Psychiatric hospital once a year

And what happened is that I used to be in psychiatric hospital once a year, which is a lot. And after going out of the psychiatric life, it happens now because I've been in December, in the psychiatric, after I go very down. And because my going to psychiatric normally because I go very high, and then I go like a little bit crazy, let's say, to explain easily. And then now I'm very down. And then I see, for example, right now I'm collapsed as a person. As I following the Muji's pointings, sometimes I rest more in peace, but there's like this duality of the person that is ill and feel the press that doesn't know how to get out of this feeling because it's not, it's not, it's not thoughts that the press me, but it's a feeling now. It's like I'm in a small box that I cannot go in, go, go, go over.