Forget About Enlightenment - Dec. 3, 2014

So if I am the witnessing of whatever is appearing, in what way can the witnessing be touched by the appearance? We can check this. It might seem like a very simple question. The mind will say, 'Yes, yes, I already know this is the same thing.' But check. What appearance can actually touch the witnessing? Can I be touched? And this is very good for you also right now. Something strong is coming. It's the best time to check this. It seems strong, but am I really touched? In what way am I touched? So it could be that something strong in the body, you see, no words are coming out, not able to breathe, everything is just falling apart. But if you were to check, you will see that nothing real has been affected. I am untouched. This is the strength of freedom. This is freedom.

And this is so much better than just saying freedom means I will come to a particular state and not leave. That doesn't sound like freedom to me. It sounds like fear, that I have a fear of some states and now I am free from those states. So do you want new kind of fears or do you want real freedom? See, this happens a lot in spiritual movements. Many spiritual movements, through some practices or something happens and we experience some new states. Then what happens? We get attached to those states, and then if the state goes, as all states will go, when the state goes then we say, 'Oh, I lost it.' That is not freedom.

It's not difficult. If I were to do some research and with some past experiences I can make some practices up and say you breathe like this and then you breathe like that and then you will have this state of joy which will come and love which will come. I don't want to do that, you see. It's easy. It's easy. All of it is very well documented in India how to breathe so that you will feel some joy, you will feel some love, your body will feel better. All of this is easy, but it has nothing to do with freedom. Freedom means that you are now immune to any states which are arising. Everything is allowed. There is no resistance to anything at all. And then you cannot lose this. This seeing that I am untouched by any appearance cannot be lost. In fact, what can happen is that when strong appearances come, then we check again and say, 'Am I touched? Am I touched by any of this?'

Okay, there's some chat as well. Said Ram is moderating. Yes, but Ram suddenly is not here at the moment. That's fine. Donna said, 'Dearest Ananta, okay, don't hit the return button, just keep typing. Okay, got it.' For many years, yes. And for many years I wanted to ask my guru for a name and never did and wondered if you would do me the honor of giving me a new name. He says, 'For many years I have wanted to ask my guru for a name and never did and wondered if you do me the honor of giving me a new name.' It would be my complete joy. So the next in-person satsang that we have, which should be on the next Saturday, not in the coming one, that in-person, after the in-person satsang, then we will do the little ceremony that we do. We just met two days ago. That's a little fun. I am ready to hand over my old identity at the feet of the master. Or it's like, am I the sufferer or not the sufferer? Yes, exactly. Am I the appearance or the witnessing? That means the same as am I the sufferer or the one that cannot suffer.

Claire says, 'In the middle of the night I had a big suffering storm and saw that I am not the sufferer again. Thank you very much.' So soon you will also stop using words like 'big storm' and things like that because you see all of this is nothing to do. All of this can be strong momentarily, it can seem, but you will see that it was nothing, just like everything else, just coming and going. This all said, 'I'm going out and need to get back in, so please reject someone if there is in the space.' Ram can't do the moderating, I see. There seems to be space, so we'll wait and see what happens. Charles is here with us today. Very good. Good to see you. Namaste. Kapil is also here. Naomi is here. So can I be the content of my experience? Can I ever be the content of what I am experiencing?

See, this is our virtual ashram, using the virtual ashram in the Hangouts. So like, you know, physical ashram, sometimes there could be too much rain, sometimes it could be something else. Even this technology ashram has trouble sometimes. At least there are no flights to catch, no jet lag.

Father, that's my idea. Can you hear me okay?

Yes, perfectly good.

Since your conversation last night with Jesse, there's just been an overwhelming desire to come on the hot seat. You mentioned something about how the ego fears this because it fears its own annihilation. That triggered something because it just, yeah, I just felt that's what I want. You know, I've done this searching thing, I seek anything and the Self and God, you know, that's all beautiful, but this ego annihilation word kind of triggered something and it's been overwhelming since.

Yes, this is very good and I'm very happy to see you here. What are the feelings which are coming up now?

Well, I'm just amazed that I actually clicked the unmute button. First I was going back and forth, you know how the ego, your mind will say, 'Is this gonna happen?' You know, 'Can you continue on your, don't take any action, see what happens' type route. And I got tired of playing that game.

Yes, this is looking very nice. This is also very nice because when we hear that I am not the doer, then we decide not to take some action. That is also a form of doership. And when we let go of doing or not doing, then something just flows on its own. So like he said, Charles said he got tired of playing the game of doing or not doing and then something just happened and it's just an opportunity for you to be here. I mean, to have this, it's a blessing to be with you and sangha and just watch the interaction and to be a part of it. It's something I wanted for a long time, just never seem to be able to find it, I guess, or grace allowed to happen. But it's here. I'm trying to welcome it, welcome it as much as I can.

This is very good. So is there something which can still appear for you which still has the potential, you feel, to cause some suffering?

Yes, I mean, that's it's, you know, I've been listening for the last three months, I guess, since I've come across you and the trying to differentiate. You cleared a lot of some things up for me because there was, there's been an experience of, I guess would be self-realization or whatnot, where there's that expectation, 'Well, I know what he's talking about, know where he's speaking from, but I don't feel this right now.' But you've clearing that up and pointing me to whether you're in the wave state or the particle state, you know, it's that attention or the awareness that is the same throughout. And that's kind of hitting home, settling with me. So I'm trying to just go through this process with whatever patience I have. And but really, I just, I don't know how much patience I do have. I'm just, I'm just tired. This is my whole life and this seeking job that I've turned it into, the suffering job whatnot. And I'm just, if the ego can be annihilated with hot seat, I'm here, Father.

Yes, yes. Also we must look at the fact that we don't need to kill the ego. In fact, nobody has been able to kill the ego. The ego which started off seeming like a strong rope now remains just as a burned rope. He did not say that the rope vanishes. It's the mind game, I mean, and that's that's what I'm trying to work through and it just seems to keep you playing.

But this is what thanks, as of this moment, just stop playing the game. The game is not required. The game is actually perpetuating the ego itself by saying that something still needs to be done. Nothing needs to be done. You see that there are appearances and there is a witnessing of these appearances, and no matter what the mind is saying, you cannot step out of the witnessing and become part of the appearance.

I mean, and that's what I'm trying to work through, and it just seems to keep playing. But this is what thanks as of this moment.

Just stop playing the game. The game is not required. The game is actually perpetuating the ego itself by saying that something still needs to be done. Nothing needs to be done. You see that there are appearances and there is a witnessing of these appearances, and no matter what the mind is saying, you cannot step out of the witnessing and become part of the appearance. That is why my job is the simplest, because the truth is unchanging. Right now, you are just witnessing all that is coming up, isn't it? You're perceiving these words, you're seeing the computer screen; all of this you are just witnessing. Now, some feeling comes, then that feeling will also be witnessed. If some thought comes that you must now do this, even that will be witnessed. There is nothing beyond this witnessing. And if you go to see, there is no distance between yourself and this witnessing. There is no separation between you and this witness of all these appearances. And if you sense that there is some distance, or if you sense that 'I am not the witnessing, I am something else,' then you can expose that and we can look at it together.

I can see the attention, but also feel there's—I don't feel a separation from thought. You know, you were talking the other day about, you know, where do your thoughts come from? And I just couldn't—I couldn't see any separation from thought. I am my thought, and I just—there was nothing there to say that this is what I'm seeing.

This is very good. We can start from here. So, is there a thought right now? Just to say no.

And now, okay.

So what can happen is that there are spaces between thoughts, isn't that? It's not like—it can seem like it is a continuous stream. It can seem like it is a continuous stream, but if you were to just look, you will see that there are spaces between thoughts. And if there are spaces between thoughts, then you cannot be a thought because you are witness even to the space between them, isn't it? You can say there is a thought and there is no thought. Don't try to understand it; just try to see whether this is true. This is truly what happens. Because if you try to understand it, then you're using your mind to try and figure it out. Here we're just talking about a simple looking. We're simply looking at what is happening, looking with complete openness. So even if you say that when I look, what I find is something different from what you are saying, even that is completely open. Your thought can come and the thought will go. Did you go along with the thought? You were still here, isn't it? So this one that is still here even after the thought went, who is that one?

It all—it all comes always back to the 'I' thought. That's the closest I can narrow it down to. There's always a sense of 'I' and, um, finding that differentiation between 'I' and this 'I', you know, and I've like—

Now we will do it. Right now we will do it. You say that there's a sense of 'I'. There's a sense of 'I'. Who sees this? Even this you see, to be able to say that there is a sense of 'I', isn't it? Don't worry about a spatial distance. We're not talking about distance in centimeters or millimeters; we are just talking about the true perspective. So you said that there is a sense of 'I' which is at the root of all these thoughts which are coming and going. This sense of 'I', how do you know it is here? Because you see it. You don't see it as necessarily a phenomenal appearance, but it's felt as a presence. It is perceived as a presence. First there must be a 'you' to which even this presence is arising, isn't it? That's what we're pointing to.

Yes. Yes.

This is what you are, irrespective of what the states come and go. See, even this sense of 'I' is not present in deep sleep. See, when you sleep and then you say 'I woke up,' so what actually woke up that this sense of 'I' came, isn't it? So you were able to say that 'I went to sleep and then I woke up.' That means you knew that the sense of 'I' was not there, and the sense of 'I' is there now. Now the mind will try to paint some pictures of this for you. Don't worry about those pictures. Don't try to figure it out and don't create a visual framework now for your understanding. It is not in the imagery, because even those visuals which the mind will be painting are witnessed by you. And this witnessing is completely free from any attributes, so you cannot create a picture out of it.

It's always apparent, right Father? I mean, it's—you know, when I had the—when I did self-sourcing before, there was the first time, you know, kind of led to that, this glimpse of, you know, the laughing Buddha type experience. Yeah. So there's always been this anticipation of, you know, as I look, as I try to force the 'I' or, you know, I'm always looking, but it's—it's apparent now. It's before the looking, I mean, and it's after the looking. Just—it's starting to hit home a little bit.

Very, very good. Simple question: Am I aware now? Simple question: Am I aware now? It clarifies everything in that instant. You see, without any mental understanding. The mind will say, 'But nothing happened.' I have asked this question, then most of the minds will be saying this. You know why the masters stress on this question so much? Because for the mind, nothing happens. But that is the whole point—that we see awareness is here and yet nothing has really happened. It is the background of all appearances. So the mind is still expecting something should change, and the question is asked: Am I aware now? Nothing happens, but it is clear that I am aware. And it is only awareness which can be aware of itself. This is the simplest, you see. And this is the background to all these appearances. This is prior even to the presence of being. So this awareness is unmovable. You cannot step out of it. You cannot become the content of any appearance. And yet it is seen that all these appearances are arising from within me. The dance of Shiva is happening for me, and yet in this instant, if the entire universe was to burn to pieces, I would be untouched because there is no part of me which is touched by any appearance. And so I'm not concerned if this is the last moment in the life of the entire universe or the universe is just getting started. It makes no difference. This is freedom. Freedom does not mean that my universe becomes a certain way. Freedom is not even the happy dream, you see. It is not that the dream becomes happy, although it seems to become, but it is not in that. That is just a symptom. The fact is that whatever the appearances might be coming and going, they lose their impact on us. We stop pretending as if we are affected by them. It is as simple as seeing what we talked about a little earlier, which is to see who is witnessing the thought coming and going. The thought will be saying, 'I am you, I am you. What do you mean? Show me the separation,' you see. The thought will be saying that, but you are witnessing even the thought saying all of this, and you stay untouched by what it is saying. But somehow in the play of this consciousness, you were given the power of belief, the power of pretense, so you can pretend that what the thought is saying is true. But it actually never is, because all thoughts apply only to the imaginary one. They do not apply to you. All thoughts are about a concept. All thoughts are about an idea. The idea of 'me', the idea of 'you', can never be you. It's just another idea. And we are not at war with the ego. We're not to be at war with the ego because that would be to give it too much attention and reality. Even to say that 'I am at war with my ego' or 'I want to kill my ego' would be to give it too much attention. It does not deserve even that. It does not deserve my war. And as we keep letting go, letting go of all these appearances as thoughts, then we will find that through all of this—through all of this—I remain the witnessing, the pure awareness which is aware of all. Is something coming up to see now?

I don't even know where all the words were coming from before, but it just seems, um, if anything else, it's, you know, identification. I mean, I—I don't know if I'm just playing mind games with myself, you know. What is this identification that seems to be persistent or that seems to be a force? I mean, is that thought or is it—it just seems like there's, you know, yourself, there's that knowing. How did I ever forget, you know? Yes, yes. I don't know who I am right now because I do not feel that that same knowing, and it's—I've created a separation of duality that I'm—I've played it so many times in my head, my, you know, trying to figure out, you know, trying all the tricks anyway to, you know, you know, not think, not give it any credence or, you know, credibility. Or just, you know, it's all mind games. Just don't believe your next thought. But there still seems to be this identification that seems different from that natural knowing of who you've always been or will ever be. And I just—I'm letting that go. I'm letting that expectation go. It's a—I don't want anything to hold me back. I'm throwing it here and I start saying fire, but um, I'm just here.

Very good, very good. There is nothing holding you back. Nothing is holding you back. Forget about identification. Forget about knowing also. Suppose you never heard these words. Now, at best what they could be is the expectation that there should be something happening: 'I should feel a certain way, I should feel free, I should feel bliss,' something, something. That's another thought. That's another thought. The thoughts about the knowing are not the knowing. Right now, the true knowing is present. It actually cannot leave. So the knowing is not a mental knowing. It's not an intellectual understanding, because you have seen, isn't it? You've seen that in spite of all the intellectual understanding, there still seems to be—there are many who can have a lot of intellectual understanding but still, still seem so conflicted and full of suffering. So it's clearly not in the intellectual understanding. So if you were empty of all of these concepts, then what remains now? What needs to be known? Suppose your past never happened. Suppose all those experiences also never happened. What needs to be known now?

Nothing needs to be known. I can just let it go. It's all—it never happened. I know it never happened. Thank you. Thank you so much.

So wonderful, so wonderful. Okay, there's some chat. Okay, so the moderators are speaking amongst each other and hopefully they sorted it out. Jyoti dear, something that's coming up here that might help Charles is that when we simply do a deep sigh of relief with that emptiness, and that—that is at the end of the sand, very simply put. Very beautiful. Who is going to sing a song? Yes, Me is going to. So good to sing to you all.

Amazing singing. He's waiting? No, he's just putting rice. Yes, the best news. Thank you. Okay, let's go. Doesn't feel like satsang is over today. Something left to be said. Someone is holding on to a question and not saying, or something. I don't know what.

Father, it's me. I was going to say that, um, all the craziness and the technical, um, stuff all happened while the awareness was untouched. Yes, it was a great example. And I was going in and out of the other hangout and hearing your voice and snippets of what you were saying, and every time it was like a Mahavakya. And I just wanted to say thank you because it's great satsang.

Yes, yes. See, all this is also satsang. Yes, all the technical drama is. In fact, they have not seen any force which crushes the ego as much as seva does. Even when we feel everything is under control, it's all been planned out perfectly, seva has this way of bringing out all that is possible, you know, everything possible. This is very good.

I was working on the last transcript that I was highlighting for the book project, and my husband was waiting for me to go to bed. I'm like, 'Just 10 minutes then,' and I just—I just once I go into a transcript, I'm just lost in it. And he's just bleeding and waiting, and then eventual—

Seva crushes the ego as much as Shiva does. Even when we feel everything is under control, it's all been planned out perfectly, seva has this way of bringing out all that is possible. You know, everything possible. This is very good. I was working on the last transcript that I was highlighting for the book project and my husband was waiting for me to go to bed. I'm like, 'Just 10 minutes then.' Once I go into a transcript, I'm just lost in it. And he's just waiting and waiting, and then eventually he comes and says, 'I'm just going to bed.' And there's something stirred up there. It was all the guilt here. It was not his fault; it was so much that came up. I'm not giving him enough time; it's too much satsang, too much, too much. It did stir up a lot, but that's fun to watch. I actually love you all so much. I just wanted to say if anybody is coming to Bangalore—I wrote it on chat but if somebody missed it—our home is open. I've spoken to my husband and I have two boys, so you might have to bear with that, but if you ever feel like it, our own home is open. Thank you. You're not here for my time. Very nice. Thank you. Kisses.

I was reading about the Stoics the other day. I mentioned it, and when I said Stoics the first time, she seemed to know about it. I was reading about them and I found that they started in Spain. They started in Spain and then it was a philosophy that went to the Romans from Spain. Actually, it feels like it's not going to the deep sleep and it feels like the dream that's going on right now, the waking dream, continues in the sleep state. It's like I see my kids or I see the newspaper guy; it just continues. It's not like a new dream or something; it's just this dream just goes on. There's not enough rest for the body, but it's okay. So is it like the same dream? Suppose it's eleven o'clock in the—I don't know if nighttime continues that way—but I'm giving the newspaper guy a dose and giving my kids a dose. Even though it's like—or I see the Sangha and I see you and it's like I'm going to satsang. It feels like I'm still the same being there, the same person there.

Sometimes it can happen like that, that all these things which are getting resolved are worked out. You see what happens many times, if you notice, is that things which are not resolved here in this waking state, we're trying to find solutions to them in the sleep, or we're trying to get over some stress or something which is there gets released in dreams. It can happen like that. So maybe this whole process of everything getting released is also continuing in the other state. It doesn't feel like—so many times after long inputs and satsang, especially this resistance, I've said this before, that the body should feel very tired. But this time we had a very long time; we had four hours or something. Yeah, so we had very long, and yet the body was not very tired.

Yes, my dear Father. So like you were saying, it's playing now that there's just no energy to do many tasks here. I've told you this before, right? But it's been a while now. I mean, there are things that come up, you know, which people are telling me that I could do this and I could do that because I'm not doing anything really. But there is just nothing; I'm not getting that thing to do anything, Father. So, you know, is this like something I should look at? I don't know, because I just don't feel to do anything—tasks in the sense, you know, there's very little I do in the day, I mean except just basic things, maybe cooking and just very basic things. So I don't know if you had something to say to that.

Don't worry. Just trust all of this and don't decide to do or not do. Don't make any decision either to do or not to do. That is neutrality. And then trust whatever is happening. Just be completely open moment to moment to whatever is coming up and don't decide to say yes or no. Just watch what is happening. Okay? So if somebody comes to you next minute and gives you a job offer, don't have any pre-decision. Let's see what your mouth is saying.

So I have gone, say, to meet somebody and they've said like maybe I can write for them. I go and I meet them, I say yes, yes, yes. I come back and then I just don't want to do anything. I just don't get into doing anything.

So that's also fine, because this life energy is also serving consciousness itself. So if there is life energy, it will play out in activity, and if there is no life energy, it will play out in inactivity. You are only the witnessing of all of this. It's not your problem. We don't know what anything is for. We don't know why the rest which is happening is for. It could be that we don't do anything for years and then there's an explosion of activity; that could happen. Or maybe even that doesn't happen. We cannot predict. If we look back at our lives, we will find that we have not been able to predict anything and we've never known what something is for or not. So just trust whatever is appearing with complete openness. No desire and no aversion. Just be. Love it.

Thank you, Father. Thank you. Hello, Ananta, my dear. Hello. I just had a very strong burning that arose now. On the one hand, there's this 'don't believe your next thought.' If I allow that, there's absolutely nothing more to say and I'm just thrown back into the only moment that exists, which is now, and it's all unfolding. But on the other hand, there's a very strong urge to surrender—let's put it this way—these logs into the fire, you know, and just sort of put them at your feet. This is what I'm feeling now. It's something I was going to write to you yesterday on a private message because I couldn't find the way to expose it publicly, you know, even if the Hangouts is my family, but I just couldn't break that taboo. And I just have to say it here. I'm just fumbling my way along.

As I mentioned to you before, I had this breakup with my relationship and it really gets to me. I've been trying to work it out mentally, you know, going by the scriptures and so forth, but it's just too much. I just can't handle it. And I just have to bring this forward. I guess there was a tremendous—I'm suspect to say anything about it because it's just so much mind and so much attachment and identification here that it's almost insane. I was so dependent on the relationship and I went so deeply into it. There was on my part so much dissolving and healing and beauty and intimacy and ever-growing—you know, this is an ever-growing process—and then suddenly it was disrupted. I can't really say I see the blessing of it; I see the curse of it. At the same time, I'm absolutely thrown to the gutter. I find that during the day it just makes me so, so, so sad. What to say of the witnessing of the whole thing? You know, the identification of my body, mind, emotions, and the sentimentality that's around. When you are in a relationship that is so rich in so many ways—I'm not saying it was a garden of roses, it had its thorns, but that's okay with me—it was something that was so rewarding, as love is so rewarding. But I just wanted to bring this into the light, into the fire, and somehow just unburden myself with it because I haven't found the vocabulary to share it.

And it's a funny thing, I'd like to bring this up as well. Now I see all these gorgeous women in the Sangha and stuff, and this is also a feeling of, 'Oh wow, how wonderful it would be to have a sort of consort,' you know, that you're in your Sangha together, you're in the satsang together. I have to admit, Ananta, I still have this distraction, as you've mentioned and Mooji has mentioned quite often, that you get into a relationship. But is it okay to have this feeling that I'm having? Would it be a distraction if I felt to—I still feel to have this interchange. I'm very skeptical about it because it's something I feel and at the same time it's not 'spiritually correct,' you know? If you could throw some light on that, please.

Very good. Firstly, wonderful, wonderful integrity and honesty. Very good. This is very good. How many can actually come up like this and share with such openness? So, on the first part of what you said, it seemed like these feelings of grief or regret, strong feelings because of this relationship going away, and then you said that 'I'm trying to use scripture or some understanding to be free from this grief.' You must not get into this kind of an adversarial situation with any feeling which is coming. Your grief is here, then you let grief play out. Be completely open. You have an infinite amount of space and there is not enough grief in the universe to fill up the space that you have. So don't fear this grief. Let it come. Don't resist it.

For a few moments, even for a little longer based on how much the relationship will mature, it can seem like it's really strong and unbearable. It can seem like you're dying because of this grief; it can seem like that. Just stand your ground and let it all play out. Don't try to stop it. Don't resist it, because if you resist it, then it will persist. And when it is something as strong as this, then it can stay for a while. These feelings can linger on for a while, but by your resistance they will only persist longer. So what you do is just take it moment by moment. When things get too unbearable, just say, 'I'm going to get by this moment, this moment.' Don't say, 'I want to be free from this forever.' Don't make it like something which you want the solution or remedy for for the long term. Just get by moment to moment and you will find that every morning when you wake up, most mornings you will feel better than you did the previous day. You feel better if you're not resisting. If you're allowing all this to get released, then it can free itself up like this.

Yes, I hear you loud and clear.

Don't be in a rush to heal yourself. Don't feel that, 'Now I have understood so much, I found freedom, and now this healing I should just be able to snap, snap, and gone.' It does not happen like that.

This has lingered on so long that I really have been taxing myself a lot with wanting to snap out of it because it gets to a point where it's almost so solemn, you know? It's almost morbid in a way sometimes, and I'm going, 'Oh my god, when is this cloud going to go away?'

So yeah, it can feel like that. It's really, really morbid, like you said; it can feel like that. And don't say that it should feel like something else, because there is great purity in even this grief. There is great purity; there is a great fire which is being lit even because of this grief, and it is burning all concepts that you have about yourself. All concepts of identity are getting burnt in this. So don't feel that it should go away. Just see, it's feeling really strong, it is there, but you are there to witness it. When you make it about past or future, then it will seem like too much of a burden to carry. But in the moment, in every moment, all this can arise and you will be just fine. Ultimately you are untouched.

I'd just like to say that I feel my prayers have been answered in many ways because to be sharing this with you all, this is such a relief and, yeah, it's just a real blessing.

My blessing. This is what satsang is for: for you to be able to come up and share openly with integrity that this is what is going on here and it seems so real. So this was the first part of what you said. Now the second part what you said is that, 'I've been through this situation and now it seems like there are so many women here...'

All my prayers have been answered in many ways because to be sharing this with you all, this is such a relief and, yeah, it's just a real blessing. This is what satsang is for: for you to be able to come up and share openly with integrity that this is what is going on here, and it seems so real. So this was the first part of what you said. Now, the second part what you said is that, 'I've been through this situation and now it seems like there are so many women here in the sangha and I'd like to be with them and it feels good.' So don't use this as a way to disguise what you're feeling, you know? Don't use this as a cover-up for your grief because the mind will have this tendency: okay, you lost this, now let's replace it with something else. And then when you lose that, then you look for replacing that with something else. How long will this go on, and how many lifetimes will this go on?

Yes, this is very clear to me. I substitute that actually for—you know, that's not the right word, 'substitute'—but just being in the sangha, I think it's just the opening actually. You know, irrelevant of gender, it's this dissolving into exposing everything and opening that is really approaching the heart and feeling relaxed, which is what I was saying to you yesterday about, you know, I know there's the witnessing of any state of being, but at the same time I had to get this out of the way. It's really bizarre and, yeah, I can witness what I'm saying now as well, but I just had to get this burden off my shoulders. I just had to share this.

I'm very happy to hear this because it smells of so much integrity and honesty. It is very good. I much rather hear these tales of true honesty and integrity rather than hear any concepts or hear anything about Advaita also, because this is real, you see? This is when the rubber hits the road. This is when spirituality actually hits the road; otherwise, it just stays as mental. So the beauty of the sangha is that nobody is here to form personal relationships, although it can happen. It happens in all sanghas that personal relationships get formed, but the key to why everyone is there is because they love the Master, they love the truth, they love freedom.

And sangha, like the rest of the world, can also have its distractions, you see? You can say, 'Oh, this one I'm feeling attracted or I'm feeling attached to this one.' All this can come, but then if there is true love for the Master, then all of this gets cleaned up, cleaned up. There have been relationships; there are many relationships in the Mooji sangha and there have been relationships even in this—new relationships that got formed amongst people who joined the sangha there. But ultimately what has happened is that there is so much love for the truth there that the relationship does not get in the way. So either it is in service to the truth or the relationship falls away.

Yes, yes, yes. Ah, thank you.

Just like you cannot replace—we were discussing the other day and I think it is also mentioned in her reading from Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi—was that we cannot replace even the concept 'I am a person' with another concept even as glorious as 'I am God.' Just by saying it is not going to make you God. Just in the same way, we are getting rid of all the stories, all the concepts. In the same way, you cannot replace one aspect of your relationship and try to replace that with another. It will not provide you freedom from suffering. It might just seem like some pain relief for a few moments, but what needs to be seen, what needs to be burned, let it get burnt. Don't try to stop the burning. It is very auspicious burning.

And completely then, when you are free from any sort of attachment to any of this, then automatically whatever relationship is meant to happen or not meant to happen, you will say all of this just happened, you see? It will not seem like effort; it will not seem like a choice. You will not be able to say that because I had this older relationship and because of that then I wanted to get a new relationship. You will not be able to say why any of this happened; you will see that it just flows on its own. So I don't want anyone to get the idea that I'm against relationships. I'm not against relationships; I'm just against the concept that there is a doer who is deciding to get into this relationship or that. Explore whether there is somebody who is making these choices. There is nobody.

And when you all do come with some relationships, my blessings are always there. But for me, it makes no difference whether you are announcing the start of a new relationship or an end of an old one, because I know that the universe is taking care of exactly what needs to happen is happening. It's okay. Like you said very nicely, that it seems like it's a solemn time, and sometimes we are not attracted to this solemn necessity. This solemnity is not something that we are naturally attracted to. There is great beauty in this solemnity; there's great depth in it. Oh yes, absolutely, much more than something which is just very exuberant. All this grief, all this pain will also pass. These too shall pass.

I'm just floating in these empty spaces and listening to you and allowing any anguish, any anxiety to sort of fill the space with anything but just the silence. And I have no words, as you know, as you know. And this space is just nurturing every possible healing in me. I can report that. Yes, it's incredible how I feel a lotus flower is really opening. It's feeling that it's okay to open. And I have got a low battery notification on my computer. If my computer goes off, it is not that I suddenly wanted to turn off the satsang; it is just that my battery ran out here.

Very nice to hear your words as always. A big, big aloha, love to all of you and big, big hug, big hug to everyone. Same, same idea. So much love I carry. I carry you all throughout the day, every second of the day. I hold you close to my heart.

Something thanks to my dear, thanks. Thank you all so very much for this beautiful satsang today. Jai Jai. Aloha. So we woke up early this morning, huh? Okay, ah, there's some chat which I missed. Claire said, 'Is there some seva that I can do for you? I dropped out of the transcribing and I'm not sure if that was okay or not, but it was feeling like treading water and I don't know if I'm avoiding ego crushing.' Yes, you can do some seva. This is very good. And it is completely fine if you feel that some seva is not really working out. Don't be quick to give it up, but if it's clear in your heart that this is not for me, if it's completely clear in your heart, then you can without any hesitation say that I would rather not be doing this and you can find something else for you. Beautiful, very beautiful singing today. Very good.

He's down, he's at home, he's like there. What's happening? What's happening? Yes, you wanted to come up? Do you want to say something for a minute? Although my battery might go.

Many times, Father, it can wait. It's kind of like just the willingness to bring it somehow started the process of burning it. So I don't know if I should just wait and see, maybe bring it tomorrow, but just the willingness to come forward started to—you know, it was seen through.

No, you can start speaking, but don't mind if my computer goes away. Okay?

This is—it's totally seen and I know it's not true, but yet this is a very old almost tendency that draws, or an energy that draws attention. And I just wanted to expose, and the mind is saying, 'Don't expose it, don't expose it.' There's shame around it and there is a wanting to hide it because it's, yeah, it's not nice. So that's there is then more of a reason to bring it forward. And just always be in this very old tendency here to—and now the mind is going blank and like, it's so ridiculous. It's so ridiculous because it's just thought. But because there is a wanting to hide, I therefore feel that it needs to be shared. And there is an energy of kind of like a competitiveness, always trying to be the best at things my whole life—or I can't even say my whole life because that's always been this tendency—and then a trying and doing and comparing. And it's all ego-based and it's just—I just really want to admit to the fire of satsang. And it's really silly, but it's a very kind of—what's the thing now? Is egoistic now? What is nothing? Is it like a spiritual competitiveness or what?

Right now it's not saying anything, but it's something that—it's like the ego will compare and it'll say, 'Well, you're never going to get it and this person has got it.' And it's all rubbish. It's complete rubbish. But somehow it draws attention and that's why I really want to bring it forward because it's nonsense.

Yes. And if anything feels like it is true in this—is there anything still which feels like it is true in this? Just do the search now. If there's anything that still feels true in this, just share it here.

You know what? There is a—it doesn't feel true, but what there is, is there is a feeling of shame about having the thought, about kind of connecting with that thought and thinking that there's anything in it. There is a shame around that, that 'How could I have this kind of thought?' Is it like that? Yeah. And how could this kind of thought be given attention to? Like, a lot of shame around it. And underneath that, it's all for the person. It's like, it's seen, it's not true, it's not real, it's not what I am, but it comes down to, I guess, something wanting approval or something not feeling good enough. And that that's still on the ego level, but I just really just want to bring it to your feet because it's very easy to try and hide it.

Because this also takes a lot of integrity to be able to share. And I want to tell all of you that nobody in this sangha has got anything at all, including myself. I know that I know you know, but still I want to reiterate: nobody here has got anything at all. Nobody who's first, there's nobody who came second. There is nothing.

No, it's totally seen and totally known, but there's something here that just feels to expose anything that wants to be hid. I don't know, I don't want to hold anything back, but even the one saying that is not true.

Yes, this is good. And the reason why I want to say it so clearly again and again is that when you hear this thought next time, then maybe these words will also come along with that, you see? And then you will not even have to make the effort of letting it go.

It seemed like I've heard something. Yeah, yeah. And it's funny because it's an old habit from childhood, almost like a very old habit. And so it's kind of a habitual patterning that in itself—that's what's seen as just a habit.

What happened? All our conditioning is like this, isn't it? That you must win, you must strive, you must get it. Ever since you were kids, we were taught like this. So we are in this environment and we are saying, 'You must win here also, you must win that enlightenment.' That's what the thought did, you see? It's ridiculous. Yes, it is, but it's okay because it's very natural also for this to come because our conditioning was like this. So it will come like that. It happened. So let me also expose: first time I went to Tiruvannamalai and I knew about the beings which met Mooji Ji first when he used to be selling incense in Brixton and things. There were these beings, was there some others who were there, and I was aware of them. These are the ones, you see? These are the ones who found Mooji first.

It's ridiculous, yes it is, but it's okay because it's very natural also for this to come because our conditioning was like this, so it will come like that. It happened, so let me also expose. The first time I went to Tiruvannamalai, and I knew about the beings which met Moojiji first when he used to be selling incense in Brixton and things, there were these beings there, some others who were there, and I was aware of them. These are the ones, you see, these are the ones who found Mooji first. And I saw them, and the first time I felt jealous. I wished it was me; I wish it was like that. It can come like this, don't worry. It's just natural for it to come, but in your clear seeing, it cannot last. All these things will not last.

Yeah, I have it with my sister quite a lot because she's also part of the Sangha, and it's been great satsang to expose it to each other. And it goes back to kind of a familial history of needing to be something to get father's love. So it's like a kind of old pattern, and it's really great. It's really, really, really such a thing that because it's not true, it's just conditioning, of course. But I just... thank you, thank you for... thank you.

Now see this small square at the left bottom of the screen which says 18 plus. So satsang has become an 18 plus. So maybe when we created it, there's an option, you see, there's an option. By mistake, I feel it got selected. Is this for adults only, or was it done with some reasoning, or is it a mistake? It's just very funny to see come on the screen. The screen is frozen, that's okay. It's okay, just a small thing, my attention has been going to it.

Father, sorry. Um, it was when all the technical stuff was happening, I forgot to uncheck the box. I was in such a hurry. Sorry, it was a mistake.

It's fine, it's completely fine. It's just my attention kept going. It means only adults are allowed in satsang today, where you start off as adults and you become children.

Yeah, Father, I just want to say as well that even this bringing this kind of... this is also nonsense. It's also kind of like on a subtler level precipitates the need that there's something that needs to be done. Or on a... I mean, yes, it is ultimately it will also be seen that surrender was also not a doing, not something that I did.

Let's see. Accept your own freedom, you see. Sometimes the trouble is that we are willing to accept our own freedom. In fact, this is reminding me—I don't know how my battery is still continuing—but this is reminding me, I remember the first time I saw Jenny in person was... I had seen her video and I was very impressed with that video. But the first time I saw her in person, she was asking Moojiji something and Moojiji said, 'But we... I thought we took care of all of this,' you see? So it was so clear to me, having seen the video, that it's clear. It's clear for her. There is no other certificate required. There is nowhere to go, there's nothing to track, no temperature to take. Who has not seen the video? Anyone here who has seen the video can say that this one has not understood something? There's still something left for her to do, something to understand?

He's just gotten so frustrated with me over the years because he just said to me the same thing. He's like, you know, like he sits like the war is over. And he tells the story of World War II where the war's already over, but there's a small little island where people are still fighting thinking that the war is still going. And like your mind just doesn't want to be... you think you're that island. And in this case, there was never a war anyway. You just got to do it.

Ah, you still want the medal? A bravery medal for the war? No, no. Can we come to the point where we say that yes, nothing else is needed here? Nothing. Have you seen that video of Papaji? Papaji is speaking to this German lady, some green dress, and it's something like four seconds, this thing. And this lady comes and she does this thing and she starts laughing, you see? And then if you... this one, this one must be completely free, you see, because it happened. Completely free. 'Have I really understood?' Suppose she brought this question? I guess the mind just doesn't want to let go, but that's okay. It doesn't have to. It doesn't have to.

Now everything's frozen. I don't know what happened. I think Father's battery... wait, yeah. Oh my god, it's so great. Oh my love, I love you, love you my love. No more fighting on islands. The war is over. Thank you. My, my... oh hey, oh yeah, funny. Did I come back to the same place or was this a different... we're not joining without you, Father. We lost... so much love to all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Ram for moderating, that's good. All good with Jeremy. All right, my loves. Bye bye, bye bye. Hey, love you, love you, love you. Hey, love you, bye.