What's the point? Parvati's Report - Part 1 (Before) - 20 May 2015

It goes itself. It becomes a little tiring. It seems like it's become a lot and sometimes even to come to satsang seems like, okay, too much every day, every day. It can seem like that. But what's most important is to see whether you feel any distance from me in the heart.

No, of course not.

Then everything is good. Except when I'm, you know, sort of identified as, you know, as a person doing stuff which doesn't really, you know, like the words are coming out of my mouth, it's like nonsense, you know, it doesn't really happen. The stuff just gets done and I don't know, I don't know what's going on, you know, when work is happening. Everything I say doesn't feel like the right thing. So when work is going on, just work is going on. We are not even checking. But anytime you check, if you find that we are one in the heart, you really feel that, then there can be no trouble because what the mind is trying to do is create a distance—not between two hearts, but actually a distance between your identification and your own heart. So what you have to be a little careful about is just keep checking because the mind will say, 'No, no, I'm done, I'm taking a break.' You know, 'I'm taking a break.' But if you check, in the checking itself, what is false will reveal itself and will be thrown out. So all of us can be a little vigilant that if the mind is coming and saying, 'No, no, I don't need to check, I just need some space now, I don't want to do anything, not even check,' if you just bring yourself to check, you will find that I am sitting right there. The perfume of the voice which is speaking from here is not Ananta actually; it's your own heart, isn't it? So checking means you come to the presence of your own Satguru in your own heart and you will find it is the same presence, same perfume. Then it doesn't matter if you take a break from moderating, you don't want to do some of the seva. I know it can become tiring. Having done lots of seva through my life, I know that there are times where there's lots of energy for it and the other time that there's not so much energy, but little, little can move. So it's okay, all that can keep moving as long as you're still checking and finding that the presence is still there.

So what happens with, no, it's not the same. I was just saying that if you look at, it's not, you put your finger on it. Sorry, sorry, please, like a delay. You put your finger on it. When you see it, it's like, it feels like the mind's trying to create distance between my heart and, oh, I don't know what you said. You said the most beautiful thing, you know. I feel like there's like this weird battle going on, you know, like not that, I just feel like my mind's telling me that this stuff is just stupid, you know.

No, it's not stupid. But I just see, to the mind, all of this stuff is completely stupid. And to the heart, the mind... so yeah, for the voice, for the presence, the mind is completely stupid, and for the mind, the presence is completely stupid. And these two will not reconcile because it's like being on two separate planets and then saying, 'No, no, this one is an alien,' the other one is saying, 'No, this one is an alien.'

I know. You know, the thing is that in the beginning of your sadhana, you know that you're going to have resistance and that you should just push through your resistance and that it's just your mind, you know all that stuff, right? But now the sneakiness is coming in with like, this is all pointless because, you know, like awareness is just awareness and like life is life, you know. And you're going to have to deal with life and you're going to have to deal with your body-mind. And then, you know, if you have trouble, like we just all like going to awareness and everything's fine, and how silly is that? That's just completely pointless. And it's like twenty years of getting here and this is where we are, just like complete, like, you know, like no one is enlightened, you know. And not even the Christ could do it, not even the Buddha could do it. All of those horrible quotes which I find so depressing, you know. And nothing, and you know, and we must just succeed. This is how things are, you know. You are untouched even whatever problem you're having. All that nonsense, I'm sorry to say, I have to just like, it's like my brain is just like, you know, straight all that nonsense. And I know what I sound like, you know.

I was saying that it's completely good that we speak like this. It's very, I very much enjoy we speak like this. I'm not one so much for this tradition that, okay, if you're speaking to the teacher then it must be in a certain way, you know. It doesn't have to be. Completely good that we speak.

I like that about you, that you're real, you know. And you know, the thing is that I have been in enough satsang in my life to know that all you want to do with someone when they're talking like this is go, 'Yes, but just see that you're untouched by all of this.' You know, the you are the one who's watching all of this happening in front of you. I am able to pull my attention out, no problem. I can do that. I can switch all of this off and go boom, no problem. He's got a problem, me no problem, you know, smile, everything's fine, you know. And then three minutes later, problem. I'm just having that like, this is all like, why are we doing this? Why, why, why? If no one can actually stay in awareness 24/7, if that is not achievable, this abiding, if it is not achievable, then what you're telling me is everything I'm doing, all this like, you know, being in satsang, hoping that one day this thing is going to be achieved, right? And I know that of course, you know, awareness doesn't want to achieve anything and you are that which doesn't want to achieve anything. Yeah, yeah, I know I can do that loop in my head, you know. But I just feel like, yo, I just, sorry, I know I'm mumbling.

No, no, it's very good. But you know what's happening and you know that you said that if no one can abide in awareness 24/7, no one can do it. And you already know why no one can do it.

Yeah, I know. Mind wanting to be as awareness 24/7. Awareness is not moving from awareness. I know all of this. I'm like, the trouble sometimes is the knowing actually, you see? Because when we know that we don't see, you know, it's like this thing that happens where I can go and see. So yeah, it's like choices, right? I can go and see, okay, I see, and then I have to admit totally, absolutely, and yes, and the peace comes, right? And absolutely there's no person in awareness, there's no person trying to abide 24/7 in awareness. I understand all of that and I can feel the peace that sits with that, right? I can't constantly make that choice. So this is there's a thing that has to happen where you have to like choose that instead of like what's going on with the mind, especially now like the retreat's coming. I don't know why this never happens, usually I'm like retreat, I'm like off, retreat's coming. So the thing is you, so you constantly choose, right? You choose not to listen to this.

I just, I just feel like we're just like for the rest of my life I'm going to choose all day long constantly. Yes, it must be. And you know this question was coming eventually, but who is the one who is choosing? And I know you've heard it for twenty years, I know you heard it, but pretend, if you pretend it's fresh, then what is the answer?

The mind having all the turmoil. Yeah, yeah, I know.

No, but who is using your mind? So the mind is saying, 'Yes, yes, this choice, I know I can go, I can stay, I can come back, I have to decide.' So who is the one who has to decide?

Yeah, okay, good question. Because it feels like, it feels like a mindstream and then like by grace it, you get reminded, 'Oh no, no, no, this is all, this is all in front of me,' right? So it's this beautiful grace that happens, like the breath of fresh air comes and then it's like, okay, it's gone. Like I feel like, I know I don't go anywhere, but just for the sake of English we're going to just now talk about me going into awareness and not, okay? But I understand the concept of there's no person going, right? Okay, so this grace happens and I'm in awareness and I'm in awareness and presence and everything's fine and goes on and whatever happens doesn't matter, okay. And then, okay, somehow it goes. Just one more question for me, just will you indulge one more question for me? But I was just in a, I was answering your question because I just want to hold on to what I was trying to see. It's like grace that happened. So you said to me, who is it that decides? Okay, so it doesn't feel to me like there's a person that decides, it feels like it just happens. Okay, so I come back to this. So now I've like, I noticed, okay, it's just happening and now I'm like looping straight back to spiritual seeking because it feels to me like that happens more when I'm like full-on like meditating, like peaceful activity, you know, all the spiritual things, the sadhana things, right? Reading the scriptures, being vegetarian, blah blah, okay. All of that seems to bring it on more. So there's no person controlling, there's no person choosing, right? It's just like happening. Okay, so then I keep looping back to this thing that I spoke to you about on Monday, which is, well then we should be like full-on sadhana because if that's bringing it on more, then that's the only way you can bring it on more. And I know we don't have any choice and it's all in the system, you know, I'm not choosing to even do this. I don't know, I know all of that. Okay, don't go.

Yeah, so you said something which is like, I know it is all happening and it happens by grace, then why don't we choose to do more? And then you say, I know that we are not choosing the sadhana also. But let's not go there. But let's go there now. We have time, we have time, we can go everywhere, no worries, you know. We're all sitting here. We come to satsang because we just have to, you know. We listen to you because it's like our hearts are...

To even do this, I don't know. I know all of that. Okay, don't go. Yeah, so you said something which is like, 'I know it is all happening and it happens by grace, then why don't we choose to do more?' And then you say, 'I know that we are not choosing the sadhana also, but let's not go there.' But let's go there now. We have time. We have time. We can go everywhere, no worries.

You know, we're all sitting here. We come to satsang because we just have to, you know. We listen to you because it's like our hearts are fed from this beautiful bliss, this grace that we have. We like to meditate, whatever it is, our thing that makes us feel it, okay? And I just feel like—can I tell you what's happening?

So, what is happening is that this person is being confronted, even the spiritual seeker person, you see. So it's come this far and it's saying, 'Now I'm not really enjoying this anymore. It's the same stuff and I've heard it.' You know this one? Because this one has been pushed out, you see. This one is being pushed out and it is going to have some pushback. So it's being pushed out and, 'I don't know, but is it really working for me now? I think I've seen through all of this. Nobody ever got enlightened anyway, so what's it about?'

You see this one? And this one is very auspicious if it comes up like this. Don't feel that it's a bad thing, because this one, for many, many, many, will believe that 'I have got it.' But if they are still speaking as this one—now for you, this one is coming and it is causing some suffering. It is pinching something, so you will not keep it with you. So it's much better than this one saying, 'Yes, I got it. You know, I am there.' But nobody gets it. This is all a sham. This is all just something. Something itself will say, 'But let's not look at who I am. I know all of this. I know I'm not this person.' You know, the person itself will say, 'I know I'm not this person. I know all of this. Don't tell me any of that.'

So yeah, anything which says that 'I become awareness' and 'I become person' is not awareness. It's not you. It is still that same guy. So are you willing to look at this with me and ask him to leave?

Yeah, I'm yes. I'm wondering why it's here again because, you know, I thought it was gone. So it's, it's—I'm like, yo, I can see your point. When I was talking about when I go into awareness and when I don't, I'm using sort of colloquial English to try and explain that there is no this choice. This 'stay as the Self' choice does not seem—it's going away, you know. And I think that the seeker remnant was sitting in there, was thinking that it had something to do and it had a choice. And I can see that it doesn't. And now that taking away of that choice makes me sad because then I'm just basically like a mess, really, because it's not like permanent enough for me. I know the unhappiness sits in the person, you know, but it's not all day long. And if I can't make it all day long, then it's hopeless.

Yes, but what can't you make all day long? I'm not understanding this point. What should happen all day long?

Oh my god, I know. Don't you think I ask myself these questions? You know, like inquiry: who is saying that? What, you are in awareness all day long? Yes, but you are. The question Father will ask you is: are you aware now?

And you know, I've been in satsang not long enough to be my own satsang teacher. I can throw those questions at myself while I'm in this. The answer is awareness is here all day long. There is no person who can be enlightened. There is no person who can be in awareness all day long. There is no choice. Everything is perfect. This is just your mind, like, you know, drop it. You know, like, 'Do you have these problems in deep sleep?' Bhagavan would say to me. You know, no, no I don't. I wake up for this. I know, I'm sorry if I'm taking up time. You know, I saw the other day when I was talking to you, somebody posted that, you know, you have so much patience. You know, I know you have a lot of patience with us.

Oh my dear, I'm here for this. I'm here for this. I don't see it as anything like patience or anything. I'm just here for this. We can take the entire time today. I'm sure everyone is learning a lot from this interaction. There is no trouble with this at all because this is very important. You know, it happened a few weeks ago also with another friend where she just said, 'This is all just rubbish. It's just rubbish. I'm through with this guy.' He said all this, 'What is it about? You keep asking, am I aware now? And you say, am I aware now? Yes, of course I'm aware. So what?' And I said it's very good. I'm waiting for this to happen with all of you, you see.

So when I see it, I'm amazed that I can have this conversation with you and the whole time I'm observing it, you know. The whole time I can feel this like beautiful peace sitting there, you know. And it's like what I am is completely unconcerned with any of this, even though I'm sitting here crying, talking to you about stuff going on in the mind which is just all like real and it doesn't make any sense. I can feel that beautiful behind everything. It doesn't seem to be helping me right now, you know, the fact that I can still feel that.

So, you know, I know the other day you were talking about don't use the inquiry like trying to fix something, you know, like, 'Okay, now I'm having an uncomfortable feeling, so let me do the inquiry to fix this uncomfortable feeling.' I know that. And I don't have to do the inquiry for long. I just literally just switch and everything's fine. So I'm in satsang with you now, everything's fine. Okay.

And then what I was saying was that why I find this good when somebody says that it's all just, you know, it was nice, it's still nice, I feel good when I'm here, but still it's just, 'So what? So what? So what?' You see? 'What's in it for me?' This guy is still the same guy. And I know it's not you. I know it's not you. It's just throwing a tantrum by itself. It's using this—some energy is up like this. And I know you are always a witness of it. But do you know this?

How do I—okay, so I know that this, like, it's going. How do I get rid of this guy then?

Okay, that's another guy trying to get rid of that guy, you see. I already know that which will actually—if it is being done with integrity, it is not this guy pretending to want to get rid of this guy, you see. What is happening is that power of belief only belongs to you as consciousness, not as a person. No person can control belief. Okay? And we can speak about this some more.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Because, like I was saying earlier on, do you have any control of this, this like the level of staying as the Self?

No, but you have the power as consciousness whether to pretend you're a person or not. The Self is always the Self.

I just don't feel like I have that power. I don't feel like I have that power. Like, I think you're getting to the nitty-gritty of it.

Yes, so let's go for just two minutes for everyone's benefit. Let's talk about the basics for just two minutes so that everybody is with us in this conversation, you see. So when we say Self, we are talking about what you said: this untouched awareness which sees everything is moving around and it's unconcerned by any of this. See? So this is the Self.

Then we talk about being, consciousness, the sense I am-ness, you see. In the birth of this, then these powers also come: the powers of attention, the powers of belief. And it is the power of belief itself which is used to believe the concept that 'I am the person,' which seems to make the person somewhat tangibly real. Seems to, you see. So belief must be prior to person, isn't it? Because it is the same belief which is used to create this conceptual person. If there was no power of belief that you had, then you would never believe that there is a person or you are a person, and you would never act like the ego, isn't it? We can slowly look at this again. So being arises. With being, you see that the power of attention and belief are coming.

Can I—I'm sorry, I'm sorry Father. I want to go back one point because I've heard you say it a lot, right? And I hear you say it and I always nod my head, and I'm not sure about that because I'm not sure that I'm understanding the word the way you're using it. Because I don't believe I'm a person. I really, I really don't think I believe I'm a person. Okay? So it's like this weird sticky thing that it's more—it's coming up in like vasanas and samskaras. And it's not like—I don't feel like I'm believing anything. It's like my husband comes and fights, yeah, I fight back. Or it's just things like happening. I don't know that there's a mind belief.

Yes. So if they're just—you see that it's just actions and reactions which are playing out on their own, then you will not believe this thing which says, 'But how does this help me?' You see? You must smell now and see whether there is any sense of this. 'So what is it going on with me? If nobody was ever enlightened, then why am I in this?' You see? I don't have 'Why am I in this?' I have like stuff, all of this nonsense. I have that more than I know there's no—it's like it's like I could just go back to like what I would call normal life, you know. Yeah, chase the dollar, get out of sight, so just like, you know, move this crazy wife to the full.

Yes, but again, now you say that 'I don't sense that I have belief in the person' and yet you say, 'But I could go back to this life.' No, like body, like live that. Like just you do what you like, you know. Like that crazy guy, what's his name? He just—he like—yeah, what's his name? He was completely enlightened and he was just the most radically awfully behaved person, you know, because he was like, 'Oh, stop this, you know, like awareness is untouched, so like let me just do what I want.' And then he did, and people still follow him. They still quote him, you know. Beautiful wisdom out of the mouth, appalling life.

A bit like, yo, well what? It's like seven hours of satsang. Do I believe I'm a person when I look? No. Am I giving belief to it? I don't think I am. I know you're going to tell me, 'For you to be able to speak like that, of course you are. Of course you are. You can't talk like that.'

And the speaking can happen on its own. All that is important is to see whether you believe any of it or not. So when you say that 'I wish this' or 'Maybe I should'—talking to you, which one? Talking to me, the real one, don't believe nothing. Which one are you thinking of as a real one? Is it awareness?

Huh? No. Who believes anything? The consciousness can believe, right? Yeah. Okay, the consciousness can believe. Yes, I feel like I don't have control of that. I feel like that's where my despair is sitting. Like, I've, you know, I want to be able to control that belief. Yeah, but of course it's not happening because otherwise there wouldn't be any trouble. So yes, there's the power of—that you have the power of belief, and then it feels to me like I don't—I feel powerless to believe or not believe. I feel like it wavers. Obviously it's wavering if I can see all this going on. So how can you say you have the power to believe? 'Power to' implies—you know, I always thought, okay, like once you see through it, it'll go. Obviously it doesn't go.

Yes. So seeing through it means what? Seeing through it is only seeing that all these thoughts are coming and going and they don't mean anything to me. That is the meaning of not giving belief, isn't it? And to check whether I have power or not, we just have to wait for the next thought to come and see whether I have this power or not. We don't need to understand it. We can experiment and see right now.

I'm like, don't do that one. Wait, it's like that one doesn't work on me. That one is like—like I don't believe thoughts. I don't feel like I like believe thoughts. So it's like a thought—if you do that experiment with me, normally what happens is no thoughts come. I'll sit there and look at you for twenty...

Isn't it? And to check whether I have power or not, we just have to wait for the next thought to come and see whether I have this power or not. We don't need to understand it; we can experiment and see. Right now, I'm like, 'Don't do that.' One way it's like that one doesn't work on me. That one is like, I don't believe thoughts. I don't feel like I believe thoughts. So it's like a thought. If you do that experiment with me, normally what happens is no thoughts come. I'll sit there and look at you for twenty minutes with not a single thought coming. So I normally cannot do the experiment because none of them come, so I can't even see if I'm believing or not believing. And then I sort of, when I have this turmoil yesterday afternoon, all of this nonsense, then I go, 'Are you believing any of these thoughts? Don't believe your next thought.' Okay, it all goes away. Yeah, okay, so yeah, I can do that, but it's... I don't know if it's helping me. I don't know that I believe. Like I say, of course I can make the choice, but the power to make the choice only comes with grace. Yes, remember not to believe your next thought only comes with grace. Yes, yes, and your consciousness. No, I just, like, out of my mind, I feel like I'm having the same conversation the whole time, you know?

Okay, then I need more grace. I need more moments like that. Rewind the tape twenty minutes and go again. But your own being, your own consciousness, is grace. Who provides grace? Can grace truly come from outside you?

No, but I pray all the time and I don't give myself any grace, you know.

Yes, yes, yes. So this is the prayer being answered, isn't it? Because if you did not look at this one, if this one does not leave, then that would not be the answer to your prayer. And I know that this one is saying, 'But I'm not here, but there's no person here, there's no person here.' You see the trouble? When you say 'me,' who are you referring to?

It depends when you catch me, you know. Yeah, and right now when you say who was it, I just feel like it's going to be another retreat and it's going to be another week of like sitting for three hours in bliss with my tea, and it's going to be another like... I'm going to stay as away this... no, I'm going to do it, flight to India, you know. Beautiful. Like, I had the same conversation with you in Rishikesh, you know. It's... I feel like a totally hopeless case. Oh, I can even hear I'm just explaining, it's not... I'm not even talking about a person. I feel like there's just this... there's just going to like never be this peace that I see in my teachers. And then you're going to say, 'Oh, who is this one?' And I know that the meditation will come. I say that, but you must look at it. No, it's not even you saying it, I can say to myself, you know. Yes, and then when we look, what happens? I say, you said that I'm not even saying this as a person. Then what are you saying it as? Sometimes just like it's like stuff moving, just moving stuff, you know. I don't even feel like there's a person holding on to it, just like it's like bits and pieces moving. It's moving in front of me. I know, and I... it's like, 'Don't identify, don't identify, pull back, pull back, it's just stuff.' You know, it comes, it'll go. I can... it's like, you know, I can sit and teach it myself. I hate it because I don't feel like I used to feel like, 'Oh, okay, you know, okay, now the peace has come, okay, you know, everything's fine.' I just... I get that constantly, that feeling of like, this is just nonsense. This is just absolute nonsense. This is just silly. This is never going to end. It's going to constantly be this. It's going to be like, you know, and whatever it is, like whoever's listening, put your own thing in, you know. I feel guilty, I feel inadequate, I feel... you know, like put whatever your thing is in this. And then just don't identify, just pull your identification out of that person and place it in awareness and, hey presto, everything's fine. No, no, no, it's not, because it's going to come again. It's going to come again. I know how to like put that smile on my face and say, 'Oh, thanks, Father,' and you know, and I feel better and thank you so much, you know, everything's fine now because now my identification is in awareness and life is just beautiful. I don't believe it anymore. I just... because why? Because you're not going to get rid of this stuff, you know, this world stuff, the stuff coming at you. Now I feel much better, I really do. I just feel like I just like vomited it all out and now it's gone, you know. It's like, it's like, it's like all of a sudden my mind just gave up, like, 'Oh, okay.' Like, I know I just did a minute ago, like, you know, you did an imitation of yourself immediately. Oh my god, we sound like crazy people.

You're completely crazy. Yeah, we are all completely crazy. I'm completely crazy. I like... by normal standards, I wouldn't be considered crazy because I like talk to all these people. Like, who... which one is talking? You know, which one? You know, is that one real? No. You know, all of this like going on inside, you know. And I knew that coming to talk to you would sort it out somehow. It's like something just broken. Um, I knew I had to just come in and look at your beautiful smiley face.

Yes, you have to do like this sometimes where something seems just here, here, here. Just come here and just let it out, you know. All the things like, 'Everyone is just faking it, everyone adjusts, whatever, whatever.' It's like this, just get rid of it, just expose it. It's good, it's gone. And why does the mind give up? Because the mind gives up because inside, when it's inside, it's made something out of it. 'Oh, how can I come to satsang and see these things, and yet you come to satsang and you say these things are nothing?' It does nothing.

My thing is that I don't want to come and sit here and talk to you for like, you know, however long it's been, with absolute nonsense, you know, and things that I could sort out myself, you know. So I didn't want to, you know, test everybody's patience, you know. But yeah, it just felt like it had to.

Yes, it's really good. No, it'll come again. Yes, yes, I hear this very often these days, that 'I feel I should be able to do this independently. I feel I should be able to do this independently.' No, satsang doesn't work like that. Whatever you feel, you come and you share. It's okay. There's an open house, you know. Someone's patience is being tested? Very good. Is there satsang? Very good. So don't have any such this thing. Satsang is the place where you come and be completely free. Whatever is happening is fine. Okay, good. Now we've cornered that seeker enough that it like lies down and pretends to be dead. This is very good. It's very good.

You say this is very good because, right, we have an animal in the bush that it pertains to, like it just... oh yes, does this funny thing. Oh good. So now I just let her... let that seeker just lie there and pretend to be dead, or should I stomp on him or her? No, nothing? Nothing? What do you suggest?

Nothing. Pretending to be dead means it's actually... you see, if it has some life, it will create some nonsense again. It will create some... 'Say something, say something, say something.' You know, when you feel that pinch, you come to satsang and like this, you share like this. Because if I tell you, 'Don't believe your next thought,' then we might energize it again.

I'm going to be like that thing again. And also, do you think I'll get all my belief back? You know, do you not think that all the listening to the teacher's advice goes hand in hand with that seeker?

Many times, yes, you're right about this. Many times, what seems like advice for that point of time, if it's taken throughout... you see, so if I've said, 'Don't believe your next thought,' and you make it a mantra for life, then that is also trouble, you see. It was just appropriate for that point of time. But when you actually drop belief in the person, there's no belief left anymore, and you keep saying, 'Don't believe next thought,' so again, this is not freedom. So many times things are said just for that moment, what is useful. You give a medicine; doctor gives you medicine for just that time, isn't it? He's not saying you take it for the rest of your life. It's only for whatever is ailing you now. Just how medicine is given, feel a sense of relief from it, then forget about the medicine.

So is that the medicine you're giving me?

No, I was giving it to you then. But this one which I'm speaking tonight doesn't need any medicine. Yeah, this one doesn't feel sick, you see. But this one, I just want to say one thing, which is that once it starts triggering something like this, then you come and you speak. Don't wait for it to take care of it. And this should go, 'This will waste other people's time,' all of that, forget about all that. Once it starts, once it starts something, then you just come here and share. See, this is for every one of you. I know many of you will say, 'But then what does this say about me? You know, is it wasting people's time?' All this is just... forget about it.

Okay, thank you.

You're welcome. Again, I like very much some of the things you said. They were so funny because you said, 'Oh, this literally it is starting and three hours of just bliss with Guruji.' Just play such rubbish. It's like complete contradiction, you see. Three hours of just bliss and I'm just... don't walk what you sounded like, even though it's going. Yeah, you know, if you read the Yoga Vashistha, Ram in the beginning is so like this, no? Just exactly like this. 'But then this will happen, and then what's the point? I don't get it. I give up. What is it all for?' Not shy away from these kind of conversations, you see. You must not shy away. All of you must not shy away from these kind of conversations. Because if this is just allowed to be inside and it's not shared in satsang, then this... although when you check you see there's no distance, if it is just kept inside there and not just vomited out like this, then it can create a seeming distance and it seems like, 'Okay, maybe I just take a break for some time.' It's very good that you come and you share like this.

I didn't hear the last bit. I think your sound went a bit.

Yes, I was just saying that if this does not come up like this and we don't have this interaction like this in satsang about it, then sometimes it can seem like it's being allowed to fester and, you know, it seems to grow and it seems like, 'Oh, okay, yes, yes, I did satsang with Ananta for two years, very beautiful, he's a great guy, but you know, at the end I just said what's the point?' It's better that you come and see it. I don't mind anything like this if you say, but first say it in satsang and then we see where it goes. It's very good. It's very good.

Thank you for all your love and your patience.

Thank you. Thank you for your integrity. Thank you for your love, because it takes a lot of love to come like this also. It takes a lot of love to come like this also. There must be this feeling of belongingness where you come and you say, 'Yes, this is what I'm feeling and I'm going to share it, come what may. I don't care what anyone says or thinks.' This is very good. It's a lot of trust, a lot of you, and I really appreciate it.

You know, I really have been with many, many teachers. I've seen many teachers, I've watched thousands of hours of satsang. I'm like... I'm like Malcolm Gladwell. He was this, you know, if you do 10,000 hours of something then you master it, you know. I've done way more than 10,000 hours and I cannot tell you the treasure that you are. The fact that you can even have that conversation with me, you know, and like that you can like stay with that. I don't see the teachers being able to do that, you know. And like the strength that you have for that, you know, and that the openness that you have is so precious and so valuable. And I don't know sometimes if people who come to satsang with you even know how lucky they are that they found you. Love you so much.

Now you make me cry. I'm like in an honest mood today, you know. Thank you, my dear. I love you so much too. Love you. Ugh, you know, one of the things that I...

I don't see the teachers being able to do that, you know? And like the strength that you have for that, you know, and the openness that you have is so precious and so valuable. And I don't know sometimes if people who come to satsang with you even know how lucky they are that they found you. Love you so much.

Now you make me cry. I'm like in an honest mood today, you know. Thank you, my dear. I love you so much too. Love you.

You know, one of the things that I learned in life was you must always be open. So here in satsang, when I come, I come with a sense of openness. And just this openness—one of you might come one day and say that, you know, 'I am going to show you that what you speak is completely wrong.' And I'm completely open to having that conversation because I've been wrong many times in my life, and I learned not to stick to my wanting to be right. And once you come with that kind of openness, then nothing seems like an attack. Nothing seems like an attack. So I'm not defending anything.

If you tell me that, you know, 'Ananta, you say that this awareness is the Absolute, but I will show you something that is even prior to this. There is a nothing-nothing which is prior to awareness. I want you to see this nothing.' And I will ask you, 'But the awareness of this nothing seems to be prior to it, isn't it?' And if you can answer that, then I'm willing to accept what you say and say, 'Yes, yes, this is nothing which you are. You are not this awareness also.' I am completely open, not holding on to any concept. I just say it like I see it, and I'm open to seeing it differently if you can show me how to see it. I don't have any such concepts of, 'Oh, this is right because it's coming through me. It must be right. I must be right.' Nothing. And when you say like this, then I hear with openness. What? Yes, maybe I'll learn something. Maybe I'll learn something.

You see, it's very, very auspicious like this because I've seen that even I have been with many masters in the past. Seen many even otherwise who I wasn't with, but I used to—my wife and I actually had this determination at one point of time that we would go and see all the living masters. So we went and saw many, many of them, you see. Very beautiful, very nice, some of them. But with many, you found that they're so attached to being right. So attached to being right. So if you were to ask a question, it seemed like many times like this, because I always had this thing to question, you see. Always this question. So we would ask a question and immediately you would say, 'Okay, somebody is questioning me.' No, this would come up. And then you're like, 'Okay, this one is not for me.' It could be so like this.

So having seen that, having been there, I realized that this openness, it's very important. And openness for any question. That's why I say that when the sharing started, I had this feeling that everyone can ask me anything, you know? They can ask me anything. And sometimes something might not resonate and I say, 'Okay, this is not the right place for this question,' because I really don't have any interest in this kind of question. But I should not say, 'How can you ask me this?' Not like this. 'Are you questioning my authority and what I'm speaking?' This kind of rubbish must not happen. Thank you, my dear. Thank you so much.