Come Into an Acceptance of a God-Dictated Life Instead of a God-Assisted Life – 14th October 2022

So if you come to the—and we will go through it together and then you confirm this for me—I will guide you through it so that it's obvious, conceptual, but that without quality, you cannot come to the quality-less in two different ways. You cannot say, 'Okay, now Ananta's experience or Guruji's experience or Papaji's experience, you see, of the unperceivable could be different from my experience of the unperceivable,' because the unperceivable is empty of all qualities and distinctions. So, this what I'm proposing is the antidote to the doubt which can say, 'But how can you confirm that what Ananta has found is the same as what you are finding?'

Let's look at this together now. The question probably you heard before: So if I ask you, are you aware now? What is it that you recognize?

I'm, I'm nervous.

Shall we go a bit slower? Maybe we can go a bit slower.

Yes, please. Yes, please.

So what is important to realize is that the number one ground rule of Advaita Vedanta is that all that you can perceive is in the realm of change. It is in the realm of change. So that which is perceivable cannot be the finality of the truth that we are looking for, you see? So that is the first thing. The second thing is to recognize that no matter how hard we try, we cannot think our way to this. So my favorite line about this is from the Guru Granth Sahib. They say, 'Sochai soch na hovai je sochi lakh var,' which means you may think and think and think a hundred thousand times, but the recognition of the truth will never be a product of our thinking. So therefore, then we need some guidance which will take us beyond. Okay, there's a lot of bass in the audio. Okay, how is it now? Is it the same? Is it worse?

I feel being pulled in deeper. I was just asking audio for a moment. In just a second, I was just asking about the audio.

Okay, it's a little bit shaky because I, I mean, you know, I'm in the United States, so sometimes transmissions from India tend to be a little bit choppy. I see. Okay, um, so how is it now for everyone?

That's better, actually.

Okay, so what is the point we have come to? That when it comes to the recognition of the truth, it's a kind of a weird thing. It's kind of a weird thing because everything else that we recognize is either through perception or through a concept of something, through having a concept of something. So the Self is recognized without any of these two instruments, that is perception and conceptualization. You cannot think about it and you cannot perceive the Self. This is important for us to see because most spiritual seekers are operating still in these two realms of knowledge to try and find self-knowledge and self-discovery over there. So then you may say—am I going too fast?

Yeah, I'm getting there now.

So, not perception. You cannot find the Self objectively. It will not be an experience in front of your sight or your hearing or your taste or touch and none of that. That's simply what I'm trying to say. And if you have the highest concept of God—'I am the unchanging Brahman itself, the pure witnessing itself'—at best those words can point you to the recognition, but they in themselves do not contain the truth of what you are. That's all that I'm saying.

So then, if there is something needed, it is only a pointer or some guidance in terms of... you may say, 'All that I know is what I perceive and what I think about. I don't find any other mode of knowledge.' So to answer a question like that, I say ask yourself: Who am I? Ask yourself: Who am I? Or Guruji may say, 'Was it born? Are you going to die?' So as a version of these questions, I may ask you: Are you aware now? Are you aware now? And if that is still complicated, I can simplify it and say, okay, who is aware of the perception of this hand on your screen? Who's aware of the perception of this hand?

The one that's perceiving. The perceiver.

Yes, yes. And is that one you, or does this information come to you secondhand, so to speak?

It's me.

So this confirmation that this one that is aware of all perceptions, including the perception of the hands, is not coming... do you see that? Do you perceive it?

Yes, and I'm afraid to say yes. That's the, I think that's where my biggest problem is. I just asked myself who's perceiving this, and there is no mental answer to that. That was experiential, yes. But at the same time, I'm afraid to confirm it.

Yes, I was just saying that if you allow me to ask some more questions, you will see that although it is an experience, it is unlike any other experience that we can ever have. Because if I ask you, what is the color of that 'you'? What is the shape of that 'you'? What is the size of that 'you'? Name any quality for that one. What would your answer be?

I, I can't describe anything discernible about it.

Yes, it's simply there.

Yes.

Even that, in the sense that it is just a tool for communication, because the 'thereness' of it is not in any kind of localizable space that we can point to, you see? We cannot see where exactly it is. We cannot say inside the body or outside the body, inside the universe or outside the universe. You cannot see any of these things about it, isn't it? Or can we?

When I close my eyes, I'm more certain of it than when I open my eyes. Suddenly I feel like I'm not there anymore.

Yes, yes, yes. So I will help you with that a little bit more again, because the mind will play this trick with you that only when eyes are closed is the apparent self-knowledge clear, you see? But it is not so. Although it is natural, like in Satsang also, like right now my eyes are closed, many times my eyes are closed while sharing. It is natural for attention to get withdrawn from perceptions, you see, for many of us. And yet that does not mean that the truth is clearer only when the eyes are closed, you see? And I will help you with that. So just keep putting all your attention on the hand again and tell me if you are aware of it. You're aware of this perception?

Yes.

So this 'you' which is aware of the perception is recognized even if attention is fully in the so-called outside. Beautiful discovery in itself, that independent of the working of attention, self-recognition is always available.

I'm feeling more confident about it.

You'd have to, in the sense that that aspect of your being, that aspect of your being that can be convinced or unconvinced, that can doubt or be clear, we are not trying to cater to that aspect at all. We are allowing it to do whatever it wants, you see? So the job is not for God to convince a man or for the truth to be that apparent that it convinces the mind, because the mind's nature is to doubt. This is to convince you of your limitation, you see? So most spiritual seekers, when you fall into that trap where they feel like the ultimate goal is to have a completely convinced mind about it, but it's not that, okay? You don't have to bother with what the mind is concluding. Its conclusions are not your conclusions. You're coming to a conclusion much more simply when you just say, 'Of course it is I that is aware of this perception, of this voice.'

Yes, and if you try to filter that conclusion through the intellect or the mind-intellect function, then it will start to doubt it again. It will say, 'But I don't find anything. I don't find it there,' you see? So you cannot filter it like that. With the innocence of a child, you just notice that all perceptions, all the senses, you are aware of them. It's simple and it's immediate. It does not require any working. Intuition doesn't need any working, you see? It is only the mind and perception that needs steps. So this 'you' is both ungraspable in a sensory way and no matter what you think about it, it will still be too limiting for your direct insight about it, you see?

So now this is the easy part, okay? Believe it or not, the recognition of the Self is the easy part. This is Atma Gyan. You have found yourself independent of all perception and independent of all thought process. This is the simple part. The seemingly more difficult part, although in trust and devotion it is not difficult at all, the seemingly more difficult part is when the mind says, 'Okay, now what does this mean for me?' To allow that to come and go, you see? Because our habit is, 'What's in it for me? What about me?' So to let go of that, you can see, is more difficult. And this is where surrender comes in. This is where trust comes in, because you are coming to a pristine discovery with a great simplicity. With the grace of God, you are discovering it so beautifully, undoubtedly. But the mind will continue to be the lawyer for the non-existent ego, you see, and try to trip you up by inserting a 'me' in the picture where right now you don't experience such a 'me'. You just experience yourself as this awareness which is independent of color, shape, size, and all thinking. That is your direct insight and it's undoubtable, really. But the mind will come and say, 'Okay, what does this mean for Jen's life?'

So what I want you to do as a small gift in return for taking you through this process is give Jen's life over to God. Just a minor gift. And you cannot do it in half measures. You cannot do it in any half measures. You have to hand it over completely because the apparency of self-knowledge, the apparency of God's presence, okay, is completely available to you only except in the hypnosis of identification due to a message from the mind. Is it too confusing? Maybe I can repeat. So what I'm really saying is that as you are open and empty, the Self is apparent. God's presence is apparent. No 'me' is found. Just like that. All of you can experiment with this. In fact, it is full of... see, it is just so simply clear. Now, in the human play, you see, in the world's play of Maya, you see, the power of belief and identification by Consciousness itself has been given the ability to seem like it puts us in a hypnosis.

Due to a message from the mind, is it too confusing? Maybe I can repeat. So what I'm really saying is that as you are open and empty, the Self is apparent. God's presence is apparent. No meaning is found. Just like that, all of you can experiment with this. In fact, it is full of—see, it is just so simply clear now. In the human play, you see, in the world's play of Maya, you see, the power of belief and identification by Consciousness itself has been given the ability to seem like it puts us in a hypnosis where the Self does not seem to be apparent anymore. Yeah. So what you could do is you could try to take a notion to be true and keep that apparency here alive.

No, mind is telling me, um, 'You're not sincere enough to surrender.' This is good. Good. Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Mind.

So, so the mind is saying this now. As for a moment—and I have rarely ever advised anyone to do this—for a moment, take it to be true. Exercise the power of your belief. And as you take it to be true, see whether your Self is still as apparent as it was a moment ago. Nothing has changed. And yet, is it using the power of belief? The hypnosis makes it seem like I am a limited object again.

Yes, it's trying to constrict. Um, strong for that constriction.

Yes, and that is why I proposed a very simple solution to you. Because the mind will always attack you in this way, saying, 'You are not devoted enough, you are not sincere enough, you have too many different priorities,' your whatever. It will try to convince you. So my real solution for that is to hand over all of this that you could call 'me' over to God. So when the mind comes and says, 'You are not sincere,' what problem? Who is to do it? So although I can bring everyone in this conversation into an insight of the Self, because that is the super easy part and it's universal and it's clear, you see, in this design of this Lila, this plane, you see, Consciousness playing as aspects of Consciousness cannot be forced into the surrender, cannot be forced into the acceptance of a God-driven life, a God-dictated life, from the position of wanting a God-assisted life.

So, so surrender really is to come into acceptance of a God-dictated life instead of a God-assisted life. We want to surrender so that God can help our life, or our insight, or our truth, you see? So then actually it is just a tactical ploy: use God to make me better or my life better, you see? Surrender is not that. Surrender is to be in God's presence, in the presence of the Being. If 'God' is a troublesome word for some of you, then we can look at it as Consciousness or Being. It's completely fine. So be in the light of this presence with no conceptual notion of what your story is and what your story should be.

Um, okay. I realized that in this conversation I'm, I'm saying a lot of things. I'm seeing a lot of things over there, and it will be helpful because we record this if you could review this conversation in your own time. That will also be helpful because I'm just sharing the, the core of what I'm talking to you, see, with you. So, so where are we? What I'm saying is that if you ask yourself whether you are aware now, as you're open and empty, immediately you come to the recognition. It's undoubtable, you see? And it's also undoubtable that this 'you' doesn't have a color, it doesn't have a shape. It's also undoubtable that it is you. Yes. What does the mind—may want to play with that, you see? It is undeniable that it is I that is aware of this person, it is aware of this world. And doubt, you see, except in the mind where everything is. So it is clear. What I mean by undoubtable is that it is a very clear insight without needing to perceive a single thing, without needing to confirm through our head a single thing. It is just clear, you see? So that is the simple stuff, you see.

Now, in the eleven years of sharing this, what I realized is that the tricky part is to let go of the, the attachment to the 'me' which then wants a God-assisted life, you see? It wants this experience also of the Self to assist them in some way, either through an unending Ananda, unending bliss, or some, some idea about what this life should be, you see? But anytime we want God to serve me, we are really saying that me as God—higher than God. How would we expect God to serve me? Yeah. You see? So our—sorry, my dear, but our attempts to ask for help from God, you see, are completely provisional. At some level it is fine, but at this point, we want the truth to be in service to the person. That must already be starting to sound ludicrous, isn't it?

Yes, yes. It's a lot to take in. Um, it's that, that's the part where I get confused, asking God for help with this and that, and at the same time surrendering and saying, 'Okay, whatever will happen or whatever is in the script will happen, and give me the strength to deal with that.' So I oscillate between the two and somewhere in between, I, you know, the person who just crops up full force.

That's why I'm giving you the, the antidote to that. The only antidote to that, you see. So, so often I say that there are three D's, the three pillars of the ego. The first pillar is the idea of duality: that there is a 'me' and there is 'other,' or there is a 'me' and there is a 'God.' Whatever differentiation and distinction we can make is the idea of duality. Surrender means that there is no idea; there is only God. There is only the Self, whatever term we, we prefer to use, you see? There is no such duality. Now, if there is no such duality, then the second leg of the ego, which is to say, uh, if there is duality, then how can I make myself better and bigger? Which is actually just another term for desire, you see? To make ourselves bigger by wanting things, you see? So the antidote to desire is only to want God's will. And what, what is God's will? This, this. Neither distinction between manifest and unmanifest. Just to—so, no duality, only God. No desire, only God's will.

And then the third trick of the mind is to say, 'Okay, now if I want this, which is that I believe in desire, then what can I do about it? What can I do to get there?' You see? And then do just what your heart is saying moment to moment. Just follow your heart moment to moment. And it is important to remember that the silence of your heart is as good a guidance as any other guidance, if not better, actually. So in this short conversation, we've sort of deconstructed most of spirituality and what is being pointed to in spirituality. We've looked at the search for God, the search for the truth, and the simplicity of the discussion. We've looked at the mind's possible responses to this, proposing duality, desire, and doership. And we have looked at the antidote to that being complete surrender, because half measures just do not work.

Accepting of God's will as far as this life has to play out is the antidote to the idea of a separate 'me' who wants to use even the discovery of the truth for some selfish personal motivations. And, and they can be very spiritual sounding, they can be very confounding. 'I want to have a life of peace.' Very beautiful. You feel like we came to spirituality, but not even that. Not even that. I want what God wants. That simplifies it.

Yes, yes.

The truth is super simple. The truth is super simple. So the minute you start creating a few variables, like two or three variables or two or three aspects, and you're trying to compute it, notice that you've gone too far. I think that's a simple tip I have for you. Just super simple. The minute it becomes intellectual, complex—'but this, then that, as a result of this, cause and effect'—just forget about it. You've gone too far. It is no longer spiritual way. And that is the nature of the mind, to try and keep this complication alive and, and so Consciousness plays as if it is operating under the hypnosis of the limitation of this voice. I'm happy to hear your reports of any time when you have next week. I'll be here. Very welcome.

So often we have said that either Jnana, the knowledge, Self-knowledge, or surrender is the path to the truth. I want to say to all of you today: why not both? Self-knowledge is available to you, as you're being pointed to it. Yes. Surrender completely because the play of conceptual conditioning will continue to press your buttons till you surrender all events, outcomes, relationships, everything. If you have the tiniest idea about what this is and where this is going, it will only get in the way. And now what I'm asking you for is to come to effortlessness, you see? So although it may sound like a great sacrifice to you—'surrender? Why? I have to have things and then God will help me'—no, surrender is the gift that you can give to yourself. God doesn't need your surrender. God doesn't need your, uh, obedience. God does not need you to follow God's will. But it is the highest gift that you can give to yourselves.

And what does it mean to be fully surrendered? Just to be fully open, to remain in the unborn now. How can you tell whether you're being intuitive or you're being mental? You can really confirm that you're being intuitive only when what you really are is apparent to you. Because any other time when it is not apparent to you, you are under the hypnosis, the spell of the thought, the identification, you see? So that simple exercise we did, we said, 'Who's aware of the perception of this hand?' You noticed 'I,' which is empty of any color, shape, quality. That apparency doesn't go away. Try to make it go away just by perceiving something. Do this experiment also. Just perceive something, perceive something as much attention as you want, and try to make the apparency of Self-knowledge go away. Can't do it unless you activate—yes, what do you think? And then you go to the thinking and then it says, 'But how can I keep this? It is fine now, but what about me after that?' This is the 'me' comes in through these even humble-sounding proposals from the mind. So forget about 'me.'

So a truly surrendered 'me' is not a surrendered 'me' but a forgotten 'me.' A truly surrendered 'me' is not a surrendered 'me'—'Oh, I'm so surrendered'—it's a forgotten 'me.' Who? Me? Who? So one of you very beautifully reminded me of something I used to say many years ago, maybe six, seven years ago. I used to say, 'It's a God now or meow.' So God now. Right now, God. For 'me,' the minute you pick up the 'me,' then the 'how' is inherent in the tail of this 'me.' So you can operate in God's light or operate as if you're a cat. Will your job be taken care of? No, of course not. Like God can't handle your job. Sustaining this universe and your God—your job is too much? I'm being sarcastic.

Did I specify? Can, can God take care of your family, your relationships? Now, the point is, please don't misunderstand me. I'm not, I'm not proposing some external passivity, you see? The body just, just sit there in bed all day and then God is taking care. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that this body also allowed to move in the light of Consciousness as it is moving. Don't try to exert some specific control on this instrument which you don't have really, because that makes the limitation—the idea of you being a limited body or a limited instrument—seem like it is true. So inwardly we open and empty and allow the functioning to move. And if we continue to move in whatever way without it being having to comply to the mind's idea of what is the right movement, do not confuse the circumstances and events playing out in front of your eyes to mean something about your spirituality. Do not expect the Lila to dance to your ideas, as highly spiritual as they may seem.

Okay, so am I really getting this? Forget about it. Stay like this. What happens after satsang? Forget. What is the best gift you can give right now to the one that will be there after satsang? Suppose there is such a one. What is the best gift? Is it your attempt right now to fully understand? Is that the best place? No. Your full absorption of that which is being pointed to is the greatest gift you can give, higher than any mental tactic you could have. So don't try to determine whether you are in the right place, in the wrong place, you see? Coming from the right place, coming from the wrong place, you—

The best gift you can give right now to the one that will be there after satsang—suppose there is such a one—what is the best deal? Is it your attempt right now to fully understand? Is that the best place? No. Your full surrender of that which is being pointed to is the greatest gift you can give, higher than any mental tactic you could have. So don't try to determine whether you are in the right place or the wrong place, you see. Coming from the right place, coming from the wrong place—you forget about you. Forget about you; that is the only right place. See, because in your determination that 'I am coming from the right place,' you are still inserting a mask. Inserting a mask on your original light. It is still that one in the middle trying to be a claimant to the truth, see, inserting itself in the narrative.

Okay, simply we were saying that is to say that if you can propose what is happening to you, or if you can add what you think is happening to you to your story, just forget about it, you see. So it could be very simple. 'Ah, it's finally becoming clear today what he's saying.' Just forget about it. Not even that. You don't need to insert any more sentences anymore, any claims to some reality into this whole story of you. What is happening to you? No idea. Not even 'no idea.' So this complete radical letting go is purely needed, and in actuality, it is the simplest.

So if you approach this instruction from a human perspective—'I am the human and I had this life, I am a person, human body, and I have this life'—it may sound like the ultimate sacrifice because I'm saying give up on your life. Give up on your life inwardly; allow God to run it. So to the one who falsely believes that it is in control of this life and this life is all that it is, it can seem like a great sacrifice. But to the one that sees that this appearance is nothing but one in a million dreams, and this dream character which I take myself to be is nothing but an appearance in this dream, it's nothing, you see.

So what I'm saying is let go of this. What happens to this dream character? If you take yourself to be so rigid and 'I am this one and I have to live my life and I have to do this and I have to dance,' it's okay. We're on different channels at the moment. Forget about me. It's not God for me; it is God for God, okay? We don't realize how often the request we are making is for God to come into servitude to the ego. Every time we try to tell God, 'Yes, please God, this is what should happen,' in the form of a humble-sounding prayer, what are we saying? 'You don't know what you're doing, man. Let me tell you.' What is the specialness that God should follow our instructions? What's so great about us that the only existence should follow the ramblings of a non-existent ego? This is the work of this limited idea of people. This is the way that Maya operates.

The frame is very narrow. The frame is playing around. Maybe one can fit. If one can fit, it cannot be God and me. If there is God, there is no me. And if there is me, there is no God. But I feel like it carries a very strong pointer which you must take to heart. It is not God for me. It is not for the God-assisted life. It is either God or me, and you have no excuses now. Because the presence of God is that which is aware of that which is the coming and going even of being and not being. So it's being made so simple and clear to you. Don't allow the mind to trip you with 'What about him?' and all that it has. It has no other tools. There's nothing in its toolkit. Even its most highest-sounding messages make a reference to you, either directly or obliquely, as if you are a body-mind, as if you're a spiritual seeker, as if you are a disciple, as if you are something—basically, as if you're a person.

What is the need for this knowledge if you trust the knowledge of the heart? What's the need for this conceptual knowledge from here if you can be fully trusting with the knowledge in your heart? The only need is that if you still have an attachment to progressing in your story, the heart may not give you the right things to be able to insert. 'What does this all mean? What is this? I came to satsang with Ananta and what happened?' It means like the habit is going to have it. It is to try and see, try to come to a conceptual conclusion about what is happening because we are so addicted to that. That is the biggest addiction in the human condition: to be able to situate ourselves in our narrative moment to moment and say, 'Now this and this is good, so more of this should happen. Oh, now this is happening, but this should not happen again,' you see.

But without that, God, God, God. What is happening, God? Who is the protagonist of your story? And how long will we sell that non-existent ego? Or as my kids would say, who is the protagonist of your story and why is it me? Who is God for you? Is God higher or is the ego higher for you? Who is meant to serve whom? Whose desire is valuable? Whose story is important? The child has asked me something about the spiritual ego, and since then, maybe so many different answers. But the spiritual ego is that one which expects to have a God-assisted life. It can sound like a radical statement because all of us are sort of used to saying, 'God, please help me.' So, yeah. My Father, can some of our prayers not come from God? Yes. And that's why the true advice I'm giving you is to just be intuitive. And I've shown you also how you can always be intuitive no matter whatever your mental category about your life may be, whether you're at work, you're trying to fix your relationship, you're trying to make the body move, you're trying to find the Self—just be intuitive.

Do you like that word? I keep talking about the bird that, living alone the first year of its life, the season changes, it starts flying, migrating without knowing what month is, what season is, what winter is, what summer is. What is that source of that intelligence? And is it possible that that bird, that little bird, had it and you don't? Could it be possible that a tree has it as it grows its branches and leaves and fruit so beautifully without having to think? Could a tree have it and you don't? Can we trust God at least that much, that He has given us that intelligence of a tree? The point of all of this, about the ramblings that come from this mouth, is to take you beyond your mind, not to create a spiritual understanding in your head. The point of all of this is to take you beyond your mind because beyond the hypnosis of your mind, you access God's heart. You can access the holy presence, that intuitive intelligence. And I cannot convince your mind about it. I can only hope that you accept that that is how it is here.

I see this Divinity in my heart and I see that it is no different because all just want to be. So as the one said, the Self will never be a new attainment that you come to. You need to free yourself from the conditions of the mind. In the absence of this hypnosis, the Self is fully apparent, completely clear. So if you like the question, as you are open and empty, do you recognize only perceptions? Your mind cannot answer this question, and it seemed like a super absurd question the first time. As you are just open and empty, do you notice just perception or is there something more than perception? It doesn't matter where your attention is going. With a great simplicity, with nothing at all, that's wordlessness. You notice that there is that which we call the realm of perception, but I am aware of them. And that 'I' is not lost, although it is not perceivable. Nobody is confused about where all these perceptions are going. You're aware it's going to the unperceivable, and that awareness is Self-evident.

So, coming to that would sound so difficult. Nirguna Brahman, the attributeless, the highest attributeless Self, the Absolute—could it be as simple as this? So the methods of this and coming to this, the modalities are not important, but you cannot recognize this in two different ways. You cannot recognize that which is quality-less in a different way. And this is answering James' earlier question also: how can I be sure that it is the same thing that I am? Because you cannot recognize that which is empty of quality in two different ways. The differences would be a difference in quality only. So in the instant recognition that you are aware, you come to the same recognition that all the Masters have come to. And it is not just a mere recognition in the worldly sense. In that recognition, you see that there is only that which is beyond even the notion of one or two.

So the highest gift you can give to yourself is to be open and empty just now. And possibly the worst gift you can give to yourself now is to go to your mind and say, 'Hey buddy, what do you think about this stuff? Is it making sense today?' Yeah, you don't need the mind's certificate. I can see some of you already starting to do this. So you don't need a mind's certification for your Self-recognition. It has no tools to be able to do that. It is just a bundle of thoughts. So many ads even after all this. Let's see what could be left. Yeah, full chopping mode. Okay, then it was ready. Okay, let's go to first, let's go to Avita, who has never put up her hand before. Once we spoke, it was because I asked her to come up. Is this working in the last one, you know? But being able to turn here. Okay, how about if I allow everyone to be able to come in and then you try and I'll try? But I'm leaving it like this so that everyone can unmute. You can keep trying and seeing it. Don't worry, we won't get disturbed. Let's go to Subash.

What's the idea? And then I have a question which always comes up. You say about perception, and when I look inside within me, actually I don't find myself. And I want to know who I am. Because when I look at my relationships, my designation, and all the worldly affairs, I see it, right? But then I see it, they say it, then like I am son, I am father, I am like doing some work, so I am that. But is that me? Is that a seeing or is that an inference?

No, it's inference. I mean, that's very clear, like this is what... but when I look within me, I don't find myself. That's all, they are just a label. Okay, so who actually I am? That's what I want to know.

Yes, yes. So if I say to you that this is good, thank you, thank you for this question. If I ask you, here is a weighing scale. Now with this weighing scale, I want you to measure the weight of this room. Can you do it? You cannot do it because it is the wrong tool for the wrong purpose, you see. So with which tools can you find yourself? You say, 'I don't find it when I look,' and you said, 'within me.' When I look within me, I look and I don't find it. But with which instrument are we looking? Are we expecting the Self to be found in some objective way? If you're looking for a phone, then to find this phone you have to see the quality of the phone—the shape is like a phone or the attributes are like a phone—then we can confirm, 'Okay, this is the phone.' In the same way, if you were to look for the Self objectively, how will you confirm whether you found it or not? What does the Self look like?

It doesn't have any attribute.

Correct. So with what instrument at our disposal can we find that which is empty of attributes? Well, there is no... right? Can we find... okay, let's go slowly for everyone. This will be helpful for everyone. So we're looking for that which is attributeless, isn't it? Now, can we find it using sight? Or can I find it through taste, touch, smell, hearing? Can we find it through any of these mechanisms? Well, then let's say inward tools, although it's not true, inward and outward. Can you find it through imagination? The attributeless... even for him to imagine something, you have to have a quality of the imagination. Yeah, so not possible with imagination. Can memory show us the attributeless? No, because memory has to have something it's perceived. It's images which are perceived; we can sometimes call them memory. Can we find the attributeless?

Can we find through any of these mechanisms? Well, then let's say inward tools, although it's not true, inward and outward. You can find it through imagination? The attributeless, even for him to imagine something, you have to have a quality of the imagination. Yeah, so not possible with imagination. Can memory show us the attributeless? No, because memory has to have something it's perceived. Is it images which are perceived? We can sometimes call them memory. Can we find the attributeless as a feeling, emotion? So through any type of perception, any type of looking objective, we cannot. It is not the right tool for finding the attributeless because what is it? Some background noise around? Don't worry, I don't mind the noise, it's fine. It's important we are able to converse like this, it's fine, don't worry.

So, in this way, the attributeless cannot be found. And this is the mistake that most, I would say 99% of spiritual seekers are making: the mistake to try and find themselves as if it is going to be an objective experience. That just will not happen. Whether you look inside, outside, anywhere you look, you will not find the Self there to be able to say, 'Eureka! You see, I found it. That combination of superb light or something is the Self.' Because even that will be a perception that comes and goes. Is it? So if you're waiting for an experience which will be perceived, then you realize that every perception comes and goes. If you're waiting for something to come, then it will also go, you see? So you don't want that. You want the unchanging, isn't it?

But you have to promise not to judge it. I will show you, but you are not to bring out your report card and say, 'I found it' or 'I didn't.' You just follow. Yes? Now, are you aware right now? You are aware. So this awareness, do you see it?

It's just, it's just awareness. What do you mean? What do you understand? I mean, I can... it's not a feeling. It's not an object. It is not light, it is not dark.

You see, the mind may convince you at times that it's like a dark empty space. It's not even that. None of those things. And yet you say, 'I am aware.' There is no difference between 'I' and 'aware' here. And you say, 'I am aware.' Are they two? So 'I am aware' is as good as saying 'I am awareness.' So with which instrument are you making this recognition?

This is like inner induced and kind of, I mean, just intelligence, I would say.

Very, very good. So the intuitive insight, that's a good word to use for this. So now do one thing: try not to find it. Try to leave it.

So when I do this, then the question, it doesn't matter who I am, itself doesn't... but seems like a blank and just looks like that I'm just observing, but it doesn't matter anything.

Yes, yes. So is it a blank or is it just your mind proposing that this is just a blank?

It's not blank like okay, actually it's just like I'm observing or I am just... what I think I can't explain that.

Now I'm going to tell you something, okay? Now this is very important. That which is nothing, which means nothing to the mind, is actually worth much more than the universe itself. So your mind will look at this, you see? Your mind will propose that, 'But this is nothing, what's the big deal in this?' But my dear child, you are coming to that discovery which is not in space and time. It is not in this universe. The universes come and go, you see? This realm that we call the world is a mirror appearance for that one reality. But never expect your mind to understand these things and to confirm them. So you have to get out of the mode of trying to convince your mind. So don't worry about the mind's oppositions and proposals about what you're discovering. What is your heart saying? See, and if people are saying anything, then trust that silence also.

Yeah, but that question remains same then: who am I? That question still remains, right? Or what?

It's okay, take your time. So because when I look from there, it doesn't matter. Why do I bother about that first and then now there? So one is this awareness that you are. The one that wants it to matter is which one? Like, who doesn't it matter to?

For awareness it doesn't matter, but something within me just wants to get the answer of that.

Yes, that something who is the mind-intellect complex, and don't bother with that one. That is not you. So don't expect that this discovery of the truth must help the false.

And a lot of time I have heard about God and that, but when I look from here, I don't find even God here or whether or anything. It's just actually just a silence or whatever you can say, but I don't find God. A lot of spiritual talk, we say that here is God, this is what God is, but I don't find even God. I want to say it very, very humbly.

Yes, yes. So do you find that you are awake right now or you are asleep? So this light of the waking state is God, okay?

So maybe there are so many names it has given to God that might have created lots of confusion.

Absolutely. So it doesn't... that's why it doesn't matter. You can call it beingness, Consciousness, presence, God, whatever you want. It's completely fine.

And sometimes I hear that people say that when you get into a spiritual path, sometime you are stuck and you feel that you're not progressing your life or worldly life, right? But with my experience I have seen that it gives us very clarity what needs to be done. Sometimes I have seen and observing many talks that some seekers say that, 'I am stuck in worldly life, I don't feel to do this, I don't feel to do that.' But when I look into this, it gives very clarity what needs to be done. It gives very clarity if you have to do something, it gives us clarity, 'Yeah, this is what I have to do.' Then I don't know why people say that, 'I don't feel to do this, I don't feel to do that.' I hope they will.

Yes, yes, right there. So just keep following your heart. Many times what happens is that when we go to the guidance of our heart, there is no conceptual answer that comes, see? Many times you get a clear guidance, but many times you also don't get, just the silence of the heart. Yeah? So what happens is that along the path, many times we are not mature enough to accept the silence of the heart as a perfect answer for the moment. And in that moment, then we may get confused and say that, 'Oh, but I'm not getting what I need from the spiritual path and I'm lost,' some idea like that, see? So we must all learn to trust the silence of the heart as much as we would trust the guidance which is conceptualizable. The signals which are unexpressible are also trustable. This is a bit subtle. So as we come to satsang, as we deepen in our heart, then that becomes apparent to us.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, thank you. I've been coming for some months now with you. I love it, thank you. But I feel I needed to come forward because the last few times I noticed that I fell asleep and I was concerned that it would keep happening, so I thought I needed to.

Yes, yes, and it's fine. At a top level it's fine. But you go to sleep because in the sleep state at least you don't trouble yourself, that's also fine. But I'm very glad you also came up and said that because sometimes it may feel like just to come out like this brings, you know, our attention and to focus in some ways so that we can hear what's been pointed to. But very, it is gently, gently, naturally and naturally. Don't make it a bigger thing. This is good enough. But don't ever get into sort of a battle state that, 'Okay, I should not sleep,' because you know what? The mind will then convince you. The minute you say 'I should not sleep,' it will say, 'Oh, you're so sleepy, you're feeling sleepy right now.'

It was confusing because I'm not conscious of any resistance. Like, I was sometimes sort of going into almost a blissfulness and then I was surprised that I didn't stay, that I sank into sleep from there.

Yeah, actually the states of existence are very subtle. So if you're saying that you sank into a sort of blissfulness, we can't really confirm that it was sleep. It sounds very beautiful. Maybe that is where I'm attempting to bring you anyway.

Sometimes I would open my eyes and see you were talking to someone else and I'd miss the whole question.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, thank you. Thank you. This much vigilance is more than enough. It's completely okay. Thank you, thank you.

My heart, let this heart stay with you as I through the narrative and sensations to give up attachments to others, to give this life for me and from those to know my freedom now. Make me empty, empty, empty of all this was empty. I know, I love you too and no, no.

Next saying, yes, yes. Empty, no, not even that. I am saying on your behalf: be fully empty. Oh dear, no position. No position whatsoever. Nothing, nothing. No 'but,' no 'but.' Not just empty, then you say, 'My heart, let this heart stay with you.' That empty is when our hearts are one, when our beingness is one. And they are always one, but this is fully apparent as you're conceptually empty. With the slightest idea you have about what should happen, what should not happen, you may allow these mouths from here to make those claims for the moment. You be fully empty. Otherwise the 'me' will find a way to make itself centered in this narrative, even though the talk may be all about God. And the way the 'me' knocks usually is to say, 'But, but, but, but.' It's only that. And sometimes it also says, 'But I only want to expose.' No, you don't. No, you don't only want to expose. You want to share a perspective, you see? In the garb of exposing, you see, you want to share that which may be forming into a narrative, okay? So when we expose, we have to ensure that the minute it comes out of our mouth, it is no longer ours. It is fully said. That is a true explosion.

Beloved Father, I missed you so much. I'm so grateful to be at your feet at this moment. And I also want to thank Kaisha so much. Kaisha, you are so beautiful that you sit there and give your time to just... you chop everything, just chop everything. And also want to say thank you to the other beautiful hearts that are always there and supporting love. I wanted to say that I'm so happy every time I hear the report about this sangha helping each other in this way. So they have been so much, they've shown me... ah, there's beautiful Judith that gives so much compassion and love, and Mooney who doesn't let the narrative play, doesn't let me feed the pigeons. And like there is a strong... I can see when Kaisha guided me through the other night that there is still an idea being believed in, is commenting on who I believe myself to be. And my son as well who follows you and he's constantly telling me as well that the talking is because I'm suppressing. I won't allow it to surface and go because there's a fear that keeps coming up and I want to just put it at your feet. I was watching Guruji today at an old retreat and there's a lot of self-judgment still there playing.

How do you know? There's a mind count. What is the source of our judgment about ourselves? Even that 'I have so much self-judgment,' isn't that a self-judgment as well? Yes. Where can we go for a truth about what is happening to us? The heart. And what is your heart saying right now?

We just described the experience at the moment. It feels covered by all the...

I'm not asking that. I said, what is your heart saying now?

Nothing's happening. Heart says nothing.

Thank you. That's the silence of the heart, more than any of the highest guidance from the mind. Just like you prefer a half-eaten strawberry over just a photo of a strawberry. A photograph of the best strawberry, which is like a crumpled half-eaten sort of strawberry, even that is better. So trust your heart more than the highest representations of the mind.

There's anger that's coming up.

No, I'm not asking for the static storm. How do you know? It's this reaction that...

Trying hard to say nothing, thank you. That's the silence of the heart, more than any of the highest guidance from the mind. Just like you prefer a half-eaten strawberry over just a photo of a strawberry—a photograph of the best strawberry—which is like a crumpled, half-eaten sort of strawberry; even that is better. So trust your heart more than the highest representations of the mind.

Um, there's anger that's coming up. No, I'm not asking for... static storm. How do you know? It's this, this reaction that is really pulling.

Only bother about the reactions which are not in this universe. Only bother or be concerned about the reactions which are not in this universe. That's what we hear about. All this moving and all that is just two kids; it's fine.

It really pulls the attention, Father.

And it doesn't matter where attention is. Well, does it matter where attention is? Keep your attention on anything at all. Let it be fully there in your attention and tell me if awareness goes away. Without the hypnosis of the thought, how does it matter where attention is? Can attention be outside your being? Some attention outside of your being—that is an attention I would love to meet. Send an attention where your being isn't. See? So the attention is just a tool to navigate our own being, and our own being contains this entire universe. So we come into the search for God and the search for the truth because we are done with this universe. But if we allow these tiny, tiny things like movements and things to really get some narrative out of ours, then we are still contained in taking ourselves to be contained in this universe.

I... um, there's still a little bit of a... when you mention it, it feels like and it seems like...

Forget it. Just forget it. Just forget it. Stay with your heart even if it is quiet for like the next ten million lifetimes. Don't be impatient with it. Sometimes the thoughts get a little bit dark. Don't bother. What's always that? The old painting, an image of us which is so tiny and small and obnoxious. And thoughts that determine the darkness or lightness of them—they are the voice of the snake. I know it already. You don't have to even put them in categories. Even the highest sounding thought is complete darkness.

And is that about the quality of the thought or the category of the thought? Also not an intellectual play. There's nothing to say, but it's um... it's still... how do you know?

My dear, if you keep relying on the wrong source of knowledge, how will you come to the right conclusions? I am telling you that you are the worthless magnificence in which the being itself is born. Your mind is telling you that, 'Oh, I have this problem, it is that I have to solve.' Who are you going to follow? The fear comes with a very big story, though. The biggest story is not worth a moment of God. So if you say to me that, 'Father, please value my story,' yes, and if I started to value your story just like you may be doing, then I am not being of any service to you. You say to me, 'Please meet me from my context,' you see, 'Please meet me for my context and from where I think I am.' I am saying to you, if I believed in that limited nature of your being, then I am not going to be in service to you at all. No. Can you just find another friend who believes your narrative? And you don't? Anybody like that? That's what's happening, yes. And this can be very frustrating, but this frustration is very important because I hear it without you having to say it: 'Why aren't you hearing me? Why aren't you understanding me?' I don't want to hear you as a limited one and understand you as a limited one because that one is not true. So I can see it; it is not that I don't see it, but I don't want to indulge in it. Because if I also start indulging in it, then it's like two miserable friends at a pub. It's not a Satsang anymore, no. Not that you can't go to a pub, but isn't that how friends at a pub talk? Like, 'All this happened, my wife...' That few moments of laughter and you feel like, 'Wow, we had such a great time.' That's not Satsang.

It's not who I am. Exactly, it's not who I am. So the difference between a regular friend and a master is that the master will not give you acceptance and approval to your false narrative.

Go.

It's not happening anymore, Father. There's nowhere else for this. There's no pub friends anymore for this one. There isn't anywhere. And um, it is Grace. Grace is... has closed the doors everywhere. And I... I believe, I don't know if this is true, but the body feels like it can't move so much anymore, that it has to stay in the bed most of the time. And when I just allow it, and I... I played that video, 'The Eternal One'...

Yeah, it's good to have it. What we think we need is not actually what we need, okay? The thinking will only propose a perpetuation of the thinking and the dominance of the thinking itself. It will never propose a solution which is beyond thought.

When I... when this thinking stops and sitting quietly due to fear of hearing the thoughts that are coming, what is the source of all of this?

It's the mind. The mind has only one ability, which is to paint. The best thought, you see, which may get your belief, yes, that is all that it can do. But you as Consciousness cannot be forced, cannot be held hostage by even the most pristine thought. That power can never be taken away from you. So don't fall into the trap of the pristinely painted thought which says, 'But this thought is so compelling, I have to believe it.' It's just a thought, only a thought. Surrender completely to God. Surrender completely, completely. Don't leave a single shred of yourself out.

That's... that's perfect. This is perfect. Not what you think now. Like, no, you're still there though. Yeah, forgive me, Father. Thank you.

You're not... thinking is not... the appearance of thought is not thinking, okay? Let the thoughts appear and disappear; that is not what we call thinking. It is to take them to be true representatives of reality, truly as if something is happening—that is what we call thinking. Surrender every aspect of your being to being itself. Whether it is the body, whether it is your mind, memory, energy, chakras, whatever. Everything.

Surrender mostly my attachment, my desire, everything is surrendered. That so much the surrender, this one also I surrender the surrender. Yeah, this one. May I ask something? I... I always watch the one you do with Madeline, how you... you guide back to the receiver. So the one that can't speak, that's watching this, the greenness... I am who I am as you can... we have no idea which one you're saying, but it's fine, it's fine. Um, it's hard to speak from your sheen place. Um, is it then Satsang would be impossible to share? I'm gonna speak from there. Yeah, yeah. Some... still there's still a spiritual ego there that wanted... I just want to put surrender back at your feet now. I don't want any more spirituality. It just... it's been... it's been too many years. I just want to give it. And the thoughts are still... it's when... it's when it's said that the thoughts create your reality, that when... when I'm... when I'm lying there with my hand on my heart and just surrendering to the silence, they start coming quickly and there's a fear that they're creating my reality and I end up running out of the room.

Tell you something. Can you smell the difference between your mind and your intuition? Yes. So, and even if sometimes that becomes a bit confusing, I have given you the tools. The tool is that when who you really are is apparent to you, then you can be comfortable that you're being intuitive. So now from that intuitive insight, let the words emerge if they have to.

It feels hard to breathe. Whose report is this? The meow.

Okay, thank you so much. Let's go to people that I haven't heard a little bit. Let's hear from... what about Janus? Did we just speak? Can't hear you, my dear. No? Okay, so I still leave it on. You can unmute yourself to see once.

In temporal times it has been a long time, yes. I think it's been four years since I've been there, three or four. But it doesn't seem that long either. You're always very close and like without any proximity. Yeah, all is good, all is good, all is good. Life is never dull. Um, it's an adventure, but you know, like it's out of my hands. Like you say, there may be a... there may be some kind of um, wish to to want to control it all, but it's just so quickly like seeing it, it's out of my hands. It's not... it's not possible. But it... but it is fun, and even when it's not, it's you know, on reflection that was fun. Um, I'm having a good time. It's a good time.

Yeah, your family, your dog is good?

Yes, she'll be coming tomorrow um, for ten days. My mother's uh, on a... on a vacation right now, so she's away and uh, I'm looking after the house and the dog, and my daughter's arriving tomorrow and she's doing great. Everything is as it should be everywhere with everyone. And I know I'm... I... I know I said this, I sent you a message, but um, in terms of my work, um, I'm always doing quite unconventional work if I'm working at all anyway. And so now I'm on a set, I'm on a... I'm on a TV series. So you... you'll... but you know, instead of the Flash, my character is called the Blur. Background... background acting is just, you know, you're part of the furniture, but if you're walking by you're... you're blurry. So oh yeah, just once, but you know, I probably didn't even get... get on the show because they clip a lot of the... the scenes and uh, sometimes you're just not even there. Yeah, and some days you don't even go into, you know, the... on the set and you're just sitting around all day anyway. It's fun because it's such a um, a good example of how our roles are very small. Our characters don't really, you know, matter. So it's... it's a living Satsang.

Pardon me? Like a TV show within the TV show?

Yeah, the drama within the drama, yes. And then it goes back further even, but yeah. So it's great. Oh, thank you for saying hello and... and asking me to come. I lay whatever... whatever is, you know, the reason, it's... it's always my wish to keep uh, leaving... keep... keep leaving things. Keep leaving whatever's immediately showing up to leave it. And so I'm so glad that you are there. Your... your presence, your... your image, your form, even though it's formless, it's... it's uh, it's relatable. And for now there's still a need to relate to my Guru, my teacher, and I... I... this is my highest... this is the gift to myself that I give. Thank you. I love you so much.

So happy to hear you, yes. It's a very good thing. Uh, Janus has her hand up now. Let's maybe the last one.

Hello, can you hear me okay? Um, I wanted to say thank you to you anyway, so I'm very happy to talk to you. Oh no, do you... if you remember that we came to India with my brother and the group?

Yes, yes. And I want to say thank you from all of us. This was the greatest, greatest gift.

Thank you, so so welcome. So welcome. Since then everything is perfect.

Ah, that's it. It's very good endorsement. Really, the endorsements I get are the reverse. They're like, 'Everything was fine before we came to you, now after coming to you I'm just so confused about everything, I don't understand anything.' Tell everyone that's good news. But yeah, this is rare, rare endorsement. Thank you.

Well, thank you. I've been um, following you and Mooji for a long time and now I feel like... I didn't... I don't want to say that I get it now, I shouldn't say it, but I feel definitely like I didn't get it at all in the years before, like let's say. But it's very beautiful. I have no words.

I think all my blessings to all of you, your brother and all your friends that came as well.

Yes, thank you. I love you. Thank you, thank you.

Okay, let's go to... I'm lucky.

Hello. I really don't have much to say, really. Um, I'm just so grateful, really. Well, this presence of the heart or whatever you want to call it, the silence of the heart, this is worth any greatest experience of the world. And your photos, images of masters are here, so they keep reminding me, yes, this presence or whatever this is. And uh, Mommy, while you were talking to other people there was that... there was that insight that there was that belief that I could go into this or...

I really don't have much to say really. I'm just so grateful really. This presence of the heart, or whatever you want to call it, the silence of the heart, this is worth any greatest experience of the world. And your photos, images of Masters are here, so they keep reminding me. Yes, this presence or whatever this is. And while you were talking to other people, there was that insight that there was that belief that I could go into this or come out of it, but this is simply not true. Yes, this is big for me because the attention can come in and out, but this is not subject to any attention. And all the agendas of the head, they can very well stay; it doesn't matter. You can see that that plays around. They can stay there and whatever, if they come in success or they fail, maybe they will be a little setback, but it's okay. This is my... and you know, just one wish, I'm always wishing that your presence keeps staying in my heart. You know, all the saints and all that, this is what this life is for me. Thank you so much for this full love, fullness. Namaste.

Fine. So, there is this shapes that are still coming and I feel worried for these shapes. How do you know? Yeah, this is also a shape. If, as Bhagwan said, the Self is not a new attainment, it is actually ever-present and it is only ever seemingly clouded by the presence of this thief called the mind, then if we believe the thief's reports about what is happening or where it is, then do you think it'll tell us its true address?

Yes, this when I say like this, no, when I feel that I am believing is also the thief.

Any notion that you buy from your mind is limiting in its nature. It's not the true reality of yourself.

Yes, this is more and more seen and, yeah, it is this thief that is telling many things, many lies.

And don't have to determine, don't have to determine any of that. Just stay in your entrance. Don't have to conclude anything at all.

Yeah, sometimes I feel like... okay, how do you know? Yeah, I don't know what I want to say. It reminded me of my favorite pointer these days. How do you think so? You look happy and fine. Everything seems... I want to make sure that I feel... I just want to say hello, so hello.

One question is: Father, how does one surrender by remaining empty in the heart? Actually, you answered it. How do one surrender? By remaining empty in the head. Remaining empty in the head is to remain full in the heart. To be going to sing something.