Darshan of the Atma Within - 24th September 2025

Going in and waiting.

Very good. So going in where?

Going into the heart temple. Waiting at the door of the heart temple.

It is not so that you can visualize. It is not so that we can try to grasp it. Although if you were to honestly and sincerely try to grasp it, it is helpful for a short while because it exhausts our faculties which are unable to do this job. But you have to be careful of our faculties because they are very tricky. Our imagination can imagine a dark, empty space. Our mind can tell us that that is there, going to it has no attribute. See, 'This has no attribute, this dark empty space.' Does it have attribute? What is the attribute?

Dark.

Exactly. You see, an empty which is the opposite of full is also an attribute. It is not empty in that way. So this emptiness—don't get fooled that we can come to it through the regular use of the human faculties that we are provided. And we can do this for all the stages. All the stages, maybe all the sages, but all the stages where if I tell you the Atma is both phenomenal and non-phenomenal, it's not actually true, but it is the only way we can possibly put it into words. So what happens? The mind starts to offer up ideas about what that looks like. So that's not the idea at all. So it is just to inspire you to go and wait at the door patiently and with love. So what's the problem then, waiting at the door? What is on offer is so fantastic. You want it.

Also the patiently part is the problem.

You want it as soon as possible. You don't want to stay without it.

Exactly. So the patiently part, in a way. But does that inspire us to stay there more or does that motivate us to escape into Maya? Escaping the mind, and she pulls us. Her job is to pull. So Maya is doing her job well. What is our job? Just stay at the door. And how well are we doing it?

So welcome. And is the lack of persistence at this, or if you report we are not doing it so well, is it because we don't know how? See, most of our brothers and sisters don't know how. But if they turn towards God, if they turn towards the greater reality in God's grace, they will always be given a pathway. It is not possible that somebody is left yearning for God and they've not been given a path. See, and today every path is available to us. All it needs is a simple search on YouTube. So all the pathways are available. So then what happens? Okay, let's go step by step. So are the obstacles gross or subtle?

Both.

Very good. Then the pathway has to provide a pathway which is both gross and subtle. Isn't it? Because if the obstacle is very gross, then if the pathway is too subtle, then when the grossness comes we don't know how to counteract that, we don't know how to respond to that bankruptcy. In the sense that, suppose that it is—I was going to pray but then I remember 'death by chocolate,' to take a seeker's example from last time. So, the ice cream, you remember? No, I was going to pray and then I remembered that I haven't had this ice cream in so long and then, you know, maybe I can just order it, have that instead and have some time free. Let me enjoy materially, phenomenally. So that can be a very gross sort of—not gross as my chocolate is not gross, but after too much it is gross—but it's a gross form of temptation. So physical desire, this worldly desire, greed, lust, all of these things can be quite gross.

So then what is the tool that has been provided when we are in the midst of this gross sort of—yes, but what specifically in the teachings, for example, has been given to us that we can counteract this grossness? Sorry, breath and chant here. But sometimes that may also be too subtle to meet this. You see? So you can do vocal prayer, chant the prayer vocally, you can use a mala, you see. But in Indian spirituality, and maybe even in Orthodox, I've seen they use a more body-oriented form of sadhana which could be yoga, prostrations, pranayama—all of these things can be used for that. And the subtler we are used to, the easier it is to be subtle in our sadhana.

Again, it's not a question of pride. It's not a question of, 'Oh, I'm thinking of ice cream, but I can be empty.' It's not a question of our accomplishment at how subtle we can be in our sadhana. Getting this point? Like sometimes our pride will get us that way, that we are involved in some very worldly type thing but we think that we are very spiritually accomplished. So sometimes we may feel also that we can waste this time and make up for it later because we have a lot of time or something like that. So I feel that for most of us who have been in satsang for some time, a combination of the prayer and the breath should be good enough to bring us back to the right place. What do you complete?

Yeah. See, before this you have your virtues anyway, in the sense that what derails us? Getting angry, getting irritated. So then the virtues are developed so that we don't fall so fully into those things because once we are in the angry state, then it'll take a lot of breathing to turn us back. Isn't it? Haven't you noticed this? You see, once we are already in an aggravated sort of worldly state, then it takes a few minutes at least to...

Something catches. Yes. And what is that something we talked about yesterday where a thought pattern comes to us that 'I'm being wronged' or 'this is unfair' or something like that? And when that particular thought pattern comes, then it seems like we're unable to let go of it. So the learning to let go is the very important part of this process. The learning to surrender is a very important part of this process that we'll come to in a few minutes. So that is why, as much as possible throughout the day also, keep God's name on your lips, in your mind, in your heart; then these things will not seem as open or as strong. Okay? And if it feels really strong, feel free to use whatever tools, malas, etc. But if you feel like just take a few breaths and do your inquiry, even then you center it again. Come back to your center.

And those of you who do the inquiry can do the inquiry. If a thought comes that 'this is not fair to me,' you can ask yourself, 'Who is this me? Who am I? This is not fair to me.' Or, 'Who is witnessing this?' Or, 'Where am I witnessing this from?' So all these tools are available for us. Do you feel like you have the necessary arsenal to deal with Maya's attacks at this level? Whether you use it or not, we'll come to that later. Then as you start playing along with your breath, after a while you may start to notice that the prayer starts happening on its own. And your breath becomes too subtle, or actually becomes disconnected in a way that it doesn't matter because it's like the prayer takes a beat, an inner beat of its own, and it starts happening on its own in the mind. The mind, which was the biggest ally of Maya, now becomes auspicious. It comes into the holy refuge, at least for that moment, for that point of time. So sadhana went from gross to subtler where the chanting became automatic and in the mind.

Then what is the next level of subtlety possible? One step up in subtlety, or step down into subtlety, is when our prayer, although it may seem deliberate to start with, but it drops into our heart area. Although it seemed like it was happening here, then it starts to happen here. Although it seemed like we are providing the momentum...

It shortens actually.

It could, but it does also shorten in that way. We probably come to that in a moment. So you just start praying from the heart.

How do we know that?

You feel it's in your heart. You feel like you used to pray here. Prayers from here. Feel like you're praying from here. In a way, it just—you feel it here. You feel it like it's dropped into the heart. Take it literally. It's quite literal. We know it's not the physical organ pumping blood. It feels in the area of the heart region and then it becomes subtler in the form of that over there. Now it is happening by itself. It doesn't feel like I'm praying, but you're witnessing that prayer. It's like you entered a temple or a church where the prayer was happening and you're just sitting in the temple. You're not having to do the prayer now. It's like the job has been taken from you and the holy priest is doing the job. That is one subtlety, one doorway to subtlety that happens.

And then what happens? We get into the samadhi. We get into silence, stillness. We let Him be the holy darshan. Whatever darshan is available to us, the silent transmission of teaching through this particular pathway. The other thing you may notice more usually is that as you are praying, and even though you may be praying mentally with your breath, something starts to become more and more silent. So as Ma was saying earlier, it doesn't feel like I have to say my entire prayer, just sometimes an arrow prayer at the end or just the name of God once, then it becomes as a prayer doesn't come.

Yeah. Exactly. Exactly.

Just you realize that it is an undistracted end to a vocal prayer or a mental prayer. Usually it stops because we got distracted, but now to remain undistracted and the prayer stopping means that it has fallen into a deeper silence. So then we don't have to—it doesn't have to continue in a perceptible way. So there are all the subtleties.

I have to say my entire prayer, just sometimes arrow prayer at the end or just the name of God once, then become as a prayer doesn't come.

Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Just you realize that it is an undistracted end to a vocal prayer or a mental prayer. Usually it stops because we got distracted, but not to remain undistracted and the prayer stopping means that it has fallen into a deeper silence. So then we don't have to—it doesn't have to continue in a perceptible way. So there are all the subtleties. I'm giving you the lay of the land, so to speak, because I realize now that as I shared the ads the last time, I didn't really give you all the road map, so to speak. So as it starts going more and more to silence and the prayer becomes really short, then you may find that you come to that same stillness. Yes.

From mental prayer to stillness is one pathway that can happen. What is that stillness? It is waiting at that door that we are talking about. The first truth also brought us to the door that we are talking about. What else can happen? And you're doing the prayer mentally and you get taken over by love. You get taken over by love and that love then becomes a beautiful anchor to your sadhana, to your prayer. When that starts to happen, don't allow your mind to distract you because the mind will say, 'Ah, this is so nice. This should always happen. This is what I live for.' Move along. Move along. The mind can move along. Yeah.

There is an active love.

Not an active love but there is a felt love. There's more silent love. Can you say that?

This is a very good point. So what may happen also is that you may be led to an active love where you feel like after remembering God, after remembering Ram or Krishna or Jesus or Allah for a few minutes, you feel like I just want to glance at him in a loving way. I just want to remember him full of love, where the words of the prayer might may start feeling too gross for us at this point. You just want to hold the beloved. You see, you just want to hold the beloved in your heart. See that almost deliberate seeming love that came out of our remembrance then can lead to a like a receiving and a giving of this love which is ultimately the same. It can seem like I am loving God in my heart and God is returning manyfold the love that I'm giving to him.

I know that these pathways that are being shared are very broad. They are very crude. With the pathways every moment for you will be unique. They will be gifted by the Atma. They will be taught to us by the Atma itself. But these are the broad strokes in which prayer can happen. So we may go from a mental prayer to a love for God which may seem active and then a received love as well. And then in the anchor of this love, where are we? The same place. The same place. I'm standing at your door, loving you, waiting for you, expectantly, receiving the outpouring of the love which is emanating through the door itself.

Know you see this again. Receiving so much love in our heart through the door it is emanating because the door doesn't become a barrier to love. It allows the story to repair in this beautiful way. Then what if distraction comes? It's not so strong. But suppose it comes strongly. Sometimes when the mind fears that it's in the most trouble, you see then it can offer you thoughts that will definitely get you. So if you have a spiritual ego it will say, 'Ah, this is it. I'm coming to enlightenment and getting to the thing.' If you have a worldly ego then it may say, 'No, no, you had that important work meeting, you lose lakhs of rupees,' something like that. So it'll use whatever ploy to distract you.

So if you find yourself getting stuck, turn to the name of God. If it's not helping, return to the arrow prayer. And if that is not helping, return to the full prayer. And you know intuitively what is happening. So you just—the mind starts to build up something. Sometimes you just know. Sometimes you don't even need to say it is. But if it is repetitive and you find yourself involved, you see, if you find yourself uninvolved, then allow the release to happen. Don't worry about number of thoughts. That is not the point. Sometimes you have these deeply held conditions and they have to erupt like volcanoes and get released.

This part now, there are times when I'm very quiet and thoughts can just go by and it doesn't matter what the mind is saying and they are not very frequent at that time. You know, there are moments of silence and then thoughts could come and moments of deep rest, but there are other times like you're saying, a lot of like it's like a tsunami. And oftentimes I cannot spot even the topic because it's just such a—I don't know what it—I don't know what the hell is it like the hell it—

It is the hell getting released from us. Yeah.

No like—don't have to do anything?

Yeah. I'm going to ask for that. Don't have to do anything. It's a question. Remember the basics of satsang when you came. It's a question of attention and belief, and less than attention, more belief. You said right now that that is happening. So if you find yourself not believing them, like what you are saying is that not much attention is also going to them because you can't even make out what the message is. So attention itself is not that heavily getting pulled in. But really the test is whether you're believing those thoughts or not. So if you're not believing them for everyone. So if you're not believing anything then you're just empty anyway. No. But if you find your attention is getting pulled in a lot, don't wait for that belief to start. Just remind yourself of your prayer and return to that. But if it is light like this where a lot of things are getting released, it is very important part of this process.

Yeah. And what is—so I'm saying the—I'm saying sometimes I'm not able to say even the arrow prayer or whatever, but many times I'm trying to say, many times I'm trying to come to my—I want to ask you what is my position in respect to that so I know what to do with that because when the—your question is when the thoughts are this way that like some random imagery thoughts are showing up, you don't know what is going on, what the mind is on about, it's like that nothing—your position is nothing, don't—because that time the prayer is not deep, the silence is not deep—I don't know what is going on—and I'm trying, it's not that I'm blinded, it's not that I'm going with them and yet I am—I don't want to do that.

Nothing. It's not a big problem at all. In fact, it may not be a problem. It may be a good thing that this release has to happen.

That's very helpful to see it like that. No, because it's—it's not lack of effort. It's not that—just—

And even if you get into belief and identification, it's never a question about blame or lack of effort. You see, it is another opportunity to build our spiritual muscles to now after latching on to let go. We thank God and say, 'Thank you for this opportunity, this condition. I was going to latch on and make it a part of me. But I noticed, didn't I? And I let go ahead and put it into my pocket.'

The tsunami has a very different taste from a thought. Like it's post that all that coming up—like the mind will say that—

Yeah, it was something that you see and then I—I can see I have the choice to believe that second part or not, but that relief is very different and I'm so grateful when you said that.

So nothing to worry in that and even if you grasp, even if you pick up, even if you put in your pocket, no, there is no room for any guilt or unworthiness or despair at all. It's just to keep at it. If you fall down, we just get up. Because who is waiting behind that door? St. John of the Cross said that when I was wounded in love for God—I'm paraphrasing a bit, I don't think I remember exactly—but when I saw that I was wounded in his love, I also saw that he is more wounded than me for my love. So we must never presume that we are waiting more with more fervor at his door than he is waiting for us to return.

And in a way, if your parents will recognize this instinct which I may say that they're really waiting to get back to the parents, but usually it is the parents who are waiting a lot more. So in this case also, like the prodigal son, the story of the prodigal son, that God is waiting for us with open arms. Then why doesn't he always just open it like that? He showed up at the door, he's shown up at the door, why doesn't he just open us and embrace us always?

Right hand and left hand.

Exactly these things. Because a parent will always want what is best for the child. And if spiritual attainment happens too easily and too quickly, spiritual pride is—and then that itself will block our transformation into sainthood, into us being worthy residents of his heart. What is saint? You become residents of his heart. Whether you look at that heart as heaven or you look at it as emerging, whether you look from whichever lens you look at it, that is the same.

So when we learn to be patient over there, do we learn to become—when we learn to be patient in our heart, what happens to us in the world? We learn to become patient or impatient. So he's teaching us to be patient. He's teaching us to be humbled and unentitled. Well, what can you do over there in the heart temple? You're waiting at the door. You're not feeling any outpouring from the door. It's a dry spell you're having in your prayer. What will you do? Nothing works. You can tantrum him all you want. You can say to God, 'You're being unfair. This is not right. I love you so much. You're not loving me back.' Every form of human manipulation we can try on him. It doesn't—in human relationship we can play our way around and do these kind of thing, but he is the supreme intelligence.

If you're in pride—

No, not for pride, but if you're some kind of—remember even—remember in Radha Krishna, after Radha felt like she deserves to meet him and she—he didn't show up because that pride had to be broken. That's one of the first steps. So he knows very well what something will lead to. So we cannot use our—we cannot fool him. We can use—we have to use the human ways because those are the only ways we know. But we cannot fool him. I think needs to be—you can use it.

Humility, faith, patience—humility is like the core virtue around which it is the foundation around which the rest of it is built. Because how can you be patient and not humble? Can't be. Because the minute you're proud, you're impatient also because you think you deserve something. Think that you're entitled. You see? Why do we feel we entitled? Because I have done so much sadhana. I've done so much prayer. I loved God for 30 years. 50 years. What is 50 years to God? So our things—our pride is very stupid. It's very childish.

So how to develop our virtues? Because this part really used to confuse me. Now it is clear to me that in the intent to be with God, the virtues get developed. So like although the door may seem closed, his love is received as an outpouring to us. In the same way, although the door may seem closed, this transmission, this teaching of the Atma, the discipleship of the Atma, are continuing as disciples of the Atma continues even through that which seems to be a closed door. What do we learn? Spiritual truths and also how to live in the world. Pathway to God that you're learning here? You hear—you hear satsang or you read something, the shravanam part, just the hearing part. Then many times it may happen that the satsang itself may give you the spiritual momentum to go deeper. But many times you may need to refer to your notes and really dive into a particular point that you heard. So if the pointer is I have to wait patiently and lovingly at God's door.

What do we learn? Spiritual truths and also how to live in the world. The pathway to God that you're learning here, you hear satsang or you read something—the shanam part, just the hearing part. Then many times it may happen that the sun itself may give you the spiritual momentum to go deeper. But many times you may need to refer to your notes and really dive into a particular point that you heard. So if the pointer is 'I have to wait patiently and lovingly at God's door,' you may contemplate. You may, what we say in India, contemplate, but really apply your mind, reflect on this pointer and say: What is this door? How do I wait? What is whatever comes to you? Then you may find that if it is a spiritual truth, you may find that your meditation on it, your manan on it... so this meditation is to reflect, not what we usually call meditation in India. These are just the fun ways and the Leela.

So you reflect on it and you find that what happens if it's a spiritual truth? Can you work it out for yourselves through reflection? You can't work it out. Like, you may grapple with this point with all mental ways for years and years, that 'I have to sit patiently at God's door,' but just by using your mind you will not get a sense of what that is. So true manan, true meditation, should also include an injection of humility always, because you find that in the mind-intellect you're not able to compute what is being said because we misunderstand. Now remember that the main misunderstanding is what we feel like: to have the concept of something is to know something. That is what we are taught in school. I feel like if I have the concept that God loves us, then I know that God loves us. If I have the concept that God prays in my heart, Atma prays in my heart, we feel like 'I know Atma prays in my heart.' So we don't know. Don't confuse. Now, in the spiritual realm, mental knowledge doesn't count for knowledge. So you may keep thinking about how God prays in your heart; you cannot solve it.

Yes. When you say that, when it comes...

I can't answer it. I can't answer it in the sense that that pointer is potent enough to bring you to that Knowledge—capital K Knowledge—which will overshadow any conceptual knowledge we have of it. Because what you will find in your heart is so pristine and immaculate and sublime and pure that the words, even holy words like 'He prays in my heart,' don't do justice to it. So I should not ruin any more of these pointers for any of you by giving you more concepts about them.

Then when we say that, you know, there's a... that also doesn't come close to it. You talked about the stages, that the first part of how prayer can happen, that has some clues. Further, it becomes a japa in the mind, then it falls into the heart, deliberate. Then it can seem like ajapa in the heart. All those things, all those clues are there.

But that is also the pulling in of the glimpse of that. It is what you're hearing through the door. This is what you're hearing through the door: that you hear the prayer happening because the door is quite transparent. Then our question should be: what does the door actually block? As in, love flows through, it permeates through the door; knowledge flows through; our discipleship continues by us waiting outside the door. Then is that even the prayer we can hear through the temple door? Then what is actually being stopped? What is the door to that? That is the finality. But what is it? Darshan. Who said so? Darshan. What is that Darshan? That we may taste the outpouring, we may taste the love, we may taste to learn what we have to do in the world or to take further steps in our spiritual lives. We may even hear the Atma praying here, quote-unquote, the Atma praying within our heart. But to get the Darshan of Atma, to get Atma Gyan, to get Atma Darshan, the door has to open.

When the door opens, only then can we confirm that there is a spirit within me. There is a being who lives within me, and this being is both—I can both grasp it as the most ungraspable grasping, and it is fully ungraspable as well. So if the door opens, then you're able to... you come to me confidently and say, 'Father, the door opened yesterday in my prayer. I saw the being was so palpable, just here, the presence, and it is so clear to me.' I'll be very suspicious of that report. Be very suspicious because that holy meeting is at the cusp. That holy meeting is at the cusp of phenomenality and non-phenomenality. So the mind can always doubt it. So it's very tricky. You see, because if you fool yourself also, and the mind says that you haven't... no, no, the Father said the mind will always doubt it. So I have fun. So don't get into those traps.

So what happens is that—and that's why I keep saying it's not a finality—you see, anytime you can just be final about it like that subtlest vibration. Subtle, subtler than the slightest point or speck that you may notice in the air. No, subtle, subtler than that in perception, but boundless beyond perception. Like the light of it, you cannot explain. Atma's light, God's light is in your heart. But when you start visualizing like a light, like a tube light or a bulb, it's not that kind of light. So if I don't feel the struggle in your words, then I'll be a bit suspicious. If you come to Atma Darshan and you're able to write a book about it tomorrow, then there's a problem somewhere, probably. Because you're finding it's a discovery with what? That's why I troubled you for years, you know, all of you. With what will you... with what? I had Jyoti also the other day. With what? Then it becomes clear to us, with what in our heart, but we may not be able to see it. With what? You say, 'I see this light with my eyes through sight.' Now, with what can you see the light of the Atma?

So our spiritual insight should make us more helpless for some time. It should make us more humble. And be careful of visualizing any of this what I'm saying because this is...

Sorry, that light is only on the other side of the door or...

Yes, yes, yes. The light in the outpouring of the light, you will feel love, peace, joy, knowledge, beauty, truths—everything, all that is valuable. But the light itself is on that side of the door. The light is indistinguishable from the Darshan itself. It is a Darshan of that light. And yet it is not a worldly light that you will meet with sight. It's good news. So this is the project sitting here. Yeah.

Yeah. That's your inspiration. So that's your... it's like a pointer. It's like a sadhana and an image comes and that's your anchor. Then for that point...

Yeah. He said, Thomas, that it's also not just a sacred word but also a gesture, an inner gesture that keeps you there sometimes without a... so it could be love. Even for me it is like that. It's not an image, but it is just inward, like you would see that a way of sadhana, just to go inward-facing or a glance of love towards the beloved. It's prayer.

Who said that, Father? Sorry, who said that quote? I'd like to read it or look it up and write it down.

Say that again. What you...

I said what Meera just said. What was she quoting?

Thomas Keating in the book Open Mind, Open Heart. Something like that. I'll send you, I'll thank you if you want. Thomas Keating's book. So, yes. So, it's a gesture. An inner gesture.

The inner gesture. Yes. That's beautiful. So, it doesn't have to be a sacred word. It can be an inner gesture of love. Yeah. Can be an image of God. It can be something that inspires you to stay at the door. The thing that is inspirational to us in that way. Thank you.

Open Mind, Open Heart. Okay. So we said that you have the hearing part, the shaanam part, or the reading part—the lecture part is very difficult for Indians to pronounce, but at least for this Indian. Then you have the manan part, or the reflection part, or the meditation part where you juice out the pointer, all the spiritual juice that it has. So you have the sugar cane in the pointer. You juice it out. Juice it out. Get the juice out, no? And it should do what? I become school teacher mode again. It should always inject your dose of humility in us as well. What is that? That's the using whatever mental process I use, I cannot meet the truth behind this pointer. So then that makes us humble, and when we are humble we are more prayerful. You see? And then that brings us to the shaman or the orio part, the prayerful part.

You can make a prayer or it can be a silent prayer. But don't always take the easy way out. Sometimes it's good to make a prayer and say, 'Please help me meet this truth because I cannot do it of my own capability. Only the spirit can guide me to the truth of this. Only the spirit can guide me.' It is true for any spiritual truth. Then the prayer, then we get into like a deliberate recollection. In that, we try to empty our faculties, everything, and just offer ourselves up completely to God. Deliberate path is needed only if it doesn't happen automatically. We empty ourselves. And if it is His will, His grace, His mercy on us, He may pull us in, in what is called passive recollection or the prayer of recollection. Which means that we need the first infused prayer. Which means what? Infused prayer means it is purely grace. But isn't everything purely grace? It is. You see, everything is purely grace. And yet this is specially purely grace.

Everything else so far has been, it seems to us, collaborative. We must put our best foot forward. Don't get into any passive spirituality because you're like, 'When God has to call me, He'll only call.' That's a very bad misuse of Advaita—'all is His will.' So let them decide when prayer will happen.

Infused prayer.

Infused or confused? I believe I need it infused for you. Okay. It is a song. Sorry, sorry, always. Okay, I'll stop it now. I'll give myself a two-week ban on this. No, why are you looking at her? Very soon.

Why did Father... planet orientation? I forgot. Say for example, when you don't have to ask but when you receive insights or when you know this is what God wants, yes, you do so. Is that happening in an enclosed way? I mean...

Yes, it is happening as when we are waiting at the door. The door doesn't block knowledge flowing through. So the silent transmission of the Atma from behind the door to us. You see, we're painting a picture, but it's a fairly decent picture. So that in terms of understanding what is God's will also happens to us over there. It doesn't have to be infused just... I mean, it's all God's gift to us, but it's not what we are calling infused prayer. All of this is the outpouring of the blessing that we receive by sitting at His door.

Then what is happening in infused prayer?

The first one is the prayer of recollection. So it feels like... so right now what does it feel like? Right now it feels like we are pressing our faculty gently and keeping them there. Then what happens in the infused prayer of recollection is that you don't have to keep that way anymore. So how to sit at the door? We use whatever tools we use, everything. But it seems like we are deliberately pulling ourselves in the heart temple. Then in infused prayer what happens? You feel a pull. I don't know why I do these facial expressions as if you understand. I see. You know, I just feel like I'm not doing it. I'm just being pulled on this thing like that. It just pulls in like that and you feel like you're a holy hostage. Like a holy hostage literally has taken you in, which is the answer. But He doesn't take over our will at this point. So if we force ourselves, we can still come out into the worldly place.

The heart temple. Then in infused prayer, what happens? You feel a pull. I don't know why I do these facial expressions, as if you understand. I see. You know, I just feel like I'm not doing it. I'm just being pulled on this thing like that. It just pulls in like that and you feel like you're a holy hostage. Like a holy hostage literally has taken you in, which is the answer, but He doesn't take over our will at this point. So if we force ourselves, we can still come out into the worldly place. That's the thing, because it happens the first time you're just like... so that could be called—and I'll contemplate this more—but possibly this is the first form of samadhi, like samadhi where we are pulled in in that way.

Are they pulled into the other side of the door?

No, we just... whatever seemed to be effortful, to wait at His door, what seemed to require patience and, you know, faith and humility and all of these things—now it is just all our faculties are collected. The saints call it recollective, but I look at it as just collected and become just naturally waiting there. So God has pulled us in. God has pulled us in and...

Like thoughts are not in the head and they're also down there waiting? Is it something like that?

They're not had, any thoughts. So one or two will wander through, but you will be unconcerned about them. It's just...

I wish... it's more like fading out than moving to that spot. They're like faded out.

You, like from my experience, you will feel a pull that pulls you in, like everything, every part of you is getting pulled in. I wish I could spell it out in better terms, but I guess it has to be tasted. As we patiently wait over there, all this will start revealing itself to you more and more in a way. Like, the closest way I can share about this is in satsang sometimes you just feel like you want to hear, but something is just pulling you in, pulling you in. You want to, more and more, you want to hear the next bhajan after bhajan is completed, but you can't find any ability to move. You're just pulled in like that. You start noticing these things more and more. Then you will see that that becomes stronger and stronger. Sorry, I keep doing this; maybe that is the better way to explain. That's like the rock. Doing the rock when we are in this sustained...

Is it possible for us to like come out into our mind?

Let's put it this way: that what seemed to be effort to go in now seems to be effort to go out. Not the same effort, but what was effortful earlier was to stay in; now we are pulled in, so it's like an effort to...

Come up. Come out. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Well done. Yeah. Like there's... you don't feel you're overtaken and that's very clear. Like could a thought, a very... like maybe it's when, like say, you're sitting and then the body's in discomfort or you get some thought if you're disturbing somebody or... and then you use again the... you use a weight to... like you... that can happen?

Of course. And it's not a constant, in the sense that if it's one hour, then it's not... usually it then... like one hour is quite a lot. You may have times where you're going out, coming back. It has happened in this recollection; that's how I've experienced it. So the subtlest forms of it after... or in satsang. If you hear something or if some transmission or something happens, something just pulls you. And if you insert them together and something came as a form of divine support, then also we get pulled in. You don't have to raise hands. Just speak.

Hi there. Okay. Hello. Hello. Sorry. I... I... I need... Sorry, it didn't... Hi.

Hello. Why are you putting that?

It sticked on my screen and was taking my attention. So that's why I wanted to remove it. Um, sorry. I don't know where to start but, um, again sorry, I... I don't like to come to you like this but, um, I don't know, I don't know, I just feel so much apart from God now and it's unbearable and...

Yes, unbearable is better than bearable. When we feel apart from God, Maya makes it seem quite all right. It's quite all right. In fact, that's how it says most of us have to live. Most of our brothers and sisters seem to be living apart from God, although physically living within God, and yet seem to be spiritually disconnected in their heart. And the mind has convinced them that that's all right, that's bearable. So then you see that you are feeling a sense of disconnection, but it's also unbearable. And that's good. That's good. So in that unbearability itself is the yearning for God. And in the yearning for God, if we stay with that yearning, He will pull you into everything that I'm talking about. You see, but it's good news I'm giving you. No, just this unbearableness.

It's very auspicious.

It's very auspicious to feel that it's unbearable because literally when our state becomes like that, that we become so restless like a fish out of water without God's presence, then that is a strong pull that pulls us in. But the thing is that it's like nothing works when it happens. Nothing works.

Uh, what have you tried that hasn't worked? Um, okay, like yesterday something happened and disconnection happened. And when I came, um, I was chanting my mantra, mantra. I was outside, I was chanting my mantra, doing ads, not work. And then I came at home and I... I'm chanting 1,000 names of... daily regularly. I did this, didn't work. Thankfully God allowed me to sleep. I sleep. When I wake up again, separation with God. Then I went to tomb. Every day I go. Recently I started again actually, I'm so happy. But even here it didn't... again chanting, little bit support of nature, no words, at least you are with me. But satsang started and I can't... not even listen satsang. Even that didn't work. So you are my last chance to connect and it always breaks.

That's too much pressure on this man. So, um... no, no, I'm kidding. And don't worry. So I have to make something work. Look into my eyes like that. Is it working? What does working look like? Like we did the...

This restlessness goes and I feel one again with God. This restlessness goes and I again feel natural, in natural state. I don't know, just you know, oneness with Godfather. You know oneness... you are one is not something, but when you are apart it is something.

Yes. So all spiritual tools, all spiritual devices, all even teachers which are appearing in the world cannot guarantee the taste of oneness. Only God Himself can do that. So at best what we can do is provide the inspiration, the pathway, the blessing, the energetic support, a glimpse of the taste. So, but really it is about finding your way to the door to His temple in your heart and to wait there with patience and humility and love. See, so I would change the definition of working—like for ads, for the Lalita Sahasranama, for coming to satsang, for interacting with your teacher, for everything—to: does it inspire you to face the obstacles and wait patiently in your heart? That is all that working can do in the world. And the rest of it has to be only His gift. And we cannot force the guest to come for dinner. Even though we may cook the most beautiful meal for him night after night, the guest knows when he has to come. But when you wait at His temple, what is the problem that we have? Waiting at His temple, at His door. What is the problem that we have?

I... I don't know about waiting, Father, like...

So look at it as if you are visiting the tomb, Rumi's tomb, in your heart. Instead of going by road, you go within to your heart. Now when you visit his tomb, do you always have the experience of oneness? Like as soon as somebody enters the tomb, they should expect oneness. Is it like that? She won't say yes. If a friend came to you and said she went to the tomb and she was there... if some friend came to you and she said to you that she went to the tomb and she waited there for five seconds, nothing happened and she went away, you would tell her that she should have stayed longer, isn't it?

Or just to pray.

Just to pray. But if she told you, 'Yes, I prayed, but nothing happened.' Hey, when you look at it from some distance, see, you would say wait. You would say wait, have patience, because that patience we have to develop and we love Him.

Father, I'm sorry, but um, at least what... what is like now, I can't even bear of waiting because it's not like something to... it's... it's like you just said, like fish out of water. It's like being cut off oxygen. So even wait is too much now.

Yes. Yes. This is a very beautiful point actually, that in waiting we can have the restlessness of meeting the beloved, but that restlessness is like a holy anticipation, you see, but it is never despair. Can we make out the difference between like an anticipation and a despair?

Sorry. What is the difference between anticipation and despair? I don't know what is anticipation.

Anticipation is just like the waiting, but you're waiting for your beloved to come. So there's a like a looking forward, there's a sweet feeling in the heart, you know, that I'm feeling restless but it's a beautiful restlessness, you see.

No, it's not rest, it's like life and death, Father.

Yes. But even if it feels like life and death, if it is a despairing state, you see, that means that we have lost faith somewhere in His mercy, in His knowing what is best. So we must never get into any despair. So we wait in anticipation. But we know that He doesn't operate by our sense of time, that 'I started yesterday, I prayed like this, I prayed like that, and why has He not revealed Himself to me and shown me that we are one?' Because He knows what is best for you. Do we have faith in that?

I think no. That's... that's the thing. That's... like yeah, just too much reaction maybe. Yeah.

So we must have faith. He knows best how much of Him to give, to reveal, how much love, how much peace, how much beautiful feelings in the heart. He knows what is the right recipe for us at that moment of time. When we remember that He knows best, then we don't fall into despair. We can still wait. We can still be excited in all the possibility that my beloved could come. But if you feel like, 'No, no, I'm not happy because He's not come,' no, you know, like that... like that is um... like that conveys that we know better when He is meant to come. Getting a sense of this?

Not so much. No. Because I... yeah. Yeah. In what you were calling the restlessness, is there an idea that 'I know he should have come by now and now I'm upset that he's not come so far'? It's like just as I told you, it's like life and death. It's not about... I cannot even think other terms like my beloved or this or not even beloved now, not even love or something like... it's like yeah, life and death. So whenever it happens, yeah, it's like life and death, so I cannot be even romantic about this like...

Come, you just went to the tomb, so I'm learning, I'm learning to be romantic. Think about it. You visit his tomb every day. So every other day or every week. So...

Because the other days I don't feel that... that separation. It was like a joy for me to go, and not even joy. It's like my normal day because I was with him and it's like walking in him, with him. But now it's not like this.

You say that every time it happens is life or death. Every time it happens is life or death. And yet you're still alive. So who's kept you alive? You see, so every time when the restlessness comes, it feels like I can't, my oxygen is cut off. And yet He has kept us alive. Here we are to report about the next time. So then when did that life or death become life in the previous time? Or can you say again, Father? Yes. You say every time this restlessness comes it feels like it is life or death for me. Yes. Right. No, I... I just realized that it's just a feeling. To dip that feeling into the knowledge that He knows best. He knows best. Waiting at His door like this is not easy and doesn't feel romantic on many, many times.

And yet he has kept us alive. Here we are to report about the next time. So then when did that life or death become life in the previous time?

Or can you say again, Father?

Yes. You say every time this restlessness comes, it feels like it is life or death for me. Yes. Right.

No, I just realized that it's just a feeling to dip that feeling into the knowledge that he knows best. He knows best. Waiting at his door like this is not easy and doesn't feel romantic on many, many times.

What you mean by waiting? What is waiting? What is to do our part of God has to meet you? You say God has to show that you are one and not distant, not disconnected. But if you keep disconnecting yourself, would he force you to be connected? I'm not saying you're doing that. I am saying that when we do that, then he doesn't force us. Is it? He allows us to be distracted. He allows us to do our human things. He allows us to do all of that stuff. He doesn't force us unless we are in big trouble or something like that. He doesn't force us.

So when we are turned towards him, waiting for him to reveal himself to us, to love us, to be with us, to be connected with us, and we are not interested in the world, that is what I mean by waiting—that I am available to you now, I'm just waiting for you to come. So when we are involved with the world, we can't call that waiting, isn't it? What is a simpler way to put this? So if you said to me that since yesterday I've been waiting for God and I said to you, 'Okay, what have you done?' So instead of Atma Gyan, Satsang, going to the tomb, all these holy things, you say, 'I went to a party, I went shopping, I did all of these things,' then I would say, 'But then where have you waited for what to come? Where are you open to meet him?' You see, like that.

So what you're doing is, in your way, you are waiting for him to come, and I'm telling you that he knows best. Our job is to keep waiting, and it is not easy. It is very difficult. You see, and that is why, you know the story of Ma Shabri, isn't it? How long did she wait? She waited sixty years for Ram to come. You see, with full faith, with full patience, with full knowledge that he knows when the time is best. So what is the feeling I have? The feeling I have is that he will come. But what is the lesson in it for us? That we must not leave him there when he comes. Hold on so tight that you don't have to go through this again.

Father?

Yes.

Um, I think I don't know why I'm going through this again and again and like, I don't know, is it do I do something wrong?

Well, not so black and white. Not so black and white about right and wrong. But he is showing us something. Now, what he's showing us for you, you can only find in your heart. Like you said, that something you did or something happened when you disconnected yourself from him. Yes, you have to reveal that. But what is—is there some lesson in that for you that your heart is showing you, like remember then next time not to disconnect yourself in this way? But what is the problem in waiting?

Unbearable.

Says who? Huh? Says who?

The feeling. The feeling says unbearable.

No, the feeling and the thoughts are together. Yes. So, keep the feeling, lose the thought, because the feeling can feel like longing. It can feel like love. You see, the label is what causes the trouble. What is the difference between yearning and unbearable? Just the label. So let's lose the label.

Um, but the feeling is not pleasant.

Says who? Keep the feeling. Lose the thought. The commentary is just continuous. 'But it's not pleasant. But it's not pleasant.' Yes. Keep giving.

Um, but then the feeling also doesn't stay when I don't comment.

Good. That feeling you just said was unpleasant. Can't have it both ways.

When I start to feel again, commentary starts again.

Let it start. You don't believe it.

First I feel, then I comment.

You leave the comment.

But what to do if I feel? I realize the feeling, not always, but like, pop, I realize there's a feeling.

Yeah. But it doesn't cause any problem without the comment.

But comment immediately follows it.

It can't force you to believe it. Like I may say many things, but I can't force you to believe me.

But I unquestionably, unknowingly was doing this.

Yes. So stop.

I pray, leave every thought, Father. Now I can do, now we do.

But I'm not always in this state to see. Just leave the thought. Yes, very simple. Because the thought, we sound simple like that, can create so much separation. You can say, 'But now we are together, but otherwise we can't be together.' That makes an object out of me and makes an object out of you. So leave this thought. No, no, don't go there.

No, I was just thinking if it is okay to pray here. Not even this.

Nothing. No, not even prayer. For now, for this, you see, prayer is meant to bring us to empty. When empty, we don't have to—so when we are eating, we don't have to cook more.

Yeah. It was to guarantee the time and... Okay. Hello. Bye-bye. Hello. Bye-bye.

No, no, don't bother with any conclusion. No. What is happening now? Nothing. Nothing. So this is—allow me to put the label—this is how we wait. Empty for God. What we call waiting is being empty for God. So when we are empty of what? Empty of these conceptual ideas and beliefs.

Question. No. Yes. No. Please. No. I want to ask this. You said this is waiting. So it is not being what? One with God. Is it not?

No. No. No. Waiting is as holy as being one with God. Don't worry. And what is God? Are you thinking?

Yes.

Stop. Because that feels more unbearable. I mean, it's too much.

Feels unbearable or label unbearable?

Label. Leave the label. If you are being empty for God, we are not empty for God. If you're being one with God, we are not being one with God. If you're just being, then we're not just being, because that label can become a pretense. As long as there is 'one with God,' there is no oneness with God. Like, 'I have oneness with God. I have separation from God.' As long as these opposites exist, there is no one with God.

When you feel one, you don't think that you are one. You are just.

Yes. You just. Yes. You are just just. But even that 'just,' if you're just just, then not just. You know what I mean?

No.

Good. Exactly. Just empty here and a gentle smile on your face. Empty. Empty and gently smiling is all that is needed. Forehead relaxed, gentle smile on the face, empty in the head. That's all the spirituality we need. So we delete the first part of Satsang today. We delete the first part of Satsang today and only return to this Satsang, which is: keep your forehead relaxed, keep a smile on your face, and be empty in the head. Let me see everybody's forehead and smile. It's good. His forehead is shining.

You kind of change once I switch my direction of looking and go to a new Father. Yes. Namaste, my dear. Sorry, Father. I heard you mention about Sahasranama to Samaya when you were speaking, and um, there's this urge to listen to Sahasranama a lot. I've started by-hearting a few phrases as well, along with ads and chanting Ram Nam. Father, how should I be doing the Sahasranama? Because I have no initiation into it. So I was so happy when you mentioned Sahasranama because I wanted to ask you, Father, what's the best way? What do you suggest? Because I listen to the audio on YouTube which has subtitles and I try and recite along with it, and I do it only once and it just brings so much peace, Father. So, Father, what would you suggest about Sahasranama?

It's very good like this. It's very good like this. There's a M.S. Subbulakshmi—I don't know if that's the one you're listening to. That's very nice. And I know there was one that I used to listen to at 0.75 speed because I wanted to really chant along. I did it for a very short time, but it's very beautiful. It's very, very beautiful. So if you just send me a message, I can send you the one that I was using and I can tell you what speed I was trying to chant along there. It's nice. Whatever, as long as you remember that every spiritual method is a method to cook the meal. But you don't forget to eat, which is to wait quietly, humbly, patiently, lovingly at the door of his temple. Then you use whatever method appeals to you.

While the waiting isn't happening that much, which I would really want to increase. It's cooking mainly right now.

Yeah. So what takes you away? If you say, for example, that you heard the Vishnu Sahasranama and then you feel a lot of peace, now then, do you leave that peace very quickly or what happens?

No, it just infuses the work that I'm doing—the household chores, cooking, cleaning, washing vessels. So it just infuses, it doesn't leave. But then I leave; my mind gets distracted in other—for some time I can just continue with my chores and be in that space.

I would say at least spend at least that much time you spend hearing in sitting, just without any and using that time of eating. You can use a mantra from the EDS. You can use the arrow prayer at the end, or you can use God's name just once to keep bringing you back to the eating, to the waiting in the heart temple. Because I noticed that for a lot of us, we love to cook, but we don't actually ever enjoy the cooking that we have done because that is more troublesome to the mind. Just in silence is more troublesome. So but we must build our capacity to eat also.

Okay, Father.

So at least, if not full, the same amount of time, at least start with half that amount of time. So you hear it for twenty minutes, twenty-five minutes, and then at least twelve minutes, fifteen minutes. Yes, the chores can wait probably that much time. And with everything you're doing, with the EDS, with the Ram chanting, everything. Because in the cooking process, the mind feels like it is involved, it is participating, you see, it is active. But in the eating is when the rubber hits the road. So don't shy away from it. Yeah. And then soon it'll happen—like, soon is a relative term—but soon it'll happen that you start enjoying the eating so much and you just need to cook for a few seconds and then you can eat for minutes or even hours.

Father, also there's an observation that sometimes cooking is happening more for worldly things. Like if parents are not well, then I will pray and chant and keep that as an intention, or if the body is not well, then I will. So I see the transaction that's happening a lot of times, that 'God, I'm praying, but can you please give me this?' And this is something I wanted to bring to you, Father, because I find that is such a negotiation kind of an energy that's happening here, and I sometimes don't like it. There are days when the prayer is just for the love of God and asking for his, but there are many times, Father, when the life takes over and like, I'm praying for this problem for this family member, I'm praying for myself, I'm praying. So Father, how—I just don't want to kind of, you know, pray for selfish reasons anymore.

The simple principle is that suppose you didn't pray, would you be free from that issue in your mind? No. So if you're going to worry about it, it's better that you're praying about it. So don't feel that it is selfish, because at least you're bringing it to God, right? Instead of trying to handle it yourself and trying to resolve it in your mind and to use your own capability, at least you're bringing it to God. But even if you prayed for anyone else, for others, for Satsang, for anyone, even after that, the principle of cooking and eating is the same.

Yes, Father.

Very good. Bless you.

Thank you, Father.

It's better that you're praying about it. So don't feel that it is selfish because at least you're bringing it to God, right? Instead of trying to handle it yourself and trying to resolve it in your mind and to use your own capability, at least you're bringing it to God. But even if you prayed for anyone else, for others, for anyone, even after that the principle of cooking and eating is the same. Very good. Bless you.

Thank you, Father. And Father, there is also this feeling that because sometimes when eating happens and there is love that's felt, you know, there's just like a lot of love that comes and tears keep flowing, and then there is the next day that doesn't happen. So there is this thing that, am I not doing it right today? Because yesterday I felt love and tears came and there was so much heart-overwhelming joy for God and today there is nothing. So I just wanted to leave it all at your feet because you know this mind is always trying to make sense out of what's going on. I wish I had met you when I was five years old, Father, because all these years of conditioning, what do we do with it? It's just, okay, today it's not happening, yesterday it happened. So Father, I just want to leave that at your feet.

Right. When you were five years old, I was like this. But our way to determine what was the better prayer is very primitive, actually. We cannot really say. So for me, if you've had a distracted prayer, that may be more valuable because it teaches us to be patient. It teaches us to be humble. That may be more valuable. And the beautiful thing I heard the other day, which I feel like is so true, that in our distracted prayer we learn how to be in the world also. I'll close with this point. I know I was saying go and rest, but what distracted prayer is, is that we are trying to sit eating but the mind is offering us things and we are getting involved to some extent. Because if you are not getting involved to some extent, then we would not even notice the distraction.

So that involvement is trying to make a new condition, new position, a tightening of the fist. You see, what we do is we notice that formation happening and we return to the heart using the prayer or using the breath or using whatever tool we are using. So we practice not falling for the mind trick. You see, the mind is trying to make us resentful of someone. The mind is trying to build a grievance. The mind is trying to make us proud, and we practice not falling for it. So in a distracted prayer, it is like a workout session at the gym, you know, where we practice this with many sets and reps. We go through this whole process.

Then what happens when we have to face the world? Same thing. We meet people, we want to judge them, we want to not love them, we want to find ways to separate ourselves. So then because we have practiced letting go, then in the world also we learn to be empty and humble and not judgmental and resentful. So there are great gifts to be found even in prayer which is distracted. Every opportunity that we take to return back to Him is a beautiful act of love. So in an undistracted prayer we may do one act of love and He fills us with love. In a distracted prayer we do a hundred acts of love. So it's a great, great prayer as well. In fact, I cannot say which is the better prayer, but I'm leaning towards the second one, the distracted one.

Thank you so much, Father. Always at your feet. Thank you.

Don't get disheartened or dissuaded when prayers are distracted. Just treat them as golden opportunities to love God more and more. A hundred chances today. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you all. Love you all. Love you.