Kausalya Calls Her Own Survival a Heart of Thunderbolts
Ayodhya Kanda, Chaupai 166
Doha 166 · Movement 1 of 2
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Ram's face remained serene as he satisfied everyone before departing. Sita followed because she could not live apart from his feet. Lakshmana rose the instant he heard and resisted every effort to make him stay.
Raghupati bowed to all and left with wife and younger brother. Kausalya saw it happen, yet neither followed nor sent her life after them. Her unfortunate soul remained inside the body through the entire departure.
She feels ashamed before her own claim to love. How can the mother of a son like Ram continue living? Dasharatha knew whether to live or die, she says, while her heart must be harder than a hundred thunderbolts. The consolation she gave Bharata now opens into her own merciless self judgment.
Kausalya watched Ram disappear and survived, so she names her enduring heart harder than a hundred thunderbolts.
Read the passage from the Manas
मुख प्रसन्न मन रंग न रोषू। सब कर सब बिधि करि परितोषू।। चले बिपिन सुनि सिय सँग लागी। रहइ न राम चरन अनुरागी।। सुनतहिं लखनु चले उठि साथा। रहहिं न जतन किए रघुनाथा।। तब रघुपति सबही सिरु नाई। चले संग सिय अरु लघु भाई।। रामु लखनु सिय बनहि सिधाए। गइउँ न संग न प्रान पठाए।। यहु सबु भा इन्ह आँखिन्ह आगें। तउ न तजा तनु जीव अभागें।। मोहि न लाज निज नेहु निहारी। राम सरिस सुत मैं महतारी।। जिऐ मरै भल भूपति जाना। मोर हृदय सत कुलिस समाना।।
His face was serene, his heart free of both elation and anger; he satisfied everyone in every way. When Sita heard he was leaving for the forest, she followed at once, unable to live apart from Rama's feet. The moment Lakshmana heard, he rose to accompany them; no effort of Raghunatha could persuade him to stay. Then Raghupati bowed his head to all and departed with Sita and his younger brother. Rama, Lakshmana, and Sita set out for the forest. I neither went with them nor sent my very life after them. All this unfolded before these eyes, yet this wretched soul could not abandon the body. I feel no shame when I look at my own love. I, the mother of a son like Rama! Whether I live or die, the king knew well enough. My heart must be harder than a hundred thunderbolts.