Despair and the Doubt of God's Nature
Spiritual despair is rooted in a mistaken understanding of God's nature and our own identity, requiring us to shed egoic control and pride to truly recognize His magnificence and deepen our love for Him.
What is the boundary and who defines it? So, the question of God's silence in response to our prayer is an age-old question which all sages have faced. That is why the spiritual life can seem like such a risk, because nobody decides the timelines except God. You cannot say, 'In twenty years, I'll become an Olympic gold medalist in this event.' It could be twenty years, or twenty lifetimes, or twenty thousand lifetimes. You can never say. That is why patience is faith, humility, and courage all built into one. So, we are not to despair. We are not to become despondent. Tell me, what would it mean if you were in spiritual despair? What could be our cause for our despair? We can probably reduce it by one or two. Maybe there's too much ego. What is the valid cause of despair on the spiritual path?
Father, I can say your children being unwell. It's a valid cause of spiritual despair. It's a common cause of despair, let's put it that way, and it applies to all parents, whether spiritual or not.
So, okay, this license you have, at least from my side. I won't counter that. What else?
Yes, so what I was trying to—the message I was trying to send is that it must mean either that He's an uncaring God, an unknowing God, an incapable God, or one who has no time for us. There may be other things, because this all just came up, but for me, it seems like it's a doubt about one of those things that can make us despairing. Oh, am I completely off track or making something up? I just feel like at the center of any despondency on this path, there must be some idea like that.
Father, yeah?
It feels like also wanting this false identity, this false idea of me being in control, to be in control of God's creation, to be in control of life. And so the despair comes from releasing that control that really we never had to begin with. But that's when it can come—not being in control.
Exactly. Because if He is all there is, then 'me' cannot be all there is, unless I am Him. But when we have a mistaken notion of what I am, when we have the mistaken idea that I am somebody, I am something, then the slapping back into reality of the fact that what I take myself to be is nobody, is nothing, can seem like a cause of despair. And I would say, I would feel that both the recognition of what He truly is has to be accompanied with the recognition of the nothingness of me, isn't it? I don't feel like we can continue to elevate both sides of it. I would find that impossible—that on one hand I am almighty, and He is the Almighty. I don't feel like we have that capacity. So, in turning towards His reality, we have to turn away from our pride, our mistaken idea about ourselves. And in turning away from our pride and our mistaken idea of ourselves, I feel we turn towards His magnificence. Two sides of the same coin, in a way. If I love Him more and more deeply, I don't feel like I can love the false more deeply. That attachment that we feel as love has to reduce as we fall deeper in love with the true Beloved in our heart. It's in a way like this: we ordered this in the photo, it looked like a big donation box. It came like this. Maybe this is a good representation of the 'me.' This what we take ourselves to be is very different from what is left of us after we come to inside this tanmatra of a donation box. It's cute. So, in our despair, at the center of our despair, I feel that there is a doubt about who God is, a mistaken idea about who God is, and therefore we take an idea about who I am.
Key Teachings
- Spiritual despair often arises from doubting God's nature (e.g., His care, knowledge, power, or availability).
- Despair can also stem from the ego's desire for control and the resistance to realizing our own nothingness in the face of God's all-encompassing reality.
- Turning towards God's magnificence requires turning away from our pride and mistaken ideas about ourselves.
- Deepening love for God naturally diminishes attachment to the false self.
From: Learning How to Live in Complete Trust of God - 25th September 2024