Become a Disciple of the Atma

So who is sitting there behind all these sensations and emotions? Is there a living being or is it there? And if there isn't a living being sitting there, then you should all take me to NIMHANS or some hospital to get me treated, because I must be then severely deluded to talk about him, to talk about this one. Is it? And maybe all of us need to go because you come here every day. So who is deluded? Is it? So if you just to be democratic about it and take a poll, then the world will say that we are deluded. It sounds too far-fetched and it's only for the rare one that this discovery is possible. We can't even talk about these things; they must be kept in secret. The people can go mad hearing about this. It is even said that out of ten who start the search, six will stop searching, they'll get frustrated and leave; three will go mad and one will find the answer. He said like that. So is that a risk you're willing to take? See? And are you listening to one of those mad ones? See, that is something that you have to check. And it's not easy. It's a risk. It can seem like a risk because all the constructs that we have about this world, they start to crumble.

If within ourself is an infinite space, and within that infinite space is the presence of a living being called the Atma, is there such a reality? And that is not the end of it. It gets even more absurd. Okay, so what happens in the light of the Atma? In the light of this Atma, you find that you are the great unperceivable one which is boundless and qualityless, Nirguna. Is it? So there's a special light, the light of the Atma, the Satguru within, in which you find that you are the absolute reality which is beyond even being and not being. So it's a crazy, crazy business. And the mind will tell us, "So if you find all of this, how will that help us? Will I always be happy? Will I always be at peace?" So you notice where the question is taking us. It's taking back us back into the construct of this world being real and that reality being unreal. See? You see?

So to expect that there will be a lot of mechanisms in this world to keep us steady in that world is an unfounded expectation. It's not going to happen. In fact, the whole design is to pull us out of there and say, "You've done enough, you see. Let's not go too far with this business." See? So everything is meant for that because this still seems more real, you see. And the denial of that which is available to us the instant we move away from our perceptions is compelling. The denial is compelling and it's very popular in this world. So we'd rather, most of us would rather just follow and say, "Okay, if seven billion are wrong, so let me join that seven billion rather than that one percent who's saying: but what is the true nature of my reality?"

And it gets even more difficult, as if you haven't made it super difficult already, because the moment you have that desire in your head saying, "What will I get out of all of this?" then you can't find the truth anyway. Or even if you found it, it seems now to be lost, you see. So to walk through this narrow lane is more difficult. As it is said, it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for us to let go of that which is false and to remain steady, like you said, in the truth. And in fact, it's not difficult; it is impossible. I just have something more to say because if I leave it at that, then that'll be very disheartening. So it is impossible. But we have been told that for us it is impossible, but nothing is impossible for God. So only relying completely on God, only surrendering completely to him, will this impossible become possible—that we remain in the truth of what we are and we don't fall for Avidya, which is the falseness.

So if it is impossible for us and only possible for God, then what should our approach be? Surrender, yes. But shouldn't our approach then be, "What's the point? Only if he has to do it, he'll do it, you see. So let me just give up. Why do I come to satsang? If he has to do it, he'll do it." But that's not the way it works. Just like it's said that fortune favors the brave, hardworking people seem to get lucky. It seems that in this play, although we can never predict it, Grace seems to fall upon those who are fully committed to surrender themselves in every way to God. See? So although we can never predict Grace, it is incumbent upon us to put in our full effort that we think we have at our disposal in other fields of our life, you see. If we can love deeply in a relationship, if we can work hard at our work, if we can try to control ourselves and our lowest impulses in other areas of our life, then why can't we do it for God? Why can't we love him fully with all our might? Why can't we be humble and faithful and grateful? If even in the world we try to be these things, even in worldly relationships, then to create a relationship in the heart with God's presence, then why not?

So let's put in everything that we have at our disposal and give our highest to God, but leave all outcomes and results to him. Because who is to say that we actually put our highest? Maybe it's just a mind telling us. Who is to say that we are just getting started in this project and our faith is equal to the mustard seed of a mustard seed, not equal to the mustard seed which is needed? We don't know these things. But there is help available, because it would be too difficult for us to do. So the help is in the form of the Atma itself. So we must become truly—the object of satsang is for us to become disciples of the Atma within, of the Satguru within. The external Master is only a stop-gap arrangement, a provisional job. So my job is to try and bring you or guide you to come to this point where your true teacher is the presence of God within yourself.

Because in his light, this camel can pass through the eye of the needle. By our means, it can't happen. Only in his light can we remain steady in the truth in the face of worldly temptation, in the push-pull of the world. How to remain in the light of God? We can only learn that in the stewardship, in the discipleship of the Atma, the Holy Spirit within. So ask yourself whether you feel that you are truly coming into this discipleship, truly coming into a servantship and obedience of the presence of God within you, in your heart, within yourself.

This true discipleship is not easy because at every step your mind will try and come and make you proud. And you may not even realize—you will not, in fact, even realize it—because pride is such a blind spot that we are blind to it, but to everyone else around us, it stinks to glory. So everyone else can spot our pride, but we cannot. And every step, have you noticed that? I've been watching this Shrimad Ramayan. Every story in the Ramayan, every story in the Mahabharat, every story in the Bible is about one thing. What is that one thing? Pride. How this one became proud and God had to cut him down. How this one became proud and God... every story in every scripture, even the Bhagwatam which is huge, the stories are all about pride. You think they're trying to tell us something? This is the poison of the human condition, is it? Because it is so subtle that it grabs us even in the ideas that seem so true. Ideas of our pride seem so true. That is why it's important to undertake this discipleship of the Atma within with full integrity. Nothing is hidden from it. Your mind only hides things from you; nothing is ever hidden from God.

Conversely, our humility can serve as a beautiful anchor, can serve as a beautiful anchor. And that humility only can lead to love. You cannot be proud and love at the same time. Pride is to put yourself first, take yourself to be something, take yourself to be special in any way. Love is to put God first, put our brothers and sisters first. So pride and love cannot coexist. So in humility, love can flower. True faith can grow, can develop. If there is concern about self-image, that is pride. If there is self-concern, which means, "What about me? What about me? This works for me, this doesn't work for me. Me, me, me," then that is pride.

You cannot be proud and love at the same time. Pride is to put yourself first, take yourself to be something, take yourself to be special in any way. Love is to put God first, put our brothers and sisters first. So pride and love cannot coexist. So in humility, love can flower; true faith can grow, can develop. If there is concern about self-image, that is pride. If there is self-concern—which means 'What about me? What about me? This works for me, this doesn't work for me'—me, me, me, then that is pride. If your core motivations are still driven by 'What do I want?' instead of 'What would God have me do?' or 'What does God want?' then that is pride.

Pride is the silent killer of our spirituality because it can attack someone who has come into spirituality for the first time—then you feel like, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got all this, oh that's it'—or someone who has come for fifty years. It can come in the form of knowing things, having had experiences, anything that the mind can use. You can be, 'Oh, I have more experience because I'm older. I have more experience because I have done certain things. I've seen much more spiritual fireworks.' And it blocks our love. And if you don't love God, if you don't love our brothers and sisters, then what is the spirituality? If you ration out our love, if you're building defenses first, then what is our spirituality? If you're more scared of being hurt than of loving, then where is our love for God?

I still like that answer, by the way. So if it is like this and the answer seems so intimidating, that the project seems so difficult, then how can we remain steady in God, in the truths? The absence of avidya—it means to remain open and empty truly—is to remain steady in this. But be careful of the mind's idea of open and empty, which is being conveniently mental. It is very conveniently mental because it may give you the idea of being peaceful, the idea of mostly open, but every few minutes it sends you some story and you say 'Yes, yes.' We don't realize.

So how to check whether you can be open and empty all the time? If you can truly be open and empty all the time, then it's going to be very easy for you to pray all the time. But there's no block; you're empty. So then in that no-resistance state, you are free to pray the name of God. And I noticed that these words started coming in satsang also, that your heart, your Atma, the presence within, it loves to pray. Loves to pray. Something that I noticed, you see. But because I'm so foolish, it's also very good to get confirmation from the sages that this is how it is. And over the past few weeks, we've come across sages in different cultures, different religions, who confirmed the same thing: that the Holy Spirit within ourself, the Atma within, loves to pray.

So to prevent any mind tricks that 'Oh, I'm so open and empty' while being conveniently mental, just pray all the time. All the time. What is the prayer? The prayer, you know, you can use the beads or you can use whatever prayer appeals to your heart fully. It can also be a verse from your favorite scripture, or your favorite verse from your favorite scripture. I've shared why in the Atma Sadhana I use a prayer which is fashioned around the style of the Jesus Prayer, because it contains all the elements necessary for a prayer. If you really dive into it with your heart, you will see that it's very effectively designed as a gift.

So if you find that difficult, then forget about the fact that you were thinking you were open and empty. How does... you are till now mentioning that pray to be open and empty, now you're saying praying is a validity or validation of being open?

It works both ways. So if we are in the idea that we are already open and empty, then you should be able to pray all the time with no trouble, you see? And where does this prayer lead? That is what I'm coming to. So you start like this. And most of us will find it difficult. So how will you be able to pray? You may be able to pray with the help of a Mala, with the help of saying it out. So I'm going from the most gross to the most subtle. So with the help of the Mala, then to say it out verbally, then to just move your lips—or actually to take the support of your breaths after the Mala may be helpful—then to say it out may be helpful, then to move your lips while it is happening may be helpful, then to just chant inwardly but through the instrument of the mind.

Intellect becomes natural. Then after the naturalness of that, we come into the ajapa japa. Ajapa japa is that we can almost audibly hear the prayer, but we are not doing it anymore. So the spirit is chanting it, the Atma is chanting it, and we are just hearing it like we hear guidance from the spirit. If you don't hear it, don't worry. You just hear the prayer happening within you. And then you come into the subtlest form of the prayer, which is that the presence is palpable to you in the presence of a deep love, and the words of the prayer may not be apparent to you. So here you are truly open and empty because your head is empty and your heart is full. And if you are open and empty to begin with, then you'll instantly get there. If not, then you will do all these experiments. You will go deeper and deeper within yourself and the prayer will percolate your life and you will come into the presence, the Darshan of the Atma within.

And suppose that there's a deep aversion of some or some conditioning in you towards this form of sadhana, this form of coming to Atma. Because one is not better than the other. Or there's a great attraction like was here—like I keep saying, I caught the bug of self-inquiry, you see. I just had to know who I am, had to know who I am. So then do the self-inquiry sincerely. Use that to dive deeper and deeper within yourself. Ask yourself who you are. Empty your mind. With your mind empty, your heart will organically start to become full. When your heart is full of love, then His presence will become more and more palpable to you. Let the self-inquiry become the primary question, if not the only question of your life. Come to the true insight of who you are.

The endpoint for a bhakta or a jnani is not different. The end goal is not different. Both are attempting to come in the discipleship of the Atma within, of the Satguru within, and to come to the discovery of the truth, to come to the discovery of God. Whether you call it God-realization or self-realization, ultimately it is the same thing. Like the saint said, 'I went looking for myself but I found God, but when I went looking for God I found myself.' So use the self-inquiry to come to the same way of being, the way of the heart. Both lead to open and empty. Both lead to head empty, heart full.

So this is the main project. Now some of you may say that 'I can't do the path of devotion to God. It seems too far-fetched that there's a holy presence within myself that I must be devoted to. And self-inquiry just sounds stupid, I'm repulsed by it, I don't want to do it.' Say that, then what you can do is you can love the whole world. Okay, you can't love God, you think it's too far-fetched an idea, you feel like you've never met Him, so how to love Him? Then love the world with all your heart. See God in everyone. Be kind, compassionate to everyone. Full-heartedly give them what you want. Don't economize with the gifts of the heart. Don't be selfish. And this deep love, as it becomes more and more unconditional, will lead you to His presence again. So you come to the same point: love without conditions and without predetermining the object of our love.

If all three of these sound too much, but you enjoy listening to some devotional music, start with that. Listen to some bhajan, sing some bhajan. I noticed all your faces when Anand was singing the other day. And in the company of those who sing without selfishness and just to praise God and to love God, we all taste it. We all taste it. And whether we understand the language, we understand what's going on, see? Something happens. We go within. Look, there's a fragrance of the Holy One within ourselves which we start to taste when we are devotional in this way. And that scent, that perfume itself, will lead you to its source.

Suppose you don't even want to do bhajan, like 'What is this singing?' Then if you don't want all of this, then most likely there's a lot of stress in your life. Most likely—it's not, we can't say for sure—but most likely. So at least start to become stress-free. What is the way to become stress-free? Do some yoga, pranayama, see? Do some breathing. Even if you do it with the intention of becoming stress-free, something will open up in you because a true Atma yoga practice or true pranayama practice will give you a taste of something deeper than the worldly play. And you may start to find yourself more able to meditate, more contemplative because of this.

The simple practices, or just learn some meditation practice. Start your day with that. Do some chanting, one Mala a day, something simple. But take one step towards God, or take even one step towards having a peaceful mind. Start somewhere. We all have to start somewhere. And you never know that in doing one round of bhastrika pranayama or one Sufi whirling or a song, you may soon be talking about what you discovered which is beyond this universe. But don't become impatient about that 'soon.' And there are many, many, many—what I've given is just broad strokes about the spiritual path. Many millions and millions of ways to come to God. Just like there are millions of ways to be more and more engaged with the Leela, there are millions of ways to return from it as well. But none of them can bypass the presence of the Satguru within, because only in the light of that holy presence can you come to the true discovery.