All Is Getting Released in Satsang - 24 Apr 2015

Atma said, 'Yes to all that you say.' Shani says, 'Definitely 'yea' came up. Has been happening a lot lately that stuff that usually was suffered, a joy is coming that it is here again.' Look at that. Who can say these words? It's very... Nik says, 'Father, the ultimate natural state is not totally natural for me yet.' So if it's natural, then forget about ultimate. Let it just be natural. 'Not totally natural for me right now.' You are completely natural, true, and the 'me' does not exist. Forget about the ultimate. The 'me' does not exist. I see only natural. And then you said, 'I keep drifting in and out, so to speak, with the pointer that you gave: Don't believe your next thought. It stops me right in my tracks.' Yes, that's the job of this pointing, to prevent you from getting embroiled in this thought drama. The thought drama... you know, I used to say that the ego is a drama queen and to the mind, your life is like a soap opera. But actually nothing is happening.

Nik says, 'It helps in directly seeing that instead of just intellectual knowing.' Yes, it helps in directly seeing that instead of just intellectually knowing that. Intellectual knowledge is of very little concern, very little concern. Because when these appearances are happening, then it does not help to repeat 'I am awareness' like a mantra. You keep saying 'I am awareness, I am God, I am the Supreme One,' but it will not help. It's just another concept. Instead, what I encourage is just see. Instead of remembering anything, instead of trying to fight one concept with another, just check what you are. It's the simplest way. But if you are constantly believing every thought which is coming, then this inquiry, this natural checking, cannot happen. That's why the pointing 'Don't believe your next thought' sort of creates that space for you where the truth naturally unfolds.

Shani says, 'Not all the time, but in all, a bit of this happiness about suffering is very nice.' And it's not like a sadistic happiness, you see? It's not sadistic. Oh, again... many also become like this. Many of the poets, if you read their poems, sometimes you feel like they're getting some sadistic pleasure out of their own sufferings. 'We got enough material for my next poem and it's going to sound really good.' It's not like that. I know it's just this sense of wonder that, 'Oh, how did this push my button? How did this happen?' Lucia says, 'Namaste beloved Father and Sangha. Father, something is wrong with my computer. I've been trying to get my mic to work and now I have buggered everything up and I cannot hear you. I have no sound at all.' Seems to be like this. They're trying to fix something, it seems to be getting even worse. Just playing like this. Maybe it's a phase. Maybe a phase that started yesterday, I don't know how long it will last, but enjoy the fun. Supriya says, 'Father, saying yes to everything.' And Jai says, 'Father, Palak would like to come up and talk to you.' Yes, she can come.

Oh, not very well. Can you come closer? Better? Yes. Yes, Father. So tears are coming. Yes, but there's no meaning to it. I don't know from where they're coming and I'm behind the tears. I'm not the tears, but I can see it. And there's just a... there's no joy, there's no grief, there's just a stillness and the neutrality. And I'm just witnessing the tears coming. And at the same time, after the tears came and went, there was a lightness. But other than that, there was no emotion attached with the tears.

Yes, this is very good. Because this is just all the things which we've stored up over our life. All is getting released now in satsang. Not a blade of grass you will carry through this door of freedom. So this cleansing process, this lightening of your heavy bags, is happening on its own in its own natural way. And I feel it's very good that you say, 'I don't know why, I don't know what it's about, it's just coming and going, and after that I feel some lightness.' This is exactly what is going to happen in satsang. Because there are many things that our memory doesn't even remember, but some emotional charge, something about it got stored somewhere, see? And all of this is getting released now.

Thank you, Father.

Very welcome. I'll be in Bangalore soon, under the table.

Very good. I'm looking forward to it. Very good. Thank you so much. Love, my dear. Thank you. Wanted to come up? Yes. Okay.

Can you hear me okay? Yes, my dear, perfectly. Very good. I've got a headset. My microphone has died. Yeah, it's great, isn't it? It's good. I think you're burning them all out. I've never seen a computer get such burnout in my life. Um, I just felt strongly... I came close to coming forward yesterday and then we finished. So I just felt, come forward. And what am I to say? There's such a change happening in this life right now. Just everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything untrue has gone or is on its way out of the door totally. Even the computing—20 years no problems, now even today, now I started to get RSI for the first time in 20 years the last two days. And I'm like, you know, I really have to... I'm not here for this. It's not... I'm just obviously not here for this. And in parallel with that, some things have been arising. I went through quite, quite a transition last weekend. Quite a... there's nothing left. There's just nothing left to believe in this. The mind can come and play, but no interest, none whatsoever. No time for it, no interest in it. And this thing that you talked about with Palak just now, about this cleaning out that happens in satsang. And I've been speaking with Anandi about it also because I've been through some of the things that she's going through over the years. And what happened last Saturday was like a mighty coming up of everything that was stored away in the deepest depths that I could not have known was there. I could not possibly have known was there. And it was big and it was extreme. And if I had to go through that again to be where I am now, I would totally, over again. And life put me in a very strange, remote position this month with no control over it whatsoever, which is what...

The things that she's going through over the years and what happened last Saturday was like a mighty coming up of everything that was stored away in the deepest depths that I could not have known was there. I could not possibly have known was there. And it was big and it was extreme, and if I had to go through that again to be where I am now, I would totally over again. Life put me in a very strange, remote position this month with no control over it whatsoever, which is what completely freaked the person out on Saturday. It was that I realized I had no control over anything at all, and in that moment, I realized that I never had ever. And therein, just like a whole house of cards fell for me. The sheer terror of feeling so very alone in that moment was probably the most traumatic thing I've ever experienced in my life, and yet still it was witnessed. And still there was no ability to change the bodily actions that were going on and the behaviors and the words and the everything—shouting, screaming, crying, you name it, all of it, all of it. It seems only now that it's coming to share.

And then speaking with Guruji, he checked me out after I've been working with a Sufi healer, and he checked me out and he kind of declared me clean. And I was like, 'Oh, okay, you sure?' And it's like, this is the mind that is like, 'Are you sure? Is it?' You know? And it's like, if we can't take our Guru's word for it, if we can't take your word for it, then what word can we take? But even then, we have to find this inside ourselves. And on Saturday at this time when I felt so isolated—it's an isolation I can't describe in my experience—I called for you and I called for you, and you weren't coming. And I knew you were not coming because you weren't going to come. And then I realized that I had to see this through myself, and I had to find what I was looking for in you, in myself. And it's that that carried me through.

And that's just like this week. My life just... I gave everything for this. I was prepared to give everything for this, everything for truth. And like you say, you have to be fully prepared, fully prepared to give everything, to mean from the depths of our heart. And how life managed to corner me in this space on an island in Mallorca for a full month, which I thought, 'Oh, this will be a nice quiet time, a retreat, I can meditate, I can contemplate.' And I went very deeply into contemplation and meditation and then recognized that it was just awareness. And it seems to be out of that all of this has just unfolded.

And then alongside this, seven days from today I leave this place. And this next seven days is quite busy because I have to close down the farm, hand it over to someone else, and then prepare to be in a completely different country where I haven't been for a year and be surrounded by family and Sangha. And I've got many Sanghas, all one Sangha. When I get there, I don't have the choice to go back to Portugal even, it seems, yet I have a flight booked back for the 18th and I'll be going back on the 18th. But many invitations have arisen, and I've spoken to you previously in private and we both agreed it was right at the time. But I guess to speak about this arose out of what came up yesterday with Shakti, and you were asking everyone to come forward. I wrote something in the YouTube chat, but it didn't get shared.

But for me, an increasing number of people have been showing up. Initially much to my shock, and now I'm kind of getting used to it. It feels a bit strange, yeah, but it's what's happening. And they show up on Twitter and they show up on Facebook in the chat. They show up from this Sangha, they show up from Mooji's Sangha, they show up from my Zen teacher's Sangha, they show up from the Buddhist Sangha I was with in Brighton, they show up from outside all of that. And then on top of that, as if my life's being planned for me, I just totally surrendered to all of this. And now invites have come. At first, it was an invite to go and lead a Thich Nhat Hanh meditation group in Brighton, and I was like, 'Why me?' And she was like, 'I want you to come and lead it and guide this group.' And I'm like, 'Well, I can't really do that, you know, I don't even meditate anymore.' I joined this Zen teacher, did zazen six hours a day, you know, but now it's 24 hours a day. And this you cannot teach, you can only discover. But still, I've been invited and I'm going to go along and lead a couple of sessions for her and just see what happens, see why.

And then an invite from the same beings to give a talk. And I'm like, 'I can't give a talk, there's nothing to say that would be worth listening to.' And she's like, 'I want you to come and give a talk. I'll make it informal.' And I'm like, 'Informal?' 'It will be at my house.' 'I'm okay, there won't be many.' 'Okay.' I'm like, 'Okay, if okay, questions and answers I do.' So this is happening. Even the funds to go there, everything has come. All those donations, the cost of the flight came, the cost of the train has come from another source, the cost of the food, of the accommodation, all of it.

And then I mentioned yesterday that I do mentoring. It's insane, this. And the fellow that said that I laugh at everything, yes, that he says at all his problems, he also wrote something else, which was that if you have any problem, no matter what it is, you can call Bhagavati and she'll come and she'll be very happy to, and she'll enjoy helping, she loves to help you. And I'm like... and he started telling people this. And he invited the circle of contacts in Brighton, one of whom was kind of his colleague boss formerly. He's very interested in working in happiness with people, he wants people to be happy. And I started mentoring him two weeks ago, and this week I've been invited to help found a new space in Brighton and to lead a retreat to launch it, a weekend urban retreat. Again, I've got no idea what will happen there because he said he wanted to share what I have with the world. And as a person, I have nothing to share with the world, nothing. Some computer skills maybe, but those have been taken off me, my hands have been removed from that. And it seems there to be quite a bit of face-to-face work and Skype, and that there's a request then for me to come regularly for maybe one week a month. I've succumbed to... I'll fly from Portugal back to Brighton for this with no idea. I called it the School of Unknowing because he didn't have a name for it.

It is the Unknowable School, yes. It is the totally unlabelable School of the Indescribable.

And the rest, it just has to unfold because we can't stop it. I talked to you when we spoke about it in private. I remember saying there was some discomfort around all of this and an awkwardness and the feeling that maybe I would just stop speaking, stop writing, or maybe I would just do abstract painting and then nobody would have any interest, nobody would come, nobody would ask anything. Even that you do not know, you see? No, even that, none of it. And I said that, and I said maybe I could just sit under a tree and do nothing. And then I read something about some Zen monk who went off into the mountains exactly for that reason, and people started appearing 2,000 feet up in the mountains and the monk got quite nervous at this point.

Also Guruji says, isn't it? He says that in London it was becoming very strong and always there were lots of people coming to Satsang, so he felt that he'll go back to Rishikesh to be alone and take a break. And very soon there were big Satsangs, bigger than they have ever been. So none of this... all we can do is watch with wonder. All we can do is wonder when we see that, you know, how all of this is just beautifully unfolding. It's gone from being terrifying to just being completely accepted. And you know, if it all disappears this afternoon, great, it's fine. I can go and paint or I can write poetry. I didn't even call my poetry poetry, somebody else calls it poetry, you know? I don't know what it is, I don't know. And I'm very happy in this not knowing, and I'm so grateful to you.

That was a grateful to you. You just... you've taken everything away. Look at... somebody said to me yesterday, but somebody said to me yesterday that you maybe you seemed so lovely and so compassionate and so kind, you know, maybe you weren't so powerful as Guruji or maybe didn't have such power to burn our delusions. I was like, 'Don't be fooled. He's a smiling axeman. He's a smiling guy who comes in through a crack in you with a flamethrower.' And this is what you do, and we're not fooled now. I'm not fooled anymore. Behind that smile, what a flamethrower. And that's Guruji, thank you. Can we do very, very, very... I lay my head at your feet. I love you so very much.

Very beautiful sharing, very beautiful report. And I know the Satguru's grace is shining through you. It's very beautiful. Don't be worried, don't be concerned about any of this. Just accept every moment as it is coming and you will find a beautiful... this beautiful movie is playing out for your enjoyment. Enjoy the movie and never get attached to it. Never get attached to whatever is unfolding. All is good, all is good. I love you so, thank you. The smiling axeman. The smiling axeman. Like the smile isn't an invitation: 'Come, come, come, come.' It's not planned, true? No, it's beautiful. So Grace, bring it on, bring it on.

Thank you. She said something earlier which was very beautiful also. She said that, 'I'm very grateful because you have taken everything away.' Very grateful because you have taken everything away. Usually in life when we go from place to place, we want things, we want more and more. And yet you come to Satsang, everything seems to be taken away. Everything seems to be just washed out of you. And this you realize then, that this is what you have been looking for. Not to gather more and more and more, but for it to be washed away from inside you. So whatever might be happening outside, you find that inside everything is getting cleaned up. All the sneaky attachments, all the sense of 'I know something,' all the sense of specialness, all the sense of false humility—all these things get cleaned up, cleaned up on its own, on its own.

Grace is flowing like this. The body of the Guru is as much an instrument as what is happening with you. Everything is working out beautifully in this play. Nobody here knows anything because it is not about knowing intellectually, but it is knowing in your heart that this one, this Satguru, dwells here. Nothing can go wrong in its presence. All is auspicious, all is grace. And many of you have been having these... some been having this slow cleanup. Some of you have been having slow cleanup and then suddenly one quick wash. So these things are coming for many of you because you've been in Satsang also. It can come sometimes, it can come suddenly. And what the ego feels is the opportunity to trap you actually becomes the biggest release. It feels like, 'Okay, now I'm isolated so I can work on this one and try to get her back,' and actually that becomes itself the biggest release because now you have seen yourself, what you really are. So you can never really accept the person. See, once you have got a glimpse of yourself, once you have seen yourself even instantaneously, then you can never completely accept that you could just be a person.

So all these tricks of the mind, all these energies moving in concert sometimes, are now all getting released. And somehow it seems like many of us, our being has given refuge to all sorts of energies, you see? Given refuge, or it's found something, these energies have found some place. And then like I told Palak earlier, not one blade of grass will stay. All of this will also get released. Just the washing machine of Satsang. So let it all get rinsed out. This is the rinse cycle. Rinse cycle and spin dry. All this happens. So let it all happen. It's all good. All is auspicious in the presence of the Satguru, and the Satguru is always in your heart. Whatever person might still remain for any of you, let that person be in the refuge of your heart.

These energies have found some place and then, like I told Palak earlier, not one blade of grass will stay. All of this will also get released. It is just the washing machine of Satsang, so let it all get rinsed out. This is the rinse cycle, rinse cycle and spin dry. All this happens, so let it all happen. It's all good. All is auspicious in the presence of the Satguru, and the Satguru is always in your heart. Whatever person might still remain for any of you, let that person be in the refuge of your heart. Let that person be in refuge of the Satguru in your heart. As I was telling Satsang also yesterday, if there's a sense of personhood, let that person be bowed down at the feet of the Satguru. Let them use the Satguru as an armor. And if there is no person, there is no question of any separation anyway. There is no question of any fear anyway. Very good, my dear. Very good, very good.

A says, 'Namaste Father, I would like to get chopped completely. That's why I'm here at your holy feet.' Show me, show me the 'I' which is here. Let me chop it. The 'I' that wants to be chopped also is mine. The 'I' that wants to be chopped also is mine, and let nothing remain. May it also feel like there is no 'I'. Any concept of 'I' you let go of, you see, because the true 'I' is not a concept. Any sense of 'I', any of it thrown out, then you discover what cannot be thrown out: ever-present, no concept, indescribable, unlabelable. Have your own darshan like this. Your own darshan. You are this awareness. There is nothing that you want. You are this awareness which cannot want anything. Even love it does not want; even joy it does not want; peace it does not want. Nothing. And there is also nothing that you resist. It is not scared of any emotion, any appearance. Anything could happen. If this body's head is actually chopped off, it couldn't be bothered. It is not concerned. It is the eternal witnessing of everything. This one you are.

So anytime now this little monkey comes and says, 'Me, me, me. What about me, me, me?' you know that you cannot take it seriously. In this way, nothing can ever hurt you. You cannot be hurt, you cannot be burnt, you cannot be seen through any senses. No picture can be made out of you. You are not young or old. You are not big or small. Both time and space give birth inside you. This pure one, beyond all concepts of purity and impurity, this one you are. You created this universe to play this game, but nothing in the universe can actually come close to you. For as long as this universe exists, don't forget to laugh at it. Not laugh at it in any arrogance, just laugh at the play. Just laugh at the movie. This you are. Nothing can make you this and nothing can take this away from you because you are this. No effort, no time, nothing at all.

For as long as it seems like there is a choice, then you make the choice to follow the voice of the Satguru and not to go along with this stream of egoic thought. If it feels like 'I still have some choice,' then you make this choice till you reach this place of pure neutrality where you see that never was there any choice because I never existed separately anyway. And this must be seen; it must not just be taken as another concept. This must be your living experience now. So don't just replace dual concepts with non-dual concepts. That alone will not help you. You must see for yourself what is it that is here now. Is it dual or non-dual? Then everything will be clear. Thank you. David is making some space. Bhagwan is here. Welcome, my dear. Which part of the country are you in? And now it's mute, so press again and you can unmute. Okay, yes, say something now.

Okay, am I audible? Yes, yes. Namaskar, Father. I'm from Hyderabad. So happy to see you. Can I ask a question, Father? So I've been in the path of doing something, like Kriya Yoga, practicing being in activity for a while actually. So now there seems to be some sort of conflict and some sort of resistance to completely accept the fact that there is nothing to do, actually. So I get it when you tell me, but inside I still feel that there is some sort of friction in completely accepting this. A part of me says that it cannot be that easy, it cannot be so simple, you have to work for it. The old psychology of, you know, work hard to get it. This conditioning is coming up. What do I do?

Very good. Very good question, and many of us have had this. It's very natural that this kind of question can come. So therefore, if this kind of question comes, we can contemplate a little bit into this, isn't it? So we say that, 'Okay, I must have to do something to get it. I must have to do something to get it.' But when we look back, we see that all the things that we have to do were to get something which was not already here. I have to raise my glass and pick it, raise my hand and pick up this glass if I want it, isn't it? So if I want to get something, then I must do something. This is what the mind is saying. Now, this would mean that this Self which you're trying to realize is not already you. It is somewhere else. Because if you already have the glass, then you don't have to do anything to get it. If you're already carrying it, then you have to do something to get it? No, you already have it.

So this Self, how can it be outside you? Self itself means self. So this Self is not coming or going. If it was something external, then I would say yes, you must make some effort, we must reach out and we must pick it up because the Self is lying there. If it is lying in some cave, I would say go to the cave; that cave is over there, there you can go and get it. Here, what is seen and what you have also tasted momentarily is that you are already this. This is the Self which we have been trying to realize. The word itself is Self, isn't it? So how can it be outside? And if it is not outside, if it is not coming and going, then what must be done? Then all that must be done is to stop pretending that it is not here.

How are we pretending that it is not here? By presuming that I must do something to get it. That is why Bhagwan's question was very clear: 'Who am I?' It was not 'Where can I get the Self?' And when you look, just even for an instant when you look, you find that you have always been this pure witnessing, pure awareness, untouched by any of the appearances. So instead of trying to get it, you must tell me how you can lose it. What magic can you do that you stop the witnessing now? Can you stop this awareness? No. The only thing that remains is to not give any power to this thought stream which you say, 'But it can't be like this. How is it so simple? Is this really it? Is this true? Have you got it or not?' All of this is just rubbish which can be allowed to be thrown out. It helps you in no way.

Therefore I say that to become the person idea, to pretend to be a person, you need to constantly keep working at it. It's like picking up this again and again, the person idea. Now, the glass is the person idea, see? Every time I keep it down, I realize I'm not the person. Therefore, to play the person role, I must constantly keep picking up this glass, keep doing this work. That means keep giving belief to my thoughts, because the false needs to be reinforced in this way. If you want to build a building, then you need to create a foundation, you need to create the pillars, you need to do all of that. Space needs no reinforcement. Space is just space. You are this awareness. What needs to put it up? What needs to keep it up? Can it ever change? Can you ever even hold on to it? It is just what is, and it is not coming and going.

So therefore, the simplest thing that you can do, simpler than all practices—if there's a feeling like a question ended with 'What must I do now?'—the simplest thing that you can do is not believe your next thought, whatever it might be saying. Usually it'll say things like, 'It cannot just be this. This doesn't seem like a strong enough practice' or something. This is the most natural, most natural sadhana that I can point you towards, because in this, the root of ego cannot survive because it needs the nourishment of belief and thought. I don't even say don't let any thought come. I'm not saying don't think, because I know this does not happen like this. The mind can continue, thoughts can keep coming up, but they can have no power unless you give it your belief. You are Consciousness now. Who is giving it its belief? Belief belongs to you. So this is Consciousness itself speaking to Consciousness, that don't go along with this path. You've tried it, you've deluded yourself, you had your fun, now come home. There is nothing you need to get, there is nothing you need to do. There's still a feeling 'What must I do?' Just don't believe your next thought. It is enough.

But what can happen for many of you is that most of it will go, most of these egoic beliefs will go, but some will still stay and push some buttons. So when that happens, then you use that for your inquiry. You find that many will come with this report and say, 'Most of it is cleaned up, just my special relationship with my girlfriend or wife or something, or just some work situation.' Something which has been strongly identified, nourished, that might have some potential to push some buttons. And you bring it into your inquiry and ask, 'Who is suffering from this? Is there really someone here who is suffering from this?' And look, look. Don't stop looking. Don't buy any concept from the mind. Just keep looking and see if you can find this person. In this way, then none of these thoughts, even these thoughts will start losing their power when you start using them as fuel for your inquiry. These thoughts will also not have any power over you. And you're always welcome in Satsang. You can always come and expose it.

Many might not realize, those who have not been in Satsang might not realize the power of exposing these beliefs, especially in the Satsang environment, because these beliefs feed on denial. They feed on the sense of specialness that 'I must not share.' If you can have this trust and you come to the Satsang and you say, 'This is what I still believe,' you know, you'll find just in the exposing itself, something seems to get freed of it. It seems to become free of it. Very welcome to Satsang. I'm very happy you're here. All my blessings and love are always with you.

Thank you, Father. Very thank you. I feel better now. It feels as if it has been so long, Father, so long. I mean, not just this birth, but the longing is like it feels as if it has been there. This burdening, this weight I've been carrying it, and I still carry it. I've been trapped.

Yes, but you have never been this one. You have always only been the awareness itself. I know what you mean, though. Thank you, my love. Thank you so much. Oh, there's a lot of chat on YouTube. Yes, sometimes the mind can play like this also. Nikhil says, 'The other day when Father said that suffering is also helpful for seeing that, my mind was like, so I'll miss it because I haven't suffered enough.' The mind can play this trick also. The truth is always here and you are that. Nothing can make you miss it except your own desire to play. Truly, nothing can make you miss it except your own desire to play with this person idea. If you haven't had enough of it, then this play can continue. But if you say 'enough,' then you will find no trouble in not believing your next thought. But if you still find that there is some juice in it, you're still looking for the person to become liberated, the person to become free, then you can continue playing with this person.

N says, 'It's funny that the mind can turn anything into an obstacle.' Yes, all these seeming obstacles now you use as fuel for your inquiry, then the obstacle becomes the opportunity. Goil says, 'Father, when you said "Bring it on," sudden fear came up here because I had a very bad experience the last time I prayed like this. All problems, healing started coming up. I had to pray the opposite. I can clearly see this dual nature of mine. All I surrender to you and now I can pray for the strength in testing time, Father. Thank you.' So what do you say, 'bad experience'? I say that is also grace.

All these seeming obstacles now you use as fuel for your inquiry; then the obstacle becomes the opportunity.

Father, when you said 'Bring it on,' sudden fear came up here because I had a very bad experience the last time I prayed like this. All problems and healing started coming up. I had to pray the opposite. I can clearly see this dual nature of mine. I surrender all to you, and now I can pray for the strength in testing times, Father. Thank you.

So what you say was a bad experience, I say that is also Grace. This is the Grace which prevents any complacency, any arrogance, or specialness. Yes, but when you make these prayers, then know that God is listening, that life is listening. And this prayer or not prayer was also part of the play of life. So in spite of this, although we might say that we must make this prayer, ultimately it is seen that it is not you; there is no person to do anything at all. All of this was a play of Consciousness. You're making the prayer, you're having these experiences, then making the opposite prayer—all of this is part of the movie or part of the play. Don't pick up the 'I am the doer' idea in any of this. And anytime it feels like this is coming up, you remember that it is your Satguru in your heart who is the one doer. It is Consciousness who is the one doer. I like this very much; very honest, very full of integrity, this kind of sharing. It's very much Atma.

Someone said, 'You are Grace in all that you do, my love.' I'm not sure who that was for, so we'll presume it was for Bhagwati Ji when she was talking. Lucia says, 'Just happy to see you and your sweet smile.' This is for me, most likely. 'Your love is beyond all words. In this silence, I am peaceful. Thank you.' I'll take this as for me because I've already been called the 'sweet assassin.' What is it? Smiling assassin? Yes. Kesar said, 'Flowers can't avoid the bees.' This is when Bhagwati Ji was probably speaking about beings coming to her. Prima had said 'the smiling axan' and Shiwani had said 'the smiling assassin.' Maybe that's where I picked it up.

Nik says, 'Happiness is just an incentive. It's all about nothing.' But this 'nothing' is not the mind's nothing, you see. It's not the mind's nothing, which is like 'nothing.' Not this kind of nothing. It is the 'no thing' from which the entire universe is created. The 'no thing' in which God takes birth.

Dear Ananta Ji, ask the 'me' here completely. Let nothing remain.

Nothing is remaining. Any 'me' that comes, it's just coming and it's going. It's very simple like this. Nothing even lasts for more than a moment. We have to keep revitalizing it with our belief, you see. Many times, many of you know that, and you're aware. When you're irritated with someone, you have to keep reminding yourself—at least now that you've been in Satsang—you have to keep reminding yourself, 'I am angry, I must keep this.' You have to work at it so that you don't forget, because otherwise, by the time the person comes, you're like, 'It's all good.' So in this simple way also, you see, it is the false which needs reinforcement. So this 'me,' this imagined 'me,' cannot really remain. We have to keep nurturing it with our belief, and all of you are now beyond that because all of you have tasted yourself for what you are.

Namaste beloved Father, joining late. So grateful for this washing machine of Grace. All is at your feet. Thank you, Shiwani.

Nik says, 'Everything the person does is cause and effect, hence the sense of doership is there for the person. But liberation is not an effect of any cause because it is the liberation from this person itself.' And there is nothing that the person does because the person never existed, you see. But you're right that in the play, it looks like it is karma or cause and effect or whatever you call it. But we are not concerned with it anymore. It only applies to the play; it does not apply to you.

D.C. says, 'Such a great analogy, Father. Picking up the glass is a reminder that it is an effort to be a person.' Yes, yes. If there is effort, then it is effort to be a person, not to be free. Thank you, Nik. Thank you so much.

Stina had said, 'I feel that being with my parents is a hindrance for my freedom. When I visit them, I feel bound and pulled down. I don't feel to see them, only because they ask me to come, that's why I come. Please say something about this.'

So this sense of doership must now be dropped. This feeling that 'I am doing this, I am going to my parents, I don't want to go'—all of these are the legs on which the ego can stand. So you must find out and show me: who is this doer? Who is the 'I' which is doing or not doing? You already see that there is no person here. The person is just a figment of our thoughts, a figment of our imagination. Therefore, all doing, all that is happening, must be a play of Consciousness itself, you see. So moment to moment, just stay and see what is appearing. There will be times where it appears that you are in your parents' house, and there will be times where it appears that you're outside. Neither of those will really touch you, the real you. We don't have to renounce anything at all in this world. Don't have to be forced into doing something, and don't have an aversion to anything as well. Just stay in your neutrality and let every moment unfold as it has to, including the actions of your body. You watch them unfold. You are already watching them unfold as Awareness itself. Or you must then tell me that 'I found the doer, this is it.' You see? Either you find the doer or you don't accept its existence. And it's very simple: just don't believe your next thought. All this trouble can be cleaned up.

Sonia says, 'My husband says that I will become a dinosaur and extinct if I keep letting go of everything—all desires and wishes and even the need to use technology or let go of my technical skills.'

This is what is level confusion. We are not saying let go of your computers, let go of everything in this way. It is just that we are letting go of this egoic conditioning which is referring to you as a person. Consciousness is free to use all that is appearing in the way it wants.

Stina says, 'I feel guilty when I follow my heart and don't visit my parents.'

Also, we must have clarity about what we mean when we say 'heart.' Are we referring to this pure intuition, the voice of the Satguru which is emerging, always accompanied by peace and love? Or are we referring to some emotional part of us as the heart? In most of the world, when they refer to 'heart,' they are referring to this emotional center, the center of emotions, you see. But if you're following your intuition, your inner guidance, then it must be auspicious for all. Even if it doesn't seem like that in the moment, it is always auspicious, leading everyone toward the truth of what they are.

David had to go. Love you, my dear. Nik says, 'There appears... I'm getting to know myself from you. You will not be able to point out where the Self is and where you are looking from.' It is the same as when I ask you, 'Are you aware now?' Nothing phenomenal is seen, and yet you are aware of this Awareness.

Namaste dearest Father and Sangha. I'm being so super grateful for the presence of Satsang. Thank you. Just woke up and straight into Satsang.

So good. I'm very happy you still have access to internet and you're able to continue to join us. Bhagwati Ji had to leave. Okay, my dear. Good, very good. Stina says, 'Yes, I know I am the perceiver of all this. Thank you for your support.' So much love, so much love to all of you.

Thank you, Ananta. You helped me to see this now: the effort of nurturing belief in 'me' and the prolonging the pain with guilt, shame, pulling away, separating, etc.

It's very good that you see this. It's very good. The effort of nurturing belief—very good. She says, 'Your axe is very soft, my ego is very harsh.' Welcome, Andre. Good to see you again. Bhagwati Ji says, 'Beloved Father, Nay has just sent a message for you. Not being able to be in Satsang is the hardest of thoughts to not believe. Can tell Father that all my devices are misbehaving. It's just this phase.'

Some planet must have shifted because all devices are malfunctioning for everyone in Satsang. 'Can tell Father that all my devices are misbehaving, just managing to be in Satsang, but all is good.' Let it all come. Mind this phase also will not last. Yes, life will push all the buttons, including making situations where it seems like 'I cannot be in Satsang,' making situations like feeling that 'I don't need to be in Satsang.' All these can come. It's okay. Grace is taking care of all of this.

I don't even know what I want to say. Just the body feels very fatigued and tired and worn out. And when I'm feeling like this, I just want to hide. I just wanted to come forward and whatever 'I' still remains... I can't find words right now, but I just... I don't know what's still getting believed in.

What's still getting believed in?

Is that something I can see? Over the course of the last couple weeks, there's been this attachment to comfort. Like the body being comfortable, a comfortable life. All of that's been kind of... so I just... maybe there's still something with that. I don't know. I don't even know what to ask. Is there anything that would seem serious? Expose that. Okay, I feel like a broken record player, but it seems serious and yet it doesn't seem so serious. Maybe in the past, it would have been all the thoughts would have been believed in and it would have felt like panic. So it's not serious in that way. I can't take it that much serious. There's so much trust. But it's just the mind still plays out around like financial security and job and just some of that, which is what brought me to Satsang to begin with.

So what are the most serious? Not being able to pay rent? Not having a roof?

Yeah, I don't know. That's because what happens is sometimes when it's non-specific, then it can seem more troublesome. It becomes a bunch of things—this and this, a little bit of this. If you start to look for it specifically, you see that each of this is nothing. Something will remain more; the sense of fear or insecurity or something seems to be really constricted. I'm looking, I'm trying to see what else. It's just like everything has come at once, so maybe it's just that. I'm just so, so grateful to be here in Satsang. So really, when I look at even that, it doesn't have that much power.

These are the primitive fears; everybody has them. We shared yesterday about Guruji also. He said that 'My fear was that if I just do Satsang and I become free, I will become like a beggar on the streets or something.' These fears, they don't play out. But this strength must be there—that if this is what God wills, then let this be. At the same time, because if this gratitude, this trust was not there, then you would be quite a mess. Now everything is seen from this perspective: that I have this beauty of being able to be in Satsang. All these little things, they come and go. It's okay. All this is just exposing things which you never knew existed, and then you see them in the light of your own life. They are just going. Sometimes they act up for a bit, then they go. But nothing can come and stay now. It cannot be Satsang and person. It's always either Satsang or person. The person can act up for a while but cannot survive. And full faith, full trust that eventually it is Satsang which will remain. Satsang does not mean this environment; it means in your heart, the presence of the Satguru in your own heart. You cannot sit on both the chairs at the same time. Sometimes the person chair calls you and says, 'For this, you need me.' Sometimes it feels like it for one moment, then because you see now what you are, the person has to devise some super serious tricks for you to believe it now. Usually what happens in Satsang is if you've been in a few Satsangs, the old tricks cannot work so much about relationships and this and that. Even money, you know, all these tricks. Usually what happens in Satsang is that it is the tricks of...

Sit on both the chairs at the same time. Sometimes the person chair calls you and says, 'For this, you need me.' Sometimes it feels like it one moment, then because you see now what you are, Maya has to devise some super serious tricks for you to believe it now. Usually, what happens in satsang is if you've been in a few satsangs, the old tricks cannot work so much about relationships and this and that, even money. You know, all these tricks. Usually, what happens in satsang is that it is the tricks around Enlightenment and Liberation as concepts which can still seem attractive. This sense of specialness is the one that is troublesome. So Maya has to come out; it comes out with this kind of becoming. It seems like there is something special, but there's none of this. It's just the mind. I know it's not going to really take you away in your heart anyway. There's no way that these old buttons, these old temptations, could ever pull you back. It is only the spiritual ego which you need to be vigilant for, and I know that all of you are very vigilant about this. Okay, yes, I know some intermittent of... but for anybody else in the world, for anyone not in the satsang, it's not a small thing. You sold off all your stuff in America and you came to India to stay in this city which you never visited before. So the mind will still have some remnant of that and try to play that card sometimes, but I know that this one cannot really... I feel that the power of the Satguru is so strong that all these old things can only play momentarily. And this is the power of trust; this is the power of faith. I am saying if you did not feel gratitude and trust in your heart, then you will be completely...

Someone says, 'Father, I smell a personal flavor in saying or being the I Am, the specialness that I am.' But what other is there when you are not? Is even your body there when you are not? If I Am is not, then there is nothing, no phenomenal appearance. Then I Am appears and this body appears, this universe appears; all together it switches on like a light bulb switches on. Everything becomes light. It doesn't say first body, then my bed, then my room. Not like that. Everything just appears. So this sense of other in me, this appears in your own presence of I Am-ness. There's only one being. It is not a collection of being, being, being, being, non-being. It's not like that. It's only one dream. The waking state is just one dream. The dream state is just one. The waking state is also just one state. I wonder if you get this, because many of you might carry this feeling that there is a sense of I Am inside the body. And although when we look, it can appear like it's the heart region or something, actually it's nothing to do with the body. Just a sense that I Am, I exist. This is Consciousness; it has nothing to do with this body. So don't feel that if I Am is in this body, then I am that body. I am there. It's all just one being. Can you ever taste another's I Am-ness, beingness? Can there be such a thing? Can you testify to anybody else's existence? All you can say is that I Am, I exist. And ultimately even this is seen, and you as awareness, even this is like a phenomenal appearance.

A seeker says, 'Dearest Father, I just want to say please let life check in any way it can for any possibility of buttons that can be pressed here. Let it shake and do anything it can to ensure nothing remains here. Let your will be done as it is.' So beautiful. And when you make such a strong prayer and it comes from your heart, I'm holding your hand. Let this be our prayer together.

So someone says, 'Father, the mind stops us by its conditioned analysis from intuitively accepting the gift of life. Even this is a part of the Divine play. Something here wants to hear you speak about this.' The mind stops us by a conditioned analysis from intuitively accepting the gift of life. So let's see. The mind is what? It is a set of energies which we call thoughts, which we call memories, which we call imagination. All this same energetic family, let's put it like that. I often call it the inner objects which are perceived. So this is the mind, and it is coming up with some analysis, something, something it is saying. Can it really stop you? It's appearing and it is disappearing. The energies are appearing and disappearing. You are where you are. That which is aware, you are the awareness itself. So this way you see that no appearance is actually stopping you. So even if the mind is very, very noisy with all kinds of things, it has no power. To awareness, as awareness, you are completely untouched. And yet something here has the power to give belief and to give attention to these thoughts, and this we call Consciousness or beingness. In the presence of being, then the forces of attention and belief arise. In deep sleep, there is no concept even of attention or belief. When I Am is born, and along with all the other forces, then these forces of attention and belief also come. And yet even with this birth of I Am-ness, awareness is still untouched. But this dynamic aspect, this being, seems to have this power of belief. So a thought comes, and if it exercises this power of belief over it, makes it meaningful, says it belongs to me, then it seems to be doing something to us. Something seems to be happening to me. It's all happening to this imagined 'me.' You have still remained as the untouched awareness. You have not moved. You are the same as what you are in your sleep. And don't try to wrap your mind around this because the mind cannot fathom that you are the same as what you are in your sleep. That which is aware of sleep and that which is aware of waking cannot really be obstructed by any content of the mind. It is only the mind itself which says that it is powerful enough to do this.

Now you are in satsang. You have been in satsang. Then this power, this power of belief, now must not be going to the mind, isn't it? That's why you are able to come back to satsang, because you can sense that the mind is just the trickster which is trying to convince you of your personhood, and you know that truly you cannot become this person. So we do not need to wait for the mind to accept this fact. We do not need to wait for the mind's certificate of freedom, because the mind will always say, 'Just a little more.' And even if it says that, 'Okay, you have become free,' it says it with a sense of specialness. It'll play all kinds of tricks. It'll say, 'You're free now,' then it'll say, 'Oh yes, yesterday you were free, but today you lost it.' Don't play any of these games. Just don't go with any of this mind game. You have always only been this. Then you say, 'None of this has any bearing here now.' Very good. Thank you so much. Very welcome. So anything the mind is doing, very good, say, 'None of this has any bearing.' You remain as the untouched Self.

A seeker says, 'Dear Father, I give you my ego for you to keep and do with as you please. I'm really grateful that you allow this. Thank you. I expose my buttons of fear of rejection and need to be loved and an insecurity when this love seems to be withdrawn. I expose all interpretation. Let it be all for all of this, all these years, all these needs and aversions. Let it all be my problem.' Very good.

And someone says, 'Father, surrendering of full body pain and all that is so hard to take in body and environment and emotional surrounding. Full on futility. Grace attack. Awareness witnessing it feels real at your feet, though your words don't seem valid when body and life are in pain. Still, awareness watching cannot be denied.' Thank you. This is very good, very good. And it seems like all concepts, they are not real, not true, just nice-sounding words. And yet the fact that awareness is witnessing all of this cannot be denied. This is a great report. Very well. Someone says, 'Three words reverberate here in this heart now: gratitude, trust, and openness.'

Father, could I come up please? Thank you, Father. Namaste. Um, there's lots of what feel like very, very big life circumstances here. We're about to move at the end of the year to the UK, so that's huge. And before we were going to rent the house and now we're going to sell it, so like everything's changing. And that's all good, but I can feel this strong urge arising to steer my life to make sure I make the perfect decision, to make sure that I don't make mistakes. And I can feel it getting stronger, and I just want to just drop it all and just, you know, not to do or not do, but just remain open and just whatever arises that needs to be done will be done. And so this need to steer, I just want to burn it here completely.

This is very good. And already you speak so beautifully that, 'I don't want to do or not do, just be open to whatever is unfolding in the moment.' That's a bit of satsang that you shared, which is very beautiful. Thank you. Anytime you're worried about the move, let me show you something inside of saying something. Okay, yes, I got it. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Love you, my dear. This is also the value of the satsang, you see, as you can learn from everyone else's example.

Yes. What happened? Your mic stopped working? No, I can hear my own voice kind of echoing and it's very... but yeah, that's it. The move itself, it just feels like this completely natural unfolding. Like even at the end of last year, if you'd asked me, I would have said no, very happy here, the kids are settled, blah, blah, blah, all this kind of stuff. And it's just the move is just so natural. It's like watching a flower blossoming. You think, 'Yep, that's what needs to happen.' But then the mind tries to hijack this quite big life circumstance and make something of it. And I know it's all nothing. It might be big geographically, but there is nothing. There is nothing. It's just what is, and what is, and what is, and that's all there is. And so that's why I could feel it; I could feel it kind of coming up, beginning to come up. So it's just, take it, bring it to satsang, tell it to Father, chop it off before it even begins to grow. That was what the idea was.

The X-man! I'm loving your hand movement; it's very animated.

I don't... yeah, yeah, yeah, I am generally quite animated. I don't know. This is another thing that's been burnt a lot since I've been in satsang with you is all my life I've had this shyness that has just attached itself to me. And it's, especially when I was younger, it was completely crippling. And it's so... ah, it's such liberation to just drop it because it's so fake and it's so egotistical, you know? And so just not to have it and just be able to speak from the heart, that's such a joy too. So yeah, lots of hand movements.

You know, I used to be like this, very shy. If somebody had told me that you will be speaking to so many people and things, I would say, 'No, I'd rather just go and watch a movie or read a book or something.' Yeah, but very shy. And many feel that the ones who are shy are not egoistic, but still such strong arrogance used to be here. It can be like this. It's very good. All this gets washed away in satsang, and many times we don't even realize. And some friend will come and say, 'But you... it seems like you changed in this way. You're not that shy anymore,' or something else. You know, we smile a lot more than we used to. A lot of things just happen on their own, and many times we don't even realize it. It's a very beautiful unfolding of even the outward expression. Yeah, I love you so much. Thank you so much for everything. In your throat, everything is better now?

No, I've got shingles, so the body's very, very sick. But it's okay. That's okay. Look at it all. Yes, so it's like I'm being forced to do nothing as well. It's great. I folded clothes today and I had to go and have a lie down because I was so exhausted. So I can't... like this.

Yeah, it's like a grace. It's all grace. It's all beautiful. Very happy to hear you as always, my dear. Good, good. Who wants to sing today? We have so many singers. I am spoiled.

Everything is better now, no? I've got shingles, so the body's very, very sick, but it's okay. That's okay. Look at it all, yes. So it's like I'm being forced to do nothing as well. It's great. I folded clothes today and I had to go and have a lie down because I was so exhausted. So I can't like this, yeah. It's like a grace. It's all grace. It's all beautiful. Very happy to hear you as always, my dear.

Good, good. Who wants to sing today? We have so many singers, we are spoiled for choice. Whoever goes first can. And just before that, Jyoti said, 'Father, I've not been able to focus in satsang today as my two-year-old is very needy and not feeling well. I will catch up later. Love you so much.' Thank you. So all my blessings to your kiddo. Deepa says, 'Can I vote for Sita? Have not heard her recently.' We start with Sita. Let's see if Sita's mic works.

Father, my dear, Namaste everyone. I don't know really what to say, but I'll try.

Very good, very beautiful. Maya had said, 'Father, last satsang when you looked into my eyes and said you are awake, life came with horrific body pain. So grateful to be able to give it to you in awareness, in love. Thank you, love you.' So I love you too, my dear. She said, 'Father, please speak more about you and your distanceless journey back to the Self. What were your supposed obstacles and the pointers that clicked?' Maybe in the next satsang. I'm not always very keen to speak about that. Anyway, we'll see what comes up. Everybody is saying beautiful singing for Sita. Jyoti says, 'Sita, this is the third new song I'm hearing you have composed and set tunes beautifully. Lovely singing and lyrics.' Okay, Jyoti, my dear, do you have the invocations that we can play?

Yes, Father.

So I said thank you so much to all of you for being in satsang today. Satguru Ram Ji ki Jai. Jai Jai Jai Jai. And Cornelia says, 'Thank you beloved Father and Sangha for the beautiful satsang today. Love you all so very, very much.' Dearest, love you too, my dear. Thank you, Jyoti, for taking on the moderator role. How was it? Did you enjoy yourself?

Yes, Father. It was really nice. I really enjoyed it and thank you so much for the opportunity. And I really wanted to thank Parvati and Bhagat Ji who really handheld me through this. So very grateful, Father. Thank you so much.

Thank you, thank you so much. Okay, we can turn the broadcast off now. So much love, so much love.