Contemplations from Baba Fareed - Day Three - 7th August 2024

Then he says: 'For the nights are long and my sides are aching in pain. Cursed are the lives of those who place their hopes in others,' which means that they are relying on an outer something for happiness, for joy, for peace, for love, to complete ourselves. So those who live their lives just like that, they are cursed by what? By suffering, isn't it? Anger, anxiety, resentment, pride—all of this is the byproduct of being outer-facing instead of inward-facing, you see. So those who are inward-facing, they don't get into these messes, these traps of Maya.

For if I had been there when my friend came, I would have made myself a sacrifice to him. Now my flesh is burning red on the hot coals. So now I'm running out of time. I could have offered myself to God so many times. He made himself available to me. He showed me things in my heart. His presence was so palpable, but I did not use those opportunities to fully surrender. Now I feel like it is such a difficult thing to do. So he's pointing us that don't find yourself in those kind of situations because God in his grace and mercy has made himself available to us so often. We must not leave after that. We have said many times that once you come to his presence, has he ever left us? He has never left us. He is the most faithful. He does not say, 'I have other important things to do, I have seven and a half billion people like you to be with and trillions and trillions of other beings to be with.' He's always there for us. So we have to avoid turning away from him.

What are acacia seeds? Acacia trees which... okay, so some... I'm not... trees, okay. 'For the farmer plants acacia trees and wishes for grapes. He is spinning wool, but he is wishing to wear silk.' What do we read out of this? We are planting here and expecting fruit there. We are obsessing with the outer and wanting outcomes in the inner, which cannot happen. It cannot happen. So we need to uproot from here all our attachments, all that we are grasping onto so deeply, and turn inwards fully towards God. Only then will true love come. Only then will true insight happen. Only then can we lead a true life which is meaningful.

'For the path is muddy and the house of my beloved is so far away. If I go out, my blanket will get soaked, but if I remain at home, then my heart will be broken. My blanket is soaked, drenched with the downpour of the Lord's rain. If I go out to meet my friend so that my heart will not be broken, Fareed, I was worried that my turban might become dirty. My thoughtless self did not realize that one day dust will consume my head as well.' So reiterating the same messages from before, we can contemplate: the path is muddy and the house of my beloved is so far away. If I go out, my blanket will get soaked, but if I remain at home, then my heart will be broken. My blanket is soaked, drenched with the downpour of the Lord's rain. I'm going out to meet my friend so that my heart will not be broken. For I was worried that my turban might become dirty. My thoughtless self did not realize that one day dust will consume my head as well.

So all of this is about: what are we concerned about? What are we spending this moment on? Are our concerns about that which is going to come and go, or that which is truly in our heart? The eternal life which is the promise of God's presence, the eternal life in his light, in his sharan, in his refuge. 'For sugar, cane candy, sugar molasses, honey, and buffalo's milk—all these things are sweet, but they are not equal to you. Fareed, my bread is made of wood and hunger is my appetizer. Those who eat buttered bread will suffer in terrible pain. Eat dry bread and drink cold water, for if you see someone else's buttered bread, do not envy him for it.'

'This night I did not sleep with my husband Lord, and now my body is suffering in pain. Go and ask the deserted bride how she passes her night. She finds no place of rest in her father-in-law's home, and there's no place in her parents' home either. Her husband Lord does not care for her. What sort of a blessed, happy soul bride is she? In her father-in-law's home hereafter and in her parents' home in this world, she belongs to her husband Lord. Her husband is inaccessible and unfathomable.'

A lot to contemplate. He has told us earlier that he considers the Lord to be his husband. It is a very common way to be in love with God, to consider yourself a bride of God. Independent of anything else, your gender etc. doesn't come into play here, but to consider yourself married in the heart to him is an important step towards union with him in some of the spiritual traditions, and it's very beautiful. So the lamentation about not being in his presence, not being with him, and no pleasure of the world seeming worthy as a replacement. Nothing in this world or the other means anything unless we are in his presence. So whatever appealed to you, whatever resonated with you in these verses, you can contemplate these for a few minutes and then stop.

What is it like to be in God's presence, and how does the absence of this presence feel like? What does that feel like? So the great sage Hanuman Ji said that it's like a divine restlessness. For those who are lovers of God, deeply in love with God in their heart, to go to the ego, to go to the realm of Maya, to take that to be real makes us feel like a fish out of water. Could it also be that we are so used to living like fishes out of water that we don't even recognize it anymore?

Who is he talking about when he says that the Lord lives in your heart, he abides in your heart, but we are running around from jungle to jungle? And we need to contemplate deeper if we don't feel like he's talking about us specifically, myself. So he says this very provocative line, especially for those times, he says: 'This night I did not sleep with my husband Lord, and now my body is suffering in pain.' What does it remind us? All the sages have told us that the opportunity does not come again and again. So if you can be with God right now, to exchange that for something else, then you never know when Maya will leave your throat, when you will have the opportunity again. In which lifetime, if at all, will you get the opportunity to be with God again?

Because all of us have seen that we are sitting peacefully in satsang one day, as soon as we leave satsang, then we start getting messages: 'Oh, this emergency happened, this is happening, this is happening.' And very quickly God can be forgotten. Many of us get so attacked by the mind that we don't need an outer emergency; something just pulls us out from being with God. And that is the play of Maya itself. Getting the synchronic nature of what he's sharing, he's told us already that if I had known how few sesame seeds I had, I would have used them more wisely. And he is reiterating a similar point saying that: 'This night I did not sleep with my husband Lord, and now my body is suffering in pain.'

Whose presence is waiting for you in your heart? What is the merging that you're avoiding with all your might? So to get practical for a moment, let's make a list of maybe four or five things which distract us away from being with him. And they can be very simple things; they can be Netflix also. So very simple things which just get in the way of us being with him. And just bring that into your own light and make it real in the sense of: look back at today, look back at yesterday. How many breaths did we waste? How many did we use?

It's about this contemplation. Just contemplating, you say many times that it's not a worldly empirical means. So I was asking myself what were my concerns today. Then memories come up, but that's not the way to do it. And I tried to take it to my heart. You tell me how that question, like 'what were my concerns,' and you also said that the answer, if it's heart guidance, the presence should be apparent and it should come from it. And that didn't happen, but I got some answers which seemed very pertinent. But that's not it, no? Just like, how to do the contemplation?

Yeah. So what happens is that if your answers seem like they are very pertinent...

Memories come up, but that's not the way to do it. And I tried to take it to my heart. You tell me how that question, like, what were my concerns? And you also said that the answer, if it's heart guidance, it should the present should be apparent and it should come from it. Yes, exactly. And that didn't happen, but I got some answers which seemed very pertinent, but that's not it. No, just like how to do the contemplation, yeah.

So what happens is that if your answers seem like they are very pertinent, firstly, you're absolutely right. Every contemplation is not a worldly introspection. What is the difference between a worldly introspection and a contemplation in satsang? That a worldly introspection is done under the guidance of our intellect and using the knowledge in our mind. A contemplation is heart-led, is led by the Atma itself. So really, the point of these contemplations is to deepen in our discipleship of the Atma, of the true Satguru within. And the contemplations in a way are a pretext to get us to learn how to do that. So this is very important, you're right.

Now what happens at times is that you can't really tell where the answer came from. See, you are praying for God's grace, you are praying to the Atma within to guide you in this, and an answer appears and it seems quite pertinent, but you're not sure where it comes from. So what to do with that? At least in the process of contemplation like this, you can write it down and then bring it back to the spirit, bring it back to the Atma and say, 'Is this really what you want me to focus on? Is this what you're trying to tell me?' And I wait for further guidance on that. And the mind will tell you that that process seems a bit recursive, it can then go on in a loop, but it is not. Yes, you will see that it is not. Thank you.

How many moments in a day is it all right to waste away from God? And you don't have to expose the answer, you can just write it for yourself. How much time is it okay to take a break from God? It's okay, He's not going anywhere. And how much time do we actually give ourselves the permission to do? And we are not yet talking about the time where it seemed like we didn't give consent to move away from God, but Maya presented something which is so strong that I went towards my ego instead of God. That's not even counting that. How much time are we actually giving permission to ourselves to be away from God? And those are the pretexts under which we do that, that we are writing.

Some very strong verses there, we'll read them out.

Yeah, you've guided us on this before, but I feel I want to see it again. Um, so this, the light that I see in my heart, like the physical... you see a physical light in your heart? Yes. Can you just take me more than that, Father?

So we've spoken about the outpouring or the byproducts of the darshan of the unperceivable light, which is God's presence in our heart. And one of the forms of the outpouring is this physical light that you see. And it is beautiful. If it is an outpouring, if it is a holy byproduct, it is a Prasad of God Himself. So it is very beautiful. What we can do then is to see that, what is the source? Where is this light coming from? Is this light in itself the holy vibration of God's presence, or is there a subtler Saguna, Nirguna, indistinguishable between these two, that kind of vibration, a primordial vibration from which even this light is emerging?

The perceivable light... can we do it slowly? Because this is the light... I know that the presence that I experience is not that light. It's not that, yet it seems very close. Yeah. So I... many times when I'm in the presence, this light is not so palpable, the physical light, but sometimes it is and the attention is on it. I don't... I just wait to ask for help with this.

Sometimes in the lives of sages, we've known that this light was palpable not just to themselves but to others around them as well. They could sense that holy light coming from them. But to recognize that it is a blessing, an outpouring, a byproduct, the Prasad of a true Bhagavan is very good. And the clue is right there where you say that 'I recognize that my presence is not this light,' no, you see? So what is your presence then? In what way is the presence found?

I just know I'm in the presence.

So that 'just know,' is it purely Nirguna? No, there is a presence. Because the purely Nirguna, we can say we just know there is not a single strand to hold on to, you see? The mildest strand is not there. Neither light nor the absence of light. Nothing can be said about it, not being nor the absence of being. It is just beyond any fabric. But what makes the presence presence and the pure awareness awareness? There is a presence, see. So that presence, is it quantifiable? Is it Saguna? Not fully, it's not. And neither is it Nirguna because you said there is the presence presence. So that unperceivable light is His light, is His presence in your heart, from which the palpable light can appear, from which a very palpable love can appear, from which a deep joy can appear.

Like when I know that this is also the presence, this is also like the light is not indistinct from the presence, but it's not the presence.

Yeah, so it's not like love, it's... but I don't know, I feel like it's just like the aura of a sage is not distinct from the sage and yet it is. That's why you call it the aura of a sage. So this holiness can be surrounded by a palpable light and it is beautiful. And it can seem like it is a part of that and yet you can see that it feels physical.

Like, yes, exactly.

That's why it's outpouring. So the outpouring means that that which is the most primordial phenomena, and therefore barely phenomenal, then outputs itself into a palpable, into a tangible experience. Now the thing you yourself said, that sometimes it's bright, sometimes it's not bright, sometimes it isn't there, light, isn't it? So it's a part of the coming and going, therefore the Prasad. Sometimes the priest has made it and sometimes the priest has forgotten to make it or doesn't want to make it or doesn't have money to make it for whatever reason. So that is why even this light must be, the perceivable light must be taken as a Prasad of God's darshan because it also can be varying in its quality and its quantity.

But the holy light of God's presence itself, we cannot say sometimes it's a bit dimmer, sometimes it's a bit stronger. We can say sometimes I am many times I am focused outside, I am focused on the 'me' and not on it, that we can say. But we can never say, 'Oh, the light itself is differing in its quality or quantity.'

So this tasted light is also not of this world?

It is not of this world. Kind of anything that has quantities is in a way of this world, but it's very, very holy because it is so deeply connected to that. So like the love of God is God? No, it is God. Like the closest thing maybe we can say about God is the love of God, and yet ultimately even God is the source of the love; the love is not the source of God. The tasted love, the tasted one. So the same way for this light. But it is auspicious because everything that comes from this holiness is auspicious, uncontaminated by our pride, our ego. There is no harm if you're with it, if you stay with that light, there's no harm with that. But it's clearly distinct, distinct, distinct, and distinct, and not the presence itself.

Yes, exactly.

So we must take this outpouring to be a blessing, an encouragement, a sign of God's love for us. Is it? But don't take the absence of it to mean anything. That's why I stay careful of saying these things because then our mind is quick to conclude that 'I'm not finding any light like that, so I must be doing something wrong.' We cannot say. In your heart temple, what is the Prasad being made? It may be different, it doesn't have to be like that. That's why our focus always must be on God, on the Lord, and not the byproduct, in the sense on not on gauging or benchmarking them. If they are presented to us, then we can stay with them, of course, without getting attached to them.

It's like a... like even when the attention is on it, I'm not grasping it. It's not the ananda. But why is all this sounding like bad news?

No, it's not bad news. Where's the smile? No, it's not bad news. Just looking at it and it's such a gift. It's a gift worth rejoicing. I feel like when I'm just saying there is a little bit of worry about if it's being proud or something, so that's why I'm careful. Is it? It's not so. When the vigilance comes that 'Am I getting proud? Am I making a proud report?' just check. And after you've checked, it's okay. We don't have to get oppressed by vigilance. We only have to be vigilant by vigilance. Like the only thing truly to hold on to was God, not the bhakti.

Nanak Ji's some writing is also in here apparently. 'Oh Nanak, she is the happy soul-bride who is pleasing to her carefree Lord. Bathing, washing, and decorating herself, she comes and sleeps without anxiety.' Farid Ji says, 'They still smell like asafetida. The fragrance of the musk is gone. I am not afraid of losing my youth as long as I do not lose the love of my husband Lord. For so many youths without His love have dried up and withered away.' Farid Ji says, 'Anxiety is in my bed, pain is my mattress, and the pain of separation is my blanket and quilt. Behold, this is my life, oh my true Lord and Master. Many talk of the pain and suffering of separation. Oh pain, you are the ruler of all. Farid, that body within which love of the Lord does not well up, look upon that body as a cremation ground.'

So the last one will sound familiar. Many of you get upset when I say this, but what does it remind you of? 'Look upon that body in which the love of the Lord does not well up, to look upon that body as a cremation ground.' Very similar to the zombie life, isn't it? So to live a life without God's love, without God's light, without God's presence is to lead a zombie life, as good as a cremation ground itself. He says, 'I'm not afraid of losing my youth as long as I do not lose the love of my husband Lord, because so many youths without His love have dried up and withered away.' Now, are we one of them? That is the question.

And because it's very beautiful poetry there, beautiful words, even the translation is very touching to the heart, even in that, sometimes the message can be lost. So we have to be careful that although we enjoy all of it at some level, but we must focus primarily on what he's trying to tell us by taking it as if the great sage is talking to me. We are in satsang with him and he's talking to me. He is telling me that so many so-called youths have withered away without the love of the Lord and we must not be... I must not be one of them. He is waiting for you in your heart temple. How long will you make Him wait?

Okay, beautiful line. 'Farid, these are poisonous sprouts coated with sugar. Some die planting them and some are ruined harvesting and enjoying them.' What are these? These are poisonous sprouts coated with sugar. Some die planting them and some are ruined harvesting and enjoying them. Is there anything like this in our life? Yeah, poisonous sprouts coated with sugar. What is the difference between Shreya and Preya? Can guide us. Then you don't like people on Zoom, is that it? Preya is that which is short-term pleasure but long-term misery. Shreya is that which can seem like short-term effort, pain, misery, but long-term pleasure, long-term auspiciousness. So these poisonous sprouts coated with sugar are Preya. So the list that we made, that's it. And note that it is not the activity itself that he is speaking of. I'm not asking you to cancel your Netflix subscription. I'm just saying that whatever has to arise...

Shreya and Preya can guide us. Preya is that which is short-term pleasure but long-term misery. Shreya is that which can seem like short-term effort, pain, or misery, but long-term pleasure, long-term auspiciousness. So these poisonous sprouts coated with sugar are Preya. So the list that we made, that's it. And note that it is not the activity itself that we are speaking of. I'm not asking you to cancel your Netflix subscription. I'm just saying that whatever has to arise, let it be when you are in God's presence and His name is on your lips or your self-inquiry is going on. Give the mic while the mic gets to... is this point clear? That it's not the activity itself that we are picking on and saying, 'You must stop this, you must stop that.' You see, you can stop all the activities, go and live in a cave, but if you fill your head with nonsense there, it's not going to help you. But you have to be honest with yourself and say, 'In the midst of this activity, am I able to remain with God or not?'

Father, when I work with people or interact with people, I find it easy to stay in God's love.

When you interact with people, you find it easy? Yeah.

But when I am with work, with technology, I find it difficult. It's not flowing so easily.

So you give yourself the option that if that doesn't change, you have to give up on technology. So if you give yourself that option and say, 'If I'm not going to stay with God for these eight hours or whatever I'm working with technology, then it has no place in my life,' and then something may change. Okay? See what happens, report back. Yeah, that willingness, that... like Kabir Ji told us, that without risk there's no faith. It must seem like we're taking a risk, you see. So our spirituality has to become risky. It can't be safe, safe. We got the wrong idea about spirituality. We feel that we come to satsang, our lives will become just easier, I will feel safer, everything will get more relaxed. It will ultimately, but first we have to transcend all our fears. We have to learn to put God above everything else and we must be able to say, 'No matter what the cost.' So once we go with that spirit, that no matter what the cost I'm going to be with God, if my programming is all rubbish, it doesn't work, all the tests are failing, whatever is happening, I don't care, then that's the way it is.

Father, since the long break that I had from satsang, I honestly feel that it has been a challenge for me now these days, especially to be in my own heart, you know, to be in God's presence. And it's not a good feeling because, like you said, it's been like a divine restlessness, you know, because I'm truly not able to feel Him in my heart. And the thing is that it's giving me that impetus to further not do anything, you know. So I used to sit, you know, in silence or even contemplate, do self-inquiry, but all that has taken a backseat now, Father. And I don't know, like, I just want you to, Father, help me with this because it's very agonizing in a lot of ways, you know. I'm not at all like... yeah.

So the most important thing I feel is that you haven't normalized it fully yet, although what you're saying is that you're scared that you're getting there in a way. Because you're saying that, 'I took a long break from satsang,' and as is often the way with Maya, once these long breaks happen, then it can feel more difficult to remain with God's presence in our heart. And you're saying that that itself the mind is using to pull you further out, saying, 'It's not happening, so what's the point?' or whatever the messaging it is using to get you to spend even more of the limited sesame seeds in Maya. And it's offering, obviously, offering some sugar-coated poisonous sprouts, isn't it? It can't be without that. When we are stuck in Maya, it can't be that we are not buying into some other sugar-coated...

I have to add on here, sorry to say that, but there has been a resistance also maybe because of the formats being changed a bit, you know. So I'm sorry to say that, but it was there and I'm experiencing this resistance that this change or probably... I don't know. So after this break, I just thought maybe everything will be like that, but since this change is also there, the mind is using that, you know, again to...

Yes, it is using that because the feeling behind the change and what my heart is telling me what the change is doing is that it is allowing us to remain more deeply in the heart and not go to the mind even in satsang, not make it a conceptual understanding as much as it was possible to do in the past. And boredom will come, all kinds of resistance will come, isn't it? But what it is really showing us is that adding prolonged periods of silence in a satsang environment itself, the mind is resisting, isn't it? Because nothing else has really changed. We just made it much more quiet, much more silent. So that which resists silence is not good for us, is not auspicious for us. So it is very important for us to notice that.

Because we're talking about Netflix, an example is coming that so many times there were movie film directors who were real artists, you know, real... they were trying to create some art and not just entertainment. So what they would do is that in the beginning they would put five minutes of really boring stuff, you see, or ten minutes of really boring stuff. So there's one director who just for five minutes or three minutes in the beginning of his movie—I don't know if Chanda knows—but just showed a puddle of water and nothing happening. You saw that movie? So like that. So they want only that audience who is really in it for the art of it and not just for the entertainment of it, you see. So in a way that is a parallel there, that that which doesn't allow us to sit in silence, whereas God's presence, God's light, God's love will be met more and more when we allow ourselves to remain in silence even outside satsang, then that voice we have to be a little careful about.

So I'm glad you're bringing it up because I'm sure all of us notice, and by the end of satsang I'm sure all of us feel a lot of relief. But I feel like I can guarantee to you that in a few weeks and months you'll start loving this silence so much, and then if I start talking like I used to again, then you'll see, 'Oh, now he started talking so much, he's loving his voice too much,' you know. So this kind of resistance will come. So know that the mind is going to be like this always. Jesus has a very beautiful sermon on this. He says that we are in a world where whatever is given to us, we find a way to oppose it, you see. So he says that when John came and he lived in the forest and he was living a life of such deep asceticism, you said, 'That's not a way to live. What kind of life is that? God doesn't want us to trouble ourselves so much.' So you didn't listen to John. Now I've come and I'm sharing with you, but I'm happy, I'm dancing with you, I'm enjoying with you, you're saying, 'That is no life of a sage. How can a Messiah be like this? He's just dancing and enjoying and things.'

So he said whatever way it is given to you... and who is he talking about? He's talking about the same guy within all of us, the resistor who says, 'Oh, now this is not right, this is not the way, this has changed.' So which way will work for us? Which way will work for us is a contemplation worth contemplating, because if that way was to come, your mind will find something there and say, 'No, no, that other way was better.' Then when the other way comes, then say, 'No, no, that other way is better.' So that is just the nature of our Maya. So to go through this difficulty of facing mental resistance and still be able to continue, it's a very important step in the process.

Please bless me that I overcome this resistance fully.

Fully. So that restlessness that you're feeling is very important, and your mind will offer antidotes to that restlessness in the outer. That is literally what Baba Fareed is telling us: sugar-coated poisonous sprouts. So that restlessness, the mind will say, 'Okay, now it's good, I know it must be good, but maybe I can come to satsang half the days because I can just finish my work. Most of the time he's not saying anything anyway, so what am I learning?' This kind of... so these kind of tactics will come and soon satsang itself will start feeling distant and, you see, like not... yes, you see. But it's good to face it while we are talking like this together, you see, because many children get caught up in this and I'd be happy if they found they went to a better place where they could feel God's presence more closely, but most times it is not the case, and you've seen that over the years as well. So notice these tricks, you see. And if the mind is strongly resisting something, then you must try it out. Try it and just bring it up, just bring it up like this. This is good because these things, when they are hidden, then they fester more.

About activity, you mentioned Netflix. So you're watching a movie, so you can't be praying and watching at the same time.

So you can be. You try it.

Yeah, I've tried and not very successfully. Which side wins? The prayer wins or the Netflix wins? Prayer goes away.

Prayer goes away. Don't sacrifice your prayer. So what happened? It's this very silly story and you may not want to come to satsang with such a foolish teacher after hearing this story, but so you know that my work life, where I'm part of a group, they have a Slack and things. So we keep sharing what we are doing as far as our work is concerned. And some silly things happened and they said, 'Now you have to give us a treat and we have to meet,' and you know, they were quite insistent that we have to go for a movie together. So I said, 'Which movie?' They said a movie called 'Kill.' So I said, 'I'm too much of a sadhu for a movie called Kill. Can I just join all of you after the movie? I'll join you for dinner and we'll have a nice dinner together.' So they felt a bit offended when I said like that. So I said, 'Okay, I'll come with you.'

That movie was the most obnoxious thing I've seen. Don't at all venture into it. So what then happened is that I noticed for myself that something was starting to get attracted to the storyline, like 'What is going to happen with this one? What is going...' you see. So the story of course is the same old thing, that there's a character and injustice has happened, strong injustice happened to him, and they put all the tropes that are possible in these storylines. So then at a point, without wanting to offend them—and my son came with me, so he was sitting next to me, those ones were a little further from me—I just closed my eyes and said that I'm going to focus only on God because this kind of thing is not healthy for my temple in my heart. So I just closed my eyes. I said, 'I'll close my eyes for a few minutes,' you see. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and I'll stay with God and then I'll keep just checking into the movie once in a while.

And I just closed my eyes and something told me that inside is where I have to be. Just inside is where I have to be. And usually I can be inside without having to close my eyes also, but this one was just too much. So I just closed my eyes for a minute and it became so clear that I have to be here with Him in my heart. So I just stayed like that. And the mind was saying, 'But don't you want to see what happened to that bad guy?' Just like that. So my son at the end of the movie was like... you know, he knows I'm weird, so he was probably alright, but maybe this was too much for him also, that I didn't see anything. So that's it. You have to allow God to win no matter what the temptation is. So if in the Netflix you're trying to pray but Netflix is winning, then turn it off. But if you find yourselves truly, sincerely—I mean, we can only fool ourselves—but if you feel...

I want to see what happened to that bad guy, just like that. So my son at the end of the movie was like, you know, he knows I'm weird, so he was probably all right. But maybe this was too much for him also, that I didn't see anything, that thing. So that's it. You have to allow God to win no matter what the temptation is. So if in the Netflix you're trying to pray but Netflix is winning, then turn it off. But if you find yourselves truly, sincerely—I mean, we can only fool ourselves—but if you feel like you can stay in the heart and it's just to give your family company or to just fill up time or, I don't know, whatever it is to watch, but not to let go of your heart, then that is fine.

So filtering off an activity would be like if we are with God, with presence, or praying or remembrance of God, focus has to be on God. What is the broader definition of prayer? The focus is not on me; it is on God. So whether it is the prayer words of the prayer itself or inquiry or just remaining quietly in the presence of God, remaining open and empty but with integrity. We know for ourselves, you see, because nobody is going to—nobody in this world is going to come and check on how much time you wasted. Because we can all come to satsang and say, 'I'm fully with God.' And have you ever known me to say, you know, I don't have any of those siddhis? I just take your word for it. But we have to be true to ourselves. Okay, maybe we are coming to that point exactly.

So he said, 'Farid, the hours of the day are lost wandering around and the hours of the night are lost in sleep. The hours of the day are lost wandering around and the hours of the night are lost in sleep. God will call for an account and ask you why you came into this world. God will call for your account and ask you why you came into this world.' Now, the sage is lying to us? It has to be yes, can't be, isn't it? It can't be that the sage is lying to us. And if there's—it's between me and the sage, one of us is wrong. The higher likelihood is that the sage is wrong, yes? But this is what we often do when we are not in satsang hall like this. When we are rationalizing to ourselves, this is what we often do: that I don't agree with this, so I must be right. Yes? How am I able to tell you these things? Because it's from my experience exactly. Yes.

So we rationalize to ourselves that it must be my belief system which is correct, is it? Or my idea which is correct, without checking in with our heart. And how is it that sage after sage after sage have told us these? It says that godliness—I heard of the title—but it says that if they don't believe in God, they still feel some sense that they should be righteous and I should, you know, be fair, live by my conscience and all, but they don't believe in God still. So their work is never blessed by God and doesn't fructify. And secondly, when their conscience hurts them and there's an inner conflict, they then use justifications and, you know, their perception gets all distorted and they use justifications to say why they did that action. And then he says, the sage says, if they could see that inner conflict, if they could go at God's will, they would become a light unto themselves and others. So they've left out God's will in that equation of what is right and wrong.

Because I feel this is a very valid point, but even more simply, is it? If somebody has been really bad to us, huh? Somebody's been really bad to us, what do we say? 'One day God will do your justice. God will take care of you.' Then for them, it is okay for God to take account. But when it comes to us, no, God won't take my account. So these are the mental traps that we fall into. And what are we scared of? See, that audience of one one day takes our account, or even that there is an audience of one. It should be very reassuring, isn't it? That God is with me, He is aware of my intentions, He's aware of my actions. So why are we scared of the judge? That is worth contemplating. Why are we scared of the judge? Because this judge scares us. Like God is a loving Father, is very loving, but God as a judge—even a gentle judge can seem scary. Why is it scary?

Yes, it's okay to be scared, but why is it scary? Because we're not giving a hundred percent and that we don't want to come into the account. So, scared of being punished. What will be the punishment for this thing? But we want those who wronged us, we want them punished. Those who live in ungodly ways that we have to encounter, we want them punished.

And what do we feel God's punishment will be like? If our biological parents, if those who love us and they're not going through some things for themselves, if they're really just able to be loving parents, their punishment is so loving and just to help us grow. Then why are we scared at all about God's punishment? And can there be a greater punishment than what we are doing to ourselves anyway? Is it? Can separation from God—can there be a greater punishment than that? So what are we scared of, His punishment? We are punishing ourselves in a much worse way. Can there be a greater punishment than the absence of love? To live a moment without love, can there be a greater punishment than that? But when we resent, when we hold grievances, when we get fever, when we get proud, that separation, that absence of His presence that is felt—there is no other hell than that. There can't be. This is hell enough.

So there is no need to be scared of His punishment. Everything that we have, we must offer to Him and say, 'This is where I am. This is what my life is. Do with me as You please.' And until you don't—till we don't have that sense, 'Do with me as You please,' then our surrender is just lip service, you see? On one hand we say, 'I'm fully surrendered to You, I'm fully surrendered to You.' On the other hand, you're scared of saying, 'Do with me as You please.' Then what is that? It cannot be any other way that God only knows how to love and God only knows how to be merciful. That beautiful line from—I'll never forget—He only knows how to love, you see? But if that one has to give us a nudge, if that one has to give us a push, then we better open our eyes, isn't it? Because one who is only merciful, if He has to be strong with us, then we have to open our eyes, isn't it?

So not about being scared, not about that kind of fear. It is an awareness of the audience of one. It is being present to His presence. So I made it simpler also in one satsang. I said if Krishna was sitting in the room with you, just do that what you would do when He's sitting in a room with you. And if you don't know whether you should do that when He's in the room with you, then ask Him. It may sound simplistic or may sound difficult, I don't know, but that's a simple way of putting it. And of course Krishna is Ram, Jesus, Allah, whichever way you want to put. He's there with you right now. Is He not here with you right now? Do we live like that? So who are we fooling? Are we fooling Him or ourselves? See? So you're getting the point about how it is about the audience of one always there with you.

And how many times do we replace that understanding of the true audience of one with the idea of the audience of the world or audience of people around us? The only one is the only one. So the audience of one doesn't mean that He is the only one that is important; it means that He is the only one. So if it feels like a fear, it feels like a trepidation, it feels that seems oppressive—Big Brother watching us type thing—then go deeper in your heart and you will feel, you will find that it is the most reassuring thing. Because you don't need the like on Facebook or Instagram. You don't need to be attached to what things seemingly are, approval and disapproval in the world, as long as you know in your heart that you're pleasing to Him. What do you have to worry about?

So it goes from a trepidation to a reassurance that God is always with us, He's always watching us. And if you know that there is something which your heart tells you is not on the right track, then why do it? Why do programming if it takes you away from God? Is money that important? Why watch the movie if you know it's taking you away from God? Is stimulus, is sensory enjoyment that important? And don't ever feel that I'm asking these questions just to you; I'm asking them to myself as well. And in this is a presumption that God is always going to be oppressive somewhere.

Hot oil spa? I think it—what are the standard procedures to do something? Oh, you mean the frying in the hellish hellfires? What are the dos and don'ts? Yeah, I just—because the more I hear and the more I read, the more it's like, okay, you have to be loving, you have to be humble, you have to be kind, you have to, you know, take care of your neighbors. You know, it's just a lot of things building up. You want to instead be just free, just be in the love of God. It's very hard for me to think of a censorious God or a scary God or a—you know, for me God is just so full of love and an equal amount of love and grace He's given to all His children. So how can there be separation? There is so much love, so much grace, and it's very hard for me to then police this one's behavior so strictly because He will be angry. I'm not being able to get there.

So let me explain that to you. It's very, very important to understand this. So He only knows how to love, only knows how to love. Now, we have so many people around us that we love deeply, isn't it? Now suppose you see a child who you deeply love and this child is just getting more and more separate from you, more and more making the calls to get themselves into a deeper and deeper mental turmoil, deeper and deeper mess in their life, like creating a mess of it. And you explain to this child lovingly. So now you say, 'Now I've explained to this child lovingly, now it is up to them.' Is it like that? Is that the extent of our love, that this child is going into a ditch, falling into a well, and they feel like they're doing a great job of their life, and now I've just told them lovingly because I'm a loving parent, now I have to stop? Is it like that? That is not the extent of our love.

So then how can we make boundaries according to what seems fine to our mind about how God has to guide us and love us? So if you have the faith that He can only love us—and that is what my faith tells me and what my experience tells me, that He only loves me—but does that mean that He doesn't give me a knock on the head from time to time? He does. And do I take it as His love in that moment? Maybe not at every moment. But do I see that it was the most important thing for me later? Yes, I do. So don't trap yourself into an idea of how He should be with us, you see? Because then we are looking at—in a way we are looking at reverse servitude without realizing it, of course, because we have framed how He should be towards us according to our idea of how He should be towards us. In fact, it should be the other way around.

Now, how do we know how He wants us to be? Our heart tells us moment to moment. Our heart tells us moment to moment. Yes, that's the whole essence of the pointing, you see? That you don't—so that's the main point that I was coming to is that you don't have to do it in a mental category of spirituality and good and bad. And often I explained this point: that why was it good for Arjuna to pick up the bow and arrow? Because the Lord told him. We don't need any other explanation of Dharma after that. The Lord told him and it was good. If the Lord had told him that you cannot do this to your close family, it is not right for you, then that would have been his Dharma. So we are not to make our spirituality into an ethicality. Our ethicality has to emerge from our spirituality exactly. So it's very important we have this conversation because I can see that something is starting to enter, but something is still not so clear about it. So our way of life, which is ethics—what is ethics?

And it was good if the Lord had told him that you cannot do this to your close family, it is not right for you, then that would have been hisa. So we are not to make our spiritual—our spirituality into an ethicality. Our ethicality, I'm inventing the word, has to emerge from our spirituality, exactly. So it's very important we have this conversation because I can see that something is starting to enter, but something is still not so clear about it. So our way of life, which is ethics—what is ethics? How should we live is ethics—our way of life has to emerge from what God is telling us. That is what to be in servitude, to follow God's will, means. It doesn't mean that I have made an idea of what your will is going to be and I will follow that. So nothing in satsang is intended to make you feel that way, but I can see how it may sound that way. But what is being pointed at is that we must follow God's will. We must follow God's will moment to moment, and He is showing us in our heart moment to moment through the presence of love, through the presence of openness, through the presence of peace, through the presence of presence itself, what is the right way to live, whether to turn left or right. And when we don't know, we have to wait.

You're getting a sense of the project? So it is not that we go to the mind and say, 'What would God want?' We go to God and say, 'What do you want?' And then it is not oppressive—this is, I should not say it is not oppressive—it is supremely oppressive to the mind, and it is supremely freeing to the rest of our being. We'll be either in servitude to our mind, which we take to be ourselves and we make God the other—is the strangeness of it all—or we will be in servitude to God. As long as the ability to be in servitude is there, meaning the notion of choice is there, we will be in servitude. Would you rather be a servant in Ram Ji's house or in Ravana's house? That is the call you have to take. And if you take yourself to be Ravana without seeing, without realizing, that is a life of suffering and oppression. Who could have a problem being a servant in Ram Ji's house? What would we rather be like? Just to have one moment of darshan of Him, to have to come as a servant a million times, it's very worthwhile.

Thank you, Father. I feel I was just getting very trapped in me, the head-me, to see, you know, spiritually. And the satsang is emptied out, so I'm wondering... it's something I'm saying, I realize that it's not...

And not emptied out because what I'm—I'm just joking about that, hopefully. But it's not usually what we see, what we hear in modern day, but it's a very important aspect of this vaada that that which still takes itself to be distinct, that is the one that's rebelling. If that one wasn't there, then what's the problem? So the one that is still taking itself to be distinct from God has a problem with servitude. And that's why it must be kept in servitude, because it has a problem with servitude. 'Can't I even watch a movie?' That's the voice of the resisting. It's very suffocating to the ego, and that is why this path is difficult. I'm not promising ease to anybody. It's not easy.

What happened? Yes, that is the compelling thing. So to just cut that out, you know, and that—I hope you realize that I made a complete parallel to this life, isn't it? That narrative about the movie, of course it happened like that, but it's a full parallel to this. Suppose you are to just—everyone loves the Nirguna in this—so suppose you had to fade into the Nirguna right now and you don't know what happened to the villains in your life and what happened to your children and what happened to any of this, then you won't love the Nirguna as much as you think you do, because that's what's waiting with bated breath to see.

Okay. Um, you have observed these patterns. When I'm in the crowd, around a lot of people...

When you're in the crowd, yeah?

Like, I forget being in God's light. Like, many—I forget being in God's light and it'll be like hours together and like in the Maya, completely absorbed. Like in a party, you like...

What kind of... like recently?

Uh, in the mall.

In a mall, yeah.

And then now, yeah, in the weekend I have a cousin's wedding and full-on family drama scene to be around them. And yeah, and I'm damn sure I'll not be in God's light.

So just now, starting from this moment, carry the intention with you that you will not let Maya win. You will stay with God's presence. You will stay in His light. And then when you forget, because it is bound to happen in a wedding—cousins, women, fun, so much, all of this—so then you forget, but you remember that, 'Ah, see, I've forgotten.' Then return. If you never remember, then you never remember. It's a write-off anyway.

Yeah, that I have observed in, you know, when I encounter too many people and my eyes are into...

So just your noticing itself is good. And then see, next time it happens, 'I will stay with God.' Next time it happens, 'I will stay with God.' And more and more, as much as possible. And remember that God knows. God knows. So that's—often I take this example, so I'm not giving you an excuse, okay—but in a wedding where you would be so fully caught up in Maya, if you remember Him three times or ten times, it's better than being alone at home for an hour and being fully with Him. Because God is aware of the temptation. In temptation, He is aware how tempting they are, and still in the midst of the highest or the strongest seeming temptations, you still made it a point so often to come to Him. That is very valuable. So do with your highest intention, with as much that you have to offer. That's all. That's all that's needed. You cannot go beyond what you can do, but we must do to the maximum, not the minimum.

Chat blowing up, angry messages. So one child said, 'What made you decide to sit on the ground rather than on the chair after a decade of sharing satsang from almost a pedestal? What made you?' I just felt like it was foolish of me to sit on a higher level than everybody else. I realized that I was foolish and maybe some pride was seeping in, or maybe a lot of pride. And I just felt that it'll be more authentic because what do I really have to offer anyone? I have to just try my best every day to make myself available to be God's instrument, and there may be many times where my pride gets the better of me and I make a full mess of that.

So some of the things that Atma was sending me, the Holy Spirit, Atma was sending me, also kept pointing in that direction. Especially a pastor saying that he shared a beautiful sermon and after that everyone was saying how great he is, and he overheard that conversation and he felt really bad that they were talking about how great he is instead of saying how great God is. And that story really touched me. Then another seeker shared, he said, 'Share God's word, share God's light, die and be forgotten.' That sounds so perfect. Share God's word or share God's light, share the gospel, die, be forgotten. What is in this Ananta? Nothing. So after satsang, just God, God, God. What will happen if this foolish man becomes some mahaguru, vishwaguru? What will happen? Nothing. Still have one bed to sleep on, one set of clothes to wear. At the same time, nothing. And he's going to die. His body is going to die.

So I realized somewhere that as I was getting older, I saw that there's nothing in this stuff. The only thing that counts is His light, His love, His presence. Did I make it about Him? And even this, am I making it about myself? That's the key. So more and more we see the unreality of the outer audience, you see the reality of only the inner one. Do I have a performative spirituality? I do. I still feel like these words are a bit performative, like speaking to an audience, and that pretense I need to work on every day. And I don't forget this project. I hope I don't forget this project. So can I share sincerely just for God's sake and not how I'm appearing to anyone, not what people think of me? Am I at that point? Maybe if all my children tomorrow after this attack me, maybe my pride will be hurt. Do I want to get there? I want to get there to a point where truly not even what you beloved children think of me is what counts. Only God. Only God. All of us. But I cannot preach it unless I try to live it.

This vaada thing, this vaada thing contains a lot of mysteries, and the deeper you dive into His life, His love, the more you are brought to your knees. So like, it is a never-ending project. A fancy term for that is Guru sadhana, that Guru also has to do sadhana. But I'm no Guru to speak about. So but the lifetime of work continues. But if you get into that Guru mold that 'I am the Guru,' that is the biggest trap in this world plane, and it's very difficult to avoid when so many are falling at your feet, so many are saying, 'We love you more than everything, our life is for you.' And the mind wants to make a shape out of that, wants to make you into something, and that is the shape that I'm calling the pretense, that mask. Like even now, I notice it for myself. Can I be fully transparent, fully naked? I'm learning, I'm trying to.

What is clear is that everything good that comes out of this one is a beautiful gift from God. And is there a capacity for foolishness to come out? Yes. But I see how that the vaada part of me, you know, that injects the foolishness, and I notice the trap which tells me that there is no vaada part of you. But then Grace showed me that that is the vaada part, the part that says that there is no distinct part of you. So why all this? That is the distinct part of me which has to be kept head bowed down. Otherwise, I don't want to afflict that kind of teacher on any of my children. And it's very, very possible that in the trajectory of this one, he could have gone in that direction. But Grace helped. No, I'm not—with full sincerity I say this—it's very possible after 10 years of sharing satsang you can get into a mode of somebody. No, but the trajectory was there and I see points where it was like that. So Grace blessed me that I was able to spot, and I'm able to spot even right now.

Can one be a fully transparent instrument of God? That is the experiment of this life. Have I succeeded? I haven't succeeded at all, far from it. Do I feel in my heart it's getting a little better? Yes, I do feel that, to be honest. That consolation is there. Do I know how much of a road it still is? I don't know. I can only walk the next step. So I realized that the teacher is only... did you see anyone see the Olympic 100m dash? So the winner won by one five-thousandth of a second or something like fifteen-hundredth to five-thousandth of a second, something some absurd thing like that, huh? They could and they had the technology or something to clock that. So that is the difference between a teacher and a disciple in this world, just that much. And just that much, I know, can seem like heaven and hell. When I look at this boy, at best, if he deserves to be called your teacher at all, it is just that much. But I promise you that I'm working on myself constantly. That's the least I can do in return for your love. And may Grace, may God, may all the sages, may they never bring this man to a point where he feels that he's got it now or he doesn't need any work on himself.

Request. Couple of months ago, I think you said that you were trying to put together a playlist of YouTube videos and all that that you keep listening to, right? Could you share those? I don't know how, maybe as a playlist or something?

Yes, thank you. Thank you for reminding. What time do we have? Full emo today. My kids would say, my kids would say, 'Why are you getting so emo, bro?' Let's go to Kesha.

Hi, Father.

Hello.

Oh shoot, I can hear you. Okay. Um, this fire just like came up really strong just recently, just now, and I just want to really combine myself with your prayer that you just said. And it's just seen more and more how important love is, you know? That nothing can—nothing is higher than that. Like all of the spiritual experiences and the insight and the levitation or...

Full emo today. My kids would say, 'Why are you getting so emo, bro?' Let's go to Kha. Hi, Father. Hello. Oh shoot, I can hear you. Okay. Um, this fire just like came up really strong just recently, just now. And I just want to really combine myself with your prayer that you just said. And it's just seen more and more how important love is, you know? That nothing can—nothing is higher than that. Like all of the spiritual experiences and the insight and the levitation or anything like that, it doesn't matter. Like even Awakening or Enlightenment—like if I don't love, then I—it doesn't matter. I have nothing. And I just really want to live by this. And I just—I need help. And I really just—I don't want anything else to matter, you know? I don't want to be just to be so focused on this idea of spirituality and evolution that I miss that, that I can just be so cruel to life and God, you know? And because it's just seen more and more by just experience of even just being feeling rejected by, you know, events, and how important it is to love. And more than this spiritual path, I have to say that. And maybe that's blasphemous, but I have nothing if I don't have that.

Yes. And that is the spiritual path. If anything can get in the way of the spiritual path, then that which we are taking to be the spiritual path is not the spiritual path. Love is the spiritual path.

Yeah. Yeah, and I just—I really want to live that, you know? And really for these words to be true and to have that be the priority and the way of life, and not just this insight of it being important. To really embody it, Father, more than anything. More than a pedestal, more than what I can say I know, more than any of that. More than your reassurance, more than being the highest devotee. Like if nobody ever knows me, knows my name, I want to at least know that I can truly love and love.

Yes. Full, full blessings. Full blessing. And um, I'm grateful that Ram is bringing all this out of us today because it's so important to recognize that it doesn't matter what is happening in the outer, but if you don't live in His holy presence and you're crowned the king of the universe, it means nothing at all.

Yeah. Very, very important. Just—just help us, Father. Like if you could just pray that this becomes more—the most important. Yes, even if there's failing and there is that, we keep coming back to it. Yes, without consolation or reassurance. Yes, without the gifts, without needing to be noticed, without needing to be loved. I want to love without needing to be loved, Father.

Very good. Very even. By God, that's an impossible one. My prayers can't help with that. That's—that's too difficult, to love God without being loved by Him. No, I know what you—know what you mean. Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

Thank you, Father. Thank you. Okay. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I just thought to come up. And uh, thank you for today's Satsang. Somehow it's a—I don't know, maybe it's a small thing, but it has been—thank you. It has been very restful. And somehow with everything, it's very—I say very thank you. Yeah, very, very right, restful. And yeah, I just—I don't know, I just wanted to also like, I don't know, come forward when you said like, 'Don't let the things fester in you,' and uh, to the sister there. And um, that yeah, somehow not to—not to be brought away from Satsang. And um, yeah, and also what Kha was right now saying and you were saying about love, and to expose that somehow. I don't know, there's—but there has not been so much love lately somehow. And I don't know why. I kind of do know why, actually. I don't know if it's too long to share but—or like, but somehow I've been noticing, and you saying as you said, 'It's hell.' Yeah, I would keep—yeah, it's like that. Yeah, to—to live without love and...

Yeah, very happy to hear, my dear, that you—you're noticing this and you're returning back to His calling, which is love. His love is His calling us, pulling us back in to His life, to His presence. So I pray that you return to this love, that this love returns to you, because that is the perfume of God that you can follow right back to its source.

Thank you. Maybe also if—if I can. Somehow it has not—not been so, because in the—in the past it—it's been like so obvious how God's will can guide us. And with that not being apparent and kind of without that, we are kind of—I must say we are lost. It feels like—like we don't know what's good for us at all. Yeah, and somehow it has been, I must admit, very difficult now to—to see how to follow because um, even though I'm trying to follow God's will, sometimes it's not so apparent somehow. I must admit that uh, yeah. Yeah, sometime also Gyan said—said on... like uh, like I thought it was for me now, like—like um, that uh, like you're acting like something... like I don't remember the exact words... like—like complete intuition, but actually like it's—it's then your actions don't show it. And somehow I feel like that, to be honest. Like that I'm guiding somewhere, but it turns out like it's like complete mess or...

Yeah, I hear you. I hear you. That part of it—and we were talking about this last time as well—that there is always going to be... to follow God's will, to be in God's presence, to be guided by God, will always seem like an act of faith. It will not just—it'll never seem 100% obvious. Some risk, some faith will always be needed.

Yeah. Yeah, but how can I be guided by then? I—I don't feel God's presence is completely apparent to me, or I don't know if this is just an idea. Like, how can we be guided then?

If you are inward facing but you don't see the light in the altar, but you're still facing the altar, you're still guided by God. And um, it is—it is probably even more love that you're receiving from God because to have the faith to remain inward facing even though His presence is not palpable, that—that is a very beautiful thing.

And by inward facing, like open, you mean open and empty or inquiring or praying all the time? Like...

Yeah, as long as you are not in the center of your life and He is. The tool is secondary, the method is secondary.

I must admit I've been staying with it a lot and like the idea or like praying all the time. It's—like verbally saying the prayer is like to expose—like it's quite—it's impossible. Like I start with that, but like after five, ten minutes, half an hour, or like then inquiring and uh, yeah. Um, thank you. Thank—thank you.

Okay, let's go to Paula. Am I making everyone cry today? What's...

Just not so sure what to say. Just was—is very touched by—by what was shared. Yeah, and maybe I'm just want to say that I'm very happy for—for this uh, um, that for your guidance on the path of love. And—and I see that I, as—as Kha was saying, just I—I know I don't love enough. I—I know I don't love enough. Like anyone, you know, that you don't love...

Can you finish? I didn't get the last part of your sentence. That 'I know that I don't love'?

Yes, you don't love. You don't love. And—and I want it. And I know it's the—it's the only way. And that's—we are alive for that.

The one contemplation then could be that when we really know something, you see, it is known only in the presence of love. Then you know intuitively, you know in your heart. So this is a bit of a Zen thing what you said, that 'I know that I don't love.' Because if you were to really know, then that knowing has to be on fire with love, you see. So is your love telling you that you don't love?

I guess I—I say it because I—I'm living in hell most of the time.

And that is the work we have to do. That is the work we have to do moment to moment, thought by thought, to change the focus back to God. But to know that we are living a hellish life is much better than to—to be living in hell and pretending we are in heaven. A life of separation, a life of egotism is a hellish existence. But most of our brothers and sisters and ourselves, we don't recognize so many times that when hell—when ego feels like God, then um, we feel like everything is just right, we're winning. But to recognize that we are—we have a lot of work to do, we have to deepen in our love, to deepen in our devotion, our servitude, inquiry, prayer, then we are on the right track.

You know that yesterday I was listening to Francis Chan. Oh yeah. And he was saying something like um, that this love we cannot like um, perform it or um, be better at, or it's just the grace of God. That it's only by His grace. It's not I. And—and that is also like a koan because then you say, 'Then what can I do to love more?' It's not something that we can do. It's just I—I—I don't know, but it felt very like the only thing. I—I just can't have faith.

Yes. How to deepen in love? I feel one simple instruction after such a complicated Satsang will help everyone, which is to just pray all the time. And whether the prayer is in the form of inquiry, whether the prayer is in the form of prayer, whether the prayer is in the form of silent sitting in prayer—whichever way that you focus on God, just keep your focus on God all the time. That will take care of faith, it will take care of humility, it will take care of love, it'll take care of gratitude. Everything is needed for that. And some of you get irritated sometimes saying, 'Why is Father talking about all of these things?' And you see, because um, as you point these things out and you look at all of these things, then your prayer all the time becomes simpler. And then when your prayer all the time becomes simpler, then your faith, humility, all of that gets easier. So it's a virtuous circle and you—we meet it in both ways.

Sometimes I—I get very confused about uh, I mean like it's like an idea that I have to like conflict with actions. Like if I want to stay in God, that I cannot do anything. I have to basically just stay sit—like sitting and just with my eyes closed. Like the example you were giving with the movie, when you went to the movie. Like everything seems less worthy of my attention. Everything. And that would mean like being like a stone. And that gets me very confused because I know you said it's not like that. Yeah. And yeah, so and—and I've been very unactive for... and that does—and that also leaves me a lot of trouble in my life. So I don't know, it's—that's why it's confusing.

The word 'attention' is confusing. So let's break it down and say: is it really attention or is it value? Nothing is really worthy of our value except God. But um, if attention is so deeply linked to that for some things, then it may be needed to cut out our attention from that. But for most things that show up in this world, just to value God more than that, that is enough usually. So sometimes we use attention or focus for that word which is actually value or belief. So just value God in your heart much more than anything else that is showing up. And if you can't, then just cut out your attention as well if there is something. So if you're determined to value God more than everything else and then repetitively you see that this particular thing, when your attention is on it, you can't value God as much, then cut that out from your life.

Yeah, but that would mean like cut everything.

Like if that's what it means. But I—I would not jump to that conclusion. Just see for yourself. Like if you find your focus away from God in every case that your attention is outside with anything...

Well, I have—I will have to experiment with that because I don't know really. I mean the idea is that yes, that every time that I'm um, focusing my attention on it, on things, I'm not with God. That's the idea that I have. But maybe I'll have to pay more attention.

We have to see. We have to see. Because um, suppose you're just looking into the eyes of a little child in your family. Are you away from God? Are you away from God?

Then I don't know. Maybe I don't know what it is to be with God. I don't know, Father.

Let's find out. Let's find out. So use your prayer, use your inquiry, use everything that Satsang has offered to you and let's really find out. Because to find out is very important. We can't waste more time. We have to find out. Let's work on this together and find out.

We have to see, we have to see because, suppose you're just looking into the eyes of a little child in your family, are you away from God? Are you away from God? Then I don't know, maybe I don't know what it is to be with God. I don't know, Father. Let's find out. Let's find out. So use your prayer, use your inquiry, use everything that Satsang has offered to you and let's really find out because to find out is very important. We can't waste more time. We have to find out. Let's work on this together and find out what it means to be with God and what it means to separate ourselves, as notional as that separation may be. It is still the experience of separation, still the experience of a hellish existence.

Good, good. Well, I feel I'm leaving it like for a project in the future. Maybe I'm not, maybe focusing now on what you're saying. It is now, now, now, and it is a lifetime project.

Yes, both are true. Both are true. So now God, now presence, now light, now recognition of the Self, now in that moment of being. Within all of this is true, and yet because my 'I' is compelling, nobody can say that it is not a lifetime of work. Because without that, Mooji would never have said 'vigilance to my dying breath.' He would have said, 'I saw myself now and that's it.'

Thank you, Father. I feel it's a bit late now. Thank you, thank you. Still hands, thank you. Thank you so much. Bless.

Let's go to Atti.

Hello. Um, how are you doing, my Father? Um, yeah, first of all, I want to say that here somehow it's like the change and Satsang, the way you deliver it, like was very welcomed here. Like it felt like, yeah, like a fresh air, something like that. Like, yeah, they're very welcome here. And I don't know, like I'm almost afraid to say that because like I can't grab onto things, but seems like here, like there is more, not more, but like something in me chooses love, acceptance, and forgiveness. And yeah, choosing that, I'm very happy to hear that. And it felt and it feels, I feel it in my being as well. How like, because I guess it's easier to go with, I don't know why I'm crying, yeah, it's like maybe easier to go with hate or unacceptance. I'm talking about everything and anything in life, you know? Yeah. And yeah, but that's not why I raised the hand. Maybe something else was happening, quite interesting, and I don't understand why it is like that. Yes, and maybe if you could explain or okay, maybe I'm just making these things up, I'm not entirely sure. But like, let's say in some, it just happens, something like triggers like very, but like I'm not saying like we all do feel emotions, but like very heightened, very, it's almost like a match. It comes off and that, and I don't carry it through the day let's say, but it comes so strong. Like even today, that's why I raised my hand. Like I don't understand, like it happened.

And what is the usual emotion that is being experienced at that time?

No, it's almost like, yeah, like very aggression, very masculine energy, like very, very, like I'm just amazed and surprised where is it even coming from because I would never think that I carried something like that in me. Yes, and even today something happened, like I won't go into detail, but um, almost felt like, you know when I used to have like the body shakes? Yes, yeah, something like that. Like I could see it, but I couldn't like control it. So today something like that happened and I'm just, I'm seeing it, I'm watching it almost like a slow motion and it stopped just like that.

And in that time, do you feel like your focus on God's presence is still there or it's completely gone in those few seconds?

I'm gone. No, I would, I think so, yeah. Yes, so by the way, I didn't hurt anyone or anything. No, nothing like that.

Yes, I'm not worried about that. So what we can do in those times, we can't do anything really because it's just out of control those times. But the rest of the time, just as much as possible in your heart, just in pure insight, in pure love, in devotion to God. And then these times, by His grace, if it is His will, will just keep reducing, just keep getting better and better. So don't worry about what to do in that time because it just feels like we are so swayed fully in that time that there's no antidote possible. But what you do around that time is, as much as possible, surround yourself in the light of spirit, in the light of the Atma, and He will bless you with more and more auspiciousness.

But Father, like, you know, this is like a brand new thing, so I'm just like, I don't understand where is it from?

What it sounds like, it just sounds like what you would call a release, and just some pent-up things which you never knew you had but just getting out of your system. But let's see, let's see how it goes. My feeling is that your staying with Him, with His presence, will make it milder and milder and maybe unnoticeable fairly quickly.

Yeah, I needed to check because it's like, what is happening?

Yes, I can understand. I can understand.