Longing, the devotee who fears abandonment
Original Marathi from the Tukaram Gatha · About Sant Tukaram
मराठी मूळ
जेजे आळी केली तेते गेली वांयां । उरला पंढरिराया श्रम माझा ॥1॥
काय समाधान केलें कोण वेळे । कोणें माझे लळे पािळयेले ॥ध्रु.॥
अभ्यास तो नाहीं स्वप्नीं ही दुिश्चता । प्रत्यक्ष कैंचा चि तो ॥2॥
आतां पुढें लाज वाटे पांडुरंगा । भक्त ऐसें जगामाजी जालें ॥3॥
तुका ह्मणे आतां नाहीं भरवसा । मोकलिसी ऐसा वाटतोसी ॥4॥
Tukaram Gatha (Marathi Wikisource)
English Translation
Every prayer I made has gone in vain. Only my weariness remains, O Lord of Pandhari. When has He ever granted me satisfaction? Who has ever honored my childlike pleas? Practice is absent even in dreams, let alone in waking life. Now, going forward, I feel ashamed, O Panduranga, that I have been called a devotee before the world. Says Tuka, I no longer have any confidence. It seems as though You will let me go.
We ask forgiveness for any inaccuracies in rendering Tukaram ji’s original Marathi.
In Plain Words
Every plea I made has gone to waste. Only my weariness remains, O Lord of Pandhari. When did You ever give me peace? Who ever honored my childlike pleas? I have no practice, not even in dreams, let alone awake. So how could it ever be real before my eyes? Now I feel ashamed in front of others, Panduranga, that I am called a devotee in the world. Tuka says: now I have no confidence left. It feels as though You mean to let me go.
What it means
This is the dark hour of devotion, where the bhakta accuses God of silence. Tukaram lays out the ledger: every prayer wasted, no peace ever granted, no pleas honored, and on his own side no real practice even in sleep, so how could the vision ever come. The shame is public, he is called a devotee before the world while feeling like none. The poem does not resolve the fear; it holds it open, and the honesty of saying it aloud to Panduranga is itself the last thread of the relationship he is afraid of losing.
Longing and Separation
Cries from the dark night of the soul: remonstrances, complaints, and desperate yearning.
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