I've been listening to you guys since 2013 — I should feel more secure by now

The reason why I wanted to speak was, I heard Papaji say, He was done it when no he has done it, right? You hear me okay still? Okay, so I hear everything that You say father the master says and Papaji says I've been trying to be vigilant and not really give anything to the mind and just keep quiet and you know, just been I just been trying to keep quiet and just sit on your lap right, but I don't feel like I've done it like Papaji said and I don't know what more that you can say or what more, I can hear Muji say or I don't know if it's another set son I can hear that's going to change anything or should I just be vigilant you know, I've been listening to you guys in 2013 and I feel like, you know, I should feel more secure and established and I don't