The Sweetness of Śrī Rādhā-Mādhava's Līlās

The Sweetness of Śrī Rādhā-Mādhava's Līlās

[233]

(Raga Bahar - Tina Tala)

Ever-new Vrindavana is an abode of splendor. The spring is new, the Malaya breeze is new, and the splendid trees are new. New are the blossoms and their nectar; new are the bees greedy for rasa. New peacocks, parrots, saris and cuckoos call in ever-new freedom. The youthful Lord is new, delighting in new play with the ever-new youthful Lady. Their love and bliss are new, and even Love himself swoons anew.

[234]

(Raga Basanta - Tina Tala)

The grove is new; its hosts of trees are forever fresh, with new leaves and new canopies of vines. Newly opened, fragrant flowers bloom, and new bees make new melodious songs. The enchanting spring is new; ever-new Malaya breezes move among fresh mango buds. New honey, new cuckoos, fresh tulasi blossoms and new forest garlands abound. The flute sounds anew and issues a new summons; pure smiles and playful graces are ever fresh. The young women of Vraja offer themselves anew, and the sweet, beautiful rasa dance is forever new. The master dancer is new and His excellent Lady is new; the nectar of love and affection is ever new. Their sweetness and līlās are eternally new, while ever-fresh clouds rain rasa.

[235]

(Raga Malakosa - Tala Tritala)

In the secluded grove at night, Śrī Rādhā-Mādhava enjoy sweet pastimes. Intoxicated by divine, sweet līlā, the blessed Pair pour forth its stainless essence. Pure, sweet nectar of rasa rains down, and immense delight spreads in every direction. The embodiments of līlā eternally reveal graceful pastimes, each forever new.

Continuation of [235]

The foremost attendants, filled with service and supremely skillful, are utterly free from any desire for personal happiness. Selflessly they present every fitting implement and ingredient for the līlā. Their sole enchanting wish is, "May the sweet Couple be supremely happy." With pure eyes they behold the sweet Couple's unceasing līlā.

[236]

(Raga Asavari - Tina Tala)

The Beloved Lady and Her Beloved eternally sport. Their eternal grove is supremely beautiful and pure, beyond Māyā, her qualities and the senses. Neither sun nor moon shines there, nor does any material light. The sky remains filled with the ever-risen divine radiance of Their bodies. The splendor of Their toenails becomes Brahman and pervades the minds of the wise. Their power and sovereignty alone pervade the entire universe. The rasa of Their smiles, play and rasa dance is entirely the transcendental form of Hari. No material quality enters there; every incomparable thing is conscious and divine. Within the divine grove there can be no disembodied existence. There the principle of love, eternally manifest and supremely divine, possesses the very form of Bhagavān. The sakhis and mañjarīs, the beautiful adornments and every other instrument of līlā are all pervaded by Śyāma and Śyāmā. Though known by worldly names, they are blessed. Only one who abandons attachment to enjoyment can speak, hear and understand this. One who remains constantly absorbed in service and practices devotion steeped in bhāva and rasa beholds the incomparable, exalted and divine līlā of the grove, when the Divine Couple Themselves grant that soul the right to see it.

[237]

(Raga Kalingada - Tala Kaharava)

I behold Śrī Rādhā-Mādhava, the abode of happiness, performing Their līlā. In the secluded eternal grove They are the most splendid, sweet, enchanting and divine embodiments of rasa. All the self-renouncing sakhis and mañjarīs remain absorbed in service. They make the fish of their minds dwell forever in the ocean of rasa that is service for Rādhā-Mādhava's happiness.

Continuation of [237]

At every moment, diverse divine waves filled with rasa rise upon that ocean of rasa. They forever expand fresh nectar and display ever-new divine colors of rasa. There is no distortion such as lust and not even the faintest trace of desire. The supremely transcendent rasa play remains wholly composed of consciousness and bliss. Every imagination of the world has vanished; nothing of it remains. Śrī Rādhā-Mādhava are filled with līlā, Their līlā is forever new, and They are the whole of possessor and possession.

[238]

(Raga Pilu - Tala Kaharava)

Mohana's heart is filled with a treasury of sweet nectarean rasa. It flows out like a river of honey, becoming the melody of His flute. His awareness becomes absorbed in His own sweet river of rasa. Entering the flute's samādhi, He loses all outward awareness. As soon as Mohana's Enchantress hears the music of the flute, She too becomes motionless and insensible, like a figure painted upon a wall.

[239]

(Raga Pilu - Tina Tala)

Traveler, do not go by that road! It is a terribly dangerous lane where all your treasure will be plundered. A charming, handsome rogue stands there, dark as a tamāla tree. His bare form shatters the pride of Love, and He smiles ever so sweetly. He looks like a very innocent boy, yet He is a most cunning magician. In an instant He steals the entire wealth of the heart, and no one can stop Him.

[240]

(Raga Kamoda - Tina Tala)

Śyāma never goes away from my side. What can I tell you, friend? He never leaves my path; wherever I go, He runs there too. When I milk the cow, He sits in my lap and drinks the stream of milk. When I churn curd, He enters the pot to take the fresh butter. While I make bread, He comes into the kitchen and creates endless mischief. When I sit to eat, He sits beside me and gulps down morsel after morsel. When I talk with my friends, He comes and makes Himself their sovereign. Look, friend: Mohana plays His sweet flute and charms us all. When I sleep, He lies upon my bed and becomes the master of the house. Within my light sleep He reveals His form of sweetness in dreams. Yet I cannot forbid Him, friend, for my heart receives immense joy. Again and again I gaze upon His moonlike face, and my whole being thrills.

[241]

(Raga Khata - Jhapatala)

I have surrendered everything to the lotus of Mohana's face. My husband's sister said to me with deep affection, "Sister-in-law, listen. Accept one thing I tell you from my heart. Look upon Mohana's enchanting lotus face just once with eyes filled full, abandoning every pride." Proud and stubborn, I would not listen. I rebuked her: "Woman of Vraja, you have lost your senses! For Nanda's insignificant little boy you have abandoned all decorum, public honor and the dignity of your family."

Continuation of [241]

Hearing my words, my husband's sister laughed and dismissed them. I have surrendered everything to the lotus of Mohana's face.

After scolding her, I felt as though I had conquered a fortress. Filled with pride, I went away and began my household work.

But my mind would not obey. Again and again I failed to pacify it, for at every moment my beloved Mohana Śyāma returned to memory.

Everyone said, "Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa," and the name sounded exceedingly dear to me. My heart tingled with delight whenever I spoke Kṛṣṇa's name.

"O Kṛṣṇa! O beloved Kṛṣṇa!" I suddenly cried out helplessly. A stream of tears flowed, startling all the women.

I lost consciousness, and my family laughed when they saw me. I have surrendered everything to the lotus of Mohana's face.

"You used to call all the women of Vraja senseless. Sister-in-law, why have you now become senseless yourself?"

"Alas, sister! What can I say? An arrow has come and pierced my heart, and from that wound a stream of the nectar of loving rasa has flowed.

Quickly unite me with my life's beloved, the enchanter of my mind. Birth after birth I shall never forget this kindness.

His mere name pierced my heart and made a stream of nectar flow. Union with Him alone is the essence of every essence."

Śyāma appeared there through His love for that fair one. I have surrendered everything to the lotus of Mohana's face.

[242]

(Raga Bhimapalasi - Tala Kaharava)

At times He teases His most beloved Lady and gathers Her into His embrace. At times He drinks and gives Her to drink exceedingly sweet and enchanting rasa, tenderly coaxing Her.

Continuation of [242]

They sport together in many different ways and fill one another completely with the nectar of love. They leave one another wholly intoxicated by the honeyed ecstasy of pure, divine love.

[243]

(Raga Alhaiya - Tina Tala)

A gopī leaves home to sell curd, carrying a full pot upon her head. Wandering like one gone mad, she calls, "Take Śyāma-Govinda!" Dyed in Śyāma's color, the bees of her awareness and sight cling to the lotus of Śyāma. She is enchanted by her Beloved's captivating beauty and surrenders herself to His fluttering yellow cloth.

[244]

(Raga Suddha Saranga - Tina Tala)

The cowherd woman forgets body, wealth and home. Thrilled and seemingly mad, she wanders here and there, beholding Mohana's enchanting beauty. The fair one roams alone beside lakes and rivers and through forest bowers. Wherever her eyes turn, she always sees the splendid face of her beloved. One day, wandering in a lonely forest, her gaze rises to a lovely place in the sky. She stands entranced and unblinking, beholding the beauty of mind-enchanting Śyāma. Place and time become filled with Kṛṣṇa; the dark cloud of Kṛṣṇa covers every reality. Blessed is the cowherd woman within whose lotus eyes dark Śyāma dwells as a bee.

[245]

(Raga Saranga - Tina Tala)

With her consciousness gone to Śyāma, the cowherd woman walks on, a curd-filled pot upon her head. Thinking of Śyāma and calling out to Him, she wanders into a secluded forest. The sweet anguish in the gopī's heart touches Śyāma's own heart. He appears at once, and the bee of His gaze settles upon the lotus of the sweet gopī's face.

Continuation of [245]

Suddenly seeing Śyāma before her, her heart is filled with immeasurable wonder and bliss. She gazes unblinking in amazement, finger upon her chin, at His face, the root of happiness. Rasa-filled Śyāma begins freely plundering the curd of rasa that fills her heart. The curd spills everywhere; the treasury of rasa in her heart overflows and, breaking every bond, swells higher.

[246]

(Raga Jhinjhoti - Tina Tala)

The sweet prince of Vraja returns beautifully arrayed from the forest. His sweet attire, supreme dancer's form and wondrous beauty spread everywhere. His sweet body is an ocean of beauty; His love is conscious and exceedingly full of rasa. Ever raining clouds of beauty, He makes a river of rasa flow. His vast heart is sweet, His mind is sweet and ever compassionate. His sweet intelligence is mercy's abode, and He freely distributes His treasury of grace. His dark blue color is sweet, and the yellow cloth upon His limbs is sweet. His sweet, graceful body bends in three places and fills the heart with joy. At His lips He holds the sweet flute, from which seven sweet notes sound. His sweet peacock-feather crown spreads beauty everywhere. His curved brows and eyes are sweet, and His curling locks are sweetness itself. His sweet words are steeped in nectar and shower immortality. His arms are sweet, His broad shoulders sweet, and the divine fragrance of His limbs is sweet. His excellent fragrant garland is sweet and comes to draw every mind. His blossoming lotus face is sweet; His chin is sweet, an abode of beauty. His sweet tongue destroys affliction and dispels sorrow and sin. His bimba-like lips are sweet, and the fine rows of His teeth are sweet. His sweet smile steals sages' minds and makes beauty overflow with rasa. His round crimson cheeks are sweet, and His earrings are exceedingly luscious. The sweet tilaka shines upon His brow, flashing with dazzling radiance.

Continuation of [246]

His throat and lotus garland are sweet, and the bees' humming around them is sweet. Wearing a sweet necklace of guñjā berries, Hari comes dancing. His waist is sweet, His generous abdomen sweet, and His three folds and shapely navel are sweet. His ears and excellent nose are sweet, immersing all in sweetness. His ornaments and adornment are sweet, and the ringing of His waist bells is sweet. The chiming of His anklets is sweet, making all moving and unmoving existence sweet. Every well-formed limb is sweet and puts millions of Cupids to shame. Delighting sages' minds and eyes, He fills all with the treasury of His beauty. His colorful mineral decorations are sweet, and sweet designs adorn every limb. Lovingly painted by His dear friends, they increase the rasa of love. His dwelling in Vrindavana is sweet, its connoisseurs are sweet, and its rasa dance is sweet. Every play of rasa is sweet, for His connoisseur's form delights the heart.

[247]

(Raga Imana - Tina Tala)

Nīlamaṇi returns, bringing the cows with Him. Dust raised by their hooves fills the sky, while the herds run here and there. Delighted, He mingles and plays with the cowherd boys, laughing and making them laugh. They dance and leap in many rhythms, sounding flutes and horns. Hearing Kānha's sweet flute melody, auspiciousness fills every home. Mohana, who delights the people of Vraja and destroys sorrow, has returned from the forest. His rows of curls shame lines of bees, and His curved brows are exceedingly graceful. A peacock-feather crown set with jewels rests upon His head, creating a sweet, enchanting vision. Drops of perspiration from roaming the forest glisten upon His lovely brow. His enchanting complexion resembles blue-lotus petals, while a lake of love's nectar overflows. As a thirsty cātaka rejoices beyond measure on seeing a raincloud, the gopīs become absorbed on beholding the sweetness of Hari's form. His graceful jeweled earrings, curved and filled with rasa, flash upon the mirrors of His cheeks. The radiance of Madanamohana's beauty shines brilliantly in His attire as the supreme dancer.

[248]

(Raga Dhanasri - Tina Tala)

Enchanting Nīlamaṇi returns from the forest. A herding stick rests in His palm, and at His lips the flute sings sweet notes. His dark blue body enchants even Love, and every limb possesses surpassing beauty. With graceful brows and lotus-petal eyes, He jokes and makes all His friends laugh. He calls the black, white, smoke-colored, gray and spotted cows by name. At times He dances, leaps and bounds; at others His slow elephant gait puts proud elephants to shame. Like a pure lake of beauty's nectar, He makes the lily-hearts of Vraja's young women bloom. The autumn moon of His face rises in an instant and dispels every gopī's darkness of separation. Many fragrant flower garlands adorn His throat, enriched by the beauty of fresh leaves. Mingling with the lively cowherd boys, He creates all kinds of playful wonders. Seeing His incomparable, supremely sweet beauty, even Cupid's mind naturally grows ashamed. Mohana, the handsome and charming supreme dancer, casts the spell of His beauty upon everyone.

[249]

(Raga Gauri - Tina Tala)

Nanda's son, filled with rasa, returns from the forest. Filled with rasa, He sports in many ways and playfully moves His rasa-filled eyes. His limbs are sweetly dusted by the cows' hooves, and He fondles the calves in rasa. His enchanting dancer's form is filled with rasa, and He twirls a rasa-filled lotus. Upon His beautiful dark blue body a bright, rasa-filled radiance flashes. His yellow cloth, filled with rasa, waves in the breeze like lightning. He places the flute upon His sweet, rasa-filled lips and sounds melodies filled with rasa. With nectar-bearing notes filled with rasa, He sings melodies steeped in rasa. His round cheeks are filled with rasa, and rasa-filled earrings flash at His ears. With His curved, rasa-filled brows, He fills the gopīs' minds with rasa.

Continuation of [249]

His rasa-filled rows of curling locks put swarms of bees to shame. The peacock-feather crown upon His head spreads rasa-filled beauty. Every limb is rasa-filled, utterly filled with rasa, and He smiles ever so sweetly. His graceful gestures are filled with rasa, and He joyfully makes His friends laugh.

[250]

(Raga Gauri - Tina Tala)

Hari returns home from the forest. He sings, dances and marks the rhythm, while cows move before and behind Him. His auspicious golden-yellow garment shines, and a forest garland adorns His throat. Many wondrous painted designs decorate His body, and the flute rests upon His lips. Every limb is dusted with the cows' dust, and His curling locks are beautiful. Flowers and new leaves are woven into them, while His peacock-feather crown steals the mind. Fish-shaped earrings adorn His ears, together with brightly colored oleander flowers. His dark cheeks glow crimson, and His sidelong eyes are gracefully curved. His waist bells ring runajhuna, and the anklets upon His feet resound. Beholding Mohana's beauty, the young women of Vraja helplessly surrender everything.

[251]

(Raga Bhairava - Tina Tala)

Today I saw an astonishing thing. I had gone to the cowshed carrying the milk pail, remembering Mohana's form. He who knows the heart arrived, playing His sweet flute. He stood gazing at the cowherd woman's form and smiled ever so sweetly. Hearing the flute, she looked upon His lotus face with sidelong eyes. She went mad, forgot all bodily awareness and knew nothing at all. Instead of tethering the cow, she took the rope and tied it around the bull's leg. Intoxicated by the nectar of love, the cowherd woman stood with every limb thrilled.

[252]

(Raga Jangala - Tala Kaharava)

In a grove near the Yamunā's bank, Mohana Śyāma sits upon a smooth stone. Scattering the splendor of His beauty, He plays His enchanting flute. Beautifully adorned, a gopī walks by carrying a water pot in her hand. On her way to draw water, she hears the flute and stops upon the path. Like iron drawn to a magnet, she is pulled toward the sweetness of the face that enchants sages' minds. She sits beside Him, spellbound and amazed, forgetting home, body, mind and world. Measureless delight fills her heart, and a honey-sweet longing arises within. "May I sit here like this forever." Enchanted, she remains beside Mohana.

[253]

(Raga Bhairavi - Tina Tala)

He holds the flute of sweetness to His lips. Enchanting Madanagopāla sits beneath a lovely kadamba tree. Countless women of Vraja stand here and there while He performs many playful acts. Cows, peacocks and bees are intoxicated with rasa, and their absorption never breaks. The graceful vision of Vraja's son removes impurity and affliction. Dwelling forever in eyes and hearts, it awakens ever-new love.

[254]

(Raga Khamaca - Tina Tala)

Wise Śyāma plays the flute. His rasa-filled Beloved assumes the very form of music and sounds a sweet melody. All the rāgas and rāginīs are blessed, supremely fortunate and great. They dwell in Hari's mouth and emerge like nectar through the flute's holes. They remove all the poison of worldly objects and awaken loving attachment. At beloved Śyāma's lotus feet, every other attachment falls away naturally. Every bond breaks and the supreme sakhī's good fortune awakens. The flute's enchantment dissolves the distinction between enjoyment and renunciation.

[255]

(Raga Tilanga - Tina Tala)

Do not play the flute, Ghanaśyāma! Until I finish cooking, do not sound that honeyed melody. A current of rasa flowed from the flute and reached my hearth. It soaked all the firewood and put out the flame. Smoke arose, and all my cooking came to a stop. Without a meal, what will everyone in the house eat? The flute sounds so sweet to me that I forget everything else. Therefore hear my prayer, Mohana, life of my life: let me hear the sweet flute without my fire going out. If You arrange for both, how fortunate I shall be!

[256]

(Raga Bhairavi - Tina Tala)

Little flute, play no more! You have stolen my virtue and family honor and disgraced me everywhere. I cannot remain where I am when I hear your sweet melody. My heart surges, my eyes begin to stream and my life breath longs to flee. Crooked Kānha holds you to His lips and calls, "Rādhā, Rādhā." Then my mind no longer remains under my control and takes no account of evening or morning. Forgetting household work, service to mother-in-law and husband, and attachment to everyone, I am helplessly compelled to go meet Mohana in secret. Flute, my friend, hear my plea and abandon this disturbance. Do not submit to that trickster and strike me down.

[257]

(Raga Asavari - Tina Tala)

Hearing the flute melody, the cowherd woman stops. She stares toward the branch of a tree, her awareness not shifting in the least. The curd begins to spill when she takes the pot down from her head with her hand. She stands as fixed and motionless as a clay doll, her mind utterly arrested. She remains astonished, beholding Mohana's beauty and the splendor of His yellow cloth. The bee of her gaze, intoxicated by the rasa of His lotus face, stays there and will not move.

[258]

(Raga Vagesri - Tala Kaharava)

Hearing the honey-sweet flute that enchants sages' minds and drinking the nectar of His sweet form, Rādhā at once forgets moving and unmoving creation, Her entire body and mind, and loses outward awareness. Entering Her heart by the paths of hearing and sight, the honey-sweet flute melody continues to sound. The wise king of rasa pervades Her and begins pouring forth divine, sweet rasa. Yogīs, perfected beings, ascetics, sages, men of wisdom and even exalted souls liberated while living cannot preserve their concentration when they hear the flute and behold His sweet beauty. They are amazed and overcome; their hearts melt and their eyes flow. Helplessly abandoning detachment and knowledge, they plunge into the vast treasury of sweet loving rasa and worship Bhagavān with causeless hearts.

[259]

(Raga Desa - Tina Tala)

Śyāma plays His sweet flute. Hearing its call, all the young cowherd girls forget bodily awareness and run to Him. One wraps herself in a skirt and wears her veil as a garment, forgetting her bodice. Another puts her nose ring in her ear, adorning herself in an astonishing way. Every cow forgets to graze and stands listening. The calves keep the teats in their mouths yet forget to drink the milk.

Continuation of [259]

Animals and birds remain standing wherever they are, as though painted in a picture. Trees and mountains sway under love's power, and consciousness enters the inert. The Yamunā's current ceases to flow, and the creatures in her waters forget themselves. The moon's movement stops, while the sky fills with the gods' celestial vehicles. Blessed is the flute made from bamboo; it has arrived bearing immense merit. Śyāma keeps it forever pressed to His beautiful lips, a privilege rare even for gods and sages.

[260]

(Raga Puriya - Tina Tala)

The flute has sounded, yes, sounded! However and wherever each woman was, she sprang up and ran from that very place. She forgot body and mind, food and clothing, husband, children and home. Like an impatient river rushing swiftly, she ran toward the ocean of Śyāma. No one waited for another or took anyone along. Drawn like iron to a magnet, each went forth, steeped in the color of love. She reached her Beloved and obtained the transcendent object dear to her heart. Enjoyment and liberation, I and mine, all dissolved into Hari.

[261]

(Tune: Lavani - Tala Kaharava)

A sweet flute rests in His hand and a peacock-feather crown upon His head; Ghanaśyāma is blue as a fresh raincloud. His pair of eyes draws the minds of sages, His brows are curved, and a splendid yellow cloth adorns Him. His sweetness bewilders millions upon millions of Cupids; He is the enchanting treasury of beauty and virtues. Pure and holy lovers remember Him constantly and without interruption. At the appointed time Śyāma reaches the trysting place and waits. The supremely pure mistress of divine rāsa-rasa, the abode of beauty Herself, is now arriving.

[262]

(Raga Basanta - Tina Tala)

All the women of Vraja, anguished in separation, thirst to see and touch Śyāma. Their patience is gone, their urgency immense, and a singular love swells within their hearts. Hari, the supremely expert lover and ocean of rasa, understands their hearts. He stands smiling sweetly in a flower-filled forest upon the Yamunā's bank. Placing the flute upon His honeyed lips, Mohana begins playing most enchantingly. Through coded notes He calls each fortunate woman of Vraja by name. Hearing it, all the women run, recognizing their Beloved's cherished summons. They abandon attachment to body and home, social propriety, public opinion and family honor. Expert cātaka birds of love, they behold the fresh cloud and become overwhelmed with bliss. Like clever cakora birds seeing the moon, they all gather in a single place. Thus, scorched by the terrible fire of separation, all the girls of Vraja naturally assemble. They bathe in the cool ocean of divine, bliss-giving nectar that is His beauty. Every burning pain of body and mind disappears, and their measureless sorrow ends. They meet their supremely complete Beloved, the bliss of love, and infinite love swells higher.

[263]

(Raga Desa - Tala Mula)

Those nights were adorned by fully blossomed autumn jasmine flowers. Seeing them, the possessor of inconceivable power manifests His Yogamāyā. Bhagavān, complete in the six divine opulences, at once forms a sublime resolve: to relish the rasa of loving sport, distribute His own nature and bestow rasa upon all. Just as a beloved, seeing his dear one after a long time, colors her face with saffron by his own supremely pleasing hand, so the moon rises and colors the beautiful face of the eastern horizon crimson with its pleasing rays, its cooling orb removing the suffering of the world's living beings.

Continuation of [263]

They behold the moon, beautiful as Lakṣmī's face and crimson like fresh kuṅkuma. Its soft rays illumine the entire forest. Stealing the minds of Vraja's pure and beautiful women with enchanting eyes, Mādhava performs extraordinary flute music in graceful, sweet notes. Within the flute's honeyed sound they receive their Beloved's rasa-filled summons. All become divinely mad and set forth, abandoning modesty, patience, decorum and family honor. They leave husband, infant, home, wealth, grain, clothing, ornaments, cows and food. However and wherever each one is, she goes with love for her Beloved filling her heart. They ask no one's permission and say nothing to anyone, their minds overwhelmed. They hasten to where the young son of Nanda is playing His honey-sweet flute. The flute notes increase their love and make the women of Vraja intensely restless. They reach their Beloved at once, forgetting every awareness of self and other. Their minds have been seized by Kṛṣṇa; they are embodiments of radiant rasa. Filled with the purest love, they fulfill the supreme dancer's sweet longing. Self-offering and complete surrender form their most sacred disposition, without the slightest trace of desire or taste for personal happiness. He tests them in many ways, invoking attachment, fear, duty and discrimination. Yet those pure, love-filled women of Vraja do not yield their resolve in the least. They say, "All-pervading Lord, omnipotent support of all, why do You speak so cruelly after seeing us arrive at Your door? Abandoning all objects of enjoyment and even enjoyment and liberation, we have come to Your feet. O obstinate One, do not forsake us and thus forget all rasa. Beloved, You alone are every creature's friend and most beloved indwelling Self. Whoever obtains You and then leaves You is a great fool, fallen and base. You are the supreme knower of dharma, our eternally beloved Lord. Tell us: after loving You, could it ever be right to serve again another source of sorrow?"

Continuation of [263]

"Where could we go after leaving You now? Our feet cannot move a single step. Having effortlessly plundered everyone's mental wealth, have You come to teach us discrimination?" He is the crown jewel of self-delighting beings, the supreme abode and embodiment of being, consciousness and absolute bliss. He is the Lord of the masters of yoga, sovereign of every world, eternally satisfied and without desire. Brahmā, Śiva, Śeṣa, Sanaka and Nārada eternally sing His virtues. Yet that Bhagavān submits to the pure love of Vraja's love-filled women. Bestowing the touch of His stainless, pure limbs, He sanctifies and blesses them all. He intensifies their bhāva and awakens pure desire fit for exclusive divine love. Then Hari, whose every desire is fulfilled, performs supremely pure, enchanting self-delighting play, the abode of rasa, through those autumn nights beautified by the moon's rays. Hari of true desire, whose power of love remains perfectly contained, performs sacred pastimes. His conscious līlā, born of His true resolve, is filled with rasa, eternally sweet and changeless. This loving play is never the sensory indulgence of people attached to worldly objects. Nor is it the inward self-enjoyment of self-satisfied yogīs. There is not even the faintest conception here of conquering lust, for base lust can never gain entrance to this realm. It is Mādhava's pure distribution of the immense bliss of His own essential nature. It is His own ordering of the supreme relish of rasa within Himself. The relisher and the relished are not two; there is only the honeyed current of līlā. It is an extraordinary, sacred expansion of the supreme rasa of love. Only the gopīs possess the right to this supremely sweet ocean of rasa. Seeing them as embodied forms of absolute renunciation, Hari accepts them. Śyāma shines within the circle of Vraja's love-filled women like the spotless full moon among countless constellations of stars. Or He is a fresh dark-blue raincloud shining amid a host of lightning flashes. Cloud among lightning and lightning within cloud, the countless Pairings display incomparable radiance. All remain beautifully arrayed under the sole sovereignty of Rādhikā, queen of the rāsa dance: an immeasurable kingdom of lightning and cloud, unequalled and unsurpassed in pure, sweet, rasa-filled beauty.

Continuation of [263]

One enchanting Kṛṣṇa stands between each pair of gopīs, and together they mark the rhythm. The connoisseur of rāsa-rasa is absorbed in the dance of rasa, while soft and luscious instruments sound purely. Whoever can taste even a little of this sweet, pure rasa loses every grief, delusion, fear, greed and despondency born of the visible world. The disease of lust becomes wholly absent from that person's life. Through the mercy of a particle of dust from Rādhā-Mādhava's feet, that soul obtains bhāva. Having attained bhāva, the soul becomes an attendant of Rādhārānī. Every fault vanishes, and a pure array of virtues swiftly manifests within. The soul then receives the exceedingly rare right of service in the eternal grove, for which sages, seers and ascetics, abandoning every distortion, always yearn.

[264]

(Raga Sivaranjani - Tala Kaharava)

O goddesses of love, separation from you has never occurred and never will. Within divine eternal līlā there is perpetual, uninterrupted union. As the sun remains hidden by mist so that its light is not seen, I remain eternally near you, hidden within your cries of separation. At that time I am enchanted when I behold your exclusive bhāva. Seeing simultaneously the intense pain of separation and the divine joy of remembrance, I exclaim, "Blessed!" Renouncing the world, its pleasures, the senses and every object of the senses, your minds and understanding forget this world and the next, grow anguished in separation and fill with love. During nonunion, seeing the moon of My face, you become lovely cakora birds. Then the peacock of My mind becomes delighted and begins to dance in divine madness. I Myself become your mind and intellect, life breath, senses and all their objects. Then I become their exclusive shelter and bring about eternal union. As the ever-youthful supreme dancer and flute player, with peacock feather upon My head and an enchanting form, I am forever your Beloved, the incomparable bliss of love that grows newer at every moment.

Continuation of [264]

Through your natural love, born of incomparable renunciation, I, Bhagavān, remain forever united with you, equally within and without. Rising above the world of enjoyment, you have purchased Me. My mind forever longs and yearns for the nectar of your love. Those who desire sensory enjoyment and heavenly pleasure, and even wise seekers of liberation, cannot obtain Me as you, free from pride, have obtained Me. You alone, utterly pure and empty of worldly desire, truly know the hidden and sacred mystery of faith in Me, service to Me and My glory. Every one of My desires arises exactly within your hearts. Therefore you are exceedingly dear to Me, as wealth is most dear to one who is destitute. No one has ever overwhelmed the Blissful One with bliss in this way. Only you resemble yourselves; no one else like you has appeared in the world.

[265]

(Raga Hamira - Tina Tala)

Śrī Rādhā is supreme love embodied, and all the gopīs are manifestations of Her body. Their hearts are full of love for Kṛṣṇa, complete divine assemblies of rasa and bhāva. Forgiveness and anger, happiness and grief, praise and blame, honor and low humiliation, life and death, detachment and attachment, pure renunciation and enjoyment, knowledge and ignorance, peace and unrest, discernment and weariness, laughter and weeping, song and cries: all their deeds and thoughts concern only their beloved Śyāma. Their understanding is saturated with the rasa of Kṛṣṇa-love, and their lives ache for union with Him. They remain forever eager to drink the honeyed nectar of His beautiful form. Having utterly renounced pleasures and enjoyments of this world and the next, they are intoxicated with Kṛṣṇa-love, embodiments of attachment to their Beloved. Today they have obtained Rasarāja Himself, the unfathomable and indivisible ocean of rasa. The beautiful women of Vraja, embodiments of mahābhāva, become incomparable in happiness and splendor.

Continuation of [265]

Therefore Śrī Kṛṣṇa, the complete and supreme Bhagavān of being, consciousness and bliss, forgets all His godhood and becomes the crown jewel of connoisseurs, the summit and possessor of rasa. Though perfectly independent, He is overcome by love and accepts the natural bonds of love. He begins honoring and welcoming the beautiful gopīs in ways filled with rasa. Seeing their sweet rasa filled with renunciation, Bhagavān Himself becomes eager. The wise Lord becomes greedy for rasa and begins personally begging it from them. Today the dark cloud Śyāma, blue as a fresh raincloud, appears amid hosts of lightning. Cloud amid lightning and lightning amid cloud, countless forms shine between one another. Giving them rare divine bliss through divine union, He Himself begins reverently and purely drinking that divine nectar of rasa.

[266]

(Raga Vihaga - Tina Tala)

When Śrī Vrindavana's moon rises as the fullest embodiment of the moon, its incomparable, bright, tender, nectarean and cooling rays begin to ripple. The sacred full moon manifests in perfection, and the darkness of ignorance is destroyed. The radiance of love shines forth, and the delight of pure being spreads everywhere. Appearing on the sacred bank of the Yamunā, Śyāma sounds an enchanting flute melody. He lovingly summons the beautiful women of Vraja, embodiments of love. They forget moving and unmoving creation and every awareness of body and home. Each departs just as she is, leaving modesty, fear and honor behind. When the bliss of Kṛṣṇa arises as sweet rasa in ever-new forms, the lover's freely ranging mind, greedy for rasa, cannot pause even for a moment. No attraction to enjoyment or liberation can then draw it away. Intoxicated by the nectarean rasa of love, it runs forth, naturally abandoning everything. Absorbed in the nectar of the Beloved's dear and sweet names, virtues, līlās and stories, the lover surrenders everything, and delusion and confusion naturally break apart.

Continuation of [266]

Led by Rādhā, all the beautiful women of Vraja, filled with bhāva, set out for the tryst. Divinely maddened, sweet and generous, they immediately reach Śyāma's feet. With supremely delighted hearts they naturally surrender every activity of their lives. They become wholly embodied forms of their Beloved's happiness alone. Bhagavān possesses innate and measureless beauty, supreme sweetness and incomparable sovereignty. Every desire fulfilled and without desire, He delights within Himself. Yet He longs intensely to drink the gopīs' sweet, divine rasa, purified by renunciation. The giver and treasury of rasa Himself grows supremely eager. The Lord who delights His lovers' hearts respectfully accepts them. The essence of happiness creates many wondrous plays of rasa, all filled with His own self-delight. With profound honor He gives and receives supreme divine rasa. Assuming infinite exalted divine forms, He grants supreme happiness to every gopī. Becoming a beggar for love, He personally accepts the happiness bestowed by the gopīs. He says, "O ladies who sport in love, your exchange of rasa is faultless. Breaking the unbreakable chains of home, you have worshiped Me without deviation. This will forever increase the weight of My blissful debt to you. Even over a god's long lifetime I cannot repay you. Only by your own goodness can you graciously free Me from this debt." Hearing their Beloved's words, Rādhā and all the other cowherd women are amazed. With unblinking eyes they begin gazing upon the lotus of His face. He gives them infinite, supreme, divine happiness, yet considers Himself their debtor. How extraordinary His character and nature, how generous and immeasurable His heart!

[267]

(Raga Kalingada - Tala Kaharava)

In a flowering bower within a forest of wish-fulfilling trees lies a lovely jeweled courtyard. The master dancer is absorbed in the pleasures of rāsa, delighting the gopīs' hearts. There is the stainless, playful, speech-wise and enchanting expert Lady. Forever newly youthful and an incomparable dancer, She forever steals even mind-enchanting Mohana's mind.

Continuation of [267]

Countless lovely women shine like lightning beautifully arrayed beside the cloud. The enchanter of the flute, who bewilders Love himself, shines between every pair.

[268]

(Raga Jhinjhoti - Tina Tala)

On the lovely bank of the sun god's daughter, near a new and secluded bower, the ever-fresh master dancer dances, His splendid yellow cloth gleaming. Unconditioned beauty adorns Him, putting millions of Cupids to shame. The sweet flute sounds at His lips, and saints eternally worship Him without desire. A lustrous musk tilaka marks His brow; His restless eyes are vast. His curling black hair forms a net, and His curved brows are an abode of art. His gait destroys the pride of the finest elephants, and His waist bells ring with rasa. A fragrant garland of forest flowers and a jeweled necklace adorn His throat. Jeweled earrings flash, and His pure round cheeks gleam. Fragrance streams from every limb, while Lakṣmī delights upon His chest. His utterly blissful amorous bustle, close embraces and playful movements instantly attract body, mind, intelligence and senses without any price. His gentle, honeyed and stainless smile powerfully steals sages' minds. All sorrow and poverty vanish before this supremely lovely abode of nectar. Rasarāja is forever filled with rasa and eternally showers rainfalls of rasa. The immeasurable ocean of affection swells, and all other rasas flow from it. The disposition of love rises intensely and fills every heart with eagerness. Bhāva becomes mahābhāva, and everyone forgets name and abode.

[269]

(Raga Hamira - Tina Tala)

He approaches, smiling softly. Seeing Him from afar, Rādhā is overwhelmed, and the bliss within Her heart cannot be contained. His graceful complexion is that of a fresh dark raincloud, and an excellent yellow garment adorns His body. Garlands of jasmine and lotus flowers rest upon His chest, with rows of bees circling them beautifully. Sandal paste anoints every limb, and jeweled ornaments decorate His pure body. A peacock feather beautifies His crest, a jeweled crown adorns Him, and His hair is dark as a cloud. His joyful face spreads everywhere the luster of a gentle smile that steals sages' minds. Whomever He glances upon, turning His eyes toward that person, He steals all mental wealth in an instant. In one hand He holds the flute and a blossoming play-lotus; in the other, a mirror. On seeing Him, Rādhikā offers Herself to Him again and again.

(Doha)

The treasury of supreme bliss surges, and Rādhā becomes overwhelmed. As She falls to the ground, the youthful Lord extends His lotus hand and lifts Her. Clasping His feet, She sits nearby, unable to utter a word. After some time She gathers composure and says, "Listen, abode of happiness!"

[270]

(Raga Khamaja - Tina Tala)

Lord, beholding the moon of Your face, my birth and life have become fulfilled, blessed and sheltered. My pair of eyes and all my limbs are joyful and have attained their purpose. Many wondrous waves leap within the ocean of bliss that is my heart. My five life airs are soaked in the rasa of love, and my soul overflows with affection. While I burned in the terrible fire of separation, a rain of nectar has fallen.

Continuation of [270]

Casting Your nectar-raining gaze upon my body, You have removed its burning pain. An ocean of nectar now fills my heart, cooling, blissful and immeasurable. When I remain beside You, this beautiful body of mine is sacred. It stays forever filled with splendor and loveliness, wondrous and the embodiment of power. I remain Śivā, the giver and seed of auspiciousness, eternally auspiciousness embodied. Beloved, beside You I remain true and filled with sacred understanding. The moment I am separated from You, every auspicious quality is destroyed: power, right understanding, splendor, beauty, purity and sweet radiance. All vanish at once, and my body falls upon the earth like a corpse, devoid of auspiciousness, utterly helpless, sorrowful, tormented, distraught and impatient. Knowing all this, beloved of my life, do not leave me now for even a moment. Supremely generous Beloved, please uphold the sacred pledge of love.

(Soratha)

Hearing Rādhā's words, steeped in love and humility, Hari's two eyes fill with tears, and He speaks these pure, sweet words.

[271]

(Raga Kedara - Tina Tala)

Rādhā, You and I are not different. Like water and its waves, the moon and its moonlight, We are one yet eternally distinct. Eternally, truly, always and in every way I remain with You. All eight watches of the day I move beside You and remain present within every limb. Without Me You possess no existence, and without You I am nothing. Not the slightest part of the mystery can be understood: which is the tree and which the seed? Both separation and union are arrangements for the rasa of Our līlā. The one eternal rasa assumes many forms and sports together with its entire assembly.

Continuation of [271]

Eternally one, We forever assume multiplicity and perform wondrous pastimes. Our līlā is beginningless; it never begins and never comes to an end. Your separation and union with Me occur within eternal union. Separation that contains enchanting union is not truly separation. Through My rasa You become filled with rasa, and through Your rasa I become its possessor. Through two distinct aspects We eternally drink one rasa belonging to Our own nature. Rasa, its drinking, its connoisseur and its giver are one supreme embodiment of rasa, supremely wondrous, inconceivable, indescribable, inaccessible and incomparable. Never and nowhere do You and I suffer separation for even a moment. Our union is eternal, true, inevitable, transcendent and indivisible. Beloved, You never forget Your essential nature and never experience any real sorrow. These are only wave-like distinctions within the one supreme river of rasa.

(Doha)

Both become fulfilled and meet according to the divine way of rasa. Such is the incomparable and inconceivable love of Mahābhāva and Rasarāja.

Book Note: Pads 269 through 271 are portions of a single līlā.

[272]

(Raga Kalyana - Tina Tala)

The Beloved adorns His Lady with His own hands. Tenderly coaxing Her, He dresses Her beautiful golden body in a blue garment. He places an artfully fashioned bodice upon Her, together with jeweled necklaces and strands of gems and pearls. He adorns every other limb with many exquisite divine ornaments. Selecting fragrant divine flowers with His own hands, He weaves a garland and places it around Her neck. With utmost care He applies collyrium to Her eyes using the tips of His soft fingers.

Continuation of [272]

He places pleasing vermilion in the part of Her hair and fashions a lovely braid of flowers. He sets an enchanting bindi upon Her brow and places beautiful earrings upon Her. Taking sweetly fragrant flower essence, He applies it to His pure Beloved's limbs. He gives Her betel to perfume Her mouth, while His unblinking eyes behold every limb. With a delighted, smiling face He begins a honeyed exchange of rasa with His Beloved. They remain seated upon the flower bed while an immeasurable ocean of bliss surges.

[273]

(Raga Desa - Tina Tala)

Though tired, the thirsty connoisseurs of rasa are never satiated. They remain constantly absorbed in drinking rasa as ever-new bhāvas unfold. The more They drink, the more Their thirst increases and the sweet taste shines forth. The beloved Lady and Lord are the crown jewels Mahābhāva and Rasarāja. Seeing Them absorbed in the rasa of līlā, the delighted sakhī forgets all moving and unmoving creation.

[274]

(Raga Jangala - Tala Kaharava)

Their enchanting, incomparable nectar of love is filled with renunciation and finds happiness only in the Other's happiness. The ever-fresh expert Lady and supreme dancer drink it and give it to one another, Their minds never satisfied. Like a young tamāla tree and a golden vine, They remain eternally united, having abandoned self and other. Like cloud and lightning, the Enchanter and His Enchantress forever enchant one another.

[275]

(Raga Vihaga - Tina Tala)

The Beloved Lady and Her Beloved sport together. The radiant expert Lady and Lord speak sweet words. Both perform rasa-filled smiles and playful acts, while love cannot be contained within Their hearts. Though tired, neither accepts defeat, and each sweetly strikes at the other. The mistress of rasa and Rasarāja are the gathered happiness and sweetness of the secluded grove. Body, mind and life indivisibly one, They perform transcendent pastimes in ever-new arrangements.

[276]

(Raga Kanhara - Tina Tala)

The forest's fresh bower is exceedingly beautiful. Flowering, fragrant vines enchant the minds of gods and sages. Fresh leaves adorn the immense branch of a kadamba tree. Upon it parrots, saris, cuckoos and other birds sing luscious rāgas. There hangs a supremely divine and lovely swing set with gold and jewels. Nanda's son and Vṛṣabhānu's daughter sit upon it, filled with rasa. All the women of Vraja push the swing and swing the Beloved Lady and Lord. Gathered like waves upon an ocean of beauty's nectar, they increase everyone's delight. As the fresh expert Lady swings in divine intoxication with rasa, She suddenly seems about to fall. The dark cloud Śyāma catches Her and fills His embrace with Her, soaked in the nectarean rasa of love. Rādhā becomes Mohana and Mohana Rādhā, both assuming one form. All the girls of Vraja burst into laughter, and a stream of nectarean rasa flows.

[277]

(Raga Malhara - Tina Tala)

Laughing and laughing, They swing upon a flower swing. The Beloved Lady and Lord bloom among flowers, and Their hearts bloom in mutual embrace. Her skirt is made of flowers, and His flowered yellow garment shines beautifully. Their flower crowns and crescent ornaments steal the mind at first sight. Soft mattresses and pillows are made of flowers, and flower seats shine. Wearing flower ornaments, both beautiful bodies appear resplendent. Blooming as They swing with arms around one another's necks, every limb blossoms. Both move Their blooming, reddish and incomparable eyes. All the sakhīs are adorned with flowers and decorate the parts of their hair with blossoms. The tender beloved sakhīs, themselves flower-adorned, wave flower whisks in their hands.

Continuation of [277]

Supreme bliss swings Them, holding the flowered silken cord. Giving gentle pushes with delighted hearts, all the fair sakhīs bloom with joy. The pure love of Rādhā-Mādhava is a flowering garden. It distributes its own divine and exalted beauty and fragrance, stealing every heart.

[278]

(Raga Malhara - Tina Tala)

Śyāma swings upon a flower swing. Śyāmā sits beside Him, Her pure face beautifully smiling, with splendid flowers everywhere. The swing is made of flowers, its lovely cords are flowers and its fine seat is flowers. Upon it the enchanting Pair appear as delicate as blossoms. Their blue and yellow garments sway among flowers, and Their adornments are flowers. Their ear ornaments and earrings are flowers, and flower garlands encircle Their necks. Many fragrant flowers beautify every limb of the Pair. As the sakhīs and attendants push the swing, their hearts bloom inwardly.

[279]

(Raga Chayanata - Tina Tala)

Śyāmā and Śyāma swing upon the swing. The ever-fresh master dancer and youthful expert Lady are beautiful abodes of splendor. In the month of Śrāvaṇa, thick clouds cover the sky and rain falls softly. Lightning flashes, the fair Lady shines and ever-new affection increases. Beneath a wish-fulfilling tree, in cooling shade, a jeweled swing shines. The Beloved Lady and Lord swing upon it, captivating one another's hearts. Their blue and golden bodies, yellow and blue garments and rasa-filled adornments shine. Restless crowns, graceful crescent ornaments and pearl necklaces adorn Their necks. Lalitā and the other sakhīs push Them so that limb meets limb. They sing Megha and Malhāra in sweet notes as drums and mṛdaṅgas sound. The assembly of sakhīs laughs, makes Them laugh and showers rasa. An ocean of bliss swells, and the two roots of bliss become fully absorbed.

[280]

(Raga Malhara - Tina Tala)

The young son of Nanda swings Her with His own hands. Seated upon the jeweled swing, Rādhā swings, overwhelmed with bliss. She swings for Her Beloved's happiness and forgets the entire world. The bees of Her eyes drink the nectar of His lotus face, and Her bliss is boundless. Seeing the autumn moon of the youthful Lady's smiling face immersed in bliss, an exceedingly sweet ocean of the nectarean rasa of loving bliss swells within Hari's heart. The sakhīs and attendants forget body and mind while beholding the sweet colors of līlā-rasa. Struck in his heart, Love himself swoons and falls upon the earth with his consort Rati.

[281]

(Raga Hamira - Tina Tala)

Śyāmā swings the youthful Śyāma. Upon a swing made of gold and jewels, She holds its lovely silken cord. With a greatly delighted heart the fair Lady swings Him, but Her delicate body cannot bear the exertion. Countless drops of perspiration born of effort shine upon Her graceful cheeks and brow. Seeing Śrīmatī tired, He leaps down and immediately stops the swing. Taking Her lotus hand in His own, He seats Her and fills His heart with immense love. Upon a throne decorated with delicate flower buds, Her infinitely generous Beloved, the young son of Nanda, wipes away the drops of perspiration with the edge of His own cloth. With tender coaxing He seats Lalitā and the other sakhīs near the treasure of their lives. Speaking sweetly and respectfully, they begin creating a fragrant breeze.

[282]

(Raga Adana - Jhapatala)

Enchanting Śyāma and the splendid fair Lady Śyāmā swing as rasa-filled abodes of beauty upon a jeweled swing. Lalitā and the assembly of sakhīs behold Their lotus faces; their minds, bees greedy for rasa, give the swing gentle pushes.

Continuation of [282]

The autumn moon rises in the sky, and the pure Malaya breeze blows. Swarms of bees make the forest melodious, their sound steeped in nectar. Bright vines sway, many flowers bloom, and the lovely bank of the Yamunā moves in pure, bliss-giving waves. Jeweled necklaces shine, and a guñjā garland plays upon His throat. Excellent adornments grace every limb and steal sages' minds. Śyāma is blue as a fresh raincloud, while the abode of beauty beside Him is lightning-gold. Hundreds of millions of Cupids are enchanted and remain beneath Their feet like blades of grass. The expert Lady and Lord sport, filling the sakhīs' hearts with immense delight. Their sweet lips bear soft smiles, and the rasa-filled swing moves.

[283]

(Raga Vihagada - Tala Dhamara)

They swing upon the swing of love within the bowers. Śyāmā and Śyāma's bodies thrill with love, while rasa rises in waves within Their hearts. Their luscious eyes, broad brows and graceful sidelong glances push against one another. Body, mind and life offered mutually, the supreme connoisseurs are immersed in rasa. Lalitā and the other graceful sakhīs swing Them, giving strong and repeated pushes. Drops of exertion shine upon the dark and fair bodies, strengthened by the intoxication of youth. Their words are honey-sweet and Their smiles tender; at every glance They pluck blades of grass in humility. The minds of the Pair are absorbed in bliss as ever-new rasa thickens.

[284]

(Raga Soratha Malara - Tala Dhamara)

The Beloved Lady and Lord swing within a green bower. Upon a green swing hanging from a green branch, fresh green cords have been placed. In the rainy season every tree and vine is green, and the green earth and grass possess incomparable beauty. Their garments and ornaments are green, Their seat is green, and Their laughter steals the heart.

Continuation of [284]

Green-clad sakhīs swing Them from both sides, their fresh hearts exceedingly joyful. The sakhīs sing fresh Malhāra melodies, repeatedly enchanting the mind and giving happiness. Yellow and dark blue meet to produce green, a beauty that destroys the pride of millions of Cupids. Birds and deer gaze in delight upon the tender, sweet Śyāma and Śyāmā amid the greenery.

[285]

(Raga Imana - Tala Tritala)

The Beloved Lady and Lord swing within a dense bower. Clouds thunder, soft lightning flashes and rain falls gently. His yellow garment and Her extraordinary, many-colored blue sari grow wet. Peacocks and peahens dance in intoxication, while cuckoos and saris call. The sakhīs and the beloved Pair together sing Malhāra in sweet notes. Lalitā and the other sakhīs take turns pushing the swing. Śyāmā and Śyāma gaze upon one another, expanding ever-new rasa. A luscious treasury of bliss overflows, and everyone surrenders themselves to the sight.

[286]

(Raga Gauda Malara - Tala Tritala)

The delighted Pair return drenched by rain. Having swung upon the colorful swing with joyful hearts, They fill the sakhīs' minds with rasa. Swelling clouds thunder ghanana-ghanana, awakening fear. Lightning flashes moment by moment and spreads the splendor of the cloud bank. Peacocks dance, intoxicated with love, and shower the rasa of bliss. The cātaka, knower of love-rasa, increases delight with its cry of pī-pī. The Pair stand beneath a kadamba tree, limb embracing limb. He covers His Beloved's body with His own blanket, lovingly protecting Her from the rain.

[287]

(First Lavani Tune - Tala Kaharava)

It is the month of Āśvina and the lovely autumn season, a cool night of pure moonlight. The Yamunā's water is clear and enchanting, and a gentle fragrant breeze blows. Śyāmā and Śyāma sit upon a lovely boat brilliant with jewels. They perform sweet pastimes together, absorbed in enchanting water play. Śrīmatī says, "Listen, treasure of my life. Sound a melody upon Your flute. Let me hear a song filled with rasa in waves of beautiful, supremely sweet notes. I shall row the boat while my Life performs a magnificent play filled with rasa. The bee of my eyes will remain intoxicated with rasa, drinking from the lotus of Your face." Speaking thus, She begins rowing the boat, Her gaze fixed unwaveringly upon Her Beloved. Fixing His gaze upon Śyāmā's face, the young son of Nanda begins to play the flute.

[288]

(Raga Kafi - Tala Dipacandi)

In the eternally sweet abode of Vraja, they play Holī with Hari.

Attachment and aversion toward sense objects dissolve into color, thickened with the nectarean rasa of love. Making Mohana's face their single target, they discharge their filled syringes. Every face has become crimson.

Hypocrisy, pride, arrogance, delusion and anger all burn to ash in this Holī. Desire becomes pure and remains joyfully as colored dust upon Hari's face. Every defect of the world is erased.

All worldly ties and affections become dust, and only one relationship remains. Every drop of affection merges into the ocean of love and assumes the ocean's own form. The color of loving rasa spreads everywhere.

[289]

(Raga Kafi - Tala Dipacandi)

Beautiful Śyāma plays Vraja's rasa-filled Holī with the sakhīs. They fill their syringes with scented sandal color and saffron powder. Śyāma casts it upon the sakhīs' limbs, while all the fair girls color the supreme dancer's body. A tremendous battle breaks out.

The earth is red, the sky red, and graceful red color covers every direction. Vines and trees are red, flowers and fruits are red, and Nidhivana has turned red. No other color remains.

Peacocks and cakoras turn red, while swarms of bees take on the color of red powder. The bowers are red, parrots and cuckoos red, and mango trees red. Only the seed of red has been sown.

Day and night are red, sun and moon are red, and the horizon is beautifully covered in red. The Yamunā shines with red water, a red wind blows, and curd, milk and buttermilk are red.

Gold and fine emeralds are red, and garments and attire have become red. Locks of hair are red, eyes and eyelids red, and beautiful words are spoken in red. Nothing but red is heard.

The beloved Lady and Lord both turn red, and the sakhīs are drenched in red. Blue and yellow cloth, veils and turbans are all thickly colored red. The entire world has become red.

[290]

(Raga Kafi - Tala Dipacandi)

The graceful Śyāmā and Śyāma play Vraja's rasa-filled Holī. With Rādhā, all the sakhīs and attendants mix saffron color. Filling golden bowls again and again, they throw it upon beautiful Śyāma's face. They are overwhelmed by the color of loving rasa. They play Holī.

Taking careful aim at Hari's face, they fire syringes from every side. Seizing Him by the hands, the sakhīs rub red powder and colored dust upon His face. Śyāma's face turns crimson. They play Holī.

Seeing the joyful faces of the sakhīs, the colorful, ever-youthful Lady joins them. An ocean of bliss swells within Her heart, and She colors Hari with all the fair girls. A delightful battle breaks out. They play Holī.

Cymbals and mṛdaṅgas, drums and tambourines, horns and flutes resound. They sing Dhamāra, dance with bags of colored powder in hand, and call, "Ho! Ho! Holī!" They play Holī.

[291]

(Raga Kafi - Tala Dipacandi)

The destroyer of every wicked host is defeated in Holī. Taking all the sakhīs and attendants with Her, colorful Kīrti's daughter fills a syringe with the color of rasa and, aiming carefully, sprays His sweet face and every tender limb.

Red powder covers His crimson cheeks, and She casts fragrant water into His eyes. Beautiful mind-enchanting Mohana runs away, wiping the water from His eyes. The sakhīs clap their hands and laugh.

The flute falls from His hand to the ground, and His peacock feather drops upon the earth. Exhausted, His soft feet stagger and, dispirited by defeat, He sits down. The sakhīs surround Murāri.

Continuation of [291]

Smiling gently, the sakhīs tease Him: "What a mighty hero Giridhārī is! He could not withstand the syringe held by a woman's tender lotus hand. Where has all Your sense of shame gone?"

Hearing them, Hari replies shyly, "O daughter of Vṛṣabhānu, Beloved, I have always been defeated by You. What new defeat have I suffered today? I surrender myself to the dust of Your feet."

Hearing His tender words and seeing Her Beloved exhausted, Rādhā's heart grows heavy with sorrow. She comes, lifts the treasure of Her life and seats Him upon a throne. She begins fanning Him with Her cloth.

Beloved Rādhā wipes every beautiful crimson limb with Her own garment. She washes His face with cool water and untangles and arranges His locks with Her own hands. Seeing this, the women of Vraja become delighted.

[292]

(Tune: Lavani - Tala Kaharava)

I remember that Mohana Śyāma came to eat. I was serving Him every kind of exceedingly delicious food. But that was my delusion. Mādhava is playing on the bank of the Yamunā. Why has He not come yet? Has He forgotten everything in His play? He must be hungry. How can I call Him here at once? My heart is being torn apart. How will this sorrow of mine end? Will this prepared meal not be of use to my Beloved? Will the abode of happiness not come and bless it? Mādhava hears His Beloved's honey-sweet, playful lament of love and laughs. He says, "Rādhe, regain awareness. Look, I am here beside You. Why have You stopped serving the food and become needlessly sad? If I remain hungry, You will suffer terrible distress."

Continuation of [292]

Speaking thus and smiling gently, Mādhava takes Rādhā's tender hand. Startled, She says, "Alas, Lord, I have made a terrible mistake! How fallen I am to have forgotten to feed You because of delusion. Beloved, I needlessly imagined that You were playing on the bank of the Yamunā." With love She again begins serving many excellent and flavorful dishes. Beloved Śyāma begins eating, laughing at the sweetness of the līlā.

[293]

(Tune: Lavani - Tala Kaharava)

Vines and creepers bloom, and dark tamāla trees beautify the bower. Clusters of lovely fragrant flowers blossom while enchanted swarms of bees hover around them. Intoxicated peahens dance, and parrots and saris remain absorbed in melodious song. The Yamunā rises in waves and flows upstream in divine intoxication. The sweet flute fills the sky with sound, and every resonance is brimming with rasa. Every direction and horizon becomes intoxicated with bliss, while fear, grief and despondency disappear. Filled with loving rasa, Bhānu's daughter leaves everything and goes to the tryst. Who am I? Where am I going? Why? She forgets the entire world. She reaches Her Beloved's lotus feet and, seeing His form, becomes overwhelmed. His sweet lips bear a tender smile; the fresh dark cloud Śyāma steals the heart's entire treasure. The pure and splendid moon of His face destroys the pride of countless autumn moons. His vast, intoxicating and enchanting eyes are the playground of His lovers' minds and eyes. All-attracting and all-delighting, He is a great elixir completely filled with rasa. He is a surging ocean of beauty's nectar, powerful enough to inundate every young woman's heart. The divine fragrance of His limbs freely delights the life breath and senses. His brow is broad, His hair curls, and His peacock-feather crown is the root of happiness. Enchanted Rādhā cannot speak; Her voice naturally becomes obstructed. A pure battle of mutually bliss-giving, supremely luscious waves of bhāva begins.

Continuation of [293]

Her heart melts, and an immeasurable, unfathomable ocean of divine nectarean rasa surges. Breaking the banks of composure, a stream of tears flows from Rādhā's eyes. Within moments it washes the exceedingly enchanting pair of feet whose moonlike toenail radiance is itself Parabrahman, the abode of being, consciousness and bliss. Suddenly seeing His Beloved and this blissful essence of Her līlā, Śyāma is overwhelmed. Tears flow from His eyes, and He lifts Her with outstretched arms. He says, "Beloved, I was meditating upon You alone. I was immersed in the sacred measureless ocean of Your beauty. Then suddenly I felt Your touch. My eyes opened, I saw You before Me, and immense delight instantly filled My heart." Drinking the delightful divine nectar of His words, Rādhikā forgets outward awareness. The condition of prema-vaicittya arises, and external consciousness disappears. Drawing Her near, Her Beloved rests Her pure head upon His lap. With unblinking eyes He gazes upon the moon of Her beautiful face, sweet with nectar. Yet Rādhikā cannot perceive that Śyāma is beside Her. She tries to rise and run in search of His vision. Unable to stand, She becomes intensely agitated and cries out pitifully: "Lord of my life! Beloved of my life! Lord of my heart, support of my life! Where have You gone, leaving me alone and helpless? How and where shall I meet You now? Alas, this life cannot remain! Yes, yes, now I understand. This gives You happiness and rest. Then let me go on dying; do not meet me, delight of my life. Even after death I wish to see You happy eternally and without end. Fulfill this longing of mine, my almighty, glorious Lord!" Speaking thus, Rādhikā faints and loses external consciousness. Deep sorrow covers the moon of Her face, and Her condition becomes utterly pitiable.

Continuation of [293]

Her Beloved washes Her eyes with cooling water and sprinkles drops upon Her face. He grows distraught seeing the blissful autumn moon of His Beloved's lovely face turned pale. He says, "Beloved, rise quickly. Regain awareness and do not remain sad. You alone are the support of My life, and therefore I remain constantly beside You. I have not gone anywhere, Beloved, and I can never leave You. Apart from You I possess not even the slightest attachment anywhere. I descend upon the earth only to make You happy. In relishing the rasa of love, I perform Your immeasurable and indescribable divine līlā." As He speaks, many waves rise within the ocean of Śyāma's heart. A river of tears begins to flow, and every conscious limb grows weak. Rādhikā awakens; prema-vaicittya subsides and clear awareness returns. She sees Her Beloved weeping, His ordinarily radiant eyes now dim. In anguish She begins to cry: "Lord of my life, how base I am! Because of me, Your eternally joyful face is sorrowful today before the world. How can I remove Your suffering, Beloved? How can I give You happiness today? How may I see an unrestrained smile upon Your face, my crowned Lord?" Her Beloved replies, "Beloved, one celebrated means is known. It is certain and unfailing for making Me laugh and making Me happy. Become happy Yourself. Remain radiant, with divine bliss filling every pore. Let a gentle, soft smile play perpetually and brightly upon Your lips. Beloved, Your happiness is My happiness, and Your love is My love. Make Me happy by becoming happy Yourself. This alone is the essence of every means."

(Soratha)

Hearing the words from Her Beloved's mouth, Rādhā becomes exceedingly joyful. Her body thrills, and the Pair meet one another filled with delight.

[294]

(Raga Basanta - Tala Kaharava)

"Where have You gone and where are You hiding? Lord, Lover, support of my life!" Tormented by separation and prema-vaicittya, Rādhā utters a pitiful cry. "This helpless body is burning in the terrible forest fire of separation. The bird of my life, utterly impatient, wishes to abandon it and fly away. Although I am exceedingly unworthy, naturally impure and devoid of virtue and beauty, You increased my honor and made me bold and independent. Proudly I began considering You the Beloved of my life. I imagined that You, treasury of rasa, must receive some special happiness from me. You are the eternal, infinite, unfathomable and boundless ocean of the nectar of supreme bliss. What happiness can I, destitute of virtues and an abode of faults, give You? Yet You meet me, embrace me and bestow affection. You constantly shower upon me a rain of the nectarean rasa of love. Millions upon millions of beautiful women are treasuries of virtues, character, form and loveliness. Leaving them aside, You continually give pure rasa to me. Surely this must give You extraordinary happiness. Separated from me, independent Lord, You are being deprived of that joy. Beloved, if my life departs from the pain of separation, then, life of my life, You will forever be deprived of this happiness. Nandalāla, You will lament pitifully for me forever. If my life remains, no such sorrow will come to You, my Lover and garland of my heart. Come and save my life immediately, supremely tender prince of Vraja. Quickly obtain Your happiness again, my Beloved. If You gain even a little happiness, I have no attachment to life. I surrender millions upon millions of lives to You, treasury of supreme bliss."

[295]

(Raga Bhinnasadaja - Tina Tala)

Tormented and utterly helpless in separation, She forgets the entire world and goes to the Yamunā's bank. Grasping a kadamba branch, She stands like one gone mad while endless tears flow from Her eyes. Her mind cannot gather the slightest composure, and Her delicate body trembles moment by moment. She finds no peace; Her heart burns with terrible pain as She sighs and laments. The exceedingly anxious “dear sakhī” arrives and, seeing Her condition, loses composure. Her heart pierced by a sharp arrow, she speaks very tender words to mind-enchanting Mohana: “Friend, take courage and abandon grief. I shall go at once and tell Him everything. This very moment I shall bring your beloved mind-enchanting Lord back with me.” Hearing the dear sakhī's tender words, the Beloved Lady forgets awareness of Her body. At that instant Her mind assumes the form of Her Beloved, and She begins singing Her own virtues in His voice: “O Rādhe, queen of My life! O enchanter of My mind, treasury of sweet beauty! Treasury of virtues and giver of ever-new bliss, remembrance of You destroys every sorrow. Mistress, I am forever sold into Your hands. Regard Me as Your servant bought without a price. Beloved, this thirsty life longs for the sweet rasa of Your vision. The terrible poison of separation from You has spread throughout My entire body. Quickly sprinkle it with the nectar of the moon of Your face, remove the poison and rescue Your Beloved.” The dear sakhī has come, and at that very moment the Beloved too arrives there. Remaining hidden, He beholds His sweet Beloved's condition of prema-vaicittya. “O Beloved! Rādhike, dearer than life, little image of My life, alas!” As He speaks, She faints and falls to the ground; Śyāma reveals Himself and lifts Her.

Book Note: A nāyikā-bhāva-bearing equal-affectioned companion such as Śrī Lalitā or Viśākhā is not the “dear sakhī” of secluded bower service. Only Śrī Rūpa-mañjarī and others, who are free of nāyikā-bhāva and regard service to Śrī Rādhā-Mādhava in the secluded grove as the sole fulfillment of life, are eternal dear sakhīs.

Continuation of [295]

Gathering Her into His arms, He spreads His yellow cloth upon the ground and gently lays Her upon it. Joyfully resting Her head in His lap, He begins gazing at Her splendid face. Nandalāla wipes the drops of perspiration from Her cheeks and brow and the tears from Her eyes with His cloth. His mind melts, His body thrills and love-filled tears immediately cover His eyes. With the tender, honey-sweet fingers of His own hand, Her Beloved begins arranging Her curling hair. Seeing the Beloved Lord absorbed in serving His Beloved Lady, the dear sakhī becomes especially joyful. For a moment She opens Her eyes and beholds the dark cloud Śyāma, while He cries, “O queen of My heart!” Then She closes them again; drinking the honey of Her lotus face, the bee of Śyāma's gaze rejoices. His Beloved becomes half-conscious, repeatedly opening and closing Her eyes. Mixing immeasurable sweet nectar into His words, Her Beloved speaks with utmost humility and purity: “Open Your eyes and look upon My form for a moment, embodiment of My life. I am forever the servant of Your feet. Do not send Me away even for an instant.” Hearing Her Beloved's nectarean words, the young Lady fully awakens and sits up. A vast ocean of the nectar of love surges through every particle of the Pair. The sakhī rejoices, and her mind begins to dance like a peacock seeing a cloud. Beholding the Beloved Lady and Lord overwhelmed with bliss, she knows her life fulfilled.

[296]

(Tune: Lavani - Tala Kaharava)

In utter solitude She sits distraught on the Yamunā's bank, Her mind intensely anxious. Tormented by the unbearable pain of separation from Śyāma, She has forgotten everything. “He will never come again. The wise Lord has abandoned me. He has recognized me as wholly worthless, impure and a treasury of faults. I possess not the slightest outward beauty or the faintest beauty of heart. Within and without I am filled with countless faults, polluted and especially afflicted by harsh, corrupt understanding. For this very reason He has gone; without doubt my Beloved has acted rightly. This vile and exceedingly ugly body is never worthy of Him.”

Continuation of [296]

“May the Lord of my life be happy; this gives me immeasurable joy. Let the terrible poisonous flame of separation from my Beloved freely continue burning me.” The young Lady thinks in this way, completely enchanted by bhāva. Within Her mind She ceaselessly repeats the rosary of Her Beloved's happiness. At every moment, remembrance of His happiness fills Her heart with ever-new delight. Yet at the same time the forest fire of separation from Him burns Her heart. She forgets the Yamunā flowing beside Her with a murmuring sound. She leaps in, and Her entire lovely body sinks beneath the water. She feels someone gather Her into an embrace and a supremely tender body touch Hers. Nectarean rasa fills every limb, sorrow vanishes and immense delight spreads. Her heart becomes utterly joyful, though Her eyes remain closed for some time. A tingling joy rises through body and mind; then Her vast lotus eyes open. She sees Herself enclosed within Her Beloved's tender arms. She sees Him gazing at Her without blinking, a gentle smile upon His lips. Measureless mutual bliss arises, and the flowers of Their hearts blossom at once. A supremely divine and luscious exchange of rasa begins between the Beloved Lady and Lord. Her Beloved says, “You have forgotten that We came here together. We were both seated upon the Yamunā's bank, holding one another's tender hands. Then prema-vaicittya arose within You, and Your mind conceived separation. Seeing that incomparable, exalted condition of divine love, I became spellbound. When You leapt, I leapt with You and extended My arms to gather You into My embrace. Beloved, the moment I held You, I received boundless divine bliss. Without blinking I continued gazing upon the lotus of My Beloved's face. The ocean of love's nectarean rasa surged without boundary or shore. On finding Me, that bhāva subsided and Your outward awareness returned. Glorious Lady, You possess not the slightest awareness of Your own glory.”

[297]

(Raga Imana - Tina Tala)

Rādhikā has a dream and immediately becomes exceedingly sorrowful. Mādhava is telling Uddhava the entire story of His wretched condition. He is weak and emaciated, His face pale, His mind exhausted and desolate. Both eyes pour hot tears, and all His clothing is soiled. “My Rādhā, tormented by separation from Me, ceaselessly laments in anguish. She constantly remembers Me without respite and pours tears from Her eyes. She cannot forget Me for a moment and never finds a moment's peace. The burning in Her heart and Her terrible exhaustion increase without limit each day. There is only one cause: I too cannot forget Her for even a moment. The fire of separation forever blazes in My heart and burns discrimination to ash. The flame within My heart rises and daily increases Her burning pain, because sweet remembrance of Her fills My heart without depth or limit. That remembrance continually awakens remembrance of Me within Her. Thus Her heart burns and Her splendid face grows withered. Uddhava, if somehow I could manage to forget Rādhā, then Her heart's burning would cease and only then would the thorn in My own heart be removed. This dreadful anxiety has brought Me to this condition today. For this reason an extraordinary mass of sorrow has covered My life. How harsh and merciless I am! I forever condemn Myself. Even from far-away Mathurā I continue giving pain to My Beloved.” Seeing Her Beloved's condition and hearing His anguished words with Her own ears, Śrī Rādhā becomes intensely agitated. The dream breaks and Her face grows pale. Remembering the dream, love-filled Rādhā suffers beyond measure. She concludes that She alone obstructs Her Beloved's happiness.

Continuation of [297]

Her delicate body trembles and a stream of tears flows. Immense sorrow covers Her mind, and the whole world is forgotten. She thinks, “Why does remembrance of me fill His heart without limit? For that very reason I cannot forget Him for even a moment. My mind's remembrance of Him alone awakens His remembrance of me. Therefore fire forever blazes within His heart. If I could forget Him and cease remembering Him, then I would receive the cherished news that He has naturally become happy.” Resolving thus, Rādhā immediately goes to Ambikā's temple. The ceaseless cataract from Her eyes soaks Her crimson cheeks. With a choked voice She prays, “Mother Ambā, remove from my heart at once the bliss-giving remembrance of my Beloved. The fire of separation burns, yet that remembrance gives me faultless happiness. But for my Beloved's happiness, Mother, take away my happiness immediately. Sweet remembrance of my Beloved alone supports my life. Let life depart; what use is its remaining without purpose? When life is gone, there will be no heart to house remembrance. Then the supreme support of my life will be happy forever.” Ambikā says nothing. Meanwhile another bhāva awakens: “Alas, how painful the absence of my life will be for my Beloved! Who knows what pang will arise within His heart? Who knows how it will avoid being torn in two?” She says, “Mother, now I want no boon at all. Let everything remain exactly as it is; let destiny not be changed.” At once an extraordinary bhāva arises within Rādhā's heart: “We are eternally each other's life-beloved, Beloved and Lord of life.”

Continuation of [297]

“We are eternally one and eternally together; separation never occurs. That one Reality becomes Beloved and beloved Lady, and itself becomes separation and union.” As soon as this arises, the second dream also breaks at once. She does not open Her eyes but remains thinking within Herself for a few moments. Within the earlier dream this newer dream had appeared. Seeing it, Rādhā had immediately become profoundly sorrowful. In truth She is sleeping in a grove with Her head in Her Beloved's lap. Sleep has overtaken Her while Her Beloved joyfully gazes upon Her face. When shadows of changing bhāvas appear upon His Beloved's features, He moves to awaken Her, His mind somewhat alarmed. She awakens, opens Her eyes and sees the beautiful lotus of Her Beloved's face, before one ten-millionth part of whose beauty hundreds of millions of Cupids surrender. She sees Him arranging Her disheveled hair with His own lotus hands and wiping with His garment the perspiration awakened by the dream. Her sorrow vanishes and delight spreads; at once She becomes a garland around Her Beloved's neck. The ocean of līlā surges and immeasurable sweet waves begin to rise. There is neither sleep, dream nor waking, but only pure prema-vaicittya. Rādhā-Mādhava are absorbed in līlā, as They eternally remain.

[298]

(Raga Jogiya - Tina Tala)

At the painful hour of parting, Rādhā becomes sad. A stream of tears flows from Her eyes, and She releases a long sigh. Weeping pitifully, She says, “Support of my life, how and why will this unsupported life remain, empty of meaning?” In an instant, for reasons unknown, Her bhāva changes into another. She says, “In essential nature We two are eternally and uninterruptedly one.”

Continuation of [298]

“Wherever We may remain, the body never loses the other's company. Every limb of life remains eternally united. No true separation between Us can ever occur. Differences of place, time or body can never divide Us. Your body, life and mind have become the life of My pair of feet. My whole being has been fashioned from Your own life. You dwell eternally within Me in a natural, sweet abode, and within You I naturally possess My sweet eternal dwelling. Even in eternal union, when mere mention of separation arises, hearing it sets every limb of Mine aflame.” Speaking thus, She again becomes distraught and loses awareness. A dreadful fire blazes throughout body and mind. She falls like a scorched vine; Śyāma lifts Her into His lap and tenderly strokes Her hair with His lotus hands. Giving Her exceedingly sweet nectar-words to drink, He restores bodily awareness. Embracing Her, beloved Mādhava, the abode of love, says: “Beloved, this is the sweetest color of the ocean of līlā-rasa. Your nature within it is supremely wondrous, and many waves arise. Separation and union are two forms of līlā-rasa itself. In reality separation has never occurred and never will occur between Us. As whiteness is inseparable from milk, heat from fire and rays from the sun, so am I from You and You from Me. Beloved, do not let Your heart grieve. Whether I remain in Mathurā, Tulasīkāvana or any other place, not the slightest obstruction will ever stand between Us. Being one, We become two and play eternally, beginninglessly and endlessly, forever delighting together, intoxicated with sweet divine rasa.” Seeing Her Beloved's face joyful, Rādhā becomes joyful. Finding happiness in the other's happiness, They are eternally and naturally one yet distinct.

[299]

(Raga Kafi - Tala Dipacandi)

Mādhava, I shall go with You. I cannot remain without You for one moment; let public shame and family honor perish. No one's prohibition will stop me; if they bind me, I shall reduce the bonds to dust. I shall abandon this inert body and surely send my life to accompany my Beloved. There I shall merge into Him as a wave merges into the ocean. Dyed dark within Śyāma's face, I shall obtain His form and immense happiness.

[300]

(Raga Vihaga - Tina Tala)

Friend, who is as hard-hearted as I? My heart did not split that day when I heard my Beloved's terrible words. He said, “Beloved, tomorrow I shall certainly go to Mathurā.” Fearlessly I listened to my Beloved's exceedingly bitter words. Again and again Mohana, the enchanter of body and mind, continually looked back at me. Yet I did not go with Him; I turned back and gravely neglected Him. I did not send my life with my Beloved; the unfortunate thing remains even now. Greedy to live, cruel and shameless, it still clings to me. My heart is empty of love's nectarean rasa, and I shed false tears. Therefore I did not sacrifice life at the very root of life. Deluded by attachment to life, I wander and utter deceitful lamentation. Friend, if my love were true, how could I fail to die?

[301]

(Raga Saranga - Tina Tala)

Without Śyāma I cannot endure even a moment. Each moment passes like an age, yet this base life will not depart. Remembering His speech and gait, His coming and running, fills me with joy. I can never forget our enchanting meetings in the fresh bower.

Continuation of [301]

Whom can I tell, and how can I explain the fire burning within my heart? Without experiencing it, who can believe or understand? I see no value in speaking, for people will only give it a contrary name. Who in this world is there before whom this heart may pour out its burning pain? If somewhere Śyāma comes and rains nectarean water upon me, only then will this fire be quenched and a waterfall of nectar flow from this inert body.

[302]

(Raga Malhara - Tina Tala)

When will the dark cloud Śyāma come and rain? When will the torment of nonunion end and separation's scorching summer disappear? When will the peacock of my mind dance, unable to contain the heart's bliss? When will the cātaka of consciousness cry out on receiving Śyāma's Svāti rain? Without union with Śyāma nothing pleases or delights me. Only the rasa of union with Śyāma is true rasa and fills life with sweetness.

[303]

(Raga Bhairavi - Tina Tala)

My heart is hard as a thunderbolt. Separation from Śyāma does not split and crush it in an instant. The world knows a fish's love for water: the moment they part, it dies. It does not look here and there for protection but simply closes its eyes and remains. My heart is empty of love, and therefore my life does not depart, although separation's pain grows ever greater within it. One other reason for this has arisen in my mind: for that reason I endure unbearable sorrow and have forgotten my own death.

Continuation of [303]

Śyāma said before leaving, “I shall return to you again.” Since then the cherished hope of seeing Śyāma has remained within my heart. The sweet vision of Śyāma gives my mind incomparable happiness. Seeing me happy makes an ocean of happiness surge within my Beloved's heart. May wise and excellent Śyāma not be deprived of that happiness. For this reason my utterly disgraced life refuses to leave the body.

[304]

(Raga Bilavala - Tina Tala)

Separation from You assumes the forms of both sorrow and happiness. At times it makes me laugh and at times weep, according to its many bhāvas. When I remember the happiness of Mohana, beautiful with rasa, a river of love's happiness flows forth, abandoning every boundary. When the painful thought of nonunion enters my mind, a terrible fire of sorrow appears and burns body and mind. When the mind exclusively remembers the sweet divine Rasarāja, an ocean of blissful nectar surges and every mass of sorrow drowns. When an intense longing for His direct vision awakens in the mind, the extreme torment of separation swells and every happiness flees.

[305]

(Raga Bhairava - Tina Tala)

O Hari, life of my life! When shall I again hear the honeyed melody of the flute? O Rasarāja, treasury of rasa, when shall I again behold the moon of Your face? When shall I abandon social and family shame and touch Your fresh raincloud body? When will my eyes rejoice again on beholding Your threefold-bending pose? When shall I weave a jasmine garland and place it around Your neck again?

Continuation of [305]

When shall I again offer You a lovely betel morsel and redden Your lips? When shall I take pollen from Your lotus feet and mark my brow with tilaka? I can no longer endure this terrible separation from You. Writhing in pain, my life will leave its union with the body.

[306]

(Raga Kamoda - Tina Tala)

Śyāma, nothing pleases me without You. Since You left Vraja for Mathurā, my heart has continually surged in distress. The pain of separation pervades my whole body and allows not the slightest peace. I find no rest for even an instant, while the ocean of my mind rises in waves. Nanda's home is empty, Madhuyana empty, and every bower appears deserted. The cowshed, forest and Yamunā's bank are empty; my empty heart laments. Vṛṣabhānu's daughter, utterly overwhelmed, pours tears from Her eyes. Abandoning reserve, She cries, “May I meet Śyāma and find happiness.”

[307]

(Raga Desi - Tina Tala)

Śyāma, do not make me yearn any longer. Mind-enchanting Nandalāla, have mercy and show me Your form. Your Rādhā is distraught today. Mādhava, please come. Give the nectar of Your vision to these eyes thirsting for You. Without You life cannot remain; run here and save it. Support of my life, my life longs to depart, so hasten here. Rādhā says: if Rādhā dies, You will later repent. Without Rādhā, Śyāma, You cannot be called “Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa.”

[308]

(Raga Vihaga - Tina Tala)

Mādhava, remember Your own promise. Saying “today or tomorrow,” You let time pass while my life is wasted. Watching the road has exhausted my sight; the days pass as my nails scratch the earth. Days, months and years all pass, while at night I weep and lament. “He will come now, this very moment.” My days pass in this hope. Yet His coming and our meeting remain rare as the days drain away. Life has become death, and even consciousness unconscious, Beloved. Body, wealth, ornaments and clothing are burdens, all seeming like fire. With gentle honeyed words You once awakened trust within me. Why do You now betray that trust and leave me without hope? The mighty fire of separation keeps burning, and every moment passes like an age. Come quickly now, treasure of my life, and make Your own words true.

[309]

(Raga Bhairavi - Tina Tala)

Beautiful and wise Śyāma, treasure of my life, without You my suffering life writhes day and night. Without Your vision my heart splits moment by moment, and life is unbearable sorrow. The terrible burning of nonunion scorches body, senses and mind. The days pass in anguish and lamentation, and sleep does not come at night. Even seeing You in dreams has become impossible; how can my mind find happiness? Do not delay now, mind-enchanting Lord. Hold a little mercy in Your heart. Grant Your luscious nectarean vision and extinguish the fire within my heart.

[310]

(Raga Vihaga - Tina Tala)

Friend, a dark serpent has bitten me. Its poison forcibly pervades every vein, and the world has fallen from my heart. Spreading poison, the terrible serpent smiled a tender honeyed smile. As soon as He smiled, the poison became exceedingly sweet and seized its opportunity to enter deep within. The poison became nectar, the serpent became Mohana, and honeyed sweetness shone forth. As He performed immeasurable graceful play, a stream of nectarean rasa flowed. My mind became one with Śyāma's mind and, becoming mindless, blossomed. Who knows how long Mohana has remained embedded within me in this way? He whose name cuts the bonds of worldly existence has Himself become trapped. The supremely independent Lord is dependent, bound by His own bonds.

[311]

(Raga Asavari - Tina Tala)

My mind finds not a moment's peace. The days pass with consciousness anguished and distressed, while sleep does not come at night. Home, wealth and family were all exceedingly dear, and I possessed attachment to them. Now no one and nothing pleases me anywhere; all have become equal. The mind no longer cares whether they come or go. Only the ever-new desire for my Beloved's vision increases daily. Remembering no other, the mind abandons every illness and limitation. It assumes only the form of longing to meet the Beloved, and natural samādhi arises. Restlessness, pain and agitation vanish, and peace is found in every way. The intense, exclusive longing for union becomes the source of all happiness.

[312]

(Raga Todi - Tina Tala)

Friend, the sorrow of separation is supremely blissful. It is the incomparable and beautiful means for cherished remembrance of the Beloved. It instantly erases memory of home, wealth, people and family and brings enchanting remembrance of Mohana to dwell forever within the heart. The pure nectar of love, essence of happiness, forever overflows within the heart. Every limb remains filled with rasa, forgetting remembrance of the world. The mighty fire of separation reduces the world's burning flames to ash and makes one supremely cool by plunging one into the deep ocean of His form's nectar. Taste for His vision and the force of longing increase moment by moment. Day and night there is one sweet thought: when shall I meet the young son of Nanda?

[313]

(Raga Jangala - Tala Kaharava)

The eyes pine for the vision of His form, and every limb weeps to touch His limbs. All the senses lament in distress, longing to attain their Beloved senses in sweet union. The heart grows intensely eager for the rasa-filled embrace of the Beloved's heart. Life longs to fly and merge into His life, naturally breaking the bridge of convention. The mind is deeply restless: when shall I go and meet the Beloved's mind in supreme love? Every limb is impatient for union, abandoning its nature, qualities and rules.

[314]

(Raga Todi - Tala Kaharava)

Each moment becomes an age, an abode of terrible pain. The rainy season covers the eyes, and a stream of tears flows without interruption. The heart fills with anguish, and life cries out in a pitiful wail. Terrible separation from the Beloved makes the entire world empty.

[315]

(Raga Bhimapalasi - Tala Kaharava)

No peace comes by day and no sleep at night; hunger and thirst are forgotten. An immeasurable fire burns within the heart, yet even that is scarcely known. The eyes forever weep while the rain of affection continually falls. There is neither memory nor complaint, only radiance illuminating the worn body.

[316]

(Raga Bagesri - Tala Kaharava)

When Śyāmasundara leaves the sacred abode of loving rasa and goes to Mathurā, all the cowherd women, tormented by separation, become as if mad. One gazes toward the sky, hoping He may appear and grant His vision. Another, despairing and intensely restless, becomes absorbed in memories of the past. One sees a small sprout of hope and fills her mind with deep love. Another wonders in astonishment why their Beloved has abandoned them. All are sorrowful, their hearts shattered, each thinking in a different way. Through all eight watches, the gopīs thus perform separation-pastimes with Śyāma.

[317]

(Raga Vibhasa - Tina Tala)

The treasure of life departs for Mathurā. Hearing that Sūraphala's son is taking Him with Dāū, flames rise through every mind and body. She becomes distraught, sorrow covers Her face and every beautiful limb grows weak. The rasa within Her heart burns; Her two dry eyes remain unblinking, and dense darkness spreads. Her Beloved comes to console Her but cannot speak, for grief manifests within His mind. His voice stops. Seeing His Beloved afflicted, His body becomes still, as though without consciousness. The Beloved Lady and Lord begin burning in the coming fire of separation and forget world and life. Who can describe the glory of this love, whose course even gods and sages cannot attain?

[318]

(Raga Desa - Tina Tala)

Ever since Hari departed for Mathura, Nanda and Yasoda have remained distraught, forgetting all awareness of body and mind. The heart's stream of nectarean rasa has dried; every limb has withered and turned to stone. Their dry, fixed and unblinking eyes remain raised toward Madhuban, where their minds have gone. They have forgotten ornaments, clothes and food; their hair has grown into tangled locks. Immense pain fills them within; every hair trembles in distress. Yasoda rests her chin upon her hand and grieves; remembering Him, Nanda turns away his face. Neither can look at the other, for each hides the heart's unbearable anguish within the heart. Their gaze is empty and all creation is empty, for Vraja is desolate after separation from its treasure. They remain utterly destitute; without Syama and Rama, nothing pleases them.

[319]

(Raga Asavari - Tina Tala)

So many memories of Vraja come to Me. I cherish the butter and bread from Mother Yasoda's lotus hands. My aged father Nanda would take Me upon his lap and caress Me. When I climbed upon his belly and danced, he overflowed with delight. My childhood companions, the guileless cowherd boys, abandoned everything to give Me happiness. How could I ever forget them? What words could ever tell of the cowherd maidens' way of love? Abandoning worldly and Vedic convention, they forever yearned for My sake. They are the pupils of My eyes and the very support of My life. The moment I remember those beloved gopis, streams of tears flow from My eyes. Taking the name of Radhika, My eternal worshiper and eternally worshipful Lady, He fell silent, could speak no more and collapsed upon the earth, clutching His heart.

[320]

(Raga Bhairavi - Tina Tala)

Uddhava, the beloved of My heart is never forgotten. Radha, Radha, and Her sweet pastimes dispel the anguish of My heart. Her uninhibited laughter, nectar-filled smile, playful gestures and the way She makes Me laugh; Her witty barbs, gentle sulking, suddenly grave face and the way She rises and runs away; Her jealous pride that kindles pain within My heart and Her refusal to enter the new bower; Her inward anger, tear-filled eyes and broken sobbing; Her weeping, stunned silence and swoon that fills My heart with fear; Her intense agitation, and the way She sees the messenger and hurries eagerly to My side; Our sweet meeting, and Her cuckoo-like voice pouring streams of delicious nectar; Her gentle conciliation, and the pure humility She reveals with bashful reserve; Her faint smile as She gazes at My face and body, then suddenly becomes deeply shy; Her closing Her eyes, lowering Her head, covering Her face and drawing Herself in; Her restless glances as soon as She hears My love-filled words; Her casting off all confusion and reserve, laughing as She joins Her eyes with Mine; Her anointing every limb of My body with pure and fragrant unguents; Her open-heartedly adorning Me with flower garlands and lovely armlets; Her playful yet composed nature, Her crown of cleverness and the way She teaches every art; Her filling My mind with joy while speaking with utter innocence and simplicity; Her daily fashioning ever-new and wondrous forms solely for My happiness; She who is dearer than life, the image of My life, its holy and sustaining ground; She never leaves My mind even for an instant and raises waves in its ocean of happiness. Giving the divine, sweet nectar-rasa of love, She makes My life itself sweet.

[321]

(Raga Vagesri - Tina Tala)

The glory of the women of Vraja is altogether unique. Uddhava, their forms cannot be removed from My mind even for an instant.

Continuation of [321]

They dwell forever within My heart, and I remain forever beside them. In truth, they are My mistresses and I am forever their servant. There is yet another supreme and deeply hidden mystery: I Myself eternally become Radha, the crown of all the gopis. Radha, absorbed in divine play, assumes the countless forms of the gopis and forms their eternal, natural assembly to perform pastimes and relish rasa. Thus I Myself am all the gopis, Radha and Radha's Beloved, the rasika, the relisher of rasa and rasa itself, yet never separate from them. Whatever pain or happiness touches their bodies comes entirely to Me. I am separation and I am reunion; they and I are never two.

[322]

(Raga Desa - Tina Tala)

The women of Vraja are not separate from Me. Offering everything for My happiness, they have all come and merged into Me. My mind eternally becomes their mind and performs enchanting pastimes every day. They are animated by My life-breath, and My very life is their life. Their bodies, limbs and every part are supports for My divine play. Nothing of theirs is ever separate, nor do they possess any other goal or means. Their minds hold no ideas of acceptance or rejection, enjoyment or liberation, action or inaction. For them everything is always Me alone, the eternally attained treasure of their lives.

[323]

(Raga Khamaja - Tina Tala)

Kanhaiya remembers Radha. As He speaks of His Beloved's beauty, virtues and character, His composure deserts Him. Her form appears in the sky of memory, and a lovely image suited to remembrance spreads there. A gentle smile rests upon Her lotus face, yet that face seems withered by sorrow.

Continuation of [323]

Every limb is still and Her lowered eyes remain motionless, as though She has naturally entered samadhi. All the emotions within the Beloved's heart become manifest and appear embodied before Him. Beholding the signs of an abode in which contrary qualities coexist, the Lord of the Yadus becomes absorbed. That countenance, filled at once with joy and sorrow, enters Hari's heart. Pearls of tears fall from Uddhava's eyes, made tender by the nectar of affection. The tale of divine love is ineffable and cannot be told by any means.

[324]

(Raga Desa - Tala Rupaka)

Uddhava, who could be as cruel as I? Harder than ten million thunderbolts, I remained silent at that moment. The exceedingly pitiless Akrura seated Me in the chariot and carried Me away. All the women of Vraja came running and remained only a little way behind. Radhika, the very form of My meditation, could no longer preserve Her composure. She ran after us, lamenting and crying aloud while swift tears streamed from Her eyes. She fell, rose again and wailed in a piercing voice, utterly overwhelmed. She ran in desperate haste while every moment of time became an age. The heat of Her burning tears made every tree and vine wither. They dried within a moment, and the flocks of birds wept and lamented. Calves, cows and bulls grew distraught and uttered piteous cries. All seemed lifeless as streams poured from their eyes. The forest creatures, filled with affection, abandoned composure and began to weep. Dark clouds gathered out of season in the sky, and the Yamuna's waters rose. Fire broke out in the bamboo forest, and a scorching wind began to blow. The earth's heart split open at once, and vast cracks appeared. All nature burst into tears, and the wise forgot their wisdom. The elders blocked the path and held the gopis back.

Continuation of [324]

Radhika, surrounded by all Her companions, became utterly helpless. Powerless, She kept gazing with anguished eyes along the road of departure. My heart should have burst in terror at that heart-piercing sight, yet it did not. I watched like a dead man and allowed the chariot to move on. I did not descend from the chariot and give Her courage even for an instant. Who could be as heartless, merciless and utterly unfeeling as I? Radhika's distraught form and My unspeakable offense are never forgotten for a moment, Uddhava; My unfathomable heart keeps burning. If only I could behold Her two feet once and wash them with My tears, I might lighten My heart a little and weep silently through My eyes. Yet this great fear grips Me: if She should see Me weeping, Her heart would suffer limitless torment, and some terrible harm might befall Her.

[325]

(Raga Paraja - Tala Kaharava)

Sovereign of My life, ever since I abandoned You and came to Mathura, I, unfortunate as I am, have not found happiness for even a moment by forgetting You. The one sweetness sustaining My life is remembrance of You alone. Moment after moment it irresistibly pours life into My life. Whatever all My senses and mind do in dream or wakefulness, each act remains sweetly related to You at every instant. In eating and sleeping, Your presence bestows supreme bliss. Without You I remain forever oblivious even to the innate bliss of My own true nature. You alone are My happiness; You are the life of My very life. Sovereign of My heart, My life-breath cannot endure forgetting You for even the smallest fraction of a moment.

[326]

(Raga Sohani - Tala Dadara)

Never think that I have left You behind. Our souls meet eternally, wherever these bodies may remain. The experience is constant: Your form is reflected within My heart. It never withdraws even for a blink, nor could it be removed by force. At every level of the heart and within every hair of the body, Your nectar-sweet touch is forever felt and bestows immeasurable happiness. Here and hereafter, our perfect union is already an eternal and certain truth. Separation can never be possible; this alone is now firmly established. Ever-new love, ever-new rasa and ever-new stainless bliss all unite, filling every inner faculty with joy. This union of love is free from separation; not even the smallest trace of distance remains. Within every subtle atom there is always the experience of complete bliss. Meeting or not meeting through the mortal body of five elements is much the same, for its only ultimate consequence is the poison of separation. The union of souls is unobstructed, imperishable and the sweetest supreme rasa. There a pure and undivided ocean of nectar forever surges.

[327]

(Raga Jangala - Tala Kaharava)

O Radha, from the very moment on that day when I was separated from You, remembrance has not left Me for an instant, and immeasurably pure attachment has grown. In waking and dream, in activity and inactivity, remembrance remains unbroken. Your current of rasa flows sweetly through every vein, bringing incomparable happiness. My mind remains forever absorbed in You, and You remain forever beside Me. This is My constant and continuous experience, and the joy of rasa keeps increasing. The poignant anguish born of separation and love becomes My special aid, and I forever experience without limit the matchless joy of Your presence within My mind.

[328]

(Raga Bhimapalasi - Tala Kaharava)

Radha, what You experience as You remain eternally absorbed in divine play is not imagination in the least; it is the supreme reality and utterly true. People see only that I now reside in Mathura, yet I, Your Beloved, remain forever beside You. In no circumstance and in no place does separation ever occur. In eating, drinking, daily dealings and sleep, our union remains constant and ordained. There is no aversion or shame, no reserve or concealment anywhere. How could distinction or secrecy ever remain within complete oneness? I do not withdraw for even a moment or abandon our nectar-sweet companionship. The ever-new colors of rasa in our incomparable, graceful and sweet play continually increase. Forever one body, one mind, one rasa and one form, we forever become two and forever pour the sacred stream of love's nectarean rasa. Parting never occurs, and there is never any separation. The radiant sweetness of rasa increases eternally, and ever-new delight continually grows. There is no weariness; instead comes excellent, pure and blissful repose. An everlasting restlessness abides within an unwavering peace that relishes rasa and is ever in motion. New capacity grows eternally, and ever-new joy is fathomless. Ever-new longing flows without cease, and fresh enthusiasm continually increases. Each is the other's dear one and Beloved; each is the other's adornment. Each is the other's pure self and sustaining ground. Each is the other's eternal companion and the garland upon the other's heart. Merged in one another, both forget enjoyment, liberation and the whole moving and unmoving world.

[329]

(Couplets)

Uddhava, how could you know the greatness of the gopis' love? They alone have known the principle of supremely pure love.

Continuation of [329]

Her pure love and stainless, exclusive affection are fixed upon Me alone. That blessed gopi surrenders everything to Me and serves Me. She is eternally My mind's sovereign, and her life gives life to My very life. Free from pride, she performs every act solely for My sake. She wears food, clothing, body and wealth only as instruments of My happiness. Forever without desire for her own pleasure, she abandons the whole society of sense objects. She has not the slightest attachment anywhere and no possessiveness toward the moving or unmoving world. Beyond enjoyment here or hereafter and beyond renunciation, she remains naturally absorbed in the rasa of affection. My glory, My service, supreme faith in Me and the secrets of My heart are known in truth only to the gopis. Among them, the soul and supreme foundation of all is Radhika, embodiment of mahabhava and the boundless ocean beyond all rasa. The ocean of rasa forever surges through Her mind, words and deeds. I become blessed if I receive even one drop of sweet rasa from Her. The ocean of happiness born of supremely self-renouncing love rises in waves, and My mind forever yearns intensely to taste that happiness. At times I Myself become Radhika and assume Her disposition, and serve Her as Krishna; only then are all the desires of My heart fulfilled. Go, friend, and become blessed by taking the dust of Her feet upon your head. Gain the fruit of your eyes by beholding Her, for She is the very form of My life.

[330]

(Raga Pilu - Tala Kaharava)

One who loves Me but seeks a return for that love is still virtuous and blessed, for such a person has recognized Me as the giver of fruits. Higher is the lover who loves without selfish desire, yet serves in pursuit of liberation because he fears the world of maya.

Continuation of [330]

Higher still is My beloved devotee of pure heart, who never tires or grows defeated while giving Me the sweetest things. On a still higher level stands one who serves day and night, always seeking only the fruit of service itself as that service becomes ever more noble. Such a lover is no one's slave and never makes anyone a slave, but serves age after age, abandoning every other transaction. Higher even than that are the fortunate gopis, embodiments of love, who have completely forgotten their own happiness and shine above all others. Measureless waves of affection, passionate attachment, ever-deepening love and bhava rise within them. Their entire lives and every limb are wholly pervaded by Me. They desire only that I should keep looking toward them and that the ocean of eternal love should forever increase, without shore or limit. Yet Radha is the divine foundational ground of feeling for them all. Every pure particle of the nectar of Her affection is supremely holy. It is without limit, eternally new, forever matchless, unconditional and ever generous, an eternal, infinite, inconceivable, ineffable and incomparable ocean of rasa. Radha's love is supremely radiant, a wondrous reality whose course is unknown to Brahma, Visnu and Siva and inaccessible to the understanding of paramahamsas, ascetics, yogis and sages. Yet She never possesses even the slightest awareness of it. This lovely, sweet and divine current of rasa simply flows from Her with natural and tremendous force. She is naturally accomplished in all sixty-four arts, yet Her heart is utterly innocent. She knows neither pretense nor deceit and speaks nothing artificial. Naturally humble, simple and pure within, Her guileless speech is a seat of nectar. Her very nature pours sweet nectar and brings fulfillment to every living being. She forever sees only a vast host of faults within Herself and cannot understand how or why all men and women are pleased with Her.

Continuation of [330]

She does not know why or how She loves Me so greatly, and I do not know why or how powerfully I Myself remain drawn toward Her. Wonderstruck yet utterly natural, She is the divine and sacred embodiment of love. Without effort She forever awakens ever-new rasa within My mind. Radha's countless virtues are an immeasurable ocean of rare, stainless and priceless jewels. The deeper I plunge, the more endless and ever-new jewels I discover. I have never fathomed and never shall fathom the depth of Her virtues. The longing to remain immersed in Radha's treasury of qualities will endure forever. How could I sing all Her virtues, and what message could I possibly send Her? My life is forever permeated by Her in every time and every place. Tell this truth to that guileless Lady who rules My life: My life is eternally and ceaselessly absorbed in sweet remembrance of You alone.

[331]

(Raga Desakara - Tala Kaharava)

Madhava's friend Uddhava was wise, a natural treasury of knowledge and realization, steadfast in pure conduct, disciplined, eloquent and renowned for learning. Hearing Hari speak about Vraja, an impulse arose within his mind. He said, "I shall go there, instruct them and remove their sorrow." Through subtle indications Hari revealed the greatness of the gopis to Uddhava, but because some pride in knowledge remained, Uddhava could not understand the supreme truth. He reached Vraja and met Father Nanda and Mother Yasoda; beholding their pure affection, then seeing the condition of the children, Uddhava became astonished, exhausted and oblivious to his body. His pride in knowledge melted away as he approached the women of Vraja. Seeing their pure lives filled with Syama's rasa, he despaired inwardly: "What could I teach these embodiments of the most divine love? They lack nothing and desire nothing whose fulfillment they might seek.

Continuation of [331]

"They are true embodiments of renunciation, joined with Krishna in life and mind. To display learning before them would surely be ignorance and wholly improper." Even so, learned Uddhava's life, heart, mind and both ears grew eager to drink the divine nectar of rasa issuing from the gopis' mouths. He sat beside them with great humility and began many kinds of conversation. Gazing again and again at the expressions upon their faces, he lost all awareness of himself.

[332]

(Raga Kedara - Tina Tala)

Uddhava, Syama is a consummate rogue. His body is dark, His mind is darker still, and all His deeds are dark. Sounding sweet melodies upon His flute and speaking words of honey, Hari smiled and stole our everything, ambushing us from within. Again and again He swore, "I am yours, and all of you are Mine." That deceiver then abandoned us as worthless and never looked back at us weeping. His mouth is sweet but His mind is filled with poison; He is utterly hard and merciless. He has sent you, you thorn apple, to rub salt into our burning wounds. Do not recite His virtues and do not instruct us. We know every virtue of that treasury of virtues: a hard heart beneath a gentle disguise. Fate has turned against us, yet His memory cannot be driven from our hearts. Our whole lives pass in ceaseless weeping and anguish for the sight of Him.

[333]

(Raga Malara - Tina Tala)

Uddhava, what yoga could you teach us? Our eternal yoga is with the Beloved, from whom we are not separated even for a blink. He alone is our understanding, mind and senses; He alone is our life and breath. He alone is every one of our limbs, which serve Him without interruption.

Book note: This pad and pad 349 are portions of the same lila.

Continuation of [333]

Filled with supreme love, He remains forever within our hearts. That enchanter cannot abandon us even for the smallest fragment of a moment. He is within us and we are within Him day and night; He and we are forever one. Like the sun and the sun's rays, we can never remain separate. Our play is eternal, the lila forever new, and each union brings fresh happiness. Teach your discipline of yoga to those who are separated from Syama.

[334]

(Raga Hamira - Tina Tala)

Uddhava, enchanting Syama is ours. Day and night He clings to every limb and never becomes separate. His going to Mathura and meeting Kubja are outward games. The union of His heart with ours can never be severed. Without Him we have no existence; where could He go after leaving us? If He did not remain within us, how could anyone find us alive? Uddhava, you do not possess the eyes Syama has given us. Therefore you wander in confusion, taking refuge in knowledge and yoga. Whatever separation or distance sometimes appears between Him and us arises only to increase rasa and is itself a treasury of lila-rasa.

[335]

(Raga Khamaja - Tina Tala)

Uddhava, why should we be women separated from Syama? We are eternally Syama's wedded beloveds and eternally united with Him. Syama forever pervades us outside and within. Only Syama fills our bodies, minds and lives. Mohana forever delights within us, and we forever sport within Him, yet He is no enjoyer and we are not the enjoyed: the One becomes two and plays.

Continuation of [335]

His journey to Mathura, the killing of Kamsa and His affection for Kubja have no meaning to our minds and create no doubt within us. Syama is eternally ours and will eternally remain ours. He will not part from us even for a blink, nor shall we speak of separation. Wherever and however that lila-filled enchanter of minds performs His pastimes, our supreme delight forever increases when we behold His lovely smiling face. May He give happiness to all and receive from every beloved the happiness they offer. Our hearts deeply cherish that His every wish should forever be fulfilled. Since He never becomes separate from us, why should we feel jealous? Let everyone else freely regard our own treasure as their treasure too.

[336]

(Raga Madhuvati - Tala Dhamara)

Uddhava, go and tell the Beloved this. Although it concerns the outward world, please listen with your whole heart. He sent Uddhava to inquire about us and conveyed news of His own welfare. This brought such happiness to our hearts that their joy could not be contained. You killed Kamsa and gave happiness to Vasudeva and Devaki, and You restored the kingdom to Ugrasena; all this was exceedingly good. Leaving Vrindavana, You settled in Mathura and became its sovereign. Seeing You happy there, we too became supremely happy. Although separation from You is unbearable and makes fire blaze within the heart, beholding Your happy face makes even that separation lovely and filled with the joy of rasa. Treasure of our lives, if Your affection for Kubja gave You even a moment's happiness, an ocean of joy surged within our hearts and delighted our minds. Blessed Kubja is forever worthy of reverence, for she became an instrument of the Beloved's happiness. We are the servants of her feet and gladly worship her. Lord of our lives, remain happy: this alone is our eternal desire. We shall forever praise all who become causes of Your happiness.

[337]

(Raga Bhairavi - Tina Tala)

Uddhava, you are a great renunciant. We are utterly rustic cowherd women, passionately attached to Syama's form. The instant we first saw His beauty, it entered our hearts. Now it cannot emerge by any means, for it is entangled in every hair of our bodies. Throughout all eight watches, the absorbed mind beholds Syama's form within itself. The eyes see no other object in the world, and the intellect considers nothing else. Uddhava, may your knowledge forever bring happiness to you. We are eternally dyed in Syama's color and cannot wash it away.

[338]

(Raga Jaimini Kalyana - Tala Ghumali)

Syama, Your form has entered my heart. It pervades every limb, colors every vein and is entangled in every hair. Wherever I look, I see only You. How could my vision have gone mad? My ears forever hear the flute's melody, and my body remains clasped to Yours. My nose delights only in the sweet, pure fragrance of Syama's limbs. My tongue is charming, nectar-filled and full of rasa from Hari's remnants. Uddhava repeats Your message and tries to make us wise. Tell us where we could place this knowledge. Why has he chosen to mock us? Syama never leaves our hearts but remains seated there in hiding. Uddhava, Syama will not release us and forever acts according to His own sweet will.

[339]

(Raga Tilanga)

Uddhava, that form enchants the mind. We have forever gazed upon it with eyes filled to the brim, beautiful, unequaled and incomparable. Siva, Brahma, Sanaka and the other sages, Narada, knowers of Brahman and the whole world know it. Brhaspati, teacher of the gods, and Indra forever yearn to behold it.

Continuation of [339]

The intelligence of the Vedas grows blunted while describing Him and sings, "Not this, not this." Sarasvati and thousand-mouthed Sesa sing day and night yet cannot reach His limit. Yogis and sages absorbed in meditation forever practice recitation, austerity and vows for His sake, yet their eyes cannot behold that threefold-bending Syama who bears the flute. That very Lord came daily into our courtyards for yogurt and butter. Giving Him a little yogurt and fresh butter at a time, we made Him dance again and again. Uddhava, that same embodiment of sweetness has entered our inner vision. Run and drown your knowledge and renunciation in the Yamuna.

[340]

(Raga Saranga - Tina Tala)

[Rajasthani dialect]

Uddhava, resident of Mathura, reunite me with Syama, from whom I am separated, and cut the hard noose of separation. Without Syama no peace comes. Ever since I was parted from Syama, my heart grows ever more distraught. A crushing restlessness has spread over me. Today, in separation from my Syama, tears keep streaming from my eyes. Without Syama, Vraja appears empty. The bowers are empty, the bank of the Yamuna is empty, everything appears empty. The pastures and forest are desolate without Syama. Each moment passes like an age, and separation grows twice as strong. Uddhava, hear my plea. I shall never forget your kindness if you reunite me with forest-garlanded Mohana.

[341]

(Raga Vihaga - Tina Tala)

Uddhava, your eyes are incomplete. They cannot reach within my heart, where beautiful Syama eternally dwells. He never leaves the heart's temple for even an instant, regarding it as His own supreme abode. Filled with the crown of love, He performs wondrous pastimes there in countless ways.

Continuation of [341]

No one can enter there, not Brahma, Siva or the foremost gods. Neither happiness nor sorrow, enjoyment nor liberation, knowledge nor ignorance exists in that place. It is the eternal abode of play belonging solely and exclusively to beautiful Syama, a divine realm where I dwell forever in delightful companionship with Him. Uddhava, although you are His friend and remain continually beside Him, you have not reached that innermost chamber where Hari sports in countless colors. If you could somehow behold within my heart Hari's pleasure-palace, you would become intoxicated with rasa and forget all yoga and knowledge.

[342]

(Raga Desa - Tina Tala)

Uddhava, there is not the slightest love within me. That is why my cruel life-breath does not leave this body. As He traveled toward Mathura in the chariot with the son of Svaphalka, He repeatedly looked back from afar at my body, emptied of all joy. Yet I turned back alive after abandoning Him, still clinging to body and breath. Though my home was empty of the Beloved, my thunderbolt-like heart did not split. My mind clings to life, and my body holds immense possessiveness and delusion. This unfortunate breath remains, enduring the terrible anguish of separation. Uddhava, judge for yourself: where is there any love for Syama within me? This weeping is filled with pretense; it knows nothing of love's true law.

[343]

(Raga Bhairava - Tala Kaharava)

Uddhava, whose message are you reciting to me, and what kind of message is this? Why do you confuse me by speaking falsely? When did the Beloved ever go abroad? He can never remain even for a moment without seeing me. Within an instant He grows restless, so how could He leave and go away?

Continuation of [343]

I too live through Him alone; He is the life of my very life. If He had left me, how could this breath remain within my body? Look, there He is! See how gently the young son of Nanda smiles. Standing beneath the kadamba tree, He gazes unblinkingly toward me. See how intoxicated He becomes, taking my face to be a lotus. The bee-like eyes of the Beloved of my life sweetly drink its rasa. Moving His brows and casting playful glances, He signals to me. The abode of my life calls me with intense eagerness into a secluded bower. Why do you stare toward the kadamba tree in such astonishment? Can you not see Him, or are you beholding Him overwhelmed by love? Ah, what is this? How and where did He suddenly disappear? Alas, why can I no longer see the mind-enchanter, the treasury of delight? Has the playful Lord begun another game of hide-and-seek today? Did He become shy because I showed Him to you? No, no! Then did He truly leave me and go away, turning His face from me after making me infinitely unfortunate? You speak the truth, Uddhava. The message you tell is true. He has gone, alas, He has gone, leaving only weeping behind. He who gazed upon me every moment with unblinking eyes, who gladly endured every duality simply for the joy of seeing me, for whom my sorrow is the deepest sorrow and my happiness the highest joy, how could He give me pain and thereby lose the happiness of His own life? Syama has gone to Mathura solely to bestow supreme happiness upon me. Now I understand and am happy, beholding the Beloved's joy-giving purpose. Every incident that passed between us has returned to memory. I know the reason now, and therefore my body blooms with joy and horripilation.

Continuation of [343]

I lacked every virtue and all beauty of form; I was a mine of faults. Overcome by delusion, Mohana imagined beauty within me. He remained wholly offered to me and gladly gave me His everything. He never tired of saying, "Sovereign of My life! Sovereign of My heart! Wise one!" Again and again I explained, "Beloved, abandon this exertion." He would not listen but clasped me to His breast, and I found Him as the garland around my neck. Devoid of virtue and beauty, poor in the treasure of love and bereft of skill in the arts, I am foolish, outspoken, falsely filled with pride and vanity, dull-minded and impure. Many companions are far more beautiful than I, treasuries of virtue, character and lovely form, worthy women who could bestow immeasurable happiness upon the Beloved. Yet even by mistake the Beloved never looks toward them. Why does my uniquely beloved Lord give me the greatest love of all? Seeing the Beloved's delusion increase caused me intense anguish. I used to propitiate the gods: "Lord, quickly remove His delusion." How greatly fortunate I am that the gods heard my anguished prayer. Mohana's delusion has ended, and now He receives limitless joy. Having found some beautiful and clever woman of the city, the delight of my life must be relishing incomparable happiness; the desire of my heart is fulfilled. Today I have become supremely happy, and today my fortune has opened. Hearing Syama's happiness-giving message has adorned my life with joy and auspiciousness. No, no! The Beloved could never act in such a way. The bond between Him and me is indelible, wondrous, dear, exclusive and supreme. He cannot remain after leaving me, nor can I remain after leaving Him. "He is I" and "I am He": we are one reality and one form in every way. Oh, Uddhava, look! The wise Lord has appeared again. His beautiful gaze is filled with love, and a gentle smile rests upon His lips.

Continuation of [343]

Gracefully curved in three places, with curling locks, a peacock-feather crown upon His head and lovely earrings at His ears, the flute-bearer holds His flute to His lips and sounds a nectar-sweet melody. Many wondrous waves rise within Radha, the ocean of love's nectar. Beholding Her, Uddhava becomes utterly spellbound, and all his limbs are overcome beyond his control. A sacred, new-born river of love suddenly rises and expands without shore or limit. Uddhava falls upon the earth, his pure body covered with dust, overwhelmed by bliss.

[344]

(Raga Imana - Tina Tala)

Uddhava, that alone is exclusive love! That life alone is fulfilled in which no awareness of anything else ever arises. The enchanter of minds is the Lord of our lives, and His love is fixed upon us. What could you know of this mystery and its utterly bewildering way? This frail body, distressed by separation, appears to have lost all beauty, yet an ocean of nectarean bliss surges within the heart and youthfulness forever blossoms. How can the trifling, insignificant droplet of your yoga and knowledge compare with this blessed and supremely sweet ocean of the nectarean rasa of matchless beauty?

[345]

(Raga Sivaranjani - Tala Kaharava)

Uddhava, who is as unfortunate, sorrow-destined and sinful as Radha, whom Madhava abandoned to go to Mathura, falling sweetly silent? There is no other young woman separated from her Beloved as I am, for whom every time and every place appears utterly empty in separation from Him. The heart's terrible burning grows more terrible at every moment. Her throat and palate are wholly dry, and no sigh can escape her mouth. How fierce is the torment within the flames of separation from the Beloved! No one could ever measure it even in imagination.

Continuation of [345]

The unbearable pain within my mind remains unexpressed there. Language cannot reach it, and words cannot reveal it. How and to whom can I speak of this condition of my mind, Uddhava? What instruction could cool my burning limbs? Do not become sorrowful on seeing me. Go, Uddhava, to Hari's side, lest these breaths, scorched by terrible anguish, burn you too.

[346]

(Raga Asavari - Tina Tala)

Uddhava, I possess not the slightest true affection for the Beloved. That is why this cruel life-breath does not leave the body. When He mounted the chariot and traveled toward Mathura with Akrura, He repeatedly looked toward me from afar, emptied of all joy. Yet I returned alive to a home empty of the Beloved, still carrying body and breath. My base, thunderbolt-like heart did not split at that very moment. The mind is full of greed for life, and the body of immense possessiveness and delusion. Therefore this unfortunate breath endures the terrible anguish of separation. All my piteous lamentation and weeping are filled with pretense. In His innocence, Madhava cannot understand the sin within my mind. Even in separation from the Beloved, I continue attending to my own preservation and welfare. Uddhava, judge for yourself: where is there any love for Syamasundara within me? It is true that the heart is pierced, yet it does not break in two, which would free me from separation and silence the mind in death. I swoon in the distress of separation, yet consciousness does not depart. Within, the terrible fire continues to burn and grow in my heart. Fortunate Uddhava, you have come from beside my Beloved. Tell me of His welfare and any message He has lovingly sent.

[347]

(Raga Jaunapuri - Tina Tala)

Radha, what message can I tell You, and what thoughts of My heart can I ask him to convey? Nothing is hidden from You when I remain merged and mingled with You day and night. Beloved, our eternal and causeless love is supremely sacred. It continually increases, natural, sweetest and enchanting to the mind. Even hundreds of offenses of every kind cannot diminish it. Entreaty, supplication and false sensory pleasure cannot increase it by any contrivance. It is causeless, unconditional, stainless, silent and eternally without boundary, immeasurable, faultless, ineffable, infinite, desireless and never impoverished. This deeply sacred and weighty divine love has a rare taste that puts nectar to shame. How could I bring it into speech and thereby make it impure, slight and tasteless? Though dwelling in Mathura, Beloved, I remain forever beside You. Bound by this very love, I can never find repose anywhere else. Yet within this love I forever perceive My own profound insufficiency. Radha, I shall never be able to discharge this limitless and ever-growing debt.

[348]

(Raga Vihaga - Tina Tala)

Uddhava, you have truthfully delivered the Beloved's message to me. The Beloved remains mingled and merged within me at every time and in every land. Yet I am empty of love and rasa, lacking the divine, rasa-filled vision. Though He remains forever, impure and wretched as I am, I cannot see Him. At times I become distraught by separation and cry out piteously: "O life of my life! O Beloved, tender-hearted Lord whose heart melts for the lowly! Dark Syama dances upon the Yamuna's bank in the beautiful attire of the supreme dancer. Will You not show this sorrowing woman that glorious moon of Your face?"

Continuation of [348]

Syama, the essence of rasa, suddenly appears sweeter than the nectar of millions upon millions of moons and begins ceaselessly pouring limitless streams of supreme and cooling nectar. Our sweet union occurs simultaneously outside and within, without fatigue, and every flame of separation's torment is instantly stilled. Infinite towering waves rise upon the ocean of love's nectarean rasa. Every limb blossoms upon receiving the Beloved's embrace. The ocean of love begins to dance, and the boundless wealth of rasa increases. Then everything is forgotten: who and where I am, the body and the world. At that very moment the mind-enchanter suddenly disappears once more. The same flame of separation rises again, and the mind becomes deeply dejected. Then the thought arises: why do I burn while remembering Him? I am not worthy of Him in the least, forever full of faults and sorrow. Where am I, devoid of beauty, character and virtue, and where is He, their perfect treasury? Where is He, the wise master of the ocean of love, and where am I, ignorant and empty of love? Uddhava, I remain forever immersed in this ocean of sorrow and happiness. My one consolation is that the current of my mind remains ceaselessly joined to Him. As soon as Uddhava heard this, overwhelming love surged within him. Enraptured, he fell at Sri Radha's feet and immediately lost consciousness.

[349]

(Raga Desakara - Tala Kaharava)

Then, honoring and reverently greeting Radhika, he began to speak: "Hari sent me to deliver this great message to You. He went with Uncle Akrura to Mathura for Kamsa's sacrificial festival. After killing the royal washerman, He put on new garments and raised the banner of His fame. He broke the bow and killed Mustika and the mighty wrestler Canura. After destroying the elephant Kuvalayapida, He killed His formidable warrior-uncle Kamsa.

Continuation of [349]

His parents, Devaki and Vasudeva, were then freed from prison. With reverence and faith, Hari bowed at their sacred feet. Krishna then consecrated Ugrasena upon the throne. He protected the brahmanas and saints and upheld the sacred foundation of dharma. Unborn and imperishable, Lord of every realm, the supreme Brahman and support of all, He assumed human form to destroy evildoers and protect the holy. He establishes dharma yet remains eternally absorbed in His own glory. The solid essence of consciousness and bliss dwelling in every heart, He is impartial and free from maya and possessiveness. He has sent this instruction: 'Abandon delusion and meditate continually within the mind upon the all-pervading form of Brahman, without qualities or limiting conditions, eternal and free from pride.'"

(Soratha)

Hearing Uddhava's words, Radhika was struck with astonishment. Her body blossoming with joy, She spoke these sweet and simple words.

(Raga Desakara - Tala Kaharava)

"Uddhavaji, we could not understand whose story you are telling. Who is this all-pervading, qualityless and unconditioned Brahman who killed Kuvalayapida? Whom did Sri Akrura come and take with him to Mathura? Who killed the washerman, put on his clothes and broke the bow? There must be some hero who killed Mustika and Canura and, after slaying King Kamsa, removed the sorrow of Vasudeva and Devaki. You do not know Him, Uddhavaji. Our Beloved Syama is the eternal thief of hearts. Through all eight watches He remains within and outside us, pure and present everywhere. His graceful body bends in three places; He is a treasury of loveliness, virtue and stainless beauty, forever new in sweetness, bearer of the flute and peacock crown, a mine of splendor. Adorned with a gunja garland and a staff in His hand, a nectar-filled smile rests upon His lips. Wandering from forest to forest, He bestows the sacred gift of rasa upon every living being.

Continuation of [349]

The beloved butter thief forever comes into our homes and eats butter there. Watching His pastimes again and again, we remain eternally overwhelmed by bliss. He plays upon the bank of the Kalindi and creates sweet and enchanting rasa dances. Performing pastimes in secluded bowers, He greatly increases our sweet delight. We do not know what He may be: supreme Brahman, unborn Lord of all. We forever see and attain Him simply as our Beloved and sovereign of our hearts. Who is this illustrious and mighty son of Vasudeva and Devaki? Our dark Syama is the sweet child of Nanda and Yasoda. He cannot abandon us, nor can we leave Him for a single moment. The Beloved remains forever united with us, while we forget all else, including renunciation and discrimination. We seek neither enjoyment nor liberation and practice no concentration or meditation, for we possess uninterrupted and eternally sweetest companionship with the Beloved. Our own beloved Syama resides eternally right here. Whose message should we hear, and for whom should we then be sad? Upon whom should we meditate, and why? Why should we know the form of any Brahman when incomparable Syama, dearer than life, forever fills the mind and meets the body?" Hearing Radha's rasa-filled words and receiving the sacred breeze of Her love, Uddhava's pride in knowledge flew away, and he suddenly became restless with love. "What matchless and supreme renunciation! What utterly divine attachment! How natural is their attainment of the Beloved, without the slightest stain anywhere. Blessed, blessed are these gopis; their excellent lives alone are fulfilled. Overcome by their love, the indwelling Lord of all has Himself become their dearest Beloved. The revealed scriptures search eternally for Him yet cannot discover Him anywhere. These women have directly attained and worshiped the stainless and rarely gained station of Mukunda. Effortlessly abandoning the nearly impossible bonds of family and the path of respectable society, they have therefore gained an auspicious dwelling within Madhava's pure heart."

Continuation of [349]

For me this alone is the highest attainment and the supreme good: may the dust of their feet forever fall upon my head. May I become some ordinary vine, shrub or healing herb in Vrindavana and continually receive the dust of their feet, eternally revered even by the gods." Holding this divine aspiration within his mind, Uddhava bowed at Radha's feet. He departed after reverencing the gopis, his body joyful and thrilled with horripilation.

[350]

(Raga Lalita - Tina Tala)

Madhava, how can I describe today the condition of that embodiment of love? The whole host of painful afflictions born of terrible separation has gathered around Her. She weeps and cries piteously, then bursts into loud lamentation. Overwhelmed, She wails, "You have gone away, O support of my life! Today this wise servant of Yours lies sick and near death. Save her now by bestowing the supreme medicine, the nectar of Your lips." At times She gazes unblinkingly toward the sky like a madwoman. She suddenly cries, "O Beloved! Alas, alas, dear young son of Nanda!" At times She sits absorbed in meditation, and both eyes close. She enters matchless and sacred samadhi, and every limb becomes motionless. The woman of separation becomes a yogini, embracing silence and abandoning all dealings. Indifferent and changeless, She sits ceaselessly within solitary emptiness. She utterly cuts away remembrance of food, drink, body and clothing. Forgetting every distinction, She remains forever immersed in one exclusive current of mind. At times She casts composure aside and runs with arms outstretched in desperate anguish, seeking an embrace; failing to find You, She screams and begins to weep. Placing both hands upon Her brow, tormented by the fire of separation, She repeatedly swoons while long, burning breaths continue to escape.

Continuation of [350]

Her nights pass without sleep, Her beautiful body emaciated, gray and covered with dust. Her heart burns terribly, as though grievously afflicted by the bite of a deadly serpent. Her breath is summer, Her eyes the rainy season, Her face autumn and Her rising horripilation the cool season. Her intellect is winter and Her sandalwood-anointed body spring: all six seasons manifest in Radha's sacred form. The cool bed of soft lotuses grows hot at the touch of Radha's fevered body. A green vine burns when touched by the unconquerable fire-wind of Her breath. In the same way, all the gopis of Vraja suffer the fever of separation. How hard and merciless You are, falsely bearing the sweetest name! Having surrendered everything to You, they are now submerged in an ocean of pain, yet You feel no anguish at their suffering and enjoy sovereignty in Mathura. Go quickly, meet them and give them courage; immediately bestow the sacred gift of life. Do not delay even for a blink. Honor their self-renouncing love." As soon as Hari heard Uddhava's piteous words, He became deeply afflicted and forlorn. His auspicious form suddenly trembled, and the moon of His face, which shames the moon, grew pale. His throat closed and He could not speak; His eyes began streaming tears. The terrible forest fire of separation intensified, and His divine body began to blaze. After remaining silent for a long time, He steadied Himself and spoke in a broken voice: "Uddhava, who in this world could listen to My unbearable anguish? I cannot tell you how fierce the terrible burning within My heart is, how deeply the pain pierces My core, or how powerful is My longing for union. Radhika's sweet words are lovely, pure, tender and delicious as nectar. Her eternal beauty is incomparable and flawless, Her sweet charm unfathomable. Her simple heart, service, forbearance, renunciation, surrender and matchless humility, and Radha's form endowed with countless virtues, I can never forget. That sweet, enchanting, glorious, rasa-filled and supremely pure rasa play, Her many sacred amusements and the sweet, nectar-rasa-filled smile upon Her lotus face,

Continuation of [350]

and the sacred, supremely sweet play of bliss within secluded bowers, I cannot forget for a moment. Their sweet memory returns again and again within My mind. Renouncing everything, they hold only the desire for My happiness within their minds. For this alone they remain alive in the world and continually dwell in Vrindavana. Food, drink, dress, ornaments, enjoyment, renunciation and every worldly dealing, all their conduct is performed for the single purpose of My happiness. Terrible separation from that Radha, surrounded by self-renouncing gopis, torments Me at every moment, and My mind forever longs for union. Yet Uddhava, this very separation in love carries an abundance of happiness. It wondrously and sacredly expands the nectar of rasa born of the bliss of union. Within the kingdom of love, the rasas of separation and union are both eternally independent. In diverse forms and feelings, they forever create wondrous conjunctions. At the same time, each remains eternally dependent upon the other. Inseparable, they enrich one another with ever-new and nectarean rasa. Yet in truth, Her union with Me remains eternal and unbroken. The One becomes two and performs the play of eternal separation and eternal union. Coming and going anywhere never has ultimate meaning. We remain forever united, wholly and eternally one in the supreme truth. If somehow you could behold the essential form of Us both, Uddhava, forever one body, one mind and one rasa, a matchless single reality, all your doubts would vanish and you would attain divine bliss. Even now, take shelter of Radha and freely attain it."

[351]

(Raga Khamaja - Tina Tala)

All the cowherd friends are absorbed in sweet remembrance of their dear companion Kanhaiya. They forever think only of Him, their minds utterly forlorn. One, immersed in astonished thought, rests a finger upon his chin. Another, submerged in an ocean of grief and bereft of judgment, stares with eyes wide open.

Continuation of [351]

One gives the others hope when he sees flocks of birds flying through the sky. Another says, "Alas, helpless without Krishna, how shall we live?" One stands leaning upon his staff, overwhelmed by boundless grief. Without Mohana, the thief of minds, all the friends' destitute faces are dark with sorrow today.

[352]

(Raga Bhupali - Tina Tala)

Syama, I now know You to be supremely hard-hearted. You never remember those who love You and act only according to Your own will. I went to Vraja and saw all Your deeds with my own eyes. What a rogue You are: You stole their hearts and abandoned them weeping and lamenting. I saw endless tears forever streaming from the eyes of the women of Vraja. Not even for an instant can I forget the exceedingly frail body of Your cherished Radhika. If there is the slightest love in Your heart or even a trace of compassion within Your breast, then abandon this Mathura attire, go to Vraja and meet them again.

[353]

(Raga Vihaga - Tina Tala)

Who else could be as cruel as You? You left an embodiment of love like Radhika weeping at home. Crooked and hard as diamond, Your heart was not pierced at that moment. You abandoned the boat in midstream and did not carry it to the shore. I saw Her once-golden body now tarnished, pale, emaciated and frail. Day and night She writhes in helpless misery like a fish without water. She has abandoned ornaments, every lovely garment, unguents and adornment. Her braid hangs loose, its flowers scattered, and Her hair is rough and disheveled.

Continuation of [353]

She has no awareness of night or day and no knowledge of water or land. She cannot distinguish self from other, human from nonhuman. "O Beloved! O darling of my heart! Alas, support of my life!" She cries piteously while an unbroken stream of tears flows. The flame of separation burns Her mind, and terrible pain consumes Her body. The flower bed burns at Her touch beneath the fire-wind of Her breath. Her heart has become empty of rasa, and the stream of burning tears has dried. Again and again Her life-breath stops, then revives after a moment. You are called "the cause of all happiness" and named "the life of the world," yet You take away the lives of helpless women. What kind of work is this? Run swiftly to Her, Madhava, and bestow the gift of life. Meet Her at once and remove the immense, unbroken pain of separation. There has never been, is not and never will be another like Radhika. That embodiment of love worships You after casting away both worldly and Vedic convention.

[354]

(Tune: Lavani - Tala Kaharava)

Beloved, I left You and came to Mathura. A dense and terrible cloud of sorrow descended upon You. At every moment You weep inwardly without cease. Your eating is unreal, and the sleep You take is no true sleep. Your heart finds no peace even for the blink of an eye. You forever waste away and lament within. The terrible fire burning inside You cannot be averted from anyone without first burning them. If anyone's current of thought touches it even by mistake, that person too is consumed by its dreadful heat.

Continuation of [354]

You speak to no one of the pain within. Outwardly seeming to smile, You endure terrible sorrow. Beloved, I have come to know this suffering of Yours, and it has made the mighty flame within My heart blaze higher. The unbearable pain of separation was already present; now both our sufferings have united, layer upon layer. How can I describe My condition to You, Beloved? How could I show You the terrible torment I endure? The dreadful flame within My heart grows at every moment. It is as though I wear a garland of burning coals. How can I console You or make You understand when I find Myself forever aflame? Yet that day I witnessed something wondrous. You sat beside Me, radiant and full of joy. Smiling, You said, "Beloved, why do You become sad? You forever wake and sleep beside me. Day and night You are never separate from me. Through all eight watches You perform every act together with me. I forever hold You in My embrace. Treasure of my life, You are never apart from me even for a blink. Outwardly I weep, yet inwardly I forever laugh. My pure intoxication with rasa continually increases. Beloved, even if You do not enter my worldly sight, remain forever beside me and never go away for even a moment. Play eternally in this way and make me rejoice. Smile, treasure of my life, and forever make me smile."

Continuation of [354]

"May there never be even a blink of separation between You and me. May our hidden dwelling forever remain one." Hearing the Beloved's words, My heart laughed with joy. Every creature that had withered began to laugh again. Since then You have remained forever beside Me, performing only sweetness and speaking only sweet words. The poison has left our blissful lives. Now our bodies and minds will blossom forever. We are eternally one; separation is impossible. The ocean of love is not separate now, never was and never shall be. This lila merely displays apparent union and separation, causing waves of rasa to rise upon the ocean of love.

[355]

(Raga Darabari - Tina Tala)

From the moment She heard the beautiful, nectar-filled name "Syama," the supreme abode of happiness, Her mind, understanding and life became enchanted, and the Name began flowing without cease. The sweetness of the Name awakened within Her life an intense thirst for His vision. Her heart became restless with longing, and long, burning sighs began to flow. Seeing Radhika overwhelmed, Her pure and affectionate companion Visakha, skilled in painting, immediately drew and brought Her a portrait of Syama. Gazing upon that supremely sweet and enchanting image, lovely from head to foot, She felt as though She had met Her charming life-Beloved, the mind-enchanter who shatters Cupid's pride. Overcome with joy and filled with wonder, She began to ponder deeply: there is no such divine, rasa-filled form in the three times or the three worlds. Taking only one tiny particle from it, the entire realm of flowers expands its sweetness of form and bestows limitless happiness upon all.

Continuation of [355]

Taking a millionth portion of one fraction of His beauty, the pure blue sky fills the moon's face with a nectar-filled smile of beauty that enchants the world. With a single drop of His loveliness, beautiful Nature adorns herself and ceaselessly decorates countless universes in many wondrous ways. He is a fathomless ocean of beauty in which matchless and infinite waves forever rise. Countless Cupids eternally offer themselves to every particle of that form. How did Her companion portray Him so perfectly today upon this tiny canvas? How could she arrange such lovely adornment upon each and every limb? How did her heart not melt, and how did the bond of composure remain? How did the brush not slip from her hand upon coming into relation with Syama's form? How did that vast ocean of beauty enter this tiny brush? How could Her friend know Him, beyond mind and forever inaccessible to understanding? Sacred memory awakened, and the glorious form became visible within Her heart. The delightful wish for complete union with Him, long inscribed there, now became manifest. Yet the holy wish could not be fulfilled, and limitless torment increased at once. A terrible submarine fire blazed, and an uncontrollable pang arose within Her heart. Each moment became an age, and not a trace of composure or judgment remained. Her heart dried, Her tear-filled eyes dried, and only the hope of the Beloved's vision remained. Suddenly the Beloved appeared with an incomparable, nectar-sweet smile. Startled and overjoyed, She gazed at Him while a guileless ocean of happiness surged within.

[356]

(Raga Imana - Tina Tala)

Gazing upon the painted cloth, I forgot all awareness. How enchanting and lovely is this form, a mine of beauty! Friend, how could you paint this image, and how did you preserve your composure? How did the brush remain in your hand when this form arose within your heart?

Continuation of [356]

Friend, how can I describe the exquisite ache within my heart? One moment brings delight, the next the heart burns; this terrible fire blazes day and night. If merely seeing His portrait has brought me to this state and made me naturally renounce everything, when will fortune awaken so that these eyes may behold the One portrayed? I find no peace for even a moment, for my eyes have become the image in the painting. An intense craving for His vision and touch has arisen, and sacred desire has covered my mind.

[357]

(Raga Khamaja - Tina Tala)

Srimati paints the Beloved's form. Holding a delicate brush in Her tender hand, She fills it with many colors. In many ways She gradually creates a supremely sweet and enchanting form. Her mind is wholly absorbed, Her gaze motionless, and joy cannot be contained within Her heart. She paints a dark-blue body like a fresh rain cloud, surrounded by a brilliant radiance, a broad brow marked with musk tilaka and gracefully curving brows. She outlines with collyrium Mohana's liquid eyes, treasuries of splendor, supremely restless thieves of the mind's wealth that delight gods, seers and sages. A smile rests upon His face, His nose is lovely and earrings shimmer at His ears. His curling hair is dark as rain clouds, with locks scattered here and there. A jeweled crown adorned with peacock feathers beautifies His head. A forest garland adorns His conch-like neck, and a necklace of gems shines upon His breast. His yellow garment flashes like lightning, and little bells shine beautifully at His waist. Gazing again and again upon the form She has painted, the radiant Lady enchants Her own mind. Suddenly She draws back the brush, seized by deep apprehension. She does not paint the Beloved's two feet, having pondered a profound concern: if the treasure of Her life were to obtain feet and run away, what would become of Her? This thought fills Her heart. The mind-enchanter stands watching this supremely sacred way of love. He appears and laughs; seeing the Beloved of Her heart, Her body thrills with joy.

[358]

(Raga Vilasa - Tina Tala)

Her sole desire is Krishna's happiness; at every moment She is the very form of Krishna's happiness alone. Naturally free from lust and enjoyment, Radha's heart is untouched by the world's net. The dark night of great delusion is absent, and the limitless radiance of love's sun shines forth. Her pure life is filled with remembrance of Krishna, and all Her conduct is naturally offered to Him. Radhika becomes utterly absorbed in remembrance of supremely beloved Syama. She Herself becomes the very form of remembrance and loses all awareness of Herself. Syama, Syama's beloved and the remembrance of Syama: this triad disappears. Nothing remains to be relished, no relishing remains and no sense of a relisher remains. When memory and the one who remembers disappear, a new feeling arises within the mind. Supreme wonder comes when the heart is seen to be naturally free and entirely empty. Somehow, for one moment, a pair of emotion-filled eyes reveals itself. No one knows why, but something awakens, and all reason and discrimination begin to fail. Within the feeling carried by those eyes She sees a pure current of rasa flowing. She rushes toward it, and Her immeasurably empty heart is filled. Curiosity arises: whose eyes are these, filled with the nectar of rasa? Their arrangement of rasa makes Her utterly helpless and intoxicated with a wondrous sweetness. Those eyes come through Her own eyes and immediately dwell within the temple of Her heart. They reveal that their owner is Sri Nandalala. Then the mind's bond breaks, and She is irresistibly driven at once toward the tryst. She gives not the slightest thought to where She is going, who She is or why She goes. She flies like an arrow toward its target and finds the Beloved Himself. She reaches His feet and beholds those lotus feet, treasuries of rasa. Seeing His gentle smile, the gesture of His gaze and the graceful movement of His lovely brows that steals the heart's wealth, She loses outer consciousness and falls into the Beloved's lap, every limb relaxed.

Continuation of [358]

The Beloved places a hand beneath Her head and fans Her until She regains awareness. Startled, She rises and sits at a distance, gazing upon the abode of sweetness. Seeing Mohana's rasa-showering face, courage enters Her heart. She speaks pure, sweet and humble words, becoming humility itself embodied. When ego and possessiveness, hope and craving, enjoyment, desire and lust have vanished; when equality prevails everywhere and always, and every distinction born of duality is erased; when not even an imagined trace of desire for enjoyment or liberation remains; when supreme peace is experienced, only then does the heart become entirely empty. When a person's heart has become so completely empty that nothing remains, the sacred, rasa-filled seed of "love that is happy in the Beloved's happiness" falls within it. Receiving the honeyed, stainless rasa-water of that loving person's mind and the favorable wind of streams of words, the seed begins to transform. It sprouts, puts forth leaves, blossoms and bestows nectar-filled fruit. I receive supreme delight, and My guileless mind grows intensely eager. Therefore I forever desire that such a lover should remain eternally beside Me, never distant even for an instant or a sesame seed's breadth, for that ocean of rasa is the dwelling of delight. It is not merely longing for supreme delight that makes Me helpless. That very love becomes the sole support of My life. Yet the awakening of that rasa is exceedingly difficult and cannot easily occur in this world. Seers and sages, yogis and renunciants, Indra, Brahma and Siva have all failed to attain it. Radha, by Your very nature You are the spontaneous treasury of that rasa. The boundless ocean of divine love-rasa forever surges within You. You sustain My life and endow My mind, body and wealth with divine qualities. Giving Your everything, You forever increase My glory and loveliness. You are the hope of My life and My one generous support. You are the pulsation of My life-breath, the supreme movement of My heart and the ground of My life.

Continuation of [358]

If fire possessed no power to burn, or the sun no heat and light, they would no longer be called fire and sun; their existence itself would be destroyed. In the same way, O Radhika, My divine power, if I were deprived of You, nothing of My being would remain and I would cease to exist. I am the possessor of power only through You, for You are eternally My power. My attachment to You cannot be removed from My heart by any means. Make Me play whatever games You desire and make Me dance however You please. You alone are eternally My mistress in every way, and I am eternally and naturally Your servant.

[359]

(Raga Imana - Tala Rupaka)

Absorbed within a golden cage, a parrot begins to speak. The splendor of the sapphire Lord's beauty crushes the pride of millions of Cupids. Hearing the sweetest, mind-stealing lila, the heart becomes astonished and still. She begins gazing upon the supremely blissful form, Her eyes unblinking. Her lotus face, hands and feet become motionless; every limb is an abode of bliss. Its beak released and mouth beautifully silent, the parrot beholds the Beloved who bestows happiness.

[360]

(Raga Dhanasri - Tina Tala)

Radhika came to sport in the bower, to the place and at the appointed time fixed for the tryst. She hoped Mohana would meet Her there according to their signal, but He did not come and could not be found, though four watches passed. Fear of misfortune awoke, and no word arrived from any messenger. What had happened? Why had He not come? Crushing sorrow descended. It grew late, the burning wind began to blow and the fierce summer heat revealed itself. What if Syama came at such a time and suffered this terrible, fearsome burning?

Continuation of [360]

She sent a companion to look for Him and learn whether the Beloved was safe, with the message, "Do not come now, for the burning heat will scorch Your limbs." Deeply dejected, fearing disaster and overwhelmed with dread, She sat hopelessly within the bower while every limb burned.

[361]

(Raga Kedara - Tina Tala)

Receiving the signal for the bower tryst, Syama said, "Mother, tomorrow I shall go to a friend's home. Many provisions will be gathered there and a great crowd of friends. There will be games of many kinds, and all the boys will play. Keep Dau at home tomorrow morning, Mother. His presence makes them shy in play, and I shall eat there." He obtained His mother's consent and arose very early at dawn. After breakfast He set out toward the bower with one companion. On the road He saw two enormous, maddened bulls fighting. Clouds of dust covered the sky while old and young gathered around. They caught Mohana there upon the road, and He could say nothing. Forced to remain, His body withered under fear and worry. "My Beloved must be watching the road for Me in anguish. What device can I use to escape, and what plan can I form?" Just then the companion arrived and conveyed the Beloved's message. Hearing it, Syama became astonished and deeply pained, His eyes motionless. He said, "Good friend, go and tell My Beloved this: I was helplessly detained upon the road; do not hold this failure against Me. You forbade Me to come, but I cannot remain away. I am coming now and shall run straight to Your feet."

[362]

(Raga Gauda Saranga - Tina Tala)

The companion returned and told Her what had happened. Hearing of the Beloved's resolve, the Beloved Lady's heart burned intensely. She became happy to know He was safe and to hear that He was coming. Yet the fierce summer wind was blowing unbearably. Hearing He would come, anger toward Him arose together with compassion. She said, "Seat Him in the shade and fan Him with cool air. Give Him cool, fragrant water to drink and fulfill every wish of His heart. Then I shall sit offended with Him and will not speak a word. Why did He refuse My request and come while suffering the blazing sun?" Filled with sorrow, pride and loving displeasure, She scratched the earth. She sat with joy and grief filling Her heart, unable to think clearly.

[363]

(Raga Vilavala - Tina Tala)

Syama immediately reached the bower. He became fearful on seeing the Beloved's lotus face filled with sorrow and wounded pride. Her eyes were lowered and fixed upon the earth, grave and without tears. Her left cheek rested upon Her hand; restraining Her restless mind, She maintained composure. Seeing Her weakened body and inward pain, He understood everything at once: "My Beloved is hurt by My suffering and has therefore assumed loving displeasure." He approached in deep anguish, fixing His gaze upon Her feet. Like a great offender, He was overcome with confusion, reserve and natural shame. He tried to speak gentle words but could not, for love surged within Him. His throat choked, and both eyes began pouring an immeasurable rain of rasa.

Continuation of [363]

Seeing the Beloved's condition, Radha forgot all Her wounded pride. Abandoning Her own dignity, She became the garland around His neck and began consoling Him. She said, "When Your coming was delayed, fear of disaster arose within My mind. I lamented, wondering why You were so late. Seeing the terrible heat, I sent word out of this dreadful fear that My Beloved might come toward Me during such a dangerous time. Beloved, You did not heed My request, and anger arose within My mind. Seeing Your face so exhausted, My anger increased upon anger. Yet now, Beloved, seeing You so dejected because of that anger, intense burning arises within My heart and terrible fear awakens. You came out of love, tired, thirsty and scorched, yet far from welcoming You, I dishonored You beyond measure. I spoke no sweet word, asked nothing and did not fan You even slightly. Heartless, I sat in offended pride and increased the burden of Your sorrow. What can I do now, Beloved, so that I may behold Your lotus face supremely blossoming, fragrant, lovely and filled with happiness?" Smiling, He replied, "Beloved, Your happiness alone is the root of My happiness. Be happy. See, I am swinging upon the swing of joy."

[364]

(Raga Saranga - Tina Tala)

Syama's pure and lovely lotus face, His two restless and enormous eyes, His curving brows that draw the minds of sages, and the musk and saffron tilaka upon His fine brow; His dark rows of curling locks sway like lovely and wondrous rain clouds. The earrings at His ears scatter light, painting designs upon His graceful cheeks.

Book note: Pads 360 through 363 form a single lila episode.

Continuation of [364]

Upon His head shines a lovely, matchless jeweled crown adorned with a peacock plume. His lips are rosy, His rows of teeth revealed, and a gentle, nectar-sweet smile rests upon them. Pearls and gems adorn His broad chest, together with fragrant flower and tulasi garlands. The little bells at His waist sound sweetly, and the anklets upon His feet ring and chime. Bearing an incomparable, boundless and unearthly beauty, Syama walks along the path. Seated at a window, Radha gazes upon His glorious face with unblinking eyes. Her eyes remain unsatisfied while drinking His beauty, and the ocean of bliss cannot fit within Her heart. A ceaseless stream flows from Her eyes and floods Her pure lotus face. Seeing the blissful moon of Radhika's face, Mohana becomes joyful and immersed in rasa. Suddenly a new fear arises, and Syama's happiness is shattered: "Seeing Me, My beloved Radhika is so happy at this moment. How distraught will She become when I pass from Her sight and can no longer be seen? How will Radha endure that heart-rending thorn within Her breast?" Crying "Alas!" Mohana bursts into tears and suddenly forgets all happiness. Seeing sorrow fill the Beloved's face, Radha's composed body begins to tremble. A pang rises from Her heart as though it were pierced by a terrible, poison-tipped arrow. "Why did I, an offender, come before Syama today for the sake of my own pleasure? Why did lightning not strike this happiness, which has become the cause of Syama's sorrow? Had I not come before Him, I would not have become overwhelmed by joy, and the thief of hearts would not have suffered from fear of my future sorrow. The Beloved suffers from my sorrow and receives boundless happiness from my happiness, yet, unconscious in desire for my own pleasure, I forever make Him suffer. I shall never look upon Him again; if I do see Him, I shall remain vigilant. No wave of happiness will reach my face, and no sign of joy will appear."

[365]

(Raga Pilu - Tala Kaharava)

Blessed is the dust clinging to the feet of Radha, Krishna's Beloved. Because of Radha's profound love, it refuses to leave Her and move away.

[366]

(Couplet)

A thorn pierces the Beloved's foot, and a gasp escapes Her lips. Hearing it, He instantly runs to Her, losing all awareness while remaining supremely attentive to Her alone.

[367]

(Couplets)

Beneath the pleasant shade of a kadamba tree, Syama and Syama's Beloved shine together, performing many lovely, nectar-sweet and delightful amusements with one another. In the midst of play, Radha takes the flute and hides it. The Lord naturally understands the Beloved Lady's graceful game. He immediately conceals Himself. Radha becomes distraught, grave and tormented by separation. She stands at the shore of the ocean of rasa, Her mind filled with sorrow. How did the Beloved suddenly disappear? Limitless worry fills Her heart. Her brows curve beneath loving displeasure, and She becomes absorbed in wondrous thought.

[368]

(Raga Manda - Tala Kaharava)

Taking the flute, the Beloved has hidden Himself, leaving Her grave and afflicted by separation. Like an offended beloved, She sits distraught upon the shore of the ocean of rasa.

[369]

(Raga Khamaja - Tina Tala)

Afflicted by the pain of separation, Her face sorrowful, She sits in Her secluded bower. Absorbed in remembrance of the Beloved, detached from the world, She forgets every mass of sensory pleasure. Every limb burns in the fire of separation from Syama, and water arises from that fire. An endless stream of burning tears flows, scorching the whole ground. Terrible desolation rises within Her heart, and a piteous cry escapes Her lips: "O Lord of my life! O Beloved of my life! O life of my life! O support of my life!"

Continuation of [369]

Her speech suddenly stops, Her eyes dry and every limb motionless. Then the mind-enchanter appears, victorious over countless and infinite Cupids. Sweet, sweeter than sweetness, supremely sweet and sweeter still, sweetest of the sweet, His sweetness eternally increases everywhere without cease. Every limb is filled with sweetness, a boundless ocean of sweet nectar. He is the beauty of the entire universe and the original foundation of every sweet charm. His lovely body resembles a blue lotus, naturally fragrant with immeasurable sweetness. His two eyes, face, navel, two hands and two feet are treasuries of radiance and loveliness. These eight enchanting lotuses possess diverse colors and distinct fragrances. Together with the lotus of His blossoming body, the nine lotuses create incomparable splendor. Seeing His graceful beauty and slender form, bliss descends upon Her. Intoxicated and captivated, free from duality yet wholly unsatisfied, She gazes without blinking. An ocean of nectarean bliss surges within Her heart, and a cooling stream of rasa flows from Her eyes. Seeing Her matchless beauty, Madhava smiles gently and speaks nectar-filled words, the essence of happiness: "Beloved, this divine and incomparable unfolding of lila through Your body and mind awakens desire even within Me, whose nature is naturally free from desire. Though I am the embodiment of supreme bliss, beholding it gives Me extraordinary joy. Therefore I hide and forever watch You freely from concealment. Supremely perfected lords of yoga, sages who know Brahman and all the purest saints cannot touch even Your shadow or reach the limit of Your feeling. They forever yearn and cry, 'Blessed, blessed is the feeling of the gopis!' They eternally desire a particle of the dust of their feet and cherish an intense longing to serve. Therefore they take birth in Vraja as animals, birds and trees, becoming blessed by taking a particle of the gopis' foot-dust and bearing it upon their heads."

[370]

(Tune: Lavani - Tala Kaharava)

The sandal-scented breeze blows while vines, shrubs and trees, small and great, rejoice and thrill. The lovely forest shines, cuckoos and parrots call, and sweet mango trees open their buds. Ponds and rivers filled with stainless water spread coolness everywhere. Flowers and new leaves cover the bower cottages, while swarms of bees hum sweetly. Radha arrives in supreme joy, accompanied by Her intimate friends. Laughing, moving Her tender hands and speaking sweetly, She explains why She could not come to the bower cottage the previous day, how She had lost all awareness while Her physical body remained unconscious. She had been submerged in an ocean of happiness born of meditation upon the Beloved. Nothing else remained; She was joined only to Him. Irresistibly deprived of outer awareness, She could not remember their appointed signal and therefore could not look outward and see the Beloved, the abode of bliss. As the cherished Lady spoke thus to Her friends, one pure companion of Syama arrived and said, "Radha, listen thoughtfully to what I tell You. Yesterday Syama, the rasika Beloved and ocean of all nectarean rasa, came here with a beautiful, sweet hope within His mind of meeting You. Unable to find You, the very abode of happiness became deeply distressed and miserable. Forgetting food, water and sleep, He waited eagerly through all eight watches. At dawn His intimate companions found Him lying unconscious and dejected. Somehow they lifted Him and quickly carried Him to the pleasure bower. Sprinkling rosewater, they revived Him, but limitless sorrow filled His mind. Ever since then He has cried, 'O Radha! O Beloved of My life! O Beloved!'" Hearing this terrible and painful news from Syama's companion, nectar-faced Sri Radha lowered Her face and became overwhelmed by grief.

Continuation of [370]

Within moments, the grief in Radha's heart emerged and spread in every direction. Trees and vines withered; parrots, cuckoos, bees and peacocks became deeply sorrowful. All forest nature grew dull, and anguish covered every side. The waters of ponds and rivers suddenly began burning like a submarine fire. Distraught and half-mad, She rose without the slightest care for Her body. A burning stream flowed from Her eyes, and Her restless mind was utterly overwhelmed. That divine, supremely tender, lovely golden body began to tremble. She sobbed and cried piteously, overcome with impatience: "How base and sinful I am to have become absorbed in the happiness of meditation! I forgot the Beloved's happiness and became a fish in the water of desire for my own pleasure. I am the cause of the Beloved's suffering, worthless and steeped in vile selfishness. Again and again, shame upon such a fallen and contemptible life! Because of me, the Beloved of my life had to endure terrible anguish. He remained hungry, thirsty and sleepless. I have committed a dreadful sin. Filled with the sin of selfish desire, I have stained the very name of love. I destroy the Beloved's happiness, inflict sorrow and remain intoxicated with delusion and pride. How and by what act can I now atone for this terrible sin? I possess no renunciation, austerity or purity, not the slightest wealth of spiritual practice. Let me remain submerged in an ocean of sorrow forever and through endless time, if only the sinful seed, the sin of longing for my own pleasure, may thereby end. Lord, graciously grant me this boon today, O giver of blessings: may I never leave the Beloved and never forget to meditate upon Him. Wherever He calls, whenever and whatever He desires, let me go and perform that very act. Abandoning every wish of my own, let me cling to His two feet through all eight watches." Saying this, She suddenly lost awareness and fell upon the earth. At once the Beloved Himself, the Lord who is an ocean of loving rasa, appeared.

Continuation of [370]

He lifted Her, filled His arms with Her and drew Her into His lap, gently touching Her brow with His hand. Consciousness awoke; seeing the Beloved of Her life joyful before Her, joy surged within Her. She rose and sat beside Him, and both gazed at one another with unblinking eyes. Then both pairs of eyes began showering cooling rasa, the abode of happiness. Each began asking forgiveness of the other, for each was the other's worshipful Lord. Blessed is love, in which the goal becomes the perfect seeker and the seeker becomes the goal.

[371]

(Raga Madhuvanti - Tina Tala)

Tormented by separation, Her heart is deeply pained and sorrow covers every side. One supreme happiness remains: tender remembrance of the Beloved has become continuous. At that moment a companion brings the joyful news, "Syama has come." The moment She hears it, the heart's anguish vanishes and grief becomes supreme delight. Overwhelmed and longing for His vision, She rises and runs toward the Beloved. Immersed in love, She forgets who is running, where She goes and why. Intoxicated and staggering, She runs and immediately reaches the bower's door. There She sees the young son of Nanda, Her treasure of love, standing with a sweet smile. Each beholds the other's matchless moonlike face, essence of joy that puts countless moons to shame. Both become submerged in the treasury of loving happiness and rasa, while streams of love-rasa flow from their eyes. At once awareness of Her own unworthiness and lovelessness awakens. Before Her She sees the unequaled, sacred manifestation of love in the treasury of beauty and virtue. Reserve arises within Her mind, and Her love for the Beloved grows especially intense. Where is this incomparable refuge of every virtue, and where am I, destitute of even a trace of goodness? How immeasurably loving and naturally, infinitely generous is the Beloved, who humbled Himself and came to meet an impure woman like me! Just then the Beloved draws Her toward Him with affectionate hands. Though She protests intensely, He gathers Her and presses Her to His breast.

Continuation of [371]

When union comes, sacred refusal arises; when union is absent, longing for union arises. No one can fathom the supremely holy treasury of loving rasa. Each sees countless faults in the self and an immeasurable ocean of virtue in the other. Therefore pride and ego can never arise anywhere. The ocean of love forever fills yet never becomes completely full. Their natural contest to increase love reveals each one's own love as incomplete.

[372]

(Raga Bhairava - Tina Tala)

Friend, what a sweet dream it was! The moment I saw Him, the ocean of love surged and I forgot my own body and mind. At dawn I stood at the entrance of the bower, utterly distraught, tormented by separation and seeing life as worthless. Suddenly He came silently from behind and stood beside me. With His tender palms He covered both my eyes. At the touch of His hands, lightning coursed through me and love greatly increased. I recognized the Beloved's hands, and my life awoke again. Hari, the flawless Beloved and treasure of my life, came before me. Beholding the beloved sun, the lotus of my heart instantly blossomed. Eyes met eyes and heart met heart without obstruction. The fire of separation became still after drinking the nectarean rasa of love. Just then someone as hard as a thunderbolt came and awakened me. Friend, ever since the young Lord of my life departed, my heart has burned.

[373]

(Raga Jangala - Tala Kaharava)

I could not reach the trysting place at the appointed time. Many obstacles and impediments arose together with shame, fear and confusion.

Continuation of [373]

Clouds and lightning thundered and threatened; rain and tempest raged. The path was dark, and a fearsome night descended in the middle of day. Even so, the Beloved arrived without a moment's delay. Growing restless, He waited and called to me within His mind. I arrived exceedingly late. The Beloved began asking what had happened and Himself stroked my body with His tender lotus hands. He said, "Why did You come and torment Yourself in such terrible weather? You forever endure suffering simply to bring Me happiness." I replied, "Treasure of my life, You always speak this way. No one knows how many dangers You endure for my happiness. How greatly I trouble You and cause You limitless pain, yet You never become disturbed and forever offer new love. You count my faults as ornaments, my darkness as stainless radiance, my sins as virtue and my harshness as gentle play. Beloved, You forever gaze toward my face. The moment You see it slightly pale, You become overwhelmed by grief. You perform every act only to see me happy. Beloved, this one concern fills all eight watches of Your day." Like a young tamala tree and a golden vine, they remain forever entwined, abandoning self and other. Like a rain cloud and lightning, Mohana and His enchantress forever captivate one another.

[374]

(Raga Gunakali - Tala Rupaka)

I remained awake all night, oblivious to everything. Absorbed in remembrance of the Beloved, I was happy. Night after night passes while I remain awake in this way, yet the treasury of Syama's remembrance never becomes empty.

Continuation of [374]

This morning I naturally drifted into a brief sleep. It carried me to Mathura. Seeing His condition, I became distraught. At that very moment the peace of my mind was lost. Syama was wandering through a garden, ceaselessly sorrowful and distressed. His eyes were showering streams of tears and making His anguish still more tender. "O Beloved! O Radhika, sovereign of My heart! O fulfiller of every happiness, sovereign of My life! People say this place is richly furnished with happiness, but I see only the kingdom of sorrow spreading everywhere. Without You there is not a moment of happiness. My heart grows ever more distressed." Lamenting thus, He suddenly fell upon the earth. I ran to Him and took His head into my lap. Alas, at that very moment I awoke! A terrible fire took hold within my life. Ever since, I have pondered with concentrated mind: why should the Beloved suffer such anguish for me? I am insignificant and worthless, devoid of beauty and virtue, always wicked-minded, base in feeling and contemptible. I possess not a single quality that could please Him, but am utterly blameworthy and filled with faults. I never forget Him, and this alone is why I remain forever pining.

Continuation of [374]

Within His guileless mind I am forever a source of pain. This very remembrance strikes Him like a knife. If I could forget Him now, the Beloved would never again suffer sorrow. Remembrance of the Beloved is the support of my life. Forgetting Him would instantly take that life away. Yet if the treasure of my life could thereby become free from suffering, I would gladly give a hundred thousand such lives. Lord, remove Syama's memory from me now! Let me die happily, and let the almighty Beloved be happy!

[375]

(Raga Vilasakhani - Tala Kaharava)

Friend, nowhere in the world is there another sinner and abode of sorrow like me, because of whom the Beloved remains unhappy and finds no rest. I cannot forget the Beloved for even a blink through all eight watches. Therefore dark Syama forever remains afflicted by remembering me. He possesses every means of happiness, pure servants, excellent palaces and lovely pleasure gardens, and beautiful attendants who are treasuries of virtue, beauty and supreme sweetness. Yet despite possessing everything, memory of me continues to cover the abode of His heart. Therefore nothing pleases Him and He finds not the slightest rest. If I could forget, then He too could forget me, O abode of happiness. Finding everything favorable, the beloved delight of my life would then naturally become happy. Dear friend, perform at once some effective act that will wholly erase from my mind His life-restoring memory. Tell me what unceasing practice I should now undertake within the mind so that the treasure of my life may be happy and the lovely lotus of His face may blossom.

[376]

(Raga Adana - Tina Tala)

Lord, show me Your grace now! O Narayana of Mother Yasoda, let Your compassion flow upon me today. Immediately remove sweet Syama's remembrance from my mind so that He may forget me and find unalloyed happiness. If my life departs for the Beloved's happiness, my purpose will be fulfilled. I understand that no greater attainment than this could ever come to me.

[377]

(Raga Varadi - Tala Mula)

His enchanting dark-blue body is sweet and filled with matchless beauty, nectarean loveliness that bewilders millions upon millions of Cupids. Where is that divine treasury of beauty and virtues that steals the minds of sages, and where am I, ugly and bearing a thoroughly base body and mind? Although no terribly evil marks appear outwardly, a violent stream issuing from wounded ego rushes through my heart. Possessiveness fills the mind, and there is not the slightest equality. It is forever dyed in attachment and continually watered by attachment. Outwardly, an all-pervading coolness of happiness appears to cover me, while inwardly the tormenting fire of desire burns. The heart's natural anger spreads within and without, and greed fills the heart and drives it to painful actions. All my dreadful faults became manifest before me. I trembled in fear, and despair covered my face.

Book note: Pads 374 through 376 form a single lila episode.

Continuation of [377]

With what courage can I approach the Beloved? My body and mind are immeasurably impure; how can I show Him my face? With what face can I ask Him, "Beloved, give me Your lotus feet? Bestow their pure dust and make me wholly pure in being." Yet the mind will not submit and grows exceedingly restless: "Come, come into the Beloved's presence. Abandon exhaustion and fear." She begins to rise, then falls again after looking upon Herself: "Alas, filled with contemptible faults, how can I go? He is an ocean of beauty, character, loveliness and noble virtues, the Beloved, master of divine play, incomparable and matchless in every way. There is no one as base, low and contemptible as I. Yet this stubborn mind refuses to abandon its desire to meet Him. As a mass of darkness might desire to meet the sun, so my mind desires union with Syama." She cannot gather courage, and the situation becomes terrible. Suddenly an unbearable pain piercing the heart awakens. Outer consciousness leaves, and She falls, losing all awareness. Within, Syama appears, treasury of beauty and virtue, stealer of sages' minds.

Continuation of [377]

He begins caressing Her and offering limitless, natural endearments. He simply bathes Her without cease in streams of love. He says, "Whatever exists or occurs within or outside You is not hidden from Me by even the slightest fraction. Ego, possessiveness, passionate attachment, desire, anger and greed are all forever directed toward Me; there is nothing else in them, now or ever. Yet such is the nature of Your love that, refusing to regard its own virtues as virtues, it forever judges those virtues to be faults and accepts that judgment as truth. Beloved, Your natural humility is sacred and brings supreme happiness. Therefore I remain eternally intent upon creating Your happiness." Showering sacred rasa, He suddenly disappears. Her eyes open at once and consciousness quickly returns. She sees the Beloved standing before Her with a gentle smile. Receiving the pure, rasa-filled dust of His feet, She becomes wholly fulfilled.

[378]

(Tune: Lavani - Tala Kaharava)

Radha sat upon the Yamuna's bank, pondering inwardly: "How much limitless suffering the Beloved endures because of me! Abandoning every necessary duty, He comes to my side. He endures cold, burning sun and heavy rain without attachment to anything. Great logicians, doctrinal scholars, knowers of truth, perfected beings and those beyond bodily awareness criticize and refute Him, doubting His divinity. He is the great Lord of every realm, the sole support of all, beyond everything yet present as everything, the source from which all expands. What sacred enchantment with me does that transcendent Lord possess! He cannot endure complete separation from me even for a blink. Supremely filled with love, foremost relisher of loving rasa, overcome by love and foundation of love, He accepts everything solely to satisfy my mind. Where am I, insignificant and worthless, devoid of beauty and virtue, an abode of faults; and where is He, the incomparable treasury of every noble virtue, loveliness and beauty? The Beloved never directs His gaze toward my faults. It seems that within me He finds the whole treasury of virtues that bring Him happiness. Forgetting all His divinity, He accepts disgrace, hardship and scandal. If He sees my face even slightly pale, He immediately becomes distressed and gathers me into His lap.

Continuation of [378]

He feels not the slightest shame or hesitation. He never cares whether anyone speaks well or badly of Him. He alone is my everything, my world here and hereafter. He alone is my path, understanding, love, mind and life; He alone is my light. He knows completely this condition of mine, within and without. Therefore the Lord remains forever wholly offered to me. I cannot abandon this condition for even a moment by any means. Seeing Him endure others' criticism and such hardship makes my breast burn. Although seeing me happy gives Him immeasurable joy, I feel that the support of my life forever endures suffering. What can I do to end the Beloved's pain at once? How can the sufferings He bears because of me be brought to an end?" The flame of this terrible anxiety burns Her heart, and She loses consciousness. Her golden body falls upon the earth, Her face pale, though She is the abode of beauty. The Beloved is standing there and, seeing Her fall, immediately takes Her into His lap. With His own hand He caresses Her head and joyfully gazes upon the moon of Her face.

[379]

(Raga Bhairava - Tina Tala)

He has eternally desired me, yet I have always dishonored Him. He has forever shown me honor, while I have always displayed pride. Solely for my happiness He has forever given all His love, yet I continually neglect Him and always rebuff Him. Again and again He came to me to make me happy, but I offered neither sweet words nor hospitality and sent Him back dejected and sad. Yet He did not become even slightly angry and never showed any resentment toward me. His mind never perceived even the smallest natural fault within me. He never tired for even a moment of giving and eternally offered His everything. Yet what can I, a proud beloved, poor by nature and possessing nothing, give Him?

Continuation of [379]

Now unfortunate, fallen and lowly, I weep without cease day and night. Every one of His sweet words returns to my memory. This alone befits me, and this result alone is just: to weep, shed tears and remain restless in remembrance through all eight watches. Yet I shall not be able to die, for death will remain distant from me. The nectar of His remembrance will forever shower me abundantly and preserve my life. Speaking thus, She weeps and sobs in piteous lamentation. She faints and begins to fall, but the Beloved Himself catches Her in His arms. Manifesting before Her, He rests Her head within His sweet, enchanting and tender lap. He wipes Her face with His yellow cloth and joyfully begins to fan Her. Drops of the nectar of the Beloved's loving joy suddenly fall upon Her face. Awareness returns; finding Herself in the Beloved's lap, an ocean of bliss surges within Her heart. She sees the Beloved passing His lotus hands over all Her limbs. His tear-filled eyes gaze unblinkingly upon the Beloved Lady's stainless face. She rises and presses Herself to His heart; pure streams flow from both pairs of eyes. Speech stops, the mind becomes still and every natural activity is restrained.

[380]

(Raga Vihaga - Tina Tala)

The Beloved and His radiant Lady wander upon the Yamuna's bank in the nectar-filled night. Swarms of bees hum, cuckoos call and the sandal-scented breeze blows. Tender companions and maidservants sing while instruments sound in beautiful melody. The gopis, like cataka birds, gaze upon dark Syama in incomparable bliss. The clever cakori-like fair Lady gazes upon Her moon, delighting in His moonlight. Drops of perspiration adorn both oceans of lovely form, radiant in blue and gold. The limitless and fathomless treasury of rasa surges with many wondrous waves.

[381]

(Raga Todi - Tina Tala)

One day the Beloved Lady and Her Beloved met and went to bathe in Kusuma-sarovara. Their companions and maidservants followed attentively, carrying garments and ornaments. The two freely and joyfully entered the fragrant, stainless water at a secluded bathing place. The companions remained outside, conversing and delighting in the happiness of the Beloved Pair. The two began splashing and playing with one another in the water in many ways. Each bathed the other, and boundless festivity of color and rasa arose. They forgot Their respective forms, and each gained the opposite awareness of self. Overwhelmed by the way of rasa, the Beloved thought Himself the Beloved Lady and She thought Herself the Beloved. With deep affection, the Beloved Lady began adorning Her Beloved while regarding Him as Herself. She dressed Him in Her own blue garment and bodice and placed beautiful ornaments upon every limb. In the same way, the Beloved dressed Her in His yellow cloth, tying it in a man's style and arranging every ornament beautifully. Syama became Syama's fair Beloved in every way, and the enchanting Syama became Syama. When They emerged, all the companions laughed on seeing Their lovely and completely reversed attire. The Beloved Pair became alarmed, unable to understand the mystery of the laughter. They asked the companions, "Why do you laugh when you look at Our bodies?" Laughing, one friend replied, "Beloved and Beloved Lady, look at Your own clothes." The moment They looked, both became shy and laughed, and limitless laughter broke out everywhere.

[382]

(Second Lavani Tune - Tala Kaharava)

He stood leaning against a tree, His beauty incomparable. My vision was dazzled, and at first I could not behold that radiant form. When my eyes opened, I saw His fresh, rosy lotus feet, beautifully adorned with lovely anklets, accomplished in dance and expert in every art.

Continuation of [382]

His lotus face is dark blue; this ever-fresh gallant has black, curling hair. His yellow garment shines like lightning, His limbs are ornamented and His attire enchants. Pearl and gunja garlands beautify Him, while a forest garland swings upon His breast. His brows curve and His exceedingly long, rasa-filled eyes are supremely skilled at stealing the mind. Beholding His form, I forgot the moving and unmoving world; my eyes remained fixed and unblinking. My condition became unbearable; no memory remained of who or where I was, or in what land. The gallant Lord smiled and looked toward me through sweet, sidelong eyes. The stars of our eyes met, and a shoreless ocean of rasa surged within my heart. Friend, an arrow of beauty from the abode of love entered and pierced my heart as the very form of happiness. At once I became wounded and distraught, while an incomparable, blissful pain increased. Shame, fear, reserve, character, the dignity of womanly virtue and every pure feeling were instantly erased by His attraction; only the desire for His vision remained. My stainless, supremely tender eyes overflowed, and my great heart filled with rosy rasa. Waves of countless feelings rose; astonished, trembling and enchanted, I lost awareness of the body. A wave arose and my mind cried, "Run away now," yet my feet would not move. Sweet anklets rang, and the enchanting stranger immediately came near.

[383]

(Raga Bhupali - Tina Tala)

Friend, why do you lament for that deceiver, whose deeply mysterious deeds are free from maya and possessiveness? Desireless, fearless, self-dependent and immersed in feeling without limit, He is supremely independent, forever smiling with flute pressed to His lips. He cares nothing for anyone's living or dying and takes supreme delight in doing only as He pleases. Dark, with crooked brows, exceedingly deceitful, diamond-hearted and detached, He enchants, swiftly steals the mind's wealth and then inflicts terrible separation.

Continuation of [383]

Like a bee hovering from flower to flower in search of ever-new rasa, if you mistakenly trust Him, He will certainly preserve only the boundary laid down by scripture. Simple and rasa-filled as you are, you trusted that lover who is utterly free from attachment and passion. Now you have been deceived and weep in fear and distress. That loveless and uniquely hard-hearted Lord is unworthy of trust. Forget Him, abandon every hope. Why continue suffering this sorrow?

[384]

(Raga Khamaja - Tala Kaharava)

Friend, give me happiness by speaking sweetly of Mohana, the stealer of minds. Do not strike my heart by reviling the Beloved. The Lord of my life is a treasury of virtue and rasa, supremely generous, the sacred and boundless ocean of immeasurable nectar from the highest loving rasa. His extraordinary love for me is ancient yet eternally new, filled with rasa's mystery, inwardly hidden, matchless and without limit. Within the life of that dear Beloved, an immense current of rasa flows like a sweet, nectarean subterranean river. I remain eternally immersed within that supremely holy and inwardly sweet stream, and no mud from its banks can touch me. Because you lack inner vision, you could not see His feeling. You fell into doubt and mistook the absence of outward display for absence of the supremely pure rasa. You concluded that He causes me suffering and therefore began collecting and proclaiming every supposed flaw. Friend, how can I tell you? I alone am forever at fault. The Beloved has only this one fault: He is utterly faultless. For my sake He eternally endures suffering of many kinds, harsh abuse and slander, yet He Himself never becomes disturbed.

Continuation of [384]

He eternally gives me incomparable happiness while remaining outwardly silent. He forever displays what seems like indifference, but who can know His mind? I do not weep from the slightest sorrow and possess no fear or distress. The Beloved alone understands the special mystery of the water flowing from my eyes. It is true that love for me moves you to sing of the Beloved's supposed faults, yet those words enter and pierce my heart like deadly poisoned arrows. On one side is the unbearable reviling of the Beloved, and on the other your love. Friend, forgive me and do not mistake my words for rejection. The acts you describe as blameworthy and filled with faults are praiseworthy, stainless and glorious virtues desired by seers and sages.

[385]

(Raga Todi - Tina Tala)

The radiant Lady watches the path, Her mind afflicted. The Beloved has not yet come to the bower, while the nectar-filled night passes. Her life writhes in longing for union; the moon-faced Lady is an abode of beauty. Radha, sovereign of life and embodiment of love, is no ordinary woman of this world. "Alas, alas, why has the Beloved not come?" The sovereign of His heart laments and grieves. Deep sorrow covers Her heart, and Her mind moves continually through grief.

[386]

(Raga Saranga - Tina Tala)

A messenger arrived and said, "Today dark Syama has truly gone to Candravali's bower." Hearing this, Radhika blossomed with joy and naturally regained composure. An immeasurable wave of bliss arose within Her heart, and Her wish was fulfilled. Nowhere on earth is there another beautiful woman equal to Candravali.

Continuation of [386]

She is sweetly smiling, clever in play and overflowing with hosts of virtues. I am forever telling my Beloved, "Why do You not go there?" He never heeds my entreaty and instead reproaches me. Messenger, providence has at last become favorable, and my heart's desire is being fulfilled.

[387]

(Raga Jauda Saranga - Tina Tala)

The Beloved of my life was wholly overcome as He gazed. The Beloved Lady's supremely enchanting feelings are unlike the ways of this world. He Himself had sent the messenger and then stood hidden to one side. Seeing His Beloved distraught in separation from Him, His heart was overcome. As He beheld Her feelings with His own eyes, the Beloved shed tears. Every feeling within His Beloved's heart was most sweet, pure, dear and filled with joy. The wish to witness them awakened in His heart and could not be turned away. Now, seeing His Beloved's blissful face, fountains of love burst forth. When She saw Her Beloved standing before Her, Her eyes reddened with bashful love.

[388]

(Raga Pilu - Tina Tala)

How can I possibly endure until evening? Hari has gone to the forest to graze the cows, and my heart is deeply restless. A single moment appears to me as long as countless ages. Moment after moment my heart grows desperate and would fly to meet Him. Without Syama's vision, everything appears like a cremation ground.

[389]

(Raga Pilu - Tina Tala)

Incomparable is the longing within my heart. Hoping to meet Kanha, I have prepared a delightful bed in a new bower.

Book note: Pads 385 through 387 form a single lila episode.

Continuation of [389]

I placed auspicious vessels with fresh leaves and erected pillars of plantain trees. Splendid pillars bearing jeweled lamps make the secluded bower sparkle constantly. There are many offerings, pleasing delicacies, sweet fruits and stores of nectar. I filled a ewer with fragrant water and arranged gifts of many kinds. There are musk, sandalwood fragrance and fine unguents, along with blossoming champaka flowers. In a casket I placed especially pleasing, pure betel rolls prepared with camphor. Beautiful, fragrant garlands of flowers with tulasi blossoms are ready. A graceful longing shines within my heart as I prepare to entreat Him sweetly. Each passing moment is like an age, and my heart finds no rest. The terrible fire of separation blazes within my mind, and desire grows every moment.

[390]

(Raga Dhanasri - Tina Tala)

Friend, what strange forgetfulness came over me! Taking a fresh pomegranate-twig pen, I began to write a letter to my Beloved. At once I forgot my own identity and became dark Syama. Distraught by separation, I cried aloud, "Ah Radhe, where have You gone?" I wrote, "Beloved mistress of my heart, supremely sweet and filled with beautiful rasa, dearer than life, come quickly, for You triumph in every loving quarrel." Manamohana had come and was standing nearby, gazing upon me. He burst into laughter; my awareness returned, and I became ashamed.

[391]

(Raga Hamira - Tina Tala)

Kanha assumed the exquisite form of a playful woman, a most lovely form made to shower the nectar of beauty. He arranged His hair, fashioned a charming braid and wove fragrant flowers into it. He placed an auspicious bindi and sindura upon His brow and drew designs with musk.

Continuation of [391]

Jhumka earrings adorned His ears, a ring His nose and a pearl necklace His throat. Drawing a veil over His face, He walked with an elephant's gait, the essence of bliss in His gentle smile. Lines of collyrium made His eyes exceedingly beautiful, and ornaments graced every limb. The anklets chimed upon His feet, causing even the god of love to swoon.

[392]

(Raga Pilu - Tala Kaharava)

O life of my life! O rasa of my life! O my within and without! O my sole and entire treasure! Beloved, I know nothing whatsoever apart from You. Beloved, I acknowledge nothing at all except You. You removed every separation, and only You upon You remained for me. You absorbed all of "I" and "mine" into Yourself. Now it is You who think and do everything, becoming the "I" and "mine" within me. You eternally play as my consciousness, intellect and mind. You give me joy by appearing separate and filled with lila, while within Yourself You manifest from Yourself and sometimes become absorbed again. Thus the play of meeting and separation proceeds forever without limit. All these wondrous sports are ever free from the desire for personal happiness. Beloved, what can I say separately? It is You who speak everything. You too are the one who hears it all; You are whatever I am. Friend, I was seated in a bower, absorbed in meditation and having abandoned everything. Thus I worshiped Him within the solitary temple of my heart. Hearing these thoughts of my heart, that dear, enchanting Mohana appeared beautifully in that bower on the bank of the Yamuna. Then the treasure and life of my life suddenly vanished from within my heart. Great anguish arose, and at that very instant my eyes opened.

Continuation of [392]

He was gazing at me unblinkingly with rasa-filled eyes. An exceedingly intense longing to meet Him arose within my heart. Then He drew me to His breast and enclosed me within His own arms. From His rasa-filled eyes, tears of love streamed in torrents.

[393]

(Raga Vasanta - Tina Tala)

O life of my life! O Lord of my life! O life-beloved! O sovereign of my life! O supreme lover, sweet essence of sweetness, realm of all beautiful beauty! Without Your vision, these afflicted lives are now utterly distraught and long at once to find deliverance from the unbearable fire of separation. Eager to escape the body's abode for the sake of Your vision, they seek Your lovely moon-face, which puts millions upon millions of beautiful moons to shame. Every limb burns with fever, and the mind is filled with sorrowful reflection. It cannot become cool, peaceful and happy without receiving Your touch. The verdant vine of my heart, once like nectar, has withered and burned in separation's heat. Sinless Lord, shower the nectar of Your vision and touch and grant it life. Moment by moment I faint, then awaken and lament piteously: "Ah Govinda, beloved of the gopis, Lord of the cows, my Beloved, son of Nanda!" From that very fire of separation, a stream of the nectar of union manifested by itself. In a single sudden moment, every feeling was transformed and anguish disappeared. Whenever an exclusive and intense fire of separation ignites within the heart, the Beloved Himself appears there that very instant, overcome with longing. He arose as the bewilderer of the god of love, a sweet smile upon His lotus face. Holding His sweet flute in His hand, He filled every direction with delight. Pain vanished and every memory was forgotten, as though union had been uninterrupted, as though the divine conscious union with the Beloved had been eternally attained.

Continuation of [393]

"I never went anywhere," said the Beloved. "How could I ever abandon You and go? Hidden from sight, I was drinking Your rasa-filled love." Srimati replied, "Yes, yes, it is true. You did not leave me. You could never break the bonds of affection that bind You to Your own self. Beloved, whenever You disappear during the play of hide-and-seek, You see my mind and eyes grow distraught and reveal Your whereabouts Yourself. Wherever my eyes travel in search of You, Syama, and wherever my mind goes to find You, abandoning every other task, there You appear standing, Mohana, making Your eyes dance sweetly. By speaking nectar-like, honeyed words, You irresistibly steal my heart. You smile so sweetly, draw me to Your heart and make enchanting movements of Your brows. Receiving Your supremely delightful touch, every limb becomes blessed and happy. You remain forever with me, whether near or far. Within and without my life, You alone pervade everything in fullness." Thus both became immersed in the ocean of rasa, nectar and bliss of union. The stainless sun of love arose and shattered the night of delusion. These two principles of love's realm are self-renunciation embodied as the Beloved's happiness. Meeting and separation eternally increase rasa, and both possess supreme importance.

[394]

(Raga Adana - Tina Tala)

Without You, each passing moment is like an age, treasure of my life, Banavari. The wildfire within my heart blazes constantly, fiercely consuming my whole body. Yet when the dear remembrance of this reaches You and gives You happiness, great joy arises within my heart and all its deepest pain disappears. Blessed is my sorrow born of separation when it brings happiness to You. I offer myself eternally to that sorrow and sacrifice myself to it every moment.

Continuation of [394]

May I receive this immense joy of weeping through age after age and birth after birth. Your happiness alone is my happiness, O enchanter of the god of love. Apart from this, may no other desire, destroyer of sin, ever arise within me. Separation and weeping, meeting and laughter, all are solely for Your happiness, Giridhari. Hearing His Beloved's soft and sweet words, the flute-bearer's body thrilled with joy. Seeing His companion renounce everything for His happiness, a rasa that stole all awareness surged within His heart. Honeyed rasa streamed through the gateways of His eyes and spread as incomparable nectar. Both were utterly overwhelmed under love's power, and a wondrous way of affection arose. The rasika Lord remained silent for a while, then spoke these words filled with rasa: "Beloved, I possess nothing that could equal the rasa of Your love. How can I bring happiness to You, who are intoxicated by the rasa of renunciation? I am Your debtor for age after age, and I have no love capable of discharging that debt." Hearing Her Beloved's words, She fell at His feet, overcome with love and having surrendered all. Her Beloved immediately lifted Her and clasped Her tightly in a loving embrace.

[395]

(Raga Bagesri - Tala Kaharava)

Madhava, the abode of beauty, shatters the pride of millions upon millions of Cupids. The instant He saw You, an immeasurably greater beauty arose within Him. Madhava is a shoreless ocean of incomparable beauty and the nectar of sweetness and rasa. As moonlight raises endless waves of joy upon the sea, so Your sight stirs His beauty. Look how overwhelmed He is, forgetting the pure bliss of His own being. Absorbed in the joy of gazing upon Your lotus face, He stands as motionless as a painted image.

[396]

(Raga Vihaga - Tina Tala)

Srimati, forgive Me and abandon Your wounded pride. I am forever Your servant, and You are my wise and sovereign mistress. I was delayed because I remained absorbed in meditation upon You, continually beholding You, the treasure-house of rasa, very near to Me.

Continuation of [396]

You performed ever-new lilas of countless kinds with Me. The sweetness of our meeting was vividly present, along with rasa-filled stories and exchanges. Your words showered the sweet rasa of nectar, and Your charming conversation was exceedingly sweet. I listened, gazed upon the sweetness of Your form and watched all Your acts and gestures. Receiving that supremely divine nectar of bliss, I lost all outward awareness. I remained absorbed in serving Your happiness, knowing You to be close beside Me. Then the meditation broke, the image within My mind vanished and awareness of the outer world arose. I immediately ran here in desperate haste, greatly afraid within My heart. Abode of forgiveness, forgive this offense born of bewilderment. Within and without, I have always remained unobstructedly beside You.

[397]

(Lavani Tune - Tala Kaharava)

"Say whatever You wish, if speaking it gives You happiness. Scold Me and cast Me off, but please come to the bower. Now I cannot remain even a moment without seeing You. What can I tell You? Nothing at all gives Me pleasure. My flute and staff, dear companions, calves and mother cows, none of them can gladden My heart. Mother's rock sugar and butter no longer please Me. My heart laments to drink the nectar-rasa of Your lips. I cannot discover what message I should send You. Only this one thought arises: meet Me at once. I possess no love within Me that could make My heart tender. The twin honeybees of My eyes hover around the lotus of Your face. You are the life of My life, so do not make Me pine any longer. I fall at Your feet; do not cast Me away like this.

Continuation of [397]

"Sovereign of My life, hear My plea and accept Me as Your own. Come, grant Me Your vision and give Me the gift of life. If You do not wish to come, then summon Me to You. Give Me permission, Beloved, and show mercy to Me. If even now You will not show Me mercy, You will find Me in mortal peril." When the messenger came and delivered this message, Rai burst into tears and fell unconscious. The companions ran to Her and labored to restore Her awareness. She said, "How merciless and unfeeling I am! How much suffering I cause the Lord of my life. I only take my own happiness from Him." Utterly anxious, She brought the messenger with Her and came. Seeing Her Beloved's terrible condition, She became distraught. Smiling sweetly and gently, She wiped His eyes with Her veil. Then She met the Lord of Her life and clasped Him tightly in Her arms. All anguish disappeared and a smile spread across His face. Drinking the nectar-rasa of Her lips, He clung to Her neck. Every limb blossomed and a stream of rasa flowed. Endless happiness destroyed every sorrow.

[398]

(Raga Asavari - Tina Tala)

An ocean of bliss surged within Syama's heart as He gazed upon Radha's sweet, enchanting and beautiful autumn-moon face. His body thrilled intensely, honey blossomed upon His lips and His heart filled with the rasa of love. His restless eyes became motionless and remained fixed and unblinking upon Her radiance.

Continuation of [398]

An exceedingly cooling stream of nectar flowed and bathed His lovely cheeks. His throat choked and speech would not come, yet He spoke words filled with rasa: "Beloved of My life, You are the support of My existence. By Your natural grace, never become separated from My mind or eyes."

[399]

(Raga Vihaga - Tina Tala)

Radhe, I have committed countless errors, knowingly and unknowingly. Even now they continue without measure at every step and every moment. I have caused You, and continue to cause You, sorrow in many ways. Though I see them, I do not truly see them, nor do I ever abandon the multitude of My faults. Where is there another supremely faithful Lady like You, the sacred crown of all companions, free from every desire for personal happiness, a giver of joy and the purpose of My living and dying? And where am I: ignorant, devoid of the rasa of pure love, ungrateful and uncultured, a deceiver, forever greedy for fresh rasa, wanton, shameless and boastful? Your love is supremely pure, sacred, exclusive and one-pointed. Age after age I seek to please everyone, the lover of millions of women. There can be no comparison of You and Me in any way, Radhe. You are radiant light and a treasury of virtues; I am dark and a barren heap without virtue. Whenever I love You, it is from desire for My own happiness. It contains not the slightest renunciation and is no crown jewel of stainless love. Yet not one fault ever arose in Your mind; You regarded My faults as virtues. The boundless river of the rasa of Your love never ceased to swell with ever-new vigor. I eternally dishonor the rasa of Your stainless heart, yet I behold Your immeasurable, sacred love continually increasing. This rare feeling of Yours is supremely great and consists wholly of renunciation, yet it is naturally and eternally joined with humility, without the slightest attachment to pride.

Continuation of [399]

If I could receive even one drop from this ocean of the nectar-rasa of Your feelings, My life would become blessed and love would then have a foundation." Hearing Her Beloved's words, Radha trembled and became deeply ashamed. She began scratching the earth while streams of water flowed from both eyes. Her speech stopped, Her throat choked and Her golden body trembled. Within Her heart, a limitless rain of the rasa of natural humility began to fall. "I am fallen, utterly without virtue, impure of mind and an abode of faults. I am forever bereft of beauty and sweetness, my form ugly. Yet I have continually taken happiness from Him, forever seeking my own delight. My mind has understood only this much as the meaning of love, and this alone is my mahabhava." Gathering great composure, Radha said, "Listen, support of my life! I am exceedingly base, hungry for honor, and my mind's thoughts are utterly petty. That these five life-airs did not depart on hearing Your terrible words, and that this heart, harder than a thunderbolt, did not split on receiving praise from You! Surely, sovereign of my life, You are uncultured in this sense: You behold a treasury of virtues in someone as low and fallen as me. In the same way, You are surely boastful in this sense: You repeatedly sing the virtues of me, who possess neither virtue nor beauty. Surely You are wanton, for You give happiness to everyone. You are forever greedy for fresh rasa, for You know the truth of love. Deceiver and shameless rogue, in truth You wander through the world tricking everyone. Giving them Your own pure, blissful rasa, You Yourself rescue them. Your beloveds, embodiments of Your potency, expand into millions upon millions. Pleasing the heart of each, You become the one generous lover of them all. Every one of them is more beautiful and pure than me, a sweet abode of character and virtue, her life naturally surrendered, supremely glorious and a giver of immense happiness.

Continuation of [399]

I am the lowest, most destitute and impure of all, so why this fascination with me? By Your own nature, O treasury of supreme bliss, You see virtues where none exist. Hearing beauty and virtue praised from Your lips gives pleasure to my heart. This is lust, disgrace and the craving of my mind; it is my sole possession. I should never show You my face, but what can I do? I am helpless. Without Your vision, my heart splits in a moment and my life burns fiercely. Alas!"

[400]

(Raga Nata - Tina Tala)

I did not see what lay within You or behold Your inner feelings. Through my error-filled eyes, I saw only Your outward conduct. I forgot Your naturally and eternally stainless, faultless character. Because of the defect in my own vision, faults appeared to me within You. When You mounted the chariot and began to leave for Mathura, Syamasundara, in my foolishness I began to regard You as hard, merciless and devoid of love. Yet You had left Your very self and mind beside me, and though only Your visible body departed for the world's sake, You were deeply afflicted and sad. Thinking that You were deliberately insulting my pure love by leaving, I became distraught, felt wounded and let pride flare up. But this evil feeling of mine, crooked and filled with false, loveless pride, could have no effect upon the sun of Your stainless love. You appeared, Your ever-new and ever-increasing beauty dimming Your lotus face. You stood like an offender, without pride, Your head bowed. Eternally youthful and enchanting even to Cupid, with lips forever adorned by a sweet smile, why are You so dejected, ocean of supreme bliss and thief of the sages' minds? Seeing the moon of Your face so pale, I trembled and immeasurable sorrow surged within me. I could not speak, and a stream of burning tears flowed from my eyes.

Continuation of [400]

He said, "O Radhe, embodiment of an unfathomably deep ocean of love, treasury of happiness! My life is nourished by the incomparable nectar of Your virtues and beauty. Without You, My existence is impossible even for a moment. You are the life of My life and the very principle of My existence. You alone are My self, and You alone are My foundation. I exist through You, and through You every one of My activities proceeds. I did not abandon You and go, nor can I ever leave You. Your love alone is the supreme refuge of My life. Only the body went to Mathura, and that merely for the world's eyes, yet even this made You, My delighting potency, utterly distraught. Your anguish caused My life to cry out in distress, and therefore love, which is My very life, immediately became joined with grief. Within that grief-stricken life of love, desperate longing swiftly awakened and, greatly blessed, brought Me here to stand before You. Forgive My offense, compassionate Lady, embodiment of forgiveness and abode of affection! Mistress glorious with the majesty of Your true nature, eternally and naturally free from all change! With a joyful face, look just once upon this body that depends upon You. O delighting potency, smile and make Me laugh; O shoreless ocean of rasa! Never regard Me as separate from You by even the slightest degree. We are one divine, indivisible and boundless ocean of the rasa of love, eternally and without interruption." Hearing Her Beloved's words and beholding His feeling, I became fulfilled. Forever sold without price, I immediately fell in longing at His lotus feet.

[401]

(Raga Bhairavi - Tala Kaharava)

Syama calls me the embodiment of love and forever speaks words of honor to me. When I look within my own heart, I feel ashamed and keep my eyes forever lowered. My gaze does not wander here and there; I continue listening to Syama's words. Thus I remain absorbed in meditation, keeping my eyes lowered night and day.

Continuation of [401]

Her eyes become intoxicated drinking the nectar of the Beloved Syama's form. They wish to see nothing else, and therefore the Darling Lady keeps them lowered. Her eyes remain eternally enchanted by the captivating beauty of Her Beloved's face. Fearing that Her gaze might cast the evil eye upon Him, She always keeps them lowered.

[402]

(Raga Bagesri - Tina Tala)

Syama and His fair Beloved both sport together. The endless splendor of fragrant blossoms covers the fresh bower. Playing, laughing and shining in supreme delight, They send forth a stream of nectar-rasa. Their boundless mutual love increases as Their lovely eyes gaze upon one another. Intoxicated by drinking each other's pure rasa, They make the ocean of happiness surge. Incomparable waves of countless kinds arise, and Their blossoming limbs cannot contain them. He is the ocean of rasa and She the river of rasa; meeting, They expand love. Splendor and grace adorn every limb as infinite sweetness unfolds. Moment after moment They continue gazing, and Their eyes are never satisfied. Love arises, Their minds rejoice intensely and Their honey-filled bodies thrill.

[403]

(Raga Chaya Nata - Ekatala)

In the new bower, a mass of bliss, sits the great, sweet and enchanting Enchanter. His lovely face is an abode of rasa-filled sweetness; His curved brows are twin treasuries of rasa. His wise and ever-fortunate Beloved, filled with love for Him, beholds His ever-new form. The honeybees of Syama's eyes continually drink honey from the lotus face of His Darling Lady. The arrows of crooked sidelong glances pierce Their bodies, which find nectar and honey in each other's gentle, exquisite smiles. Their lovely forms regain strength through one another, and They create beautiful, pure and delightful sports. Within the ocean of the nectar-rasa of love, gentle and intense waves of many rasas arise. Mind and understanding naturally undulate, and every lovely limb and sub-limb thrills.

[404]

(Raga Asavari - Tala Kaharava)

Taking His flute, the Beloved hid Himself, solemn with separation. Like a proud lover, He sat distressed upon the shore of the ocean of rasa.

[405]

(Raga Vasanta - Tina Tala)

Only two remained, and there was no awareness of the world. All knowledge of worldly existence had disappeared. No duty remained within the mind. Not even the slightest trace of worldly memory remained. The existence of every object of enjoyment had vanished. There was no action anywhere, nor the slightest sense of agency. There were only I and Syama, the treasure of my heart. We played together forever without interruption. No desire of any kind remained within the mind. There was no fear or distress arising from anyone. Every living being and object had withdrawn from the mind. All bonds of possessiveness and attachment had been cut. Syama was the possessor, and I was wholly His possession. Only this dear sense of "I" remained. There is one Beloved, and I alone am His one beloved. There is only He, and I alone am the second. Nothing anywhere existed apart from these two. Everything else contracted, dissolved and became absorbed here. Festive play proceeded forever between the two. Blissful sports of rasa continually unfolded.

Continuation of [405]

There was no obstruction anywhere. The one had become two and sported there. Then the two disappeared and became only one again. Every distinction of every kind was lost. I became absorbed in Syama and became Syama Himself. Syama too entered me, becoming His Beloved Lady. Who can tell whether this is Syama or Radhika? There is now neither worshiped Lord nor worshiper. They have blended completely and are simply one. Senses, mind, consciousness and understanding are no longer many. Every limb and component has united with its counterpart. All blossom through the sweetness of the one Beloved. They were one before and remain one even now. This is the honey-filled foundation of the two.

[406]

(Raga Bhimapalasi - Tala Kaharava)

Syama is supremely glorious, captivating to sages' minds, lovely, sweet and wholly auspicious. His pure and incomparable divine form and beauty increase at every moment. His curved brows irresistibly draw the mind toward Him. A shoreless ocean of rasa and supreme bliss surged up. The mind was immersed in the ocean of His form, yet not the slightest disturbance arose. Far from arising, every disturbance ceased and consciousness naturally became pure and changeless. Complete absorption came, and not the slightest outer awareness of the body remained. It was not dissolution, yet the entire construction of the world and all awareness of it disappeared. Then suddenly that form vanished from my eyes. At once the fire of painful separation blazed up, growing vast beyond compare.

Continuation of [406]

Yet wondrously, within the wildfire of separation, remembrance of the Beloved remained unbroken, bearing the nectar-filled coolness of countless cooling moons. Within that terrible heat was the strange and incomparable experience of coolness. Naturally opposed qualities manifested together in one wondrous condition. Friend, how can I describe the Beloved's daily ways? The Beloved is eternally free, and these lilas too are entirely free.

[407]

(Raga Jogiya - Tina Tala)

Who is this standing at the entrance to the bower? Look, Lalite! Visakhe, do not delay even a moment! Is it the rain-bearing dark cloud Syama, or wise Giridhara? Has a fresh cloud arisen, or has Mohana, the treasury of rasa, come home? Is that a rainbow in the new rain cloud, or a peacock feather upon His head? Does a flight of cranes pass by, or does a pearl necklace sway upon His breast? Is that lightning upon the cloud-body, or yellow cloth upon Mohana's form? Is it the gentle rumble of a cloud, or the Beloved's flute-song? Friend, go at once, then return and tell me everything. Laughing, they said, "Friend, meet Madho and make your body completely cool."

[408]

(Raga Sivaranjani - Tala Kaharava)

Through unbroken remembrance in separation from the Beloved, perpetual union arose within the mind. Though separated, she remained eternally united with Syama and forgot the sorrow of separation. No feeling of fear from place, time, family, society or the Vedas remained within the mind. Her heart held ever-new delight in unrestricted, uninterrupted union with the Beloved to its full capacity. Complete and supremely intense love arose, covering every direction without boundary. The Beloved, the ever-sporting thief of the mind, bestowed immeasurable and ever-fresh happiness of rasa. The happiness of union is limited, fragile and fear-filled, while the joy of separation is exceedingly unbroken. Therefore the gopis remained in Vraja, leaving aside worshipable Dvaraka-dhama.

[409]

(Ghazal Tune - Rupaka Tala)

Her body had withered to a thorn, and Her mind was distraught and helpless. Her dry hair lay disheveled, and Her moon-face had faded. Sighs escaped Her mouth, and Her eyes were filled with tears. Her garments were disordered, while the vine of sorrow flourished in full. A companion tried to console Her: "Why are You becoming so distraught? Forget Him now. Why repeat His name every moment?" "I want to forget Him, but I cannot. Whenever I try to turn my mind away, it runs straight back to Him. I do not even wish to speak that cruel One's name, yet my tongue repeats it forever and never obeys me. I restrain my ears, but they refuse to listen to me. They know only how to drink the nectar of His loving words and flute. I forever close this wretched nose, yet it never abandons the fragrance of Syama's limbs. When shall I become eternally blessed by placing the dust of His feet upon my head? When shall I cool my eyes by gazing unblinkingly upon His face? When shall I apply aguru, musk, fragrant resin and sandalwood to His body? When, restless with longing, shall I offer fragrant flowers at His feet? My heart is splitting and an immeasurable flame burns within. Where shall I go? What shall I do? Where can I find my unconquered Beloved?" Suddenly Natavara arrived, holding His sweet flute in His hand. Bestowing bliss, He wore a gentle smile upon His lips. The instant She saw Him, every affliction of body and mind disappeared. An ocean of the nectar of happiness surged up, and Her life became fulfilled.

Continuation of [409]

She immediately drew Him into Her sweet heart and recovered the priceless treasure She had lost. Unable to bear even the slightest interval, She forgot everything on seeing Syama. The whole world passed from memory, and "I" and "mine" disappeared. Only the lila-filled, sweet rasika and treasury of rasa remained.

[410]

(Raga Jaijaiwanti - Tala Kaharava)

With discrimination, I understand the benefit of restraining the mind and senses. Taking this as my perpetual foundation, I continually hold them back. All mortal pleasures are unreal and petty, and every pleasure of heaven is insignificant. Even liberation from rebirth cannot attract my mind or bring it into attachment. Yet the Beloved's hosts of virtues and the sound of His flute make every limb restless. My ears refuse to obey, and my consciousness becomes utterly distracted and overwhelmed. The mind wishes that every pore of my body might become an ear, so that it could ceaselessly drink the incomparable, sweet rasa of His virtues and flute-song. If ever I behold the Beloved, a wave rises in my mind: if only every limb and sub-limb of my body could instantly become an eye! Then I would remain forever submerged in the infinite ocean of His form, and this entire impermanent, deluding marketplace of maya would vanish. If, by the Beloved's dear wish, I speak with Him, the thought arises that my entire body should at once become all mouth. Then I could speak sweetly with my Beloved for immeasurable time, forever drinking and giving Him the divine rasa of love, forever fulfilled. Having spoken thus to Her companion, Radha immediately became silent and absorbed in meditation. At that very moment Nanda's son, the boundless ocean of beauty's nectar, appeared.

[411]

(Raga Gunakali - Tina Tala)

Hear this vow of mine, O life of my life, my all in all! Having recovered my own supreme treasure after so many days, I will never release it now. You and I are one heart, and both are eternally one life. I know this to be the essential truth of us both. Yet I do not know and cannot explain why separation occurred. I burned in terrible anguish and endured dreadful pain. It is also true that You continually granted me the bliss of Your vision. Filled with lila, You played the vigorous game of hiding and appearing. But today, Beloved, I have easily found You outwardly as well. Abandoning all shame, I shall now remain at Your feet within and without. While eating, drinking, sleeping and rising, I shall always keep You beside me. I will never let You move away, nor will I move away, my Lord! Every possessive attachment to the moving and unmoving world has vanished, and equality toward all has arisen. Only one relationship remains, my sweet and eternal relationship with You alone. I desire neither enjoyment nor liberation and possess not the slightest fear, shame or sorrow. I am intoxicated by drinking the divine grace of the nectar-wine of my Beloved's love. The Beloved said, "Radhe, You and I are eternally united and forever one. By tasting the nectar-rasa of non-meeting and meeting, We preserve the foundation of perfect love."

[412]

(Raga Asavari - Tina Tala)

Friend, I have become utterly helpless. Alas, our Syama, enchanter of the three worlds, has gone mad! He is naturally the conscious crown jewel of cleverness and naturally possessed of supreme intelligence, the foundation of all knowledge, the treasury of knowledge and Bhagavan Himself.

Continuation of [412]

The impossible has become possible; surely some disorder has afflicted Him. Because of it, He has forgotten every consideration of good and bad. I naturally and eternally lack beauty of form and every virtue, yet His mind's ever-new attraction toward me continually increases. Loving me in vain, Mohana regards sorrow itself as happiness. How can this terrible disease of His delusion be cured? There is no astrologer or physician who can diagnose it correctly and prescribe a treatment by which my wise Beloved might become well. Because of me, the source of happiness for the moving and unmoving world is deprived of happiness. What can I do? Nothing lies within my power, and this thorn continually pierces my heart. I shall worship four-armed Narayana with every prescribed rite. The moment He hears my piteous cry, His heart will melt. The treasury of compassion will be pleased and grant me a boon: Nanda's son will choose some beautiful companion who can give Him the happiness of rasa. On finding such a delightful treasury of rasa, He will receive true and abundant happiness. Then my mind will become happy, knowing Him to be happy. Resolving thus, She began supreme japa and austerity with one longing alone: that Her Beloved attain incomparable, unrestricted happiness.

[413]

(Raga Jangala - Tala Kaharava)

To destroy the delusion of Her sweet and beautiful Beloved, Radha began worshiping Narayana with every proper arrangement. She undertook vows, fasting and disciplines, with only one longing awake: that Mohana abandon the love He bears Her under delusion's power. May He gain incomparable happiness by obtaining the company of a worthy beloved. Then I shall be supremely happy, and every limb will dance. With one-pointed devotion Her practice continued, Her mind absorbed in the wish for Her Beloved's happiness. It consisted entirely of supreme renunciation, without the slightest trace, scent or relation to thoughts of Her own happiness.

[414]

(Raga Lalita - Tina Tala)

The Beloved of my life has gone to reside in Mathura. My ancient wish has been fulfilled, and the anguish of my heart has fallen away. Although the mighty flame of separation from Syama burns within my heart, the desire for Syama's happiness continues to blaze and has bestowed supreme joy. Having found a worthy companion, He must now be happily performing lilas. Hari must have forgotten me, who am without virtue or character. By Narayana's supreme grace, my heart's hope has been fulfilled. Radha is now happy in every way, having firmly established Her Beloved's happiness. "May I burn in separation's fire for endless time," Radha told Her companions. "May my Beloved remain happy and attain ever-new happiness without obstruction."

[415]

(Raga Malakaunsa - Tina Tala)

Suddenly Hari awoke with a start, lamenting: "Ah Radha, sovereign of My life! Where have You fled, leaving Me all alone? Lalita! Visakha, run! Ranga-manjari, run! Bring My Radhika, dearer than life, and unite Her with Me at once!" He drew long breaths, raved, lamented and poured tears from His eyes. Rukmini, frightened, tried earnestly to console Him, yet He could not recover awareness. All the chief queens assembled, and seeing His condition, they became afraid within. "What has happened? Our Beloved has gone mad. What has providence ordained?" One queen ran and brought a captivating image of Srimati. The moment Syama saw it, He laughed and eagerly pressed it to His heart.

Book note: Pads 412 through 414 are parts of a single lila.

Continuation of [415]

"Dear Radha, You remain pressed to My heart night and day. Embodiment of My life, You never leave Me or remain apart for even a moment." Seeing their Beloved's extraordinary state, all the chief queens were astonished. They began condemning their own love, and remorse arose within their minds. Hari recovered awareness and wiped His soft, reddened eyes with His cloth. The chief queens fell at His lotus feet, all lamenting with crushed hearts. Hari raised them with His lotus hands, comforted them and restored their composure. Smiling gently, He said, "Do not feel the slightest hesitation; abandon this heavy worry. I saw a dream and became distraught, losing all awareness. Trust within your hearts: I am always your Lord of life, and you are dear to Me." Giving such reassurance, Hari consoled the queens. He kept His incomparable, supremely beautiful love for Radha concealed within His heart.

[416]

(Raga Desa - Tina Tala)

Today the most beloved Krishna arrived at the fresh bower with His body fatigued. His form was weary, and drops of perspiration shone upon His lovely brow. Seeing Her Beloved tired, Radha became distressed and entreated Him sweetly. With love, She laid Him upon a bed of soft flowers. She immediately began sending Him a gentle breeze with a fragrant fan. His fatigue diminished and the drops of perspiration dried, giving Radha immeasurable joy. With intense affection, She began massaging His feet with Her tender lotus hands. His exhaustion disappeared, and a rain of soft, sweet smiles fell across Mohana's face. Radha wished, "Let my Beloved now accept sleep. May He sleep for a while so that abundant vigor returns to His body."

Continuation of [416]

Syama's eyes closed, and Mukunda slept a blissful sleep. Seeing Her Beloved asleep gave Radha supreme happiness, and Her joy increased without limit. Then signs of bliss of many kinds began to arise within Her body. When stunned immobility manifested, the massage of His feet ceased for a moment. Her vow of service appeared in person and immediately said to Sri Radha, "Overwhelmed by the bliss of service, how did You commit the sin of abandoning service?" Radha started and became alert, and a piteous cry arose from Her heart. Realizing that the bliss of service had become an obstacle to service, She condemned it. Rejecting it, She said, "I kept the desire for my own happiness within my mind. Absorbed in bliss, I paid not the slightest attention to service. Truly, today I have committed this terrible sin and exceedingly grave offense. Abandoning service, I cherished the obstacle called the bliss of service within my mind. Who in all the world could be as steeped in selfishness as I, who could not serve my Beloved while preserving an exclusive vow of service?"