Don't Believe the Content of Your Next Thought - 3rd August 2022

No, I'm saying, yeah, it's about, you know, I mean, it's nothing bothers you. I mean, it's so apparent. There's no like separation, no, no like division, you know. But then you start that... it's like I, I see here then because now I know that if I go...

Okay, so this is the best time not to evaluate what happens to you then. Okay, but practice what I'm telling you now. Yeah, you see, I was telling people at work yesterday, we were talking about how can we make work more like a game rather than just... because some of it inspired with all these conversations I have in Satsang. So I was just telling them, most of Sunday goes for all of you because you're thinking that Monday is coming. Most people spoil half their weekend, which is Saturday, Sunday. Some people used to have only Sunday, but Sunday goes because they feel like Monday is coming. 'I don't want to have...' Maria's school is starting next week, she's already like, 'Ugh.' So this is the thing. So if you're here now, you're being pointed to the highest, then don't think about, 'Okay, that is what afflicts me outside of Satsang.' This is what... because this project is not like that, you see.

When we go to doctors and consultants and other things, lawyers and things like that, then that is the project: 'What symptoms do you have?' I don't care, because I know there's only one problem, there's only one illness. So without making reference to a high thought now in the mind, you may feel like, 'Oh, I have descended into like pure dumbness.' But is that your experience? You're thinking that. So, but besides the thought of that, what is your experience? So thought missing, without me you're really dumb? No, like that. But without the thought, you're still existing quite fine, quite peaceful. Everything is open, you're fine. And the world doesn't stop. Your heartbeat doesn't stop. Your breath goes on. Everything that you need to live doesn't stop. And you will notice that like these words are coming from that same space. You will notice that communication is possible, everything is possible from that untroubled place, unharassed view, because you're not troubling yourself with these conceptual references to 'I'.

So to be empty of the 'I' thought... 'I' is not some special thought. The 'I' thought has to go. 'I' thought is any reference you make to 'I'. So don't make a fresh project: 'I have to get rid of the I thought.' That only... get rid of that. You don't spot the obvious thing because we seem to be in the maze and then trying to solve it. So 'I' thought is the same as the 'you' thought. Any reference to 'I', whether it is based on making a reference that way or this way, refers to 'I', no? If you situate a 'you', then you automatically situate an 'I'. So it just happens in that way. So, so I've often spoken about this. Even the most harmless-seeming thoughts somehow can make a reference to you very quickly. Like I've said, 'The coconut is green.' You do not need that thought information, firstly, because you can perceive all that intelligence is present in perception. But if you left it at that, then you'll be fine with 'the coconut is green.' But usually what happens? 'Oh, first I saw green coconut and I visited Kerala, then I thought, then I have coconuts, green coconuts have very sweet water and I love green coconut.' Very quickly the 'I, I, I'. So we set the fertile context for the plant of ego to grow in that way.

But what's so difficult about just being empty? Except the mind will keep giving you these ideas. We basically imply that without it, you are gone and you're a gone case, hopeless cause, you see. But that is so... if you consider all these ones where we have on the walls to be hopeless, I'm presuming all of us want to become hopeless like that. But you can't have half and half. Many get stuck in that trap saying, 'Yes, yes, yes, I have Satsang presence, I have such access to my heart, I can play with the mind for a bit.' What do you do? 'I'm only using it for practical things. I can always come back to: am I aware now?' I can't do it. Nobody can do it. You don't need to do it. It is just the mind has again sold you on a context, has put you back into the mold of being somebody who wants to juggle. You cannot outsmart your way out of this. Perfect one, still person. Still person. So stop striving for perfection. Drop all strides. Stop all strife. Like God is sitting in your heart as you and you are saying, 'How can I become the perfect human realizing? How can I become the perfect robot or something?' You don't need that stuff. Available, it's present. It's your very presence and you are aware even of this.

Do you feel like you can... do you feel like you can handle it without giving yourself a story? You can handle it having no story, none at all. Like right now, you have no story. Before the sound of the click, before the click, no story. But your presence is unaffected, your awareness is unaffected. What's the difficulty now? What's the trouble? So do you feel it's possible to live like this? It's possible to live like this. How do you feel? You've lost something of value? Because if there's even a doubt that 'I may have lost something of value,' it will keep coming back, going back to that oscillation and oscillating more. A little bit of that, a little heart, a little bit of God, a little bit of devil, and all work out. Won't work out, it's true. But if you're enjoying the ride, then it's fine. With most of you, very quick to suffer also because you become so sensitive to suffering. Very good to notice that. Whereas for a regular person on the streets, it may take a long time to admit that they are suffering. After tasting your highest, the slightest thing you can see. But to use that just as an alarm clock to wake up.

Don't want anything in this world. Don't want anything in this world. This world is only in service to you. The only reason... if we at all can give it a reason for the world, is for it to be in service to you. The only reason for the creation of the movie is for the watcher of the movie. There is no other reason. So don't go chasing in the world. The world is chasing you. Everything that you need is fully available and offered. But I'm not... there's not marketing. Open and empty, he said. 'Would I write open, empty? Where's the billion dollars I want?' It's not like that. Open your empty, you see. Everything that you want... you want money because it gives you peace, it gives you space, it gives you joy. But that's already available to you. You want relationship because you feel it completes you, and there's no bigger bunkum than that. But thank you for this word, by the way, I find myself using it a lot. Good credit for that. There's no bigger nonsense that I find another bundle of flesh...

He said, 'Would I write "Open 20"? Where's the billion dollars I want?' It's not like that. Right? Open your empty. You see, everything that you want—you want money because it gives you peace, it gives you space, it gives you joy—but that's already available to me. You want a relationship because you feel it completes you, and there's no bigger 'un-come' than that. But thank you for this word, by the way; I find myself using it a lot. Good credit for that. There's no bigger nonsense than that. I find another bundle of flesh and blood—one bundle is difficult enough to disidentify with—they want another bundle to say, 'This is mine. He is mine. She is mine,' and then life will be better. There's no bigger nonsense than that.

And by the way, as I'm saying all of this, I'm not saying that all these things cannot play out in life. All these roles can still play out in life. I'm not saying you go and retire in a cave or something. You see, that kind of escapism from the world is not needed. You just need to drop your belief in your next thought, your identification with your next thought. So, all that the world has to offer is already made only for you. You see, who else is there for it to be in front of? But if you go chasing, then the world loves to play this game of the dog chasing its tail. Don't play that game. Just inwardly, completely still. Completely still inwardly, even if there is full activity happening. And it's completely possible, completely possible.

So, last two days I had full activity at work. I had some seven, eight meetings yesterday. Met all the employees in small groups. Then I had a leaders' meeting today, various things, all everything. But not from a place of... don't need to get into the place of person. Once you need to get into personality, once you're out here, allow it to flow. Nothing. So you've seen that which you will categorize as work life, practical life, and you've seen that what you would categorize as the satsang life, the life of a Master. You've seen both in the play of the life of Ananta. And I'm telling you with full integrity that both happen from the same openness, the same entity.

So if I am living unto me, why would I not want all my children to live unto me? It's just so simple. Where do we get stuck? We get stuck where we're trying to figure things out. We're trying to understand, trying to fix things, non-existing problems, trying to resolve life. You see life playing by now. All of us, at least that much maturity we have, we've seen life play, and it can play like a crazy typhoon with you, which you can't control. Isn't it so? And what is our idea? That I will think of some stuff which is going to control this, what shows up in front. It's never going to happen. Never going to happen. You're not going to have, you know, from a personal speech, from a personal identification, you will not have a smidge of control over any perception that comes. Not at all.

So then you can decide, and it really is your choice as Consciousness, whether you want to keep trying that nonsensical endeavor or whether you're going to drop it and just enjoy what shows up. You can choose to suffer from the lack of, apparent lack of control, which is only a symptom of misidentification, or you can choose to just let go and enjoy the movie because it's been crafted perfectly. There is no problem in the movie. The only problem is in our belief, in our identification. So you as Consciousness have the full power to choose which way you want to play.

Some of it will continue. Like when I look around the room sometimes, it's still like we're trying to lock in like that, and that's fine. It's because it's a habit, and we are in the rehab because we actually recognize the habit and that we recognize the habit is not serving us, you see, which is 99.9 percent of the job, you know. So for most of humanity, they're still in the belief that their identity is serving them. Who are they without their identity? It's like a scary notion. In fact, the whole job in most of the world is to become something. But does God want to become something?

So if you grasp at anything, including freedom, just forget about it. How much 'me' can you carry into freedom? Can you carry into freedom how much of the 'me' that you love so much that you cannot drop? Who are you serving in this process? Who are you serving in this process? What is service to yourself? So if there's a 'me'... like many times it may happen that you could spend like 20 years in satsang and hear everything and understand a lot of it, understand a lot of it, but you don't really understand what the real game is because we're still playing the... started coming, it was like they're now coming to something like this. We play this like we could play this for centuries and lifetimes, and maybe we have.

So, is this it now? If you're looking at everything through the lens of 'me' and you feel like that is the only way... and I'm not... what I'm sharing is not as if it's a blame or something. I'm just trying to push you out of that construct because you are to that construct of taking everything as if it is about this 'me'. The truth is close to that, but it's really far too from that. Everything is about you, but in a very different way.

So really, satsang, if it sounds a bit strong, of course, but really satsang is so that we can get over ourselves. Just we can get over. You say it to friends, we say it to relationships very often: 'You better get over yourself,' you know, like that. It is now time for us to get over us. He said in whatever different way, this may not be like a common phrase to use in our language, but in some way or the other we've said, 'Grow up, snap out of it, get over yourself.' So get over yourself is to drop all the charades, all the facades, all the masks, everything. Everything has to go.

And you cannot do it effortfully. It's not that you cannot do anything about it. It's not that you cannot do anything about it; it's that you cannot do it effortfully. Can you make this? Because we can't do it like when we often be saying something, you can't do it. What you're saying is you can't do it effortfully. You can't take steps, you can't make a movement towards this. But you can be open and empty. You can remain in the unborn. You can have a notion of this existence.

So the tip is that if you're making a strategy, if you're making tactics, if you're making a plan and if you're tracking progress, you're still playing the wrong board game. Yeah, it's like I'm playing life, you're playing Monopoly. That's not going to... yesterday. So if you go into like an introspection and ask yourself, 'What is this really about?' or 'What do I really want?' and if you notice that there is a smell of 'me', then just... you don't have to say anything, you don't have to expose anything. Just bring that to your own light and let it dissolve, dissipate. What is it that I truly want? What is all of this for? What is it about? Are we still making this personal in some way? Do we have an idea that our freedom will be personal, our relationship will be personal? If there's some motion like that, just shine it in your light.

So see that no hard work needed, no reference to context, no meaning-making, no buying any idea of any pretext, the story so far. 'This is this and then I came to satsang.' Not like that. Just chop up all of that and throw it. Any of this pretext only allows you to build a narrative, a continuing narrative. Can you start a narrative from open and empty? Once I was open and empty... so this is my game together. What's the story so far?

When subtlety follows you, don't allow the mind to change where the pointing is pointing. The pointing is pointing at it. It will in a way try to deflect it towards a feeling that is coming, some actions that play out. This is about none of that. Just about that. The thought which proposes that you are something, don't allow it to say, 'No, no, it's not.' Don't allow it to say, 'Ah, this because you did like that.' You see, it's not about any of that. It is about the proposal of life and about your belief in that lie. It is only about that. Don't allow your mind to deflect it into anything else.

You'll say it's about action, which you better change the way you are. You're not devoted enough, you're not worthy enough. Not about that. It's about that this voice which proposes, 'We can't do this in a city environment, we need to be in a jungle in some way.' It's not about that. 'I can't do this while I'm in this relationship.' It's not about that. 'I can't do this while I have a job, I need to just focus on this.' It's not about that. It's only about one thing: the false proposal that you are something and your acceptance of that, therefore misidentification. That's the only thing that this is about.

I notice very often that the mind successfully is able to divert you from looking at it to some other nonsensical thing in the world or in the body or some action or something. It's not about any of that. The addiction is only through this misbelief, to this wrong identification that I am something, that I am taking myself to be something. It's only, only, only about that. It's not about how you are with this, with your friend, your relationship. It's not about anything else. Never about anything else. And if I am shopping, I'm only interested in shopping. I have no other intention, no other interest. Only that.

We have grown out of our innocence and therefore exist. We have grown out of our innocence and therefore exist. We have lost our innocence, and my only interest is to bring you back to that innocence. The loss of innocence is the only hell, and to regain it is only happening. Then there is innocence, there is openness, and there is conceptual knowledge, fake knowledge, and there is the closeness. This is what this is, this is what I am, this is what the world is. That is the 'I' thought. So whatever else you may think it is about, please throw it away. It's all nonsense and I don't care about it, and you should not care about it.

Whatever else you may think it's about, it's only about the next thought that is going to come. It's going to propose some nonsense to you about you. If you buy it, you're in the addiction. If you don't buy it, you're getting free from the addiction. So don't allow your head to tell you, 'No, it's not me. Look at that feeling you're having. You know what happens to you, that stuff that happens to you, it's about that.' You know it's not about that. It's about this thought with me because then I'm pointing as directly as this is. And I didn't want to listen to my mom, I just lose my head. Oh, but here it's going to basically just relentlessly... that is going to be heard. You can't avoid it being in satsang to hear this.

So is it about fixing your prana shakti? No. So is it about awakening the chakras? No. Is it about making the body feel light and open? Is it about a non-experience of fear or anger or lust or any of that? No. Is it about only feeling joy? It's not none of those things which spirituality is marketed with. All those things may happen as byproducts or may not happen. It doesn't matter to me at all. You may come to me with all your chakras open and you may come to me with no chakra; I will share the same thing with both of you. It doesn't matter to me. All these chakras are also in the chakra.

Your reality is beyond anything that is changeful, beyond anything that comes and goes. If it is something that came, it is not of, not really of interest to me because I am also aware that it will go. But if it is present in all four states of your reality, it is untouched by death and birth. Tell me about that. Okay, more spirituality, you know, the more... you have to tell me actually because I don't know. Are you now still situating yourself in like a conceptual construct? Are you able to spot these things now? You're able to spot the mind's proposal and says, 'Ah, this is...' Don't buy into them. I'm not saying the proposals have to stop coming. It doesn't matter how much traffic there is, but you don't create a relationship with it. You are free. You are free. So that's about it, baby. And the police is chasing the thief. What does the thief do? You take a...

You have to tell me actually, because I don't know. Are you now still situating yourself in, like, a conceptual construct? Are you able to spot these things now? You're able to spot the mind's proposal and say, 'Ah, this is... don't buy into them.' I'm not saying the proposals have to stop coming. It doesn't matter how much traffic there is, but you don't create a relationship with it. You are free. You are free. So that's about it, baby.

And the police is chasing the thief. What does the thief do? You take a stone and throw it so some noise comes from there; create some distraction, diversion. So don't get misled by it. The texture is only the mind, and the mind is only a bundle of thoughts. This is this whole syllabus of Satsang: the only problem is the mind, and the mind is nothing but a bundle of thought. That's it. The rest—insight, awareness, consciousness, the play of the universe—all of that is already apparent to you and can be spoken for your joy, but not as a teaching or something you have to learn or understand.

So, is the mind my thoughts? Yes. Is it all thoughts? Yes. Do I need to buy into any narrative? No. As true as it may seem? Yes. But the more true it seems, the more you are to withdraw. Don't go with anything that seems. What seems true, what seems true—just stop it. Admit that you don't know. If you don't expect this plant to know, then you also don't know. The only achievement... so don't smell like...

The only problem, huh? Said, 'I want to be something.' You don't realize when you start getting into a trap situation, there's still a feeling that 'I want to be something' and 'I want to be right' and 'I want...' like... so if you don't want anything, just just get into that shaky, you know, that literally kind of thing, and you just become that someone.

So the only trouble is I feel like becoming one of those, like, fifth-standard school teachers. Repeat after me: become so bad, very teachable. What did you do? The pesticide spray outside? Ah, that's why I thought.

So the thief has the propensity to distract you and has some mastery in that. So he will say, 'No, no, no, it's not me, little old me. Thoughts... thoughts are not doing anything. It's just the feeling you're having, so constricted. That constriction is the ego. Destroy that and you are free.' The trouble is the Master doesn't like you; he doesn't feel like you're gonna get this. Just distraction tactics, just diversion tactics. That which is proposing the unreality as if it is your gospel truth, that itself proposes that 'I am not the problem.' You see? Like the thief has never confessed to the crime. 'I'm not the problem. Fix your life, fix your relationship, fix your money situation, fix your body. After that, freedom.'

While all of this is going on in the head, who's sitting in the heart? Whose presence is this? Doesn't matter what word you call it, but it is the highest force and the only being in the universe. Doesn't matter if you call it God or consciousness or Atma, Paramatma. There are no distinctions. But while we are playing this game of 'who's at my door,' God is waiting in your living room. That is the irony of ironies of the human situation.

Our mind has the ability to ask big questions: 'Why am I here? What is the purpose of life?' It can't assimilate an answer. You cannot assimilate. It's just a basket of concepts, as one said, a bundle of thoughts. So we have been trying to feed it an answer that is palatable to it, but it has no mouth. It is just a basket. And this is the cause of strife. So we may settle for a conceptual framework and say, 'My life is like this. This is just Atma. Atma is connected to Paramatma, and then this is what is happening in the Maya, then Leela plays like this.' You see? We think we have it all figured out here, you see? But when life gives a slap, all this is the first to leave us. All gone. Fight mode, game on, like that. Because it is only conceptual.

But when we meet it in the heart, that is when the true meeting can happen. So it doesn't matter what bundles of spirituality you've collected so far. It doesn't matter to me if you come with 50 years of spiritual experience or this is your first session. It doesn't. Because the heart is one. The heart is the same. And the heart is not a bundle of emotion; that is the usual concept of the heart. The heart is the supreme intelligence of your being, the essence of your presence.

Is it too bothersome, this thing? You want to go out for a bit in there? It's okay. Or will some circulation happen if you put the AC on? You know, it shouldn't be... yeah, no. So the Bhagwan has told us clearly that till 'I am,' there is no problem. But when we take 'I am' to be 'I am something,' that's the doorway to suffering. Now, if 'I am' had no choice in the matter, then Bhagwan would not have pointed. What should I do? 'I am' takes itself to be 'I am something.' Oh, this is good information. But 'I am' is consciousness, and consciousness is the light of this universe, and everything happens by only the will of consciousness. If there is such a thing as happening and doing, only consciousness can do.

So don't fall into that trap that, 'Oh, but yeah, identification happens, what can I do? Who, little me? I don't even exist, what can I do about it?' This is what happens when you mix, like, person and Advaita. It's very toxic. We've all heard, like, went to Tiruvannamalai, going to Rishikesh, we meet so many new words. Just like personal Advaita, conceptual literature. 'I'm not the doer, I just showed up in the chai shop and the chai was ordered.' And all very nice-sounding words with the smell of ego. Very nice, beautiful sounding. If they came from the heart, it's just so beautiful. It's just like, 'Grace only called me here. I've spent 50 years with Bhagwan.' So beautiful it can be. No, but mostly it's just smelly stuff. Irritating thing.

Agree, and you will only sound like a spiritual juror if you're just spouting concepts—concepts that you have not assimilated in your heart, but you're just speaking them just conceptually because you read in the book, or Maharaj said this thing, or Bhagwan had said this thing, or Guruji says this thing. You see? This, nobody wants to know, nobody cares. But can you speak from your own life? And if that resonates with the words of the sages and you're using them as pointers, then that is fine.

So please don't use what you hear in Satsang for some debates and arguments. You know, 'I am more spiritual than you when you are coming from person, I am coming from heart.' All this nonsense. It's too noisy.

So don't take the words of Advaita as if they are true. I am not speaking any truth. I am speaking complete nonsense. But the attempt or the intent is to point you to that which I have discovered through Guruji's grace. So if you come to Satsang and make a theory out of this, I'll not allow it. Firstly, because I will contradict myself enough. So you just... 'Didn't he just said...?' You know? So don't struggle with that stuff. Every moment you're being pointed to something. Just follow along with the innocence of a child as much as you can. Not like a spiritual practitioner who's now coming to increase their understanding. So many of you have come like that and I've just chop, chop, chop, chop. Initially you can feel like... and I'm so grateful that you continue to come, because initially you can feel a bit... 'I came so I could understand.' No, you didn't come so that you understand. Understand? So that can feel a bit disorienting initially.

But if you can go through that wobble, then what? If what I'm pointing to is very apparent, the highest discovery in the human condition is fully apparent to you if you don't meet it through the lens of your mind, if you meet it through the lens of your intuitive insight. But your mind is a constructor of frameworks, a constructor of conceptual understanding, and I want to just demolish all of them because none of them you actually know anything about. Like you may say, 'Oh, all of this is Maya.' Really? You know this? 'No, no, but this one says it.' Doesn't matter who said what. Do you know this? You see? So don't rest on any secondhand information, secondhand food. Listen for yourself. It doesn't matter. You may use your own terminology. Many of you are going to share this. You may use your own language, you may use your own terminology. You may or may not use any of the popular notions. There is no such thing as Maya, there is no such thing as Brahman, there is no such thing as world, there is no such thing as consciousness, there is no such thing as awareness. All of these are words that we use, and we use them to point in a particular direction. So they are the signifiers, and all of them have our own idea of what the signified is.

Should I say this again? So these are nothing but signifiers. They're signifiers. Now you may come—he's like, first time I'm seeing him in Satsang—so he may say, 'Ah, consciousness. Ah, that I had that experience one time, it was like that consciousness.' Another may say, 'Consciousness? Oh, Bhagwan said... no, Maharaj said beingness.' I'll be with you, you know. Another one may say... so there is no actual thing like consciousness. It all is being used in Satsang to point you in a particular way. And that is why to get clarity and get to the same dictionary is very important initially, because I may be talking about awareness for five years and you've been thinking about attentiveness during those five years, you see? Because in the world, mostly awareness is used as attentiveness. So that is why it's important to relentlessly point and for me to demolish any dictionaries that you may be building up so I can point you fresh and open.

I want to serve you fresh soup, not some stale soup from last century. So you're not here—or even if you came here by mistake for that—but you're not here to expand your spiritual encyclopedia. You're here to burn it all. Rightly, I will chase you around till I burn it for you. Because God is not to be found in your spiritual encyclopedia. God is to be found in your heart. And your heart is not the spiritual aspect of your mind. Like some of us, we just feel like, 'Oh, intuition, yes, yes, yes.' So the mind itself talks all the spirituality it has heard, but it talks also a little try to imitate. 'No, Father, my dear child, this is not happening to you.' But you can smell it now. All of you have the noses now that you can smell it. You can smell whether it is from the heart or not.

And anyway, I have given you a failsafe too. You know you're in the heart if what you are is apparent to you. You know you are following your heart only if you are clear that what you are is apparent to you. Take everything else to be the mind. As I share Satsang, what I am is apparent to you. So that's why many times I make these references which sound very strange, no? As I said, this boy sitting here sharing all this, this kind of stuff, because what I am is apparent to me now, and yet these words are flowing out, you see? So if it is possible to share Satsang from here, it is possible to go to work from here, then it is possible for everyone.

This is what I mean by saying: live like this. Live like this where your truth is just so apparent you don't have to think about it. 'I am being, I am consciousness, I am awareness.' Are you aware now? Is it not apparent that that is your true nature? Do you discover it as if it is a conceptual discovery? E equals MC squared—is that how awareness is found? Do you discover it because you see your dark empty space, that must be awareness? Is it like that? What is witnessing even that? What is aware even of that? Now from here, allow everything to flow. This is to live in the heart. Is there any separation here? Is there a me and a you? Anybody found me-you duality? So this is Advaita. You don't have to get into any debates. Shankara said this and this one said that. What is that? It's simple. It's apparent. Are there any one or two? No two. What is there? A one? Not even a one. Is it a zero? No. You may... we can say our conceptual mind may be empty, which is called zero, but that leads to a...

In that, what is aware of that? Now from here, allow everything to flow. This is to live in the heart. Is there any separation here? Is there a me and a you? Anybody found duality? So this is Advaita. You don't have to get into any debates—Shankara said this and this one said that. What is that? It's simple. It's apparent. Are there any one or two? No two. What is there? A one? Not even a one. Is it a zero? No. You may—we can say our conceptual mind may be empty, which is called zero, but that leads to a recognition of that which is all there is. Why don't you come closer? I can't say that, no. I was going to say usually I speak so softly that at the back you may not hear. This is mostly lion mode is on. So who wants to report? Not about a distraction that you are having or a diversion that you are experiencing, but a report about that which is beyond time, which is beyond space. What is the report from there?

I am feeling that, you know, I can feel the light right from when I wake up in satsang. Yeah, the presence is so strong that it's almost like, uh, overwhelming. But basically, from waking up, the feeling that you're in touch with the light. So at least your perception is sensitive enough that it's tuned into the light, which is always there. But my antenna wasn't—the radio wasn't on the wrong station. Yeah, now it is tuned into, you know, the station that's ever-present. It also feels like the sensations of the body, which are taken to be a constant, also change shape, even sometimes disappear, which is a pointer that it's synthetic. Yes, so some kind of internal construct as opposed to an absolute. So the, you know, what's constant for the waking state is the light which is now. The only thing about it is sometimes it feels extremely strong, sometimes it feels very subtle, and its presence is always there. The awareness itself—the awareness knows all this. Recognition is only from awareness. There's still a search to find the awareness. I don't know, you know, there is still a search to find me while there's a knowing that, yeah, the awareness can only know. So awareness is knowing. There's only—in other words, is there a doubt about what you are discovering as awareness, whether that is truly awareness? Or how can you search for that which is apparent?

I know it's apparent. It's apparent. Okay, so how does it play out? Because it's not phenomenal. There's always this, you know—well, even I would say the presence is—it, you know, it's now phenomenally, I would say somehow it's recognized as, you know, it's something that I'm perceiving and so I know that I'm aware of it. No, this is inferring now. So, are you aware now? Now what you're saying in some way—and correct me if I'm reading this wrong—what you're saying in some way is that, yes, it's apparent I'm aware, but my head is not convinced. But your head will never be convinced. It's true.

May I just, uh, maybe add something? When I answer the question, "Yes, I am aware," at that moment, the whole frame of perception seemed to suddenly very, very widen in that, you know, if I ask myself the question, you know, I had a certain frame. When I say, "Yeah, I am aware," I suddenly feel like, you know, there's great altitude and space to where the answer is coming from. I can report that.

So there's a shift in terms of—okay, how does it shift back down then? Maybe these are thoughts, I don't know. Maybe it's a subtle thing to observe like this because we may feel like it sort of has a mechanics of recognition, but there are no mechanics to intuitive recognition. The difference between conceptual or perceptual recognition and intuitive insight is that there are no steps or processes. So instantly you see. Are you right now? Just now. So we don't even have to wait for anything to shift in the realm of perception. It doesn't matter, you see. It could be like looking at a donkey or looking at the most beautiful—I don't want to sound blasphemous, but it doesn't matter. So you could be looking at anything, but your awareness remains unchanged. And I'm imagining the blasphemous—the most beautiful idol of God or something. I don't know what—I know your Punjabi imagination. Yeah, but it's true. The fact is that even that, even if you take your imagination to be what is blasphemous, even that is true because you are aware. Anything can show up in the realm of perception and yet you are aware independent of that. And then it is also apparent to you that that is your highest reality, that is your unchanging reality, because everything else changes. Like often I say that to expect stability from a constantly changing world is as if you tie yourself to a drunk donkey and say, "I want my life to be peaceful now." It's not going to happen. So stability is only possible in the reality, the unchanging reality of what you are.

Or experiences or sensations, like some sleepiness and tiredness came now. But I see that there's this—thoughts coming, interpreting them like, "I'm not aware, I'm not being aware because of that, because I'm sleepy." But I'm seeing that happening, so it puts me like out of independence.

So this is exactly what I meant. Because in the world we use awareness to mean attentiveness. So because your attention is sort of like that—it's sort of resting in a source—and yet your awareness is unchanging awareness. You may not change even the movement of attention in this way where a vibrant world is being perceived with full attention and suddenly very boring satsang is happening, which is getting into, you see, some very Vedantic stuff like that. You can notice the attention springing back. No, it's like the stream is open now and then we switch back. No, but what happened to awareness in this process? Nothing. I was very early in the morning or something, I'd slept at 3:00 a.m. or something. But for awareness, all this is witnessed. Otherwise, you could not report that I went to sleep. In the absence of phenomena, awareness is aware of—is witnessed by awareness. So you don't have to—if you can do more of it or less of it, it is not awareness. That's the tip. You cannot be more aware. Many are trying to be more aware. Even spiritual teachers are saying you should become more aware. They're talking about attention, and that's fine. They can use the word the way they want, but don't confuse that with the awareness that we are talking about. And here, really, I have no problem with you sleeping. At least you can't in deep sleep, except when you play the game. Then don't meditate, don't sleep. What else?

So don't try to fulfill the quest from your mind for the truth, because your mind will not be satisfied with this. It cannot. You cannot feed the truth to the mind. It's a bundle of concepts, you see. So don't take—because the Self is not objective, so you will not have the darshan or something, "Oh, that is the Self," you see. It was everywhere, you know, like that. And then you want to live the rest of your life in that state, you think. It may happen like, you know, with me experiences, and sometimes you become like that for some time, but that is not it. Like, you are not discovering this in the awakening experience. You are discovering everything. Your body may be reacting to what you are discovering in that way, but that has nothing to do with it. You could be like completely sober outwardly, completely having a very sober discovery. "Yeah, yeah, but I've always known this." You could have both awakening experiences with equal validity. There's nothing that—so many are waiting to have some sort of like meltdown or something, you see. That happens, fine. If it doesn't happen, fine. It doesn't have to be this way or that way. Are you aware now? Did you see this awareness? Are you just thinking you are aware? Is there anything else you can discover without having to think or perceive?

And you cannot come to this discovery in two different ways because the non-qualitative cannot have any distinction or difference. So it doesn't matter what type of spirituality, how much meditation, how much whatever—ultimately the discovery is this: you are the unchanging witness of all that appears and disappears, and you cannot be found in any objective way. You're not going to find yourself as an object. So how to search in a non-objective way? Like all of us call ourselves spiritual seekers—how to spiritually seek exactly? So we're using the wrong instrument. If you've started the quest, we've already gone in the wrong direction. Is there a valid mechanism of spiritual search? We should ask this question first. When we come into any form of spirituality, okay, we're spiritual seekers, how do I search? No, yeah, don't say, "Oh, but then you meditate first." But then how do I search? What is the search in meditation? What is the search? You do your Hatha Yoga, you awaken the Kundalini, you do all of this—what is the search? What is the mechanism of the search? With what can I find the reality? Through which mechanism?

So just that—what is the mechanism is to find yourself intuitively. We feel like we have only two modes of knowledge: thinking and perceiving. See, everybody feels like this is the only way, and that's why the spiritual search seems to take so long—lifetimes. Imagine looking for something. First they tell you that everything that changes is Maya. Then they tell you you must search for the truth. How to do it? Because the tools that I have can only show me perceptions. Then some may feel like it is possible through knowledge, you see. So, yes, but I know "Aham Brahmanasmi," I know. So, but maybe what is missing then? Maybe I'm not convinced, you see. So you feel like maybe I'm not convinced, so I will spend my life convincing myself I am Brahman, and till I'm like fully convinced I am Brahman, till then my quest is not over, you see. But this is not it. You can have any concept like that, like you've been having "I am human, I am human, I am human." You can convince yourself in that way, but any concept will not lead to this. But hardly anybody tells you that there is another mode of knowledge. Some oblique, vague references are made to intuition from time to time, or to the heart from time to time. But most spiritualists who talk about the heart are talking about "I love you," which is okay, but the heart that I'm speaking of is beyond that. It's where your Self is realized, is recognized. This hardly anyone talks about. Hardly anyone in traditional spirituality I've seen talks about this. That's why I love Swami Satchidananda so much, because although his language is very academic and painful to read, he is saying clearly, "Don't trust the words, even if they are from the highest scripture. In your intuition, the truth is recognized." And he points out the verses from Vedanta which point to this. Hardly anybody points in this way.

How do you discover that you are aware? How long did I trouble all of you with this question? How does it seem so mattering for everyone who's come later? For weeks I've asked, "How do you know that you are aware?" How? How do you know that you are aware of the perception of this hand? I went on with this for a long time. So I should not just presume that the rest will come after that are just getting in. See, it's—yeah, and it used to bother everyone. And I used to say it's so apparent that highest truth is most apparent to me. The pointing to deconstruct the nonsense, to clean up the garbage—pointing is needed because we have been pointed in the wrong direction, as if we are something object-like, object-oriented, like we are the body-mind organism or something. The pointing is needed to clean up that misunderstanding. Otherwise, empty is good enough. How do you know that you are aware of the perception of this hand? I should ask all of you that. I didn't trouble so much for weeks that it is you that is aware. How do you know? What is this? Is it just to believe? What is it? Do you perceive yourself? I feel like...

We have been pointed in the wrong direction, as if we are something object-like, object-oriented, like we are the body-mind organism or something. The pointing is needed to clean up that misunderstanding; otherwise, empty is good enough. How do you know that you are aware of the perception of this hand? I should ask all of you that. I didn't trouble so much for weeks. That it is you that is aware—how do you know? What is this? Is it just a belief? What is it? Do you perceive yourself?

I feel like you're getting it so easily now. Independent of perceptive knowledge, perceptual knowledge, and conceptual knowledge, you are discovering intuitive insight very effortlessly. What is so troublesome about these things? Might be some of the older ones... I remember we used to have like some fire with... I feel like I started emphasizing that aspect which I used to feel in the expression was very obvious already. Then I noticed because there seemed to be a struggle, so then I felt like first clarify which instrument you're going to in your head use. You're not this, you're not this. So you fell there with you naturally in you. You're not... wait. You just kept telling us, but isn't it you who's seen? And then you're just forced to say, 'Yes, yes, it's me, it's me.' And then that question... so that cleared the, you know, that idea 'I'm not the personal self' and all that terminology nonsense. Is there somebody else? No, it's me. And I always knew it's me. But the clinch is that: how do you know? Yes, that 'how do I know about me' is where, you know, the head, your mind there... your mind cannot help you at all.

How do you know it is you? Yeah. Do you see this you? Do you perceive such a you that is aware of the perception of the hand? Can you perceive that one? So you are aware of the perception of this hand? Yes, you are, no? So, but that you cannot be seen, that you that sees it. Yes, and you don't see it, and yet you conclude it is I. No? How do we conclude that? On what basis? In the world, you need a basis, like seeing is believing. This is so. Do you see such an 'I' sitting there inside the head somewhere or something? And yet it is so natural to conclude it is I. So what is that basis of that natural conclusion? Is it like the glass is aware of the perception of this hand? So I see the glass, I see... is the glass and the hand? You see, is it like that?

So one end of it is clear, which is the hand. What is on the other end? That which you call I. And that you is the most important for you. So what is that? Is it like that? What do you see? A glass there? Do you see a mirror there? Do you see some dark empty space there? Who's sitting there? You see, it has no shape, it has no color, it has no size, it has no quality. Everybody knows this in their heart, but nobody can know this in their head. You may have this concept, yeah, 'it has no size.' That's self-recognition. That's it. Nobody else, no. There is no other way to recognize the Self. No, you cannot have a way where somebody says, 'Yes, I did see something over there that was me; there was a silhouette of a ghost.' You just can't find it in any other way than this sightless looking, than this sightless insight. You see, it's as simple as that. That is self-discovery. That is self-discovery.

So if you're in spirituality for self-discovery, it's available. If you are here to make the person free, forget about it. Forget about it. You might as well try to make a mongoose fly or something rather than try to make the person free. The other trick the mind will then use is that, 'Yes, yes, awareness is aware of the perception, but how does that help me?' So it still inserts the false person into that. What you are discovering is that you are that awareness. Like one said, awareness is your name. So you are that awareness. You don't have a relationship with awareness that it should do something for you to help you. There is no such you. That other you doesn't exist. And the being that shows up, in the light of which this universe shines, is just the aspect of you. It is the 'I am-ness' aspect of you. I is the same 'I am' as 'I am.' And God said, 'I am,' it says in the Bible. The primordial vibration, Om. All cultures make references to it in some way or the other. It's the same.

Now 'I am' is here. Let it be unharassed and unmolested by the mind. Be open and empty. That is to be free. Then there will be moments where you find yourself getting caught up that, 'Oh no, no, I am this one. I have to do, I have to desire, I have to...' All of these things will come. You'll buy into it. Of course, in the human condition, everybody buys into it, you see. Then when you notice it, snap out of it. Most of you can snap out of it now. There will be some situation in their life like 'I want, I don't want.' I was going to say a number like once a month where... but then you start expecting it to happen once a month, or if it's happening more often, then you feel like, 'I must be really deluded.' So don't worry about what that number is.

So suppose this happens once in a while where you feel like so caught up that you're not able to snap out of it, not able to get open and empty. Then what happens? Usually, it's a question of the three D's. No, I've talked about the 3D ego. The first D is the duality. There is a me and there is the world, or there are others. That duality, you see. But that duality by itself is not... the mind is not saying there are two of you, there are two. No, this is not troubling like that. It's troubling you, the outcome of taking that duality to be real. What is the outcome of taking that duality to be real? Because you put yourself in a limited construct. For there to be two, you put yourself in a limited definition. But somewhere, you are not happy with being limited because your true nature is unlimited, you see.

So what is desire? The desire is the mind's attempt to replicate God. The mind's attempt to replicate God by getting everything and making it mine, you see. So you become God-like according to the mind. And mind is like, 'I can do it. See all there is? Yes, yes, make enough money, you can own this house, you can own the building, you can own the city, you can own everything.' Everything is fine. So desire, that is the second D. Because what you find of yourself when you take yourself to be limited is very small, small compared to your reality. Then the mind gives you desire saying, 'Okay, if you had that, you would be more complete. Find the perfect soulmate, you will be complete.' You see? Have you met perfect soulmates? After five years, boom, no chance. So all this nonsense desire. Then once you say, 'Ah yes, if I only had this, then I'd be happier, my life would be better,' all of that... that is my current set of perceptions and what I own in this perception is not enough, I need more. That is desire, you see.

That leads to the third thing, which is: what can I do to get it? Doership. You see? The duality, desire, doership. This is what makes up the ego. Now if there was no duality, there's no separation, what can you desire? What can you wish? I just wish... why? You are all there is already. This is the end of desire. Now if everything is... there is no duality, there is no separation, what is it that you are doing or can do? The actions of one body are yours and everything else is God's, is it so? So we get stuck in some convoluted spirituality, you know, which is like, 'Yes, yes, God is everywhere, God is doing all of this, but there's a God plus me because I have to decide what to do.'

So if God is everywhere and God is only doing, where is the space for me? So in conceptual Advaita, this is the mistake that people know. They say, 'There is a me, but that me is not the doer.' That me is not the doer is little old experiencer, little me. 'What can I do? I'm just like a chair that God pushes around. Why are you doing this to me, God?' So they become lamented like that. 'You only the doer, why are you doing this to me?' But if God is everywhere, in which room do you stay? If God is everywhere, then in which room do you stay? So both cannot be true. So either God is not everywhere, or God is everywhere but me. And then we have this nonsense about giving up our doership but not giving up our experiences. So don't get into that game at all.

Open and empty. Here is the problem. Where is the confusion about identity? Is it not apparent? How can this be rare? How can self-recognition be rare? It's just so obvious. It's only there because very few admit or just agree to get over themselves. So it's just then everything, all this becomes an experience that the 'me' is having. Let 'me' come back into the picture. 'Yeah, that was good satsang and I should go more often.' Who? What? What are you talking about? You just discovered that you are this pure awareness. Now this narrative is whole. So these are the tricks I've noticed the mind plays with all of you that come to satsang. Like, I don't feel like the insight is difficult. I don't feel like the insight is difficult at all. It is to not buy into this conditioning which comes as a humble friend and says, 'Yeah, I feel like I'm good, you know. I feel like one satsang was good, it's all clear here now, I should just rest with this, you know.' But who's... like, whose tactics are those? And how often do we hear them as a sangha, you know? As a teacher, you hear them constantly. 'This is what I feel I should do now.' Don't buy into any of that. Don't take any position.

Don't worry, and you won't miss out on anything. That is my promise. Your mind will tempt you and say, 'But what about my life?' No, no, she's just a child. So just like I have my whole life in front of him, he's saying be open and empty, but I had plans. Nothing wrong will happen. It will not oppose life in any way. In fact, it's the most natural way to live. So don't worry ever about anything. Whatever sense of control you think you have that you're giving up on, you've never had it in the first place. Never had it. Not one ounce of it. It was just a delusion. You, that you think you are, did not create the thought, does not know how to let me take the action after the thought. It was all, all the decision-making and all this stuff, all just made up.

That which you think you are cannot predict the next thought also. So in what way is it doing? If it had an ambition, a plan, 'I want to rule the world'—everybody wants to rule the world—so no, so that plan... but how to go about it? That one has to wait for a thought to come. But can it produce the thought? It can't produce a thought. It doesn't know how to produce a thought. Okay, thought is coming. 'Yeah, okay, this is what I have to do. First I have to buy a building like that if I'm gonna rule the world. Let's start with one building.' So suppose you have to buy a building, then how to act on that? Do you know how to move a finger? How to fire a neuron in the brain to move the finger? Does anyone know how to fire a neuron? Nobody knows. It's an illusion. So hand moves, so you say, 'Yeah, I have moved my hand.' Mouth says these words, 'Yeah, it was making so much sense today, yeah, very nice.' It's all post-facto gibberish. It's all post-facto rubbish.

She said she don't know. So we're living in this story world, fantasy world, where we have not really deeply examined anything and we just presume, 'I did like that. Actually, he told me this, he told me that, this is what happened. Now this is my story so far.' What are you talking about? Am I just ranting about writing for sure? Everybody's like, 'I know this stuff alright.'