Forgiveness - 14th November 2025

As many times as the mind offers us thoughts of attack and resentment, as many times we must make the call to love instead, and all the lives of the sages are great representatives of this. And that is why the intent to forgive is words. You see, if our intent is forgiveness, then we can resist. If our intent is, 'No, I don't, I feel like I'm right. I don't want to ever, I want to always hold that resentment,' without realizing that that is like hurting ourselves, is like adding thorns in our finger, feeling like we are feeling better or healing something. But actually all these conditions must be emptied out. So as difficult as the task may seem, we must allow ourselves the choice, the movement towards love rather than separation.

So what I would do in my childish, silly ways is that when my mind would attack someone, I would just imagine hugging them. I just imagine hugging them. And by the way, I'm nowhere saying that I have forgiven everyone in my life. It's a constant work in progress, even for me. But a lot of those conditions have lightened to a great degree. Lightened maybe also selfishly because I realized that this play of Maya works in this way by keeping us attached to some narratives, to some stories which keep us in this play of resentment and grievances. So the simple thing, because it's very difficult to know what to do in these times, is that the simple thing I've tried to make a practice of doing is that like when a thought comes about a business partner who cheated us and the mind wants to hold a, tries to make these narratives about what life could have been and all of those things there, I just imagine with fullheartedly hugging that one and over the period of a few years thoughts of that one now can go 90% unimpeded, unresisted.

So that is the attempt to replace grievance with love. Replace grievance with love. And we must not fall into the trap saying, 'Yes, yes, I love them but you know, I still hold some, I find a way of holding some grievance.' We do that, but let's not become very right about that. You know what I mean? Let's not put ourselves in like a very pedestal high position thinking we have the ability to judge a brother or sister. That is the basic misunderstanding in our lives. You see, we are designed to spend our entire life in innocence. To judge was never meant to be our business. You see, and that is the whole story of the apple. The judgment of good and bad. You see, so we were meant to just be vessels of love, vessels of Atma, vessels of God's light. And we have taken on, we usurped His job, you see, which is to find justice, to do justice in this world is really not our business.

It was very tough, very tough lesson. It's easy to say, difficult to implement every day, you know, can feel like a workout in the gym or something. But it's very worth it. Very worth it. Why it's worth it is that literally I'm telling all of you that you cannot live in the holy light of God's Atma if you're holding resentment. And most of us would rather not hear this. You'd rather say, 'Okay, can we talk about inquiry and can we talk about the right method of contemplation if you like?' No, no, no. We become very ad about it also sometimes that who is there to forgive? The same one that has put the other one in the wrong and ourselves in the right. If that one is truly not there, then fine. So very important, very important, very important, very difficult, very difficult to allow the complete play of Maya to be forgiven. But we must make the attempt by replacing resentment with love. Amen.

And as we, sorry, contagious one point is coming which is that as we are learning in our prayer, especially our focus prayer, to allow thoughts to come and go, to remain empty, that itself becomes a practice as to how to be in the world as well. So if you don't practice lifting weights, then you cannot suddenly say, 'I will deadlift 100 kg.' If you don't practice letting go of your thoughts, don't feel that you will be able to forgive in the world. That is our daily practice of letting go, our daily practice of cooking and eating. And I've stressed on these points for long enough for you to understand what I mean. Cooking is that which gives us the spiritual juice, the momentum to dive into the presence of spirit and to remain empty, allowing spirit to transform us in our hearts. I'm interfering in that procedure. Handing over ourselves fully to the Atma is the process of eating. And it is because of this process of transformation that we even want to forgive. Till that is not happening within us, see, it doesn't start to feel like something needs to be gotten out of me. Till then, we don't even have the desire to forgive. Actually, we have the desire to pick up more and more resentment, more and more grievance.

There's a related question. Looks like some related question. Can we endeavor to forgive and yet choose to keep a healthy distance? Yes. We endeavor to forgive and in our endeavor to forgive we are handing over our lives to God's presence and in handing over our lives to God's presence, the Atma within, then following the will of the Atma, remaining in His presence, He knows exactly what is the most auspicious, most healthy for everyone. So we don't find indirect ways of holding grievances by using some of these constructs. We literally surrender our life to God.

And one other tip as to learning how to forgive is to ask for a lot of forgiveness. You see, maybe not necessarily from that one yet, but there are many we have hurt in our life. So as we make a habit of asking for forgiveness, then we find it easier to forgive as well because most of us actually, including me, feel like there is very little about myself to be forgiven; there's more about others that I need to forgive. And if everyone feels that, there has to be something wrong somewhere, isn't it? Everyone feels like I need to forgive more and there's much lesser for me to be forgiven about. How is that possible if everyone feels that? Who's got it wrong? So our pride doesn't allow us to see our own follies, our own mistakes, and it definitely doesn't like the position of asking for forgiveness.

Father, can I ask a related question? Father, in this forgiveness project, I see that it's accompanied with a very subtle expectation for things to improve in the relationship. The expectation can be that once he or she starts treating me better, then I can forgive them. The expectation can also be that once I've forgiven them, some magical transformation has to happen in the outer relationship and the texture of it can change. Father, it's like I'm praying to be forgiven and to forgive, so there should be some proof in a way in the outer relationship. That's the subtle expectation I see that is nagging again and again.

And yet the only proof of this pudding is in the eating that I'm talking about. If you're able to sit in stillness, then your forgiveness is deepening. That is the only evidence of our virtues increasing, is that we are able to, the resistance when we spend time with God empty of the 'me' is reduced as we forgive the world. And ultimately the letting go of the world can happen only after we forgive the world.

Yes Father, thank you.

So don't expect anything on the outside to change. It's very difficult. I'm again, I'm not saying from the place of sitting on top of this mountain. I'm again saying from the place of really working with all my heart to be with God and what are the obstacles that come in the process. So I noticed that all these expectations can be here also. But when I'm trying to sit empty, then when the mind throws thoughts of resentment against this one, I want to still continue to spend time with God instead of picking up a hammer in my head. So that is a very practical value of forgiveness as well. Everything has this so-called practical value. If your prayer life is deepening, then you're on the right track. Okay. What also happens as our prayer life is deepening, a lot of these old things start to come to the surface. Because we had repressed them and kept them in our inside somewhere in secret compartments where we didn't want to visit because they were uncomfortable things to look at.

Instead of picking up a hammer in my head. So that is a very practical value of forgiveness as well. Everything has this so-called practical value. If your prayer life is deepening, then you're on the right track. Okay. What also happens as our prayer life is deepening, a lot of these old things start to come to the surface. Because we had repressed them and kept them in our inside somewhere in secret compartments where we didn't want to visit because they were uncomfortable things to look at. But as we are deepening in our prayer life, as we are allowing us to become transparent, allowing life to flow through us so that we are blessed by the light of within and all this gets healed. Many times it is healed just by His presence. We don't even realize, we don't remember what all we don't, we don't remember everything that we were holding on to, and on other times it comes to the surface to get released, but we start getting concerned. The mind makes us worry about why these things are happening now. So that is where faith is very important. Faith that I'm on the right track. Faith that God is the solution. Faith that my heart is designed to love God. And that is my number one job: to be in His presence and to love Him. Means a lot of things when the world seems to be falling apart around us. How many of us feel that the Atma is the antidote? How many of us feel like the Atma is the antidote? Sometimes, and on other times, I have to do the job. So, my learning in life is that the antidote is the Atma, and the Atma inspires you even for outer action. Whatever outer action also needs to happen can happen in the light of spirit.

Some more questions. This topic feels so important and can really block God's light within me. Forgiveness of myself and other. It is a constant untrenching of His and a constant letting go.

Exactly. It also involves understanding and compassion. Yes. Patience. Patience and faith go very deeply together. Patience and God's justice, instead of me having to pick up the sword myself. Unless I am inspired by the Atma like Arjun was on the field of—he was truly inspired by God to pick up the arms. So till then, we only pick up arms against our attachments. So yes, forgiveness of myself and the others. Yes.

Seems like we are brackets. I am the constant rubbish cleaner. This is the next question. The constant rubbish cleaner. This sometimes is tiring. Yes. Why am I the one who always has to put in effort? Why they are free to hate, send negativity, yet it always worked. Bear sweetest fruit to forgive, forgive and love.

Yes, it can feel like that, which is translated: why should I be the one every time? That others can do whatever they want but I have to forgive. The others can just bend the rules, not be conniving, be cheating, be scamming, be everything, and I—that's not right. That doesn't sound like justice. Yeah. Yes. It's very natural to fall into this belief system. It's very because the world is showing us something. The mind is adding to the narrative and we bring ourselves. Now what happens when we pick up a resentment or a grievance? If you recognize that it is self-harming, then you would not say, you see, why should I forgive? We are harming ourselves. We are harming ourselves. Trust me, in our holding resentment, we are harming ourselves. Harming ourselves in what? Harming ourselves in creating obstacles for ourselves towards the highest purpose in our life, which is to become a deep lover of God. One who spends life in His presence to become what the world may call a saint or a mystic is what our life is meant for. You see, now have any of you ever heard of a saint who didn't forgive? Who said, 'Why me?' I am not. See, it's not. And is it because they were just trying to show how sainty they were? That just became natural for them that God's presence takes more value than anything else. That is why we have never heard of a saint who never forgave. In fact, we hear of saints who are very quick to forgive and very slow to anger.

So, St. Therese, for example, is a very beautiful example. Talking St. Therese of Lisieux, where the ones who irritated her the most, she realized that—she didn't put it this way, but she realized that the mind really wants to attack them. So she said, 'If my mind wants to attack them, I will love them more.' So one sister in the convent where she was, she really used to irritate St. Therese, but she would always love her in return. So at one point, after many years of being together, this older sister, she came to St. Therese, you know, 'I wonder about this. How is it that I'm your favorite?' You see, 'How is it that I'm your favorite?' She said, 'That's so stunning.' You see, was it hypocrisy? I hate you, but I'm actually showing... No, it is not hypocrisy because it is coming from a place of not two-facedness, but an attempt to work on ourselves. An attempt to truly, genuinely forgive and to get over the mind's tendencies to hate. And what does the mind hate? It hates these expressions of love. Then it wants to hate. When it wants to be angry, express anger, then we instead exercise patience, compassion, love—it hates them.

So, young child that you are, 22, 23, maybe younger, there's a lot to learn from these simple stories. So why am I the one who always has to put an effort? Because you are the saint. You have discovered the possibility of being a saint. And I'm not talking about adding a prefix to your name. I'm not saying it will become Saint Kisha and Saint Samya. I'm saying that sainthood is those who live in God's presence. I think 99% of saints are not recognized as saints in the world. So it's not about the outer recognition, but we are blessed to have discovered the opportunity to live with God even though seemingly surrounded by Maya. How many of us do you find in your lives, except in the satsang, in your day-to-day lives, how many do you feel are truly working on this project to spend their lives in God's presence? Very few, you see. So you have been given the opportunity at sainthood, whether the world recognizes you as one or not, that is not a very important thing. But if that 22-year-old child can do it, we can do it. All the sages have told us the same thing. I have the same desires. I have the same intentions. Mind operates in the same way. But I always make the choice to go to God, return to the present. That's what they've all told us. So we have to just learn from them. We have to try and emulate them.

Can certain inquiry questions be used as a tool for forgiving?

Yes. Any true inquiry, any true inquiry, especially 'Who am I?' is very good. Who was hurt by her? If you resonate with the inquiry, it's good. The idea in the inquiry is not to come very quickly to, 'Oh, nobody, nobody.' The idea is to meet our no-ness, which is different from nothingness. Meet our ultimate highest reality, which is so beyond the constructs of the narrative of the mind that we'll find it trouble to insert ourselves in those constructs. Thanks. Yeah. All right. So in a way, what you are expressing is that whether you see it that way yet or not, what I can tell is your mind hates it. 'You're just acting. You're just pretending to be humble.' You see, it doesn't like that movement. So don't fall for the mind. What is happening in your heart in the process? Have you noticed? If you notice that what happens is that although suppose that we are very angry and we remember that moment that, 'Okay, now Father said in satsang that don't get angry with your brothers and sisters.' So you're sort of gulping it. You want to express your anger. It feels very uncomfortable. It feels inauthentic. It feels hypocritical. It feels all of these things. What happens a few minutes after that? In my case at least, I noticed that there is a great relief that I didn't get angry. Many times the mind wants to get us into this storm. It lasts for a few days, but just that few moments of facing the discomfort, and then what is the aftereffect? Aftereffect on the inside, not the mind's judgment. And you'll see that there's a sense of growth, there's a sense of deepening in your heart. There's a sense of averting a ploy of Maya.

And you see that anger can have very, very strong consequences. One man—sorry if this is too strong to share in satsang, it just happened yesterday or day before—one man driving a car got so irritated with a scooter that he ran over the scooter and killed a family of three. So this is the utter absurdity of, utter stupidity of anger, because it loses all sense of proportion very hard. We get into a violent state of mind. The Ravan mode comes like that. And the more we have exercised this, we have not learned to swallow—it doesn't die down because of—because that's another popular thing, that unless it's expressed, it will not die. It only dies down in the cooling waters of the Atma within. It is true that if you're not focused on God and if you've repressed a lot of emotion, those could cause problems. Not saying no more to that, but I'm saying for those in satsang who have the refuge of the heart temple where everything can be offered, then that is the only place where peace, true forgiveness, true healing can happen. What's expressed in the outer world can go completely out of hand. You've seen so many fights on the road like that. Somebody just is expressing their anger. The other one takes out an eye for something. So it's absurd. For what? For the sound of honking. Yes. Hello. Yeah.

How to leg lift 100 kgs? What would you do? You know what I mean? Yeah. Lift very heavy weight. You have to start. You have to start by lifting 10, 12, 15. So if you're giving time to remaining open and empty for 15 minutes a day, 20 minutes a day, 25 minutes a day, 1 hour a day, 2 hours a day in focused prayer, focused inquiry, then you will find that it spills over into the rest of your life as well. Then you don't leave that home. But we expect that, 'Okay, I should not have to do all of this but suddenly it happens.' For a few rare ones, it doesn't happen for near ones like myself. So in my case at least, one, two hours of prayer every day. So how to remain as the observer? Just as the observer, you mean in day-to-day life when life is attacking you from all sides, is that it?

When you wake up, spend a few minutes empty, and whatever space life gives you, use that opportunity to just be with God. The second tip I'll give you—and we don't meet that often, so I don't know what you're feeling about this—is don't try to do a spirituality which is not the spirit of God. So many of us—not that you are doing it—but don't try to just be the observer without being anchored in God's life. You see, so the only way to become fully detached from this world of Maya is to love Ram. To love Ram or love any expression of God that you resonate with. Otherwise, this Maya is a mahathugini, the greatest con artist. Many times when we are being detached, no, like suppose am I being detached right now, being the observer? No, I'm like what I'm trying—I'm very bad at acting—but what I'm saying is that I'm clearly attached to being detached in this moment. You see, so many times when we become empty or try to be empty, we are too full of trying to be empty. You see, so it is very, very difficult to be without the love of God, to try and be empty to our own strength. It's very difficult. So try to be in God's presence. Try to be with the sense 'I am' and be anchored in that, and then that will be easier. Otherwise, you just unanchored by yourself through effort like this, a small thing comes in front of you. But if you are holding God's hand in your heart, then it becomes easier.

So, how are you trying to remain as the observer? I think every workaday is very... So if you are trying to remain just aware, then that pointer that 'I am awareness' may help you. So reinforce that, or the inquiry may help you. Every few minutes, just ask yourself sincerely, 'Who am I?' For those of a different temperament, devotional temperament, the name of God repeated often gives them. So whatever you resonate with, when you remind yourself, just remain as the observer.

So, how are you trying to remain as the observer? I think every workade is very... So if you are trying to remain just aware, then that pointer that 'I am awareness' may help you. So reinforce that, or the inquiry may help you. Every few minutes, just ask yourself sincerely: Who am I? For those of a different temperament, a devotional temperament, the name of God repeated often gives them that. So whatever you resonate with, when you remind yourself, just remain as the observer. What are you able to notice? Whether there is too much... sometimes what happens is that there is too much of a posture of being an observer. As you see this more subtly and subtly, you will see that just trying to be empty, there's too much of a posture of being empty. You have to be empty of that also. Empty is to be empty of empty. The observer is that I am no longer the observer; it is just that the observing is happening. But if you take a focused time every day, as much as possible, to practice either inquiry or contemplative prayer, ajapa—take out some time which is devoted to Truth, God, the highest, whichever we want to refer to. So that as you glow in that, then you'll see that the rest of the life flows from there. Make that the central focus of your life. Feel uncomfortable if you haven't prayed today. Not guilty, yeah. Just like you need to drink some water. That's not guilt.

Hi, Father.

Hello. Hello.

Hi. Can I share something?

Yes. Yes.

I feel I need to speak with you because there's some... yeah, there's some movements and I would really need your help to see if I'm fooling myself when I'm connecting with what seems to be God's will and doing God's will. Because what I do when there seems to be a more important decision or something to ask God about, I feel I connect in that space and no matter how long it takes where only God remains as the reality, and then whatever comes from there that feels in resonance with that where it's agreeable. It seems to be something, but it's not a fixed 'it should be like this.' There is room for changing or it's not so... it has less certainty than the 'only God' place. So what to do seems to be less certain than that place of total clarity about just God or something, I don't know. And thank you for helping me the last time to clarify that it's actually God who is doing any insight and anything because I had... it's still working. So I don't want to go into that, but thank you. It's in my heart.

And for example, a recent example, there's a lot of... there was a lot of turbulence in the relationship that I have with Rebecca and a lot of anger or something coming online. And although there's so much love, whenever I felt I need to connect with that space where the intuition is clear, then it didn't seem to have a good effect on her side. And then I relook, I reconsider. It seems to be hurtful for her, for example, if something comes that feels more agreeable for me to do this way. And then I always have space to see I'm totally fooling myself and I'm totally wrong about this, and then I look again. What is my fear? And there are fears, of course, I keep seeing them, limitations. And basically, she is always saying that she doesn't feel me, that we are so much together. She wants that sense to be together more, and I feel we are together in this moment in the God where there's no so much... not so much of a shape of things. But so... sorry if I'm going a little bit like this.

Very, in a way, similar to what Ratna also asked earlier: that if I bring truth to my heart and if I'm giving, if I'm being open and being in God's presence, why is it not showing on the outside? Yes, it's a big question, isn't it? Because Maya doesn't want it to. Sometimes this illusion is designed to keep us occupied with the illusion itself. Yeah. So it will not give us so much encouragement constantly. Many times it will come, many times it won't come. So to accept it also, that in a way God keeps us humble like that. Imagine that every time we were in God's presence all our relationships became perfect. What a superpower that would be! Because more than anything else, I feel like in the human condition we want our relationships to be perfect, even more than money, even more than material comfort, health of the body. I just feel like we just wish, our mind just wishes, that if my relationships could just be exactly how I want them to be, then my life would be so much better, you see.

So imagine then God's presence could just be so that our worldly relationships are conflict-free, are full of love. But in a way, all the sages' lives have shown us that till we say that 'I want to be in God's presence because I love God so much'—so God for God's sake and not God for anything else, you see. Not that you are saying that you want to be with God so that something can change in the outer, but sometimes in that connection, that expectation is formed. You see, now we can have a similar grievance with God also: that I'm sitting just wanting to be in His presence and yesterday I sat for so long but I couldn't feel Him. You see, that's so unfair. You see, so like our partners sometimes tell us, 'I'm not feeling you right now that you're with me. I'm not feeling like you're committed to this relationship.' In a way, that time with God also: 'I took out all this time to be with You, but I'm not really feeling You that deeply. Are You really committed to this relationship?' No. You know, we can have this tantrum as well in the drying period that all of us go through. But the sages have told us that these periods are very important to keep us humble, to keep our heads bowed down and with no expectation. So, no expectation—again, very difficult, either on the inside or on the outside.

And this is linked to your second part which you said, that you're seeing more and more, and I'm also seeing more and more, that all these gifts from within only happen by God's grace. I can only bring myself to a certain point and there I have to just wait patiently, you see, inwardly. And everything, all the revelation that has to happen, happens only by His grace, by His grace, by His will, and they cannot be forced at all by us. So in the same way, what happens on the outside also, we can just surrender and be true to our heart. So what you have to do—it's very difficult—is to, when you get feedback from the world, don't... like a few months back, this is a lesson from the last few months. I was in this mode that if I'm getting feedback from the world, then the world has to be wrong and I have to be right because I'm living in God's presence. So it's very important first... so now what I'm trying to do is take it to be true, then get to my heart, you see, and then be with that and allow it to unfold and to teach me what it wants to teach me. But when we just take it to be false because we have this idea that we are the ones who are with God, you see, then we can, without realizing, we can fall into pride. You see, especially... yes, especially for teachers of God it is very important because, very natural, sitting on the pedestal for me for so long, it's very natural for me to fall into that trap that I'm the one who is in God's presence, the other one has to be wrong.

Yes, Father. That... and that's speaking because that's so true and it's been so humbling to be with this lack of righteousness somehow. But what happens is that, for example with her, I always say like, 'Oh, maybe I'm wrong.' So I always tend... we end up always speaking about me, not about her. She's always right, I'm always wrong.

Yes. So that's the secret.

But directly she's not happy also. Even like this, she's not happy.

No. But do you mean it?

Sometimes I do and maybe not all the times, but really. And she gets into these hurt modes that I'm worrying about her also now. She's in this mode from yesterday. I think it's a bit breaking up, this relationship now. And she gets very angry and reactive when we speak. And by speaking, sometimes we expose each other, of course, and I also say something that sometimes triggers her also. I'm trying to say it without anger, with as much kindness as possible. So this effort always seems to be on my side and I appreciate it because I refined somehow. I don't feel I'm going so much into this reactivity now. So He trained me well, but it seems that she is in a bad state after all this time and is like disappointed and all of that. So I don't... that's...

What is her main message? That you don't love her as much as she loves you?

That I'm not so much with her as she is, and I'm not so committed, and I don't want to go to places with her, and I want to be by myself sometimes. And I'm afraid of letting go of this... she wants to move from here where... because now I'm in this area where Guruji is. She wants to move, she's not resonating. She has also quite... yeah, she has some ideas which for me are very strong. So she sees all these things that sometimes I connect, and for me it feels like they are an expression of love; she sees them as an expression of fear. So then she loses respect for me in that way because she sees the weak spots. So it's very hard to convey sometimes, even no matter how much I try, it just goes even worse if you try to explain something that it's just like that. 'No, this is actually coming from a place of love,' and she sees it from fear. It's like if you try to explain yourself.

In your dealing with her... sorry, say again.

Is this about the way you are with her, that you're expressing in love but she thinks you're fearful of her, or is she talking about outside?

About outside. About being more open to move from here to some other place and to explore. Or I don't... to be honest, I don't know what she wants. From the beginning she gave that message that she wants something, but it's not quite how I'm showing up. So she has an ideal of the thing, and it's just I'm not showing up in that way. That's what she's giving the message. But there also, there is also a lot of love. I said behind the mind, it's full love. And yeah.

On Wednesday... sorry... on Wednesdays, there's a secret satsang I have just for men where we discuss, where we try to figure out what women want.

And Father, this is all a story between God and my... how you say it, like my mind. In the end, that's the love story. And how you are with this, it's so... it's not really about these seeming two people. It's always about this mind and this heart, but not in that just egoic way. I don't know.

I see what you're saying. You're right. But maybe that's not what... maybe it is, but maybe that's not what she wants to hear at this point.

No, she doesn't want to hear that. She wants to be the first face of God in my life. And she wants to be seen as... what she says to be taken as truth.

Oh yes. So what I would suggest, I don't know if it'll help at all, is that if you're truly trying to take into consideration what she is saying as it may be true, convey that to her. That 'Trust me, I'm really trying to be open-minded about what you get through to me. I'm really evaluating your concerns and whether there is truth in that. I'm really working hard to not be close-minded about your point of view and actually put that into action.' Just be as open-minded as possible to what she's saying and just convey that to her. It cannot be... I may joke about it, but it cannot be that we are working on releasing ourselves from our mind and then Maya traps us in the mind of another, you see. So just keep communicating with her and saying that, 'I'm trying to make sure that I'm not getting into any false pride about where to live, about how to be, about any of this. I'm open to your point of view and I will try to meet it as openly as possible.'

Yes. What she's saying and just convey that to her. It cannot be—I may joke about it, but it cannot be that we are working on releasing ourselves from our mind and then Maya traps us in the mind of another, you see? So just keep communicating with her and saying that I'm trying to make sure that I'm not getting into any false pride about where to live, about how to be, about any of this. I'm open to your point of view and I will try to meet it as openly as possible. But more than that, how can anyone do?

But Father, if I doubt—like, because I did that, I do that, and I can do it more openly and more really sincerely. But then, for example, yesterday when I felt something that came from this sense of just God is here. First I took myself out and I felt, I don't know. And then I took also her out and all the world out and all, and just God, and then it felt, oh yes, like this. So I should put her back into that and then consider her more, what she wants and what she thinks?

What I'm saying is that suppose I tell you something. How will you consider what I'm saying?

I'll try to listen to it as openly and unjudgmentally as I can and see the truth of it. See where it was a difference in our perspective when we spoke last time. No?

So yes, and you considered—thankfully, thank you for that—you considered what I was trying to get across open-mindedly. It didn't mean that you got one Ananta into the picture with God and then now there is God and there's Ananta. So that's how we get feedback from the world, isn't it? Otherwise, how will we? Because our pride, only the ones around us will be able to see; we will not be able to see. So when they tell us something, we have to work really hard to consider, and it's the most difficult in the most special relationship. So you just have to consider her feedback in the same way, as open-minded as possible, and be honest with her that this is the boundary beyond which at this point I'm not able to see, beyond which I'm not able to go. But I hope that you will take my perspective also into consideration as I'm trying to take yours into consideration.

Well, we did this for—but she said she did that for too long and she waited for me to know, and I don't know, maybe it's too late. I will still do that. But sometimes, because this also I wanted to ask you, is it that then maybe something also can—why? Because I feel like maybe I should let go also of trying anything with this. No? It's like, when do you let go? Because it seems like for me, I don't let go of anybody that I love. Never.

I'll tell you when I have the answer to that one. I'll tell you. I am the same. I am the same. It is not in our culture in a way also, and it's not in how I am to let go of anyone. Even children, it's always been they who will say, 'No, I'm not resonating so much, I want to go.' I don't recall there's been a time where I've said no, you see? Maybe it has happened once or twice, that is true, but very rarely. Very, very rarely. And it's a very difficult thing to do. So unless it's really clear from your heart that it's the end, it's really causing more trouble on both sides. You see, there's no real growth happening in this process.

I'm more concerned about her than me. I'm just concerned that for her it is not doing well because she doesn't seem to give those signs. So, sorry I interrupted you. I hear you. Thank you.

Good. I feel that if you can just try and communicate as openly as possible and don't feel that something has to be final or finalized too soon.

But do you have something else to share? And sorry for taking so long. Do you have something to share on this process of finding God's will with some decision where you sit in presence, you feel that clearly enough first, that God is here or there is only God, and then whatever comes from there you say it's God's will? But then this thing, it doesn't seem so certain. It's not like, 'This only, this you shall do.'

It's rarely certain in terms of decisions like that. God's will is more: in this moment you forgive, in this moment you love, in this moment you hear, in this moment you keep quiet. It's more like this rather than saying, 'End your relationship' or 'Start a new one.'

Yeah. So it's not like a thing to do like what the mind is looking for. It doesn't come in that 'what to do'?

It does, but very rarely does it. That's very important to hear you, Father, on this. So what happens is that I just feel like we operate on a different time frame than God does. I'm going through something, then I pray on it, you see, and then something happens after ten months, and then I may not even remember that I prayed like this. So just keep praying that may God bless both of you and may both of you find love, peace, God's presence, deepening spiritual insight. Just keep praying for that. And we can't really set a timeline as to when it has to unfold, right? Because what He can see, we cannot see.

Thank you, Father. Because it seems if you try to love as a tactic to get rid of the grievance, it can feel disingenuous. That's what we spoke. And the other can still feel the irritation and the sense of, 'Oh, look how holy and loving I'm being,' even though you irritate them. It can be a show.

How does one express love for brother or sister? Like if there was some device—'Does this one really love me or not?'—and you could show what is the percentage of love, then I feel like so much of this stress in human relationships will go. Like, I have no way of really conveying to any of you how much I love you. In fact, even if I convey it, what is the way in which you will be convinced? All our relationships are like that. So as much as possible, even when it is very difficult, we have to remain just instruments of God's love. Many sages have talked about this, that none of us will ever become perfect instruments of love. Perfection is only for God. The incarnation can come and be a perfect embodiment. In fact, in their human play, even they did not act in the so-called perfect way, maybe to reassure us that perfection is not to be found in the human condition. So in my case at least, I feel that although my love for all of you is so deep, my expression of that is far from perfect. My love for all of you is also not perfect. It is very deep, but I'm growing. I'm learning to love still. But in a way, I realize what a perfect love would look like, and I'm not able to make that the way it looks. And for that, I'm really sorry to all of you. But in spite of some hard attempts, I'm not able to express my love deeply and maybe not even love deeply enough, but I'm trying, if that counts for something.

One child posted. She said, 'Don't try to be the observer before you are anchored in God's light, or try and fail and then come to God's light. If the time blows up our ego, that's good to try out.' One child has said even women don't know what they want. Some experience with that? Yes. Even men don't know. Because we are so caught up in belief systems and beliefs are so ephemeral. I could believe something today but believe something totally the opposite tomorrow. I feel like it's a human condition. Maybe you can have satsang with me on how to communicate more clearly, openly, and effectively. Once I learn, I'll start sharing a bit of a broadcast. We sort of all were discussing openly—it wasn't just me sharing—but we came to the conclusion that basically men are much more primitive than women think. And this is a very, very broad generalization. Obviously not true for everyone, but generally speaking, women expect men to have a lot of subtlety. And if he's saying, 'You know, I just want to relax and just have my food in peace and go to bed in peace,' women are thinking he's not really communicating with me. But actually, that's all that the man has. They don't have anything more subtle than that which they're hiding. They're not hiding some deep feeling which they are going through at that moment. Good to accept that many are basically quite primitive. Usually telling me what you feel is like, 'I want food, I want to go to bed.' That's the extent of what I can share about this topic. But see, it is like this: women don't accept that men are so shallow. There has to be more. Again, there are possibly many cases where the archetypes and stereotypes are reversed. But from my little experience on this topic, a lot of problems can be resolved if we accept that men are not as sophisticated as them.

Can I add something? Sorry. You tell me if it's no—don't be shy to say no to me. I feel my energies are also still dedicated to Guruji and Sahaja, although I'm not in the ashram now. I lived there for nine years and I feel it's so much part of me that, of course, it's in the subtle heart. It's always here. It's not there as a physical place. But still, I feel these two seemingly opposite directions. Like, I'm open to whatever God wants to unfold for this life, the best way, not to just be stuck in holding on to something out of fear. But at the same time, there's a commitment that I feel comes from love and from a deeper connection that I can't deny. So I'm not sure then how you can—I mean, I have to let go of everything, but then still this commitment is very strong also towards my friends. For example, I told you about Devi; we're very good friends and I feel it's very strong, and it seems to be in conflict with this other relationship. It's the two topics: the Sahaja and this connection that I have with Devi, being long friends and also partners in the past, and it's still powerful in my heart. So then it seems to conflict; it's not received well from Rebecca's side. If you have something to share on that?

Very, very tricky things, obviously. So as long as you and Devi are aware that this relationship is primary and that is the most important—I mean your relationship with your partner Rebecca—and both of you respect that, then that's fine. But I feel like you must give her the confidence and the comfort that there are not three people in this relationship. Now, I don't know whether it is humanly possible because I don't know Rebecca, so I can't really say whether it's humanly possible for her to be convinced until you completely are out of touch with your—suppose it was not another of my children, suppose it was any ex-partner. So suppose it was not acceptable to Rebecca that you have any contact with an ex-partner of yours, then that's, in a way, I have to say unfortunately her prerogative. She cannot be forced to accept a former relationship as a very dear friend in your relationship, just as much as you would like her to. She cannot be forced into that perspective.

Of course. Of course. Not also. It's just for myself, I'm looking what's the—

So, she must know. I don't know if I'm sounding too traditional and old school to all of you, but I feel like she must know that she's the one. There are all your former relationships; you would like them to be friends, but you're not going to force that onto her. So I feel that she may feel a little more reassured if she knows that. Well, she feels like third place—like second or third place after Sahaja and Devi. So she tells me that she feels it's not my priority.

And just when you have a conversation with her or when you're contemplating by yourself, just make sure that she's not right. I don't want you to say anything right now about this, but just make sure that she's not right about feeling third.

But maybe that's how I feel, Father, also. Then that's how I feel. Maybe it's like that's in me. She's a bit tired.

And just when you have a conversation with her or when you're contemplating by yourself, just make sure that she's not right. I don't want you to say anything right now about this, but just make sure that she's not right about feeling third.

But maybe that's how I feel, Father, also. Then that's how I feel. Maybe it's like that's in me. She's a bit tired. Maybe that's it. That's how it is. So, I don't know how to change. I mean, I don't know what to do about it.

Do you want to change that and make her second at least?

Yes. Yes.

Then just tell her that you are very—tell her that she's very, very important to you. There are things in the past which obviously we are attached to, things in the past, but you will commit with all your heart that after God, after Guru, she will be the one in your life.

Yes. But this—like, I don't know if I can do it, put her before Guruji. I don't know.

After God and Guru.

Okay. Okay.

To go and do it because she is your partner. And if you can't do it, then I feel just be honest with her and say—

I can, I can. I've moved towards that. I mean, I've actually—it's more like that. It's not—yeah. Yeah.

Now, if it is her thing that she has to be like God for you, most important, then you can just be honest about that as well and say that may not happen. So you have to accept that this is not going to work out if you force the fact that you come before God in my life. And if you feel like you can't do it, obviously, I would not recommend you do it at all.

Yes. No, no, that's not in there. Just be upfront with her and say, because that is something that she needs to then contemplate and see whether—

I told her, but from the beginning I told her that's the thing, and it triggered her also that I told her, "Hey, this is not going to be just for the relationship." So I made that point again and again, maybe out of fear that I didn't want to deviate from that, but then it sends a message of lack of trust. So then she feels like, "But you're putting me like this against God." So then it becomes like she feels that there's also from there comes a bit this kind of putting her opposite, like she's—yeah. I feel you. You understand what I'm saying?

We had this unfortunate thing that one boy was very regular in Satsang and his parents were pushing him to get married. He came to me and said, "Should I?" I said, "Yes, you can, and just make sure that you continue to be in Satsang, come with me, because your relationship with God is very, very important, the most important." And within a few weeks of getting married, he stopped coming to Satsang. So, in fact, I would say to Rebecca that if she also makes God as important, then in going towards that common goal of spending life in God's presence, then both of you could come much closer because of that.

Of course, Father, but that was the premises of the whole relationship also, because that's what I felt in her. But then when we speak like this, she says yes, she says yes, that is already—that's the base. But then how do you show up? So then, yeah—

How do you show up?

I don't know, Father, but I don't want to take more time. I just wanted to—but if you have something else to share. But it was important to share this about Guruji, and thank you for that, for bringing some light into this.

So, I would say if the main thing is how do you show up, just contemplate that and give her an answer and say that, "I see that I could do more," or "I see that I am actually doing the best I can possibly do." That would make her feel that her question is not being heard.

I feel in my heart I'm right with God and I feel I'm doing the best I can with this. Maybe I'm not saying I can't do better. I am open for God to grow this capacity to show more love and more connection and everything. So that's by God's will; it will be so or not. And bowing at God's feet and at your feet. She stopped using the name. Where am I getting it wrong? Huh?

Can't hear you clearly, Father.

Oh, it's so nice.

So, I think I don't know you can come last.

Thank you so much, Father. Thank you. I kind of felt so, but I wasn't sure because I couldn't hear you either. Thank you. Look, I wanted to take this opportunity because it seems to be a relationship day in Satsang. So, I want to bring into your light my relationship with my children. Anna is here with me and she saw you, and when she saw you, she was sending love and she was waving. Khalen is out for a walk. What I see is it's actually also like my body is not allowing me to—when I have the children, probably in about four to six weeks, my body still starts to be very painful. And the children are going to Romania to their father and grandparents in about ten days again. And I don't know, I see an inclination maybe more towards Satsang and sitting quietly, and it's hard to get involved or even project any sort of activity with these guys. I was supposed to go to Romania. I went there last time and we thought of going to the beach and having a holiday, and it didn't come with any interest from my side. So in the end, I cancelled. Then somehow the universe, the manifestation, arranged it in this way because I was supposed to pick up the kids by a certain date and then they actually could stay longer. So, I could stay more in retreat. But probably also because of this physical aspect of getting very tired and low energy and pain in the body after being with them for a while, the projections I'm starting to make is to get rid of them—or not get rid of them, but just put them in a life scenario where they can grow and be happy according to their interests and capacities. Maybe—so what are we meant to do with projections?

I normally offer them up. I bring them in and then I offer them up. And but I also see there is a bit of concern about them being for too long with their father and grandparents from my side. I'm making some improvement, but there is still a bit of fear when I let them go. So I can't keep them and I can't let them go.

Yeah, I'm hearing this. Yes. And on the other hand, my heart is longing to be in Sahaja. So, and to be honest, as much as I try to, let's say, make my life a retreat, it's not easy when your attention is pulled in so many directions. And these guys are so active.

We just have to accept that it's not easy.

Yeah. Not easy having a household alive and being a sadhu from the inside. It's not easy. And I'm always telling myself that God takes care of them wherever they are, you know. But I still feel a bit of—yeah, the sense of "I" maybe who wants to control or be sure. And she is laughing her ass off at who that is. Yeah. I don't want to give you a light answer to say that it's the illusory one. So I'm looking at you and I'm just introspecting at your question. I guess I don't feel anyone doesn't realize that there are two forces at play. The force of Maya, which is getting us to consider ourselves to be a separate individual, and the force of the Atma, which is pulling in to us recognizing what we really are. So the point of coming to Satsang is to try and add some weight to this side, to the side of the Atma, the spirit, so that when Maya around us seems so strong, especially with attachments like children—and I'm not alien to that, I'm very much in the same mood with children—so when it's so strong, then we need to hear from someone who is fighting the battle on the side of the Atma so that we return to that side of the equation. That is the only point of the question "Who am I?", that we return to the true place from where we can see. So really the point, especially for those who are in Satsang for a long time, is not to really micromanage the answer that you will give; that is not as important. Have you switched over to the right side is the question.

I feel I switched over to the right side and that's where there is less inclination to get involved with the children.

Just warning everyone, my computer is threatening to go to sleep soon and I don't have the charger. So if I go off, no, it wasn't because I was offended by your question or answer.

I'm happy my computer goes to sleep as well, but this computer of the head—stay in the light of the spirit. You know, one of the questions like I was asking maybe myself, and if you know Guruji has this metaphor sometimes with the book and that we are just characters in God's book. And if this is truly so, where is the place where any of these concerns—because also the children, even if they are in my custody or they have been in my custody or they are for periods of time, they are being taken care of by a higher power. So this is where I probably am still learning to let go and also to abide more in God's light or in the three of us are learning.

Can you repeat that?

I was saying all of us are learning. Thank you. Holding a grievance has taken a lot of energy, thoughts, and effort. But loving another takes no effort, energy, or thought. Yes. Yes. When we are so empty of our will, then this is so true. So consistently dropping the hot coal that I expect to burn the other has been helpful. I think I just want relief and freedom from grievances. I have just gone about it the wrong way expecting relief. It's somehow an eternal forgiveness state, dropping the coal over and over. There you go. Because it hurts me and the other; maybe even dropping the "me" is the best usually. Well, I don't want to say which sequence, but either sequence is fine. I'll be flying to the for the winter. Hope very much to see you again.

Very welcome. Let us know. Let us all right. Come on, brother.