A Life Not Lived in God, Is Not Life at All - 21st July 2023

So the many, many strange, absurd games which God has designed in this world, in this Leela, the first is to put a cloud of ignorance over the fact that God is present within ourselves. That itself is immensely absurd, isn't it? It's unfathomably absurd how that is even possible and how He has made it possible. It is a strange miracle in the sense that how a bit of self-importance and self-concern can cloud that which is the most obvious. The only obviously present being is sheer absurdity. But the second absurdity is that even after we come to the discovery of that, even after all of us come to the discovery of that, it is still possible to exchange His light for the taste of wanting to be right or knowing something. It's quite a strange game.

And that's why the attempt from here has been to remind you that the presence that you are discovering within yourselves is not some mere biological or chemical reaction. That is the presence of God itself. And there is no capacity within our mind to actually fathom that pointing or invitation, but somewhere in your heart you can meet this. The presence that you are experiencing is not a product of your body, it is not a product of the world, it is not a product of the universe. It is beyond all of these things and it is the presence of the highest being that we call God. So I know most of you have this insight as well as information. You have both the insight for most of you, and all of you of course, if you've been hearing Satsang, have this information. Hopefully it will convert into insight if it hasn't already. But what is astounding is the ability to exchange this, or even to use the word you used, the potential of living in this, to exchange that for something which is purely ephemeral and not of any substance. It is sheer Maya, you see. I don't know what else to call it. It's sheer Maya, sheer Mayaness, which is a sheer madness in some sense. So thank you, thank you for starting Satsang in such a heartfelt report.

I think, yeah, thank you, thank you so much for the light you bring on now even because as you say, I said potential because it is becoming apparent, yes, that the power is not of the mind. And the power of loving, you know, I quoted to him a quote from Saint Augustine: 'Love and do what you will. Love and do what you will.' And this is so powerful and I am sure you know in which words it is part of and it is wonderful. I just read it recently, the whole text of what he was sharing at that time, and you could feel what he's been fighting for. And so these words come from a real big conviction, more than conviction, knowing of the power of love. And it's so, and I feel very much you're helping us to unveil this power. And thank you, thank you so much.

Thank you for sharing the beautiful words of Saint Augustine as well. Thank you very much. I recommend them so much to everyone. So that is completely... and there are two beautiful books that I have had the honor and privilege to come across. The first is Confessions and the second is The City of God. Both are very beautiful books by the marvelous sage.

Yeah, and even not reading the books, because I didn't, but maybe I will, but only the sermon in which these words are... only this could be not for one life. It is amazing because he speaks of God in a beautiful, such a beautiful way and it remembered me of you so much.

Thank you, thank you. Okay, okay, I'm just going to mute everyone for a moment and then we'll come back. All right, let's go to... yeah, let's stay another and we'll see.

Yeah, I just... it's funny when Etienne, who has been a deep friend, especially about a month ago, so thank you Etienne, lovely to be with you again, came forward with the power of the Sangha. It's just the same light that's so alive here is the extraordinary preciousness of this company, the constant reminding of this company, a place where God is here in this world in reflection in ways that, you know, sometimes in other environments is forgotten. So I can testify that putting this first works as you've been helping me to do, even in the throes of a lot in the body and mind, that it's possible to stay here in the unborn. That is possible. And the reflection that you provide, that Guruji provides, and that the Sangha provides, and that I feel like I would just be lost without it, you know? It's changed everything. It's changed everything. And so I just wanted to express my gratitude for that and Etienne's words just came right out of my heart. So same, same. Thank you.

What's coming to say is that if we get used to different, you see, if you get used to different, that is very helpful. Because otherwise what will happen is that we will want to include God in our pre-existing framework, in our pre-existing constructs. And if you are prepared to let go of all of these constructs and get used to different, then to switch from the way of the head to the way of the heart will not seem as much of a struggle as it often does. Don't expect, we must not expect that upon the discovery of God within ourselves, which is the highest discovery that we can make, that that should conveniently leave the rest of me as it is. It is not going to leave the rest of you, especially given that the rest of you is just made up, it is false. So it is not going to leave the rest of you as it is.

And a lot of resistance to Satsang and a lot of fighting inwardly in Satsang comes because of that, that we are not able to frame this new discovery in constructs which will leave the remnants of me intact. And then the whole gravitation towards vomiting it all out, you see. In God's light, we have to let go of the false me and that impulse, that momentum, becomes so much that it can seem fearful. We can seem fearful at times and yet it is important to let that all go. Because although it may seem very simple and we've heard this, like I've heard this since the beginning of the spiritual path, that the whole path is moving from the head to the heart, but actually in that journey, the one who started the journey does not exist at the end of the journey. He is finished by the process.

So what can happen is that it can just feel like, 'Okay, now I am still around and I was like this and now I'm like this a little bit, now will change in my life.' But actually it's a completely new life. Not externally; externally it can stay the same or be completely different. But, and some of you may be able to testify to this already, that it is nothing like our old life. Completely new life. And the withdrawal symptoms of our old ways may sometimes, you know, make us fearful, make us want to run, and all of these things may come along the way. But you realize already, all of us realize already in our heart, that once you have a taste of this, there is no other way to really live. There is no other way to really live.

And thank you for leveling that part of me that is like holding on to an experience of recognition and yeah.

Yes, so this is part of the whole what I've recently been calling the scientific approach to, the scientific sort of framework in which we try to find God. So what can happen is that in science, what would happen is you would do an experiment and then that experiment would succeed and then you could claim ownership over that experiment. And for everything you could refer back to that experiment and say, 'Okay, that is it.' You mix some sodium and you make some hydrogen and you make some whatever and there, boom, you know, that is what it is and it's a proven sort of experience. But the discovery of God and that which is aware even of the presence of God cannot be relied upon in that way from prior contemplation and from prior experimentation. It must always be referred to moment to moment.

At best, the memory of the prior experience can be a pointer for us to find that holy presence within us in this moment. But if it doesn't do that, then it is completely valueless. In fact, it's not just valueless, it's big trouble, you see, because then it can serve as a replacement for true insight right now. You just go to a memory and say, 'Huh, three years ago I wasn't even there. Three years ago I wasn't even there.' That must mean something, you see. That must mean that I am free or that must mean something about my recognition of the Self. But it cannot be that. It has to be about now. Why? A few years ago is God not here now that we have to rely on the past for His memory? It's like you're sitting with someone, suppose you're having this conversation and I tell you, 'Shraddha, I really miss you,' you see. So you'll be like, 'I'm right here.' 'I don't know, but I really miss you from two years ago or one year.' But I am here.

That must mean that I am free, or that must mean something about my recognition of the self. But it cannot be that; it has to be about now. Why a few years ago? Is God not here now that we have to rely on the past for His memory? It's like you're sitting with someone, suppose you're having this conversation, and I tell you, 'Shraddha, I really miss you.' You see? So you'll be like, 'I'm right here.' 'I don't know, but I really miss you from two years ago or one year.' If you should ask, 'But I am here, you know, just here.' So what is the value, except as a point, except as a reminder, what is the value of a prior experience of God? You see, because that value is only for the spiritual ego and not for the reality of God.

So we can only rely on the past of something when we're not really meeting it in the present. So this is the possibility that is ever-present, and it must be moment to moment. If it ceases to be moment to moment, then it just becomes about spiritual pride and things like that. So I know nothing about any of that. Yes, this whole chanda is so beyond. What do you think? Generally speaking, maybe somebody else will watch this video. But this is very, very sneaky; it's very tricky. So nothing can happen as the ego wants to, you know, plant its flag upon the Self also and say, claim it is an object of our discovery. Like it's a moon or something where, 'Okay, I've set foot on the moon, here's the flag.' Of course, many don't—in America especially—don't buy the notion of the moon landing, but we're not going to get into any conspiracy theories. But I'm just saying that God is not like that.

The value of the discovery of God is only if it is present now. It doesn't matter if you were the highest sage one minute ago or we were the highest sinner one minute ago; what matters is right now. And if God is here now, then what else can matter? You see? So then either we have a veil of delusion about that, about God's presence, or our mind has convinced us that something else is also relevant. Nothing else can be relevant then. God is here, especially what is happening with me. You see, especially what's happening with me, because it is non-existent. And this is the being of the spiritual seeker, that most spiritual seekers or most who are spiritual are spiritual because of 'me, me' and not because of God. You see, for them, God is a means to an end where God should help me come to the highest version of me, become the most peaceful idea of me, have a joyful life for me. So then God becomes secondary as a way to help me. So we're looking for service from God by pretending to be in service to it.

That's a big ouch because it's true. It like hurts to hear that.

And what happened is that all of that seems perfectly acceptable in spirituality, is it? But it's not. Of course, it's not framed in this way. But I can't see any other way of framing it which is true, because if you really ask what is most spirituality in the world about, maybe most will say that it is to come to a joyful and peaceful life for me using God. You're about feeling better here. It's been used a lot, being better, feeling better, even through the means of God, through the use of God in some way. And that can seem perfectly acceptable, but I want to tell you all that that is not what this is about. This is really about the reality of God's presence and how the 'me' doesn't exist at all. And yet it seems to exist through the proposals, through the thoughts of our mind, which the aspect of consciousness which I call myself has the power to believe.

You see, no matter what we believe about this 'me', it will not make the non-existent one become existent. We can stuff ourselves with the highest sounding concepts about me, the more spiritual ideas about me. We can become the highest practitioners of Advaita Vedanta, Buddhism, Islam, Christianity—all these beautiful traditions—and fill our heads with all the notions which are available there. But until we don't start to live truly in God's light, it is still going to be about me, which is still a false life. So one of the most beautiful things about Vedanta is that it asks you the question straight up front; it says, 'Are you real or is God real?'

Is there a substance to this me? Is there a tangibility to this me, or is the only being, is the only existent presence that of God? Well, it has to be because I can see the idea of me here, I can sort of like feel it, it's kind of a contracted feeling. And yes, but do you have thoughts and ideas? And yes, but let's start the other way. Do we feel God's presence? Yes, yes. Now, is that really God? I didn't create it. Yes, but is that really God? We have to infer based on some calculation whether that has to be God, or do we have an intuitive sense of it? Not just this.

Yeah, what is the answer? I'm not getting it clearly. It just is. It's like, yes.

What is it? Is it really God, the highest being, the one in whose light the universe is perceived and exists? Is it really that one? How do I tell? I feel like the answer is yes, and then I think, well, there's like thinking about like, but how do I tell? Yes, so leave the thinking aside until this becomes completely confirmed in your heart. Just remain as empty as you can with all your might. You see, because to leave it halfway cooked, you see, which is that yes, there is a presence here and I am aware even of that presence and it always is, therefore then... you see, that 'therefore then' part must go away. And Satguru presence within, the intuitive insight within, will make it as clear as day that this one is no one other than God Himself. You see? So don't rest on any calculation or equation that tells you, 'Okay, therefore then.' You see, who is here? Whose presence dwells within you? Whose presence lives within your heart? This is a very, very literal question. Maybe literal, it's not romanticized, it's not metaphor; it is completely literal. Whose presence is in your heart?

So allow this contemplation to unfold and don't allow your mind to interfere at all. Because we are not going to spend our life in a presumption of the light within us being God's light, or a hope. 'And yes, there is a presence, I hope it is God.' You see? So we're not going to spend... because hope and fear are actually the same thing, which may sound strange to all of you. We'll talk about it in a while if we can. But there is not much difference between hope and fear. So it must go beyond hope and fear into a clear insight. I can tell you that this presence within myself is God's presence, the God, the highest being in this universe. And I can also tell you that what I'm saying is universal; it is true for all of us because the Self is one and this being is one, although the waves on the surface may seem to be different in their texture and quality and expression.

So, and yet it is incumbent upon every wave to recognize its reality as the ocean. Is it? So if I see the presence within you, is that the ocean? We cannot stop at the point where we say it. It must be our discovery. It must be a living presence. It must be your insight and nothing else must be important for us inwardly while we are in this process of unfolding. Nothing else can be important for us because in reality nothing else is important. It is between zombie life and true life; what can be more important? It is between living as if you're a lump of flesh or living in the light of the highest being in the universe. So what else can be important? Nothing else is important. And all the tools are with you. You have the Atma darshan, samadhi, you have the inquiries, you have so many satsangs, you have Guruji's invitation; so much is available to us.

Whose presence is within you? So some of you may be here for the first time, so for them the first question is: is there a presence within you? You see? So first it is important to come to that. Is there a presence within me, or is it just dead man walking? Is it just food? Using this body is made up of food—is it just that? Is that all I am, or is there a light? Is there a presence? Is there a being within myself? And that Self is not a body, but the Nirguna Self. Is there such a being? Is there such a presence? Once you can confirm, 'Yes, yes, there is a presence,' then the mind will confuse you and say, 'But how can I say that that is God's presence? I don't know. How can I conclude? It may just be me, you know, it may just be some brain reaction or something.'

So for them, you have to come to the discovery that this is God Himself. It's not enough to infer that. It is not even enough to conclude saying, 'Oh, my Master said it is God, so it must be God.' You see, that is a good point to give you faith that you can come to this insight, but that faith cannot become conceptual knowledge and take the place of true insight. So use the Master's prodding, provocations, invitations to come to that discovery ourselves. Is that presence within you God's presence? Your mind will come clean; it will say, 'But how can I know? I can't even confirm that it is boundless. I can't even confirm that it was born or not born. I can't confirm whether it will die.' When Guruji asks in the invitation, you may whisper it and say, 'I'm scared to say this out loud, but the fact is I can't confirm this.' But where is the Master speaking from? How is it that he can confirm this? And he has told you that the Satguru is within your heart; the presence itself is the Satguru presence.

So get that confirmation intuitively. How will you know? The same way that you know love. You see? How will you know? How do you know love? You think love? If you love, is it just a feeling that your love for your truly loved ones also is just a feeling that comes and goes? Is that your love, or is there a stable love, an unconditional love? And often I say, even though the feeling may be irritation or frustration, you can still find the love for your parents, for your children, for your beloved. In the same way that you can know love is love, you will know God is God. You see? It can't really be spelled out much more than that. You see? How do you know that you love? How do you know that you are not this bundle of food? We all know this. How do you know intuitively? And we rely on this intuitive insight a lot, a lot more than we realize.

Many of you maybe did not want to come to satsang today, and yet something got you here. What is that? How do you know? So as we remain empty, all these insights will deepen. But I don't want any of you spending another moment being full of the false 'me', wasting time and not meeting God. You see, because this whole game is about time. The whole game is only about time. Because all of you, I know, have the complete intention to live in God. I have no doubt about your intention, you see. But you find a way to postpone it. You find a way to postpone them. And if you... so here's the strange reason. So there is a presence; most of you confirm that. Your Master is saying that that is God's presence. You see? So that gap then, you see that gap then? 'Yes, there is a presence, but I don't know if it is God.' That gap then should consume you. It should consume you fully because we are talking about God here. You see? We're not talking about Tom Cruise or some Shahrukh Khan or something like that; we are talking about God.

So how is it that we can say, 'Okay, let me finish my work first,' or 'Let me just take care of some other stuff and, you know, have some vacation to go to'? And I'm not saying any of that has to stop. I'm just saying inwardly we must be consumed by this question then. Because I am saying it is God, and we are saying, 'I don't know really. Is there even a God?' These kind of doubts will come, you see. So this is where faith in your Master comes into play. Because either you're being faithful or devotional to somebody who is really deluded and stupid, or he is telling you the truth. But if he is telling you the truth and you can sense where it is coming from, that it is true, then how is it that...

It has to stop. I'm just saying inwardly we must be consumed by this question then, because I am saying it is God and we are saying, 'I don't know really, is there even a God?' These kind of doubts will come, you see. So this is where faith in your master comes into play, because either you're being faithful or devotional to somebody who is really deluded and stupid, or he is telling you the truth. But if he is telling you the truth and you can sense where it is coming from—that it is true—then how is it that you are not living that yet, you see? And how is this then, absence of meeting God, not consuming you, not burning your ego completely? Use this fire.

Because it is God, you know. I don't know how else to say it. I was saying—I don't know whether this was on broadcast—but the other day I was saying that if I told you all of you were in the other room in the Kendra here, in the house here, and I said to you, 'Come fast! Krishna has come! Lord Krishna has come! Come!' And you say, 'No, no, I'm just at the end of this book, you know. It's a very good book. It's about freedom and enlightenment, and you know, the sage two thousand years ago has written it. I'm just finishing it.' You see? I'm saying Krishna is here! 'Come on, I'll just... I'm working on my phone and I have an urgent message to send. You know, my boss is waiting.' Hello? I think God is here.

And I don't know how else to see it. So I am telling you that the presence that you experience within yourself is God's being, is God's light, okay? And I want this to be your insight. What else can be more important than that? And why am I emphasizing on what else can be more important? Not to make any of you feel guilty at all. It is only because till you are empty of self-concern, self-interest, and individual will—until you are empty of that—the meeting with God seems impossible in this Maya. That's why every satsang I repeat the analogy of the narrow lane. The lane is too narrow for both God and me. If there is me, there cannot be God. And if there is God, there cannot be me. The cup must be empty.

So don't misunderstand the analogy of the empty cup, and then to just be, 'Okay, now I have to empty the cup so that the master can provide fresh knowledge and fresh information, then I can store this fresh information because I've made space for it.' It is not that you empty the cup so that you can come to true insight. Because in Zen anyway, if you are understanding anything, you're completely off the mark. So it's not that you will replace old content with new content. It is to come to the insight of reality whose presence lives within you. It's very important because if I said to you, 'I feel your toe has an infection,' you will run around for months trying to figure out what the infection is. I won't see you in satsang. But I'm telling you there's a presence within you and that presence is the highest being, and usually after satsang it'll be like, 'Huh?'

Thank you for your sword.

Yes, and I was not really ranting or chopping. I was just saying that this is the game that the mind plays. Well, there's just so much recognition in it. No value judgment completely, and it makes us as if you're living in an upside-down world where that which is valueless is most important, and that which is most important seems like we can... If you're going to do it tomorrow, do it today. If you're going to do it today, do it now. Because the end is coming in a moment, then we'll have no time. The end is coming any moment. When do we have time for this? This is the whole game that the mind is playing: later. This time, we don't know whether tomorrow you wake up with so much resistance towards satsang, I don't see you ever after that. Or you get caught up in some other idea, some other master may come, something may happen. So who knows? In this life so many temptations can come and we don't know whether we'll ever turn truly towards God. But we have now. Everything is available to us now, you see.

So let go of what you're thinking, let go of what you're feeling, let go of any condition in your life, events, everything. Inwardly become a total sadhu. Inwardly live as if you're dead already. Then we've set such a beautiful table for God to come to dinner. But if you still... and this is not just because your mic is open, this is not for you, I'm telling the whole thing, you see. So don't fall into that trap of trying to make your life into the perfect pie chart, you see? 'There's a physical aspect, there's a mental aspect, there's an emotional aspect, the spiritual aspect. So I come to satsang to take care of the spiritual aspect, then I do this, then I do that.' You see all of these things, and I'm trying to juggle all of this to create a perfect life for myself. And then what? We created the perfect life for yourself, probably spent 80 years doing it, and then one... So use this provocation.

I am telling you that there's something so far beyond what your mind can imagine, and that one is already in your heart. That reality is already in your heart. Not your biological heart, not your emotional heart—your spiritual core. The intuitive presence that is the only way to find this one. So let go of all the false, let go of all the ignorance inwardly, and let life take care of itself outwardly. You keep your eyes on God alone. Can you see how different it is from the usual spirituality? Because in the usual spirituality it's just like, 'Ah, if you breathe like this 50 times and you do this a little bit, then your life will be so much more peaceful and God is blessing you and you'll be just fine. You know, your life will be perfectly balanced.' You know what I'm saying? Come to a completely unbalanced life. Completely unbalanced. Put God on one end of the scale. What else can you put on the other end? If God is on one end of the weighing scale, what will you balance it out with?

How can you have one portion, one slice of the pie chart for God and the rest for other things? Is God really God, or is God just a construct of our mind? In today's world, God has just become a construct of our mind and availability of a divine force to help me, make me better, you see? It's just like God has become like a cloud, you know? If you really go searching in that particular direction and you keep flying north, north, then take a little bit of a left, you see, and go towards the west, and then take this slight right again, go back north—there you'll find this one, and that one will help you with everything that you want and then you can live happily ever after. Isn't that most of spirituality, you see? Except the instructions are different.

But what I'm telling you is that all of this is nonsense. It's false. The real one is the only one whose life this is. This life is not the ego's life, the mind's life. This life is God's life. It is already God's life. So to follow God's will and to love God with all our heart is not oppression. It is already God's life. Just that this Maya, this Leela, this play, He says that just to give this some juice or for some unexplainable, unfathomable reason, God has given to Himself the possibility to take it to be something else, to value the non-existing ego. And then this game is being played of returning from that ignorance into darshan, Atma Gyan, and true insight.

So the mind can keep hypnotizing us. So I want to be very direct in what I'm saying. I have found God lives within myself. It is the God. There is no inferring there. It is not a deduction that I'm making. It is completely true. I am telling you that this is possible for you now. You can say one of two things. One is that, 'I don't want to follow you. You look like a deluded man,' you see? Or, 'I trust you. I have faith in your words. I'm going to follow your way.' And I'm saying your way because the way is more than the words, you see. The words change from time to time. They depend on the temperament and the experiences of the questioner. So all that may change, but the way is the way of the heart. If you can learn to follow the way now, what is your response? What is your stance?

Okay, but the third option that all of us have and we usually use is, 'Yes, but...' You see? I would rather any of you say that, 'I feel you are a deluded fool and you're just messing with us, so I don't want to listen to you.' Or say, 'Yes, I feel like I can follow this way.' I mean, gone. But the third one, which is the trickiest one, right? 'Yes, but...' You know? So that one can always trick us. And most of it is that, 'I don't want to follow your way. I am making my own soup.' You see? 'I am going to make my own soup. I'm going to take a little bit of Atma Darshan, samadhi from you. I will take a little bit of this from here. I will do this little bit from here. I like all this stuff. It makes me very nice and comfortable. It all seems very sweet.' Okay, and it may work. I can't say it won't work. But there is no reason to do that. There's no reason to do that now if you're around.

So to follow can seem like an attack on our independence, okay? And that is why most of us resist it. But to follow is the simplest. To use that old example, it's somebody standing on top of the hill and saying, 'Come, come like this. I am showing you the way. Just come like this, like this. Careful of that. Just come like this.' You see? 'Really? No, no, no. I'm going to do this my way. I feel like I can go around the mountain 17 times and then I can drill a hole inside through there, and then I should be able to build a staircase in that hidden tunnel over there, and then ultimately I feel that I'm going to get to the same point.' Why? Because I want to be original. It's not worth it, you see? It's not worth it. Why do you have to be original? Somebody is calling you saying, 'Come, come, come, come, come, come, come.' I'm telling you, come.

So this is the whole decree: to be free from the Maya and say, 'Ah, like this. If you do like that, this is better for you actually. I like this one.' It's not about any of that. If you're going to be full of yourself, how will we meet God? Don't call anyone your master. Don't call anyone your master till you value what they are pointing to more than you value your thoughts. Don't say Guru, Master. Think again. Generally speaking, sure, that's under my exercise. It may seem like, 'Okay, I'm just generally saying that Guru, Master.' It's actually the greatest privilege. But not only is it the greatest privilege, it's also the greatest convenience, you see? The greatest convenience because they're just showing you the way. It's simple.

But if we insist on doing this my way while at the same time saying, 'All I want to do is follow God's will,' and yet you don't follow the one that you know in your heart is living in God's light, right? Then the mind is winning and soon it will be the end of this round again. We never got off our high horse. Shh. So be true to your heart. Are you living in God's light? Can you confirm that the presence within you is God? Are you surrendered to His will? The shortest version of this is, 'Yes, God, but I think...' 'Yes, God,' is 'but I think.' So this level of importance that we give to the non-existent one, that is the best in eyes. We put it on a higher pedestal than God.

I've been saying, let's suppose an infant could speak. You know, an infant is born and the mother is trying to feed the infant milk, and it's being fed, but the infant has developed now this ability to judge, to interpret, to say good, bad, to say, 'No, no, I don't want this stuff. I'm going to order some lactogen for myself,' you see? 'Because I feel like that goes better for my system.' Because I think that's exactly what we are doing. Infantile is our mind compared to God's intelligence. And yet, and this is the apple—this is to take the bite from the apple of good and badness—we start to judge, we start to interpret, we start to live on our own terms, which we don't realize are not our terms. Our own terms are actually God's terms. So these are the terms of the proverbial snake. Whatever respect and love you have for me, how can I allow you...

You know, for my system, because I think that's exactly what we are doing. Infantile is our mind compared to God's intelligence. And yet, and this is the apple—this is to take the bite from the apple of good and badness—we start to judge, we start to interpret, we start to live on our own terms, which we don't realize are not our terms. Our own terms are actually God's terms. So these are the terms of the proverbial snake.

Whatever respect and love you have for me, how can I allow you to continue existing without truly living in God's life? And even if you didn't have a guru-disciple relationship or even Sangha relationship, how can I let my brothers and sisters in this world live as if God is just a concept? How do I bring everyone to Him? I don't know. That's why I was saying earlier that whether this expression is truly able to convey what is felt in the heart, I don't know.

So all thousands of the satsangs that we had, all of them are nothing but me saying: Come, you should come. Leave it, come. Just leave it, come. Is it in thousands of different ways God is provided towards? But that's all that is being said. Just leave your toys. Leave your toys. God is here in your heart. And what are these toys? These toys are self-importance, self-concern, self-will. Just leave them and come. Because it's God, you know? The one that your heart is longing for, it's that one. The source of all love and light, that one. Source of always been all creation, that one. It's not a better way to live; a better way to live is the only true life.

What is the other alternative? The other alternative is that this brother is a friend of yours is deluded. So if that is the case, then you help him. Please take him to a doctor or something. Take him to a doctor because he's seriously deluded. That means help you just allow him to live with his delusions? I could not be love. But you have to take a stand somewhere. So empty, die so that you can live. Die to the false self, die to your limited self. Become empty for God, or get this man some help. You can't be neutral about it.

Okay, thank you. Thank you for whatever we're talking about that compelled this, so that sort of triggered this to come up with you realize that it was not true or anything like that. It's just I feel very grateful when someone gives me the opportunity to allow this heart to speak openly like this. Thank you, thank you for that. Okay, let's go to Island.

Hello, Father. No help. Are you good? Give me some help. Yes, okay, good, good, good. Um, I don't feel connected at the moment to God's presence. Um, it's overwhelmed by fear. I'm in this moment waiting for the results of a biopsy, whether I have breast cancer or not. And although I have moments of deep gratitude when I'm observing the immense fear that's coming up and a total understanding why it's happening and an immensity of love for God, most of the time this fear is running through and I'm trying to observe as best as I can. And it's with me right now. It's not happened yet. Um, I don't have—I'm with my phone at the moment—but um, I'm so surprised because I really feel like I don't fear death, and yet there is—it's also interesting that there's this immense fear. Is there such a thing as a primal fear again, or um, of such a belief in the body that I don't know? I just wanted your help. Yeah, thank you.

Thank you for sharing this. And firstly, all my love and full, full blessings that everything by Guruji's grace will be just fine. And may your life be full of ease and grace and joy and love. If that is His will, I pray that may be so. But what is also important to consider is that today, or ten years later, or twenty years later, at some point of time this body has to go.

Here is what I actually want: the peace to take it. It's like I—the idea that I am going to die doesn't fill me with dread, but it's just I'm actually ready to die either in the body or die to ego. I'm ready. I just—I don't actually—I'm not clinging to life. What I want is a resolution, is a kind of a peace with that.

Yes, my heart, yes. So let's for a few minutes even let go of this, that we want like a peaceful resolution or a meeting with death which is empty of all resistance. Let's leave that also aside for now. Just completely fresh: Is there a presence within you right now?

Something yearning for it, yes.

But are you confirming that it isn't there right now?

Yes, I know it. It's there. I know it, it's here.

Are you merely thinking that it's here, or can you intuitively sense its presence?

It's an integration of the kind of magnificence or something.

Psycho? Yeah, that doesn't sound bad at all. So this presence, whose is it?

It's everywhere. It's everybody. Yes, I don't know what to say. Yes.

Is it God?

Yes, it is called. It's like I've been so entirely great. Yes, yes.

So God is here and God's presence is apparent to you. What else can we—yeah, that's not you, it's for you.

Thank you, Father. Yeah.

Simple to recognize that this is God. Pure Supreme intelligence, the light of a billion universes, that one is so simply and naturally here.

It's bursting with it, Father. Yes, its immensity, the density, its magnificence, like you said. Are we fooling ourselves? You don't know. Could the mind's version of our reality, which is just that we are this bundle of flesh, be true? Just become closer. What is birth and death to you now? What do we have to worry about?

Thank you, Father.

So welcome, very welcome, my dear. I'm so happy that you could meet so directly and openly. And sometimes Grace has to create these apparent situations for these meetings to happen in such simplicity and openness. Having said that, again, my blessings are completely with you and may your body be completely healed of whatever afflictions it has by Guruji's grace, by God's grace. If it is His will, may you be completely healed from everything.

Thank you, Father. I love you so much. Total trust.

Very good, very good. You know, even though the stories of our life are so empty of any light when they don't carry the fragrance of God. And actually, there is no reason for anyone to live as if God is not here. That is never a good enough reason for anyone to live as if God is not here. So it says so many times: I called for help, I trusted you, no answer has come. I can't throw Guruji from my heart. I am showing my heart now. This life does not have to be that complicated.

So if you had a choice to throw your heart or the one that wanted anything, even help, which one would we throw? The one that can want presumes it knows better than God, that that's how it can want. The one that is living in God's light already has. The one that has cannot want. The one that wants operates inherently on the notion that it knows better. That is what living on my own terms looks like. That is what it sounds like.

So how about we throw away that one and live empty of expectations? Because you know, the one that we are trying to serve doesn't exist. The one that we take ourselves to be doesn't exist. So the non-existent one often acts as if it is the entitled one. And that is why Guruji has said: Live as if you have no rights. It can sound strong, but what is being said, what he's saying is that empty of these things, that one will not seem so valuable to you, so important to you. That one is just the figment of our imagination between the time of birth and death. What is eternal about it? What is true about it?

And that one will constantly say: You get away from these ones, see, they don't want to help you, they don't really care about you. I care about you. The mind, that is the one that cares about you. And yet you have seen this thousands of times already, even in the time that we've known each other, that every time you follow this one, you only increase your suffering. The only time you're free from your suffering is when you have let go. Do you love God or do you love the ego? If you love God, you can stay with God and don't worry what is happening to your ego. Okay, let's go to Sharath.

Thank you.

You're welcome. You just want to say that—ah, okay, I'm back. Yeah, yeah. You said you want to be fully empty? No, I'm just asking for just to repeat because I couldn't hear. To be empty? You want to be empty? Okay. You spot the trouble in that already or no? Yeah, yeah. When you're empty, you cannot want. And the one thing gets in the way of your being empty. Why do you want to be empty? Or why did you want to be empty? Let's see that.

Yeah, it's fine. It's fine if it's gone, it's fine.

When we are empty of grasping—wanting is nothing but grasping—that is when we are empty. Without the notion of being empty, or without the trying to be empty, or without the accomplishment of being empty. We don't become somebody who's empty, you see? We don't become somebody who's empty. We are just empty. Please. So I bless you with full emptiness, no grasping, so that you can live in God's light, in God's presence. Be fully empty of these toys, as I call them today: self-importance, self-concern, and self-will. Okay? Self-importance means 'I am something, I am somebody.' Self-concern means 'What is happening to me? Why is it not happening? When will it come? Why is my life like this?' All that is self-concern. And self-will is 'I want.' I want to be empty even of the notion of freedom, the notion of enlightenment. It is not in the notions, actually; they are nothing, they're just words. Don't worry. Don't try to get anything that a word can point to. Everything that has an opposite, forget about it. If freedom has an opposite, bondage, forget about freedom and bondage. If enlightenment has an opposite, unenlightened, then forget about both. Forget every opposite. Let's go to Jason.

Hello. Thank you. It is for you to put myself forward again and because I again find myself so identified with this body and and it's yeah, not feeling the presence of God and it's just not acceptable to to not know God in this life and yes, so I ask for your help.

Okay, thank you. Thank you. Very quickly, are you saying that there is a presence but I don't know if it is God, or are you saying that there is no presence at all?

I could say that I am, I exist.

Yes. So that 'I' whose being is that, Jason?

Um, what is Jason like about that? 'I' seems to be connected with a lot of things, especially with body sensation.

But before it gets connected, before it's connected, let's meet it before it's connected. I mean, without—let's not worry about anything it is connected to. Let's just talk about its itself. Okay? Tell me about this I-amness. What is its boundary? Where is it located? Go ahead, go ahead.

I cannot really say anything about it because it has no shape.

It has no shape. And yet we call it I am. Is it you? Is it your presence?

Yes, that's right. It's called I am.

Yes, it's your presence and it is shapeless. So are you saying that you are shapeless?

Yes.

Does it have a start and end?

I don't know. Sorry.

Yes, so don't worry about not knowing the right answer. Use it as an opportunity to dive deep within to find out. Don't exchange this contemplation about whose presence this is within you for any other temptation from the mind. Nothing else is important or worth it. On one hand there is a chance of the discovery of true God, and on the other hand is something just momentary, is going to die soon anyway. So let the mind come and tempt you with everything else. You stay with the presence with all your mind and don't form any conclusions in your head. Those conclusions will only get in your way. Leave the space empty for God. Don't fill it up with your ideas. What happened? You can make a report if you like. What happened?

Oh yeah. It's longing to be here with God, who I am.

Yeah, you're longing to be with God, you say? Yes, yes. Very good, very good. Hang on, hang on to that longing in your heart, but don't let it—don't let your head infect that longing, you see? Because that—the head will infect the longing and make it a wanting. And there's a huge difference between longing and wanting, because wanting is full of suffering, wanting is full of ego and lo—

Your ideas, what happened? You can make a report if you like. What happened? Oh yeah. It's longing to be here with God, who I am.

Yeah, you're longing to be with God, you say. Yes, very good, very good. Hang on, hang on to that longing in your heart, but don't let it—don't let your head infect that longing, you see? Because the head will infect the longing and make it a wanting, and there's a huge difference between longing and wanting. Because wanting is full of suffering, wanting is full of ego, and longing is pure love for God. So if your head starts to participate in the longing, it will bring along wanting, grasping, and suffering. So stay with the longing in your heart. Stay with the love for God in your heart. Longing is like the compass pointing you back home, so follow it to its source, you see? But if you let the mind come and make interpretations and judgments, then that will just confuse you and waste your time.

Make sure if you can check now: what is the source of this longing? Where does it come from? If it comes from a place where I know—I know who I am—I know this is not foreign. You know it intuitively, isn't it? You know it not through thinking and not through perception, but you know it unspeakably.

Yes, it just sounds like a little bit like a memory, like an original place.

Yes, yes. That is why it's also called a recognition. Recognition where I feel so familiar, is it? So nobody has come to the discovery or the insight of themselves and said, 'Oh, this is completely new, this is brand new territory.' It always feels like a recognition, remembrance. Yes. So stay away from all interpretations and judgments from the mind and stay fully in your heart. Full, full blessings are with you. May you remain always in God's light.

I can't wait. You ask. Okay, let's go to Devi. Hello, hello my dear. Thank you. I just had to say, like, sometimes when I look when you guide us, I just feel like my mind can be so tricky. So I really feel I need—I need Grace. Like, Grace is the one that can make a genuine seeing inside my heart. And I also feel, compared to before, there is more trust in this Grace. Like, I don't have to do it myself and I can just—just be here and follow as best as I can. And yeah, I just felt to say that, like, this trickiness of the mind sometimes can feel a bit of it—yeah, it is too much. Yes. Like, it feels like, oh yeah, that you're too smart for us to deal with. Yes. Like, I feel also maybe I gave in into some tricky thoughts and they build up, and now it's hard to really genuinely recognize this, you know, because the mind is so tricky there and can imitate.

Yeah, but yeah, I'm very happy to hear that you're trusting Grace so much more. Very, very good. That's very good. Yes, I can see that there's much more presence which is shining through you than there was before. So I'm very happy. Thank you. Keep going like this. By Guruji's Grace, all this is beautifully unfolding.

Yes, and I ask for your Grace to take away this fake mess, whatever I suppose, and I cannot see through. Just to help me really be in my heart and to live from there and to be, yeah, just true and be good.

And this is a deepening, you know? It's an ever-deepening thing. And although God is complete and absolute every moment, yet a meeting with God is ever-sweetening and ever-alive and full of awe and love. So as long as we have the sense that 'I'm learning to trust more, I'm trusting His Grace more,' all is well. We are taken care of.

But it does need reminding, because sometimes in the week I just fall off this and then you remind us and—yeah, that's really interesting, you know? To that definitely does need reminding and that is why satsang is very important. Yeah, sometimes it feels so impossible in the beginning and then at the end it's like—it's amazing how it can change. Thank you for this.

Okay, let's go to Shivoham. We needed to send a messenger after this boy. Hello, good to see you.

So I just wanted to—to come and, can you hear me? Yes. Yeah. And um, yeah, to—yeah, to stand in front of you and in the Sangha and say that I'm not hiding. I'm not hiding, even though things are going in a way that I—I didn't predict somehow. Yeah, I—I wanted to talk to you about this also because, yeah, the idea was to come back and—but I'm here and somehow the other one needs to be a—like a conflict in me, you know? And um, and to see—and this is also the something I wanted to talk with you, that somehow the conflict is—is less and less. There's less battle here somehow about things and about—and uh, yeah, I just wanted to—to speak to you about this.

Yeah, if you find it, I'm very happy to hear you and to see you. Um, yes, and life can flow this way. It's completely fine. We can have certain ideas, but life has its own momentum, it has its own flow. And as long as we're living in the heart, we're living in God's will, and there is no—the notion of distance and things like that cannot really get in the way. If you find yourself living empty, living in Unborn, then all the rest is secondary to that. So in hearing you, I'm not getting the sense that you are being forced to live in the way of the mind or something like that. So I'm happy to see that you're well and things seem to be fine. But now you're expressing the change, so you can share what will happen. Just so happy to hear you. Okay, I know that. Okay, should I keep talking? I love you very much.

But everything is—is—I—I didn't want any—any of these somehow. This is why I trust this somehow, because it's happening. It is, yes. And so I'm doing like this, yeah, as much as I can in the—

Very good. Full, full blessings. And of course, your home is always here. You're very welcome.

Yeah, I know that, Father. And please, yeah, yeah, yes. That's—

Are you getting the chance to hear satsang at least once a week or no?

Yes, yes, yes, yes. This week I—because I was working a lot for a couple of months, yeah, and I—I couldn't, even though I—I was always in satsang listening somehow when—when I could, uh, even short stuff. And um, but yeah, from this week I—I could—I could be here on Monday and Wednesday also.

So yes, yes. Like Devi was saying earlier, just—it's very good to live openly, but just to hear the reminders of the presence and words of satsang at least once a week is—

Yes, it's true. Yes. And I wanted to thank you, Atma, that she—she wrote me, she—she sent me a message today and it moves me a lot. Yeah, it was—and it's so nice to—to hear from the Sangha and then—and it's so nice to—to have the Sangha checking—checking in. And uh, and also Radha. And so it's beautiful to—to be in touch with you and—and that you—and—and that you care. And somehow you—'How are you, brother? How's it going? Tell me.' It's so nice. And I love you so much, Father. So much, so much, so much. And so nice to see you and so nice to speak with you and thank you again. Your blessings to come soon with her, because yes, I feel she is—she's getting more somehow near. Uh, I don't know. I think it's going to be very nice. As a result, the passport situation or—

Well, it's now, yeah, actually because we—we didn't think about it, but it should be more easier, easier I think now. Let's see. Yeah, very good. Because we—we didn't plan anything in the absolute, but uh, just you're, yeah, asking for your blessings to—to be able to come soon and very quickly.

Yeah, just it may be good to just keep the passport ready and then—yes, thank you, thank you Father. Atma is asking you to cook something, by the way. Okay, let's go to Amita. Yes, okay. Today is better connection. Sometimes they clear and well—did I speak too soon? Look at that. Maybe she just wanted to see. Namaste. Maybe go to the next one and come back. Let's go to Samya. Samya is coming. Okay, it doesn't look like it. Let's go to Sharon. Namaste. That's the idea.

Hello. Um, I feel to check in about something. Um, like, uh, something that often pulls me into mind. Um, because often I have appointments in the future. Um, like tomorrow I go normally on camping holiday with my brother, but often satsang calls, like, 'You stay here and you speak now,' and then I need to cancel the appointments, you know? And that calls upon fear. Like also now, instead of fully diving in, letting go and letting go of that control, that not knowing what comes, I'm—I'm a bit in my mind to that appointment that I maybe will have to cancel because that's why he's calling, you know? And—and it's now for some months that this is playing. So, and I feel to—due to—yeah, give it to the light, you know.

Okay, so let's look at this together. So if I've understood correctly, you're saying that usually you have these camping trips with your brother on the weekends, on Saturday, but—

Last now, say again. Okay, no, it can be other appointments. This is always coming tomorrow, but it can be other appointments that sometimes I feel something is calling and I—I need to leave the appointments that I have made here. It doesn't matter if it's with my brother or something else, but just—

Okay, any appointments, any of the meetings. Yes. Then uh, in that moment you feel—and it feels clear that that is coming from the heart? It is coming intuitively that you should hear satsang at that point? I don't know if that's clear.

You know, it can also be a fear to leave something, you know? I see, I see, I see what to say. And that's the thing that I'm not sure of. Is it that it's truly something is calling, or is it a fear to—to leave that sign?

Yes, yes. Let's see. Okay, very good place. So it's good that you spotted that, because the mind can also play that way, you see? Where it says, 'No, no, it's better if you stay in satsang and don't leave it because you could miss out—you leave your freedom or God or something like that.' So you can pay in that way at times. So it's very important uh, to remain in true satsang. True satsang is the company of the truth, satsang. So true satsang is to remain in God's light, in God's presence, and to follow God's will unquestioningly. So if God says stay at home and listen to satsang, uh, in spite of the most important appointment, important-seeming appointment in the world, we must follow God's will. But before we can do that, we must make sure that it is coming from intuition, it is coming from the heart. Because the spiritual-sounding mind, you see, is the voice of the spiritual ego. It is wanting to make a spiritual persona out of us, a spiritual person out of us, and that one is not in service to God.

So um, how do we distinguish between the mind's voice and the heart's voice? That can be at the core of the question, isn't it? So how can I tell whether this that I am feeling like following is truly coming from my heart? This is why I'll give you some tips about this and we can talk more uh, about this. So for those who feel like they don't have a clear sense of the presence of God within them—because if you had a sense, clear sense of the presence of God within you, then your heart's voice will very obviously be coming from that presence, you see? It will seem like that one is speaking, that one is speaking these uh, words, this guidance is coming from there. And speaking doesn't have to be audio; it can just be that one is directing us in a certain way. But if that seems a bit confusing, what you could rely on is a simpler thing, which is that you feel the presence of unconditional love when you are being guided in this way. If you're feeling the presence of unconditional love and your—your intention to follow God, those are enough to point you, intuitively point you through this Guru presence, you see? That is—so that is the easiest. But sometimes the mind can be tricky and pretend to speak very sweetly and lovingly and say, 'Oh my dear child, I feel like it's better if you are in satsang.' So that love—but your intention to follow God itself is a good enough um, thing to start with to make even tricks of the mind turn into Grace. So don't—don't have to worry so much. Just try to follow your love in your—

Follow God. Those are enough to point you, intuitively point you through this Guru presence, you see. That is so, that is the easiest. But sometimes the mind can be tricky and pretend to speak very sweetly and lovingly and say, 'Oh my dear child, I feel like it's better if you are in satsang.' So that love, but your intention to follow God itself is a good enough thing to start with to make even tricks of the mind turn into Grace. So don't have to worry so much. Just try to follow your love in your heart and follow God's guidance. As you get used to it, the presence will become more and more apparent and then the confusion will reduce because it will become clear that it is God's guidance.

Many times the guidance will not even come in the form of some guidance; just the body will move in the presence in a certain way, you see. You'll start typing out a text saying 'I have to cancel' or it will start sending an email or I'll start speaking and you won't even realize how did this happen, you see? It's just the presence is moving your body and like it is moving the world, we will notice that it is moving the body as well. Then the most clear and the most foolproof way to confirm it is coming from God's light and not from the ego is if your reality is apparent to you yourself.

Which is beyond what means apparent? Showing? I don't understand.

It's okay, it's okay. You can ask any question, don't worry. So apparent means that—it's a word that I use because the Self is never visible like an object, isn't it? It's never visible like an object. You can never have the experience of it like a perception. And also you can't think about this as the thing. The Self that we think about is not the Self, you see. So the recognition of the Self is apparent only intuitively, like we don't know how we know, you see. Like, so if I tell you, 'Did you see the Self?' you'll say, 'No, I didn't see the Self.' If I say, 'Did you just think about your Self?' 'No, I wasn't thinking about it.' Then if I say, 'Then how do you know?' most likely you will just say, 'But I just know. I just know.' And that 'just know' is very valuable intuitive insight, actually. It's very valuable intuitive insight because it is beyond perception, it is beyond objects.

So when this is known in this way, but not in the head, you see, then we can trust that if guidance is coming along with that, that must be coming from my heart because only intuitively is the Self known. It is not known through any other means. So if the Self is known during the time and guidance is coming, means we must be relying on our intuition, you see. So depending on what feels most natural to you, you can start by just checking if there's the presence of unconditional love which is not demanding anything. So that should be the simplest, you see. You can find some love, say, 'Yes, there's a presence of love and I'm being guided either to go for my meeting or to listen to satsang or to go to satsang.' And as you get used to following that love, the perfume of that unconditional love, it will lead you to just simple insight into the presence of God within you, the Satguru presence within you, and you will find that that presence guides you, that that guidance comes from that presence as well.

When things seem to be very straightforward because the presence guides our every step or every movement, you see—and not, remember, not always in the form of words. Sometimes it just moves you, you see. Initially it will happen that way, that it just starts moving us in ways which we didn't think was possible because we thought we were planning everything and doing everything based on thought. And now so many things are happening in this beautiful unfolding.

Don't feel effort. That's if you don't feel effort everything, then you know it's of God. Yeah, yeah, that's how I can tell. I don't need to push to get something true like...

Well, initially it is fine. Initially it is fine to just notice that the resistance is the thing like that and just follow your heart effortlessly. But there will come a point where God Himself will guide you to things which seem like the most difficult things, you see. They will seem like the most difficult things. God will challenge you to go beyond your mind's boundaries and the mind will make that so resistive, you see. So although initially it will seem easier to live in God's presence and by God's light it will seem effortless—you're right about that—but as you mature in this, you will also be challenged by God. So don't always feel like this will be the easy, easy path always because sometimes God will say more like things which we could not have imagined, like suddenly you pack your bags and go there, you see, and talk to this one or do this. But don't worry, don't stress about that at the moment.

Initially you just follow the love and follow the presence. Life will become a very easy flow. And when you start to live in the flow so much, you see, it seems so natural everything, then you may hear God's guidance even on the simplest things. But sometimes God's guidance could be something which may seem very difficult to the mind also. So I'm just preventing you making a condition saying it's always the easy thing. No, because the mind will play that very easily. It'll say, 'Oh, this is easy, this is easy to go.' So don't predetermine in any way of how God will guide you. Sometimes it'll say—mostly it'll seem very easy actually, effortless—but there could be some times where some conditions have to be thrown out of us, you see. Some things have to, some fear has to leave us. So sometimes the guidance can seem very difficult to follow. But you will know. Your nose to smell where the guidance is coming from will become better and better at capturing this scent. So we will be guided in this way. So I laid out the steps which you could follow to follow your heart's guidance and remember that most importantly your intention to follow God will make Grace out of even the mind's trickiness and that itself is a great gift from God itself. To live your life in God's Will and in service to God. Full blessings. Thank you.

Okay, let's go to Beatrice. Good to see you here.

I just wanted to say thank you so much. So all that thing is all washed out, it's all clean now. Yes, I would like to offer you everything again and thank you. Let's go back. I love you too much. I'm back and then like you just wanted to say Namaste. And then did you get a new phone? No, this one seems much more clear and audio is also good. Yeah, yeah, this is three, four months. Thank you, Father. I just wanted to share that I heard some good news from Anuj yesterday. I mean, but right, so Jordan doesn't feel anything as such, like it's whatever it needs to be done like he's doing and but there's no thing to it kind of thing. It pretty much feels more like a closure also just as God's Grace and God's Prasad and yes, not to judge it or not to—no, it's not happening that way at all. It's all Grace, Father. In fact, it's so from few days it's been your words are so much ringing in my heart like 'this lane is very narrow, only one will go.' Very good. And it's this 'me' is becoming so unbearable. In fact, it feels like, you know, there's a choice moment to moment, it's there. Yes. And out of habit or out of sometimes compulsion or the way the mind's interests, it's seen, it's so potent and sometimes feels so helpless with that though it's in the awareness but it just slips out. It feels like that slipping out. I'm as you were just talking to earlier just now, it's this is what is happening, Father, that everything is just shaking me up right now. Shaking in you feel like God has been testing, I am being put to test kind of to choose and shed to most stickiest of the attachment or to most stickiest of the thought I have for anything for that matter. Oh, there is a kind of frustration also because the mind is—there's no control in the thing which mind, the usual way of you feel that I am in control and but suddenly it feels that it's such a delusion. Yeah, like I'm so deluded with this thought and so strongly believed in this thought that I am something and I at times bigger than God. I'm so like some the in the prayer, in the prayer when you're saying that like as a sinner and the sinner to think that I am something and can do something is such a—I just came up to be to give me all the power and the strength to choose the truth about everything moment to moment.

You have it. This is your primal power and nobody can force you to live in the ego shadow if you choose to live in God's light. So moment to moment, thought by thought. And it's okay, it will happen that you buy into some notion, but don't let it perpetuate and don't become guilty, unworthy, all these ideas. Yes, every moment is a fresh start. Every moment is a beginner's moment. So if you treat every moment as a beginner at God's feet, then we'll never be humble, we'll never be proud, but we'll never be egotistical, you see. So just it doesn't matter what happens, whether you got caught up in something, doesn't matter. Start fresh. Empty, empty.

Thank you. And why is the story never ends? Well, it's something or the other.

Yeah, and it wouldn't be narrative. Yes, we have to end it. We just end it. Don't wait for a logical conclusion. Don't wait for anything to happen. Just now, finish.

I'm the only feeling to come and be in your presence and just just be there for at least some time to...

Yeah, yeah, so let's make it happen. Please be in touch about this. Yes, thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you. Let's see, Samia is back.

Hello. Oh my God, I'm I'm confused, Father. I mean, yeah, I'm I'm confused and I cannot figure out on my head anymore some things.

Besides the confusion, which is basically conflicting thoughts—what is confusion? Means one minute this thought seems right, one minute this thought seems right and we feel like we get giddy trying to follow two opposite human thoughts, isn't that confusion? But besides this confusion, what else is there with you? He's working hard not to smile and I can see that. All right.

Which is always here.

Yes, and which one is that? Who is that presence? Yeah, whose presence? Who can have a presence? So one thing that you will not be able to do is you will have to say either that it is your presence or it is God's presence, you see. Otherwise, like nobody is able to say, 'Oh, there's some presence here.' Usually you have to say it's 'I am' or if you want a different set of words, you're able to say that it is God. So is it your presence? Is it just some random guy there? Is it...

No, no, it just doesn't remove the confusion which is coming back again and again for you to show this presence, you know. Like sometimes some things needs to resolve and this doesn't help.

So I'll show you how it finishes all confusion.

No, it doesn't.

Yeah, I should show you. We can try it together, okay? And if I'm wrong, then I'll sit and be confused along with you.

You did it many times before so and it never worked before. It didn't remove the confusion. Like if they are coming again and again, maybe it needs to be looked at.

So, yes. So okay, so what you're saying is that the problem at the mind's level must sometimes be resolved at the mind level, isn't it?

I don't know in my level, but I feel like it needs to be a result or addressed.

Yes, yes. So but to address it, like the problem is in in the neighborhood, it's in one of the houses, then we have to go to the right house to resolve it, no? If you go to the wrong house, it won't get resolved. So what is the right house to resolve it? Now there's a problem. The problem is that the mind says that we must look at these things at a worldly level and fix it because you can't get into this kind of just go to God and forget everything else. How could you do that? No, you have to resolve it in the world. The problem is in the world. And the sages say that no problem can ever be resolved at the level that it was created. A problem must only be transcended, you see. Now who do you feel like...

So, what is the right way to resolve it? Now there's a problem. The problem is that the mind says that we must look at these things at a worldly level and fix it, because you can't just go to God and forget everything else. How could you do that? No, you have to resolve it in the world; the problem is in the world. And the sages say that no problem can ever be resolved at the level that it was created. A problem must only be transcended, you see. Now, who do you feel like is telling the truth?

No more all liars everywhere, man. Yeah, that is the confusion. Yeah, maybe it doesn't feel much attracted anymore like your way. I see that it's really reasonable, but yeah, I see that it works, of course. But you don't want it to work. No, no, if it works, then what is the problem? It's not easy, maybe. So you sort of predicted that it is going to be very easy, and that's why you said it in that way. Maybe it doesn't bring the things which I'm expecting. Yeah, yeah, is that it? That it works, I see in my life always it works, but the results... even though it always works, there's no problem, the result which I am expecting in the world or from the world, it is not so. Yeah, and I still hold on to this expectation, and this is where I'm entangled.

Yeah. So if you had to pick between holding on to the presence—which you may not conclude that the moment is God's presence, although a few weeks back you may have, or last week also—but if you had to hold on to either the presence or your expectations, which would you hold?

Of course, presence. I'm not happy to hold on to these expectations, but they are there. I feel unhappy. I don't know, like I have still some... I don't know what whatever they are. Like, I want to be loved, wishing for one. I want to have friends, very simple one. I'm just too tired of being alone or moneyless or all this stuff.

Yes, yes. But if you had to exchange all that for presence, would you?

Of course. No, of course. But it doesn't have to be in that way, Father. I don't feel like it's the truthful way of being or living. I don't feel really...

When you say 'feel,' are you saying 'think'?

No, this is what I see, Father. I don't feel it's really healthy. I don't know.

When you say 'feel,' is it a feeling or a thought?

It's seeing. It's not feeling, it's not thought.

Okay, so what is it? When you say that when something is not healthy, are you just saying that you can see the snow? And I feel that there is something... something is not really healthy in my life, or I don't know, not the word 'healthy,' but yeah. Like, maybe I still believe that there is something wrong with me.

Yes, and then you think that that is the right conclusion? Something is wrong? No, no, let's... do you think that you see it, that something is wrong with you and something is wrong with your life? No, you see it and then, huh, maybe I'm just too weak. Yes, but so something is wrong with you, something is wrong with your life, 'maybe I'm too weak'—all this you want to conclude to be the truth, or you're open to really exploring alternative perspectives?

I don't want to explore something. I just want to transform. I just want transformation.

And you want transformation according to your expectations, or according to your presence?

Well, presence. I never seen that it's like this to my... I mean, oh, presence always brings happiness to me and fulfillment, so I don't feel like they are opposite.

Ah, okay. So then, if you were to be in presence now, what's the problem?

Hmm. Between presence, life is not that much heavy.

But your face is saying something else. No, no, that's the complaint I've heard this many times. You can't just say 'drop it.' It's not fair! I have built up these problems over the last so many days and now you say just leave it in presence? That's unfair! That's the beauty of God's light, my child. That's the beauty of God's life. The instant you return to the refuge of God within you, what else can we want from life? Suppose this went away. Suppose this went away, then can we have friends and can we have money and can we have whatever, people who love you and all of that? No, you'd be dead anyway.

I don't want them apart from this. I don't even want them. Yeah, then just again and again I fall into the same trap that I believe that I need them and I follow them and each time I'm faced with something like...

Yes, so that's why we have satsang thrice a week. But still you can try to ride two horses. If you try to ride two horses at the same time, that's when life becomes difficult. Just, you know which horse you want to ride, just stay with that. It's okay. Sometimes the mind will tempt you. It will say this, but look at this, this is a problem. Some people will be mean to you, people will say some things. The mind will use that to try and pull you back in and say, 'Ah, this way that...' Why I don't tell any friends? God is a friend.

So in India, we have the saying that when a child is throwing a tantrum, for example, saying, 'Oh, but I don't have friends, nobody likes me at school' and things like that, then the parent may say, 'But I am with you. I am not gajar-muli.' So, I'm not carrots or radish; I count for something. In the West, they would say, 'What am I, chopped liver?' But even that reference doesn't work always. So, all of us, how many of us are friends with Samya? Just let's put up a hand.

I can't see that. Yeah, I probably won't allow them.

So you have too many friends. Nothing is missing in God's light, my child. Nothing is ever missing. The whole trip of the mind is to convince you that something is not enough, something can be better, you see. But it is this better and worse which makes our life a living hell. You're so blessed to have access to this holy presence within you. All those people who are not being your friends, I'm sure very rare among them would be this depth of presence. All this is going to go soon. All this is... only God will remain. So value your highest insight. Value that which your heart knows is truly valuable. Don't lose yourself in things which are just here today, gone tomorrow.

Yeah. I just want to say that I'm actually... I just want to say that the tantrum is over, basically. Or no, it's for now. No guarantees, but for now I see. Top of that, I can still believe... no, I just need to say that of course I'm just so happy even in my aloneness and I cannot tell, I don't even need to tell how I'm happy with my invisible friend. And actually, I cannot sometimes bear people, my friends. So like, yeah, I don't know what is this, but it's not important now, but it's just come frequently.

So you're basically saying it's perfect. They are not your friends, but you can't bear them anyway, so it's better that they're not your friends. So everything is perfect.

No, it's still like, why I... yeah, I still like, but why I? Who should have the right not to like them and send them away when you like? But whenever you feel like you want a friend, they should appear. Whenever I need friends, they appear. Yes, but when you can't bear them, they should all just go away. Sorry, I didn't understand, Father. It's not about this. I don't know. It's okay, okay. But may I share something?

I also share this with you, like I'm going to other teachers, I'm visiting them time to time. It's not because I need any teacher or I follow them, but it's only because I want to be in that field, you know, just only for this. And I can only engage and speak with people who have also a Guru, and that's why I love to go there. But each time when I go there, it's like they throw something about my Guru and this is where I cannot bear. Like, okay, I come here and I show you respect, but when I hear something not so respectful about my Guru, of course this is where I'm done, like very naturally and normally. And this is where this confusion starts again. I'm alone. Yeah, this is where all this stuff is happening and I don't have Sangha here. I don't have Sangha, only this way I can talk with you, and everyone is with their Guru in my country. So yeah, this is the situation. And of course I chose Guruji, like I cannot be with people who are... yeah. So I just want to ask for your blessings again to go to Sahaja, which is again arisen in my heart. And this is also why I am kind of like obsessed with money, because I need money to go to Brazil. Maybe only for this reason I'm asking for a job or money, otherwise I don't need. Whatever I need, God sends me. I'm okay with this. So only for the... only again for good to do these things come and catch me.

So, what is the contract with God? That He sends you the money that you need, but His bank account will not go into overdraft if He sends you money for Sahaja also? Is it right? What is the arrangement? God sends you everything that you need except the money that you need to go to Sahaja? He'll send you, my child, don't worry. He will send you everything that is true from your heart, because the heart is His heart. It's God's heart. He cannot create the impulse or the longing for something and not enable it then.

Yeah, I just want to be like needy. That's why...

You want to be needy?

I don't want to be needy. That's why I want to earn my money or stuff. Yeah, like just... that's okay. Thank you. Yeah, my best friend.

Okay, so one friend at least you have. Okay, let's go to the last one, Sylvia.

Hello. I felt a calling to come. Yeah.

Do you feel that God's presence is apparent to you?

Yes, yes, Father. The reason... I see that during the days, especially when I'm not in the presence of the satsang, all kinds of tricks come. Yes, all kinds of states in which sometimes I'm going, somehow I'm allowing this, and these... pride, arrogance. So I'm starting not to want this anymore. Is it reducing?

If they are reducing, what?

Yeah, like with God's grace. No, just... yeah, even in satsang with you, a lot of resistance can play a lot, and sometimes I believe it and I identify with it.

Yes, so stop it then. It's in your power. You can stop it. Nothing can hold you hostage. Because to resist the one who is pointing you to God's life is the most tricky, the most dangerous one in this lifetime. So yes, thought by thought, do you trust that God's presence is apparent here and this one who's speaking to you?

Yeah, yes. That's all that I need to know.

So when the mind comes and resistance is blah blah blah blah, you say, 'God's light is apparent.' That's all.

It lately came. Yeah, it's okay to not waste this life, because sometimes I can see that you can spend a lot of time trying to... believing that you get it, and actually it's not the right way. And I don't want to lay waste in this life. This came very strongly lately by Guruji's grace. And not to feel guilty for this resistance.

But I'm sending you all my blessings with all my love, and may you just allow all these thoughts and interpretations to just come and go. May you live in your heart, may you live in God's life. If it is my Master's grace, may it be so. Thank you, Father. Yes.

Thank you all so much for being in satsang today.