Surrender Is Not Really a Doing, but a Recognition of What Already Is - 4th April 2019

You took this Zen story which frustrated many of you for some time; maybe it still does, I don't know. There was an antique vase, a very expensive one. One time, a small baby goose fell into it and got stuck in it because when it tried to fly out, it was too big for it to escape the mouth of the vase, which was small. It fell down but could not escape. Now, the people were very compassionate, so they kept feeding the goose; they didn't want it to die. Now, there came a point where this goose had become so big that if they fed it anymore, it would die because it was too stuck in that thing. And the vase is a national treasure, so you can't break it. But the goose has to live. What will you do? Now, many times we tried, and then we tried practically thinking of it as a riddle and something must be some catch. And then we tried to also Advaita it away and said, 'But there is no goose and there is no vase.' But it is not that. How does the goose escape?

So, if you were in a Zen monastery, then your master would give you a koan like this and say, 'Till you solve it, that's all we talk about.' And this 'till you solve it' could be ten years, twenty years, could be an entire lifetime. No wonder then these Zen stories are quite violent at times. Masters slap disciples, disciples slap masters. They must be just like, 'How does the goose escape?' And you feel you have the right answer, you go to the master. Many times, only in Zen I've seen like this: disciple kicks master. There's another brand of Zen called Korean Zen. All they do for many, many, many years is stare at a wall and ask, 'What is this?' Not 'What is the wall?' but 'What is this?' So, anytime you feel satsang is too frustrating or too oppressive, look at this thing. What is the root of this frustration? Can we look and see? Can you see what frustrates us?

Ego.

Ego. But okay, let's define some more. What do we mean?

Expectation.

Expectation. Like in this case, like if you were given this Zen koan and the minute you figure it out you are free, you see, then frustration comes because—

You want the freedom.

You want the freedom and yet you're not able to figure it out. How would you frustrate yourself if you weren't trying anything at all? You can't. You can't. So, what would frustration be? Like a failed attempt or the sense of being a failed attempt. Like a mental conclusion that 'I'm just not getting it' or 'It's just not working' or 'Why me?' or something like that. Some notion like that has to be there. I've never seen a sparrow walking around frustrated.

Yes. Can I? Something came up, like being that if there's desire, there's investment. And if there's investment, there is some belief that this thing can bring true happiness, lasting peace, and joy. So, in the goose story that you just told, like if we drop the vase, the goose is free. Drop the—no, I mean like the concept of—if we stop preserving bondage and preserving like—

But it's a treasure, you know.

But something feels like I'm just putting—something feels like a treasure, you know? And if you stop preserving it, then there's freedom. Then he's free.

Nice try, but no cigar. You know what they say? It's an American thing to say. Any American? No cigar. You know that means nice try, but no. That's not it.

What I want to say is, push this and I said you can't. You ask this question and there's a 'but' arising. Wants to again, you know, make a position. Like a—not like 'can't,' but you know, you can't because first I didn't have to know that I don't have to look and, you know, the whole story can start. I mean, it's not coming from the right place. There's a bit of an 'I' here.

No, but I felt like this was very good. It is actually very good, but it's not it. And that's why you would struggle with this for quite some time, actually. Some would not. What is it we say? 'Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly, man got to ask himself why, why, why. Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land, man got to tell himself he understands.' It's a very important point. That's why we put it on the board. That's why. What is this box of intellect that you speak of? The box of understanding, the box of knowledge that separates true and false, right and wrong, this way or that way? Where does it come from? Without making a reference to yourself, without making a false reference about yourself—let's go that far. Without making a false reference about yourself, is there up or down? What is up without referring to yourself as an object in space? What is here now? If frustration comes, then we must see what is this frustration. What is the source of it? What is at the root of this?

The Zen master said—you're reading what book? I don't remember—but they said that the most potent pointer is 'no.' But don't even make that into a lifestyle. Don't become a 'no-er.' And finally, the Chinese or Japanese for 'no' is 'Mu.' So, in the Zen book, they say the most potent pointer is 'Mu.' In India, we have in Vedanta, we have 'Neti Neti'—not this, not this. Zen masters are saying 'no.' The whole Ribhu Gita is full of 'no, no, no.' Bhagavan said this is the most—if there was one book I would recommend for you for freedom, it is the Ribhu Gita. Even if you don't understand, still read it. What is it full of? 'No,' isn't it? Even to the extent of saying no guru, no disciple, no satsang. But it's also there: no opposites, no—'Oh, that means I can just go and party every day.' No. And then you can say, 'Like the vase is just made up.' No. 'There is no goose.' No. 'Oh, there's too much identification, you see. Identifying as two, vase and goose; they are one.' No.

If everything is negated, including all negations themselves, you see, including all opposites, what are you left with? Frustration? This is what you said. If you negate both ends of the opposites, are you left with frustration also? Everything that we have thought is just a thought. I know it can sound like a very, very obvious thing to say, but everything that we have ever thought is just a thought. It has never been real. Reality is just now. Before we can even say 'this is now,' or 'I have to be here now,' that is already too late. You can decide, 'But that's what I must do, I must stay in the now.' Too late. Before there's a notion of now, how past or present? Because even these are just thoughts. Now, past, present—just ideas. World, body, mind, even being, not being, nothing and nothing—all ideas. No idea represents real. I say this every day. You don't need an idea because you are reality. It's also just an idea. Things that start with 'I must,' 'I should,' 'I must not,' 'I should not,' 'I did,' 'I will,' 'I won't.' You have some more? 'I got it,' 'I didn't get it.' All made up. What is that thing? What do we—what is the thing? 'Horns of the head.' Can you read that for a bit? 'Horns of the head.' Question. I'll read a bit of this and then I'll take some questions. Maybe some of you don't know about Ribhu Gita, so I can read a bit of the introduction. It says here that is there a book while reading—

Our reality is also just an idea thing that starts with 'I must, I should, I must not, I should not, I did, I will, I won't.' You have some more: 'I got it, I didn't get it.' All made—what is that thing? What do we... what is the thing? All 'Horn of the hair.' Can you read that for a bit? Huh? 'Horn of the hair.' A 'Horn of the hair' question. I'll read a bit of this and then I'll take some questions. Maybe some of you don't know about Ribhu Gita, so I can read a bit of the introduction.

It says here: 'Is there a book while reading which the reader feels increasingly drawn towards his own Self, even if it is the very first spiritual book that he reads? The book which you are now holding in your hand is certainly one such. There is no greater testimony to the unique value of Ribhu Gita than the fact that Bhagavan Ramana himself told one of his little-educated devotees, "Kama, it does not matter if you don't understand the book, just go through it; it will be of immense benefit to you."' Bhagavan would often say that the recitation of Ribhu Gita is as good as Samadhi and would himself take part in the recitation. So let us read, chant, and be absorbed in His grace.

But also I want to say to you that while it is true that the words in themselves, the potency of the chanting, all of that in itself is very strong, I also want to recommend to you that when you hear it, then hear it as you would hear if you are lost and you're hearing directions, you see? You want to go to a place and somebody's telling you, 'This is where you... especially don't go.' So hear that way, not just as some musical thing.

So Ribhu is saying in Chapter 8, which is page 145 of this volume, he says: 'I shall explain to you the hollowness of the world which is akin to the Horn of a hair.' Let's explain this because last time we went through this a few times, but basically hair—H-A-R-E—which is like a rabbit, you see? And what is the... has anyone seen a horn on a rabbit or a hair? You see, you looked it up on Google? Google has everything, but for most of us, it's an illusory notion, just a made-up concept, isn't it? The Horn of a hair. So this is what the sage is implying.

'I shall explain to you the hollowness of the world which is akin to the Horn of a hair. This is hard to attain in all worlds. Listen with an alert mind. Okay, whatever trace of this world one hears or one sees of it, the form that is seen and the form of seer are all like the Horn of a hair. Whatever trace of this world one hears and one sees of it, the form that is seen and the form of seer are all like the Horn of a hair. Okay. Earth, water, fire, air, space, mind, intellect, ego, and transcendental life are all like the Horn of a hair. Destruction, births, truths, the world and heavenly systems, merit, sin, victory, and delusion are all like the Horn of a hair. Lust, anger, greed, delusion, pride, delirium, infatuation, steadfastness, Guru, disciple, teaching, and such are all like the Horn of a hair.'

'I, you, the world, etc., the beginning, the end, the middle, the past, the future, and the present are all like the Horn of a hair. The gross body, the subtle body, the cause and the effect, even and what little of seen and seeing there is, all are like the Horn of a hair.' I've elaborated on these many times before, but some of these are really sweet in the sense that... 'what little of seen and seeing there is.' But a human has been so caught up in this, what he's calling 'what little of the scene.' If he could not have had the phenomenal perception of all of these things, he would never have become attachments, never become all of this separation. Whatever little is seen and seen, all like the Horn of a hair.

'The enjoyer, the objects, and the enjoyment, dual and non-dual characteristics, tranquility, inquiry, happiness are all like the Horn of a hair. Ethical regulations, physical restraints, breath control, and discourses on such things, movement, motion, thoughts are all like the Horn of a hair. Eyes, ears, body, lineage, secrecy, inertia, Hari, Shiva, beginning, end, longing for emancipation are all like the Horn of a hair.'

Now if you notice, sometimes the most highly valued spiritual concept sometimes comes just in the middle of something. For example, he said earlier: 'lust, anger, greed, delusion, pride, delirium, infatuation, steadfastness.' And so far you could be like, 'Yeah, you know.' Then is 'Guru, disciple, teaching' just in the same? No distinction. And all such. That is one sentence. Then say, because you're used to spirituality, you could say, 'Okay, ears, eyes, you know, senses, you know.' You already started saying, 'Okay, these are Maya or illusory.' So then he says: 'ears, eyes, body, lineage, secrecy, inertia, Hari, Shiva, beginning, end, longing for freedom, all are like the Horn of a hair.' All notions, all ideas, all concepts. And already we've had trouble in the sense of good trouble where we can notice our attachment to some of these concepts and okay, that of course, but this also? It's good to look. It's good to look at what folks say.

'The organs of knowledge, the five subtle senses, the group of organs of action, waking, dream, sleep, and relevant states are all like the Horn of a hair. The twenty-four tatwas which are like elements, the group of four spiritual practices, homologous and heterologous groups are all like the Horn of a hair. All of the world, all the beings, all cultures, those with true significance, all kinds of ignorance and all types of learning are all like the Horn of a hair. All castes, all communities, all holy abodes and holy waters, all the Vedas and the Shastras are all like the Horn of a hair.' The Vedas—the Vedanta is part of the Vedas, the end of the Vedas—so all this, it is self-negating also.

'All types of bondage, all ways of liberation, all wisdom pertaining to the Lord, all periods of time, all instruction are all like the Horn of a hair. All existence, all actions, all types of association with the wise, all duality, all perception of non-existence, all are like the Horn of a hair. All Vedanta, all theories, all conclusions on the significance of Shastras, the nature of true existence of all beings are all like the Horn of a hair. Whatever little is comprehended, whatever world appears, whatever is heard from the Guru are all like the Horn of a hair. Whatever is thought of by the mind, whatever is willed any time, whatever is decided by the intellect are all like the Horn of a hair.'

'Whatever is conveyed by speech, whatever meaningful talk is uttered, whatever is grasped by the sense organs, all are like the Horn of a hair. Whatever object is renounced, whatever is heard or seen, one's own and others, are all like the Horn of a hair. Whatever shines on account of reality, identity, and essence, and whatever is imagined by the mind are all like the Horn of a hair. Whatever is determined as the Self, whatever is said to be eternal, and whatever is investigated by the mind are all like the Horn of a hair. Shiva destroys ever, Vishnu protects the three worlds, and verily the Creator Brahma builds the world—all of these are like the Horn of a hair.'

'Whatever is said to be the soul, whatever speech uttered and statements like "this is life cycle," all these are like Horn of a hair. Whatever is there in the Puranas, whatever established in the Vedas, the truth of the entire Upanishads are all of the Horn of a hair. Whatever told to you in this chapter is all but a horn of a hair. He who hears the secret himself becomes...'

Dear Father, Pranam at your holy feet. Would you be kind to tell us about your sadhana and awakening? Was it a sudden click or a gradual process?

Will I be? I don't know. I shared a few times before. This... okay, first we must say honestly: Are we more interested in this than what we just heard? Then that is good because this is just Leela, you see? Play. Whatever story happened with this one is not so important. Of course, there can be a question like that, I understand. I also, I used to have it with whoever Master I'd been with. I would always want, 'So how did this happen for them?' So this kind of wonder is important, but to say that 'it must be like this for me' or 'this proves that it has not happened for me' or these kind of things... so you just hear it. Hear this part more like a poem or some music. Just enjoy.

Like if the first part was directions if you're lost, even though that sounds like there were no directions provided, and this may sound very specific in terms of, 'Okay, this was done, then this was done, then this was done,' but these are not directions because there is no template to this. And in fact, if it happened one way here, then you know it is going to be unique. Consciousness puts every fingerprint unique, every leaf unique, every snowflake. So if anything, it must feel like, 'Okay, here it will not happen this way,' not that, 'Oh, this must happen like this.' All this disclaimer.

So most of this life before the age of 23 was spent as an atheist. I used to completely negate this notion of God and say, to the extent of saying that God is just a concept made by losers because they don't have faith in themselves, so they just like to blame some other power or something like that. Then at the age of 23, I got married and started a business in the same year, and quickly I went from being an atheist to 'I'll believe anything.' Let's say life changed drastically and things started happening which really... and also in a way that, you know, when your dreams come true in a sense, you start to see the hollow nature of them. You start to see the... what you thought will give you so much joy and bliss, you see? And that you have a software company, be married to your college sweetheart, you know, all these things they happen, and after a while you feel like, 'Oh, is that what life is? Is that the extent of it?'

So then something started looking for something deeper, more meaningful. The question started arising in a sense: 'What is my purpose? What am I doing here?' So then various... I've called... so the first book I read, spiritual book I really read, was Autobiography of a Yogi, which is funny because many say that you... and I just feel like, 'This is really cool stuff. I would want to have this stuff. I can be at two places at the same time and I can have all these yogic siddhis and Prana Shakti and all of these things. This sounds really cool. This is what I really want. You know, what have I been doing so far?' So I started like that with that very selfish intent to be free from suffering, but also to have some of this good stuff. It sounded pretty good actually.

And then... should I really have this full detailed version? Maybe we can go through a shorter... anyway. So then I feel like Shri Paramahansa Yogananda is my final Master and I'm going to be devoted to him for the rest of this life, and I've said that a few times anyway. So that all that happened and somehow that led me to the Art of Living because very beautifully, in a very serendipitous sort of way, there was Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. And if there was Kriya Yoga in Self-Realization Fellowship, there was Sudarshan Kriya in Art of Living. So I felt like, 'Okay, that could be... that is God telling me something.' So there is a 'Shri' here, there was a 'Shri' there; those Kriya Yoga and Sudarshan Kriya. So this could be a good idea, you know?

So then I went to the Art of Living and I have to say that although we don't speak about any yoga, pranayam, any of these things now, I have to say that it was very helpful, or it at least seemed very helpful in the journey of this one to have done all those kriyas. I've done all those things and maybe for the first time truly experienced some peace and stillness. It is very helpful in a way, you see? So there's full gratitude to whoever I'm mentioning here. I have to say that I have full, full gratitude for all the Masters that I've been with.

So anyway, so I went to Art of Living and then something happened where I found that this one had started parroting every word or a lot of the words that he'd heard from his Master. So then people already had started coming to him and saying, 'Okay, I want your advice on this and I want your... what's your feeling on this?' And I would share with them, you know, and I feel like because we had done... we do...

I have to say that I have full gratitude for all the Masters that I've been with. Anyway, I went to Art of Living and then something happened where I found that this one had started repeating every word, or a lot of the words, that he'd heard from his Master. Then people already had started coming to him and saying, 'Okay, I want your advice on this' and 'What's your feeling on this?' and I would share with them. I feel like because we had done a lot of classes on various scriptures and things like that, I was already in a way sharing. People would come and say, 'Oh, there's something about you, man; there's something,' you know, this kind of thing. Maybe it was getting to me; this spiritual ego was building up—not maybe, very clearly, you see.

Then what happened is that some big trouble started happening in my business, some partnership battles and these kind of things, and I found that I was really suffering. Thankfully, this sense came to me: 'Oh, if you really know all this stuff, you can recite a lot of verses from scriptures and you can give a lot of advice to people, but how come you're suffering with this?' So with that suffering, another sort of questioning came: 'But who am I?' This bug really caught me at that time: 'Who am I?'

Then, of course, I read and heard about Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi and somebody would have told me about Nisargadatta Maharaj. What happened is that I stopped going so much to Art of Living and things like that because the expression started to seem a little different from what was truly burning for me right now. It was just: 'What is this? Who am I? What's going on?' you see, this kind of thing. Somehow there was a loss of interest in the practices, and I was never very good at them anyway, although they benefited a lot. I was not so consistent and very regular. Many times I would feel very guilty, like if on some days things were not going well at work or I had a fight with my wife or something like that, I would say, 'See, now today you did not do your Kriya; that's why they say you must do your Kriya every day.' This kind of guilt and unworthiness was also building up from time to time.

Somehow then the practices started to fall away and I stopped going so much to the ashram here. I came across two books: one was 'Be As You Are,' the one that we're reading now, and 'I Am That.' These books were really speaking to me. They were really speaking to me at that moment; I felt like this is what I really wanted to immerse myself in. Then what happened is that I started looking for living disciples of Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi. I felt like I needed to go to them and get my questions answered and just be with them. So I found Ramesh Balsekar and I went to Ramesh for a few years. Again, a very beautiful time. We don't really need to get into why I moved away from there, but I have to say for a few years I did feel a bit resentful towards him. Over the past couple of years, even that resentment has been replaced by gratitude because, for whatever might have been, it was a beautiful time that I got to spend with him. So, a lot of gratitude here for Ramesh as well.

I spent a few years where every time I would just make excuses to go to Mumbai, actually, just find some business reason, some work reason and things like that. Then, so beautifully, what happened is that my wife's relatives, where I used to stay, were just a two-minute walk from Candy Road where Ramesh's house is. So, again, a very beautiful time. But when I moved away from Ramesh, there was this sense that I don't want a Master anymore. For a few years, I felt like it was like that—that I don't want a Master anymore and I'm done with this Guru business and like that.

Then what happened is that maybe I was just watching a lot of Papaji videos and things like this. Somehow, in the related videos, then Guruji's videos would come. But somehow something was resistant, like, 'We Indians, this is Vedanta, you know; why do we have to hear a foreigner?' or something. It was kind of stupid, nonsense ideas; it was still obviously there. So there was some resistance, but then it was so persistent. YouTube, thankfully, kept saying 'related to something,' and once I clicked and I clicked, I was just so hooked. In those days, maybe there were 40 or 50 videos of Guruji online, so I watched all of them. But still, this resistance was there: 'I don't want any Master, I don't want a Guru.' It's funny that I say that, actually.

Also, now just a few days or few weeks ago, I noticed that in those days before I met Guruji in person, I sent an email to David Godman. I said that I'm feeling a bit lost, I feel like I need a Master, can you recommend somebody who's in India and living? He replied, thankfully very kindly, that the only one he would recommend is Lakshmana Swamy, who's an old man now and lives in Tiruvannamalai. But he said he's a recluse and he doesn't see anyone. So I said, 'Okay, then how am I supposed to meet him and have this?' He said, 'No, I'm sorry, but he doesn't speak to anyone like this.' I was like, 'Is there somebody else you can recommend?' Although there was this resistance to having a Master, something was also feeling desperate at the same time, saying, 'Who can I meet?' Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I really can't recommend anybody else.'

What happened eventually is that I went to see Guruji in Tiruvannamalai. He was in Tiru. I went like a spiritual tourist. When you go to Tiru, like a spiritual tourist, we'll go here, we'll go there, we'll do this, we'll do that. There was no intention that I'll meet Guruji and he'll become my Master or something like that. I just felt like he's really good, he answers with so much clarity, I love his videos, he seemed like such a nice guy, you know, all of these. That's how I went.

Then I got there, and when I got to Tiru, I couldn't find this place because I was used to like a big thing, you know, Art of Living. In videos, it seemed like much bigger than what it was in those days. So I just expected to land up in this small town and just ask, 'Where is Mooji's Satsang?' and then people will know. But nobody knew. So I looked around for about 45 minutes to an hour. I got late. Okay, now I'm just sharing the humorous aspects of this also.

Then what happened is that I carried this bag because I was going to be in Tiru for a week or something. I carried this bag and I was climbing up the stairs and I saw Satadevi at the edge of the hall. She gave me this look like, 'What are you doing? The hall is completely packed and you expect to carry your bag inside? No chance.' She was very kind, of course, but for me, she felt like a gatekeeper at that point of time. She said—this was January 2009—she said to me, 'No, no, we made some arrangement for those who are late and you can sit and watch.' Even though they're so beautifully organized, you have to say, they put a small TV screen downstairs and a live feed was coming from upstairs to this downstairs place where they had some mats. A few of us who were late or didn't want to be in the crowded hall were just sitting down and watching.

This Satsang was very different from anything I'd seen on YouTube. It was just full-on. Somebody came to him and he's like, 'This is pure arrogance of personhood' and things like that. Now that video is there; they put that video up. It's very beautiful, very, very strong. So he was just chopping left, right, and center. Something here was like, 'Okay, now this is very different. This is not what I came for. Run, run, run!'

Anyway, beside the chopping and things, it was fine. So I stayed. Then what happened is Satsang got over and I felt like everybody should leave from the Satsang hall, or maybe somebody told me that you can see him from there as he'll be coming down the stairs from the terrace to the ground floor where we were. Then I remember looking up and seeing this man walking down from the stairs and something just fell. I was just looking at him and feeling so much like—you can't even call it love, but love would be maybe the closest description, you know? Something just felt like all of this deciding on who's your Master and who's not, all of this is pure nonsense, and I've come home. I just felt like whatever it is, it is his problem now. Naturally, something unfolded like this where I just saw him and I fell much more than in love, or something that you could see.

Then I went to him and I touched his feet. He was very, very sweet, of course, and he's like, 'Give me a hug.' He said, 'You've come.' But I had this Indian conditioning, which is also very sweet in a way: don't take too much of his time. If you meet the people in Rishikesh, you see that you just come quickly, touch, go. There's no like, 'Oh, my name is this and I've been following you for so long.' It's just good, good, like this. Maybe because we have so much population, we realized there's no real time for chitchat anyway, you see. So this was what I just wanted: his blessing, to have a hug, and then just even the space, you know, like that. But something felt very much at ease, at peace. So much of the building had already, I felt, started to fall off.

Then I don't know what happened the next day. Maybe I went and sat outside the gate of Lakshmana Swamy, maybe something happened, some other Satsang, I don't know; I can't remember much of it. All I remember next is that I put up my hand and I'm on the hot seat and I'm saying, 'Um, um, um,' you know, 'You have to help me with the first question because I don't know what to ask.' But I was looking into his eye and something was feeling very, very still. This thing, which is so apparent and always has been, was becoming clearly apparent. It became very quiet, but outwardly still some interaction was happening. But there was no sense of 'I am interacting' or 'I am saying I have to do this.' It was going on. Then the silly whatever-trying-laughter thing happened a little bit, and that was it. That was the hot seat moment in a way. Now, I don't want to really call it something; we don't have to label it as something. It was just how it unfolded in his grace, in his presence.

For many months, I just felt right, just wanted to sit around, you know, not do much work. There was not like an aversion, but there was not so much drive coming to do this and that, because before that I had a very active work life also. For a few months, it became very dominant, the backseat. Family started wondering, 'What is wrong with you? Are you depressed?' you see. And I was just like, 'No, but I'm very happy.' You see, like this common thing we hear. What happened? I'm sure it happens to many of you also at home. Some days you're feeling a lot of just joy, you just want to sit, and people come to you and say, 'What happened? Are you depressed? Why are you not talking?' This kind of thing can happen.

So like this, then very calm, very peaceful mostly. Family started getting worried, so I wrote to Guruji and said, 'You know, I find myself very happy, but I'm not feeling too much interest in work and things, and family is getting very worried about that.' So he said, 'It's natural; it unfolds like this. And if there's energy for work, it has to come, it'll come. Otherwise, it's okay.' This he said, like he usually says: this can never be harmful for anyone. This grace is always beneficial for you.

This and then, very calm, very peaceful. Mostly family started getting worried, so I wrote to Guruji and said, 'You know, this is... I find myself very happy, but I'm not feeling too much interest in work and things, and family is getting very worried about that.' So he said, 'It's natural. It unfolds like this. And if there's energy for work, it has to come, it'll come. Otherwise, it's okay.' This, he said, like he usually says, can never be harmful for anyone. This grace is always beneficial for you and all those around you as well, whether they realize it or not yet. So, like this, it started unfolding. Something became lighter and lighter, opener and opener, emptier and emptier.

And there was no sense of ever wanting to share again, because I'd shared in the past, but I realized that there can be still, you know, you could be just parting what the Masters are saying without any authenticity. So there was not the sense that the sharing of Satsang will happen from here. For three or four years, there was no actual sharing. Sometimes, because I work with Amrit closely—some of you know him—so then we would be talking about this and things like that. So we would have some conversations about spirituality. Sometimes at work, I'd just go and trouble people just for the fun of it and say, 'How you know this is not a dream?' or something like that. But that was the extent of it, not much.

Then what happened is—okay, let me wrap quickly the story part—is that we wanted to start in Bangalore some video Satsang, DVD Satsang with Guruji. So you would come and you would watch once a fortnight or something. And then what started happening is that these people would come and then they would start... some of them, these young kids you met, sometimes they would come and they would say, 'But what about this?' after the DVD got over. We'd just sit and be chatting, but somehow they felt like they could ask me something. So they would ask, and I would surprisingly find like an answer emerging from here, you know? And feel like I have to be honest and say it felt like a good answer. You know, it just felt, 'This is good stuff.'

But there was also this kind of vigilance about it, and I'd say, 'Okay, now this is the Master's grace speaking through you. This is... you're enjoying the hearing of it as much as everyone else is, but don't let it become a thing' or something like that. So I just kept quiet about it. And one time, one boy came. He came and said to me—Saturdays we would have this Satsang—so he came on Sunday and said, 'I want you to do to me what you did yesterday.' I was just like, 'What are you talking about? It's all my Master's grace' and like that. But he was like, 'No, no,' insistent. 'Can I still come and spend some time with you?' So then I said, 'Okay, you can come and sit.' This part was actually an office here, so we came and sat in my office for a bit and then he went away. But somehow, something I was not feeling very comfortable with what happened.

So I wrote to Guruji and said, 'This is how it is unfolding, and what is your feeling about this? And just tell me what your sense is.' So he said that, 'You have my full blessings to bring more and more to this one sense of being.' And then around the same time, he had also directed—I was saying the other day—somebody who was in Chhattisgarh or those parts to come to me. He said, because he was not able to come to India that year and this boy said he's desperate to be in Satsang, so Guruji directed him to me saying, 'My son is there, my disciple is there in Bangalore. Go and meet him, he will help you.' So that's how the sharing of Satsang actually happened about five and a half years ago.

And then we would have Satsang once a fortnight, yeah. But then what started happening was I started getting so many questions. I was answering questions on Facebook, on WhatsApp. We were sometimes having Satsang on WhatsApp; some of them created a WhatsApp group. So sometimes we were just doing WhatsApp Satsang, and I felt like, 'But this is all my time was going on replying, replying, replying.' I said, 'Let's not do this. Let's gather for one hour every day.' And that gathering online, it was never meant to be like this, you know? Just, we'll meet online every day, we will have Ustream, and whatever questions are there, just put them out, I will answer, and then the rest of the day I can do my work and whatever is to be done.

Then what happened is that sometimes some would come, like the locals would come sometimes, and we would have it on my dining table in that part of the house. We would have Satsang. And then one said she wanted to come from Spain, and I'd never seen her in Ustream, nothing. She said, 'I've been watching this every day and I want to come and be with him for six months.' And she wanted to fly to India specifically for this. And I just felt, 'Okay, is this really what's going on now? Is this how it's going to unfold?' So I told her, or somebody was interacting with her, I told them to tell her that, 'Yes, yes, you're welcome to come, but we'll take it week by week and we'll see how it goes.' Okay? Because I'd never heard a question from her. I didn't know what she was really after, in a sense.

Anyway, this girl, she came and she spent six months in Satsang. And Satsang those days were very, you know... so you would start, then I would come, then I would say... I think Gopala, you started coming by then. Jyoti's time, at the end of when she was about... yeah. So we would just sit at the dining table. I would come and then Satsang would get over, I would say, 'Thank you, thank you,' and there was no sitting around after that. And was before that, before or... yeah, she's a... I don't think you were coming. No, we had a sense, but we didn't know which date or something, you know? This is how she moves, she just like comes, goes. So yeah, she's like that. So this Jyoti is, by the way, not the Sahaja team Jyoti, that's a different Jyoti. So they started coming, all that. So like that, and then anyway, so here we are about four and a half, five years. Your question was about the sadhana and awakening. I hope you got a sense of it.

Another question, the second question please: Though there is no duality, but what would you advise when one encounters a tricky situation, someone trying to insult or abuse or trying to kill the body?

Now, if somebody tries to... okay, should we take that mob hit example? No, let's leave that. So there's a very simple and yet supreme intelligence that runs this life, that runs this whole projection, this whole universe, that knows how to play all roles, all relationships also. Okay? Good to tell you this also is that... so what happened after a few months of meeting Guruji is that the life force started coming back towards work and things like this also. So family responsibilities, householder life, work life, that still continues, you see? It didn't... I'm not saying it has to continue for everyone, it'll move in various ways. But here, the life energy, life force came back and started directing this body towards work, to taking care of the family, to being a householder. All that continued to unfold here.

But the sense of 'I have to do' or 'I have to balance' and 'I have to be this way also, this way also' or 'I have to be a householder,' you see, that was not there. This attempt to try and balance it out or try to do it in a certain way... you see, people always talk about, in the corporate world, they always speak about trying to maintain a work-life balance. But for me, this distinction between work and life fell away. I saw that work is as much part of life as anything else. It comes, it goes. You don't even have to make this kind of thing, because the minute you start to try and balance, the balance seems to get a bit... at least here it happened that way. Every time in the past I tried to balance my, you know, Art of Living days with work and things like that, then I would find that everything was very unbalanced. Now I gave up on the notion of balance and something still seems very balanced. Okay? So I'm not trying to balance anything.

So there's no sense of trying to achieve a balance or trying to have this much to worldly life, this much to spiritual life. You see, for me it is just... I can say it is just life. But even that, it is like even this notion is not heated. It is just life, you see? So it just flows. Sometimes a work phone call comes, sometimes some other message comes, sometimes Satsang comes, sometimes... okay? So the same intelligence that has always been running life, you see, it does not go away. And in fact, it was never reliant on our sense of individual doership, you see? So your question actually is the variation of that question which is: 'So if I give up my sense of doership, individuality, you see, then how is this life going to run or how will I deal with situations in life?'

So that's why I'm saying more and more these days that surrender is not really a doing, but a recognition of what already is. The same one that has been running this life continues to run this life. If you want to give that credence to the notion of one running this life, then it is that one Consciousness. And what has happened is not something has changed, but something is seen. And that seeing brings a lot of spaciousness, brings a lot of openness, because that delusion of trying to control falls away. So then we are not meeting every moment with the prejudice of 'What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to deal with it? How am I supposed to handle it?' But you're just allowing this to unfold. And then you will quickly see that this is all so made up—the idea that there is a separate me speaking these words, you see, and a separate you hearing them. It is unfounded. Literally, it is not found. That is why it is unfounded, because it's never found.

So, a simple way to say it is that the one who runs this universe can also pay your bills and deal with situations. You don't have to take an active or passive position. Sometimes when we hear about non-doership, we can say that 'I have to put myself in a passive, vegetative sort of position,' you see? But that is as much a position of doership because you are now doing the not-doing, you see? Or trying to do the not-doing, still taking the position 'I'm not the doer, I'm not the doer,' see? Like this kind of thing. But that is also a limited position. Neither doership nor non-doership actually applies to the reality of you. These are just mental positions that we take and we think that they contain some truth. And provisionally, you might hear in Satsang also, but just provisionally to take you away from the attachment to a particular position, a new position may be offered. But all Masters will get you to negate that as well. They will not say that some position is the reality or finality.

Please take away my arrogance of knowing something and being something. I don't know whether I really mean what I'm asking for. There seems a fear of losing the world, and in spite of prayer, it is observed intensity of love and joy is more than fear, is it?

Now, this is a very beautiful prayer that you make, but even this struggle you don't have to make, you see? Even this struggle is dependent on you knowing something. Even when we say... it's a beautiful thing, of course, but just pointing out that even to say that 'Rid me of my knowing because I know something,' it is dependent on your knowing that you know something, or you know that you want to get to a not-knowing, is it? So I will, of course, give full blessing to this prayer, but don't make a house in this prayer. Please don't make your house in this prayer. Make a house where there's nothing that you can conclude this way or that way. Then, of course, the idea of making a house is also gone, but you have a sense of what happens.

Then you say, 'I know that you are always revealing yourself in my heart.' Please carry on. This is all the permission I need, actually. When you say, 'Please carry on,' whether it is feeling choppy or it is feeling blissful, because in this outward seeming, it can seem this way that the conditions got picked up over a period.

In this prayer, make a house where there's nothing that you can conclude this way or that way. Then, of course, the idea of making a house is all gone, but you have a sense of what happened. Then you say, 'I know that you are always revealing yourself in my heart. Please carry on.' This is all the permission I need, actually, when you say 'please carry on,' whether it is feeling choppy or it is feeling blissful.

Because in this outward seeming, it can seem this way: that the conditions got picked up over a period of time, so the deconstruction of these conditions also seems to play out over a period of time. But you don't hang on to that notion that, 'Okay, it's going to happen; I'm going to mature over a period of time.' You be empty now. Let me take care of that which is time-bound, if there is something like that. Because if you give yourself that notion, then you're still making yourself an object in time.

Thank you all so much for being in Satsang today. Satguru Sri Mooji Baba ki Jai. Guru Purnima.