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128

Verse 128 of 270

वृन्दारण्य-निकुञ्ज-सींषु सदा स्वानङ्ग-रङ्गोत्सवैः मद्यत्यद्भुत-माधवाधर-सुधा- माध्वीक-संस्वादनैः गोविन्द-प्रिया-वर्ग-दुर्गम- सखी-वृन्दैर्नालक्षितं दास्यं दास्यति मे कदा नु कृपया वृन्दावनाधीश्वरी

vṛndāraṇya-nikuñja-sīṁṣu sadā svānanga-raṅgotsavaiḥ madyaty adbhuta-mādhavādhara-sudhā-mādhvīka-saṁsvādanaiḥ govinda-priya-varga-durgama sakhī-vṛndair nālakṣitam dāsyaṁ dāsyati me kadā nu kṛpayā vṛndāvanādhīśvarī

Plain rendering

When, oh when, will Śrī Rādhā, the Queen of Vṛndāvana, in Her mercy alone grant me Her service? Always, on the borders of the bowers of Vṛndā's forest, She is lost in a festival of Her own joy, drinking the wondrous honey of Mādhava's lips until She is drunk on it. This service of Hers is unattainable even for Govinda's own dear ones and unseen even by the whole circle of Her sakhīs; and for it, by grace and never by right, my whole heart aches.

The trembling mādhurya longing of the aspiring mañjarī, who aches to render the one hidden service that no sakhī can reach, and who asks for it only by mercy, never by right.

The inner meaning

Picture it. The day has thinned to that soft hour when the forest leans inward and grows quiet, and at the very borders of Vṛndā's woodland, where the cultivated kuñjas give way to the deeper green, the divine Couple have slipped away from the others. A little before this, Svāminī had shown the trembling of prema-vaicittya, that wonder of love where the beloved is in the arms and yet the heart fears separation, and now the two of Them have come out into the forest for vana-vihāra. The natural beauty of the woodland rouses sweet amorous longing in Them both. A moment ago the sakhīs were near. Then Lalitā found a pretext, some blossoms that simply had to be gathered, some garland that simply had to be strung, and with a knowing tenderness the girlfriends drew back into the trees. They leave the Two alone. The grove itself seems to hold its breath.

O bower at the forest's edge, you become a temple now. The wind that moves through you is shy. The flowering creepers lower their faces. For within your latticed walls a festival is beginning that has no name large enough to hold it, and Svāminī, our Rādhā, is at the very center of it. And do not think this is only for tonight. Sadā, the song says: always, forever, on these borders of the bowers She is given over to this play.

See how the tradition tells it. There are three kinds of amorous festival in this love. In the first, Śyāma leads and Svāminī follows. In the third, both move as one. But this one is the second, and this one is Hers. This is no mere anaṅga raṅgotsava, no ordinary revel of Cupid; this is svānanda raṅgotsava, a festival of Her own joy, and here Svāminī takes the lead, and Śyāmasundara, the dark and beautiful one, follows after Her. The honey of His lips, that nectar which maddens every gopī and which forever floods the open holes of His all-conquering flute, She drinks fully, drinks deeply, and even at the very threshold of the festival She is already intoxicated, already swaying, already drunk on the sweetness of Mādhava's mouth. Adbhuta, the tradition calls it: wondrous, astonishing. There is no measuring this.

And what is this nectar of His lips? The tradition itself marvels at it through the very mouth of Mahāprabhu. For in the Gambhīrā at Purī, taking on the inner mood of Śrīmatī Herself, the Lord tasted this same intoxicating nectar and sang of it: "Nāgara! Listen to the pastimes of Your lips." Those lips, He sang, turn everything upside down. They intoxicate the minds of women and draw their very tongues toward them. They are so brazen, so shameless, that they attract not only women but men, and even the flute itself, that dry hollow reed which is male, which they teach to forget every other flavour and drink only this. They wake the unconscious into consciousness; they are great magicians, great tricksters, that give a dry piece of wood a mind and senses and then make it drink its own sweetness without pause. Where the nectar of the lips and the vibration of the flute meet, the whole of the three worlds is pulled off its feet. And when the gopīs try to stand firm out of fear of propriety, the flute only mocks them; it loosens their girdles before their very elders, strips away their shame and their morality, and, as if taking them by the hair, drags them off and makes them, willing or unwilling, into His own maidservants, while the people who hear of it only laugh. In this way the nectar of His lips makes women dance. Such is the honey Svāminī is drinking now. Such is the wine that has made Her drunk inside the bower.

But here is the secret the tradition guards most tenderly, the secret that turns this whole verse into a cry. All this while, one has stayed. The maidservant, the mañjarī, has remained beside Svāminī like Her own shadow, and when the Couple withdrew into the sweet kuñja to love, she did not withdraw; she went and stood at the latticed window and looked in, witnessing the sweet pastimes, watching, waiting, ready. And now the time of her service comes. When Svāminī grows so intoxicated by Mādhava's lips that She can no longer continue the festival, when the honey of His sweetness has carried Her past Herself, someone must enter the kuñja, gently, at exactly the right moment, and bring Her back to sobriety, restore Her to Herself, so that the festival of Cupid may begin again. How expert is this blessed maidservant, who alone can do this. She slips inside and does the one thing no one else may do.

For this is a service that no one else in all of Vṛndāvana can render. Not Govinda's own dear companions, the cowherd friends, govinda-priya-varga-durgama, for it is hard for them even to draw near. Not even the sakhīs, sakhī-vṛndair anālakṣita, unseen by the whole band of girlfriends; not even Lalitā, not even Viśākhā, the great sakhīs who are Rādhā's very life. The mañjarīs stand more prominent than the sakhīs here, not in rank of love but in this one thing: they can enter the most confidential chamber, the deepest fold of the bliss, where even the dearest girlfriends do not go, and serve there.

O Rādhe, do You see why the heart breaks here? It is not that Your servant longs for nearness for nearness's own sake. It is that there is a service only a maidservant can give You, a service Your greatest girlfriends cannot reach, a service that exists only in the innermost chamber of Your joy, and the one who sings this verse wants nothing of this world or the next except to be that one. Not to be seen by the sakhīs; durgama, beyond reach; anālakṣita, unnoticed; to be the small unseen hand that tends You when You are drunk on Mādhava's mouth, that makes You ready once more for the festival of Your own joy.

And so the whole song narrows to a single ache, a single trembling word: kadā nu, when, when, when. When will the Queen of Vṛndāvana, Vṛndāvanādhīśvarī, look on this one with mercy and place this impossible, hidden, unreachable service into these hands? Not as a right. Not as a thing earned. Only kṛpayā, by Her mercy alone, dāsyaṁ dāsyati, will She give the gift of being Her dāsī. The verse does not demand. It does not even hope with confidence. It simply kneels at the border of the bower it may never enter and asks: when, O Queen, when will You be so kind?

The two traditions

The Gauḍīya stream holds this verse as the very crown of mañjarī-bhāva: the maidservant's service is exalted precisely because it enters where even Lalitā and Viśākhā cannot go, into the most confidential moment when Rādhā, drunk on the honey of Mādhava's lips, must be tended back to Herself so the festival may begin again; and Mahāprabhu Himself, taking Rādhā's mood in the Gambhīrā, sang of the bewildering nectar of those lips that intoxicate even the flute and the three worlds. The Rādhāvallabha rendering of this same verse, set in the rolling Śārdūlavikrīḍita metre, declares that it follows the very same inner sense, and dwells with equal tenderness on Rādhā as the one forever maddened by the wondrous nectar of Mādhava's lips, unattainable to Govinda's dear ones and unseen by the sakhī-band; the Hit stream's accent, as the sampradāya's known leaning, falls less on the rank of mañjarī over sakhī and more on Śrī Rādhā Herself as the inexhaustible, ever-new wellspring of this love. Both streams kneel at the same bower; they simply lift their faces toward Her with slightly different praise.

For the seeker

Dear seeker, sit with the smallness of what is being asked here, because the smallness is the whole glory of it. The one who sings does not ask to taste what Rādhā tastes. He does not ask to stand where Kṛṣṇa stands. He asks only to be the unseen servant who tends Her when She is overcome, the hand She never has to notice. This is the shape of the highest love in this stream: it shrinks itself, it hides itself, it wants to be needed and not seen. Let that re-tune your own wanting. So much of our longing wants to be a participant, a possessor, a taster. Here the longing wants only to serve, and to serve so quietly that even the dearest companions do not catch sight of it.

And notice with great care: even this service is not seized. The verse does not say "I will take my place beside Her." It says, again and again, when will She, by Her mercy, give it. Durgama, anālakṣita, kṛpayā: hard to reach, unseen, by grace alone. This love is approached as a servant approaches, on the knees, at the threshold, waiting to be called in. It is never grabbed. The moment we reach to grasp this intimacy as something owed to us, as a state to be achieved by our own effort, we have already stepped outside the bower, for the bower opens only to mercy, and mercy is given, never taken. So let your contemplation here be a kind of waiting. Hold the longing and refuse the grasp. Want the service with your whole heart, and want it only as a gift.

Let the one prayer of this verse become your own breath, gently, without straining for any result: kadā nu, when, oh when. Let it be enough simply to ask, and to keep asking, and to leave the giving entirely to Her. To stand at the edge of a joy too high for you and to say, with no claim and no hurry, only with an aching tenderness, "When, O Queen of Vṛndāvana, will You be so kind?" That asking, held with patience and without seizing, is itself already a kind of nearness.

Grounded in Gauḍīya commentary (Ananta Dāsa Bābājī lineage); Rādhāvallabha edition: Hindi bhāvānuvāda, Hit Sāhitya Prakāśan; Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta, "nāgara! śuno tomāra adhara carita" (Mahāprabhu's song in the Gambhīrā).

Draft. Opened by the editorial council and grounded in the traditional commentaries, pending final review and a scholarly check of the Sanskrit text.