, you see, but you'll never become a sage.

If you burden yourself first with the identity of being this one and then that one trying to see themselves in everything and everybody, it just cannot happen. When you are empty of this identity, then automatically you are all that is. God putting on the mask of the person, then trying to be God. The mask is dropped. God remains. God putting on the mask of the person and then picking up the best, well-dressed, most spiritual concepts is not the truth. And what do you think is that? Most of you know this expression. My feeling is never to sound harsh or tough or something like that, but sometimes I have to shake you out of these strong spiritual conditions.

So when I say, 'What do you really want?' you feel now you can say 'truth' for truth's sake. But even in that, there can be these hidden benchmarks and expectations that 'How is life for the sage?' Why are we asking how is life for the sage? If it's just curiosity, you know, because we want that. We want to burden the truth which is being pointed to with these benchmarks, with these expectations, and we want to check, 'Is it true for me yet?' None of these will ever be true for 'me,' and for truth, they always were. So you're being pointed very directly in satsang through the simple pointers to that which is absolute truth, to that which is beyond any greed or lesson. But the mind will seem to put forward the benefits. The question is: are you available? And this 'you' which is aware of your being, what can be said about that? And how is this really known that you say, 'It is aware of my being'?

In this question, don't make anything up. Stop. No experience, no state, no concept, no control. Who is aware of my being? Is it you? What is the basis of that? Yes, what is the basis of that? Is that basis in self-knowledge? And for the mind, it cannot handle this. So your thinking about it will not help. Also, you cannot perceive it. So your including pure perception will not happen. Who is aware of my being? Simple. But then the mind says, 'It can't be enough because when I'm not perceiving anything and I'm not speaking anything, then there isn't anything except I.' Is that so?

No, no, it's not. I mean, you say a lot, but I don't need to think everything. I don't need to perceive anything. There is really nothing left except I now.

So is it two plus two equals four? It is not that. Then what is it? What enables us to say that? What is the basis of that state? It is not an inference or a perception.

Because what I mean, it's just known that it's myself.

How is it known?

It knows itself. And I don't mean this which... how does it know itself? That how can I help? Because I only have any perception of maybe... if I don't have any perception of it, I don't have any... not intellect, I mean nothing is needed and I know I'm known. Not me, and knowing doesn't need this. It's not like a person who might be easily... I mean, it's mystical.

Does it mean doing a remembering?

No.

Can it be forgotten?

No, I can't be distracted from it. It is time to think. How does it help me? That it can't. It doesn't help me because I'm a moment. At which moment is there one when I play? Some appearance will come to me. Let's see what appearance is to come to me. Can an appearance appear with some... I mean, of the appearance of when I imagine myself different appearance? If eyes are closed and there is no appearance, I can't conjure up me as seeing. It has nothing to do now when we ask the question.

No, get it. Rico button. No, I can't be distracted. Time... it is time to think. How does it help me? That it can't. It doesn't help me because I'm a moment. At which moment is there one when I played? Some appearance will come to me. Quite. Let's see what appearance is to come to me. Meet nomina. Appearance will come. I mean, of the appearance of when I imagine myself. Different appearance. If your eyes are closed and there is no appearance, I can't conjure dopamine. Me as seeing has nothing to do now. When we ask the question 'Who is aware of being?' there is a condition that there is some something to me. I live off, you know, the one who is that. That's a strange condition. That's a strange condition, isn't it? To know sight, you don't need to always have an object. Eyes are closed, you're still in darkness, so then there is sight. When there is a perception of an object, both perception and object are known. Now, when you are aware of being, then you are aware of being, you see. But you are also aware of awareness. You're not just making up the aware power, you see. We are aware of aware and we got to be there. But this language—aware is aware of itself, awareness is aware of itself—that of the velvet and collisions including, you see, you're sitting on a couch. You know what sitting is and couch is. No, you can't just say because there is couch, that's why I know sitting. So, even when you're aware of being, this 'of' part which is being, you're aware of it, but you also aware that you are aware. You're not saying 'I'm smelling being.' You're not saying 'I'm seeing being.' You're saying 'I'm aware of being.' If you do not clear what that 'aware' was, then you could substitute it. Finally, were you can replace this which is not a word with the word and say 'sitting on the...' What you think? No, I'm not sitting on being. I'm not smelling being. I'm not tasting being. It's not even an object of my sight. I am this aware of it, you see.

So how we say aware? Because there's awareness of awareness, but it is non-qualitative. There's no quality. It is only aware of itself in its most primal aspect. In this way, empty of all qualities, even being as a quality of presence. German for his and curry. It is this quality itself cleaned as if it is inhibited entity to recognize its own source. Does this also... nothing has ever happened, you see. But that source playing as the being that I am, as itself, takes itself to be something. 'I am something, I am personal and spiritual.' All these ideas. But when 'I am' itself checks on its own source, it sees that it is nothing but awareness itself. It is not separate from its own source. So the certainly is not needed for awareness. It is for just... it's a... I would be in a way. It is good that aspect of it which is playing as the manifest, which has the potential to take itself to be something limited. So then it shakes out itself out of this limitation through pointing itself to its own source. So that's what Guruji says. Satsangis, we have fallen for God by hand by God himself. It's very strange things to say, and those who may not understand may misunderstand. But God playing this game of division and then stepping out of this division is what satsang is. People can be called that in force if there is an assumption there is something. I suppose yes, in the end there is no true, false, no nothing, no opposites, no distinction until it out with our non-radical. They are not only I'll do the question: who is aware of my being? Question takes me to that place but there are no answers. The question is forgotten. I exist, but you are still only here. The passenger, you see, takes me to that.

Who has come to that place? And he's speaking of your attention as yourself. This what for this also? Are you just speaking of your attention as yourself? That attention went from place to place is saying that I go from place to place. So what is this also? I exist as an awareness, but strangely I am untouched. Tremendous. I am awareness, but I am not aware of any objects as such. But you are aware that you are aware. That's why you say 'I am aware.' Now you can see I am untouched away so far. I am understanding that every time I am present, I am present is really just a state. Bless me, Father, so I see the truth clearly.

And even if you can see, but the question is: who is aware of this being? We are not saying what state comes or doesn't come is 'I am' misses to it or not. The question is: who is aware of this being? And once you answer that, then I may have some follow-up question. But very important to the one over the question: who is aware of this? We're not speaking of anything after being. After being is there, then a lot of states can come and go within the being. But for the moment, we aren't concerned with any state. We are only concerned with that which is aware of this being.

Mother, please ask the follow-up questions. Want to know if the mind is playing tricks. Truth gates have been knocked in their expectation, expectation, expectation. Throw it away, please. As you present your answer, sometimes makeup and your painting altruism somewhat presenting the answer, some follow-up question. The cover this one though. Tell me, who is the one who wants to know what the mind is playing tricks? Is it not the thief dressed up as the policeman? Once it's far, they're not able to contemplate on this question as my attention is getting caught up in negative energy in the body. Is there any advice?

If you exist for the moment that we are not able to contemplate this question 'Who is aware of my being?' then it's okay. Because many times this sort of resistance will play out. Attention will go on some perception or the other. And if it's for the moment, it's okay. If it's just for today, it's okay. But if you feel like this is a constant, we are never able to focus on this type of question or this environment, so maybe for those it will be helpful to do some chanting. Any type of sadhana, mala, could even be this ego tension on the object for a few minutes and see if we can still it. Or just some bra changing a routine, mister. But I'm not to study it to anyone. If you feel like these conditions, these simple pointers are not... we can't really stay with them because our mind is... I tell you, what tensioners too much in these things and I get caught up in this kind of things way fast, then it's not a bad idea to spend some time just innocent to practice chanting or staying with objects. But it is useful today, this one element. And if you find yourself that we're able to with the answers of this question, like the question could be 'Am I aware now?' 'Who is aware of my being?' It's funny. Very much lunch must be lying here somewhere, but I've also come to collect as he don't come. I'll never forgive you. Speak so that he can hear you better. Okay.

Oh, my heart beats again. This time I really want to use my chance. So I want to give myself a time little bit. Okay.

Maybe I have to just step out for a moment so you can take your time. Just relax and I'll be back in a minute. Sorry, I had to give my dog with... Thank you so much. As you see, I couldn't go to Sahaj. My this application is refused and it just needs me just so, so powerfully actually. And it wasn't so hard and it was... I really don't know what to say now. But with this refusement, I had a time so check with them and I realized that there is something within me, it's not even sleeping, it's kind of dead, you know? It's free some Christmas, some something doesn't move. And I even couldn't call it as, you know, sleepiness or heaviness. It's just like that within me doesn't move. And I really don't know, I cannot do anything for, you know, go out from this state. I really feel that I need Guru's grace to take me out of this state. And because of this, I really want to go to Sahaj too much because I know that I need Guru's grace and I couldn't do this. I couldn't even go to Sahaj. And you are my only chance now. So just please help me, please help me. I really need your help.

So let me be first clear about the question. I was saying that need my help to go to Sahaj or you need my help to look at things that they are now? You have to under clothes, my dear. Even hear anything so far again. I'm gonna try another.

Yes, of course I want to go to Sahaj, but in my now it's like emergency, you know? If you don't help me, I couldn't do this and even go to Sahaj. I need your help and even get out of this state, I need your help. And yes, I need your help because I stay at home and I couldn't do anything here right now. I really could not do anything good.

Thank you for clarifying. So one thing we can start with is that there's an idea that 'I must get the Guru's grace or Sahaj's grace to help them.' But the greatest thing about the Guru's grace is that it is always there, you see? It is always there. Now, that's why we say 'Guru Kripa Kevala,' which means Master's grace is all there is, or always is, only is. So if there is an idea that only good things are Guru's grace and seemingly bad things are not Guru's grace, then that 'Kevala'—which means 'only is'—exactly. So our trust in the Master's greenness, and somehow this satsang has become very much about trust again, implies that everything that is happening is the Master's grace. And to accept Master's grace as best, because we can have an idea about 'this is better for me, this is worse for me,' but how do we really know? Is our basis for knowing really valid? Have we really ever known what has been better for us written? So this acceptance that everything is the Master's grace also means that if we still have the concept of better and worse, then we accept that what is happening is my Master's grace and therefore it is the best.

Of course, when these strong events seem to happen, or seemingly strong events happen, then it can feel that there's no way that this was also a Guruji's grace. There's no way that I not going to Sahaj could also be grace. But it is, because only His grace is. So if we keep aside our notions of 'I know better what is better for me,' you see, and we trust the Master's grace, then life becomes very, very center. Now, by the way, this doesn't mean that we decided, 'Okay, now it is good to sit like actively do the non-doing.' Even anytime you hear everything the Master's grace, then we feel like 'I must actively become the non-dual. Let me never apply to Sahaj again if it is Guru's grace, then he will come something.' But this is not what I'm saying. I'm saying that let the applying and not applying also unfold naturally with His grace. May every step now unfold in His grace, you see? And in a way, this is what Sahaj means. That Sahaj is not just a place; Sahaj means naturalness, openness, effortlessness. So to come to Sahaj, to come to your naturalness, openness, acceptance.

Firstly, you must drop this idea that 'I need to have Master's grace,' because what you have already is that. Because every single moment of this waking state is only in the light of this Master, this Guru, which is consciousness itself. So let go of any ideas about you knowing what is better for you or worse for you, or what you mean or what you don't mean, because it is only consciousness which is playing this game with itself. And it doesn't in any was feeling that intervention. The God does not need the intervention of the mind to tell it what to do, 'Oh, this is better' or 'This is no else.' And the universe is not messing up this recipe, you see? It's not putting too much salt or sugar. You know exactly what is being cooked. So don't worry about that. Now you say that now in this particular state you are just like in this debilitation and you can't move. I know even your daily activities are not happening. So how do you know that's a bad thing? Because if you went to a very special spiritual place and this is exactly what happened where you fellas right, then you may even call it some of your something. So what is and even what is appearing is never really the turbulence. It's our interpretation and how we take it to be which becomes troublesome. If somebody came and said to you that this is a beautiful meditative experience that you're having, season of course.

In your daily activities, things are not happening, so how do you know that's a bad thing? Because if you went to a very special spiritual place and this is exactly what happened—where you fell, right?—then you may even call it some of your samadhi. So what is, and even what is appearing, is never really the turbulence; it's our interpretation and how we take it to be which becomes troublesome. If somebody came and said to you that this is a beautiful meditative experience that you're having, of course the mind will fight back and say, 'Of course, my heart is so bad,' this kind of thing. But suppose somebody who was a credible source came and said that this is very good, this is exactly what needs to happen to you; then you may even celebrate that. And the fact is one: the fact is that everything is exactly how it is supposed to be. And here's something more.

Mmm, yes. What you're saying is true. I also just try to figure out in my mind too much why I couldn't go, what is the problem, I cannot do this, and I just crashed in all of these things. And also I see the grace that this application feels, because I never felt this punch in my life so strong, you know? I never cry like this, I never felt beaten like this before. And it must be grace, you know, because it was just too strong, too strong. But yeah, something doesn't want to accept this because I know the power of physical presence of Guruji. I know this power. So yeah, I understand myself in this too, and yeah, it's like this. I don't know what to say more. Yeah, I couldn't accept.

Yes, so it is this intellect which is able to make distinctions, is able to distinguish and say, 'This is good for me, this is bad for me.' So, empty of this intellect, empty of these distinctions, everything is just exactly how it is supposed to be. And of course, all of us say this when we haven't been punished, as you say. It's very easy for everyone to be super accepting and open when it's straightforward and easy. True acceptance is when we feel like we have been slapped by life. Like I said, I know this is also often that many times in satsang we say, 'Father, burn everything, burn every resistance we may have, burn everything,' you see? But actually, what we're expecting is that once we make this prayer, that when the burning comes, it will not feel like burning. 'Burn everything, burn everything,' we make the prayer, but when the burning comes, we'll imagine it is burning, but we feel like, 'But I never asked for this!' Because unless that resistance is there, it would not feel like burning in the first place, you see?

So, if you like, when inner or outer surrender really feels like, 'Okay, now I will avoid myself getting burned by making this prayer: burn everything.' So when the burning actually comes, we are like, 'But now I'm really feeling smashed,' you see? It's strong. So, I deserve everything. Everything is an answered prayer. This prayer must be there somewhere: 'Push everything that you can throw at me, make everything burn.' And it is never made in this room that 'make everything burn' except that. So when this burning comes, when you see what can really push our buttons—because you say you sense that you have never felt this, never felt this sort of rejection, never felt this sort of disapproval—so it is very easy to talk about acceptance and openness and trust when things are going my way. When things are not going my way, that is where the rubber hits the road. They said—I used to say this more often—it's an American saying, I think, what they say: 'If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.' But in satsang it is: 'If you can take the heat, stay in the kitchen.' What is going on? Accept our conditions, accept our world. What else can we do? We get a beautiful darshan of Guruji in this field.

Yes. And also with this powerful experience, for a while I just have satori, like maybe I don't exist in a way that I treat myself as a person. And just, it's like satori, maybe I don't exist. But I cannot catch it, you know? It just comes and goes. And what I want to take my chance today is this, you know? I always come with you and with Guruji with the place of silence and pure awareness, but I never see clearly that what I take myself to be as a person doesn't exist really. I didn't see this clearly, and it always, you know, feels like the screen. And yes, I somehow see that I don't exist. Yeah, I want to clear this up because as I said, yet it's just still the screen, and maybe it's time for me to see this.

Yes, so one of the biggest tricks of the mind, the biggest con of the mind, is to convince consciousness or beingness that it is personal. To convince existence itself that that existence is personal. The sense of existence, the sense of being, the presence of being takes itself to be something limited. So when we say that 'I do not exist,' we are talking about this limited 'I' that we take ourselves to be personally, egoistically. That one just doesn't exist. And that one is very simple to check. If you check right now, you can see that there is no such one. Try to find the one who wants something.

I say also that if you feel so convinced that you are the body and that body makes you something, then check: what is it that you are looking for? You are looking for freedom. What does that have to do with the body? The body doesn't want freedom; the body is fine. So this one that wants freedom, that wants security, that wants to go somewhere or not go somewhere—who is that one? You cannot produce this because it doesn't exist. In fact, many times as a rule, I said that I will give $1,000 to anyone who can produce the person, and nobody has claimed that yet because this person is never found. That which we take ourselves to be—the one with likes and dislikes, desires and aversions—that one is never there. It just doesn't exist.

So the first part: the false one doesn't exist. Then how do I come to that which does exist? This is my existence, there is being. So instead of—my recommendation always is—instead of trying to go looking for this being and this consciousness, you try to stop being. Can you stop being? Don't be for long, and you realize that that is not possible. There is a light, there is a presence, there is a sense of I-am-ness; it just is naturally. But this sense of being is not personal, even though the mind will try to convince you that it is. This is the only game it has, you see? So this being is the discovery of consciousness, of beingness. So you as the limited one with all those attributes, with all those belief systems, with all those ideas, wouldn't exist as existence itself is all that exists. You as being is all there is in this manifest creation, this Brahman.

So one other tip I have for everyone is that this being—the mind will try to convince you that it is contained inside this body. But investigate and notice that these sensations that we call the body are just another set of perceptions or associations within the being itself. Just like this voice that you're hearing is another sensation within your being. So everything that is perceived is just perceptions and sensations within your being. Nothing is really making separation between body and outside; it is all, everything manifest is within this being. And don't latch on to these as concepts; just investigate for your own self: what is the boundary of my being? Where can I send my attention, and is that outside my being? Can I send my attention outside my being? You notice that attention is just producing your own being, but this being does not have any boundary, no limitation.

So this being is that manifest aspect of the Absolute. Then the question I've been asking is: who is aware even of this being? Who is aware of this being? This awareness that is aware of even this presence, who is that one? Is that 'I'? And what are the attributes of this 'I'? What is the quality of this 'I'? Then you will discover this Self, empty of all attributes, qualities, and yet undeniably yourself. It is 'I' that is aware of my being. I am aware of 'I am.' So this perception-less, concept-less recognition is called Atma Gyan, self-realization, or self-recognition.

So we go from the recognition of that non-existent one which we have taken ourselves to be as consciousness—we have taken ourselves to be personally egoistic—then we see that this being is all that is manifest, everything is made up of this beingness, and then we find that which is aware, which is beyond even the quality of being and not being, the very primordial vibration. There is an awareness of being.

Another tip I have for all of you is that don't write your curriculum anymore. Don't decide your curriculum. You know what it means? Spirit, I like syllabus. What else you want? Just come to satsang empty of all intentions, because your curriculum is limited for what actually could happen to you. Such as you had decided this to take—but not picking on you or anything—and this thing just to take less spiritually, and you could decide that today I just want to see that how I don't exist, but actually God's plan could be much bigger. So just the best part about coming to satsang is that you don't have to decide anything. You are like a full-service holiday; you don't have to decide where to go sightseeing, what to do, what needs to happen. All of that is decided. Just be completely open, completely empty, completely naked of any expectation. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today. Mooji Baba Ki Jai. Pranam.