What Conclusions Do You Want to Save? - 18th Dec 2018

And this is what is being shared in one way or the other by all masters in all satsangs. Not just something which you can hold on to today, but that which will pass on just tonight. Forget that, even in sleep, what will you take with you? So many people are also studying like this; they're trying to have like lucid dreams and some are even trying to take things from one realm to the other, right? At least memories, like 'I should have this' or 'I should remember' and 'I should be this way'. Isn't this kind of thing? But these reference states are constantly coming and going. Even right now, you could go into a daydream. You could go into a daydream right now and you could feel like you spent years there. It's like that story of Krishna and Narada.

What happened one time is that Krishna and Narada were having a walk together. Beautiful time. Then Narada asks this question, 'Lord, please tell me, what is Maya?' And Krishna says, 'You really want to know?' 'Yes, of course, I really want to know.' So Krishna says to him, 'Okay, I'll tell you, but first, look at the big path. Can you fetch me a little bit of water from the river close by?' So Narada, of course, takes the container and he moves to the river close by. There is this beautiful woman who knocks his socks off. He's just like, 'Wow.' Then he thinks, 'This is what I want in life. This is what I really want.' And then he goes and proposes to her. He puts his best foot forward, as they might say, and this woman also, she falls in love with him. Then they're happy, supposedly happy, and then they start having children together. They have two children.

Then what happens is that one day a huge flood comes. A huge flood comes in their town. Now Narada is living like the householder; he doesn't even remember his Master. He comes and he tries to rescue his family first. It's a bit strong to do so, and his family first. And the floods take away his wife, and he's full of grief, but he holds on to both of his children. He holds one and keeps on. But the floods are so strong that one by one both his children also are swept away. And he's in great, great grief. In great grief, of course, he remembers the Lord. So the grief came and the Lord is remembered. 'Krishna, help me! Help me! My whole life has been thrown to bits. I have lost everything.' And Krishna says, 'I'm waiting for the water. It's been a full twenty minutes. Where are you?'

So then the spell breaks. The spell breaks and he realizes that this is the way the Lord gave him the answer. We get caught up in this identity of being a man, being a husband, and being a father. And not that it is inherently wrong in those roles being played out. Krishna is not saying that these must be renounced. What he's saying is: remember that these are just part of the coming and going. They will not last forever. So to be attached to that which goes... it's like if you wanted a piece of bread as a best friend and you said, 'This is it, this is all I want.' A parent will come and say, 'But this will become stale. It will have molds tomorrow.' 'I'll keep it here, I'll keep it alive, I'll do the cleaning.' But how long will you keep it fresh? How long will you keep whatever you can do? It is going to go.

So this body is like that. If you are attached with this and its objects, as long as you keep it... now, for most of the world also, in the realm of science etc., what we're trying to do is trying to elongate the length of this body, the span of this body, the duration of this body. Because the idea of immortality is that this body must last forever. In satsang, what is being shown to you is the eternal Self, that which does not come and go. This unchanging, boundless ocean, as Ashtavakra said, on which the waves of the universes, they come and go. You are that boundless ocean. The universes, they come and go, you see? You think he's lying? Why would he want to tell you such a lie? He's talking about you. You are that boundless ocean in which universes come and go.

But what do you consider yourself to be? Within one universe, there is a tiny stone called Earth. On that tiny stone, the opinions of tiny creatures. One of those tiny creatures I am. So the root of suffering is apparent, isn't it? Because such a big life, such a huge life, and then what happens? Then what happens is because our conditioning is that way, the question that is asked is, 'Okay, if I see that I am the boundless ocean, this is the timeless one, how will that help this object?' See, the dichotomy in this is so far out. And this is the extent of our intellect, isn't it? Like in this story, stretching out your intellect to the extremes where one side is the boundless ocean, which you can just about fathom in the terms of the ocean, but you just really start to visualize and you give up. So you can't really contain that even visually.

At the other end is this tiny rock, which is nothing like a grain of sand in this universe. And then on that tiny grain of sand are tiniest still objects, you see? A ferocious tweeting. And that boundless ocean is now considering itself to be one of those tiny objects. And we have made that the star of this movie. And things are fine as long as things are going on. But once something that you're attached to is gone, that pull, then what happens? All the grief connects, all the... because we have got attached to other tiny objects which are also constantly changing. That's why it can feel like it's such a roller coaster, this life.

So that's why one simple question, 'Who am I?', penetrates through all of this story in an instant. Instant. Before you can even think of doing the enquiry, if you open it, it is already done. You go beyond your limited idea to direct insight of your infinite nature. Direct, you get insight to your infinite nature. It is here now. You are that. So this game of freedom, this is the time. Now is there. But if we still continue to give value to that which is fleeting, if you continue to give meaning to that which just comes and goes, you know, our experience will be like Narada's, those huge... what actually happened to him? Even these so-called years, they went by. Twelve years he was in that state. Time and space also are constant in what is. But what about now? In what your insight about yourself is now, can you tell me the age of that one? Have you been touched by time?

So as long as you consider yourself in these boundaries, from boundless ocean to tiny object, this human body, there is still identifying with something which is not worthy of your truth. Between the boundless ocean, which is powerless, and this object... so first we may consider we will find here the living body. You might think that we are one entity, like a parasite living inside our head or something like that. We are one entity who's sitting inside with the controller in this body. So from a boundless ocean to like this parasite, I mean, tiniest things is what we have. We can contribute with our mind. Well, there's your insight right now. When you check, who are you? Fit into these boundaries. Tell me where it is. How big are you? Are you as big as an ocean? Bigger? What's your color? Like shades of blue like the ocean is? What's your color? If you take a dip into yourself, do you get wet like an ocean or river? What is your own taste?

Now compare all of this what you're discovering with what conclusions you make about yourself. Compare what you're discovering now about yourself just now. Just check who you are and compare that with what you really conclude with your mind. Tell me one conclusion that you made about yourself over the last week. 'Oh, I will be like this', 'I'm getting this'. And what do you find? Related? Not a bit. Yeah. Uncontrolled. Over the last week, 'I'm proud of my pride', even spiritual conclusions. See, now where is that one? 'I've arrived', 'Oh God, for some reasons I know something almost'. And what do you find when you see for yourself? And this is the biggest thing, not the sight. So when you're seeing for yourself, you find that these conclusions just don't apply. What you find about yourself...

Any conclusion that you made about yourself over the last week? Oh, I will be asked. I'm eating, you see, and what do you find related? Not a gym, yeah? Uncontrolled over the last week. Great of my pride, even spiritual conclusions, you see. Now, where is that one? So ever do, oh God, reasons. I know something almost. And what do you find when you see for yourself? And this is the biggest scene, not the sight. So when you're seeing for yourself, you find that these conclusions just like don't apply. What you find about yourself, is it useful or useless? Just a little planet. It's not in this, of the, in these binaries, in this thing. But our conclusions are always in this: 'I am this way' or 'that way.' We get stuck in these ideas about us, but it's so contrary to your living, alive seeing. And that is why it can seem like something, because it's such a contradiction from our own experience of yourself.

So the stagnant spirituality, the struggling and anything in life, is not because you are not able to find the truth. It's only because you can't seem to reconcile these two truths, you see? Because one is so apparent and the other is so limited. Yes, you like, 'What is this?' This is like when we try to deal with this, the mind behaves in like a deep confusion because all the mind's conclusions are so tiny and limited. They have nothing to do with your own taste of yourself in this moment. And to avoid this confusion, then you try to grasp onto some ideas. It is to avoid this just natural taste of your own self, right? No, 'If I do this enough, then I will get it,' or 'I must be almost useless' or something like that. So even these conclusions which are, you know, almost putting ourselves down, are also just an escape from just seeing this, because we can hope to say, 'Now, no.'

So if we can put this around the mind, just like you cannot feel emotion in a glance, and most of you struggle—are struggling—only with this. Now I feel, because what you're finding for yourself, you are trying to put it in your mind and say, 'Once it is in my mind, when the confirmation is there from the mind, then I can say I'm free.' And then you look at these images and try to be insane. It seems he seems to have got it, you see? Put it in his mind or something. But it's not that. Something greater than the mind here, which is there. We are. Don't go chasing these fleeting conclusions from the mind, because one day it will say, 'You got it.' Context was really gone, and he's anything. 'You're so useless here, so so far from that.' This is this character. And what is the great news for one's question? Yes, three simple words: Who am I? But through all these motions, all these motions which are collectively called Maya, so the question becomes like this: What is it that you actually want? What is it that you actually want?

And here, good idea asking your mind this question: 'What do you want?' And here, there was this question asked. Now, struggling with this spirituality and mind and all of this, and then the mind is not fully grasped. Not this moment to lucidity or something will come here. What do you want? Yes, what is it that you want? And then any comfort somebody, no good-sounding answer: 'I just want you to be happy. I just want you to have this.' So, what does the mind actually want? If you followed everything it said, how is it built? If you follow the mind with everything that it says, sooner or later you end up being either whatever. Suicide? We can't. Doesn't sound like a bunch of peace or happiness. These are the claims. This is the extent of what the mind will understand: birth and death.

When you say the mind will understand, you mean that the way it is proven, the consciousness like understand?

It's not even better. In the design of this, in appearance, there are all these various energy constructs which are there. There's an apparent outside world, there's a body. Now, all of these seem to follow some principles of the design. So these principles, for example, you know, I can't say, 'I'm going to just step out, have a bit of a flight from here to the next building, come back.' Just strange, because this body seems to have been designed with this particular capability. And the same way, the energy construct that we call the mind is the bundle of thoughts. It seems to be reconstructed by the limits of its opposites, which are purely phenomenal. From the most, the broadest phenomena I can imagine, to the smallest phenomena which I imagine. So it seems to only be able to decipher or interpret this. I know we both, birth and death. You can see phenomenally, oh, we becoming that is birth, you see? Death is the death of this body. Is that beyond this? If you see, go beyond birth and death, what does the mind actually help you with?

We can hold on to at best this beautiful concept, and beyond both interpreters, will it have any taste of that in its initial ports? Is it ever really able to show you some true light on this, to be on it? It isn't. You can, the same, our emotional spectrum seems to have a particular construct. We see that we are labeled and these we. So if I say, 'I'm feeling lovely blah blah blah today,' what is that if you have never experienced that? So in this, in the way when we say the mind will only understand to this extent, this is what we mean in our experience of the design of this particular constant. It only seems to traverse these opposites, these limited opposites.

Can I paint the picture for you? Maybe if you look at the visual aspect to the mind, try to paint a picture of something without any quality. Come on, work with me here. Paint a picture without any quality. This can't do it because, yeah, then you say, 'Okay, just a dark painting.' But dark is also a quality. 'It's a full white.' White is also a quality. Paint a quality-less painting in your mind. So this defines the boundary of it. That's why you can't fit yourself into your mind, because you are quality-less, or your greater reality than changing one is empty of qualities. The mind cannot fathom it. Why didn't someone now, who's empty of not only empty of all qualities, they're empty of age, empty of any special considerations here? There's left, right, up, down. You could use the limits of the mind, you see? So how will you fit this boundless ocean into this? And if it is not there, fit into that, it won't agree about it. It will want to complain saying, 'I'm not getting it.'

Do you see that both getting it and not getting it is as much of a lie? Because there is no way for this mind to get it, and there is no way to do, no reality to lose it. Who am I? Who you are does not change with time. So you, the medical one, and you consider yourself to be something, and you consider yourself to be something that is to build stuff, that is to play as if you are individualized. Can't you even keep this life, this game of considering yourself to be something? Can you keep it alive? It can't even, so at this moment, in this moment again, you have to wait for the mind to say something and you have to latch on to that, and then you can be in that. You empty of that, game over. You naturally, what are you? Just naturally you lift your hands because the mind has no proof, but you are not lost.

Again, if you report this, the same, 'I'm just not understanding anything you're saying.' I use reply back mostly saying, 'Is that a good thing or bad?' I forgot everything, yeah. Now there's just like, 'What have I actually learned? I've been coming here for so long, what have I actually done?' Shocking that I'm hearing these things for the first time. Yes, it's good because it completed that, that we keep thinking that 'I'm really hearing him, I'm really understanding what he's saying,' and then we hear it fresh again. And since I've never heard this before, I heard these words, but I never heard it like this. If you mean by it, it's not even remembered that you heard it, would you dislike that? Something cuts through all conceptual layers.

It's useful to it, element like this, and see: what is the smallest thing you can consider yourself to be? What is this one thing you think that today was have to keep that molecule of your molecule? Or the biggest thing you can consider yourself to be? Well, any other that you can consider even in imagination? What is the largest concept you have? Universe? Everything? Awareness? So between this like tiny molecule thing and absolute like awareness, so you know, so everything you see this concept between this is where the mind can rule, just between these two extremes. And that is your tiny box of the mind. When we say limit itself, this is the self in the definition of the limited self with these concepts of the tiniest molecule, which we have no experience of, and the absolute, which is awareness, which also the mind has no way to testify to this.

Now, you push beyond this box, beyond the concept of you. But if you keep going back to the same guy who can operate only in these limited ways, is it bound to be fun or frustrating? To be frustrating, because it's like, 'Step out of the box.' 'I use, I go to the box on me.' 'Okay, box, what do you feel about this?' And he creates a new concept saying, 'Beyond the box, I know I will be on the ball.' Then we can keep playing this game of high and the high-dry. 'Okay, beyond, beyond the box, beyond, beyond the box, I got it.' Just like the mind can conceptualize it, you see? But it can happen to have no insight about what is other than the smallest and larger than this largest. You are tasting it every moment, but your mind is completely lost.

So this smaller than smallest, larger than largest is your direct insight right now, which to your mind, what is it? Nothing. Nothing. Who is that which is aware there is nothing there? You see, the mind will say there is nothing there because you don't have a visual of it, you don't have a shape of a size of a cutie. Not producing that, the mind cannot put it in that box. But what is that? What is that which is aware? It's one of him, that's it. An infant or world, not to say that they don't apply, you see? And once you see that the mind does not apply to this which is really you, then is the end of frustration, confusion. Confusion, frustration only means that we are, you keep it one foot here, one foot there. One foot in this which is so imperative, and one foot in the mind to get a conclusion of the mind that 'This is this, this is the totality of this, this is the freedom,' or 'Now I'm working' or something like that.

And why it is called a habit—all the Masters call it a habit—is even now you could be going to the mind thinking, 'What do you think about this? Think over this. This is what I'm doing, my food is day one.' This kind of thing. It's a habit, that's right to that. But the more you see that it is pointless, the more you see that it will not give you whatever, ever, a true conclusion about yourself, the lighter it is. When you say that eyes cannot believe, it seems so heavy because you still think that it can, it will one day show me a valid conclusion about something. But it is not. If you just check and see in every aspect of your life right now, you will have many conclusions. I don't mind telling you that all of them are nonsense.

You might feel like, 'Okay, for satsang at least he's telling the truth, but at least what's happening in my relationship...' I'm hundred percent sure it's not true what's happening in your life in any aspect, because the conclusions are based on very tiny reports in all a sphere of existence. Saying in all our spheres of our existence, in one sphere if some tiny movement comes and we just zero in on that and say, 'This is what my life is right now.' In an emotional body, to just use this, don't forget about it after this example is if something shakes about a bit, is it then mixed with your intellect body which comes and says, 'But this is not good, this should cool.' These two tiny movements in your boundless ocean, these two tiny movements in music like, 'Yeah, this is happening to me. Why this is happening to me? That something is not working. I have to do this right, and Father help me.' You do all this time, you see? All this is stopped because of all of you, that all of this stuff which is tiny stuff. Have you really looked at where it is? How big is it compared to you? So this is the play of the mind.

The mind comes and says, 'But this is not good, this should be like this.' These two tiny movements in your boundary-less solution, these two tiny movements in music like, 'Yeah, this is happening to me. Why is this happening to me? That something is not working, I have to do this right, and Father help me.' You see, all this is stopped because of all of you. All of this stuff, which is tiny stuff—have you really looked at reality? How big is it compared to you? So this is the play of the mind. Is it the play of the smile that this is happening, that is happening? We are so sure. And then when we're faced with something that our mind cannot fathom, like nothing has ever happened, we try to become very mental even about that. 'I got it, nothing has ever happened.' Inwardly we are still like, 'This is happening, that is happening,' in this back-and-forth conceptually. And it's called more confusion, or dichotomy, more suffering, more Maya.

So when Mooji used to say integrity is your best friend, this is what it is. If you speak, if you believe something, let that be coherent with you. I still experience many times in spirituality you get into this sort of big dishonesty. What are we actually believing here? What we actually believe is, 'This is happening to me,' and then there it goes: 'My lust is still so strong, why is this thing like that?' You see all these things. And then what we are repeating to ourselves is this, right? 'Nothing has ever happened.' That kind of thing becomes the source of a lot of suffering. Step back from all of this, find a conclusion, and be honest about what you really are right now. And if you don't know, oh, it's okay. Don't make up stuff. Don't move. It is very good, but don't fall for just conceptual stuff. Stay with the question. All these tools are provided, and the design of this question also in a way was like this: is it to help you get beyond this conception? What do you know when you know nothing? Because you're actually... it is literally to know you. One thing is to know too much to know anything. One thing is to know too much. What is here when you know nothing? What is here? And then I can ask, how is that?

Salva says, 'Dear Ananta, the thought is also trying to grasp that difference we are discussing now and it creates contrary movements. Just sharing. Yes, I have asked this. I felt the response was to expand its movements, expand itself. Liberation.' I feel like we spoke a lot about this question. It goes along in school and there's something left to discuss and that we can't. I feel like without reading the thought, a lot of answers came about that. Father, I have seen over the last few days how I have a tendency to spiritualize many things that are actually just in what's happening. It's an attempt to give meaning to all the time spent in satsang. It's very tiresome now. Please take it.

We just had this cat story where, if you like, 'I wanted this, I want it there, the only place I wanted that.' And then you are told that once you come to satsang, then you will get this master key, super Amrit of freedom. And then, don't let the cat... we keep lapping it up thinking that 'I am going to get there, I am going to get there' as this cat. This is to be also you speaking about this, saying that once you see that really there is nothing here for the cat, there is nothing here for me, it's just nothing here for me. Once you see that, you are to be not lying or exaggerating what you consider yourself to be. That is like the moment of reckoning in a way. That is like the moment of reckoning, because until then also we can keep feeling like this: 'Yes, it is about me. I have come to my truth.' But really it is not about you, and it is only about you.

So these ideas of getting something for me, the idea of spiritual progress, or all of this—who was at the center of it? And so I started satsang today with asking: who is the star of your movie? Examine yourselves whether that one has any substance. Are you going to let just some persistent appearances and persistent-seeming occurrences drive you to conclude over and over again that you are this limited object?

Okay, recently I watched a conversation of yours and you asked the person, 'Did you thought or the thought came to you and how you claimed it?' To the author on this, open me up. Thank you. It's so obvious. Frequently, you know, there are a lot of rages here and helplessness about it. There were two different kicks.

This is a good opportunity to check on what I'm saying. In what aspect of you—let's call that the emotional aspect—there is a sensation. It seems to be quite loud. And in another aspect of you, there's an interpretation being read about this: 'What level is this? Why is this here? I must be free from this. I'm feeling so helpless.' You see all of this? So basically this shaking is happening now. If you keep looking at that in this way and feeling that this is what contains me fully, just buying into that emotion, then it can seem to overpower you. But if you can just check, how vast is the space in which these sensations are happening? I know that when we are so caught up in this, it doesn't feel like we want to look like, 'I look like now, just help me with you know, this kind of thing.' But this is the way, this is the only way I can help you in a way, is to get you to look beyond and say: how big is that space in which both these sensations are being experienced now?

If we forget about these distinctions of mind aspect and emotion aspect—even these are just temporary things we can use sometimes—if you forget about this distinction, just look at the space of your very existence. Around that sensation which you call rage, how much space is there? How much of you is there? And do you come to an end? You look further, wider, and lost. We can see you are not there. And if this was not special, then you will see that these things are just appearances, but they don't really have the space. I'm using the term space, but don't think of it as again kryptonite. In this way, you are to be meeting it also fully. You are meeting it from a true perspective, not a tilted perspective of it being bigger than what it is or smaller than what it is. Just meet it for what it is. And sometimes these terms themselves have become so important. You see 'rage,' for example. That rage is just like that waiter, maybe to use another term. Many times the seeming strength of something is coming from the term itself that we use, not from anything inherent in what it appears to be. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today. Satguru Mooji Baba Ki Jai. Jai Guru. Pranam.